#chronic tiredness

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

weird post inspired by crowley's walk but kinda sad what is this fandom doing to me

Okay, I was watching a bunch of compilations of Crowley's walk (don't look at me, you've been there) and I had a thought that I sincerely doubt was anyone else's first thought looking at them walk.

It was more specifically that scene, you probably can see it right now, when they get out of the throne-chair hip first, so absolutely fluid, and saunter off.

I wanna be like that. I want to be that light on my feet. I feel that every time I watch the recordings of plays especially musicals, looking at the theatre actors, and yep, I know David Tennant is one too. And it's not just because I've always wanted to do theatre but never have, though that is true.

(TW: uh, talk of being tired/ill, I want to put the warning just in case)

It's because I'm not very well, and I haven't been for a while. Nothing serious, I don't think, but I have very low stamina to start with, and because of medications for my mental health I'm always so tired. Even standing up or walking without waiting a whole minute can make me dizzy enough to flop right on the ground. Even when I (probably) had COVID a couple of years ago, my main symptom was intense, intense tiredness. A few months ago, I had a viral while living alone, and had to crawl my way around (hehe crawl) (this is the state of my dark humour, I am sorry).

And watching Good Omens just reminded me of everything that I want to do, looking at them dancing around rooms and racing in cars, walking through streets for ages and sitting on the arms of chairs. The show is just so filled with life, sprawling in bathtubs and driving through the English countryside, children running around and on rope swings, desperate kisses and reading in a bookshop.

And I want that so, so much.

I want to be able to spring up from chairs and be around human beings and saunter around the city. I don't want to be sleeping through more of the day than I am awake for.

Anyway, just thoughts.

But I do want to take this post to give some love to all of you, and special love to any of you who are struggling with illness. Chronic illness or otherwise, mental illness or physical illness, just any illness. Even if it is just that heavy, heavy tiredness, that we know all too well. When I studied disease, it was broken down into its roots: dis and ease, a lack of feeling at ease. And I am reminded of that one post I saw about chronic illness, and I'd like to say what I read there to you all:

"I hope the pain eases soon."

I know that life is waiting just outside this screen, but as long as I am too tired to go out to meet it, I'm so grateful to this show, to this fandom, and to all of you maggots for bringing life to me. The loneliness has eased since I've been here, and the smiles are a little more often, the tears a little less.

And I think that's really quite wonderful.

[iamyouknow-yours]

Thinking about starting a tally about how many people see me with my cane/scooter and feel like it's okay to ask me "what's wrong with you" or "what's with the stick"

Maybe I'll buy myself a chocolate or something when I hit a certain number. 50? What do y'all think?

Right now (from what I can remember, I have a terrible memory due to my Problems™) we're on 11. I started using the cane in like September ish I think. And I don't go places very often.

Maybe I'll start a separate tally for people who refuse to call it a cane or even a walking stick and just call it a stick

To be clear, I get it you're curious. But god can you not? My best friend's cousin who is 12 has more self restraint than any of the fucking adults who have asked me this. He took my best friend aside and asked why I use my scooter. I didn't even notice him doing this because he was fucking discreet.

I'm aware there are things "wrong" with me, can't you even put in the effort to have 5 minutes of regular conversation with me before asking at least? It's always the first thing out of these people's mouths after a greeting.

[kaztrolls]

It is 6am. I'm in pain and discomfort eating a bowl of rice in my bed while my cat makes bread using my blanket. I will have to move her soon.

I'm so exhausted I just want to feel okay again.

[konbupie]

ehehehghjfgsj coquettezai i did for a dtiys on insta 🎀🎀 hes so silly + chibi skk because i feel the need to make everything skk related

[fangirl-lilith]

Licensed therapy polar bear

[melit0n]

I need to shout about Distraction for a minute, so bear with me.

First off, ouch. Big fucking ouch. That thing has been licking the wound it helped create ever since it came out.

Second of all, the repetition of "it's too late for me" always being the background noise to an otherwise quite quiet song, other than the breakdown, is absolutely diabolical. The breakdown feels like a panic attack. A complete and utter mental breakdown finished with a scream-sob of something that has permeated the whole song; it's too late for me. It's always been too late, even with the help of Her, She who is not like any other and is far more than one could ask for, it's too late.

It's always been too late. She found him in the cold waters, on the verge of drowning in self hatred and tried to pull him up, but he didn't want to get Her hand damp. He is not worthy of it all and he screams for the final time for Her to let go because it's too late.

And then everything stops. We are back to the beginning; the quiet, repeatative beat of an anxious heart.

What makes it worse? Distraction is a loop. Starts on the same chord and ends on the exact same one with the same beat. She comes back again and again but it's still too late.

Distraction is a loop of self hatred laced with the inner turmoil of a Thing that doesn't believe it can ever get better because it fears the help of others. It believes it's not worthy of touch, and so rots in falling further again as it warps into something it never wanted to be; broken into fractions and driven to distraction.

[weirdstrangeandawful]

TW: chronic illness

Tiredness vs fatigue.

These are not the same.

When you're chronically fatigued, you are beyond tired. Beyond desperately tired even. You have no hope of not being fatigued. I am writing this hypomanic but physically my body will not let me function. Whether I like it or not. I cannot "power though it" like I can with tiredness. I am invisibly restrained. I am pinned.

[theelectricalcity]

most of the people in the system: *can't deal with our chronic fatigue for more than an hour at it's worst*

my co-host: *chronic fatigue holder and just always tired*

me: *just kinda deals with most of our issues*

both of us: *on our way to barely hold it together, but just enough that we're a mostly functional person*

[ratcandy]

my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down

[bug-hearted]

wip (there's a 50/50 chance i'm gonna finish this either in a week or in 3 months)

[autistic-katara]

why am i so tired ive done literally nothing today???

[crimeronan]

honestly i think once the hydroxychloroquine stabilizes me i'm just never fuckin' gonna have depression again. like don't get me wrong i'm gonna keep taking my bipolar meds so that i don't become psychotic and all that but i Cannot Fucking Imagine depression having ANYTHING on me EVER AGAIN. like i'm gonna be sleepy af in the winter because there's no goddamn sun but the concept of being like wow i'm too emotionally sad to go do some chores i have to curl up under blankets being sad and tired. LAUGHABLE. if this bitch has the physical energy to do stuff on any given day then this bitch is going to do stuff on every given day. i'm gonna spend this winter keeping on top of chores and cleaning my apartment and going swimming and enjoying social outings AND IF SOMETIMES I AM TIRED AND SAD?? TOO BAD BITCH YOU GOT A BODY THAT WORKS NOW WE'RE NOT DOING THIS. MENTAL ILLNESS AINT SHIT note this only applies to me kitkat specifically and no one else with depression which is a disability bc it's disabling. NOT FOR ME THO. NO MORE. CMON BUD YIP YIP

[noisytenant]

There are like a hundred reasons people are exhausted no matter what, and hypersomnia disorders (hi lol) are kind of the diagnosis when everything else is ruled out, but when i see people posting about being tired all the time, i always want to be like. there might be help for that you know......... you don't have to be resigned to this......... especially if you've tried changing your lifestyle to no avail, there might be an actual medical issue......... and you deserve to get help for that.........

[consolecadet]

Between the sleep apnea and the celiac it's unsettling to think that I've been so unable to digest food I was riddled with vitamin deficiencies and unknowingly incapable of deep and restful sleep for...years? I started having celiac symptoms ~13 years ago and have no idea when the apnea began but would not be surprised if it was in college. What if other people actually aren't doing all the same workarounds I've created to appear like a functional adult, and they have in fact been more functional than me this entire time due to Correctly Sleeping and Digesting Things? Like, I knew all along that my joints were worse than average and other people weren't in (as much) pain all the time, and probably that that much diarrhea was unusual, but I definitely thought everyone was tired. And also that I wasn't that tired. Somehow.

[podraje]

There is literally nothing wrong and yet I wanna cry.