#codependent is about couple who is tired of each other

[periciles]

Codependent is Clay and Bloberta while (Girl We Got a) Good Thing is Orel and Christina

[carbon-dated-gal]

My personal HCs of Jeaneil bestfriendism

Tws: mentions of human trafficking, sh, injuries, parent death (Mary).

(Also set in Raven!Neil AU)

•Nathaniel willingly participates in human trafficking after Mary's death, b'cuz fuck you. Living without any real destination had killed Mary's humanity and identity and he's not going to end up like her.

•Belonging to someone, meant having their brand on your back (literally) and that was going to be his saving.

•But for better for worse, ichirou was the one to pay millions of dollars for someone something like him

•ofc, this meant Nathan couldn't touch him but it also meant he would end up in the exact same place that his mum had died for

•but that was when she doubted his capabilities in exy but now that variable was taken out, no?

•By the time abram arrives at Evermore, Jean already had been living there for an year

•anyway, jean and Nathaniel meet when they were both 15 yrs old. And due them both being in hard rebellious phase, they take swings and jabs at each other cuz well...

•they were about the only ones who saw each other as equal instead being something either above or below them

•he Goes by his middle name w both Jean and kev

•Jean picks out all the bell peppers from his meal and Neil sneaks them onto Kev's plate who begrudgingly eats them

•Codependency, man. So much codependency. You'll never see one w/o the other

•sometimes when Nathaniel/abram (ur pick) sneaks them out, it starts raining and jean immediately hates it. But his partner catches a couple droplets into his hand and he flicks them onto jean, smiling like he had no demons waiting for him back home

•and jean thinks the rain might not be so bad.

•post-game interview and reporters are onto jean asking him one intrusive question after and jean just glares at them. Flat eyes and all.

•'Ram jumps in, and asks the reporter why their mum doesn't love them and maybe that's the reason they turned out like this in life— Kev pulls him away by his collar, apologising to the reporter

•they get into trouble for that ofc

•when Kevin begs jean to help him after riko breaks his hand, abram tries to stop him. He knows they'll have to pay the price but the look jean gives him is absolutely heartbreaking, "it's Kevin, abram. We have to help him."

•Nathaniel doesn't help. But hours later, when riko asks about Kev's whereabouts, he steals himself and refuses to answer.

•stitching each other while trying to make the other one keep their head down. With, Nathaniel's presence in the nest, jean finds keeping his opinion to himself... A bit harder than in canon.

•"why the actual fuck is that man wearing fucking jorts here?"

"I dunno, jean. They look kinda cool"

"I'm sorry, cool?"

•abram: "yk, that one time when you took a step towards the right with riko, you'd have reached him faster if you skipped on ahead to him—"

Jean, dead tired and barely even listening: "jfc, it's 2.30 in the morning go tf to sleep."

•abram was the one to snatch away the blades from jean. He hides them and cradles Jean's face in his hands, avoiding the bruises. That was the first time Nathaniel had seen a man that vulnerable and comfortable around him

•after kev leaves, Nathaniel tries to take over his job by swallowing the vegetables from Jean's plate. He promptly spat out that piece of broccoli.

I have more ofc, but I feel this post is becoming a bit too long so.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being tired of people thinking it’s cute when someone is incompetent and leaning on their SO for everything. You see people trying to be cute on social media like ‘oh I never know what I’m doing in life/when travelling. I let my partner do everything.’ Like way to admit you don’t know how to navigate life and you’ll be absolutely ruined if you ever break up.

generally speaking, this is at minimum a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but it can also be a major red flag of an abusive one - in either direction, from personal experience.

I'm not sure what the best path forwards is in these situations. I would recommend that if anyone is unfamiliar with the following words or topics, however, that it is very much worth looking up and learning about them, preferably looking at multiple sources and ignoring sites that don't site reputable sources - including psychologytoday, which, in my experience, will literally post any and everything if it makes them a buck. I've seen them post more blatant pseudoscience as fact in a day than I've seen generally correct articles in... the past decade that I've known of that site.

These types of relationships, from the outside, tend to very clearly involve codependency, enmeshment, and/or learned helplessness. While each is worrying, you'll want to consider that most people will not react well if you tell them that their primary coping method is unhealthy. It can be worth talking to other people who know them about this, if that seems appropriate in that situation, primarily to try to see about arranging times for the couple to be separate of each other. It's not your responsibility to resolve this situation, but I also think it's extremely important that we notice and care about those around us. Help each other when possible; and if they don't accept it, try to consider that they may not be ready for that help yet.

Just... generally, you don't have to be an expert to try to help others and bring kindness into the world. You don't have to feel empathy for them, sympathy, or any of that shit - just try to consider that people aren't trying to be "worse" - they're doing what they can to feel better, and sometimes that involves looking at what tools life has given them and... well, if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[worstqueerbaittournament]

Before you complain about the picture: I asked people to send in better pictures of Grif and Simmons and NOBODY DID

Submission message for Janis: Mean Girls  - Janis + Person who submitted Janis here. Yes, I meant the movie. The whole time it is implied she's a lesbian only for her to end up with a dude lol

Submission message for Grif and Simmons: Hi! I’m submitting Grif and Simmons from Red vs. Blue. I think they’re the worst personally because I’ve spent a third of my life being queerbaited by someone’s fucking halo ocs.

Additional propaganda: Meanwhile Janis from Mean Girls IS queerbaiting:

    She’s presented as a lesbian throughout the film

    She gets very emotionally attached to girls and tries to sabotage them after they ‘betray’ her and become more interested in boys/popularity (Regina in the past, Cady during the film)

    Proudly declares herself a “big lesbo” to half the school during her trust-fall scene

    Wears a suit to Prom and kisses her gay best friend Damien, they both show complete disgust afterwards

    But in the LITERAL LAST SCENE OF THE FILM, she’s shown dating a guy and kissing him.

((I also haven’t seen the musical yet, so I can’t comment there))

Vote Janis, she’s the only right answer.

this ain't enough information about Grif and Simmons; these two are literally the intro character for the entire series. The first conversation they had became a running joke and repeating theme to the point that, years later, it was used in a dramatic moment so Grif could identify Simmons while fight an evil look-alike. When one of them got injured, the other donated various body parts, including skin and organs, and then became a cyborg, thus having the metaphor of "becoming part of each other" and "you have my heart". They still bicker constantly and and trade insults. They've been glued at the hip for more than a decade. The one time they were split up, it was treated like a devastating divorce, with one of them using the line "I quit you". They then both proceeded to have mutual pining and emotional withdrawl from being apart because they're just THAT codependent. They've been forced to share living space, and immediately devolved into having old-married-couple situations. During a planet-wide sex party, they fooled around in a closet, everybody knows this happened, but they refuse to fully acknowledge it. The VA for Grif even plainly stated that "Grif is in love with Simmons". Simmons once mentioned that he and Grif carved their initials into a tree. When we see the "inner worlds" of their minds, Grif's is almost empty except for a tiny Simmons that runs around to annoy him, and Simmons imagines a Grif that has to do whatever he says, but STILL insults him because Grif can't stop being Grif.They had a talk show together and even called themselves their ship-name "Grimmons". They've been having one long conversation for 2 decades. They're slow-burning like a tire fire. They're married, but they'll never properly get together. IT'S BEEN 2 DECADES

Let's not forget Tucker's actually-in-the-show commentary when he's spying on them over the radio of "I've only been listening to them for five minutes but I can tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?”

It's literally been two decades.

[sugarcream-sims]

The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕 :D

Thanks for the ask @sadraccoon061!!

There's definitely a lot of relationships between sims I'd like to gab about, but in the context of my story, none of them have happened yet. So I guess I'll gush about my favorite couple...... of friends, lmao. Close enough?? Sorry if it's a cop out

Galation, Joanne, and Brannan became close via forced proximity though their parents. They share a lot of traumas, and they're all a little codependent because of it. tl:dr: love 'em because of their horrible dysfunction but genuine affection for each other. (Readmore because I have can't shut up disease)

When they're together, they kind of reinforce/encourage each other to be the same person they've been since they were teens, so they've all kind of stagnated as young adults. They don't really know who they are when they're around other people. They even ended up going to the same college as Gally, just because he picked first. Joanne finds it impossible to make other friends: she's afraid of boys who aren't these two (life keeps proving her fears right, she's just unlucky), and she's even more afraid of girls because she's scared of her own gay feelings. Worse, she can't play the catty politics that some girl friend groups devolve into. She's not a contender. She prefers where it's safe to be, and safe is these two asshole guys she's known since she was a toddler. Her anxiety disorder keeps her nice and shut in a little box with no other prospects than repeating the same patterns, forever.

Brannan, who has untreated antisocial tendencies (unless you count his parents beating him as treatment) simply does not give a shit about anyone who isn't these two people. He lacks empathy for anyone he isn't already entangled with. For all he cares, other people can drop dead--honestly, the thought is enticing, more than anything. Galation and Joanne tether him to a mostly normal, functional existence but that's just treading water. He needs actual help, and this isn't it. He's not one bad day from snapping and just straight up doing something he can't take back, more like one good opportunity.

Lately, Galation is pulling away from them both, which scares the shit out of Joanne and makes Brannan resentful. He spent his childhood and adolescence shielding both of them from bullies or the consequences of their own actions and he's tired. Honestly, he's tired of everything. He's been trying to cut as much living out of his life as he can: limiting what he eats, where he goes, cutting out old hobbies, cutting off friends... I'd say his existence is becoming pretty ascetic, but he's smoking and drinking more than ever. He fundamentally doesn't think he deserves comfort, not even the breath in his lungs.

They'd hide bodies for each other. They'd donate organs for each other. That's love, deep and abiding. But it doesn't redeem their friendship. You can't save someone from drowning when you're ALL drowning. As it is, they're just clinging to each other as they sink deeper and deeper. That's compelling to me, personally.

[thelighthouseandthekraken]

My thoughts on The Kisses™

a OFMD/Good Omens crossover post

context: @msblueberrybi posted about how some people find the kisses from each show awkward and I responded from my main blog that I have at least 4 thoughts about it, to which msblueberrybi asked me to elaborate

this got long 😅 apparently I had more than 4 thoughts

Although people compare the two shows often, I find them extremely different in many ways so my thoughts will be separated by show. I've also watched OFMD more than GO so my thoughts will be more fleshed out for OFMD.

OFMD

So. First of all, I was so surprised when I found out people didn't like Ed and Stede's kiss. That kiss rocked my world. When I first saw that kiss, I started stimming and smiling and I rewatched it at least 5 times before finishing the episode. It was perfect to me.

I did notice it felt a bit "awkward" but that awkwardness felt like it came from the fact that Stede wasn't expecting the kiss, their mindsets at the time, and they were sitting beside each other on a rock.

Now I think Ed and Stede have kissed people before. Unless Calico Jack was completely lying (possible but I think unlikely), Ed and Jack had some sort of sexual relationship and I expect there was at least some sexy kissing involved.

Stede would have at least kissed Mary. They probably didn't kiss often, but as they had children together and both tried to make the marriage work in their own ways throughout their time, I imagine some uncomfortable kisses were exchanged in their marriage.

The beach kiss would have been the first time they kissed someone that they actually loved. WHICH brings me to my next thought, Stede hadn't accepted that he was in love with Ed yet and his guilt about his family was catching up with him. Ed makes Stede happy, but Stede hadn't accepted that he was even allowed to be happy. Stede gave up his whole life to be happy as a pirate and that got swept away, and his co-captain seems to have accepted defeat, his family thinks he's dead, and his found family is away at sea. Stede has a lot going on in his head when Ed finds him at the beach.

Then his co-captain softly declares that Stede makes Ed happy and kisses him just to be sure his meaning is felt.

Then there’s Ed. Ed says in episode 4 that he's tired of it all. He was so bored and sick of it all that when we first spend quality time with him as an audience, he's okay with dying because at least it's something new. That coupled with his PTSD and being trapped in these cycles of violence, he doesn't see a way out besides killing Stede and stealing his identity or dying himself. In episode 7, he declares that he's not the type to lay idle and he needs a new adventure. The loss of Izzy hit him hard, I think. He feels restless. Lucius calls him out on the fact that he likes Stede and that Stede likes him and if he doesn’t do something about it, he’ll die alone. Edward has been shown to be deeply lonely and yearning for closeness. He is devastated that he doesn’t have friends, he blames himself for it, and he has been shown to cling to closeness through his codependent relationship with Izzy (on full display in episode 10) and his relationship with Calico Jack. (and fair enough, the man’s been through significant trauma. I totally understand why he can’t disconnect from those relationships easily.)

Throughout the show, Ed sees another way in Stede, just as Stede sees another way within Ed. Ed's found a man who wants to do things in a gentler way but will also burn down a ship of assholes for him, and although Stede doesn't always understand the realities of being a pirate, he's shown he can handle himself on the sea in his own ways. (the lighthouse fuckery, burning down the party boat, knowing how to get stabbed, unhand me or bleed)

But in episode 8, he goes with Jack because he’s afraid Stede is “seeing him for who he is” and Edward thinks “who he is” is a monster. When they are reunited, Stede is so happy to see him and be with him, even in the face of death, it shifts something in their relationship, imo.

Once he finds a way to save Stede, he finally has a way out. He had been Blackbeard for so long. Them being somewhere relatively safe, where they are fed and clothed, is a new chance for Ed. He doesn’t have to worry about being mutinied, or Izzy’s opinions, or pirate culture (“we’re all at various stages of fucking each other over”) getting in the way. They don’t have appearances to keep up anymore or crews to manage. And to top it off, he's with Stede. Together. When Ed kisses Stede, he wants it to be clear that he is in love with him. The kiss is a film staple of romantic intention within the romcom/romance genre, so Ed kissing him was him unequivocally showing his love. But Ed is insecure. He doesn’t know 100% how Stede is feeling, so the kiss for Ed is a risk. He was probably nervous as all hell. Stede is the only person (in his mind, I have Further Thoughts about his possible connections with the Revenge crew but that’s for another post) who accepts him for who he is. Stede is his only friend, and that’s a heavy thing for Ed.

I think people are so used to Hollywood perfection in everything that seeing a more realistic first kiss, one that doesn't look as polished as they would expect, makes some people genuinely uncomfortable. They'll see these two middle aged men, who have never had a real friend or been in love with someone who sees them for who they are underneath their facades, kiss each other for the first time, and get uncomfortable with the awkwardness that those experiences could bring.

Good Omens

Now this kiss is different because it is a different genre, different story, different characters. I think the intention behind the kiss is similar from a character perspective. In part, Crowley wants to let Aziraphale know that what he is experiencing is love.

I think Crowley realized over the course of this season that(and how) he loves Aziraphale, and I think the show is making space for that to be another earthly pleasure that the two indulge in that Heaven and Hell don’t understand. There are no canon married couples or romantic partners in Heaven or Hell to my memory. (Gabriel and Beelzebub don’t count because they ran away). This could be another thing that Heaven or Hell could wield against them. Not just loving someone on the opposite side, but loving at all.

To rewind, Crowley is coming from a place of believing that Heaven cannot be changed. There is strong evidence in the show that Crowley has had his memory erased, and its unclear how much he has been able to recover. We know he remembers that he was only cast out for “asking a few questions” but we don’t know if he remembers where in the Holy Hierarchy he sat. I believe he was extremely high up, the Prince of Heaven that The Metatron mentions during Gabrial’s trial. I can’t imagine them telling us that for any other reason, and he was creating the Universe at the start of season 2 so he was obviously high up.

Aziraphale believes that he can fix it from the inside and he knows they can never outrun Heaven. They will always be on guard, and he thinks The Metatron is giving him a way out. I don’t know if Aziraphale actually trusts The Metatron, but Aziraphale is smart. He sees an opportunity, so he takes it.

During their fight, they both are trying to make the other see their side without actually explaining themselves. They are rushed, both of them are panicking, and they are talking past each other. Aziraphale wants to create a Heaven where they can be safe and happy, and yes, he has A Lot to unpack in regards to his attitudes towards angels and demons (Good Guys and Bad Guys). He also wants to avoid a war that will kill humanity, because isn’t that what they fought so hard to avoid in season 1?

Crowley knows Heaven can’t be fixed. (I tend to agree with him but I don’t blame Aziraphale for wanting to try, especially because I doubt they’ll be able to thwart Heaven without their time apart, but I digress) Crowley sees Aziraphale wanting to go to Heaven as a rejection of him and of them. Aziraphale sees Crowley not wanting to come with him the same way.

I think Crowley kissed Aziraphale in an act of desperation but also to ground his feelings in the Earthly realities of their lives. Our ineffable spouses spent much of their existence on Earth, falling in love with it and its inhabitants, they’ve sort culturally assimilated in ways. They both love doing some things “the human way”, Crowley drives his Bentley, they both eat food and drink, Aziraphale learns stage magic and language, and reads books.

Crowley has heard Aziraphale talk about books often, but I think Crowley watches more films than they show us. I may be extrapolating too much, but when Crowley wants to drive Nina and Maggie together, he uses a trope from popular romance movies that he says he saw in “a Richard Curtis film". I am not super educated on his movies, but I’m pretty sure Richard Curtis has made multiple movies where people get rained on and then kiss. I am choosing to believe that Crowley has watched more than one romance film and the big “kiss-to-show-your-love-grand-gesture-at-the-end” is very very common across the board. And he uses it to express feelings he can't seem to get across in a physical way.

This kiss would look terribly awkward, because not only is it coming from a place of anger and desperation, I am firmly of the opinion that neither of them have ever kissed anyone before. Iirc, there is no canon evidence of them having any sort of physical or romantic relationship with anyone, so this kiss would have been their first. Aziraphale is totally overwhelmed because he loves Crowley just as much as Crowley loves him, but he was no way expecting this sort of direct and jarring act. I don’t even think this kiss was fully about love so much as it was about Crowley’s need to express something he couldn’t find the words to express. (Not to mention the storytelling aspect of it, which is making us an an audience sad and uncomfortable so we can inhabit a similar emotional space as the characters are.)

Human life is messy and complicated and not always pleasant. The kiss was an extension of their human-like experiences and life on Earth. A life Crowley wanted to continue but Aziraphale knew was impossible to maintain, with Heaven and Hell keeping such a close watch on them.

I think there was more I could have said but I’ve been writing this post for like 5 hours and I think I’m done now. In short, both kisses were perfect for what they were showcasing within the characters journeys and I will not stand for slander of them thank you goodnight.

[trolagygirl2022]

hiii girlie 💗 I'd like to participate in your game. the question changed a bit but thats what came through when i was channeling lol

what it will be like to be with your future spouse:

the lovers, 2 of cups, the devil, 3 of cups, page of cups, the fool, 4 of swords, high priestess, the magician, 3 of wands, 2 of wands.

using he/him pronouns bc you guys are for sure that cute ass high priestess + magician couple lmao.

his overall energy is VERY refreshing, like diving into the pool on a hot day. i feel like thats what it would feel like to be in a relationship with him as well, waking up next to him every day and just seeing him gives you energy for the day and the same goes for him, you give him the energy he needs for the day. no matter how tired you were, sleeping in his arms and you feel WELL RESTED. this turns you guys into that magician and priestess couple, it just makes you work harder and become better at what you do for work yk? loving him makes you feel closer to god in a sense (if you believe in all that yk)

however, the downside to all this is in that devil card: without him, you have no energy. you guys become EXTREMELY codependent on eachother like i can picture in the early stages of dating you sleep beside him once and you cant sleep on your own again 😭 you guys are FOR SURE never ever ever breaking up lmao (at least thats how he feels). the 2 and 3 of wands indicate you both probably plan your days around each other and plan your futures with eachother, the 3 of cups giving "i wanna spend every birthday, christmas, new years, halloween etc. with you".with the fool there as well this is probably something you knew early on in your relationship perhaps even the moment you met, ik a lot of men know very early on what they think of women like "will this just be a one night thing or will i marry this girl?" and he knew FOR SURE that this is it for him ‼️

a few extra thoughts: "i gotta find peace of mind" by ms lauryn hill (he is your peace of mind basically), that one street interview where that guy is all defensive until he realizes the interviewer asked how he and his wife met then hes excited to talk about her 😭, jude bellingham, milo manheim type looks, yall read together, "in the cut w my twin we be vibing" lol, cottagecore couple vibes

please dont feel obligated to reciprocate the amount i wrote, your man is a yapper when it comes to you 😭 hes giving very air/mercurial energy, maybe gemini or libra mercury/venus? hes very romantic with his words

Thank you so much for this!! Here's your reading.

Your future spouse:

2 of Swords, 5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant, 7 of Swords rev.

Your future spouse is someone who is very honest. They hate liars and untruthful people. I see them having this "just" mindset. They might have some traditional values that they believe in and like to practice. Could be religious or have some sort of beliefs that tie to it. They probably grew up experiencing the harder side of life and so they've always wanted to change the system and how it is. They always want to make things right. I see them as someone that fights for others. They can be quite protective as well. I'm picking up on something tense here, that could just be their energy. They like to make positive changes in their community. So if they grew up in a bad area, they would want to help repair it, stuff like that. A very selfless soul that advocates for the rights of others! They definitely have some Libra/Leo energy, maybe some Aquarius too.

[happyk44]

Who's Piper’s FP do you think? Leo or?

For those who don't know, FP stands for favourite person. It is a common term used by people with BPD, but it is not exclusive to BPD or even to PDs in general. Some people with personality disorder(s) may never have an FP or equivalent person.

An FP is a person that someone, typically a person with BPD, relies heavily on for emotional support, seeks attention and validation from, and looks up to or idealizes. Other PDs may use different terms, such as depended person for DPD. Those terms may also be more centered on the core of the respective PD. For HPD, I believe the equivalent term is attentive person, someone who is a steady and reliable source of attention.

In the general HPD AU, on the favourite person front, I don't think Piper has one. Her emotions are too fleeting. While she may grow quickly attached to people and overassume her position in their life, her world and moods don't revolve around that person's absence or presence. If they left her, she might be sad about it but she wouldn't become as devastated as someone else might. She does not depend on a specific person for emotional stabilization (she doesn't feel enough for that) or validation. While there are some people she holds in high esteem, like Annabeth, I think her issue would be overly trusting with them versus idealization.

Now, on the attentive person front, I considered that Leo might qualify. However, he is much more solitary and likes having space and time to himself so while he might be a reliable source of attention for her, he's not always the most steady or constant with it. Since Piper's not interested in engineering and some of Leo's projects require a signficant portion of his focus, she can't really interject herself into it. He may humor her when she's needy but it'll be very fleeting and he'll get fustrated if she bothers him too much because he wants to work on his stuff.

It's somewhat similar with Annabeth, coupled with the fact that they are not as close as Piper thinks they are. Annabeth has her own things going on, her own responsibilities, other friends that she's known longer/is closer to. Piper is someone she likes and would happily hang out with, but she'd get very quickly tired of Piper's neediness.

With Jason, he could've been her AP for a while, I guess, but likely more due to her subconscious charmspeak influence forcing him to pay attention to her rather than any willingness on his part. I think Jason really just dated Piper because she expected him to date her versus any interest on his own end. Which is probably why it hurt when she broke up with him because he was doing it to make her happy. While he likes Piper as a person and a friend, it's pretty much just that. So once he moves back to Camp Jupiter, his attention is not as constant or reliable.

So, yeah, with the general AU, I'd say she doesn't have an FP, and Jason temporarily was her AP but not without her forcing it.

In this one specific version of the AU, it's Leo 100%. Mostly because it's really just the two of them against the world. This AU is a combination of both the mute!, hpd! and "Leo was a part of the Titan army" AUs. Shortly after the events of TLO, Leo and Piper meet. He gets caught stealing, and she takes the blame for it. They keep in contact. At some point, he realizes she's a demigod and tells her about it. They figure out her mom is Aphrodite. Piper manages to get Leo to move into her house. This all occurs within like a month or so.

Whether or not her dad notices Leo lives with them is up in the air. I think he's not at home enough to recognize that Leo never leaves. He thinks it's nice she's finally made a friend and doesn't really question it other than a half-assed discussion on safe sex that she cringes through but grittingly deals with because it's the most attention her dad has paid her in a while.

While they do love each other very deeply, their friendship is very codependent (which is common in relationships with FPs and equivalent). There was one story I daydreamed a while ago where Piper destroys a prosthetic that Leo had been working on (he doesn't have an arm, happened prior to the events of TLO) because she was angry he wasn't providing her with enough attention and he can't do anything about it because he doesn't want to risk being forced back on the streets (even if he knows, logically, she'd never do that to him). They end up arguing intensely about it.

Due to her selective mutism, Piper is not able to communicate easily which makes it harder for her to connect with people and receive attention from them. In the general AU, Piper doesn't have that issue. She has a broader range of people to socialize and connect with, and receive attention from. In this version, Leo is definitely her AP. He could be her FP as well, I suppose. I don't think she idealizes him, but she definitely overly relies on him for emotional support. She can't get it anywhere else. Honestly, she can't get anything from anywhere else: companionship, attention, support, love. He is all she has.

Also, in this AU (which developed out a story for the underworld Jason AU, but could be its own thing too, I guess), Nico meets Leo after he runs away at the end of TTC. Leo tries to convince him to go with him and join the Titan Army, but Nico turns him down because he wants to find his dad first. They meet up again some time after Leo has moved in with Piper and are on friendly terms, although not close. Nico provides materials that Leo wouldn't be able to get from mortals, like celestial bronze, which he uses to make weapons for Piper and himself.

Piper does not like Nico because he deviates attention from her and because he can also provide Leo with things, which is one of the ways she ensures Leo won't leave her. Nico doesn't really know why Piper beefs with him, but he can sense her dislike even if she tries to fake it. It's one of the areas she and Leo argue constantly about because he likes talking to Nico and wishes she would chill the fuck out him, he doesn't even show up that much, fucking relax.

[aroacettorney]

on the topic of #aro ludgercasey propaganda:

you see, even if ludgercasey becomes a canonically confirmed ship, i will never stop seeing them as aros because i genuinely believe that their aromanticism and disinterest in romance is what drew them together in the first place. imagine how tiring it is when almost everyone in your life approaches you with an interest in tying you down with them. imagine how refreshing it is when you meet someone who is concerned about no such thing and just genuinely wants to get to know you instead. there is no ulterior motive under kindness and curiosity. there is no pressure to do or accept favors. there is no need for codependency even when you enjoy each other's company. your bond is born from the comfort of being yourselves without having to take any caution that the other party might mistake your intentions for romantic interests.

even if your relationship happens to take place, the nature of your bond remains the same. what's so wrong with a marriage of convenience for the sake of both of your convenience? what's so sad about a romantic-less relationship when not all love is about romance? goodwill, intimacy, and trust can exist inside and outside any form of affection. whether or not you kiss or exchange love words says nothing about the depth of your bond or how much of an impact you have on each other. even if romance occurs, it is just a thing that sort of happens. you dont have to adhere to society's standards for couples if you have no interests. you dont have to always be or do everything together if you dont want to. you define your own relationship and make it your home — isnt that good enough?

[trashsketch]

tropes game

tagged by @hxhhasmysoul thank you!!! I saw this making the rounds on twitter and i'm excited to do it here too

How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

10 ->  very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

__________

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional… There are no points, you’re not marked on this, don’t worry :3

Add tropes that you think I missed XD

Tag others if you’re nosy like I am :D

Have fun!

__________

Trope List

age gap   -2/10 

ultimately to me it only depends on the ship dynamic itself? I enjoyed the ship in Canis: Dear Hatter, but it's not because of the age gap. I also will get kinda dissuaded if one of them isnt an adult but the other is when they first meet

codependency   9/10

oh boy me and my gf for real. we met through killugon and codependency really is killugon. It can be extremely cathartic to see it in fiction to me

enemies to lovers   8/10

it really depends on who handles it. i dont like how reylo does it, but man, This Is How You Lose the Time War is like a masterclass in how to do it. I rate it more favourably cause I think I enjoy the slight forbidden aspect to it? And I can immediately think of more stories that do this well (in the sense that, "enemies" are more like two rival factions and both sides are like equally grey, and your rival just so happens to be your equal, you hold no grudge besides what your faction has told you to believe)

enemies with benefits   10/10

now THIS has a nice flavour. I love it when it fulfills that meme "you wanna fuck me so bad you look stupid". Bonus points if the benefits begin when A is injured and goes to B's place for shelter (it was great watching this happening in zoolander)

fake dating/relationship   9/10

I've been won over by my friends, i love the awkwardness that comes with fake dating for meeting a mutual need that is essentially kinda stupid (like impressing grandma or to spite your ex)

found family   9/10

it's hxh in a nutshell

friends to lovers   10/10

GOD help me i love this a lot. it's my fave fic trope and it was literally my life experience

friends with benefits   10/10

my god. top tier. I love it so much it's good good mess

hurt/comfort   10/10

the comfort comforts better after the hurt has hurted real good :)

love triangle   5/10

I would love to see different ways of it being handled than anything from old and tired cishet dramas, so any queer spin on it kinda makes me go insane. Also bonus points if everyone can talk through it as sanely as they can while still feeling like their world is crumbling. It can be such good angst. Bonus bonus points if they can all agree on some level of poly

mistaken/hidden identity   10/10

very delicious in like, spy or superhero stories (and also what brought me on board with miraculous ladybug to begin with)

monster fu… relationship   10/10

I feel like most of us monster relationship enjoyers had an awakening after watching a Guillermo del Toro movie. For me it was the Shape of Water, and afterwards a wlw beauty and the beast drawing i did that really won me over. I have a monster AU thingy over on my danganronpa account that I love to bits.

obsession, possessiveness, etc   7/10

can be handled so well or SO BADLY. it helps when any act of possessiveness isn't too serious but is also laced with the real angst, the good shit, the flavour of insecurity. it helps even more if the couple knows how to communicate through this rather than lashing out at each other with passive aggressive arguments, which I hate to see :)

opposites (like grumpy×sunshine, etc)    10/10

LITERALLY KILLUGON. literally all of our preteen angel/devil OC obsession coming back as a popular trope. what's not to love about opposites being together and balancing each other out!

poly   10/10

So a poly ship took over my brain for a good 2 years. I'm in the middle of writing a fic about how three people get together, and even researching by picking up The Ethical Slut (which btw is a great read on how to have healthy relationships in general too, it has so much good advice)

pregnancy   -9/10

It's a personal choice, only because i'm scared of conceiving so i really prefer not to see it in fic. Giving it a -9 cause I do have exceptions in fic (being whether it was recommended to me or whether it's from authors whose work I enjoy)

second chance   5/10

Again it’s really down to the characters and how it’s handled. I enjoyed it in some fics I’ve read long ago, but I won’t go out of my way to find it

sex to feelings   10/10

the one thing i love about friends with benefits is exactly this. the potential for MESS

slowburn   9/10

It can be so so good. A kagehina fic once destroyed me with how slow the burn was but it was so neat to see it growing slowly but surely. I think it can only work if you and the author agree on the eventual endgame ship

soulmates   7/10

it can be a bit tired, but I still personally like reading it! I like any soulmates au with a good spin on it though, like a potential fear behind not liking your destined partner or liking someone else who isnt your soulmate

thanks for letting me ramble LMAO

i’m gonna tag @xyliane @thehuntyhunties @icefeather112 @murderkitten666 @loudpartythumpingmusic (no pressure though!)

[girderednerve]

ok i'm doing it, i'm fandomposting, my treasured mutuals may at this point look away, etc etc

stranger things

i actually think it would be fun if eddie strangerthings was trans. i like trans people and i want more trans people in stories so i'm not defending this viewpoint. i just think it would be extremely funny if steve had a whole figuring out he's bi over eddie thing, they get together & are happy together for a year or so, and then eddie comes out to steve as a woman, at which point steve gets to do an extremely funny "wait. wait. i'm straight again. i'm straight again? i'm so straight i knew you were a woman before you did? that's what happened?" i would just really like steve to be the kind of straight guy who actually, you know, likes women. not that he's never an idiot about it in this scenario which i have lovingly crafted in my brain, just that he actually really likes women and he's happy that he's dating a woman.

i did this with my partner, whom i started dating before i knew she was a woman: we then got to joke for a bit that when i thought i was a lesbian i was right! there was in fact no discontinuity! no thoughts on if that's actually true or like theoretically rigorous, but it's a fun & mildly affirming joke to make with your partner, and i think all of my life experiences should be explored through silly stories about made-up people from bad television shows or whatever. i never claimed to be deep. anyway

canonically, eddie spends all this time performing an extremely specific flavor of metal masculinity that is high-risk in context. people hate him and he leans into it when we see him. the fact that he's performing is a deflection to some degree; he gets to control what people are responding to, even if he can't control how they respond. transgressive gender performance is part of that, and it's compelling to me.

the scene where eddie's talking to chrissy, which i do think was meant to nod at the 80s movie freak+prom queen romance, is a moment of mutual recognition; they literally acknowledge each other's performances. chrissy's being crushed alive by the kind of gender performance she has to do. there's a cost to being a thin cheerleader, although i think we're all reasonably tired of hearing about how hard it is to be popular and conventionally beautiful. she's swamped by jason's letterman jacket & pigeonholed by his expectations of her, and she's frankly pigeonholed in the narrative: beautiful, self-loathing in a cliché way, condemned to die before the end of the first episode and then be invoked as a justification for a witch hunt. nothing but a martyred white woman, the most gendered kind. eddie & chrissy play off of each other in an interesting way, and i'd much rather they just be girlfriends, but what show did i watch? not that show.

honestly eddie & robin would be pretty cute too, but woe betide who first creates the ao3 tag, am i right? actually, while i'm dumping all my weird stranger things takes in here, i think steve and robin should fuck exactly one time because she's curious what it's like and he's willing to indulge her. they both go "huh. well, okay" about it and continue being friends. this does a couple things for me: one, it's funny. two, it suggests to us that men & women can have sexual relationships which are not gravitational, which i like. three, i'm annoyed by the fandom trend with those two being that they have an extremely intense, codependent friendship but the very idea that they have sex is outright offensive. two dudes giving each other a handjob which doesn't have to be sexuality-defining is like, a fandom trope! do we think that robin's identity is so fragile that she can't fuck around a little bit, in the interests of finding out?

[darklordazalin]

Azalin Reviews: Ivania and Vorno

Darklords: Ivania and Vorno Domain: Sunderheart Domain Formation: Unknown Power Level: 💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ (3/5 Skulls) Source: Dragon Magazine 368 article: “Domains of Dread: Sunderheart, The Funeral City”

The Domain of Sunderheart, not to be confused with Casimir Lukas’s moniker “Sundered Heart”, was formed by our tormentors after the events that lead to the end of Ivania Dreygu and Vorno Kahnebor’s love affair. Before they were claimed by the Mists, Ivania and Vorno lived within the Bael Turath Empire. As Bael Turath was falling from its former greatness, The Emperor and the noble families that served him sealed a pact with the Nine Hells to ensure the Empire thrived. To fulfill their bargain, they performed a month long ritual known as the Bloodfire Moon Ritual and in doing so the noble families found themselves transformed into Tieflings and forever marked by their dealings with the Nine Hells.

The noble families of Dreygu and Kahnebor were at odds with each other for as far back as any could remember. When Ivania and Vorno became lovers, the two noble houses found common ground in their attempts to separate the pair. The Dreygus referred to Ivania as a ‘troubled girl’ and the Kahnebor spent more than enough gold and time covering up Vorno’s less than savory pleasures, such as the consumption of human flesh. The families agreed that the havoc the pair could cause together would destroy both households.

The noble houses forcefully separated the couple, but this only encouraged them. Vorno escaped, slaughtering many of his own family and rescued Ivania from her own household. The two ran away together, seemingly content to spent out the rest of their days in poverty. This is the tale the bards tell, yet there is ample evidence that they were not content with such a lifestyle and brought about the deaths of all their living relatives without being provoked into doing so. The bards, with their natural inclination towards romance, would have us believe otherwise.

Ivania and Vorno became the last living descendants of the Noble houses of Dreygu and Kahnebor, respectively and after the convenient drowning of the City of Harrak Unarth’s major, the two petitioned to the Emperor to rule it. The Emperor granted their request and the two ran the city as if it were a never ending party of pleasure and debauchery that put Ivan Dillisnya’s gatherings to shame and made my brother Ranald look like a competent ruler.

Harrak Unarth became known as the City of Carnival and these endless festivals attracted exotic goods and riches from throughout the empire. This, in turn, drew the attention of the Emperor who wished to secure his rule over the land by forming an infernal pact and believed the pair were best suited to assist him. I am inclined to believe that this Emperor must have been rather weak to resort to such bargaining to maintain his hold over his people.

When the Emperor came to Ivania and Vorno, they readily agreed to summon of a fiend to secure his pact for they wished to form their own bargain. The Emperor made his bargain as Ivania and Vorno made their own with the chain devil, Nephigor. The couple traded their souls for eternal youth and to stay by the other’s side forever.  If my eyes were capable of such physics, I would be rolling them right now.

Codependent relationships rarely survive and it is no surprise that as the years passed, the star-crossed lovers grew apart. Vorno was prone to deep melancholic episodes and became increasingly paranoid for he knew that in time he would die and face eternal punishment in the Nine Hells. Which, of course, he would…seeing as he made that bargain himself.

Ivania, on the other hand, continued to enjoy her life of pointless pleasure parties. She grew tired of her spouse lurking in the shadows and refusing to join in her revelry. So, to rid herself of Vorno and damn him to the Nine Hells, she brought the most beautiful woman in all of Harrak Unarth to their home and lured her into a state of narcotic stupor, then left her for Vorno to find. Vorno, unable to resist his lust for human flesh, consumed the girl. Ivania had, of course, laced the woman with poisons, so upon consuming her, Vorno died.

At the moment Vorno saw in his lover’s eyes that not only did she plan his demise but ensured his eternal damnation, a maelstrom of shadow and ice descended upon the Harrak Unarth. People fled as the City of Carnival was transformed into the City of Curses. Once the storm lifted, no one remained. Not  even a single corpse marked the ground where thousands once dwelt. Any who fled found themselves and their families forever cursed and those who entered the abandoned city and stole from it, became cursed as well. In time, enough stories were told that all but the bravest or most foolish individuals avoided the once great city of Harrak Unarth.

As Harrak Unarth fell, Ivania was claimed by the Mists. She found herself in an unfamiliar palace and as she wondered aloud, “Where am I?” the voice that answered was Vorno’s.

“Sunder…heart,” he said and has yet to speak another word since. Ivania, frightened of her the voice of the lover she had slain, tried to find him…and eventually discovered, upon looking into a mirror, that his undead corpse was fused to her back. They had, after all, bargained their very souls to remain youthful and together forever. It’s best to be as specific as possible when making such deals…Trust me, I should know…

Sunderheart or the Funeral City is ruled by Ivania during the day and Vorno, who is only known as The Ghoul to all but a few individuals, rules during the night. Ivania does all she can to ignore the literal corpse growing out of her body by pretending he does not exist. Not only does she surround herself with beauty and continuous parties, but she has also outlawed mirrors that cannot be held in one’s hand and ordered all windows to be made of stained glass so she never has to look upon him again. Anyone who points out her obvious companion its met with her extreme displeasure and often star in her ‘entertainment’ for the day.

The living go about their daily business while Ivania rules, trying their best to avoid their mistress’s wraith. At night, they hide in their homes as the undead flood out of the sewers and waterways, taking over the city as the Ghoul rules. Only on the night of a New Moon does this change. On those nights, the living of Sunderheart flood the streets with light, hide beneath hideous masks, and honor the dead. Much like the Festival of the Dead in my own Domain…

The two former lovers mostly ignore the other’s existence, feigning sleep while the other is awake, yet the each experience everything the other does. This, of course, makes defeating them rather difficult as Ivania brings in her cunning and shadow magic whereas Vorno brings in his brute strength and undying hunger. There are tales of a lich that inhabits a tall tower in the Funeral City who could defeat this Darklord should he be so inclined, but, for the time being, he is simply entertained by watching Ivania suffer.

[aajjks]

I also don't fancy the idea of tc yn acting like Dhp yn. They're two different characters and have their own personalities. I personally don't like female characters that are submissive to a point that they're complete pushovers. It's not about being hyper independent or anything. It's more about not losing the reigns of your own life and it just becomes pathetic to a point. Especially a character like tc yn who's a queen of such a huge empire. A queen is supposed to be someone head strong, rational, mature, sensible, compassionate and should have leadership abilities. Alina has herself said that dhp jk wants someone to dominate (not in a bad way) and tc jk wants someone who's equal to him, somebody that will stay beside him not be overly dependent on him. It works with the dhp couple cause jk wants her to be completely dependent on him and dhp yn wants it too but it wouldn't work with the tc couple.

What they both need is to be understanding and patient with each other. Once Yn starts to listen to what tc jk has to say and why he is the way he is and will give him chances cause he clearly deserves them then he will heal and in turn, will start to be compassionate with her as well. He won't just believe anything and everything other people will have to say about Yn and those cheating accusations will never get under his skin because he believes in her and her love. The amount of trust they will have with each other will be unbreakable and their relationship will blossom.

Some of y'all just don't want to give them a chance and I'm so tired of seeing the hate they both receive from time to time.

I think that she should be submissive in a sense where he feels like yeah I can control her. she finally understands me she loves me and she listens to me.

He doesn’t want an overly dominant YN, he doesn’t want someone who argues with him all the time and that’s what happens here. You want him to trust you? Give him space he will he’s the type to realize things on his own.

He does want an equal queen because he’s a king. Yeah, he cannot be too codependent on him because he has to go to war and he has a huge responsibility.

But he wants a partner who can respect him. And listen to him and treat him like an husband

[buckee]

yuletide 2024 letter

Dear Yuletide writer,

Happy Yuletide! Thanks for being my writer this year! <3 More under the cut:

Hi Yuletide writer, thank you so much for your patience! I haven't had access to my personal computer for a bit, and I've tried uploading this from my phone, but I don't think it's been visible (?) until now. Anyways, apologies for the technical issues!

General likes: Dead dove content, darkfic content (any & all, I have no qualms with anything re: non-con, incest, underage, violence), NSFW stories, romantic comedies, character studies, sympathetic villains, unlikeable female characters, fraught relationships (platonic, romantic, or sexual), stories where two characters are isolated from others (e.g. quarantined, stranded on an island, etc), lovers to enemies, bittersweet endings, queer homoerotic toxic best friendships, one-sided love, fleshed-out backstories, villain/corruption arcs, power imbalances, age gaps, canon divergence AUs.

General dislikes: Stories about weddings (if the plot revolves around this topic), kidfic, single parent AUs, soulmate AUs, heavy-handedness, SFW stories, slice-of-life, coffee shop AUs, maternal abuse (if the plot revolves around this).

FANDOMS + potential prompts

Challengers (Art, Patrick, Tashi):

A post-canon fic exploring Tashi coaching Patrick while Art retires to be with Lily would be interesting–how does Patrick integrate himself into that family? How awkward and painful is it to discuss the years that went by, and what happened in-between? Do they have rules for intimacy?

Patrick and Art exploring a romantic & sexual relationship while Tashi mostly removes herself from that part of their dynamic would be really appealing–she’s part of their throuple, but in a remote way. I’ve always seen her as kind of their…coach? And also, that she’s aromantic, but not asexual. I think Art mourning a part of his relationship with his wife but gaining a new partner is really interesting. Art/Patrick have the most interesting dynamic to me, ESPECIALLY in the context of the throuple (no Tashi erasure), because Tashi has never seemed intensely invested in romance or commitment, even if she is involved with the both of them. And since she’s a parent and someone who could have a career comeback, this would be cool to see!

AU where Patrick & Art are Gen Z/zoomers who come of age in a time when gay marriage became legalized in the USA/queerness has a different connotation than it did even in the early 2000s. What would their relationship look like if it had started a lot earlier? If they had been involved in the queer community as a couple/in their young adulthood? And what would their relationship look like once they met Tashi?

The Acolyte (Qimir, Mae):

I really want to see a tense, psychosexual exploration of their dynamic while Mae was training under him. It’s fascinating that he becomes fixated on her twin afterwards–they’re identical, which means he had to find her face superficially attractive at the very least. Wouldn’t mind it getting darker on this end, especially with crossing boundaries in a mentor/mentee dynamic. How did they meet? Why is she so interested in his good opinion? Why does she stick around if she is afraid of him?

Push (Nick, Cassie)

Nick and Cassie blurring the lines between brother/sister as she grows older is always fascinating. Would love to see them be codependent and inappropriate and odd with one another, without realizing why until it’s too late. How do they handle being lovers? How does Nick deal with the conflict of self-hatred and desire? Does Cassie ever realize that no matter how much she loves him, he still groomed her? Do they ever try to make it work, white-picket-fence style? Do they live perpetually on the run? Do they grow tired of each other? Do they try to separate at all?

Alternatively, their romantic/sexual relationship starts at the age they both are in canon. Feel free to get dark here, so long as Nick remains horrified and conflicted and resistant to what he wants to do. Cassie can be coerced into increasingly inappropriate behavior, or she can instigate out of a childish crush. So long as it isn’t a vaudevillian, mustache-twirling event on Nick’s end, I’m interested in all ways this could go down!

Thank you so much! I'm so excited, and appreciate your time. :)

[miscellaneous-ruminations]

it feels so bad to talk to him. i feel so miserably ashamed of feeling bad talking to my own partner. the times we talk to each other and it goes well are diminishing in frequency, and i feel like he’s turning into another person before my eyes. i don’t know what to do with this person who dislikes me, dislikes spending time with me, or likes me but hates me? he treats me like a hated little sibling, always getting in his way. i’m not even treated like his friend. why does this happen to be how he does it. we need couples therapy. i need therapy. ive had the tome of my life without him. i dont know whats happening.

and yet he claims he needs me and clings to me whenever my negative reaction gets too obvious to ignore. he takes on this expecting to be punished attitude and im like am i even here to you? are you even experiencing my presence? it feels like he’s living in a monologue and is just talking with a version of me that he controls, and punishing me when i don’t adhere to it.

IVE FELT LIKE MYSELF WHILE HES BEEN GONE!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WHEN HE COMES BACK WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

and yet i love him and i miss him and i dont

i have been making excuses for him for three years. no if ands or buts. i have been making excuses to people whose opinions i care about more than his. i have lost my own good opinion.

why do i have to worry about the giant fight itll be when i get upset that all he can talk about is his fomo when i bring up my fun things.

i realized that i dont even really talk anymore. he dominates every conversation, and aside from literally just jokes and the occasional deep conversation that he treats like derailing his day, the expectation is that i will be there to be his everything and not have my own life. not have my own friends. not have my own interests. i cant go to anything without him. and he has the excuse of being my ride.

and oh, when hes at his best and functioning normally he can act rationally and be “generous” and “let” me go without him, but the second hes even a littleee insecure about ANYTHING and i can pry him off me wothout a fight where he paints me as a bigass overreactor while being the one who cant let the fucking thing go!!! what am i supposed to do!!!!!

we let outselves get really entangled really codependent at the beginning. i wont pretend it wasnt mutual. but in spite of that i feel like im the ONLY ONE TRYING TO GET US OUT OF THE DEATH SPIRAL

why am i the only one trying

why am i the only one trying

and he says im reading too much into this that im being unfair but you cant “its not that deep” your way out of this you bastard. because there is a point where it is that deep. where i leave the confines of this relationship and cant contribute to someone who wants to hear from me because im used to being the silent spaghetti wall. when im not contributing ideas because im worried about that GODDAMN CONDESCENDING “WELL YOU DONT GRASP THE SOCIAL ELEMENTS OF THIS” SMUG ASS FUCKING…… AOUGH

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE DATED ME IF I WAS NOT SOCIALLY ADEPT. I AM BEING HELD TO NEUROTYPICAL STANDARDS NOT ETHICAL AUTISTIC ONES AND I AM TIRED OF SUFFOCATING UNDER THE STANDARDS YOU HOLD YOURSELF TO BECAUSE THEYRE COMFORTABLE. THEYRE NOT FOR ME. IM NOT ENTERTAINING IT ANY LONGER

HE HAS GIVEN ME A SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. I CANT STEP AWAY FROM IT!!! I HAVE NO FRIENDS THAT I CAN BE MYSELF WITH WITHOUT HIM INTERFERING AND INSERTING HIMSELF. AND HE SAYS HES FINE WITH IT HE SAYS HE IS AND THEN ILL NEED TO DO NOTHING BUT BE IN THE ROOM WOTH HIM WHILE HE SEWS AND WASTE MY EVENING BEING A SEXY LAMP!!!!! AND IF IM ANGRY OR FEEL USED OR ANYTHING ELSE IT TURNS INTO A FIGHT WHERE IM IGNORED IN FAVOR OF TALKING ABOUT HOW SAD IT IS THAT HE HAS THIS INFURIATING DEFENSIVENESS AND HOW HARD IT IS FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH HES TRYING. BULL SHIT! NOT FUCKING BUYING IT!!!! ARE YOU CHANGING? ARE YOU TRYING??? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SOENDING ZERO TIME AND ZERO CONSISTENT EFFORT ON CONSISTENTLY NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME

AND ANOTHER THING!!! HIS OCD RULES THIS FUCKING HOUSE!!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO AVOID THE FACT THAT NO JOB I EVER DO IS ENOUGH HE WANTS TO BE MATRON WITH ME AS THE DELEGATE BUT I CANT FUCKING GET IN THERE BECAUSE WHAT HE ACTUALLY WANTS IS TO DO IT HIMSELF

I NEED HIM TO GET MEDICATED FOR HIS OCD AND PTSD IT IS FUCKING RUINING *MY* LIFE. AND I DONT THINK HE CARES. I DONT THINK HE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT HIS IMPACT ON ME TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I THINK ON SOME LEVEL HES LIKE WHERE WOULD HE GO.

and thats so fucking dangerous. he can justify fucking anything with that. and i will not be a part of it. im building my own fucking life back and if i encounter resistance i dont like the shape of he can start taking a fucking backseat. if he wants to be my friend he can start acting like my fucking friend again. but until that time hes my mentally ill shithead boyfriend. who i love. god help me i love him. g-d, help me if i need to learn to leave him.

[djretard]

and then after a couple years I "broke up" with mackenzie (in a friend way... we never dated) and I lost all of those friends and so I went to haylee bc I felt like I should apologize to her. and she forgave me and we started being friends again. that year or so was one of the best times of my life, haylee didn't treat me like a little kid but she didn't sexualize me either, we had a lot of teenage fun that eventually grew into delinquency. we met hannah, and I reconnected with sean. this was when I was around 14. so haylee + hannah were 17ish (give or take) and sean was 16. I had known sean when I was friends with mackenzie, and we actually got pretty close, he liked making people laugh and I thought he was hilarious. it used to make mackenzie so mad, she would leave the room and give me the silent treatment until I stopped talking to him. I reconnected with sean and told him everything, and I didn't think he would believe me but he did. he said mine and mackenzie's relationship was inappropriate and he was getting tired of her anyways, and we started hanging out.

that friend group was the most codependent toxic yet life altering amazing thing. we had so much fucking delinquent fun. the four of us was all we needed for a party, and luckily for those three my parents didn't care if we drank or smoke or whatever, the only rule was none of could have sex in their house. (was already doing that at this point... lost my virginity at 11 LOL). we were vocally all in love with each other, but it was never sexual (apart from haylee and I... we started dating/doing things around that time, when I was 14.) but I was always closest with sean between him and hannah. he told me things about himself and would tell me I was the only one who could understand him. I now clearly see he was grooming me, but at the time I just felt so special. I know I was in a relationship, but I will admit I had a crush on him. his attention was so special because his "thing" was to be mean to people as a joke, or indifferent bc he's so "cool." he was also so nice and gentle with me and he engaged with my interests and even let me hold his hand. at some point between there and the end he waited until I was drunk and either touched me or thought about it, he wouldn't tell me which one. I feel that's telling.

that is what ended the friendship, him admitting that. on top of, um, admitting he was a pedophile. he said he never knew until he met me, and that as we got closer he started seeking out c*p. he also started bringing me around mackenzie again, which scared the shit out of me but I went with him bc he said he wouldn't let her talk to me even if she wanted to. haylee was extremely upset at both hannah and sean. haylee wanted to go over to sean's house and like, hurt him, but I begged her not to and she listened. this was when I was around 17, when this all came out. hannah sided with him, but not before telling me at that same party that she always wanted to fuck me, we made out. haylee felt like it was largely her fault bc the night sean apparently did that we were all in the room together, and she felt guilty that she didn't know. I know it's not her fault, I don't think she has ever fully come to terms with it bc it's hard for her to talk about. she started drinking a lot more after that revelation.

there's the tea on my friends. I don't talk to any of them anymore, all my friends are online or haylee, which doesn't count bc we're dating. and it's a little codependent. I like it when she takes care of me and she likes to take care of me. she also likes to fuck me. people often do