#christopher columbus sucks

[dopplerdora]

I really hate this guy. Like yeah the murder, slaving, lies, and exploitation are horrific.

But he also takes Granny Helena out right when she gets to finally gets to explore one of her dreams and that's just a personal kind of evil.

[bethanythebogwitch]

I am a survivor of Florida, having gone to college there for 4.5 years. There's a lot (a LOT) to not like about Florida, but the wildlife is not one of those things. So for this Wet Beast Wednesday, I'm gonna talk about the most famous Florida resident, the manatee. And why stop there? I'll discuss all the sirenians in one go.

(image: three manatees facing the camera. They are rotund, resembling a potato in shape. Their heads are smaller and end in squarish snouts. They have two flippers at the front of the head. The tail is flat, wide, and round. They are grey all over)

The sirenians are a taxonomic order of marine mammals consisting of 4 living members: three species of manatee and the dugong. They are the only herbivorous order of marine mammals, a trait that has given the the nickname "sea cows". The name Sirenia comes from the sirens of greek myth. In the original story, the sirens were bird with the heads and breasts of women, but later stories turned them into mermaids and that's the version that's stuck. There are unconfirmed stories that European sailors (the most common story uses Christopher Columbus) mistook manatees for mermaids, which is why they're named after sirens.

(image: a manatee facing the camera. Its face is visible, revealing two nostrils on a broad, flat shout covered in whiskers. It's eyes are located above the snout and are small and black. It is grey, but has patches of greenish algae growing on it)

Sirenians all have a pretty similar body plan. They are fusiform (bulky in the middle and narrower at the ends) and very bulky animals not built for speed. They don't ned to be fast (though are capable of short bursts of speed) because unlike other marine mammals, they are herbivorous. The vast majority of a sirenian's diet consists of sea grass and most of the rest is other aquatic plants. All species have been known to supplement their diet with invertebrates, mostly during times of poor food availability. When feeding, they move their snouts through the sediment, letting sensory bristles detect plants. They then use their flexible and muscular lips to pull up the sea grass, roots and all. While an individual can eat up to 15% of their body weight a day, they are known to seek out seagrass patches with higher nitrogen content instead of eating everything they can get. This reliance on seagrass limits the range of sirenians to shallow coastal areas, rivers, and estuaries in warm climates. Hearing and touch (with the bristles that cover their bodies) are their main senses. Their eyes are weak, making them almost blind. Sirenians are large, with the largest ever known, Stellar's sea cow, growing up to 10 meters (33 ft) and 11 tons. Mature sirenians are large enough to have no natural predators. Like all marine mammals not named sea otters, sirenians have a thick layer of blubber to keep them warm. Their bones are extremely dense and likely act as ballast to counteract the buoyancy of the blubber. In the marine mammal breath-holding competition, sirenians do pretty bad. They can hold their breath for about 15 minutes at max.

(image: a dugong. It is similar in appearance to a manatee, but skinnier. Its tail is a fluke with two points. Its head is larger and the snout and mouth point downwards)

Sirenian reproduction is somewhat poorly-understood. They only have a single calf at a time (with a gestation period of about a year) and mothers will raise them for one to two years. Calves mature quickly, reaching sexual maturity in around 2-5 years in manatees and 8 years in dugongs, though most females do not give birth until between 6 and 15 years. Their nipples are located behind the flippers, making a nursing calf appear to be sucking its mother's armpit. Sirenians are solitary animals who typically only congregate in groups when females are in estrus. Males are believed to compete for the right to mate and may engage in lekking. Lekking is when a male will claim a territory and mate with females in this territory while chasing opposing males out. Sirenians live long lives, with the oldest known individual being a female dugong that lived to 73. Despite how long they live, each female will only get pregnant a few times in her life.

(image: a manatee mother with calf. The calf looks like a smaller version of the mother and is suckling, making it appear to be biting the mother's armpit)

As with all marine mammals, sirenians are descended from land mammals. The study of sirenian evolution has led to a surprising conclusion: the closest relatives of sirenians are elephants. It sounds weird, but there is substantial DNA evidence supporting this conclusion. In addition, the tusks of a dugong (see below) and flexible and prehensile lips of sirenians are based on the same structures as the tusks and trunks of elephants. It gets better, the next closest relative of both groups are the hyraxes, who look more like rodents than anything that should be related to an elephant or a manatee. All three are part of a clade called paenungulata, which is part of a clade called afrotheria. The other main group within afrotheria is afroinsectiphilia, which consists of aardvarks and various shrews. The afrotherian family reunions must be wild.

(image: a scientific diagram showing a cladogram of afrotheria and the groups within it. source)

The dugong (Dugong dugon) is the last surviving member of its family, which also included the now extinct giant Stellar's sea cow. The easiest way to tell a dugong apart from a manatee is its tail, which is shaped like a dolphin's fluke instead of the round tails of manatees. Internally, there are also multiple differences, many of them relating to the skull. The skull has a very distinct shape, with the upper jaw bending down at a sharp angle. The tip of the upper jaw has two short tusks emerging from it. These tusks are found in moth males and females, but develop differently. In males, they emerge when the calf reaches sexual maturity, while those of females only emerge later in life and sometimes not at all. It is believed that these tusks are used by males to fight over females, as males are often found with scars matching the shape of the tusks. Dugong teeth as simpler than those of manatees, being simple pegs. While manatee teeth will be replaced continuously through life, dugongs only get one set and have to make it count. Dugongs reach an average length of 3 m (10 ft) and 420 kg (930 lbs). Dugongs have the largest range of any sirenian, stretching from east Africa to the Solomon islands east of Australia. This range is fragmented rather than continuous and dugongs are separated into multiple isolated populations. The largest population is believed to exist in northern Australia.

(image: a dugong feeding on seagrass, seen from the front. It's snout is being dragged through the sediment, leaving a cloud of dirt behind it. Small yellow fish surround it)

The west Indian manatee (Trichechus manatus) does not live in west India. It lives in North America. I dunno who named it, but you had one job. The species is divided into two subspecies: the Florida manatee (T. m. latriostris) found in the Gulf of Mexico and east coast of the United States, and the Antillean manatee (T. m. manatus) found in the Caribbean and down south to Brazil. The Antillean subspecies is much more poorly known compared to the Florida subspecies. The Florida manatee may be the most well-studied of all manatees due to the extensive conservation efforts regarding them since the 1970s. Like other manatees, the WI manatee has a round, paddle-like tail and fingernails on its flippers. Their diaphragms are divided into two hemidiaphragms, each of which contracts one lung. They have the northernmost territory of all manatees, which comes with some consequences. They are susceptible to stress and even death when exposed to water under 20 degrees C (68 F). They travel south during winter, usually to southern Florida, but conservationists still have to rehabilitate manatees harmed by cool water every year.

(image: tourists in transparent kayaks observing a west Indian manatee swim below them)

The Amazonian manatee (Trichechus inunguis) is the only sirenian that lives entirely in freshwater, residing in the Amazon river basin. They move seasonally inhabiting flooded areas during the wet season and lakes during the dry season. They fast during the dry season, subsisting off of their fat stores. There are believed to be multiple relatively isolated populations of Amazonian manatee, but studying them is difficult due to them preferring to live in areas away from humans. The Amazonian manatee is the smallest sirenian, reaching between 160 and 230 cm (5 ft 4 in to 7 ft 7 in) and 120 to 270 kg (265 to 595 lbs). Scientist Marc van Roosmalen has proposed the existence of a related species, the dwarf manatee, that lives only in one tributary of Aripuanã river, which is in the habitat range of the Amazonian manatee. Their existence is debated, but most manatee scientists think that they are misidentified juvenile Amazonian manatees.

(image: an Amazonian manatee with calf, seen from ahead and below. they have the same body plan as the above images, but are a darker grey with a white patch on the stomach)

The African manatee (Trichechus senegalensis) is the only species found in the old world, in west Africa from Senegal to Angola. They occupy the largest range of habitats of all sirenians, from tropical islands to flooded forests, to offshore sand flats, to lakes and rivers. They will swim up river during the wet season and back down during dry season. Some isolated populations live exclusively in rivers, never venturing out to sea. They are the most omnivorous of the sirenians, seeking out invertebrates to eat and stealing fish from nets. Many cultural groups in their range consider the African manatee sacred, some saying they used to be people and that killing one requires paying a penance. Mami Wata, a water spirit revered in throughout west, central, and south Africa, has been identified with manatees by some folklorists.

(image: an African manatee seen from the side in an aquarium. It looks almost identical to the west Indian manatee)

All sirenians are classified as vulnerable by the IUCN, except for the Antillean manatee, which is endangered. As they have few to no predators as adults, the primary threats for all sirenians come from humans. Boat strikes and getting tangled in nets kills and injures many individuals, possibly more than die of natural causes. This is not helped by them lacking fear responses to predators, meaning they don't flee from humans and boats. All species were historically hunted for their meat, blubber, and bones, reducing their populations. While all species are now legally protected, poaching and legal hunting by indigenous groups still occurs. They are also threatened by habitat loss as coastal development, pollution, and climate change reduces the range of seagrass. Damming has also reduced their ability to travel up rivers, cutting off valuable feeding ground. Learning about freshwater ecology will make you despise dams. In the United States, the west Indian manatee has become an icon of conservation, especially in Florida, where they have extensive legal protections. Controversially, the US government reduced their legal protections in 2017, much to the ire of many conservation groups. The manatee is the state marine mammal of Florida, presumably narrowly beating out dolphins and meth heads wandering around the everglades.

(image: two juvenile manatees who were abandoned by their mothers. They are being bottle fed by employees of the Cincinnati zoo. Ideally, they will be able to be released into the wild once weaned)

[chronically-eepy]

Pjo incorrect quotes using my friend group quote book, part 2!

Piper: I feel like it’s justified to bodyshame Christopher Columbus

Annabeth: Why are there two semicolons in the same sentence!!!

Grover: Is that Percy? ... No that's a leaf.

Leo: l have to take a shower and I'm really nervous.

Piper: I remember sucking tits, it was the best moment of my life!

Leo looking at a lizard: Is that a Weiner dog?!

Nico: Kill yourself.

Will: That’s negative!

Piper: Leo wants to see me strip.

Shel: I wanna see you strip!

Percy: Do you ever wish that you could wish for a wish?

Piper: Women don't need rights! *slams fist on table*

Piper about Leo: He gets no bitches cuz he's chronically on feet finder.

Jason: Okay, okay, let's role play here!

Percy: This is a VERY kinky “I got trapped by a guard” role play.

Nico in dead silence: Jason is Joe Biden.

Leo: I'm not completely naked, I probably have my socks on.

Will: Gay sex is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Thalia: Scientist barbie… slut barbie!

Leo :I can do the stripper thing!

Annabeth: Calm your tits.

Piper: I don't have tits.

Annabeth: That is obviously a lie.

Piper: Spiritually I don't have tits.

Piper: PROSTITUTES WOO!

Nico about mythomagic: Just because I talked about a game for 10 minutes doesn't mean it's my whole personality.

Apollo: You reshuffle while I give my child drugs.

Piper: No one cares about Leo... I love you Leo.

Leo about Frank: He's my discord kitten.

Jason: I'm glad i got a job.

Percy: A hand job!?

Jason: Yeah.

[swallowtailed]

misericorde vol 2 (full 100% spoilers, i’m so serious)

ooooh i’m so compelled by angela. she sucks so bad, but in a perfectly clear and logical way. very well written character

on a related note it is SO funny how unpitchable this visual novel is. “sex comedy about an anchoress who discovers that all the nuns in the abbey think she’s cute” is both exactly and not at all what it’s about, and also, somehow, a gigantic spoiler

it’s really good.

it didn’t click for me that the abbey was supposed to burn down, and therefore it didn’t make any sense for hedwig to be back in the cell, until i heard the keys jangling in the cell door. excellent.

i… don’t think i believe flora is dead, actually. we haven’t seen a body, and the pacing of it doesn’t make much sense. something else is yet to be revealed there.

hidden chapter! HI EUSTACE <3

with the introduction of another suspiciously familiar individual i gotta say i’ve now got no idea what’s going on at all. catherine inventing time travel or reincarnation or both feels as likely as anything

i think the biggest missing piece, for me, is what catherine wants. all we know is “to kill the antichrist”, which… frankly could mean anything. a question i have about her is how ontologically correct she is: did she really have the means to kill the antichrist? if not, what was/is she wrong about?

do have to say i’m ultimately not that compelled by “the devil did it”. as a solution to the mystery, that feels like it reneges on a promise of the narrative (that it was one of the sisters). but who’s to say

i am satisfied by eustace’s explanation—as of vol 1 my assessment was that she knew something was up and so genuinely didn’t want hedwig to get involved, which seems to bear out. now, the question that does remain is, does she have a clearer idea of what really happened to catherine. unclear as yet imo.

i do still really think that not getting charity’s account of finding the body is sus. not that i think charity did something, i just feel like that’s hidden information

also in hidden information: what’s in the last sherry cask!!! with the odd little note about the massive sale i’m still suspicious

really good handling of distinct plotlines in this volume, also—i felt the wheels turning outside hedwig’s perception.

i don’t have a single clue what’s up with the disappearing shelves in the back of the library, although it does bear some thematic similarities to whatever tatiana/catherine is up to, and new!eustace’s appearance is also rather suggestive

on that note, i’m curious about the physical structure of linbarrow abbey. the name suggests it’s built on burial grounds, there are passages in the walls, something is up with the library, and we were told early in vol 1 that neither the plan nor the architectural styles line up. burning it down also seems to indicate some significance of the structure. so… hm.

thinking about where the mystery stands now. hedwig was made to promise not to investigate further, but of course the field of play has changed greatly. (god, poor james.) the abbey still has to burn down in the year 1434, and moira still has to be killed with the sword. angela as superior would surely want to keep pursuing suspicions of witchcraft. and hedwig is getting dragged back out of her cell, rupturing the framing device and narration. fascinating. perhaps someone else will be taking over as narrator?

sure, i’ll bite. why is there a picture of christopher columbus in a book about english nuns?

[captlok]

Reblogging for Indigenous Peoples’ Day

You know the absolute most trippy aspect of discourse surrounding whether Bruno is OCD or not? Let’s leave aside the main question itself. Recall that knocking on wood as a superstitious practice originated in Europe. Europe are colonizers. Right? The custom ended up in indigenous lands via the Spanish language, i.e., Spaniards. Also colonizers. So to hear people basically go on about ‘ignorant privileged colonizers’ not understanding that ‘the culture’ is not a mental disorder or associated paranoia, is like an American whining that how dare you disrespect and not understand their love of apple pie or baseball, built over the bones of the First Nations.

Encanto is explicitly stated to be set in Colombia, with a largely Columbian cast. In case the flame war wagers, experiencing what they perceive as prejuduce, residing in various countries or with second or third generation backgrounds, didn’t stop to pause and think ... their beloved superstition is not really Columbian. Or -ian anywhere else it has taken root in Latin America. Columbia is not Spain. The indigenous land (that was named ‘Columbia’) is to Spain as the First Nations land (‘United States’’Canada’) is to England.

Something that gets lost in translation (pardon the pun) is that the axis of ‘oppressors’ and ‘colonizers’ most definitely includes Spanish-speakers, even though English-speakers are in many respects higher on the global kyriarchy.

https://hiplatina.com/indigenous-peoples-of-colombia/

Probably should find some in-depth discourse post to attach this to, so indigenous people get more of a signal boost, as I’m a tiny blog, but maybe I’ll get to that later.

It’s doubly ironic if said person attacking people over Bruno actually has native blood... unknowingly, I suppose. I don’t know how common it is for general Spanish-speaking society to trace and talk about having indigenous genetics, like some well-meaning and in other cases willfully ignorant Americans trumpet it with scraps of genetics from First Nations. (*cough Sokka candidate controversy cough*) I don’t know if there are even enough historical or high-end genetic testing resources to do that most places. Or if it’s mostly oral tradition. Maybe (hopefully?) they tend to do discuss it better, with more tact. If anyone with direct experience or knowledge would care to shed some light on that, please feel free.

[columbusfirefighterdiaz]

The New Guy

Eddie Diaz wasn't nervous as he walked into the firehouse for his first shift as a probationary firefighter for the city of Columbus. Through the birth of his son and two tours, he always kept his cool and was the rock that everyone anchored themselves on. Eddie Diaz was also a liar because just as he was during the birth and those two tours, he was nervous as hell. However, during all these moments, his father's voice rang clear in his head telling him that even if he was nervous, a real man sucks it up and doesn't show anyone what they are truly feeling.

Despite the nerves, Eddie was also excited that he was finally going to be able to put his extensive training to work and relief for having a good excuse for being out of the house for 24 hours. While he was sad to miss a whole day with his son, Christopher, Eddie was happy to have a reprieve from having to be in the same house of his claim. Shannon has been unhappy for a while, she makes sure to tell him just how much every chance she gets, but it's not like Eddie has been happy either.

He and Shannon had met in high school and after she became pregnant, they rushed into a claim, and it's been downhill ever since then. That's one reason why Eddie decided to enlist the first time around. They had tried everything they could to salvage their relationship and claim, which hadn't worked so far, so Eddie decided to see if he could at least create some fondness with absence. That choice backfired on him once his son was diagnosed when he was almost 8,000 miles away. Eddie then made another questionable decision and re-enlisted for another tour. He told himself he was doing it for noble and financial reasons, but he could at least admit to himself that he was just trying to distance himself from his many problems.

When he returned from his second tour, there were no happy homecomings, at least where Shannon was concerned. Eddie was at least able to finally build a relationship with Christopher, but it seemed to be at the expense of his already strained relationship with Shannon. When Shannon's mother was diagnosed with cancer, Eddie decided to uproot his family and move to Columbus so that they could be closer to Shannon's mother. Once they settled into their new home, Eddie needed to figure out what his next career would be when fate decided to make the choice for him. While he was out job hunting one day, he witnessed a serious car accident and started to do some any triage that he could. When the firefighters arrived, they complimented him on his skills and jokingly asked if he wanted a job. After looking into it a bit more, Eddie thought it was pretty much a perfect fit for him, so he enrolled in the Columbus Fire Training Academy.

When he was trying to decide which fire house to join after graduation, it only took one meeting with Bobby to know that the 118 was where he was meant to be. He could only hope that the other members of the fire house felt the same way. Once he changed into his work clothes, which he did find weird that the locker room was surrounded by glass walls, Eddie knew it was time to meet the other members of his new team.

@cfdbuckley

[anew-jackson]

‼️ITS🍗 SPANKSGIVING 🍂 BITCHES‼️On this day 🗓 many years ago 😮 the SLUTTY 👠 PILGRIMS 🎩 sailed ⛵️ across the ASSlantic 🌊 HOEcean in a quest 👀to find 🔎 more 😍 COCKS 🍆 to SUCK! 👅 Together with the 😈 NAUGHTY 😈 NATIVES 👹, they gathered 👫 around the dinner table 🍽 and had 🎉 our nation’s very 1️⃣st GANG BANG! 👯‍♀️👯👯‍♂️ We honor 🙌🏻 their ORGY 😮 every year 📆 by giving THANKS 🙏🏼 to all 🥰 that’s important ❤️ to us: Family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦, Friends 👬, Freedom 🇺🇸, and DICK! 🍆🌽👅 So grab your BUNS, 🍞✊👉👌squeeze those BREASTS, 🍗🔥🤲 and shove a cornaCOPIOUS 🌽🌽 amount of DICK 🍆 😩 into that hungry 😮 hungry HOLE! 🕳💓👅 Ladies 👯‍♀️, just like your 🦃 THOTSgiving 🦃 turkey, it’s time ⏰ to throw your legs 🤸🏼‍♀️in the air 🤸🏼‍♀️and prepare to get ➡️ STUFFED 🙀! After dinner,🍴it’s time 😮 for CUMPKIN PIE!! ��� Show Daddy 👨🏽‍🦳 how 🙏🏼 thankful 🙏🏼 you are and LICKK 😛 his WishBONE 🦴 until he gets as HARD 🏔as PlyMOUTH rock ⛰ and shoots 💦 his HOMEADE GRAVY 🥣! 👅 Midnight 🌙 starts 😈 BLACK ⬛️ FRIDAY 🛍 so send 📤 this to 🔟 THOTS 💁🏻‍♀️you are thankful 🙏🏼 for! If you get 0️⃣ back, sail 🔙 to England 🖕🏻🤮 If you get 5️⃣ back, you’ll be getting your corn 🌽 CREAMED 😋🥰. Get 🔟 back or more, and the 🙀 BIGGEST, 🙀 GIRTHIEST, BLACK⚫️ FRIDAY 🍆 COCK 😱 is CUMMING 💦YOUR WAY AT MIDNIGHT 🙀😍🙀😍🙀😍

christopher columbus didn’t die for this

[sachermorte]

HAPPY THOTSGIVING 💦🦃🦃🦃🍴👅👅 TURKEY ISNT THE ONLY THING GETTING STUFFED AND GOBBLED 👌👈😫😫👅 YOURE ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOES 👭🍑💦❤️❤️ IM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE A FILTHY SLUT LIKE U IN MY LIFE 🍆💦🍂🍂🍂 SEND THIS TO 🔟 OF THE NASTIEST 👄💃 PILGRIMS YOU KNOW 🦃🦃😫😫😏😏 IF U GET THREE BACK THEN U REALLY A HOE 👌👌

hey you 🦃 turkey🦃 lurkey slut 👅👅. it's 🍂November🍂. you know what that means❓🕑time🕖 to gobble 👏gobble👏gobble👏 on a big ol😜😜dick. back in1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣2️⃣,our main bitch 💁💁Christopher Columbus👦🏻and those slutty 👙👠pilgrims🏊🏊had to 💦💦cum💦💦 to America⛵️⛵️⛵️🇺🇸in search 🔍of new dicks to suck🐓🐓🐓. send this to1️⃣0️⃣ of your sluttiest pilgrim🌽🌽bitches or you won't get any 💦gravy💦 this year. get1️⃣0️⃣ back and you're a sexy stuffing slut😽😽. happy 🐓cock🦃 gobbling👄 thursday

[prettyboyincc]

christopher columbus sucked, happy columbo day instead <3 (posting both the edit i made for today and a redraw of the first time i ever drew him here cause columbo tumblr deserves both :])

[kcyars99]

Drake is the Christopher Columbus of hip hop music and he deserves the same hate as Columbus because they are both colonizers

Also he has no reason or right to talk about his opp rapping like he’s trying to free the slaves because being a biracial white leaning Jewish Canadian if he thinks that a black African American man is a slave then in his mind alll African Americans are slaves which makes Kendrick having this insta iconic concert a week ago on Juneteenth a celebration where the slaves learned that they are freed from slavery a significant clap back against Drake statement

If someone said that Drake raps as if he’s looking for a final solution then that would be considered antisemitic

Also he deserves the same hate as Columbus because he profits off of black American culture but when it comes to important issues like Black Lives Matter he is silent

Where was his outrage when alll the black men women and children were beaten or killed by the police in the last ten years or better year the last four years? His protests? His involvement ? Nowhere

But he has no problem with sucking up to black male abusers that harm black women though

Like others who are known for appropriating other races cultures they have associations and relations with the race they steal from but have no respect for their lives

Yalll delusional if you still think that Drake won over Kendrick because it’s been proven otherwise get over it

[dopplerdora]

There is no way in hell that Astolfo's ass would get stuck in a hole that Christopher Columbus could make it through.

[hard-times-paramore]

The Assassin's Creed movie was so bad it was funny.

Like... I don't even know what to do with this. I didn't know if that movie was a canon installment to the franchise, because it contradicted pre-stablished canon from the games.

It looked cool though.

Full ramble under the cut.

It sucks as an entry to the Assassin's Creed universe. It completely messed up the modern lore Ubisoft built for itself. As a movie on itself it was confusing as hell too because it's supposed to be a tie-in to the games. They priorized the visuals over the story, and the poor protagonist didn't know what was happening 90% of the time - just like anyone trying to watch it without seeing the games - but anyone who did play the games knew that most of the exposition and plot and elements directly contradicted canon.

So yeah, it was a mess. It was a beautiful trainwreck.

There were some pros. Listen, Michael Fassbender is a hot dude. I like the hot dude and it did give me great enjoyment to see him all anxious and soggy in hospital-prisoner clothes. There was a lot of whump in this movie with the beautiful man and I can appreciate that.

But we also had a buuuunch of exposition and Abstergo apparently just hunts Assassins to do experiments on them now, and yet, they keep them - people who know how to sneak around and steal shit - in the same building as a bunch of ancient Assassin weapons.

And the whole fuss over finding the Apple, like. Aren't there a ton of Apples? Why were they treating that one as unique? Don't they still have Desmond's remains to find the other one? Was Callum really their last hope?

I also dig the historical sessions. Aguilar de Nerha, Callum Lynch's ancestor (also played by Michael Fassbender) was fucking cool in his hooded robes and hidden blades doing parkour chase scenes around. But yeah, he didn't have that much characterization either. Again, it's like they just priorized the visuals of it. And him speaking Spanish, like 💀 my god.

I'd genuinely have enjoyed just the historical sections aside from their last fucking minute where they revealed fucking CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS was a friend to the Assassin Order and the person Aguilar trusted with the fucking Apple of Eden.

IF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS IS ANYTHING HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TEMPLAR. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Also you should see this movie's Animus. The Traumatron 3000. They put him in the GLaDOS

It looked like a fucking GLADOS, seriously, it was a VR spine connected to the ceiling and Callum was AWAKE for his memories instead of sleeping like Desmond's. He was having full Bleeds after ONE session and everyone was like "oourgh he can't go back in there it's too risky"

Y'ALL HAD A PERFECTLY SAFE ANIMUS, WHY DID YOU MAKE A NEW ONE THAT MAKES YOU GO CRAZY FASTER?

Also, Aguilar fucking hated Callum. Like, in his Bleed episodes, his ancestor just fought with him. It's so fucking funny when you compare with Ezio and Desmond, who was like "everything will be alright, your suffering will end someday" meanwhile Aguilar was just beating the shit out of Callum.

And in the end the fucking Oppenheimer quote when Alan Rikkin was asking his daughter for a world domination speech.

What a beautiful trainwreck of a movie. Dude it sucked, you gotta see this.

[lolazoid]

I’ve seen a couple posts about it and I just wanna say, I LOVE the theory that Topher isn’t actually Colombus.

You wanna know why? Because it’s make all his efforts of being woke and accepting he’s the clone of Colombus FOR NOTHING. Think of how funny it’d be to see this man tweak out thinking ppl will like him just to realise “damn maybe they don’t like me because they suck-“

Plus: it’d be nice to see the bleacher creatures happy for him-

Extra plus: if it motivated Topher to go through an arc of accepting himself and learning he’s different from his clone even if it isn’t Christopher Columbus

[kimpossibooty]

HAPPY THOTSGIVING 💦🦃🦃🦃🍴👅👅 TURKEY ISNT THE ONLY THING GETTING STUFFED 👌🏻👈🏻👅😩😩😩 YOURE ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOES 👭🍑💦❤️ ❤️IM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE A FILTHY SLUT LIKE U IN MY LIFE 🍆💦💦💦🍂 🍂🍂SEND THIS TO 🔟 OF THE NASTIEST 👄💃🏽 PILGRIMS YOU KNOW 🦃🦃😩😩😏😏 IF U GET THREE BACK THEN U REALLY A HOE 👌🏼👌

Spanksgiving👋🏻🦃🌽 is right around the corner you dirty slut😈😏😛 R u a sexy lil pilgrim?😈🎩🏃 or a naked native¿¿👹😵✊This thanksgiving 👏🙏 make sure you stuff that 😻pussy🙀🐱 right like a phat turkey🦃🍆😏and you sluts🙆🏼👅👄 make sure you give that🦃turkey🐔 a good👍🏼👌🏼ole jerky✊🏻 and get ready 🤗😎 to give😏🙄😘 OR receive😍😫 thanks🍑Send this text ❗️▶️ to the ten sluts😈😽💦you’re most thankful for! If not, you gon gain 30 pounds on thanksgiving 😳😱If you get 10 back��🤔🤑 you are one baddd turkey stuffer🍆💦🌽

Hey bitches! 💦💦 CUMpkin pie 🍰👅 lover 😘 it’s finally HOEvember 🍂🌰🍅 time to be 😉 thankful 😏😜💋 for all that sweet potato 🍊 DICK 🍆🍆🌽👅 you’ve had this fall…..now send this to t e n 1️⃣0️⃣ of your 👄💦 sexiest 😛😛 🦃 TURKEY 🦃 sluts in the next 🕕 1 5 seconds 🕒 or you’ll miss out 😵😵 on the black COCKDAY 🍆🌽🍌🌶 DEALS!!! 👎🏿😨 if you get FIVE 5️⃣ back then you’re officially 😳 a 😮 SEXY STUFFING 🐂🍞 slut 😘 who goin get STUFFED on Turkey day with daddy’s special recipe! 👏🏻💦 if you get t E n 5️⃣➕5️⃣ then you can look forward to 😏😋 a black COCKDAY like you’ve never had before 🎅🏻 and it’s time to show Santa whERE THE BAD BITCHES AT (you’ve never heard of that 😵😛👅👄👌🏻💦💦💦

Gobble 🦃 gobble 🦃 you turkey Thot 😩👌 HOEvember has finally cum💦 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of ur biggest STUFFING SLUTS 👊👊 who wanna be STUFFED with that turkey 🍆🍆🍑 get 5️⃣ back you a 🦃 dry turkey hoe 🍗😪 get 1️⃣0️⃣ back, you a 🍑 YUMMY STUFFED SLUT 🍑 hurry ❗️ send this in 2️⃣ minutes or you won’t 👋 get any 🍆 this DICKcember 🍆 Happy 🍆🍑 STUFFING 🍆🍑 this year 💯 TURKEY THOTS 💯

its DANKsgiving 🖕🏼🖕🏼U HUNGRY 💯HUNGRY 😘😘HOES‼️ 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🌬🌬🌬THIS WEDNESDAY BECOMES 🍃💨🍃WEED-DAY 🍃💨🍃—> AND 🌽🦃🌽 THURSDAY🙇🏽👨‍👩‍👧‍👧👩‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍👨‍👧‍👧 BECOMES THIRST-DAY 💦 🍗🦃🍗💦AS YOU CHOKE ON A TURKEY 🦃🦃🐔DICK🍗 AND FEAST 🍴🍽ON CUM-STUFFED 💯 🙄😜😝YAMS 🍆🍠👌🏽👍🏼🖕🏼. SEND THIS TO TEN BLAZERS💨🌬💯 IN 🔟TEN 🔟🔟SECONDS OR THE TURKEY 🦃GODS 👀👁🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾WILL 💩SHIT 💩IN YOUR PUMPKIN PIE 🌽🍰AND YOU WILL WAKE UP💤😴🙅🏽 WITH A WISHBONE🙅🏽🙅🏽🙅🏽 UP YOUR❗️🍑🍑 ASSCRACK🖕🏼🍑🍑❗️

thanksgiving time🕐 to gobble 👏 gobble 👏 gobble 👏 on a big ol😜😜 dick 👌💋. back in 1⃣4⃣9⃣2⃣, our main bitch 💁💁 Christopher Columbus👦🏻 and those slutty 👙👠 pilgrims 🏊🏊 had to 💦💦cum💦💦 to America⛵️⛵️⛵️⚓️ in search for new dicks to suck 🐓🐓🐓. send this to 1⃣0⃣ of your sluttiest pilgrim 🌽🌽 bitches or you won’t get any 💦 gravy 💦 this year. Get 5⃣ back and you’re a mashed potato hoe 😟. get 1⃣0⃣ back and you’re a sexy stuffing slut 😽😽. Happy cock 🐓 gobbling 👄 thursday 👌

I’m love you

[bitchapalooza]

Spain: I can send you the money tomorrow, I just don’t have it today. Sorry.

America: No it’s “Columbus day”, banks are gonna be closed tomorrow.

Veneziano just as the room goes dead silent: Christopher Columbus can suck my hairy cock.

*entire room immediately loses it*

Veneziano: Oh shit did I say that out loud? I’m so sorry…

Romano, wheezing through tears and laughter: I’ve never been more proud of you in my entire life, holy shit.

[11queensupreme11]

Come up with 13 fighters from the Gods' side and 13 fighters from the humans. You're only allowed 2 repeated fighters. [This time, add more goddess representation.] ~ ^(ФωФ)^

13 god fighters:

hera (i just wanna see her fight, this bitch is CRAZY, i know she'd totally win her round)

bastet, egyptian goddess of cats (i picked her because i like cats)

hel, norse goddess of helheim (i like her in the thor: ragnarok movie)

cheuksin, korean toilet goddess, yes you heard me right

yal-un eke, mongolian goddess of fire (she just sounds cool)

baba yaga (not actually a goddess, but a slavic folklore character, but if ror can have to ocs, then i can do this!)

manislat, phillipine goddess of broken homes (she's a crazy bitch that thrives on broken homes and gets pissed whenever ppl are happy 💀, probably hates child protective services? or maybe doesn't cuz they kinda suck too)

yudi or jade emperor, the chinese god of heaven

batara sambu, indonesian god of teachers (i would pit him against an american simply because he would be pissed at the low wages teachers have there)

enlil, mesopotamian god of wind, air, earth, and storms

raijin, japanese god of thunder and lightning

maui, hawaiian demigod (picked him cuz of the disney movie moana)

dievas, lithuanian god of light, sky, prosperity, wealth, ruler of gods, creator deity

13 human fighters:

christopher columbus (solely because i know he'd get absolutely wrecked and i would enjoy every second of it)

marilyn monroe (idk who she would fight, but she would win!!!)

cleopatra

elizabeth bathory (yes the psycho)

joan of arc

martin luther king jr (he would make a GREAT speech before beating the shit outta his opponent)

anne boleyn (not only will she win, but henry viii would become public enemy #1!!!)

karl marx (communism 😈)

sigmund freud (lets be honest, the gods are incestuous so he'd have a blast diagnosing them with oedipus complex/electra complex. this is his wet dream come to life!)

freddie oversteen (lured and killed nazis with her big sister!!!)

julius caesar (watch him get stabbed again LMAOOOO)

sappho (she will win by rizzing up her female opponent through the power of romantic poetry and they both will live happily ever after, the end 💖)

king arthur pendragon (he's in shrek, lol)