#coal says shit

[shywhumpauthor]

When your spouse kidnaps and almost kills a person but it’s okay, you’re a doctor, you can fix them.

[way-too-obsessed-gamer]

Do you think when Gideon ruffles his hair, embers fall off like when you poke at burning firewood. Forest Fire Mcgee over here

[teethlordd]

Putting some guys in some fancy outfits

[luna-the-cretar]

Loa characters as unhinged shit my family and I have said (part 1 probably. We say a lot of unhinged shit.)

Frost, to the goblinoids: both of your IQs combined are the equivalent to a fishes memory span, which is about 8 seconds

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Shepherd: aren’t cats descended from dinosaurs?

*silence*

Clayton: I think you’re thinking of chickens

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Gideon: I broke my sock with my cock

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Briggsy, about Lethica: she’s experiencing all 7 stages of grief

Marius: there’s only 5?

Briggsy: you made her invent 2 more!

(Yes, this quote was spurned by the previous one. My 16yo brother is…something else)

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Kremy: Look, I did it yesterday, and it didn’t taste terrible, it just tasted kinda bad

(This was said by my 8yo sister. No, I do not remember the context nor did I type it in my Google doc. Now I wish I did.)

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Gricko, to Kremy: you don’t kiss by doing *makes vacuum noises*. You’re not a Hoover Vacuum! You’re not a Dyson Ballsucker!

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Marius: does that say “feel my thighs”?

Lethica: I wish it did

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Gricko: he’s speaking British

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Gricko: do not drink the Milfk (milf milk)

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The Krew: “you gave birth to a black hole, a vacuum, and a squeaker toy” “and waluigi”

(I just. Really wanted to include this quote.)

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Skrimm: They cooked my hash-brown to hell. There is no hash, it’s just brown!

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Skrimm: I can whip the snake

Queenie: okay, but can you watch it nae nae?

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Barnabos: please don’t pepper my meat

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Torbek: *incoherent sobbing and vague gesturing to food and clothes*

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Barnabos: I had never before, and have never since, had to clean penis smudges off of the glass

[catofoldstones]

The fact that the episode where Arya assists Tywin and famously says “most girls are stupid” corresponds directly with the chapter in the books where she overhears Chiswyck laughing about how the mountain and his lackeys (him included) gang-raped a 13 year old child, and this harrows and angers Arya so much that she adds all of these people to her prayer kill list and uses her one of her three precious death-wishes with Jaqen H’ghar is the reason I will be personally beating the bloody shit out of d&d.

[girzapata6]

Everything I touch turns into Homestuck... Anyway, here's the WORST idea ever that I don't think I'll elaborate further tbh JSBSNNAKSLA

(I just learned that trolls somehow can grow facial hair... At least the fucking "famous trolls" can. So whatever I'm using this as my canon now lol)

[starryeyeddreamer21]

The fact that Vox could be Santa Claus and actively chooses not to is the reason I can't fuck with him on a fundamental level

[prim-slimm]

Hey I got accused of being a radfem for the first time today!

Damn Radfems and their *checks notes* Acknowledging transmisogyny against trans women.

[luckycharms1701]

got a response to my last post and fuck if i didn't pull my computer out at one in the morning so i could do this particular topic justice

my "time to talk about family dynamics in tmnt" button was pushed real hard, and i don't get enough opportunities to talk about this

So let's talk about Leo's position in the family in the Bayverse movies. That's right folks, we're pulling out capital letters for the leader in blue, because this is a topic I am super serious about. Full college paper levels of serious. Gonna need to know how you want your sources cited.

This is a fascinating take tbh, and I would love to hear more about how you came to this conclusion. Allow me to show you why my position is different.

First:

I think this image says a lot. Leo's a daddy's boy long before anything like parentification could possibly come into play. Also it's really cute, look at him loving his dad!!

Second, let's talk parentification. Boiled down to its basics, parentification is when a child, usually the eldest, acts like a secondary or replacement parent. This is the part that really gets me, because I just don't see any evidence of it in the movies at all.

We do get to see some scenes from when they are kids, and no where is it suggested that Leo is anything other than another one of the boys.

Sure, Mikey hides behind him when play-fighting with Raph after the buck-buck scene, but that's just younger sibling behavior. No where is it implied that this happens because anyone expects it of Leo. That, I think, might be the closest to "parentification" that occurs in the movies.

The thing is, I don't think Leo has been the leader very long at the beginning of the 2014 movie. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it's a move Splinter made just before or even as the movie starts. Leo's and Raph's argument really solidifies that for me:

Raph: And who put you in charge?

Leo: You know who did.

This smacks, on Leo's part, of someone borrowing another's authority to shore up their own. That tells me that Leo at least does not feel that he has this authority on his own merit, that he's new to leadership. Raph senses this like a shark in bloody water, and he pushes because there's vulnerability there. (more on this later *rubs hands together in glee*)

I think that there is evidence in the 2016 movie that Leo is relatively new to a position of authority as well. His struggle to maintain the delicate balance of his brother's personalities and the fact that he allows his own personality to get in the way of being a good leader are prime examples.

These are pitfalls that a parentified person would already have experienced and would be able to avoid, and so they wouldn't have happened if Leo was parentified.

Third, let's talk about Leo and Raph.

So, my position here is that Leo and Raph DO have a normal sibling relationship, at least as normal as it can get when you are turtle mutants living in the sewers with only each other for company.

Anecdotal, I know, but I have a bit of experience with a similar dynamic to the one you assigned to them. I am the oldest of three, and my sister (middle) and I did NOT get along as kids. It got to the point where I thought as teens that once I left the house we would never talk to each other ever again.

Perceived favoritism was definitely an issue in my and my sister's relationship. Is it an issue with Leo and Raph? I honestly don't think we get enough time with Splinter in the movies to determine that concretely. It's definitely possible, but I believe something different is, either concurrently with or instead of favoritism, at play here.

I know it's easy to forget because they look Like That, but the turtles are teenagers. They are immature and don't always know how to express themselves. And Raph in particular struggles because he feels so strongly. It can be hard to control it when your emotions are strong like that, don't ask me how I know.

However, he gives himself away at the end of the 2014 movie. "Every time... I pushed you beyond your limits, it was because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you!"

Remember when I said that Raph sensed Leo's vulnerability and pushed on it? We've come back baby! I am firmly in the camp of 'both Raph and Leo are good leaders in their own way', and I think this is part of what makes Raph a good leader.

Sometimes Raph is actually annoyed at Leo for whatever reason, being told what to do the most common I think. But!! Remember, Raph also believes in his brothers, Leo included. So he puts Leo on the spot in a mostly controlled environment to help him learn how to be a leader. There's a lot more I could say here, but that's a Raph post, and this is about Leo.

So is it favoritism, Raph's need for independence, or Raph pushing Leo that causes tension in their relationship? I think it's a bit of all of that and more.

There is a fourth section to this post, about Splinter, but it is now almost four in the morning, I have to get up in like two hours, and I already fell asleep once while writing this. But know that in this iteration at least, Splinter is a decent single father of four boys, he did not parentify Leo, and any favoritism is unintentional.

Anyway, in my house we spend a lot of time talking about how much Leo loves his dad.

[shywhumpauthor]

I am once again craving a solid, constant series to write which has a consistent, developing plot, more than three characters, which can hold multiple drabbles/spin-offs/side arcs. I jump into writing series and then they always end up on the back burner, if not completely extinguished and I really have wanted something like this for the longest time but I feel like my wants are always so conflicting within. Yes I want a defiant Whumpee, but not all of the time. I’d like medieval times, but present-day would also hold a lot of plot options. Sometimes I want a formal setting, but others I just want a Whumper who plucked their victim off the street cause why not.

This is annoying. To summarize: I want series but there is a lot of drawbacks.

[way-too-obsessed-gamer]

(Clips from ep5, ep9, and ep16. Video length 4 minutes 4 seconds)

Originally was gonna just clip ep16 and the start of 5 but then I remembered how they were all being very sweet in their own ways when, you know. Their friendship makes me ill

[lumi-klovstad-games]

Ailani, The Lost Primarch of the Second Legion and Mother of the Imperial Hospitallers

In the annals of Imperial History, there stand heroes greater than any other. These are the Primarchs, the Sons of the Emperor of Mankind, the patriarchs of the Twenty Legions of the Adeptus Astartes who united a frayed and divided galaxy in a long ago age when people still looked to the stars with hope... and the events of the Horus Heresy had not yet doomed the galaxy to darkness, suffering, and despair. But of these, only Eighteen are remembered: The Nine who Turned Traitor, and The Nine Who Remained, steadfast and loyal. Here then is a tale, a tale of the Second Primarch, lost to history and imperial records. It is the tale of Ailani, the Beloved Second, and the Emperor’s Daughter.

Ailani was not like her brothers from the beginning. Beyond the fact that she’d never felt right in her own skin as a child, she had always been a gentle soul.

Cast by warp storms far across the galaxy shortly after her creation, the child then known as “Amanaki” was deposited upon Takiko, an oceanic world dotted with long chains of verdant and mountainous tropical islands, whose vast sea teemed with life on a scale unimaginable. There, the boy was discovered by a young couple, newly married but unable to bear children of their own. Seeing the child from the heavens as a miracle, they adopted the strong lad, who immediately demonstrated a way with resolving disputes and mending broken things, but never seemed quite comfortable with himself. In time, the boy came to understand that “Amanaki” was not their real name, merely one they had been given by a barely remembered man, the memories lost in shadow and fog, and there was a deeper reason to his unease with his own reflection. Amanaki was encouraged by his parents to cast off the trappings of outward appearances, and embrace his true self — fixing what was broken and settling conflict out in the world was all well and good, but until the inner conflict was resolved and the sense of identity rectified, “Amanaki” would never rise to their full potential. After much soul-searching, reflection, and meditation, Amanaki vanished beneath the expert and caring hands of one of Takiko’s finest healers. Flesh was reshaped, bones restructured, and the boy who’d landed on that world years ago ceased to be, and it was the young woman named Ailani who rose like a phoenix from the metaphorical ashes.

There was awkwardness, at first, but Ailani’s metabolic and psychological gifts as a Primarch made the transition surprisingly natural, if not exactly “easy”, though she did not understand the reasons at the time. Finally herself, Ailani was inspired by the memory of the Healer who helped complete her, and became a healing woman of great repute — indeed, there was none finer on Takiko. Her reputation spread as the woman whose physical labor could heal the body, and her spiritual labor could mend the soul. In addition, her proficiency at conflict mediation only grew with her confidence, and she never lost her love of building and repairing things; it brought her nearly unrivaled joy to see her work bring life and happiness to those around her. In time, she came to be known as “The Saint of Takiko”, the legendary figure who brought peace to the world and united it without ever firing a shot. Unfortunately for Ailani and Takiko, this reputation helped attract the attention of the Emperor of Mankind.

When the Emperor came to Takiko looking for his Warp-Scattered Son, he had not found the man born to lead the Second Legion, but rather he found Ailani, a being worthy only of the Emperor's Scorn, born from Amanaki’s sullied and ruined flesh as the Primarch had embraced her true identity. Ailani did not answer to the name the Emperor called her by. She had not answered to that name since she was a child. When the Emperor cast blame for the "abomination of a Primarch" upon the kindly old man and woman who had been Ailani's parents and lashed out, Ailani met her "father" in battle. He was not prepared for her fury, and while he ultimately emerged victorious, his "daughter", though not a trained warrior like her kin who had been discovered thus far, still managed to have him on the back foot more frequently than he would ever admit. Indeed, the Emperor considered, the wayward Primarch of the Second Legion might actually be worth salvaging. Ailani begrudgingly agreed to return to Terra with the Emperor, but only if he left her family and people alone, a condition the Emperor demurringly agreed to.

Ailani was not a Primarch of a particularly military mind, especially at first, though she brought with her the warrior traditions of her people. First and foremost, she was a healer. With her hands, she mended wounds and repaired cities. With her voice, she mended whole peoples and ended conflicts. When she assumed command of the Second Legion, until then known as the Skybreakers, she was disappointed. There had been no effort to inculcate in them values of construction or nation building.  They were a purely destructive force, one who prided themselves on being able to shatter the fighting force of entire worlds with utmost speed and efficiency. Ailani had known war in her time. She understood well enough the value of combat. But, saddled as she was with a Legion who shared the exact opposite of her values, she resolved to teach her errant sons how to be the Builders of Worlds, a marching crusade that strove to create an Empire worth ruling. In time, the Second Legion took a new name, as the Skybreakers became the Imperial Hospitallers, and Ailani became their living standard: her billowing black and braided hair, ornate white and marigold armor with a golden Iwalani, a bird native to Takiko, in place of the Imperial Aquila, and piercing green eyes — stained completely through like emeralds from the omnipresent Ki'ihopna Algae that grew throughout the food on Takiko — causing her to stand out, even among her fellow Primarchs.

Ailani had inherited the Emperor's Optimism, his belief in a better tomorrow and a better mankind worthy of living in it. As her legion spread across the stars, the Hospitallers brought aid to the needy, healing to the sick and injured, and did their best to claim worlds with a mind to preserving or improving the standard of living before they left, but where her brother Lorgar Aurelian dallied as he attempted to spread his doctrine of the Imperial Divinity, Ailani moved quickly. In order to keep a consistent pace and accomplish all her objectives, Ailani divided her Legion into "Cohorts'' who would move in a staggered deployment. These cohorts were named in accordance with the seafaring and island-dwelling culture Ailani had come from: the Maka Ihe, the Vanguard Cohort, would take a world, and begin restructuring and rebuilding according to the rules of Imperial Compliance as well as Ailani’s own personal values. As the Vanguard Cohort transitioned to Worldbuilding, the troops would be able to rest, and were reclassified as "Pa’a", or "Stabilizers", and in turn, "Kūkulu ʻāina" — "Constructors" — as rehabilitation of the world entered its final stages. By the time a Vanguard Cohort had transitioned to Constructors, the Constructors of a previous world had emerged rested and ready for a new bout of combat, and would transition back to Vanguard status as they moved to a new world to continue the Great Crusade.

Ailani may not have been initially well received by her legion owing to her non-military bearing and her clashing values with the Skybreakers, but upon seeing her patience and care for every soul under her command, her Legion gradually became quite taken with her beauty, iron will, silken compassion, and her steadfast and unwavering loyalty to her legion and the worlds they had taken and rebuilt. It was said that she possessed the beauty of Fulgrim, Vulkan's compassion, the high-minded ideals of Sanguinius, Rogal Dorn’s command at construction, and Roboute Guilliman’s administrative prowess, even if she did not excel quite as much as her brothers in any of these individual qualities. Regardless of the degree of truth to this reputation, she made easy friends with several of her kin, most notably Horus, Sanguinius, Fulgrim, and Vulkan, and less easy but still strong friendships with Lorgar Aurelian, with whom Ailani deeply enjoyed discussing matters of philosophy, even if she found his religious zealotry more than a little grating, and Konrad Kurze and Angron, with the two tormented Primarchs able to take much comfort in her soothing presence and healing words. Perhaps then, Ailani was simply too good, too pure, for a growing and changing Imperium, as those qualities which made her among the best of the Primarchs increasingly brought her into ideological conflict with the Emperor.

Ailani had never held the best of opinions of her “father”, as for all his psychic charm and honeyed words that he carefully and deliberately loaded with the ideals she valued, she’d seen a glimpse of his true character when he’d first come to Takiko: an arrogant and egotistical megalomaniac, a man who was obsessed with being God but demanded his followers not call him that out of an enforced and self-serving modesty, and a man who made little effort to hide how much he despised her for “ruining his hard work” by embracing her true self and taking her own name. It was obvious to her that he only tolerated her “aberration” because she had too many useful talents and, as a Primarch, she would be too difficult to replace. While he had been true to his word and had not harmed her family or her people, he had left a garrison of the War Hounds, now known as the World Eaters, nearby to "protect” Takiko ever since he took her with him back to Terra. The implied threat had never been lost on the Primarch of the Second Legion, and deep down, her gentle heart boiled at the Emperor’s audacity, and this set the stage for her Legion’s disappearance.

While neither the fastest Legion nor the slowest, the Imperial Hospitallers had conquered hundreds of worlds, and built glittering gems of civilization as they passed. The Emperor should have been proud. Instead, he saw in Ailani’s planetary reconstructions and rehabilitations an act of defiance. Whether he saw rightly or not is both unremembered and unimportant, but it was certainly true that Ailani never truly believed in him or his cause, and resented him for holding her world hostage to ensure her continued compliance. Her protests, however, had fallen among deaf ears among the Primarchs, with the sole exception of the Eleventh — ironic as the two had seldom seen particularly eye to eye on much of anything. For all her Brothers’ best qualities, too few of them shared in her grievances, and those who did were either unable or unwilling to help her do anything about it. As her quiet resentment of the Emperor simmered, her growing unwillingness to see Takiko continued to be held hostage any longer sparked a notion in her that she knew could split the fledgling Imperium in two: Takiko would secede from the Imperium, and with the might and expertise of the Imperial Hospitallers, it just might manage it.

Outwardly, the Hospitallers continued with their role in the Great Crusade, but their pace began to slow as Ailani started recalling veteran soldiers off the lines and put much greater emphasis on letting younger, less experienced Marines carry the Legion’s role. This roughly coincided with the Eleventh Legion doing the same, with the two Legions gradually building up an elite fighting force of their most capable soldiers, ready for the order to be given. For Ailani, these veterans were chosen with preferential favor given to survivors from the Legion’s days as the Skybreakers — these old soldiers carried skills and experience she would need if her plan to save her homeworld from the Emperor’s callousness and ego was to succeed.

Some unknown period of time before the Horus Heresy, the moment came, and the order was given. The Saint of Takiko returned to her homeworld, and made a decision she could never undo: she ordered the Imperial Hospitallers to fire upon the World Eaters garrison. Veteran blitzkrieg warriors from the old Skybreakers legion formed a spearhead that cut through the World Eaters ranks with ease, using their skills and capitalizing on the confusion to force the World Eaters to retreat through the Warp. The time Ailani had won would only be a few weeks before the Imperium heard what she’d done. Perhaps it would be another few weeks before the inevitable retaliation arrived. Her time was short, and so was Takiko’s. She, and her people, needed to be elsewhere when the hammer dropped, not an easy task with the ships available. As she bade her people to take only what was necessary as she evacuated the planet, word arrived from the Eleventh Legion: they had failed in their course to affect the same strategem. A small delay had snowballed into a far greater failure, and the Eleventh had lost all that he’d cherished at the hands of the Space Wolves Legion. While Ailani’s heart wept for her Brother’s incredible loss, she was gladdened by his arrival with what remained of his Legion at Takiko.

With the newly arrived ships, she had all that she needed to save her people, and for his part, the Eleventh Primarch was glad to assist as it gave a silver lining to his own failure. Millions of civilians boarded Second Legion ships that were too on edge, and Eleventh Legion ships that were too empty. By the time the Imperial response came, with a furious Emperor sending the Night Lords and the World Eaters to make an example of the two rebellious Legions, Takiko was empty, and the Legions were long gone. In a petty rage, the Emperor had the World Eaters and Night Lords glass the world, before the Emperor himself used his psychic powers to cast Takiko’s twin moons at the planet’s surface, pulverizing it into mere rubble. The Emperor's rage was perhaps not entirely misunderstandable; after all, never before had a Primarch disobeyed him. Never before had a Primarch rebelled against his authority. Little did he know, though this was the first time, it would not be the last, and the worst was soon to come for him and his fledgling Imperium.

The Imperial Records would be wiped immediately after. The statues of the Two Rebellious Primarchs were removed from their plinths on Terra. The Emperor, in his rage, psychically wiped all knowledge of the Second and Eleventh Legions and their Primarchs. Even the other Primarchs were forced to forget, but there was no covering up the hole made by Ailani’s absence; without her to discourage Lorgar Aurelian’s zealotry, he became more vulnerable to Erebus’ manipulations and the psychological predations of the Ruinous Powers. Without her soothing presence and calming words, Angron and Kurze began to grow less stable. Without the Saint of Takiko, the Imperium may have lost its last, best chance at avoiding the Horus Heresy only a few centuries later.

As for Ailani and her legion, their status is completely unknown. Few can even infer that a Second Legion once existed, and fewer still know anything of it beyond that, so complete was the Emperor’s purge of the records and the Imperium’s post-heresy suppression of reason and critical thought. But, even in the grim and the dark of the 42nd millennium, from worlds where all hope seemed lost in the face of certain doom, reports occasionally arrive at the Inquisition... reports detailing the arrival of unidentified Space Marines clad in archaic white and marigold armor, and bearing an unusual standard and livery not documented anywhere. These marines vanish as quickly as they arrive, saving the people and then departing on courses unknown.

Perhaps, just perhaps, Lady Ailani is not quite finished with her Crusade just yet.

[luna-the-cretar]

I love on how, when Gideon got affected with the fey love curse (the first time), the only ones that questioned why Gideon was acting weirdly were Kremy (tho I imagine it’s for the same reason why Kremy was acting kinda fidgety when HE was affected by the love curse), and Torbek.

Also I love that Frost, Torbek, and Gricko/Chuckles were just. Quietly standing there. Watching as Gideon was flirting with Kremy.

[kyonite]

I feel like a post to this effect goes around every few months or so but stop saying degenerate and degen. you sound like a fucking nazi. "I'm a degenerate gambler" "he's a degen gamer" I am begging you to find different ways to describe yourself because degenerate is not fucking it, chronically online 20 year old.

[nebuvoid]

One thing I enjoy doing is when someone brings up how "it makes them uncomfortable to hear foreigners talk in a foreign language" and I go well whenever I meet up with relatives in public we also speak in Polish and no we are never gossiping we're just talking. And they always fumble and go no no I don't think it's gossip and I wouldn't think that of you. So I go ok then what's the problem, that their skin colour, the language used? And they try so so hard to deny it and come up with some bullshit like "Well you never know if they're planning something what with the attacks lately" which is when I love to inform them of the statistics of public attacks perpetuated by German natives that speak German. They always have some last word but they know they sound like an idiot. Small victories.

[crestoflames]

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