#colonel schaeffer

[charlottesweetly]

[2lim3rz]

I think the whole yandere 40k au is great! Unfortunately, I cannot reveal my identity due to the inquisition being after my head. Is it that strange to yearn for a large, burly and ever so slightly genetically-modified man to sweep me off my feet and love me unconditionally? If none are available, I will take everything else- an imperial guardsmen, a sister of battle, admech or some xeno or heretic- I'll take anyone please!!! 😭

So, like, I hope it's ok but the only genetically modified burly men I have available are...

*cue looking at sloppily scribbled notes*

Marines Malevolent, Black Templars, and World Eaters. So 3 shades of angry

Also luckily if you're dealing with a Guardsman that has a case of the yearning, you're pretty fine! Unless, of course they're any of the following:

Catachans in general

Kriegsmen

Colonel Schaeffer (100% because he would end you solely for interfering with his work)

I want to say 100% ANY guardsman that survives to the end of his book

And as for Sisters of Battle, idk much on them but I'd say youre also pretty screwed and it gets very VEEERY iffy on Ad-mech bois because they'll either:

Servitor you. Like a really weird fucked up ;) servitor. Yes, it's grimdark setting, I like going full throttle

Servitor: Become Glorified Computer Console Version

CONGRATS! You're a non-battlefield Skitarii!

You have all your parts but all passwords are changed for you only so you can't leave

[incorrectccrp]

Schaeffer: I wasn't injured. I was lightly stabbed. Nora: I'm sorry, you were STABBED? Schaeffer: LIGHTLY stabbed. I didn't want to frighten you.

[lunarmoonheart]

what happens to miss holloway during the apotheosis? Like we know she's immortal so can the apotheosis affect her cause they said there was no survivers but then again they probably would forget miss holloway and if it does affect her can she break free of it? And if it doesn't affect her from what colonel Schaeffer said we could probably guess Duke got infected so did she have to watch him pretty much die then probably attack her? I NEED TO KNOW

[nevadancitizen]

“debts to pay: sight for sore eyes”

synopsis: Schaeffer is dead. you only want to celebrate, but multiple people come along to piss in your cereal – including one of the Vox Populi.

word count: 1.8k

characters: könig, sniper! reader

trigger warnings: n/a

notes: lol i was literally in mexico that’s why this chapter took so long soz 😭😭

chapters: one / two (you are here!)

The computer screen in front of you confirms your suspicions. A smile settles across your superior’s face as she claps your shoulder in a comforting way. 

The headline reads, The Vox Populi Falls Quiet Following Daisy Schaeffer’s Death. There’s also pictures of the revolutionary in black and white, her birth and death date below them. It would be a sad sight if you weren’t so relieved. 

Your superior pulls you into a tight side-hug. You bat at her shoulder, smiling. “Colonel Fitzroy!”

“Oh, does it not bring a smile to your face to see her dead?” Fitzroy asks, laughing. “The Vox Populi are scattered.”

You hum in agreement. “It’s a sight for sore eyes, ma’am.”

Fitzroy sighs, but it’s not in a relieved or happy way. She lets you go and steps behind her desk, pulling out a thick manila folder from a drawer. She meticulously pulls out papers from the folder and puts them on the desk. 

“Okay, the time for celebration will come, but for now, we need to work.” Fitzroy turns the papers on the desk so that they’re facing you. They’re all scans of handwritten notes – some even have the outlines of post-its. One of the papers on top details Fitzroy herself. 

Your eyebrows furrow. “What is this?”

“This is what we know the Vox Populi knows.” Fitzroy points to the papers. “They know most of our operators. I slipped up and now they know me.” 

She picks up a few papers and puts them on the top, pointing to the names. “They even know most of our spies. And they have suspicions on what connections they have – they’re trying to pick out the other spies.”

You look up and meet Fitzroy’s dark, brown eyes. They’re swirling with well-hidden, barely-there panic. She looks down at the papers before you can see more. 

“How do we have this information?” You ask. 

“We have a plant,” Fitzroy says. “Not everyone that’s in the Vox Populi wants to be there. There’s a man named Carlos – his wife joined and he was forced to go with her. But, lucky for us…” She holds up a small, black, blocky device with a small screen on it. 

You stare at it for a second. “Is… is that a glucose monitor?”

Fitzroy levels you with a blank stare. “Yes. I’ve recently been diagnosed with diabetes.”

“Are you –”

“No, I’m not serious!” Fitzroy presses a few buttons and presents the small device to you. “It’s a tracker, idiot. Carlos has a tracker sewed into the sole of his shoe. He lets us see where they’re gathering, where they’re hiding – everything that’s location-based, Carlos gives us with this tracker.” She puts the tracker down on the table. 

“Then what’s with the papers?” you ask. 

“That’s… also Carlos,” Fitzroy says. “A lot is riding on Carlos staying alive, you understand? He’s climbed the ranks so we can tear them down.”

You look up at Fitzroy. “Why are you telling me this?”

Fitzroy’s eyebrows furrow. She almost looks sad. “You… are an accomplished operator. And I know you joined us to make a difference. And that’s what you’ve done by killing Schaeffer – you have made a difference –”

“Colonel, answer me! Why are you telling me this?”

Fitzroy looks at you for a second. Her eyes crinkle as she grimaces slightly. A long moment passes before she speaks again. 

“I’m sending you to infiltrate the Vox Populi.”

“You what –”

“You are one of the only operatives they don’t know about. You are efficient, polite –”

You stand from your chair. “Colonel Fitzroy, with all due respect, I don’t think I’m fit for this position. I am a sniper, not a spy. And I didn’t even want to be a sniper.”

Fitzroy stands in response. “Don’t say that. I am the one who molded you into who you are today. You are an excellent operative. You will carry this mission out as I say, when I say, where I say. You will kill the Vox Populi.” 

You stare at her. You no longer see a Colonel – no longer see your Colonel. This is a woman of desperation. She will do everything in her power to suffocate this spark that’s becoming a wildfire, because she knows the fire will be hot and vengeful, and filled with blood and brimstone. 

“How?” you say softly. 

Fitzroy looks down at the papers and reorganizes them. “Do you see someone not on my desk? A person they don’t have notes on? That they don’t know of?”

You look down at the papers, skimming over the descriptions of operators and glancing over the pictures only a few of them have. You look back up at Fitzroy after a minute. “No.”

“König,” she says simply. “It’s König that’s missing.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What does he have to do with this?”

“They don’t have info on you. They don’t have info on König.” Fitzroy sighs. “They leave us no choice but to have you two work together.”

“Not happening.”

“It will happen,” Fitzroy says sternly. “It would be suicide if you went on your own.”

“It’ll be suicide if you send me with him!” You do your best not to roll your eyes. “I’m serious. We’ll probably do that thing where we pull the trigger at the same time and kill each other. How do you see this as a nonissue?”

“Because it won’t be, if you behave yourselves,” Fitzroy says. “Listen. This is the next-to-last choice we have.”

“What’s the last choice?” You ask. “Because I think I’d rather take that.”

Fitzroy stays silent for a moment. “We give up. Let the Vox Populi kill us. And that won’t happen. Do you understand your assignment?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Dismissed.”

You suppress the urge to slam the door off its hinges when you exit Fitzroy’s office. Instead, you shut the door softly, making sure it clicks back into place. You clench your hands into fists, then let go when the pressure becomes too much. 

As you walk, your eyes are glued to the floor and your thoughts in a loop. Why don’t you just kill König and have it over with? Or expose yourself to the Vox Populi, but in a way that looks like an accident so KorTac doesn’t fire you? Or maybe just shut yourself in your room and rot and let the Vox Populi take what they want?

Slowly, the tile floor turns into concrete and the cold air conditioning disappears. Your thoughts have brought you outside, away from base. 

You look around. The streets are only sort-of crowded, but they’ll surely start bustling in an hour or so as the nightlife of the city begins. The heat from the bodies around you only exaggerate the already warm air. You slip into the nearest bar to cool down (both figuratively and literally), if only for a minute. 

The bar is off to the side. Music and talking and the sound of shakers being shaken fills the air. It’s nice. Comfortable. 

You slide into a seat and manage to flag down a bartender. You order something simple, a quick drink that goes down easy. Your eyes flicker to the television in the corner. It’s showing a college football match that no one seems too excited about.

Someone sits next to you. You don’t turn to face them, but you can tell that they’re big, imposing, and warm. It’s not even that you’re sitting that close – they just exude heat like a furnace. 

They say your name. 

You turn just the slightest bit. Of course it’s him. 

“König.”

He’s wearing a black surgical mask and a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. A few strands of dull orange, wavy hair peek out. Even in a bar (somewhere that most people will forget they even visited) he’s still doing his whole ‘I don’t want anyone to look at my stupid fucking face because I probably look like an elephant’s cunt’ routine. 

“Did you hear?” König asks. “About our assignment.”

“Yes,” you respond. ���Why did you follow me?”

König scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I didn’t follow you. Fitzroy said you’d probably be at High Velocity.”

“Yeah, and I like it here because no one really talks to other people at sports bars unless they’re rooting for the same team,” you say and look over at the television. 

“Right, whatever,” he says. 

The bartender drops off your drink with a smile. You give a quick ‘thank you’ and payment before you take a sip. The drink is sweet and goes down smooth. 

“Did you get any more details other than who we’re working with?” You ask. “Did they tell you about Carlos?”

“Yes,” Konig says. “And his… role in this play.” 

He’s careful with his words, you can tell. Probably because you’re in public.

There’s silence for a while, except it’s not really silence. Around you, people are talking, laughing, having a good time. It feels like you’re in a bubble with König, with nothing but your drink as good company. You don’t even risk shattering the quiet. 

You glance around. There’s a sorority welcoming a new sister with a round of pink pussy shots. A couple of men drinking beers dressed too nice for the bar they’re in – they probably came straight from work. A guy trying to chat up two really bored-looking girls. 

Ah. There it is. You knew you could feel something. 

A pair of eyes are staring straight at you. They belong to a man hanging out with a group of people. They would be ordinary people, except for their shirts. Across the back, in bold branding, is an abstract design of a tsunami being fended off by people with large shields in a Roman turtle formation. On the bottom, it reads, ‘WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED BY THE WAVE’. It’s a quiet symbol and mantra that you recognize belongs to the Vox Populi. 

You turn back to your drink and knock it back like a shot. You breathe out slowly and lean closer to König. The heat he exudes and the hate your heart exudes make it near impossible. 

“There’s foxes about,” you whisper to him. 

“What?”

You roll your eyes. “Fox… Vox…”

“Oh.” König glances around. “Why… is that an issue?”

“One of their men is looking at me,” you seethe. “We need to get out.”

König stands up, acting nonchalant. “Then let’s go.”

You stand and turn towards him, but make sure the man can still see your lips move. “Yeah, I’d much rather watch the game at home. It’ll be too crowded in here in, like, an hour.”

You fall in step with König as you both walk out of the bar and into the night. For a second, it’s like you do more than tolerate him. The feeling is disgusting and goes away almost immediately.

[thecrabbybarista]

That last ask reminded me about this so now I'm making it your problem /silly

I don't understand how people get attached to the NPMD side characters. Like. Trevor has one line and no personality traits. Kyle has like one total minute of screentime. Literally who the fuck is Stacy.

Just picking characters at random, but it's the same for all of them

You are talking to the bitch who was obsessed with Colonel Schaeffer for like a month in 2020ish

I think it comes from simply a desire to Know More. Sometimes you meet a character, and something about them gets you wondering. You get a little peak into who they are, and you think what if there was something there? We know more about these characters than you might think. From just one piece of information, we can follow a trail and develop a character in our own unique way.

Let's take Schaeffer for example, since I do still love her. Let's list what we know about her from her less than ten minutes of screen time.

Colonel Schaeffer works for PEIP. She's patriotic to some degree. She might like pot, as she makes the suggestion that Emma should use her land in Colorado to grow cannabis, but this also might be because Emma expressed interest in that while staying at the hospital. We know that her and Emma have had prior off screen interactions because Emma calls her by name during the conversation we see between them. Despite her professional presentation, she doesn't always put what's practical first. She doesn't tell Emma outright who "Ben" is, despite probably knowing from speaking with McNamara as I believe she repeats smth from McNamara and Paul's interaction. And it's likely she does this so that Emma will react with more joy upon actually seeing him.

We can gleam all of this, and maybe more, from around 5 minutes of total screen time. There is a full person here, and we barely see them. Isn't there something enticing about that?

[electronickingdomfox]

"Death's Angel" review

A novel from 1981, by Kathleen Sky. After the terrible Vulcan!, this is the second (and last) Star Trek novel of this author. Not as awful as the other, but still pretty bad. Though there are some good things in the plot. The book revolves around a murder mystery which has enough intrigue. The circumstances of the case are also so bizarre, that the real culprit isn't obvious (or not until the very end).

On the other hand, and just as it happened in the first novel, there's a level of sexism that would make Harry Mudd facepalm. And the characters behave again like immature children (worst offender being Kirk this time). Though the Star Trek regulars mostly disappear around one third into the novel. At that point, the book becomes rather "the adventures of Detective Mary Sue and her Pokémon alien ambassadors". The ambassadors are so outlandish, though, that they're kind of fun.

Spoilers under the cut (I won't spoil the real culprit, in case someone wants to read this novel; though you shouldn't, really).

The first part is fairly decent. While exploring a new planet, Kirk decides to go smell the flowers. But these flowers turn out to be full of spores, that infect the landing party. Several members die, while others (Kirk and Spock among them) fall into a coma. Upon recovering consciousness, they start noticing some strange patterns in their dreams: most of them stop dreaming altogether, while Kirk has sometimes odd feelings of not knowing whether he's awake or not. Investigation reveals that the flowers are telepathic, and their spores cause the planet's rats to astral project themselves, to carry the spores far away, without even moving from the spot. So yeah, the flowers mistook Kirk and co. for rats, and pollinated them, which is pretty... great.

The spores issue is soon forgotten, though, as the Enterprise has to pick up a bunch of ambassadors to bring them to an important meeting, where it will be decided whether the Federation signs an alliance with the Romulan empire. The ambassadors include Sarek and a collection of strange creatures: a giant insect, a vampire, a couple of furries, a sentient pyramid, a feathered snake... Kirk meets one of the ambassadors, Sirenia, who looks like a woman covered in scales, and five minutes later he's in love with her. That is, until he learns that her species only has no-contact sex, and only for reproduction needs. Then he immediately loses interest in her, showing just how deep his love went. Anyway, Sirenia is more interested in another ambassador, Agnatha, who looks like an eel. Kirk is jealous of the eel, and has a dream where he follows Sirenia through the ship corridors, to Agnatha's cabin. The next morning, ambassador Agnatha is found dead in his cabin, his environmental tank cracked from the inside, as if he had thrashed around in a panic. And soon thereafter, yet another ambassador is found dead. Both of them belonged to the anti-Romulan faction. Although their autopsies don't reveal anything, there are suspicions of murder. Ambassador Neja then claims to have received a visit from the Angel of Death, and requests an agent from the Special Security Division (SSD) to investigate the case.

The SSD is a rather seedy organization inside the Federation. I'm not familiar with later Trek, but I suppose it's similar to Section 31. Among other things, their agents have the right to be judge, jury and executioner of any suspect. They have also the authority to blow up an entire ship and kill everyone onboard, if they suspect the ship carries some infectious element. Their black uniforms, and the literal comparison of the SSD with the Gestapo don't help either (and all of a sudden, the Klingons don't seem that bad, right?). Well, this organization sends Colonel Mary Sue Elizabeth Schaeffer to the Enterprise. She's described in the most over-the-top, ridiculous way you can imagine. Perhaps at the time this book was written, when people weren't so familiar with the concept of a "Mary Sue", it didn't seem so bad; but nowadays it's hard not to laugh at it. Anyway, Elizabeth isn't a terrible character. She has a couple of idiocy moments, but given how unsympathetic and childish everyone is around her, she can be forgiven. Of course, Kirk falls in love immediately (again), and Spock starts babbling as soon as he sees her.

Elizabeth places the Enterprise in quarantine until the murderer (now nicknamed the "Angel of Death") is found. She spends the first night on watch in Neja's cabin, as the ambassador suspects he's next in the Angel's list. However, Neja dies of old age this same night, so there's nothing suspicious in his death. After this, Elizabeth continues her investigations and interviews of all the ambassadors, aided by one of the diplomats: a giant crocodile who loves role-playing. These interviews take the bulk of the novel. In the meantime, Elizabeth receives calls from her estranged husband, that she's about to divorce. And Kirk, smelling carnage, falls upon her in true vulture style to make his move. A couple of days later, he already wants to marry her, even though I don't think they have even kissed. And I don't know why the novel goes out of its way to villainize Elizabeth's husband, as clingy and immature, when Kirk appears to be no better. But whatever, they're in love, I guess. (Ah, yes, Elizabeth also receives propositions from the giant crocodile).

A bit later, yet another anti-Romulan ambassador appears dead, in a really gruesome way. And this happens while Elizabeth was getting drunk with her crocodile friend. But everyone forgives her soon for this bit of unprofessionalism (the privilege of being a Mary Sue). At this point, she starts suspecting that there's a relation with the spores and the Angel of Death. Specially after Sirenia tells her that she really was followed by Kirk that night (even if he believes it was a dream). She also discovers that Spock has showed signs of astral projection recently. Which Spock took advantage of, to have sex with a crewmember while she slept (WTF!!?). Spock is very ashamed, but Elizabeth reassures him with the idea that it wasn't really abuse, because the crewmember was asleep, and probably liked it anyway (and I'm no expert in laws but... I'm pretty sure that's still abuse, you know).

Towards the ending, Elizabeth's husband (also an SSD agent) lifts the quarantine on the Enterprise, to reunite with her sooner. Elizabeth destroys her cabin in frustration, since she hasn't resolved the case yet. And McCoy wonders why she had such a fit of rage, if she's not having her period (yeah, that's his medical opinion, and yeah, this book was written by a woman). A meeting is called onboard the Enterprise, to discuss the lift of the quarantine. There, McCoy expresses anti-Romulan sentiments in public, blaming them for the murders. Then Elizabeth slams McCoy into a wall for being an idiot (thank you), as all the murdered people belonged to the anti-Romulan faction, so now he's going to be next for the Angel of Death. Thus, Elizabeth spends that night watching over McCoy's sleep, ready to finally come face to face with the mysterious Angel. Ah, yes! And McCoy doesn't want to undress to sleep, since he considers that being naked in bed, while there's a beautiful woman in his cabin, would distract him from his imminent demise (which proves that McCoy would totally wank in the face of death, so... good for you, McCoy. I suppose).

Spirk Meter: 0/10*. Kirk is too busy playing Nice Guy with every woman he comes across. And Spock is busy assaulting women in their sleep. So nothing at all.

There's a bit of McKirk at the beginning, though. While there are a bunch of people in coma because of the spores, McCoy is all "Jim, Jim!", and seems to only care about him. Further emphasized by the parallelism with Chapel, who goes to tend Spock first. McCoy also caresses Kirk's face, while he's unconscious. And even though he has the obligatory appreciation lines for Elizabeth's beauty, McCoy seems more interested in dissecting her, to find out which improvements did the SSD on her (jealous much?).

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[starkid-fave-female-character]

Favorite Female Character Round 1 Match 24

[nierthesheepdestroyer]

As a reblog to my reblog this means…

Lauren is Paul

Jon now plays Emma, Donna, Smoking Teen,The Hatchetfield Bee, Rachael

Jeff is now Melissa, Zoey Chambers, Greenpeace Girl, Alice Woodward, and Doug

Mariah is Ken Davidson, Sam Sweetly, Coffee Jerk, Man in a Hurray, Dancing Guy, General John MacNamara, and Greg

Joey is Charlotte Sweetly, Nora, Deb, Colonel Schaeffer, Infected Townsfolk

Jaime is Ted Spankoffski, Homeless Man, Dan Reynolds, Rod, Coffee Shop Guy, Smoke Club Teen, Joey’s PEIP soldier

Corey is Of course Bill Woodward, Peip Soldier, Stu, Coffee shop guy, dancing man in street

And he trades roles with Curt who now plays Pete, Henry Hidgens, PEIP soldier, coffee shop guy

I forget if it was Mariah or someone else who said it but someone mentioned a while ago how funny it would be to re-perform tgwdlm but with everyone's roles just picked from a hat and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Just imagine the chaos: Jon as Charlotte. Mariah strolling in as Mr. Davidson. Emma played by Jeff Blim. Corey popping up as the Greenpeace girl.

The things I'd do to see this

[hatchetfield-bang]

Sign-Ups are Halfway Done!

We are two weeks through sign ups! Two more weeks until sign-ups close! If you’ve been thinking about it but haven’t done so yet, make sure you do by April 1st, because after then, we will not be accepting any more sign-ups, no exceptions!

If you’re curious about how the stats are compared from last week, here’s what we have so far!

We have: - 23 registered artists - 25 registered authors - 4 registered betas - and an estimated 28 fics, including 3 being done as collabs!

 Get excited, and sign-up if you’re interested! Links are in the pinned post on this blog!

[fencecollapsed]

Hatchetfield pride babey! 🏳️‍🌈

[charlottesweetly]

heres the other polycule thats canon in my brain

[2lim3rz]

Cursed thought, he's most likely not into it BUT breeding kink with Colonel Schaeffer tho. Alas now I must vanish

FUUUCKKK

FUCK I LOVE IT

Though, let's face it, Colonel gives me the gives that while he enjoys breeding immensely, he absolutely does not want kids from it

[violent-backed-starling]

John: If Xander thinks he can just bat his eyelashes at me and get whatever he wants from me-

Schaeffer: He is absolutely right?

John: He is absolutely right!

[your-fave-is-short-and-angry]

Colonel Schaeffer from The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is short and angry

[wifibitzz]

What if,,, Schaffer went into the portal instead of Wilbur,,,,,,,, jkjk,,,,,,,,,,,, unless,,,,,?