#cheryl feels unhinged

[jugheadvarchoni]

Ranking every Riverdale Season (from worst to best)

Reminder: this is just MY opinion. Feel free to share your own!

7. Season 5

With the exception of the first 3 episodes (which I just consider to be part of 4), this season was just a huge nothingburger disappointment. The idea of a time jump was cool, and it even started out okay. Then it quickly went off the rails and not only fell back into repeat territory but the jump itself was just executed so poorly… I was beyond done with Hiram villain stuff atp. The Mothmen were fine, just nowhere near as good as the Gargoyle King or Black Hood for me. Too many characters are written TOO awfully (especially the queer characters) and sometimes it feels like they tried to cram way too much into it. It just leaves the season feeling bloated and incoherent. Best parts by far were Toni getting a big role and the introduction of Tabitha.

Still, those weren’t enough to save the season imo. Overall S5 felt the least like Riverdale to me & it was lowkey boring a lot, so it gets last place. Boo. 🍅

6. Season 4

I’m actually so serious when I say I really love this season. S5 is probably the only one I dislike, the rest of these can change at the drop of a hat lol.

The main reason I’m putting S4 here is that it was very hit or miss with my enjoyment of the storylines. Jughead’s stuff at Stonewall was okay. Cheryl got another unhinged story when she should’ve been getting therapy, Archie’s story was mind-numbing, The Auteur was creepy and great until it was revealed to be Jellybean (wah-wah-wah). Maybe it has to do with COVID throwing things off, but the whole season was just a little lackluster and disjointed. Also, TICKLE-PORN?????

The tribute to Luke Perry was beautiful tho. Miss him. 💔

5. Season 1

ALRIGHT. Before you pull out those pitchforks, just hear me out. It’s an incredible season, it’s the most well-written, the tone was amazing, and it set everything up perfectly.

But I do think that because it’s only the first season, and because it’s so short, a lot of the dynamics I personally love just don’t exist. Toni isn’t on the show yet. And I feel like part of what made Riverdale stand out, WAS the craziness and the willingness to do literally anything remotely cuckoo, which S1 just didn’t have. I’m just personally very attracted to wackiness of the other seasons. It’s a little overrated.

But again, this still season is INCREDIBLE and I’m still obsessed with its’ vibes.

4. Season 7

Don’t hurt me. 😭

But buckle up, because I have a lot to say here.

I REALLY had such a good time with this season… I mean, the Choni of it all is really want gets me obsessively thinking about this season on a daily basis. The way they were treated in the first half is everything I wished for them back in the earlier seasons. If this were a ranking based on Choni throughout the seasons, S7 would be #1. Kevin also got a ton of great stuff. S7 was so kind to the queer characters… Other than them, I just love how they got to have FUN. They took us back in time and basically just put the characters into an old-timey Archie Comic. Ridiculous but entertaining side plots that actually kept me interested and put the characters in a totally new environment. And despite the fact that people seem to want to ignore this, they ARE still the characters we’ve known and loved since S1, they just didn’t remember. But the memories are still there, and still inform all of their decisions and relationships.

Unfortunately, my biggest gripe with S7 is the way it feels disconnected to the rest of the show overall. They really let the comet story flop hard. Even if we decided to stay in the 50s in the end, we should’ve had way more time with our characters with their memories. They should’ve had conversations that were long overdue, that circle back and bring things to a close, the way final seasons should. I would’ve preferred they go back to the present, but in an altered timeline due to all the changes made to their lives. Tabitha was WASTED and thrown away and it makes me so mad tbh. They chickened out with the Varchie vs Barchie thing and instead we got that dumbass polycule and everyone dating everyone only for literally no one to end up with anyone (except Choni & Clevin uwu). The later half is especially a letdown, because that’s when we should’ve been ramping up to the end with their memories and certain people coming back together. Instead, we just got a lot of randomness. Which, while fun, doesn’t make for a good final season imo.

I think this season would’ve been ranked in my top 3 had it NOT been the final one…

It’s such a polarizing season for me and that’s why it’s smack dab in the middle!

3. Season 2

What a lot of people consider the glory days lol.

Everything that was well-established in S1 was built on and just made even better. The dynamics between the core four and each one of their storylines was spot on and interesting. Black Hood is probably the most interesting mystery villain we ever had on the show and delving deeper into the Cooper family was great. The slasher horror movie vibes with Black Hood’s story & his victims were just elite.

The season was darker and full of lots of twists and turns, which I always appreciate to keep my on my toes. We got introduced to Toni and Choni was born!

It did have some meh stuff tho, the Archie vs Hiram wasn’t all that interesting to me in this season, even though I DO like Hiram a lot. He’s always been an intriguing character to me, I just think he was severely overused. I also don’t like Bughead lol. The Chic stuff is hit or miss. It was bordering on crazy, but not quite at that sweet spot yet.

Overall this season was more exciting and deeper than even the likes of S1. And this is, of course, where we started getting into the Southside Serpents and the gang wars, which I think is such an iconic aspect of the show. Just a fun, deeper, more interesting season for me!

2. Season 6

I’m a sucker for witches and magic and time travel shenanigans, so this season was RIGHT up my alley. Rivervale, Sabrina, the spookiness, Cheryl’s witch arc, Percival was great, Tabitha getting to shine, I loved SO much of this season. Having one villain, that they all focus on I think did wonders for the cohesiveness of the season. Almost everyone got involved in it, there weren’t as many tangential storylines, and the buildup to the comet was so much fun. It was the perfect blend of camp and wackadoodleness and serious life/death stuff.

The worst part for me, is the ships. Tangs being a plague on society and them making Toni’s whole storyline about being a mother (a bad, awful one ugh). Fangs was never a standout to me, but they just made him insufferable this season. The custody battle was insanely stupid and a waste of time. “Baby Anthony” sucked (Dale FTW). Barchie has always bored me. Cheryl/Heather just felt like besties lol. The ships suffered hard in this season lol.

Still, we got Choni confirmed soulmates and Thabigail + Jughead/Tabitha were cute. So that aspect wasn’t ALL bad.

Tonally, it’s soooo different from the other seasons but I think they strike a better balance between mystery villainous plot and campiness than the other seasons. I ate up the supernatural and horror stuff, the plot is one of the most consistent in the whole show, there’s good character development and I just loved the craziness. They easily redeemed themselves after that abysmal S5. 🙏

1. Season 3

Ahhh PEAK insanity. Wild, compelling, dark but also silly af sometimes. The show went off the rails in the best way and I have a blast every time I watch it. A true fever dream. They embraced the crazy and I think that’s what sets it apart from all the other seasons. Imo, there isn’t a single “bad” episode here. They were still in high school, giving us that teenage drama/those dynamics that made Riverdale what it is. My fav ships were together (not without their drama), there was an intriguing mystery with the Gargoyle King. The flashback episode with the parents was amazinggggg and I loved everything about the Gryphon’s and Gargoyle’s storyline and how it trickled down to affect so many people. The atmosphere of the season, the main cast that got focus and actually got to have screentime together, Heathers heing probably their strongest musical. I love it SO MUCH.

There are some weaker points tho. There is a lot that happens this season, like A LOT. But I enjoyed it so much that I lowkey give it a pass for being so convoluted. Dilton was wasted and killed off after not getting much in general. Bughead & Veggie suck. I wish the G&G and Cult stuff had been intertwined better.

An organ harvesting cult led by Chad Michael Murray? Archie fighting a bear? Mass seizures? Babies thrown into a fire and then levitating? Veronica opening a speakeasy as a teenager? Choni cat burglars? Archie in juvie? Bunker sex? Speakeasy sex? Fizzle rocks? Killer DnD? THE EPIC HIGHS AND LOWS OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL?

I-C-O-N-I-C. Riverdale is at its best for me when it doesn’t care about being a normal gritty teen show. Maybe this season was a little messier, but I think the sheer fun and craziness more than makes up for that. Everytime I rewatch this season, I enjoy the crap out of it and am reminded why I love these characters and this silly little show so much. ♥️

So to recap:

S3 > S6 > S2 > S7 > S1 > S4 > S5

P.S: if there’s a major typo or I put something in the wrong season, lemme know. I just regurgitated this all from memory when I woke up so my thoughts were hella jumbled…

[faithchel]

— OCS & OTHER CHARACTERS.

tagged by @corvosattano​, @nightbloodraelle​, @leviiackrman​, @adelaidedrubman​, @denerims​, @fourlittleseedlings​, @minaharkers​, @strafethesesinners​, @playstationmademe​, @ishwaris​, @shegetsburned​, @aartyom​ & @gwynbleidd​, ty beloveds!!

sending tags on to @unholymilf (>:((), @henbased (>:(((), @belorage, @jendoe, @phillipsgraves, @chuckhansen, @queennymeria, @poetikat, @derelictheretic, @purplehairsecretlair, @strangefable, @arklay, @morvaris, @noonfaerie, @jackiesarch, @risingsh0t, @roberthouses​​, @confidentandgood, @indorilnerevarine, @shellibisshe,  @blissfulalchemist​, @nuclearstorms, @reaperkiller, @steelport, @nokstella, @shallow-gravy, @cybilbennettgf​ (i am sorry i forgot you moved & was like wait where’d she go) & anyone else can @ me xx (for real the brainfog is strong today so if i missed you please take this as a tag anyway)

rules (via @corvosattano​). take this quiz and share 5 (or more! or less! the world is your oyster!) results from the top 50 that you feel really fit your oc(s). if you don’t recognize very many from the top 50, feel free to expand into the top 100.

(actual influences & inspirations that made the list are italicized).

holly golightly (breakfast at tiffany’s)

villanelle (killing eve)

anna karenina (anna karenina)

love quinn (you)

ciri (the witcher)

honorable mentions. audrey horne (twin peaks), mia wallace (pulp fiction), lucifer morningstar (lucifer), cheryl blossom (riverdale), oberyn martell (game of thrones) (awks because of the eye cutting stuff.)

lady macbeth (macbeth)

cersei lannister (game of thrones)

joan holloway (mad men)

serena joy waterford (the handmaid’s tale)

beth harmon (the queen’s gambit)

honorable mentions but they’re increasingly unhinged. nina sayers (black swan), alice cooper (riverdale), leland palmer (twin peaks), the wicked witch of the west (the wizard of oz), the queen (snow white and the seven dwarfs), joe goldberg (you) (?????)

sterling archer (archer) (this was 95%. by the way.)

don draper (mad men)

logan delos (westworld)

jay gatsby (the great gatsby)

roman roy (succession)

honorable mentions but they’re increasingly unhinged. john willoughby (sense and sensibility) (this one probably belongs in the top five but logan & roman were funnier), jaime lannister (game of thrones), neal caffrey (white collar), james bond (tomorrow never dies), count alexei vronsky (anna karenina) (uncomfortable), regina george (mean girls), haley dunphy (modern family), lindsay bluth (arrested development)

davos seaworth & jorah mormont (game of thrones)

friar laurence (romeo and juliet)

charlie strong (peaky blinders)

samwell gamgee (lord of the rings)

honorable mentions. pete martell (twin peaks), little jon (robin hood), ben scott (yellowjackets), jon snow/samwell tarley/brandon stark all tied for some reason (game of thrones), jane eyre (jane eyre)

maeve millay (westworld)

daenerys targaryen (game of thrones)

vi (arcane)

yennefer of vengerberg (the witcher)

mazikeen (lucifer)

honorable mentions. freddie lounds (hannibal), tyler durdan (fight club), fleabag (fleabag), fiona gallagher (shameless), hiram lodge (riverdale) (mija she owns that dam), freddy krueger (a nightmare on elm street), the alien (alien)

dr. bedelia du maurier (hannibal)

shiv roy (succession)

sansa stark (game of thrones)

mel madara (arcane)

rose dewitt bukater (titanic)

honorable mentions. betty draper (mad men), dana scully (the x files), claire standish (the breakfast club), skyler white (breaking bad), lana kane (archer), jackie taylor (yellowjackets), margaery tyrell (game of thrones), betty cooper (riverdale), princess leia (star wars), lucille bluth (arrested development)

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

do you think cheryl would have been attracted to julian in the same way she was into jason?

I don't. LOL.

Like, Cheryl is so different in the 50's. So, fundamentally different. A big reason for that is Julian.

Cheryl's relationship to Julian is fundamentally different from her relationship with Jason. It feels much more ordinary. There's no psychosexual undertone. The twins don't feel as close.

We can also assume there was no Heather, or if there were, it probably wasn't as explosive.

A quick side note about this: I do think that we can conclude Cheryl did SOMETHING gay before Toni arrived in the 50's. Namely because the principal is so watchful with Cheryl and even makes a point to be like, "Straight's great, right?" at the dance. If there were no precedence, this would not have happened. After all, two girls dancing together in the 50's wouldn't be that odd. (There were even other girl/girl pairings in the scene's background.) The fact that Featherhead felt the need to correct Cheryl indicates there was a need for correction.

In any case, Cheryl is drawn to Jason as a way to cope. She flocks to him in search of affection and of approval. She simply doesn't have this relationship with Julian. They're far more normal.

I'm sitting here pondering why that is. Perhaps having parents that are Russian spies is simply less traumatizing than parents who are involved in the drug trade.

I'm honestly not sure.

Or maybe the strength that Cheryl had cultivated in her adult life was enough to carry over and make her less fragile in the 50's.

Either way, she isn't nearly as erratic in the 50s.

Now, you could say that this is due to skipping over her core trauma: Jason's death.

I would agree with you, but I think Cheryl in the modern era even before Jason's death was still more unhinged than in the 50s. Even if we only get glimpses of her.

We're getting off topic though. End of the day, Julian is just entirely different than Jason and doesn't set Cheryl up to seek the same kind of "divine comfort".

Thank you.

[witchofthemidlands]

an accurate depiction of my dad, an archie comics enthusiast, when he asks me to explain what riverdale is:

there has never been a show quite as unhinged as riverdale & honestly it's been fun, it really was a lot of fun. it was by no means good & i feel like crack may have been inhaled in the writers room but it was a laugh, it went from being an ‘edgy’ teen drama show about trying to solve the mystery of what happened to jason blossom & archie andrews experiencing the triumphs & defeats, the epic highs & lows of high school football to a show about archie fighting a bear, kids running gangs, people doing selling drugs to support their nana, a teenager opening a speakeasy, witchcraft, alternative universes, cults, a cult leader escaping in a rocket, the main characters getting superpowers all the while butchering musicals. riverdale was unafraid it just did whatever it wanted to do no matter if it was good or not.

riverdale also gave me cheryl blossom & as i was also struggling with accepting that i was a lesbian at the time, the character of cheryl will always mean a lot to me.

[phantomqueen]

3, 9, and/or 19?

3. Which season is your favorite, and which plot of that season do you like most?

seasons 3-4 were truly the most unhinged, possibly MORE unhinged than season 6 when they get literal superpowers, and i loved every second of it. i liked the gryphons & gargoyles (esp when the teens' actors played teen versions of the parents!!) and jughead's dark academia plotlines the best. i still dont actually understand the "g&g has real consequences irl" plot but i look back on those confused fever dream memories with fondness

9. Which character has your favorite costuming? What's your favorite outfit they wore?

ooof probably cheryl or betty. betty...is actually fascinatingly bad, especially her teenager outfits. it looks like someone trying to go for a vaguely kitsch or vintage style but it's not landing. the clothes feel like they're from hollister or something and just badly mismatched. cheryl's outfits are also ridiculous but they're more fun. i like that she oscillates between influencer and gothic witch. i think some of her high school outfits COULD pass for things a teen would wear, if they'd just like, made her look realistically like a teen who shops at forever21. but we are not here in riverdale for realism

19. Who is your favorite parentdale character? Why?

jughead's dad. mostly because he's hot. i also have a "love to hate her" relationship with alice cooper. whenever she's onscreen i just KNOW she's gonna do some wildly poor parenting and then gaslight betty

[fvckyouimaprophet]

2, 5, 13 for the choose violence ask game 💖

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

not the top/bottom discourse 😂

i’m not sure if i have a fave at the moment, but i’ll go with sirius. there is so much existing discourse about who tops, who is taller, who is whatever, so, let’s hop in and join the swarm.

well, first of all, sirius is a scorpio, so— (kidding, kidding).

this is so hard because the discourse is so stupid, but okay okay i brought this upon myself.

sirius doesn’t bottom because he internalized the shitty politics of “power dynamics” associated with top/bottom discourse when he was first sexually curious and is a dramatic fucker, so his takeaway was, “i will never bottom because i will always be the one in control/with all the power.”

a lot of the people he hooks up with are like, “oh, okay, sure,” or want to be topped (sirius makes it known), so it becomes a point of pride for him. he’ll casually drop it in conversation, “well, i’ve never bottomed, so i wouldn’t know.”

remus thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen and pokes fun of sirius’s fragile ego and how very heterosexual of you to view sex this way. but sirius is prideful, and that only makes him cling to it harder. 

5. worst discord server and why

i don’t mean this in a “i’m too scared to share” or tame way, but i haven’t been a part of any shitty discord servers. which is probably because i’m only really active on four, and two of which recommended by people on one of the other servers (and another which i co-started and has maybe 15 members).

i have heard stories, but discord overwhelms me, so i have kept it tight. and i lean more onto the older side of fandom discords, so i steer clear of spaces that have a lot of minors or people who are significantly younger than me.

shitty rps, however, i have stories. i got kicked out of a teen wolf rp because of shipping shenanigans. and i have been harassed on glee rps (whom amongst us who was a part of those hasn’t), but i don’t remember the names, and they’re all long deactivated, so i don’t think it’d be juicy.

funny story about glee rp culture, though. there was a blog where people could submit shoutouts to characters, ships, and specific rp servers. sounds like a good idea, but a loooot of drama started because anonymous people would share things like “i hope [this ship] gets back together. i hate [current ship].” or they’d praise a handful of characters in one server, but others would get ignored, and people would quit because they’d feel under-appreciated. oh glee, you really were a swirling vortex of drama.

13. worst blorboficiation

if we’re talking fandom: i am genuinely annoying about this in one of the discord servers, but the blorbofication/baby girl-ifying of certain slytherin marauders-era characters.

i genuinely don’t care if you ship them. i wrote lesbian rosekiller, and i enjoyed the idea of them just being genuinely unhinged and used it to practice writing body horror.

but this culture of “oh they’re so soft” where they all get turned into a gang of hot topic queers who feel like the embodiment of the uwu face has me ???? and then people will act like it’s canon. like anyone who thinks that barty crouch jr wasn’t living out “love simon” is lying to themself.

i get that this has happened since the dawn of time (esp with white male characters). but the characters who get it usually are meant to be torn in some way, are redeemed, or theoretically have the potential to be redeemed.

i just genuinely wish people would acknowledge that it’s wildly ooc. there’s nothing wrong with that! i think it can be really freeing. “this is basically original fiction, but i’m using familiar character names because it makes me feel more comfortable/creative, and i have a built-in audience for my work” is a valid approach to fanfic!

if we’re talking about me: i watch riverdale, and so i’m going with cheryl blossom. 

has she murdered an uncle (and pretended to feed him to other members of the family to blackmail them), played doll with her brother’s dead corpse, and tried to surprise her ex by being like, “let’s co-parent your child. i built them a room in my mansion”? absolutely.

but i love how crazy she is. and you can rip her and toni’s batshit toxic relationship out of my cold, dead hands.

"i'm not the same girl who burned down thornhill and cut off [my mom’s] oxygen" "sure you are" 10/10, flawless.

(also janice from the sopranos)

✨send me asks from the choose violence game✨

[kevin-keller-artistic-director]

My point was in the context of jug perspective as the author is the show I didn't explicitly say that but I probably should have. His depiction of her in relation to him is what I was talking about specifically.

Him knowing Cheryl better than Toni is true but it doesn't mean much and in regards to him not getting in the way of her schemes I mean if he's tryna figure shit out stopping Cheryl would prevent him from learning more

Cheryl is self absorbed she's extremely unhinged etc but I don't agree that Cheryl ever saw Toni as a vanity project she's just a white girl with PTSD I actually think he can't perceive intense emotion towards a woman as a attempt of goodwill so he immediately attaches it to a project when in reality his little teen book is a legit vanity project

He in tandem with his mommy issues is mixing up unintended results from behavior with intention which to me is a technical root of him as a character he can't see woman as people until the world's at stake

I don't think other people don't see Cheryl as conviving Betty can tell,Ronnie sees how messy she is and Archie wants to see the good in people. Toni loves a complicated woman so that's it's own thing

For most of the show Jughead cannot maintain emotional intimacy with a woman if she is not perfect he's been scarred by his mom who is sharp and kinda a dick it's not that he's the only one that sees it's that he believes himself to be above the woman most like him V and Cheryl because that makes him feel safe in his denial bubble

The final woman he dates isn't even a woman she's a godamn angel like Tabitha because unlike a normal woman who would pass by his pathetic ass and live her life she's stays because it's the angels will or whatever

So yes beef is the wrong word but things that make jug like righteous are the things that he has in common with someone else he's like Alice (I believe she's his ant but that another thing)

The whole point is jughead is not brilliant thinker or person he's just a WHITE guy who was forced to save the world he is just judgmental guy who perspective by extension is warped and that includes his perception of Cheryl

Cheryl's beef with jughead cracks me up because it reads more as what jug presumes Cheryl thinks about him like she says so little to him and it's always about him being homeless or gay like don't get me wrong she's classist but she's got way more depth than that

Also like she's chill with Kevin Arch and Reggie so she's able to be around dudes

[bonvoyagenoona]

About Me 14 | When Fanfic Dating Comes to Life (or, I Met AMOMK Yoongi... for Real)

(TW: some discussion of a death in my family)

Where the hell have I been??

I don’t know! I don’t know where I am! But... I kinda like it here. 

I actually really like it here.

It’s light, and happy, and rewarding, and fulfilling. And still very full of BTS.

For one thing, I put up all my BTS posters that I was saving for when I finally have my own home office. But I figured... why wait?

(you can buy these at ichoism.com! and it’s where my pfp comes from!)

I feel like that unlocked a lot of things for me.

Why wait?

And I think, to take a bit of a somber turn, that’s what hit me the most after my grandmother passed away about a month ago.

I’ve written about this in my fics quite a bit, and I think a lot of Millennials (certainly all of my Millennial friends) have been continuously grappling with unlearning of the toxic parts of the hustle, achiever mentality that defines us. The constant comparisons. The feeling like we’re not “doing enough”. The brass ring that we keep reaching for. The disheartening realization that there was never a brass ring to begin with.

I kept delaying any sort of non-career gratification until I reached some arbitrary level of success. I kept telling myself that I’d get to family, and friends, and dating once I established my 401k. Eventually, it got to the point where I told myself I didn’t want any family, friends, or partners at all. And some of that is still true. I still don’t want kids or marriage. But I do want more life experience. More time with loved ones. More moments to breathe.

My grandmother was the one person in my very “success”-oriented, driven family who sort of disapproved of me going to grad school. She would, in her way, tell me that there were other things in life. To make room for them. To enjoy them. 

One of the last things she told me was that she hoped that she’d live long enough to see me get married. Very Bongseon of her lol. Even with all of the confidence that I have in my life and independence, part of me feels like I failed her in some way by not getting married before she died. Part of me also feels like I’m failing my parents by choosing not to give them grandchildren. 

And part of me is questioning all of that after having met AMOMK Yoongi in real life.

Let me stress that this is all brand new. Like, one week new. I am not in love. I am not in a relationship. But I am dating again. I’m exploring what it is to share time and space with possibilities. 

This exploration is not the only thing that’s taken some time away from this blog. I recently got a promotion at work, and I am now the youngest person on the senior management team. And my team of direct reports has grown by four people in the past month alone, with more growth coming in the rest of the year. Along with that has come more responsibility and latitude, which has allowed me to start making moves that I’ve been dreaming of making since I first started this job five years ago. 

But, as with all things, it balances out. It comes with costs. I’ve been having more meetings. Lots more show-and-tell at work. I’ve definitely been writing, but I haven’t been posting. And I’ve missed you. 

Have I said that yet? I’ve missed you. 

Yes, You. 

You, with your beautiful brain and gorgeous smile and melodious laugh. I’ve missed reading your stories, seeing your art, reblogging your posts, and joining you in the comments. I’ve missed the inside jokes. I’ve missed the memes. I can’t imagine what brilliant things await me when things settle back down a bit.

And I keep thinking of what I was processing when BTS announced their hiatus. Specifically, what Yoongi and Namjoon said about regarding living more life in order to have something to say. And though I already had a lot to say, and was smack-dab in the middle of saying it, a dear friend told me last night, “If you spend a lot of time reading and writing about sex, it might be nice to have more opportunities to actually have it irl?”

It’s funny how this fanfiction thing has opened up my world. In addition to falling even deeper for our boys, I’ve gotten to meet You. All these wonderful people in our community. I’ve jumped into cars and onto planes to see you. To share ideas with you. To laugh with you. To learn and change with you. To be inspired by you. Hopefully you’ve had some fun, too.

But now, I’m changing in a different way. I’ve always written a lot, but I don’t say much. I’ve been told that I can be a lot (read: Kittenfishing, Hideaway, pretty much any one of my Y/Ns lol). But now, I’m talking more. Sharing more of myself. 

Not through Y/N. But as me.

I’m pleasantly surprised that people actually want to hear what I have to say... not just on the page, but nestled in the soft walla of forks scraping against plates and wine being poured and regulars seething about where the hell all these new people came from.

And I’m breaking out of that achiever cycle. That delayed gratification loop. There is an addictive thrill to staying up until 4 AM because I was on a writer’s high -- and PLEASE believe I will absolutely still do that lol. But I’m balancing that out with not waiting until I finish my next chapter before checking in with my friends or hanging with my family.

So a week after my grandmother passed away, two things happened. 

I got a promotion. 

And I got on Hinge.

We all know the steps. I’m admittedly a master at the first part. The resume-building part. Achiever Me has it down to a science. Literally. If you’ve read my fic Matchmaker, then you know, lol. 

I know my style. And I know the typical rules. I posted the necessary pics. Selfie, so you see my face. Wide shot, so you see my body. One cute. One flirty. Casual. Formal. With my family and friends, so you know my values. With emoji, so I protect their privacy. Blah blah blah.

I know the type of people who will gravitate toward me. Years of 20% wanted and 80% of unwanted advances have taught me a lot. 

But I had fun with it, too. 

Dearest Roomie / @mochilatae​ gave me 3 sets of numbers, and those determined what prompts I’d answer. When I got the prompt to do my best celebrity impression, I did one of Popeye.

Apart from all the fuckbois who liked my pics, only 3 responded to my impression in the first few days.

The Dad. 

The Grad Student. 

And The Teacher.

The Dad

The Dad was the first to reach out. In our BTS shorthand, he’s bboy Yoongi. Sneakers. Backwards fitted. Maybe a bit of Jungkook, what with his tattoos and a camera in hand. I shouldn’t have engaged, seeing that he has a kid. But he responded to my Popeye clip with, “ 🤔 Hmm, needs work. Jk.”

I’m an Asian, Millennial woman. I’m used to negging. And I love enemies to lovers tropes. So maybe I kinda like it, if done a certain way. The Dad is actually a sweet guy. So I Matched.

We’ve talked about a lot since then. Life’s funny turns. How tired we’re starting to feel at the end of the day. The best places to get Chinese food. 

Had it not been for this conversation, I would’ve deleted the app altogether.

The Grad Student

The Grad Student was the next to reach out. He isn’t actually a grad student, but he’s a carbon copy of an old labmate. Same cloth, mere threads apart. It’s very, very odd. Even his voice is the same as my labmate’s. I could hear it when he responded to my Popeye clip with, “My God that was perfect! Can you do Olive Oil as well? 😊”

He asked me out first, and he very interestingly suggested one of my usual hangouts from -- you guessed it -- when I was in grad school. It all seemed comfortable, and familiar. But almost too familiar. I told friends that it felt like I’d done all this before. I’m fluent in his language. I could tell his interests just by looking at him. I was feeling very Celeste in Celeste + Jesse Forever. But I also felt the cultural gulf that I sometimes feel in this situation -- most concerning, the fear of being fetishized as an Asian, Millenninal woman.

There’s an episode of the podcast Reply All called The Fever, which shares some stories about a creepy white dude who essentially socially collected Asian women. (Incidentally, this podcast episode was shown to me a few years ago by a white dude, but he did not collect me or any other Asian women.) Tbh, after listening to this episode, I kinda shut down the idea of dating at all.

Needless to say, being presented with The Grad Student made me a little nervous.

We got drinks last Thursday, and... it turned out to be a good time. He’s so... nice? But not braggadociously so. He’s not suave, like the dude from The Fever, or West Elm Caleb. He bumbles, which is funny, given that we’re on Hinge. The night started with him sincerely apologizing for getting a beer before I had arrived, and it ended with him texting me a sincere apology for not walking me to my car in the middle of the night in the middle of the city. Not that those things ultimately mattered to me though. I guess it’s a good sign that he thought of those things at all.

I’m not letting my guard down, but it’s starting to counter that fear of being fetishized. His genuineness has a charm. And we connected on a lot, most importantly the desire to lead a nontraditional kind of life. He doesn’t want kids either. He values his independence. And he’s tired of the expectations (and then mocking of those expectations) that have been foisted upon our generation. I left feeling confused... but optimistic that maybe I wasn’t too late to the scene... that I had something to offer... and that maybe I wouldn’t get fake-collected and real-murdered while out here trying to connect with people. 

That maybe people had something to offer me back.

He asked me out again for dinner on Wednesday. 

That was last night.

The Teacher

After things went well with the Grad Student, I wondered if I should set something up with the other two guys who had reached out. I was already hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend Saturday night and Sunday morning, so I decided I’d jam-pack the rest of that weekend with social activity. Like my 4am writer’s highs, I figured I’d just get it all done in one go. Ride the bit of extroverted energy that was propelling me forward. 

Why wait?

I asked The Dad, with whom I had been talking the longest, if he wanted to get coffee on Saturday afternoon. He said yes, and we picked a place.

I then asked The Teacher if he wanted to hang on Sunday. we had been talking a lot, ever since he said of my Popeye impression, “Pretty good lol”. He also said yes, and we picked a place.

On Saturday, I posted up at one of my favorite coffee shops and wrote for a little bit. 

20 mins before we were set to meet, I got a message from The Dad. He wasn’t going to be able to make it. Family stuff. Understandable.

When I got home from hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend, I checked in with The Teacher. He said he was definitely down to hang.

The Teacher scares me a little bit.

He’s 100% AMOMK Yoongi. Not just in personality, look, or style (and, trust me, eerily so, especially to Soundcheck Yoongi). But because of the connection that we seem to have regarding the core details from my life that I’ve injected into AMOMK. 

See, the Teacher really is a teacher. Specifically, he’s a middle school teacher. And he teaches at the middle school that I went to here in town. The middle school that is the basis for the school that AMOMK Namjoon and Yoongi teach at. Drive past it, and you’ll see the baseball diamond bleachers that AMOMK Jin gets ogled at in the beginning of Chapter 01, and the parking lot leading to the entrance to the band hall in the beginning of Chapter 03. You know what’s really scary? You might even see a red sedan. Like the one that AMOMK Yoongi and Namjoon share donuts on the hood of... and the one that The Teacher just happens to drive.

Have you seen the movie Ruby Sparks? (Another appearance of Chris Messina. Hmm. Interesting.) I certainly don’t advocate for the toxic aspects of control and will, but that awed feeling of seeming manifestation... I was starting to feel that awe when we were texting about these hometown details. And it was starting to solidify into a genuine feeling of bewilderment when we realized we also lived within 15 minutes of each other when we were younger, and that we went to the same high school at around same time. 

The Teacher showed up.

He showed up early, actually.

We originally planned for 4, but he said that he’d gotten done with his errands and would now be free at 3:30. 

We met for sushi, and I had one of the best conversations I’ve ever had in my entire life.

The content. Music, books, life, family, being Asian, being an immigrant, being first gen, being oldest siblings, being first gen oldest siblings, dating, movies, music, fashion, TV shows, comedy, writing, music, work, oh, and music. He said he listens to everything. I said I listen to everything. We both highly doubted that the other listened to everything. We both learned that we both listen to everything.

The little moments. Me accidentally dropping my phone, and then my chopsticks, and saying sorry or looking worried, and him just smiling and tilting his head and saying, “For what?” Or us talking about the disdain for how short songs are now to encourage streaming, Harry Styles’ use of a melody reminiscent of A-ha’s “Take on Me”, and the bright smile we’d flash each other as we stopped talking each one of the seven times the song played on the speakers during our-- 4-hour conversation? 

When did 4 hours pass??

Did I want to go somewhere to get drinks?

Yes.

And the big moments. Us sitting down at another one of my old hangouts from grad school, which just happened to be 5 mins away, and us talking about our motivations. Passions. PDA.

The Teacher: I’m not really one for PDA.

Me: Me either. (remembering something) Ugggghh! OK, so my brother and his girlfriend do this thing when they’re hanging out where one of them will go, "Uh-oh! My love meter is empty!” And the other one will go, “Oh no!” And they’ll scurry over to them and hug them and kinda squeeze and jostle them while going, “boop-boOP-BOOP-BOOP-BOOP!” And then they’ll go, “All full!” and smile at each other.

The Teacher: Gross.

Me: I know! Remember how you said you wanted to emulate the relationship your parents have? I’m the same way, and I think I’ve only seen my parents kiss a handful of times. I think the most recent of them was in the Philippines during New Year’s Eve 1999.

The Teacher: Hey. Y2K. They had to. They could’ve died.

Me: (laughs) What specifically about PDA makes it uncomfortable for you, do you think? Is it like what you said about how you hate when people play their music super loud when they go to the gas station or are just out and about in public?

(The Teacher is also a grumbling grandpa, btw.)

The Teacher: Yeah, and it’s like... too showy. I like the sense that it’s saved for behind closed doors. It’s just for the other person.

Me: True. And... like... if you’re doing it all the time, it doesn’t seem as special. Not to be a huge cornball, but it loses some of its... I don’t know, it loses some of its---

Together: Magic.

I swear to you. I know I write romcom fanfiction. But this happened. 

Which is why The Teacher scares me.

When it was time to go, not as an afterthought, before we even got up from our seats, he said, “It’s late. I’ll walk you to your car.”

He was wearing black, pointy boots. I could see them in my periphery because I was kinda looking down as we walked. He walked to my left, and just behind me. Kind of letting me lead. But still next to me. Like a cat.

We lingered in the hug. I thought he might be interested in a kiss. I got shy. He respected it.

Me: This was really fun. Thanks for hanging out.

The Teacher: Yeah. It was a blast.

Me: Would you want to... maybe... hang out... again?

The Teacher: Absolutely not.

(When I tell you that I cannot stop thinking about this and laughing... ugh.)

The Teacher: No, seriously though. We could hang out this weekend... or we could do mid-week, even. How about...

Me: (internally) Don’t say Wednesday. Don’t say Wednesday. Don’t say---

The Teacher: ...Thursday?

(Why wait?)

Me: Yes. Thursday.

We have texted nearly nonstop everyday since.

And I’m going out with him again in about 5 hours.

Because it is Thursday.

And that’s when the AMOMK boys go on their dates.

[cherizards]

i cant believe im reviving this stupid 9 year old blog instead of just ghosting like i usually do and its all because of fucking SUPERNATURAL

[always-andromeda]

i am very curious as to how you quite exactly feel about holden worther from the good girl for the character bingo. like tell me. how do you feel about this poor, messed up child? i need specifics

send a character for an unhinged bingo ask!

Oh goodness gracious, Soph. Under the cut I'm gonna leave possibly an entire essay on how I feel about Holden because whoop dee doo I feel a lot of things about his character!!

First of all, I don't think him directly comparing himself to Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye is just some fluke; it's 100% intentional. Now I've never read Catcher in the Rye but based on the reading I've done of the main character, he is so similar to how Holden (or Thomas lol) composes himself. Both characters heavily judge others around them based on superficial traits and tend to see themselves as superior in some way. I think Holden (Thomas) found a lot of solace in this character and takes it as a thing of pride to imitate him, especially on matters of morality. It's partly why he gets so personally offended when Justine sleeps with Bubba (because lol it seems that book Holden feels the same way with just the concept of casual sex existing). It's also how he can so easily look down on almost everyone around him.

I think Holden's issues with his parents can't go unstated either. Like I haven't watched the movie since we watched it a few weeks ago bUT DO YOU REMEMBER A SINGLE TIME WHEN THIS GUY'S PARENTS GAVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM? NOOOO. It really is that parental neglect that both fuels his wild thought processes but also allows them to go unchecked.

AND ANOTHER THING. Even just knowing a sliver about Catcher in the Rye has really helped my interpretation of his character. Because The Good Girl is primarily about the monotony in the lives of these two people. Everyone else seems to have found their little niche in their lives and they're content with that living. Corny is cool with being the church guy, Cheryl manages to have fun working the makeup counter and annoying everyone over the loudspeaker, Phil is cool with getting high and doing his job and watching TV every day, Bubba is also cool with just watching his friend live out a "perfect" relationship. Everyone except for Justine and Holden are fine with all of this.

Holden, just like the character he admires so much, is a symbol of rebellion. Rebellion against the slow, mundane, cyclical lives that they live. But it's a rebellion that Justine ultimately can't go along with. Because picking up and running away with him would be the "easy" option. That's the great divide between them; Holden is young enough to believe that he is invincible and that they can do anything and be anything and they don't have to face the consequences. Justine has enough maturity to see the bigger picture and accept her life for what it is and decides to work with what she has in order to spare the people around her.

I genuinely love this movie so so so much and like...I'm genuinely debating reading Catcher in the Rye just so I can see if I can find more parallels between it and the movie. Because, GOD, The Good Girl embodies like. Almost everything I fear in my life. And I love Holden with all of my heart; wish I could cart him off to a good therapist. <3

Thank you for asking, soph 🥺 hope you enjoy the essay lol

[jupitermelichios]

So I decided to try watching Riverdale, and I have... thoughts. And also the words ‘holy homoeroticism batman’ written several times in increasingly large letters.

I started on season 2, because everything i read suggested that was when the show went off the rails, and i am here exclusively for the batshit weirdness. but it’s fine, because the show decided to fill me in on what i missed during the two consecutive 'previously on' sequences. was one not enough? was there an ad break between them? did they think people would forget what show they were watching if there wasn’t a little break and a logo splash halfway through?

we open on archie rushing his dad into the worlds most empty emergency room. there’s no one, no patients, no doctors, not even a receptionist, just a big empty room, right until the extras smell the blood of a protagonist and all converge. i assume they’re just desperate for something to do, working in the world’s least used hospital.

does snake pliskin exist in this universe? betty makes a reference that doesn’t really make any sense otherwise and given what i know about where the show goes eventually, it feels like a very real possibility. is this the escape from new york universe?

jingle jangle. they called the drug jingle jangle. honestly no criticism, amazing job everyone on the writing team, keep it up!

“dropping vintage bon-mot like vintage bon-bons” is a hell of a line that only works if you have no idea how bon-mot is said (and no idea what one does with a bon-bon. why are you dropping your candy on the floor veronica). fortunately neither the writers or the actress delivering it do, so it’s fine.

getting into the shower with someone without asking is a risky proposition. You have to be really sure they want it. there’s normal ‘i thought you were into it but you’re not’ awkwardness, and then there’s ‘i thought you were into it but you’re not and also i’m standing here wet and naked now’ awkwardness.

how many gangs are opperating in riverdale? I count three so far. riverdale is not that big, is it?

Actually for real, how big is riverdale? I have absolutely no idea. it’s a local small town with exactly one place to eat but it supports two highschools and three gangs. do we know where riverdale is, and is it anywhere near smallville?

cheryl sure knows how to dress for maximum drama. in general i’m basically neutral on the costumes, but everything cheryl has worn has been a Look and i am here for it. sexy runway victorian ghost aesthetic, yes, amazing, no criticisms.

define hood, because i’m not sure you know what it means. that’s a mask. i get that the comics character is called the black hood, but the costume team could have put him in a hood, why was their solution ‘ski mask but no one in town will admit it’s a ski mask’

half the high school is in this fucking hospital to support archie’s dad, good thing there’s zero other patients or staff or it would be getting crazy crowded

what riots, pop? you can’t just drop in ‘someone threw a brick through our window during the riots’ with no further explanation. what fucking riots?!

wise old spiritual black man, but he's just some dude is a take honestly. does he have some kind of special knowledge or divine connection? nope, he’s just a dude who likes being extremely cryptic in service of absolutely nothing

is cheryl magic? does she think she's magic? what does she think the kiss of life is?  i was under the impression that magic wasn’t going to be real in this show for another season or two, but cheryl apparently does not agree!

the problem with every actor playing a kid in this show being in their mid twenties (insert KennieJD ‘brooding hot 25 year old teenager’ jingle) is that then they show a music teacher kissing a student and i have absolutely no context for how creepy it’s supposed to be. like, she’s twenty, he’s twenty, we’re not in a school setting, I have no idea how i’m supposed to be reacting. he might be an adult who’s decided to take up piano, or she might be a straight up paedophile, and i have literally no idea which. am i supposed to be sad she’s dead?

headmaster is weirdly supportive of his students becoming armed vigilantes. i feel like every teacher i’ve ever had would have had more questions than that.

as the grandchild of a silversmith, i have to say, veronica polishing the silver cutlery as one of her chores is a weirdly believable detail for a show this unhinged. that was one of my chores as a teenager, and still is when i stay with my mum for more than a couple of days. pros of your grandad knowing how to silver-plate: pretty. cons: absolutely everything that stood still long enough eventually got silver plated and it all needs polishing.

Love that everyone still has archie comics names. the mob lawyer is called penny peabody. amazing.

maybe it's the fact that i'm in my 30s but archie's dad is the only attractive person on this show

ebony dark'ness dementia raven way would be very disappointed by how milktoast the goths in this show are. try harder, CW wardrobe department.

oh man, the lighting team absolutely went off for this show, and i kind of love that it's in service of absolutely nothing

holy homoeroticism batman

i’m in this weird place where objectively bonkers things have happened, but not as much or in the way that i want them to, and i can’t decide if it’s worth sticking with it to get to the later more bonkers seasons.

on an unrelated note though, this is the creative team i would choose for a nailbiter adaptation. the weird lighting and colour pallettes, the time displaced americana vibe, honestly even some of the writing, exactly what i would want from a nailbiter tv show.

[bireggiemantle]

please tell us about your riverdale ocs if you feel comfortable doing so, i have the sense that they'll be fun

okay so for context here are the relationships at play. jughead/archie/tabitha/veronica are in a fourple (ik the word is polycule shut up). reggie and sweet pea are divorced because sweet pea decided to run off with josie. him and reggie are on good terms though. betty is in a committed relationship with murder. cheryl is in a committed relationship with witchcraft. toni and fangs are happily married. and kevin.

all of the ocs and their brief backstories/personality descriptions will be listed below the cut. I share these ocs with @greatkateweathermachine btw :)

Tina - biologically she's the varchie kid, although all four members of jabronchie raised her. she's the oldest of the group aside from baby anthony, and honestly she's relatively normal. she's a quiet girl with a big heart and she's a little nerdy. she leaves riverdale once she goes to college and even though she does visit, she has no plans of moving back.

Riley - riley is biologically the jabitha kid (again raised by all of jabronchie), and she's about eight years younger than tina. she's essentially the worst parts of all her parents combined. she's reckless and absolutely off the shits and has a taste for arson. her hair is permanently dyed kool-aid blue and she's a lesbian. she's dating jessica and her two best friends are cameron and april.

Greg - he's the first of sweet pea's and reggie's and while he's a little bit of a dumb jock stereotype he's pretty nice. he's a year older than riley and he's exes with jessica, which riley loves to make fun of him for.

Cameron - he's the second of reggie's and sweet pea's kids, and he's a year younger than greg (the same age as riley). he's best friends with riley, jessica, and april, and chronically unable to say no to any of their insane ideas. he helped riley light off fireworks in the girl's bathroom one time.

April - april just kind of showed up on betty's doorstep one day. she's similar to charles in the sense that she appears normal at first glance but in reality she has a taste for blood. she's also a little unsettling because she speaks in a very monotone way. she's about a year younger than cameron and riley.

Fangs Jr. - he's toni's and fangs's second kid, and about three years younger than baby anthony. he doesn't have too much going on. he's essentially exactly like fangs but yk. younger.

Gonzo - he's toni's and fangs's third kid. his real name is ethan, but in true serpent fashion he decided to change it to the stupidest nickname you've ever heard. he's very nice and a little weird, but mostly nice. he's the same age as riley and cameron.

Chrysanthemum (Chryssy) and Petunia - these are cheryl's nightmare children. they're about a year younger than tina and baby anthony, and they're the creepiest pair of twins you've ever seen. cheryl spent forever looking for a set of redheaded girls and chryssy and petunia are like the perfect match for her. they're practically inseparable and they fit cheryl's brand of bitchy white girl to a t. just. much creepier.

Jessica - (she was named before jughead's ex was introduced don't yell at me). she's not a kid of any of the main rvd characters. instead, she has normal parents, she's just weird as hell anyway. she's pretty reckless and a little unhinged, although significantly more subdued than riley is (low bar). jughead kind of hates her based on the name alone, but she and riley are endgame so he'll have to learn to cope.

Those are all the ocs we have so far!! I'd love to talk more about them if anybody is interested, and I have a short fic written about riley and jughead already. tysm for the ask!! I'm so glad I finally got to introduce these characters here

[twelvedaysinaugust]

Liam seems strung out or drunk in that interview. It’s scary to see

The fact that Liam was drinking during the podcast was concerning, considering he’s admitted to having a drinking problem. So he’s using alcohol again, at the very least.

I guess this is an unpopular opinion, but the podcast wasn’t as unhinged as I was expecting, given the way everyone was talking about it. Liam overstepped, without a doubt. These are the kind of things to discuss with a therapist, not Logan Paul. It’s clear that Liam is struggling right now and a lot of what he said about Zayn and 1D was uncalled for. At the same time, I feel like people are being very selective about what they’re quoting. Liam shouldn’t have said that Gigi’s tweet about finding a respectful man didn’t age well. Nor should Liam have mentioned Zayn’s family or personal struggles. At the same time, Liam expressed a lot of compassion for Zayn and, by the end of the conversation, painted him in a sympathetic light (I thought). Louis and Harry’s comments about Zayn haven’t always done that. Liam also told a lot of positive stories about Bear, Cheryl, and fatherhood.

Liam overshared and overstepped. Once again, it seemed like he was trying to relive a time that’s passed. But I don’t think this interview is the train wreck everyone is making it out to be.

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S6 E4 (Rivervale: Witching Hour)

Fanfic has three tiers of flavor: Mellow, Tangy, and Piquant. (I’m going somewhere with this, please stay with me).  Mellow flavor intensity stays mostly within canon, and often write the ‘in between’ moments for the gaps left between the shown scenes or ‘extend’ the scenes that have already been shown.  This seems to have happened a lot in ye olde days of fanfic when people got threatened by Anne Rice etc.  Much of current fanfiction is in the Tangy variety - use some canon factors, but play  with them with a great deal of freedom, such as: Fraught romances between characters that never share the screen in canon, for example, or recast positive relationships in negative lights and vice versa.  But the most intense flavor, Piquant, does what this fourth chapter of Rivervale does - take the choicest relationships, character traits, faces, voices and bodies from canon, and then toss it into a whole different genre/century/planet/ universe and then push blend.

Chapter 4 of Rivervale is Piquant flavored - historic fiction, and using familiar faces to create unfamiliar new characters, and fix whatever the writer did not like or thought needed further explanation from what happens in canon by a combination of horror and the occult!  I also think Jughead Narrator recently watched The Hours - the Phillip Glass type music and the seamless shifting in and out of the three different eras of Cheryls was SUCH a treat to watch.

I’m going to talk about the performances given by the actors which I rarely do, but the capacity to play historical and /or entirely ‘off’ canon seems very uneven in the cast, and the three best deserve their kudos (and I just also wanna just flail about my faves).

This episode’s MVPs are:  Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch), Jughead/Jack (Cole Sprouse), Bitsy/Betty (Lili Reinhart)

Cheryl:

This is obviously a Cheryl-centric episode, and I love these. Petsch is the lesser-sung lead actress of this show (the most praised for various reasons is Reinhart), and in many ways what she’s asked to do in normal times is to be the counterpart to Reinhart. Bring the camp to contrast to Reinhart’s emotional realism, the showy sparkle to highlight the warm Bughead/Jabitha glow.  Cheryl is a ‘big’ character, and Petsch gives ‘big’ performances, which is why these Cheryl-centric episodes feel like events to me.

Petsch physically has a *lot* going on:  Other than her BMI, everything about her is huge (eyes, lips, sheer mouth size, the *amount* of hair, elasticity of facial muscles) and bold, and this excess unexpectedly makes her look convincing in all the different eras of costume she’s asked to wear.   No matter what, she still looks like herself.  The other person who pulls this off is Reinhart, but that’s because the operative image of the picture book white girl prettiness that she embodies has not actually changed that much over time. And really, very few people alive could pull off that giant red wedding gown with the red veil.  Iconic, and she manages to look classical, demure and absolutely unhinged all at the same time. (Yes, this, more than the blood covered white wedding night dress lol).  

She’s best able to deliver the show’s arch approximations of how people nowadays expect people of those former eras to talk.  Cheryl always had odd rhythms and an ornately campy lines to begin with, but Petsch delivered weird-to-us sounding lines that are supposed to be period-correct (“I WOULD have the truth from you”) with the appropriate amount of sincerity, kept free of camp.

The Rivervale thesis about Cheryl is that in every era, she is gay. In every era she is some sort of cult leader/ teacher of women.  In every era she is highly problematic, not just for that era but for our current sensibilities as well.  

And this is just a weird mind-game I’m engaging in but IF we posit this is a thing written by Jughead from Riverdale OH BOY HE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME THINGS about which lesbian tropes to avoid. Cheryl has the strange fixation on her ‘soulmate’ brother, but she otherwise despises men to a degree that borders on outright misandry. Maybe I just know the choicest lesbians (this is possible) but gay women really do not care about men all this much. They just don’t think about men that much at all unless a particular dude is being a nuisance to them in particular.   Cheryl though says things like “I have no need for women with husbands” and  “Men are such monsters.”  She sincerely, kindly advises women to lightly poison (so you can go work) or drug (so you can get more sex) or fatally poison (instead of getting a divorce) their husbands .  She has a persistent horror of heterosexual sex and pregnancy - and it’s a strange touch that the episode left open whether Bitsy was enduring marital rape or just that she didn’t want to have another baby.  This is a weirdly retrograde and straight-man focused way of conceptualizing a lesbian character who moreover is completely aware of and accepts her own homosexuality.

The explanation provided by this episode - that Cheryl never existed and she’s been Abigail Blossom, under a cursed immortality, all this time - serves as a neat fan-fic type ‘explanation’ for why Canon Riverdale Cheryl is so ‘off.’  She talks strangely, for one (“Nay! Cousin!” or  “Pray tell” as Cheryl would be her Abigail self bursting forth) and has strange retrograde ideas (s1 disbelief of the girls who report abuse by football players).  It’s audacious, which is fun, but imperfect because it leaves so much unexplained. For example, does the Abigail self retain awareness of her past lives as she keeps moving forward in time? How was it that Nana Blossom was able to tell all those whackadoo stories about ‘the past’? 

But see, asking questions like this takes all the fun out of both Riverdale the show and fanfic in general. Accept the premises and engage, or fuck off, really.

In any case - Cheryl has been an odd mix of highly entitled and highly vulnerable, and the triptych self shown in this episode posits that the headstrong, high-handed parts came from Abigail, and Poppy Blossom was 100% heart and feeling.   Cheryl the modern iteration whiplashed between the two.  This performance is a rendering of the same person in three radically different eras, in contrast to what Sprouse is doing, which to create entirely different people with the same face. 

By the way - At the school the only girl ever allowed to speak is Britta. This is a problem. The other girls - some not white even! - are literally set decoration.

Bitsy:

The chemistry and heat between Bitsy and Cheryl kind of threw into high relief how I unpersuasive I find Choni on screen. I adore the idea of Choni - Cheryl loving someone like Toni, who is consistently smart, the voice of reason and a source of kindness to her peers despite being from circumstances as dire as Jughead’s is adorable.  Cheryl being unable to sustain the kind of relationship that Toni would want was also an interesting development. But. Performance-wise, these two actresses do not generate heat, and it’s not to do with their actual personal lives.  When Petch’s limpid, you-make-me-weak adoring gazes finds its match like it does in the performance that Rheinhardt gives as Bitsy, I’m thrown right into the Ye Olde Lesbian Pulp fictions I used to read (Ann Bannon fans in the house perhaps??). All the yearning! The internal conflict! The swallowed tears! The passion!

I don’t think this was the intention, but the first Bitsy x Poppy kiss is followed by the first Abigail x Tomasina kiss and the LACK of romantic energy in the second pairing was just thrown into high relief. 

The scene at the jail where Bitsy shows her real despair and the retreats back to compulsive heterosexuality was a really marvelous bit of acting.  The fact that Bitsy smiles as she prepares to murder her husband through poison is the kind of wrong headed ‘women should just kill bad men’ type of thinking that keeps getting mischaracterized as feminism and lets men who do the everyday work of keeping women down (WHICH IS MOST OF THEM) off the hook as long as they are not actively daily raping someone.  Get outta here.

Jack:

We open with Jughead narrator who is  one of two characters that Sprouse plays here. Jughead Narrator is hard eyed and sarcastic.  We walk through the very well appointed, living museum house that is Thornhill. 

After Jughead Narrator comes Jack (No Last Name and not a Jones, probably? - is he a Jones??). Jack is actually menacing, and in a grounded way.  The absolute dislike, as well as what I immediately thought of as Anti-Choice rage in his face!  Very affecting because 99% of what I associate with this actor’s face is looking adoringly, almost on the verge of tears, at different people (Betty, Archie, FP, Jellybean, Gladys).  He is doing a LOT without being overbearing about it (compare to the inability of Kevin’s actor being able to do anything other than Kevin in period cosplay or Fang’s actor utterly unable to deliver ‘period’ lines).  The yanking Bitsy forward to say the coerced line about wanting another baby and pushing her back, and the glaring down at his wife with the same hatred as he does Poppy - nicely done.  And moreover, the kermit-froggy adolescent quaver he has in this voice somehow added to the general misogynist-on-a-bender frisson. When the mob of husbands comes to visit Poppy to threaten her, the only one that I was alarmed to see was Jack, leaning just so against the door frame, unabashed hatred on his face.  When Poppy shows up at the diner, he’s so furious he absolutely runs out of words.  If I used my compact and saw someone looking at the back of my head like that I would also cry.   And really the conspiracy of the men of the McCarthy Era playing with words this way - you won’t have to come back to THIS CELL - seemed so likely, and I liked the bold erasure of most real world details (due process, etc) for the drama of storytelling.

I found it amusing to consider that despite the sheer TERROR he had for her at the start and the weird stories and runaround she gave him as an adult, Narrator/ Riverdale Jughead has enough respect for Nana Blossom to give her body a calm send off into the Witchy Beyond and her soul a new start in a banging young body.  Well done.

[impishglee]

cheryl is a weird character bc they initially frame her as like. some kind of unhinged socially powerful mean girl. but it just kind of devolves into her being this hostile damsel in distress who behaves mostly like a caged animal. she’s not involved in peoples social circles bc shes actually respected so much as she’s humored because she’s a pain to deal with so it’s easier to just give her what she wants and also they feel kinda bad for her

[zumpietoo]

For Cheryl, I'd like psychotic break, it would track, she's been varying degrees of unhinged since Jason was killed but I'm thinking Nana Rose. Archie, secret steroids, but he's always had a bit of a messiah complex so 🤷‍♀️ and Betty, cluster migraines, that would be plausible after the explosion but B*Archie are naturally violent assholes so I think its more that and as always justifying thier behavior as righteous, thinking they've been anointed w/these "powers" because they're special.

Ooohhhh, right you areeee!! Plus not unusual to think yourself invincible/speshul for surviving something like that, ptsd manifesting as violent rage. And they get to feel superior to Jughead (at least for awhile)