#cleaner's slop posting

[various-apripos-felicitations]

Hi tumblr im that one guy that shits himself in the toejam and earl discord art channel every three weeks or so. ill post stuff sometimes maybe.. heres some old shitpost art for now cuz i gotta dump SOMETHING here (i promise my high effort stuff looks better cuz omfg

ive been fixated on tje for like... 3 months now... also cherish these while you can btw i literally never draw these guys canon designs LMFAOO. idk how big the tje community is here so this is gonna flop low key cuz this fandom is dead as hell

[glacierclear]

Can I... can I ask for some househusband Leon hcs?

alright. okay. we're gonna work with a few assumptions for these headcanons.

this all comes from the hypothetical of leon being fully retired from his line of work. he still has the same backstory, skillset, traumas, everything, it's just...now he's your loyal house husband!

cooking? this all depends on where he's at in life. mid-30s and onward? he's a chef. i don't believe he'd be terribly gourmet about it. you aren't coming home to a roasted duck served with a reduced wine glaze and a perfectly made risotto...but god. he can make some damn fine spaghetti. he'd likely shoot for simple dishes, with perhaps an added flair or two. homemade burgers. lots of steak dinners. he'd prefer anything that can be prepared with minimal mess. recipes that are made with one pot or one pan...a big hit for him. he is not a pretentious eater, and that would reflect in his cooking.

now, if we're talking early to late-20s leon? erm. well. let's just say he's learning. his transition from zombie apocalypse policeman to military meat shield didn't do much for his cooking skills. and a diet of MREs and scrounged up viper parts did even less. if post-re4 leon is your house husband you're gonna be eating a lot of questionable meals. he's not completely oblivious. he won't try and feed you absolute slop, but his abilities don't much exceed kraft mac and scrambled eggs. still! he's a domestic man now. plenty of free time to try out all sorts of new things in the kitchen! be on standby with a fire extinguisher when he decides 3am is a great time to make fried chicken from scratch!

leon's independent food preferences likely revolve around utility. protein. nutrition. careful rations. compact energy a growing boy needs to kill bioweapons. he doesn't strike me as having a particularly strong sweet tooth, but he also won't say no to a bit of dessert! but he's adaptable, of course. one must be in his line of work. your tastes and favored dishes will influence his palate a lot. he'll naturally associate flavors with you and will, over time, come to adopt a lot of your dietary choices.

cleaning? leon will do his best. you can count on him to not accidentally mix mustard gas in your bathroom, but his knack for cleanliness would be...odd. i choose to believe leon has a strict standard for bodily hygiene. his extended exposure to all manner of glop and viscera means he strives to smell nice and stay on top of dirt the best he can when he is able to...on his body. a house is different. he's never had to see it as a home, merely an empty room where he sleeps and eats. so maintaining it as a tidy space might not come naturally, and it's not as if he had a proper upbringing to teach him proper housekeeping techniques (cough, cough, he's an orphan).

man's a fast learner though. expect a lot of trial and error. him accidentally using glass cleaner on the stove. or not understanding the exact purpose of fabric softener. why do we need make our bed if we're just gonna sleep in it and mess it up again? he likely has a lot of bad habits from living on his own, but gentle guidance and persistent advice will go a long way.

of course, leon needs his private time. space for him to isolate and be alone...but, you're at work all day. the loneliness is easily accessible, and now that he has all the time and freedom to be with you...it's grating. his favorite sound is the noise your key makes when it unlocks the front door. he's careful, not incredibly overbearing, but you don't make it more than a few steps into your home before his head is poking around the corner. "how was your day? you look tired. here, let me take your coat off-" leon is a listener. he doesn't talk about himself much, if at all, so he'd prefer to just hear you ramble on about whatever you need to or want to. neck rubs. gentle squeezes on your arm. light kisses on your brow. he doesn't smother. he doesn't drown you in the touch he's so starved of. but you can tell, he misses you a lot.

the real issues will probably stem from the quiet. the absolute lack of danger. take a person out of their traumatic environment and things start crumbling real fast before they can start to heal. he's hyper-aware. paranoid. has all this pent up energy and an instinct to fight. and he has to redirect it all somewhere, right? it'd come out in bizarre ways. diy projects. you come home from work and he built you a fucking chair. you don't even need a chair, but now you have one. lots of yard work. he renovated your patio and set up a birdhouse (also handmade). you didn't really want him to rearrange your living room but he did it anyways.

and it's hard for him to relax. for him to feel truly safe. he'd insist on installing locks on all the doors. bulletproof windows. guns hidden and stashed in corners of the house, just in case. any tech that could impede on his privacy (ie, amazon echos, doorbell cameras, etc) are out of the question. he'd run you through drills and hypothetical scenarios. make sure you know what to do in any situation. he's vigilant, and honestly, you've never felt safer, but it wears him down and you aren't sure if it's truly good for him.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: Salt and Rosemary

Author: tiamatv

Artist: galakitty

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Castiel

Length: 25000

Warnings: No Major Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergent; Curses; Dark Fairy Tale Elements; Enemies to Friends to Lovers; Dark Humor; Pre-Series; SPN Season 1

Posting Date: October 24, 2023

Summary: Sure, Dean’s cursed to die—cursed to have his breath stolen from him—on his twenty-fourth birthday. Uh-huh, thanks for that, Mom. Some real Rapunzel bullshit, there. But here’s the thing: Dean’s a hunter. He’s got iron around his neck, jade on his wrists, and Latin on his tongue. Ain’t no fucking curse gonna take him and then move on to Sammy after. He doesn’t expect that his curse has a name. But what kind of name is 'Castiel,' anyway?

Excerpt: When the curse writes KILL on the motel wall in big, spiky letters, the brown of it with the drip at the bottom really suspiciously like dried blood, though. Well, that incident gives Dean pause. Not for the reasons anyone else might, though. First of all, Dean’s—for once—glad that Dad’s off on his own again, chasing down some kind of lead while Dean’s here on a salt and burn. ‘Cause if he saw that nonsense, he would lose his shit and probably drag Dean off to Pastor Jim. Or shut him in Bobby’s basement. “Wonder where that blood comes from? Huh,” Dean muses. After all, the curse is tied to him, and it’s sure as hell not his blood. But something’s ticking at the back of his mind, something… He can’t see the curse right now, with all the lights on—his shadow just looks like a shadow—but… that makes Dean think. And ‘cause Dean’s just not that smart, it’s not until he’s working off the words with a scrubby and the kind of industrial soap used by crime scene cleaners (he's pretty sure he knows what it says about their lives that they keep this stuff in the trunk of the Impala) that what’s been bothering him really comes clear. He stops, his hand poised over the first L in KILL. “Hey!” Dean exclaims, and grins, slopping the sponge onto the wall again. “Waittasec. You can write! Y’know, I knew I heard you talk that first time. You got a name? I mean, I could call you ‘hey, you, cursey!’ but that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” There’s no answer. He doesn’t expect there to be, ‘cause, really, Dean’s just being an asshole. He’s more surprised than he should be when the next morning, in the exact same spot, is written another word in the same red-brown. This one’s smaller, though, and the curves of it are round and full: neat, not the drippy, spiky mess of yesterday. Castiel, it says. With lowercase letters included, this time. Heh. How polite. (But maybe Castiel is kind of an asshole, too, ‘cause now Dean has to scrub off even more bloody letters.)

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[thatonechocogirl]

Woah! You draw the Disney art style perfectly and I wanna know all your secrets! What art program do you use and how did you learn to draw animals and people so well in the Disney style? Is there a tutorial on how to make them properly? I am a massive fan of classic hand drawn Disney movies myself and seeing you give an extremely underrated film like "Brother Bear" so much attention is wonderful! I saw it theaters when it first released and while the reception wasn't the best, it's way, WAY better than the slop Modern Disney has been slinging at us for over the past decade. Now we just need someone to give "Home on the Range" the time of day.

ourgh I'm not really good with explaining things but I'll try my best ahehefuhe:

first off, I use procreate.

it's $12.99 for any ipad (i think). honestly I don't think you need any specific art program to make your art look "good". any program can be suitable but this is just what I use.

secondly, as for tutorials for drawing, I never really took classes or anything; I kinda just learned things on my own and take inspiration from my favorite artists or go on pinterest to look at art tips, so I guess you can say I'm a self taught artist lol.

however, there were a few times when I stumbled into Aaron Blaises (director of brother bear) live streams on tiktok and see him drawing bears. so I just took on from some of those and they were actually pretty helpful. he does have some art classes you can take, but they're expensive so it's a nah for me. (but of course if you wanna take them, go for it)

so I recommend just watching his live streams on either tiktok or youtube.

thirdly, I think the BIGGEST thing that helped me improve at my brother bear artstyle was doing art studies of the movie itself. what I did was that I took screencaps from the movie and I just tried studying how Kenai and Koda are drawn. I will say the shape theory is actually really awesome and I think that's what helped improve my art.

I would show some of the art studies I did, but they're old and I'd rather show a newer, cleaner one. maybe one day I can make a video explaining how I do it but, i'm really shy when it comes to talking in a video 🥲 we'll see

but anyways, that's really the best way I can explain it, again I'm still learning as I only started ACTUALLY drawing about almost 5 years ago

sorry this post is so long aheem heem my bad

[joulupuuro]

The internet has made it so that no matter who you are or what you do — from nine-to-five middle managers to astronauts to house cleaners — you cannot escape the tyranny of the personal brand.

While Big Tech sites like Spotify claim they’re “democratizing” culture, they instead demand artists engage in double the labor to make a fraction of what they would have made under the old model. That labor amounts to constant self-promotion in the form of cheap trend-following, ever-changing posting strategies, and the nagging feeling that what you are really doing with your time is marketing, not art.

Because self-promotion sucks. It is actually very boring and not that fun to produce TikTok videos or to learn email marketing for this purpose.

The labor of self-promotion or platform-building or audience-growing or whatever our tech overlords want us to call it is uncomfortable; it is by no means guaranteed to be effective; and it is inescapable unless you are very, very lucky.

If there was a decade defined by its obsession with authenticity and artistic purity, it’s the 90s, an era where trying too hard or caring too much about anything was embarrassing, where “selling out” was the ultimate sin.

the term “sellout” not as someone who sells something in order to get rich, but someone who compromises their values to do so.

The problem is that America more or less runs on the concept of selling out. The stigma — if it ever meaningfully existed

Even for those who never wanted to become entrepreneurs, larger economic shifts have forced them to act as though they are.

Instead of discovering books or music from the press or radio play, fans are finding them on algorithmic platforms like TikTok, where a single video or trend can skyrocket a title to the top of the charts. There are trade-offs to this system: while it’s more difficult to create mainstream consensus on something, theoretically, anyone can go viral and bypass the traditional gatekeepers of creative success.

we’re losing smart, well-edited and fact-checked criticism (and, crucially, the ability for those people to make a living off of writing it). Even before mass layoffs, the professional critic lost some relevancy:

a loose collection of YouTubers and influencers who feed slop to their younger audiences, and fan communities that engage with music solely through their obsession with a particular pop act. This has all helped produce a mass of music fans who don’t understand the value of criticism and outright detest being told the things they like might suck.

Before the internet came along, artists not only could let their companies worry about the money, but they actually didn’t have a choice. The companies didn’t let them

That was until social media, where every single person with an account plays both author and publisher. Under the model of “artist as business manager,” the people who can do both well are the ones who end up succeeding.

yet what they best represent is the current state of art, where artists must skillfully package themselves as products for buyers to consume.

even when you land the record deal or have a few hit songs, you’re still stuck on the treadmill of constant self-promotion

The system works great for record labels or publishing houses, who can hand over the burden of marketing to the artists themselves.

The labor of making TikToks requires both tedium and skill.

you’ve got to actually spend your time doing this stuff on the off chance that the algorithm picks it up and people care about what you have to say.

You’ve got to offer your content to the hellish, overstuffed, harassment-laden, uber-competitive attention economy because otherwise no one will know who you are.

neoliberalism has created so much precarity that the commodification of the self is now seen as the only route to any kind of economic security. Plus social media has given us the tools to market ourselves nonstop

the barriers are much more hidden: You have to know how to present yourself and how to create visuals that are appealing.” Not only that, but by doing so, you’re exposing yourself to harassment and ridicule.

You’ve also got to do it despite the many mea culpas from influencers who say influencing sort of ruined their lives.

It’s probable that due to the inescapability of social media and advertising, young people aren’t as allergic to self-promotion as older folks were at their age.

The only thing that matters now, she says, are streaming numbers, and if a record flops, the artist gets blamed for not promoting it enough.

A society made up of human beings who have turned themselves into small businesses is basically the logical endpoint of free market capitalism, anyway.

[baranskini]

What about the fic "Red Red Wine", could you repost it?? If not, I understand

I won’t be posting it on A03, because this drivel is not worthy, but here you go anon, here it is.

Enjoy! 

“Shit!” Diane cursed, reaching for some tissues to dab at the red wine she’d just spilled on the pages of the deposition she’d been reviewing and her brand new white Valentino dress. Slopping up the liquid she dried off the documents then moved to survey the damage done to her outfit. She just knew something like this would happen; wearing white was always a risk, but with the day she’d been having it was almost destined.

“Shit, shit, shit!” she continued to swear, standing slowly, only to watch as the malicious liquid trickled further down her ensemble. Diane let out a low moan and ran her fingers through her hair.

It was nearing midnight on what had been one of the worst days she’d ever had in court, her assistant had been off sick; leaving her scrambling to teach a temp how to spell her name correctly and Kurt had had to cancel their anniversary dinner due to a last minute review on his ballistics work. And now, even her trusted confidant,  a ’79 Bordeaux had turned on her.

“Damn!” She said, moving back from her desk and heading to her en suite bathroom. Reaching for the zip at her side, she slowly slipped the dress off her body, grateful the wine hadn’t seeped through to her La Perla lingerie. She’d spent a fortune on it and if were ruined too, she was pretty sure she’s fall to the floor in a fit of tears. It had been that kind of day.

Laying her dress across the sink she studied the damage. Huffing to herself she debated her options, rinsing it out was a possibility, though salt would be better. Perhaps she could just send it to Raoul, her trusted dry cleaner, there wasn’t much hope left for the bloodied dress but if anyone could come remotely close to saving it, it was him. Resigning herself to the fact that there was nothing she could do, Diane looked at her reflection in the mirror.

The skimpy lingerie she’d put on for her husband, had made her feel sexy and dangerous this morning but now only reminded her she’d be going home to a cold, empty bed. Her hair was tousled from constantly running her fingers through it, fretting about the deposition to come and her make-up slightly smudged. She looked tired, exhausted really.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her phone, at this hour it could only mean bad news, or perhaps, she thought perking up, Kurt was calling to say he’d be home tonight after all. Smiling at the thought she raced for the phone.

Reaching it, she answered just as the caller hung up. Sighing in annoyance, she placed the phone back on her desk, cursing this horrid, no good day.

“Diane,” Will burst through her office door holding a brief in his hand, reading it furiously. Diane sucked in a breath, frozen to the spot. “Can you understand anything this God-awful temp has written because honestly-“ His sentence was cut off as he looked up. “Jesus!” he exclaimed dropping the documents in his hands.

“Will!” Diane shrieked as the man himself used both his hands to cover his eyes and turned around to face the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise- I just, I was just-“ Will spluttered while Diane continued to stand frozen, her mind begged her to move but her body wasn’t complying.  “It was the brief and I just- I didn’t know.” Diane let out a breath of utter embarrassment, her legs still refusing to move. “I didn’t see anything I swear!” Will continued, his hands still glued to his eyes as he rambled on. “I mean, I did see a bit, but it was nothing, I didn’t see anything, just-“

“Will!” Diane cut him off finally finding her voice.

“Yes?” he asked nervously.

“Get out!” She all but screeched.

“Right! Right, Of course!” Will nodded. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” he said again as he fumbled for the door handle and left her standing alone in her office.

Diane shut her eyes, the embarrassment washing over her entire body. Her business partner and best friend had just seen her in skimpy lingerie and garters. How the hell was she supposed to look him in the eye ever again. Falling to her office chair she lay her forehead on the table banging it repeatedly against the glass. Surely this day couldn’t get any worse.

After a few minutes of self-pity, Diane gulped deciding to head home, with her luck today any other plan was tempting fate. Huffing out a loud breath of air, she looked over at her grey coat. It was long enough to almost reach her knees and if she buttoned it all the way up no one would know what she was wearing beneath or in this case, what she was not. Gathering a few still damp, red documents she placed them into her bag, deciding she would come in late tomorrow and avoid Will as long as possible. Hopefully if he knew what was good for him, he’d never mention this again.

Wrapping her coat around her body securely, she decided to leave her dress for the moment. Hopefully her assistant would be back tomorrow and it could be sent off to the dry cleaners. Flicking off the lights in her office she headed for the door only to look up and see that Will had decided to call it a night too.

“Oh!” she groaned, looking down.

“Diane-“ he began awkwardly.

“Will, we really don’t have to talk about it.” she replied pleadingly.

“Sure,” He agreed and the pair walked in silence to the elevator.

The quietness hung heavily between them as the waited for the lift.

“I spilt wine.” Diane finally said breaking the silence and looking at Will.

“Okay.” Will said kindly.

“I just didn’t want you to think I pranced around in my underwear in the office at night.” She continued wishing she could stop the words that seemed to be falling out of her mouth. Where the hell was this elevator?

“Believe me, that’s not what I was thinking at all.” Will announced quickly and Diane frowned at him, just as the lift pinged its arrival.

Stepping into the box the pair stood side by side silent once more.

“So,” Will began and Diane could tell by his tone he had moved passed embarrassment and was already onto the humorous side of this. “You wear underwear like that to work every day or-“  He drifted off and Diane whacked his shoulder.

“Will!” she admonished but she was smiling too now. The partners were quiet once again as the elevator crawled slowly down the twenty-seven floors. “Stop it.” She finally broke the silence.

“Stop what?” he asked innocently.

“Thinking about me in my underwear!” She berated him.

“I was not!” he argued and Diane merely raised an eyebrow, she knew him too well. “Okay fine, I’m sorry but it’s just now that I know I can’t just unsee it.” He shrugged and Diane shoved his shoulder hard. “Ow!”

“Will,” she began sweetly, turning to face him as the lift reached the ground floor and the doors slid open. “My husband has access to over four hundred guns; he’s also trained to use every single one of them.” Will gulped nodding along with her. “You better unsee it!” She finished in a whisper with more courage than she was actually feeling practically naked beneath her coat.

“Yip.” Will agreed, his eyes wide. “Consider it unseen, I know nothing.” He nodded nervously.

“Good,” Diane replied, turning on her heels to walk away.

“Hey, Diane” Will called, stopping her.

“Yeah?”

“Can I just say one more thing?” Will queried and Diane’s eyes thinned. “McVeigh’s a lucky man.” He smiled and Diane smirked back.

“You bet your ass he is!”

[glass-es-say]

The Fitzjames Sweater: a Terror conspiracy theory

Do you like your meta long and stupid? And full of not-really-mystery about a single item of clothing? Then boy do I have a meta for you; the center of which is James Fitzjames’ sweater—and the identity of its final owner.

(Half meta-analysis, half conspiracy theory, half absolute blithering nonsense under the cut, lads.)

Now, this is a pretty distinctive sweater, especially in an expedition full of grey and navy arans. There are a couple of specific design elements (best outlined in knit-the-terror’s posts) that make it easy to identify The Sweater once it ends up on Le Vesconte: the side cables, the gansey-esque top and bottom, the ribbing patterns on the sleeves. The short neckband also visually distinguishes The Sweater from the cowl-necked white sweater Mr. Collins is wearing (also I think that one gets pretty soundly torn apart when Tuunbaq eviscerates him).

All of this is great and wonderful. However. What I’m most interested in is the cuffs.

These are double-length cuffs in a 1x1 rib with (perhaps anachronistically) a thumbhole knit in. Fitzjames wears the cuffs folded up most of the time, though if you turn up your brightness and squint you can spot that they’re all the way down at the time of poor Morfin’s death.

The garment construction appears to be such that sleeve was worked flat and them seamed into a tube—the thumbhole then just being part of the seam that wasn’t sewn up. (Why you would make a sleeve like this is beyond me—seaming sucks and it would literally be just as easy to add the thumbhole in when knitting in the round, but I suspect it has something to do with how they produced the no-doubt 10+ versions of this sweater they needed for filming.)

So, we’ve established some key characteristics of The Sweater that help us identify it. We’ve determined that it ends up on Le Vesconte after Fitzjames’ death. (Actually, Le Vesconte’s wearing The Sweater + waistcoat when Fitzjames collapses, so presumably James gives it away before then.)  But can we show that anyone else has worn it? (Spoilers: sort of, but also yes.)

The morning after Silna leaves the Inuit village, when Francis is running around trying to figure out which way she went, he’s wearing the above outfit. His left hand is gone at this point, so his sleeve is tied up at the wrist, but there, covering his right hand… is an extra-long white sweater cuff with a thumbhole.

The image quality isn’t great here (the cameraperson decided to focus on the acting instead of a sleeve cuff for some reason) but when you look at all the angles next to each other, the resemblance is pretty obvious. Either there was always another long-cuffed white sweater on the Franklin Expedition that we are never shown, or Francis has at some point picked up The Sweater and is wearing it under his slops.

You can see a sliver of neckband underneath all his other layers in the picture above, just like with James.

Now, my main hurdle in 100% proof that this is The Sweater is, actually, also my most definitive proof: the thumbhole. (My gift and my curse…my blessing and my burden...)

Assuming James hasn’t folded his cuffs to intentionally obfuscate, it’s pretty clear that each sleeve has one—and only one—thumbhole along the inside seam of the sleeve. It’s a logical assumption—I have no clue why you’d put a thumbhole on the outside of the sleeve because, like… that’s not where thumbs are.

By the time Francis is wearing the sweater it’s pretty beat up, so there are a number of noticeable holes in the cuff rather than just the one. (As we see from Le Vesconte’s shot at the beginning of this post, the rest of The Sweater is faring a pretty similar fate. My poor knitter’s heart is weeping.) While some of the holes have a fuzziness around the edges that indicates fraying, there’s still one hole with a cleaner, more finished edge that would indicate its identity as the real, intended thumbhole.

The problem is, it’s on the outside of the sleeve. Crozier appears to be sticking his thumb through another, accidental hole on the opposite side of the cuff. Even if The Sweater was worn inside-out and/or backwards, he shouldn’t be able to wear the thumbhole on the outside—at least, that’s what I thought. Then I tried putting on a sweater with only one hand. (It’s called field research, please don’t judge me.)

Basically, it’s really easy to get a sleeve twisted when you pull on a sweater, especially if it’s made to fit someone with a different physique. Without the opposite hand (or using your teeth, I guess), it’s basically impossible to untwist it, a difficulty that I imagine is compounded if you’ve already hooked your thumb through the cuff in the wrong place. I personally hate the feeling of a twisted sleeve, but Francis has just woken up in an unfamiliar place and honestly at this point in his life he might’ve just shoved the sweater on and called it a day.

Plus, we see the left cuff on Le Vesconte earlier and the thumbhole appears to be on the outside. The sleeves on this sweater are consistently Way Too Long, so it’s possible things just got twisted around whenever an actor would put it on and they left it that way for realism’s sake.

We don’t see Francis in it after the scene in the Inuit village, but like, even if The Sweater was still wearable after another two years, Francis is pretty well covered by his fur parka. (Also… just saying… the emotional implications of a moment where the last remnants of James Fitzjames unravel under his fingertips are uh… pretty juicy.

James has holes in him and so does his sweater.)

So! I think it’s fair to say that, at the very least, the sweater Francis is wearing is supposed to be the Fitzjames Sweater, as shown to the best of my ability (and screencap resolution). I won’t call it “beyond a doubt” but I think it’s a pretty strong foundation—which is good, because here is where my knit-wear based fever dream starts to, uh, unravel.

My initial assumption after realizing Crozier had the white sweater at the Inuit village was that he pulled it off Le Vesconte after Little’s death. (And idea which cannot help but conjure the morbid image of Crozier undressing a body beset by rigor mortis with one hand…. Or asking Silna for help.)

The tangle in this theory is that I went back and looked at the first few “travelling with Silna” scenes, initially for proof that Francis doesn’t pick up The Sweater until the Little Camp—and found the opposite. 

There’s no sign of The Sweater on Francis before the Tuunbaq showdown, but he has somehow acquired The Sweater before finding the body of Le Vesconte. The same identifying features I’m using for the end scene are all there, so. Can’t really deny that. (The best view we get is from the sad dead Jopson hair stroke, which  also dates the timeframe a lot better then an ambiguous “Crozier walking around” screenshot.)

(For what it’s worth, the thumbhole arrangement appears to be done properly this time. Or at least, the hole on the outside of the arm is the frayed “accidental” thumbhole.)

To clarify the timeline:

Fitzjames has The Sweater.

At some point before James collapses, Le Vesconte acquires The Sweater.

Francis is kidnapped by Hickey’s camp. He does not have The Sweater, or at least not visibly.

Le Vesconte (and sweater) leave the sick (including Jopson) behind and head off toward the eventual Little camp.

Tuunbaq showdown. Francis spends some time in recovery.

We can assume that at some point during this bullet point or the next Le Vesconte and buddies die.

Francis and Silna leave the Hickey camp, find the abandoned men and sad dead Jopson. Somehow Francis has acquired The Sweater.

After this, Francis and Silna find the Little camp, presumably including a dead Le Vesconte and The Sweater.

(You could argue that Le Vesconte actually ended up staying with the sick but Francis’ is wearing the sweater when he first sees Jopson so he would have had to have it before finding them.)

(Also, I have suspicions that this figure leaving the sick camp is Le Vesconte.)

So! There is an indication that, at the same point in time, both Crozier and Le Vesconte(‘s body) were wearing a version of The Sweater. If from this point forward we consider the sweater Fitzjames is seen wearing to be the “true sweater” and the extra to be the “double sweater”, then I see four possibilities:

Option One: Francis already had the sweater double.

Points in favor:

This gives the fun image of Crozier and Fitzjames showing up to the expedition on day one and staring horrorstruck at each other like “we wore the same dress!??!!”

You change. No you change! No you change!!!

Points against:

We see Francis in all kinds of informal dress and never see him wearing it. I’m not actually sure we ever see him wearing a sweater, period. Man hates being cozy, I guess.

There is literally no way costume design would have done this. Like, it beggars belief.

Option Two: Someone else (at the Hickey camp) had an eerily similar sweater that Crozier felt justified in taking.

Points in favor:

It doesn’t show up until he and Silna go back to the Hickey camp, so it’s unlikely that he would have gotten it earlier and just been carrying it around without wearing it.

They did seem to just leave all their stuff lying around, so Francis wouldn’t have to pull it off a dead body, which is a lot more palatable.

If the sweater was a standard “baby’s first officer sweater” present, Hodgson could be a candidate for the true owner.

Points against:

“Baby’s first officer sweater” is just like… not a thing the Victorian Royal Navy did. Also, we never see any of them wearing it, so.

Why wouldn’t the owner have worn it to the Tuunbaq showdown? I get that they’re all wandering around in their shirtsleeves but if someone had a sweater that was remotely still wearable, I feel pretty confident in thinking they aren’t just going to leave it lying around.

Option Three: Actually, Le Vesconte’s sweater is the double.

Points in favor:

Obviously Henry and James got them as best friends forever tokens and whenever they notice they’re wearing them at the same time they spend like, two minutes just hugging each other and saying “bro. bro. bro!”

It absolutely infuriates Francis.

This implies that Francis (or possibly a Hickey camp member but uh… unlikely) got ahold of the Fitzjames version after his death. James isn’t wearing it when he collapses (god… think of the blood stains…), so it would have been as easy as packing it up once he’s dead.

Francis is either in slops or in shirtsleeves after this point so if he keeps the cuffs folded up and his slops collar buttoned (which he does) then we might just not have seen it?

Even if we assume Le Vesconte’s sweater is a different one, there’s still pretty strong evidence James wasn’t buried in his sweater—see the above point, and also the fact that it doesn’t later show up on Hickey’s person. That’s a nice sweater, man, even if it’s fraying, and if I were already stealing a dead man’s boots I would’ve taken the sweater too.

Points against:

Le Vesconte is wearing The Sweater when James collapses—Fitzjames, notably, isn’t. (James mentions the heat as a reason why he can’t keep walking, so he might just not have been wearing it?)

God, guys, I don’t know that much about the Victorian knitting industry but the idea of two bros going out and getting matching sweaters seems… implausible at best.

Option Four: Making a TV show is hard and keeping track of all the details is harder and someone just accidentally put Jared in the sweater five minutes of screen time too early and we were past the time for reshoots and just assumed that no one would be neurotic enough to notice this.

Points in favor:

Script supervisor is like, a really hard job and if this is your biggest slip up then honestly? Who even cares.

Points against:

I care. I care very much.

But which option could be the truth? What conclusions have we formed from this tedious trek across the frozen wasteland of HD screencaps? What horrors have we (me, literally just me) wrought in the name of split-second costume design based character choices? Could Crozier have somehow gotten The Sweater from Le Vesconte after Tuunbaq dies but before reaching Little’s camp? Is there another, actually viable explanation for the mystery of the twin sweaters? How many good fics/headcanons could come from any of these options? I don’t know! Please discuss!

(For however much it matters: my personal favorite is Option Four. None of the others seem a terribly plausible story justification, and also I like the emotional weight of Francis picking up the sweater as a memento of JFJ—or the intention of it, even if continuity gets a little screwy.

Also, if no one writes fic about this then I will be forced to and who really wants that?? Write this fic for me and save us all the turmoil.)

(A thousand props to @knit-the-terror for sussing out enough details that I could even make an argument focused around the cuff of a sweater. Please forgive my corrupting your research for a frantic fever dream rant about something that mostly doesn’t matter.)

[judefan819-blog]

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The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T�� R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.

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Aquavit

There are few things sadder than when something great becomes something less.  

There was my friend who was determined to be the largest (muscular) man around, so much so that a while ago when he was asked to described himself, in fervent hope that words would become reality, he screamed “muscles, muscles, muscles!”  He is now twice the man he used to be but not in an asthetically pleasing way.  In contrast, there was the British empire which once spanned the world, yet is somewhat smaller now.  It even runs the risk of potentially even fragmenting into something further reduced, as Ireland and Scotland debate on whether to leave the union.  Against such comparisons, it would seem that a restaurant’s fall from grace would be something not even worth batting an eye at.  Even if such failures trouble my stomach and wallet, that is something inconsequential to the world.  Life goes on.

This is how we ended up at Aquavit.  Lured in by promises of affordable food with the approval mark of the Michelin star, we should have been put on guard.

  The bread basket.  Looks good, tasted alright.  Nothing great here though as it was rather ordinary.

    Gravlax, mustard, dill sauce.  The salmon was rather good. Gravlax is similar to smoked salmon in that it is cured but does not then undergo the smoking process.  This resulted in a rather cleaner taste although a little more heat from mustard would have been welcome.  

Blood pudding, lingonberries, bacon, lardo.  This was interesting and meaty.  Other blood puddings that I have known tend to be rather stodgy affairs.  With the berries adding a fruity note, this was pleasant and did not seem to sit so heavily.  

Swedish meatballs, lingonberries, pickled cucumber.  I cannot help but to compare this to Ikea meatballs.  These were slightly better but then again, I would hope so.  Here I saw a reappearance of something familiar, the lingonberries.  The berries were ok but I suspected that maybe they had ordered too many and so were trying to offload them on the set menu diners.

Kroppkakor, mushrooms, lingonberries.  Although these potatoes were actually quite good, even if they did not reach the heights of the Core potato, they did suffer from one glaring problem.  What came with them dragged them down as the reappearance of the lingonberries went from curiosity to irritation.  I thought I had seen (and tasted) them before but this was getting a bit ridiculous.  Good things overdone can become rather tedious and boring.  Average things seen too often can lead to harm.  Taste or reputation or both. 

Cheese from Neal’s Dairy.  This provided an interesting puzzle.  My dining companion and I debated whether this was actually Neal’s Yard but missing half (the “Yard”) or was instead something else.  Culinary peasants that we are, we conceded that maybe this was a new haute type of cheese that the uneducated eating class (me) would not understand.  Debates about its origin were somewhat moot as it just wasn’t that good.  It felt like a lackadaisical effort at slopping together something for dessert.  The other choice for dessert was a selection of sorbets.  So it seemed that all the final course choices, sadly came out of packets.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this was because they ran out of ideas.

Tarts.  To end, we had a little parting gift.  Rather ordinary yet I guess I should award them full points on this (more on this later).  

Strange dinner as this was, what was more concerning was that as we left at 20:30, we noted that the restaurant remained half full.  A bad sign on a Saturday night.  Then again, perhaps that is why we managed to get a pre-theatre menu on a Saturday night.  Yet perhaps I am being a little too harsh as there was a turn for the better as at the end, there were no lingonberries in the last parting shot.  Before anyone rushes over to give this place a try, I could tell you a better place for meatballs at a fraction of the cost.  It wouldn’t have lingonberries either.  Should have gone to Ikea.

  A quiet eating 5/10.

Dinner (3 courses, pre-theatre) was GBP25 excluding drinks and service.

  Aquavit

1 Carlton St, St. James’s, London SW1Y 4QQ

[wordcreatr]

As I’d mentioned in an earlier post, redoing some of the floors in the house has kept me busy (and my friends concerned about the integrity of my limbs).  It was a task that was a long time coming.

Ever since I bought my dad’s old house, I’ve been meaning to remove the dull brown carpets from the bedrooms and my Man Cave (Nerd Cave according to the Houseguest) and replace them with laminate flooring similar to what’s in the living room (the rest of the house is tiled). I mean, these things were ancient. And by ancient, I mean disgusting. I’m not sure if they were the original carpets from 1980 when I was in junior high, but at a minimum, they’d been on duty at least 20 years and were a far duller brown than when they started out. They were so bad, I wouldn’t invite people over for fear they’d catch a glimpse of them and pass judgment on me.

These carpets had seen their better days sometime in the early 90s. Two decades of tramping feet had ground dirt into them. Vacuuming didn’t help — instead, it produced weird smells from the vacuum cleaner. When the carpets got wet, it resurrected faint scents of accidents by pets long gone. I occasionally borrowed a carpet shampooer from my friend The Todd (not to be confused with Stoner Todd from my post, Ridin’ Dirty) but still the carpets looked only marginally better. The carpets simply had to go.

Trouble Pulling the Trigger

Over the last few years, there have been numerous times I’ve haunted flooring stores or departments looking wistfully at the laminate flooring. However, I always left with nothing more than samples and a vague determination to do something — eventually.

However, as much as I despised the carpets, I never got around to replacing them.  Things kept coming up, like my lack of will to undertake the project myself or not wanting to spend the money. When I did have enough money, I’d use it on something else. I thought about hiring someone, but that would be way more expensive — plus, they’d see my disgusting carpets and silently judge me. And, my Man Cave had so much stuff jammed into it it would be an arduous undertaking to clear it all out. If you’ve ever seen the Room of Requirement from the Harry Potter movies, you get the idea.

My Man Caves resembled this only slightly more crowded.

I could do the job myself but then that meant relying on me and, in my book, that’s never a good idea — especially since my handyman skills are rudimentary at best. I haven’t posted many of my home project follies here, but one time, I got stuck on my roof. And everyone I know cringes when they think of me renting a saw — and they aren’t the only ones. There was the chainsaw incident where I rented one to cut up a tree that fell over during a storm. I came this close to being in a tragic news report and, shaken, I ended up hiring a professional to finish the job.

Mortal enemies

As much as I hated the carpets, the Houseguest hated them more. She’s a Zoroastrian, so she takes the whole cleanliness concept seriously. (Well, compared to me she does — the rest of the Zoroastrians might kick her out of the fire temple if they saw her messy workspace.)

She has been renting a room from me for 3 years, and well before she moved in, I told her I intended to rip up the carpets. Lately, she had been complaining more often about their grodiness and blamed all her ills on them. Shortly after my employment ended, at her behest, I pulled up the carpet in her room. She reasoned that even a bare concrete floor had to be better than the hated carpet. Once I’d removed it, she looked at the exposed concrete with a critical eye, and I could sense her excitement ebb.

“Don’t like it?” I asked.

“I thought it would look — different. More…” her voice trailed off.

Her brow wrinkled as we stared at the stained, dull grey floor.

“It’s kind of — ugly,” she said.

Yes, yes it was.

It was not an attractive looking floor; the construction guys had slopped paint and other things onto the concrete and it looked quite unappealing. The Houseguest consoled herself that at least the carpet was gone and she could at least sweep. That sentiment lasted about two weeks and she began making more and more negative comments about the concrete.

What the Houseguest envisioned…

The reality.

A decision gets made

During that time, I began contemplating paying for new flooring with a credit card. I didn’t really want to add debt while I was unemployed and trying to get some freelance work going, but this ongoing floor situation had been festering far too long. The Houseguest told me not to be silly, she could deal with it.

A week later, the concrete floor finally wore her resolve down and she offered to fund the flooring project and I would pay her back when I had the money. Though I appreciated the offer, I declined because I hate borrowing money from (or loaning it to) friends because a financial obligation is an easy way to poison a relationship. But the Houseguest was persistent; she did not want to look at the concrete floor anymore. Plus, as she pointed out — now was the perfect time to jump into a project because I had a lot of free time. So, finally, I agreed to the loan and she wrote me a check for $1,900.

Gathering supplies

We drove to a couple of spots to check out flooring options. I had been set on installing laminate, but several people had mentioned that Vinyl Luxury Planks was the way to go these days. ‘Vinyl?’ I thought. No way I was putting vinyl on my floors. Oh, but this isn’t your father’s thin vinyl flooring. No, this stuff is created to mimic the look of wood and comes in textured planks. Nucore, the brand I settled on has a cork backing to soften footfalls and deaden sound. It’s not as hard as laminate, but it’s waterproof (I’ve had a broken water line before — no fun) and fairly easy to work with — you can even score it with a boxcutter and then bend it to snap it in two.

I almost went with a nice-looking brand sold through Lowes, but the online reviews were either glowing or scathing. Turns out the product was originally made in China, but after the trade war started, apparently they brought production back to the U.S. and the quality was terrible. People were scrambling looking for boxes of the stuff made in China and some people had got stuck with American stuff halfway through their project. I quickly scratched that one off my list and ended up going with Floor and Decor’s Spalted Maple NuCore.

Before I got the project rolling, I borrowed my friend Carlos’s miter saw to cut the vinyl quarter round molding that would cover the expansion gaps at the baseboards. I’m glad I did because I ended up actually using it to cut the vinyl planking as well. Even though they tout you can use a boxcutter, the first two planks I tried to cut, I kept screwing up and veering offline while scoring the boards and cutting scatches into the surface. No way was I going to end up with jacked up floors from the get-go, so I used Carlos’s power saw (as well a regular hand saw for lengthwise cuts and a hobby saw for small, delicate cuts). That miter saw totally sped things up.

Getting started

Once I had everything I needed, I sat around for a couple of days watching Youtube videos, nervous to start. I’d calculated the number of boxes of planking I needed and added an extra 10% for mistakes, but I wasn’t absolutely sure I had enough. I didn’t want to screw things up to the point where I’d have to scrap the project. Hence the obsessive video watching.

Finally, I decided to stop overthinking it and jump into the deep end and do the Houseguest’s room. I just needed a friend to help me move furniture out. The Todd agreed to stop by late Saturday afternoon and help, but as I had nothing else to do that morning, I thought I’d get a head start by removing all the drawers from the two dressers to lighten them and move the nightstands out, which went smoothly. But why stop there? I decided to see if I could move some of the furniture by myself. See, I don’t like inconveniencing other people (and in turn, don’t like to be inconvenienced). The dressers were solid maple but had small casters hidden underneath which made it easier. Then I decided to tackle the Houseguest’s queen-sized bed (she’d already agreed to stay at a friend’s over the weekend).  Like a determined ant, I got the moving done by the time The Todd called. (Over the course of the project, I ended up moving everything out of all three rooms by myself — dressers, beds, bookcases, desks, etc.)

That’s my bedroom door to the left. I really hoped I didn’t have to escape the house in a hurry.

Hitting my stride — or so I thought

The first room took me longer than I thought it would. A professional could have prepped the floor and laid the interlocking planking down in a few hours, but it took me 3 days (not working straight through, mind you).

Making progress on the Houseguest’s room

Nearly done

Once I finished the first room and moved everything back in, I figured my room would go more quickly now that I had a better idea of what I was doing. I continued to learn new techniques as I went along, like how to cut trim properly and make proper endcaps when the molding ends at an open space to make it look attractive.

After pulling up the carpet in my room, I began prying up the wooden strips of carpet tack that’s nailed into the concrete to keep the edge of the carpet from moving. However, I ran into an immediate setback. Most of the concrete nails holding the carpet tack in place were short, but on one 8-foot section, whoever had nailed the carpet tack down had used gigantic spikes — they looked like the nails the Romans used when they crucified Jesus. These spikes had demolished the concrete underneath, which I pulled it up in big chunks. They’d also caused an eight-foot long crack in the concrete stretching toward the center of the room.

Normal nail and the nail from hell.

I bet some dude ran out of regular nails and used the spikes figuring no one would discover it for decades that he’d half-assed it. Luckily, I had a lot of quick-setting concrete leftover from my plumbing project and I used that to fill in the huge ragged gap along the wall — of course, I had to let it dry and that delayed me.

A pox upon your lazy ass!

Other than that, the main problem I ran into was my decision to go minimalist — I wasn’t going to move a lot of the furniture and extra bullshit back into my room and Man Cave. It was time to purge. But now that furniture and other stuff sat there clogging up my hallway, front room, and living room. As my mom would have said, it looked like a bomb had gone off in my house. 

I ended up sleeping out here

Stuff everywhere

This is my bedroom

Spilling out to the front of the house

Computer in the bathroom

Printer in the hall

Sweet dreams

While I was working on my room, I ended up sleeping on my couch, which (luckily) consists of two day beds and is super comfy. I actually slept more soundly on it than my regular bed. The Houseguest was a bit bummed because she likes to watch CNN in the morning on the living room TV before going to work. I ended up sleeping out there for a week because when I started in on the Man Cave, I had so much crap to lug out I had to store a lot of it in my bedroom and some stuff ended up piled on top of my bed. The Man Cave floor I completed pretty quickly, even though the crucifier had been at engaged in his destructive ways again and I had to put new cement down once more.

Yep, I have my knee pads on upside down.

Once the floors were down, I still wasn’t quite done because I needed Carlos’ nail gun and compressor to secure the quarter rounds. It was about a week before I got them, however, I decided to move some of my furniture and stuff back in and work around it once I got the nailgun because routines were too disrupted. Plus, furniture was blocking access to my washing machine and I was running out of clean clothes.

Let’s do this!

Not a good look for me

I have to admit, the project stretched out longer than I wanted it to and people kept asking when it would be done. Joe, the owner of Bigfish, my last place of employment, texted me after one of my umpteen updates.

“Rivers! (my nickname) What are you doing over there? Building the Taj Mahal?”

Using a packing blanket to drag my heavy-ass bedframe without damaging the floor.

But I eventually got everything I wanted in the rooms dragged back in. My Man Cave looks like a minimalist’s haven — well, compared to what it looked like before. The front rooms are still a bit messy, but I’m going through stuff and putting it into the garage, throwing it out, or donating it.

I was happy with my work. The Houseguest stood admiring the floor of the Man Cave.

“You know, you got so much better at it as you went along,” she said. I looked at her.

“Are you saying you’re unhappy with your floor?”

She wasn’t. But she was right; my early work wasn’t my best. You could see a few seams in her room that could have been tighter. I’d made a couple of minor mistakes, but I wasn’t sure I’d have enough material at the time, so I worked around them. Once I’d finished everything, I ended up with a left over box of planks. I’d already decided I would fix the Houseguest’s floor, so I recut the problematic boards and have them stored away. When she goes out of town in November, I’m going to redo her floor. It won’t be hard. I’ll simply pull it up and relay it and insert the new boards. The hardest part will be dragging her furniture out, but it should take me no time at all. Honestly, it doesn’t look bad now, but I would know it could be better, so I have to redo it.

Lessons learned

So, I learned a few things during this project.

Getting up and down repeatedly sucks. I ended up bruising my left knuckles and knee against the concrete until I started wearing work gloves and bought some knee pads.

If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. My knee pads sucked and kept falling down. Worst design ever. Just as I was finishing up the row in the last room I realized I’d had them on upside down the whole time. Oops. I put them on the right way for that last row and they fit well and were super comfy. Better late than never — I guess.

After much pain and tears, you’ll discover a super-easy way to do a pain-in-the-ass task, right as you’re finishing up.

Having the right tools is super helpful. Not having them is really frustrating, though you can improvise.

I suck at trying to cut vinyl planking with a boxcutter. Mitre saw for the win! My friend Jason’s brother saw me post on Facebook about using a miter saw and asked him if I realized I didn’t need a miter saw for vinyl planking. Au contraire, my friend. Bro, did I ever need it.

Never take the easy way out. You won’t be happy. I was just using a straight cut on the end of my quarter rounds even though the flooring experts said it looked unprofessional. I’d tried to make a neatly curved end cap but failed and settled for a simple 90-degree cut. But the experts were right — it looked like shit, so I went back to YouTube and found a better how-to video and learned how to do end caps right. Then I redid all the ones I’d done so farl. They looked 100 times better.

Take a gander at that awesome looking end cap I made. Involved two 45-degree outside cuts and a regular cut and then some glue.

Anyway, so, the flooring is down, it looks good, and I love the new and improved Man Cave. It no longer looks like an orc den. Oh, and I just repaid the Houseguest her money after getting paid on some freelancing gigs. And there were no trips to the ER. I’m calling this a win for the Land Manatee.

The new and improved Man Cave.

DIY Success? Luxury Vinyl Planks As I'd mentioned in an earlier post, redoing some of the floors in the house has kept me busy…

[dnodes18]

Back Porch Overhaul https://ift.tt/2qCmfjv

Mike Poorman of Woodshop Mike completely transformed his outdated back porch into an outdoor oasis. With a few simple upgrades, he has created a outdoor space for both family and friends to enjoy.

Back Porch Overhaul

Our back porch overlooks a quiet, wooded backyard with just the right amount of breeze. It’s a great place to unwind or start a day. That is, until all the critters that also enjoy our wooded backyard decide they want to hang out on the back porch, too.

After two summers of being attacked by unwanted pests, we knew it was time to not only screen in our porch, but to also give it a full-on overhaul. We did everything from refreshing all of the wooden surfaces to installing a Hunter ceiling fan and of course, screening in the space!

I’ve listed the materials, product and tools I used for this project at the end of the post for reference. Now let’s get to the project steps!

Cleaning

The first thing we absolutely had to do was clean everything.

It’s pretty easy to see that the existing stain had seen better days and the white paint on our handrails and trim was in desperate need of some TLC.

Our vinyl siding and ceiling was also crying for a good deep clean.

To knock all this out, I grabbed a handful of products to get the job done.

Vinyl Siding

The next thing to tackle was the siding. I’d recently heard of Wet and Forget and really liked the idea of not having to scrub too much to clean off our siding and ceiling. I mixed the product up in a low pressure sprayer and went to town. The typical application includes spraying it on your house and then forgetting about it. Rain will rinse your house and over the course of a few weeks or months, the cleaner will continue to wash away all of the filth. Since a covered back porch doesn’t see too much rain, I opted to spray on the product and follow it up a week later with an automotive detailing brush and light water spray from a hose.

The results speak for themselves and it was so easy! I hardly had to scrub at all.

Railing, Posts, & Trim

To clean all of the painted surfaces, I used TSP phosphate free and was completely blown away with how well it cleaned years of grime. I sprayed the surfaces down with TSP using a low pressure sprayer, let it set for a few minutes and then followed that up with a light scrub and rinse.

Decking

In the past, I’ve simply used a pressure washer to strip decks in preparation for new stain. I didn’t want to go that route for the back porch this time for a couple of reasons:

The age of our deck had me concerned that intense pressure may cause more harm than good.

Since our house has vinyl siding, I was concerned about potentially damaging the siding in the process.

So, I decided on Behr Wood Stain & Finish Stripper, which did a great job of removing the previous stain. Following the instructions, I applied the product with a polyblend roller and let it work for about 15 minutes before scrubbing the surface with a deck brush.

Major tip here: Shake the bottle before pouring it into a roller pan!

Then I fired up my pressure washer and lightly sprayed away the old, nasty stain for good! If you don’t have a pressure washer, don’t sweat it.  You can also use a garden hose to rinse the deck clean – it’ll just take a bit longer.

My last step to prep the deck for new stain was to use Behr All-In-One Wood Cleaner. This product neutralizes any residual chemicals from the Wood Stain & Finish Stripper and conditions the wood to accept stain more consistently. For this product I again followed the printed instructions and applied the diluted product with a roller, let it work for about 15 minutes and then scrubbed with the deck brush.

After the entire deck had been treated, I hosed it all down again lightly with the pressure washer. Now all you have to do is let it dry for about 24 hours before staining!

Ceiling Fan

Obviously, installing a ceiling fan and replacing a light fixture deals with electricity. If you are not comfortable doing your own electrical work, then hire a professional to help you with this step!

The original overhead light was a single bulb fixture with a pull chain that broke off in my hand the day we moved in.  Needless to say, something had to be done. Since we live in Georgia, we knew that adding a ceiling fan was the right way to go! We chose the Hunter Mill Valley Fan and couldn’t be happier with the aesthetics and functionality.

There was a bit of work for to do before installing this fan, though. I had to add a brace to bear the load of the fan. Using a SideSwiper, I took down two ceiling panels.

I cut a 2×4 to fit between two rafters and used pocket hole joinery to secure the brace in place. Now I could secure my fan box to the brace with the supplied screws. Once the wiring was run into the fan box, I reinstalled the vinyl panels.

A huge bonus with this Hunter fan: It includes hang tabs for the motor housing to rest on while you secure the electrical connections – genius! No more balancing the motor on your head (or having a friend help) while you work as fast as you can.

After about 20 minutes, the fan was assembled and running! The assembly instructions for this fan are very easy to follow, and even if you’re new to home electrical work, the diagrams make it very clear to understand.

Painting

Since our existing paint was oil based, we first used Gripper primer. It is a high-hide formula that is also suitable for going over oil based paints and is a good primer for latex paints.

After about an hour, the primer was dry and we then applied PPG Timeless paint. Both of these products are very user friendly. They’re thick, but not difficult to apply and dry relatively quickly.

I used a Shortcut brush for corners and tight spots, a 4-1/2″ roller for all the flat surfaces and a Pelican bucket. This combination of items worked out really well to apply the paint. Also, I of course put down a drop cloth after all that cleaning I’d done!

Staining

Next up, it’s time to stain! Maybe I’m a bit excited, but I’m so happy with the results of PPG Timeless stain in Oxford Brown. First off, this is an oil based stain, which I prefer. This stain penetrates well and really makes our 21-year-old porch look new. While there are several options for applying stain, I chose to use a 5″ wide stain brush. You can buy an extension pole for this style of brush, but I prefer holding the brush in my hand. In areas against the house, I used a short cut brush to prevent slopping stain on the siding.

For us, this stain was dry to the touch in about 45 minutes (it was about 70°F and semi-humid, having rained for several days prior) and we didn’t have any issue walking on the back porch after 24 hours!

Partition Wall

To build this wall, I first needed to cut the pattern of our siding into a 2×4. I held a 2×4 against the wall and used a scribe to transfer the pattern, but you could also use a carpenter’s pencil. To cut out the pattern, I broke out my jig saw and went to work!

With the only “tricky” piece to cut out of the way, I set off to cut the remaining 2×4’s to length and then laid everything out for assembly. I used top and bottom plates that were the full length of the wall and ran two 2-1/2 exterior construction screws through them into the ends of each stud. With the wall framed up, I then cut out the portion of the bottom plate where the screened door would be hung with my multi-tool. Next, I just lifted the wall into place and secured it with 2-1/2″ screws every 8″ or so into the surrounding structure.

Frames for Screening

For our screened-in porch, we opted to build frames for each opening rather than apply the screening to the outside of our back porch. This is a fairly straight forward process and seemed to be the easiest method since the deck of our back porch is 14′ off the ground.

I ripped down 2×6’s into 2×2’s and used pocket hole joinery to build the frames. Once the frames were assembled, I ran an 1/8″ round over bit around all the edges with my palm router to reduce the likelihood of damage while stretching the screens.

The last thing to do before priming and painting is to pre-drill and countersink holes about every 18″ so that the frames can be secured to the surrounding structure.

Installing Screen

We went with Phifer Ultravue screen and are blown away at how transparent it is from a few feet away! I highly recommend this screening, especially if you’re worried about keeping as much light coming through your porch area as possible.

This process is very much like stretching a canvas for painting. I used an Arrow T50 stapler with 3/8 x 3/8 staples, and a good pair of scissors.  Start by laying the frame on top of the screen so that the stitching lines up with the frame members. Pick one side and, starting at the center, wrap the screen around to the outside of the frame. Staple the screen every 6″ or so. Move to the opposite side and decrease the spacing to about every 3″, gently stretching the screen as needed. Now go back to the first side and staple as needed to have the screen under consistent tension. Next, just repeat this process on the remaining two sides.

With the frames screened, it’s time to move on to screening the partition wall. The installation is pretty much the same, except I attached the screen to the outer face of the wall.

Once all the back porch screening was up, I used some 1-1/2″ wide x 1/4″ thick strips ripped from 2×6’s to cover the screening where it crosses over the studs. All that’s needed to secure this trim are 1″ brad nails every 10″ or so.

The only remaining section that needed to be sealed off was the bottom of our porch railing. There’s a gap about 4″ tall below the rail, so I simply grabbed a 2×6 and cut it to fit the area.

Screened Door

For our screened door, we opted to build one. This was a really easy project that can be knocked out over a weekend, and you can check out my post on How to Make a DIY Screen Door here! If you’re not up to building a door, no sweat. There are tons of options for prefabricated screen doors.

Installing the door was a pretty easy task. We picked up these sweet spring loaded door hinges and spaced them about 14″ in from the top and bottom.

I simply held the hinge parallel with the door frame and secured it in place with the provided screws. Once the hinges were attached to the frame, I set the door on some 3/8″ scraps to lift it off the deck enough that it wouldn’t drag while opening the door.

With the door hung, it was time to add the door handle by Wright Products. This hardware was very easy to install and feels solid. I only needed to drill three holes and then attach the catch plate on the door frame. Done and done!

Lights

With all of the “hard work” complete, it’s time to add the final touches and start enjoying this transformed back porch space!

We hung some farmhouse style string lights around the perimeter of the screened in area with several screw hooks. These add a nice touch to the ambiance of this space each evening. To make turning our lights on and off more convenient, this outdoor lighting switch fit the bill!

Overhaul Complete!

Thank you for checking out our back porch overhaul project! I hope you’ve been inspired to take on a project like this and as always, let me know if you have any questions!

Materials & Products

Wet and Forget

TSP phosphate free

low pressure sprayer

Scotch Brite pad

Behr Wood Stain & Finish Stripper

Behr All-In-One Wood Cleaner

fan box

Hunter Mill Valley Fan

PPG Timeless stain

Gripper primer

PPG Timeless paint

2″x6″x10′

2″x6″x8′

2-1/2″ pocket hole screws

3/8 dowel

Phifer Ultravue screen

1″ brad nails

2-1/2 exterior construction screws

door hinge

door handle

string lights

screw hooks

extension cord

outdoor lighting switch

Tools Used

IsoTunes

table saw

miter saw

pressure washer

K5

Kreg Jig clamp

drill

impact driver

jig saw

multi-tool

palm router

1/8″ round over bit

dead blow hammer

square

Shortcut brush

4-1/2″ roller & frame

polyblend roller 

roller frame

paint bucket

paint tray

stapler

staples

scissors (my favorite shop scissors!)

utility knife

brad nailer

deck brush

Malco SideSwiper

stain brush (not the one I used, but similar)

extension pole

For more back porch and patio style inspiration, check out our series on The Home Depot Blog.

The post Back Porch Overhaul appeared first on The Home Depot Blog.

Mike Poorman

[vidovicart]

12 Things Not to Do When You Travel

Updated: 10/25/2018 | October 25th, 2018

Travel writers always talk about what to do when you travel. It’s all must-see attractions and things to do. Go here, do this, see that, act this way. But what about all the things you shouldn’t do on the road? There are plenty of travel mistakes travelers make that lead to wasted money, lost time, and missed opportunities. It’s easy to say what to do, but we sometimes to forget to mention the don’ts.

A lot of the old conventional travel wisdom (using traveler’s checks or booking early) is out of date in an increasingly digital and connected world. I believe that by not telling travelers “Hey, don’t do this anymore” we keep a lot of myths going strong. We insiders know the tricks, but unless we tell the general public, they won’t!

So today, I want to share some of the common travel mistakes you should avoid. I’ve made many of these mistakes in the past, but doing things wrong shows you how to do them right.

If you avoid these common mistakes, you’ll be traveling cheaper, smarter, and longer.

DON’T eat near a major tourist site

The food near any major attraction is going to be double the price and half the flavor of what you’ll find elsewhere. When restaurants know people aren’t coming back, they don’t have to worry about consistent quality. And anyways, what do tourists know about quality local food, right? They just arrived. It’s all amazing to them, and many are happy to return home talking about how they ate “amazing” pizza in front of the Colosseum. Restaurants lack the incentive to be top-notch.

However, local, nontouristy restaurants must be high quality or else locals will stop going there. These places can’t get by serving slop. Instead of eating in a tourist trap, walk at least five blocks away from one. The further away you are, the more local, cheaper, and tastier the food will be. Avoid restaurants with glossy menus in multiple languages. That’s a sure sign of a tourist trap. If you aren’t comfortable walking into a random restaurant, you can also use these websites to find out what the locals are rating highly:

Yelp – People offer reviews and ratings here, so you can figure out what’s good on the menu or if the restaurant is worth visiting at all.

Foursquare – Foursquare works the same as Yelp. The mobile app lets you search nearby restaurants or eateries.

OpenRice – Like Yelp and Foursquare, but for Hong Kong, Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, and the Philippines.

Another great way I find local eateries is to walk into hostels and ask them what is good. Even if you aren’t staying there, they are a wealth of information and usually will happily point you in the right direction!

DON’T exchange money at the airport

You’ll get the worst exchange rates if you do. You’re better off lighting your money on fire. To get the best rates, use an ATM or credit card. This is will be as close to the interbank rate as you can get and ensures that you are not getting ripped off.

Never exchange cash unless you absolutely have to (and there are times when you have to). I once had to exchange cash in an airport in Romania when my ATM card didn’t work, but that was an emergency. If you do need to exchange money, try to do so at a bank downtown where you’ll get better rates and fewer fees. But stick to plastic as much as possible.

READ MORE: How to eat cheap (and well) when traveling

DON’T bring traveler’s checks

Traveler’s checks are checks issued by banks for a predetermined value that allow the bearer to exchange the check for cash anywhere in the world. In the time before widespread ATM and credit card acceptance, it was the best way for travelers to have access to money without carrying a lot of cash. They are absolutely useless these days, with few banks willing to accept them and offering little protection if they are lost or stolen. There’s no need to use them anymore.

DON’T use a bank card with fees

I don’t like giving banks my money. I’d rather use it for travel, and it’s been years since I paid a bank fee of any kind. Get a bank and credit card that has no foreign transaction fees so you can avoid ATM fees and other surcharges. In the United States, my favorites are Charles Schwab for a no-fee ATM card and Barclays Arrival Plus World Mastercard for the simplest no-foreign-transaction-fee credit card because you can earn points with it. There are a lot of non-fee options out there so be sure to look around.

For non-U.S. residents, here are some resources to find no-fee cards:

http://www.creditcardfinder.com.au/travel-rewards-credit-cards (Australia)

http://uk.creditcards.com/travel.php (UK)

http://www.rewardscanada.ca/ (Canada)

This post goes into more detail on how to bank smart when you travel or read on how to get the right travel credit card.

DON’T look at only US-based search engines

All search engines have blind spots, no matter where they are in the world, but by limiting your searching to only the large search engines, you are reducing the chance you’ll find a deal. Many sites don’t feature smaller budget airlines or seasonal carriers. While no flight search website is the best 100% of the time, avoid sticking to just Kayak or Expedia — expand your horizons. I always start with these three when I look for cheap flights:

Momondo – This is my all time favorite search engine. They always seem to find airlines that offer the best deals and their calendar view lets you see which days are cheapest to fly. I like them because they search the small booking sites no one else does.

Google Flights – One of the best flight search engines out there, Google Flights lets you enter your departure airport and see flights all over the world in a map so you can see where the cheapest destination in.

Skyscanner – This great website searches a lot of different airlines, including many of the budget carriers that larger sites miss.

DON’T skip travel insurance

It may seem like a ridiculous added expense, but travel is about the unknown, and you never know what can happen on the road. You can break a leg, lose a camera, pop an eardrum scuba diving, or have to leave a country because of a natural disaster. Travel insurance protects you when you are overseas and shouldn’t be avoided — it’s the smart thing to get. It is there to protect you for both medical and nonmedical emergencies. If something does happen to you and you don’t have insurance, it can cost thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses. I had a friend let her insurance lapse because she wasn’t using it; she later broke an arm in South America. It cost her thousands in doctor’s fees. I use World Nomads insurance when I’m on the road.

Read More:

How to Find the Perfect Insurance Policy

10 Common Questions and Misconceptions about Travel Insurance

DON’T rule out hostels

Most people think hostels have smelly, unclean, bedbug-ridden facilities that are aimed at poor college students. It’s a common stereotype perpetuated on TV and in movies over the years. My mom is always horrified when I tell her I stay in hostels. She pictures the ones she stayed at in the 1970s and pleads with me to be careful. While hostels used to be that way, nowadays, most hostels are cleaner than most hotels! They offer a variety of amenities, from pool tables to movie rooms, Xboxes, free computers, and laundry facilities, as well as organized tours, day trips, free Wi-Fi, and small private dorm rooms perfect for families, couples, or seniors who want affordable accommodation and a travel community without the hotel cost. The modern hostel is not just for cheap backpackers but also for those looking to be involved in a community. They are hubs for like-minded, travel-loving individuals.

DON’T avoid hospitality networks

Hospitality networks let travelers stay with locals for free and also swap stories and participate in cross-cultural exchange. First, you don’t always get a couch. I’ve slept on couches and beds, in guest rooms, and in mansions. Second, they aren’t just for single travelers. I’ve stayed with couples, families, college students, and twenty-somethings and have hosted single travelers, groups, and couples. Many traveling families use this as a way to meet other families from around the globe and expose their kids to the world. It’s nice to have a free place to stay, but the real benefit of this is the ability to meet and make friends with people from different places and gain insider knowledge about your destination. I’ve made many friends through these networks. Don’t overlook them. These are my favorite:

Couchsurfing – This website allows you to stay on people’s couches or spare rooms for free. It’s a great way to save money while meeting locals who can tell you much more about a city than you will find out in a hostel/hotel.

Servas – Like Couchsurfing, you can connect with locals here and arrange homestays.

BeWelcome – Another hospitality/cultural exchange website with a widespread community.

This page can give you more information on how to use these networks to save money and meet locals.

DON’T take taxis

Taxis are where budgets go to die — they are always overpriced. Skip them. The only time these are worth using is if you are splitting the fare among many people or need to get somewhere super late at night. Use public transportation as much as possible.

DON’T be penny wise but pound foolish

As they say, time is money and, since travelers tend to have more time than money, they save money at the expense of time. However, your time is worth something. It may save you $2 by walking instead of taking the bus, but if it takes you an extra hour to get to where you are going, is that really worth it? You may be able to save $30 by taking a flight with two connections, but is the savings worth it when you know you’re going to be miserable and arrive tired? Budget travel is not a race to the bottom. It’s about being smart with both your money and time. Avoid wasting time as much as you avoid wasting money.

DON’T book your trip too early

I understand it’s easy to get excited about your trip and — to make it feel real — book your flight, hotel, or resort right away. It’s done and you are going! But that’s a mistake. You’ll be the person who ended up paying more than others. When it comes to travel, the early bird doesn’t always get the worm. Don’t be overeager. Wait for the deals.

For your flight, wait about three to four months before your trip. This is when airlines start to raise or lower prices based on demand. For cruises or tour groups, wait until the last minute. Companies have to fill boats and tours, so they offer amazing last-minute deals to fill unused space — no one wants to set off with a boat half full. Here are some posts that expand on this idea more:

Why your flight is so expensive

How to find cheap flights

How to find a cheap cruise

DON’T skip the local tourist office

I’m always surprised at how few tourists visit the local tourism board. It’s always my first stop on any trip. They have advice on current events, festivals, and off-the-beaten-path information you aren’t going to find in any guidebook. Their job is to literally know everything about where you are. They get paid to help you. When you get to a new city, be sure to head to the tourism office and ask for information on what to see and do, and where the deals are. They have maps and discount cards, and they can help book accommodations.

***

Avoiding these common travel mistakes will help you stop wasting money, save time, find more rewarding and cheaper travel experiences, get off the beaten path, and be a better traveler. People who follow the guidebooks and just “click and go” when they book online end up paying more. If you put in some extra work, you’ll save big, and the less you spend, the more you can travel!

Be smart, be savvy, and learn to travel with ease.

CONTINUE READING: 61 TIPS TO BECOMING A MASTER TRAVELER

Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation If you want to stay elsewhere, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. I use them all the time. You can book your hostel – if you want that instead – with Hostelworld as they have the most comprehensive inventory.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and I think will help you too!

The post 12 Things Not to Do When You Travel appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.