#rivervale recap

[alaffy]

Well, it seems like some places have already seen the Riverdale finale. They didn't give spoilers as far as I'm aware. And, to the surprise of no one, it's crap. I remember when I was writing my recap of the season 5 finale, I said that when this is all said and done no one would be happy. I was referring to Rivervale, but apparently I was more on the nose then I thought.

[riverdale-retread]

Rewatching Riverdale Season 6 to realize that I didn't quite recap the Season 5 nor the Rivervale first half of the season bc of life events, stamina, and being reactive to how much the rest of Riverdale fandom seemed to DESPISE S5 *and* Rivervale, which made me feel compelled to say positive things about it rather than write full recaps.

Should.... I? (Because I am rewatching Rivervale. It's insane and I love it). This would be episodes 5.04 through 6.06.

[raymondebidochonlifechoices]

To summarise:

The title of the episode is The Jughead Paradox, that is to say: The Writer(s)’ Paradox, and, hoo, boy, there’s quite a bit of that!

On the outskirts of Rivervale lies a dead body. This will turn out to be Jughead’s. Or, rather, a Jughead’s. Fine, it’s Jug Serling’s aka Narrator!Jughead’s.

Much like the writers, the Vale’s characters have no regard for continuity. Previously deceased Archie, Toni, Reggie and Nana Rose, come back to life. Everyone believes the events of the last 4 episodes to be simple nightmares. If only.

Jughead, in particular, dreams of an explosion in Archie’s room and wakes up in said redhead’s garage with his feet dirty. He gets back to his and Tabitha’s apartment thinking he sleepwalked there.

He’s back to teaching at RHS and is having first day jitters: he keeps reliving moments from the show’s pilot. Daytime hallucinations are a symptom of paranoid schizophrenia, unhelpfully informs him not!dead!Ben Button.

Dr Curdle Jr, the great Bughead connoisseur, informs Betty of Jug Serling’s cadaver and, thus, of the existence of a second Jughead.  Betty, who in this universe is engaged to Archie, and is about to share her life and his one brain cell, does not believe the good doctor.

Jughead, however, does. He visits the morgue, where he (aka writer!Jughead) and Jug Serling (aka narrator!Jughead) meet: time stands still and so does my heart!

Dr Curdle informs Jughead that his double’s cadaver was found in the Lonely Highway, which is quite a generous term for that muddy dirt road leading to Fox Forest.

Among narrator!Jughead’s effects, Jughead finds a Rivervale comic book with Barchie getting married on the cover. It reads: America’s Typical Teenagers. I��m tickled!

Jughead reads through his comic book collection of Riverdale and Rivervale (that he doesn’t remember acquiring) in record time. Then, in typical Jughead fashion, he makes the rounds to inform everyone about it.

He starts with Tabitha, who declares that she remembers everything she read in the Riverdale comics but as happening in the Rivervale universe. This is indeed a paradox, since Tabitha wasn’t in Riverdale 7 years ago … Oops!

The biggest paradox, though, is not how the events of the Dale play out differently in the Vale but that they apparently play differently for each character! I mean, no one comments on Jason’s death except from Cheryl. Double Oops!

Dale!People also appear to have forgotten what happened recently in the Vale (see above: nightmares) but this does not become a point of discussion when confronted with Jug’s comic book knowledge. As Jughead said: it’s counterintuitive.

S1 Reggie makes an appearance, because there is no universe where Reggie does not seek out Veronica.

Teacher Jughead spends his time investigating, because there is no version of Riverdale where there are actual classes.

Everyone talks in this universe, including Jason, but not Kevin. The shade!

Imagine you’re an actor. You get a job in Riverdale. And your line is: “I’m sorry Mr Jones. The Philosophy of Parallel Universes was checked out years ago and never returned.” This is the stuff Emmy Nominations are made off. No?

Everybody is teaching at RHS, including Dilton Doiley and Ethel Muggs. This only serves as affirmation that the Vale is, indeed, an aberration.

Dilton and Ethel explain your basic parallel universe theory to noob Jughead.

Apparently, parallel universes are supposedly copies or mirror images of the prime universe. Except in the case of Rivervale. Of course. I don’t know why I expected differently.

Everything was set off by Hiram’s bomb. OMG! THE SHEER POWER OF HIRAM LODGE! The man. The mobster. The creator of Universes! What a legend.

Stop trying to figure out the secrets of the universe, says the character (Dilton) who’s researching parallel universes in his spare time. Oohh, is that academic rivalry?

A bunch of anomalies appear. More and more dead people come to life. The Black Hood kidnaps Jason Blossom.

Who the hell is the Black Hood, asks Betty who read Jughead’s comic books just the previous day and should have already known the answer.

Apparently, it’s a fair question, because in spite of his comic book knowledge, Jughead himself doesn’t know who the Black Hood is, although he uses said comic book knowledge to locate Jason at the Whyte Wyrm. Wait, what? 

Surprise anomaly: he’s Clifford Blossom.

Jughead doesn’t question Hal’s presence either, although He. Has. Read. The Comic. Books. Le sigh …

Reggie is a comedic duo all by himself.

For someone previously completely unaware that he was living in a pocket universe, Dilton Doiley has some nerve posturing about documenting a prime and pocket universe collapsing in real time to the person who made the discovery of said parallel universe in the first place. That little bitch! He was not going to share credit with Jughead, was he? The punishment for lack of academic ethics in Rivervale is death. Hmmm ... maybe there’s merit in saving this universe after all.  

Both universes will be destroyed unless Rivervale ceases to exist by reproducing the moment of its conception (aka the explosion), says Ethel. Jughead decides that if anyone is going to explode while making out, that’s gonna be him. Maybe he though a different kind of explosion?

He dumbs Ethel and goes out to find Veronica. 

Archie what are you doing here, asks Archie’s best man who skipped Archie’s wedding to make out with Veronica.

Meanwhile, Archie has killed her and is about to off Jughead too. There’ll be no Vughead on Archie’s watch.

Everybody has daddy issues in Riverdale but no one quite like Archie Andrews. Yikes! On the other hand, Archie thinking that a whole universe would be created just for him, actually tracks!

Archie supposedly knows everything about Rivervale because he was there at the moment of its creation. Betty Cooper, who was also there, miffed because she was not being informed on anything, shoots him in the head.

Jughead and Betty are one Hiram, one chunk of palladium, one curse and one Jughead writing in the garage short to accurately recreate the confluence of forces that gave birth to Rivervale but that doesn’t stop them from seizing an opportunity to make out.

It took Archie 4 episodes to come back from the dead but Narrator!Jughead was up in no time! Your construction worker/palladium miner/football coach/war veteran/firefighter could never!

Bughead are interrupted by Jug Serling (aka Narrator!Jughead) who tells them all about unravelling the great mysteries of the universe(s) while stuffing himself with burgers at The Great Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe in the Sky. That’s why, he says, he was resurrected and he came back. The how remains unclear but let’s use our imagination!

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination sings Gene Wilder Narrator!Jughead, who has dreamed of expanding out of all the autobiographical stuff and into TV writing. Imagination is the power source to maintain Rivervale without harming Riverdale, says Narrator!Jughead. It makes sense: everything in this show so far has been a huge stretch of my imagination.

Writer!Jughead is to be secluded in order to rebirth the Vale using his trusted Underwood, keeping that universe alive by constantly feeding it stories, while Narrator!Jughead and Betty will set off the bomb. The writer lives a solitary life after all. Oh, the Symbolism! Oh, the Bathos! The Riverdale writers clink their champagne glasses and get ready for another bout of social media trolling.

Betty sees the opportunity to possibly snog Narrator!Jughead and agrees.

Jughead lives to his reputation of being a talented writer by resetting Rivervale without detonating any bombs.

Although no one is supposed to remember him, Ethel pops by the Bunker to bring him some burgers, because why not …

Unfortunately, unlike in the Vale, in the Dale the story isn’t written by Jughead, so not much improvement is to be expected: the bomb goes off. No barchie are harmed during this. Jughead’s hearing is another story.

Toffee has reluctantly left Pop’s Great Chock’lit Shoppe in the Sky for the Vale Bunker. Cats have nine lives, after all, and, yes, some of them are parallel. She’s slurping milkshakes while editing Jughead’s manuscript. She’s gonna put things right.

[freezing82]

So, @crazymisscarly posted a very detailed recap of Bughead 'crumbs' we got throughout S5. nd I mean DETAILED. Go read it, I reblogged it. As I was reading it, this gif popped up (well it didn't. She used it LOL):

You see Jug's scar on his upper right arm, do you? Look closely...IT'S THERE! Right above Hot Dog tattoo. Can somebody PLEASE, explain to me why Archie's bear claws scars are nowhere to be seen??? (I had to force myself to search for a 'shirtless archie andrews' gif) This is from 5x08.

NO FUCKING SCARS!

I mean I refuse to think the makeup department forgot about them, right? It's their job. He has - as per usual - a gazillion shirtless scenes, the scars should be there and visible.

This is where @bettyminicoop's theory about some sort of AU even before RiverVale gets even more believable.

I mean, KJ stressed in more than one occasion how time-consuming the fake-scars process was, but this cannot be an excuse to forget such an important detail. OR...someone has been making very gross mistakes in the writing process and the props department has to go with the flow.

[jabitha-endgame]

Holy sh*t didn't jonesuzthere do a 5×18 recap that discusses the Orpheus myth and how it pertains to Jabitha? What if one if them dies and the other has to travel to the underworld and bring them back, it'll be a test of thier love. The question is who is Orpheus and Eurydice in this scenario. I think you both are onto something. I think Jug (Orpheus) will have to trust Tabi (Eurydice) is there and overcome his abandonment issues to prevail, true love wins.

👀

Anything is possible on this show! Jabitha's true love will come into play if Rivervale is any indication, and I can't wait to see it

[toddandersonn]

okay so basically anything you’ve heard about this season has been happening in sort of an parallel universe of riverdale called rivervale. So none of it has actually happened in the show. so yeah Archie was sacrificed and resurrected and Toni sacrificed herself to some River lady and people sold their souls to the devil and Cheryl had her relatives living inside her and then body swapped with nana rose who then promptly died but again none of it actually happened. And I wasn’t paying attention that well to the whole parallel universe thing but. that’s a very basic recap

[alaffy]

Riverdale 6x18 - Biblical (spoilers)

You know, I don't consider myself really a religious person but I'm pretty sure I could have figured out the whole plague angle about three plagues in. So after setting up for several episodes for the final battle we find ourselves setting up even more in this episode. I'm just going to give a brief recap of what happens to the characters leading up to the last fifteen minutes.

Jughead is really tapping into Rivervale to the point he's writing down stories from it, or he's writing it and it's coming true; it's confusing. Anyway, his stories keep being stolen by people from Rivervale. Also, he eats a Cheeseburger from the other side that may have been poisoned (more on this in a moment).

Toni and Fangs decide to get married quickly. Kevin, and this proves this can't be our Riverdale, realizes he's wrong. Then, he tells Toni and Fangs he's not going to try to take Anthony anymore. Then, he continues to do the right thing by agreeing to spy on Percival to help everybody out. And he's actually successful.

Archie and Tabitha want to keep on holding out against Pickens, until they realize what's going on. Archie tries to make a deal to keep the workers safe, but then agrees to build the railroad himself for a time in order to save the workers. And yes the symbolic Christ moments are way over the top, thank you very much.

Cheryl's wedding present to Toni is to kill Percival, or she tries. But he turns the spell back on her, or I should say Nana Rose, and sets Nana Rose on fire. But that's ok, Heather has some healing balm for the third degree burns. And Nana Rose is clearly immortal.

Veronica has decided that this is the perfect time for an identity crisis. According to her, Tabitha is fighting Percival for Jughead and the restaurant; Toni and Fangs are fighting for the baby and for each other; Betty and Archie are fighting for the town and each other. But why is Veronica here? After singing a truly cringe worthy (and I mean this literally, the characters were literally cringing) song at the rehearsal dinner (and suddenly, the whole scene between B&V took on a completely different tone); Veronica decides she's fighting for her friends. But is she?

Betty researches about what's going on. She sees a picture of the Whore of Babylon and has her Rivervale flashback. Then, she's told by Kevin that Percival has bought a stockade in which he plans to put the Whore of Babylon in. Betty goes to confront him, but he doesn't seem to know what she's talking about; that he doesn't seem to know she's had the visions. Anyway, he gives her an ultimatum about bringing Anthony or things will get worse. However, she's able to tell Heather about the stockade and Heather realizes it's one to prevent someone to use their magical powers (sure) and they go and, long story short, trap Percival or so they think. However, his Locus pets set him free (don't ask).

So, now we're at the last fifteen minutes. Toni and Fangs get married...skip. Percival gets free and then goes and kills Nana Rose as she's the oldest firstborn in Riverdale. This sets off a chain of events in just a moment. Meanwhile, Veronica is clearly upset with Betty and Archie together and then asks Tabitha, since she's seen the future, who ends up with Archie? Of course, at this moment, Roberto proves he would rather kill of half the cast then answer that question. Archie, Fangs, and Toni are dead; but baby Anthony is not. That's because Anthony is special somehow. Tabitha runs out of the room, worried for Jughead (um). And Heather mentions she knows a witch....

Meanwhile, in the bunker, Jughead confronts the person stealing his stories...it's Jughead (duh). Here's the strange thing, at this moment Jughead starts having the same pains as the firstborns. Except he's not a firstborn. I have three guesses. One, other Jughead being there is hurting him (doubtful). Two, the burger really was poisoned and he's just now feeling the effects. Three, some people have wondered if the two Jughead's switched in the middle of the seasons. That 'Vale Jughead has been running around since, um, 6x12 or 6x13, when he had the hand problem. Let's assume that's true, does anybody remember if Charles was mentioned in Rivervale? Is it possible that Rivervale Jughead is the firstborn child and is the Jughead that will die?

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale Season 6 (Rivervale) Ep 1

I love Riverdale the show because it tries to give you the most show that it can.  (Musical numbers! Dance routines! Serial Killers! Supernatural shenanigans! Aliens! Gangsters!  Teen Romance! Gentrification mumbo jumbo! Time Jumps!)  As they close in on 100 episodes, Riverdale the show is now trying  their hand at actually creating fanfic for their own series.  

Accordingly, I’m going to ‘read’ this episode of the Rivervale Arc as though it was fanfic, and compare it to the best and worst aspects of this genre of fiction.

A. Rivervale Ep 1 adheres to a lot of fanfic rules:

- AO3 and Tumblr manners in fanfiction dictate that the author provide basic information (in tags, trigger warnings, summaries & intros) to ensure the best reader experience

Narrator Jughead is the personification of a fanfic tag.  He bursts  through the fourth wall to securely situate you in RiverVale, and tells you the viewer direction that this RiverVale  is a ‘place of nightmares and dreamscapes’ and most definitely is not RiverDale.  He also says that RiverVale ‘overshadows the laws of science’ which leads to the next point.

Sidebar: And just in case you missed it, Betty, the most important female character, enunciates the difference between RiverDALE and RiverVALE for those bringing up the rear

- Plot exuberance and the bending of reality is the name of the game in fanfic.

Examples of irrational exuberance in this fic!

A giant Maple Festival that is of a scale and complexity that would make it something a town (or a single solitary rich person) need at least half a year to pull together happens on a whim.

Thornhill, a private property with some surrounding woods, can suddenly declare itself both a sovereign nation and a sovereign state (which in the US is not in fact the same thing) and nobody in the TOWN of Rivervale knows nor cares what any of that means. They just accept Cheryl at her word.  

Maple sap/ syrup is immensely important economically in some unspecified way, and the way to combat an unjust monopolist is for everyone to get a tree of their own to plant in their yard, but there’s no information given on how soon you can tap sap, for one, and Toni and Tabitha, who live in apartments, do not object to a house-dwelling Archie when he mentions planting these trees in people’s YARDS.  

Betty Cooper can look into the entrails of a deer and know in 2 seconds that its heart is removed.

Cheryl removes an entire human heart from an adult man’s body with an extraordinarily tiny incision.  (The heart keeps beating, but we all expected that, right?)

- Making the most of ‘plot pockets’ provided by canon

Every show has ‘plot pockets’ that are immensely useful to fic writers. You can shove whatever you want into these pockets to make your story.  In Riverdale they are, among others: (1) Cheryl’s religious imagination (2) The FBI (3) The Serpents and (4) flashbacks involving Parentdale.  The FBI office will always have some key piece of information, and the Serpents are always available to provide some nonsense lore and backstory that can propel Toni to go have her important conversation with Cheryl in the woods in the middle of the night.  Go hog wild, why not.

- No need to explain canon unnecessarily because why are you reading the fic if you don’t know the canon?

All the relationships are in situ as they were at the end of S5.  Betty and Archie, Jughead and Tabitha, Fangs and Toni, Cheryl with her grandma and at least one foundling, Kevin with his dad, Frank is in town and Alice will never leave it. Polly RIP so completely she’s forgotten.   Furthermore, Betty is a compulsive liar whenever she needs to admit she is less than perfect to any boyfriend - and this completely carrying over from canon was an interesting choice.    All of Kevin’s night jogs being cursed in some way is also a carry over from canon.

- Adherence to formal structure and a serious commitment to Chekov’s Gun Rule (This doesn’t seem to be fashionable currently in literary fiction, go figure.)

A sacrificial deer has its heart removed at the start, so a sacrificial man has his heart removed at the end.  

Narrator Jughead comes back at the end to tell you that while Archie was born in RiverDALE  he has died 25 year later in RiverVALE.  This is the fic writer crowing that they’ve included a “Major Character Death” and signalling this is a very intensely alternative AU. He also warns you that someone else is up next!

B. Rivervale Ep 1 intentionally (or, even funnier, on accident??) incorporates flaws that are attributed to (but not actually necessarily present in all or even most of) fanfic.

- Unwarranted lack of confidence by the fiction maker

Novelists will often force you to read very boring passages that they deemed were necessary to the plot and stand by them. Fanfic though has an almost customer-service oriented approach, and this then leads to excessive amounts of apology on the part of the writer. This happens in Rivervale Ep 1 too.  We need to be shown the Town Hall Meeting where Archie proposes the tree distribution plan so that he and Cheryl can have the confrontation where she threatens his life so that we can have the build up to when she kills him at the end, but Narrator Jug felt like this was boring, so he comments to the viewer: “Riveting!” to wink wink nudge nudge that he knows it’s boring.

Cheryl sometimes takes on this task as well in this episode, with utterances like, “J’adore a plot twist” and “I’m giving myself chills.” She suddenly changes the rules for how the maple festival king is chosen (maybe the fic writer had to take time off for finals and came back next semester but can’t remember what she originally wanted to say) and simply says, “don’t question my authority!”  

- The passivity and reactivity of the ‘main’ characters

Cheryl is the only character with any agency or narrative drive.  Everyone else is dragged along without really having a good reason for doing so. Everyone is given a motivation for participating in the Archie sacrifice ritual, but the reasons are fun and insane.  Soothe a colicky baby?  Let’s kill a man.  Make up to your man whom you treated blatantly as a second class citizen?  Let’s kill a man.  Got bed bugs? Let’s kill a man. Want a baby? Let’s kill the baby daddy.

This does allow for a lot of fun with Cheryl, who is in fact the most fun character. Who else would get to call Betty Cooper “sad simple she-child” in front of a whole bunch of people and get a pass?

- The sex is written for effect without much consideration for what the physical reality would be like.

Veronica and Reggie presumably have unprotected (?) sex on a pile of literal cash. No thought given to how to clean or use as legal tender sweat, ejaculate and other bodily-substance covered cash.  No afterwards scene of Veggie peeling soiled Benjamins off of their sticky behinds. Are they literally gonna launder this?

- Writer has some basic information about how the world works but has not in fact had an actual experience of what is being described, and so it’s unintentionally hilarious to a reader with experience of same.

Doctor Curdle has been repurposed from coroner to family doctor AND a pediatrician AND an ob-gyn. This is just fanfic exuberance. However,  why Doctor Curdle is DEEPLY UPSETTING as an obgyn cannot be explained to people who will never need to go to an obgyn and unnecessary to expound to those who do. Just. Trust.   Furthermore, determining fertility/ infertility is a very involved task, for one, and for another, no doctor would go YOU ARE BARREN.  Telling a woman ‘you are not producing VIABLE eggs’ is a very big claim, as well.  I am going to have nightmares about these bits, but  I also laughed so much during all of his scenes.

- Writer has very strong biases and arguments for or against certain ships or characters and will take the time air their opinions in a way that grinds their narrative to a lurching halt

MOTHERFUCKING UNCLE  FRANK.  Look, Narrator Jug, I understand that for some reason you are pro Uncle Fucking Frank. But none of us are.  And doing this narrative trope - THE FRIDGED WIFE! - is a terrible awful idea.  The Fridged Wife is a misogynist trope as well as a lazy device, and nobody in the current fanfic reading world would find this anything other than trite.  You added a daughter to this - and of course it would be a daughter.  You should’ve maybe added a twist like make it a fridged wife and her brother, fridged wife and fridged father in law, but in any case, killing off a wife to make a very annoying male character ‘deeper’ does not work.

This AU is pro-Bughead, and anti-Barchie.  While actual Jughead in universe seems stable and happy with Tabitha, Narrator Jughead is definitely going to create a Bughead situation. This is signalled by his “Let That Sink In For a Moment” snark about Barchie (when in-narrative Jughead appears over it completely), as well as his disgust at the idea of a Barchie coupling expressed by abandoning the camera, which then floats up to the Barchie bedroom without him.

Rejection of Jarchie. OK. So Jarchie fans want Jughead and Archie to get together and we get this awful, ship-sinking exchange of Jughead, face smeared with food and clearly in danger of vomiting up 116 pancakes, mumbles that he “loves” Archie, and Archie clearly humoring a man that he thinks has relapsed into alcoholism. This was mean.

C. There are things that fanfic I’ve seen at least does better than the fanfic that someone (Jughead? Cheryl??) has written for this Rivervale AU.

- Introduction of OCs with deeply imagined backstories and fully fledged personalities

Cheryl has an entire gaggle of orphans but so far only Britta  - the carry-over from canon - has a name, a known backstory, and anything to say.  Most fic writers would not be lazy enough to do this. Each of the scenes where Britta responds to Cheryl would get a name check of a different girl.

- Musical choices to inspire key scenes (usually sex scenes) in a highly curated playlist

When Reggie and Veronica have sex on their bed of cash money, the song “Need To Know” plays and the lyrics literally say: Baby Come Throw The Pipe/ Gotta Know What It’s Like.  Appalling.  Same token - when Betty and Archie have their dinner table sex, the lyrics to “U & ME’ which say It’s Just You And Me Now play over the proceedings.  Many fic writers compile significantly more evocative playlists to inspire their writing and to set the mood, and probably object to the crude bluntness of using these songs for these types of scenes.

- Not incorporating fandom lingo into the actual dialogue

In Riverdale fandom most know what all these things mean - Varchie, Barchie, Bughead,  Jopaz, Choni, Veggie, Swozie etc etc  - and many even know the rarepairs/ AU pairings - Jeronica, Jugpea, Fredsythe.  That said, I have not encountered a fanfic where a writer actually incorporates these categorization headings into the actual dialogue for the characters because that’s just too clunky.  Fanfic has standards - Riverdale writers often don’t.

- Awkward Dialogue In General

Fanfic gets pilloried as having terribly written dialogue, but actually that’s not true.  The following bits of hideousness may be Riverdale trying to be archly fan-ficcy in Rivervale, but it just sounds like Riverdale prime, to be honest:  “early morning delight”;  “do our thing”;  “I’m with child” (especially egregious);  “Make it on a bed of money.”

****

And if you made it this far bless you!  My favorite bit of exuberance in this episode was Cheryl declaring that WOMEN CAN NEVER BE SACRIFICED.  I felt such catharsis after so many, too many, pieces of media that always killed off the girl. Thank you, Rivervale.

[raymondebidochonlifechoices]

To summarise:

The writers took the fans’ complaints about the lack of consequences / insufficient development throughout the show and put them together in a 5-ep special au, where they won’t matter anyway. Take notes about how it’s done, kids!

“For as long as the Serpents have existed, so too have the Ghoulies” narrates Jug Sterling. Precious boi, what are you talking about? You hadn’t heard of the Ghoulies until Toni pointed out their table at the cafeteria at Southside High in 2x3 …

Rivervale is a dark place indeed: the glam rock studded jackets are on, but baby-faced Ghoulie Danny Dickenson has never heard of make-up. Malachi would have never allowed this.

Toni Topaz, school and town councilor by day, gang rumbler by night, kills Danny by accident. Darla and her boys just can’t get a break, can they?

This, by the way, is the second time Toni kills someone. Not that I’m keeping score or anything.

Yay ... Another time-jump ...

Toni hasn’t apologized to Darla because … that wouldn’t bring back her son. That is not how apologies work but whatever.

Tabitha has never had to share living space and it shows.

Jughead hasn’t hung the pictures on the wall, as asked. Can’t really blame him though. Who wants a poster that reads “The biters are back”? after having had to call pest control?

He spends all day eating, reading comics and watching B&W films on his B&W TV. It’s all about the aesthetic after all.

From having sex on a bed full of money to making out in the backseat of a car that looks like the one your dad gave you when you were 16, things are going downhill in VeggieLand. This episode is all about relationship metaphors.

Dr Curdle Jr: ob-gyn by day, coroner by night. You gotta be versatile in order to survive in this economy.

Betty’s pregnancy, like this episode, is hysterical.

A woman is accused of killing her daughter. Councilwoman Toni and FBI agent Betty, guilty of manslaughter and accessory to murder respectively, are in charge of the investigation.

Pop-I-had-an-alien-encounter-Tate believes in ghosts. Who would have thought Pop would turn out to be such a source of supernatural delight? Jughead’s love for him must run so much deeper than just burgers and free coffee (and wifi). I can just picture little Jughead Jones after school, sitting on a stool at the diner, his little legs swinging to and fro, while munching on his burger, raptly listening to Pop’s story of the waitress who died in the accident with the deep fryer.

Apparently, Jabitha’s house is haunted. This had been a crucial -if not shared- factor in choosing their abode for Jughead, who is a firm believer of the “write what you know” adage and was hoping that Sam and Diane -the house’s ghosts- would inspire his writing.

So far, the only mystery he has solved is how to put a ship in a bottle (nudge! nudge! wink! wink! It’s a metaphor y’all!) as a means of “refilling the well of his creative subconscious”. Tabitha, who spends her days refilling ketchup bottles at the Diner, is not amused.

La Llorona comes to Rivervale High School.  As with everyone in this show, she opts for the least effective plan, i.e. haunting half the town, when she’s only after Baby Anthony. I guess Toni should have apologized to Darla after all.

It wouldn’t be Riverd/vale if there wasn’t mention of a teacher having inappropriate relations with a student.

Veronica first destroys then fixes Reggie’s car. It’s a metaphor for their relationship, except the car is the only thing actually fixed.

Cheryl holds a séance at Thornhill, where we learn La Llorona’s story: it’s about group extrajudicial killing, which means Nana Rose makes an appearance.

Toni agrees to become La Llorona in exchange of Baby Anthony’s life. Another sacrifice. I’m sensing a pattern here.

Jughead writes a novella inspired by the house’s ghosts and his relationship with his girlfriend. He doesn’t share it with Tabitha, who finds and reads it anyway. Tabitha, who has obviously never read Killing Mr Honey, goes ballistic and smashes his typewriter.

“No!” cries Jughead. “This was the tool of my craft!” “This was a gift from Betty!”

They end up confessing their love for each other and kiss. Ghost!Sam and Ghost!Diane, being Bughead fans, leave.

Toffee is smoking a cigarette on the top shelf of The Wyrm’s bar trying not to get her fur wet by La Llorona’s flooding. This too, by the way, is a metaphor. She’s taking bets on who’s going to sacrifice themselves in 6x3.

[thenerdsofcolor]

NOC Recap: 'Rivervale' Episode 2 Tells Three Chilling and Surprisingly Emotional Ghost Stories

NOC Recap: 'Rivervale' Episode 2 Tells Three Chilling and Surprisingly Emotional Ghost Stories @WriterRAS @CW_Riverdale #Riverdale #Rivervale @lilireinhart @camilamendes @colesprouse @EriVeronica @madelainepetsch @VanessaMorgan @DrewRayTanner @_MELTON_

“Chapter Ninety-Seven: Ghost Stories” tells three different tales, testing some of our favorite characters and couples. The series stars KJ Apa, Lili Reinhart, Camila Mendes, Cole Sprouse, Madelaine Petsch, Mӓdchen Amick, Casey Cott, Charles Melton, Vanessa Morgan, Erinn Westbrook, and Drew Ray Tanner. For the remainder of this recap, we will be getting into heavy spoilers; so only continue…

[freezing82]

For anyone who's interested, this is my complete recap of Riverdale 6x02 'Ghost Stories.

I have the largest cup of coffee in front of me, I don't even know how much caffeine I'm about to put into my body, but that's ok. Considering that I don't think I'll ever be in a much more relaxed state of mind to write this recap, I might as well start now. I took notes during the episode so I should be able to go in a chronological order of sorts. Under the cut. (And I'm apologizing in advance for being wordy. Thank you to whoever has the stomach and courage to read till the end LOL)

Definitely digging the whole Jug narration thing so far. Is it weird to have him talk to the camera (=to the audience)? Yes, but that's the effect it should have. Seeing him walk in the middle of a gang fight in his Pop's uniform was priceless.

I feel bad for Toni. Though I have to say the kid was nice and the Romeo&Juliet vibe of the story between the Ghoulies prince and the Serpent Princess was cute. Though I have to ask myself: WHO the hell ar the King and Queen of the Serpents in RiverVale? Because Toni and Fangs clearly are not. This is one of the million things that I'm sure will remain undisclosed. What's new?

One of the themes, shall I say the main theme, for this episode was the relationship between parents and theur children. Reggie and Toni's stories were so touching and moving. I never really liked Reggie that much, but it's impossible not to feel sad for him now. Apparently his dad is abusive in both universes, which is tragic. That man is a wreck. Veronica was supportive and caring, which is not unusual for her, but then they had to fuel the drama with that ex teacher plot and well we all saw how it went. Cheryl being a mama bear to Juniper and Dagwood was so good. Dagwood mentions 'mommy', why? We have to assume he saw La Llorona trapping Juniper in the bathroom, and think the ghost was Polly? Another unsolved mystery. Betty also mentions Polly when she's deciding which names she could choose for her baby, so it's clear Polly is dead in both universes. STRIKE 1: Jug finally shows signs of excitement towards his newfound writing nook (could be a positive trigger and motivation to start writing again!). Tabitha's reaction: looking dubious if not mildly annoyed. Also, it's clear that Sam & Diane look physically similar to Jug and Tabitha. Mid-twenties, beautiful, problematic. But the she kills him with a hammer because he's absorbed by his work. Yep, similarities. PS: Tabs is a terrible nickname.

Tabitha has been a pain in the ass for 2 minutes straight with that damn toothpaste! She's insufferable. God! It's obvious she hasn't lived with a man before. Girl, cohabitating is a matter of compromise and acceptance. If you're not willing to accept and/or compromise, your relationship is doomed. If I had to throw a hammer at my BF each time he misplaced something, left the toothpaste uncapped or ignored me when I asked him to do something I'd be in jail facing a life sentence, okay? Jug doesn't look happy, either. It's not fun when you get constantly reprimanded.

She then proceeds to bluedgeon him to death. It was a nightmare, of course, but it doesn't change the fact that she feels neglected and not happy about who Jughead really is. She understands hard work and he's a creative mind.

Veronica and Hermosa scene was so hylarious. I mean I think it's a bit odd to ask your sister for advice on men, when you've basically been hooking up with the same man. Please, since Tabitha didn't let Jug finish his dissertation - you know, because she had to bash on him for not doing what she thought he should do and proceeding to subtly accusing him of drinking again - on bottled ships, can someone tell me HOW you get a ship into a bottle??

The part with Betty and La Llorona scared me, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not a mother, but I know for a fact that I would cringe if someone touched by belly without my consent, so that got me. Oh, also, Betty is sleeping in her own bed, not living in the house of her 'beloved' Archie. Also she doesn't look devastated for her miscarriage/hysterical pregnancy (is Dr Curdle even able to run a simple blood test?).

STRIKE 2: Jughead being excited about getting his well of creativity full again and writing again. Tabitha's reaction: looking dubious. Betty? Betty would have jumped at the idea of Jughead being finally in the right mindset to write again, because she KNOWS how vital it is for him to write. Writing (and setting things on fire LOL) is the most important thing for him.

"When can I read it?" "Ah, not just yet. I don't really let anyone read my vomit drafts, like, ever." That's a BIG, FAT LIE, my dear Juggie. Betty was always the first to read his drafts and we all know that. And he would never say 'not' to Betty, because he values her genuine and honest opinion.

Tabitha's face when Betty tells her she always read his drafts. Aww, there's nothing more satisfying that the expression on Tabitha's face. Jughead will never open up to her the way he did with Betty. You gotta know when there's HISTORY between two people.

Miss Soprano=Miss Grundy Nice, another child predator. And the argument got dropped so quickly that my head was spinning.

Enough wth this 'baby Anthony' crap? Can we just call the baby 'the baby' or 'Anthony'? Please? It's becoming a joke. Then we finally get to the seance scene where we learn who La Llorona really is and the motivation behind her behavior. It's similar to the story in episode 1x01 of 'Supernatural' but not quite. I liked it, anyway. And of course Darla Dickinson is being a bitch. She's a bitch in whatever universe you put her in. It's in her genes LOL But now we get to the most annoying and enraging scene of the whole episode and, for me, since the Bughead breakup in 5x03. Tabitha having no boundaries and invading Jug's privacy to read his manuscript, when he's specifically told her he wasn't comfortable with people reading his drafts. And it's not even the first time she's done this, remember? She read his manuscript back in S5, with Betty and then proceeded to give said manuscript to his ex girlfriend Jessica out of some so-called feminism-solidarity. Bullshit. She believed Jessica's words and decided Jughead was a potential asshole disrespecting women in his books. Then she's all 'I do this, I do that. Me. Me. Me.', when the clear subtext is she believes Jughead is a time-waster loser that can't provide sustenance to their household. I think she should have stayed in Chicago and become a CEO. Props to Erinn, because I think she slayed this particular scene. I could feel the anger and resentment. But, this doesn't change the fact that she broke Jughead's most valuable and precious of his belongings: the vintage Underwood that Betty got him for Christmas ages ago. And "screw your writing, too"? Screw you, Tabitha! I'm not gonna sit here and hear you say 'I love you' just because you have to compensate for your actions, which were WRONG. And I know people are gonna say she was possessed. Se was not. Maybe the ghosts' presence fueled her feelings, but she is genuinely angry with Jughead because she thinks he doesn't do his part oin their relationhip. She resents him because he's not earning any money and contributing to pay rent and bills. Which is true, JUghead is technocally broke and jobless, but she knew that before asking him to move in together, right? Right. At this point, since RAS did everything, literally everything, in his power to make me dislike Tabitha, I'm not even a bit sorry for her. I can't.

I've heard less cringy I love yous. Chemistry was NONEXISTENT. I dare you to prove me wrong. Remember THIS?

This was romantic, heartfelt and genuine. Jabitha 'ILY' scene was awkward, wrong and lacking any emotion.

Thing is, Tabitha doesn't KNOW who Jughead is. She doesn't know his past, what he's been through. And I'm not talking about his addiction. The guy has baggage and scars and he's not perfect. Same goes for Jughead.

The audacuty RAS has to force us to believe that Tabitha and Jughead are SO IN LOVE is nauseating.

I wasn't expecting Toni to become the new La Llorona, but it makes sense considering she's willing to sacrifice her life for her kid. I just wonder what Cheryl's gonna do when she knows Toni technically died. But, we don't even know if they were ever together in Rivervale, so maybe she doesn't care that much. This universe is so twisted. POSITIVE NOTES:

- Archie isn't mentioned, aside from Cheryl and Nana Rose cheering at his departure LOL

- Jughead is writing again, thank GOD! I missed his creative side so much. Also, he's not drinking anymore, (so I have to assume his addiction was true in both universes? How nice of the writers to picture him as an addict, again). - Dr Curdle doesn't know how to perform a simple blood test. I'm sorry if this was a crazy, disjointed and overall resentful recap, but that's because I'm angry and sad and fuck the Bughead crumbs! We deserve so much better. Better writing, better storylines. And respect.

[sidecastr]

For Tonight, Tue Nov 16:

Sidecastr’s social DJs curate the best comments from the live tweet stream for:

The Voice: 'Season 21, Live Top 13 Eliminations' (NBC, 8:00p ET) #TheVoice, DJ'd by @melanie616

The Bachelorette: 'Season 18, Episode 5' (ABC, 8:00p ET) #TheBachelorette, DJ'd by @daniellek86

La Brea: 'Origins' (NBC, 9:00p ET) #LaBrea, DJ'd by @alijen

Riverdale: 'Chapter Ninety-Six: Welcome to Rivervale' (CW, 9:00p ET) #Riverdale, DJ'd by @melanie616

You can watch this repeat episode tonight with Sidecastr's web app  or Sidecastr for iPad for synced replay of best tweets curated from its original airing:

Succession 'Retired Janitors of Idaho' (HBO 10:40p ET - 1st aired 11/14/21) #Succession

Last night’s recap:

DJ @melanie616 chose 774 tweets for #TheVoice (~7/min)

DJ @alijen chose 992 tweets for #DWTS (~9/min)

DJ @alijen chose 328 tweets for #TheGoodDoctor (~6/min)

Go to our Sidecastr web app or Sidecastr for iPad for a time-synced feed of our chosen tweets - whether you're watching live or later via your TV, laptop or any other video source. To see which shows we curate, check out our Covered Show List.

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S6 E4 (Rivervale: Witching Hour)

Fanfic has three tiers of flavor: Mellow, Tangy, and Piquant. (I’m going somewhere with this, please stay with me).  Mellow flavor intensity stays mostly within canon, and often write the ‘in between’ moments for the gaps left between the shown scenes or ‘extend’ the scenes that have already been shown.  This seems to have happened a lot in ye olde days of fanfic when people got threatened by Anne Rice etc.  Much of current fanfiction is in the Tangy variety - use some canon factors, but play  with them with a great deal of freedom, such as: Fraught romances between characters that never share the screen in canon, for example, or recast positive relationships in negative lights and vice versa.  But the most intense flavor, Piquant, does what this fourth chapter of Rivervale does - take the choicest relationships, character traits, faces, voices and bodies from canon, and then toss it into a whole different genre/century/planet/ universe and then push blend.

Chapter 4 of Rivervale is Piquant flavored - historic fiction, and using familiar faces to create unfamiliar new characters, and fix whatever the writer did not like or thought needed further explanation from what happens in canon by a combination of horror and the occult!  I also think Jughead Narrator recently watched The Hours - the Phillip Glass type music and the seamless shifting in and out of the three different eras of Cheryls was SUCH a treat to watch.

I’m going to talk about the performances given by the actors which I rarely do, but the capacity to play historical and /or entirely ‘off’ canon seems very uneven in the cast, and the three best deserve their kudos (and I just also wanna just flail about my faves).

This episode’s MVPs are:  Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch), Jughead/Jack (Cole Sprouse), Bitsy/Betty (Lili Reinhart)

Cheryl:

This is obviously a Cheryl-centric episode, and I love these. Petsch is the lesser-sung lead actress of this show (the most praised for various reasons is Reinhart), and in many ways what she’s asked to do in normal times is to be the counterpart to Reinhart. Bring the camp to contrast to Reinhart’s emotional realism, the showy sparkle to highlight the warm Bughead/Jabitha glow.  Cheryl is a ‘big’ character, and Petsch gives ‘big’ performances, which is why these Cheryl-centric episodes feel like events to me.

Petsch physically has a *lot* going on:  Other than her BMI, everything about her is huge (eyes, lips, sheer mouth size, the *amount* of hair, elasticity of facial muscles) and bold, and this excess unexpectedly makes her look convincing in all the different eras of costume she’s asked to wear.   No matter what, she still looks like herself.  The other person who pulls this off is Reinhart, but that’s because the operative image of the picture book white girl prettiness that she embodies has not actually changed that much over time. And really, very few people alive could pull off that giant red wedding gown with the red veil.  Iconic, and she manages to look classical, demure and absolutely unhinged all at the same time. (Yes, this, more than the blood covered white wedding night dress lol).  

She’s best able to deliver the show’s arch approximations of how people nowadays expect people of those former eras to talk.  Cheryl always had odd rhythms and an ornately campy lines to begin with, but Petsch delivered weird-to-us sounding lines that are supposed to be period-correct (“I WOULD have the truth from you”) with the appropriate amount of sincerity, kept free of camp.

The Rivervale thesis about Cheryl is that in every era, she is gay. In every era she is some sort of cult leader/ teacher of women.  In every era she is highly problematic, not just for that era but for our current sensibilities as well.  

And this is just a weird mind-game I’m engaging in but IF we posit this is a thing written by Jughead from Riverdale OH BOY HE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME THINGS about which lesbian tropes to avoid. Cheryl has the strange fixation on her ‘soulmate’ brother, but she otherwise despises men to a degree that borders on outright misandry. Maybe I just know the choicest lesbians (this is possible) but gay women really do not care about men all this much. They just don’t think about men that much at all unless a particular dude is being a nuisance to them in particular.   Cheryl though says things like “I have no need for women with husbands” and  “Men are such monsters.”  She sincerely, kindly advises women to lightly poison (so you can go work) or drug (so you can get more sex) or fatally poison (instead of getting a divorce) their husbands .  She has a persistent horror of heterosexual sex and pregnancy - and it’s a strange touch that the episode left open whether Bitsy was enduring marital rape or just that she didn’t want to have another baby.  This is a weirdly retrograde and straight-man focused way of conceptualizing a lesbian character who moreover is completely aware of and accepts her own homosexuality.

The explanation provided by this episode - that Cheryl never existed and she’s been Abigail Blossom, under a cursed immortality, all this time - serves as a neat fan-fic type ‘explanation’ for why Canon Riverdale Cheryl is so ‘off.’  She talks strangely, for one (“Nay! Cousin!” or  “Pray tell” as Cheryl would be her Abigail self bursting forth) and has strange retrograde ideas (s1 disbelief of the girls who report abuse by football players).  It’s audacious, which is fun, but imperfect because it leaves so much unexplained. For example, does the Abigail self retain awareness of her past lives as she keeps moving forward in time? How was it that Nana Blossom was able to tell all those whackadoo stories about ‘the past’? 

But see, asking questions like this takes all the fun out of both Riverdale the show and fanfic in general. Accept the premises and engage, or fuck off, really.

In any case - Cheryl has been an odd mix of highly entitled and highly vulnerable, and the triptych self shown in this episode posits that the headstrong, high-handed parts came from Abigail, and Poppy Blossom was 100% heart and feeling.   Cheryl the modern iteration whiplashed between the two.  This performance is a rendering of the same person in three radically different eras, in contrast to what Sprouse is doing, which to create entirely different people with the same face. 

By the way - At the school the only girl ever allowed to speak is Britta. This is a problem. The other girls - some not white even! - are literally set decoration.

Bitsy:

The chemistry and heat between Bitsy and Cheryl kind of threw into high relief how I unpersuasive I find Choni on screen. I adore the idea of Choni - Cheryl loving someone like Toni, who is consistently smart, the voice of reason and a source of kindness to her peers despite being from circumstances as dire as Jughead’s is adorable.  Cheryl being unable to sustain the kind of relationship that Toni would want was also an interesting development. But. Performance-wise, these two actresses do not generate heat, and it’s not to do with their actual personal lives.  When Petch’s limpid, you-make-me-weak adoring gazes finds its match like it does in the performance that Rheinhardt gives as Bitsy, I’m thrown right into the Ye Olde Lesbian Pulp fictions I used to read (Ann Bannon fans in the house perhaps??). All the yearning! The internal conflict! The swallowed tears! The passion!

I don’t think this was the intention, but the first Bitsy x Poppy kiss is followed by the first Abigail x Tomasina kiss and the LACK of romantic energy in the second pairing was just thrown into high relief. 

The scene at the jail where Bitsy shows her real despair and the retreats back to compulsive heterosexuality was a really marvelous bit of acting.  The fact that Bitsy smiles as she prepares to murder her husband through poison is the kind of wrong headed ‘women should just kill bad men’ type of thinking that keeps getting mischaracterized as feminism and lets men who do the everyday work of keeping women down (WHICH IS MOST OF THEM) off the hook as long as they are not actively daily raping someone.  Get outta here.

Jack:

We open with Jughead narrator who is  one of two characters that Sprouse plays here. Jughead Narrator is hard eyed and sarcastic.  We walk through the very well appointed, living museum house that is Thornhill. 

After Jughead Narrator comes Jack (No Last Name and not a Jones, probably? - is he a Jones??). Jack is actually menacing, and in a grounded way.  The absolute dislike, as well as what I immediately thought of as Anti-Choice rage in his face!  Very affecting because 99% of what I associate with this actor’s face is looking adoringly, almost on the verge of tears, at different people (Betty, Archie, FP, Jellybean, Gladys).  He is doing a LOT without being overbearing about it (compare to the inability of Kevin’s actor being able to do anything other than Kevin in period cosplay or Fang’s actor utterly unable to deliver ‘period’ lines).  The yanking Bitsy forward to say the coerced line about wanting another baby and pushing her back, and the glaring down at his wife with the same hatred as he does Poppy - nicely done.  And moreover, the kermit-froggy adolescent quaver he has in this voice somehow added to the general misogynist-on-a-bender frisson. When the mob of husbands comes to visit Poppy to threaten her, the only one that I was alarmed to see was Jack, leaning just so against the door frame, unabashed hatred on his face.  When Poppy shows up at the diner, he’s so furious he absolutely runs out of words.  If I used my compact and saw someone looking at the back of my head like that I would also cry.   And really the conspiracy of the men of the McCarthy Era playing with words this way - you won’t have to come back to THIS CELL - seemed so likely, and I liked the bold erasure of most real world details (due process, etc) for the drama of storytelling.

I found it amusing to consider that despite the sheer TERROR he had for her at the start and the weird stories and runaround she gave him as an adult, Narrator/ Riverdale Jughead has enough respect for Nana Blossom to give her body a calm send off into the Witchy Beyond and her soul a new start in a banging young body.  Well done.