#clarification that this is a joke and not anger etc!!!

[grimwarden]

Dear Diary,

Today alone I saw five posts speculating about Varric's death. I don't know how long I can live in these conditions.

[captain-mj]

Hiiiii can I please request a PriceGraves fic where General shepherd would like sexually harass Graves (ass slapping/grabbing, comments, etc.)? And like Graves is a bit scared to do anything of that nature with Price? Idk this came to me as I was under the effects of anesthesia 😂

I certainly can! I'm assuming you mean Graves is nervous to enter a relationship due to concerns that Price would start acting like that but if I misinterpreted, just send me an ask with clarification and I'll rewrite!

Graves felt his skin crawl every time he thought of Shepherd. Now that he was dead, he definitely felt better, and he'd never admit this to anyone, ever. But some of the... behaviors he had exhibited had put Graves on edge.

Graves was not a stranger to locker room talk and how men bragged about touching people, regardless of whether it was asked for or not. As a teen, he would participate, trying to fit the mold of straight man in the American South. As he got older, he started to avoid it, claiming he thought it was childish to talk about people, especially women like that. Which was partially true. He naively thought this was something straight men did. His bubble was quickly burst when he joined the military and found himself the target of that derogatory talk.

But hey, he managed. He kicked ass. Started a company. Made sure anyone that spoke or acted like that either learned their lesson and shut it up or was booted off to scramble for work elsewhere like a dog.

When Shepherd stood behind Graves during an explanation and his hand just brushed against Graves's thighs, he brushed it off as an accident and kept talking.

Then his hand firmly grabbed his ass and squeezed. Under his breath, just loud enough for Graves to hear, “firm”.

Graves despised working with him after that. When he sent his men to die in Russia, he started working through the red tape to separate themselves. Every time they were in the same room, there would be some comment, some line, even just full on grabbing and the only reason Graves didn’t kill him was that his Shadows would be dealing with the repercussions of it. So he sucked it up, minimized contact and kept it moving.

Almost a year later, with Shepherd dead and him in an entirely different position, he'd think the idea of it happening would be the farthest thing from his mind.

But he... felt Price's eyes on him. He was polite and a gentleman.

Unlike Shepherd, Graves liked Price. Really. He wouldn't mind rolling around the hay with him. But they worked together and he didn't want another situation like before.

Price sat with him one day, after a mission and everything had simmered down. He even bought him a drink at the bar. The Shadows and the 141 mingled some, chatting normally.

Graves hesitated to take the drink. "Not going to owe you anything, am I?" He didn't sound like he was joking.

Price paused, bourbon almost touching his lips. "I'm not that kind of man, Graves. I won't lie. I want you. In a way that's not that gentleman like. But I won't ask you for anything. Not unless you ask first."

Graves looked at his drink. "I don't think you'd take advantage of me. I wouldn't let you. Worried you won't respect me."

Price frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Shepherd. He didn't respect me much."

"Did he ever?" The sudden anger in Price's voice was shockingly reassuring.

"Besides grabbing me a little, no. Made some disgusting comments."

Price downed his drink. He ordered another round for the two of them. "I don't allow that kind of behavior. Not among my men. Hate to see someone in power take advantage of it."

Graves was quiet a while, finishing his drink up. He wanted to. He really, really did. He glanced over and they made eye contact.

Price never bothered to hide his emotions. It was an admirable trait. He looked at Graves with such passion and ardor.

Graves broke the gaze and kept drinking. Price patted his shoulder, like they were just friends. "Phillip, I'll always respect you. You made a company from scratch. Stronger men than most."

"Thank you, John."

They separated and Graves wanted to ask him to come back. He didn't. He kept drinking until the Shadows could pull him into karaoke. This was all he needed. They were great. The best friends and coworkers he could ask for.

The bar got ready to close and they were all kicked out. Graves felt that surge of confidence that only came from being too drunk for your own good. He grabbed Price's arm and they stumbled forward.

Price let him into his quarters. He kissed him softly. Sweetly. They both tasted of bourbon.

"Graves, you're too drunk."

"Only time I'll be dumb enough to say yes."

Price smiled at him, though it was a tinge sad. "Let me get you in bed, love." He picked him up, like he didn't weigh anything. He carried him to the bed and laid him down, making sure both of their boots were off and on the floor.

Graves pulled off his shirt and pants, quickly waving his hand at Price's grunts. "I refuse to sleep fully clothed. I'm not in the field."

Price sighed but didn't stop him, only kicking off his own socks. "I'll make tea in the morning."

"....no coffee?"

"Don't drink the stuff."

Graves groaned loudly. "Should've just went back to my own room. No dick and no coffee."

"You're too drunk for me to sleep with you."

"You're buzzed. Cancels out."

"I don't think so." Price ran his fingers through Graves's hair, admiring his flushed face. "What are the chances you pretend you don't remember tonight?"

"Higher than I want to tell you."

Price nodded and leaned down, kissing him again. Graves could feel his heart in his throat. "Not being much of a gentleman, am I?"

"You're the one person I'm okay with it." Graves told him softly. "Look, sleep in the bed with me. Nothing has to happen, but I don't want to kick a man out of his own bed."

Price nodded and crawled in with him. They pressed close together and his arm went around Graves's middle.

It felt nice. Being held. His hands didn't wander. He didn't make any comments. Even pressed against his body, where he could no doubt feel the muscle and how his hands fit around his waist and his ass pressed against him, Price said nothing. Just held him.

Graves felt his eyes start to close. "John, I want you back."

"I know."

[b-kip]

British Slang, Phrases and Idioms!

Finally getting this done! Special thanks to my Pa, because without him I wouldn’t know as much slang as I do LOL, we talk about this kind of thing on the regular, and he's my point of reference for this.

Remember, all of these phrases are very informal/casual, and the point of perspective is from England specifically, some of these words could mean something completely different to someone from a surrounding country. Some are moreso used by older people, while others are typical of a brit of any age. I’ll try my best to indicate as such!

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! Whether it's in the replies, a DM or an actual tumblr ask! I may do another list/add to this list if I remember more later on. Of course, others are free to add on to this, offer corrections or clarifications, etc! :)

Warnings: Vulgar language, very very brief NSFW mentions

Anyway, Slang and Phrases under the cut!!

Nouns

Berk: an insult, a stupid person. Might be more common with people who are older.

Bird(s): Woman/Women ("A couple of birds") - Can sometimes come off as a little sleazy, but not always. Depends on the way it's used. I'd say it's kind of mostly used in reference to women you aren't that familiar with? Can also be used to mean someone's girlfriend "That's X's bird," Used by all.

Bloke(s): A man/men. Again, I'd say it's mostly used in reference to a guy you aren't very familiar with, but it's not always the case. Used by all.

Bollocks: Nonesense, an exclamation used when you’re annoyed/disagree with something or someone. Used by all.

"That's a load of bollocks," / That's a load of bullshit

"Bollocks to it," / Fuck it

Typically used out of anger or exasperation, but can be used in a light-hearted and joking way.

Bollocking: A strong reprimand. Used by all.

Chops: Mouth or jaws, ("Hit him right in the chops,")

Lad: A guy, typically indicates youth. Used by all.

Lass: A girl, typically indicates youth. Used by all.

Muppet: Also an insult, meaning incompetent or foolish. Used by all.

Mard Arse: someone who is sulking. Used by all.

Can also become a verb - "Mardying"/ Or an adjective: “Mardy”

Telly: TV. Used by all.

Trolleys/Kecks/Knickers: Underwear. First two are likely used by older people, whereas knickers is more commonly used by all. Knickers also specifically alludes/refers to women's underwear.

Yank: An American (Used by Ghost in the first MW2) Can very much have a derogatory tone to it. Used by all.

Adjectives

Battered: of an object, damaged by age and repeated use. Of a person, injured by repeated blows/hits. Used by all.

Bonny: Pretty/Beautiful

Buzzing: Very excited and happy, probably moreso used by younger people

Chuffed: Extremely happy or proud. Used by all.

Daft: Foolish. Used by all.

Dire: Very poor quality (Can still be used to mean serious or urgent) Used by all.

Dodgy: Unreliable, potentially dangerous, dishonest Used by all.

Fancy: Want/Like. Used by all.

Flatter than a witch's tit: Extremely flat

Gutted: Disappointed/Devastated. Used by all ages.

Hammered: Very drunk. Used by all.

Jammy: Lucky, getting lucky without effort ("You jammy bastard.")

Knackered/Shattered: Tired, exhausted / Can also be used to describe something that is broken. Used by all.

Minging: Disgusting/Unpleasant.

Pissed/Pissed-up: Drunk (But can still be used to mean Pissed Off/Angry) Used by all.

Piss easy: Very easy. Used by all.

Piece of Piss: Very easy. Used by all.

Thick: Stupid, dumb (Can be extended into a simile Ex, "Thick as pig shit") Used by all.

Verbs

Batter: strike repeatedly with hard blows, beat the shit out of someone. Used by all.

Collar/Collared: Seize/apprehend, or to stop someone in order to speak to them. Used by all.

Faff/Faffing about: Waste time, doing something (typically something useless) in a really disorganised or pedantic way. Used by all.

Kip: to sleep/nap (literally where my name comes from lmao) Ex. "I'm goin' kip," Used by all.

Leg-it/Legged it/Legging it: Run for it. Used by all.

Mouth/Mouthed/Mouthing Off: talk in a loud, unpleasant or rude/disrespectful way. Used by all.

Nick/Nicked: To steal. Used by all.

Scarper/Scarpered: Run away. Used by all.

Shag: To have sex with someone

Skive/Skived/Skiving: Avoid work or a particular duty by staying away or leaving early. Used by all.

Yank: Pull something very hard. Used by all.

Phrases and Idioms

All over the shop:

Can be used to mean "everywhere" ("You're getting it all over the shop!" / "You're getting it everywhere!")

Can also mean to describe something or someone as being in a disorganised or confused state. ("He was all over the shop,")

Used by all.

Armed to the teeth: Carrying a lot of weapons. Used by all.

Bastard: Can sometimes be used in a similar way to "Dammit!" - an expression of frustration. Used by all.

Can also be used like "damn" when referring to something in frustration. (Ex. "Close that damn door!" would be "Close that bastard door!")

Bastard can also be added after an adjective for added effect "Thievin' bastard," / "Mardy Bastard,"

Bastard in general is a very versatile word, it can be used as an insult but also can just be used to refer to someone generally. See it as a sort of replacement for "guy" in some aspects (but not all). ("Poor guy,"/"Poor bastard,")

Combining the above two, you can get the wonderful phrase "All over the bastard shop."

Bone to pick: Having a grievance with someone. In some cases may indicate reprimanding. Used by all.

Built like a brick shithouse: Describing someone who's very big and very strong. Used by all.

By the skin of one's teeth: By a narrow margin, only just, ("Hanging on by the skin of his teeth"/"Barely holding on") Used by all.

Cheers: Casual term for "Thanks" Used by all.

Christ on a bike: Used to indicate shock, surprise or exasperation, a more humerous take on "Jesus Christ" Used by all.

Fuck me: An exclamation used to indicate annoyance, exasperation and frustration. Can also be used to express surprise or disbelief (Kind of in the way you'd use "Jesus Christ") Used by all.

Gagging for it: sort of like "begging/asking for it" / really wanting something/tempting fate. Can be used in a taunting or threatening way. Used by all.

Ex. “He’s gagging for it.”

Give/Gave someone a seeing-to: Similar to battering someone. But can also mean fucking someone (often used humerously in that context). Used by all.

Have a laugh/Having a laugh: Also has two meanings depending on context, used by all.

1. Joking around, generally having fun with something

2. To express annoyance when you think someone is being unreasonable or unfair

Hell's Bells: an exclamation of annoyance or anger. Can be made into an angrier expression by throwing fuck in the middle. Ex. "Hell's fuckin' bells!" - I'd say used by all, but probably moreso older people.

I'll have ya: A threat, similar to "I'll get you," Severity of the threat depends on context, ranging from collaring someone, to beating the shit out of someone to straight up killing them. Can also be used in a joking way between friends. Used by all.

Innit: Short for "Isn't it" or "Ain't it" Used by all ages.

Pack it in: Stop it/Cut it out. Typically used in a frustrated way. Can be emphasised by adding fuck, ex. "Pack it the fuck in!" Used by all.

Pissing About: Wasting time. Used by all.

Pissing it down: Raining really hard. Used by all.

Piss(ing) Oneself Laughing: Laughing uncontrollably. Used by all.

Pissing Oneself: Very scared. Used by all.

Shaking like a shitting dog: To describe someone who's shaking a lot/shaking badly. More of a northern phrase, I think.

Shit/Shat me/you/them up: To scare someone/make them jump

Ta: Short, casual term for "Thank you" Used by all.

Take the piss/Taking the piss: Used by all, has a few meanings

1. Making fun of/mocking someone in a way that isn’t intended to be serious (teasing) (Sort of like “Fuck with,”)

2. To lie about something in a really obvious, sometimes outrageous way. (”What? Really?” “No, I’m taking the piss.”)

3. To describe someone who’s taking something for granted, taking liberties or being unfair.

Rhyming Slang

Tits-up: something going horribly wrong. Used by all. ("It's all going tits-up,")

Wind(ing) someone up: Similar to taking the piss, purposefully being annoying by making fun, teasing or playing practical jokes. ("Where's X?" "He's winding Y up.") May also be used in disbelief when you think someone is being unfair or dishonest ("Are you winding me up?") Used by all.

Wind up merchant: As above, a wind up merchant is someone who enjoys winding someone up, this name is often given in annoyance by the victim

Rhyming Slang gets its own section because it's a wide and wonderful topic. I can't put every possible option, but I'll pick a few favourites. I highly reccommend anyone who's interested to look into it more. Rhyming slang can also just be made up on the spot, and I'd say it's moreso used by older folk.

To use rhyming slang, you just use the phrase in the place of the actual word you're substituing out. Basically just like using synonyms.

Some rhyming slang can be shortened further into just a word.

Bell Ringers/Bellies: Fingers

Boat Race/Boat: Face

Brown Bread: Dead

Butcher's Hook/Butcher's/Butch: Look

Hank Marvin: Starving, hungry

Pat and Mick: Sick

Plates of Meat/Plates: Feet

Septic Tank/Septic: Yank (An American) 

Tea leaf: Thief

Two and eight: State (Describing someone who is dishevelled or upset.)

Extra/Misc

Depending on the situation, "fucking" can be turned into just "kin"

Ex. "Fucking Hell" can become "'kin 'ell!"

This also applies to "Fuck Off" which can just become "Koff"

Ex. "'koff with that shit,"

Depends on the situation honestly, sometimes the "fu" sound can be a lot more emphasised. The art of british swearing is a delicate one.

Insults can also be made out of pretty much anything, so long as it's put after "You absolute-"

Cunt can be a little divisive when used (some have no problem using it, others find it to be too abhorrent to use) but it's used pretty commonly.

[brightwingedbat]

For Tantalus - 11 / 17 / 41 For Vindicta - 17 / 27 / 40 G and H for both! (@wilsons-journey)

Tantalus -

11 How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

He's definitely a guy who will want clarification, he might be a little insulting about it though.

17 Are they easily embarrassed?

Not at all, he's a man who's been at his lowest. He doesn't shy away from letting people know how far he's come. He's also not shy about his body either so that's not applicable.

41 How do they feel about children? 

He doesn't really care about them. He's sired plenty cubs, even though he only knows the name of one, Allius. There might be a slight want to see him, but it would be more of a from a distance and don't meet him thing.

---

Vindicta -

17 Are they easily embarrassed?

She is probably one of the hardest charr to embarrass in the entire legion. She doesn't react to taunting or joking, she just stares behind her mask coldly. And if she's ever lost her mask, it's a reaction of anger than shame.

27 What causes them to feel dread? 

Failing to complete a mission and having to report failure. A failure is a mark in her otherwise perfect reputation, something she needs to prevent legion traitors. There's a dread that if people find out her failure, more traitors will escape.

40 How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

To her, she sees herself as the perfect legion soldier. There's no flaws for her to see. If there is, she corrects it into what she believes a soldier should be.

---

G What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Tantalus - Constant refusal to take help or offers to fix any of his problems. He's so full of hate he doesn't want anyone to try fix it, he just wants to spite people. Vindicta - Emotionlessness. It's hard for her to be in conversation with people, she's just a walking personification of legion justice. There's not much person beneath that mask.

H What trait do you admire most?

Tantalus - Confidence, out of everything he has so much confidence. He takes risks because he knows he can get out of it, he knows he's skilful. Vindicta - Resolve. She is undeterred in what she must do, she'll always keep working to that perfect image she has of herself.

[simptasia]

HOLEY MOLEY!!!! Thank you so much for answering!!! TRANS CHARLIE TRANS CHARLIE!! I love your ideas so much! But no i was wondering you talked about clair and Hurley but how would everyone else react? And by everyone else i meal like Jack and Sayid and locke etc

you're welcome! heavens, i haven't really thought about it because in my mind only a few people find out. lemme think

ya know, in my heart i know better because 2004 but i just can't bring myself to imagine my beloved lost characters as transphobic, at least not maliciously. more like confusion and variations of "i didn't expect that". so theres gonna be a lot of variations on a theme here

so lets begin our parade of this version of charlie who wants to come out to everybody..... i didn't do everybody, i gave up after a bit (to be fair theres like 30 main characters, i’m tired and they’re all basically being awkward hjfkjh)

jack's lived a cookie cutter cisheteronormative life so while he's heard of trans people, he's assuming that means like, ppl who do drag. but he understands quickly. and jack has an urge to be helpful so he tries to offer medical advice and do the whole "if you need anything" thing, as if he has anything specific to offer? he's trying (charlie: not unless you have some testosterone hidden away in your backpack there / jack: [glum] sorry)

i can see locke tilting his head and nodding. locke feels this burst of empathy and and says something like "ya know, charlie, i won't pretend to understand what you've been thru, who you are, but i know you've seen hardship. a lot of pain. anger. but you've become more than that. so for what it's worth, i'm proud of you" charlie has conflicting emotions, cuz he wasn't expecting that. locke continues "and don't let anybody tell you what you can and can't do. or be" kind eyes, kind smile, moving lost background music, lost wins a glaad award

sayid raises his eyebrows like "oh?", nods and says "that's good". the concept doesn't phase him as much as the others (look i tried to think of something unique but its hard)

sawyer laughs because he doesn't believe charlie. then charlie looks totally serious. sawyer looks charlie up and down, puffs air out his nose and says something like "huh! takes all sorts". he may or may not make some tasteless jokes/comments. charlie would respond with quips about sawyer being a backward redneck. because they are both bitches

with kate, okay the next phrase is said in like, an impressed tone: "wow, i never would have been able to tell" "thanks, i guess". it's not the best response but at least it's not negative. claire had a similar response, like looking at charlie like "oh wow" because. yeah, dude passes for cis pretty damn well

sun doesn't know what kind of reponse charlie is looking for so she says "that's good!" and then an awkward pause before she starts talking about certain foods that will naturally raise testosterone. she read about that sort of thing when she and jin were having trouble conceiving so that works out. charlie thinks this is sweet. and also starts eating more garlic and spinach

sun translates for jin and looks at charlie with furrowed brow puzzlement and then he asks sun for clarification, thinking it's a mistranslation. when its clear it's not, jin says "good". charlie feels awkward

hey you know that bit where sun tells daniel she's pregnant and daniel is polite but clearly doesn't know what to do with himself in this situation? like that but with charlie. awkward polite fumbling. and he's like the only one who uses the term used at the time "oh, you're transsexual? that's, that's interesting, yeah. i'd heard rumours but i never really. thought about it? i suppose it makes sense because some of your lyrics [goes on a mini rant about the hidden meanings in a sad song charlie wrote. dan's spot on btw]"

at this point you've probably picked up that it'd mostly just be "oh, that's good"s and confused polite fumblings. 2004 was a time when people were still pretty ignorant about this stuff but society, at least on surface level, was trying to get better about it. so you get a bunch of well meaning liberal minded people. somebody says something like "oh you must have been born charlotte then?", and other things that are just curiosity but make charlie cringe a little

and maybe some parts get more serious than others but i honestly do not have the strength. and this isn't something i write a lot so i'm at a loss at how to make this all interesting so just. here ya go. i think that dan one is the most interesting one i wrote. and i have no idea where that locke stuff came from but it felt right. i have this more elaborate back and forth in my read regarding charlie and claire but that's something i'd wanna put in a proper fic, not throw it together here and now in a response. annnyways

i think the main reason charlie wouldn't come out to everybody is out of fear of being mocked, abused, that sort of thing. but he also doesn't want them looking at him and not seeing... him anymore

it's rather sad, really. but i do think a fair chunk of the lost characters would be good people about this. and most importantly, the people charlie cares about most, his parents, liam, claire, would all be lovely about it, i feel. and as i said, i just couldn't imagine any of the lost characters i care about being that kind of abusive to charlie. the worst i can imagine is some bullshit from sawyer. because i love sawyer but he is an asshole who's a product of his time and environment. but even then, i can't imagine it too... severe, ya know? sawyer has a good heart too. basically i'm idealistic <3

thank you for your time

[jennibeultimate]

Personal recap Worlds 2021 - Ladies FS

And of course I am doing one for the ladies. I am just fuming with anger right now. So this might get harsh and salty. Just a warning. I go down from place 1.

I like Anna's skating and musicality and I am actually glad that even if this was neither her best performance nor a performance that touched me it was still the best of those Russians on the podium. If Trusova would have won with her skates I would be even more mad. So congrats little fairy you did it. ❤️ She is a sweet person and she deserves the world. The scoring is not in the skaters hands, but her scoring was...a choice but still a lot more reasonable than Trusova's....

Liza's story is amazing. Just from this point of view it's an amazing achievement. A rolemodel for all figure skaters that they have a chance after their puberty. Her tears when she found out she won over Trusova touched me. So congratulations from the bottom of my heart. 🎉 BUT this was not a silver medal winners performance. Too many mistakes, too little program. One 3A was fantastic but the rest was so and so. I am glad she got ahead of Trusova but it's not a performance I would remember and 69 PCS is questionable at best, compared to Loena, Kaori and Karen it's not right.

Alexandra Trusova...where to start? It would be called a major downmelt if she wouldn't jump quads. Her TES shoot her up high and looking at the protocol technically calls look ok, I would have lowered some GOEs but the TES are hardly my problem. The PCS are atrocious. There was no choreography, no interpretation, nothing left of what seemed to be improvements in the SP in the season. The PCS were way too high. 10 points should go down at least. 56 was what Eva Lotta got and sorry this was worse than her by a lot. And I am sure without quads and without being from Russia, she wouldn't have gotten those PCS. And that's my big fat problem. This was rigged and corrupted PCS scoring at its best. And this program won the free skate??? Wtf. If that's the future I won't watch skating any longer...nothing against Trusova herself but judges are setting the wrong example here. And no I cannot say congrats from my heart because I would have not put her on the podium. It's clear she also benefitted from a lot of the last group skaters not doing well and her high PCS from the SP. I mean everyone trains hard, so not deserved would be wrong to say but just I am not good with this. So still...

Congratulations to the medalists! You fought hard!

Karen Chen is probably the most underestimated of this competition. She came through with two beautiful programs and showed everyone that she was the right choice for this team. I can only applaud👏👏👏 She was imo robbed of the Bronze here. Her PCS are too low compared to Trusova and Liza and others. 4th place is still a very good result for her and saves USA 3 spots for teh Olympics. (wouldn't it be the biggest joke if ladies have 3 spots but the men don't? Not that I wish for it but that's a still a possibility) Her spirals are just A+! 😍 One of the only programs of today worth rewatching.

Loena Hendricks just did that!!! 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥The underdog of this comp just did that! She was the best today. World champion material. Ofc others may have stronger technical content but the cleaness and presentation was the best of everyone today imo. Even if I am not even a big fan of the program but so well suited to her. Really happy for her. 😊

Kaori Sakamoto is the loser of the day. I am still fuming on Kaori's behalf. Yes there was a mistake and yes she has a Flutz but again if everyone gets a pass on edge calls so should Kaori. Edge calls seem only to exist for Kaori. 🙄 She was lowballed in PCS. An almost clean program and 1 point more PCS than the 2 falls skate of Trusova? Sure...🤮 I probably wouldn't fume so much about Trusova's PCS if others like Kaori and Loena would have scored in the 70s but no...admittedly I don't think this was the best version of Matrix...anyway Kaori deserved better. Love you Kaori! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Rika was extremely hard to watch. Heartbroken for her. 💔💔💔She seems to still deal with her ligament injury, still looking at the trainings I thought she would do well. I think not competing and being in such a good position to win this made it mentally tough on her here. I like this lovely program a lot but for today's program 69 PCS was friendly but not when I look at Trusova though...this were just a couple too much mistakes sadly. I hope she can rest well. She will come back stronger! ❤️

I am including Satoko here because she is the other heartbreak for me. 💔 Nothing worked. She was totally out of everything. She is such a magical skater. 63 PCS are just horrid for a skater of her caliber. Puh...I am sad...love you Satoko and happy birthday 🎂 ❤️

I am so heartbroken for Team Japan in general💔😭😭😭😭

Olga Mikutina was my surprise of this competition. When I watched her live at Euros 2020 she fell all over the place, this was such an improvement. Impressive! 👏👏👏Lovely! You got yourself a fan. 😍

Bradie Tennell - I read that her skates broke prior to the SP so that hindered her here. Still I think Bradie did fairly well but too many little errors that lowered TES and PCS are a big joke anyway. Normally I would say those PCS were fair but then we have Trusova and that's where the sense stops for me...

Haein Lee - she is a lovely skater. She is young but a very committed skater to presentation etc. I like her a lot. Not a bad result for a first World Championship. Ofc they were hoping for a 3rd spot but this wasn't a given from the start.

Yelim Kim - my other fairy just dropped a whole lot. 😭 Not much worked like usual. I am so sorry. Such a perfect SP and now this free skate to drop her even behind her teammate. Maybe she wanted too much starting in the last group? The pressure is huge. Haein Lee and Yelim Kim just have the best dresses of this competition! Korean ladies costumes are always A+++❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Lastly I just mention those I liked in the earlier groups:

Josefin Taljegard 🔥 🔥 🔥 She was on fire. Interpretation A+++ her skating and technical content in general are too low to be competitive but I would rather rewatch her a 1000 times than watch Trusova or some of today's other performances ever again. Also I would rather gladly take 24 programs with less technical content and performances like hers than this diaster free in general from today. In other words stan Josefin! ❤️

Eva Lotta Kiibus - her program is well made. Her technical content is good. Her costume is a dream. She can show more of her personality during the program but the basics are great. Love her. 😍

Lindsay Van Zundert - delivered again a wonderful clean program. Very positively surprised with this young lady. 😊

Overall this event was a disappointment. Scoring wise it should not have surprised me. Performance wise it was disappointing as well.

No not a competition worth rewatching. If this is the ladies figure skating of the future then I quit watching ladies. I hate the uneven apply of rules and the playing favorites of the Russians. And also JSF should finally start backing their skaters or Japan will drown in the end.

Sorry for the on going ranting about Trusova's PCS but this is the main problem for me why nothing of everyone else makes sense. And just a clarification, it's not against Trusova, it's the judging and the way this kind of skating gets more reward than ppl with actual programs. It must be disheartening for a lot of skaters.

Bye.

Praying for a better men free skate. 🙏

[miasmacaron]

I’m in love with carmine and would die for him. Please answer every single question on the ask meme for him. Including the author questions.

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do? Carmine doesn’t need constant stimulation, but he does prefer to keep busy and distracted, lest the Bad Thoughts hit him and ruin his good mood.

How easy is it for your character to laugh? It’s pretty easy to make Carmine smile, and even get one of those single huff laughs from him, but it’s actually a lot more tricky to get him to break out in a full fit of laughter.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?) As often as Carmine goes to bed via blacking out, sometimes he has to do it the hard way, which is no good. He prefers sleeping somewhere like a room above a noisy tavern so he can focus on the ambient sounds rather than his own thoughts as he drifts to sleep.

How easy is it to earn their trust? Back when he was a Pathfinder Carmine trusted people easily and freely. These days his trust is a lot harder to gain, not because he was wronged by others, but because he has become less trustworthy. It’s hard to believe you can rely on someone when you can’t imagine why someone would help you.

How easy is it to earn their mistrust? Fastest way to earn Carmine’s ire is to loot through his things. His personal effects are not to be touched by others.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable? Laws are inflexible to those not born in privilege. But the people enforcing them can always be bent if you know how.

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?The smell of inauthentic Tian cuisine (especially sesame chicken), the scent of freshly squeezed orange juice, and the sound of wet feet on floors. The feeling ranges from bittersweet to heartbreaking, depending on where his mood already sat.

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?Carmine was one of those kids who thought of the world as his canvas. He had to be told many times that no, you can’t draw on x surface. He was also told that it was okay to stop remembering.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word? He doesn’t remember his first swear word since cursing was just such a normal thing in his household. His household being the Tian-themed brothel his mother and all of his “aunts” worked in. He does know when swearing is and isn’t appropriate though, and doesn’t have a sailor’s tongue.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them? Historically, that he “doesn’t worry about the whole reincarnation thing” because it does, in fact, haunt him. Recently though he has been lying about a great many things, including why he retired from the Pathfinder Society.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)? When he doesn’t know something he will often play up his confusion on the matter in such a way that it makes people thing he is lying about not knowing it. He takes the piss out of the idea that he could ever know anything about the matter.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?That’s what friends are for. Or random strangers he just made friendly with, if you catch my drift. If no one is around however, a wand of cure light wounds makes for a good scratching stick.

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color? Carmine is firm on the fact that red is his signature colour, but no, it is not his best colour. Having pale blue skin results in him looking a lot better in blues, purples, and even some greens. He refuses to let his pigmentation rule over his self expression.

What animal do they fear most? Carmine doesn’t have a great fear of any animals, but the closest he gets to that is a weird factor when it comes to snakes. His last big expedition with the Pathfinder Society involved a lot of sneeple, snake gods, and snad times. It’s less of a fear and more of a festering wound.

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first? He tends to think on his feet with his words, always finding new innuendo to pepper in as he goes. His speech tends to be relaxed but playful, and has a habit of speaking with his hands, partially because it distracts people from his eyes, as people tend to get put off by his lack of pupils. He is chatty and can sound self aggrandizing while at the same time downplaying his actions and mind. The pleasure is all yours, but never make the mistake of thinking he could possibly have anything but hedonism on the mind.

What makes their stomach turn? Sexual violence. He likes a bit of light bdsm but Carmine has witnessed too much honest to god sexual violence in his life to find pleasure in anything too brutal.

Are they easily embarrassed? Shame? Never met her.

What embarrasses them? If Carmine is to be embarrassed it would be from something like forgetting someone’s name or face, or even the fact that they were once a lover of his. The drugs hinder his mind as much as they help it.

What is their favorite number? 69. Obviously.

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so? It’s hard for Carmine to put a line between them. He basically divides his love in terms of would I want to have sex with them? Then it’s romantic/platonic. Do I love them and do not want to have sex with them? Then it’s familial. Romantic love he would say is generally more possessive than platonic love but he’s just not a possessive person.

Why do they get up in the morning? On the micro: Because he needs to go the bathroom, or to drink or ingest something to deal with his hangover. On the macro: Because he still has work to do.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? Carmine isn’t a possessive person but he is definitely an envious one. He tends to get out a quick mope to himself, then seeks to distract himself from it by having his own fun.

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? If his envy towards something (never for a lover) is allowed to fester it turns into rage. Anger at the world that would deny him again and again.

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? Sex is probably the topic Carmine is the most comfortable discussing to just about anyone, the limit being no I am not talking about sex to children.

What are their thoughts on marriage? Not for him. He is glad for those for whom it is a source of joy, but.. Not for him.

What is their preferred mode of transportation? One time on a Pathfinder mission he made a quick comment about carrying the conversation (he was essentially yammering to himself to fill the dead air that the mostly silent group left), and the hobgoblin barbarian then picked him up and carried him the rest of the way to the dungeon. It was quite clever really, now /he/ was carrying the conversation. Best mission ever.

What causes them to feel dread? The glyph of the open road, the sound of arrows knocking, knowing he is going to run out of intoxicants and will have to risk hunting them down in a new area on the road.

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? Carmine may like distractions from the unpleasant truth, but he prefers that to a lie. He wants to know exactly what he is running from.

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? He tries to. He really tries.

Who do they most regret meeting? Rue. Another Samsaran who knew Carmine’s past life. Carmine wants nothing to do with them, and nothing to do with that life.

Who are they the most glad to have met? It’s hard to say, as there is such pain in having known them. Probably his greatest love.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? He tends to lean on innuendo and flirting in conversation, that or falling into his rambling on philosophy.

Could they be considered lazy? Carmine isn’t lazy, his character flaws keep him from getting the things done that he wants to do, but he definitely has the drive to do them.

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? He doesn’t carry a sense of guilt so much as he brandishes it like a weapon. He refuses to shake it, he feels he deserves it.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? Carmine ADORES when people talk to him about their interests. As a hedonist he is all about people seeking out joy and he personally takes great pleasure in the joy of others. No one shines more than when they are embracing what brings them happiness.

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?Carmine is a flirt and does consider most of his entanglements to be romantic, simply not particularly longstanding romances. Every one night stand is to be cherished and savoured in it’s own way. And as he is very fond of having ‘entanglements’, he definitely seeks them out.

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? Carmine actively avoids learning memory tricks, he just has to trust his gut with things. Such is the life of a man with a lot he wishes to stay forgotten.

What memory do they revisit the most often? Soon after his hair went white as a child, due to extreme stress, his mother took work off with his “aunts” covering for her, to just hold him and tell him stories.

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? Quite. He would like people to overlook his flaws so he affords others the same.

How sensitive are they to their own flaws? He is hyper aware of his flaws, at times this means he shrugs them off as being a part of his life, and other times it crushes him. All depends on the day.

How do they feel about children? Carmine wants kids far away from him because he likes kids. He is a bad man after all, and a worse influence.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? Carmine is willing to do almost anything to achieve his goal, and honestly? If he knew he had to do x horrible thing and that would guarantee the completion of his ambition? He would probably say yes, regardless of what x thing was.

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? Yes please. (But also pan.)

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS A) Why are you excited about this character? I can’t wait to play him in our upcoming Carrion Crown campaign because he is just SO MUCH and I just love playing characters who are sassy, flirtatious, and complex. He’s my bad boy with a heart of gold and honestly it’s gonna be so fun switching between sex jokes and philosophy talks on the drop of a hat. B) What inspired you to create them? Carmine was originally a one-shot character whose race and class were randomized from a table I made. I then decided I wanted to make a fresh take on a Samsaran, one who had an interesting view on the whole reincarnation thing. I remember design wise being inspired by high fashion and Varric from Legend of Korra. I also joked at the time that he was based on Dorian from Dragon Age without knowing much of anything about Dorian, and now I am playing DAI and going “CARMINE IS THAT YOU??”  C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story? Luckily as he is a  TTRPG character, I don’t have to do much of that. D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? Over time he has changed his look, going from a kempt shorter hairstyle with a fantastic pencil stache to a messy mop of hair, stubble, and a handlebar moustache. He also sports different clothes but that is only natural. He has also since his creation gotten a tattoo on his lower back of a butterfly with one wing ripped off. E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you? We would get along excellently tbh. Both of us are social butterflies and would chat the night away. F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)? Delicious heartache and just a wee bit of lust. I mean, come on, look at him. I’m demi and honestly part of my joy when it comes to him is the fact that he would be the perfect man for me to experiment with. He is experienced, but I also know he would be just as happy with me if I told him mid-go that I wanted to stop and just cuddle. THE PERFECT (EXTREMELY FLAWED) MAN. G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most? I am concerned about how his addiction issues will go in the game itself, and hoo boy his anger issues are nothing to be sneezed at. H) What trait do you admire most? Carmine’s attentiveness to other people’s needs and boundaries, and his ability to be so open to new experiences. I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe? It’s hard to translate him outside of his universe as he is a Pathfinder-specific race and his race largely paints his worldview but I honestly would love to role play him in other situations. J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character? Samsarans all have jet black hair naturally but I did the anime thing of his hair all going stark white due to stress. I know people’s entire mops of hair and eyebrows and eyelashes don’t turn white like that but shhhhhh it’s aesthetic.

[ais-n]

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify? 

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions. 

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available. 

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc. 

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide 

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself. 

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin. 

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally. 

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical. 

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

[dxxtruction]

eps2.2_init1.asec

Mr.Robot: Season 2 Episode 4

break-down / character analysis / head canons 

(Spoilers obviously, but contains stuff up through end of season 4)

A: first scene

I love this scene a lot so I wrote a lot. 

(The Memorial Day situation)

Elliot had been pen-testing, doing white-hat hacking for some wall-street gig. (Timeline= ?-May 2014)

He was on some type of project where he needed to hack until it was un-hackable. (Seemed dedicated to his job there)

Elliot is court ordered into anger management with a shrink (Krista) after being fired for destroying the servers. Hs he claims he was locked in there and fell asleep then woke up in a destroyed room. (I still suspect this retelling to be halfway unreliable even though it’s how it’s told at least twice in the show.)

This happened Memorial Day weekend. - night or around 5pm presumably - people wanted to go clubbing etc. and Elliot did not. They couldn’t leave because Elliot was working. (He didn’t care about them enough to let them go, or was just dedicated to his job you choose.)

        2. (Job offering) 

Elliot is offered to work at all-safe by Angela around this time (Halloween 2014) but it’s been months since he had been working so what was he doing?

A bunch of Grey-hat hacks to get shady people arrested? Seems he may have just finished one when Darlene arrived. 

He sees some potential in accepting, because it a Trojan horse (both what you think it is and slang for a backdoor into a server network). 

He’s been thinking about it, though we don’t know how long he’s been sitting on this offer. “the right access the right malware.” His plan is to take down Evil Corp (It’s the first time he’s voiced this, and Darlene doesn’t take him entirely serious at first.)

      3. (Darlene and Elliot)

Darlene comes on halloween, she seems bothered by something that may have happened that night (if my timeline is right it could be she had a fight with Cisco because they should’ve still been together then) whatever it is Darlene feels she needs Elliots company that night. 

This is the first mention of init-1 the code between her and Elliot. He tries to excuse himself when Darlene first answers, with an excuse he’s going out. Darlene picks up that this is half-assed, showing us that despite her being gone she knows her brother well. (It’s little things like these that give hints as to the hosts habits and how much they overlap with MM’s)

“Great Darlene, haven’t seen you in a long time either. I’d love to hang out.” Judging by the fact Elliot is just now telling Darlene he’s been fired we can assume the extent of there communication is pretty much zilch. Darlene has been away from the city for some time, but I’m not sure its ever mentioned how long. 

Per tradition, they’re smoking weed while watching the careful massacre of the bourgeoise (1984). (Darlene is a talkative/hungry type of high and Elliot just chills... and maybe has deep philosophical conversations) This movie carries a lot of importance because it becomes symbolic of F-Society. It starts out with the masked man killing the bourgeoisie kids at a new years eve party, but I do wonder if thats the entire plot or not.

Darlene says several things about it: 

(A) The movie was made to disprove meritocracy. (showing the separation of class through the absurd ways in which the characters act.) 

(B) it was the source of their psychological dysfunction. (Probably because it’s x-rated, I think this line should only be taken as a joke)

In the dream sequence later in the episode Tyrell and Joanna are wearing similar outfits to the brother and sister in the movie (hinting how Elliot probably sees them)

We get clarification on Darlene having Panic attacks, this is something that has come up before. Elliot shows genuine concern for her mental well-being.

 “Since when did pretending everything is okay become the all mighty norm?” *proceeds to act like that at the beginning of season 2* 

Unlike Elliot, Darlene has a digital social life. Has instagram, and orders off postmates probably lives a normal life of a 23 year old who happens to be really smart and good at stuff. I definitely think all that go thrown in the trash the second f-society became more than just a what-if. By the beginning of season 1 she’s just as off the grid as Elliot is. (But like I just wanna see Darlene live her life again dammit.) 

Sidenote: I wonder who this one is. Part of me wants to say this is Elliot the  host, but I have my suspicions MM took over after Memorial Day, (or at the least started to front more often…). Though it does leave me asking why there are sudden amnesia barriers in the time leading up to 5/9. Fragment Krista says MM found it important to start messing with Elliots memories and his past and inadvertently this meant forgetting his sister? Was it a subconscious choice? I can’t confirm, but I still do wonder how much of Elliot we really see in flashbacks and how much of it is MM.

         4. (“Do you talk to mom?”)

Dialogue: “No. You?” (“Fuck no, she still shits on dad every time I talk to her… I wish I remembered him better.”)

I don’t have a note really, but this moment is fairly awkward given what we know about Ed—d. Not sure how I read Elliot’s face here, but I think he’s probably on the same page as her because- 

Elliot has kept the Mr.Robot jacket.

I believe this indicates the host and MM I think are (were) both protected from knowing about what their father did otherwise that shit would be trash. I wonder Does host Elliot also have the view of his father as his only friend? Anyway I definitely see this as a trigger for Robot, like, thats his clothes for one and ed—d is sort of the trauma he holds.

A switch definitely occurs once the mask is on. There’s an awkwardness where Darlene loses her laughter: does she know exactly what his disorder is? I think at the very least she suspects and picks up on these things. She knows that Elliot is forgetful and experiences moments of derealization because she’s dealt with those moments with him. They are siblings after all, and I think this scene is pretty much in here to hone that in.  

Mr.Robot starts a whole speech about a plan to take down E-Corp. Elliot (in reference to everyone because I think this is a shared understanding) knows the hard part of this hack will be he fallout (“that’s the key, the follow through.”) 

More indicators he’s been really thinking about this for a while (At the very least since Memorial Day so 6 months; at most since his dad got leukemia). He (Mr.Robot) works out that E-corp will try to come back from the hack and there needs to be a way to stop the from happening. 

Destroy public confidence = destroy E-Corp  (And this is what Darlene’s been shown doing this season so far) 

He then takes off the mask and he’s gone quiet (dissociated?) Probably a switch back. (He looks at it in a way that makes me feel like he doesn’t remember putting it on.)

End scene. 

B: Darlene’s visit

“The only way to patch a vulnerability is by exposing it first. The flip side is exposing the vulnerability leaves you open for an exploit.” (I believe this line tells us this episodes logic)

(Plan discussion.)

The plan involves losing confidence in e-corp and Elliot has lost confidence in the plan. (though we are aware phase 2 isn’t necessarily just about losing public confidence, Elliot is later shown to not want this either). He sees it as too dangerous to continue on with, and he feels guilty about it given how Gideon was killed, he doesn’t want more people to die. 

However, I feel as if he probably already saw into all the vulnerabilities (because he’s like that). Already figuring they could be exposed (hence danger). He sees the best option would be to quit while they can, but Darlene is refusing. 

“What did you guys think was going to happen exactly?” - Darlene referring to Elliot as plural. (We love to see it)

Elliot says it wasn’t him who said everything. (Clarification that a switch did happen in scene 1.)

      2. (“This is what she does”)

What does darlene do? 

Likely: When she wants something but doesn’t give full honesty about it and doesn’t tell Elliot everything. In other words Darlene keeps secrets, and hides the important bothersome details. She sort of beats around the bush. (She does something like this in scene 1 she needs Elliots company but won’t talk about or say why then avoids confrontation of her mental health)

She’s doing it here not so much for her own comfort but the safety of her brother, because she knows he has vulnerabilities, and can be triggered and emotionally unstable. She doesn’t want to upset him because she needs him to help her and he can’t do that in an unstable state.

C: Chess 

1. (Meeting with Ray to play chess)

Chess isn’t really the focus here; Ray picks up on a lot of conflict happening internally, and as an exploit to get Elliot to trust him gives the chess board over. 

We see how guilt is burdening Elliot, and he is considering owning up to everything he did. Even mentions how it could stop Darlene from doing “crazy shit”. He doesn’t want to lose her either; or lose any more people for that matter. Losing people was not a part of saving the world he signed up for. There’s also guilt in general because of 5/9 because things are turning out bad. 

I’m fairly convinced Mr.Robot is incapable of feeling guilt, or is just hiding it behind the 10 layers of clothes. (Though I guess he’s never met Gideon so why should he care?). Anyway he is consistently focused on seeing everything through no matter the costs. 

I just find Mr.Robot coming in and saying he’d swan dive off a building for saying anything pretty funny (don’t ask)

He exaggerates a lot of the time but honestly sometimes he is dead serious about putting the body in pain or in life and death scenarios and so he can be fairly destructive so it’s hard to tell if he is joking, but hey MM (and to my hc host) does hard drugs, so...

2. (A game to end all games between us)

“Winner takes all.” (“Of what?”) “Us.”

(Mr.Robot really do be like “I’mma kill you or myself” Bitch I do not think..)

Robot says Elliot “will be absent from knowing. Losing time forever. A deep black void.” Basically he’s gonna throw him in a pit. And honestly it sounds confident, like he probably feels he can take full control since he’s been around the longest along with the core. (But we know he wouldn’t do it even if he could, the guy has a soft spot. Anyway this is like the IDK what number of times Robot be doing a loop around to get a point across to Elliot. He do be playing the long game and I think secretly he loves a good scheme.) (This is what Mr.Robot does.) 

Elliot gets visited by Krista in prison and has told her about the game. (Judging by the fact they meet in her ‘office’ and not in the “Kitchen table” setting we can assume they’re allowed to meet in a private location.) (Edit: disregard this bit I forgot about the reveal that he’d just imagining it on like two separate layers to feel safe enough to speak)

“Krista’s wrong annihilation is always the answer” (He’s just as bad honestly, Krista teach this boy constructive ways). He sees annihilation as self improvement, getting rid of parts of yourself that are ugly or unwanted. We create our identity around desire, and that means destroying parts that are undesirable so all thats left is practically a mask of who we are. (I think the tie into Whiterose through this spill about annihilation is a bit cheap but like I understand the choice) Anyhow Elliot’s pretty much agreeing to a western showdown and has no idea it’s all a rouse so Robot can have his point. 

4. The chess match

Ed—d apparently taught Elliot his first ways to code through teaching him computer chess. He talks like he really understands all the logic of chess which makes me think he was letting Ray win before. 

Mr.Robot definitely feels a bit uncomfortable with being associated with him just a hint in his voice. 

Ultimately they find out neither of them can either win or lose but Mr.Robot knew all along that would happen.

“Fighting for the future we want, it isn’t about playing chess is about what we do out there with them.” (peaking out of his ten layers to show he cares about the outside world, while also expressing how they need to get out of prison.)

“I want to be here Elliot, with you.” (God my heart.) 

D: Darlene and Cisco’s hook up

Darlene is very paranoid while walking around, she isn’t sure if F-society really are being offed. However in front of F-society she tries to comfort their suspicions. 

Cisco comes to Darlene to warn her about getting killed by DA… but he’s the one who ultimately gets offed. (Poetic cinema)

We learn Darlene’s the type to get upset and defiantly end up having sex in the bathroom of a shady dive bar with her on and off again boyfriend (also Cisco why didn’t you pull out before talking about Dark Army again, like dude lol.)

This is definitely the point they start getting back together. 

There a message in gold written on the wall that reads “There's an unequal amount of good and bad in most things. The trick is to figure out the ratio and act accordingly. Stay frosty all. Peace.” - its from this tweet: x 

Operation Berenstain is first mentioned. I’m in agreement the name references the popular conspiracy about alternate timelines. 

E: Leon lays it down

Leon asks Elliot if he wants to even be here, tells him he “has to dream in order to find out the future he’s fighting for.” (My initial though is I’m not sure if this means here as in prison or here as in alive, sorta feels like the latter)

“If you like it” (The future you envision) “then it’s beautiful, if it’s not then you might as well fade the fuck out right now.” (Hard) (definitely means the latter)

I appreciate Leon so much. “Existence could be beautiful or it could be ugly. But thats on you.” He’s really good for Elliot, really no bs, no loop arounds, he just tells it straight. And you know what? He listens to him because he actually goes to bed dreaming about it. 

“What is the future? Leon says one needs to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence.”

This dream sequence is so impactful, Leon’s influence. I’m not gonna go in on the shots, however we do get to see a really honest view on how Elliot truly sees the people that have been a part of his life in a variety of subtle ways. We see a lot of what he desires or seeks is happiness for everyone around him. 

“Will I reconnect for those I care for. Will I reunite with old friends long gone. See the ones I love find true happiness. Maybe this future includes people I never dreamed of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. The world I’ve always wanted. And I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I bold texted that last bit because it really hits, and I think its what becomes the foundations for what Elliot ends up saying to Whiterose at the end. Not to pull a Darlene but this show is clearly trying to say how hard it is to find connection in a world of capitalist alienation. 

When Leon sort of digs into Elliot and asks if he really does want to die. Elliot’s dream confirms, no, we find out Elliot actually wants to live in order to improve the future, and he wants connections to be there. It’s what he’s always wanted. (Yet he still does the end all match right after this sequence because he’s convinced he’ll win and get that future on his own. Both these boys are very stubborn.) 

F: Do you remember the first command you ever taught me?

Init 1. 

What Elliot taught Darlene when her computer kept crashing. She says this in scene one, and its what makes Elliot stop making excuses. The same thing happens here, Elliot has no choice but to help. Thats what the code between them means: Drop everything and help me.

What is it? Init 1 is a run level in linux which indicates a single-user/emergency mode. Streamlining the route to only the root, while disconnecting from the network or multitasker. Used for administrative tasks.

Elliot has to stop the FBI from owning f-society and the only way to do that is by using Ray’s computer. (fuck Ray btw). Just to make sure, he asks Darlene is he is really needed by her or if she wants Robot. I think he needed the reassurance that Darlene still cares (and of course she does). 

The second part of the title is .Asec - android files preventing corruption from other programs. So the whole title translates to roughly; Help prevent corruption. And a nod to the way of doing it through hacking into the FBI android phone network. (These titles are genius and have so many layers)

G. Side stuff

1. The FBI have found Fun Society LLC through Dom. I love Dom but idk how I feel about her in these early episodes. She is a fairly good detective though. I think Romero’s character being linked to stealing power from the grid is a nod to the novel Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Ellison touches on social and intellectual issues faced by the African Americans in the early twentieth century. Also I noticed Dom’s supervisor is there and he’s already seen trying to sway the direction away from uncovering he truth. 

2. On that note so is Angela. I think we’re intentionally supposed to be annoyed with her because she’s staying at E-Corp even though she knows she’s being manipulated. 

“All of my dreams are coming true right now.” - as the bastard guys are being arrested. Not to say this slapped but it did.

We find out Whiterose and Price are in bed together on this thing and this has something to do with Angela and the plant negotiations in the lawsuit. On the phone Whiterose is fussy about moving her operation to the Congo quickly. (lets not try to reason how this plan of hers all works or what the hell it even is). Things are awkward knowing that Price is Angela’s dad, I can’t tell if he’s actually getting close because he wants to know his daughter or if its purely out of getting her around he and Whiterose’s fingers. (both? both.) 

In any case I think Esmail sets up the Angela as a counter vulnerability within the main plot, as she’s being open to exploitation by remaining at E-Corp. (refer to the logic set-up) 

3. I don’t care for Joanna’s appearance in this episode but she’s running out of money to pay of this guy who has information that could frame Tyrell for murder and is still seeing this guy she definitely hates or likes him but doesn’t love him. Complicated. She needs the severance package to pay this guy off. Tyrell is another vulnerability but he’s undercover.

H. Head canons I thought of while watching 

If Elliot hadn’t opened the door when he did Darlene would’ve picked the locks.

Darlene’s go to is always some type of asian food.

The weed is Elliots but the Bowl is Darlenes.

We see coats on the wall hooks in Elliots room, but I think the likes the cold because its grounding so he usually leaves without one on.

When Robot is high (on weed) he just talks like nonstop.

Not a head canon really but I notice Elliot never uses the backrests in chairs. However Robot becomes the chair he is the chair.

Darlene stopped going to dance classes after the hack, I think Angela has also stopped going.

Leons favorite subjects are philosophy and history

[growingpaynes-art]

Far From Home Initial Review: What I Liked and What I Didn’t (Spoilers)

I saw Far From Home yesterday and jotted down some of my immediate responses, and then took some time to think on those points. I do intend to see the film again in the next few days and I may be adding to or amending this list.

Major spoilers below.

(CW: sexual harassment, victim blaming)

What I Liked:

That scene in the jet where Happy stitches Peter up was A+. Not just regarding the expert acting, but how the filmmakers decided to handle the scene. Peter’s fear, stress, and self doubt briefly shifts to anger, and he snaps at Happy for telling him to “relax.” He immediately apologizes, saying “i’m sorry, I shouldn't shout.” Happy in return responds by choosing his words more carefully. Happy then gives him a gentle and encouraging pep talk in which he recognizes Peter’s emotions, encourages him, and explains that he doesn’t need to live up to the legacy of Iron Man and that he only needs to do his best. He remains on task and pragmatic, but never rushes Peter or forces him to do anything he’s not comfortable doing, offering support all the while. 

Peter is allowed to cry at several points throughout the film in front of other male characters, including Nick Fury and Happy. He is never judged for this and he is never made to feel like his emotions are unreasonable or invalid. Continuing this from the previous films even as Peter gets older and takes on more responsibilities further normalizes male emotion in action films. 

Peter consistently voices his concerns and asks for help instead of overwhelming himself and internalizing.

Peter was noticeably shorter than MJ in most of their scenes together, including where they kiss or hold hands. Peter’s height is never made into the butt of a joke, which I had feared might happen. No one even mentions it. Marvel did have Tom wear shoes that made him a little taller than he actually is, but I do appreciate that they didn’t drastically increase his height like they always did to RDJ. 

JK Simmons returning as J Jonah Jameson was a great surprise, and it gives me hope that we may yet see Peter as a photographer

Peter walking out from behind that car carrying a sign and a light as a reference to Steve wielding the shield and mjolnir.

Peter calling his dick his “webshooter”

MJ stepping in and providing some real help several times throughout the movie 

The movies on the flight to Venice “Heart of Iron: The Tony Stark Story,” “Chasing Hydra” etc

The terribly edited movie maker tribute set to “I Will Always Love You” with “in memoriam” in comic sans was the funniest possible way to open the film

Bucky being included in the Thank You Avengers collage in the Midtown Tech news video

Mr. Harrington and Mr. Dell were definitely dating and i’m here for it. 

Seeing Peter fight without a suit was cool. I’ve always thought there was a kind of disconnect when characters like spiderman or black panther fight with their masks on, like they feel separate from the actors. But seeing Peter fight in his civilian clothing made it feel more real to me that this kid really has these powers and can do all these amazing flips and feats of strength. It also let us see more of his creativity and quick thinking.

I’m impressed that they were able to make Mysterio’s mo-cap suit look cool instead of completely ridiculous like they do in real life.

Peter closing his eyes and fighting the drones with his spidey-sense to avoid the illusions was so badass. 

The violence felt real. Every time Peter got hit, the audience felt it. Several times he was unable to stand up, he limped and winced and cried. It felt like the consequences of such heavy action were realistically considered when Peter couldn’t just pop back up and shake it off. 

"If you were better, maybe Tony would still be alive” “You’re just a scared little kid in a sweatsuit” 

“You got me?” “I got you.”

“lets get a drink” “i’m- i’m not 21.”

Peter going to a parent figure wearing an oversized shirt and crying while confessing his self-doubts was an oddly specific parallel that i didn’t expect to get again but i’m certainly not complaining

What I Didn’t:

The “rest stop hookup” scene was deeply inappropriate. Peter, a child, is commanded to undress in front of an adult female agent. He initially resists but is intimidated into compliance when she repeats the order. One of Peter’s classmates, Brad, walks into the room and Peter is literally caught with his pants around his ankles with an adult stranger. Brad makes the assumption that Peter is hooking up with her, and takes a photo for evidence with the intention of showing it to MJ in order to ruin Peter’s “chance” with her. Peter is blamed for a situation in which he is the victim, and the audience is meant to find this entire scene funny. Instead of what could have been a really cool scene in which this agent presents the new suit she’s made for Peter, we are given this very uncomfortable scene of sexual harassment played for laughs.

Peter and Brad competing for MJ’s affection and actively sabotaging each other is unnecessary. 

The use of old footage from previous films was lazy, especially when Marvel could have easily recreated those scenes from the perspectives of the new antagonists. I’ve always found this distracting, especially when the quality noticeably drops between two clips, though this is more of a personal peeve than anything I see as a legitimate problem.

The list of characters who become villains because they feel personally or indirectly slighted by Tony and Howard is getting too big. Honestly I think it’s lazy to keep using that as backstory/motivation for new villains after over 10 years, especially now that Tony isn’t even alive.

The multiverse being made up by Beck was disappointing.

The monsters being the Elementals instead of Sandman or Hydroman was also disappointing.

I wish that the spidey-sense was represented by some creative audio or visual cue, like the goosebumps in iw or the ringing noise in spiderverse

There were several lgbt characters/actors on the class trip but they weren’t very visible. You really don’t notice them at all unless you were aware of who was cast beforehand and were watching closely for them. I’m not asking for Peter to swing through new york with a rainbow flag screaming “trans rights” but I would have liked to have seen a queer couple holding hands or a student with a trans patch on their backpack or something. I had been hoping for Peter to actually interact with one of them, to refer to them by name. Obviously having such a diverse cast with queer characters being played by actual queer actors is a huge step up from Joe Russo’s “grieving man” but like that shouldn’t be where the bar is at this point. 

Tbh the headstone and zombie iron man were cliche, and i think it would have been much more impactful if Mysterio had made an allusion of Tony himself instead.

Why would Dr Strange not be available to fight massive elemental monsters from another dimension bent on consuming the earth like dude make yourself available??

I wish the new suit included Karen so that we could see how she and Peter’s interactions have changed now that he is expertly familiar with the functions of the suits. Additionally, the spider-drone would have been cool to see again.

The illusion to Uncle Ben with the “BFP” initials on Peter’s suitcase was great but I do wish we could get some actual information about him. We don’t need to see his death or the “with great power comes great responsibility” speech- we’ve already seen that enough times- but a little clarification on what officially happened to him in the mcu would be interesting. 

Honestly I thought it was too convenient that May, Happy, and all of Peter’s closest friends also dusted. I had wanted to see how interactions between Peter and May or friends such as Ned would be tested emotionally due to the five-year gap.

The BARF tech being invented by Beck and stolen by Tony detracts from it being used in Civil War to establish Tony’s feelings about Howard and Maria’s murders. If it isn’t Tony’s invention, that takes the heart out of it. 

I had really hoped that the glasses were going to end up revealing Tony as an AI, or at least some kind of message from him, and i thought was weird that Tony would give Peter access to a system that allows him to order drone strikes on his classmates.

Also...  so the drone strike on peter’s bus was faked by Mysterio’s team because they needed to get the EDITH glasses from Peter? Because the EDITH glasses give them access to the satellite that deploys the drones? But they already have the same drones? and use one them to fake the bus attack? so why do they need EDITH? Maybe i missed something but that makes no sense to me. 

[sundaynightnovels]

chinese mythology AU: journey to the west

so i’m sure you’ve all at least somewhat heard of this one before. journey to the west, monkey king, etc. etc. etc.  well, i suppose it’s time for me to desecrate another perfectly well-written piece of chinese mythology with my own mess of characters and plot. but well, it’s been rehashed so many times in popular media, can’t hurt to do another one. wait, you know what. i realised that i should just call this a chinese mythology parody series. but okay, fine, it’s kinda long. ignoring that. moving on!

basically, the general gist of journey to the west is that this man, a monk named Tang Xuan Zhang / Tripitaka, goes on a journey to retrieve some Buddhist scriptures and on the way, picks up a bunch of followers like the Sun Wu Kong/ Monkey King, Zhu Ba Jie / Pigsy, and Sha Wu Jing / Sandy.  once again, this drabble is fresh out of the chaos of my sleep-deprived mind and is pretty much unedited, it is once again long (3.7k words like howww). and stupid (y’all know me). and basically, if you just want a quick / semi-fun read, you can just check this out. the rest of the snippet will be below the cut, and any quick explanations will come after the snippet. enjoy (hopefully)! 

i mean, come on guys. did you actually expect some action and monster-fighting?? or even a proper ending?? please you think too highly of me. and of course everything revolves around food. life is food. 

ALSO. some clarifications / notes: 

shou is tang xuanzhang / tripitaka, and it is known that monsters want to eat tripitaka’s flesh in the series itself because his flesh is said to give them immortality. 

jun is sun wukong / monkey king. he’s a character who’s known to have angered the gods and the jade emperor and basically he’s offended a lot of people. and the jade emperor has this garden with a bunch of peach trees that, when eaten, would grant a person immortality, and sun wukong ate it, so yea. (also, why is immortality so popular? seriously. i wouldn’t want to be immortal) oh right he’s meant to be really strong too. 

lu is obviously zhu bajie / pigsy. he’s this immortal who was cast down to become a mortal, but something went wrong and he became this half-pig half-human thing instead. and also he’s known to be very greedy about food and women (but yknow, lu doesn’t have the second aspect)

ren is sha wujing / sandy, and well, he was made to look like a monster because he offended some important people (which is where, yknow, the part of jun calling him a monster comes in). also, as some of you might already know, ren means ‘person’ in chinese, so there’s the pun/joke there as well. some people also consider sha wujing to be a minor character, and that’s why lu talks about him being unimportant to the cast. i guess. poor ren.

zhen is just, well, zhen. not based off of anyone in the journey to the west series. poor girl.

there are also some named characters who never appeared in the series! so, the jade emperor’s chinese name is Yu Huang Da Di, and his ‘Yu’ is the exact same ‘Yu’ as Yu (f). so she’s meant to represent him, but since she’s a girl, i changed it to jade empress

Teng is obviously mentioned. he’s the monster. that’s all. not based off of anything again. actually, now that i think about it, i’d probably put him as niu mo wang / bull demon king (?). i don’t know why. i just feel like he is. 

so yup! there it is!  tagging my tag list (ask to be in / out): @cabaretofwords @inked-waves @latechickadee @kidsarentallwrite @insearchof-solace @kaigods @inkpot-dreamer @pen-for-sword

[defenestrata]

slowly slides in and places fred + all on ur desk :) time for Perishing !

sdjfsdhjfsdhi’m love you. okay so ladies and gents we are taking a trip away from london and korea and heading to the united states which is where this is set, massachusetts most specifically. onto freddie —

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

a solid five minutes. he’s not hyperactive or anything, but just, the feeling of doing nothing is so awful to him. he has no chill. meditation isn’t real. also like, he sometimes gets little intrusive thoughts if he’s tired.

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

surprisingly easy ! fred laughs at a lot of things, despite how preppy and harsh he may seem at first. of course, half of it is either fake or a bit overenthusiastic but he’ll laugh. he’ll laugh at a lot of things. 

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

usually studying for a bit — he does that before bed anyway. otherwise, it’s usually not that hard for him to fall asleep. he works hard and sleeps harder. 

How easy is it to earn their trust?

no one has ever earned frederick michael estelle’s full trust. not his father, not his mother, not his two step-mothers, not his brother, not any of his friends. it’s for the better that way, in his opinion. superficial trust for small things though, is easy to earn, so long as you’re a decent human being. 

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

well, whatever someone has done really has to bother him on a very moral level in order for him to genuinely refuse to trust someone even superficially. otherwise, because he rarely shares his secrets or deep considerations, trust isn’t even a big deal to him. 

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

at the beginning of his character development, he has an enormous respect for law, and considers them completely immovable. over time, he comes to understand the flaws of modern america and adopts a less extremist point of view. 

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

drives with packed cars. diners. marble floors. loads of things. fred’s childhood was peak americana, with an upper class vibe to boot. he spent a lot of time at dinner parties and in tuxedos, in debates, getting a convertible for his sixteenth birthday and so forth. what in generally triggers the most nostalgia for him is his home city ; boston. god, he loves that place, despite all its flaws. and he loves that feeling, especially because he can always relive many of his memories that are related to the city. 

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

fred was a good kid, to be quite honest. he was always determined to impress everyone around him, so he’d bend to their will if they wanted him to act a certain way. refinement? you got it. charisma? work up the charm. intelligence? bring it on. if anything, he had some frustration and anger issues in his teens, especially in between his father’s marriages, and he was told to shut up and deal with it. and that’s what he did. 

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

like a motherfucking sailor. he may be WASP-y but he’s seen how much high society curses, so go ahead. swearing is a more effective way of getting rid of anger than — breaking things, or whatever other people might do. and fred is bad at bottling things up. first swear word was probably ‘fuck’. a classic. and he has immense respect for classics. 

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

fred doesn’t lie too often, but he does make a lot of false promises, mostly related to visiting his family. he hates going back home, which is unfortunate considering he studies less than an hour away from his hometown. he’s tried everything from the ‘i’m sick’ excuse to ‘declamation club’ to ‘broken ankle’ to avoid visits. 

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

perish. he’s a stubborn fool who will try to understand everything on his own terms, and if he gets an incomplete picture, too bad, he’ll live with it. although he knows he probably won’t get an incorrect picture in the first place, he’s just way too thorough for that. 

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

get a friend to scratch it for him. duh. 

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

fred looks pretty good in sober colours, and its what he usually wears too. but, just as a wild card, he does look really, really, good in more adventurous choices, especially stark whites, blacks and even reds. but he’ll never wear them, he hates looking loud and attention-seeking. 

What animal do they fear most?

no animal. why the hell would you be scared of animals in new england —

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

extremely confident, and he’s well-capable of thinking as he talks without much hesitation. it’s really one of his best talents, making sense while giving great presentations with fantastic oration. he doesn’t need to rehearse jack. 

What makes their stomach turn?

people crying or screaming, it just has him totally taken aback, which he’s not as used to as you’d think. he is utterly incapable of handling debates in a rational manner if he’s being goddamn screamed at. 

Are they easily embarrassed?

surprisingly, yes. underneath that façade of utter and sheer confidence, he’s really concerned with maintaining that impression with others. he doesn’t take kindly to being humiliated or having his pride attacked. he won’t respond with embarassment as much as he’ll respond with unbridled rage. and angry fred is terrifying. 

What embarrasses them?

levity in situations which do not need it. so pranks, mocking jokes, being teased or belittled in public. compliments don’t embarass him one bit until they become on the subject of his looks. then he gets a little flushed, but flattered nonetheless.

What is their favourite number?

why does that even matter ?? ( it’s 9. ) 

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he’d bark at being asked to define familial love, he’d say it doesn’t exist. and then if you asked about platonic and romantic love he’d tell you to buzz off. it’s one of the questions he just doesn’t know how to answer. in his conception, if he’d want to kiss them and marry them, it’s romantic. 

Why do they get up in the morning?

because you don’t get rich and hit it big without fucking working. he’s actually really driven, half out of demonic pressures to do well, and half out of spite for his brother, who he has to out-do in every respect.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

jealous fred is the worst. he will get so aggressive and possessive and rude, with seemingly little control. however, it takes a lot to push him to that limit, and he’s usually good at warding off encroachers on what’s his before they even try to make a move. 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

there’s really only one thing that he’s envious about — the love and attention his parents give his elder brother nicholas who’s just as much of a prick as he is, except just a little less concerned with doing the right thing. and he’s pretty much made it his life’s goal to get to the world of finance quicker than nick and do better. 

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

kind of ? he’s a hot-blooded teenager so it’s not like sex is something sinful or foreign to him, but he doesn’t really discuss it with people anyway because there’s no one he’s close enough to talk to about it. also, why would you talk about it anyway — it’s not even something worth discussing. 

What are their thoughts on marriage?

to summarise: marriage is great, but only if you’ve found the one. since finding your version of the ‘one’ is impossible, and will likely lead to at least two divorces that permanently fucksup your kid’s perceptions of family and marriage — don’t ever get married. @ his dad. 

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

his own car. that kind of freedom can’t be beat. 

What causes them to feel dread?

situations that he’s unprepared for, essentially. if some kind of curveball comes at him (and he didn’t know that there would be curveballs involved), he’ll panic. it’s why he needs his more inventive friends around to be at his best.

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

nah. rip the band-aid off. end the suffering quick. besides, it’s not like he’s had the privilege of knowing a lot of sweet lies over the course of his life.

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

every now and then he gets something done that he’s really proud of, and that’s when he considers himself to have ‘lived up to his ideals’, but it’s usually only for the short term, and the gratification is there and gone in an instant. 

Who do they most regret meeting?

all his friends at uni. 

Who are they the gladdest to have met?

all his friends at uni. now figure that one out. 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

most of his stories are kind of posh experiences like country clubs and stuff, but he’s seen a lot of businessmen’s embarassing moments. he’s really good at anecdotal humour. 

Could they be considered lazy?

nah, def not. if he needs to get something done, he’ll get it done, with the maximum delay of a day or so. of course, that’s only when he’s feeling healthy and normal. if he’s reached a threshold of despair or whatever, then he’s way less productive. 

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

easy tbh? if something was his fault then he makes sure to try and make up for it before the guilt starts weighing in on him. of course, if these matters are emotional then he takes a longer while to make up for it, so he starts Perishing sooner. 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

he … tries to be. it’s fine when someone comes up to him to chatter about their new favourite video game, but not when someone shows up excited about their new boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other. he’ll listen, sure — but he won’t really listen, y’know. 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

he was highkey hoping that college would be the time when he finally experiences the mystery of love. but it’s not really looking that way — he has way too much coursework. 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

fred’s memory is impeccable. he laughs in the face of your puny lists and phone notes. names and numbers are doable, but if things need to go a particular order, usually he can just brute force the memory in. just parrot it. 

What memory do they revisit the most often?

times with his first stepmom. she was the only one that actually tried to be more than just a wife to his dad, tried to be a mom. took him places he wanted to go, bought him stuff, baked cookies for his bake sales and accompanied him on school trips as a chaperone. she was the closest to a mom that fred will ever get.

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

he can’t ignore them, really. it’ll always be there at the back of his mind that you’re loud or you’re irresponsible or that you’re arrogant. but that’s not all there is to you. so he’s pretty level headed in that respect. 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

not.. at all. he says he accepts constructive criticism but he doesn’t consider a lot of criticism constructive. he’s surprisingly bad at handling criticism. he just thinks he knows better than most people. 

How do they feel about children?

they’re okay. not great. he could do without them. 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

so. so. SO. badly. his end goal is to eventually surpass his elder brother in terms of material success without resorting to foul means. and by GOD he will do it. 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

[ bo burnham voice ] straight…. white…. man

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

he’s a fool. but he’s my fool. also he’s like…. a really old oc lmao i made him in like … 2014? and he was in middle school back then so it really feels like he’s grown with me as i shifted him to a college story. 

B) What inspired you to create them?

i wanted to make a vaguely contradictory kinda character where he’s a total mess and extremely capable at the same time. so he’s very productive, smart, efficient, but also has a short temper, panics in every situation that he’s not ready for, and so forth. 

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

he was the sidekick to kazu, my mc. but by now each one of them stand on their own. 

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

i think he was a ginger in the first draft. he’s got dirty blonde hair now. he’s also a bit more… muscular, shall we say. 

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

maybe? i’d think he was a prick to be honest. i feel like we’d get along only if we were forced to get to know each other. but otherwise we wouldn’t even want to meet. 

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

he’s my idiot son. a combination of pride and frustration and amusement. 

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

he truly needs to fucking RELAX like fred please not everything is a matter of personal pride and performance. 

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s very sincere. surprisingly moral, wants to do things honestly and with integrity. the way he takes everything so seriously is honestly kind of cute sometimes. 

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

three cheers for unoriginality!

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

ok i still don’t know what this question means but to be safe i’m gonna say no. 

[kashimcore]

1-43 for luca :)

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?Not very long, he gets bored easily.

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?Very difficult, he’s a jaded lil thing.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)He doesn’t sleep all that often,, Sleeping hard.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?This is kind of a tough question cause he’s a bit naive..?? He thinks he doesn’t trust others easily,

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?VERY EASILY.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?Laws are very flexible jsjsjs

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?Playing the piano or violin… Very nostalgic.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a childHe wasn’t allowed to use electronics if that counts 😔

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?lol.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?He lies a lot and doesn’t really feel remorse most of the time so,

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?Just freak the fuck out? Screaming??

12.How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?Find a way to reach the itch? idk sjjsjs

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?Cream and light colors cause that’s what his mom told him he looks best in 💁‍♀️

14. What animal do they fear most?not really scared of animals but if he had to choose. gorillas.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?He. He says whatever crosses his mind

16. What makes their stomach turn?The scandals he was involved in

17. Are they easily embarrassed?ye

18. What embarrasses them?his height and baby face. also taisho, and the gay emotions

19. What is their favorite number?420 cause haha that’s the weed number, funnie

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he literally doesn’t care.

21. Why do they get up in the morning? anger, sweets and vengeance

21. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? He definitely becomes aloof! he doesn’t think he deserves much so his jealousy isn’t that prevalent though

22. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he takes what he wants and becomes very resentful. the lil man is full of hate

23. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? no comment

24. What are their thoughts on marriage? he doesn’t mind it ig. he’s 15 JDJJDS

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation? vroom vroom

27. What causes them to feel dread? lots of things, his nightmares, his feelings of guilt, and more :)

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he wants the truth !

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? nah, not at all lol

30. Who do they most regret meeting? natsume… and a lot of people at the academy 😔

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? taisho (,:

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? he just screams.

33. Could they be considered lazy? yes definitely! he only works hard if it interests him

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? very very difficult

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? kind of,,,,,,,,,

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? kind of seeks it, also kind of waits for it to fall in his lap

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he doesn’t remember shit ever

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? he revisits memories of natsume and his first year

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? difficult, very difficult.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?VERY VERY SENSITIVE41. How do they feel about children? he likes kids !

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal? He very badly wants to reach his end goal! His end goal is finding natsume, he doesn’t know what he wants after that sjjs

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? Gay

[onesunnyboi-blog]

colton + all ! :o

Okay!! so here is Colton!! 

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?a while - sometimes he has to go on reconnaissance patrols and sit for hours watching the enemy. however if nothing fruitful is coming of sitting about still for hours, he can get a little agitated. How easy is it for your character to laugh? not very - he’s very stoic. his features are like stone and his humour has been diminished over many years of facing war. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)ha ha ha. pretty to assume he sleeps. if out on a mission or facing a tremendous battle, he doesn’t sleep all too often and will try to count himself down into sleep from twenty. How easy is it to earn their trust?not very. he holds everyone at arms length. although, the team he is with, the other Exalts, he trusts wholeheartedly. once gained it’s not easily shaken (but can be easily lost if you betray him; he’s not one for second chances) Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?that depends; being a soldier he has to follow rules rigidly, but if he sees that it would be immoral to follow the law and so breaking a rule or two may be the better option, i don’t think he’d face any doubt and would go ahead and break them. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?there’s a scent of lavender that gives him nostalgia - it triggers memories of being young and warm and safe with his family; not that he really remembers who they are. he just sees fuzzy faces and hears ghostly whispers... but he knows those days as a child were his happiest. it’s a kind of bittersweet feeling, one he doesn’t like to be exposed to often, in fear that he’ll lose his will to face the wars. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?he can’t really remember... he’s certain his father would often tell him to “stand straight, shoulders back - you’re supposed to be a proud boy”. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?yeah, he swears - but he’s naturally a man of few words so he doesn’t swear all that often. it’s more so when he’s getting emotional/specifically angry. he doesn’t remember his first swear word, but i can guarantee that it was “you’re a left bollock, Junior.” to a fellow Exalt-in-training. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?“Everything’s going to be fine. You’re going to make it.” it haunts his every waking hour. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?he’ll kinda just crinkle up his nose and then huff. to which many tut and explain again (not common though) What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?black - simple and like his soulWhat animal do they fear most?i don’t think he’s had much contact with animals - he’s not been back to earth in years. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he’s a natural leader and his words are chosen very meticulously - he doesn’t need to rehearse what he’s going to say, oftentimes there’s no room for that; he’s supposed to lead a team in the middle of a raging war, he can’t dillydally. What makes their stomach turn?being unable to protect rookies out in the field to give them another chance at living another day. Are they easily embarrassed?nope. What embarrasses them?literally nothing. he takes everything in his stride and it makes it very difficult to do anything to him. What is their favorite number?i don’t think he’d put much thought into this - however 20 seems to be his go-to. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he wouldn’t. he hasn’t a clue. all he’s known is fighting. he could explain his not-so-love for that. Why do they get up in the morning? “to protect the galaxy!” which is the motto he’s begrudgingly engraved into his mind. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? i think he becomes very agitated and can say things that are very cold/mean to the people he is jealous of. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he becomes very resentful - he envies those who get to live a life without the need to worry about when your last day is going to be. he envies those who experience peace daily because he’s out in the world bleeding and fighting for them. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? tbh, i doubt he’s thought about it - i don’t think he’s too fussed. he’s more, like, indifferent if it comes up in conversation, easily getting bored of the topic. What are their thoughts on marriage? meh, doesn’t see himself getting married. but he supposes it’s alright.. What is their preferred mode of transportation? they’re called “Hawks” - a type of small, stealth ship that can carry a small team of Exalts into a specified location. it’s a quick entry, a quite ride and the seats can be comfy. What causes them to feel dread? his inability to save othersWould they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he can take an unpleasant truth. don’t lie to him. he’ll fight you over it. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? yes - he holds others to these ideals too and often finds himself disappointed if people don’t follow them. Who are they the most glad to have met? another Exalt called Mandy. she’s super funny, has his back constantly - they’ve both admitted that they see each other as family and that’s a level barely anyone gets to with Colton. HE WOULD DIE FOR HER. she’s also younger than he is, and so if anyone starts to show interest in her, he slides in with narrowed eyes. makes it known he will end whoever it is if they hurt her. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? no, he’s not much of a conversationalist. he lets other people talk. Could they be considered lazy? never - he’s always doing something, whether that be brooding in the corner or going over mission plans and everything in between. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? very. he’s like atlas, bearing the world on his shoulders and if he loses a soldier, it’s his own personal fault. guilt can stay with him for months. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? very supportive - with the few words he spares. he may seem uninterested but there’s a shine in his eye at seeing his friends feel emotion other than fear/dread/anger etc. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? he doesn’t seek it or wait for it - i don’t think he actually cares for it. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? if he likes a person/thing, he’ll just remember it. if he doesn’t like a person he’ll call them every variation of that name he can - remembering lists of numbers is easy bc he has a photographic memory so it kinda just stays in his head without the need to keep going over them. What memory do they revisit the most often? his memories are fuzzy, so i don’t think it’s a visual memory he’ll go to - but as aforementioned, the smell of lavender is something he remembers. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? very difficult for him and he’ll call people out for their flaws. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?he realises that he’s not perfect and tries to rectify his own flaws. How do they feel about children? what now? he hasn’t seen a child in years! i don’t think he’d know what to do with a child except from hold it at arms length whilst staring at it like a new discovery. tentatively but with apprehension. How badly do they want to reach their end goal? very badly - a world of peace. although he knows deep down that peace may never be achieved; there’s always someone willing to start a fight. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? he’d shrug and make vague gestures which pretty much sums up his sexuality. although i’m inclined to say he’s aro/ace or both.

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORSA) Why are you excited about this character?because he’s in space and holy shit i love space. also he’s a stoic man that i can call my son. B) What inspired you to create them?Shirokage218 C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?not really, i’d been mulling over the story but never had characters figured out, so slotting him in was easy. D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?tbh i can imagine i’ll change him about a little bit, but he is a new oc so there’s time for improvement yet. E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?i think he’d want to protect me cause i’m weak af. i would be intimidated by him initially but then would feel tremendous pain for him - he’s been through a lot. F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?excitement and sadness - excitement because he as a character to me is cool, but when i think about him actually alive in the world i’ve created, i feel shitty because sorry colton u have a hard life 8) G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?the inability to laugh. lighten up man geez H) What trait do you admire most?his braveryI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?yeah, because space. and tbh i don’t think he’d suit anything else. J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?nope!

Thank you @defenestrata for this ask!! Hope i’ve given more insight in him!! 

[drawacharge]

I'm a nuisance so here's a shit ton of questions =/ Cal - 10, 11, 13, 18, 22 / Camilla - 8, 14, 16, 23, 27 /Ant - 7, 9, 20, 24, 29 / Hannah - 2, 4, 15, 26, 39 / Daniel - 5, 13, 15, 22. And also, answer B, D and E for all the characters =] that's all

 god, cindy, you make me & my ocs feel so loved.

so, this is very fucking long, and under a read more because i highly doubt anyone cares except u. but also this was actually very fun so thank u.

( cal ).

what lie do they most frequently remember telling? does it haunt them?

tbh cal’s most frequently spoken lie was probably literally everything he ever said in front of neil. and it absolutely does not haunt him. in fact, he probably smiled as pleasantly as one can when they secretly wish for your death.

how do they cope with confusion?

he definitely seeks clarification, asks you to specify or explain, etc. cal has like no social anxiety lmao. he has no problem speaking his mind.

what color do they think they look best in? do they? 

cal thinks he looks best in soft blues, and yes he absolutely does. however, cal looks great in everything so its not particularly hard to pull off.

what embarrasses them?

little. even when cal is shut down by romantic prospects he takes in pleasant stride. maybe if he like, pissed himself in public he’d be embarrassed, but that’s about it dfgd

how does jealousy manifest itself in them?

cal doesn’t really get jealous. in fact, he’s had girlfriends in the past that took issue with the fact that he doesn’t get jealous. however, cal figures that if you’re with him, its for a reason, so he has no reason to feel jealousy over your interactions with other people.

( camillia ).

what were they told to stop/start doing as a child?

camilla was a destructive ass child so, everything? she had a habit of ripping the heads off her little sisters’ barbies, so there’s that.

what animal do they fear most?

snakes. look, cami is a brave ass bitch. she has, on multiple occasions, offered– 100% sincerely– to go toe-to-toe with billy’s father. but when she sees a snake she’s done. she’ll climb a fucking tree to get away if she has to.

what makes their stomach turn?

neil hargrove & white people food.

how does envy manifest itself in them?

if she’s envious of something she can attain herself ( ie: an accomplishment, life style choice, etc ) it simply gives her motivation to do something about it. nothing motivates camilla more than wanting to be better than someone else lmao. except maybe resentment. 

what causes them to feel dread?

literally any and every time billy, ant, or hannah have to go home ( all three of which were raised within less-than-ideal home lives )

( ant ).

what triggers nostalgia for them? do they enjoy it?

sure. most people enjoy nostalgia, don’t they? i’d say the smell of fish and the sea mixed together since he would go fishing with his father a lot as a kid before he died. so, i guess its sort of a melancholy feeling.

do they swear? do they remember their first swear word?

he probably swears the least out of the group, but yeah, ant swears. his first swear was probably one of the more tame ones, though, like shit.

if they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

jesus christ, ok, uh. he’d say the difference between romantic and platonic is simply that he also wants to fuck his romantic partner lol. like, for instance, he has platonic love for cal, and romantic love for hannah. he could see himself spending the rest of his life with either of them, but he only wants to kiss and hold and romance hannah, not cal.as for familial he’d say it’s platonically loving someone to a point that you feel as if you’ve loved them that way your whole life. he feels this way to most of the group tbh, daniel especially who is his best friend and brother.

is sex something they feel comfortable talking about? to whom?

everyone in this group feels comfortable talking about sex, and all to each other. there ain’t one shy bitch in the bunch when it comes to that.

do they usually live up to their own ideals?

well, he tries. ant is 6′2″ and big. he speaks peace and being passive, however. the day before neil yanked billy from everything he loves and took him across the country, ant lost his cool and slugged the piece of shit across his face.

of course, neil had just put his best friend in the hospital and beat his own son, so, can you blame him?

( hannah ).

how easy is for your character to laugh?

super easy. hannah is very bubbly. she’d probably laugh at one of dustin’s jokes while billy shoots her a disappointed look from across the booth. 

how easy is it to earn their trust?

actually, not easy. hannah is friendly, but she’s not stupid. she’s basically that quots from captain america: winter soldier where nick fury is talking about how his father carried a gun on his walk to work every day, and when he explains why he goes, “my dad liked people, he just didn’t trust them very much” that’s hannah. 

how do they speak? is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

does she have a filter is basically the question i’m guessing. yeah, she does. most of them do except camilla and billy. and cal on occasion.

what is their preferred mode of transportation?

cal’s van lol. hannah hates driving, she doesn’t even have her license. if cal isn’t around to drive her, she just rides her bike.

how easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

depends on the flaw. billy has… issues, we all know this. sometimes he says shit he doesn’t believe, more or less just repeating his father, and she understands, but i don’t think ignoring is the right word. hannah is the mom friend. when billy, or someone else, says something offensive she goes, “hey, watch it,” and then explains like why they shouldn’t say that kind of thing.

believe it or not, calling billy out on his shit is the best way to deal with him. people just usually don’t. 

( daniel ).

how easy is it to earn their mistrust?

daniel is a sweet, good boy, and if you fuck him over he’s probably likely to forgive you. however, if you hurt one of his friends there’s no way in hell he’ll ever trust you again, even if said friend forgives you first.

what color do they think they look best in? do they actually look best in that color?

reds, blacks, and tans. daniel actually looks best in yellow, but he’d rather die than wear yellow, so.

how do they speak? is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

daniel has a great filter and knows how to be polite. he, however, lets it down around billy and would often speak his mind freely since billy was the last person on the planet to ever judge him for whatever he were to say.

how does jealousy manifest itself in them?

probably like. self-esteem issues. he gets edgy, maybe considers that there’s something wrong with him. he’d never show it though, never get pouty with his boyfriend or get snippy. he’d just internalize that shit. 

and now for the bit just for me i guess??

what inspired you to create them?

well, i always figured billy had a friend group in cali he hated leaving behind, and i made daniel first because he was the boy billy had been caught fooling around with by his dad. the others came when i decided to write a jealous!steve fic.

idk, for me it’s important that billy had someone(s) in california, that he wasn’t alone or just playing a role like he is in hawkins. i think it explains his anger towards being ripped away even better.

have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

hm. i think they all started the way they are. i think, maybe briefly, i gave cami the buzz cut, but thought it’d just be too stereotypical for her personality. plus, i loved the idea of sweet, tiny hannah with season one eleven type hair.

are they someone you would get along with? would they get along with you?

hmm. i’d probably get along with all of them, but i’d probably still butt heads with camilla, just like i know i’d butt heads with billy if he was real. actually, if billy was real, we’d probably physically fight each other, but you call me billy anyway so no one is surprised.

also if hannah tried to mom me and chastise me too much i might hit her lmao.

[zuzuslastbraincell]

some clarifications:

agreed that yue would be leia!! princess, deep sense of duty and sacrifice for her people, cool hair.

r.e. katara as leia, a crucial part of leia’s character is her anger/her temper, and that is indeed deeply katara.

mai and ty lee were mostly a joke for me (as a treat), but if i were serious and giving them original trilogy characters they would be han and chewie respectively.

mai would be han because she’s a non-bender who is deeply cynical, prioritising self-preservation over all else, but ultimately begins to shed that attitude and does things for the sake of others.

i feel bad about ty lee as chewie because he’s a joke character, but also i think chewie is very emotionally perceptive AS WELL AS very dangerous, and that vibes with ty lee? also in terms of communication: ty lee’s methods of communicating, ‘auras’ etc. and “shallow” girl talk are (deliberately) misread by others (except occasionally by azula and mai who understand them as shields), in the same way chewie communicates thru another language, which, to the viewer, as a gag, is incomprehensible, except to those he’s closest to.   

i also don’t think i explained ursa that well so let me have another shot:

essentially, ursa’s arc is an incomplete anakin arc that ends prematurely at the end of episode iii.

the key thing about anakin’s arc is that he is an outsider, from nowhere, brought into a place of great potential and power to do extraordinary things, but ultimately is rather isolated, and is groomed for abuse (by palpatine). this is reflected in the comics: ursa is no one particularly important, brought up in a town of no particular importance, to live a life of no particular importance. she is found by the powers that be, and without really being offered a choice is whisked away to the centre of power. when ursa tries to connect/keep contact with someone from her previous life - paralleling how anakin tries to return for his mother - she is reprimanded by ozai. for both ursa and anakin, the palace / the jedi temple is an environment that is cold, harsh, at the centre of power, offers little emotional support, and isolates them from their ‘old lives’, opening them both up to abuse. and yes, both anakin and ursa are abuse victims (following the comics canon, at least).

both anakin and ursa end up complying and even parroting the values of their respective societies (be those values good or bad - definitely bad in ursa’s case) up until the point that their families’ lives are threatened. when this happens, there is no one offering help or a solution except for their abuser. their abuser offers them a choice: you can save your family if you do this terrible thing for me, if you betray the institution you’re supposed to serve - by killing the jedi, or by killing the fire lord. (incidentally: a thing that puts the abuser, a terrible person, in ultimate power). both anakin and ursa agree.

basically, given the moral choice, both anakin and ursa comply completely with their abuser’s wishes. they choose to both abandon their culture’s values and do something wrong - to what extent, depends, anakin is obviously way more in the wrong here - to protect their family. they don’t turn on their abuser. they don’t comply with the values they were taught. they do something *they know and believe* is wrong.

the ironic thing is that it is a short-sighted, short-term decision that does not protect the people they’re supposed to in the end. in anakin’s case, padmé dies regardless of his actions, and his children have to be brought up in hiding / away from him (arguably, they turn out okay, but it would have been far better had anakin stayed on the side of good). in ursa’s case, her leaving opens up her children to ozai’s abuse - both are abused, zuko to the extent that he’s visibly scarred, banished, and azula to the extent that ozai’s abandonment of her before the final agni kai leads to a catastrophic breakdown.

additionally: both of them made these decisions in order to protect their families, but neither of them are a strong presence in their children’s lives in the end and become absent parents.

as stated above, this is an incomplete arc. ursa ultimately never returns in the show, and her return in the comics... eh. the way they handle ursa’s character isn’t great, but i think zuko and azula’s reactions (confusion but ultimately joy/readiness to accept vs. hurt/pain/rejection/refusal to accept) mirror what i believe luke and leia’s reactions woud be to a hypothetical scenario where vader actually lived through return of the jedi.

atla x star wars

aang: luke, obviously. both share the burden of being the *last* of a mythologised group of people, who are single-handedly trying to uphold traditions and methods considered lost (obviously these comparisons should be made lightly - the air nomads are a group of people & a culture that sufferred genocide; the jedi order is a religious-political order that served an increasingly corrupt government). sensitive, prodigious, but also contains a great degree of anger and grief at his loss and displacement. works *hard* to be compassionate, kind, and ultimately wise, balancing the needs of the world and the traditions of his role with his own ideals. effiminate / lacks a care for traditional modes of masculinity and is under appreciated for it.

zuko: luke, obviously. lost family for the sake of duty, was forced to leave his home and travel across the stars/seas to fulfil his destiny. maimed and traumatised by his authoritarian and distant father whose footsteps he aspired to follow in, and struggled with whether to follow him to the dark side or to fight for the side of good. ultimately rejects his father's fascist ideology, his family history, and the empire in the 3rd act to fight for good. also? he's gay!!

katara: leia, duh. a great sense of responsibility to her people (who were victims of genocide), expected to take on responsibilities beyond her age, deeply principled, stands up to authority, fights for the secret rebels, full of kindness and compassion, full of righteous anger, not above pettiness either, she's a rich character that is wonderfully flawed and layered and i love her immensely <3

sokka: a mix of han and luke. while han is the obvious choice here - han is our token non-force user, and let's remind people, he isn't as "cool" as his reputation in fandom, he's a total dork (see: how he impersonates a stormtrooper in episode iv). han has a strong sense of pride masquerading as a cool and mysterious bounty hunter type (when really he's a washed up smuggler). sokka shares that same awkward dorkiness, more realistic/cynical outlook, and chip on his shoulder/pride, but he's smarter, kinder, and also got a greater sense of responsibility towards the world rather than that cynical detatchment. in this sense he greatly resembles luke, especially in the sense that, especially in the early episodes, he is trying to follow in his father's footsteps.

suki: a mix of han and leia. suki isn't part of the magical world of the protagonists (initially), has her own priorities and goals, but ends up joining them like han. much like han, she is "what if han was as cool a badass as fandom advertises" (although how good a shot he/she really is depends on the plot) combined with how leia takes a leadership position and grows into her own with it at a young age. i think suki is principled but deeply practical, however, something she shares in common with leia (who is both idealistic and principled as well as grounded, task-orientated, & practical). i also think suki has a strong sense of pride (and is a bit of a sore loser) which you see in both han and leia.

toph: chewbacca. okay, seriously, she's *kinda* han, she's got that same sense of pride especially about flying solo vs being part of a team, her inability to accept help is also very han, but she'd insist on being chewbacca. she's as wise and as emotionally receptive as chewie, as well as able to clobber anyone, so who am i to judge?

azula: she'd 100% be leia, in a much better, kinder universe where she had her own bail organa :(

mai and ty lee: clone wars era lesbian bounty hunters asajj ventress & latts razzi, who are way too cool to be dealing with this jedi/avatar bullshit, and have a wonderful off-screen redemption arc and gay romance

iroh: obi-wan (except more war crimes). once a famously successful and clever general. now generally considered past his prime, has become a mentor with a tragic past where he stalwartly served the republic/empire but in his unquestioning adherance to that doctrine he lost his mentee/son. full of regrets about it, and refuses to do the same with his current mentee. i could hear an argument for young anakin given his blithe attitude to war crimes and enthusiastic militarism and imperialism - but honestly? considering how the late republic was just a mask for the empire, obi-wan fits iroh well enough. (iroh, sadly, is not gay, and thus is a poor man's obi-wan).

ursa: anakin (except he died like padmé). she has the silk hiding steel aura that padmé has but her plot arc is all anakin's. chosen on the basis of a very special heritage. will forgo socially accepted moral/ethical frameworks if her family are threatened, and will not hesitate to kill a man if her son is threatened. despite what people think, this hardly absolves her of being an active particpant of empire (simply makes her complex). massively favoured her son over her daughter (who she traumatised). differs from anakin in that, because she is a woman, and the writers of both of these shows are misogynists who barely give space for older women, especially mothers, in their narratives, she disappeared ~in mysterious circumstances~ and will never complete my ideal plot arc for her which involves throwing ozai down a garbage chute. shame.

hakoda: bail organa (except he's not dead). lifelong rebel? respected and admired leader of his people? as the only good parent in the whole damn show? bail organa.

ozai: low-budget palpatine who is not as competent or calculating. bzzt bzzt lightning go bzzzzt. awful. gets his ass handed to him. yeah. you may know his voice actor from batman: the animated series and nowhere else.