#cj is a menace

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

If you're still doing the Descendants prompts? "What do you mean I'm grounded?" CJ yelled into the phone. "You can't ground me!"

I am still doing the prompts! When I have the time and when I like them, anyway.

I hope you enjoy this!

And al tinny bit of background info for this fic. There are following background relationships at play: Harriet Hook/Anthony Tremaine (Because that’s my default by now, honestly), and Ben/Harry Hook/Uma (Because it’s funny in this prompt.) If you look for it, you might also find CJ/Freddie, but, you know. Romantic relationships are a suggestion, and the only characters that appear are Ben and CJ anyway.

So, right. The story. Enjoy!

Ben takes a deep breath and presses the call button: The cheery dial tone sounds through the otherwise empty room. He should figure out how to change it, but oh, well. Still better than the Auradonian hymn his previous phone had as a default for everything.

The tone stops, replaced by mildly annoyed „Yeah?“ and a blur of gold and red appears on the screen. He stares at it for a bit.

Well.

He did not expect her to actually pick up.

„Hey? Beastie-princeling?“ 

Ben frowns at the unnecessarily elaborate and also factually incorrect nickname.

„What d’ya want?“

The camera jumps and jumbles around and momentarily focuses on the background, and, oh sweet heavens, she is running. She is running.

That, knowing CJ Hook, is never a good sign. (There are no good signs whatsoever when it comes to her, Ben thinks.)

Anyway, he gathers all his nerves and calmly states:

„CJ. You are grounded.“

The picture comes to halt and the camera abruptly focuses on CJ’s dishevelled expression, and, wait, is that soot on her cheek?!

„What?!“ she yells into the phone, „You can’t do that!“

„Why not?“ he asks, trying very hard to start calm.

She looks into the distance, frowns, and then grins: „You don’t have the authority to do so! Now, excuse me for a moment–“

The video starts jumping around again, and Ben tries very hard to ignore the faint curses and, wait, are those gunshots?!

What on Earth is she doing?!

„CJ!“ he calls out, „What is going on?!“

Harry would probably be upset if anything happened to his little sister, and, goodness, Ben himself has grown somewhat attached to the troublemaker. Against his better judgement, but hey. The other people who kidnapped him also turned out to be quite great, so honestly, cease point.

No answer, though. Just more blurry lines and more shouting and CJ‘s fast breathing. He is surprised she didn’t hang up yet, but honestly, maybe she just forgot he was calling. That happens.

„CJ!“ He calls out again anyway.

„Ssh!“ she shushes him, whisper-yelling, „Not now, princey boy! I’m running for my life, can’t you see?!“

…Is it bad that he can’t actually tell if she’s exaggerating or not? It is, right?

What did she do this time?

Honestly, as if the robbed bank from yesterday  wasn’t enough!

(The only reason why she isn’t running from the police right now is that when she robbed the bank, she proceeded to throw the money up in the air at the steps and throw a dance party to It’s Raining Men for all the bystanders and staff to attend. Oh, and the fact that he still doesn’t have a functional police force, as Uma keeps reminding him.)

So Ben is left staring at blurry colours and imagining the worst case scenario. He’d rather not, thank you.

And thankfully, it’s not too long until CJ’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts again.

„Yeah?“ she asks, „What did you want, majesty?“

Ben knows only about four other people who can say „Majesty“ like it is an insulting nickname at best. Two of them are her siblings.

He breathes out and for the second time that day, he tells her that she is grounded.

„What?! You can’t do that!“

Yep. Just like the first time. He can’t help the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

„Why not?“

„Eh, I don’t know. You just don’t have the authority to do so,“ she waves her hand dismissively, flashing bloodied knuckles in front of the camera. Oh, dear.

Now, ben doesn’t really like pulling rank, however much certain other people seem to enjoy doing so, but in this case? He genuinely thinks CJ forgot that he is the High King of Auradon.

„…And?“

„I’m the High King, CJ.“

„…I heard you the first time. I just don’t know how that gives you the authority to ground me.“

Of course she doesn’t.

„Hey, excuse me for a moment–“ She partially covers the camera with her palm and yells something Ben is fairly sure are horrific death threats in pirate slang, too wild for him to keep up. Not that he particularly wishes to hear her death threats. Just saying. She can be very creative, and, in fact, Ben would be very glad if she toned that down a little.

„Yeah, we’re good. Where were we? Oh, right! Just because you are the king doesn’t mean that I have to listen to you!“

Ben silently starts praying.

Then he says: „I’m also dating your older brother. That gives me some authority to ground you, right?“

She giggles. She giggles and giggles, like the insufferable menace she is.

„No!“ she tells him, voice chiming like jingle bells, „It does not!“

„What? But Uma grounds you all the time!“

CJ makes a face at him, sticking her lips out in a caricature of a pout: „Well, yes, but, you see, boy king, Uma is actually scary. Unlike you.“

Well. That hurt. 

But it was also true.

Uma is scary, in the best and nicest way possible.

So, you know what, fair.

But…

„And what about Anthony Tremaine?“

And she goes into a ramble. Of course she does. Ben quietly ponders his life decisions as CJ explains that no, while Anthony is not really that scary, he will bitch about her and Dizzy might overhear and Dizzy will definitely tell Celia and then Freddie will know and Freddie will then be cross with her and she doesn’t  like when Freddie does that and also Anthony knows where her blackmail book is–

And Ben would say that this whole affair has more to do with the fact that Anthony has no qualms calling Harriet the second CJ starts being annoying than anything else.

Speaking of which.

„Either you and I come to an understanding, or I call Harriet.“

She whistles and grins into the camera: „You are learning, baby beast, you are learning. You must have some good influence on you. I’m willing to lay low for, say, two days if you don’t tell Harriet.“

„That–“ In the second it takes Ben’s brain to catch up, she is speaking again, because god forbid a Hook ever gave him a time to think.

„Great! See ya later, Benny boo! Gotta go, running for my life and all that! Anyway, salutations and all that, and don’t bother giving my greetings to Harry! Byeee!“

And she hung up. 

Of course she did.

But, well, Ben tried. And two days is better than nothing, right? 

…Right?

[occulee]

['Cause "blah blah, bla-blah blah-" is so overdone!]

Wanted to draw Mind in an outfit inspired heavily by this video bc ooh blue and shiny

[puppyfriedrice]

Girl who just finished the dishes voice: I'm soaking wet 🥵🥵🥵

[iloveerror404]

Call me the Soul or call me my name

[arsenicflame]

i need anne bonny to be terrible btw (affectionate)

[disruptivevoib]

([i dunno if you're still doing things about the shirts so like y'know if im late im sorry 🙏🙏] i was wondering if i can see purpose on a shirt 🙏🙏 hed be silly on one 🙏🙏/silly)

While I probably will not make any shirts of my au characters or anything, I do think this is apt and funny and a good use of orange

[soulchronicity]

some art me when the cjrp allows me to finally do things with the ds au ending boys

[snnynatural]

"as  if  anyone  would  want  my  sloppy  seconds."

"as  if  anyone  would  want  you  to  keep  talking."

[naomiarai]

hehe 😈 heres your man

third picture lowkey giving fae!tyun vibes~

help. i wanna suck him off. cj why. WHY. SJEJENBFDIOSKENENEJRJK

i need him so bad-

wanna leave hickeys all over his stomach, so dark that makeup cant cover it

[thefanciestborrower]

Nothing will ever be funnier to me than a self indulgent vore oc I made in like 9th grade becoming the protagonist of a legitimate novel I hope to someday publish. Been using him for some projects here in college and no one knows he’s just the product of bored high school vore brain lmaoooooo

[monarch-of-weird-girlboy-nation]

BDVFBFBDNF GOD THIS IS GIVING KE IDEAS

@seulgishaku

Thinking about feral!Jason in a muzzle again.

[somerandomdudelmao]

When everythings all serious CJ is absolutely the most responsible teen past present or future, but the second things are chill again you can practically HEAR his braincells popping out of existence like bubbles, and you end up with shit like the "sewer man" cryptid. You ask this boy what he was thinking after he does something stupid and he genuinely has no clue. He's going through life making choices based on vibes alone and leaving people stunned trying to figure out what kind of logic hes using.

Truly this boy only has two settings; the combined combat efficiency of all his dads, and little menace. No in-between

Yes yes YES. He can be serious. If he have to. But if he doesn’t have any reason to be? Pfffffhhh bro absolutely unburdened by any form of intellectual activity.

[stressedanime]

my new favourite headcanon is ace jason grace, and i think it would just fit so well into his character so lemme explain (also creds to @snoelledarts who helped me write this)

As we know, his overall character arc is about struggling against the expectations put on him because of his birthright, being the son of Jupiter. 

This presented itself in two ways: The inherent stigma of being the son of Jupiter/Zeus, and the pressure Camp Jupiter had placed on him to be a perfect soldier/leader

To talk about the stigma first, I want to focus on Jason and Piper’s interactions with Achelous, because it really makes my heart hurt for him.

“Poor thing. Another girl stuck with a son of Zeus.” “Wait a minute,” Jason said. “It’s Jupiter actually. And how does that make her poor thing?” - pg. 335, the Mark of Athena

To summarize: Achelous describes to Jason and Piper how Hercules' died, how he took after Zeus by having affairs and flirting with anything that moved. Then, after catching wind of her husband's infidelity, Hercules’ second wife killed him out of jealousy. Then Achelous warns Piper about Jason being a son of /Zeus/. 

Piper doesn’t even look at Jason after this. She fears for herself, and for what Jason could possibly do just because of his birthright. How do you think that affected Jason at this moment? The horror and fear that he could hurt the people he loves? That it could be inevitable for him to follow in his fathers footsteps? Especially when Piper doubts him at that moment, how could he also not doubt himself? 

Even though at the end of this conflict she shows her dedication and belief in him, that she believes he is better than the people he’s related to, I fear that the doubt was already planted in his head.

Moving onto the pressures that the Romans placed on him, I think it’s important context to look at what happened BEFORE he made it to CJ 

When he was abandoned by his mom at the Wolf House, she promised that she would come back to him, but she never did. 

His mother’s unkempt promise was at the core of who he was. He’d built his whole life around the irritation of her words, like the grain of sand at the center of a pearl. People lie. Promises are broken. That was why, as much as it chafed him, Jason followed rules. He kept his promises. He never wanted to abandon anyone the way he’d been abandoned and lied to. - pg. 31, the Blood of Olympus

So from the absolute beginning of his time in the Legion, he felt a strong need to follow rules, even though another part of him so desperately wanted to break free of them. 

And we know he struggled against the expectations about being a son of Jupiter because of the glimpses we get about his time in the Legion.

This had been the story of my life, he thought bitterly. Everyone had always watched him, expecting him to lead the way. From the moment he’d arrived at Camp Jupiter, the Roman demigods treated him like a prince in waiting. Despite his attempts to alter his destiny–joining the worst cohort, trying to change the camp traditions, taking the least glamorous missions, and befriending the least popular kids–he had been made praetor anyway. As a son of Jupiter, his future had been assured. - pg. 30 the Blood of Olympus

But I want to look at these expectations in a slightly different lens than just being destined to lead. Specifically, I want to look at this in terms of hegemonic masculinity, which is a specific social identity or performance of masculinity that is virtually unattainable. 

This masculinity was very likely part of the pressure that the Romans put onto Jason. This includes the idea that men, ‘real men’, need to be physically superior, money makers, have political power, be conventionally attractive, and use those looks and charms and status to have sex, like a Real Man™️should. 

You just KNOW that these warped ideals, mixed with the expectations of being the son of JUPITER aka horny menace #1 created some fucked up ideals in his head and pressure from others about how he should act.

All of this leads me to the conclusion that an ace Jason Grace would be a natural, and fitting identity, as well as add so much depth to his character

First of all, realizing he’s ace would be a huge relief

Apart from the “oh i’ve finally found language that describes me and my experience” (bc i feel like he’d hear one of his friends mention it during conversation and he’d be like what’s that? and then when they explain it he’d be like huh. interesting. very interesting. and then go home n scour the internet for resources to explain more)

There’d be that part of him that’s like, relieved that there’s a piece of him that inherently separates him from Jupiter’s legacy, in both the way way that Achelous outlined, and the one forced on him by the Romans

Jason who rejects that side of being related to his father, to being Roman, to being this glorified version of himself that doesn't exist. Jason who gets to relax and live without the fear that he's anything like his father. 

Also, this could work completely with how his and Piper’s relationship played out. They truly did love each other despite the godly meddling, but their circumstances didn’t set them up to last.  

And maybe… maybe their relationship worked so well for Jason, because of Piper's sexuality. 

Piper isn't really into guys like that (Jason maybe being an exception because of the memories from hera or because of specific circumstances/the kind of person Jason is), and Jason isn't really... into people like that and so he doesn't see anything weird about how Piper is either?

They're both not correct about their sexualities and maybe trying to cover it up which is what made their relationship kinda functional for a while because neither of them were pushing for anything super romantic or over the top or sexual

I feel like I could even pull from the Cupid scene to support this

If this invisible guy was Love, then Jason was beginning to think love was overrated. He liked Pipers version better - considerate, kind, and beautiful. pg. 289, the House of Hades

Considerate is SUCH a specific word choice. Especially when we know that considerate is the antithesis to everything Jupiter is. 

AND it’s the antithesis to everyone else in Jason’s life. Do you ever think the Romans were ever considerate to him? Likely not. They just expected him to perform, like a son of Jupiter should.

Therefore, his relationship with Piper was perfect for him, because she didn’t see him as a son of Jupiter. She saw him as Jason Grace, her best friend.

And if he ever does find a partner, he’d have the confidence and ability to be upfront about his sexuality because he won’t be pressured by expectations like that again. 

The relief of knowing intimacy looks a little different for him, and the relief of like, letting people be gentle and soft, with him and that’s all that’s expected. That's all he needs, and no one else feels he needs to go further either. He can just breathe.

That’s what Jason Grace deserves.

[vryfmi]

[major book spoilers!]

a mildly long analysis of skull and Lucy's relationship in TEG in light of recent Stroud's interview answer.

also i need this video on my blog

[audio transcript of The Writing Community Chat stream:

CJ (host), reading a question from NeeveDaFoe: I need to know why Skull is more powerful than Ezekiel!!!

Jonathan Stroud: Well, I think the power that he has is through his connection with Lucy. I think, ultimately, the message of Lockwood & Co books, and indeed most of my books, is that you get your strengths through the connection with others, love and mutual support. So, our friend, the skull, ultimately, gains his power through the relationship he's built up with Lucy over the course of the books, despite all his rude comments.

CJ, laughing: Nice!

/end transcript]

it's not like i didn't know it beforehand, the message is very clear in the books and especially in how skull and Ezekiel are juxtaposed in their confrontation. that skull looks almost like his alive self minus transparency and gauntness of his features, while Ezekiel has barely anything that would make us think he used to be human. he's disconnected from reality, he views himself as an ascended being. meanwhile skull is there to be a sarcastic menace and definitely not to save Lucy bc he definitely didn't grow to care for her.

but the thing is that Lucy tried to put her trust into skull only now. it wasn't even her first decision when confronting Marissa and Ezekiel, far from it. she'd freed skull only when Lockwood came in and she wasn't afraid to face whatever was at hand alone. being strangled by insane old woman possessing her granddaughter's body or get ghost-touched by Ezekiel or skull at that matter — doesn't make much of a difference. she did promise skull to free him, she got the taste of what it's like to be stuck on The Other Side, so she delivered, trusting that skull won't hurt her nor Lockwood when the two of them were seconds away from taking Marissa down, even if it was the last thing she did.

saying that skull payed back Lucy for freeing him just doesn't seem right. she was feeding him empty promises the whole book to the point where both skull and Lucy knew that they had this same conversation over and over again to no avail. but skull kept bringing it up. while Lucy couldn't bring herself to trust skull even after all help he provided for her and her friends.

but her attitude changes once she meets skull on The Other Side, the person that he once was. or at least that what she thinks in that moment because that's the same skull she was talking to for the past 2 years. Lucy has a clear disconnect: seeing not just an obscure grimace in the jar but a whole person before her. it strikes that The Lucy Carlyle Formula™ button and she aches with sympathy describing skull's appearance, acknowledging that he passed away at young age, at her age. whether she sees her situation and her inevitable demise in him, or is simply struck with "there's more to just the skull (a literal bone), there's a person before her", Lucy has a full 180 on skull from that point forward. but it's too late and it's her fault. skull gets taken away and Lucy is left alone in the kitchen. how much did she regret not listening to skull, not trusting him, not getting to know him? apparently a lot judging by their second (technically third) run into each other on The Other Side:

A wave of something washed through me. Relief? Pleasure at seeing something familiar in this dreadful place? Whatever it was, it made me warm. (TEG)

[i know what you are]

but if Lucy had time to ponder, so did skull. it makes sense that he'd say 'Shared names come with trust'. i believe he told the truth there and he forgot his name for good but still made it clear for Lucy — it's a bit too late for getting to know each other, especially after Lucy was giving him a cold shoulder, when that hammer was still on her belt. for all he knew, Lucy and her friends could've had not made it across Dark London and he'd be forever trapped in Fittes basement or worse. in any other situation he'd have no one to blame but circumstances, but here it would've been Lucy's fault.

and yet, despite all that, despite all rude comments and headbutting, skull's more human than Ezekiel because of Lucy, and he's stronger than Ezekiel because he cares for and loves Lucy. not my words, Stroud's. whatever sick manipulations and control Ezekiel had over Marissa and vice versa, it stood no chance against two mean teenagers that fought their way through trauma with humor, sarcasm and gratuitous bum jokes.

now leave me alone to sulk over skullyle

[dvarapala]

of course she can. of course she will. it's not even about wanting. it's about waiting. waiting to see when exactly cj will strike. because strike she will. she always will. she always does.

in a weird way, udyati appreciates that. cj is like a well thrown dagger. aimed right and true.

"how many guesses do i get?" it's important. "i want to say both, but you specifically said guess which. so it's probably one answer over the other."

is it surprising, how seriously she takes this? how seriously she takes cj's words and by extension, cj herself?

the youngest hook touches her rings, almost like she's marking them for later. claiming them before anyone else can, should anything happen.

(something will happen. there's a change in the wind, so to speak. there's unrest, more so than any other day. a bucket of water, about to spill over. a spark turning into a flame turning into wildfire.)

geez, ceej isn't making it easy for her. but then, that's cj for you. nothing about this place is easy. nor the people. though the people are easier than the place, if anything.

"before i guess, and i will, make no mistake: shere khan found a small, curved, single-edged blade at the bottom of the newest shipment; it's got a pistol-grip and everything. he said it's useless to him. i've got my own daggers. do you want it? it's yours if so."

(is this because udyati wants more time or is this because she thought of cj immediately when she spotted the small blade? the answer to both of these questions is yes.)

              “  can  if  you  want  me  to.  ”  she  leans  over  the  counter  for  udyati’s  arm,  fiddling  with  her  with  a  closeness  unfitting  of  her  attitude.  slender  fingers  dance  over  the  selection  of  udyati’s  pretty  rings.  she  touches  the  ones  she  wants,  almost  like  she’s  marking  them  for  later.  the  truth  of  her  visit  hasn’t  dawned  on  her  yet.  these  days,  it’s  like  she’s  sleepwalking  through  the  places  she  knows  to  be  half-safe,  until  there’s  nothing  left  for  her  but  the  burning  mess  that  she’s  made.  which  leaves  her  with  boring  peace  to  attend  to,  for  now.    “  guess  which.  ”    she  asks,  with  her  slow  smile  rising.  everyone  knows  the  nature  of  her  wandering,  like  a  lost  pet.  not  wanted  enough  to  be  kept,  but  certainly  enough  to  be  chased  around.  it’s  better  this  way,  anyway.  she’s  no  good  at  staying  put.  trouble’ll  follow  her  anyway,  if  she  can’t  make  a  mess  of  it  first.    “  wanna’  know  what  you  think.  ”    udyati  likes  her  better  small  and  charming  and  little  sister,  so  it’s  what  she’ll  be.  for  now.  anyway.

[luckykittens198]

When Your Dad is a Pillar of the Universe: snippets

1.

Random employee A: Urgh, my team expense is a bit more than the usual. We even have to cover maintenances with our own money.

Random employee B: Oh, why don't you ask Kim Rok Soo from team 1 for help? He is a whiz at that.

Random employee A: Really? Isn't he a bit scary?

Random employee B: It's fine if it was about this. Just ask him.

.

.

.

A few moments later

.

.

.

KRS: Here! (Slamming a wads of paper at the table) You can use this form for emergency maintenance reimbursement, and this form for regularly scheduled maintenance reimbursement.

Random Employee A: (gaped)

KRS: Also better filled this form to make sure the Finance Department can't deny your reimbursement requests. Ah, better filled in triplicate and passed it to the higher ups' secretary as well.

Random employee A: (wide eyes)

KRS: Do you get it??

Random employee A: Y-yeah. Thanks.

KRS: Listen, equipment maintenance is covered by the company. They just never tell us since they are stingy. Repeat after me, REIMBURSEMENT IS THE LIFE BLOOD OF EMPLOYEE WORKS

(Door bursts open)

LSH and CJS: (grabbing KRS's arms and left) Sorry about that!

Random employee A: what?

Random employee B: Yeah, that's KRS. The menace to Finance Dept.

.

.

.

A few weeks before KRS joins the company

Disembodied Mr. Fool: Son, let me tell you about the magic of reimbursement

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