#codependent is about couple who is tired of each other

[periciles]

Codependent is Clay and Bloberta while (Girl We Got a) Good Thing is Orel and Christina

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being tired of people thinking it’s cute when someone is incompetent and leaning on their SO for everything. You see people trying to be cute on social media like ‘oh I never know what I’m doing in life/when travelling. I let my partner do everything.’ Like way to admit you don’t know how to navigate life and you’ll be absolutely ruined if you ever break up.

generally speaking, this is at minimum a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but it can also be a major red flag of an abusive one - in either direction, from personal experience.

I'm not sure what the best path forwards is in these situations. I would recommend that if anyone is unfamiliar with the following words or topics, however, that it is very much worth looking up and learning about them, preferably looking at multiple sources and ignoring sites that don't site reputable sources - including psychologytoday, which, in my experience, will literally post any and everything if it makes them a buck. I've seen them post more blatant pseudoscience as fact in a day than I've seen generally correct articles in... the past decade that I've known of that site.

These types of relationships, from the outside, tend to very clearly involve codependency, enmeshment, and/or learned helplessness. While each is worrying, you'll want to consider that most people will not react well if you tell them that their primary coping method is unhealthy. It can be worth talking to other people who know them about this, if that seems appropriate in that situation, primarily to try to see about arranging times for the couple to be separate of each other. It's not your responsibility to resolve this situation, but I also think it's extremely important that we notice and care about those around us. Help each other when possible; and if they don't accept it, try to consider that they may not be ready for that help yet.

Just... generally, you don't have to be an expert to try to help others and bring kindness into the world. You don't have to feel empathy for them, sympathy, or any of that shit - just try to consider that people aren't trying to be "worse" - they're doing what they can to feel better, and sometimes that involves looking at what tools life has given them and... well, if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[worstqueerbaittournament]

Before you complain about the picture: I asked people to send in better pictures of Grif and Simmons and NOBODY DID

Submission message for Janis: Mean Girls  - Janis + Person who submitted Janis here. Yes, I meant the movie. The whole time it is implied she's a lesbian only for her to end up with a dude lol

Submission message for Grif and Simmons: Hi! I’m submitting Grif and Simmons from Red vs. Blue. I think they’re the worst personally because I’ve spent a third of my life being queerbaited by someone’s fucking halo ocs.

Additional propaganda: Meanwhile Janis from Mean Girls IS queerbaiting:

    She’s presented as a lesbian throughout the film

    She gets very emotionally attached to girls and tries to sabotage them after they ‘betray’ her and become more interested in boys/popularity (Regina in the past, Cady during the film)

    Proudly declares herself a “big lesbo” to half the school during her trust-fall scene

    Wears a suit to Prom and kisses her gay best friend Damien, they both show complete disgust afterwards

    But in the LITERAL LAST SCENE OF THE FILM, she’s shown dating a guy and kissing him.

((I also haven’t seen the musical yet, so I can’t comment there))

Vote Janis, she’s the only right answer.

this ain't enough information about Grif and Simmons; these two are literally the intro character for the entire series. The first conversation they had became a running joke and repeating theme to the point that, years later, it was used in a dramatic moment so Grif could identify Simmons while fight an evil look-alike. When one of them got injured, the other donated various body parts, including skin and organs, and then became a cyborg, thus having the metaphor of "becoming part of each other" and "you have my heart". They still bicker constantly and and trade insults. They've been glued at the hip for more than a decade. The one time they were split up, it was treated like a devastating divorce, with one of them using the line "I quit you". They then both proceeded to have mutual pining and emotional withdrawl from being apart because they're just THAT codependent. They've been forced to share living space, and immediately devolved into having old-married-couple situations. During a planet-wide sex party, they fooled around in a closet, everybody knows this happened, but they refuse to fully acknowledge it. The VA for Grif even plainly stated that "Grif is in love with Simmons". Simmons once mentioned that he and Grif carved their initials into a tree. When we see the "inner worlds" of their minds, Grif's is almost empty except for a tiny Simmons that runs around to annoy him, and Simmons imagines a Grif that has to do whatever he says, but STILL insults him because Grif can't stop being Grif.They had a talk show together and even called themselves their ship-name "Grimmons". They've been having one long conversation for 2 decades. They're slow-burning like a tire fire. They're married, but they'll never properly get together. IT'S BEEN 2 DECADES

Let's not forget Tucker's actually-in-the-show commentary when he's spying on them over the radio of "I've only been listening to them for five minutes but I can tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?”

It's literally been two decades.

[sugarcream-sims]

The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕 :D

Thanks for the ask @sadraccoon061!!

There's definitely a lot of relationships between sims I'd like to gab about, but in the context of my story, none of them have happened yet. So I guess I'll gush about my favorite couple...... of friends, lmao. Close enough?? Sorry if it's a cop out

Galation, Joanne, and Brannan became close via forced proximity though their parents. They share a lot of traumas, and they're all a little codependent because of it. tl:dr: love 'em because of their horrible dysfunction but genuine affection for each other. (Readmore because I have can't shut up disease)

When they're together, they kind of reinforce/encourage each other to be the same person they've been since they were teens, so they've all kind of stagnated as young adults. They don't really know who they are when they're around other people. They even ended up going to the same college as Gally, just because he picked first. Joanne finds it impossible to make other friends: she's afraid of boys who aren't these two (life keeps proving her fears right, she's just unlucky), and she's even more afraid of girls because she's scared of her own gay feelings. Worse, she can't play the catty politics that some girl friend groups devolve into. She's not a contender. She prefers where it's safe to be, and safe is these two asshole guys she's known since she was a toddler. Her anxiety disorder keeps her nice and shut in a little box with no other prospects than repeating the same patterns, forever.

Brannan, who has untreated antisocial tendencies (unless you count his parents beating him as treatment) simply does not give a shit about anyone who isn't these two people. He lacks empathy for anyone he isn't already entangled with. For all he cares, other people can drop dead--honestly, the thought is enticing, more than anything. Galation and Joanne tether him to a mostly normal, functional existence but that's just treading water. He needs actual help, and this isn't it. He's not one bad day from snapping and just straight up doing something he can't take back, more like one good opportunity.

Lately, Galation is pulling away from them both, which scares the shit out of Joanne and makes Brannan resentful. He spent his childhood and adolescence shielding both of them from bullies or the consequences of their own actions and he's tired. Honestly, he's tired of everything. He's been trying to cut as much living out of his life as he can: limiting what he eats, where he goes, cutting out old hobbies, cutting off friends... I'd say his existence is becoming pretty ascetic, but he's smoking and drinking more than ever. He fundamentally doesn't think he deserves comfort, not even the breath in his lungs.

They'd hide bodies for each other. They'd donate organs for each other. That's love, deep and abiding. But it doesn't redeem their friendship. You can't save someone from drowning when you're ALL drowning. As it is, they're just clinging to each other as they sink deeper and deeper. That's compelling to me, personally.

[thelighthouseandthekraken]

My thoughts on The Kisses™

a OFMD/Good Omens crossover post

context: @msblueberrybi posted about how some people find the kisses from each show awkward and I responded from my main blog that I have at least 4 thoughts about it, to which msblueberrybi asked me to elaborate

this got long 😅 apparently I had more than 4 thoughts

Although people compare the two shows often, I find them extremely different in many ways so my thoughts will be separated by show. I've also watched OFMD more than GO so my thoughts will be more fleshed out for OFMD.

OFMD

So. First of all, I was so surprised when I found out people didn't like Ed and Stede's kiss. That kiss rocked my world. When I first saw that kiss, I started stimming and smiling and I rewatched it at least 5 times before finishing the episode. It was perfect to me.

I did notice it felt a bit "awkward" but that awkwardness felt like it came from the fact that Stede wasn't expecting the kiss, their mindsets at the time, and they were sitting beside each other on a rock.

Now I think Ed and Stede have kissed people before. Unless Calico Jack was completely lying (possible but I think unlikely), Ed and Jack had some sort of sexual relationship and I expect there was at least some sexy kissing involved.

Stede would have at least kissed Mary. They probably didn't kiss often, but as they had children together and both tried to make the marriage work in their own ways throughout their time, I imagine some uncomfortable kisses were exchanged in their marriage.

The beach kiss would have been the first time they kissed someone that they actually loved. WHICH brings me to my next thought, Stede hadn't accepted that he was in love with Ed yet and his guilt about his family was catching up with him. Ed makes Stede happy, but Stede hadn't accepted that he was even allowed to be happy. Stede gave up his whole life to be happy as a pirate and that got swept away, and his co-captain seems to have accepted defeat, his family thinks he's dead, and his found family is away at sea. Stede has a lot going on in his head when Ed finds him at the beach.

Then his co-captain softly declares that Stede makes Ed happy and kisses him just to be sure his meaning is felt.

Then there’s Ed. Ed says in episode 4 that he's tired of it all. He was so bored and sick of it all that when we first spend quality time with him as an audience, he's okay with dying because at least it's something new. That coupled with his PTSD and being trapped in these cycles of violence, he doesn't see a way out besides killing Stede and stealing his identity or dying himself. In episode 7, he declares that he's not the type to lay idle and he needs a new adventure. The loss of Izzy hit him hard, I think. He feels restless. Lucius calls him out on the fact that he likes Stede and that Stede likes him and if he doesn’t do something about it, he’ll die alone. Edward has been shown to be deeply lonely and yearning for closeness. He is devastated that he doesn’t have friends, he blames himself for it, and he has been shown to cling to closeness through his codependent relationship with Izzy (on full display in episode 10) and his relationship with Calico Jack. (and fair enough, the man’s been through significant trauma. I totally understand why he can’t disconnect from those relationships easily.)

Throughout the show, Ed sees another way in Stede, just as Stede sees another way within Ed. Ed's found a man who wants to do things in a gentler way but will also burn down a ship of assholes for him, and although Stede doesn't always understand the realities of being a pirate, he's shown he can handle himself on the sea in his own ways. (the lighthouse fuckery, burning down the party boat, knowing how to get stabbed, unhand me or bleed)

But in episode 8, he goes with Jack because he’s afraid Stede is “seeing him for who he is” and Edward thinks “who he is” is a monster. When they are reunited, Stede is so happy to see him and be with him, even in the face of death, it shifts something in their relationship, imo.

Once he finds a way to save Stede, he finally has a way out. He had been Blackbeard for so long. Them being somewhere relatively safe, where they are fed and clothed, is a new chance for Ed. He doesn’t have to worry about being mutinied, or Izzy’s opinions, or pirate culture (“we’re all at various stages of fucking each other over”) getting in the way. They don’t have appearances to keep up anymore or crews to manage. And to top it off, he's with Stede. Together. When Ed kisses Stede, he wants it to be clear that he is in love with him. The kiss is a film staple of romantic intention within the romcom/romance genre, so Ed kissing him was him unequivocally showing his love. But Ed is insecure. He doesn’t know 100% how Stede is feeling, so the kiss for Ed is a risk. He was probably nervous as all hell. Stede is the only person (in his mind, I have Further Thoughts about his possible connections with the Revenge crew but that’s for another post) who accepts him for who he is. Stede is his only friend, and that’s a heavy thing for Ed.

I think people are so used to Hollywood perfection in everything that seeing a more realistic first kiss, one that doesn't look as polished as they would expect, makes some people genuinely uncomfortable. They'll see these two middle aged men, who have never had a real friend or been in love with someone who sees them for who they are underneath their facades, kiss each other for the first time, and get uncomfortable with the awkwardness that those experiences could bring.

Good Omens

Now this kiss is different because it is a different genre, different story, different characters. I think the intention behind the kiss is similar from a character perspective. In part, Crowley wants to let Aziraphale know that what he is experiencing is love.

I think Crowley realized over the course of this season that(and how) he loves Aziraphale, and I think the show is making space for that to be another earthly pleasure that the two indulge in that Heaven and Hell don’t understand. There are no canon married couples or romantic partners in Heaven or Hell to my memory. (Gabriel and Beelzebub don’t count because they ran away). This could be another thing that Heaven or Hell could wield against them. Not just loving someone on the opposite side, but loving at all.

To rewind, Crowley is coming from a place of believing that Heaven cannot be changed. There is strong evidence in the show that Crowley has had his memory erased, and its unclear how much he has been able to recover. We know he remembers that he was only cast out for “asking a few questions” but we don’t know if he remembers where in the Holy Hierarchy he sat. I believe he was extremely high up, the Prince of Heaven that The Metatron mentions during Gabrial’s trial. I can’t imagine them telling us that for any other reason, and he was creating the Universe at the start of season 2 so he was obviously high up.

Aziraphale believes that he can fix it from the inside and he knows they can never outrun Heaven. They will always be on guard, and he thinks The Metatron is giving him a way out. I don’t know if Aziraphale actually trusts The Metatron, but Aziraphale is smart. He sees an opportunity, so he takes it.

During their fight, they both are trying to make the other see their side without actually explaining themselves. They are rushed, both of them are panicking, and they are talking past each other. Aziraphale wants to create a Heaven where they can be safe and happy, and yes, he has A Lot to unpack in regards to his attitudes towards angels and demons (Good Guys and Bad Guys). He also wants to avoid a war that will kill humanity, because isn’t that what they fought so hard to avoid in season 1?

Crowley knows Heaven can’t be fixed. (I tend to agree with him but I don’t blame Aziraphale for wanting to try, especially because I doubt they’ll be able to thwart Heaven without their time apart, but I digress) Crowley sees Aziraphale wanting to go to Heaven as a rejection of him and of them. Aziraphale sees Crowley not wanting to come with him the same way.

I think Crowley kissed Aziraphale in an act of desperation but also to ground his feelings in the Earthly realities of their lives. Our ineffable spouses spent much of their existence on Earth, falling in love with it and its inhabitants, they’ve sort culturally assimilated in ways. They both love doing some things “the human way”, Crowley drives his Bentley, they both eat food and drink, Aziraphale learns stage magic and language, and reads books.

Crowley has heard Aziraphale talk about books often, but I think Crowley watches more films than they show us. I may be extrapolating too much, but when Crowley wants to drive Nina and Maggie together, he uses a trope from popular romance movies that he says he saw in “a Richard Curtis film". I am not super educated on his movies, but I’m pretty sure Richard Curtis has made multiple movies where people get rained on and then kiss. I am choosing to believe that Crowley has watched more than one romance film and the big “kiss-to-show-your-love-grand-gesture-at-the-end” is very very common across the board. And he uses it to express feelings he can't seem to get across in a physical way.

This kiss would look terribly awkward, because not only is it coming from a place of anger and desperation, I am firmly of the opinion that neither of them have ever kissed anyone before. Iirc, there is no canon evidence of them having any sort of physical or romantic relationship with anyone, so this kiss would have been their first. Aziraphale is totally overwhelmed because he loves Crowley just as much as Crowley loves him, but he was no way expecting this sort of direct and jarring act. I don’t even think this kiss was fully about love so much as it was about Crowley’s need to express something he couldn’t find the words to express. (Not to mention the storytelling aspect of it, which is making us an an audience sad and uncomfortable so we can inhabit a similar emotional space as the characters are.)

Human life is messy and complicated and not always pleasant. The kiss was an extension of their human-like experiences and life on Earth. A life Crowley wanted to continue but Aziraphale knew was impossible to maintain, with Heaven and Hell keeping such a close watch on them.

I think there was more I could have said but I’ve been writing this post for like 5 hours and I think I’m done now. In short, both kisses were perfect for what they were showcasing within the characters journeys and I will not stand for slander of them thank you goodnight.

[trolagygirl2022]

hiii girlie 💗 I'd like to participate in your game. the question changed a bit but thats what came through when i was channeling lol

what it will be like to be with your future spouse:

the lovers, 2 of cups, the devil, 3 of cups, page of cups, the fool, 4 of swords, high priestess, the magician, 3 of wands, 2 of wands.

using he/him pronouns bc you guys are for sure that cute ass high priestess + magician couple lmao.

his overall energy is VERY refreshing, like diving into the pool on a hot day. i feel like thats what it would feel like to be in a relationship with him as well, waking up next to him every day and just seeing him gives you energy for the day and the same goes for him, you give him the energy he needs for the day. no matter how tired you were, sleeping in his arms and you feel WELL RESTED. this turns you guys into that magician and priestess couple, it just makes you work harder and become better at what you do for work yk? loving him makes you feel closer to god in a sense (if you believe in all that yk)

however, the downside to all this is in that devil card: without him, you have no energy. you guys become EXTREMELY codependent on eachother like i can picture in the early stages of dating you sleep beside him once and you cant sleep on your own again 😭 you guys are FOR SURE never ever ever breaking up lmao (at least thats how he feels). the 2 and 3 of wands indicate you both probably plan your days around each other and plan your futures with eachother, the 3 of cups giving "i wanna spend every birthday, christmas, new years, halloween etc. with you".with the fool there as well this is probably something you knew early on in your relationship perhaps even the moment you met, ik a lot of men know very early on what they think of women like "will this just be a one night thing or will i marry this girl?" and he knew FOR SURE that this is it for him ‼️

a few extra thoughts: "i gotta find peace of mind" by ms lauryn hill (he is your peace of mind basically), that one street interview where that guy is all defensive until he realizes the interviewer asked how he and his wife met then hes excited to talk about her 😭, jude bellingham, milo manheim type looks, yall read together, "in the cut w my twin we be vibing" lol, cottagecore couple vibes

please dont feel obligated to reciprocate the amount i wrote, your man is a yapper when it comes to you 😭 hes giving very air/mercurial energy, maybe gemini or libra mercury/venus? hes very romantic with his words

Thank you so much for this!! Here's your reading.

Your future spouse:

2 of Swords, 5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant, 7 of Swords rev.

Your future spouse is someone who is very honest. They hate liars and untruthful people. I see them having this "just" mindset. They might have some traditional values that they believe in and like to practice. Could be religious or have some sort of beliefs that tie to it. They probably grew up experiencing the harder side of life and so they've always wanted to change the system and how it is. They always want to make things right. I see them as someone that fights for others. They can be quite protective as well. I'm picking up on something tense here, that could just be their energy. They like to make positive changes in their community. So if they grew up in a bad area, they would want to help repair it, stuff like that. A very selfless soul that advocates for the rights of others! They definitely have some Libra/Leo energy, maybe some Aquarius too.

[aroacettorney]

on the topic of #aro ludgercasey propaganda:

you see, even if ludgercasey becomes a canonically confirmed ship, i will never stop seeing them as aros because i genuinely believe that their aromanticism and disinterest in romance is what drew them together in the first place. imagine how tiring it is when almost everyone in your life approaches you with an interest in tying you down with them. imagine how refreshing it is when you meet someone who is concerned about no such thing and just genuinely wants to get to know you instead. there is no ulterior motive under kindness and curiosity. there is no pressure to do or accept favors. there is no need for codependency even when you enjoy each other's company. your bond is born from the comfort of being yourselves without having to take any caution that the other party might mistake your intentions for romantic interests.

even if your relationship happens to take place, the nature of your bond remains the same. what's so wrong with a marriage of convenience for the sake of both of your convenience? what's so sad about a romantic-less relationship when not all love is about romance? goodwill, intimacy, and trust can exist inside and outside any form of affection. whether or not you kiss or exchange love words says nothing about the depth of your bond or how much of an impact you have on each other. even if romance occurs, it is just a thing that sort of happens. you dont have to adhere to society's standards for couples if you have no interests. you dont have to always be or do everything together if you dont want to. you define your own relationship and make it your home — isnt that good enough?

[trashsketch]

tropes game

tagged by @hxhhasmysoul thank you!!! I saw this making the rounds on twitter and i'm excited to do it here too

How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

10 ->  very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

__________

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional… There are no points, you’re not marked on this, don’t worry :3

Add tropes that you think I missed XD

Tag others if you’re nosy like I am :D

Have fun!

__________

Trope List

age gap   -2/10 

ultimately to me it only depends on the ship dynamic itself? I enjoyed the ship in Canis: Dear Hatter, but it's not because of the age gap. I also will get kinda dissuaded if one of them isnt an adult but the other is when they first meet

codependency   9/10

oh boy me and my gf for real. we met through killugon and codependency really is killugon. It can be extremely cathartic to see it in fiction to me

enemies to lovers   8/10

it really depends on who handles it. i dont like how reylo does it, but man, This Is How You Lose the Time War is like a masterclass in how to do it. I rate it more favourably cause I think I enjoy the slight forbidden aspect to it? And I can immediately think of more stories that do this well (in the sense that, "enemies" are more like two rival factions and both sides are like equally grey, and your rival just so happens to be your equal, you hold no grudge besides what your faction has told you to believe)

enemies with benefits   10/10

now THIS has a nice flavour. I love it when it fulfills that meme "you wanna fuck me so bad you look stupid". Bonus points if the benefits begin when A is injured and goes to B's place for shelter (it was great watching this happening in zoolander)

fake dating/relationship   9/10

I've been won over by my friends, i love the awkwardness that comes with fake dating for meeting a mutual need that is essentially kinda stupid (like impressing grandma or to spite your ex)

found family   9/10

it's hxh in a nutshell

friends to lovers   10/10

GOD help me i love this a lot. it's my fave fic trope and it was literally my life experience

friends with benefits   10/10

my god. top tier. I love it so much it's good good mess

hurt/comfort   10/10

the comfort comforts better after the hurt has hurted real good :)

love triangle   5/10

I would love to see different ways of it being handled than anything from old and tired cishet dramas, so any queer spin on it kinda makes me go insane. Also bonus points if everyone can talk through it as sanely as they can while still feeling like their world is crumbling. It can be such good angst. Bonus bonus points if they can all agree on some level of poly

mistaken/hidden identity   10/10

very delicious in like, spy or superhero stories (and also what brought me on board with miraculous ladybug to begin with)

monster fu… relationship   10/10

I feel like most of us monster relationship enjoyers had an awakening after watching a Guillermo del Toro movie. For me it was the Shape of Water, and afterwards a wlw beauty and the beast drawing i did that really won me over. I have a monster AU thingy over on my danganronpa account that I love to bits.

obsession, possessiveness, etc   7/10

can be handled so well or SO BADLY. it helps when any act of possessiveness isn't too serious but is also laced with the real angst, the good shit, the flavour of insecurity. it helps even more if the couple knows how to communicate through this rather than lashing out at each other with passive aggressive arguments, which I hate to see :)

opposites (like grumpy×sunshine, etc)    10/10

LITERALLY KILLUGON. literally all of our preteen angel/devil OC obsession coming back as a popular trope. what's not to love about opposites being together and balancing each other out!

poly   10/10

So a poly ship took over my brain for a good 2 years. I'm in the middle of writing a fic about how three people get together, and even researching by picking up The Ethical Slut (which btw is a great read on how to have healthy relationships in general too, it has so much good advice)

pregnancy   -9/10

It's a personal choice, only because i'm scared of conceiving so i really prefer not to see it in fic. Giving it a -9 cause I do have exceptions in fic (being whether it was recommended to me or whether it's from authors whose work I enjoy)

second chance   5/10

Again it’s really down to the characters and how it’s handled. I enjoyed it in some fics I’ve read long ago, but I won’t go out of my way to find it

sex to feelings   10/10

the one thing i love about friends with benefits is exactly this. the potential for MESS

slowburn   9/10

It can be so so good. A kagehina fic once destroyed me with how slow the burn was but it was so neat to see it growing slowly but surely. I think it can only work if you and the author agree on the eventual endgame ship

soulmates   7/10

it can be a bit tired, but I still personally like reading it! I like any soulmates au with a good spin on it though, like a potential fear behind not liking your destined partner or liking someone else who isnt your soulmate

thanks for letting me ramble LMAO

i’m gonna tag @xyliane @thehuntyhunties @icefeather112 @murderkitten666 @loudpartythumpingmusic (no pressure though!)

[girderednerve]

ok i'm doing it, i'm fandomposting, my treasured mutuals may at this point look away, etc etc

stranger things

i actually think it would be fun if eddie strangerthings was trans. i like trans people and i want more trans people in stories so i'm not defending this viewpoint. i just think it would be extremely funny if steve had a whole figuring out he's bi over eddie thing, they get together & are happy together for a year or so, and then eddie comes out to steve as a woman, at which point steve gets to do an extremely funny "wait. wait. i'm straight again. i'm straight again? i'm so straight i knew you were a woman before you did? that's what happened?" i would just really like steve to be the kind of straight guy who actually, you know, likes women. not that he's never an idiot about it in this scenario which i have lovingly crafted in my brain, just that he actually really likes women and he's happy that he's dating a woman.

i did this with my partner, whom i started dating before i knew she was a woman: we then got to joke for a bit that when i thought i was a lesbian i was right! there was in fact no discontinuity! no thoughts on if that's actually true or like theoretically rigorous, but it's a fun & mildly affirming joke to make with your partner, and i think all of my life experiences should be explored through silly stories about made-up people from bad television shows or whatever. i never claimed to be deep. anyway

canonically, eddie spends all this time performing an extremely specific flavor of metal masculinity that is high-risk in context. people hate him and he leans into it when we see him. the fact that he's performing is a deflection to some degree; he gets to control what people are responding to, even if he can't control how they respond. transgressive gender performance is part of that, and it's compelling to me.

the scene where eddie's talking to chrissy, which i do think was meant to nod at the 80s movie freak+prom queen romance, is a moment of mutual recognition; they literally acknowledge each other's performances. chrissy's being crushed alive by the kind of gender performance she has to do. there's a cost to being a thin cheerleader, although i think we're all reasonably tired of hearing about how hard it is to be popular and conventionally beautiful. she's swamped by jason's letterman jacket & pigeonholed by his expectations of her, and she's frankly pigeonholed in the narrative: beautiful, self-loathing in a cliché way, condemned to die before the end of the first episode and then be invoked as a justification for a witch hunt. nothing but a martyred white woman, the most gendered kind. eddie & chrissy play off of each other in an interesting way, and i'd much rather they just be girlfriends, but what show did i watch? not that show.

honestly eddie & robin would be pretty cute too, but woe betide who first creates the ao3 tag, am i right? actually, while i'm dumping all my weird stranger things takes in here, i think steve and robin should fuck exactly one time because she's curious what it's like and he's willing to indulge her. they both go "huh. well, okay" about it and continue being friends. this does a couple things for me: one, it's funny. two, it suggests to us that men & women can have sexual relationships which are not gravitational, which i like. three, i'm annoyed by the fandom trend with those two being that they have an extremely intense, codependent friendship but the very idea that they have sex is outright offensive. two dudes giving each other a handjob which doesn't have to be sexuality-defining is like, a fandom trope! do we think that robin's identity is so fragile that she can't fuck around a little bit, in the interests of finding out?

[darklordazalin]

Azalin Reviews: Ivania and Vorno

Darklords: Ivania and Vorno Domain: Sunderheart Domain Formation: Unknown Power Level: 💀💀💀 ⚫⚫ (3/5 Skulls) Source: Dragon Magazine 368 article: “Domains of Dread: Sunderheart, The Funeral City”

The Domain of Sunderheart, not to be confused with Casimir Lukas’s moniker “Sundered Heart”, was formed by our tormentors after the events that lead to the end of Ivania Dreygu and Vorno Kahnebor’s love affair. Before they were claimed by the Mists, Ivania and Vorno lived within the Bael Turath Empire. As Bael Turath was falling from its former greatness, The Emperor and the noble families that served him sealed a pact with the Nine Hells to ensure the Empire thrived. To fulfill their bargain, they performed a month long ritual known as the Bloodfire Moon Ritual and in doing so the noble families found themselves transformed into Tieflings and forever marked by their dealings with the Nine Hells.

The noble families of Dreygu and Kahnebor were at odds with each other for as far back as any could remember. When Ivania and Vorno became lovers, the two noble houses found common ground in their attempts to separate the pair. The Dreygus referred to Ivania as a ‘troubled girl’ and the Kahnebor spent more than enough gold and time covering up Vorno’s less than savory pleasures, such as the consumption of human flesh. The families agreed that the havoc the pair could cause together would destroy both households.

The noble houses forcefully separated the couple, but this only encouraged them. Vorno escaped, slaughtering many of his own family and rescued Ivania from her own household. The two ran away together, seemingly content to spent out the rest of their days in poverty. This is the tale the bards tell, yet there is ample evidence that they were not content with such a lifestyle and brought about the deaths of all their living relatives without being provoked into doing so. The bards, with their natural inclination towards romance, would have us believe otherwise.

Ivania and Vorno became the last living descendants of the Noble houses of Dreygu and Kahnebor, respectively and after the convenient drowning of the City of Harrak Unarth’s major, the two petitioned to the Emperor to rule it. The Emperor granted their request and the two ran the city as if it were a never ending party of pleasure and debauchery that put Ivan Dillisnya’s gatherings to shame and made my brother Ranald look like a competent ruler.

Harrak Unarth became known as the City of Carnival and these endless festivals attracted exotic goods and riches from throughout the empire. This, in turn, drew the attention of the Emperor who wished to secure his rule over the land by forming an infernal pact and believed the pair were best suited to assist him. I am inclined to believe that this Emperor must have been rather weak to resort to such bargaining to maintain his hold over his people.

When the Emperor came to Ivania and Vorno, they readily agreed to summon of a fiend to secure his pact for they wished to form their own bargain. The Emperor made his bargain as Ivania and Vorno made their own with the chain devil, Nephigor. The couple traded their souls for eternal youth and to stay by the other’s side forever.  If my eyes were capable of such physics, I would be rolling them right now.

Codependent relationships rarely survive and it is no surprise that as the years passed, the star-crossed lovers grew apart. Vorno was prone to deep melancholic episodes and became increasingly paranoid for he knew that in time he would die and face eternal punishment in the Nine Hells. Which, of course, he would…seeing as he made that bargain himself.

Ivania, on the other hand, continued to enjoy her life of pointless pleasure parties. She grew tired of her spouse lurking in the shadows and refusing to join in her revelry. So, to rid herself of Vorno and damn him to the Nine Hells, she brought the most beautiful woman in all of Harrak Unarth to their home and lured her into a state of narcotic stupor, then left her for Vorno to find. Vorno, unable to resist his lust for human flesh, consumed the girl. Ivania had, of course, laced the woman with poisons, so upon consuming her, Vorno died.

At the moment Vorno saw in his lover’s eyes that not only did she plan his demise but ensured his eternal damnation, a maelstrom of shadow and ice descended upon the Harrak Unarth. People fled as the City of Carnival was transformed into the City of Curses. Once the storm lifted, no one remained. Not  even a single corpse marked the ground where thousands once dwelt. Any who fled found themselves and their families forever cursed and those who entered the abandoned city and stole from it, became cursed as well. In time, enough stories were told that all but the bravest or most foolish individuals avoided the once great city of Harrak Unarth.

As Harrak Unarth fell, Ivania was claimed by the Mists. She found herself in an unfamiliar palace and as she wondered aloud, “Where am I?” the voice that answered was Vorno’s.

“Sunder…heart,” he said and has yet to speak another word since. Ivania, frightened of her the voice of the lover she had slain, tried to find him…and eventually discovered, upon looking into a mirror, that his undead corpse was fused to her back. They had, after all, bargained their very souls to remain youthful and together forever. It’s best to be as specific as possible when making such deals…Trust me, I should know…

Sunderheart or the Funeral City is ruled by Ivania during the day and Vorno, who is only known as The Ghoul to all but a few individuals, rules during the night. Ivania does all she can to ignore the literal corpse growing out of her body by pretending he does not exist. Not only does she surround herself with beauty and continuous parties, but she has also outlawed mirrors that cannot be held in one’s hand and ordered all windows to be made of stained glass so she never has to look upon him again. Anyone who points out her obvious companion its met with her extreme displeasure and often star in her ‘entertainment’ for the day.

The living go about their daily business while Ivania rules, trying their best to avoid their mistress’s wraith. At night, they hide in their homes as the undead flood out of the sewers and waterways, taking over the city as the Ghoul rules. Only on the night of a New Moon does this change. On those nights, the living of Sunderheart flood the streets with light, hide beneath hideous masks, and honor the dead. Much like the Festival of the Dead in my own Domain…

The two former lovers mostly ignore the other’s existence, feigning sleep while the other is awake, yet the each experience everything the other does. This, of course, makes defeating them rather difficult as Ivania brings in her cunning and shadow magic whereas Vorno brings in his brute strength and undying hunger. There are tales of a lich that inhabits a tall tower in the Funeral City who could defeat this Darklord should he be so inclined, but, for the time being, he is simply entertained by watching Ivania suffer.

[miscellaneous-ruminations]

it feels so bad to talk to him. i feel so miserably ashamed of feeling bad talking to my own partner. the times we talk to each other and it goes well are diminishing in frequency, and i feel like he’s turning into another person before my eyes. i don’t know what to do with this person who dislikes me, dislikes spending time with me, or likes me but hates me? he treats me like a hated little sibling, always getting in his way. i’m not even treated like his friend. why does this happen to be how he does it. we need couples therapy. i need therapy. ive had the tome of my life without him. i dont know whats happening.

and yet he claims he needs me and clings to me whenever my negative reaction gets too obvious to ignore. he takes on this expecting to be punished attitude and im like am i even here to you? are you even experiencing my presence? it feels like he’s living in a monologue and is just talking with a version of me that he controls, and punishing me when i don’t adhere to it.

IVE FELT LIKE MYSELF WHILE HES BEEN GONE!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WHEN HE COMES BACK WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

and yet i love him and i miss him and i dont

i have been making excuses for him for three years. no if ands or buts. i have been making excuses to people whose opinions i care about more than his. i have lost my own good opinion.

why do i have to worry about the giant fight itll be when i get upset that all he can talk about is his fomo when i bring up my fun things.

i realized that i dont even really talk anymore. he dominates every conversation, and aside from literally just jokes and the occasional deep conversation that he treats like derailing his day, the expectation is that i will be there to be his everything and not have my own life. not have my own friends. not have my own interests. i cant go to anything without him. and he has the excuse of being my ride.

and oh, when hes at his best and functioning normally he can act rationally and be “generous” and “let” me go without him, but the second hes even a littleee insecure about ANYTHING and i can pry him off me wothout a fight where he paints me as a bigass overreactor while being the one who cant let the fucking thing go!!! what am i supposed to do!!!!!

we let outselves get really entangled really codependent at the beginning. i wont pretend it wasnt mutual. but in spite of that i feel like im the ONLY ONE TRYING TO GET US OUT OF THE DEATH SPIRAL

why am i the only one trying

why am i the only one trying

and he says im reading too much into this that im being unfair but you cant “its not that deep” your way out of this you bastard. because there is a point where it is that deep. where i leave the confines of this relationship and cant contribute to someone who wants to hear from me because im used to being the silent spaghetti wall. when im not contributing ideas because im worried about that GODDAMN CONDESCENDING “WELL YOU DONT GRASP THE SOCIAL ELEMENTS OF THIS” SMUG ASS FUCKING…… AOUGH

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE DATED ME IF I WAS NOT SOCIALLY ADEPT. I AM BEING HELD TO NEUROTYPICAL STANDARDS NOT ETHICAL AUTISTIC ONES AND I AM TIRED OF SUFFOCATING UNDER THE STANDARDS YOU HOLD YOURSELF TO BECAUSE THEYRE COMFORTABLE. THEYRE NOT FOR ME. IM NOT ENTERTAINING IT ANY LONGER

HE HAS GIVEN ME A SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. I CANT STEP AWAY FROM IT!!! I HAVE NO FRIENDS THAT I CAN BE MYSELF WITH WITHOUT HIM INTERFERING AND INSERTING HIMSELF. AND HE SAYS HES FINE WITH IT HE SAYS HE IS AND THEN ILL NEED TO DO NOTHING BUT BE IN THE ROOM WOTH HIM WHILE HE SEWS AND WASTE MY EVENING BEING A SEXY LAMP!!!!! AND IF IM ANGRY OR FEEL USED OR ANYTHING ELSE IT TURNS INTO A FIGHT WHERE IM IGNORED IN FAVOR OF TALKING ABOUT HOW SAD IT IS THAT HE HAS THIS INFURIATING DEFENSIVENESS AND HOW HARD IT IS FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH HES TRYING. BULL SHIT! NOT FUCKING BUYING IT!!!! ARE YOU CHANGING? ARE YOU TRYING??? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SOENDING ZERO TIME AND ZERO CONSISTENT EFFORT ON CONSISTENTLY NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME

AND ANOTHER THING!!! HIS OCD RULES THIS FUCKING HOUSE!!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO AVOID THE FACT THAT NO JOB I EVER DO IS ENOUGH HE WANTS TO BE MATRON WITH ME AS THE DELEGATE BUT I CANT FUCKING GET IN THERE BECAUSE WHAT HE ACTUALLY WANTS IS TO DO IT HIMSELF

I NEED HIM TO GET MEDICATED FOR HIS OCD AND PTSD IT IS FUCKING RUINING *MY* LIFE. AND I DONT THINK HE CARES. I DONT THINK HE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT HIS IMPACT ON ME TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I THINK ON SOME LEVEL HES LIKE WHERE WOULD HE GO.

and thats so fucking dangerous. he can justify fucking anything with that. and i will not be a part of it. im building my own fucking life back and if i encounter resistance i dont like the shape of he can start taking a fucking backseat. if he wants to be my friend he can start acting like my fucking friend again. but until that time hes my mentally ill shithead boyfriend. who i love. god help me i love him. g-d, help me if i need to learn to leave him.

[djretard]

and then after a couple years I "broke up" with mackenzie (in a friend way... we never dated) and I lost all of those friends and so I went to haylee bc I felt like I should apologize to her. and she forgave me and we started being friends again. that year or so was one of the best times of my life, haylee didn't treat me like a little kid but she didn't sexualize me either, we had a lot of teenage fun that eventually grew into delinquency. we met hannah, and I reconnected with sean. this was when I was around 14. so haylee + hannah were 17ish (give or take) and sean was 16. I had known sean when I was friends with mackenzie, and we actually got pretty close, he liked making people laugh and I thought he was hilarious. it used to make mackenzie so mad, she would leave the room and give me the silent treatment until I stopped talking to him. I reconnected with sean and told him everything, and I didn't think he would believe me but he did. he said mine and mackenzie's relationship was inappropriate and he was getting tired of her anyways, and we started hanging out.

that friend group was the most codependent toxic yet life altering amazing thing. we had so much fucking delinquent fun. the four of us was all we needed for a party, and luckily for those three my parents didn't care if we drank or smoke or whatever, the only rule was none of could have sex in their house. (was already doing that at this point... lost my virginity at 11 LOL). we were vocally all in love with each other, but it was never sexual (apart from haylee and I... we started dating/doing things around that time, when I was 14.) but I was always closest with sean between him and hannah. he told me things about himself and would tell me I was the only one who could understand him. I now clearly see he was grooming me, but at the time I just felt so special. I know I was in a relationship, but I will admit I had a crush on him. his attention was so special because his "thing" was to be mean to people as a joke, or indifferent bc he's so "cool." he was also so nice and gentle with me and he engaged with my interests and even let me hold his hand. at some point between there and the end he waited until I was drunk and either touched me or thought about it, he wouldn't tell me which one. I feel that's telling.

that is what ended the friendship, him admitting that. on top of, um, admitting he was a pedophile. he said he never knew until he met me, and that as we got closer he started seeking out c*p. he also started bringing me around mackenzie again, which scared the shit out of me but I went with him bc he said he wouldn't let her talk to me even if she wanted to. haylee was extremely upset at both hannah and sean. haylee wanted to go over to sean's house and like, hurt him, but I begged her not to and she listened. this was when I was around 17, when this all came out. hannah sided with him, but not before telling me at that same party that she always wanted to fuck me, we made out. haylee felt like it was largely her fault bc the night sean apparently did that we were all in the room together, and she felt guilty that she didn't know. I know it's not her fault, I don't think she has ever fully come to terms with it bc it's hard for her to talk about. she started drinking a lot more after that revelation.

there's the tea on my friends. I don't talk to any of them anymore, all my friends are online or haylee, which doesn't count bc we're dating. and it's a little codependent. I like it when she takes care of me and she likes to take care of me. she also likes to fuck me. people often do

[thissithhappens]

how the fuck am i supposed to NOT tell you that i love you when you make a point out of remembering my weirdly specific preference on car radio volume that i only told you about once, weeks ago?? don’t get me wrong, you haven’t really had to tell me your favorite things more than once. plus i write them down either way. but FUCK. to be that known, that INTENTIONALLY known and committed to memory???? over something so small???? BRUH. bro. homie. my guy. i told my last ex some of the most traumatic shit that happened in my adult life and he either completely forgot about it or made it worse. you…. you….. GOD you’re such a child about some things but the way you take me in…. the way you smile… the smallest things entertaining you…. you are a simple man but you’re no dummy. you do pull on my heartstrings in ways most people haven’t. i can get mad at whatever communication issue we have, but how can i not come home to someone that says “I figured you’d want a home-cooked meal since you live alone.” is it bullshit, manipulation? i’m pretty sure i’ve learned my lesson on intuition at this point, plus some of the communication we actually have had. it’s funny because I know I’m different from the other girls you’ve been with. And you championed yourself to me as different from the other dudes. Well, at least in terms of the ones that i fuck with, you’re not wrong. Not in the slightest, and that’s one of the reasons I do fuck with you so much. You satisfy a certain need that nobody before you has fully been able to access. My horoscope said that I’m “not difficult, I just need someone to reach out to the hidden part of me and take its hand.” You said you didn’t like pictures because your mom always forced you to take them. I told you I understood, and told you the story of the forced tears. I don’t tell that story often, but I was almost desperate to tell you. It’s not that I need any more details…. and maybe my situation didn’t totally compare to yours…. but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. WE are not alone, if we have each other. I’ll take on the whole world with you— when we’re comfortably silent, I have room to sort through some things in my head. You do give me a sense of stability and reassurance that just changes everything. I ask you to do something differently, more or less, and you do it. Especially when you know I’ve logically backed you into a corner; you’re good at it too, but I’m just a touch ahead on that one. You’ll never know my mother— you had to be capable of assuring yourself that your perceived reality was the real one. It’s funny how gaslighters usually don’t have a realistic perception of their life and what’s around them. i know ive made a big fuss about men before you that do or say things nobody else has, but I’d like to at least think some of them with you are more than just the bare minimum. Sometimes when I think of us I just imagine us doing a circular dance around a mirror, taking turns fading in and out of the glass. I so badly want to tell you everything, all the time, then when you ask i fucking choke. I just don’t want you to get tired of me. I don’t want to fall back into codependency. I want to open up while still maintaining appropriate and proportional boundaries. You’ve mentioned a couple of things about forever even in the midst of my anxious reactions. That’s what fucks me up— outside of close close close family and friends, who does that for me??? We could be a family. I want to return all the grace you give me, I want to tell you about it. I saw the way you blushed even when I mentioned that we’d been together for a month now. Even though it causes conflict, I do kind of appreciate how most of our arguments are just about when and how we spend time together. Shit, we’ve been arguing since the first month of knowing each other. It was kinda weird to go to an ER vet trip with someone you didn’t know that well yet. We argued about proper care and steps forward; later on, I was told by an outside source that you chose the safest route solely because of my opinion.

[bippot]

Clingy

Story Summary -> The Vigilante mobile breaks down and Adrian needs a hand, transport-wise and socially it seems. Once his coworker gives him a hand, it sets him off and there is no going back to the platonic relationship they had before.

A relationship that needs to have clear boundaries because Adrian is known to get far too excited to interact with her at any chance he gets.

Tags -> Co-workers, Brief Homophobia, Codependency, Fluff, Drunkenness, Developing Relationship, Showering Together, Male simp

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One job tends to be enough for one person. Yet, some people have to do more than that. Single mothers. College students. Crime fighters. And Adrian Chase fits into that last category.

Fennel Fields could've merely been a cover. The life insurance payments of his parents and brother were more than enough to live on for a regular person, yet Adrian liked guns. And guns can be expensive. Not to mention, his prescription visor had to be custom built and, even then, he added a few dollars extra for their secrecy. His secret identity being revealled by the guy who makes his fucking fancy glasses was the lamest unmasking he could think of. That would suck so hard.

And then the 11th Street Kids became his third job - sort of. It was like his night time patrol but in the day. It wasn't quite another job, just it amplified his favourite one. It was like 2.5 jobs. Which was cool. Tiring as shit, but dope as hell.

Another super awesome thing about A.R.G.U.S. was that he got to work with his best buddies. His coworkers at Fennel tended to not understand his humour or they thought he was weird or crazy, and just generally were not nice to him. There was no Chris. No Eagly. And definitely no Y/N. He'd fucking know if there was a babe as hot as Y/N at godamned Fennel Fields.

Y/N was a total badass when it came down to it. She was confident and smart and she knew how to take charge of situations and make a plan B before plan A had yet to fail. Plus she wasn't a closed off asshole like Harcourt, Adrian thought. She made jokes, she laughed, and she was always willing to give him a helping hand whether it was on the battlefield or off.

Kindness seemed to be rare these days.

So, there was no doubt what her response was when the Vigilante mobile broke down and he needed a ride. Nowhere in his mind did he think to ask Chris because why, why would he? Y/N would say yes with no hesitation. Chris would bitch and whine, then ultimately forget to give him the ride.

"Get in, sweetheart," she called out through her window as soon as she saw him walking towards her car. Her voice was warm, kind and friendly as ever. As always. Adrian grinned widely as he climbed into the passenger seat and threw down his backpack, causing some of it to spill out into the footwell. "Nice outfit."

Looking down at his stupid busboy uniform, he let out a quick and defensive, "I have nicer clothes than this. You know I do." It was stupid. The words came out a mile a minute. Like he was an over excited puppy that was trying to impress a new friend. "Got a bunch of nice clothes, you see. In my room. That I wear. Sometimes."

He got like this on occasion. If they hadn't seen each other in a couple of days, he would be talking nonstop in such a cute, ramble-ish manner that she couldn't help being totally entertained by it. Often, she'd see people completely shut him down whenever he started talking so she let him say whatever he wanted to. He was a funny guy. Just... a little bit overexcitable sometimes. She wasn't bothered by it, though.

"Yeah, your Vigilante get up is so nice and cool."

"You think?" He chirped happily as he tried to stuff everything that had fallen out of his bag back in whilst his focus was entirely on her. This conversation was going much better than planned, if Adrian was honest with himself.

Sure, he looked kinda dumb in that hat that Fennel forced him to wear, but that didn't matter. Especially when she reached across the gearstick and straightened the hat on his head to adjust it properly. Y/N's hands lingered there for a moment longer than they should've. She was brushing the curls against his forehead, which he found very comforting. He felt all tingly inside.

But then her fingers retracted and she pulled away, leaving Adrian feeling like he'd been kicked in the stomach. He'd hoped she'd stayed or maybe gone further. Who knows, one day he might get super lucky and she will take his face into her hands. Maybe give him a little smooch, maybe more. Hopefully more than a little smooch.

God, he hoped so much. So much that it felt almost painful sometimes. His heart fluttered every time he thought of her - and, oh boy, he thought of her quite a lot.

"Yeah, the visor is genius really. Putting your prescription in the mask so you don't have to wear your glasses underneath, that's creative problem solving, dude," she cheered as she started the car and pulled away from his drive.

"Never been called a genius before," Adrian muttered, mostly to himself. He liked hearing compliments from Y/N. They felt special. She always said the absolute nicest things about him, and he cherished them deeply, well, mostly because he rarely got them. He was used to people being mean or condescending to him since that was expected, after all.

And his mother always tried to get him to pay back a compliment when he was given one. It was a lesson that rarely came up, but he was immediately prepared with aspects of her that he liked. There was a litany of things about her that he liked - her intelligence, her bravery, her honesty, her kindness, her humour, her fucking face, not to mention her rocking bod! - and, if anything, he had a hard time picking between them.

"Your boobs look nice today."

Shit. Oh. Fuck. Not that one. Should not have said that.

A blush began to rise onto his cheeks as he stared forward in embarrassment. Yet, he heard Y/N snort in response. "Oh. Thank you!" She giggled without an ounce of disgust or malice, just pure amusement.

"That was awful, I'm sorry." Adrian groaned and let his face fall into his hands, but soon gestured in the general direction of her cleavage. "Your top is low cut and I'm a man. A warm blooded man. My brain was not ready for that."

Again, she laughed, her voice filling the car with revelry and joy as the wind blew her hair around. Adrian's body relaxed slightly and a small smile came upon his lips as he allowed himself to glance up at her profile and watch as she drove.

"Hey, a cute guy looking at my boobs is a okay with me," she said playfully. And he couldn't tell if it was a joke or sarcasm or something, but she definitely didn't mean it that way. She couldn't. That was impossible. She had to be joking.

Right?

She had the sense to change the subject as he seemed to quieten down, so she assumed he was uncomfortable in some way. Or maybe he was just embarrassed about his compliment.

"What time do I need to pick you up later?"

"Nine," he replied quietly. Then, he cleared his throat and continued, "I could always walk if you want an early night or don't want to drive or something like that."

"Nonsense." Y/N waved it off and gave him a grin that told him that whatever self deprecating things he was thinking, he should throw out the window for good measure.

Before they knew it, they were in the Fennel Fields car park. The conversation had been a smidge stilted as he was attempting to think before he spoke, which was a seriously underdeveloped skill of his. He didn't want to fuck up royally and make her hate him. That would suck. That would really suck.

Here she is, the perfect girl who, for reasons that he had no clue about, was nice and sweet to him - yeah, he didn't want to fuck that up. He didn't want it to all come crashing down because of a few stupid thoughtless comments.

"See you later...Bye Y/N!"

Then he was out of the car as fast as he could without tripping over his own feet. He hadn't gotten a chance to scope out his surroundings and, therefore, failed to notice that both Fred and Colin were on their break. These guys were assholes, he knew that for sure as his high school years had been made hell by those two douchebags.

"Woah, look at him go," Fred scoffed as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned lazily back against the wall. "Fastest gay in the galaxy!"

Adrian stopped in place.

"Guys, how many times have I told you that using the word gay as an insult isn't, like, cool or good. It's offensive to gay people."

Colin had to take the opportunity to tease, "Shit, I think we offended him. Sorry, homo."

"Yeah, sorry bum boy."

Honeslty, these guys had been saying shit like this since high school and it was, not only incredibly childish and homophobic, but so fucking boring. They could've at least kept their insults interesting. Once a teenage girl on the street yelled at him "Bitch, you look like you work at the sperm bank and get paid in exposure," and he thought about it for days on end. It was totally out of pocket, unprompted and, shit, he made sure never to wear that one cardigan ever again.

In fact, he burned it.

"Wish I never told you guys that I'm bi," Adrian sighed tiredly as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

From where she was sitting, Y/N could just about hear the conversation and felt awful for him. When he spilled his bag, he'd missed an item. Perfect.

Calling out as she stepped from the car, "Hey sweetheart, you left your..." What the fuck was this in her hand? It was a weird shaped dice. It was more circular than the die she was used to. "This thing!"

A woman, and a pretty one at that, was actually interacting with him in front of his coworkers. That was great. So awesome because then he could claim that Y/N was his girlfriend and all the weird comments would stop. How could he be even a smidgeon bit gay if he had a girlfriend? In their shallow little minds, it was impossible. That was his mission.

"Thanks, b-babe." Adrian sounded so unconvincing as he said it that she rolled her eyes fondly and walked towards him with an amused grin on her lips. "I'll uhmm....Put it away."

As soon as she was beside him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he thought he was imagining shit, but then he saw her lips coming in closer and closer and, holy crap, was she actually going to kiss him? Yes, yes she was.

He didn't care if it was a dream because he could feel her soft mouth pressing against his and he kissed her back without hesitation. It felt real, and he could feel her smiling through the kiss. She felt real too, the smooth skin against his hands as he cradled her cheeks seemed to be real too. But, most importantly, she tasted real.

And, boy, did she taste so good. He wanted more, so much more than as she went to pull away, he chased her lips to prolong it as long as he could. They eventually parted as he rested his forehead against hers and breathed heavily.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Never fucking better."

Detaching herself from his grip - before he wanted her to if he was being honest - she pretended to notice the other men with a faux apologetic, "Oh sorry, couldn't help myself - he's too cute to resist," then turned back to Adrian, "See you tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah...of course. S-see you."

His little dumbfounded heart was racing as he watched her head back into the car, knowing that he was probably blushing a deep red. And that it wasn't only because he just kissed a girl he admired - a girl whose beauty was far superior to any other human's - but also because she'd (whether directly or indirectly, he had no idea) helped him out. It felt nice, actually. Weird and a tad embarrassing, but still nice. Real nice.

"You and her?!?" Both Fred and Colin exclaimed simultaneously as soon as Y/N disappeared into her car.

The so so smug feelings inside Adrian were written all over his face as he attempted to shrug nonchalantly and head inside without replying. He was practically bouncing with each step as he entered the restaurant and tried to act as though nothing happened, that it was a regular occurrence.

Even his boss made a passing remark about how chipper Adrian seemed. The usual work philosophy for just about every member of the Fennel Fields staff was to provide only as much as they needed to. A smile on the way in and if they were taking an order, yet Adrian had a Cheshire grin for the entirety of his shift, which actually was rather distressing to some customers.

Of course they had to be polite but not necessarily kind and he found himself going out of his way to please everyone around him. The second he noticed a customer's water getting empty, he was there in a flash to refill it whether they wanted him to or not, usual information about when the kitchen was thoroughly cleaned last (way too long ago) was given without being prompted, just as which meals he'd recommend (the cheapest) was too. And he was humming a little song to himself the entire time.

After all, he was in love. A love that had been there for a while just lurking under the surface and had finally broken through the barrier to become even more glaringly obvious. It was annoying to everyone else, but at least Y/N kissed him so he didn't really care. And, he desperately needed to experience it again.

Once nine arrived, he was absolutely buzzing to leave and, as she said she would, Y/N was parked outside. She'd gotten out to throw some of her rubbish in the trash can and was suddenly attacked from behind.

In an instant, her years of training kicked in and she brought her elbow back to wind whoever had grabbed her in the stomach. Then, to grapple them instead, she turned and managed to catch their arm to twist it against their back, retaining them tightly enough to keep them from running.

Not that he was going to run. No way. Adrian was way too turned on to even try.

"Hi Y/N," he beamed.

"Oh Ade! I'm so sorry - you surprised me there." She let go of the hold and helped him stand upright again. "You good?"

So good. Literally the best he'd ever felt, which was why he confidently grabbed onto her hips and tugged her towards him, their lips meeting in an abrupt and needy way that would've had her stumbling backwards if his grip wasn't so strong.

How surprised she currently was feeling was completely overshadowed by how unbelievably wonderful his kiss felt. His lips, they were so soft and warm, and they fit together perfectly. The way he kissed her was so natural and as if he had been preparing for this moment for ages. It was intoxicating.

His tongue traced across her bottom lip, prompting her to open her mouth and welcome him, which she was more than happy to do. He felt her hand travel up to his cheek, her thumb gently stroking his skin as they pulled apart for air, her breathing heavy and quick, her face flushed.

"Hi," she whispered coyly, her voice softer and sweeter than he'd ever heard before.

"Hey."

"What was that?"

"Dunno...just, uh, just felt like it," he shrugged nonchalantly, still holding her waist in his grasp in a clumsy yet possessive grapple. A giggle escaped her throat as he turned his head to press his lips to her palm and nuzzle it affectionately. "Can we hang out tonight? Like, just us?"

Waiting for her response, his gaze met hers once more, his green eyes staring down at her in adoration as she tried to piece things together. If possible, his face grew even more adorably charming as she stared back at him. Her expression softened.

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you want to do, Ade." Her voice, although still husky and full of confusion, held such a gentle, caring tone that he melted at the sound.

With another kiss to her palm, he released her and they headed to the car and drove off together. The entire time she was sneaking glances at him, because was this an alien? He seemed excited, yes, but Adrian hardly ever liked being touched by anyone and, here he was, reaching for her hand every time she took it off the gear stick.

It was a nice change, sure. But a weird one. She assumed it had something to do with their kiss before work. And she knew for a fact that he was touch starved. It had to be a mix of the two. Why else would he have acted so differently? It had to. It was weird, definitely, but a good weird.

Still, she felt the need to check, "Are you doing okay? You haven't taken any drugs or been concussed or replaced by a clone?"

"Uh, none of the above. I'm seriously a-okay," he replied, chuckling at how preposterous she sounded. He was dead against drugs so that's a no go. At no point had he signed up for a shady scientific experiment so the chance that there were other Adrian Chase's running about was slim.

Plus, his shift had been rather uninteresting, unless she counted the fact that "I scraped my finger a little and it hurts a bit, but other than that, I'm fucking peachy."

Despite the fact he claimed he was fine, Y/N did a series of medical tests as soon as she got him through the door of his apartment. "Look straight into my eyes please," she ordered and he obliged immediately.

Then he did try to lean forward and kiss her again. Yet, she put her hand on his chest to prevent him from doing so. She took his chin in her hand and tilted him from side to side to inspect every part of his face.

"You have really nice eyes, Y/N. Really pretty," Adrian complimented, his hand resting on the small of her back, gently rubbing up and down as she worked, and his legs swinging either side of her hips as he sat on the kitchen counter.

She nodded absentmindedly, her eyes still glued on his face. His pupils were dilated, yet still seemed to react appropriately when she shone a torch at his eyes. There were bags underneath them, which meant that he hadn't slept very well recently but he rarely got a good amount of sleep so that wasn't out of the ordinary.

"No drugs?"

"NoPe."

"Are you on any new medication?"

"No."

"And you haven't sustained any head injuries in the past two days?"

"None whatsoever, no."

"Got a headache?"

So many questions. So many damn questions. They all had the same answer. And, frankly, he was getting a bit bored of answering so he gave her the best puppy dog eyes he could manage.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop with the torch," she relented, giving him a pat on the cheek. "But, answer me one more question. What's with all the touching? I don't mind, but it's different to how you usually are and I, I don't know, is this a good thing or...?"

Adrian didn't reply right away. His hands slowly fell back down to his sides as he looked down at his shoes awkwardly, his fingers fidgeting with his sleeves. The look on his face didn't match what was happening inside of him right now. One second he was looking into her eyes lovingly and the next second he couldn't help but feel annoyed with himself.

"I like it... And earlier, I- When you... I had to feel it again. I had to feel you again. Maybe I got a bit excited." His voice was almost timid and quiet as he lifted his head.

For the first time in her life, she saw as he seemed to be slightly vulnerable and unsure of his own words. He didn't dare make eye contact with her, but she could tell he wanted to so badly as he added, "Do you, uh, did you like it?"

Tilting his chin up, Y/N smiled gently and brushed some hair behind his ear as she replied, "I'm a big fan of that kiss outside your work and -"

Cheekily, he said, "Which one?" and immediately cheered himself up as soon as he heard her laugh at his remark. However, he couldn't revel in the sound for long as his train of thought was stopped by the obvious sounds of his front door opening.

Without thinking, Adrian jumped down and grabbed a knife from the rack to be armed if the intruder became violent. Which was unlikely because the intruder was in fact Chris. A very drunk, topless Christopher Smith threw the spare key that Adrian gave him at his friend's head with a loud, "Beer! Fucking love beer! Give me some more!... Holy shit, Y/N? Is that you?!"

"Sure is, doofus."

"But this is Adrian's house?"

Sheathing his weapon now that he knew it was only Peacemaker, Adrian made his way over to Chris and placed his hand in front of him with three digits up. "How many fingers, dude?"

Chris gave him a high five.

"Good job, man."

Whatever newfound romantic tone the two had built was quickly placed on the back burner for a moment so they could deal with Chris. Judging by how Adrian dealt with his friend, the pair had clearly gone through this before.

Turning to Y/N, who was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and an amused grin covering the whole of her face, Chris sluggishly asked her, "Why are you here? Did he finally do something?" Then turning to Adrian, he grinned and mumbled, "...Did you, you know, all that mushy shit that I told you not to do?"

"Let's get you to bed."

"Yo, you're not trying to fuck me, are you?"

"No dude."

"Good, cause I like my men less fucking dweeby."

Peacemaker was promptly guided towards the only bedroom and left to pass out on Adrian's bed before he could say anything else. There was a little resistance and that would turn into a deep purple bruise on his buddy's ribs by the morning, but all things considered, it had been one of the easier drunken nights.

After tucking Chris in and pulling the blanket over him, Adrian returned to Y/N and leaned back against the wall opposite where she was propped against the counter.

"That went better than expected," he remarked playfully while crossing his arms across his chest and watching as her eyes glittered with amusement, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"If it makes you feel any better, I like my men dweeby. So fucking dweeby."

He pushed off the wall to saunter towards her and cage her body between him and the counter, claiming, "I'm the king of dweebs so you must be really into me," as he looked down at her.

"Well..." She bit her bottom lip, pretending to think about it. "Guess I must be."

His smile widened, a wide, toothy grin that lit up his features and made him look incredibly goofy and cute. It brought out that same sparkle in her eyes and made her heart skip a beat just looking at him, which only got worse when he gently nudged his nose against hers.

They'd been friends for a while now and while she had been flirting with him since they met, she never expected him to be so tactile with her. So open. So honest. It took her completely by surprise. He never showed his feelings openly, mostly because he had the tendency to believe that he didn't have any.

Clearly, he did.

It was like a dam breaking apart. And just like a wall of water coming straight for your face, she got overwhelmed by the sheer volume of his affection.

If she was in the same room as him, he'd be attached to her hip. He had to be touching her in some way. If they were apart, he'd be texting her as frequently as he could possibly manage to do so. And if she'd been busy and missed a few texts, her phone would be bombarded with calls.

Adrian Chase was one needy bastard. His behaviour had shifted so dramatically towards her. It was as if a switch had been flipped in his mind, all those years of loneliness suddenly being thrown out the window as he began clinging desperately onto her whenever and wherever possible.

In most ways, it was sweet. Knowing that he liked being around her was wonderful. She felt loved. Needed. Cared for. Protected. But there was a downside. It was constant. Constant neediness. Constant longing for closeness. Constant wanting. Constant desire for every single bit of her attention.

Every word she'd say. Every movement she'd make. Every action she'd take. Everything she did. Everything she thought. Everything she felt. All of it had a spectator watching it unfold.

"Ade, can I-"

Before she was able to finish her sentence, she was interrupted by a pair of lips crashing against hers. She sighed softly as his hand moved to cup her cheek, thumb caressing along her jawline. He kissed her slowly and gently, making sure that she knew he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Once he released her and took a second to get her fuzzy mind back on track, Y/N broke free from his hold and reached forward to push at his chest so he would let her pass into the bathroom.

"Don't follow me in here," she warned sternly. "Just hang out, out there. Go pick a movie or some shit."

As much as he tried to protest, she wouldn't hear of it and practically pushed him out into the hall. She locked the door behind her and let out a deep breath as she rested her back against the wood. The whole situation made her dizzy. She loved hanging out with him, it was great - so much fun - but not every second of their time together had to be like this.

Their relationship definitely wouldn't last long if it continued in this manner. She would reach a boiling point eventually and she didn't even want to imagine what would happen after that.

So, some boundaries had to be placed.

Y/N sat on the toilet and worked it all out in her head. In order to prevent future problems, she needed to break this routine. She needed to lessen this clingy behaviour that was slowly eating away at her, and it wasn't sustainable for him either. There would be a point where he'd get bored of being emotionally dependent on her and then there'd be no going back.

There was a brief moment where she was doubting herself then her phone vibrated and she didn't even need to look at it to know who had texted her.

"Hey baby, can we talk?" she asked as she walked into the living room to find him patiently waiting for her.

"Yeah, you know I love the sound of your voice."

Walking over to sit next to him on the sofa, she turned her body so that she was facing him and reached her hand out to run through his curls. "Be warned, I'm serious about everything I'm about to tell you."

A nervous smirk appeared on his face and he fiddled nervously with a stray thread on his sweater, avoiding her eyes.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" he whispered, causing her eyes to widen considerably.

"No! No, no, no! Of course not!" she reassured, shaking her head vigorously, "Oh God no, nothing like that. This isn't..." She paused and waited for him to look up at her. When he did, she continued. "I really like you, Adrian, but -"

"I really like you too!"

The words caught her off guard, but she smiled nonetheless. He had a tendency to interrupt her, but she knew it was because he was so excited to tell her something and couldn't stop himself from blurting it out.

"I know you do, baby." He stared up at her intently and gave her a big smile and a nod, which prompted her to carry on. She inhaled sharply, feeling slightly apprehensive at how he reacted to her confession, "What I mean to say is that...I like being around you, but I do need some time to myself sometimes too. We don't have to always spend all of our time together."

"Do you mean like...alone time?" he questioned, cocking his eyebrow upwards. "Like, alone time without me?"

"Yes."

Her answer seemed to have given him more pause than what she'd intended since he frowned and tilted his head, something clearly swimming around in that head of his. He remained silent, his gaze wandering off somewhere behind her.

After what felt like forever, he softly said, "Okay."

She blinked, completely surprised by his nonchalant reaction. She'd half expected him to whine a lot more, to complain and pout about it. But he hadn't. Not once did he utter a word about it or try to convince her otherwise.

"Do you understand why?" she pressed, reaching a hand out to squeeze the palm of his hand reassuringly.

Another pregnant silence filled the room until he finally replied, "Not exactly."

He looked up at her again, and the way he was staring at her was almost like he wanted to memorise her face, trying to imprint it in his brain for the sake of any memory loss later when she would abruptly not be right next to him.

"You know how you don't like it when Economos taps his pen against the table? It's fine at first but then he carries on and on until it becomes a little overwhelming, then you have to go into the other room for a break?"

"Yeah, John pisses me off all the time." He paused and came to a realisation. "I piss you off?!? Oh my God, baby, I'm sorry. Are you mad? I won't ever do that again, I promise," he babbled and quickly started to panic, "You are, right? You're angry with me. You hate me! Oh my God. Y/N, please forgive me. Please, I don't mean to. I'm sorry, please don't leave me. I'll do anything, I swear I will."

Then he looked at her with such genuine fear, and it hit her hard. This man was absolutely terrified of losing her, so afraid that he'd lose one of best friends and she would disappear from his life, leaving him all alone in the world. He was a mess. A broken shell. He'd spent a lot of his life alone, and he had been utterly miserable for most of it.

Coming to think of it, these past few months, he'd been happier than she'd ever seen him before. More comfortable with himself. He genuinely smiled more often. He wasn't as purposely reckless. Chris didn't seem to affect him as much. And most astonishingly, he slept better.

"Hey, hey, shush, it's okay," she cooed as she lifted his chin up with her finger. "Look at me. Look at me, I promise I'm not going anywhere, okay? Don't worry. I'm not mad at you. It's not that at all. I just wanted some space, some temporary space, that's all. Periodic breaks of alone time."

"Just temporary?" he asked hopefully, eyes wide as saucers. "Promise?"

"I promise."

Relief washed over his features, the worry and anxiety melting away like snowflakes under the sun. His shoulders sagged and he slumped forward until he was resting his head against her lap. He sighed contentedly, "Thank fuck."

She chuckled and scratched gently at his scalp, feeling like she'd lost a huge weight off her chest. Now that they were somewhat on the same page, she could relax. They would still have many things to work through. Many things to figure out, but she knew for certain that they were on the right path to moving forward.

They took the time to have a big long conversation about everything. In the end, it went pretty well and Y/N knew, she knew that they'd be fine. Yet, they had to test it out before they got too far ahead of themselves.

"What are the rules?"

"No texting or calling for two hours unless there's an emergency."

"And?"

"Keep my hands off your butt when I see you at work."

"And number 3?"

"Ask before I try to initiate any PDA."

Y/N was so glad he had taken her boundaries seriously and wasn't letting it slide. It was sweet of him and honestly, she was touched by his effort to respect her wishes. He was trying, and he was trying so hard. For that, she was grateful beyond measure.

"Can I give you a goodbye kiss?" he asked tentatively, his voice soft and low.

"Baby, you don't have to ask when we're at home. PDA, as in, public displays of affection."

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she pulled him closer into her embrace, pressing a gentle kiss onto his cheek. Then the other cheek. Then finally to his lips for good measure.

"It was very kind of you to ask though."

When she pulled away, he was smiling like crazy at her, the smile he never allowed anyone to see and the sight caused her heart to melt like butter. That smile belonged solely to her and her alone. It had become so addictive and she would be lying if she didn't admit that everytime they made a connection, she would feel giddy inside.

And as she went to lean back in to give him another smooch, he gently pushed her face away with a smug, "I thought you had to go?"

"I do."

"So go."

Smiling up at him, she grabbed the front of his tshirt, dragging him down towards her and connecting their lips in a chaste yet heated kiss before leaving his apartment.

Two hours of freedom and how did she spend the majority of it? Sitting by herself in a cafe and wondering if he was okay, that's how. She had intended to read a book, but would get distracted and couldn't make it past the first four paragraphs. She kept checking her phone. Maybe it was muscle memory. Maybe it was that nagging part of her brain that said 'he hasn't texted in five minutes, he could be dead.'

Realistically, she knew he was fine. Vigilante is not the easiest of targets. She knew that. So logically, he'd probably be perfectly okay. And he was. As soon as they made it to HQ, she could see that not only was he physically fine - in every way - but he seemed emotionally fine too.

"For the first time ever, your boyfriend beat you here," Adebayo quipped as Y/N walked through the door, half drunk smoothie in her hand. Leota gestured to Adrian who was looking over Economos's shoulder at some new weapon that John had come up with - the Eagly-copter, which was a drone sort of thing that resembled a very familiar eagle and was equipped with cameras and an uzi.

Modern technology, ay?

He saw her out of the corner of his eye and shot her an amused grin and a wink, raising his eyebrows suggestively before returning his attention back to the fake bird and John's big lecture about how neither of the superheroes could play with it in any way.

The moment it was over, however, Adrian beelined towards his girlfriend. "Did you miss me?" he mused as he leant against her desk, picked up her drink and took a sip. She was going to offer it to him anyway.

"I did," she confirmed with a laugh. "Kiss please?"

Adrian hummed, leaning in to give her a quick kiss that was far less gross than their colleagues were used to seeing them share. Even Harcourt commented, "I'm grossed out, just not as much as normal."

"How are you? Did you find it okay?" Y/N questioned, watching as he slowly drank the rest of her smoothie. Adrian shrugged, looking thoughtful as he stared deep into the liquid and swirled the straw around in circles.

"I think so," he eventually answered after giving himself time to mull things over in his mind. "I did freak out for a bit then, yeah, played some Stardew Valley and that distracted me... I understand now. Sorry for being so clingy before."

"You're forgiven, babe," Y/N assured him with a small nod.

"One more kiss before we get on with our work?"

Y/N rolled her eyes good naturedly, placing a firm kiss on his mouth and making sure to linger there, savouring the taste of his lips and the slight roughness of his stubble before pulling away.

"Those documents aren't going to read themselves. Get on with it, baby!" he jeered as he moved to his seat to do whatever Harcourt had planned for him.

Over time, their alone time could get longer and longer. It came to the point where they could go an entire day without seeing each other. Obviously, there was a splattering of texts during that day that were mostly memes or good morning/night messages or whenever he got bored on his shift and needed some lighthearted entertainment.

Then came her mission. Waller had hand picked five of her agents and, alas, Y/, was one of them. It was the biggest quest of them all for the couple. Two full months apart. Adrian in Evergreen. Y/N on an undercover mission in Egypt to scout out the exact location where Doctor Moon was doing his gruesome experiments.

"I will check in as often as I can but, baby, I might have to go dark for a bit," she explained to him the evening before her departure while they were having dinner together, holding her fork above her plate with a worried look plastered across her face. "I'll try to call you everyday if it's safe. Promise."

He frowned deeply, reaching out for her hands and squeezing reassuringly. "I know you will," he told her softly. "That doesn't mean I won't miss you though. If something happens..." he trailed off, frowning even deeper, his expression becoming solemn and serious. He shook his head, not allowing him the chance to continue what he was saying.

Instead, he lifted her knuckles to his lips and brushed a soft kiss along the surface of her skin. "I can't lose you too," he said, almost inaudibly but the concern dripping from his words was unmistakable.

"And you," she chuckled sadly, "Please don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he promised with a playful grin. The smile quickly disappeared when she guided him to the couch and buried her face in his stomach, cuddling his legs close to her chest and wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"I love you," she murmured tiredly, already beginning to drift off to sleep. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Love you too," he replied, running a soothing hand gently through her hair. He wished that their first declarations of love hadn't been so bittersweet. He wished he had the power to say those three little words earlier in their relationship instead of bottling them up and just waiting for her to say it first.

Those two months seemed to drag and drag, especially during the later stages of her mission because it felt like everything was moving in slow motion and no matter what he tried, nothing he did worked. He couldn't concentrate on anything that he was supposed to be doing and it was stressing him out so much.

Adrian was working overtime, spending all his spare time training or out on patrol or doing god knows what with Chris to get his mind off Y/N for a few minutes, hoping that one of these days she would call him because, as she had warned, her team had to cut communications. It had been two weeks since she'd gone dark and he was getting really fucking worried.

To top it all off, the Vigilante mobile broke down again. Chris was supposed to be giving him lifts but he kept forgetting.

Sad, tired and lonely, Adrian finished his last late night shift of the week and locked up the back door with a huff.

"You know, you should probably buy a new car at this point. The Vigilante mobile has called it quits at least four times since we met."

No way. His head whipped up, face brightening as he lunged towards that voice he recognised so well. And when he found her, standing there perched on the hood of her car, grinning like an idiot and looking absolutely jaw dropping in a tight fitting black kevlar suit, all he could do was pull Y/N in close to his body and press his nose into her neck, inhaling her scent with the most contented sigh he could possibly muster.

Judging by the fact that she still smelt of blood and mud and sweat, he assumed she rushed straight here after completing her job. They stood like that for several moments as he wrapped her tighter into his chest, relishing in her presence.

"Wow, I forgot how pretty you are in person," he admitted breathlessly once he pulled back to get a good look at her face, admiring her features and how they'd changed slightly since he'd last seen her. Her hair looked a little messy due to her lack of care but she didn't seem bothered by it, her skin had been slightly weathered by the sun and there had obviously been a few all nighters, but that could easily be fixed by a night full of pampering.

"Could say the same to you, handsome."

Without warning, he pulled her against him again, pressing a hard, heated kiss against her soft, smiling lips and revelling in the feeling that she'd kissed him back, the warmth that emanated from her body radiating through his own. His hands travelled to her waist and tightened their grip as she returned the favour, running her tongue along his bottom lip to deepen the kiss.

"Missed you," Adrian mumbled as he trailed his mouth down to her neck, peppering gentle kisses along her throat and sucking a mark into the soft skin beneath her jawbone. She shuddered against him and let out a gasp, grabbing fistfuls of his uniform and pulling him forward as he continued to explore her. "Missed you so fucking much... so fucking badly, baby."

She laughed quietly, her fingers tangling in his hair and pulling him closer to her as she gave herself over completely to the sensations that he inflicted upon her with only minimal effort. "I missed you, too. More than anything..."

He nodded against the skin of her neck, kissing and sucking a trail up to her ear before pulling back once again, smirking slightly at her wide eyes, red lips and flushed cheeks, then affectionately nudging his nose into her cheek before pressing another lingering kiss on that spot.

"Sorry, I should've asked to do that."

"I'll let it slide this time," she began, trying to regain control over her breathing.

Meanwhile, Adrian was busy playing with the zipper of her suit jacket, taking it off with deft, nimble fingers so that he could slip both of his hands inside her shirt and caress the bare skin of her stomach.

"Let's go home? Your place is closer and you look tired," he murmured against her neck causing her to hum lightly and nod her head. "Gimme the keys, I'll drive."

The second they exited the car, Y/N was lifted into his arms, her legs wrapped around his middle and her arms around his shoulders. "I can walk, you know?" she chuckled, burying her face further into his shoulder.

"No," he said teasingly, shaking his head and tightening his hold on her, "Not tonight. Besides, it gives me more opportunity to show off that I've been working out."

Her laugh rippled through her chest as her arms tightened around him and she brought them closer, leaning her weight more onto him as she closed her eyes to enjoy the moment before they reached their destination, which was the shower.

"I can take a hint. I stink, don't I?"

"I don't mind it. You, on the other hand, will be complaining nonstop in the morning about how horrible you smell."

"You know me too well."

Slowly, he removed her clothes with the gentlest touch he could as he had no idea whether she had gained any injuries or not. When he peeled away her shirt and saw the fresh cut on her abdomen and side, the sight made his stomach turn upside down and his heart ache.

"I thought it was a surveillance mission?!"

"Let's just say Warmaster was playing both sides and we had to make a very quick getaway."

Y/N was downplaying the seriousness of the situation a tad so he wouldn't completely freak out, although that's exactly what he was planning on doing.

"What!?"

Taking his head in her hands, she gazed earnestly into his worried gaze, rubbing circles into the soft skin of his cheeks with her thumbs in an attempt to calm him down a bit. He stared back at her with such intensity that he started to wonder if his stare was actually capable of burning a hole through her.

"I'm fine, baby," she reassured. "I promise. Just need rest and it'll heal in no time."

He remained silent for a moment, seemingly contemplating whether or not he should believe her or not as he slowly released some of his tense muscles and a shaky breath from his nostrils before closing his eyes, resting his forehead against hers, allowing her to ease the worry from his expression.

"Wanna join me in the shower?"

"Kill me if I ever say no to that."

She reached for his belt and seductively tugged him forward until he leaned down, capturing her lips softly in a heated kiss as they undressed each other piece by piece, savouring every single touch and brush of their skin. After being reunited with her, he could finally run his hands across every inch of her body, enjoying the feel of every curve and dip and bump.

Getting them actually into the shower was proving more difficult than she first expected. Every time she'd move, he'd manoeuvre her back so he could continue his thorough investigation, so she had to do some distracting. And Y/N was very good at distracting Adrian.

Slowly, she started at the top of his cheekbone and began a trail of kisses all the way to the outermost corner of his lips. When he tilted his head for the next one to land smack bang on his kisser, she dodged to repeat her process on the other side of his face. Once again, he tried to capture her lips and groaned when she moved onto his jaw instead, making his impatience skyrocket.

"Kiss?" he begged as he grabbed her waist and pulled her flush against his body.

Y/N grinned against his skin. "I am kissing you, baby."

"No." He rolled his eyes and hooked his finger under her chin, forcing her head up so he could plant a hungry kiss onto her mouth, holding her close against him. All focus he had was on her lips now. Step one was complete.

Step two was a little harder. Peaking through one eye, she walked him backwards until they reached the edge of the shower and she mumbled against his lips, "Take a step back for me, big guy."

She could feel him smile against her lips before obeying and successfully got into the shower without tripping over the step.

Then step three was to shower. He pressed her against the glass pane of the shower, sliding his hands underneath her thighs, holding her securely up while his mouth travelled to her breasts.

"Are we going to turn the water on?"

"Oh shit," Adrian muttered as he realised that they'd moved- he did know that his feet had been moving, he had no idea where to - and turned the knob accordingly, sending a stream of freezing water directly down her exposed chest. She squealed loudly and clutched onto him tightly, burying her face into his neck as he chuckled at her reaction.

Soon, but not soon enough for her, the water warmed up significantly, and despite the initial chill, Y/N found herself relaxing a little in his arms as he held her and gently rubbed her damp back. Yet, she still teasingly pushed him away from her so she could reach for the body wash.

"Gimme it," he demanded, snatching it out of her grasp so he had an excuse to put his hands all over her body again, not that he really needed one.

As the warm water ran down her naked flesh, he took his time to ensure that every single inch of her body was covered in suds, rubbing a lather over her skin and relishing in the sensation of having her this close to him again after so long.

"How was work, baby?" she asked sweetly and began working some shampoo into his hair. Adrian sighed contently and leant back against the wall of the shower so that he could rest his head on it, letting the hot jets of water wash over him as he closed his eyes.

"It was... alright, yeah, it was fine. Not interesting in the slightest, honestly."

"That bad, huh?"

He shrugged nonchalantly and allowed his eyes to drift shut as she worked her fingers gently through his hair, massaging his scalp with her fingertips until he felt like jelly under her touch. His eyelids fluttered closed for a brief moment so the shampoo wouldn't get in his eyes and he couldn't keep himself from sighing again.

"I really missed you. So much it hurts," he confessed quietly, feeling Y/N stop what she was doing for a split second, then resume the process of massaging his scalp gently. He opened his eyes a crack then turned his head to look down at her, watching the love in those eyes shine right back up at him.

"I'm here now, don't worry," she assured, placing a light peck on his lips.

Adrian returned her smile and cupped her face. And that was it for Y/N. No words were necessary since she already knew how much he meant to her, even when he spoke softly, his voice dripping with passion.

"I love you. Sorry I don't say it more often. Never said it to anyone else but you," he whispered as he lowered his face down towards hers, wanting nothing more than to drown in the feel of her lips pressing against his, his tongue invading her mouth as he kissed her senseless.

"Don't be sorry," Y/N said softly against his lips. "Love you too, baby." She gave him another quick smooch. "You gonna let me wash my hair or do you want to do it?"

Tired and fully cleaned, the pair wrapped themselves in towels and dried off before getting into bed together and cuddling up against each other. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep almost immediately, her arms slung around his waist and her nose buried deep into the crook of his shoulder while he held her tight and kissed the top of her head tenderly.

Sure, he was exhausted too, but right now the sight of her falling asleep in his arms was something he cherished very much, and knowing that he'd be able to experience it again tomorrow was enough to make him smile contentedly.

Throughout his life he always thought that this - that she - was some absurd pipe dream that would never happen to him; but as he stroked her hair and watched the rise and fall of her chest, he realised that he was wrong. It was possible. The proof was in his arms.

Even when he didn't cling to her, she still came back to him without fail. And maybe that was all he really needed. Yes, feeling her was nice. Seeing her boobs was cool. But, he knew that was all physical. The love and care he felt from her told him all he needed to know.

No matter how far apart they were, she was with him. And nothing could ever take that away from him.

*Click here for my Adrian Chase masterlist, or here for the entire masterlist*

Wanna be added to a taglist? Either comment on this post or send me a message!

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

Welcome back to AFTG Hot Takes, the show where I share my unpopular AFTG opinions. I will only stop if and when god (or Miss Nora herself) shows up at my doorstep to retcon me to hell Moriyama style.

Today’s instalment: why I hate Kevandreil.

For those of you who don’t know, Kevandreil (otherwise known as Kandreil) is the ship name for Kevin/Andrew/Neil. One of the reasons why it’s become such a popular ship is because, in multiple early versions of AFTG, this was the main couple instead of just Andrew/Neil (or Andreil).

You may be asking yourself “But Sam, how could you hate it?” and also, “How did you get into my house?” Well, I’m glad you asked :D.

When you look at Kevandreil, it does make a kind of sense. Kev is already the closest thing to a best friend Andrew and Neil have. Neil does, momentarily, think that Kevin and Andrew are hooking up. Not to mention there’s some sort of sexual tension between Neil and Kev in the first book. Really, all the signs are there. It’s far less outlandish than a lot of the fandoms other ships (think Jerjean, Renison, etc).

So then why would I hate it, if it makes so much sense? The answer is simple: Miss Nora’s extra content. In one post explaining her thoughts on Kevandreil and why she cut it, she said that the relationship was toxic and codependent. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think any of our boys deserves that sort of relationship. 

I know, I know. As a community, we’ve mostly given the extra content an enthusiastic hell no and moved on. There’ve been one or two glaring exceptions (King and Sir specifically) but for the most part, it’s ignored.

Some things shouldn’t be ignored, though. Like how Andrew would never be called “AJ”, because that’s what Drake called him. Or the things Proust did to Andrew. Those things are important, and I cannot just ignore them.

Kevandreil, to me, is the same. Does that mean I’ll shame you, or even think badly of you, for enjoying it? No. To each their own, and if you can separate it from the extra content then good for you. I can’t.

TL;DR, Kevandreil would be an unhealthy relationship according to the extra content, and my brain is not capable of ignoring that.

Was this the hottest of takes? No, certainly not. But hey, I’m tired. 

Miss Nora, when you inevitably send someone to take me out, I ask only that you do not let them go full Lola on my ass.

[juulrry]

ur work is so pussy cunt eoawwwww can u do one where y/n and calum cant sleep so they drive around and get into little shenanigans

You're so... but yeah I can, I guess.

au: Calum Hood blurb + GN!Reader

warnings: swearing, drinking, just a bunch of fluff

summary: Calum and Y/N go for a late night drive, still wired from the 5SOS show and a night out with the band and their partners.

word count: 4,092 [I'm sorry it's so long omg]

A/N: Also while they do go on a drive I couldn't really get the shenanigans written the way I wanted so here's soft, caring Calum who loves y/n so much <3

"Thank you guys for coming to dance with us tonight! We hope you enjoyed the show. We're 5sos and we'll see you next time!" Tonight was the last night of the 'Youngblood' tour, ending in LA. I watch as the four men take a bow, tossing out picks and drumsticks to the crowd as the screams filling the arena become almost deafening. The band makes their way off stage, each one of them, stopping to either give me a high-five or rustling my hair. Calum and Ashton are the last ones to walk to side stage, Ashton blowing me a kiss and winking, making me laugh. Calum rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue out at Ashton before picking me up off the ground and spinning me around with that huge, beautiful smile he always wears after a show.

Even if he's had the worst day, if he has a show that night I know that at least after the show, he'll be back to the giddy, happy Calum we all know and love. As the four move into the dressing room to change, I see Ashton peek his head out and yell my name. I pause the conversation I'm having about some movie with a crew member and turn my head, seeing some of the crew laughing at Ashton yelling so loud.

"Yes, Ash?" The crew member I was speaking to got called to finish putting everything from the show in their respected places, so they tap my shoulder, waving a quick goodbye and I make my way to the door, seeing Ashton erratically motion me to walk over with his hand.

"Luke, Michael, their respected significant others," Ashton spoke in a posh British accent, making me giggle and roll my eyes playfully. "and me, of course, want to go out for a couple of drinks, Calum said you were tired and didn't want to go but I know that's Calum being Calum. He always wants to keep you for himself!!!" Ashton whines on the last part, gaining Cal's attention as Luke and Mike only laugh.

"Ash c'mon man.." I move my gaze behind Ashton, peeking in the now open door and make eye contact with Cal, having a silent conversation before I smile.

"Only a couple drinks, okay?" Ashton, Luke, and Michael all fist pump in the air, their mouths open as if they were screaming but no sound is coming out as I make my way over to Calum, wrapping my arms around his torso.

"Thank you, Y/N, we really don't have to go out I know today has been rough on you.." I shake my head softly, squeezing Cal a little tighter. There was really no set reason I've been having a bad day. This month in particular is always a bad one for me and some days are good, some days are bad and I'm so thankful Calum took the time to think of me, but after a show that great I wouldn't want to deny Calum having fun with his friends. And I knew if I said I didn't want to go Calum would immediately drive us home, even if I tried to persuade him to go without me. I'm sure he would come up with a million excuses not to go, even going as far to say that he's tired, when everyone knows he's his most energetic after finishing a show and triple that after a good show. It isn't that we don't trust each other and we aren't codependent, but he and I both agree that we have more fun together. That doesn't mean we don't do things separately, like a boy's night or girl's night because we both attend plenty of them.

"It's okay, really. Going out could help." I feel his finger under my chin, bringing my face up to where he can see me. Calum presses a soft kiss to my lips, resting a hand on my jaw, keeping me in place.

"I love you so much, Y/N." His soft whispers drown out the rest of the band's arguing on which bar to go too. When Calum looks at me like this, as if there's nothing he loves more in this world, I feel like the only person on this planet, honored to share the world with someone as beautiful as him. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how I got lucky enough to be his partner, especially when there are people far more beautiful and interesting than me. Once everyone has showered and dressed, we all head out the back of the arena.

Once we step outside, Calum finds my hand interlocking our fingers. There's a small group of fans standing a few feet from the entrance, blocked by a fence. Despite the bands security telling them to keep moving, they work their way towards the fence, speaking to the fans and taking pictures. Cal stands back with me, never wanting to leave me standing alone, especially after all of the online hate I've received for simply being in a relationship with him. I nudge him with my shoulder, loosening my grip on his hand and nodding towards the group

"Cal, I'm fine. I promise, it'll only take a second. They're here to see you too. We make eye contact and I see the gears turning in his mind, trying to read me to make sure I'll be fine so I give him a short nod before letting go of his hand and softly pushing him over towards the rest of the band. He gives me a small smile and a kiss on the forehead before skipping his way over to the fence lined with different people, all beaming with excitement. I watch the four men interacting with their fans and I can't help but smile, you can tell how much they truly love and appreciate them by the way they treat each and everyone of them as if they we're all old friends. All four of the boys taking the time to stop and listen to every word they have to say, even if their security and / or managers are rushing them.

"You're great for him, you know." I jump slightly, completely captivated watching Calum I didn't notice Luke had made his way over to me. "I know we were all a little stand-offish with you when you two first started dating, not because we didn't like you we were just-"

"You were looking out for him, I get it. I mean, at first I didn't and I was worried but then I seen how close you guys actually were and it clicked. Don't worry about it, really." Luke smiles, grabbing onto my shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze while the rest of the guys head back over to us and the fans retreat to their cars. Calum makes his way beside me, interlocking out fingers again and looking between Luke and I.

"You guys talkin' shit?" Calum asks with an eyebrow raised as Ashton and Michael appear beside him.

"Please mate, as if y/n could say anything bad about you. Have you seen the way they look at you?" Michael speaks, slapping Calum on the back and rolling his eyes. Everyone but Calum and I laugh, as both of us are blushing. I chuckle awkwardly as I remove my hand from Calum's and clap my hands together, changing the subject to which bar we were going to. As the guys argue over which one has the best beer, the best 'vibe', and/or the best music, Calum throws his arm over my shoulder. Pulling me closer to him and kissing my temple.

"How about we follow you guys? Just do the coin thing, pick a number and which ever bar we end up closest to is where we'll go." Calum speaks over the bickering, having to raise his voice a little, making me look at him with confusion written on my face.

"Coin thing?"

"Yeah, you know. Heads means you turn right, tails means you turn left. You pick a number, flip it that many times and wherever you end up you do something there, or if you can't decide on a certain place, like our situation now, whichever one you end up closest to, that's where you go." Michael explains, moving his hands all over the place while everyone else just nods.

"Oh. That's smart, actually."

"Oh, totally. You have no idea how much time it's saved us on tour." Ashton chuckles before continuing, "This one here, is the one who always wants to go to the one place no one else wants." He punches Luke softly in the arm and Luke scrunches his face up mumbling a quiet 'fuck you, Ash', making Mike and Calum laugh.

Calum and I load into my tiny car while the others pile in Michael's Tesla. Calum skips over to the passenger side with me, opening my door before making his way to the drivers side. He know's I can't sit in a car playing music I don't know and he always yells and lectures me when I pick up my phone will driving to change or look for a different song, so he always drives if we go anywhere together. Unless I tell him I feel like driving it's become habit for him to drive, it doesn't matter if it's my car or his. I press play on a random playlist of mine since the drive won't take too long. Calum reaches over, resting his hand on my thigh while the others rests on the wheel. I can't help but stare at him, I never really understood when people said that thing about guys looking 10 times hotter when they're driving until I started dating Calum. Now, I understand it fully. Then again, Calum is one of those people that you look at and you just know they're God's favorite, you just know God spent extra time creating him because there's no way he looks that good from sheer coincidence.

"Didn't you tell me once that staring is rude?" I feel a blush rising up my neck, but I don't take my eyes off of him.

"I've said that, yes. But you can't blame me for staring at you, I mean, come on. You're fucking gorgeous baby." His eyes crinkle as he smiles and parks next to the boys' car.

"I didn't realize I was holding a mirror, my love." I roll my eyes, grabbing my purse from my feet and unbuckling my seat belt. Calum is the first to get out, rushing over to open my door while Sierra, Luke, Michael, Crystal, and Casey, Ashton's date wait on the side walk, talking and laughing amongst themselves.

As the rest of the band and their partners walk into the door, we're a little behind and Cal hops onto the sidewalk and dramatically bows, offering his hand to help me step up, even though the step is maybe half an inch up from the parking lot.

"Your majesty," He tries to speak in a posh English accent, which is surprisingly on the nose. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked, he is Australian, which is kind of the same thing, just like a southern British. When I step up I let go of his hand, grabbing his face and planting a short kiss on his lips,

"Why thank you, kind sir. You're very chivalrous for a peasant." This makes him laugh and I hear Michael yell for us to come on and stop being so 'disgustingly cute', followed by him and Ashton making gagging sounds. I hear Crystal and Casey tell the two men to shut up as we catch up with them. I try to stifle my laugh as Calum places his hand on my lower back as we talk into the bar.

"First round's on me! What do you guys want?" Luke asks while he bounces on his toes, pulling out his phone to order for everyone. The band mostly orders beer, except for Luke, which I'm almost positive he's going to get tequila. Sierra and Crystal order a tequila lemonade while Casey orders a dry martini. As the girls finish up their orders Calum leans over to whisper in my ear.

"Thank you for coming out tonight. I know you don't feel the best, so whenever you want to leave just let me know. We don't have to stay here long, okay?" I place my hand on this thigh, squeezing softly and turning my head to kiss him.

"Thank you, Cal. But I'm okay, I promise. My day got better the second I got to see you on stage, seeing you so in love with preforming makes me happy, you make me happy." I see a faint blush cover his cheeks as he rests his hand on mine under the table. I'm the last one to order, I ask for a cosmopolitan and tell Luke I'll do tequila shots with him if he wants, which earns me a fist pump and an awkward hug from him. Luke makes his way over to the bar or order for everyone and the once empty space in the back of this club is now filled with laughter and conversations.

"Y/N, I'm so glad we were able to hang out with you and Calum!! I feel like outside of the boys doing shows and everyones jobs, we never get to spend time together anymore!" Sierra speaks, having to raise her voice enough so I'll be able to hear her over Michael and Ashton arguing over some Anime while Crystal and Casey watch in amusement, their eyes bouncing back and fourth like they were watching a tennis match.

"We should plan a girls night soon, us four! It's been way too long since we've had one!" As soon as the words leave my mouth, Crystal, Casey, and Sierra are all shouting yes and speaking quickly, naming off things we could do. Luke makes his way back over with a bartender following behind with a tray. Once the drinks are passed around and everyone is good and buzzed, the four men start sharing stories from the first tour they did with One Direction. We all spend about 2 hours just talking and laughing. I feel my eyelids start to droop and Calum leans into me, still sipping on his first beer, while I had 4 shots of tequila with look and 5 cosmopolitans.

"You ready to head home, my love?" I sleepily nod my head, finishing off the last of my drink and Calum and I say a quick goodbye and I thank them for inviting me and apologizing for leaving early. All the girls blow kisses saying they'll text our group chat to make plans for the girls night. Once we step outside of the bar, Calum slips his jacket off and placing it over my shoulders when he realizes I'm shivering. I give him a smile, leaning on his shoulder and mumbling a soft thank you. He wraps his arm around me as we walk to the car.

We both settle in and buckle up before I search through my Spotify, trying to find a song that matches what I feel in this exact moment. I click on 'Exchange' by Bryson Tiller.

"Hey baby?" my voice comes out a little raspy from shouting while we were at the bar, which isn't surprising. For me to be as soft spoken as I usually am, when I get drunk / buzzed I began yelling everything, at everyone. Calum likes to poke fun, saying "You could be in the military, but only if you were drinking all day, everyday. You're kind of scary when you yell, no matter what you're talking about." Which always makes me laugh.

"Yeah? You okay? Do I need to turn on the heat?" I shake my head no, bringing my hands to my face, moving my hair into a ponytail. "Y/N, right now? Baby you're drunk and you can't actually consent to-" I laugh, even though I tried so hard not to I can't help but laugh. He literally is perfect in absolutely every way possible.

"I was just going to ask you to roll down the windows and sunroof! I want to feel the wind." He makes an 'O' shape with his mouth, laughing it off.

"I'm sorry, I just- well at least now you know where my mind is." He glances over at me quickly and sends me wink before returning his gaze to the road. He rolls down the windows and sunroof, while turning the volume up so we can hear it above the wind rushing through the car.

"Do you mind if we just drive around for a bit? I mean, we don't have to if you're tired. You did play a show tonight so I'll understa-" Calum doesn't answer, just smiles fondly at me and reaches over to squeeze my knee. It's now 2 a.m. and the highway is almost completely empty. We reach a stretch of the road where if you were to look out from the drivers side window you see and smell the beach. I unbuckle my seatbelt, bringing my knees to my chest and essentially squatting in my seat. I feel Calum look over at me with a big smile on his face as he slows the car down a little and wraps his large, soft hand around my ankle. I stand up in my seat, sticking my head and arms through the sun roof. I close my eyes and hold my arms above my head and I can't help but smile.

"Will you turn it up a little more? Please?" I feel his finger tap 3 times on my ankle before he lets go and adjusts the volume, moving his hand back. This isn't my first time doing this while he drives, what can I say... The Perks Of Being A Wallflower is my favorite movie and the tunnel scene is therapy for me, especially if I get to recreate it on my own. I haven't made it to Philadelphia to recreate it in the actual tunnel used in the movie, but this makes me just as happy. I once asked Cal why he holds onto my ankle and when he responded I actually cried because it was so cute.

--

We were sitting in the car, on a night just like this one when I asked him. I remember him glancing between me and the road for a few seconds. "I know it won't do much, but I hold onto you incase you lose your balance or something. I get worried when you do it, but I also know how happy you are, how your skin just glows under the yellow streetlights, so I hold onto you just in case. I know you're careful, but I just want to make sure nothing happens to you." I remember being completely frozen, completely speechless. It was like I couldn't get my body to comply with my brain, I couldn't speak no matter how many times I opened and closed my mouth. I remember feeling tears rush down my cheeks and once Calum spotted them he immediately pulls over onto the side of the road and wiping my tears as soon as he puts the car in park. He leaves his hands on the side of my face, his eyes filled to the brim with worry and self doubt, thinking he said the wrong thing.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, love. I'm so-" I shake my head, giving him a smile as I rest my hand on top of his and lean into his touch.

"I love you." I interrupt him with those 3 little words, that was the first time those beautiful, heavy three words were said in this relationship. As soon as I said it my eyes became wide and I threw my hands over my mouth. It was silent for a second, making my heart beat so fast I thought it would explode out of my chest. Calum looks back at me with the same wide eyes, before his face breaks into a huge smile. The smile that's so big it makes the sides of his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunch.

"I love you too, so much, Y/N. You have no idea. I've been so scared to tell you because I was too scared you didn't feel the same." That makes me laugh as I turn my head slightly and kiss the bottom of his palm.

"Calum you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I fell in love with you after the first 8 months. I knew, from the moment I met you that I would spend the rest of my life by your side. I knew the only way this relationship would ever end is if you changed your mind." I took a shaky breath before continuing. "I always thought I'd end up alone, working a job I hated and living out the rest of my life in misery. You changed everything for me, Cal. You saved me, Calum. I can't imagine or remember what life was like before I started loving you and to be quite honest, I don't want to."

--

That was the first time we had used the L word, we knew each other for about a year and a half before we ever became official, we would go on dates here and there but because we were both so busy with our careers, neither of us thought it was a good idea to start anything serious. And it was fine, for that year. Then as we got to know each other better, we couldn't stay away from each other. When we first started seeing each other casually, we made it clear that it was fine for both of us to continue seeing other people, since we were too busy for a committed relationship, however that fell through on the sixth date. We both had agreed to talk that night, I remember that night so vividly. We were seated in our favorite spot at our favorite restaurant and spoke at exactly the same time, "I don't want to continue seeing other people." So we stopped, it took us another five months to make our relationship official and after another four months, give or take, was the night we told each other 'I love you.'

I strongly believe we were made for each other, I truly think every single step I've taken in my life led me to Calum. I see more cars coming towards us on the other side of the highway which makes me sit back down in my seat, fighting to hold my eyes open.

"You ready to go home my love?" I nod my head and look over a Calum, a smile appearing on my face when I notice him turning the heat up in the car and reaching in the back to grab his jacket, handing it to me to use as a makeshift blanket. He rests his hand on my thigh, squeezing softly telling me that he'll wake me once we make it home. I hear the radio get softer and my sleep playlist play over the speakers. I reach one hand out from under his warm jacket and peek over at him, it's like he felt my eyes on him because he turns his head to me, flashing a small smile and grabbing my hand, bringing it up to his lips. Leaving a kiss on the back of my hand.

I drift off with a smile on my face and the sounds of 'Have Mercy' playing over the speakers. I don't wake up until the car stops, Calum makes a "shhh" sound, telling me to stay put. I don't put up a fight, I simply watch him get out of the car and unlock the front door before returning and lifting me out, carrying me in the house. After he helps remove my dress, shoes and makeup from tonight he carries me over to the bed, laying me down and covering me up. I feel him place a small kiss on my forehead whispering that he'll be back to get ready for bed. The last thing I see before falling asleep again is Calum walking out of the bedroom.

I dream of a wedding fit for a princess, holidays with small children running around and Calum, right by my side.