#chill is not part of my lexicon

[old-desert]

Inktobertale 2024 Day 9: Crowd

This is a redraw of this post

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics With Titles That Start With L (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

Lamb (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil goes to the house that has plagued him with nightmares for two decades

Lane Boy (ao3) - disloyalorderoftrash (orphan_account)

Summary: Dan is a bored law student who hates university. One weekend, he has a one night stand with some stranger in some bar. However, when he returns to university after the break, he meets this stranger again - as his new teacher. They take up a casual affair, but will they be able to keep it secret? Is it really just casual and meaningless? And will Dan finally find the courage to quit university and start following his dreams?

Lap It Up (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Phil knows exactly what Dan needs

last disco (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Two ridiculously-dressed guys meet on a night out.

(An AU where Dan gets dragged to the club and meets Phil, who’s dressed as the world’s gayest cowboy.)

Last Fling (Before the Ring) (ao3) - phanetixs

Summary: "-some baldy McGee pushes me against some chair and starts you know- gyrating his hips in my face and it was all very traumatic.”

“That’s a lap dance, Philly.”

(Or the story of Dan and Phil, stag nights, and why Phil Lester absolutely cannot go clubbing alone)

Laundry & Taxes (ao3) - serendipnpipity

Summary: In the world of yazisnotonfire and AmazingFiona, Yazi Howell still doesn't know how to do her laundry.

laundry day (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: “Moving in?” Phil jokes mildly when he opens the door and sees the suitcase.

Lavender Lace (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Dan absolutely loves it when dom!Phil gets rough with him. He especially loves it when he chokes him.

Law of Obligations: Contracts, Restitution, Tort (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: He can’t think, he can’t breathe, it’s all too much. He’s feeling too much. He’s feeling everything. It’s all too fucking much. God, it’s a terrible neurotic contrast to those grey patches of time where he can’t feel anything at all. He has no idea how to bear it.

A fic about panic attacks and academic stress.

leaned a bit too hard (ao3) - jailedmoonshine

Summary: Growing up, Phil resented her name. She already didn't care for dresses and heels, so it was even harder convincing people she was actually a girl. As the years pass and her styles change, she decides to stop for a pint at a pub along her drive, giving her body a chance to breathe from the chill that was coming in.

Hang on... is that a nun?

Legends of the Light of Heart (ao3) - serendipnpipity

Summary: “For being Your Royal Highness, you know, you’re a bit of a spoon.”

***

Once upon a time, when the land was still ruled by kings and queens, there lived a young prince named Daniel, heir to a dying land...

Let Me Help (ao3) - prettyelephant

Summary: Phil gets a cat hair in his eye while shooting for the calendar so naturally Dan helps him get it out.

let's laugh about it later (ao3) - NormaLamber

Summary: Dan thinks about what makes Phil Phil and also the importance of trust in a relationship.

lexicon of lip and fingertip (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Phil sinks against Dan.

“Oi, hold your own weight,” Dan teases him. “Tudor princess.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Phil retorts, licking Dan’s neck.

Like a Bowl of Oranges (ao3) - cloej88

Summary: Dan has built a solid career for himself as a ghostwriter. He safely hides behind other people’s words, crafting their tales and pocketing the cash without any threat of notoriety. But lately he has been working on a book of his own, itching for a change.

Phil is an indie filmmaker who happened into some huge breaks over the last few years. He wants to use his influence to uplift queer stories for the screen, so he puts out an open call for story submissions. At his agent’s behest, Dan submits his story.

The writer!Dan and director!Phil friends/co-workers to lovers AU that we never knew we needed.

Like Dreaming of Angels (ao3) - steddieornot

Summary: While he firmly believed everyone deserved love, in some shape or form, this was something else. The love he and Phil shared was otherworldly, impossible to contain. It was more than romantic in every feasible way. And somehow, fate had bestowed it upon him, just a guy from a small town in Reading. And deep down, he knew that even if fate rewrote his path, he would still have found Phil every time.

Like Fine Print (ao3) - totalincandescense

Summary: Every few weeks, Dan was given an unfriendly reminder of at least one of the many reasons why he never went outside.

The most frequently recurring thing on the list being the general existence of people.

But more specifically, the existence of people who flirted with Phil.

Lions and Candy (ao3) - Mysticallykai

Summary: Dan has to take his little brother trick or treating. He hates doing it, but that all changes when they get to the last stop of the night.

liquorice ice cream (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan and Phil go on a date to the zoo.

(Snapshots of their Swedish zoo date, September 2024. This fic is free from TIT show spoilers!)

look how far we've come now baby (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: It was days later, in a hotel bed with a view of the Portugal sky, that Phil had murmured into the darkness, “But yeah. Maybe grown-up queer prom would be nice.”

look how (the stars) shine for you (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Two boys looking at the night sky together, 14 years apart.

Look who's inside again (ao3) - Frog910

Summary: Dan is struggling with dark thoughts, and Phil worries about him as he's gone without notice again.

Lost In Thought (ao3) - microwaveoven

Summary: Based on that one part in pizza mukbang 2 where DNP talk about why the hiatus started and how Phil felt lost for a while

loud heart (ao3) - phiclets

Summary: The orange heart reply was a cultural moment; this is my vision of what might have led up to Dan posting it.

Love you through it all (ao3) - Lesbianphan

Summary: A glimpse into Dan and Phil’s journey over the years, through dates/holidays and all the adventures they’ve embarked on together. Just some introspective fluff, featuring the many different stages of their relationship we’ve witnessed over the years

Loving His Ear (ao3) - Kim_Aurora_135

Summary: Appreciation literature

[bonefall]

Hi there, love your BB AU! And lately, I've been curiously looking at Clanmew and how I would translate my OC's names. I have a gal named Posystar, and I was wondering how 'posy' might be translated in Clanmew? Do they have a word for it, or a word similarly describing a small bunch of flowers? I was also curious as to how I would translate her deputy Lotuswing, I know Lotus flowers aren't native to the UK, but is there a word that might similarly evoke the word? Also, would cats know specific shades of colors? (My healer gal is Cobaltfreckle) Are there words for them? Or are they more generalized? I noticed there wasn't a word for 'sting' in the lexicon? Then again maybe that's just me passing over it :) {For my man, Kestrelsting} I also couldn't find a word for mimic (for my gal Tempestmimic) Checking the lexicon there also isn't a word for borage, so I went to double check that it's native to the UK, but google wasn't being quite clear with me haha. (Boragedusk) I couldn't find the word bristle either, but I'm not entirely sure whether or not the cats would have a word for that, nor could I find a word for back (as in a cat's back). (Blizzardback) Looking up 'Junco birds' it says that they are very rare visitors to the UK, what would a good replacement for this prefix be? (For my bold lil kitty Juncopaw) And last but not least, the boy himself, Mitzy Moo Moo. I'm not entirely sure how to go about translating his name? He's a former kittypet. Would his name stay the same, could he pick a translation? If he did keep his name would it be pronounced differently? So sorry for the long ask! Feel free to ignore it :) I'm obsessed with your project and love the work and care you have put into it!

Lots of new words here, let me try my best! For Cobaltfreckle, Juncopaw, and Lotuswing, dive into the Lexi and try to take a look at the colors, birds, and lilypad words! I also linked some asks there that may be helpful. There's also a word in there for clusters of tiny flowers.

New words time!

Posy/Bundle/A pack of dried herbs, typically for storage or traveling = Rushe (Leaf + Dry) A "Posy" as I know it is a bundle of dried, smelly flowers, based off the miasma theory hypothetical that posited that the basis of all sickness was "bad smells" and environments. So the closest translation here is probably a package of herbs! Could also be used in the context of a "prescription." This is the bundle of herbs you will be taking-- one leaf a day, two leaves boiled at dawn and dusk, etc. These are still administered by the Cleric though.

Stung/Stinging/Will Sting = Kskaib/Kskai/Kska The sharp pain of disinfection OR an aggressive insect attack-- can refer to biting or stabbing. The sharp, sudden pain is the most important part here.

Imitated/Imitating/Will Imitate = Shesapab/Shesapa/Shesap A more positive association for mimic! This implies flattery, or an attempt to pick up a useful skill through observation. Owlstar picked up hunting skills from an owl through this. An apprentice is expected to do this with their mentor.

Bristle = Shech A thick, stiff hair. Associated strongly with boars, but also some types of plant fibres pass beyond "needle" and arbitrarily become bristles, like the frayed end of a chewstick used to clean teeth.

Hackle = Chefaf The especially long hairs that lay along a cat's spine, and stick straight up when the "hackles are raised." LOTS of words are used interchangeably with these to be poetic, including bristle (defensiveness), harmless thorn (bluster or bravado), or even tall grass (excitement/chills)

Hackled/Hackling/Will Hackle = Makekes/Makeke/Makek The act of raising your hackles-- the line of fur down a cat's back! Instead of describing this very common action as "His hackles started to raise," they describe it as, "He was hackling."

[lazyyogi]

Spiritual Fitness, Physical Alchemy

When I was growing up, I loved to play. I would run around outside, pretending I was some hero, wizard, or secret agent. I would climb trees, leap from rock to rock across small creeks, and just generally scamper about. In my room, I would put on music and dance all over the place.

Using my body didn't feel like work; it felt like celebration. It was the kind of joyfulness taken entirely for granted, as I had known no alternative at that age.

The Fall

I remember being in elementary school and looking at the middle schoolers who no longer played or enacted pretend games and it made me sad. Their world seemed so boring and I didn't want to join it. But alas, eventually I did.

When I grew older, my recess games were replaced with mandatory sports. The other kids started competing, weight lifting, and finding identities in the teams they had joined. I wanted no part of it.

I attended an all boys private school from kindergarten through high school graduation. While it was a fantastic school, there were plenty of problems inherent in its structure. My experience of athletics and fitness at that time was off-putting and, in a word, toxic. Although 'toxic masculinity' wasn't in the common lexicon at that time, it was that precisely.

It didn't help that I was a terribly sore loser and therefore loathed competition sports. I didn't like how they made me feel; I had no chill about any of it--curse of being the youngest child, I'm told.

I've always been underweight. It's something about which my family never missed an opportunity to tease me. It made me feel bad about myself and influenced my self-image. Nonetheless I was required to partake in 3 sports per year, one for each season. By the time I graduated high school, I was in excellent physical condition even if still underweight.

Yet the depressing impact left upon me by the transition from childhood play to teenage athletics never left me. Having outgrown childish games but without finding a place in athletics, I simply abandoned the matter. And so, in a way, I had also abandoned my body.

When I attended college, I stopped all physical fitness and sports. And that's how it was for the next 10 years of my life.

Crisis Averted

For those of you who have yet to discover this firsthand, once you get past the age of 25ish, your body doesn't feel as happy. Especially if you work a desk job after college. It's around the age of 25 that you first begin to feel the weight of your lifestyle choices.

When I began medical school at the age of 28, my body was unbalanced and unhappy. Spending hours sitting and studying over the previous 3 years during my post-baccalaureate premedical program really fucked me up. I barely ate, barely slept, and was living with chronic musculoskeletal and nerve pain. I was suffering and I wasn't happy with my appearance. That's another story in itself.

Things gradually improved over the next 4 years in medical school. They had free yoga classes, the cafeteria food was palatable, and I enforced a regular sleep schedule. My body started to normalize.

It was my transition to residency in 2020 when I actually started to thrive.

As a resident physician, I never know when I will have a chance to eat. So I learned to pay attention to how my body feels in order to determine if I need to eat rather than relying on the hunger sensation to prompt meals. I started doing elliptical cardio regularly and yoga occasionally. And, after a heart-rending breakup in 2021, I began using free weights.

Reanimation

A major turning point was early Spring 2022 when a friend introduced me to something called the X3 Home Gym. It heralded my moment of reckoning with strength training.

At the time I would do cardio 3-5 days per week, strength training 1-3 days per week, and some yoga on my off days. All at home or in my building's gym.

The X3 system brings the entirety of a weight lifting gym setup into your home. It is convenient, effective, and time-efficient. I could go on and on about it. The website looks like something out of an infomercial and if it weren't for the fact that my friend is incredibly muscular and swears by it, I wouldn't have tried it. But I did and it works really, really well.

Plus there is no toxic masculinity involved (unless you join their facebook group, which I did for the lolz and workout tips).

Adding essential amino acid protein pills was the finishing touch. I started to gain weight and muscle!

Now I do strength training 5-6 days per week, I do cardio 1-3 days per week, and I do yoga 1-3 days per week. This will fluctuate depending on my work schedule and level of exhaustion. If necessary, I cut out yoga and cardio while trying to preserve my days of strength training. Here's why.

I love cardio. It makes me feel physically happy. It boosts my overall mood and it has a legitimate cleansing effect. I love yoga. It works out the kinks in my body and repairs the idiosyncrasies of my postures and habits of movement. I love these practices so much that they are easy to pick up again after stopping.

But something I learned from yoga is that it's often the poses you avoid that are the ones you really need. For me, that was strength training.

As you might have surmised, strength training doesn't come naturally to me. It doesn't feel good to do it; it is painful. But I've come to recognize that for my body type, strength training is what balances my physicality most.

Self-Healing

I mentioned before that I have always been underweight and it's true. I have a body type that, if I'm not careful, I can easily start shedding pounds.

When I'm stressed, I lose my appetite. If I'm engaged in something, I wont notice when I'm hungry. And even if I eat a ton of crappy food, I won't put on weight if I'm not doing some form of exercise to signal my body to do so. I have often struggled with and resented these aspects of my human form.

Similar to how women face societal expectations to be a certain weight and shape, men aren't supposed to be skinny. Overweight is okay; it can still be manly. But underweight men will be teased, feminized, and often deemed unattractive or sickly-appearing. I know this from experience.

Combining that with the aversions from my school days and it is safe to say I had a fair bit of baggage lodged in my mind and body. I recognized this and learned to work through it with meditation, somatic spiritual practices, and other therapeutic methods. Exercise helped significantly in that process.

I now continue my exercise practice for two reasons:

I want my body to feel happy, healthy, and capable. My job literally depends on it.

I want to live a long enough life to make the most of my spiritual practice and ideally realize enlightenment.

There are two large purchases I've made during residency that truly revolutionized my lifestyle. They are the X3 and the Theragun massage gun. I can confidently say that my body is happier and healthier than it has been since graduating high school.

Side note: I fucking love massages. My first treat-yo-self splurge after I finish residency will be buying a balls-to-the-wall tricked out massage chair.

Somaticism

There is a secret third reason behind my fitness journey: somatic spiritual practice.

The first ever lifestyle habit that I made for myself was daily meditation. Spirituality, to me, is a matter of life and death. There is nothing else about which I am more sincere and concerned. So when something connects with that, I find it easier to make it a part of my daily life. Physical exercise has grown to be a part of my spiritual practice.

Similar to how sitting meditation focuses the mind's attention, somatic spirituality focuses the physical feeling of the body. And just as sitting meditation frees you from the mind, somatic practice frees you from the body.

Freedom from the body does not happen by rejecting or in some sense leaving the body. It happens by completely inhabiting the body, releasing traumas, relaxing tensions, stretching out contractions, breathing strength into numb and abandoned areas, and then letting go of the body from within.

It's not about transcending the body so much as it is an integration and liberation.

When it comes to inhabiting, releasing, relaxing, stretching, and strengthening, physical exercise when combined with somatic methods has been an effective means. Its effects go beyond the physical body to intimately involve the subtle energy body as well.

So, if there is a single takeaway from this story, it would be this:

When paired with spiritual practice, physical exercise may become an alchemical process.

My own story is an example of how one may transform their relationship with their body and gender, as well as their overall health.

Meditation doesn't make you into a different person, it helps you to discover and be as you are with exquisite and divine ease. Physical exercise, when approached as part of the spiritual path, does exactly the same.

I hope that one day I will be in a position to teach this to others.

LY

[sunbeamrazor]

Not this hill

I love words. More specifically, I really love getting to express myself via the words I keep in my linguistic tool chest. I treasure them. Mostly because they’ve been the medium through which I’ve delivered and been the recipient of all of life’s joys and sorrows. With a great many ha-ha’s and in equal portion boo-hoo’s. I’ve spent a lifetime filtering through the lexicon of the English language in search of the ones worth keeping and those that for whatever reason need to be extricated. This process hasn’t always been a seamless one. I’ve had to let go of words I wasn’t necessarily ready to. A word reaching the end of its lifecycle would at times take me by surprise and surprises often coincide with change and change is hard. I think most of us feel that way. Sometimes the feeling of that word being taken would feel as if a precious object was being ripped from my cold dead hands. Sometimes, ashamedly, I’d beg for its return. Sometimes I’d just continue on saying it as if nothing had changed. This proving promptly to be a futile effort indeed. Like a magic spell gone awry, I’d feel as if I’d messed up its invocation. This previously innocuous word, had now caused a display of effects that I wasn’t prepared to manage. Instead of joy, I’d invoked in others anger, outrage, judgement, disgust and in myself, fear. Somehow without meaning to I’d caused so much disturbance and sadness. I didn’t want that. I think the hardest part about losing a word is that they often go before you’re ready for them to leave. There are words that you have a fleeting, casual relationship with. The ones we do a bit of a wine and dine with. Here for a good time but not a long time. There are some words though, that when they go, it’s like a friend ship break up with someone you’d known since kindergarten. That may be a tad hyperbolic but you get the sentiment. In the times where I’d resist and feel like I was losing something I needed to hold on to. Clarity eventually came when I sunk into my feelings of shame and guilt. The shame I felt around saying something that was potentially making people feel bad about themselves and then defending my right to say whatever I want. When I started to really feel the guilt and shame around that it helped me make the effort to choose other words. Whats more though is that when I’d slip up, my efforts towards the change would help me forgive myself because I was just doing my best. I’m a flawed being and fuck anyone who doesn’t recognise a person trying to change. Along with the shame and guilt, I realised that I was alienating people. That I was loosing potential connections with people in the world which I feel now as the most heart breaking aspect of this whole topic. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way and people should “chill the fuck out”. Maybe it actually isn’t and it’s just my baseless fear. But when it comes to behaviours of mine that jeopardise connection, a slight pivot is manageable. I’d consider deleting a word from my lexicon a slight pivot for sure.

Before you get all “dey turk ur jurrbs” on me. Let me say that I believe in free speech. That’s right. If you want to go around potentially alienating yourself from others, making people feel bad about themselves and just generally acting like a cunt then you should be free to do that. However I wouldn’t advise acting like a cunt. Cunts tend to not have a rich social world and in my experience find it difficult to understand their own life predicaments. How being a cunt and being confused are correlated is unclear to me so I won’t say more on it. There is a complicated conversation to be had around whether or not everyone in society is afforded the same level of free speech. Those who have amassed a sizeable audience should be burdened with a greater responsibility. That’s my opinion and I think it’s pretty reasonable. Say and think whatever you like but understanding your mob is part of an ecology of mobs and as part of that ecology, harmony and cohesion should be a priority for the mob-head. Mob-heads shouldn’t act like authoritarian, power hungry dickheads. That’s a no no and every facet of that mob-ecology suffers for it, including the bunch of cunts you’re the mob-head of.

A mate said to me the other day, I’m thinking of not saying the word retard/retarded anymore. I said to him, that I don’t say it and explained why. But I prefaced my schpeal with, you can do whatever you want. Which I think is an important thing to note before you’re about to say something that might make a person feel judged. To me it’s like saying you can do whatever you want and I’ll still be your friend. Our connection isn’t conditional in this way. So me and a friend had that chat and his reasons for thinking on it were a kin to mine. I’m proud of anyone that decides to make a change of this kind but when you do it because you don’t want to hurt people. Fuck me, beaming like a proud parent I’ll be. More of that in the world and shit we might just make it 👍 …WIP

[chaotic-archaeologist]

No hate, just a discussion I'm curious to hear others talk about: Is telling people about the 'reptile people' joke's older context of antisemitism worthwhile? If the vast majority of the public aren't aware of that context, has that not taken the power it had away from those who used it against the Jewish? Is taking that power away by it becoming a common joke without the connotation antisemitism a good thing (or possible)? Where would you draw the line on "it no longer has this meaning" vs "it could still have this meaning, therefore we can't use it".

On the macro scale, is it too late to change this part of the lexicon? Can something with negative origins like this ever be "okay to say" because it's too far removed? Just some thoughts on how we approach this situation when the problem is so vast now.

Okay, I know you don't mean any disrespect, so I'm going to try to walk you through this in a way that is gentle but blunt. The fact that you are even asking this question is a reflection of your privilege to have never experienced antisemitism before.

Here is the post the asker is referencing.

I am Jewish. I am telling you that the lizard people joke is actively harmful. It's the same as a Black person telling you that the N word is still offensive when white people say it.

Beyond that, it's true that a lot of people who make the lizard people joke don't know its history, and that's precisely why it's dangerous. This is the kind of antisemitism that slips into mainstream culture and embeds itself in people's minds, and it all builds up until you get stuff like QAnon, which has direct links to the lizard people conspiracy. Link 1, link 2, link 3, link 4, link 5.

Antisemitism isn't a solved problem, it is alive and well and killing people every year. Lizard people will never be okay to use, even as a joke. Especially as a joke. Something that is a direct attack to dehumanize a marginalized people will never have lost its meaning. There's nothing funny about that.

This isn't even a discussion that we should be having. I'm answering this because I know you asked in good faith and I want to make this a teaching moment, but you need to know that it takes a lot of my mental energy to engage like this. It's not your fault, but questions like this are a constant reminder of how blind most non Jews are to antisemitism. How some people would rather us just chill out so they don't have to accommodate generations of our pain and fear and suffering.

So what can you do? Don't question it when someone tells you that something like this is offensive to a minority group. Be graceful about it and just make a mental note to phase that out of your vocabulary. If you're curious as to why it's harmful, do some research on your own rather than putting that burden on someone else by having them explain it to you.

You can also spread the word. Tell this to the next person you hear make a lizard people comment. Being a part of the education movement is one of the best things you can do as an ally.

Finally, I want to reiterate that this is not a dig at you, anon. If it sounds harsh it's because this is a serious topic and I'm not sugarcoating anything.

-Reid

[bookwyrminspiration]

ive begun saying "rad" unironically so. that's something. and i need someone to project on for this, bit I don't know who. i think dex might say "rad" unironically because of human movies that're probably outdated. kesler too probably. maybe all of the dizznees idk BUT maybe not? so who else do you think

Filing this under things that remind me of that phase I had where I described almost everything as "epic" for no reason to the point my family started doing so too out of habit

To answer your question: Keefe. Keefe would also start saying rad for the fun of it as soon as he learned about it from Dex and his human movies. It's a permanent part of his lexicon now, Nonsie. Elwin told him he's always loved him like a son and Keefe told him that was pretty rad.

I think once Keefe picked it up Ro might start using it as well. If only because it's something elves don't do/is clearly human and she loves rubbing things in their faces that don't mesh with their world.

Not 100% sure on this one but I could see a line of thinking where Marella would use rad. She's got that kinda popular, chill, aloof attitude. I don't think she'd immediately pick up on it or love it, but it's something she could wield well and deliver sparingly for maximum impact.

Oh also all the drooly boys and Jensi. No thought there they'd just take it and run. Every other sentence is rad, my dude. Coming out of The U like damn those star maps are rad, also mad hard to learn dude.

There may be others but these were the ones that stood out in my mind when I was thinking of the vibe "rad" has :)

[grayintogreen]

WIP Wednesday

I'm plugging away at chapter six right now. I'm not gonna hit 75k before tomorrow, but I DID hit 50k mid-month so I absolutely was successful at NaNo. Also the first arc of this fic and the prologue is going to be over 100k, so uh... I'm sorry? You knew what you were getting into.

ANYWAY. Here's a bit of a Widomauk scene from Chapter Five, featuring Czech as Infernal, since the Jester comic decided it and I'm chill enough to adapt it into my lexicon and give it an explanation.

There were some things you just couldn’t say in Common that would have the same effect as they would in another language, so Molly swore under his breath and said, “Jeden myslel, že si uprdne a posral se.”

Caleb looked momentarily alarmed at the guttural words that somehow managed to always sound like a threat even when all he was saying was nonsense. “Was?”

“’Once a man thought he would fart and then he shit himself instead,’” Molly translated with a twist of his upper lip. “Does not have the same ring to it in Common as it does in Infernal, but it’s true enough. You can’t spend your whole life contemplating your navel about what you thought should happen because thinking is useless. It happened. We’re here. This is what we’re dealing with. It’s not ideal, but it’s not terrible either.”

Caleb slowly blinked at him, as if he was missing the point entirely, and so Molly added, leaning closer with a wry little smirk and a casual flick of his tail so that he would get the full weight of his meaning. “So, Mr. Caleb, maybe look at the ocean and just see the ocean.”

The laugh that came from the wizard- his wizard- was more musical than it had any right to be. He caught Molly’s flicking tail and traced the ridges with a calloused thumb in a way that made his toes curl unfairly in his boots. “Will you be saying that when we have nothing but ocean and all of the time in the world to think about what we could have done better and how much more we have yet to do?”

Molly shrugged. “Thinking never gets me anywhere. I do a lot more of it than I once did, but gods does it just bring down the whole vibe of a moment.” He rested his chin on Caleb’s shoulder, tilting his head so not to stab him with his horns while Caleb continued to massage the sensitive flesh of his tail, sending little shockwaves of pleasure up his spine. He bit his lip, his eyes going half-lidded in coquettish glee. “Wanna hear something else in Infernal?”

“Does it involve shitting yourself?” Caleb lifted an eyebrow, his blue eyes sparkling with a bit of mischief. He looked so much lighter than he had when they first entered Nicodranas. If Molly wanted to overthink it, he’d probably place the cause on Jester and Marion- he’d burned their home down and yet they were still together, stronger than ever. He wasn’t the monster that destroyed families. He wasn’t a monster at all.

And yet every decision he made seemed to come from a place of either wanting to prove it or ramming himself against the temptation to prove that a few good turns would not undo years of mistakes and poor choices and conditioning.

But he didn’t want to think about any of that. If it became a pattern, then perhaps a little cornering, a little corralling back towards the light, but why ruin a moment by trying to explain away the light or fear what would dim it?

“Láska je láska. To se nedá vysvětlit,” he recited. He’d learned both phrases from Jester during a time when it became extremely obvious that everything he knew about Infernal and his own heritage was instinct. He understood the words and spoke them fine, but there were a few turns of phrase that didn’t come easily to his instinctual memory that made him squint when Jester used them. She had said it wasn’t necessarily his fault (or Lucien’s for that matter)- she knew these things because she was an eighth generation tiefling on her mother’s side. They still carried Infernal culturally, right down to the accent, rather than merely as part and parcel to their natural lineage.

Love is just love. It can never be explained. It was her favorite phrase. Her mother had taught it to her over and over again until she knew it by rote and could recite it like a daily prayer. You didn’t think about love. You didn’t analyze it. You didn’t worry about it. You just let it be.

Caleb, despite his love for the spoken and written word, didn’t ask for the translation, which seemed appropriate. Even in a foreign tongue, the meaning was clear and to ask would be to contradict it.

And there were some things Molly wasn’t willing to let be contradictory.

[chdarling]

Hi! Love the fic! And I’ve got so many questions to ask but I’m going to limit myself to 3. 1) What is your relationship to the Marauders/Jily community? (i.e. how long have you been a part of it, why did you join it, did you return in lockdown, etc.) 2) Do you have any idea what song you will use for TLE 3 trailer? 3) How do you handle the pressure of creating such a long and popular series? If you think some day you can’t complete it, how will you proceed?

Anon asking the hard-hitting questions!! 😂❤️

Ok let’s see...

1) What is your relationship to the Marauders/Jily community? (i.e. how long have you been a part of it, why did you join it, did you return in lockdown, etc.)

I’m fairly new to the community! Well, I guess it’s been a little over a year now so not THAT new, but I was never engaged in fandom before I started posting TLE. I’ve been a huge jily fan since I first read OOTP back when it came out, but during the early fandom years (by which I mean when the books were still being published), I was 100% a lurker, hanging out on mugglenet and the HP Lexicon. (Nostalgia!) I read a bit of jily fanfic back then (mostly on mugglenet lmao), but generally I just kind of existed in my own little daydream bubble.

I dipped my toes back into reading fanfic (mostly wolfstar for some reason) around 2015 I think? And sometime after that I started writing TLE in earnest. I continued to write it as a secret hobby for literal years. I told no one about it and I had zero intention of ever showing it to anyone, let alone posting it on the internet. Then came COVID and being cooped up alone in an apartment far away from all my family and most of my friends…I was starting to lose my mind so I dove headfirst into finishing The Howling Nights as a way to cope. Then one day I finished it and I felt a little like the dog who catches his own tail lol. Like…what now? I just wrote a 200k fanfic, am I really going to just keep this on my hard drive forever? I decided to post the first few chapters online as a whim…and now here we are. 🙈

I LOVE the jily community. It is filled with some of the most delightful, compassionate, funny people and has honestly brought me so much joy over the past year. I was actually just talking to @the-dream-team today about how wild it still is to me to discover all these people who are equally obsessed with this very niche thing I’ve been secretly obsessed with for half my life. 🤣

2) Do you have any idea what song you will use for TLE 3 trailer?

I sure do. I have all the trailer songs chosen already. (I say all because TLE4 possibly has multiple trailers, since it will likely be split into parts. And because I have zero chill and had multiple songs I wanted to use.) I have the trailers vaguely story boarded in my head too. 😅 Sometimes when I am stuck writing I go for a walk and listen to my TLE trailer music playlist…they are very epic and inspire me to start writing again. Also A+ cardio because they are bangers lmao.

I’m going to keep the songs a surprise though! 😈

3) How do you handle the pressure of creating such a long and popular series? If you think some day you can’t complete it, how will you proceed?

🥴🥴🥴

Honestly I can’t think about this for too long or I get really anxious. 😅 I am SO grateful to everyone who reads, comments, sends me messages, etc. This has genuinely become such a bright spot in my life and I love sharing this story with you.

…but I also have to pretend y’all don’t exist when I write. 😂😂😂

Writing TLE2 has been such a different experience than TLE1, for obvious reasons. With TLE1, I was writing it exclusively for me, and honestly I was mostly just using it as a playground for learning how to write fiction. I’d barely written any fiction at that point beyond a few dabbles in my youth and I had certainly never written a multi-chapter anything. It’s funny to me now to go back and read it and look at different chapters and be like “oh yeah I was learning about dialogue here” or “heh someone was feeling a little experimental with prose in this chapter, huh?” So yeah it was very much just play without any pressure.

TLE2 has a little pressure, I won’t lie. 😂 But for the most part I really just try not to think about it. I exist in my happy little tumblr/discord bubble and I pretend no one else exists when I write. Because if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll subconsciously shift certain characters/plot lines to what I think people want, versus the story I originally set out to tell, and I don’t really want to do that. Thankfully I plotted all four books before I ever posted TLE1 (zero. chill.), so I already know where I’m going.

But yeah it’s kind of nerve-wracking sometimes because I am at my core a people-pleaser (I’m working on it), and I know that I will make choices later in the series that will not necessarily be popular. (Or maybe I already have!) And if I think about that for too long I get really anxious and it stops me from writing so I just…don’t. 🙃

As far as not completing it…I honestly think this silly story will haunt me to my dying day if I don’t finish it. Like, I cannot even tell you how many times I tried to quit it before I even posted TLE1 in 2020. Half the reason it took me so long to finish is because I was constantly berating myself to stop writing it and work on my original stuff (I know, I’m not very nice to me. Working on it!!!). But damn it, this is the story I want to write and I truly don’t think I’ll be able to stop until it’s done. I’ve tried. It didn’t stick. 😂😂😂

That said, you never know what the universe will throw at you. Maybe I should add a line in my will: “if I perish by surprise please dump this specific scrivener file onto tumblr, they’ll know what to do” lmao

Sorry this got ridiculously long. I'm going to blame the glass of wine in my hand but honestly I think I just have a lot of feelings. 😳

[chaoticevilbean]

Voltron Humans are Weird 6/?

The Paladins had once again won an intense battle. It had been on the planet Cygoth, which was home to a group of humanoids. The Cygi, as they were called, had skin in shades of pale pinks and purples and blues. Their heads were like those of bald humans, but with upside down ears and eyes like felines. Instead of five fingers and five toes, the Cygi had four fingers and six toes, to aid them in their strange environment, along with bug-like wings that hid under hard green and yellow shells.

Said environment was one with 'extreme weather conditions' and 'toxic' rain. The Cygi lived in caves that were on a large cliffside. Since the elements often got within the rocks and all the animals were terrestrial and highly territorial, the aliens would hang upside down and crawl across the ceilings like spiders. They also collected rare minerals that grew down to build their homes and helped them grow food in their strange way of living.

It was these minerals that the Galra wanted. Stronger than 98.97% of all other metals or rocks, they could be used to create impenetrable ships and armor. The Cygi had called Voltron to Cygoth to aid them in protecting their resources and freedom. After they had succeeded, and it became clear that the team only wanted to help, no reward necessary, the leader of the Cygi offered an alliance. New armor and some upgrades for the Paladins and Castle, an increased amount of trade for the aliens, and a plethora of allies for both because of their union.

The talks were boring, and the four younger Paladins found themselves quickly becoming inattentive. Lance got them excused and Pidge ran straight to the edge of the central cave, ignoring how the Cygi were suddenly watching them keenly. It was likely to avoid the Terrans getting attacked by the fauna or killed by the 'toxic' rain that was cascading down just outside. A device was pulled from the depths of the Green Paladin's armor to scan the substance pouring from the atmosphere, and they all peered over the girl's shoulder tensely.

The screen lit up in green.

"HECK YEAH!" Keith shouted, his voice echoing loudly against the stone walls. "Nontoxic!"

"C'mon, Paladudes!" Lance waved his hand at the others in a beckoning motion. "It's time to explore this world and turn Shiro's hair whiter than before!"

The kids dashed forward towards the more organic part of the planet's surface, but paused and turned at the sound of buzzing.

A large group of Cygi were heading straight for the humans, frantic expressions and furiously beating wings drawing the Paladins' attention. It seemed that the team's newest allies were more knowledgeable about their intentions, and were attempting to avoid what they assumed was a dangerous situation.

The teens were not about to let that happen.

"BREAK FOR IT!" Hunk screamed, and there was no way that Shiro and Allura didn't hear that. They only had a few minutes before they would be caught in their escape. The humans dashed for the entrance, and Keith was definitely gonna make it. Pidge wasn't, and Hunk was a coin toss, so Lance took action. The self-sacrificing idiot.

The Blue Paladin grabbed his smaller friend and threw her at his bro.

"CATCH!" The cook caught the child easily, still sprinting to freedom. But the action left Lance behind the herd and much closer to the Cygi. It became obvious how close when his feet left the ground.

"What the flippity floppity flapjack‽ WOAH!" The flying aliens were swift to bring the Terran over to the suspended platform where Shiro, Allura, and all the diplomats were staring down from. It was from there that the kids had originally climbed down the rungs of the strange ladder to get to the floor. "Ah, you lily-livered sons of witches! You snackers! Oh, tick-tack snick-snack frick-frack paddlywack! My father will hear about this, you barnacle-covered Caprisun knock-offs! I'll steal your kneecaps and eat your curtains! You moldy walnuts!" He continued spouting off insults as he was carried over to his leaders, smiling slightly at the look of exasperation on Shiro's face. His words stopped the moment his feet hit the mioxite platform, smile growing exponentially.

"Lance, what were you guys doing?" The older man didn't let Allura speak, taking over the conversation immediately.

"The rain isn't toxic for us, so we were gonna explore. I gotta join the others soon."

"No, you don't gotta."

"I do gotta."

"Why?"

"You want Keith and Pidge alone in unknown territory with just Hunk as their voice of reason?"

"You definitely gotta."

"Shiro, Lance, what is going on?" Allura finally managed to interject. The humans turned towards the Altean, both confused. Lance had just said that he and the others were going to explore Cygoth.

"What d'you mean, princess?"

"What code was Lance speaking?"

"Code? What co- oh." The Black Paladin's face lit up in realization. "She meant the curses. Lance, explain."

"I was cussing without swear words."

"What?"

"I was spouting profanities without ever using actual words that are considered profane. For instance." The boy faced his fellow Terran once more. "Let me strawberries and cream go before I rocky road your face, you useless paperclip."

"Where's that from?"

"Ice cream flavors with the classic inanimate objects with no function. From Tumblr."

"What is ice cream? Is it more... omnivore things?" Allura seemed to be scared she might have to hear more about the meat-eating habits of humans.

"Nah, don't worry, princess," Lance assured her. "Ice cream is a chilled treat back home. We found out that there's many animals we can safely farm for their milk. When done correctly, it doesn't harm the animals, and we can process the milk for consumption. Process the milk properly, and then you can get ice cream. It comes in many flavors."

"Such as?"

"Strawberries and cream, and rocky road, to name some."

"Are any of those poisonous?"

"I think lactose might be, which is in a good portion of milk, and some nuts are, and definitely chocolate. So, to animals, yeah, most ice cream is toxic, but not always enough to do more than a stomachache."

"Princess, I can take over explaining, but Lance has to go make sure none of the others get into trouble."

The Blue Paladin took that as his cue to leave, climbing down the ladder once more and bolting back to the entrance. In moments, he had disappeared from view, joining his fellow humans outside the caves. Shiro watched him go, internally wishing he could join them.

But they had once again caused a situation that needed explaining, and Lance was needed to prevent an actual disaster from happening, so Shiro had to do damage control solo this time. That's what he got for letting four teenagers kidnap him back into space.

If a human seems to be speaking in code, yet other humans seem to understand them, even on a basic level, ask if they are speaking in 'slang'. This is a Terran term that encompasses many variations of speaking. Much like the difference in linguistics between Blue and Green Zithians, humans will likely have very different slang depending on where they spent their time. A place called Tumbler often fosters a more complex version, whereas Insta Gram has a simpler code.

Humans might invent their own slang in order to packbond properly with one another. Two groups of Terrans hailing from the same locations may have entirely different lexicons due to the change that each team may make. Some individuals may even know more than two versions of slang, in order to establish better relations with their fellow humans. There is very little evidence of what requirements are needed to include learning more than one variation of slang. An example of this would best be shown by the following interaction:

Terran Blue, addressing Terran Yellow: Then he just yeeted it at me, as though I was gonna sit there like a soggy popsicle.

Terran Yellow, responding: That doesn't explain why you turned him into an ice cube.

Terran Green, addressing Terran Blue: "Blue", what was the 411 on those rocket launchers?

Terran Blue, responding: The main man blew a gasket. Didn't make it far, but managed to nab a couple of the suckers.

Terran Yellow, addressing Terran Green: You throw a glitter bomb down the chutes and I'll cop all the cookies.

Terran Green, responding: Do it and you'll lose your kneecaps.

In the above interaction, it was explained that Terran Blue and Terran Yellow were discussing an instance where an object was hurled towards Terran Blue's head. He dodged the object and used a weapon to freeze his opponent in a section of ice. Terran Green was inquiring about a mission and the weapons that were supposed to be gained if it succeeded. Terran Blue informed of the partial success they achieved, after which Terran Yellow warned Terran Green to not perform certain playful acts. Terran Green responded with a more intimidating warning.

However, as seen, there were many different instances of slang usage. All three of the humans used at least two versions, yet they all hold very different positions. Terran Green is a scientist, Terran Yellow is (assumed to be) a chef, and Terran Blue is (assumed to be) a diplomat. Their needs for their positions are greatly varied, leading to confusion as to the education of humans.

In all events of slang use, please proceed with great caution. A greater percentage of this subject is unknown than the previous logs. Refrain from attempting the replication of slang unless the code has been explained to you by a Terran. Humans have not shown much aggression yet, but they may do so if provoked on an emotional level.

[laineystein]

זכיתי כלכך 💚

The Boy™️ came home from work late tonight. Later than usual. I didn’t have dinner or anything cooked for him. You can roll your eyes. Yes, that’s expected. He’d do it for me. He has. He did for over a year when he was working from home and I practically lived at the hospital. He’d hear my keys at the door and he’d meet me, a trash bag in hand. I always immediately stripped out of my scrubs when I got home so we could throw them into the washer. A few times I was so tired and my body ached so badly that I couldn’t even stand. I collapsed more times than I could count, half-naked in his arms on the kitchen floor. I blocked a lot of it out, to be honest. I’m forever the girl with boundless energy. During 2020 my body didn’t even feel like mine. I was constantly in a brain fog - it wasn’t just those with covid who suffered that side effect but the medical professionals that treated them too.

Things have improved. But we all have this creeping feeling that the monster in the woods that we thought we had slayer never really died. And now that we recognize it through vaccines and variances we’re too tired to run. To be honest I’ve been getting home from work, showering, and then getting into sweats. Usually I end up on the couch with a book. Usually I don’t end up reading it. I scroll mindlessly through my phone. And when I motivate myself to get up and do something I can only manage a few pages in my siddur before I’m tired again. I’ve been crying a lot. I look like shit. I feel even worse. It no longer matters how well I eat or how disciplined my sleep and gym schedules are; there’s only so much the body and mind can take.

I genuinely thought we were all recovering. When they told us there’d be a second wave we didn’t give it much thought. We’d been through the worse and now we were better for it. We were vaccinated. Much of the population is vaccinated. If it got bad again, it could never be as bad as it was. Nothing could ever be that bad. This should all be easier.

Tonight I skipped the couch. Sadly I skipped my afternoon tefillah. I fell right into bed and when the Boy™️ got home I didn’t even get up to greet him. He called out for me and I didn’t answer. I had left the hallway light on so he knew I was home. He appeared in the doorway. “Lihi?” My head felt so heavy when I lifted it. And blinked. I didn’t even realize I had been crying. He sighed and came to me. I shook my head and laid back down. He pressed a hand to my thigh, then one to my shoulder for leverage as he leaned down to kiss my head. The tears I wasn’t even aware of came harder then. I continued to cry until I couldn’t anymore. Then I was just blinking at the moving shadow caused by the rotating ceiling fan. By the time he got out of the shower I was asleep again, woken up when he pulled the covers up over me and turned off the light.

Eventually I pulled myself together and went to him. He was in the kitchen making himself something to eat. I didn’t have the energy to apologize for not doing it for him. I just wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed. I didn’t want to let go. When he wrapped his arms around me I felt my entire body relax. With it, a wave of chills, and a head that throbbed. He told me to go back to bed and when I didn’t he tossed me over his shoulder and brought me there himself. It was the first time I’d smiled since I got home. His laugh has never given me any alternative.

We didn’t talk. He knew I was awake but he didn’t push. He picked up the scrubs I’d left on the floor. He threw a load of laundry in. I heard him in my part of the closet, making sure I had clean scrubs for tomorrow - all things I usually do for myself before bed. Then he got into bed beside me. While I laid there staring into oblivion, listening to the downtown sounds muffled by the central air, I heard him take out his laptop. He put his glasses back on and got back to work.

I realized then how before we started dating he always worked so late. I realized now that he still worked late, only now he does it at home so I’m not alone. Even I, who often is out of bed at 1:30 in the morning to go to the gym and get to work by 3:00am, can’t afford him those same courtesies. He’s on a work call now (his company has offices all over the world so he often has meetings at unusual hours). Before he left the room he said: “Maybe I should just move uptown with you.” Another sacrifice I didn’t ask for, that he most certainly doesn’t owe me, that he somehow gave so little thought to because it already made so much sense to him. I didn’t say anything.

I don’t know when any of this will get better, especially because right now none of us know how bad it’s really going to get again. I don’t know if in a few years, when this is really all behind us, if my PTSD will still be this bad. There is so much of my future as a physician that feels so uncertain. But what I do know is that I am the luckiest girl to have someone like him in my life. I thank Hashem everyday for all he does for me and just for giving me this man that is so selfless and kind and gentle and loving. I adore him. There aren’t enough words in the lexicon to even touch upon how much he means to me. But out of all of the feelings that completely overwhelm me everyday: defeat, exhaustion, frustration - being loved by him and having the privilege to love him in return is my favorite by far.

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums, we look at a surprisingly experimental album from a band who got royally screwed by their record label: Propaganda, with their arguable only LP, A Secret Wish. Oh, and did I mention that that record label was none other than Zang Tuum Tumb, run by none other than Trevor Horn? Find out the whole story in the video, or in the transcript below the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! In this installment, I’ll be looking at a relative sleeper of its era, with a unique sound that’s set it apart and won it a contingent of cult followers over the years: A Secret Wish, the first, and only, studio album from the classic lineup of Propaganda, first released in 1985.

First formed in Duesseldorf, West Germany by Ralf Doerper of Die Krupps, Propaganda soon relocated to Great Britain in the hopes of finding a wider audience for their music. Their lucky break came in the form of being signed to the record label Zang Tumb Tuum, headed by then-rising star, Trevor Horn. Fresh off his first major success as a producer, ABC’s The Lexicon of Love, Horn then lent his famous production chops to Propaganda’s first single, “Dr. Mabuse.”

Music: “Dr. Mabuse”

The first time I heard “Dr. Mabuse,” I wasn’t familiar with the titular character, and that might be true for you, too, if you’re from the Anglosphere like me. Dr. Mabuse was a literary villain invented by Norbert Jacques, and later made much more famous in a film adaptation of his tale directed by Fritz Lang, the mastermind behind Metropolis. A manipulative criminal kingpin, Mabuse wields strange powers like psychic possession and astral projection, which, despite their seemingly occult origins, often exploit modern technologies, like cinema screens that can hypnotize people. While he may sound like the perfect subject for a chilling, brooding synth-pop anthem, I can’t help but wonder if the character’s relative lack of recognition in the English-speaking world may have hampered this single’s success. While its ominous, gothic energy sets it apart from much of Horn’s other work, it still has some of his characteristic bombast behind its sinister hook, and has an evident “hit single” feel. Still, it performed significantly better in Continental Europe than elsewhere.

Much like ABC’s famous hit, “The Look of Love,” was expanded into a four-part suite that included an instrumental reprise on its LP, this version of “Dr. Mabuse” is listed on the album with the subtitle “First Life,” and assorted variants of it were available in different formats. It also received an arguable reprise with the album’s final track, titled “Strength to Dream / The Last Word.” The title is a bit more opaque than that of “The Look of Love (Part Four),” which made the relationship more obvious, but the synth sequences do bear a rather strong resemblance.

Music: “Strength to Dream / The Last Word”

Unfortunately for Propaganda, Trevor Horn quickly became a little too successful for his own good. Labelmates Frankie Goes to Hollywood achieved unprecedented success with Welcome to the Pleasuredome, and their famous singles “Relax” and “Two Tribes,” which led Zang Tumb Tuum to throw almost all of their promotional support behind their newfound golden child. The release of A Secret Wish was postponed, and Horn was no longer able to produce the rest of the album, besides “Dr. Mabuse.” But despite the fact that Horn isn’t actually here, there’s still a noticeable attempt to finish the album in an aesthetically similar, “in-the-style-of” fashion, and the end result is an LP that's surprisingly quite sonically cohesive!

Music: “Jewel”

With its abrasive textures, aggressive energy, and heavy emphasis on percussion, “Jewel” feels more like a track from the Art of Noise than it does Horn’s triumphant pop productions like “Relax.” “Jewel” also has an alter ego on the same album, and serves as a sort of evil doppelgaenger for the similarly-titled track, “Duel.” The two tracks feature the same lyrics, but vastly different treatments and moods.

Music: “Duel”

I like to think “Jewel” displays how a tumultuous relationship looks from outside, painful and unpredictable, whereas “Duel” is a bit like experiencing it yourself, and being so enraptured by the blissful pain that you don’t realize how frightening the lyrics actually are. Besides the much softer instrumentals, the lead vocal performance by Claudia Bruecken is also markedly different, and I think the contrast between the two is a testament to her vocal chops. Throughout the album, Bruecken’s voice is rich and full of character, setting her apart as one of the more distinctive vocalists in 80s synth-pop.

Overall, “Duel” is perhaps the most accessible and easy to like track on A Secret Wish, and it accordingly became the album’s biggest hit. But unlike most obvious singles, it arrives at the tail end of the album’s first side, after a slew of much more experimental tracks. Not only does “Jewel” arrive before “Duel” does, but the album’s opening track, “Dream Within a Dream,” is an eight-minute psychedelic opus based around a text by Edgar Allen Poe! “Duel” feels a bit like a break for refreshments after listening to the earlier parts of the album. It really is a surprisingly experimental work given its relative commercial success, reaching #16 on the UK albums chart. Still, despite that success, *A Secret Wish* doesn’t seem too strongly remembered today, which is something I’d certainly like to see change. Counterbalanced between pop and the avant-garde, this album sounds like a cross between the Eurythmics and Einstuerzende Neubauten--something I say with as much affection as possible!

At first glance, the cover of A Secret Wish almost appears abstract, an inky web of squiggles. But upon closer inspection, one can see that the object depicted on the cover is actually a dress form, a wireframe in the shape of a human torso, which might be used to display clothing in a retail setting, or in the design of clothing.

While this emblem may not sound particularly sinister, I’m tempted to compare it to Harry Harlow’s famous experiments on rhesus monkeys. Harlow took orphaned baby monkeys and offered them a “cloth mother” and a “wire mother.” Artificial effigies of monkey mothers dispensed food for the test subjects--one with a soft and cuddly body of cloth, and one with a cold and barren armature of wire. When distressed, Harlow’s monkeys sought shelter and comfort from the cloth mothers, regardless of which mother had dispensed food to them, suggesting that the comfort of their soft touch had a value of its own to the monkeys. The results of this research have often been used to suggest the importance of physical contact between children and their caregivers. Propaganda’s use of the cold, bare, female-coded wire frame, enshrined, alone, in the center of a drab-coloured composition, centers the idea of the inhospitable and the unloving. Perhaps it is a symbol of the inhumanity and alienation of modern life?

As I hinted at earlier, A Secret Wish ended up being the only album this version of Propaganda managed to put together, despite the tremendous promise that it shows. Feeling flagrantly under-compensated per the terms of their contract with Zang Tumb Tuum, the members of the band went to court, and eventually jumped ship to Virgin Records instead. That is, except for Claudia Bruecken, who decided to stick with Zang Tumb Tuum for several more years. Later in the 80s, she would team up with Thomas Leer to form the synth-pop duo Act, whose lone LP, Laughter, Tears, & Rage, is a worthwhile listen that I would consider the ideal follow-up to A Secret Wish--though it’s markedly less experimental and percussion-driven, sounding more like late 80s, post-Pet Shop Boys, baroque synth-pop.

Music: “Absolutely Immune”

My personal favourite track on A Secret Wish is the album’s final single, “p:Machinery.” With pounding percussion and buzzing synths, not to mention some dramatic and dystopian lyrics, this is definitely the track on the album that reminds me of Ralf Doerper’s industrial music roots! Apparently, parts of this track’s melody were composed by none other than Japan’s David Sylvian, who receives a minor thank-you in its liner notes. While I don’t think the finished track sounds terribly similar to anything of Sylvian’s, I can’t say I don’t find that pretty interesting. That’s everything for today--thanks for listening!

Music: “p:Machinery”

[fearsmagazine]

Courtney Gains’ MALACHAI RISING NFT available September 23rd, 2021.

Children of the Corn star Courtney Gains will release an NFT (Non-Fungible Token) art collection called "Malachai Rising". The 9-piece collection is a mixture of digital and physical artworks produced by the master of horror painting, Gary Pullin A.K.A. Goulish.

More and more artists are using an NFT to display and sell their digital assets online. NFTs are popular because they use a highly secure technology called blockchain which ensures that the art is permanent and uncopyable. This permanence and guarantee of authenticity are what also make NFTs very valuable. Some of the most sought-after NFT art pieces have sold for millions of dollars in recent months.

Courtney Gains' "Malachai Rising" NFT collection stands to rake in nearly 20 million dollars during its 24-hour auction event on September 23 making it the second-highest-grossing NFT in history behind Beeple's 69 million dollar "First 5,000 Days".

Gains, whose other credits include Back to the Future, Memphis Belle, and Sweet Home Alabama, is gifting numbered editions of the first NFT directly to 1,984 of his fans.

"This is something fun for everyone who wants to have a piece of this history." When he says everyone, he means anyone who can actually get into the time-limited event. Popular NFT drops are notorious for jammed ques of eager collectors all trying to connect at once. "We will hopefully minimize that rush by giving away most of the NFTs in batches over 8 days before the main event." says Gains, "It's very important to me that everyone who wants to be part of this is gets something from it." The remaining eight NFTs range in prices from $19.84 to $19,840,000.00 all based on the year 1984 when the film was released. The works are inspired by Malachai's appearance in the original film with the main attraction of the event being an original digital painting by Gary Pullin of a larger-than-life Malachai looming over a darkened cornfield. The painting also appears on the album cover and cd case for the remastered soundtrack. This main event NFT will be sold Dutch Auction style where the price starts at 19+ Million and falls every millisecond until someone buys it. By winning the NFT, the buyer also acquires the 1 of 1 18" x 24" archival print of the painting signed by Gary Pullin and Courtney Gains.

Fans will be able to get a slice of ‘80's culture during the all-day auction Thursday, September 23rd, and can sign up for more information on the website www.malachairising.com starting September 1st.

In the early '80s, 18-year-old Gains tried out for a role in an upcoming low-budget horror film. Courtney's intense audition prompted producers to cast him on the spot as the "very troubled" teenager, Malachai. The film that he was to star in was based on a Steven King short story called Children of the Corn. Gains was not aware at the time, but the shocking performance he was about to deliver would become the fuel of nightmares for decades.

The phrase Children of the Corn has become ingrained in the cultural lexicon so much so that when a group of young people starts behaving unruly, they are referred to as Children of the Corn, or when kids erupt into a cafeteria food fight they are described as acting like Children of the Corn. The nearly 40-year-old film routinely appears on top ten lists of favorite horror film classics, with much of the credit going to haunting memories of Courtney Gains' portrayal of Malachai, and rightfully so.

During the first few minutes of the film, Gains' Malachai brutally slashes the throat of an unsuspecting diner customer and proceeds to assist other children in the mass murder of the town's remaining adults. For the next 85 minutes, moviegoers hold their breath every time Malachai appears on the screen. Courtney Gain's performance as Malachai is particularly terrifying because it feels so authentic. His passionate rage-filled monologues resonate with our natural contempt for corrupt authority and the desire to be part of something righteous. As he believably twists these puritan ideas into unchecked evil, we recoil in fear because we know that a monster like Malachai could exist among us.

In a behind-the-scenes interview, Courtney said that to prepare for some of the scenes he would walk through the rows of corn on the way to set and say to himself, "This is my corn." That he would be taken over by the muse of Malachai, and he would arrive on set with a look in his eyes that even his parents said was intense. Gains stayed very serious and committed to his character throughout production and would not allow himself to celebrate or be happy until filming was complete. When it was all over and the film was released, several critics panned Children of the Corn as fluff. Fans were not discouraged and word began to spread that this movie was different and not to be missed. Its legacy as one of the scariest horror films of the time had taken hold. At the box office, Children of the Corn earned more than 15 times what it cost to make, and solidified Courtney Gains as a bonafide movie star while permanently etching the character of Malachai into the history pages of ‘80's pop culture.

Fast forward 38 years. Courtney Gains has remained humble and grateful for the opportunity he was given so many years ago. He happily accepts requests from fans to take pictures and sign autographs. He still laughs when they tell him Malachai haunted their dreams after they watched the movie and how they still get chills when they drive past a cornfield.

The film's lasting allure to fans is also evident in the continuous flow of sequels and merchandise surrounding the title. The Children of the Corn franchise includes 10 films translated to over 15 languages. There are Children of the Corn branded clothing lines, memorabilia, fan sites, and a made-for-TV movie. This year, a completely remastered version of the original soundtrack was released on Vinyl and CD. The first 3 movies were given 4K digital restorations from their original film negatives, and those will be released on Ultra HD and Blu-ray this September.

[tlbodine]

The History & Evolution of Home Invasion Horror

Here’s my prediction: In the next couple of years, we’re going to be seeing a sudden surge of home invasion movies hit the market. For many of us, 2020 has been a year of extreme stress compounded by social isolation; venturing outside means being exposed to a deadly plague, after all. 

And while many people have already predicted that we’ll see an influx of pandemic and virus horrors (see my post on those: https://ko-fi.com/post/Pandemic-and-Pandemonium-Sickness-in-Horror-T6T21I201), I actually think a lot of us are going to be processing a different type of fear -- anxiety about what happens when your home, which is supposed to be a literal safe space, gets invaded. Because if you’re not safe in your own house...you’re not safe anywhere. 

Home invasion movies have been around a long time -- arguably as long as film, with 1909′s The Lonely Villa setting down the formula -- and they share many of the same roots as slasher films in the 1970s. But somewhere along the way, they separated off and became their own distinct subgenre with specific tropes, and it’s that separation and the stories that followed it that I want to focus on. 

The Origins of the Home Invasion Movie 

In order to really qualify as a home invasion movie, a film has to meet a few requirements:

The action must be contained entirely (or almost entirely) to a single location, usually a private residence (ie, the home) 

The perpetrator(s) must be humans, not supernatural entities (no ghosts, zombies, or vampires -- that’s a different set of tropes!) 

In most cases, the horror builds during a long siege between the invader and the home-dweller, including scenes of torture, capture, escape, traps, and so forth. 

To an extent, home invasion movies are truth in television. Although home invasions are relatively rare, and most break-ins occur when a family is away (the usual goal being to steal things, not torture and kill people), criminals do sometimes break into people’s homes, and homeowners are sometimes killed by them. 

In the 1960s and 70s, this certainly would have been at the forefront of people’s minds. Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood detailed one such crime in lavish detail, and the account was soon turned into a film. Serial killers like the Boston Strangler, BTK Killer and the “Vampire of Sacramento” Richard Chase also made headlines for their murders, which often occurred inside the victim’s home. (Chase, famously, considered unlocked doors to be an invitation, which is one great reason to lock your doors). 

By the 1960s and 70s, too, people were more and more often beginning to live in cities and larger neighborhoods where they did not know their neighbors. Anxieties about being surrounded by strangers (and, let’s face it, racial anxieties rooted in newly-mixed, de-segregated neighborhoods) undoubtedly fueled fears about home invasion. 

Early Roots of the Home Invasion Genre

Home invasion plays a part in several crime thrillers and horror films in the 1950s and 60s, including Alfred Hitchcock’s Dial M for Murder in 1954, but it’s more of a plot point than a genre. In these films, home invasion is a means to an end rather than a goal unto itself. 

We see some early hints of the home invasion formula show up in Wes Craven’s Last House on the Left in 1972. The film depicts a group of murderous thugs who, after torturing and killing two girls, seek refuge in the victim’s home and plot the deaths of the rest of the family. In 1974, the formula is refined with Bob Clark’s Black Christmas, which shows the one-by-one murder of members of a sorority house and chilling phone calls that come from inside the home. 

Even closer still is I Spit on Your Grave, directed by Meir Zarchi in 1978. Although it’s generally (and rightly) classified as a rape-revenge film, the first half of the movie -- where an author goes to a remote cabin and is targeted and brutally assaulted by a group of men -- hits all the same story beats as the modern home invasion story: isolation, mundane evil, acts of random violence, and protracted torture. 

Slumber Party Massacre, directed by Amy Holden Jones in 1982, also hits on both home invasion and slasher tropes. Although it is primarily a straightforward slasher featuring an escaped killer systematically killing teenagers (with a decidedly phallic weapon), the film also shows its victims teaming up and fighting back -- weaponizing their home against the killer. This becomes an important part of the genre in later years! 

In 1997, Funny Games, directed by Michael Haneke, provides a brutal but self-aware look at the genre. Created primarily as a condemnation of violent media, the film nevertheless succeeds as an unironic addition to the home invasion canon -- from its vulnerable, suffering family to the excruciating tension of its plot to the nihilistic, motive-free criminality of its villains, it may actually be the purest example of the home invasion movie. 

Home Invasions Gone Wrong 

Where things start to get interesting for the home invasion genre is 1991′s The People Under the Stairs, another Wes Craven film. Here the script is flipped: The hero is the would-be robber, breaking and entering into the home of some greedy rich landlords. But this plan swiftly goes sideways when the homeowners turn out to be even worse people than they’d first let on. 

This is, as far as I can tell, the origin of the home-invasion-gone-wrong subgenre, which has gained immense popularity recently -- due, perhaps, to a growing awareness of systemic issues, a differing view of poverty, and a viewership sympathetic to the plight of down-on-their-luck criminals discovering that rich homeowners are, indeed, very bad people. 

Home Invasion Film Explosion of the 2000s 

The home invasion genre really hit the ground running in the 2000s, due perhaps to post-911 anxieties about being attacked on our home turf (and increasing economic uneasiness in a recession-afflicted economy and a growing awareness of the Occupy movement and wealth inequality). We see a whole slew of these films crop up, each bringing a slightly different twist to the formula.

*  It’s also worth noting that the 2000s saw remakes of many well-known films in the genre, including Funny Games and Last House on the Left.  

In 2008, Bryan Bertino directed The Strangers, a straightforward home invasion involving one traumatized couple and three masked villains. By this point, we’re wholly removed from the early crime movie roots; these are not people breaking in for financial gain. Like the killers in Funny Games, the masked strangers lack motive and even identity; they are simply a force of evil, chaotic and senseless. 

The themes of “violence as a senseless, awful thing” are driven further home by Martyrs, another 2008 release, this one from French director Pascal Laugier. A revenge story turned into a home-invasion-gone-wrong, the film is noteworthy for its brutality and blunt nihilism. 

2009′s The Collector, directed by Marcus Dunstan, is another home-invasion-gone-wrong movie. Like Martyrs, it dovetails with the torture porn genre (another popular staple of the 2000s), but it has a lot more fun with it. The film follows a down-on-his-luck thief who breaks into a house only to encounter another home invader set on murdering the family that lives there. The cat-and-mouse games between the two -- which involve numerous traps and convoluted schemes -- are fun to watch (if you like blood and guts). 

In a similar vein, we see You’re Next in 2013, which starts off as a standard home invasion movie but takes a sharp twist when it’s revealed that one of the victims isn’t nearly as helpless as she appears. Director Adam Wingard helps to redefine the concept of “final girl” in this move in a way that has carried forward right into the next decade with no sign of stopping. 

2013 of course also introduced us to The Purge, a horror franchise created by James DeMonaco. If there was ever any doubt as to the economic anxieties at the root of the genre, they should be alleviated now -- The Purge is such a well-known franchise at this point that the term has entered our pop culture lexicon as a shorthand for revolution. 

Don’t Breathe, directed be Fede Alvarez in 2016, is one of the creepiest modern entries into the “failed home invasion” category, and one that (ha ha) breathed some new life into the genre. Much like The People Under the Stairs, it tells the story of some down-on-their-luck criminals getting in over their heads when they target the wrong man. However, there is not the same overt criticism of wealth inequality in this film; it’s a movie more interested in examining and inverting genre tropes than treading new thematic ground. The same is true of Hush that same year. Directed by Mike Flanagan, the film is most noteworthy for its deaf protagonist. 

But lest you start to think the home invasion genre had lost its thematic relevance, 2019 arrived with two hard-hitting, thoughtful films that dip their toes in these tropes: Jordan Peele’s Us and Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, which both tackle themes of privilege in light of home invasion (albeit a nontraditional structure in Parasite -- its inclusion here is admittedly a bit of a stretch, but I think it falls so closely in the tradition of The People Under the Stairs that it deserves a spot on this list). 

What Does the Future Hold? 

I’m no oracle, so I can’t say for certain where the future of the home invasion genre might lead. But I do think we’re going to start seeing more of them in the next few years as a bunch of creative folks start working through our collective trauma. 

Income inequality, racial inequality, political unrest and systemic issues are all at the forefront of our minds (not to mention a deadly virus), and those themes are ripe for the picking in horror. 

I know that Paul Tremblay’s novel The Cabin at the End of the World has been optioned for film, so we might be seeing that soon -- and if so, it might just usher in a fresh wave of apocalypse-flavored home invasion stories. 

Like my content? You can support more of it by dropping me some money in my tip jar: https://www.ko-fi.com/post/Home-Invasion-Stories-A-History-R6R72RV7Y

[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4 Nifty Knitting Stuff: New Stereo Station Deep Dive

SimGuruConnor has released an official forum post detailing some new features players will see with The Sims 4 Nifty Knitting Stuff. Today’s topic covers new stereo stations.

For our latest Stuff Pack we’re adding not one, but two new stereo stations to listen to while you knit! You’re not going to knit in total silence with just your thoughts eating away at you, right? Let’s drown out the voices with some new tunes!

First off is our aptly named Focus stereo station. And if you’re wondering, yes it will give you a Focused buff. Not only will it calm your earbuds, but also give your Sims a nice bonus to working on Homework and Knitting, neat huh? So if you just need to simmer down, the Focus station is here for you.

But what if you’ve had enough chilling?

What if you want something a little more LOUD?

What if you want something that will make you stand up and scream Viking expletives you never knew existed?!?!

Buddy, do we have a station for you!

Introducing the Metal stereo station, coming soon to a Stuff Pack near you!

Yes, you heard that right. The Sims 4 is getting Metal. Sims listening to Metal will feel Energized, and will gain bonuses to Knitting while they listen. Any stereo currently playing Metal will also gain some new flair for the available interactions. Check them out below:

Wait, does that say AIR GUITAR TO METAL?

OH YES IT DOES.

Animations are still work-in-progress, but I had to share. Knitting and Metal, together under the same roof. They go together like llamas and bunnies, tragedy and clowns, Goths and aliens, okay, you get the picture…

Adding new music stations to the Sims is always a lot of fun, and I wanted to integrate them into the knitting experience itself. So if you want to get a boost to your knitting skill, consider turning on one of our new stations while getting crafty. Now I’d like to introduce Drew Boles, our Audio Designer for this pack. I did a little Q&A with Drew to give you some insights into the Audio development process.

Conor: Can you tell us what it means to be an Audio designer?

Drew: There are three primary components to being an Audio designer for The Sims 4: 1) working with the other disciplines – particularly the design team – to understand the vision and limitations of a feature, so as to determine what sounds are needed; 2) recording, manipulating, synthesizing, editing, and mastering those sounds; 3) implementing them into the game and then adjusting their parameters to ensure they not only work properly within the 3D space, but also convey the overall sense of quirky fun that has come to define the franchise.

Conor: Simlish is the language of The Sims, and all the songs are sung in Simlish. Can you talk a little a bit about the process and challenges around creating Simlish lyrics?

Drew: Whenever we enlist a band or musician to re-record one of their tracks in Simlish, we provide them with a translation. This can be tricky, particularly when the vocalist is singing or rapping quickly. I always use our standard lexicon as a base – many players will recognize common Simlish words, such as “sul sul” (“hello”) and “lurve” (“love”) – and then fill in the rest with other non-specific words we have in our Simlish ‘dictionary’. When translating, I work to retain the music’s original flavor by emulating the original rhyme scheme and musical phrasing. And because singers are not used to singing in Simlish, it is very important that the Simlish be as easy to sing as possible; this often means being conscious of small things like how consonants and vowels stack up. I, myself, am a vocalist, so I always sing my translated lines along to the original recording; if something is even slightly challenging to sing, I revise it.

Things are less tricky when writing lyrics for a new piece of music. Because there is no pre-existing text to match, we simply ensure that the Simlish sings well and sounds natural to the ear.

Conor: The upcoming Metal Stereo Station is one of many stations we have in The Sims 4. What is your favorite station to listen to while playing the game?

Drew: It would be difficult to narrow it down to just one, but I do particularly enjoy the NuDisco and Island Stereo stations.

Conor: Can you tell us a bit about the stereo stations planned for our upcoming Stuff Pack?

Drew: As you already mentioned, we are adding a Metal Stereo Station. We have been wanting to do this in The Sims 4 for a while and have been on the lookout for various opportunities to do so. At first glance, a pack centered on knitting may seem like an odd choice, but when we heard about the Heavy Metal Knitting Competition last year in Finland, we knew it was, in fact, a perfect fit. We are also including – for the first time in the history of the Sims franchise – a Focus Stereo Station. This station will feature music that has an organic feel and is pretty, repetitive, and nondescript. The sort of music you would not sit and listen to, but rather put on in the background to help you focus on something else, like studying. Or knitting.

Conor: What is your favorite feature you have ever worked on in The Sims 4?

Drew: Again, how can I narrow it down to just one?! I hope you’ll indulge me, as there are actually two features that immediately spring to mind: the Dr. June’s Weather Control Device (from the Seasons Expansion) & the Talk Radio station (from the City Living Expansion).

The Weather Control Device was particularly fun because it was an odd and complicated object with a lot of moving parts. I had to be creative not just in the materials I recorded (which included a plunger, a creaky metal ironing board, and the inner workings of an old VHS player, to name a few), but also in how I edited and implemented them, so as to bring them all together in a cohesive way.

The Talk Radio station was fun because, as a frequent NPR listener, I got to reimagine some of my favorite shows and bring them into the Sims world. I wrote the scripts, cast and directed the actors, and then edited all of the radio spots together with sound effects and music.

Hey Simmers, I’ve hoped you enjoyed this sneak peek into the features and development of our newest Stuff Pack. Just a general reminder that everything I’ve talked about here is In Progress development, so it could change between now and the final product. Please keep watching the forums as I’ll be sharing more information and insights in the weeks to come.

Happy Simming, SimGuruConor

[sarahreesbrennan]

Harvey trying to protect his bullies from Nick vibes incredibly similar to Jamie trying to protect mortals from that other Nick. Made me smile really big.

Aw! You are such a sweet for reading both books, I am much flattered to have my ouevre examined. And I actually have many thoughts about the courage it takes to be kind.

For those unfamiliar with one or both series of books, and I know the names make things confusing! Nick Ryves and Jamie Crawford are characters in my THE DEMON’S LEXICON trilogy. Nick Scratch and Harvey Kinkle are characters in CHILLING ADVENTURES OF SABRINA, the TV show and my tie-in books! 

(Please hold for Nicholas Cox, rough-around-the-edges scholarship boy of C.S. Pacat and Johanna the Mad’s FENCE graphic novels and my tie-in novel FENCE: Striking Distance, out in September. It’s a mess! Only the first Nick was my idea!!)

The characters aren’t super similar, I don’t think (though both Nicks are dark-haired and sarcastic, and I love all four of them, and I think they are all good people who are trying their best... well, not Nick Ryves, not a good person, but does try his best). Nick Ryves is a literal demon who once set the River Thames on fire, hates reading, can’t lie, and Jamie Crawford is a chatterbox earring-wearin’ magician, Nick Ryves and Jamie are friends. Nick Scratch is a warlock who’s an avid reader and a huge liar (made to be so by his world enforcing terrible things upon him!) and Harvey is a soft-spoken artist, Nick and Harvey are romantic rivals who snap at each other--but I do know the scenes you mean. And I do consistently love the idea of someone who doesn’t protect themselves well at all, stepping up to protect other people. 

I think we’ve all seen characters who’ve gone through horrible things, dealing back to the world what they’ve been dealt. And it’s always sad and sadly true to life. Everybody gets hurt and everybody lashes out.

But I think there’s also something really fascinating about seeing moments of grace, when people who have been dealt a lousy hand, make a choice not to reflect that back. 

Jamie was marked to die by inches by a demon (not Nick Ryves, whose brother would disapprove of him doing such). Harvey was abused by his alcoholic father and witches murdered his brother. But both maintain a high level of concern for others, even when said others haven’t done much to deserve that concern. And that’s an instinct which is greatly appealing, but also greatly dangerous--in a terrible world, it’s not safe to protect others--and which also has its dark side. In a terrible world, how far might you go to protect others? 

I admit, I had a high level of suspicion around Harvey at the start of the show, as ‘nice guy’ on TV often means ‘how low are our expectations for dudes!’. I kept worrying he would do one of the low-key awful things that ‘nice guys’ get shown as doing: abandon his friends, or his morals. One of the scenes about Harvey in the TV show that really got me was in Part 2. He and Sabrina had an awful break-up, Sabrina’s been distancing herself and dealing with her own stuff, her friends are hurt by the distance and dealing with THEIR own stuff. When Sabrina comes back around, her friends are mean to her, then Sabrina goes home and has to deal with witch-hunters! Then Harvey comes after her, to help her fight the witch-hunters. And we the audience know two of the witches he comes to help killed his brother. 

So when we were discussing the show, that scene and the spaces around it was something to be focused on. What on earth do the other witches think about a witch-hunter coming in to save them? That must have been so weird for them! And we came to the decision that several witches, since the witches are often up for a sexy time, might be like: ‘Is this witch-hunter... cute?’ [nightmare for Harvey, who would not be down], the two witches who killed Harvey’s brother would be like, ‘this is slightly awkward,’ and Prudence and Nick Scratch, the two non-Spellman witches most familiar with Harvey, would be like ‘This guy is a maroon who may soon cut off his own head.’ (NICK: I should stop him cutting off his own head, it would upset Sabrina. PRUDENCE: Eh.)

I also like examining how being kind isn’t easy. Sabrina’s a fixer. Harvey’s a caretaker. Your best traits are often your worst as well. Some really huge tragedies occur because of imperfect people trying to do the right thing.

The potential for unkindness has to be very present, for characters who choose to be kind. The choice should never be easy. Jamie in TDL is a naturally powerful magician, in a world where you get more power by doing an incredibly sketchy thing (feeding people to demons). He’s being promised love and power and true understanding by a corrupt circle who are saying: this is what you’re good at, this is what you’re made for.

And for Harvey, he keeps being shoved toward an inheritance of traditional masculinity and active violence. There’s a scene in Part 3 of the show where the approach Lucifer takes when tempting/messing with Harvey to punish him is to push on all his feelings of being useless, not protecting people (in this case, specifically his longtime adored friend, and new girlfriend, Roz). Thus Harvey goes off to charge at evil, inadequately armed and in the company of aggressive guys he previously hadn’t got on with. The evil that comes for us is always specific to us. In Book 1, Harvey gets scared of his own reflection seeming like a monster. In Book 2, Prudence says ‘All witch-hunters are the same. They aren’t safe’ and a dark spell plus a dark revelation does make Harvey give into rage for a moment which he overcomes. In Book 3, Nick Scratch thinks of Harvey ‘those instincts were made for witch-burning’ and Harvey’s best friend Theo is disturbed by the ‘grim witch-hunter’ vibes Harvey occasionally gives off.   

Being kind is a struggle, and easier, more attractive, more socially esteemed and rewarding options often seem on offer. Harvey’s story is as yet unfinished, and in the main not mine to tell, though I do love visiting in on him! I hope it ends well but there’s dark potential there. Jamie’s story ended well, but he was often tempted and tipping into darkness, and his kindness and decision to stick with kindness (over, say, revenge for his mother’s death) came at a horrible price. A mother. A hand. The life he wanted. I don’t think Jamie regrets it, but I want to acknowledge the price of kindness.

Ours is often a cruel world, which teaches kind girls to be kind to others to the point where they’re cruel to themselves. And which pushes kind boys to stop being kind, which twists kindness into anger and violence.

But I do believe there’s a real value in showing in fiction, and acting out in life: the difficult choice to be kind. It often feels thankless, but the choice does spare other people. And perhaps others will see you make that choice. Perhaps they’ll learn something. 

I like thinking: perhaps being kind in a cruel world will matter.