#chemowarrior

[thewrongjackpot]

Overall though, I am okay.

It's now been almost five months post treatment and about two and a half months post surgery. I'm definitely still adjusting to my new normal. It's been weird and difficult in some ways I didn't foresee. I never expected any of this to be easy, but dealing with some aspects of it all has been hitting me differently. For example, for those not directly around me and have to some degree followed my story, they've seen that I've finished treatment and have had surgery. I know their intensions are good, but some have approached me with the mindset of "let's celebrate and go eat something now". They don't know the whole story, and I hold nothing against them, they're just hoping for the best.

What's been difficult for me in all of this is having to be like, "oh, no, I actually still can't eat" and have dive into a brief story time. Which, in case you were wondering, basically breaks down to this: I'm still only able to consume thin liquids, I'm feeding through my G tube, I still can't open my mouth much, even if I could eat, I can barely taste or smell anything, and the process to get me to potentially eat to some degree could take a year or longer. But! I can be better understood, speaking wise.

However, it's feels as if there's a kind of cloud around some people where it feels like they approach me, by no fault of their own, with the perception that now that all my treatment is done, all should be back to my old normal. I survived, and it all should be fine now. Some people aren't familiar with cases like mine, and, for some, I'm their closest exposure to something like this. They may not know how to process it nor am I trying to make them. I'm not trying to make this sound like it's all about me and people should pay more attention to me and what's going on. That's not what I'm getting at. I'm just saying that it's been difficult for me to have to relive my new reality every time I'm laying out how I'm actually doing when someone genuinely asks. The difficulty is in still accepting that after all I've gone through up until this point, this is where the chips have fallen. The difficulty is in having to push myself daily to work toward progress. The difficulty is in not giving up hope for my future.

A little while ago, I joined a Facebook group for head and neck cancer survivors. There are a lot of similar stories to mine of those who can no longer eat or weren't able to eat for long periods of time due to radiation treatment. Some have said they were able to get back to eating with a speech/swallow therapist, but it took them a long time and a lot of work to get to that point. Some have also stated that it took years for taste or smell to come back, and some not at all. There are glimmers of hope within that group, but I also have to not find myself dwelling in the holes of those that weren't able to recover some of those abilities. I know it's going to be a long and difficult road, but I'm willing to put in the work. I'm eager to start seeing a speech/swallow therapist at the end of next month (earliest appointment available).

All I'm really trying to do is find joy in other aspects of life other than "just being alive". I want to have been able to do more than just survive this.

[loveglittergirlxo]

When Sleep Eludes You, There is Help

Happy Summer! I hope all of you are enjoying time with friends and family while creating lifetime memories.   Sunshine, gratefulness and love are filling my days. I am back briefly as two of my dear friends, Rachel and Kate, have developed a sleep system that can provide relief to those who may be suffering from restlessness and discomfort after undergoing medical treatment.  There was no way I…

[fivesosxirwin]

Having an immunodeficiency in the middle of this pandemic gives me so much anxiety. I hate it here.

[fanficsallthewayhey]

In ruined soil flowers bloom -9-

"Sir... Sir?" Jarvis' voice woke Tony up.

"I'm up. What's up, J?"

"Ms Potts is here to see you."

"Let her in."

Tony straightened his back and rubbed his eyes, just as pepper stepped out of the elevator.

"Oh Tony..." She walked up to him and hugged him.

"Hey there Pep." He smiled into the hug.

"How are you now?"

"Tired, but I'll manage." Tony smiled slightly.

Pepper studied the face of her good friend and just knew something was wrong.

"Tell me what's wrong Tony, where's Bucky?"

That made tears escape Tony's eyes, bingo.

"I... I broke up with him." Tony whispered, and pepper swore.

"Tony! When I told you to do something I meant maybe letting him in, not pushing him away! Why did you do that?" She scolded him.

Tony looked at his hands.

"I couldn't do that to him, pep. Couldn't make him hold on to a dream that I might survive."

"You're Tony stark! You always miraculously survive!" She exclaimed.

"I don't think I will this time, pep." Tony said sadly."the blood results came back and they weren't good."

The blonde hugged her friend closer.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Tony. Is that why you broke up with Bucky?"

"Yeah."

Pepper nodded, wise enough not to ask any questions.

"Come on, let's get you something to eat and a shower. I bet you'll feel better after that."

She kept Tony busy, making sure he ate and drank. They took a look at development problems the R&D department had came across and couldn't figure out. Tony did feel better solving those problems indeed, they made him forget about his own problems.

It was movie night that evening, and Tony was seriously thinking about not going. Bucky would be there of course, and he didn't know if he would be able to handle the sadness on the super soldiers face. Pepper insisted he'd go ,though, so he pulled on a sweater and grabbed a blanket before he accompanied her downstairs.

"I'll see you soon, okay? Let me know if you need anything." She said softly.

"I will, thanks pep." Tony smiled, wrapping his arms around himself. "I hope tonight will be smooth."

"It's gonna be fine, Tony. You'll see."She promised, giving him one last hug before leaving. Tony returned to the common floor and settled on the couch next to Natasha. Clint and Sam were hanging on the other side of the couch, Clint catching popcorn pieces in his mouth in midair.

"Hey there, how are you today?"Natasha asked with a smile.

"I'm ...okay I guess?" Tony said."Where's capsicle and winter?"

"Steve's in his quarters and will be down soon, I think." Natasha said."I thought Bucky would be with you."

'no you didn't, you piece of cheeky Sovjet spy. You know I broke up with him.' Tony wanted to say, but he knew Natasha. She would wait until he told her something.

"I broke up with Bucky this morning, wondered how he was doing." Tony murmured.

That caught the attention of Sam and Clint as well.

"You broke up with Bucky." Clint repeated.

"Don't make it any harder than it is already, Barton." Tony said sternly." but yes, I did break up with him."

The conversation was cut short as the elevator dinged and Steve and Bucky stepped out. Tony settled somewhat deeper into his blanket and watched them. Bucky did seem down, his eyes puffy as he clutched his blanket.

[titomams-blog]

It's not always going to be a good day or week. I can barely move and it even hurts to breath. But I must keep going.

[queridocancer]

Capítulo #2: Quimioterapia

Fue un ritual sagrado. Mamá y Papá me acompañaban en este día esperanzador (y todos los días). 

Las primeras quimioterapias me producían mucho sueño, además de aquello, mi cuerpo estaba acostumbrándose al bombardeo de medicamentos que le suministraban. 

El día antes de este acontecimiento me ponía muy contenta.. Mi rutina para este tratamiento consistía en generar únicamente pensamientos positivos y al momento de pasar la quimio a mi cuerpo, imaginaba todas esas drogas que por muy fuerte que sean, ayudarían a combatir mi enfermedad, luchando con todas sus armas contra las células cancerígenas. 

Es un buen método para relajarse y mantenerse positivo. 

Y así fue durante 6 meses seguidos.. 

[pamehameha]

Moving on with my MCR addiction. I have no idea why I had this idea but I just thought it would work.. I'm sorry. Things worth noticing: -Heather's skin tone is a bit yellowish. -Al's hair is short because he shaved it when he knew Heather would have to go through chemo. -When I first drew it, Al had a sad look on his face, I changed his mouth a bit so that the pic would look more hopeful. -Same about the walls, they were darker and I changed it for something lighter. Whatever happens, just stay strong.

[swampxwitchxhattie]

Wig hunting is fun. I want them all. I can’t afford professional is it or isn’t it a wig wigs. So I’m going for super cute and colorful cos play wigs.

[swiftlyholyground]

Tomorrow officially marks chemo treatment number 2 for my Mom. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts as we go through this, I love you guys!

[lenas-world-on-wheels-26]

Beneath Every Great Hat Is A Great Woman 👒💕 race day 💕 #bighatdays #racedays #spottydress #bluepolkadot #hatinator #blueandwhite #smilesmilesmile #chemowarrior #lifekeepsrolling #wheelchairbarbie #wheelchairlife #sunshine #summer #singlegirl #greathat #greatwoman #redlipstick #sci #paralife #paragirl (at Perth Racecourse) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxnivpqJAoS/?igshid=13sbqk00tbzbl

[adventures-or-death]

2/27/2019

Yesterday Mom was due for her monthly chemo shot. When I told the nurse that she has been throwing up over the past few days, they took her back to the chemo room, hydrated her and gave her anti nausea medicine. 

If I didn’t go to this appointment, Mom wouldn’t have reported to the doctor that she was throwing up or feeling bad. My Mom is the type of person that keeps everything to herself. She constantly says she doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone, but she doesn’t understand that not taking care of herself and speaking up means life and death at this point. And because of this, I started managing her care. She needs it and I need it because I know she will crumble at her appointments and not communicate really important symptoms like puking, diarrhea and pain.

This is going to be a crazy journey.

[loseitlex]

I just found out that my friend who is only 25 and just married has stage 3 breast cancer that’s already made it to her lymph nodes.

So here is your reminder to check your breasts. Take care of yourselves. I need you all to live long healthy lives.

[chemobeanies]

Chemo Beanies has some wonderful Fall colors to choose from. Pictures here is Brooke our Rust Ruffle. #chemobeanies #chemobeauty #chemowarrior #chemotherapy #chemohair #chemohairloss #cancerhairloss #cancercare #cancercaregiver #cancerheadwear #chemoheadwrap #metastatic #hairlosssolutions #wigalternative #turban #scarf #headscarf #headwrap #turbanstyle #beanies (at Mandeville, Louisiana) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkyuCdCJ0jK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[titomams-blog]

I miss the old me. The me before I got sick. I have come to the realization that I will never be that person again. It is time to find the new me. The me who is forever going to be sick.

[queridocancer]

Capítulo #3: Hospital y yo

Mis semanas desde el 3 de Octubre que entré a la fundación para empezar el tratamiento de quimioterapia han pasado excesivamente rápido. No tengo noción del tiempo.. de igual manera, todo es monótono pero no me he aburrido aún. Familia, comer, familia, juegos de mesa, signos vitales, dormir, comer, adiós familia hasta mañana, escribir y dormir.

Visualizo el momento de mi alta, “alta momentánea” hasta la siguiente quimio y pienso todo lo que quiero hacer para distraerme, ideas y más ideas!

NOTA:

Es momento de acostumbrarse. No todas las quimioterapias serán iguales, algunas dolerán y pesarán con el pasar del tiempo.. mantente fuerte y positiva, saldrás de ésta!.

PD. no olvides moverte aunque sea un poquito, sé que el espacio es reducido.. pero

MUÉVETE!