#chocalate

[chaptertwo-thepacnw]

[rhesusbaby]

Story Time

Why did I meet him?

So I had been fixating over this one guy but not in the way you'd expect. Sent feww stupid impulsive texts, still receive bouts of embarrassment from it that makes me feel like convoluting in on myself till I disappear.

It started from sorrow, jealousy & grief. Of course now that you've made a bridge with that, infatuation & hormones want to drive their car over that too cos it's easier to be at peace with hate & feeling inferior & unsafe if infatuation steps in. Wonder if that's the base of a Stockholm syndrome, tho most probably im wrong.

We met through family, he's stuying the same thing I am, he's in med school, a year above. And I'm coming in with a lot of pain, lotta baggage, lotta hurt of 7 yrs worth & before that meet up, I had been pretty much isolated as humanly possible (trauma response).

And everyday I woke up to breathe with the sole purpose: to be at peace with not only the past but ongoing pain, just to survive one little day more, when everything from the moment you woke up is pushing you to give up on that notion. God, why did I meet with him.

Well we sat down & struck a conversation. One part of my brain responsible for physical composure just begged the rest of my brain to pick up, if only on just a few social cues & respond as a normal person would, like one would expect from the human we just inhabited (jk). Cos this was not some rando meet up, it was through family, & that just amped up a bit of anxiety for this part of my brain that was responsible to not let anyone know even a whisper of something different about me when internally my mind was melting (I'm almost 99.9% sure there were structural changes to my brain), I completely lost my identity (you guys, don't take it for granted), & just simply living was extreme pain, & now the added burden of living a lie & schlapping the outards with a pristine coat of "everything is proper & good" paint, cos pretense of anything less is even worse than dying inside; all the while I'm being turned inside out, my mind being broken a bit less beyond repair, then building it up just to be completely broken again. How do I function? How do I perform? I'm not even a human.

Well here I'm just hopeful the puppetmaster would pull the right strings & hopefully I give appropriate reactions at the right time from the booklet of info we had gathered after the Wipeout to act like an extremely normal person who is extremely okay, make it out like a well adjusted individual & that's what everyone will remember, none the wiser.

Well back to the sitting & conversing. Atm we were trying to order & it was taking me a bit more time & my brain started going off with the "this is not normal, act normal" alarm but to my relieved surprise, it was taking him even longer to order. I deflated in relief, I was being normal if he's doing it too.

Then I wondered what's taking us so long, since the only option in the entire menu was just chocalate. One way or another we'll end up with a bunch of chocalate anyway (it was a restaurant based on chocolate you guys, it's literally called The Chocalate Room).

I came across a shake, some KitKat shake I think that I finally liked but I glossed over it, knowing he'd order that & it's just stupid to order two same things for the table.

I ordered. He ordered the KitKat shake.

And what does my unchecked mouth say next?

"I knew you'd order that", my mouth speaks. And the energy akin to the reaction "...uhhh" settles on the table. My brain goes off again, "do normal people tell eachother's premonitions out loud? Are premonitions normal?" nonetheless I hurriedly shut my mouth.

Next, we started discussing the different options related to the field, what's all out there etc.

And that's when he started laying blow after blow.

Stay tuned.

Will be continued...

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[gastronomissima]

14 de setembro de 2023

Para o cafezinho da noite 🖤

[septaylorsversion]

I wanna eat salted caramel chocolate all day

[housepartyhyd]

Start your week with an amazing night.

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[gugiskitchen-blog]

Double Chocolate Delight: Decadent Cheesecake with Homemade Ice Cream

[sphinx-musings]

I like Angel (Btvs/Angel) because at first he seems cool and mysterious but he's actually a socially awkward loser. I like Spike cause he goes out of his way to seem cool and badass when he's actually a big loser who acts like a puppy dog because he ended up falling for buffy despite really not wanting to.

[capitalisticveins]

Imagine how fucking EASY it is for a Stealth to steal from an unempowered store or deli. They walk in, take like 7 snacks, walk out. and no one even knows they were there

[wabama]

I love her baby already let's set that! But as far as I'm concerned my girls AND I are STILL MARRIED to Shana FOH (we don't need papers)

[pettyprocrastination]

Taking the day to commemorate that santa claus as played by David harbor could hit it raw and nasty no matter what holiday it is god bless you all happy yule

[chimchimyoonie]

ANGELA GIARRATANA PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND IM IN LOVE WITH YOU 🥹😭

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[loveeari]

harry: what's that? draco: chocolete imported from france so decadent and had ingrediants imported from- harry stuffing chocalate in his mouth: cool draco: die. harry: <3 draco: ugh nvm

[lepidopteragirl]

the thing about me is that i love a nice warm drink all times of this beautiful year