#i feel so lost

[okaydays22]

[drathym]

i have never even tried to percieve what happens after highschool because it scares me

[ohnoitsmysideblog]

i don’t really know if i’m like actually trans. just that i’ve been feeling wrong for a while now. and i know it’s somehow tied to this body. like i’m thinking about 2020 when i essentially “decided” to have an ed to lose a little weight and how i made that decision while in my guy best friend’s bed while we watched a cheerleader documentary. and i thought i was jealous of him for his thinness but maybe it was something else like something unachievable like being 6 foot and being born a boy. like i’ll never have that. and so i get so scared to really label myself as trans because i just know that i could never transition because i know this body will never be enough for me no matter how much i change it.

and besides that i can’t really fathom being a boy now after decades of being a girl and maybe i can be something else like something boy-like or some form of nonbinary but i know it won’t feel right. like i can’t just change my pronouns and suddenly feel like i’m expressing myself the way i need to be expressed u know. like it’s not about the outward expression. how the fuck do i explain this. like if i went on T and changed my name and changed my pronouns and changed my hair and changed my voice then what if it all feels just as much of a farce as this does. and like i’m getting the rules for this, for being a girl, i’m finally getting it i’m finally thinking i look pretty and i dated for a bit and i’m figuring out my sexuality and i just don’t know if i can do all of that again. i’ll just constantly being thinking “is this what a boy would do? am i being a boy right? is it working is it working.”

it’s like this body this life is already a throw away in my head. like i’m just waiting because i already fucked this one up by being a girl so now i have to wait for the next one. but i’m so terrified because i know there isn’t a next one.

anyway i watched i saw the tv glow a couple of hours ago.

[untreatedchildhoodtrauma]

[28cum]

.

[youmakemestrong]

i am so tired but don't want it to be tomorrow, i don't wanna sleep and have it be tomorrow and then the day after and the day after and continuing on living in this world despite feeling like a piece of me has been ripped out

[dumbthiccbitch666]

so incredibly restless n bored n unmotivated

[elibean]

Man I’m so lost about my cat.

He’s been having focal seizures for months and had a grand mal on Monday. He’s on medicine now but they’re not able to determine a cause. The only way to do that (they did bloodwork and X-rays etc) is to get an MRI. Which could cost upwards of 4k. And then…what? He has a tumor? Cancer? Would I opt to do brain surgery on a 17-year old cat? Can I AFFORD that (it would be close to 10k, I can’t)?

So…what? I just have to watch things worsen? He hasn’t had a seizure in a week, but the medicine can’t stop the cancer if that’s what it is. So it will likely continue. Maybe once a week, a month, for a while. But then…I think it’ll probably increase…

I’m going to have to make that decision. And I’m not ready to say goodbye to him. And I don’t even know when I need to make that decision. He seems okay right now. Is he in pain? I don’t know.

[fallingstarsburn]

i’ve never seen vampire diaries before and randomly started binging it recently. i’m on season seven AND WHAT THE FUCK WHY HAVE THEY RUINED THE SHOW

caroline is pregnant with ricks babies???? why does it keep jumping to 3 years in the future?? WHY IS BONNIE KISSING ENZO???? WHERE IS ELENA????? WHY ARENT THEY TRYING TO WAKE HER UP??? IM SO CONFUSED WHY HAVE THEY MESSED EVERYTHING UP

(no spoilers plz i’ve managed to stay pretty spoiler free so far)

[okaydays22]

[traumatizeddfox]

[mireyaaaaaaaaa]

[insane-in-the-membranee]

I really need to talk to someone but I'd rather die than ever show anyone my vulnerable side.

[acourtofladydeath]

What is boop, how is boop who is boop. I AM SO CONFUSED.

[jozstankovich]

.

[mastersprogram]

Being a Newbie Theater Kid Also Means I Have the unfortunate No Idea How Trading And or Buying Bootlegs Work…

So if anyone is kind enough to give me the rules / Basics, that’d be very Appreciated! Bc I really wanna get into these- but no ide where to start.