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theculturedmarxist · 1 year

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It has been clear for some time that US corporate news media have explicitly taken a side on the Ukraine War. This role includes suppressing relevant history of the lead-up to the war (FAIR.org, 3/4/22), attacking people who bring up that history as “conspiracy theorists” (FAIR.org, 5/18/22), accepting official government pronouncements at face value (FAIR.org, 12/2/22) and promoting an overly rosy picture of the conflict in order to boost morale.

For most of the war, most of the US coverage has been as pro-Ukrainian as Ukraine’s own media, now consolidated under the Zelenskyy government (FAIR.org, 5/9/23). Dire predictions sporadically appeared, but were drowned out by drumbeat coverage portraying a Ukrainian army on the cusp of victory, and the Russian army as incompetent and on the verge of collapse.

Triumphalist rhetoric soared in early 2023, as optimistic talk of a game-changing “spring offensive” dominated Ukraine coverage. Apparently delayed, the Ukrainian counteroffensive launched in June. While even US officials did not believe that it would amount to much, US media papered over these doubts in the runup to the campaign.

Over the last three months, it has become clear that the Ukrainian military operation will not be the game-changer it was sold as; namely, it will not significantly roll back the Russian occupation and obviate the need for a negotiated settlement. Only after this became undeniable did media report on the true costs of war to the Ukrainian people.

Overwhelming optimism

In the runup to the counteroffensive, US media were full of excited conversation about how it would reshape the nature of the conflict. NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg told Radio Free Europe (4/21/23) he was “confident Ukraine will be successful.” Sen. Lindsey Graham assured Politico (5/30/23), “In the coming days, you’re going to see a pretty impressive display of power by the Ukrainians.” Asked for his predictions about Ukraine’s plans, retired Lt. Gen. Ben Hodges told NPR (5/12/23), “I actually expect…they will be quite successful.”

Former CIA Director David Patraeus, author of the overhyped “surge” strategy in Iraq, told CNN (5/23/23):

I personally think that this is going to be really quite successful…. And [the Russians] are going to have to withdraw under pressure of this Ukrainian offensive, the most difficult possible tactical maneuver, and I don’t think they’re going to do well at that.

The Washington Post’s David Ignatius (4/15/23) acknowledged that “hope is not a strategy,” but still insisted that “Ukraine’s will to win—its determination to expel Russian invaders from its territory at whatever cost—might be the X-factor in the decisive season of conflict ahead.”

The New York Times (6/2/23) ran a story praising recruits who signed up for the Ukrainian pushback, even though it “promises to be deadly.” Times columnist Paul Krugman (6/5/23) declared we were witnessing “the moral equivalent of D-Day.” CNN (5/30/23) reported that Ukrainians were “unfazed” as they “gear up for a counteroffensive.”

Cable news was replete with buzz about how the counteroffensive, couched with modifiers like “long-awaited” or “highly anticipated,” could turn the tide in the war. Nightly news shows (e.g., NBC, 6/15/23, 6/16/23) presented audiences with optimistic statements from Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy and other figures talking about the imminent success.

Downplaying reality

Despite the soaring rhetoric presented to audiences, Western officials understood that the counteroffensive was all but doomed to fail. This had been known long before the above comments were reported, but media failed to include that fact as prominently as the predictions for success.

On April 10, as part of the Discord leaks story, the Washington Post (4/10/23) reported that top secret documents showed that Ukraine’s drive would fall “well short” of its objectives, due to equipment, ammunition and conscription problems. The document predicted “sustainment shortfalls” and only “modest territorial gains.”

The Post additionally cited anonymous officials who claimed that the documents’ conclusions were corroborated by a classified National Intelligence Council assessment, shown only to a select few in Congress. The Post spoke to a Ukrainian official who “did not dispute the revelations,” and acknowledged that it was “partially true.”

While the Post has yet to publish the documents in full, the leaks and the other sources clearly painted a picture of a potentially disastrous counteroffensive. Fear was so palpable that the Biden administration privately worried about how he could keep up support for the war when the widely hyped offensive sputtered. In the midst of this, Blinken continued to dismiss the idea of a ceasefire, opting instead to pursue further escalating the conflict.

Despite the importance of these facts, they were hardly reported on by the rest of corporate media, and dropped from subsequent war coverage. When the Post (6/14/23) published a long article citing Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin’s cautious optimism about the campaign, it neglected to mention its earlier reporting about the government’s privately gloomier assessments. The documents only started appearing again in the press after thousands were dead, and the campaign’s failure undeniable.

In an honest press, excited comments from politicians and commentators would be published alongside reports about how even our highest-level officials did not believe that the counteroffensive would amount to much. Instead, anticipation was allowed to build while doubts were set to the side.

Too ‘casualty-averse’?

By July, Ukrainian casualties were mounting, and it became clearer and clearer that the counteroffensive would fail to recapture significant amounts of Ukrainian territory. Reporting grew more realistic, and we were given insights into conditions on the ground in Ukraine, as well as what was in the minds of US officials.

According to the Washington Post (8/17/23), US and Ukrainian militaries had conducted war games and had anticipated that an advance would be accompanied by heavy losses. But when the real-world fatalities mounted, the Post reported, “Ukraine chose to stem the losses on the battlefield.”

This caused a rift between the Ukrainians and their Western backers, who were frustrated at Ukrainians’ desire to keep their people alive. A mid-July New York Times article (7/14/23) reported that US officials were privately frustrated that Ukraine had become too afraid of dying to fight effectively. The officials worried that Ukrainian commanders “fear[ed] casualties among their ranks,” and had “reverted to old habits” rather than “pressing harder.” A later Times article (8/18/23) repeated Washington’s worries that Ukrainians were too “casualty-averse.”

Acknowledging failure

After it became undeniable that Ukraine’s military action was going nowhere, a Wall Street Journal report (7/23/23) raised some of the doubts that had been invisible in the press on the offensive’s eve. The report’s opening lines say it all:

When Ukraine launched its big counteroffensive this spring, Western military officials knew Kyiv didn’t have all the training or weapons—from shells to warplanes—that it needed to dislodge Russian forces.

The Journal acknowledged that Western officials simply “hoped Ukrainian courage and resourcefulness would carry the day.”

One Post column (7/26/23) asked, “Was Gen. Mark Milley Right Last Year About the War in Ukraine?” Columnist Jason Willick acknowledged that “Milley’s skepticism about Ukraine’s ability to achieve total victory appears to have been widespread within the Biden administration before the counteroffensive began.”

And when one official told Politico (8/18/23), “Milley had a point,” acknowledging the former military head’s November suggestion for negotiations. The quote was so telling that Politico made it the headline of the article.

Even Rep. Andy Harris (D-Md.), co-chair of the congressional Ukraine Caucus, publicly questioned whether or not the war was “winnable” (Politico, 8/17/23). Speaking on the counteroffensive’s status, he said, “I’ll be blunt, it’s failed.”

Newsweek (8/16/23) reported on a Ukrainian leadership divided over how to handle the “underwhelming” counteroffensive. The Washington Post (8/17/23) reported that the US intelligence community assessed that the offensive would fail to fulfill its key objective of severing the land bridge between Russian-occupied eastern Ukraine and Crimea.

As the triumphalism ebbed, outlets began reporting on scenes that were almost certainly common before the spring push but had gone unpublished. One piece from the Post (8/10/23) outlined a “darken[ed] mood in Ukraine,” in which the nation was “worn out.” The piece acknowledged that “Ukrainian officials and their Western partners hyped up a coming counteroffensive,” but there was “little visible progress.”

The Wall Street Journal (8/1/23) published a devastating piece about the massive number of amputees returning home from the mine-laden battlefield. They reported that between 20,000 and 50,000 Ukrainians had lost one or more limbs as a result of the war—numbers that are comparable to those seen during World War I.

Rather than dwelling on the stalled campaign, the New York Times and other outlets focused on the drone war against Russia, even while acknowledging that the remote strikes were largely an exercise in public relations. The Times (8/25/23) declared that the strikes had “little significant damage to Russia’s overall military might” and were primarily “a message for [Ukraine’s] own people,” citing US officials who noted that they “intended to demonstrate to the Ukrainian public that Kyiv can still strike back.” Looking at the quantity of Times coverage (8/30/23, 8/30/23, 8/23/23, 8/22/23, 8/22/23, 8/21/23, 8/18/23), the drone strikes were apparently aimed at an increasingly war-weary US public as well.

War as desirable outcome

The fact that US officials pushed for a Ukrainian counteroffensive that all but expected would fail raises an important question: Why would they do this? Sending thousands of young people to be maimed and killed does nothing to advance Ukrainian territorial integrity, and actively hinders the war effort.

The answer has been clear since before the war. Despite the high-minded rhetoric about support for democracy, this has never been the goal of pushing for war in Ukraine. Though it often goes unacknowledged in the US press, policymakers saw a war in Ukraine as a desirable outcome. One 2019 study from the RAND Corporation—a think tank with close ties to the Pentagon—suggested that an effective way to overextend and unbalance Russia would be to increase military support for Ukraine, arguing that this could lead to a Russian invasion.

In December 2021, as Russian President Vladimir Putin began to mass troops at Ukraine’s border while demanding negotiations, John Deni of the Atlantic Council published an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal (12/22/21) headlined “The Strategic Case for Risking War in Ukraine,” which laid out the US logic explicitly: Provoking a war would allow the US to impose sanctions and fight a proxy war that would grind Russia down. Additionally, the anti-Russian sentiment that resulted from a war would strengthen NATO’s resolve.

All of this came to pass as Washington’s stance of non-negotiation successfully provoked a Russian invasion. Even as Ukraine and Russia sat at the negotiation table early in the war, the US made it clear that it wanted the war to continue and escalate. The US’s objective was, in the words of Raytheon boardmember–turned–Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, “to see Russia weakened.” Despite stated commitments to Ukrainian democracy, US policies have instead severely damaged it.

NATO’s ‘strategic windfall’

In the wake of the stalled counteroffensive, the US interest in sacrificing Ukraine to bleed Russia was put on display again. In July, the Post‘s Ignatius declared that the West shouldn’t be so “gloomy” about Ukraine, since the war had been a “strategic windfall” for NATO and its allies. Echoing two of Deni’s objectives, Ignatius asserted that “the West’s most reckless antagonist has been rocked,” and “NATO has grown much stronger with the additions of Sweden and Finland.”

In the starkest demonstration of the lack of concern for Ukraine or its people, he also wrote that these strategic successes came “at relatively low cost,” adding, in a parenthetical aside, “(other than for the Ukrainians).”

Ignatius is far from alone. Hawkish Sen. Mitt Romney (R–Utah) explained why US funding for the proxy war was “about the best national defense spending I think we’ve ever done”: “We’re losing no lives in Ukraine, and the Ukrainians, they’re fighting heroically against Russia.” The consensus among policymakers in Washington is to push for endless conflict, no matter how many Ukrainians die in the process. As long as Russia loses men and material, the effect on Ukraine is irrelevant. Ukrainian victory was never the goal.

‘Fears of peace talks’

Polls show that support for increased US involvement in Ukraine is rapidly declining. The recent Republican presidential debate demonstrated clear fractures within the right wing of the US power structure. Politico (8/18/23) reported that some US officials are regretting potential lost opportunities for negotiations. Unfortunately, this minority dissent has yet to affect the dominant consensus.

The failure of the counteroffensive has not caused Washington to rethink its strategy of attempting to bleed Russia. The flow of US military hardware to Ukraine is likely to continue so long as this remains the goal. The Hill (9/5/23) gave the game away about NATO’s commitment to escalation with a piece titled “Fears of Peace Talks With Putin Rise Amid US Squabbling.”

But even within the Biden administration, the Pentagon appears to be at odds with the State Department and National Security Council over the Ukraine conflict. Contrary to what may be expected, the civilian officials like Jake Sullivan, Victoria Nuland and Antony Blinken are taking a harder line on perpetuating this conflict than the professional soldiers in the Pentagon. The media’s sharp change of tone may both signify and fuel the doubts gaining traction within the US political class.

#ukraine conflict #us propaganda #nato

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scottguy · 29 days

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Screw CNN. Below is video of an ostensibly "neutral" pundit on CNN say, "The only thing Kamala has to run on is abortion. She's going to get hammered on everything else."

What???

That's a LIE, just an outright, intentionally-ignoring-reality lie, or, she's so incompetent that she doesn't deserve the label as a pundit. (Obviously, it's the first. You don't get a job with CNN by being dumb.) Her JOB us to soothe any Trump supporting viewers with pure bullsh*t.

The administration Harris is part of has staged one of the biggest comebacks in economic history around the world. Jobs are up, inflation is down.

Kamala runs on greedflation and getting people into their first home with government assistance.

Harris/Walz are running on good character versus the criminal, traitorous, rapist character of Trump.

Harris/Walz are running against project 2025 and how Republicans are actively planning the end of democracy.

Project 2025 accompanies every other issue imaginable: fair elections, freedom, pollution, worker safety, Medicare, Social Security education, freedom from religion, climate change, and a dozen more sub topics.

The "only thing" is abortion?

Lies!

This is why our country is on the brink of fascism right now. It's due to corporate media outlets like CNN downplaying the profound threat of Donald Trump.

CNN and other mainstream media are even worse than Fox because they *pretend* to actually be honest and balanced when they are clearly no such thing.

Here's the antitrump on abortion ad and then commentary by CNN. You can watch or skip through the ad.

The LIE mentioned above starts at about 3:00 minutes into the video.

That pundit also implies that this ad is extreme and couldn't possibly happen "feels like fan fiction" when things like this HAVE happened and it's still early. This is what happens if Trump is elected.

youtube

#corporate media is useless #cnn lies to its viewers #lincoln project ad on abortion #Youtube

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maximilianarmada · 2 months

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What in the flying fuck is this pretentious bullshit all about from Kamala & "Charli XCX?" This is super lame and corny as fuck 😂 Celebrities need to stop endorsing war criminals and corrupt politicians that they're too lazy and incompetent to actually study and analyze like serious political observers do.

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urlocalqueer · 3 months

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here's my thing. both of them are unfit. trump quotes Hitler and biden talks bullshit and doesn't know where he is half the time. if this was an actual democracy then we would have all of the qualified candidates up there, but no, cnn wouldn't let anyone but trump and biden on that stage. they wouldn't even let an audience in that room because they're fucking cowards. to my knowledge, jill stein hit the electorial vote number, so why wasn't she up there? this joke of a debate wasn't actually worth anything. it didn't show anyone anything except that both of them are fucking incompetent. do i think biden will keep some important protections for ppl if he was in office vs. trump? yes i do, but both of them suck ass. if major news media ever thought to mention third party candidates other than RFK then maybe people would feel like there's more of a choice. there are third party candidates who want to help and do good but who gives a fuck about that, right.

tldr: the two party system doesn't fucking work.

#tw us politics #tw rant

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jerseydeanne · 2 years

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It’s over the West has lost. Joe and Boris are two biggest losers.

(CNN) — Ukrainian city of Severodonetsk is now completely under the control of Russia. The city was one of the last major Ukrainian strongholds in the Luhansk region. ———————————————————- “Under Obama, Ukraine lost Crimea. Under Biden, Ukraine lost everything”. /DJT/ I feel for Ukrainians. Did they really believe Joe actually knew what he was doing? Now they see that the Brendan administration is totally incompetent to navigate any foreign policy affair successfully.

Yep, we weren't lying to you. It was mainstream media that was leading you around by the nose.

All that money we gave Ukraine is a dog and pony show. It's an illusion that Ukraine was winning.

Thank you for the ask!

Love, JD 😜💋

#Anon #ukraine #severodonetsk #Russia

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ataswegianabroad · 3 years

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Alone Amongst the Gum Trees Part 4 - Digital News Report: Australia - A Murdoch Review

NOTE - this article has been migrated to Medium. As of 2021, A Taswegian Abroad will be closed down, and all of my writing will be published on my Medium profile.

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After seeing a significant public outcry to my story based on a response to Sally McManus on twitter - I recently spoke with the ABC on being an Aussie overseas and the challenges we’ve faced getting home. The failure once again of Morrison’s government to provide enough vaccines and a proper quarantine system (covered up by the Murdoch Press protection racket) is having real implications on everyday Australians.

I strongly believe that for this to change, the media needs to perform its function of holding both elected officials, and their peers in the press, accountable for such actions.

Until Australia has reestablished media fairness among the press, improved media literacy amongst its citizens, and have mostly removed the cancer of Murdoch’s News Corp dominating mainstream media, we will never break this cycle of government ineptitude, gaslighting, negligence, and outright corruption with little to almost zero accountability.

You don't need to look far for proof. The ones that immediately come to mind for me:

2020 Bushfires and consistent climate change denial - "I don't hold a hose mate"

Freedom of speech is threatened where internet comedians get arrested in their own homes for making jokes about a LNP Deputy Premier

Kate and the horrendous Christian Porter alleged rape case

The four stage plan to make a plan about having a plan for Covid, 18 months into the pandemic, with literally no dates or vaccination targets.

Back in March, I caught onto calls for a Murdoch Royal Commission by former prime minister Kevin Rudd, and since then I’ve been keeping a very sharp eye on the Australian media landscape.

Despite over 500,000 petition signatures and the ramping exposure by Rudd online (leading to a full senate enquiry), the Murdoch press is doing its best to discredit, misdirect, or, blatantly ignore the storm that’s brewing. A couple of major things have caught my attention since that date.

News Corp outlets are still consistently cowing their competitors at Nine, Seven, the ABC, and more into towing the pro-Coalition narrative THEY choose, or, risk facing character assassination. This applies to everyone who dares step out of line: reporters, ministers, producers, senators, editors, presenters, janitors… no one is safe.

This sort of behaviour and influence is not easy to show on graphs and charts, but if you read between the lines, you can see it. Let me show you.

The ABC Presents the Data

In April of 2021, the ABC published a fact-file article outlining the power of the Murdoch press - the first article from an at least somewhat reputable source addressing this that I’ve seen on this topic.

The biggest things I took from it are that despite there seeming to be a diverse ownership pool across many mediums, News Corp (Murdoch) newspapers significantly dominate the national market for print papers, and, have recently been crowned leaders of the #1 source of news for Australians: social media (via mostly viral, opinion, and video based content primarily from News.com.au and Sky News pages on Facebook and YouTube).

Remember this point - spoiler alert: it’s important.

At the recent senate enquiries, News Corp claims there is in fact diversity - focusing on different mediums such as online, social media, radio, television etc. available to represent “diversity”. This is response refers to medium diversity, and is quite frankly a misdirection based on a technicality to avoid the real question. Classic News Corp.

Rudd says “each story published online or broadcast over the airwaves finds its point of origin in a print story, often a Murdoch print story". The former PM is referring to content diversity where factual reporting reigns supreme, and different points of view are given equal time in the sun without the blurring of opinion and fact.

As Kevin likes to say: “pigs might fly”

While you might be thinking “so what? News Corp is strong in print and social, Nine is strong for television and online news, ABC is strong on radio and social, Seven is strong on radio and television etc” - I’d like to ask you a question: where then is the accountability for elected officials in the media?

The Murdoch press won’t say a word about the Coalition’s ever growing laundry list of corruption, negligence, ineptitude or incompetence, but if a Labor politician sneezes, they’re likely to be labelled a Covid super spreader on the front page of 15 national and state papers the next day.

How about this doozy from the Herald Sun in May 2021 after Dan Andrews quite literally broke his back and took medical leave:

I didn’t see one peep from the Murdoch reptiles about Morrison's three day actual disappearing act only last week after his bogus "AstraZeneca is OK for under 40’s / go to your GP” comments.

The key thing to point out here is that the news provider who ranks number one in Australia's largest news medium (social media) is a well known right wing protection racket that doesn’t show any signs of slowing down, and there's mountains of evidence that exists to prove they don’t play a fair game.

Let’s Go To the Numbers

To really drill down into how important online media control is, I found the Digital News Report: Australia 2021 (i.e “the report” for the rest of this article), recently published by the University of Canberra by way of the Reuters Digital News Report: 2021

Below I've outlined a number of key headers from the report, and more specifically tried to point out exactly where Murdoch and News Corp are exploiting and manipulating their way into control. The data shows us both what has been going on, and the direction it will likely continue in.

Having worked in digital marketing for the better part of the last four years, I couldn’t wait to dive into this data and explain just how much of a rort this all is for the sake of profit.

1: Local News

Replaced by Murdoch Sky News, Invests in Social Media

“For ‘hard news’ such as local politics, economy, crime and health, local news consumers continue to turn to traditional local news outlets, such as the newspaper or TV. However, for most other news and information, consumers are using internet search and other internet sites to get localised information.”

The report tells us that:

“2020 was a difficult year in Australian news sector, with news companies closing or suspended. This is in part a response to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it reflects a longer-term gradual decline in newspaper consumption that is replaced by online offerings”

So why did the BBC report in 2020 that Murdoch shuts 112 Australia print papers in major digital shift? CNN covered it too, as did the Guardian. I couldn’t find anything on a Murdoch owned site or outlet. That’s because Rupert is rolling out “Sky News Regional” to replace them all.

The report outlines:

“This year’s data highlights the important role of newspapers in generating a sense of community, particularly among older news consumers . Further, newspapers are perceived to be the best source of information about local government and politics, which is central to the functioning and accountability of local communities. It is important for industry and government to remember that the closure of a local newspaper not only leaves a gap in the provision of quality news, but also a loss of critical information that is connected to people’s sense of attachment to their community”

How on earth does one far-right Sydney run “news” channel represent hundreds of regional communities? Answer: It doesn’t - it’s designed to influence regional voters to think the way that suits the Murdoch press agenda.

2: Impartiality of News

Murdoch Cuts ABC Funding via Coalition, Ramps-Up Online Polarisation

The report tells us that

“traditionally, values of independence, and impartiality — or ‘objectivity’ — have been central to journalism’s mission and deemed important to perceptions of trust in news. However, in the digital media environment, former demarcations between news, features, opinion, and advertising continue to blur.

“News audiences are becoming more polarised and are increasingly attracted to news brands that offer partisan perspectives.”

What you’re seeing here is that while the data reveals a strong desire for news outlets to attempt fairness, balance, and an impartial approach to reporting - the demographics more likely to use social media (the medium that Murdoch now leads, mostly containing Millennials and Gen Z) are less supportive of impartiality, neutrality and giving equal time. More on this in Part 8.

On the flip side:

"news consumers who prefer impartiality are much more likely to say they distrust news on social media.”

“Both the 2020 and 2021 data highlight that these traditional journalism ideals are more strongly supported by older generations and those who use traditional sources of news."

You need not look further than the blatant defunding of the ABC to see how the Murdoch Cancer continues to take over.

So, if the majority of Australians believe the ABC is impartial and does a “good job”, why has the ABC had $783m in funding cut since 2014 by the Coalition government?

Seems to suit the Murdoch agenda pretty nicely.

3: News Representation

Low Media Literacy in Under-Represented Demographics

“Importantly, a large proportion of Australians say they don’t know if the amount of media coverage of ‘people like them’ is sufficient or fair. Those who have low education are much more likely to say they don’t know. This indicates a lack of engagement and adequate media literacy to identify misrepresentation and bias in the news.

“Combined with a lack of awareness about misinformation, lower interest in and consumption of news, these findings confirm the ongoing need for targeted media literacy interventions"

The only way the public can push back against misinformation is by knowing they’re witnessing it first hand. That does not suit what Murdoch is selling.

Misinformation breeds confusion, smoke and mirrors, and is aided by political spin, gaslighting and stone throwing to keep people moderately confused and ultimately giving up on understanding the “truth”, or, deciding their own convenient version of truth.

The closure of the Australian Alternative Press due to revoked funding by Nine and News Corp in 2020 should be enough to tell you the media landscape is gravitating consistently to the right.

4: News Access

People Losing Interest, Murdoch Keeps the Elderly Onside

As traditional mediums (television, radio, and print) are on the decline, social media and online news is on the rise with the aid of mobile device popularity (45% of Australians preferred news devices).

It's not a surprise to learn that during COVID-19, older Australians have increasingly turned to social media platforms to get news.

“The percentage of 75+ who use social media as their main source of news has more than tripled in two years from 3% to 10%. Among this age group, social media is now comparable to print use.” the report states.

While it’s hard to point this as a direct plot by News Corp, this is still great news for Murdoch. All News Corp had to do was weaken the traditional mediums that aren’t making them as much money, and push the audience toward social media. It worked.

75+ votes still count, and they are more likely to click the “clickbait” articles to make News Corp that sweet, sweet ad platform revenue.

5: Emerging New Habits

Murdoch Funds the Fuel for the Fire

Despite people being somewhat varied on their social media usage for news specifically, the important statistic here is that more than half of Australians consume news videos.

The below statistics from the ABC should set alarm bells screaming. To put it plainly:

More people on social media than ever before

Murdoch ramps up social media content (Facebook posts / videos & YouTube videos mainly), then mega-funds paid advertising on said content

Drives subscribers and views through the roof

Overtakes ABC (yes, the one he’s got his politician friends/puppets actively defunding)

Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

The ABC outlines that:

“Fact Check has analysed audience data for media accounts on what Canberra University found were the two most popular platforms: Facebook (used by 39 per cent of news consumers ) and YouTube (21 per cent).”

“Data from the analytics site Social Blade shows that Sky News Australia's YouTube channel had more than a million subscribers at the start of 2021, having doubled its following in just six months. Its subscriber base began to pull ahead of Channel 7 and Channel 9 from mid-2020, and by March 2021 Sky had overtaken ABC News”

The University of Canberra report aligns to these trends, and summaries that:

“Australian news consumers are accessing news online from a diverse range of sources including news videos, podcast apps, and numerous social media platforms alongside traditional branded news websites.”

“Although social (media) is the most common main pathway to news online it is common for consumers on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram to say they mostly see news incidentally while they are on those platforms for other reasons.”

6: Trust and Misinformation

Rupert’s Bread & Butter

“Tackling disinformation and misinformation is complex and won’t be solved by platforms alone. Responsibility must be shared across governments, digital platforms, users, news media and society to make sure Australians can access accurate and reliable news and information online, while ensuring rights to freedom of expression are protected.”

Creina Chapman, Deputy Chair, Australian Communications and Media Authority

This in part ties back to my earlier points in part 3 regarding media literacy - the report indicates that trust remains high where people use both multiple mediums AND multiple sources for news. This is further compounded by the evidence that low educated readers are less likely to know they’ve encountered misinformation.

The report confirms this by indicating:

“The differences between high and low educated Australian consumers in relation to concern about COVID-19 misinformation and their ability to discern it, points to an ongoing need to boost media and information literacy among socio-economically disadvantaged groups in Australia”

The ABC and SBS still continue to be the most trusted brands, however, it needs to be highlighted that “Local or Regional Newspaper” comes in third (62% trustworthy) - the vast majority of which Murdoch owns.

In 2020, survey participants were most concerned about Australian governments and politicians being sources of general misinformation (35%), followed by activists or activist groups (20%).

Despite this, 2021 shows that trust in news has increased in 2021 (43%), rebounding off trust associated with COVID-19 news reporting. The report breaks this down further:

“The data show(s) that concern about journalism as a source of misinformation about COVID-19 is very low (9%). In 2018, we asked about ‘fake news’ and 63% of news consumers said they were concerned about poor quality journalism as a source of ‘fake news’, and 40% said they had encountered it. This signals a possible positive shift in perception of journalism after 12 months of reporting expert health advice about the COVID-19 pandemic.”

"The data also highlight(s) ongoing low levels of trust in news found on social media (18%) compared to trust in news generally. Given much of the news encountered on digital platforms is the same as that which appears on the homepages and front pages of well-respected news brands, the findings suggest that the nature of the online environment itself is one the factors lowering perceptions of trust, rather than the news content."

Creina Chapman, Deputy Chair, Australian Communications and Media Authority states in the report that:

“In the context of online news, nearly two-thirds of Australians remain concerned about what is real and fake on the internet. And a variety of surveys over the past 12 months have shown a concerning portion of the population believe dangerous falsehoods about COVID-19 that have been circulating online.

"Any lack of trust in authoritative or reliable sources of news and information is particularly worrisome during a global pandemic, as it may drive people to spaces where misinformation is more prevalent. This, in turn, increases exposure to false conspiratorial narratives that can result in real-world harm to both individual users and broader societal institutions”

Where does Murdoch benefit here? Same as always: smoke, mirrors, confusion, and spin all wrapped into enormous volumes of social media content.

7: Paying for News and Funding Journalism

Conveniently Avoiding the Issue

“To ensure media diversity and plurality in Australia, a mix of substantive, fiscal measures is necessary to support, transition and stimulate existing news businesses and encourage new entrants”

Anna Draffin, Chief Executive Officer, Public Interest Journalism Initiative

Despite a fair and balanced media being a must-have for any democracy - this is not surprising, given the low amounts of trust for online media content. Overall, given that Australians are not concerned about the poor financial state of news outlets, it’s sad but not surprising that many feel the government should not step in to help.

What is the most dangerous here is the simple fact that when there’s no money to fund decent and ethical journalism, we end up with tabloids, opinion pieces, shock jocks, and anything that just gets you to first: SEE it (an “impression” in the marketing world) and second: CLICK on it. Both of these things make News Corp richer.

Here’s the report evidence:

“A quarter (25%) of left-wing news consumers and 27% of centre-leaning are supportive of government intervention (to assist struggling journalism). However, more than half of right-wing (58%) news consumers are opposed to government assistance for financially struggling news companies."

“This is consistent with the findings that left-wing news consumers are more likely to say they are concerned about the financial state of news businesses (41%) compared to centre (37%) or right-wing (34%) news consumers”.

News consumers who think their political views are represented fairly for online news are another win for Murdoch. This is compounded by the fact that those who think news should take a position are also more likely to pay for that news.

That means if the mainstream media is pro-right wing, for example, then more people look at right wing news and pay for right wing reporting, ultimately leaving the left without funding, and fighting a losing battle. All Murdoch needs to do is discredit who he deems as “left” and it’s game over.

But Murdoch doesn’t need subscriptions. That’s just pocket money for him. With the introduction of the News Media Bargaining Code, Rupert & News Corp continue to improve their financial revenue streams through digital marketing strategies (views and clicks) without needing people to pay for fact based, objective journalism.

8: Political Orientation

Stealing the Centre & Making Opinion the “News”

Of all the elements of this report, this one shocks and upsets me the most.

The majority of Australians (61%) identify with the centre-left of politics (30% political ‘centre’ and 31% identify as either ‘very left-wing’, ‘fairly left-wing’ or ‘slightly left of centre’).

Only 22% of Australians align themselves with the right wing, and 18% don’t know their political orientation.

Younger generations have historically been the drivers of progressive social change, and younger Australians are more concerned about the environment and the impacts of things like climate change and equality.

Clare Armstrong, National Political Reporter at the The Daily Telegraph outlines in the commentary that:

“many young Australians may rightly feel their futures, livelihoods and social activities have been either jeopardised or overlooked by a centre-right government, and subsequently a larger cohort has been pushed toward the left”

To begin in closing, based on this - how do Conservative/Right Wing parties keep winning federal elections?

It’s by doing exactly what we’ve mentioned in the first 7 sections:

Flooding the online and social media landscape with non-factual spin and confusion

This is aided by the bedrock of owning the majority of national, capital city, and regional papers which in turn steer the daily political narrative on television/radio

This is all driven home by bullying competitors into following suit, or, suffering the consequences

There is no governing or peer run body with teeth (or guts) to hold Murdoch and News Corp responsible or accountable

According to the report;

“Younger generations, who say they feel less attached to their local community, and who also access social media widely for general news, are more likely to seek local news and information from the internet and online platforms.”

As Clare Armstrong also states:

“Social media has significantly fuelled political polarisation in the last decade as its algorithms, by design, show users more of what they want to see, rather than a broader mix of ideas presented in traditional media.”

In summary - this quote from the Political Orientation trends leaves a long-lasting impression on my psyche:

“Left-wing news consumers (61% of the country) are more comfortable with news that takes a position rather than maintaining neutrality.”

Rupert has them right where he wants them: thinking that opinion is news.

#murdochroyalcommission #scotty from marketing #covid australia #auspol

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pcwpolwrestling · 4 years

Text

PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020-Part Two

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

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[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part Two Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Sunday January 3rd, 2021

PART ONE-PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020 -PCW Owner Dawn McGill welcomes everyone back to PCW. She then announces a ‘compromise’ with Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) and Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner will face ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner and Kevin Daniels of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title. -McGill also announces that at the end of the show- she will announce who the new CEO of PCW will be: Donald Trump (American Patriots) or Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) -MATCH #1-Kayleigh McEnaney defeats CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter in a handicap match -MATCH #2/ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -Gavin Newsom (CA-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to California. -MATCH #3/SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -Both Joe Biden and Donald Trump interview with PCW Owner Dawn McGill for the PCW CEO position. -MATCH #4/PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises (Conservative Inc./American Patriots) defeat The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) and The Deplorables (American Heartland Coalition) -MATCH #5/ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) vs. Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) joined in progress. The show is stopped at that point by Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.

Cut to a replay of the end of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One:

EPILOGUE Darkened room. Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens. Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Lincoln Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on! I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan? Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look. We stopped the show for the evening. That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t. Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time. Operation Dominion is in effect.

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

Crowd Chant: “PCW! PCW! PCW!…”

Suave welcomes everyone back for part two of PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020.

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE BABY!”

Johnny Suave: “Well, not quite.”

Suave introduces the Alabama Senate Medallion Match that was going to be shown via highlights on Extreme Election Night 2020 Part One.

VIDEO-Alabama Senate Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) –Tuberville finishes off Jones. Cover. One – two – three!

WINNER: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots)

Johnny Suave: “Tommy Tuberville rolls past Doug Jones and that’s another win for the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: Again, we the media have not called that match so there’s no winner.

Suave notes that with the win, the American Patriots hold a two match to one advantage over the Progressive Alliance and that it all comes down to the Gary Peters-John James match later on tonight.

Crowder objects again. “It’s one to nothing Progressive Alliance as both the earlier South Carolina match and the Alabama match have NOT been called by us,” Crowder maintains.

Suave rolls his eyes and runs through the lineup for tonight’s show.

FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

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For the second time at Extreme Election Night 2020, PCW Owner Dawn McGill makes her way out- this time she goes to the ring.

Dawn McGill “The 6 Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt” HT: 6’ 0″ WT: 130 / HOME: Dallas, TX FIN: McGill Bomb

Colleen Crowder: “What is SHE doing out here?”

Johnny Suave: “Um. She’s the owner of PCW. She’s got news to deliver?”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s OUR job! We determine what’s newsworthy for the people.”

Johnny Suave: “And that’s why Donald Trump uses Twitter to go around people like you.”

Colleen Crowder: “HEY!”

McGill climbs in. Suave sends to the ring for remarks from the owner of PCW.

TALKING BOUT HEROES The first thing Dawn McGill does is profusely thanks everyone who came to the show tonight.

Dawn McGill: “I keep saying this but you have to understand that I truly mean this. PCW isn’t about the big shots. PCW is all about YOU – the people. We do this for you.”

She then asks if there’s any first responders on hand tonight.

A few stand up.

Dawn McGill: “Let’s show them our appreciation.”

The crowd responds in kind and gives the first responders on hand an ovation.

Dawn then asks if there’s anyone here who recovered from having COVID. Again, a few people stand up and again the crowd gives out an ovation.

Colleen Crowder: “She’s just sucking up to the rabble.”

Johnny Suave: “Or she really means what she says and doesn’t have a narrative in mind.”

Crowder’s offended but McGill continues. She next asks if there’s anyone here tonight who runs a small business to please stand up.

Several do and they are greeted with an ovation from the PCW fans.

Dawn McGill: “Okay. Finally, everyone please stand up.”

They do.

Dawn McGill: “These have been unprecedented times. Yet, you’ve persevered. You’ve kept going. You’ve weathered or continue to weather the storm. You’re here. You are all heroes. Give yourself a hand.”

They do.

Dawn McGill: Thank you so much for coming out here tonight. You get it. But they don’t get it. Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, Nancy Pelosi, and Chuck Schumer. They just don’t get it. Conservative Inc.- people if given the chance would sell our souls for the corporate dollar. They just don’t get it. So let me make this clear to everyone inside the Washington Beltway. PCW is-NOT-here-for-you.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dawn McGill: PCW is not here for the American Patriots. PCW is not here for the Progressive Alliance. PCW is not here for the big money special interest groups. PCW is here for YOU…

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dawn McGill: …the fans. People like me and people like you who pay their bills on time – don’t spend money they don’t have – who don’t run up debt with no intention of paying the money back. You know, the stuff the people inside the Washington D.C. beltway are unwilling or completely incompetent at doing.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen is momentarily startled by Suave’s outburst.

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill just virtue signaled!

Crowder grumbled something under her breath but doesn’t actually respond- or maybe no one can’t hear her as the noise level is deafening

The video screen comes to life.

Johnny Suave: “What the hell is going on?”

The video screen zeroes in on a scuffle backstage.

Who’s Involved? Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy’s Progressive Flock -The Green World Order: GreenPete, PeaceNick, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, Peta from PETA -The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna the foul-mouthed sidekick -Code Pink and Emily S. List -The League of Anti-Fascists: Ted and Chaz

American Heartland Coalition -Charlie Blackwell -‘PCW’s Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Johnny Suave: “Professor McCarthy’s Flock are beating down Charlie Blackwell and Tessa Martin. Both are scheduled to wrestle later on in the evening!”

Colleen Crowder: “It looks like a peaceful protest to me, Johnny.”

Blackwell gets flung into the wall by GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee.

Code Pink glitter bombs Tessa – she’s blinded. Emily S. List then DDT’s her to the floor.

“Yeah. Totally peaceful,” Suave says in a tone totally dripping with sarcasm.

Dawn immediately rolls out of the ring and takes off for the back.

Johnny Suave: “While Dawn checks out the situation, let’s show some of the House War Games Match between the Progressive Alliance and the American Patriots.”

Suave explains that two years ago, the Progressive Alliance ended the American Patriots run of victories that dated back to 2010.

Colleen Crowder: Two years ago, the Progressive Alliance won a decisive victory. Tonight, our polling states they will win and win easily.

————————————————-

MATCH #6/HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

American Patriots: Lauren Boebert (CO)) Burgess Owens (UT) Jim Jordan (OH) Kimberly Klacik (MD) Lee Haywood (NC)

vs.

Progressive Alliance: Adam Schiff (CA) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY) Deborah K. Ross (NC) Kathy Manning (NC) Ben McAdams (UT)

————————————————-

Johnny Suave: “The time limit is twenty minutes. Whomever has the most wrestlers left at the end of twenty minutes wins the match.”

Adam Schiff and Kimberly Klacik immediately lock up in the middle of the ring to start the match.

Johnny Suave: “Maryland’s Kimberly Klacik came out with a campaign video that went viral.”

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Johnny Suave: “She’s gained a lot of attention and she’s trying to be successful in a district that overwhelming supports the Progressive Alliance. How far can she go tonight in this match?”

Schiff pushes Klacik to the corner. Side head lock by Klacik, but Schiff breaks free and hits a drop kick. Then he near decapitates Klacik with a clothesline. Schiff covers. One. Two. Three.

Kimberly Klacik (American Patriots) eliminated.

Johnny Suave: “Apparently not that long.”

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE! IT’S A BLUE WAVE!”

Jim Jordan lands a punch to Schiff’s jaw but misses a kick. Ross misses a Pelé kick. Jordan rolls her up for a two count. Jordan hits a back drop to Ross and Lee Haywood whips her to the corner. Lauren Boebert levels Ross with a stiff punch. Burgess Owens tags Ben McAdams with a right hand. McAdams counters an Owens’s suplex into a sleeper – Owens flips him forward to break the hold and goes to work with a volley of kicks. Boebert goes after Manning’s ankle.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez charges around the ring and levels Boebert. Ocasio-Cortez rolls Boebert into the ring and goes to work on her. Jamaal Bowman tags Owens with a right hand. Bowman and Owens circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring. Bowman locks in a standing side head lock and goes for shoulder tackle, but Owens barely budges. Bowman misses a splash in the corner. Bowman lifts Owens onto his shoulder, but Owens escapes and lands on his feet. McAdams comes in and finally takes Owens off his feet. Head butt by McAdams and he works over Owens in the corner. McAdams runs the ropes and takes down Owens with a drop kick. McAdams for the pinfall – Owens kicks out. McAdams runs the ropes again – Owens catches McAdams on the return with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Owens hooks the leg. One. Two. Three.

Ben McAdams (Progressive Alliance) eliminated.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?

Johnny Suave: “BURGESS OWENS DEFEATS BEN McADAMS AND THE AMERICAN PATRIOTS TIE THIS MATCH UP!”

Crowder pulls herself together.

Colleen Crowder: “Still plenty of time for the Progressive Alliance to win. We’ve already projected it.”

Manning levels Haywood and heads up top. Haywood catches her and slams Manning to the mat. Cover. One. Two –

Johnny Suave: “MANNING KICKS OUT!”

Crowder almost appears relieved.

With time running short, Jim Jordan goes to work with super kicks on Adam Schiff and the two men battle back and forth. Lauren Boebert blocks a running power slam from Ocasio-Cortez and posts her in the corner. They get into a heated back and forth battle. Deborah K. Ross hits a forearm shot over the top rope on Lee Haywood. Kathy Manning follows with a kick to Haywood. Schiff throws Jordan over the top rope and then engages with Burgess Owens. Manning and Ross drag Haywood to ring center- DOUBLE DDT! Manning covers. One. Two. THREE!

Lee Haywood (American Patriots) eliminated.

Neither team could score a pinfall the rest of the match. When the bell sounds the Progressive Alliance hold a slim 4-3 advantage and pick up the win.

WINNER: Team Progressive Alliance @ 20:00

Colleen Crowder: “YES! Just like we called it!”

Johnny Suave: “For the second consecutive Extreme Election Night, the Progressive Alliance win the House War Games Match. This one was very close though.”

Crowder calls it further proof a ‘blue wave’ is taking over PCW. Suave ignores her.

BACKSTAGE PCW cameras find Charlie Blackwell and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin laid out on the floor backstage being attended to by Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew. Also on hand, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and the Deplorables.

No sign of Professor McCarthy’s Flock.

More worrying, no sign of PCW Owner Dawn McGill. One of the Deplorables finds a heel shoe McGill was wearing on the floor and brings it to McAvay.

McAvay asks if anyone’s seen McGill? The PCW Clean-Up Crew tell him the only people they found were Blackwell and Martin.

McAvay immediately sends the Deplorables out to look for Dawn McGill.

**********************************

MATCH #7/MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

**********************************

Peters goes right after James. Rights to James. James pushes him down. Peters pops back up. A dropkick to James. James sends Peters out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: “That was a tough fall. Peters is a little shaken up.”

Colleen Crowder: “He’s just giving James false hope. This one’s in the bag.”

Peters back in. James hits an Enziguri and beats down Peters a bit. Hangman’s DDT. Cover. One. Two- Peters kicks out. James runs the ropes from side to side and dropkick’s Peters’s leg! Peters hobbles into a single leg takedown! Cover. One – TWO! Again Peters kicks out. James keeps the pressure on. He goes after the leg with a standing kneebar. Peters endures. James takes him down again and covers. One – Two – NO!

Johnny Suave: “Gary Peters stays alive in this match.”

Colleen Crowder: “He’s got John James right where he wants him, Johnny.”

Peters throws a haymaker and rocks James! James returns the favor and throws haymakers right back. James kicks the bad leg – Peters falls to the mat. James with a sunset flip – cover. One – TWO! Peters survives again. James stands and takes Peters’s bad leg. Spin.

Johnny Suave: “FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!”

James has it in tight and Peters’s is in a lot of trouble.

Johnny Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. It’s all under control.”

James releases the hold and hooks the leg.

Colleen Crowder: “We’re projecting that Gary Peters is going to WIN this match!”

One. Two. TH-

But before James can get to three, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson run down and pull the referee out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLD IT!”

Whitmer sprays mace into the referee’s eyes. He falls to the floor and is out of commission.

James goes over to the ropes to find out what’s going on. Bad idea.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST MACED JOHN JAMES!”

James stumbles back and falls over Peters. Peters immediately rolls him up.

A new referee slides into the ring.

ONETWOTHREE!

Johnny Suave: “QUICK COUNT!”

The referee calls for the bell and then takes off towards the back.

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE!”

WINNER: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) @ 8:10

Suave can’t believe it.

Johnny Suave: “John James had this match won but Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson pulled the referee out of the ring. Whitmer maced the referee, then John James. Peters rolled up James to get the win.”

Crowder interrupts and informs Suave that the Progressive Alliance are now 2-0 against the American Patriots in the Senate Medallion competition. Suave no-sells Crowder and corrects her.

Johnny Suave: “With the win, it’s now tied up at two and two for the night. Mark Kelly and Gary Peters win for the Progressive Alliance. Lindsey Graham and Tommy Tuberville for the American Patriots. The Progressive Alliance won a tight House War Games Match. And now it’s down to our final two matches of the night. The PCW Women’s Title match. And the PCW Title match.”

Crowder attempts to cut in but Suave gets a message in his earpiece. It’s breaking news…

BACKSTAGE Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew are back at work attending to Ray McAvay.

Johnny Suave: “Dawn McGill is missing. Charlie Blackwell and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin were attacked and can’t wrestle now in their matches. And now Ray McAvay has been taken out.”

Colleen Crowder: “The important thing Johnny is our narrative and our narrative states the Progressive Alliance are doing well tonight- the Donald Trump era of PCW is mercifully coming to an end.”

Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box.

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, and Executive Director of the Lincoln Project Sarah Lenti continue to watch the show from their suite. The Cokes glance over and meet eyes with…

Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX …George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance. There’s smiles all the way around.

Johnny Suave: “Well. The Cokes and Moros seem pleased with the turn of events here. Too pleased.”

Suave thinks something is definitely up.

A STREET CORNER IN STANSTEAD, QUEBEC Along the banks of the River Tomifobia at the street sign marking the corner of Rue Dufferin and Cordeau and with a large blue sign welcoming people to the province of Quebec in the background, stand Meghan Markle and her bonny Prince Harry.

Meghan Markle: As long as that contemptable Donald Trump is the CEO of the Political Universe, this is as close as I’m going to get to the border of the United States.

Prince Harry: Yes dear. Whatever you want, dear.

Markle is at least happy that a proper woman will hold the PCW Women’s title after tonight- Kathryn Randall Collins.

Meghan Markle: She’ll be much better than that awful Sierra Whalen.

She adds that KRC’s win will be another shot across the bow to get rid of Trump and allow her to return to Los Angeles- home of the enlightened people.

Prince Harry: If we could could just fly in for a weekend, we could get to see KRC wrestle and-

And that sends the royal into a fit.

Meghan Markle: NO. NOnononononoNO!

Markle hops up and down and screams.

Meghan Markle: I will NOT set foot in that country until that horrible man is out of power. She turns to Harry who sighs.

Prince Harry: Whatever she wants- she gets.

Cut back to the broadcast desk…

Johnny Suave: Well, I’ll give her credit for sticking to her guns and actually staying out of the country – unlike the other celebs who swore up and down they were going to leave the country and didn’t.

Colleen Crowder: It’s not fair. If Donald Trump would just go away, Meghan Markle could finally come home.

Johnny Suave: Well, there’s another reason to hope Donald Trump prevails in 2020.

Colleen Crowder: JOHNNY!

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The entrance music of Sierra Whalen comes on and the Alaskan Rogue appears.

‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen AGE: 29 / HT: 5’ 9” WT: 120 / HOME: Palmer, AK FIN: Eskimo Pieface

Johnny Suave: “KRC versus Sierra Whalen. It’s time for our first main event of the night. The PCW Women’s Title match.”

Whalen makes her way down towards the ring.

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KRC comes out next.

Kathryn Randall Collins “KRC” AGE: 37 / HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 145 / HOME: Ft. Myers, FL FIN: Gogoplata

Colleen Crowder: I agree wholeheartedly with Meghan Markle. If there’s any justice in this world, that little inbred redneck will not get a sniff of a chance to win the belt. Kathryn Randall Collins is a proper role model for women and we believe she will win.

The national media has also arrived at ringside: CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, Fox News, One America News, and NewsMax. Immediately, the ‘traditional’ news outlets (CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, and MSNBC) object to OAN and NewsMax being at ringside and there’s a lot of back and forth chirping between the two sides.

The referee is ready to go and the match begins.

**********************************

MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:

Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots)

**********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is for the PCW Women’s title!”

KRC and Whalen eye each other as they slowly meet at the center. Lock up. Whalen looks to have gained the advantage but KRC swiftly takes an arm wringer. Whalen reverses – KRC reverses back – Whalen reverses and shoves KRC away. We start over. The crowd buzzes as again KRC and Whalen glare at each other. They circle. Lock up – Whalen takes a chop from Parker. Whalen returns the favor. KRC feints a chop and drives a thrust kick into the chest of Whalen. Whalen down – cover. One – two – Whalen shoots the shoulder up and rolls out of the ring. KRC paces back and forth impatiently.

ABC’s Martha Raddatz and Jon Karl immediately grab Whalen and throw her back into the ring.

Johnny Suave: “And there’s our impartial, independent media at work again.”

Colleen Crowder: “They’re just doing their job Johnny.”

Lock up. KRC takes control. Belly to back suplex. Collins then hits three rolling gutwrench suplexes in a row. Cover. One – two – Whalen kicks out.

Suave thinks that was a ‘fast count.’

Colleen Crowder: “That was a perfect count.”

Whalen slowly climbs back to her feet. KRC waves her towards her – Whalen swipes at KRC. KRC boots Whalen again! KRC rocks Whalen with an uppercut – another uppercut. She runs the ropes and eats a shoulder block from Whalen. Whalen covers. One…………two…….. KRC kicks out.

Johnny Suave: “Okay. That count seemed to be a little on the slow side.”

Colleen Crowder: “All these complaints about the counts. Gosh Johnny, it’s like you want Sierra Whalen to win.”

Johnny Suave: “Actually Colleen, it’s glaringly evident to everyone with the IQ of a brick that you want KRC to win.”

Crowder goes indignant but the match continues.

KRC takes Whalen to the ropes and drags her head across the ropes. She backs up and throws another haymaker. KRC runs the ropes – Whalen backdrops KRC and then follows with a snap suplex. She lays the boots to KRC and drops a leg on her thigh. Whalen’s elbow connects. KRC pushes back and staggers to get up. Whalen pushes her backward and rushes in to ram into her against the corner turnbuckle. Whalen fires off furious fists. She’s admonished by the referee for using a closed fist. KRC returns fire and Whalen backs away. She looks at the referee- the referee shakes his head.

Johnny Suave: “And that wasn’t a closed fist?”

Colleen Crowder: “Stop being so obvious. You want Whalen to win.”

Whalen launches herself forward and whips KRC into the corner. Now Whalen charges in – MSNBC’s Joy Reid and Rachel Maddow to the ring apron – THEY PULL KRC OUT OF THE WAY! *COLLISION* Whalen slams into the corner turnbuckle and slides down to a seated position. Now MSNBC’s Brian Williams, CNN’s Chris Cuomo and Anderson Cooper blatantly choke Whalen while the referee is ‘distracted.’

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

The referee finally puts a stop to the Whalen mugging. KRC back on offense. Scoop slam. Cover. One-two- Whalen kicks out. KRC lifts her up- DEATH VALLEY DRIVER TO WHALEN! Cover. One-two- Whalen just kicks out.

Johnny Suave: “This match has been turned on its ear by blatant outside interference.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s simply not true Johnny and shame on you for spreading fake news. We are now projecting that Kathryn Randall Collins will become the new PCW Women’s Champion.”

Whalen reaches for the ropes but her hand’s about a foot and half away. She tries to inch closer. Finally, KRC whaps her in the back of the head and pulls her to the middle of the ring. Whalen tries to kick her way out. KRC sits on her back and grabs hold of her wrists. She crosses Whalen’s arms under her chin and pulls back on the arms.

Johnny Suave: Straitjacket by KRC and she is in control of this match.

Whalen fights out and tries to pull herself up – KRC collects her and drives her to the mat with a powerbomb. Whalen hits hard. KRC moves in for the kill. She hooks the leg. One–two–THREE!

Crowder nearly jumps out of her chair. She lets out a loud ‘whoop!’

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:04

Johnny Suave: “With an assist from the media, Kathryn Randall Collins of the Progressive Alliance has defeated the American Patriots’ Sierra Whalen and she is the new PCW Women’s Champion!”

While KRC celebrates inside the ring, OAN and NewsMax get into a heated argument with CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, and even Fox News over what just happened.

Before Crowder can get started, Suave pre-emptively sends it to a commercial break.

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio stands outside his house to make his plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to the Empire State- New York.

Bill de Blasio: “Joe. When you become the new PCW CEO tonight, please think about New York City!”

Johnny Suave: “Business leaving in droves.”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

De Blasio says with all due respect to California, New York City is a big event city. He hails New York City as the place where nobody sleeps.

While the Mayor speaks, Harry and Marv of Home Alone fame remove furniture and valuables from de Blasio’s house.

Johnny Suave: “Oh. And a crime problem, too.”

Bill de Blasio: “New York City is the place to be.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Bill de Blasio: “So come on Joe. Move PCW to the big time. Move to New York City…”

Harry and Marv remove de Blasio’s watch and steal the keys to his car.

Bill de Blasio: “…so you too can live the New York dream!”

*********************************

Suave begins the pre-match run-up to tonight’s main event by showing highlights from the Progressive Alliance convention.

(VIDEO: PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE MATCH RESULTS) Deval Patrick, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Michael Bennet, Andrew Yang, Amy Klobucher, Tom Steyer, Michael Bloomberg, Tulsi Gabbard, John K. Delaney, Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigleg

Elimination is through being tossed over the top rope.

-Tulsi Gabbard is not allowed into the arena and prevented from participating in the match.

-Delaney and Patrick, Bennet, Steyer, and Yang go really early.

-Klobuchar and Buttgleg put up more of a fight but then they fall away.

Mike Bloomberg labored throughout the match and gets rolled up out of the blue by Elizabeth Warren. Bloomberg finishes a disappointing fourth.

Warren goes next. Sanders pins her.

Then it’s down to two- Sanders vs. Biden.

This comes down to Sanders and Biden grappling on the mat. Sanders rolls him up.

One…

Two…

South Carolina Senator Jim Clyburn, with the blessing of the Progressive Alliance establishment, runs in and rolls Biden on top of Sanders.

One…

Two…

Three! The referee calls for the bell.

WINNER: Joe Biden @ 19:50

(END VIDEO)

Johnny Suave: “That’s how Joe Biden won his math. Let’s see how Donald Trump got here as he faced off against Joe Walsh (hint: NOT the guitarist) and William Weld in the American Patriots match at their convention.”

(VIDEO: AMERICAN PATRIOTS MATCH RESULTS) CEO of the Political Universe Donald Trump (R-NY) vs. Joe Walsh (R-IL) vs. William Weld (R-MA)

The bell sounds.

Trump comes out and kicks Walsh in the balls. DDT by Trump. Cover.

Walsh is eliminated. (:12)

Then Weld rushes in. Trump drop toeholds Weld and he hits the corner turnbuckle. Cover.

One…two…THREE- Weld’s done. (:25)

WINNER: Donald Trump @ :25

(END VIDEO)

Johnny Suave: “Donald Trump took an easy victory over Joe Walsh and William Weld and now we’ve reached the moment of truth. Our ring announcer is Kimber Marshall and let’s send it to her now.”

Marshall stands in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: “Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be…”

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: “And it will be for the PCW Title! Introducing first…

youtube

Johnny Suave: “Ah. Bruce Springsteen. Another one of the many celebs who’ve promised to move out of the US if Trump wins.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you bad mouth ‘The Boss.’ Springsteen speaks the truth.”

Joe Biden comes out with his wife Dr. Jill Biden (and don’t you forget the ‘Dr.’ part). Behind him is his choice for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris.

Then Marshall announces the Progressive Alliance wrestler taking part in the match.

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 200 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN: The True Hollywood Blockbuster

Daniels comes out and shakes hands with both Bidens and Kamala Harris.

Kimber Marshall: “And their opponent…”

https://youtu.be/-bzWSJG93P8

The supporters “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the melody of the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York! He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by his Aide de Camp Mike Pence and representing the American Patriots! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE CURRENT CEO OF PCW- DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building. Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: “Here he is. The current CEO of PCW. Donald Trump.”

Colleen Crowder: “Ugh. And he’s being led to the ring by… her.”

Johnny Suave: “You’re just saying that because Kayleigh McEnaney won’t play the ‘game’ the way you want her to play.”

McEnaney leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage toward the ring followed by Mike Pence and Pence’s wife Karen.

Marshall then announces the American Patriots’s wrestler.

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott walks out on stage and shakes hands with Trump, Pence, Mrs. Pence. Then the entourage heads towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: “So here we are. This is for the PCW title and then we will find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years.”

Colleen Crowder: “We already know the answer. It’s going to be Joe Biden.”

Biden shouts encouragement to Kevin Daniels- but he’s facing the wrong way. Harris subtly turns him around towards the ring.

Before the match starts, Suave and Crowder are joined by a special guest- the CEO of Facetwitogram Jack Buckenberg.

**********************************

MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH:

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance)

**********************************

The bell sounds and the match begins.

Scott rushes forward. Daniels side-steps him. The two men circle. Scott aggressively comes forward. Daniels plays defense and makes him chase. Daniels connects with a spin kick that gives Scott some pause. Quick lock up – Scott takes a headlock – Daniels slips out. Scott fires off right and left hands. He follows with a standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg – one – two – Daniels kicks out and calls a ‘time-out.’ He rolls outside the ring and confers with Biden and Harris.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Scott off to a fast start here causing Mr. Hollywood to bail out of the ring.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Actually Johnny, before you share this content, you might want to know that fact-checking sites, Snope.com, and other media sources have disputed the accuracy of it.”

Colleen Crowder: “Yeah! Kevin Daniels is probably just getting warmed up and wanted to talk strategy with Joe Biden.”

Once back in, Daniels and Scott tie up – Scott gains control. He wrenches, hammerlocks, and throws forearms into Daniels’s back. Headlock by Scott and hits the takeover. Scott tries to grind Daniels down. Daniels fights up and around but Scott wrenches the arm again. Scott takes a wristlock. Daniels throws a couple body shots. Surprise roll into a REAR NAKED CHOKE! Scott elbows out. Daniels with a drop toehold and gets the legs to hook them. One – Scott powers out. Scott goes for a rear bear hug – Daniels fights his way out with elbows. Daniels backdrops Scott to the mat. Scott up – Daniels legsweeps him back down. Cover. One – two – no. Scott powers out.

Johnny Suave: “Better from Kevin Daniels there. He seems to be coming into the match.”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, I don’t know what match you’ve been watching but it’s clear Daniels is totally dominating the match.”

Johnny Suave: “That’s debatable.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Actually Johnny, we’ll allow it. It’s a factual statement.”

Johnny Suave: “Of course you will.”

Scott nails Daniels with a kick to the jaw. Cover. One – two – 2.5 – Daniels just kicks out before the three count. Scott boots Daniels in the gut. Daniels drops to a knee – Scott drags him right back up. He goes to whip Daniels – Daniels reverses and knees Scott low and hard! Daniels hits the ropes and Scott ducks under. Another boot to the gut and a Sling Blade takes Daniels down. Cover. One – Two – NO! Daniels just gets the shoulder up.

Johnny Suave: “Another close pinfall for Kevin Scott. He is really doing well here tonight.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Again Johnny, before you share something like that, you should know that independent fact checkers dispute its accuracy.”

Johnny Suave: “It’s an opinion Jack that I’m entitled to based on what I’ve witnessed here during the match.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Once again, what you said is disputed by third party fact checkers.”

Johnny Suave: “*BLEEP* your third-party fact checkers.”

Daniels grows a little frustrated. He goes to the referee and starts to berate him. This allows Kamala Harris to sneak into the ring with a steel-folding chair. She raises it up – Mike Pence runs in- followed by his wife Karen (Pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side). Mike grabs the chair and stops Harris – the chair falls and accidently lands on Harris’s foot.

Colleen Crowder: “MIKE PENCE DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”

Johnny Suave: “Harris was going to hit ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott with that chair.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Er. Independent fact-checkers say that statement contains false information-“

Suave turns off Buckenberg’s microphone.

Crowder goes ballistic and demands Suave turn Buckenberg’s microphone back on.

Johnny Suave: “I guess it really does suck when you get censored, huh.”

Pence apologizes to Harris for the incident.

Harris kicks him in the groin.

Johnny Suave: “Ooooh. Apology not accepted. And Kamala Harris did that on purpose.”

Colleen Crowder: “She did not! She……….um, slipped.”

Karen Pence then tackles Harris in the ring and both women roll around on the mat.

Johnny Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Okay. That was totally offensive, Johnny.”

Meanwhile, Daniels runs the ropes – Scott ducks a clothesline and waits for him to come back to clock Daniels with a right hand. Scott blocks a suplex attempt using the power of gravity. Daniels walks into a body slam. Scott covers. One – two – 2.999! Daniels just gets a shoulder off the mat. Scott CLOBBERS Daniels with a right hand. Cover. One – two – THR-THE REFEREE GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

All three members of the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves Colleen Crowder- New York Times, Sharon Johns- CNN, and Dan Miller- Washington Post yank the referee out of the ring.

All hell breaks loose. The media climb into the ring while another referee appears and rolls in under the ropes.

Scott’s trying to figure out what’s going on. Daniels just gets back to his feet and even he’s wondering what’s happening.

The referee calls for the bell. He goes to ring announcer Kimber Marshall and tells her what his decision is.

Marshall climbs into the ring and makes the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:48

Johnny Suave: “WHAT?”

A huge celebration erupts in the ring as Arizona Secretary of State Katie Hobbs, Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams join Daniels, the Bidens, Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves (Crowder-NY Times, Johns-CNN, and Miller-Washington Post).

Outside the ring and around the bar- not so much. The PCW fans are shocked. Kevin Scott is stunned at the decision. Trump is furious and tries to corral the referee but the ref is in the middle of the Progressive Alliance party going on in the ring.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Daniels has been named the new PCW champion even though he did not pin ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.”

If the PCW fans didn’t like the Daniels decision, they definitely didn’t like what happened next…

THE DECISION. TRUMP OR BIDEN? The Coke Brothers (Charles and David), George Moros, Lincoln Project Executive Director Sarah Lenti slowly make their way down to the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “The fans have already connected the dots on this one. Dawn McGill- missing. The DC Establishment is here.”

The Cokes, Moros, and Lenti have to duck and dodge debris.

Biden stands in front of the big group that’s gathered inside the ring for the announcement. Donald Trump stands on the outside.

The four climb into the ring. Moros has a microphone and he doesn’t waste any time.

George Moros: “Joe Biden-“

The Progressive Alliance explode with joy inside the ring.

Johnny Suave: “THAT’S IT! JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN SELECTED TO BECOME THE NEW CEO OF POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Biden looks towards Trump for the traditional post-match handshake- but Trump has already left ringside and headed towards the back.

Johnny Suave: “NO HANDSHAKE. TRUMP’S GOING TO THE BACK.”

Suave wraps up the show by reviewing the results.

-MATCH #1-Kayleigh McEnaney defeats CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter in a handicap match -MATCH #2/ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -Gavin Newsom (CA-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to California. -MATCH #3/SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -Both Joe Biden and Donald Trump interview with PCW Owner Dawn McGill for the PCW CEO position. -MATCH #4/PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises (Conservative Inc./American Patriots) defeat The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) and The Deplorables (American Heartland Coalition) -MATCH #5/ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) defeated Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) -MATCH #6/HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots -MATCH #7/MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) defeated John James (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) -Joe Biden named the new CEO of PCW.

2 notes · View notes

mksc77 · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I ask for Shandy, fluff, either 5 or 8? :D Thank you! 💜

Thanks so much for the ask, @allons-y--spaceman!

My Sharon is retired (by choice) and says “fuck” every now and then, sorry about it :). She and Andy bought a house a couple of months after the event that didn’t happen.

The canon of Andy being an alcoholic is suspended for purposes of this chapter, and liberties have been taken with characterization, in general.

“Can we stay like this forever?”

After spending the morning cleaning, doing laundry, and starting a couple of large pots of soup, Sharon took a shower and settled on the couch with a mug of tea and her favorite blanket. CNN had been blaring all morning, but she'd heard enough about the administration's incompetence with handling the coronavirus threat to last her a lifetime. It was rainy and gray out, and the silence that fell over the room when she switched the input on the TV was a relief. After a few clicks, the opening credits of the newest version of Little Women were appearing on the screen. She'd seen it in theaters right after Christmas with a few friends, but she wanted to watch it again now that she could do so in sweatpants, wet hair, and no makeup.

Sharon startled when the doorbell rang, but she could tell by the way Poppy lost her shit that it was a delivery. She was generally a friendly dog, but for some reason, there was one FedEx delivery guy that made her go apeshit every time.

"Stop it, Poppy," Sharon sharply reprimanded as she pulled herself off of the couch. Poppy whimpered and gave Sharon the wounded “fine, get yourself killed” look of any loyal dog just trying to protect their human. Sharon opened the front door and waved her thanks to the delivery man before kneeling and dousing the small box with Lysol. Raising two children had cured her of any germophobic tendencies she might’ve had at one time, but she wasn't taking any chances with this coronavirus mess. She saw Andy's car pull up and stop at the mailbox, so she put the box on the kitchen counter, washed her hands, and slipped into a pair of sandals before meeting him in the garage to help him bring in the groceries she'd asked him to stop for. He'd worked a half-day before Major Crimes shut down to work from home, unless they got a case, and Sharon had placed a grocery order that he could pick up without getting out of the car on his way home. Or so she thought. The first thing she saw through the back window was an ungodly amount of toilet paper. "Andy! What the hell?!"

"I know, but we could be stuck at home for a few weeks—"

"So you thought you'd buy a fuck ton of toilet paper?!"

Andy shrugged. "I saw people leaving the store with shopping carts full of it and thought I was missing something, so I went to get more."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "We just got a month's supply from Amazon yesterday, and we still had several packs left then. There will be people who really need it but won't be able to get it because everyone else is panic-buying."

"I didn't think of it like that..." Andy got out and started unloading groceries. Defeated, Sharon joined him.

Once the car was unloaded, groceries were sanitized, and hands were properly washed, Andy got a spoon and went to the stove, practically salivating. He'd picked up lunch for the two of them on the way home, but the aroma of the soup was too good to pass up. Sharon shook her head and took his spoon from him. "Nuh-uh. I'm freezing that in case any of us get sick."

"But..." Andy looked longingly at the large pots on the stove. "There's so much!"

"And we could end up with three sick people here, for all we know. Or some of our neighbors might get sick and need some.”

“I guess,” Andy muttered, sounding much like Rusty had when Sharon had informed him that he wasn’t going anywhere unless it was necessary once he got home from work that afternoon. UCLA was switching to remote lectures soon, and today was his last day going to the office of the law firm he was clerking for before working from home when he could. “Did the kid finally come around on the self-imposed lockdown?” Andy asked, seeming to read her mind.

Sharon nodded. “It took a minute for him to realize that just because he would most likely be okay even if he did get sick, that we might not be so lucky if he brought it home and passed it to us.”

Andy rolled his eyes. “He didn’t understand that it’s not all about him? You’re kidding.”

Once the groceries were put away and the overflow of toilet paper was stashed in the garage, Sharon opened the package that had arrived earlier. It was the Chanel moisturizer she’d been expecting, and she twisted the cap off and sniffed the familiar scent she loved before putting it back on the counter. She was surprised when Andy did the same. She couldn’t quite identify the expression on his face, but she didn’t ask any questions and started unpacking their take-out.

Later that evening, Sharon and Andy were cooking dinner together when Rusty came home. “Nuh-uh, wash your hands, put your clothes in the dry-cleaning hamper, and go take a shower,” Sharon instructed when he started to open the refrigerator.

“This is going to be a long ass few weeks,” Rusty muttered.

Sharon raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather be safe or sorry?”

“I know, I know, you’ve already threatened me multiple times.”

On Sunday Morning, Sharon hummed and snuggled more closely to Andy when she woke up. She hated what was going on, obviously, but she wasn’t complaining about the fact that he wouldn’t have to rush to get up and out of the house in the morning for at least a couple of weeks. She slid one of her legs between his, taking in the lazy, early morning and the soothing sound of rain falling outside. With half-opened eyes, Andy kissed her dead in the eye, probably aiming for her forehead. Sharon put her hands on his cheeks and guided his mouth to hers.

“Starting this quarantine off right, huh?” Andy murmured against her lips when it was evident that she had more than a good-morning kiss on her mind.

Sharon shrugged. “What else is there to do?” And someone’s going to have to convince Poppy to go out in the pouring rain to pee, and it’s not gonna be me.

Later that morning, Sharon and Andy cooked breakfast together. Sharon made bacon and eggs for herself and Rusty, while Andy stuck to healthier things for himself. Rusty stumbled to the coffee pot soon after 10:00 and made a face at the oatmeal Andy was doctoring up. Sharon batted his hand away when he reached for a piece of bacon. “Just a second, everything’s almost ready. Get some plates and glasses out of the cabinet.”

“Fine…Oh, come on, you guys, can’t you keep your paws off of each other for half of a second?!” Rusty whined when Andy grabbed Sharon’s butt as he walked behind her. “Social distancing, please.”

“Sorry, kid…Eh, no I’m not,” Andy replied, grinning at Sharon.

“Forget the coronavirus, I’m going to die from disgust before this is over,” Rusty muttered.

Poppy ambled into the kitchen and lay down at Sharon’s feet under the table while they were eating, having smelled bacon and knowing whom the pushover was. As soon as Sharon felt the dog’s furry weight against her bare feet, she broke off half of a piece of bacon and slipped it under the table when Andy wasn’t looking. He had been the one to find her and bring her home, and he couldn’t figure out how Sharon had managed to become the stray dog’s favorite human, and Sharon planned to keep it that way.

Emily facetimed while they were cleaning up, and Sharon quickly dropped the sponge in her hand and picked up her phone. It had been less than a week since she’d last seen nineteen-month-old Marie, but she was already missing her like crazy.

“Gammy!” Marie exclaimed, reaching her arms toward the phone.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Sharon crooned through the phone. “Gammy misses you so much!”

Andy leaned over Sharon’s shoulder, absently brushing her hair back from her neck. “Hey, wild girl!”

“Poppy!” Marie grinned. Rusty leaned in long enough to say hello before going back to his own phone. Sharon and Emily chatted for a few minutes with Marie piping in with random words here and there.

“You’re in a good mood, Mom,” Emily observed. “You guys taking advantage of the quarantine already?”

A horrified look came over Rusty’s face as their better-than-usual moods and constant looks at each other that morning started to come together. “Ew, Em, I have to live here!”

“Speaking of which, when are you going to tell us about your new boyfriend?” Emily barreled on.

“What?” Sharon looked at Rusty, whose expression had turned to panic. “What boyfriend?!” Rusty was frozen, unable to speak. Sharon looked back at Emily through her phone. “How did you know?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Speaking of good moods, he’s actually had a few recently, and he’s suddenly been guarding his phone like Fort Knox. My guess would be his ‘friend’ Logan that he used to talk about all the time, but hasn’t mentioned at all in a few weeks, probably to keep us from getting suspicious. It’s not rocket science.”

Sharon looked at Rusty. “Is this true?”

“Fine, but we are not playing twenty questions. I’ll tell you what I want to when I want to.”

“Of course we won’t—“ Sharon started.

“Hold on, Mom, I didn’t agree to this,” Emily interrupted. “Now that the cat’s out of the bag—“

“I’m leaving now.” Rusty went to the living room and started flipping through the channels on the TV.

“Poppy?” Marie asked, obviously wanting to see the dog, this time. She had unintentionally named the dog with her toddler-tongue of “Papa” the day Andy found her and begged Sharon to keep her. Sharon tilted her phone under the table to show the dog long enough for the toddler to be satisfied.

Sharon ended the call a few minutes later, and she and Andy finished cleaning the kitchen. With a refilled coffee mug, Sharon curled up in the recliner and logged in to Emily’s facebook account on her computer. St. Joseph’s was live-streaming mass for the time being, and she was enjoying being able to watch it in the comfort of her pajamas and not having to go out in the pouring rain. The familiar scene of the sanctuary and the recorded piano music playing It Is Well With My Soul filled her with comfort.

“You know, some people would take the break from mass obligation as an actual break,” Andy commented as he squeezed in the chair beside her.

“Oh, right, I should go ahead and tithe,” Sharon murmured in response to Father Stan’s reminder of remote methods of doing so, ignoring Andy. She opened her bank app on her phone and transferred her monthly commitment. When the service was over, she shut down her computer and rested on Andy’s shoulder. Rusty had found How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, one of her favorites, on TV.

“Since when do you like chick flicks?” Andy whined in Rusty’s direction.

“I don’t, but Matthew McConaughey takes his shirt off a lot in this movie,” Rusty explained.

“Indeed, he does,” Sharon agreed dreamily. “Ooh, Rusty, have you seen A Time to Kill? Mississippi summer, no air conditioning. Talk about taking his shirt off.”

Rusty’s eyes widened. “No, but that’s next!”

“Oh good god,” Andy grumbled.

Sharon gave him an innocent look. “What? That’s not a chick flick. Compromise. Ashley Judd doesn’t look so bad in that movie, either.”

“Oh, yeah...I’m okay with that compromise.”

The first week or so of quarantine went by fairly smoothly, but after over two weeks of captivity, tensions were rising. Andy was working from home, but even the paperwork had slowed down a bit, and having both him and Rusty underfoot all day was definitely taking some getting used to for Sharon. Even though she was retired, she was usually gone a good bit during the week with volunteer commitments, doing things at church, and seeing friends and Emily’s family. Being at home around the clock, especially with a needy, whiny husband and son, was a new experience that she didn’t care much for.

“Andy, I closed the door for a reason,” Sharon said, exasperated, when Andy followed her into the bathroom one Wednesday afternoon. Her annoyance rose when she spotted an empty toilet paper roll beside the toilet and a fresh roll on the back of it. Was an inability to replace the damn toilet paper roll built into the DNA of men? It drove her insane. “But, while we’re in here, how about a teaching moment? When you use the last of the toilet paper, the new roll goes here,” she explained. “Not the back of the toilet.”

“I know, I know, you tell me all the time!”

“Well, it obviously bears repeating!”

A few minutes later, Sharon got her Yeti out of the cabinet and made a margarita. One of her friends in the neighborhood had had the idea for them to take chairs to the ends of their driveways so they could see each other and talk without being exposed to one another, and seeing another human being in person who didn’t have a penis was long overdue.

“What—oh, yeah, I forgot you guys were having a little hen party this afternoon,” Andy commented as Sharon sprinkled margarita salt over the top of her drink. “And what is the purpose of this again?”

“Mo-om, I need to go to the store. We’re out of potato chips,” Rusty complained from the pantry. He’d been trying his hardest to find any excuse to leave the house for the last few days.

“Those aren’t a necessity, Rusty, and I’ll get some next time I have groceries delivered,” Sharon answered calmly. She gave Andy a pointed look. “What were you asking me, again? Come on, Poppy, we girls have to stick together.” Poppy looked lazily at her from where she was lying down near the window, soaking in the warm sunlight, but she scrambled to her feet when she saw her leash in Sharon’s hand. Sharon hooked the leash to her collar. “Want to go outside for a little bit?” Poppy barked excitedly and wagged her tail. Sharon kissed Andy on the lips and Rusty on the cheek. “Love you guys.”

Sharon was a few minutes ahead of the scheduled time by the time she pulled a tailgate-style chair to the end of the driveway, but she was going to lose her mind if she stayed inside for another second. Apparently, everyone else was in the same boat, as the other five had already started to gather. Sharon situated the handle of Poppy’s leash under her chair and greeted everyone before sitting down. She’d used the long leash so the dog could roam around the yard. A couple of drinks and a long conversation full of laughs later, her mood had lifted considerably. Which was a good thing, because as she approached the garage with Poppy, she saw that the dog had engaged in a toilet paper massacre at some point while they were outside. Bits of plastic wrapping and toilet paper were everywhere. “Poppy!” Sharon chastised. The dog looked up at her with the saddest of innocent puppy eyes. “Oh, no you don’t, those puppy eyes are not going to work on me…Oh, god, who am I kidding?” Sharon patted the top of her head and let her into the house.

Hearing the commotion, Andy came to the garage door. “What—what the hell happened? Were you not watching her?”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “As long as she wasn’t near the road and I could hear her and had an idea of where she was, no, I didn’t keep my eyes glued to her every second. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t decided we needed to equip ourselves with toilet paper for the next twelve years.”

“Don’t try to pin this on me—never mind, it doesn’t matter. Hey, kid!” Andy called into the house. “You were just complaining about being bored, so we thought we’d help you out a bit.” Andy got some trash bags from a shelf in the garage and separated a couple for him and Sharon.

Rusty appeared in the doorway to the garage. ‘Wha—okay, this is not what I had in mind. Whose idea was it to get a dog again?”

After dinner a few days later, Sharon went out to the porch with her computer and a glass of wine. She’d cooked dinner, so she’d left the responsibility of cleaning the kitchen to Andy and Rusty. One of her nieces had gotten the idea to do a family video chat on Zoom after having to use it for work a couple of times, and while Sharon had been talking to other members of her family on the phone and FaceTiming a lot more than usual lately, she was excited to “see” everyone at once. It took a few minutes to talk some of the technologically challenged ones through getting connected and switching to video, but before long, her siblings and their spouses and children were looking back at her. Being in isolation was particularly problematic for such a loud bunch, and it took a few minutes of talking over one another just to get the greetings out of the way.

When Sharon saw Rusty join the chat, probably from his computer in his room, she knew Andy would be out soon. Sure enough, he appeared a couple of minutes later with a fresh glass of wine in his hand. “Thought you might need a refill.”

“You read my mind.” Sharon finished the last sip of her glass and placed it on the table in front of the swing before taking the other glass from Andy. “This is why I married you.”

“I knew there had to be a reason.” Andy kissed the side of her head.

“Whoa, now, we clearly should’ve set some ground rules,” Sharon’s niece spoke up. “Rule number one, don’t be nauseating.”

“Good luck with that,” Rusty retorted. “They’re either at each other’s throats or being gross. There is no in-between.”

The next afternoon, Sharon and Andy took Poppy for a walk around the neighborhood. As they approached their driveway on the way back, they heard the garage door from the house across the street open. They didn’t think much of it until they heard hysterical laughter. “What just happened?” Sharon called to their neighbors.

Becky held up a Corona beer can. “Our daughter was telling us about some video she saw somewhere—the youtube, the twitter, I don’t know—but anyway, you put a Corona beer in the hooks inside of your garage door, then hit the switch to open the door. As the door goes up and back along the ceiling, the beer will be upside down, so you follow it and chug it. We joked about trying it, and our daughter laughed at us, so we had to it for real.” Becky shrugged. “We’re bored out of our minds, and that was actually pretty fun.”

Sharon shrieked with laughter, but Andy gave her a look. “Don’t you get any ideas.”

“Too late.” Sharon waved to their neighbors before they headed back to the house. Andy didn’t drink that much, but, ironically, he would drink a Corona or two every now and then at the beach or a hot afternoon by the pool. He drank just often enough for them to keep a stash in the garage refrigerator, a habit he was starting to rethink.

Sharon pressed the button to close the garage door before getting two beer cans out of the refrigerator. “Sharon, really—“

“Oh, come on, Andy, it’ll be fun! You have to admit we’re running low on entertainment around here.”

“Oh, all right.”

Once the beer cans were in position and popped open, Sharon pressed the button again to make the door rise and got in position. She got a little on her face, but her beer-chugging skills from college came right back to her, like riding a bike.

Andy, on the other hand, didn’t fare so well. He coughed and sputtered as more got on his face than in his mouth, and he lost his footing and hit the ground as the last bit poured onto his face. Sharon caught the last bit of hers in her mouth before looking down at Andy. “Are you okay?” She managed to get out through choked-back laughs. As soon as he nodded, she stopped trying to hold it back and started laughing hysterically.

Andy glared at her as he stood up, rubbing his now-sore ass. Her side of the “Corona Challenge” was mostly dry, as was her face. “Wait, how did you do that? You didn’t spill hardly any!”

Sharon shrugged. “You didn’t know you were married to the kegstand queen of Theta? You have to open your throat, did you never chug beer in college?”

Andy shook his head. “Not much. I tried a couple of times when everyone else was doing it, but I could never get it right…” He gave Sharon a leering look. “I would love to see you do a kegstand. Open your throat, huh? That actually explains a lot.”

Sharon lightly jabbed him in the side. “Andy!”

The next morning, Andy was still sleeping when Sharon slipped out of bed. It was a little chilly out, but she needed some fresh air. After changing into leggings and a sweatshirt, she brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t as diligent about staying ahead of her roots since she’d retired, and last week’s canceled salon appointment had been disastrous for her hair. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d put on makeup, but she was still adhering to her morning and nightly skincare regimen. As she applied moisturizer, she put more than usual on her chin, as her skin was irritated from Andy’s failure to shave every day. With a mug of coffee, her book, and her favorite blanket in hand, she went to the back porch and settled in the swing with her favorite playlist playing from her phone.

A little over an hour later, Andy came out to join her. She smiled at him and marked her place in her book as he got comfortable in the swing beside her. He’d been annoying the hell out of her for much of the last week or so, but she loved his disheveled and sleepy state when he had just woken up. She extended the blanket to him and lay on his shoulder. “Morning.”

“Morning.” Andy lowered his forehead to hers and inhaled the scent of her moisturizer. “I love the smell of that cream or whatever…Did I ever tell you about why I kept that stuff after…well, after all of the Stroh stuff?” Even a couple of years later, he still couldn’t refer to her as being dead, even though it had been a ruse.

Sharon shook her head. “I do remember being surprised that my makeup and clothes and everything were still there. I was dreading having to replace it all and getting a new phone and everything, but it was all still right there waiting for me.”

Andy nodded. “Yeah…I couldn’t get rid of it. Every night when I thought you were gone, I would smell that tube and call your phone to listen to your voicemail. I couldn’t face life without you, and that was the closest I could get to you. Same with your clothes. Having enough closet space for once would’ve been unbearable, so I left everything where it was. I would’ve done something about all of it eventually, but thank god I didn’t have to.”

“Andy…” Sharon cupped his cheek with her hand and kissed him. “I’m sorry it had to be done that way, but if—“

“I know,” Andy assured her. “We could’ve messed something up and tipped off Stroh if we’d known you weren’t really dead. You were right, the fewer people involved, the better.” They sat in silence for the next couple of minutes, listening to the music from Sharon’s phone.

Don't you worry

Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride

The world is changing

Right before your eyes

Now I've found you

There's no more emptiness inside

When we're hungry, love will keep us alive

I would die for you

Climb the highest mountain

Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do

Andy kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer to him. “Can we stay like this forever?”

“Hmm, fine with me.” Sharon nuzzled into his shoulder. “And if people don’t stop being dumbasses and going out when it’s not necessary, then we just might have to.”

This refers to a hastily-written “story” I wrote right after what didn’t happen—a lot of you probably missed it, but you just need to know that Sharon faked her death to keep Stroh from going after Emily or Ricky to distract her (we already know they thought he was after Rusty), and also so Stroh wouldn’t consider her when he was using his m.o. of spreading the LAPD too thin and she could be an extra body if backup were needed.

The part with It Is Well With My Soul came from M’s twitter, and the part about the roots didn’t--I was already planning to include that before I saw her video :)

Hope y’all liked it!

#Major Crimes #major crimes fanfiction #shandy #mikuscfanfic

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