#clearly i don’t have to i’ve seen poetry

[phoenixkaptain]

Tbh every time I see anything that’s like “You should NEVER write this specific thing,” the spirit of C.S. Lewis tells me “you should write that thing right now immediately”

[numberonetacostan]

TACO'S (POTENTIAL) FRIENDSHIPS TIERLIST

Explanations for my placements! Placements in each row are in no particular order.

Disclaimer: I am a media enjoyer, not a media analyzer. These are just my thoughts, so nothing is objectively wrong, but if one of my takes is OOC or you disagree I’d be happy to hear why as long as you’re nice about it :). 

Tier 1: Tacomic!!! <3

Mic: YURI YURI YURI YURI!!!! Their yuri can be un-toxic’d now and that makes me very happy :). Don’t get me wrong, I love toxic yuri, but I’m really glad to see them work things out!!! Mic can be more assertive, and Taco is trying to be better!! Anyways, I do think that they will start out as just friends as they rebuild their relationship and learn how to interact with each other in a healthier way without the competition in the way, and there will certainly be bumps in the road, but after some time I truly believe that we will have yuri. Taco is going to try calming down on the objectively bad stuff she does and work on apologizing when she does mess up!! And Mic can hold her more accountable while also being someone Taco can rely on to stay by her side. Especially with Soap helping out, making sure Taco apologizes rather than avoiding the issue and/or doubling down, and making sure Mic keeps up her established boundaries in terms of not immediately letting Taco off the hook, as she has a bad habit of doing. I love tacomic so so much, and I am 100000% sure that they can work towards and create a healthy and happy relationship that makes them both better people. If you don’t feel like yuri-ing today, you can see them as besties too, but regardless Mic takes the top spot!!!

Tier 2: Friendship is inevitable

Soap: As mentioned above, I think having Soap around will be really helpful for Taco! Someone who doesn’t hold ill-will towards her but is very willing to hold her accountable! A good balance. We saw Soap throwing away her cleaning supplies and telling Mic to listen to her heart, so she’s clearly got some good thoughts on self-improvement! Also Mic has clearly told her about all the non-competition related stuff that she and Taco did, lesbianing around and such, she’s got a pretty clear idea of who Taco is beyond the competition, which can’t be said for most of the cast. And since Taco will definitely be sticking by Mic’s side for the foreseeable future, she’ll get to know Soap pretty well too!! They can do karaoke together!!! Hooray!!!! :D.

Balloon: This one’s pretty obvious, eh? He had his whole redemption arc from when he was a jerk in season 1, and now he sees someone else who wants to start on that journey? He has the chance to help someone in the way Suitcase helped him? FUCK yeah they’re gonna be friends. He even struggled with giving a proper apology as seen in episode 9!! Just like Taco did!! (I love her, but that was the worst apology I’ve ever heard actually). He’s also quite the sensitive guy, which I think could pair well with Taco and her inability to emotion. [Maybe I should make that long post on why I think Taco is autistic. TLDR we have the same kind of autism.] But anyways! I think he could really help her with breaking out of those negative behavioral patterns and turning yourself around! The advice that OJ gave to him would probably work ever better for Taco. A new chance to meet new people who she didn’t do anything bad to! She hasn’t met most of the s2 or any of the s3 joiners, so she has a pretty clean slate with them, even if they’d heard of her misdeeds. I think she would initially think his poetry was stupid, and then find it really relatable and emotional, and then keep pretending she finds it stupid when anyone she isn’t very close to is around. They can talk about the crushing feeling of guilt, regret, and your sins!! They’ve both fucked up and found out, and now Taco is getting on the path to fixing it that Balloon took. Forgiving yourself is an important step to moving past your mistakes, and he could help her with that. Also, despite s3 going with a final 3 rather than a final 2, he did place second vote-wise, so he and Taco can be in the runner-up club together!!! They both enjoy classical music too, as a fun little bit, so they could parallel play (the best way to spend time with someone) together while listening to it!! 

Suitcase: Our s2 winner!! And never giving up on anyone QUEEN. Can you tell I love Suitcase yet? Beyond Truth or Flare, they haven’t interacted much, but given the fact that Taco broke in front of her, her kindness, and the fact that she NEVER GIVES UP ON ANYONE (Can you tell I love Suitcase yet?) I think she and Taco could become friends! Girlies who can put things in their heads <3 <3. With Suitcase having become more assertive, in a similar vein to Mic there isn’t a risk for Taco to, for a lack of a better term, steamroll over her. And of course Taco is working to be better, so she would be trying to not to do that anyways! Suitcase is also so sweet and empathetic towards others, I think Taco could benefit from that example! Empathy doesn’t seem to come very naturally to Taco (see that one autistic taco post that I really need to make), but Suitcase could be a great person to learn from, in Mepad’s absence! (Rest in Peace King I Love You). And Suitcase could also work in a similar vein to Balloon and Mepad with getting Taco to be kind to herself. She has a lot of self-loathing after everything, and hasn’t experienced a lot of kindness from others having been alone in the woods for years. Suitcase’s resilience in staying kind despite other’s actions (but standing up for herself when necessary, of course), could be really good for Taco, in the evitable moment that she lashes out. Recovery and self-betterment isn’t linear, you know? And someone like Suitcase who can go to her in these moments still offering kindness, acceptance, and help is vital.

Baseball: The fumbler himself!! He would take Lightbulb’s advice about making sure he’s looking to heart!! And she told him where to look!! At Taco, who is drowning!! He was the lowest-ranked in season 1, so aside from three episodes and the Stupid Trailer, he wasn’t really around for her whole s1 act. He can get to know her as herself, which isn’t something that can be said for most of the other season 1 contestants. I’d also wager he feels partially responsible for her and Mic’s little alliance too, Mic’s own feelings of worthlessness and how he had constantly put her down being the core reasons why Taco chose her and was able to convince her to work together. He’d want to try and fix things with Mic too, and since Tacomic, he’d end up hanging out with Taco too. Besides, he already has a best friend who’s a short lil gremlin, he could definitely get along with Taco. And speaking of Baseball’s short lil gremlin…

Nickel: Hoo boy, I have plenty to say about a Taco and Nickel friendship!! Nickel fucked up his relationships with Suitcase and Balloon big time over not trusting that Balloon actually wanted to be better, and assuming that he couldn’t change. But he has learned his lesson!! Not only has he seen and acknowledged that Balloon changed, apologized to and befriended him, but Nickel changed too!! Hooray!! His ass would not want to make that mistake again. As well, we’ve heard from Brian recently that Nickel low-key admires what Taco pulled off in season 1. Not as much so after his character development, but still, he feels more positively about her true personality than her fake one!! That is not the general sentiment among the s1 cast!! They’re standing next to each other during the concert at the end of the finale, and he even sings backup for her during the reprise of “She Forgot”!. They have clearly already become friends, I’m not taking criticism on this one actually. They’re both sarcastic little shits trying to be better people! Nickel could empathize with the automatic-response-being-something-mean thing!! Also, since Suitcase does not want to see him (valid) he and Baseball should probably make some new friends anyways! Might as well chat with another mostly-alone object, yeah? Sigh. Two mean shorties against the world. On their own there might be a risk of them making each other worse but I think the people around them could keep that from happening. I really love Nico(?) friendship. 

Marshmallow: Mepad mourning. They were both the players helped the most by Mepad, they’re mourning his loss the most (other than Toilet, more on him next ;)) and I think they could connect over that, especially with Taco trying to be more open and honest emotionally, just like Mepad was helping her to be, yeah? Her grief over Mepad is a good place to start. They were also some of the first two contestants to realize how bad the game was for those involved and their relationships. Even if it took Taco longer to get there, they end up sharing the same negative view towards the game before the others do! This was even mentioned in the pre-episode 17 stream!! They also both have a complicated relationship with Knife! We don’t get to see too much of how Marsh feels towards Knife after the whole heroic-sacrifice, but I don’t see her immediately being all buddy-buddy with him. And Taco, who is confirmed to care about his well-being don’t argue with me on this one, has the whole thing with him and Mic going, and he might even be more watchful of her as she and Mic continue to patch things up and work towards healthy yuri. Going back to Marsh not totally forgiving Knife, this could help Taco with better understanding how Pickle feels about her. Knife wronged Marsh pretty hard in the past, and even if he’s sorry and has changed, she can still feel hurt and not want to forgive him. And she could vent these feelings to Taco when they’re talking about Knife!! And this is so so similar to how Taco greatly wronged Pickle in the past, and even if she’s sorry and wants to change, he can still feel hurt and not want to forgive her. With lower empathy, it can be really helpful for someone to explain how they feel about something and why, so I think someone more willing to explain a similar situation to her (since Pickle will not be sitting down with her and explaining how he feels) could really help her out in learning to back off and let Pickle live his life even if that life doesn’t include her. Mepad is incredibly proud of both of them frfr Mepad said so in a cameo. 

Toilet: Before I start this one I’d like to clarify I will also not be taking criticism here Toico friendship is so very inevitable you don’t even know. I got a cameo from @justin-chapmanswers right after the finale because I was so very sad about Mepad and they confirmed to me that Toilet and Taco could and would bond over missing Mepad. Toico friendship is “so incredibly important” AND I COULD NOT AGREE MORE. He was the only person that they had to care for them and that believed in them for a period of time each and now, even if Taco has Mic back, they’re both missing that bond they had with him because he’s dead (I am so MeSad). Toilet’s persistence with people would also be really important to their connection! Despite how Mephone constantly yelled at and belittled him, Toilet kept going and stayed kind and dutiful to him! And while that did make their relationship unhealthy, I think it could be beneficial to Toico friendship! Taco is trying to change and do better, but as I believe I said previously that’s not linear. She is going to lash out or fall back on old habits at some point, what matters is that she apologizes and keeps trying to be better. She’s not going to apologize to Toilet after years of this treatment like Mephone did, she will, in her process of growth, apologize to him when she knows she’s hurt him, and she will make sure to treat him better. And her doing this consistently when she messes up is key!!! Because Toilet is Toilet, we love Toilet in this house, and he’ll forgive her. And they will talk about how important Mepad was to them, and it will be healing and beautiful. Again I will be taking 0 criticism on this Toico friendship is everything to me actually. She can sit on his head like where he carried the spaghetti in episode 1. Oh no I’m listening to the cameo again and now I am crying /vpos. 

Pepper: Yeah i ship tacopep too what are you gonna do about it i want taco to be loved. But more seriously, I think these two could make a really solid connection. Pepper is another one of the season 1 contestants that didn’t interact too much with the fake-Taco that competed in season 1, so there wasn’t much of a connection there to be spoiled. She probably jumped on the hate-train thanks to Salt, but maybe she should spend a bit less time with Salt anyways, yeah? Branch out some more. Which she could do with Taco! Take one look at Taco and tell me she doesn’t love to gossip. Taco and Pepper could probably gossip for hours, I mean, Taco has surely missed a lot of gossip having been outside of the hotel for so long. And Pepper gets to lead the conversation and talk!! Taco does try to take control of situations automatically, but hey, she’s trying to change for the better, and maybe not try to scheme and mastermind quite as much, yeah? And Pepper could do well being more assertive having been made to follow whatever Salt is doing. I think this friendship would need to pick up a bit later down the line for Taco to be in a place where she isn’t trying to take over so often and Pepper to be in a place where she’s not keeping herself attached to Salt, but I do think it could be a sweet and healthy friendship! Also I tend to think of them both as lesbians and sometimes you need a lesbian best friend to discuss Women with.

Candle: Would immediately be able to tell that Taco needs some serious therapy/help. And Candle loves to be needed for therapy/help! Perfect match! But really, Candle managed to tame both Yin-Yang and Silver over the course of a season, she could definitely help Taco out!! And it would be pretty difficult for Taco to keep her true feelings hidden from someone who can tell what’s happening just by looking at her! She would hate that at first but it would be helpful for her. I do think she would dislike Candle’s salt rock thingy though, it would probably just rile her up more. BUT really I think Candle could be a good help to Taco as she recovers. Candle will help everyone after all the stuff from the finale I think, which would not at all be a way to cope with everything. Keeping herself busy. Being needed in the way she was made to need. This isn’t a Candle analysis aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Goo: My #1 and #3 must be friends, it’s mandatory (my #2 is Mepad, of course). Taco’s miserable and messy self could absolutely use a visit from the cheer factory, and I think she’d get one! I think Goo would be able to take the news of being created by Mephone better than you’d think, honestly. His best friend was created by Fan and Test Tube, so what if they’re created by Mephone, y’know? That just makes them more like his best buddy Bot!! Not being able to be recovered might make him anxious, but that’s just an unfortunate truth that they’re all going to need to get used to. (Unless whatever the Shimmers are giving them is a recovery device. Brian said it’s up to interpretation but i do not want to interpret i want answers!!). Okay, back to Gooco friendship. He’s such a positive, genuine, and sweet little fella it’s pretty hard for anyone not to like him, and that includes Taco!! Someone she not only doesn’t have baggage with, but she has never even met coming to cheer her up? She has had very few positive interactions with others over the years, this is meaningful to her!!! Being around a positive little thinker like Goo could be good for her, AND they are at perfect hugging height for one another. I don’t see Taco giving out too much physical affection but I can very much see her enjoying it even if she won’t admit it. AND AND having lived in the woods for so long, Taco would know the best place to find his beloved pinecones.

Tea Kettle: She already has one little gremlin child in Nickel, what’s another one? Seriously!! I’m not sure if it would exactly be a friendship, probably the more motherly dynamic she has with Nickel, Balloon, and quite a few other characters, but new mom acquired is not a category so she goes here. Taco, who has been living in the woods for years needing to scavenge and steal for food, would enjoy some hors d'oeuvres!! And this would immediately endear her to Tea Kettle, since she loves it so much when people eat her food (adorable). She, like Candle, and probably everyone else at this point, would pretty easily be able to tell that Taco needs some extra TLC, and like the other s3 joiners, doesn’t have anything personal against Taco. Her motherly instincts would immediately kick in, and again such casual kindness and affection for Taco after all this time? Everything. Key to Taco’s recovery and self-betterment. Also, Taco loves tea!!! TK would refill her cup without even being asked <3. 

Tier 3: Pleasant Acquaintances 

Lightbulb: OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW. Lightbulb would be sweet and friendly and silly and herself and would absolutely 1000% consider herself friends with Taco! Them only being acquaintances is fully on Taco. It’s not because she has a personal problem with Lightbulb though! We have heard from the crew (questionnaire after one of the finale screenings, I believe) that Lightbulb reminds Taco a lot of how she used to act in season 1. The earlier she is in her recovery, the harder that would be for her, yeah? There’s also the fact that Lightbulb would have been her choice to partner up with had Mic been eliminated earlier. I like to interpret this as canon, not just on a meta level, that Taco actually had Lightbulb picked as her second choice. With Taco trying to be better, she’d probably feel guilty about that when interacting with Lightbulb,  and especially seeing how close she is with her allies friends. They might be able to be actual friends in the future, but in general Lightbulb might be a bit much for Taco. Though I’ll reiterate that Lightbulb would consider her a friend!! And include her in activities and be kind to her!! Because Lightbulb is sweet and lovely like that, the silliest goose of them all <3.

Apple: They’d probably interact a bit because of Taco’s friendship with Marsh, but Apple isn’t someone I’d see her seeking out for companionship, due to her being a little dumb <3. It’s okay we still love her, but Taco might not. She would be nice to Apple, because if Apple is upset then Marsh is upset at whatever caused it, yeah? And because it’s the right thing to do and all, but this latter reason might take a bit longer to kick in as Taco changes for the better.^^ Also, whether or not Apple knows that Taco was acting and isn’t just an entirely different person is still a bit muddled, so that would be a bit weird, yeah?

The Floor: Honestly just a nice, chill guy, don’t think he’d have any issues with Taco. She would see his movement as reminiscent of Mepad’s teleporting, which would give her the blues, but that’s not really Floory’s fault. Another teleporting assistant… Ah, well, my conspiracy can wait for another day. I don’t have too much to say for this pair, to be honest. I think they’d get along okay and everything, I just don’t see them seeking each other out as much as they each would with some others. Oh, they would both like to go on picnics, so that’s definitely a setting in which they’d interact! I do think The Floor and Toilet could be good friends, so they might end up hanging out together if they’re both with Toilet.^^ Besides, I can’t imagine him staying on Inanimate Island instead of returning to Paradise, since it is his home, so he’d stay more connected with the other s3 players rather than the other casts. 

Cabby: Honestly Taco would probably be a little jealous that Cabby won. Definitely impressed by her skillful observations of others, though! Taco is observant too, so they could discuss that if they are together, but I don’t think they’d actively seek each other out, like Taco and The Floor. Cabby is also more likely to return to Paradise since that is where her library was, and Taco’s history might make Cabby wary, since she struggled with being seen that way in season 3. I don’t think she’d hold it against Taco in a personal way, but it might dissuade her from really forming a bond with Taco. Overall, I love them both, they could be perfectly friendly with each other, but I don’t really see them forming a strong connection. Earlier season 3 Cabby, though? They could be the power duo of all time. Even post-canon a team up between them would be incredibly skilled and efficient, I just don’t see it as too likely to happen. 

Silver Spoon: We already know what Silver thinks of Taco! He thinks she is a Queen and an Icon and he’s right! He would approach Taco the easiest out of the invitationals, and would very much want her approval. I do not think Taco would like him very much. She’d get annoyed by him pretty easily, I think. They’re both British, so that could be a point of interest for him to try and connect for her, but seeing as neither of them are actually from Britain and were just programmed to have a British accent (and like tea!) that might fizzle out. And again the fact that Taco would not be able to stand him. Silver would try to get on her good side by complimenting her act in season 1, which would Not Sit Well with her at all. She would storm away from him and he would be devastated. It might be easier for them to interact if Candle is around to mediate, but I don’t know if they’d get along too well, at least initially. He remains in pleasant acquaintances because he is very pleasant towards her in his own Silver Spoony way, and considers her a friend, but it is one-sided, he is lying to himself <3. 

Bot: A split between Goo really liking Taco and Fan and Test Tube not being sure about her. She did shoot and kill Test Tube. And electrocuted Fan. In front of their first child. So yeah not sure their second child would be super keen on being friends with Taco, but they would still be amiable. As a part of the Cheer Factory, they’d join Goo in his cheering up quest, and they could strike up a conversation if they happened to be alone together, but this is another relationship I can’t see either party really seeking out. Their VA is British though, so Bot could probably do a fair impression of Taco. Not that Taco would like that, but y’know, it’s neat, yeah?

Blueberry: He doesn’t make many friends in general, and neither does Taco for that matter. I think combined they could be an absolutely killer duo, could dominate a competition together, but outside of that? I’d say more of a mutual sense of respect for being powerful shorties, but not much of an actual bond. He might be a welcome presence if Taco needs to stew in her negative emotions for a while, as one does, but if she wants to feel better she’d need to go to someone else. Honestly, they might be kept apart on purpose, because those little schemers could probably take over the island together if they really wanted to. But, Taco is trying to change and Mic certainly wouldn’t approve, so she wouldn’t want to. Jury’s still out on Blueberry though. Also, he’s another one I’d see returning to Paradise, less people there, yeah? So their interactions would be limited either way. 

Lifering: Nice, friendly guy! He might interact with Taco through Tea Kettle, or through general check-ups. With his medical training, or rather the knowledge he was programmed with, he’d definitely interact with everyone on both islands at one point or another. I wouldn’t imagine Taco being a big fan of such medical check-ups though, with how private of a person she generally is, and that might play into how she views him. He’d definitely do his best not to frighten anyone including Taco, and she would appreciate his work, she just wouldn’t be able to shake the lingering unease surrounding him, and he’d be able to respect that and give her space as long as she needs it. If he found her crying, he’d give her a squeeze and then get someone better equipped to help her, that sort of thing. She might eventually get more comfortable with him, and maybe they could share a plate of hors d'oeuvres, even if I don’t see them forming a super deep connection :) I think they could get along after some time. 

Tissues: I think they could have a sort of understanding in Mephone making things difficult for them. He was made to always be sick (fucked up) and she was made to manipulate and hurt people (fucked up). She might get annoyed with him, definitely, but she’d try not to. With the infinite tea generation I headcanon her having, she could pull out a nice warm cup from her shell and give it to him to soothe his sinuses and sore throat, and I think he’d really appreciate that. There’s also an advantage to the fact that they’re only meeting after the big reveal of all the contestants being made by Mephone and running the red line game, Taco’s never been annoyed, hateful, or mocking towards him about his sickness. Tissues is owed a lot of apologies from quite a few cast members, and Taco is actually not one of them! They can also both pull things out of their heads, which I think is cute. That wouldn’t really contribute to a relationship. I just like little guys who can pull things out of their heads!!!^^

Clover: Like Lightbulb, I think Clover would consider Taco a friend! She’d consider pretty much everyone a friend, the sweetheart she is. As Brian once posted, she would find Taco very funny! Taco is trying to change though, so wouldn’t want to be seeing Clover as useful. She might be interested in the luck stuff, but the happy-go-lucky attitude might be a bit much for Taco. Trying to plan for Clover’s luck would be insanely frustrating, since schemes aren’t the only thing Taco could plan(!), and that might turn Taco away from Clover. She’s yet another one I see returning to Paradise, so they wouldn’t interact much, which is probably for the better on Taco’s end. Taco would probably like the butterflies though, because who doesn’t like butterflies, yeah?

Tier 4: Neutral

Bomb: Didn’t really interact with Taco in the first season, despite having been in an alliance with her for a short time, but he is clearly good friends with Pickle, so he wouldn’t be reaching out to her any time soon. Not that I think Pickle would be explicitly telling anyone or even hinting to them not to be friends with Taco even if he himself doesn’t want to, he’s not that kind of guy, but I think Bomb would stick close to Pickle, which means not interacting with Taco much. Yeah, he wasn’t personally hurt by her betrayal or anything, but he mostly knows her as the person who hurt his bestie Pickle, so not exactly keen on her either. Taco would be pretty neutral on him right back, but would be glad that Pickle has made new friends and is being well taken-care of despite everything that went down between them. 

Knife: Hoo boy, okay, he is in the neutral category, but feel free to read him as “it’s complicated.” He’s also close with Pickle, seeing firsthand and likely the most of how Taco’s betrayal impacted him, and he was watching over Mic during and after her alliance with Taco, so he isn’t exactly happy with her. But as was confirmed by Brian, so you can’t argue with me on this one, he does care for her well-being. He sees some of himself in Taco. As much as he accuses Taco of projecting onto him in Truth or Flare, they’re really both projecting onto each other. Taco also cares about his well-being!!! (this is also confirmed by brian) Whether or not it’s because he’s someone close to Pickle and Mic, she does care, even if she doesn’t show it. Knife is dead now, too. That might complicate things. Taco though she would be dead forever, and hell, she might have been if Knife hadn’t put pressure on Mephone with Mepad, while Knife spent most of his life thinking of death as meaningless and something that barely even applied to him. One of them survived, and one of them didn’t. They’re such an interesting duo, I really really want to know more of the plan for that body swap episode so so so bad!! Anyone wanna venmo me 30 bucks to get another cameo from Justin so I can fish for info? /j Anyways. Knife would be very wary of her reconciling with Mic and would be watchful to make sure she doesn’t bother Pickle, but he would be proud, in a sense, seeing how she improves. I can’t say he’d help much, as I’m not sure if his tough-love sort of help for people would be super beneficial for Taco, and they’re still not super friendly, but I think they could have a moment of getting along-ness every once in a while. Suitcase might rub off on Knife even more with her never-give-up-on-anyone philosophy, which would lead him to back off on keeping an eye on her a bit more. If anything were to happen to Mic, she would be well protected by these two. AAAAAAAA. Taco and Knife are such an interesting duo, I can’t emphasize this enough. Knife who has already changed, and Taco is who is starting to change. This one has gotten way too long, in short, it’s complicated but more positive than negative post-finale. 

Paintbrush: As long as Taco isn’t mean to Lightbulb, I don’t think Painty would feel too strongly either way. Probably unhappy when they find out that Taco shot two of their friends but. They seemed pretty okay with Taco’s presence in act II of the movie, and weren’t incredibly harsh on Taco during the pre-act II stream (if I recall correctly, this one is a bit more blurry tbh) even if they weren’t very pro-Taco either. Didn’t have an extreme reaction to Lightbulb mentioning Taco when they showed up during Truth or Flare either, so that’s another point towards Painty being neutral towards Taco. Might even empathize with how quick-to-anger Taco can be, she could get invited to a painting lesson or something. But really, as long as Taco is civil with Lightbulb (and Baxter), and doesn’t murder Fan or Test Tube again, I think they can coexist without any malice or issues. 

Yin-Yang: Yang would like Taco a lot! Yin would be kind of scared of her. Thus, neutral. Yang would admire her sabotage and trickery, which isn’t exactly what she wants to be liked for, but, well, it’s Yang so he’s gonna do what he wants. Yin would be pretty wary of her, and probably avoid her in fear of whatever mischief she and Yang could create with their powers combined. My partner once drew a cute illustration of Yin-Yang stealing and eating a topping out of her head, which I liked very much, and were that to happen I think Taco would dislike Yin-Yang. It would be very rude to eat one of her toppings, especially without asking first. My partner, who I regard as the resident Yin-Yang expert between us, also mentioned them both having a “that-could-have-been-me” sort of connection with OJ, in the sense of how Taco was so close to getting the win that OJ got, and Yin-Yang was so close to getting eliminated instead of OJ. Had it not been for the immunity votes, Yin-Yang would have been the first Thinker out. Had it not been for Bow and all the other chaos that was going down during season 1’s finale, Taco would have been the first winner of Inanimate Insanity. And we know that Yin-Yang and OJ clashed during their residence in the Hotel, and Taco just hates OJ after everything, so maybe they could have a little anti-OJ club to get their frustrations out, who knows. Suitcase is still a bit miffed about him eliminating her unfairly that one time, so maybe she could join a little complain-about-OJ session once in a while. 

Box: New to the group, so probably doesn’t even find out about Taco’s past for some time, but at the same time she isn’t the most social tool on the shed. And neither is Taco. So I can’t see either one reaching out to the other for a friendship. Box might like that Taco never pretended their corpse was alive, even if it was possibly because she never had the opportunity to interact with Box in general. I might see Taco taking more of the Trophy stance in that she doesn’t see Box’s corpse as alive, which, since it was a corpse, is objectively correct. Albeit with less violence than Trophy handled Box with. They might talk due to both of them being around Suitcase from time to time, but I’d more view them as two relatively introverted people who simply don’t seek a connection with each other. [Also, putting a Box conspiracy here, but does anyone else think her inclusion specifically is why season 2 had an uneven amount of contestants in-canon. Like, the season 2 cast would have been developed before the whole MeLife twist, but on a non-meta level, it was probably Box being included in the cast that made the numbers wonky. 19 contestants? A prime number? What? 18 would make sense, or 20, but 19? Because Box was added in with the actual living contestants, because Mephone couldn’t bring himself to exclude her, which brought the number of players up to 19. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.]

Cherries: Probably a bit childish for Taco’s taste in friends. And for Cherries, them always wanting a reaction… Well if Taco was pranked, she would not react well, and they might be hard pressed to get her to laugh especially if she already dislikes them due to being pranked. She is quite the actor, so even if she does find a joke or two funny, she’s not gonna break. And then Cherries would get bored of trying to make her laugh, and move on to someone they can get a better reaction from. Unless they try roping Taco into their little schemes before they prank her, then I can see a more positive relationship forming. Either way, I don’t see them as consistently seeking each other out for companionship. 

Fan: Taco electrocuted him that one time. So, not exactly a great start. Especially since it was while he was talking to the Shimmers. The Shimmers, one of which was his infant child… A really bad start, then. I don’t see Fan as a very hateful guy, honestly. Passionate, sure, but doesn’t strike me as the type to stay angry for very long. He wouldn’t be approaching Taco for friendship any time soon, and would probably tell Bot that they should be wary around her, but I also think he would respect Taco’s effort to change and let bygones be bygones in the end. Taco probably wouldn’t approach him either, other than apologizing for electrocuting him and shooting Test Tube (she should apologize for that, and Mic would make sure she does). Would probably want to know more about Taco’s strategy and experiences during the first season, but also has the self-restraint not to ask. 

Test Tube: Less forgiving than Fan, but would follow his lead in not holding a huge grudge towards her. She wouldn’t trust Taco at all, but she wouldn’t fall into malicious territory like what ended up happening with Cabby. Taco would be wary of Test Tube too, especially after the other apology she gives Test Tube, for breaking into her “secret” lab and stealing things. Testy might actually take that one worse than the apology for murdering her. Despite that, I do see Test Tube letting Taco keep the white invisibow that Mepad was wearing when he was killed. This would probably happen before Taco confesses to murder, assault, breaking and entering, and theft anyways, but I see Test Tube letting her keep it. Random act of kindness while Taco is mourning him, yeah? She is the one who gave him the bow after all. Testy wouldn’t love Taco, and would also warn Bot to be careful around her and come to her right away if she has any problems, but could coexist with Taco. 

Tier 5: No

Mephone: Yeah, this is an obvious one. Beyond the fact that he’s left to give the contestants space, at least for the time being, Taco would be pretty damn mad at him after everything. Whether he made them subconsciously or not, he made her to be manipulative and unpredictable and to betray the people she cares about. Thinking further on that, he also didn’t plan anything good for her, unlike other villainous characters. Balloon and Knife both got redemption arcs, Silver got a girlboss, but Taco? She got another “ally” to inevitably lose, years of homelessness and isolation, and not even a million squats. Not to mention his reaction to her during Truth or Flare. Sure, it is reasonable for him not to want to see her, especially with how she acts in the episode, but not wanting to recover her? That’s really fucked up. Seriously. Thank god for Mepad. I can and would very much argue that Taco is the most mistreated contestant by Mephone4. She would not want to see him ever again, and I think if she did see him and he tried to talk with her it would not go well. So, this one is a definite no. 

OJ: She and OJ did interact relatively frequently in season 1, and while I’m not sure exactly how betrayed he would have felt by her revealing her true nature, he would not like having been fooled and would very much have not liked her trying to steal his prize. I can’t see them ever getting along again. Even if Taco does apologize to him (and out of everyone she probably should apologize to, she would hate this one the most), I don’t see that doing much. OJ is another person that saw how her betrayal affected Pickle pretty closely, and he’d still hold at least a little grudge over that. Although, if you take the “built to win” line seriously like I do, (and Brian said in the 700k stream that it was up to interpretation- hah! Vindication! Kind of! Enough for me!!!) their dynamic can be a lot more interesting. And even though I don’t see them ever being friends again, I do see them at some point having a moment in which they both say something like “these guys are all so weird” and then looking at each other awkwardly and proceeding to ignore each other entirely for the next week or so. They’re both drama queens, yeah, but in comparison to some of the other characters they can be a bit more… reasonable? Doesn’t seem like quite the right word. Grounded? Doesn’t seem right either. Hopefully this is still comprehensible, but regardless, these two would not be friends.

Paper: My guy screeched in terror when she was seen in the hotel. I don’t think it’s gonna happen, especially if OJ isn’t befriending her in any way. He wouldn’t be happy about her trying to steal his boyfriend’s prize and is another who got to see Pickle growing depressed after her betrayal, so he’d keep his negative view on her. I don’t think he’d be as scared of her post-canon, especially seeing her trying to avoid violence by Mic’s demand, so I suppose that’s something. I am so very sorry, menu squad fans, I love them too, but I think that ship has long since sailed. I honestly don’t have very much to say for Paper, I feel like he’s a pretty obvious one, though they don’t actually interact that much. He doesn’t like her, and has a boyfriend who really doesn’t like her, so they’re not going to be connecting any time soon. I do think he would feel more sympathetic to her plights than OJ, as the more emotionally intelligent one between them, but would leave helping her to people closer to her. 

Salt: Taco would find her annoying, mostly. Especially after she and Pepper become friends, and Pepper vents about some of her frustrations with Salt to Taco, Taco wouldn’t be a fan of hers. Salt wouldn’t like Taco because she tried to steal OJ’s prize, and Salt is all gross and very weird about OJ. There’s a reason why she got the least votes in the latest plushie poll. Even Taco, who doesn’t really like Paper or OJ, would want Salt to back off and tell her to do so even if she had to be a tad aggressive about it. It shouldn’t always have to fall on poor Pepper especially when she starts branching out towards new people and relationships. Taco is a payjay hater, but it’s because she dislikes them individually, not because they’re gay. Taco herself is gay. WLW and MLM solidarity. 

Trophy: She would beat him in a bunch of stuff (some by cheating, some fairly) and he would hate her like the sore loser of all time he is. She would probably just find him annoying, like a less-tolerable version of Blueberry, maybe. I can see them both getting banned from game night, Trophy because he can’t take a loss and Taco for cheating, of course, and attempting to hang out together in protest. I suppose they could bond that way, but I’d lean more towards them either arguing or getting annoyed with each other and agreeing to never hang out again. Might casually flip each other off in the hallways, not from hatred but from mutual acknowledgment that the other is kind of an asshole sometimes. I think it’s beautiful <3. 

Dough: She’d only have to see him when she’s in the mansion, which is definitely for the best. They wouldn’t seek each other out, ever. Taco would find him very annoying, and would hate any and all of his Bow imitating or discussion. She never met him, she does not care about him, and he’d probably feel the same way about her. Not much to say about this one, but I. Well. It’s Dough. I’m so sorry Dough fans but I have never had much to say about him. 

Cheesy: Yeah Taco would find him annoying too. He and Mic are on better terms now, so they might sometimes find themselves in the same place, but Taco might soon have to leave that place because she is getting so annoyed with him. He probably wouldn’t dislike her or anything, but he wouldn’t really like her either, seeing as she wouldn’t be the best audience member for him. Poor guy is gonna have to find some new material again, seeing as none of them have mamas and bringing that up is definitely in poor taste at the moment. Yikers. But yeah, another one who will not be friends with Taco because they would be too much for her. 

Bow: Taco’s least favorite person! Bow is the reason that Taco lost season 1, and I don’t think Taco is ever going to get over that. (Especially if you interpret the “built to win” line literally like I do~~~). Taco would avoid her like the plague, and probably regard her as a plague on the world too. Would very much not enjoy having to live in the same building as Bow, for however long it takes until they have another building established, since Taco would probably move out the second she could as long as Mic was down to move with her. Anything to get away from Bow. I can not emphasize enough how much Taco hates Bow. Despises her. Would rather stick her arms into a pothole full of piranhas than be in Bow’s presence. That plastic pink headgear is the absolute worst object on the planet to her. Bow doesn’t really care either way. Unless Taco is openly aggressive to her, she’s neutral. But Taco would probably antagonize her at one point or another, so Bow would probably end up disliking her too, just not as passionately.

Tier 6: Pickle

Pickle: Sigh. My fellow Taco lovers. It’s not gonna happen, guys. Pickle and Taco friendship is not going to happen ever again. I KNOW. Taco wants it!! You want it!! I want it too!!! I have been a fan since season 1 was airing, I of all people would love to see them be friends again. But Pickle doesn’t want that, so I’m going to respect it. Taco would probably try apologizing to him once or twice more before backing off, probably being able to do so and really start to move on with the help of Mic, Nickel, and/or Marsh. She does shake her head and move past things during the red line game! It’s a good start! Even if I think she would give it another shot (because in apologizing more she comes to realize how bad her first apology was. Yeesh. Girl I’m your biggest supporter, I am a certified Taco apologist, but damn). But! Regardless of the fact that they’re not going to be friends again, it’s not as though they’re going to be enemies! Taco wants to be better, especially towards Pickle. And as for Pickle, he just isn’t that sort of guy, yeah? He doesn’t want to be friends with Taco or give her another chance, which is fully fair and valid, but it’s not as though he wants her to suffer either!! If she like, fell and broke her leg or smth, he would willingly carry her to get help, yeah? If they both happen to be in the kitchen and she’s struggling to reach something on the top shelf, he’d grab it for her. He’s chill and especially after a longer period of time when he’s been able to heal further and be okay with seeing her around, they could just be… okay. Not friends, but okay. He would show up to the Tacomic wedding. 

Tier 7: PLEASE COME BACK I MISS YOU SO MUCH

Mepad: PLEASE COME BACK KING I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU SUPPORTIVE ICON. HE IS IN TIER 7 BECAUSE HE IS DEAD AND THAT MAKES ME SO VERY SAD. I MISS YOU SO MUCH MEPAD MY BELOVED MEPAD. I MISS THE OLD SEASON 2 UPLOAD SCHEDULE I CAN’T HANDLE TACOPAD GETTING GIVEN TO US AND TAKEN AWAY WITHIN LIKE 4 MONTHS. GIVE US 4 YEARS AS GOD INTENDED /J. ANYWAYS MEPAD WOULD BE ON THE TIPPY TOP TIER IF HE WAS STILL ALIVE MY WONDERFUL MEPAD YOU WILL BE FOREVER IN MY HEART. ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR PLUSHIE I WILL MAKE YOU AND MY TACO PLUSH HUG IT IS MANDATORY. 

Okay, 13 pages later and that’s everyone! If you’ve read every entry, wow!!! Thanks!!! That’s a lot of reading and a lot of rambles you saw!!! If you skipped to your favorites, that’s also fair!!! Thanks for reading either way!!!^^ I have so very many thoughts about Taco, so it’s nice to get some written out!! :3

[bitethedevil]

Raphael the Cat (Character Analysis)

I’ve thought a lot about the whole cat and mouse metaphor from his Cormyrian rhyme, even when I first started playing the game and hadn’t developed my unhealthy obsession with Raphael. It is an odd thing isn’t it? Why a cat?

The mouse thing makes perfect sense for his character. He often refers to others as ‘little’ or something to that effect (such as ‘pipsqueak’). You are small and he is big. That’s always the gist of it. Of course, the ‘mouse and cat’-trope is pretty common, but why not identify with something bigger and scarier? He does it by calling himself a ‘devil’ instead of what he really is: a cambion.

We know that he doesn’t just do it with us. In the Devil’s Den at Sharess’ there is a book where someone had written about winning over a devil in a poetry contest and the devil is clearly Raphael. We know because he has circled it in red that his ‘down came the claw’ line is mentioned in it. Which means that this loser (affectionate) reuses the same old material for clients.

He’s not a lion, or a wolf, or whatever absolutely terrifying creature you can find in the D&D universe. He’s a cat. That’s what he’s chosen as his fursona, if you will. Why though? The more I think of it, it makes complete sense, and it is such an apt metaphor for his character.

“Is there anything duller than a loyal dog?”

Raphael says that line and then says ‘I much prefer a cat. Meow.’ Iconic, honestly. It also says a lot about his character. What is a dog’s role in a house? They protect their owners because of some sense of fondness or at least because they are trained to it. What does a cat do? It kills mice.

Not because of any sense of fondness or duty to its owners, but because it is nature for it to do so. It is specialized to kill mice and rats. A cat does what a cat wants, which is exactly what Raphael does.

It’s written somewhere in the Devil’s Den that he sometimes doesn’t even really need to claim someone’s soul or help them, but simply does it because he feels like it. Cats are notorious for killing even though they don’t even really need to.

Considering how ordered and hierarchical the Hells are, I really think that Raphael is a bit of a wildcard. It comes with his nature, I think. Most cambions are loners and solitary by nature. He does what he wants. It certainly takes some balls to directly hand over an opportunity to fuck over the literal Archdevil of Cania by telling us about Cazador’s ritual.

No matter how much he claims that he loves order, I think order is mostly what he personally deems as order. It’s whatever he feels like, which is the general theme with him.

Master of the House

A cambion isn’t seen as much in the Hells. Don’t get me wrong, he still seems really successful for a cambion, and he certainly is higher in the hierarchy than most of his heritage. In the Hells he really is a cat surrounded by lions and tigers. He might see himself as a lion, but which cat doesn’t? Though, he is still aware of his place in the Hells, or he would not have lived for so long.

A cat might not be the king of the jungle, but they certainly rule their tiny kingdom of the house they reside in (ask any cat owner). It’s the same with Raphael. The House of Hope is his little kingdom where he rules. It’s obvious from all the plaques you see around his house.

He has created his own little space where he is the most fierce and dangerous thing there is, and all the little mice who enter buy it. To a mouse, a cat might as well be a lion, which is why I think Raphael ‘dotes on mortals’. He likes feeling important, big, and scary, and mortals see that image of him.

The Cat

Though they are small, cats are apex predators. At the same time, they are irresistible to humans. We pet them, we take them into our homes, but compared to a dog, the attention you get from a cat is very much dependent on the cat and not the owner.

Raphael is the same. He comes and goes as he pleases. He appears and gives you attention, nuzzles up against your leg, making you feel special for even getting his attention. Remember what he said to Mol if you help her win?: ‘She won, you know. She’ll be the one who comes to me.’

He wants people to want his attention, so when he gives it to you it almost feels like a gift. He keeps talking about us knocking on his door as well. We know that he has most likely talked to Voss before we arrive to Sharess’ because Voss knows he has the hammer. Still, he seems very uninterested when Voss is actually there, practically on his knees begging for his help. Peak cat behavior.

However, we know what happens if one chooses to spite Raphael. It becomes very clear that he is not a cuddly and patient pet, and you suddenly realize that you were the mouse all along and that you never were in any control over the situation.  

He was that apex predator all along, you just never quite realized just how small you were. Again, a cat is a lion to a mouse. He actually even alludes to this idea himself if you have tried hurting him: ‘Like a mosquito nibbling at a dragon. Begone.’.

He’ll tell you that you can be friends with him, pretending that you are something that could resemble equals, but it is all smoke and mirrors. Everything he does is to pretend that he is less intimidating that he is, and he even refuses the notion that he is the cat in the lullaby in the beginning. But if you happen to get too comfortable or think you can best him, he reminds you just how small you are and that’s a theme throughout all his interactions.

[punderdome]

Infernal Jurisprudence: Chapter 4

Summary: Raphael observes more than a magic lesson.

[AO3]

Rating 18+

Chapter 4: The Weave

Raphael was incensed at the audacity of one of the two beings contained within the Astral Prism.  One of them was bound in Infernal chains.  The other was an Illithid trying to worm its way into the minds of his investments.  Raphael was not pleased.

He wanted to know what kind of figure the Illithid appeared as in Tavara’s dream.  Clearly someone tall and handsome with a regal air about him.  Raphael imagined a human figure with chestnut brown hair and golden eyes, well dressed and well spoken.  Much like himself but less attractive.  

The adventurers were all buzzing about their strange shared dream, and discussing the various figures they had seen.  Golden paladins, beautiful women, distrusted Githyanki.  The Little Mouse never mentioned what kind of figure she saw.  She sat by the campfire eating leftover stew and a small piece of stale bread in silence.

Her gaze seemed far away that morning, as she likely pondered what the day would hold.  Raphael wished he could reach into her mind and learn all of her secrets.

Tavara pulled the vampling away into a hidden corridor of their camp.  “Astarion, you need to tell them,” she implored.  Hells, the other adventurers were so blind.

“But why, darling, there is no reason to shake the boat, if you will.”

“They all think this shared dream we had was because of the dehydrated boar that you fed us yesterday.  I’m sure that’s the result of you feeding on it, and then feeding it to us.”  All of them were idiotic, including Tavara, to have assumed that carrion was safe to eat.  Raphael would make sure Tavara was well fed.

“I had a similar dream, but my figure was not a happy one.”  Astarion rubbed the back of his neck and asked for everyone to come forward.

Tavara looked at him with pity.  “Astarion, it’s going to be worse the longer you hide it.  It’s better now than someone discovering you feeding on something.”

The vampire spawn called the others over before explaining that he was a vampire spawn.  Tavara placed her arms around him in an embrace and immediately defused any irritation.

“Astarion, don’t forget, I taste absolutely awful,” the wizard exclaimed before taking his leave.

“Astarion, it’s ok.  We love you,” Tavara asserted.

***

Later that night, Tavara passed the location of Jergal, waiting for her by the river bank.

“Withers, what will happen to all of us after we die?” Tavara asked, uncertain of the answer.

“Every soul must reckon unto itself a fate.”  Jergal answered her.  Raphael was frustrated.  Tavara was to be celebrated.

“Am I to be part of the wall of the faithless?” Tavara asked the former god.

“No.”  Jergal answered.

“Can you elaborate?”

“No.” 

Tavara sighed.  She stormed off into the depths of their camp.

The wizard was standing at his tent, blatantly pining over a conjured image of Mystra.  He touched the hair on the conjured image.  Tavara stumbled upon him as he gazed at the image of his goddess.

“Mystra?” she said with a hint of surprise.  The wizard immediately let the image falter and dusted off his hands quickly.  He turned to face the Little Mouse.

“Oh! You startled me, I was miles away,” the wizard chattered nervously.

“It’s perfectly fine, you can conjure up the Lady of Mysteries all you like,” Tavara assured him.  “I’m no stranger to wizards conjuring up images of Mystra.”  She put her hand on her hip.  The wizard smiled nervously.

“You aren’t?” 

“I have a wizard’s education.  I’ve seen more wizards conjuring images of her than I can count.  I’m certain at least a few of them were their fantasies for later when they were alone.”  Gale of Waterdeep visibly cringed.  Fascinating.

A flurry of snowflakes fell from the Little Mouse’s palm onto the dirt outside the wizard’s tent.

“Magic is my life, I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember.  There’s nothing like it, it’s like beauty, music, and poetry all rolled into one.”  The wizard paused for dramatic effect.  “Is it the same for you?”  Raphael was curious to see what the Little Mouse would say.

“My magic is ancient and raw, sometimes even volatile.”  Raphael closed his eyes and thought about Tavara’s power.  The universities had been lucky to have her.  She was singular.

“Yes, as raw and ancient as the veins of Bahamut,” the wizard mused.  Raphael didn’t like the way her power was so easily discarded.  “Perhaps I can show you what I mean by reaching into the Weave together.”  Raphael’s eyes narrowed as he watched the wizard interacted with the Mouse.

Tavara smiled.  “Of course,” she grandly gestured for the wizard to continue.

The wizard demonstrated an easy set of somatic components meant to channel the Weave.  He moved quickly and clapped his hands together to pull the magic forward and bring the two of them into its circle.  “Now you,” the wizard motioned for Tavara to follow his motions.  She imitated his somatic component with ease.  You absolute fool, she doesn’t even need the somatic or verbal components to access the Weave.   Raphael sneered at the blatant disrespect of his Little Mouse.  He wanted to reach through the glass of the scrying mirror and drag the nitwit by his hair to his dungeons for a proper punishment.  A few dozen turns around the windmill would set him right.

“Now, repeat after me: Ah-Thran Mystra-Ryl Kantrach-Ao,” the foolish wizard instructed.

“Ah-Thran Mystra-Ryl Kantrach-Ao,” Tavara repeated easily with a look of amusement on her face.  The Waterdhavian donkey really did think his stupid little incantation was significantly harder than Hellfire or any other arcane arts, didn’t he?  He clearly thinks too much of himself.

Raphael watched the shimmer of the Weave appear around them.  He wanted to burn the rosewater-scented sanctuary and replace it with sulfur and Hellfire and true power.  The Weave connecting them disgusted him.

“You’re channeling the Weave,” the wizard started.  Obviously, she’s a sorceress, she’s done this hundreds of times before.   “How does it feel?” The wizard’s dull brown eyes smiled down at her while Tavara ran her hands over the spell connecting them.  Her fingers traced gracefully over the glowing satin of the Weave.

“The same as it always does,” Tavara replied with a smirk.  Raphael knew she wouldn’t accept his patronizing attitude forever.  She had a wizard’s education, but that contemptuous fool would never see her as his superior, which she clearly was.

“You’re hard to please, aren’t you?” The bearded donkey didn’t seem displeased at her blatant disrespect, but Raphael was certain it was an attempt to send the wizard away.  The Little Mouse clearly had no interest in such a weak and pathetic man.

There was a long pause as the Little Mouse held the fool’s gaze.  The Little Mouse smiled at the wizard, and Raphael despised the look he was giving her.  The elation behind the wizard’s half smile left Raphael fuming.  She should be furious at how little the wizard respected her talents and education.

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting…” the wizard failed to finish his thought.  Finally, he’s silent.  “A pleasant image to be sure.  Most pleasant, in fact, most welcome.”  Raphael was displeased by the long gaze between the Mouse and her companion.  “There it goes,” the wizard mused as the Weave evaporated.  Hellfire is a much more potent arcane art.  The Mouse understands this.   “How easily things slip away from us, no matter how hard they were in the obtaining.”

The wizard smiled, but hurried to excuse himself from the situation.  Good.  “Goodnight, I enjoyed sharing a moment of magic with you.”  Raphael was rolling his eyes at the vision in the scrying mirror.  Tavara was the powerful one, and he should be learning from her.

The two parted, and Tavara returned to her tent.  Fuming, Raphael set the scrying mirror down on his desk.

Raphael was irritable after seeing the wizard get so close to the Little Mouse.  He paced around his study for a time, before deciding he needed to return to his work.  First, he pulled out the scrying mirror again, as he often did, to check to see that the Little Mouse had fallen asleep.

Tavara laid comfortably within her bedroll in her tent, but she definitely was not sleeping.  Raphael watched her moan softly.  Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was heavy and panting.  Her legs trembled slightly as she stroked herself underneath the blankets.

Raphael was intoxicated by the image in the scrying mirror.  He immediately unlaced his trousers and started to pleasure himself alongside her.  He watched her chest heave as she moaned, and her legs tensed.  She was struggling to relax her limbs, and Raphael was greedily awaiting seeing her come undone.

She was thinking of him.

Raphael was getting too close to his climax and slowed down pumping his shaft with his fist.  He was hard and aching for her.  He had watched Haarlep touch themselves in several forms on many occasions throughout the centuries, but it had never excited him like this.  Raphael desperately wanted to pull the blankets down to see what her fingers were doing to her.  Was she clothed or bare?   He paused again, needing to slow down or else he would come before the Mouse.

Her power.  Her strength.  Her charm.  Her beauty.

Raphael had seen consorts and wives of various Archdevils throughout the millennia, but many of them were cowardly, weak things.  They were submissive to their Archdevils.  That was not her.  Tavara was suitable to be the consort of the Archdevil Supreme.  He would take her to his bed in Nessus and make her produce all these beautiful little noises as he ravaged her.

Tavara’s back arched on her bedroll.  Raphael wanted nothing more than to climax at the same time as the Little Mouse, feeling their pleasure together across different planes.  He watched her writhe on her bedroll, she had to be getting close.

She clasped a hand over her mouth and moaned into it.  She was quaking.  It was too hard to resist the sight of her like this, and Raphael let himself come, Infernal seed covering his hands.  The pleasure of being with her was intense, and he found himself breathing hard as he came down from his high.

The Little Mouse hadn’t quite come yet.  Within a few seconds, he watched the euphoria appear on her face.  She ripped her hand away from her mouth, panting and breathing hard.  Raphael preened that the image of him had given her so much pleasure.

Tavara’s eyes drifted open sleepily.  “Gale,” she murmured softly into the solitude of her tent.

Raphael’s eyes narrowed, and he stiffened in his chair.  He was not going to let that pathetic wizard get any closer to his Little Mouse.

[artificial-absinthe]

Out of the rain In the wood this black tree I've been looking for. Out of the rain And the minor sun, minor seen We don't fear them

Request for @sunstar-of-the-north , who requested Optimus on vacation, because he deserves some peace.

It might be unconventional... perhaps the first thing coming to mind when hearing the word "vacation" is beach or something amusing, but I wanted this to clearly convey "Optimus Prime ". I don't think he seeks amusement. Rest and peace is what he needs.

I believe that he finds the landscapes of Earth beautiful, and he certainly would find peace in a sequoia wood, where he can go unnoticed. Also, he's clearly a cultivated bot, always interested in learning about the culture and nature of the world he is in, therefore, I gave him a datapad with poetry for him to read, and a earthly companion:

A peacefully sleeping deer, because nothing horrible happened accidentally in this forest.

I painted this while listening Wonders by the Beauty of Gemina on endless repeat, and thus, now I have a developing Optimus Prime playlist.

Videolapse with song:

Wonders. Michael Seele (The Beauty of Gemina) I’m counting all these wonders Never mind - I catch their name I’m counting all this thunder Out of the rain What is there to know? All this time I see And I’m going Time to think by feeling Time for breathing And all with one flow. Out of the rain In the wood this black tree I’ve been looking for Out of the rain And the minor sun, minor sin And we know them. And we’ll ever know I’m counting all these wonders Never mind! – I touch your face I’m counting all this thunder Out of the rain Out of the rain In the wood this black tree I’ve been looking for Out of the rain And the minor sun, minor sin Out of the rain In the wood this black tree I’ve been looking for Out of the rain And the minor sun, minor sin We don’t fear them. And we’ll never do.

[hyacinth-sims]

Il mio raggio di sole

Summary: A Mercutio Monty character study. Often seen as the jokester who is second in line to the Monty throne, many don’t know what lurks beneath the surface.

Warning: Vague descriptions of death, SAAAAAD :(

Pairings: None, Even more vaguely implied past Tybalt Capp/Mercutio Monty, Past Consort Capp/Patrizio Monty

Word Count: 1.8k

Author’s Note: I really didn’t know if this one would be as sad as Tybalt’s but I think it is, oops! I’m also amazed at the fact that Mercutio’s character study and Tybalt’s are almost the exact same length, maybe give or take 5-10 words. While I feel like I’ve always “gotten” Tybalt, Mercutio was a bit more of a challenge but I feel like I really learned a lot about what I think of him through writing this 😁 Also if you have any one shot ideas (preferably VV/Tycutio) for me, feel free to send them! I’ve had so much fun with my current iterations of Tybalt and Mercutio (does that make me a sadist?) and I’m excited to see how they’ll interact with each other. 

There were a few important facts about Mercutio Monty. He spoke English and Italian fluently but mostly kept the Italian within the family. He wanted to master the electric guitar before the age of 25 and the acoustic guitar before 28. His favorite food was calamari with a spritz of lemon juice. All of the romantic poetry he’d written in his literature classes wasn’t actually about anyone but rather some cool bugs he’d seen outside of his house. He liked tall men and women of any height and liked it if both looked as if they could kick his ass. He’d only let his hair be as short as just beneath the chin and as long as his collarbone. And most importantly, he never wanted to be the Monty heir. 

He was fine with letting that responsibility fall onto his younger brother, Romeo, who seemed rather excited to one day lead the family. Mercutio, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine being tied to Veronaville for the rest of his life. He wanted to see what else was out there for him, past the rolling hills, dividing rivers, and the feud that hung over his hometown like a dark cloud. 

It would be impossible to talk about himself and his life without mentioning ‘the feud,’ as it was aptly yet uncreatively called. It started long before he was born, and much as he wanted to believe otherwise—it would likely continue on past his death. Mercutio never wanted any part in it, but it seems as though his pure existence as a member of the Monty family was enough to be involved. Of course, he would defend his family when insulted, but the entire thing was just stupid. 

It initially started generations ago over a geographical dispute; both families wanted to claim the lands by the river as their own. Clearly, it was never resolved because it only gave way to more violence and more death. The current iteration of the feud began with his Nonno and Consort Capp on the other side of town. What was interesting, though, was the fact Consort was not born a Capp. They were matriarchal on their side of town, and the feud started before Consort even married into the family. Supposedly, it was due to their shared business going under, but plot twist—Nonno was actually dating Contessa Capp, and Consort had stolen her from right under his nose. That’s not all, though, double plot twist! Consort and Nonno had actually been a thing before the entire thing with Contessa happened. Nobody else knew about this except for Mercutio and the eldest generation, of course. He really had no idea who he’d tell or if it was worth talking about at all. 

Even after this, though, there were ebbs and flows of the feud. The most peaceful the town had been in a long while had been during his childhood. There were no fights in the streets, no murmured threats, and even some positive interactions were had between the Montys and Capps. His parents often encouraged the latter, allowing their children to have playdates with the Capp children on occasion and rebuking Nonno and Nonna’s disapproval of it. His father had even been childhood friends with Cordelia Capp, the heiress before her untimely death. 

He recalled times on the playground as children, hitting each other with foam swords and playing pretend—as if they were the Capp and Monty heiress and heir, respectively, in 1600s Veronaville. 

Things had seemed to be on an upward path throughout his early years, with his father on the Monty side and Cordelia on the Capp side. Neither of them was interested in continuing the feud, and there were even talks of peace in the future. It all seemed too good to be true, and it turned out to be just that. There was a fire in their home, and the kids had managed to escape without any scratches somehow—but Cordelia and Caliban had not been so lucky. 

Mercutio was 12 years old when this happened, and he wanted to attend the funeral. He knew Cordelia and Caliban; they had never been anything but nice to him. He wanted to show his support and make sure that the Capp siblings were okay. His parents were both wrecks; leaving the house seemed nearly impossible for them. His Nonno yelled at him for even thinking of such a thing.

He wasn’t able to go to the funeral. 

There were whispers on the other side of town that the fire was deliberately caused by a member of the Monty family. Mercutio never wanted to imagine that someone he was related to was capable of something like that. Whether or not they were true, they had brought back the feud in full force. Friends he thought he’d made had become strangers again, and the town had become more divided than ever. 

It caused a particularly bad falling out, one that had yet to be topped. Childhood crushes should never be affected by adult problems, but the feud seemed to truly want to take over every aspect of his life. 

His parents were never quite the same after the fire. His mother was becoming heavily pregnant, but she was also growing sicker. She was bedridden most days and often in too much pain to even speak to Mercutio. There was a feeling of impending doom that hung over their home; they all knew that something bad was going to come eventually.

Mercutio found her. She was still in bed, but she no longer looked in pain. For the first time in months, she looked at peace, but he still had tried his hardest to wake her up. 

Olivia Monty had passed away during the night. The doctors said it was due to something called eclampsia, something she had never discussed with her children before. Everyone was too distraught to plan a proper funeral for her, especially his father. Mercutio did not know the man his father had become during his last 6 months of life. He was withdrawn, solemn, as if he had lost his will to live the day his wife had died.

Claudio Monty passed away exactly half a year after his wife. They called it broken heart syndrome—it seems even his body didn’t have much of a reason to go on either. Mercutio was lucky to have not been the one to find him, but he’ll never forget the wails of his grandmother as she begged for him to come back. 

The funeral was one for both his mother and father. There was no burial or casket, and his father had wanted to be cremated alongside his mother. He made that very clear before his death. It was a quiet affair inside his grandparent's home, and he’d chosen to block out most of his memories of it except for one. 

His nonno had pulled him aside as his brother and sister cried and cried. He’d told him that while he was taking them in now, he and Nonna would not be there forever. As the oldest, it was now Mercutio’s responsibility to look out for his younger siblings. He needed to guide them, to protect them, to lead them through the dark and uncertainty of what life would bring now.  

So Mercutio stood by them as they cried, his face unwavering as he tried to be the image of strength and resilience. Ever since that day, he had cried only maybe twice more in his life. His grandparents never seemed to be too concerned with his well-being, taking his positive attitude at face value. It was as if they had forgotten that Mercutio was the one to find his mother dead, not Romeo or Viola. 

Nonna would call him il mio raggio di sole, her ray of sunshine. She said their home wouldn’t be as bright without him, as he brought the light into what became a deeply dark period of time for them. It was at that very moment that Mercutio knew what he was born for. Romeo was born to be the heir, to become the leader of their family and take up that responsibility. Viola was born to be doted on, the youngest girl with two older brothers with a coy smile and a face identical to their mother’s.

Mercutio was born to keep everyone happy. He was born to pretend that he was fine, that if he could be nothing but jokes and laughter after such a tragedy—maybe the rest of the family could heal as well. But as with many things in Veronaville, it was all a facade.

More often than not, Mercutio couldn’t get the image of his deceased mother out of his head. He wanted to yell at the urns of his mother and father, asking just why they couldn’t hold on for their children. Why his mother couldn’t take better care of herself during her pregnancy, why his father couldn’t have found a will to live through his struggling kids, just why, why, why. 

He never spoke about his parents, not to anybody. He knew he’d fall apart if their names left his lips. He never wanted to be that vulnerable, he never wanted to cry, and he never wanted to show that side of him to anyone. 

Mercutio wrote love poems about bugs. He wrote a sonnet about an orchid mantis on the blooming flowers in their garden. A haiku about a ladybug that had made its way onto the dashboard of his car. A ballad about a butterfly that had fluttered around his head for what felt like a lifetime. It was easier to lie, to lie and say he was letting his guard down through the writing he submitted to his literature teacher. 

He kept everything that was real locked away inside a leather-bound journal, which was gifted to him by his Nonna after his report card showed an A- in Literature. He wrote about death, despair, hopelessness, depression, about how he really felt. He wrote about love, about what it would mean to let someone fully in, about freedom, about escaping this hell hole that threatened to destroy him before he could graduate. The leather-bound journal held the key to his very soul, and he would never let anyone see the inside of it. 

Not now, anyway. 

[excelsi-or]

artistic expression (woozi fic)

I'm thoroughly enjoying writing these. They’ve been like 20-minute fics when I see or hear something I like.

I’ve been writing forever and making art for the last decade, but I realize not everyone does the same to express themselves. Or believes they can’t.

w.c. 773 (fluff)

Jihoon overhears her talking to Soonyoung between snippets of songs.

She’d stopped at the studio on her way home from work with dinner. After eating, Jihoon had given her a little kiss to the head and went back to work. As she was about to leave, Soonyoung had popped in.

“You know, that would be a great song lyric,” Soonyoung comments.

She laughs. “Maybe.”

“Seriously. It completely encompasses…” When Soonyoung doesn’t finish the thought, Jihoon glances over his shoulder. Soonyoung is creating large circles with his hands, trying to encompass… something.

“Life?” she guesses when Soonyoung doesn’t say anything.

Soonyoung hums. “Yes, but it’s such a specific line to encompass life right now. Like the essence of kidult but in a more… poetic way.”

In the reflection of his computer monitor, Jihoon can see her shake her head. “You guys have a song for that.”

“But yours is… melancholic.”

“Melancholic?” she echoes.

Soonyoung chuckles. “Word of the day.”

“Song writing’s your guys’ thing. I’ll stick to policy documents and research papers.”

“But don’t you ever just want to write… fun stuff? Not that your stuff isn’t important or whatever—” The ‘whatever’ makes her snort in Jihoon’s favourite way that makes him smile. “—but what about all those poetic things going on in your head?”

“Poetic things?”

“Clearly you think about things.”

“Clearly.”

“So, why not express them? You can write.”

“I think I’m just better at appreciating the art than creating it,” she says, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She walks over to Jihoon and gives him a kiss on the head goodbye. When he grabs her wrist to stop her, she raises an eyebrow in response.

“I wanna ask you something,” he says as he drops his headphones around his neck.

Soonyoung gets the hint. He hugs her goodbye and pats Jihoon’s arm. “I’ll see you in the practice room.”

Once Soonyoung leaves, taking the leftovers with him, she meets Jihoon’s eye again. “What’s up?”

“Talk to me about life,” he says. He pulls her to stand in front of him, sliding his chair closer so she stands between his legs.

She blinks at the request. Resting her butt against his desk, she shakes her head, not understanding his question.

“Soonyoungie seems to think you have a way with words that you won’t share with the world.”

Rolling her eyes, she straightens up and readjusts her bag on her shoulder. “I think Soonyoung thinks everyone has an ability to artistically express themselves.”

Jihoon studies her expression. It’s not anger, not frustration. Disappointment feels the closest. “And you don’t?”

“When have you ever seen me artistically express myself, Hoonie?”

“Verbally,” he answers. It’s almost as if he was just waiting for her to ask him.

Another roll of her eyes. “The things I say to you in bed don’t exactly count.”

This makes him laugh. Her ability to joke means that she’s not that hurt. He laces their fingers together and she rests back against the desk. “Not just then. I mean, you’re able to express your thoughts and feelings in plain language. It’s a different kind of poetry.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

The emotion comes to him then: Bitterness.

“Would you want to be able to do this?”

“This…?”

Jihoon motions towards his desk, littered with song lyrics and half-finished thoughts.

She picks one up and her eyes go over the words. “Yeah. I would. Your stuff is fun to read. Mine is…”

“Boring,” Jihoon chuckles. He pulls her to his lap, relieving her of her bag. She sits comfortably in the space between his thighs, his arms around her as he shows her a couple of songs.

“Soonyoung’s right, you know.”

“About?”

Jihoon clicks open one song and then rifles through the papers on his desk for the one he’s looking for. He sets the paper down in front of her. Leaning his chest against her back, he peers around her to point at one particular verse.

“This was something you said to me a couple weeks ago.” He plays the song. “And it inspired me to write this.”

By the time he’s shown her the most recent songs her words have inspired, Jihoon swears she’s crying. But she won’t look at him and he can’t see her face properly from this angle.

“Jagi?”

She sniffles and then clears her throat. “Thank you.”

Jihoon kisses her shoulder. “I can help you express things artistically if you ever want that.”

“You’d do that?”

“Sure. I don’t think I’ve ever been useful in your work, but,” he gestures to his desk again, “this has you written all over it.”

[elisysd]

Not this fucking family

Masterlist

Seven years and half after Paris

Ethan and Julia - 32 years old

There was nothing better than a family holiday, Ethan was sure of it. He could spend his whole day relaxing under the sun and he was perfectly happy. They were lost in the middle of the sea, without anyone to disturb them, his very own definition of paradise. His wife was sunbathing right next to him, a babyphone right next to her, enjoying a nap that she hadn’t been able to have for weeks now and Louis who was enjoying his first summer ever since he had graduated, was playing the guitar in the background, scribbling down some notes here and there. He seemed fidgety, something he had started to be less and less as years were passing by and that he had started college. He had found a big passion for music to the point he had started producing his own. He had even started to release some songs here and there, mostly piano instrumentals but was trying to add more instruments and was overall experimenting a lot. And Ethan was proud to say that he always was the first one to listen to every beat Louis was making. He was his number one fan.

But the last few days he had barely gotten out of the villa’s bedroom they were renting and was spending his days making music. It wasn’t particularly unusual but he seemed more under pressure and Ethan wondered why.

“Still deep into your chords?” asked Ethan, walking to him.

“I’m trying to figure out a part of this song and I don’t know what is wrong with it. It does sound right.”

“Can I listen?”

“No!”

There was definitely something wrong with him. Louis was always happy to share whatever he was working on with Ethan and when he saw a blush on the face of the twenty - three years old, he quickly understood where the problem, if he could call it that way, was coming from.

“I see…. Is it for a girl? Or for a boy?”

When Louis blushed even harder and didn’t reply, Ethan knew he was right.

“If you want to talk about it… I can listen and I can even help you. I’ve always been good with women. Don’t repeat that to Joolsie. If it’s a man… I can get some advice from Ludwig.”

“It’s a girl.”

“A classmate?”

Louis shook his head before looking around him, making sure no one was listening.

“She’s perfect. She’s so pretty. And she loves art, she reads Lord Alfred Tennyson’s poetry and she loves photography. She is always snapping pictures of people when they aren’t looking. And she smells like roses. Her favorite color is purple. At least I think because the few times I’ve seen her she always had something purple on her.”

Ethan was speechless, he clearly wasn’t expecting that and felt almost scared to see how much detail Louis had gathered on the girl.

“And have you ever talked to her? Asking her out for a coffee… things like that.”

“Only once. And god no! Every time I want to say hi, I end up with sweaty palms and I want to throw up.”

“What’s her name?” Ethan asked gently.

“Georgia.”

The name rang a bell to Ethan. He was sure he had already heard it somewhere but impossible to remember where. He would need to ask Julia. She always knew everyone.

“So, this Georgia…. are you writing songs for her?”

“Not for her. But… Most of what I’ve been composing lately is about her. Each note, each chord… She is everywhere. I even found the name of my EP. I’ll call it Roses.”

He was down bad. Very bad. Later that day, as Julia was changing Emily for the night, Ethan got up to her, trying to seem as disinterested as possible.

“Joolsie…” he started, letting the vowel drag on.

“Eth…” she replied in the same tone.

“Do you know someone called Georgia?”

“We know someone called Georgia, indeed.”

“We? Who?”he asked surprised.

“You are disappointing. It’s not like she had been following you around for the past year and a half.”

And suddenly he knew very clearly who Louis was talking about.

“Martin’s sister. The new Ferrari junior photograph… it makes more sense now.”

He wanted to bang his head against a wall. Out of all people, Louis had to have a crush on Martin’s sister. It had to be in this family. The nightmare was never ending.

“Why do you ask about her?”

“No reason.” he quickly answered.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I can take it from there with Emily. I can take her to sleep. You don’t have to do absolutely everything.”

“Verstappen.”

“That’s my name. Yours too.”

“Don’t play who is the most stupid with me, you know I win every time.”

“Fine. But you have to promise me you won’t say anything to anyone and especially not to your brother.”

When she nodded he sat down on the bed, his daughter cradled in his arms.

“I think Louis has a crush on her.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Of course! I have eyes! Have you not noticed that Louis was coming to more races since she joined the team?”

“I thought it was to support me!”

“You’re naive sometimes.” she sighed.

“I can’t believe it… after all this time, Martin still finds a way to annoy me.”

“How is that annoying you? We’re talking about his little sister!”

“Louis is in love with her! If they get together and get married, Martin will be a part of our family!”

“Damn it, it’ll mean you’ll have to see him on family’s reunion. Bummer.”

“You’re mocking me. I don’t like that. I so don't like that, that I’m going to leave you all alone and I’m going to spend the night with Emily because at least she is nice with me.”

It didn’t last long before Ethan came back and slipped under the covers, hugging his wife from behind.

“Does our daughter already kicked you out?”

“She is fast asleep. So now, I can keep on annoying my wife. My beautiful and smart and perfect wife that I love so much.”

“You’ll love me less when I’ll ask you to stop trying to go for the fastest lap.”

“I would never. I’ll never stop pushing if it means I come back to you and Emily faster. You’re both my favorite checkered flag.”

Author's note: And with that, it's officially the end of Gold Rush. Thank you so much for reading this story and allowing Julia and Ethan to be a part of your life.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[girlreviews]

Review #33: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse, her music and her memory fills me with pain. I remember precisely the moment I found out she had succumbed to her insidious addiction. I was with my Mother, in West London, and we had enjoyed a nice afternoon (which was odd). It was suddenly overshadowed with news of Amy’s death. Every now and again the death of a “celebrity” has some weird intense impact on you. That was Amy for me.

She was a few years older than me and we stumbled around the same haunts in Camden and East London. Everyone had a story about her for better or worse. They knew her or had seen her. We were in the same orbit at the same time and she was an enigma to me. She was the butt of a ton of jokes — Halloween costumes of a pale thin woman with blood coming from her nose and the iconic beehive hair. It is so upsetting to say that this was even before her death. It says a great deal about where we were as a society and culture that a young woman with raw talent, real pain, and surrounded by people who didn’t have her best interests at heart was just commodified and used as comedy fodder. We love to hate women. We love to make it impossible for them to be human and to mercilessly destroy them when they dare to live their struggles openly. I feel so sorry. Not for her, but to her, for the cruelty and callousness she endured, all while she was clearly communicating her pain to us. Like, what the fuck?

There was no music around at the time that was anything like her. Her voice, still present, is like no other. I wonder if we will ever hear a voice like hers again, and songs that bare the soul in such a way. In Back to Black, Amy laments a painful relationship in which she “died a hundred times”. I’m not sure if this is a feeling that is relatable for most, or whether it’s somewhat unique to people who have had lived particular experiences. I just know that I’ve been there. I don’t know how many times a painful relationship has made me feel this way. I just know it’s too many. I sometimes don’t know how anybody gets through this life and keeps it together. The people who don’t are the ones who are honest and vulnerable, and we treat them like shit.

I can’t quite figure how that was how it went. So clearly a sensitive soul overwhelmed by a talent and voice that was bigger than her increasingly tiny frame. How could we hear these words (Love Is A Losing Game) and not show some empathy?

“Though I battle blind

Love is a fate resigned

Memories mar my mind

Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now, the final frame

Love is a losing game”

This album was written by a woman who was not yet even 28, and when you listen to it, nearly 20 years later, that’s absolutely mind blowing. Even just the title of My Tears Dry On Their Own always knocked me off my feet. She felt alone in her pain. I always loved that song. It’s genius in being so sad and full of heartbreak but accompanied by big band bombasticness and a bouncy tempo:

“I cannot play myself again

I should just be my own best friend

Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

He walks away

The sun goes down

He takes the day, but I am grown

And in your way

My blue shade

My tears dry on their own”

Fucking poetry. This woman wore her heart on her sleeve and told us all exactly how she felt and was still reduced to tabloid frenzied content. I don’t know man, it distressed me then and I feel no differently now. I feel it even more if anything. It leaves me feeling hopeless about humanity — and there are plenty of objectively more important things to feel hopeless about in the present day. I don’t even know how to work through that.

It took fucking balls and courage to share the songs she shared with us, and it’s no surprise she was shat on. She had the audacity to pen Addiction, a song about needing weed more than the love of a man:

“I'm my own man

So when will you learn

That you got a man but I gots to burn?

Don't make no difference if I end up alone

I'd rather have myself and smoke my home grown

Oh, it's got me addicted

Does more than any dick did”

She was her own man too. And still had the space to try to love. Ugh. In Cupid, she lays it all out, yet again:

“I don't want to bother you but I'm in distress

There's danger of me losing all my happiness

I love a man who doesn't know I exist

And this you can fix”

No comment.

These reviews are unimportant and read by few, but I do feel weirdly personal about this album and about Amy Winehouse. She deserved better and I despair at the reality of her short life. Things could have been different for her. Even in death her memory is manipulated and peddled for profit. Let the god damn woman rest. Leave her alone. Let her songs be her memory and nothing else. Fuck these clowns, especially the clown that is her father. Fuck him, fuck tabloid papers and the motherfuckers who run them, and fuck anyone who dared to diminish such beauty and talent so brazenly.

If it needs to be said: a PSA that a great deal of posthumous Amy content — including the upcoming biopic — are money grabs that dishonor a real persons life, memory, and legacy. Retelling a story that frankly isn’t theirs to tell and with shitty motives. Anyone that really cared for her wants nothing to do with it, and that tells you everything you need to know. If you wish to get to know Amy Winehouse, listen to her songs. I yield my time.

[throne-for-queens]

omg someone gave a review of her poetry book and its look bad for kells :( tessayouweirdo posted a link to it on twitter

Megan Fox's Poetry Book - Pretty Boys are Poisonous

Trigger Warning ✋

TW: Domestic Abuse: physical, psychological and emotional

Sexual Assault

————————————- As a bookseller, I recently was able to read an advanced reader copy (ARC) of Megan Fox’s poetry book. However, until release date, I am not supposed to quote, but I will give the best descriptions I can. Considering they’re short poems I’ll probably fail at that.

The book is clearly about her relationship with MGK. There’s only two conclusions I could make from this: she’s exaggerating what’s happening between them to get buzz, or she’s in an incredibly abusive relationship.

In terms of quality… the poems are not good. I don’t read a ton a poetry, but I know enough to know this isn’t great. I’ve seen better content out of middle school competitions.

Anyway, there are some poems that are obviously about MGK because they’re way too specific. Maybe some poems are about other men, but it would be few.

All poems and titles are written in lowercase.

In one of the first poems called ‘fucked-up fairy tales’ she describes a partner as violent and being physically abusive, leaving bruises while she is crying and begging.

In ‘aros’ she uses the word ‘abuser.’

One poem is called ‘rape.’

In one poem she describes her partner as too numb to have sex with her but also signing up for Raya.

One poem’s title calls her partner ‘narcissist’ who’s age happens to be what MGK’s would have been at the time of writing.

One poem describes herself as a sacrifice for her partner’s fame.

In one poem, she describes covering herself up to hide the bruises her partner left so that they wouldn’t feel guilty.

In one poem, she says she has been called a ‘stupid cunt’ many times.

In one poem she compares her partner to Patrick Bateman.

In one poem she says she wants to tell her partner that her previous partner had a larger member.

In one poem she says she’s addicted to the psychological abuse.

She describes her partner as a rock star more than once.

In one of the most interesting poems, she says she is scared to laugh at someone else’s jokes. She also will wear skimpy clothing so that her partner can show her off. She compares herself to a ventriloquist puppet.

In one poem she suggests that the fruit in Adam and Eve was actually a penis, but Adam didn’t use it.

In one poem she describes her partner as having been born with their umbilical cord wrapped around their neck. In one MGK track you hear his father describe how MGK was born with a umbilical cord around his neck.

One poem describes the partner’s emotions as unhinged.

One poem describes her partner as seemingly have been the victim of sexual abuse.

One poem describes how she slowly cut out loved ones from her life because her partner didn’t like them.

In one poem, the partner accuses Megan of wanting them to kill themself.

In one poem she mourns a pregnancy that never came to term. The ultrasound is on display by the bed.

I copied this post from:

[queerfandomtrifecta]

I collect vintage, antique, and antiquarian books. But I don’t mean that I’ve spent hundreds to obtain a pristine collection of near-mint condition author signed first editions that’ve been protected carefully instead of read and re read.

I mean 50% of my collection comes from me going to I thrift shops and finding the few the old books they have. Sometimes I get them just because they’re pretty. More often, it’s because I love the history from old books that I’ll only ever get glimpses of; little notes in the margins, bookmarks that are newspaper clippings from the thirties, the one where a kid drew all over the pages of his parents’ poetry book from 1910. I bought one because I opened it and on the inside of the cover someone had written “terrible book and even worse ending. Don’t bother!” I’ve got one that had book club bills to the previous owner dated from the ‘60s tucked between the pages. I have a “Guide to Etiquette for the Proper Young Lady” from the ‘50s with a note from the recipient’s parents written inside the cover saying they hope she will learn from this book and that they’ve got the church praying for her; that book is in pristine condition and clearly never read and I love that for her, whoever she was living her rebel life.

The other 40% are things my local thrift store can’t really sell, like “A Guide to Modern Women’s Medicine” from 1961 or other super outdated reference books that they’ll call me to see if I want because while making small talk about my weird book purchases with the cashier i mentioned I’m a writer doing a historically accurate time travel series and that stuff is actually WAY better of a resource for some things than digging through Google. I get a call every few months to see if I want any of it and I’m so appreciative of them.

I do have a few valuable things, like the first edition of a Nancy Drew book from the ‘30s I found at Habitat for Humanity for $1. I also have the full set of all 54 first edition Great Works of Western Literature from Encyclopedia Brittanica, which I got for free from someone who’s had it in his family for three generations but can’t take it when he moves, and wanted to give it to someone who’d appreciate it. They’ve all clearly been read many times. And I’m so stoked to start reading some of the authors that’ve been on my list for ages.

I love my little hodgepodge collection of old books that’ve seen more time than I have and hold little pieces of whoever read them before me. I want all the weird, imperfect antique books I can get. ♥️

[dorianslayyy]

13 Books Tag Game

Tagged by @bubblegum-blackwood

1) The last book I read:

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros - I absolutely devoured this sequel, omg. Obviously it’s nothing fancy or anything like that but hey what’s wrong with a smutty YA? Not to mention DRAGONS

2) A book I recommend:

Perfume by Patrick Süskind - when I read it I had no idea it was a whole entire modern classic, I just picked it up at Oxfam for like 3 for £1 or something but, wow, I can 100% understand how it earned that status! If you like an eery not-too-long horror story with the most beautiful imagery describing some fucked up gothic storylines and a lot of social commentary, you’ll love this book!

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

Ahhh ok, im gonna say In Memoriam by Alice Winn. The ending was… idk I wasn’t really a fan of the ending, I thought it kind of disengaged and took away from the struggles and severity of war and sexuality the rest of the book portrayed but until that point the rest of the story was everythingggg, there’s a sweet forbidden romance/coming of age/found family in the 1910’s propelling into a story of the horror of WW1 and losing everything you know. All I can really say is that I read it all in one go (more or less) and it had me laughing and sobbing throughout

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

I mean… there’s an obvious choice here - The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. HOWEVER I’m going to absolutely cheat and also say Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, the drama, the trauma, the vast majority of these characters are awful and I love it 🤌🤌

5) A book on my TBR:

So many… so so many… I’m gonna say House Of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski tho because it was expensive and it’s cool looking and I’ve actually been meaning to read that for a while but boy howdy it’s huge

6) A book I’ve put down:

The Tale Of The Body Thief by Anne Rice UGHH I’m trying so hard!! It’s so many words with so little going on, and I do enjoy it, I really do, it’s so goofy, but it’s so.. i mean verbose isn’t really quite the right word but you know what I mean. Sorry mutuals :( I just need a break to read something short and silly - which I’ve almost finished the little series I’m currently reading

7) A book on my wish list:

Prophet Song by Paul Lynch - it sounds absolutely soul crushing and miserable, I know this completely contradicts what I just said about being in the mood for a silly read but <333

8) A favorite book from childhood:

Omg 10000x the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy, guys you don’t understand, as much as I would love to talk about how my mum and I used to sit and read Anne Of Green Gables before bed or my Enid Blyton obsession when I was like 6, Skulduggery Pleasant was my absolute jam - I must’ve read that series (the original 9 + spin offs) a million times in primary school. I did keep up with phase 2 when that was coming out but I don’t know if I’ll bother with phase 3, I’m just too old now and phase 2 wasn’t all that imo - I think it’s sort of beating a dead horse at this point :( but the original 9 and Maleficent Seven/Armageddon Outta Here were my childhood and I definitely absorbed Valkyrie Cain into my identity as a child so that series probably shaped a big part of who I am and my hobbies as an adult

9) A book you would give to a friend:

Love On The Brain by Ali Hazelwood. Silly, nerdy, fun, a cute little Pride and Prejudice-esque enemies to lovers feat. women in STEM

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

Ok so anyone who’s seen my other poetry blog @apoemadaykeepsthehoesaway knows my obsession with The Complete Poems of Wilfred Owen (I have a lot of difference versions) AHHH by far my favourite poet - as you can imagine with such a young man, you can clearly see his changing mentalities, his growth as a person and a writer, his influences, and really gather a lot of context for what’s going on with him in general through his poems. And he grew up in all the same areas I grew up in and hung around as a kid/younger teen, which I think adds to my personal interest in him too. Idk ig we’re very close friends on a parasocial level lol.

And ofc there really aren’t that many poets around that give such visceral, truthful, and emotional insights to the First World War as Owen does (also a queer icon). He was my intro to war literature and I have tattoos relating to him, he and his work are just incredible to read about, would highly recommend having a look at Siegfried Sassoon’s war poems too; another very blunt poet who was a celebrity and war protestor at the time and happened to mentor Wilfred Owen, as well as being linked with other influential folks of the time such as Robbie Ross, Stephen Tennant, Rupert Brooke, and Ivor Novello. Ok Ill move on :,)

11) A nonfiction book you own:

Surprisingly I quite like nonfiction, mainly history and essays from philosophers and the like. Speaking of, Friedrich Nietzsche’s Beyond Good And Evil is a pretty solid one I own, I’ve never read anything where the author begins by calling himself and all his coworkers socially inept incels 🥹 but even though I don’t remember the specific reason I bought it (I was reading it to argue against some other philosophers in an essay in college and I really don’t remember who or what it was) I remember it being a really interesting read

Or yknow in a more traditional sense of non-fiction, I also have Notes On A Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. Really helped me get through some stuff, if you’re struggling with anxiety or feeling a bit down lately I’d very much recommend

12) What are you currently reading:

Omg ok, The Hitchhiker Trilogy by Douglas Adams, I’m currently on book 3 of 5 - Life, The Universe, And Everything. Really silly and nonsensical space bs but somehow also a bleakly satirical social commentary on the unseriousness of our ‘serious’ world. Really enjoyable, fairly political to some degree, really short (around or less than 200 pages a book), really fun. Martin Freeman truly was the perfect casting for Arthur Dent in the film of the first book. Full of that quintessentially British cynical humour and of course plenty of cups of tea

To give a little preview, the second book literally opens “The story so far: In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

13) What are you planning on reading next?

Books 4 and 5 of The Hitchhiker Trilogy, and then I suppose I had better carry on reading The Tale Of The Body Thief :D

Tagging whoever wants to have a go, it’s super fun, sorry if I went on a bit on some of these 😅

[bisluthq]

I think people also don't know or ignore how creative writing works. As someone who writes poetry as a way to get my feelings out, I'll be the first to tell you artists or creative people in general are all a bit crazy, a bit dramatic. Like we have big feelings and can be a bit dramatic about them. The feeling a song conveys doesn't have to be a super long drawn feeling ykim? Sometimes things aren't good in that moment and a song is a portrait of that moment that we need it to framed.

I wrote so many poems full on ugly crying and it makes you feel so much better after you get that feeling out. And after you get that out of you, you're able to think clearer and actually be like you know what maybe things aren't as bad as they seemed when I wrote this. You know what, I actually think if we do this or that this could be fixed.

Obviously I don't know their situation, but unlike swifties who think Taylor was held at gunpoint to make her stay more than a year absolutely unhappy, I think that whatever was going on she ended up by thinking they could still solve the situation. And for a while they probably did. If the problem was lack of attention or him being away from work, it seems like in 2022 they actually tried to spend more time together. He was just doing promo and not really being away for a long time.

And then for whatever reason things crashed again. Either because the og issues were just swept under the rug and not solved or something new came up

is it lack of understanding the creative process or a lack of life experience? I mean the former often strikes me as true with Swifties insisting all songs are play by plays and hyperrealistic and like almost form a storyline. They don’t lol even where they are truthful like I can all but guarantee when Taylor agreed to go out with lmfao Hiddles she wasn’t thinking he’s her getaway car - that’s how she came to think about it when it crashed and burned as fast as it did but like obviously that wasn’t her starting point?? Because she’s not insane?? But like that’s how she thought about it on reflection lol. Or taking songs like IWYW or Wildest Dreams or Stay Stay Stay or half of folkmore which she’s said are fantasies and/or very clearly are fantasies and plainly not believing her. That’s a lack of understanding the creative process.

a lot of how Swifties talk about her relationships - and especially this one with Joe - speaks to me to a lack of life experience (not meaning this negatively necessarily). My friend who set me up (in a roundabout way) with my bf is very regularly very miserable with her partner. In part because he doesn’t want to get married anymore. In part because he’s bad at communication. In part because they have different things that they enjoy tbh. In part because he makes decisions without talking to her. In part because he doesn’t get like set crew schedules and gets very annoyed with how her work life is structured. In part because he gets quite jealous idk. She tells me this stuff regularly but they stay together and they do have plenty of fun together - I’ve seen them having fun together with my own eyeballs and also she tells me tbh like they are clearly not happy every day but they’re also clearly not about to break up rn (my bf and I love both of them but we do think they will eventually) and idk guys lots of people are in similar situations? I’ve been in situations I stayed in because it didn’t suck every day? Every divorcing couple ever has stayed in stuff past the point of knowing it’s fucked? Like idk that’s part of life???? People don’t break up one morning just because like they realized yesterday they felt shit because there’s a good chance that morning you make coffee together and have a laugh about something and you just… stay. And you hope tomorrow is good again. And then when it isn’t and maybe it sucks then eh you hope for tomorrow all over again.

[flipping-the-coin]

[Inquisitorial Report: Subject - Head Archivist: Orion Pax]

[Authorization Level: Prime]

[Listed Authorizations: Optimus Prime]

[Assigned Inquisitor: Jazz]

[One deca-cycle into assignment]

═════════════════

I gotta say, OP, compared to my last gig, this job is practically a vacation. I’m not entirely sure what you’re wanting me to be looking for, though. I haven’t seen any indicators that suggest Orion OR Megatron are doing anything worth writing about. Even their normal routine is mundane and domestic. They seem happy together, like a regular conjunxed pair, if a bit touchier than the average couple. 

Orion seems to like calligraphy and rocks.  He has a small collection of brushes and pigments he uses when he works, but I admit, I have only witnessed him scribing twice in the small amount of time I’ve been watching. He brings a new rock home every few cycles or so, though. 

You wouldn’t think it, because the Archives are so slagging pristine, but Orion seems to lose that ability once his pedes step through the door. I wouldn’t go as far as to suggest he’s a slob or anything, but it seems Megatron is the one who keeps the hab in order. He does most of the fuel preparation as well if this deca-cycle is standard. 

The single most noteworthy thing is Orion and Megatron’s rather large collection of illegal literature; mostly pre-war Decepticon propaganda and literature, which, honestly, doesn’t strike me as especially surprising considering it's MEGATRON and ORION PAX living together in this hab. They also have several different volumes of a banned pre-war Kaoni poetry anthologies that specialize in ah… you know? The kinky kind of words. If that’s something you’re concerned about, I can look further into it and catalog their collection.

There really isn’t much else to say, OP. Orion Pax is unnoteworthy, and Megatron seems pacified for now. I gotta say, though, it feels a little weird. Shouldn’t this be handled by someone who doesn’t have a conflict of interest? Orion was my best friend before the war, you know? Anyway, I wasn’t sure what else to give you in this report, so I attached an entry from Pax’s journal. I have no clue when he wrote this. His entries aren’t dated, and they are just as disorganized as everything else in this hab.  

═════════════════

There still has been no word on the whereabouts of my sire, and this knowledge has been a heavy conflict in my processor as of late. It is as if he simply disappeared. His remains were not found in the ruins of the Archives before they were rebuilt, and there have been exactly zero sightings of any mechs matching his description since the re-founding of our planet. He simply has vanished; along with that Primus forsaken Covenant of his. 

I had hoped that it would have remained within the ruins, perhaps even been secured in the vaults, or the recesses of his office somewhere. But it, too, seems to have been lost. I hoped it would have answers for me. I simply wish to understand why. 

Alpha Trion was rarely ever kind or loving towards me. Warmth was not in his nature, I suppose. As I reminisce upon my upbringing now, it is clear to me that while I saw him as my Sire, he did not view me as a Sire would his sparkling. He was always pushing me towards something that he never would clearly explain. I once thought that he was training me to be his replacement, so that he may retire and live out the rest of his days without the strains of his duties; but I know now that that was merely his cover story. 

I was never meant to be the Head Archivist at all. I was only to be molded into some… encasement so that Optimus could be born. I don’t… fully understand all of the details as of yet. I am still trying to work out why. Why did it have to be me? Wouldn’t it have been better to ask this of a mech who wanted it? Why choose someone who was consistently resistant towards notions of the Matrix and the Primacy?  Why was Optimus so slagging important to begin with that his creation needed to happen when it did? Why did my SIRE order my capture, for what he had to have known would bring about my imprisonment? 

I fear I will never have the answer to these and many other questions that have plagued my processor since I finally became able to think rationally. I miss my Sire…. Even though I have doubts that he ever missed me once I was gone.  I still long for his approval, even though I know that I ultimately failed in the only task he truly wished for me to fulfil. I want him to love me the way I needed him to when I was a sparkling, even though I do not think he is capable of emotions at all. 

And yet I am fearful of him. I think I would rather have confirmation of his death than to not know if he is a threat, looming in the distance. I know I have caused him some level of shame in how I treated the Prime he forced into my care. I know I must have embarrassed him that cycle in the Council Chambers. I was not supposed to refuse the Matrix. I know I was not supposed to fall in love and beautifully defile myself in the embraces of a gladiator. I was supposed to be his perfect sacrifice, and I arrived tainted and unwilling. 

I know that he never liked nor approved of my relationship with Megatronus. I cannot imagine his stance on that will have changed, if he still walks amongst us.  His influence has always been extraordinarily grand. Smokescreen looks up to him. It would take next to nothing for him to convince the Guard to ignore the Optimus’ final wishes and…. I can’t even force myself to write the glyphs necessary…

Alpha Trion could ruin everything. He could take my job… my Conjunx. He could undo what little good I have been able to achieve in expanding access to records to the public. He would be a powerful voice for functionalism that just may be exactly the last push needed to turn our political mess into the same disaster it was pre-war. Him and that…. Primus forsaken Covenant of his ruined my life… So why do I miss him? 

As I sit here in my berth with my Champion in recharge beside me, I am reminded of what love is supposed to feel like. It is not distant and cruel. It does not… force another into something they are not. I had no choice in anything my entire life. I did everything I was supposed to do for millennia. It was never enough to earn his love or his attention. 

I do not understand how anyone can blame me for choosing Megatronus over everything Alpha Trion wanted me to become. Megatronus showed me love. He showed me warmth, and touch and affections, even before our relationship became romantic… he was always warm and encouraging. He made me wish to truly live and not merely float through life in a desperate attempt to gain the affections of my Sire. 

Megatronus reminded me that I am allowed to be a person, that I am allowed to want things for myself, that I was more than what I was allowed to be. I gave up so much of myself for Alpha Trion that I forgot who I even was. I am almost as afraid of going back to that mode of existence as I am of being trapped once more. 

I do not regret choosing Megatronus. I will stand firm in my choice until my spark extinguishes. Megatronus saved me, and I am uncertain if he even realizes it. He showed me what it means to love someone and be loved in return. The love I share with Megatronus is nothing like that with Alpha Trion, but I was given a perspective of love that taught me what it is and what it is not. Megatronus and I love one another unconditionally and affection is given freely when desired, it is not hoarded to be used as a special treat when one behaves. Even though I miss him terribly, I pray that he is never found. It pains me to wish that he is offline for good, but I am certain that he would do all he could to punish me for going against his desires, harming his precious brother and for embarrassing him in the Senate that cycle. I know that his approval is impossible, so it is best, for me, at least, that wherever he is; he stays buried. 

[Report Received: Visibility Status - Seen]

[t1gerlilly]

So I watched season one and season two back to back.

My general take on the writing was: meh. But that’s actually high praise from me, since I came to it as a Terry Pratchett fan who bought and loved the original book when it was first published.

I have so many friends who love Neil Gaman’s writing and have recommended it to me for decades. I’ve tried to read American Gods three times. The only thing I remember is the giant ball of yarn, which is the point I’ve given up every time. I did finish another of his books, but just…didn’t like it. Lovely descriptions, but just no characters I was interested in. I haven’t even managed to make it through the TV versions. I quit Sandman after twenty minutes, at the point that everyone that wasn’t an unpleasant white man was dead. I mean, honestly, I work in tech - if you swing a cat, you’ll hit a white guy who thinks he’s nearly supernatural . It’s too workaday to be entertaining.

So I’m pleased I managed to make it through Good Omens 2 with no complaints about the writing - though I dearly miss Terry’s trademark humor and whimsy.

The reason I’d call it ‘meh’ is probably the same reason I got through it at all. It seemed very much like standard ‘processing a breakup’ fic. The kind of thing you write and you think it’s about something else entirely and then in five years you come back to it and it was CLEARLY you working through your feelings about a breakup unconsciously. And there were real feelings there - which is why I stuck with it. Most of Neil’s writing is too cerebral for me - without the weight and heat of heart. But that’s also why it was just ‘meh’. It was the unexamined heart - a writer is never firing on all cylinders when their head and their heart are working at cross-purposes. It had that feel of stop and start, explosion and silence, that you feel when first learning to drive stick - the unpleasant impact of lack of control or finesse…everything is too raw.

It felt like someone writing about the death of an unconventional relationship. I didn’t mind the ending. There was truth and nuance there, however bitter. Though I’m sick to death of seeing queer love revealed and rejected in the same scene, in ambiguous terms that make it worthy only of hell and damnation, a violating sin revealed by necessity and pushed on an unwitting protagonist. That wasn’t necessary. It was wrong; a sadness.

I will say that it makes my enduring wish for Michael Sheen to record an audiobook of Dylan Thomas’s poetry rather intense. Because his performance was frankly mesmerizing. It was like live theater, when there are moments when you can feel the whole audience holding their breath. When it feels like the actor is holding the audience in their hands, because everyone is so focused and attuned to their voice, their expressions - to the moment. Just really, really amazing.

Einstein has a quote I love “You wouldn’t think it genius if you knew how much work went into it”. And I can’t help but wonder if he was perfectly cast for the role - charming, sweet-hearted chaos agent of a man that he is. Or if he simply is a master of his craft and just put in a tremendous amount of work. I tend to suspect a bit of both.

He just OWNED this role - gave it life and complexity.

David Tennant is a wonderful actor generally, but I’ve seen him do much better work. He seemed lost inside the role - disappearing into the costume and not quite hitting the emotional beats. Like a good singer on a bad night who’s just not quite hitting his notes the way he can. Still good, even amazing, but not the crowd stopper he can be. The one exception being his turn as Crowley as an angel at the beginning. That was just lovely.

Though if you were going to get lost inside a costume- WHAT a costume. Most of what I love about Crowley is his style. His ‘40s suits are sharp enough to cut.

So - nothing really to complain about - but I really hope they don’t leave it here, as it’s quite depressing if left as is.

[greenerteacups]

Frequently Asked Questions

Hi! If I’m asked a question more often than sometimes, it’s probably here. Static page also accessible at this link.

When is the next chapter coming out?

I update on Friday mornings, weekly, usually before noon PST. If it’s a Friday and you don’t see an update, it’s either because I’m on a writing break, or we’re in a hiatus between books. Or I've been hit by a car or something.

Do you have social media?

Aside from Tumblr — nope! I’m one of those hermit types. My AO3 account was previously the only place I was active online. I made a Tumblr so I could offer a platform to interact with people who are more comfortable here than in the AO3 comments section (for instance, there’s no anonymity function on AO3; you can log out and comment as a guest, but that’s a lot of work, and then there's not an easy way to check if your question was answered.)

Can I tag you in [thing]?

Yeah! I check back in here every few days, on average, to scope out my inbox and my mentions. If you make something for my fic, I’ll publicize it everywhere, obviously.

Can I bind your fics?

Yep! Carte blanche. I don’t own the copyright for anything I write, so I appreciate the thoughtfulness of people asking, but you can absolutely go ahead and do whatever the hell you want with the text of my fic. Print it, paint it, burn it, bind it, turn it into blackout poetry. Transformative art is human nature. But if you do, please, please, show me! I’ll scream for a thousand years.

Caveat: I’ve seen some people have anxieties about the sale of bound fics for profit, since they’re worried about publishers cracking down on copyright violation and litigating fanfiction. This is tough, because on the one hand, bookbinding can be expensive; on the other hand, selling fic is a violation of copyright, and the only way AO3 is allowed to exist is by authors making precisely $0 from anything they post. (This is why AO3 will boot you immediately if they catch you trying to make money from non-original works on their site — if I so much as drop a PayPal link in the description for Lionheart, the fic will quickly be taken down, and my account could be suspended.) So my stance is: I’m not going to sell my fics; if you bind for personal use, this doesn’t matter, go for it, live deliciously, etc; if you bind to sell, please be careful and discreet as you can. But you have my OK, for what it’s worth.

Can I translate your fics?

Yes, of course.

Will you write other things, besides Lionheart?

Eventually, yeah. Probably nothing longform soon, however. When I’m writing something, I get engrossed in the world and I sort of tunnel-vision onto the project. When Lionheart goes on a hiatus between books, I may pop out and do something else, just to keep my skills sharp and give my mind a break. That’s where shorter pieces like The Climb and SWLITS came from. But I keep my eyes on the prize, as far as what I’m writing, because I pride myself on having finished most (though admittedly, not all) things I’ve ever started on AO3. I hate having unfinished projects  cluttering up my Works page. 

I don’t read WIPs. When will Lionheart be finished/should I read Lionheart?

Listen, I’m not gonna tell anyone how to read fic. If your reading preferences make you happy, then you’re doing it right. And I’ve also been burned by remarkable WIPs that peter out, or die on a cliffhanger, and they just about break my heart. I can’t promise that won’t happen, because I don’t know what life holds in store. I also can’t promise when Lionheart will be finished, because, frankly, I have no idea! As a full-book rewrite, if you look at the current chapter count, and then look at the number of books in the series, then, yeah, it clearly has a long way to go.

But I also know that the Completed Works filter on AO3 is hiding a lot of good fic, and I think people who only read completed stuff are missing out on the real fun of update culture — of reading something serially, the excitement of waiting for the next chapter to drop, looking for clues about long-running puzzles, theorizing in the comments, getting to experience each new hit live. That’s one of the few things about fanfic that you can’t get in a novel, and it’s a real treat. I’d at least give it a try.

Otherwise, here’s what I can tell you: Books 1, 2, 3, and 4 will all be finished. They will have completed endings, and will offer (satisfying, I hope) resolutions to the major conflicts of those stories. And that’s a fact.