#cheating death series

[solarockk]

still playing around with clip studio paint

[djappleblush]

So, there I was one late evening minding my own damn business and living a relatively quiet life when I scrolled yt and suddenly a vision came up in the form of this short clip and I was like, "HOLD UP WTF THAT GUY LOOKS SO HOT AND COOL" so I scrolled back and HOLY SH!T IS THAT MILES TELLER??? WHAT??? HOW???? WHY DOES HE LOOK SO HOT ALL OF A SUDDEN????

And that's the story of how I spiraled into my new obsession with Miles Teller in the year of our lord 2025.

This is the vision that passed me, by the way:

[captainhysunstuff]

Death Note (represented by Light) is not happy about my fixation infidelity with Hazbin Hotel.

[bcbdrums]

Maka Albarn, age 5, is an unreliable narrator.

Her mother is gone. She doesn't know why. Her mother has told her "Papa bad" and what other choice does a toddler have but to believe it? (Honestly the way some people talk, I think they have never spent any significant time around toddlers...)

And how else is a toddler gonna interpret the biggest celebrity in town smiling at other women who aren't her mommy? Especially when her mother isn't there anymore. And tiny Maka doesn't understand why and needs to find a reason.

[taschamonnii]

More Than A Woman

Read Part 2 & Part 3 & Part 4 & Part 5

You x Shirley Carter (70s-80s Southern Housewife Original Character  - Elizabeth Olsen) 

*Disclaimer/Summary: This completely Fictional Character is based on the way Lizzie plays old-fashioned Housewives. (Some inspo is taken from WandaVision, I Saw The Light, and Love & Death) This character is in no way a portrayal of any real-life people. Audrey Williams and Candy Montgomery were real people that Lizzie has portrayed for entertainment purposes in tv & film. This story is not about them. I just want to see Lizzie play a 70s-80s housewife that is secretly Gay and stuck in a religious small-town in the South. Since she has never done that but has played the part of perfect housewife I decided to make my own character.* I will be using edited pictures from the characters she has played and unaltered gifs since it's way too hard to edit those.* 

Character Description since this is a made up character: mid length-wavy-dark brown hair (think more the length in I saw the Light like it falls to her collar bones but the dee dark brown from goth Wanda era, Emerald Green eyes, Wears form fitting dresses and hig waisted pants and skirts.  

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Angst/Smut

TW: SMUT, 18+, Cheating on husbands to be GAY together, 

I am so obsessed with Lizzie playing housewife that I made a playlist! More Than A Woman

AN: I’m not going to lie, this is purely a selfish work of writing. I NEEDED it!

Word Count: 4,343

Imagine This:

“I’m very attracted to you. Would you be interested in having an affair?”

The intensity of deep emerald green eyes was almost too much for you. The air in the truck was thick as you swallowed hard. Her gaze moved from your eyes to your lips and in a flash right back up to your eyes. Heat pooled low in your abdomen and you couldn’t help but bite your bottom lip. 

Shirley licked her lips and your gaze was instantly drawn to the movement. Your body gravitated toward her. 

“You already know the answer to that question, Shirley.” 

Your tone was playful. This moment had been a long time coming. The two of you had far too many shared glances and lingering touches. You felt the attraction instantly when your gaze first landed on her in the church choir. She was the only reason you joined when you moved to this tiny town for your husband's job. She was quick to notice you as well, she convinced you to join the church tennis team. She was the epitome of a perfect church-going housewife when she introduced herself to you. Shirley Carter was perfect, too perfect. She knew she had a role to play in life and she perfected it to hide her secret. She was desperately waiting for a woman just like you to share her secret with. You hadn’t needed to perfect your role the way she did. You were originally from California. Yes, you married a man, but there were book clubs specifically for women just like you in your old city. Your husband attended a club of his own so intimacy and kids have never been a requirement. A mutual agreement was made between you and your childhood best friend long ago. You didn’t need to really hide it. So, it was oh so easy for her to notice your constant staring. She let you know it was more than okay when she caught you staring. She'd always manage to drift more into your personal space and she’d act super friendly. It was honestly mesmerizing to watch her play this part so perfectly. 

“Yes, but I want to hear you say it.” she smirked.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I want to have an affair with you, Shirley. You are all I ever want, all I think about.”

“What are you waiting for? Kiss me.”

A shiver ran down your spine at her words. You closed the gap between you in an instant. Her lips were impossibly perfect. Softer, sweeter than you ever imagined and you had imagined this moment since you first gazed upon her plump lips. She didn’t waste any time her body shifted into your space and forced you to sit upright on the bench seat of your truck. She was in your lap before you could even decide where you really wanted your hands. The second she settled into straddling you she kissed you harder biting at your bottom lip. You moved your hands around her body and down her back. The curve of her hips was irresistible, causing you to pull her into you. Her gasp allowed your tongue to slip inside her sweet mouth. You moaned at her taste and moved your hands to grip her ass hard and pull her into you again. 

This time she pulled away quickly and bit her own bottom lip as she pushed your shoulders back. Her hands gilded softly down your arms and grabbed your hands. You watched and let her take your hands where she wanted them. She cast a spell on you the second she whispered that she was attracted to you and now you were hers. She knew this, she knew she could do anything she wanted with you, that you'd do anything. She took your hands and laid them softly on her full breasts then made them glide down her front to her sides to the hem of her blouse. You moved your thumb along the material and grazed her skin softly making her shiver. 

"Touch me."

She let your hands go and grabbed your shoulders. You didn't waste time moving your hands under the fabric. You squeezed her hips pulling her closer. She hummed and pressed in closer, instantly capturing your lips. Your hands moved around her and up her smooth back. Nothing compared to how she felt under your fingers. You couldn't wait to have them buried deep inside her. 

You moved one skilled hand to her bra and unsnapped it as the other hand moved to start pulling her blouse off. The sudden cool air on her heated skin made her shiver and gasp. She may be bold but you had the experience. 

You wasted no time at all after throwing her top aside. Your blunt nails scratched down her back. She leaned into you with a loud sigh.

"Fuck"

"You like that?" 

"God yes!"

"Just wait, I'm only getting started."

You moved your hands up her sides and filled your hands with her full breasts. Her nipples were already so hard it made your mouth water. She sighed as you massaged them in both hands her hips began to grind against you begging for friction. You pinched her nipples without warning hard and she let out a whimper. 

"Does he touch you like this?"

"N-No. Fuck it feels so good. Please don't stop."

"Only I can touch you like this."

She nodded.

"I need to hear it."

You let go of her breasts completely and she groaned.

"Please Y/N! Only you can touch me like this, only you make me feel this good. Please!"

You smirked, she was always so in control and now she was putty in your hands.

You cupped her breasts lightly as light as you could stand it. Making her whimper again. You could cum just at the sound of her breathy moans but you wanted to make her cum first as many times as you could get from her. You were so curious how many ways you could get her to cum in your truck. 

You changed the angle you were sitting, bringing her closer. You leaned forward into her and ghosted your lips over her left nipple. 

"Fuck!"

You flicked your tongue over the stiff bud before she could ask for more. You sucked it hard into your mouth, biting it lightly. Her gasp and jerk of her hips told you she liked it. You pinched her other nipple harder and began to suck and bite and flick her left nipple relentlessly. Her hips were pressing against you wildly. Your free hand steadied her motions helping her get friction by gripping her firm ass and pushing her into you. Her breathing was becoming more labored but her hips kept the motion as you switched hands. You pinched the overstimulated bud hard as your mouth moved to her right nipple. You followed the same relentless pattern. Sucking biting, flicking licking. Pinching and brushing the other. Your free hand moved to her ass only this time you kept her body pressed closer to you not letting her get any friction. 

Her green eyes shot down to lock with yours and her pupils were blown. You released her nipple from your mouth. 

"I want you to cum just from this." You pinched both her nipples then brushed your hands over them and squeezed. 

"I know you are close. Let it go for me and I will make you cum again and again."

She threw her head back as you squeezed her breasts and grazed your palms over her sensitive nipples.

"Fuck I can't"

"You can"

You scratched down her sides and back up then pinched her nipples toying with them between your fingers. Her head shot back up and she pressed closer to you. You kissed down her necks and began to leave the lightest marks, careful not to leave any that will last, over her collarbones and breasts. Your fingers consistently follow a pattern of playing with her hard nipples. Gently then harder. Her hips bucked into you hard and her body trembled then her legs squeezed you hard. 

"Oh OH! Fu-FUCK!"

You hummed feeling your own clit throb at the sight. "Fuck you are breathtaking when you cum."

"I. You. Fuck! I didn't think I could cum like that."

"It takes more time that way but I could spend days worshiping your breasts. But also now you are soaked and ready for me."

You moved your hands finally letting her boobs have a break. Her nipples stood stiff and bright pink, almost tempting you to try and make her cum the same way for you once again. But you couldn't wait to feel how wet she was. 

You moved your hands down to her skirt which was already hiked up around her hips and pushed it out of your way more. You took both your hands to her inner thighs massaging them. You started softly making her whimper and used more pressure as you got closer to wear she needed you most. You could feel the heat radiating off of her center. Your fingers brushed against her silk panties and she gasped for air. She was soaked.

"Can I rip these off of you?"

She shuddered at your words and nodded as she talked. 

"You've already ruined them." 

You moved to the hem of the fabric and yanked it apart. A moan left her lips at the friction against her clit, the soaked material ripped with ease revealing her soft wet skin and soft trimmed hair. 

You moved two fingers along her soaked lips and lightly brushed her clit. 

"Stop fucking teasing Y/N"

You moved your fingers up and down spreading her slick heat she instantly bucked her hips into you. Her hands grabbed at the hair on the back of your neck. 

"Fuck me!"

You moved your fingers to her entrance teasing just the tips in. 

"Kiss me and I'll think about it."

Her lips instantly captured yours hard and needy. You pulled your fingers back up to her clit only adding light pressure. She moved like she was going to part the kiss to complain but you instantly captured her lower lip sucking hard as you moved your fingers. Both your fingers slid into her with ease. Her walls tightly surrounded you. Her body relaxed into you finally getting some satisfaction. She moved her hips as you slid as far as your long slender fingers could go. 

You moved your fingers slowly back out and in, a few times until her hips started rocking in time with you. You curved your fingers making sure to press against her most sensitive spots. 

"Ride my fingers."

Her breathing became heavier and breathier as she moved on top of you, her perky breasts bouncing in front of you. She began to move more and more and so you picked up speed and made sure your palm rubbed against her clit. She was already so close you could feel her walls flutter around you. You moved your free hand from her ass to scratch up and down her back. 

"Fuck! AH! Ah fuck please don't stop! Oh my fucking God! Fucking how? Fuck! Fuck Fuck!"

"I love how you ride my fingers! You are so fucking beautiful!"

Her legs squeeze around you tight and tremble as she throws her head back. Her neck strains and you want to bite it so desperately but know better. You guide her through her orgasm, easing the pressure letting her soak up the high and enjoy a slow come down. Her walls release their tight grip on your fingers and you slowly pull them from her. You are desperate to taste her but you want her to watch so you wait a second. As her body stops shaking she locks her gaze on you and the green rings around her blown pupils cause you to smirk. You feel like the best kind of evil as you bring your fingers to your lips and suck them slowly into your mouth moaning as you get lost in her taste. Her lips part as she watches you. You make sure to make an audible pop sound as you clean them and release them from your mouth. A whimper leaves her parted lips. 

“You are so fucking sexy Y/N!”

“You taste so sweet, Shirley. I want to eat you up, no I need to. Please?” 

You love the way her cheeks become red so you continue. “I need to bury my tongue as deep as I can into your sweetness. I need to feel your tight walls flutter around it as I drink you in and get lost in how incredible you taste. Do you want to feel my tongue inside you, Shirley?” 

Her body shudders and it is breathtaking to watch your words affect her so deeply. You move closer and brush your lips against hers softly. “Do you want to know how good you taste?”

She doesn’t answer with words, her lips meet yours urgently. She is swiftly slipping her tongue in your mouth and pressing her body against you with need. She moans into the kiss and manages to suck lightly on your tongue. Your clit throbs and you can’t stop the shudder that runs down your body. She pulls away with a smirk knowing the effect she had on you filled her with confidence. Her hands ran down over your chest and her slender long fingers quickly unbuttoned your top. She makes even quicker work of your bra, tossing it aside. She licks her lips as your breasts and abs are unveiled to her. 

Her fingertips brush up and down your chest and abs. Your nipples harden as her palms brush over them. She pinches them between her fingers softly. 

"Can I make you cum like this?"

You bite your bottom lip and nod. It's so sexy how she wants to copy what you did and learn from you. 

Her commanding, dominating, and controlling personality pushed her to be a fast learner and damn she really paid attention.

Her fingers are so long and her grip is strong she holds your breasts in both her hands firmly feeling squeezing, testing the weight in her hands. She loves how soft your skin is. She loves how you fit perfectly in her hand and it is better than her wildest daydreams. 

You moan at her explorations. Her palms graze your hard nipples as she releases your breasts. She then swiftly pinches both nipples between her fingers softly.

"Harder." You sigh

She bites her bottom lip and she pinches harder. Causing you to sigh with relief. You can feel your walls contracting around nothing and buck your hips up into her to no avail. 

She smirks. She moves off your lap slightly bunching up your skirt as she adjusts herself to put one knee between your legs and to allow her to straddle your bare leg. 

Her bare wet core now rests hot against the smooth skin of your thigh. And fuck her knee is pressed right against the wet fabric covering your clit. Her intuition is beautiful but you expect she's read about this sort of thing. She's a curious and intelligent woman. 

She settles for a moment in the new position still pinching your nipples, eyes glued to your every reaction. Then she slowly slides her wet heat along your thigh as she presses her knee into your clit. You throw your head back straining your neck. 

The display of your exposed neck collar bones and chest make her mouth water. She licks her lips before she leans in and presses an open mouthed kiss to your neck. She kisses and tests the waters sucking lightly. You can tell she wants to mark your skin by the way her lips tremble against you.

Her lips feel devine. Your mind wanders to how good they will feel on the rest of your body and how badly you want her to bite you but you more so just want to see and feel what she does next. You melt as her kisses lower to your chest and she kisses all around your nipple. She takes the other in her hand and finally envelopes the stuff bud in her warm mouth. She is light, careful, and calculated as she flicks her tongue and it drives your hips to grind against her. She pinches your other nipple as she lightly bites the one in her mouth and you can't help yourself.

"Fuck that feels so good!" You grab her ass in both your hands and squeeze, pressing her wet heat harder against your leg. Bringing her closer and also giving your clit much needed pressure. 

She takes this as a sign that she's doing the right things and begins a pattern similar to what you did licking biting sucking while grazing and squeezing and pinching. She switches between breasts and your back arches. You are so close and right when you are about to say harder her long fingers tangle into and pull your hair. She bites harder on your nipple and pinches the other with determination. You feel your walls contract and moan out. 

"Fuck I'm cuming! Yes Shirley!"

Your body trembles once twice as she releases your breasts and kisses your lips. Your hands travel up her back and into her hair as you deepen the kiss. She pulls back first. 

"I want to feel you cuming."

Her fingers travel down your torso and pull on the hem of your soaked panties. Her gaze falls to your lap and she grabs at the fabric the same way you did hers. You nod approval to rip them. Her fingers move with haste and her gaze is locked on the skin and neatly trimmed hair. She watches as the fabric falls with a clear sticky wetness. She licks her lips as she glances back up at you.

"I don't know how to do this."

She moves off your lap and sits looking away from you. Twisting in her direction you softly graze her chin and pull her attention back. 

"You have been doing amazing and you have made me feel absolutely incredible already. You don't have to do anything else if you don't want to."

"No! I want to! I just want to be great or nothing."

You smirk. "You and those long fingers are going to be the best. You are going to ruin me for everyone else, no one will ever compare to you." 

She rolls her eyes.

"I know this because you want to be great so you will let me help you and you will listen and feel and know what to do by paying attention."

She bit her bottom lip thinking "can you straddle me so I can do it like you did?"

You lightly bite your bottom lip and raise your eyebrow. "Oh Mrs. Carter, you want me to ride your fingers and fuck me senseless?" 

"Yes, Mrs. Y/L/N." 

You move and help her adjust into more of the middle of the seat. The bench seat is such a blessing and you are so thankful for your truck right now. Your knees hug her outter thighs and you hold your skirt keeping it bunched up as you settle on her lap. Her gaze travels up and down your body with determination like she's memorizing you. It makes you shiver and you can't stop yourself as you capture her lips in a heated kiss.

Her hands grip your hips fiercely and you think you may have bruises from it which makes heat rush to your already dripping core. You steady yourself with one hand on her shoulder and take the other down to grab her dominant hand. You hold her wrist as you guide her hand down. You guide her to just lay her hand over your core and you release a hot breath against her necks. She takes that as a good sign and presses her middle finger against you more. She bends it running from the source of the slick heat to your clit and you let go of her wrist to grab her other shoulder as your body shudders. 

She repeats this a few times each time teasing your entrance a little. Your hips are begging for more when she decides to slide her middle finger into you slowly letting your walls pull her in and fuck it feels so fucking good! She curls her finger as she slowly removes it and you can't help but squirm on top of her. 

"More. I need another."

Her gaze falls to your lap as you lift up off her slightly and she presses two fingers at your entrance. She slowly pushes in and you let your hips fall, enveloping her fingers with a sigh of relief. Your walls flutter around her and it encourages her to begin exploring different things. Your hips match her movements and your breath quickens. Your hands tangle into the hair on the back of her neck. 

You can't stop yourself from leaning into her as you feel the pressure build. Her fingers are perfect. You try to kiss her shoulder and neck but your moans make you falter and scrape your teeth against her skin. It makes her shudder and dig her other hand harder into the skin of your waist as she helps you stay steady. Your breath is more of a frantic panting against her skin and it just seems to urge her on. She quickens her pace more confident in her motions. 

And fuck it feels so good to let her take the lead to give into her. She seems to be enjoying herself and it just makes you clench around her. She can't stop watching her fingers disappear into you. She's mesmerized. 

You are so close your hips can't keep up with her motions but it's more than okay because she is fucking you right where you need her. 

"Fuck Shirley! Ah! Feels so good! Oh fuck right there! Keep- Oh fuck! I'm gonna AH!"

Your hips falter completely as your legs squeeze around her and your legs tremble. Your walls squeeze her fingers contracting hard around her. She slows her pace and stays inside you until you loosen your hold on her. You lean back blissed out and ready to kiss her but she's slowly sucking her fingers and your jaw literally drops at the sight. She moans at the taste of you and keeps her gaze locked on yours. When she makes a wet pop sound finishing the show you instantly capture her lips in a hungry kiss absolutely melting into the taste of you and her. 

You both break from the kiss in need of air and rest your foreheads together. 

The windows of your truck are fogged up and reality hits you. You just fucked and got fucked by Shirley in the church parking lot! You can’t stop the laughter that falls from your lips.

Shirley tilts her head to the side with a crooked smile. “What’s so funny?”

You gesture all around you “We just fucked in the church parking lot. I just fucked and got fucked by Mrs. Perfect Southern Church going HouseWife, Shirley Carter.”

You throw your head back with laughter and soon she joins you but not before she lightly slapped your shoulder. She glanced around and you were parked far in the back corner but still it was so risky! Sure that was part of the thrill but Shirley was not an idiot. She nudged you to get you to be serious for a second. 

“We should probably be smarter about this. We need to make a plan.”

You nod in agreement. “You’re probably right.” 

You move to get off her lap and she stops you. “Where do you think you’re going?”

You smile down at her. “It’s getting late. I was going to find my blouse.”

She bit her bottom lip “oh alright, but I really like having you like this.”

You gave her a lopsided smile and leaned in to kiss her lips once again but this time savoring it. You parted your lips but only barely. “I like it too.”

You pecked her lips once more before moving off her lap and grabbing her top and tossing it at her. You found your bra and quickly pulled it on. You find her bra and dangle it from your finger. “Mrs. Carter, this little lacy red thing is so very inappropriate for choir practice.” 

She rolls her eyes and snatches it from you. “Oh yes because that black number you have on is so appropriate.” 

She smirks and grabs your shirt from under her and throws it at you. 

You gasp and throw your hand over your chest “whatever do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Now button your damn blouse so I can concentrate.”

You do as you are told and watch as she fixes her blouse, hair, and makeup in the mirror. Just like that she looks the part. Perfectly put together. You leave your hair tousled and a few buttons undone, your husband is used to this and most likely is asleep in his room by this hour. 

When she turns to look at you her gaze falls and she physically shakes her head. 

“You can’t go home looking like that!”

“Like what?” You smirk, “relax, my husband, is asleep in HIS room and used to me coming home like this. We have an arrangement, made a pact as kids, so our lives could be easier. Theo likes men and I well, obviously, I LOVE women.” 

You eye her up and down with a smug expression and top it off with a wink. Another roll of her eyes. “You are something else. This is all new to me and we need to be careful. I have kids to think about.”

“Oh don’t you worry, I know how to be discreet and flexible. Whatever you need, you are worth it.”

AN: This is an original series 

[scarefox]

(clip from this edit on yt)

Ok but the funny part is that Pooh grew the past year as tall as Pavel (or taller?) and Pavel is wearing heeled boots at the event to be taller!

... that are a few cm 🤭

[natalias-pierogi]

characters that haunt the narrative, that leave a person-shaped gaping hole in the centre of the story my beloved. stories about people and events we dont get to see, leaving us and characters involved scrambling for scraps of them. stories of the absence, of the aftermath. violent ghosts that refuse to die or go away, leaving everyone trying to continue living their lives but still getting haunted by the ever-present lack of something or someone.

[joemama-2]

velvet lies

pairing: gojo x fem reader synopsis: crippling debt and possible evictions have ruined you. working two jobs with no downtime, and a five-year-old son, you really don't know the meaning of taking a break. after continuous questions about his father, you have decided to finally let your son meet his dad. only thing is, he has no idea said son exists. and to top it off, you have not a single clue about what kinds of things will transpire from this sudden revelation. tags/warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, fluff, romance, alcohol, classism, mom! reader, lying, abuse, MAJOR angst, slow burn, exes to lovers, (mentions of) cheating, scandals, death, blood, drugs, drama, family drama, miscommunication, blackmail, unhealthy coping mechanisms , depression, manipulation a/n: hi everyone! this is where you can find the masterlist

chapter 1: a not so good day

chapter 2: unwanted encounters

chapter 3: family reunion?

chapter 4: revelations

chapter 5: confrontations

chapter 6: old tension

chapter 7: confusing actions

chapter 8: pieces of the past

chapter 9: nothing between us...?

chapter 10: fading smiles

chapter 11: what a merry christmas

chapter 12: a mother's gamble

chapter 13: stuck in the middle

chapter 14: awkward….

chapter 15: F.Y.G.F

chapter 16: cracks in the glass

chapter 17:

y/n style inspo, y/n apartment inspo , new apartment inspo

gojo penthouse inspo

spotify playlist!!!

christmas drabble

taglist status: closed

series status: ongoing

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 © 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 joemama-2 — do not copy, translate, repost or modify my works on any platform.

[kittlyns]

I'm unfortunately learning a lot about a popular Christian author's books and some of the plots she comes up with are batshit insaneeeee

[obsesssedblerd]

jjk smau masterlist <3

UPDATE 12/18: REQUEST FOR SMAUS ARE OPEN. 🌸

Multiple x reader

lending them a hand when they need it

secretly sleeping with them 🔞

them finding out your fantasies 🔞

them getting you back after a breakup

them finding out you left them food

them apologizing after an argument

"he's busy rn <3"

telling them you're ready to have sex 🔞

"we should take a break" prank

the morning after your first time

sending them gym pics 🔞

catching them cheating (1/3)

them regretting cheating on you (2/3)

you forgiving their cheating & saying goodbye (3/3)

them taking care of you after working too hard

them finding out that you've been sad

you telling them that you've got the kids

them noticing that you're jealous 🔞

you with an aphrodisiac 🔞

telling them that you're being followed

them finding out you didn't eat

reassuring you after an argument

finding out that they dated you for a bet (1/2)

them telling you that it was more than a bet (2/2)

"i didn't finish last night" prank 🔞

them asking why they haven't gone down on you 🔞 (1/2)

them getting addicted to your taste 🔞 (2/2)

comforting you after a bad breakup

randomly biting them

showing off your engagement ring

"he just left, come over" prank

asking them for many hickeys 🔞

them forgetting your anniversary (1/4)

"she just left, come over" prank

questioning if your relationship is working (2/4)

them fighting to keep you from breaking up (3/4)

(1) them making things right with you (4/4)

(2) them making things right with you (4/4)

them telling you to take a day off

them finding out your ex never got you off 🔞

them forgetting your bday (1/4)

them telling you you're overreacting (2/4)

them apologizing, but you're checked out (3/4)

starting to earn you back (4/4)

"would you love me if i was a worm?"

talking to them after almost kissing them

them catching you touching yourself 🔞

texting them in your final moments (1/2)

texting you after you're saved from death (2/2)

texting you after your death [alternate ending]

comforting you after a bad day

them shading your new boyfriend (1/9)

them trying (and failing) to hide their jealousy (2/9)

them seeing your new bf at a gathering (3/9)

them admitting that they're jealous (4/9)

talking about why you broke up (5/9)

them finding out that you broke up with your new bf (6/9)

asking them to wear a ghostface mask 🔞

them asking you out with halloween flowers

them with an aphrodisiac 🔞

telling them you're pregnant

them snapping at you (1/5)

them trying to apologize (2/5)

you telling them to stay away (3/5)

them asking for forgiveness (4/5)

fixing it or ending it (5/5)

gojo's ending (5/5 pt 2)

thanksgiving special

holiday prep

first meeting / exchanging numbers

them reassuring you

"she's busy rn" prank

"we should break up" prank

asking you out even though you have a bf

"i want my eggs cracked"

finding out they're sexting another woman

them telling you to come back to bed

them finding out you have a date with someone else

"oops, wrong person" prank

mom, assassin, wife series [toji x reader]

part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

[smartkookiee]

Wounds We Never Show // Series Page

Jeon Jungkook Series

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

❥pairing: Jungkook x Reader (she/her, afab)

❥genre/rating: 18 + explicit content, enemies to lovers, enemies to friends to lovers, enemies with benefits

❥description: You and Jungkook have always been at each other's throats, bound by a mutual disdain that runs deep. You both would rather step into traffic than be alone together. But when a chance encounter at a wedding leads to an unexpected and forbidden arrangement, the lines between enemies and something more begin to blur.

As your fiery clashes give way to stolen moments and fragile truces, both of you are forced to confront the pain and secrets that have kept you apart for so long. When the past and present collide, you and Jungkook must decide whether the scars you both hide are worth revealing—and if your fractured bond can ever be whole again.

❥warnings/tags: Lawyer!Jungkook, Nurse!reader, medical trauma/examinations/procedures, family trauma, slooooowwwww burrrrrnnnnnnnnnn, SMUT, these two really do hate each other, long series, swearing, drinking, smoking, angst, hurt/comfort, silly at times, tae is a menace, misunderstandings, miscommunication, unreliable information, eventual fluff, eventual pining, mentions of cheating (not the main pair), minor character death (none of the boys), eventual happy ending (it’s gonna be a minute)

❥disclaimer: Fic is cross posted to ao3, every chapter I will give associated warnings and tags that apply.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・.・。.・゜✭・.・✫

Prologue // Ch.1 // Ch.2 // Ch.3 // Ch.4 // Ch.5 // Ch.6 // Ch.7 // Ch.8 // Ch.9 // Ch.10 // Ch.11 // Ch.12 // Ch.13 // Ch.14 // Ch.15 // Ch.16 // Ch.17 // Ch.18 // Ch.19 // Ch.20 // Ch.21 // Ch.22 // Ch.23 // Ch.24 // Ch.25 //... More to Come

Ch.7 EXTRA // PLAYLIST

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

[edenspoem]

𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬)

THINGS WILL BE ALRIGHT jackson!ellie series set in the spring featuring: pregnant!reader jesse cat joel and one abusive scumbag boyfriend THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓

angst, fluff, smut, substance abuse, physical assault, cheating, horrible baby daddies, a case of assumed unrequited love, father-daughter issues (for both of them). depicts but is not limited to: fighting, alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, drug dealing, depression, death threats, all the ebbs and flows of being pregnant in the apocalypse. a grasp at jackson!ellie as a mother. total wc: 4.3k (to be updated) 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 you're expecting—and ellie's sick in love. one thing inhibits her: she thinks it isn't requited.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

ONE. first string (shame) 4-1-2025

TWO. second string (prove yourself)

THREE. third string (the things i tell myself and the things i need)

FOUR. fourth and fifth strings (blow out)

LAST ACT. sixth string (anyone can play guitar)

MISCELLANEOUS. to be determined (moodboards to come?)

comment to be included in the taglist for this, or on my permanent one. join my discord to get sneak-peeks at this fic.

[taschamonnii]

More Than A Woman - Part 2 (You Slipped Me A Potion) 

Read Part 1

You x Shirley Carter (70s-80s Southern Housewife Original Character  - Elizabeth Olsen) 

*Disclaimer/Summary: This completely Fictional Character is based on the way Lizzie plays old-fashioned Housewives. (Some inspo is taken from WandaVision, I Saw The Light, and Love & Death) This character is in no way a portrayal of any real-life people. Audrey Williams and Candy Montgomery were real people that Lizzie has portrayed for entertainment purposes in tv & film. This story is not about them. I just want to see Lizzie play a 70s-80s housewife that is secretly Gay and stuck in a religious small-town in the South. Since she has never done that but has played the part of perfect housewife I decided to make my own character.* I will be using edited pictures from the characters she has played and unaltered gifs since it's way too hard to edit those.*

Character Description since this is a made up character: mid length-wavy-dark brown hair (think more the length in I saw the Light like it falls to her collar bones but the deep dark brown from goth Wanda era, Emerald Green eyes, Wears form fitting dresses and high waisted pants and skirts.  

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Angst/Smut/Fluff

TW: SMUT, 18+, Cheating on husbands to be GAY together, 

I am so obsessed with Lizzie playing housewife that I made a playlist! More Than A Woman

AN: This is part Two to this Original Series

Word Count: 3,945

Imagine This:

Every single time you close your eyes you find that intense emerald gaze staring back at you. You don’t even have to close your eyes, your mind is trapped in the moment, trapped in your truck…Your truck, that now has a different smell to it and god it’s devine. Her perfume lingered and the smell of her skin is still so fresh in your mind that it has you distracted and daydreaming every moment of the day. She is consuming your every thought. Her lips, eyes, skin, hair, and god her freckles. You can’t escape her and never want to. You are in this way too deep already but you don’t care. She wants to be smart about things. It is sexy to see her mind work on the logistics and come up with the best possible ways to do things. She is so fucking smart and creative. A few calls and one lunch in the next town over and you have worked out some things to play it on the cautious side.

She loves her family and you are smart enough to know you don’t want to ruin that for her but you are also smart enough to know that maybe her husband isn’t as straight as he seems and you are hopeful for a fun shared future with the Carter’s. Your Theo really likes her John so you are hopeful that maybe in the future there could be a more permanent agreement.

It took some convincing but she agrees to meet at your house after you convince her that two women hanging out around lunch time is not suspicious. You are nervous to let her into your world because you have done this in the past and married women always break your heart but something about Shirley is different. You spent the weekend cleaning your house and organizing everything. 

On Sunday while Theo cooks dinner as per usual he voices his concerns. “Do you think it’s wise to start this so soon? I just mean we are stuck here for a while. I have to not only stabilize the company but get them to a place where they are making progress.”

You sit on the island counter and sip your drink. “I know that, Theo. I appreciate your concerns but she’s different. You said it yourself that her and her husband set off your radar. Maybe this will be our chance to find a couple we could have a real arrangement with. Don’t you think it’s worth the risk?”

He smiles and acts like he is thinking hard “I mean, I guess. Just be careful, Honey.”

“Aren’t I always.”

Theo made extra food so you can warm it up tomorrow for your lunch date. 

You have everything all prepared and set up at your little kitchen nook table when you hear her knock in the pattern she chose to be your little secret knock. You rush to the door and check the mirror there. You are wearing a white button up that is tucked into your jeans. You fluff your hair and take a deep breath before opening the door. 

The smile you had prepared to meet her drops as your gaze devours the beauty in front of you. Your jaw drops and you can’t stop the stupid “Wow!” that leaves your lips. 

She smiles and puckers her lips, a light blush tinting her neck and cheeks. Her brown hair is down in loose curls and she is wearing a stunning maroon dress that falls just past her knees. You are at a loss for words and stand there in shock.

She giggles “Hi.”

You rub the back of your neck “Hi.” 

“Are you going to invite me in or are you just going to keep staring?”

“Shit! Sorry, come in.”

You move aside and gesture for her to come in and watch unashamed as her hips sway to carry her into your house. The dress hugs her curves and it is a sight to see. She looks around soaking in all the details of your house. Your decorations are more funky and fresh than most the houses in this town since you brought your things from Cali. You shut your door and lock it. 

“This is the front room obviously.”

“Obviously. What is that delicious smell?”

“Oh um, lunch, here.”

You head to the kitchen and she follows, still looking around trying to absorb every detail. She sets her bag down on your kitchen island and tosses her sunglasses next to it. She smiles as she observes you filling both glasses with sun tea. 

You pull out a chair and gesture for her to take it. “Why thank you.”

You take the seat across from her with a smile. You take a sip of your tea trying to calm your nerves. Something about having her here is overwhelming. 

She takes a nervous sip of her tea as well. You set your glass down and run your fingers over the edge. “I have a confession, I’m a bit nervous.”

“I am too. It’s thrillin��� you know. A simple lunch is so much more now. The world on the way over seemed brighter, more full of color than it has in a long time.”

“You really put it great and it’s even more than that for me. I thought moving here was going to be awful. Back in Cali everything is so bright and colorful and people are just different and more open to the endless possibilities of life. I was scared my life would turn into a boring black and white movie. It doesn’t feel like 1976 here, sometimes it feels like the 60s. But there you were in bright colors smiling at me like you are right now.”

She lets out an adorable giggle and averts her gaze to the food. “Well, I think you have a way with words, y/n.”

“It’s actually my secret talent.” You give her a cheeky smile and wink. 

“What do you mean Secret talent?”

“Well, I work as an author. I Write under different names.”

“Oh that’s fascinating. You must show me sometime.”

“I’d love to, as long as I get to read some of your writing sometime in exchange. I know you said you’ve written a few songs.”

“Really? Well, that would make one of you, ‘cause John has no interest, and I read all his boring stuff-”

“Mmm, do you want to talk about him?”

She shakes her head with a bit of a grimacing face.

“No, sorry. We’re definitely,” She sets down her glass with a smile aimed at the table as she gestures with her hands, “Not.”

She sighs and looks up at you as she licks her lips. 

You smile softly.

“I think we are both a little overwhelmed. This feels more real and significant, let's just go slow, let's just start with lunch.”

She nodded. “Yeah this feels like my life will never be the same. Slow is good. The food does look good”

You nod and pick up your fork and dig into the food. She does the same and dramatically moans at her first bite “Mmm, wow a woman of many talents, this is very good, y/n.”

“Oh well you can thank Theo sometime he made it. I don’t cook worth shit.”

She laughs and it fills your body with joy. “You don’t cook?”

“No I don’t do any cooking, actually I’m a bit of a fire hazard according to my Theo. I’m not allowed in the kitchen unsupervised except to re-heat things and make beverages.”

“I bet I could teach you. It’s really rather easy.”

“Well, any excuse to see you I will happily take.”

The blush that creeps up her neck makes you giddy. Small talk continues and the meal is quickly finished. But there is still an air of hesitation so you both slowly start to clean up. She insists on cleaning up. It’s oddly soothing to do the dishes with her like you are domestic together. It makes your heart ache because you are doubtful you will ever get that full-time. 

You give her a house tour. You show her your shared home office and even give her a glance at Theo’s room when she asks about it. You end it at the door of your room. You open the door and pull her into the room. She wonders the space of your room and decides to lean against your dresser as you shut and lock your door. You turn to her and the air grows heavy. Her gaze travels your body and you can see her eyes darken. 

You move to stand before her and place your hands on her hips. You feel her shiver at your touch and you know that she feels the intensity. Her hands go to your shoulders and run up your neck and into your hair. You glance at her lips and then her eyes and back to her lips then capture her lips softly. She sighs out in relief and digs her fingers into your hair to pull you closer. She licks at your bottom lip quickly moving to deepen and intensify the kiss. You grunt trying to keep up. Teeth scrape and tongues meet and the fire is set free between the two of you. You quickly unzip her dress and pull it down. You both step out of shoes and the spaghetti strap slip she has on is a silky and sheer little red thing. Her cleavage looks incredible.

You grab her waist and lift her up off the ground just slightly, making her gasp and part from your lips. You spin around and take a step so that the back of her legs hit the mattress as you set her back on the ground. She makes quick work of your button up shirt. You move your hands down to your waist and undo your jeans and pull them and your panties down which stops her from being able to fully remove your shirt. It's fully unbuttoned and reveals your body to her enough to satisfy her gaze. She puts one of her legs on the mattress behind her and works to scoot and lay down at the same time keeping her slip on. You smirk and follow her on your knees. 

You place a hand next to her to hold you up and run your hand from her calf up under her slip. You take your time feeling her smooth skin and bite your bottom lip as you look down at her. Her emerald gaze is intense and it is hypnotizing. She has angel eyes that say so much. Your hand is inches away from where you know she wants you but you remove it in a flash you pull at the fabric covering her and bunch it up. You adjust so your legs intertwine and she gasps when she feels your thigh against her and you sigh as you press your own wet core against her thigh. She pulls you closer forcing your body weight to be more on her. She captures your lips roughly. 

She moans against you as you both begin to grind your hips. Her jaw has dropped open leaving her mouth wide open as she pants and moans. "Ah ah ah!" 

Her moans are so breathy and hot against your skin they make you shudder. One of her hands is in your hair and the other has a death grip on your shoulder. Her legs are so fucking soft against yours. You feel overwhelmed by the tangled mess you are in. She smells so sweet and feels so good and her long legs are strong you can feel her muscles flex against you and it's sending you barrelling towards the edge. 

"Mmm oh Shirley! Fuck!" 

You both begin to get more erratic in your movements and you can tell she is just as close. You both stare into each other's eyes as you cum. 

"Oh Y/n! Ah! AH!"

"Yes! Oh!"

Both your hips buck hard and falter as muscles contract and squeeze and legs tremble. You can't hold yourself up any longer and collapse fully on top of her. Making her gasp and grip your shoulder harder. You breathe against her and she breathes against you.

You kiss her shoulder as you come back to reality and roll off her. She turns and lays half on top of you. You look at her and brush her hair back "Are you okay?"

"More than. That was wow! Are you okay?"

“Mmm, wow indeed.”

She bites her bottom lip. "Thank you, y/n."

"No Shirley, thank you!"

She giggles and leans up to kiss you once again. Softer this time, less urgent. You match her kiss and tangle your hands in her hair. She pulls away slowly. She licks her lips and puckers them to the side, something you have come to learn means she's thinking about something. 

"What is it?"

"Hmm?" 

"You are doing that thing with your lips, like you are thinking about something and want to say something. What is it?"

"I, well, I read this book."

She bites her bottom lip again and you nod patiently. You run your hand over her back enjoying the moist silky soft fabric on your fingertips.

"In this book these two women, they, well, do something and I am not sure if it is realistic or even feels as good as the book made it sound I'm just thinking about it." 

"Mmm, I see. Some lesbian literature has piqued your interest in trying some things?"

"Precisely."

"What exactly are you curious about?"

She licks her lips then sucks them in together and shakes her head as she purses them tighter. You pull her chin and make her look at you. "What is it? You can tell me." 

"I don't know what it's called or how to say it really."

"Hmm is it what I said I wanted to do in the truck?"

"No, I mean I want that too, at some point."

A smirk grows on your lips "At some point indeed, I will definitely have my tongue buried inside you. But if it's not that, I need more information."

"Can I just try to show you?" 

You raise an eyebrow at her "oh honey you can do whatever you like."

A nervous sort of giddy smile takes over her face and you are hyper aware of the effect it has on you. She moves all the way on top of you and fits herself between your legs. The fabric of her slip bunched up under her breasts as she adjusted and the spaghetti straps fell down giving you the breathtaking view of her breasts hanging as she lifted herself up slightly. She moves and in an instant your attention is on the sensation of her wet center pressed against yours. Your gaze shoots from her breasts to her dark green eyes. “Oh damn, Shirley. Okay I know what you are after.”

“You do so this is a real thing? I don’t really know how to do it.”

You hold her hips and nod “it’s real, just difficult.” 

You move your legs and angle your hips as you hold her hips until you get just the right angle. 

"Ah"

"Yeah? Is that good?" 

You move against her again and watch her reaction carefully. "Mmm yeah, so good."

"Mmm good. Move your hips like this."

You move your hands to her ass and move her hips against yours. "Do whatever feels best to you." 

"Mmm"

You hold her hips loosely and let her take control. She begins to move a sigh falling from her lips. You watch her as she holds herself up more to get more leverage. The spaghetti straps of her slip fall further down her shoulders. Her cleavage is so sexy and the way she moves her hips is memorizing. She changes the angle and moves harder against you and you throw your head back at the perfect wet friction. In unison you both moan.

"Oh fuck!" - "Ah AH!"

She looks down at you and manages to do it again "there?"

You lock your gaze on hers and nod "there!"

She repeats the motion and you are honestly overwhelmed. For being more of a novelty that you don’t usually prefer, this feels so good. A voice in your head tells you that it’s because of her and you can’t deny that. Everything with her is beyond anything you’ve ever experienced before. You are falling way too hard for her but how could you not?

Her  breathy moans are so hot and her grip on your shoulders and upper chest is definitely going to leave a mark. Her hips are magical.

“Ah ah AAAHHH!”

“Fuck Shirley! YES AHH!”

You watch in awe as her eyebrows furrow and her mouth opens even wider as her eyes shoot to the ceiling. “Oh Y/N-OH-GOD OH!”

You feel her release and it sends you spiraling off the edge into your own release. You two are soaked. She leans forward and moans into a sloppy kiss. “Mmm”

“Mmm-hmm.”

You hold her in your arms both of you sweaty disasters. Once you both catch your breath you let out a soft laugh. “You know most people don’t call me god, but I kind of liked it coming from you.”

She props herself up slightly and smacks your shoulder playfully “SHUT UP!” 

You smirk playfully. “Make me!”

She puckers her lips to the side and attempts to tickle your sides but you are unphased by her rapid assault. “Oh come on you are not ticklish?”

You grab her hips in a flash, flip her over and pin her to the bed as you tickle her and a burst of laughter escapes her sweet lips. “Sorry a tickle attack won’t work on me but I see it works on you.”

She is gasping for breaths between laughter “Not fair! Okay! Okay!”

You shake your head “Huh-uh, I want to hear you call me God again.”

“Fuck you, GOD!” 

You stop your tickling assault and burst out in laughter. “Oh you just did that, did you want to go again?”

“You are ridiculous!”

“But you like it. Don’t you, Shirley?”

She rolls her eyes “maybe.”

You smile and lean in to rapidly kiss her lips and cheeks and chin. She grabs the back of your neck and captures your lips in a rough kiss that she slowly releases. You are left stunned and she smiles evilly “you know I like you.”

You give her a crooked sort of smile, “even when I’m being ridiculous?” 

She grins. “Especially.”

You kiss her lips quickly then flip over to the side tired from your delightful afternoon activities. 

“Shit, I’m a mess!”

You laugh. “A hot mess.”

She gets up quickly “No, I mean I need to shower.”

You sit up. “Let's shower then.”

You get up and throw your sweaty button up into the hamper by your dresser and walk toward the master bath. You can feel her gaze on your ass as you pass her and it's so satisfying. That is until she enters the bathroom behind you and removes the straps of her slip and lets the thin fabric fall to the ground. Your jaw drops and you shake your head as you observe her bare form. She was crafted by a woman who LOVES the female form. She has soft curves and firm muscles and the longest fucking legs and the cutest tummy and perky breasts and your mind can’t keep up! 

“You’re drooling darlin’.”

You snap back to reality, closing your mouth and running your hands over your face. “I can’t really help it, have you seen yourself!?!”

She tilts her head with a silly crooked grin. “Please, look at you.”

“Forget me! You are a piece of art! How the fuck are you even real and HOW the FUCK did John manage to get your attention he looks so orinary and you are an actual goddess.”

She rolls her eyes and takes a step closer to you. “Anyone ever tell you that you are the most dramatic person they’ve ever met?”

You see right through her though the deep blush that appears on her skin is beautiful. You shake your head with a sly smile. “No never, I’m known for being brutally honest actually.”

She shakes her head as she tries to contain her smile. You lean in and capture her lips with a smile on your own lips. She wraps her arms around your shoulders and presses herself against you and you hold her hips softly. You could stay like this with her forever. She pulls back first slowly and you both sigh. “Alright smooth talker I really need to shower. I have to pick up Madison and Marissa at three.”

You can’t help the pout that takes over your face as reality hits you. “Don’t give me that face. It’s not fair.”

“I know they come first and I think your girls are wonderful. I just wish I was John. He’s so lucky.”

Her gaze softened and she leaned in and kissed you softly and you could feel she understood you. You gave her a soft smile as she pulled back. You took her hand and pulled her into the shower. A comforting silence envelopes your bathroom. The only sound is the water as you wait for it to heat up a bit. When it feels like a good temp you get your hair wet and sigh as the water soothes your sore muscles. You move after you have had a decent rinse and switch places with Shirley. 

You watch as she closes her eyes and lets the water run through her hair and down her face and body. She sighs and wipes the water away from her eyes with both hands. She opens her eyes and finds your stare. Her gaze locks onto yours and the softest smile takes over her delicate and bare features. The few freckles on her face make her look delicate. Her gaze makes your knees weak. Her emerald eyes are so intense and full of something that terrifies you. The look she gives you has your heart aching. You are falling for her. She is so soft that you can't stop your own heart eyes from forming. Your gaze softens and your smile reaches your eyes. You are both locked in this silent stare of being in awe of each other. Her sweet southern accent and voice are soft as she says, “Thank you, Y/N.”

You tilt your head at her and quirk an eyebrow and wait for more. “Thank you for seeing me.” 

You sigh happily “I couldn’t really help that. The second you caught my eye you were, are, all I see.”

She sucks her bottom lip as a blush cascades from her cheeks to her ears and down her neck to her chest. Seeing her blush bare like this is something you want more of. “Besides the second you saw me you slipped me a potion. Just like Leo Sayer says in that song.” 

You sing the lyrics that remind you of her imitating the singer as best as you can. “You got a cute way of talking, you got the better of me, just snap your fingers and I’m walking, like a dog hanging on your lead.” 

Her blush deepens and she laughs and you feel like you have won the game of life just being able to experience her joy let alone be the cause of it.

She imitates the singer and sings the next part as she shakes and shimmies her shoulders “You make me feel like dancing, wanna dance the night away!”

You join in singing the popular song and laugh and shimmy.

A/N: If this didn’t make you smile like an idiot then seek help because I was smiling like an idiot as I wrote it! 

[andvys]

The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter seven

⭐︎ Fall back into place. Fall back...

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of sex, mentions of sex toys, post apocalypse au, mentions of death, mentions of cheating (past relationships), grumpy x sunshine

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Your first solo trip with Steve goes a little wrong and yet it pushes you closer... much closer than ever before.

Word count: 10.6k+

Author's note: Things are heating up y'all, we're getting closer and closer to the good stuff hehe. give @hellfire--cult some loving she deserves it, she helped and wrote a lot here !!!!

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter ⭐︎ next chapter

☀︎

“There’s a gun store about two miles from here. If we go now, we can make it back before it gets dark.” Eddie explains as he points his finger at the map, tracing the road on it to the required destination. “If not then we gotta find shelter for the night but we’re definitely not getting through that with the RV.” The look on his face is skeptical as he looks up at the blocked highway. Time froze here just like it did in most places. Cars and trucks litter the highway, making it impossible to find a passageway in between. 

Nancy’s eyebrows are furrowed as she looks down anxiously. 

“Can’t we just try our luck somewhere else?” She asks knowing that you can’t all go together, someone will have to stay back with the RV. 

Steve shakes his head at her. 

“We need the ammo, we have barely any left and who knows what we’ll run into out here.”

“Yeah and we got a long wasteland ahead of us,” you mumble as you fidget with your fingers. 

“Who says we’ll get lucky?” Nancy questions, looking between you and Steve before her eyes fixate on Eddie. “The store might be empty and the town might be crawling with infected.” 

“We have to try, Nancy. We’re also low on food, it’s been weeks since we found anything.” 

You are surviving off your savings now. You’re not sure how many cans of food you got left in the cabinets of the RV. The last time you got lucky was the day you taught them how to successfully kill the infected. You’re just glad that you were able to find water and gas and stock up on that since then. 

But you need more, more gas, more food, more ammo, more guns or else you won’t survive this winter – or barely. The moment you find your way back on the highway with miles and miles of no towns ahead of you, you will be doomed, all of you. You have no option but to try your luck in the nearest small town. 

Nancy sighs, looking up again, she looks between you all before nodding. 

“Fuck. Yeah, yeah okay.” 

A small smile appears on your face and you nod at her, bringing your hand up to her shoulder. 

“Who knows, maybe we’ll find some gas,” you shrug, glancing at the abandoned cars on the road. “I’m sure there’s plenty in the tanks. We’ll just siphon it.” 

Eddie raises his eyebrows at you, his brown eyes flashing with curiosity as Steve eyes you up and down. 

“And what do you know about siphoning, sweetheart?” He smirks a little. “You ever done it before?”

You shake your head, chuckling softly as your eyes meet the curious ones of Steve. He opens his water bottle and brings it up to his lips. 

“Nope. Can’t be too hard though right?” You shrug as you begin to make your way back inside the RV to get your backpack ready. “Just need a hose and do some sucking, easy peasy.”

Steve nearly chokes on his water when Eddie looks at him suggestively after those words leave your lips. His cheeks flush red as the metalhead wiggles his eyebrows at him. 

In the past few weeks, Steve has suffered relentless teasing from him and it’s starting to get on his nerves. Not only do his comments make him feel flustered, they also make him blush… constantly. Ever since he saw you stuffing those panties into your backpack, his body had been acting weird. His stomach constantly flutters, his cheeks heat up when he sees more of your skin than he should, when his eyes unwillingly fall onto your butt whenever you bend over to tie your shoelaces or to pick something up. 

Steve knows that he is deprived. That his body craves to feel the touch of another, to feel the warmth of someone else, to feel the touch of gentle hands on his skin. You happen to be the only option around he can fixate himself on in this way. At least that’s what he tells himself. 

By the way Eddie’s lips curl into an evil smirk, Steve just knows that something dirty is about to fall from his mouth. 

“Bet she knows a lot about that,” he cackles as he folds the map and presses it against Steve’s chest, forcing him to take it. “Who knows, maybe you’ll find out.” Eddie shrugs. 

Steve huffs at the metalhead, shaking his head in annoyance. Though his cheeks still flush a deep red. 

Nancy rolls her eyes at them both, uncrossing her arms, she walks away from them both and follows you inside. 

“Guess it’s me and her then?” Steve murmurs, avoiding the teasing eyes of his friend. 

Eddie hums, still smirking. 

“Yep, you and sunshine,” he chuckles as he taps his shoulder. He looks up into the sky, noting the dark clouds. “And you better not waste any time, looks like luck isn’t on our side today.”

Steve furrows his eyebrows, and he tilts his head up. A frown appears on his face, the grey sky indicates incoming rain. The gust of wind that hits him is cold, icy. 

“Alright,” Steve nods, having hope that you will make it to the town and back before it starts to rain. “We better get going then.”

Eddie nods. 

“We’ll park the RV behind the trees over there and wait there until you get back,” Eddie points out to the nearby forest. 

Steve looks to where he’s pointing at and he nods. 

“We might have to set up camp somewhere else if it starts raining… or worse storming.” Steve mumbles, not feeling very fond of the idea to spend a night with you alone. 

When he turns back to Eddie, he finds him smirking yet again, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Oh, I’m sure that’s gonna be such a problem, man. Forced proximity with a hot girl? That’s awful. Hopefully your clothes stay on.” 

Steve wants to hit him. He wants to hit him so badly. For teasing him the way that he is. For calling you hot. 

Eddie chuckles at the glare that is directed at him. He is enjoying this more than he probably should. 

He slaps Steve’s shoulder, pushing him back towards the RV. 

“Come on, grab your protection, you’ll need it.” Eddie mumbles, trying not to smirk at his own words. He feels Steve’s eyes on him and when he tilts his head at him, he finds him glaring harder than before. 

Eddie lifts his shoulders innocently, “what? I was talking about your gear. Get your mind out of the gutter, King Steve. Jeez.” 

Steve huffs, rolling his eyes. 

“Mhmm sure you were, Munson.” 

Nancy arms are crossed, her back pressed against the wall beside the window as she watches you. You seem unfazed, fastening your thigh holster and securing the gun inside before you reach for your jacket. A leather jacket Eddie had found in an abandoned car a few days ago, claiming that it was made for you. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” 

You turn around to face Nancy, instantly noticing the worried look in her eyes – she tries not to show it but it’s there. You know the worry is mostly reserved for Steve. 

“We have to.” 

You throw your backpack on and step closer to her, placing your hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m used to scavenging. I’ve survived big cities before. This is nothing,” you shrug, smiling at her. “And don’t worry about Steve, I’ll bring him back in one piece.” 

Nancy tilts her head to the side, furrowing her eyebrows. 

It’s not just him she worries about. 

“I want both of you back in one piece.” She frowns, shaking her head a little as she uncrosses her arms. “I don’t like it when you go out there.” 

Your eyes soften. A comfortable feeling spreads inside of you, something warm. 

Nancy is confused by the look of surprise in your features. You’re eying her like you don’t understand why she is so worried about you. 

She doesn’t know that no one ever did, no one except your family. 

You shrug and slowly back away, smiling reassuringly. 

“I always come back.” You grab onto the straps of your backpack. “Nothing can get me.” 

“That…” Nancy hesitates, frowning even deeper than before. “That doesn’t comfort me in any way.” 

A chuckle falls from your lips as you start to make your way out of the RV. Walking down the steps, you look over your shoulder. 

“The glass is always half empty for you isn’t it? Have a little faith in me, Nancy.” 

She rolls her eyes at you, though she can’t hold back the smile. 

“I do.” 

Eddie’s chuckle grabs your attention. You turn towards him to find him whispering something into Steve’s ear. The latter pushes him away, rolling his eyes and scoffing loudly before he walks away from him and past you, mumbling something about grabbing his stuff. 

Normally, you would have thought nothing of it but the flushed cheeks and the embarrassed look in his eyes reminds you of the day when he walked into the half naked mannequins. 

Both your eyes and Nancy’s follow his figure until he disappears into the RV. 

Nancy looks amused as she turns to Eddie, whose grin is wide and his eyes are filled with mischief. 

You raise your eyebrows at the metalhead, questioning him with your eyes but he only shrugs at you. 

“What…” 

“Ready?” Steve comes back out with a backpack slung over his shoulder, his nailed bat tucked into it. He fixes the strap on his rifle as he stops beside you. 

You nod, trying to look into his eyes though he avoids your gaze. You notice how flushed his cheeks still are. You know that whatever Eddie had said to him, flustered him and you wondered what it could probably be. 

You breathe in slowly and take another look at the smug metalhead. He winks at you, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively which only makes you more confused, especially when Steve scoffs again. 

“Uh… yeah, I’m ready.” 

“Alright,” Steve murmurs under his breath. He nods at Nancy and then at Eddie but not without rolling his eyes at him once more. He taps your back two times, nodding at the road ahead of you. 

“Let’s do this.” 

-

Another house, another disappointment. Even the stores are almost empty, except for a few cans and bottles here and there. You haven’t made it to the gun store yet but you already know that Steve lost hope already, he didn’t say it but you can see it in his eyes and how the hope slowly fades after walking out of yet another building with empty hands and an unfilled backpack. 

You’re strolling through empty streets, of something that once used to be a busy town – you can tell by the many stores on the main street. Broken windows and messes litter the little shops that once were neat and pretty to look at. Cars are parked in front of the stores, windows broken and doors left open. 

There is nothing here. 

It’s a ghost town, just like any other you have come across. 

The sound of your footsteps and Steve’s heavy sighs are the only sign of life here. Not even monsters or infected seem to be around. 

You tighten the grip on your machete, still looking around, trying to spot something that could be of importance.

“I hate to admit it,” you pause and take a deep breath. You avoid his eyes when you feel them on you. “But maybe Nancy was right.” 

To your surprise, Steve chuckles and shrugs. 

“Don’t tell her that, she’ll say ‘I told you so’ with that annoying smug look on her face.”

A soft laugh falls from your lips, and you nod. 

He looks under the cars to make sure that nothing won’t crawl out from under there. The two lines between his eyebrows are prominent. His shoulders are tense, his whole body is. 

There is a shop on the far end of the street, right next to something that once used to be a liquor store. It peaks your interest. You furrow your brows and squint your eyes, trying to see better. 

“Let’s check this out,” you murmur and lift up your machete, pointing at the shop with the sharp end of your blade. 

Steve’s eyes follow where you’re pointing, and he can’t tell what it is from this distance. His sight is getting blurry every time he tries to look far ahead. Consequences of the many concussions he probably had through the years.

“Lead the way,” he states and quickly comes to regret it when only a few steps later, you both halt before the shop. It takes him a minute or two to realize what you have led him to. His cheeks warm at the sight of things displayed on the showcase. The red colors, the fuzzy material, the… toys. He blinks a few times, trying to swallow the embarrassment creeping up inside of him as he looks up at the sign that once used to glow in the night; Girls, Girls, Girls. Adult Store.

A giggle falls from your lips, pulling him out of his thoughts. He tilts his head down and looks at you. He doesn’t know why but the sight before him feels a little unexpected. He didn’t think that your eyes would shine at the sight of… well… that. He also didn’t think that you would react so calmly to something like this, especially compared to him. 

He doesn’t have to look at his own reflection to know that his cheeks are a furious red. 

And it’s not that he’s a stranger to… sexual things but he has also become very timid as he got older. The past few years have also changed for him, he can’t even remember the last time he touched someone or even thought about touching someone. 

As he stares at you, at the mischievous look on your face, the sparkling eyes and the teasing grin that begins to form on your lips, he wonders about you. He wonders about the experiences you had before this world or even after. He wonders what you have been like and what kind of things you have been up to. If you had been dating around, if you had something serious going on or if you preferred casual. 

He never asked himself these things before and with good reason but now he can’t help but wonder and let his mind race.

He always deemed you as shy, maybe even innocent. 

But it doesn’t seem like it now, quite the opposite. 

“We should go inside–”

He opens his mouth to speak, wanting to protest and stop you from making his case even more awkward but he doesn’t even get the chance to. You grab your crowbar from your backpack, putting your machete away, you easily pick the lock. 

Steve brings his hand up to the back of his neck, scratching it awkwardly as he looks around. He clears his throat as he tries to sound casual, nonchalant, when he is anything but. 

“W-What’d you want in there, sunshine?” He asks and almost cringes at himself for the shakiness in his voice. 

You open the door with ease and step inside after taking a peek first, making sure that it’s not infested with something. You look over your shoulder, grinning widely as you wiggle your eyebrows. 

“I don’t know but the dildo section is funny.” You say before you walk inside, leaving him in the doorway stunned. 

His eyes are wide as he stares at your back, bouncing back and forth on his feet as something flushes deeply through him. 

So this isn’t your first time visiting one of these shops. 

Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, shaking his head. 

“We’re wasting time here… or are you trying to take out infected with dildos in the future?” 

Your giggle sounds through the store, making his own lips curl slightly, easing the tension within him. 

“It’s worth a try! Now come inside, Steve!” You call out to him. “Please…!”

This is insane. This is crazy. Not even before all this, before the world went to shit, did Steve step foot inside a sex shop. He can’t lie though, it always made him a little curious. 

He sighs and takes another look around before he decides to step inside. 

“Fine..” He murmurs under his breath and closes the door behind him. He clears his throat as he follows the sound of your footsteps. “Where are you…?”

His cheeks are still flushed, heating up more and more after each step that he takes. Toys, whips and chains are all across the store. A variety of handcuffs hang on the walls. A section of roleplay outfits are on his left. This seems to be the only store untouched. 

“Guess sex shops aren’t a hit in the apocalypse,” Steve mumbles quietly, though loud enough for you to hear. 

“Not many freaks around… or at least those kinds of freaks.” 

He follows the sound of your voice and your laugh. 

The fact that you even suggested trying your luck here tells him that you are one of those freaks left in this world. Not in a bad way. 

Steve halts in his tracks when he finds you in the little adult movies section – it’s similar to the one back in Hawkins in Family Video, minus the red curtain. You already grabbed one of the cowboy hats from the roleplay section and put it on your head. Steve would have laughed if he didn’t feel so flustered about this whole situation. 

“Everyone I did last summer.” 

Steve furrows his eyebrows as he stares at the back of your head. 

With a giggle you turn around to look at the man behind you, holding up the tape in your head, showing him the title. 

“Is that your movie?” 

Steve’s face falls into a glare, his head falls to the side as a humorless laugh escapes his mouth, “ha ha.” 

Your eyes crinkle and you laugh again, turning back around. 

He places his hands on his hips and sighs. He can’t remember the last time he did someone, certainly not this year or last. 

“The Sperminator,” you snort. 

Steve looks up at the ceiling, huffing. “Jesus Christ.” 

“The Bone Ranger–”

“Sunshine, we’re wasting our time here!”

You turn around with a frown on your face, pouting softly at him, “take it easy, cowboy. You need a little laugh.”

His eyes fall to your lips for a second before he looks into your eyes. Mistake number one.

“Do you hear me laughing?” 

You shrug and step closer to him, raising your hand up to the pink cowboy hat. You take it off and take another step closer to him. You don’t notice how his breathing hitches or how his eyes widen slightly at the sudden closeness. You rise to your tippy toes and place the hat on his head. 

For a second and only for a second, he lets himself look at you from up close. He takes in the color of your eyes, the dimple on your right cheek, the frown between your eyebrows, the softness of your skin. He digs his nails into his palms and takes a deep breath without meaning to breathe your soft scent in. He doesn’t know how but you always smell good, even without the luxury of every day showers, you always smell good. Sweet and floral – intoxicating. Mistake number two.

“There,” you smile sweetly before you take a step back, pulling him out of his little trance. “Cowboy.” 

He raises his eyebrows at the adoring look on your face and the tension slowly eases in him when he notices how you cower back slowly the longer you look at him. The smile slowly fades and your eyes shine with something different, no longer displaying the mischief from before. You are starting to look… flustered. 

Oh. 

Oh…

“You know what, sunshine?” He murmurs as his lips now curl into a smirk. “I’m starting to think you have a thing for cowboys.”

Your wide eyes and your parted lips are the giveaway. Your throat bobs when you swallow and you stutter, unable to form a sentence. 

“I…” You mumble and turn around, trying not to show your blushing face. “I don’t.” You walk away faster than you did after you walked in on him after his shower and it’s amusing to say the least. He can’t even help but chuckle… loudly. 

A part of him wants to follow you and tease you about it but he pushes his mean side away… for now. The smile still stays on his face and he continues to chuckle even as he turns in the other direction to look for the storage room in hopes of finding something valuable. Though he doubts that he will find anything of importance for this world in here. 

But to his surprise he ends up finding some snacks, some that probably belonged to the staff in here. Pringles and expired chocolate bars along with some cans of soda – it can’t get better than this. Wrong. He also finds batteries, probably for all the sex toys. He stuffs them all into his backpack. He checks out a few more shelves and cabinets before he walks back into the store to look for you. 

He finds you crouching down before your backpack, stuffing something inside that he can’t see. 

“You’re not packing whips and chains are you?” Steve asks, startling you. 

You look over your shoulder, surprised to see him still wearing the hat. You shake your head at him, holding back your chuckle. 

“No. Believe it or not but I found normal clothes – well, as normal as they can get for here.”

Steve raises his eyebrows, “you don’t say?”

You shrug and pull a pair of shorts out, showing them to him. The color reminds him of something he owned once. 

“Are these for me?”

You draw back and tilt your head to the side, chuckling. “No, silly! These are too small!”

“Oh…” He scratches the back of his head. “Uh… they just reminded me of my school shorts.”

“Primary?” You ask as you put them back into your backpack. 

Steve blinks at you, not answering the question. 

“...Middle?”

Silence. 

Your jaw drops and your eyes widen. “Holy shit, Steve! Don’t tell me they made you wear these shorts in high school!” 

Steve shrugs, chuckling awkwardly. 

“Now that I think about it, it’s kind of creepy.” 

You nod with wide eyes. You push yourself off the floor and throw the backpack on. Not saying anything for a moment as you look at him. Your mind unwillingly conjures up images of him in those green shorts, short and tight. You can’t help but giggle, which makes him frown in confusion. 

“I kinda wanna see how they look on you.” 

His wide eyes make you giggle even louder. 

“Uh yeah, that’s not happening!” 

“Why not?” You pout again, making him shake his head harder. 

“Don’t do this.” He points at you. 

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t pout at me like that.”

You pout even deeper and bat your eyelashes at him, “why, is it working?”

Steve huffs, trying to glare into your eyes. He opens his mouth to protest but you tilt your head even further and you look over his shoulder with furrowed eyebrows. 

You push past him and he turns around curiously. 

“Holy shit, this thing is huge!” 

Steve almost chokes on his spit when you grab one of the toys, a dildo. Your hand wrapped around it tightly. 

He blinks a few times. Heat spreads within his chest and a smugness he tries to push away rises up inside of him the more he looks at the silicone dildo, in the shape of a penis. Veins and all. 

“I… uh… you’d say that’s big?”

“Yeah?! Look at it!” You say as you hold it before his face, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. 

How you are so nonchalant about this, he doesn’t understand but he is amused and even more than that, he is intrigued. 

His lips curl into a slight smirk. He places one hand on his hip as he looks down, clearing his throat. 

“Alrighty then.”

-

The gun store was empty, just like Nancy had suspected. You left nearly empty handed. The only things you have found were a few stray bullets that had probably fallen out from the boxes when people grabbed them in the rush. You found two knives, a hunting knife and a butterfly. You grabbed a new thigh holster and a belt but that’s all. You couldn’t find the ammo that you needed nor any guns or rifles. 

The only food you found was the single cans and the snacks Steve found. 

You can’t help but feel a little defeated. You hoped, you really hoped that you would find valuable things, that you could stock up on enough food and ammo for the next few days at least but you got nothing. And it worries you. The last winter was rough and you barely made it out alive. Now you not only have to worry about yourself but also about your friends. 

“Hey…” 

Steve’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You have been walking in silence for the past twenty minutes or so. As you lift your head to look at him, the loud rumble of thunder makes you flinch as a raindrop falls on your cheek and rolls down. 

“This doesn’t look good.” His voice is unsure and filled with anxiety as he looks up into the darkened sky. The clouds start moving faster and faster. The wind blows through the streets, whirling up all the dust and the dirt covering the ground. 

You lift your arm up quickly to protect your eyes. 

The lightning is red and the thunder becomes louder and louder, moving closer as the seconds pass. 

Your heart leaps to your throat when a loud crash sounds through the trees in the woods next to the highway. The cracking sound indicates the falling trees. 

Shivers run down your spine and you swallow harshly. 

“That doesn’t sound good either,” you murmur worriedly as you look up at him. 

He swallows the growing lump in his throat. There is a long road ahead of you both and you don’t have the time to get back to the RV in time before the storm hits. You just made it back on the highway but you still got miles and miles to your destination. 

The rain starts falling slowly at first. Rolling down your cold cheeks softly. Goosebumps rise up on your skin. 

Despite the incoming storm, Steve’s hazel eyes flash with relief, “the good thing is, we don’t have to worry about any creatures… They don’t come out when it rains.” 

“Yeah…”

Steve taps your shoulder as he picks up the pace, clinging onto the hope that you might still get the chance to make it to the RV before it starts storming. 

Your footsteps echo through the empty roads. Your breathing gets heavy and your heart starts pounding. 

When the storm hits and it will hit, you will have no shelter. There is nothing around except for the woods, which isn’t a safe option at all. The red bolts of lightning crash into the trees, causing them to fall. 

“We can–” Before he can even finish his sentence, the rain starts pouring, crashing down onto you both, soaking through your clothes almost instantly. “Fuck!” Steve curses as the cold water hits his face. 

The adrenaline that surges through you makes you immune to the coldness in this moment. You don’t feel it. Not at all. You don’t feel the chilled, icy rain. You don’t even feel the fear anymore as you both start running. 

Your boots hit the ground harshly, water splattering into every direction. 

There is nothing in sight. No gas station. No house. Just the road and the trees and the cars blocking the highway in the distance. 

“We can find shelter in one of the cars!” Steve yells through the rain, squinting his eyes. 

You nod desperately, not wanting to feel the rain anymore on your head. The water drops are heavy and strong and you cannot keep running forever. The moment you stop, you know you will become cold, and you prefer to stop inside a place than out in the rain. 

Another loud crash sounds through the streets, making your heart and your whole body jolt. Only when Steve looks over your shoulder and you take in his wide eyes, do you realize that the lightning crashed into the ground where you had been not even a few seconds ago. 

“C’mon!” He reaches his hand out to you, wrapping it around your own, he holds it tightly and pulls you closer to him as he picks up the pace. 

You don’t feel anything, not even after the crash. No fear. But you feel him. You feel the warmth of his hand. You feel safe. You feel secure, and when he gives your hand a squeeze, you feel something you have never felt before, yet you didn’t know what to call it just yet. 

You let him lead you once you make it to the blocked part of the highway. He holds your hand tightly as he looks for a car that has no broken windows. 

You both barely see through the pouring rain and the darkness as the sky takes on the color of the night. 

“There!” He pushes you towards a black BMW and opens the door to the backseat. You waste no time and get inside, pulling it at his forearm, dragging him in. He shuts the door quickly, muffling the sound of the rain and the crashing of thunder, just a little bit. 

It’s not much more silent in here as it is outside, the rain paddles so loudly against the roof of the car and the windows. You’re both panting, trying to catch your breaths. 

“Fuck…” Steve murmurs as he closes his eyes for a moment. Bringing his arms up to the front seat, he leans his forehead against it. 

“Are you okay?” You whisper, reaching out to touch his back. 

Your own heart is nearly beating out of your chest, your throat is hurting from breathing in the cold air while running. Your hands are shaking from the cold, just like the rest of your body was starting to do but you worry more about him. 

Steve nods. 

He takes a few deep breaths and keeps his eyes closed for a minute or so. 

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m okay.” He mumbles and leans back. He opens his eyes and takes a look at you. Your lips are blue and trembling, your face is soaked just like your hair and all your clothes are. You’re shaking like a leaf and he isn’t even sure if you have realized it yet because your whole face is etched with worry for him. 

His eyes soften and that unwanted feeling surges through him. Mistake number three.

The raging storm and the strong rain tells him that you won’t get out of here any time soon. You’re stuck here for the next hours, even until the next morning. 

“Take your clothes off, sunshine.” 

“W-What?” Your eyes widen, completely stunned at the sudden request. 

Steve removes his backpack and throws it on the passenger’s seat. He looks around the car, trying to find a cover or a blanket. He finds one tucked under his seat, a small one but it will have to suffice. 

He takes his jacket off and throws it into the front seat. 

“We’ll catch hypothermia if we don’t,” he mumbles as he kicks off his shoes before his hands make their way to his belt. “We can’t afford to get sick… And we’re stuck here till the morning. The storm isn’t passing any time soon and even if, we won’t go out there in the middle of the night.”

Embarrassment filled you from head to toe, but you knew he was right. You knew the two of you needed some heat, and you cannot do it with drenched clothes. You nod slowly, feeling shy and the memory of him half naked already filled your mind. 

“I won’t look.” He promises, blushing himself when he takes his soaked pants off. “Now take them off or you’ll feel even colder.” 

You push yourself out of your stupor and swallow the nervousness down. You tear your eyes away from him and look down at your wet clothes. You throw your backpack down and tear your jacket off. Only as your fingers reach your shoelaces do you realize just how cold you are. Your hands are shaking. Your whole body is shaking. 

A pained whimper falls from your lips when you take your shirt off, despite it being covered by the jacket, it’s soaked through as though you took a swim in the lake. 

Steve’s belt clinks when he throws his pants into the front of the car. 

You shiver even more when your soaked hair touches your bare back after you take the last bit of your clothes off, leaving you in just your bra and your panties. If it wasn’t for these circumstances, you would be blushing like crazy, flustered to your core. But you can’t bring yourself to care about the lack of clothes on your skin because once the adrenaline wears off, your weakness kicks in. 

Your fingers start to feel numb and the shakiness in your body refuses to subside. You bring your knees up to your chest and wrap your arms around them. 

You flinch when you feel something soft around you. 

“Here,” Steve whispers after wrapping the blanket around your shoulders without looking at you. 

You look down at the white blanket and instantly bring your hands up to it, tugging it closer. 

“I-I can share.” 

Your teeth clatter and Steve knows that this tiny blanket won’t help much. He didn’t want to look but when he turns to you and he sees just how strongly your shoulders are shaking and your hands are trembling, making his chest hurt at the sight.

He tries not to look at your skin or at the color of your underwear that peeks out from under the blanket. He tries not to look at you in that way. He tries not to look at you. Not now.

“It’s so cold…” You whisper as you rub your hands, trying to find warmth somehow. 

Steve clenches his jaw. He feels angry at himself for getting into this situation, for not deciding to look for shelter back in the town. This could have been prevented. 

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He ignores the rumble of thunder outside and the rain. He is too focused on you and on your trembling body and he knows what he has to do. 

He knows it. 

And it won’t mean anything. It cannot mean anything.

He just doesn’t want you to suffer like this. 

He huffs and takes another deep breath before he turns to you, reaching out to you softly. 

“C’mere, sunshine.” 

You look down at his hand before you tilt your head up to look at him as he tugs you closer. 

“Do you trust me?” 

“Yes.” You whisper without a second of hesitation, without an ounce of dishonesty in your voice. 

Another thing that makes his eyes soften and his chest warm. 

His lips twitch as he reaches both arms out, tugging you closer with ease. He grabs your sides over the blanket and lifts you up and onto his body, making you straddle him. 

To his surprise, you instantly latch onto him, curling into his body and wrapping your arms around him like it’s a familiar place. You bury your face in his neck and press your chest against his, clinging to him after wrapping the blanket around him too. 

A sigh falls from your lips, “thank you, Stevie,” you whisper into his neck. 

He blinks. 

His body is a little stiff, his heart frozen in his chest as it stops beating for a second as he feels the beating of your own. Your skin on his. Your hands on him. Your breath on his neck. Your lips on his neck. 

Only now did he realize how cold he was as well. Feeling your warmth against him, the natural heat of your body soothed him. He sighed in relief, not having noticed his own discomfort, his own shivering because he worried about you. But he tells himself that he would worry for Eddie this way too. As well as Nancy.

“Shit, didn’t think it would be so fucking cold…” He mumbles and you notice the slight tremble in his tone, making you breathe hot puffs of breath on his neck. A sigh escapes his lips as he relaxes a little more, hoping that you two can get out of this without getting sick. You can’t afford getting ill in the middle of the road, not now. 

“This– This is what we get for not wanting to waste another day–” You stutter, and you feel his hands rub up and down your back, warming his palms in the process and trying to give the same to you. His eyes are fixed on the roof of the car, begging that you would not press yourself any closer to him in the lower region because the hotter his body gets, the better his blood flows all over his veins.

But his prayers are not heard when you seek more heat, moving your hips against him. He chokes a bit on his saliva as he tries to hold in the obscene sound that are about to come out of his lips. He knew it would be a matter of minutes before you said something, so he one upped you.

“Don’t be alarmed… and don’t move a lot on me, Sunshine.” He warns, making you frown as you lift your head from his shoulder to look at him.

“What–?”

“The cold, and I’m… I’m just human. If you feel it, ignore it.” He is looking away from you, a blush all over his cheeks. You aren’t sure what was happening, your body still shivering a bit from the cold.

“What are you talk–” and you move just a bit to try to inspect what is going on, maybe on his chest, or somewhere that hurts but, no. It isn’t that. He isn’t hurting. Right under you, there is a bulge. Now that heats your entire body up in ways you haven’t felt in a while. Your shivering stops immediately, nervousness, embarrassment, shyness, all of that invades your senses, “O-Oh…”

He grunts as he shakes his head, “don’t overthink it… It doesn’t mean anything Sunshine, it isn’t like that…” 

Your ego feels squashed a bit. You understand that thinking about these things in moments like this, or with the world as it is, is not the brightest move, or even rational, but as Steve states, you are still human. Yet, the fact he made it a point that it was not being caused because of you, and just because of the cold, felt like a punch to your gut. 

Needing to be distracted, to make the tension go away, you spoke as you leaned to rest your head on his shoulder again.

“How were you before the world turned to shit, Steve?”

“Huh?” He snaps out of his embarrassment as he looks your way, turning his head. Your faces are close, but the hot breaths soothes the shivering of lips, warming yourselves up.

“Like… dating and stuff. Did you date?” He gulps as he looks forward, the rain falling on the windshield. Should he tell you? It seems like Nancy didn’t, so maybe she wanted to keep it a secret or… he doesn’t know.

“I dated once.” You tilt your head at him, curious now that he is opening up to you. One of those rare instances that he did.

“What happened?” He debates whether to tell you the truth or sugar coat it, not wanting to tarnish Nancy’s image. He clears his throat a bit, deciding to put it nice for you.

“Um… She chose someone else.” He simply says and it makes you frown a bit, still a little confused.

“While dating you?” He freezes a bit at how sharp you are, taking a deep breath in.

“We were going through a rough patch anyways… so kinda, but not quite.” He finishes and you feel anger inside of you a bit. Who would cheat like that? Why him?

“Did you love her?” He chuckles at that and moves his head a bit from side to side.

“Yeah… But it was puppy love. High school and all that…” And you nod a bit, trying to calm the nerves that appeared in your belly a bit, not knowing why. So Steve has been in love before. That was a new perspective of him that you didn’t know about and you wondered… you wondered if she knew that she might have made a mistake. You hoped that whoever she was, that she would regret it every day. You knew that Steve was hurt from this, it’s impossible he hadn’t, be it puppy love or not.

And you know that pain as well.

“Yeah… I know about that…” Your answer was not expected, making him frown a bit.

“What do you mean by that?” You hum a bit, trying not to move a lot on top of him just as he requested. The shivering and trembles are gone by now, noticing how the conversation made the two of you relax and just take in the warmth of each other.

“I had a boyfriend… not high school, but a little after that… He was nice at first…” You started and he was staring back forward as you talked with your head on his shoulder. “But then– then he called me immature… a child… too positive. Blind to reality or some shit like that. He cheated on me after that and I didn’t find out until much later.”

And Steve’s eyes widened a bit, guilt creeping up in his throat as he remembered what he called you that night, under the rain, in front of Robin’s grave. You looked distraught and now he knew the reason. He found out why it had hurt you the way it did, why you didn’t want to talk to him for so long after it. He made you remember something painful, an insecurity that someone engraved in your brain.

“Shit– I–” He started, but you lifted your head from his shoulder, shaking your head with a small smile.

“No, no… you didn’t know. You didn’t know it would strike a nerve in me because of this.” And his palm on your back tightened slightly, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I’m still sorry and– for the record, I don’t think being positive is immature…” You’re surprised at his words, frowning slightly.

“You don’t?” He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head.

“Hell no… the way you are, in this timeline, with the world ending around us… I think you are the bravest out of the four of us.” And you felt your heart skip a beat, looking at him in a way that you weren’t aware of. A way where your eyes were sparkling with stars, with amusement.

“Brave?”

“It takes balls to be hopeful nowadays… Look around you, Sunshine. It’s a wasteland, and you still get happy finding kit kats in abandoned stores.” 

You were stunned into silence as his eyes were still looking forward, not glancing at how you were looking at him. You were afraid he would be able to feel the beating of your heart, how it was slowly quickening as you stared at him.

“I–”

“Even going into a fucking sex shop, I mean– Who the fuck does that in the apocalypse?” You burst into laughter at the comment, prompting Steve to also start laughing, feeling the rumbling of his chest beneath your fingertips. The laughter died after a few seconds and you laid your head back down on his shoulder.

“I lost all hope when Robin died,” he says softly, a shaky breath leaves his lips right after. “I was scared of it… I still am. Having it means that you might end up disappointed or hurt and I don’t wanna feel that way again… I felt it too many times…”

You furrow your eyebrows as you wonder what other times he is talking about – not knowing about Nancy. About how he hoped his parents would return and come back for him, how he hoped that he could still find happiness after getting to California with his family, with his friends, with his soulmate only for it all to be ripped apart and away from him. Literally. 

Steve shudders but this time not from the cold but from your comforting hand on his bicep and from the soft look in your eyes as you looked back at him. 

“You can’t live in fear of that… You have to have some hope. If not, life will be just miserable.”

His lips slowly curl into a smile before he starts chuckling. The gaze in his eyes softens the longer he looks at you. He can’t even stop himself from reaching his hand out to your face, pushing away the hair that fell before your eyes. 

“Yeah,” he whispers as his fingertips graze your skin. “Thanks to you I started realizing that.”

Your ears burn from the touch of his hand, your stomach flutters from the look in his eyes but curiosity beats every emotion in you. 

“Thanks to me…?”

He retracts a bit, pulling his hand away again when he realizes how he craves to touch more. He clears his throat and nods. 

“I mean… I have to have hope we reach California… If I go all pessimistic about it, I will probably get myself killed.” 

You feel a tinge of disappointment, you can’t help it. You hoped his answer would be another but you understand it, so you nod your head. 

“Yeah…”

California. The community. 

That’s their destination, not yours. 

Your destination is Nevada and your childhood home. You want to see your family and be with them. That was always the plan. 

Eddie and Nancy keep telling you that you will get them and continue your way to California but you don’t know if your family will want that. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks when he notices how much your face fell. 

You blink and look into his eyes again.

“The community… I-I will miss you guys,” you whisper, not struggling to show your feelings. “Once I reach my house, you will continue while we… will probably stay there. I don’t think they’d ever leave their little ranch.”

And suddenly it dawns on him like it hasn’t before… at all. He has gotten so used to you in these past two months or so that he forgot that you don’t share the same destination. Dread spreads through him so quickly that it startles him. 

“I don’t want you to stay there,” he blurts out before he can even consider different words. “I-I want you to come with us, you and your family.”

Your brows pull together as your eyes widen. All the disappointment and the doubt from before disappearing easily. 

“You want me there…?”

Steve hesitates when he sees the way you look at him. Even in this darkness, he can see the softness in your pretty eyes. He can feel what it does inside of him and he can’t have that. He just can’t.

“I– yes, because… Eddie. He will look like a kicked puppy and cry in a corner.” 

Oh. 

Eddie. Not him. Of course not him. 

You can’t hide the disappointment on your face now, even when you try to smile. You lay your head back on his shoulder and breathe out slowly. 

Guilt boils up inside of him. He knows how hard you are trying to get through to him, how you’re knocking on his heart, wanting to be let in but he can’t, he just can’t let you. And yet, it pains him a little because he knows that if things had been different, if you met under different circumstances and in a world that hasn’t ruined him yet, he wouldn’t have wasted a second to go after you, even if your type is very different from who he is given the cowboy hat and all the comments. 

“Sunshine?” He whispers, squeezing your waist softly. 

“Yeah?” You murmur into his neck. 

“Why cowboys?” 

“Hmm?” You look up at him, a little surprised by his question. He looks down intensely, curious about the answer he awaits from you. “Uh… I don’t know, I just… I guess because they are so… manly and strong… I suppose I like the way they look too… I like this whole western thing.”

He can only chuckle, giving a slight nod your way.

“Understandable. Why do you like it though?” His eyes began to feel heavy, your voice sort of soothing him, calming him down.

“I don’t know, but I loved Clint Eastwood as a child. Like, literally loved him, posters and everything on my walls… Then Han Solo, even without a cowboy hat, the attire was exquisite… Then Silverado… I honestly have no clue when it really started, or why, but I found myself just liking the whole aesthetic… plus the whips… ropes… handcuffs–” You felt your cheeks flush at your words, looking at Steve with shame, only to find him breathing slowly, his eyes closed.

You tilted your head as you started inspecting him. His eyelashes were quite long, his stubble was beginning to look like it needed a shave, and a few wrinkles from his expressions showed on his forehead. Then, the freckles—so many, little moles as well. You moved your head to look around, noticing that they also went to the neck and down his chest, losing themselves in the hairs that resided there.

Your body became hot, licking your lips tentatively as you made sure he was really sleeping. His breaths were still slow, his chest rising up and down calmly, and well… there was no longer a bulge underneath you, so, it was your green light to explore a bit. 

You raised your hand, your fingertips slowly brushing over his cheek. You started to trace his features slowly: under his eyes, the shape of his nose, his jaw, and then his lips. Your heart beat fast inside your chest, and you feared he might wake up from it. Your fingers brushed over them, finding them surprisingly soft despite the lack of chapsticks and Vaseline. There was very little dry skin on the corner, but that was about it. 

He shifted underneath you, and you felt how his grip tightened all around you as if holding a teddy bear. It prompted you to lay on his shoulder again, and you could feel yourself sweat nervously as you pressed yourself against him. You heard a sigh coming from his lips, relaxed, calm, sleepy and you couldn’t help but bask in this little feeling. This closeness you had with him in this moment.

Tomorrow, you will miss this heat… but for now, you can close your eyes and be content in these arms.

—--------------------

When you two woke up the next morning, it felt as if you had the best rest of your lives. A groggy good morning from the both of you, and the warmth from outside helped the car heat up.

It was humid, but you two could not hear any more rain. You both knew you had to keep going, so you got off Steve as he closed his eyes and looked away while you, feeling a little guilty for doing so but you couldn’t help yourself, you glanced all over his body. It wasn’t the time, you had to get out to get dressed so Steve could do so as well.

You winced as you grabbed your clothes and got out of the car, the windows all foggy so Steve couldn’t see you. They were still drenched, but there was no other choice for now, so you put on your shirt, a disgusted groan escaping your lips, only for you to gasp as the coldness of the wet pants hit all over your legs. You heard Steve getting out from the other side, and then his winces as he put his clothes on again.

“Fuck, this feels horrible.” You heard him say, and you turned around to see him throwing his wet shirt on, “ugh, why didn’t we bring a change of clothes again, knowing that there was a chance of rain?”

“Cause we didn’t want to waste space in our bags but now– since we didn’t find shit, it feels fucking stupid we didn’t.” You giggled and he turned around, shaking his head, looking at you.

“We can probably get dry with the sun, at least.” He shrugged and you sighed, opening the door so you could take your belt out with your weapons, putting them on before you threw on your wet jacket, making you pout in discomfort. Steve was doing the same, wanting to ditch the jacket, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know where he would find another one like this. 

“I hate this. I hate wet clothes. I hate it, I hate it.” You complained and Steve chuckled, grabbing the backpack from under his seat, and you did the exact same. He gave a nod your way, signaling that it was time to finally keep moving. 

The clothes felt heavy on you, making it a little harder to walk. You both were breathing heavily, the disappointment of not finding anything at all, and going back in this state only made the mood plummet to the floor.

“You think we can survive with the little food we have until the next town?” He winced at your question, and the answer was no. The next big town was a week or less away, give or take, and they only had a few cans. They would probably starve for one day, maybe two.

“We will survive, but painfully… and if we don’t find anything in that other town then… we might not.” He finally confessed which did nothing to calm your nerves.

“That’s cheerful.” You responded and he sighed as you two kept walking, knowing that the rain had cleared the path for you, still glancing side to side in case something or someone jumping on you both. You looked to your right, noticing big tire marks on the asphalt, and then towards the dirt. Truck tire marks. You looked into the trees, seeing a few completely ripped apart, as if the truck had crashed into them. You stopped walking.

He took some time to notice it, walking a few steps away from you and when he didn’t feel your presence next to him, he finally turned around, frowning as you looked into the woods.

“Sunshine?” 

“I– Come on.” You diverted from your path, following the tire marks and Steve’s eyes widened, following right behind you.

“No, no, no, no. We have to go back to the RV, Eddie and Nancy are probably worried–” You stopped on your tracks and he almost hit your back, looking down at the back of your head. “What are you–”

And when he looked up, a few steps away, there was a massive truck, the size of a shipping container. Those that traveled over the seas in big ships, exporting and importing stuff. And he felt hope. He really felt it. 

“Let’s check it out, we have nothing to lose, just a few more minutes.” You slowly walk forward and Steve quickly steps up and comes in front of you, taking the bat off his belt to get ready in case this was an ambush. But you both looked side to side, not really hearing anything the more you approached the front of the truck, wanting to see if there was anything at all in the driver’s seat.

But you only found the door completely open, dried blood all over the windshield from the inside, then on the windows, and a decomposed corpse on the passenger’s seat. You winced in disgust at the smell, but your heart turned with pain at the sight. They must have been shippers, and from the looks of it, with the bloody map and the military vest on the corpse, you both could assume this was after the world went to shit. 

Steve took a long look at the corpse, and the bones were not even showing yet. Some places only, but overall, this body had not been dead for that long. But this also meant that monsters had lurked around here, and you had to check everything quickly.

“Come on, let’s check the back.” You nodded at his command and you both walked behind the truck. The chain was still secured on the handles, so this meant no one had opened it before. You handed Steve the crowbar and he immediately got to work, trying to pry open the chains to no avail. You bit your lip nervously as you saw that he couldn’t break the lock away with the crowbar. It was massive. 

“Shit…” You looked around as Steve kept trying, only for you to disappear from his side as you rushed to the front. 

“It’s no use– Sunshine?” He turned around and looked to the side of the truck, seeing you fiddle with your fingers nervously, only for you to get inside the driver’s seat. He walked towards you and he saw you search on the corpse, inside the pockets of his vest. Your nose was scrunched in disgust at the smell of it, but you sighed of relief when you felt a big metal key inside the front pocket. 

You took it out and you finally saw the surname of the person laying before you. ‘Sullivan’. You gave a slow nod of respect, a thanks for keeping the key safe. You crawled out, showing the key to Steve as you took a deep breath of fresh air in your lungs.

“Well that was mortifying.” You said and he patted you on the shoulder with a smile on his face.

“See? Bravest out of the four of us.” He responded and you felt a sense of pride swell inside of you as he walked towards the back again, you following right behind him. You bit your bottom lip as you saw him open the lock. He looked at you once and nodded, to then finally rip the doors open.

Your eyes widened as you looked inside and you both stood in silence, in complete awe. It had… everything.

Gas, tanks of clean water, food, blankets, pillows, some generators, drinks, snacks– This wasn’t just a normal shipping container… This was meant for a community… 

“Holy fucking shit…” The curse came out of your lips instinctively and Steve nodded, his mouth open in shock.

“Holy fucking shit…” He repeated after you. You two looked at each other, and suddenly smiles broke on your faces, and you giggled as you both clashed into a hug, jumping with excitement, with happiness, with so much hope. His arms were around your waist as yours were around his shoulders. 

He twirled the both of you around, and when he did is when it dawned on you that it was your first ever true hug. He was hugging you. When he put you back down, he pulled away, but he didn’t let go of you just yet. His eyes locked with yours for a brief moment, your breathing heavy with excitement and there was something creeping up on him. Something that he shouldn’t even think about. Something that would just complicate things. 

His eyes drifted to your lips for a small second, before pulling away completely.

He directed his eyes back inside the truck and you were just standing there, watching him with your heart in your throat, blinking absentmindedly. What had just happened?

“How the fuck are we going to take most of this back…?” He asked and you snapped out of your thoughts, turning towards the truck again. You shrugged and turned your head to the side to look up at him.

“We know there are no monsters now… We slowly get the RV in… and… We have the lock, so we can just close it up until we reach Eddie and Nance and then come back.” You explained and he was surprised, looking at you, a grin on his lips that he couldn’t disguise.

“Now that’s a fucking plan.”

You both hopped into the truck first, looking for clothes and gladly you found some. You changed into dry and comfortable pants and shirts, putting the wet clothes inside the bags, knowing you won’t need them if Eddie brings the RV close. 

You could now move faster, the excitement and the thrill letting you reach the RV in 20 minutes. Nancy and Eddie were confused, because you had new clothes, but you couldn’t find anything for the road. That made Eddie elbow Steve a few times on the side, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively which only earned him a smack over the head. 

Nancy was skeptical about going into the city with the RV, but you two had promised and swore there were no threats for now. 

Imagine her surprise when she saw that you and Steve were right. There was nothing to be afraid of, and when Eddie and she saw what was inside the truck– They also couldn’t help but do a little dance themselves. 

Suddenly you were all just hugging each other, jumping up and down as if you had won the lottery and in this world, in this time, you did. This was the jackpot. Of course you couldn’t bring everything, there was no space in the RV, but you managed to put gas in the tank, get some gallon cans of it and save up, fill the water tank with the water barrels that were inside with a hose, lots of food, so much food. 

You found clothes, blankets, the pillows, and– Walkie talkies. You couldn’t believe your luck. Walkie-talkies, batteries, which Steve had already gotten some back in the sex shop, but you had walkie-talkies now. This would serve you all so much for the ones patrolling and the ones who stayed back in the RV. 

You stocked up pretty heavily, even charging the battery of the car with the battery of the truck. You spotted something that was secured in blankets, something fragile inside. You opened them to find– alcohol. Bottles of vodka, rum, whiskey… You grabbed some bottles, put them inside your bag, and looked at the three others who were still giggly with everything they were taking back to the RV.

And your eyes fell on Steve. Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at his profile. His wrinkles on the sides of his mouth as he laughed, the way his hair bobbed when he talked, the way he grunted whenever he lifted something heavy… And you realized something then. Something that hasn’t happened in a while for you.

You slept peacefully. No nightmares. No bad postures. No waking up in the middle of the night just because… All because you slept cuddled to Steve… Or maybe this would happen with anybody… But you looked at Eddie, wondering if you would have felt as calm, then at Nancy, and then back at Steve.

And your heart skipped a beat again.

Oh no...

☀︎

taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @pretentious-blonde @thecreelhouse @tvserie-s-world @thesickestqrmydcll @crispystarfishhottub @sophal22 @definitionwanderlust @talkativecarnation @mysticalwoolenfroglegs @ariesandwolves @mortqlprojections @sattlersquarry @sherrylyn0628 @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @micheledawn1975 @keepingitlokiii @littleromanoff2005 @sunshine-mrk @xxladymjxx

[stargirllanaa]

Death Grips - R.C

Dark!Frat!Rafe Cameron x f!reader

Warnings: Dv( physical abuse),NONCON, Mentions of Dv, Cheating, mentions of cheating, abusive relationship, gaslighting, manipulation, frat!rafe, blackmail, emotional abuse, underage drinking, he’s an asshole guys

Summary: inspired by ‘death grips’ by Etta Marcus/ After a messy break up with Rafe Cameron your freshman year of college, he can’t seem to leave you alone. Whether you’re awake or asleep

Series Masterlist

A/n: hey guys I haven’t wrote in so long but I had this idea in my head for so longgg, hope you enjoy cause this is a series!!<3

Part: I

……

It had been four months since you broke up with him, yet he still haunted every aspect of your life through your dreams. You were beyond tired of waking every morning with a pounding heart and a bed drenched in cold sweat from memories plaguing your mind. You always thought the most challenging part of a breakup would be the actual breakup, but it wasn't; no matter how hard you tried, you knew you would never forget the heartache Rafe put you through, and you had come to peace with that, what you weren't prepared for was his looming presence in your life even though he wasn't even physically present, that was the hardest part.

“You all packed up?” your mom asked, snapping you out of thought as she peeked through the crack of your door, only her eyes showing.

You had been so lost in thought that you had almost forgotten you were supposed to be finished packing up for school by now.

“Yeah...” you nodded as you quickly bagged up some remaining things that had sat on your bed.

“Well, almost,” you chuckled as your mom entered your room,folding up clothes to help you finish.

“Listen,” she said softly, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “I know you're really stressed about going back. "

You sighed as she spoke. Part of you felt guilty for the way things went last semester. You always tried not to blame yourself, but you couldn't help but feel like you put yourself in the situation, so it was your fault.

“But this year is going to be better, okay?” You simply nodded in response as she brought you in for a hug. “Freshman years like a trial run.” she giggled warmly.

You had never been in a serious relationship before Rafe. The two of you had started dating at the beginning of your freshman year.bYou met him in your psych class, which you had been failing horribly. It's not like you were stupid. You could easily understand the material if you tried, but you were lazy and didn't feel like it. You had to guess Rafe was failing too, because when your professor partnered the two of you up for your big midterm, which was 30 percent of your grade, you got 72 percent.

Although getting 72 percent wasn't exactly a grade to be proud of, it was enough to pass, and it seemed like a victory at the time. Rafe had this way of making even the most minor victories feel significant, and it was then that you started to see him in a different light. After the project, you both started spending more time together, studying, hanging out, and gradually, what began as a partnership for class grew into something more.

Your relationship with Rafe had always been complicated, to say the least. He was a junior, part of a frat, and you were just a freshman with like two friends, and everyone knew Rafe. So when you started dating it was cool that everyone started to know you.

Rafe was the worst, something you only fully recognized in hindsight. At first, his attentiveness felt like care, and it was easy for you to fall into his traps because you had never been with anyone else. but it quickly morphed into control. He picked who you could hang out with, what you could wear, and even how you spent your free time. You knew you didn’t like that but it was your norm.

Arguments between the two of you were frequent and intense, His yelling at you to “get away from him” turned into full-fledged pushes across the room. What started as him grabbing your wrist a little roughly turned into him using that exact grip to drag you across the cold floor as you kicked your feet, trying to get away. It was a classic case of an abusive relationship. Ignoring the red flags till they hit you in the face. Literally. The breaking point was when you caught him cheating on you mid-fuck.

It was devastating, not just because of the betrayal, but because it forced you to confront the reality of your relationship with Rafe. The breakup that followed was messy and painful, with Rafe oscillating between begging for forgiveness and blaming you for his actions. Not only were you heartbroken, but the stress of your relationship caused you to fail most of your classes, forcing you to have to retake them the whole summer.

So yeah, you were stressed to go back to school, not even stressed; you were terrified; after you and Rafe broke up at the end of last semester, you didn't leave your dorm for anything other than class, so you really didn't have to see him or interact with him. This year, you couldn't do that; the self-isolation would only worsen things and make you more depressed; you wanted to have experiences, go to parties, and hang out with your friends. The only thing was Rafe was a horrible boyfriend, so he had to be an even worse ex. Even though you wished and hoped that the two of you could just ignore each other and stay cordial, you knew Rafe better than that.

-----------

You sat in your dorm, headphones on, blasting music as you focused on finishing your English paper. Looking up, you glanced at your roommate Mia, waving you down and clearly trying her best to get your attention. Slightly giggling at her efforts, you paused your music, sliding the headphones off your ears.

“Oh my god, finally!” she mocked, sighing before sitting on the foot of her bed with a playful smirk.

“I've been trying to get your attention for 20 minutes!” the curly-haired girl exaggerated as she threw her head back.

“Oh, please! I haven't even been working on this for 20 minutes!” you bantered back, throwing your pillows at her.

“Yeah, right, like I believe that. Everybody knows that all you do is work all day.” Mia giggles playfully, throwing the pillow back at you.

She wasn't wrong. You had told yourself that this semester would be different; you would go out, make friends, and party, yet you were still glued to your dorm a month into it. You tried to push yourself; you really did, but the constant dreams about Rafe didn't help you feel better about potentially running into him.

“That's not true..” you awkwardly laugh as you nervously scratch your neck.

“Yes, it is,” the brunette slowly says, looking around as if missing something.

“No, it's-” you try to get out before being cut off.

“Then prove it.” Mia cuts you off, standing off her bed to walk over to you. “Zeta’s throwing tonight, and I don't wanna go alone.”

When Mia mentioned Zeta,Aka Rafes frat, your heart sank, but you tried to stay calm. The last thing you wanted was to end up at a party where he would almost certainly be, but Mia had no idea how bad things had gotten between you. She knew you and Rafe ended on bad terms, but she didn’t know the full extent of what you’d been through.

"Zeta?" you repeated, trying to mask your anxiety. "Why do you want to go there?"

Mia gave you a knowing smile, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Because Topper's been trying to get with me for weeks now, and he invited me tonight.”

Your stomach churned at the mention of Topper. He and Rafe were close, practically best friends, which meant Rafe would definitely be at the party. The idea of seeing him again, especially in a place that held so many bad memories, made you feel sick. But Mia had no idea how deep your anxiety ran, and to her, this was just about a fun night out and a cute guy.

"Mia, you know Rafe’s going to be there," you said carefully. "I just… I don’t know if I’m ready for that."

Mia’s face softened, and she shifted, leaning forward. "I know things didn’t end well, but you can’t let him keep you from living your life, right? You deserve to have fun, meet new people, and not let some jerk control how you feel."

You bit your lip, staring at the floor. She was right, in a way. You couldn’t hide forever. But the thought of being in the same room as Rafe, of possibly having to interact with him, made your chest tighten with fear. Mia had no idea just how bad things had been between the two of you. To her, Rafe was just a messy breakup, not a nightmare that still haunted your every step.

"I know, it’s just…" you trailed off, unsure of how to explain the weight of it all without giving too much away.

"Look, if it gets weird or if you feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave. I promise. But maybe this is your chance to show him that you’ve moved on, that he doesn’t have power over you anymore."

Her words hit you, and for a moment, you considered it. Maybe going to the party was a chance to reclaim something, to face Rafe without fear, and show him—and yourself—that he no longer had a hold on you. But a part of you still hesitated, the fear gnawing at your resolve.

"Okay," you said after a long pause, your voice barely above a whisper. "I’ll go. But if things get too much, we leave, no questions asked."

Mia’s face lit up, and she pulled you into a hug. "Yes! Don’t worry, we’ll have fun. We’ll stick together, and it’ll be fine. I promise.”

You forced a smile, trying to ignore the knot in your stomach as Mia rushed over to her closet to pick out outfits. You hoped she was right, that tonight could be a fresh start, but deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that being so close to Rafe again would stir up things you weren’t ready to confront.

--------------

The bass from the music thudded through the ground as you and Mia walked up to the Zeta house. Even from outside, you could hear the chaotic hum of voices and laughter mixed with the pounding beat of whatever random early 2000s white boy song was blasting through the speakers. Your nerves tightened with every step, and you had to remind yourself to breathe.

Mia seemed unfazed, practically glowing with excitement. She gave you a quick, encouraging smile as she adjusted her skirt. “Okay, we’re just going to have fun, remember? Topper’s probably already inside, and we don’t have to stay long if it gets too crazy.”

You nodded, though your heart was racing faster than you’d like to admit.

The front door was wide open, people streaming in and out like they were at some exclusive club. Mia grabbed your hand, pulling you inside with a grin.

The moment you stepped through the door, the atmosphere swallowed you. The smell of beer and sweat mixed with the sharp scent of alcohol. The dim blue lights illuminated the crowd of bodies packed together. It was overwhelming, and for a second, you considered turning around and leaving before anyone noticed you were there.

You thought you pregamed good, but apparently not good enough. The minute you looked around, you felt too sober to be there. Mia was already scanning the room, probably looking for Topper, as you tried your hardest not to scan the room and end up making any unnecessary eye contact with you-know-who.

“Oh, he's right there,” Mia yells over the loud music, reaching for your hand.

You tried your best to down the alcohol from the water bottle you and Mia had brought, the bitter taste burning your throat as she pulled you toward Topper. You knew the only way you'd make it through the night was if you drunk enough. Topper knew you, and you knew him—and you were almost sure he’d mention your presence to Rafe if he hadn’t already. This whole situation felt like a setup, a trap you’d willingly walked into.

When you finally reached Topper, you stood awkwardly behind Mia as she and Topper made small talk. You tried your hardest not to look at him; even though he wasn't Rafe, he was still a huge reminder of him, but every time you found yourself accidentally looking at him, he was already looking at you. You found it very strange, even looking at Mia a few times to see if she noticed. It sent a shiver down your spine; you already felt anxious about being here, but how he looked at you made it seem like he knew something you didn't.

Not long after Mia had been chatting with Topper, she turned toward you drunkenly with a big, mischievous smirk.

"Hey," she slurred slightly, leaning in close to you as if sharing a secret. “Topper wants to show me his room upstairs. You cool waiting for me here?" Her voice was filled with a mix of giddiness and anticipation.

Your stomach dropped a little, but you forced a smile, trying not to let your anxiety show. The last thing you wanted was to be left alone in a place like this, especially with the looming threat of Rafe showing up at any moment. But Mia was your friend, and she deserved to have fun.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, your voice sounding steadier than you felt. “I’ll just hang out on the couch or something.”

Mia’s grin widened, and she gave you a quick, sloppy hug. “You’re the best! I won’t be long, I swear.”

Before you could respond, she grabbed Topper’s hand and dragged him toward the stairs. You watched them disappear into the crowd, your pulse quickening as you realized you were alone in a house full of people you didn’t want to see.

You looked around, searching for a spot to sit. The couch in the corner seemed the safest option, so you headed that way, trying to ignore the unease creeping up your spine. Sitting down, you took another swig from your water bottle, hoping the alcohol would kick in soon and numb the nerves threatening to take over.

And it did; about 20 minutes later, you felt on top of the world. You had made it off your spot on the couch, made a whole new group of friends for the night, and started dancing like no one was watching, but someone was, and you started to feel it. The party's energy had begun to lift your spirits, and you felt freer than you had in a long time.

But then, in a split second, that sense of freedom evaporated.

It was as if you could sense him before you even saw him. That familiar tension gripped you as your eyes instinctively scanned the room, and there he was—Rafe, leaning casually against the far wall. His eyes were already on you, a predatory gleam in them, and your heart sank. You wanted to leave immediately. You looked down at your phone, immediately texting Mia that the two of you had to go. Your new friends even looked at you, concerned at the change in your demeanor, asking you what was wrong, and in your drunken state, you told them.

“My fucking ex is here, and he's staring at me!” you stressed to the group of girls over the blaring music.

“Girl, that's amazing! This is your chance to make him jealous!” one of the girls slurs with a glowing smile as she takes your hand. her comment earning nods and smiles of agreement from the rest of the group.

“No, you don't get it. He’s like crazy!” you whined as you looked down at your phone, waiting for a response from Mia. “and my roommate hooking up with his best friend.”

Sure, if Rafe was a regular ex, you would see him at a party and maybe be happy for a petty chance of revenge, but he wasn't a regular ex. You didn't even wanna interact with him yet intentionally piss him off, but you obviously couldn't just leave your friend, so you had to just try your best to ignore him, and you tried, but he made it pretty fucking hard.

He wasn’t alone. Surrounded by his friends, Rafe looked every bit the confident, cocky guy you had once fallen for, except now, that same confidence felt menacing. The smile tugging at his lips was more of a smirk that sent a chill down your spine.

He knew you had noticed him.

And as soon as he caught your eye, he kicked his act into high gear.

Rafe started laughing louder, nudging the guys around him like he was the life of the party. Every gesture felt exaggerated, every movement too calculated. He wanted to make sure you saw him and felt his presence as much as possible.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at that. It was sad that he was acting like this. I mean, how immature was he. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much seeing him affected you, so you turned away, trying to refocus on dancing and getting back into the moment. But it was too late. The room felt smaller and more claustrophobic, and no matter how much you tried to immerse yourself in the music again, you could still feel his eyes on you.

And unable to resist, you glanced back.

Rafe had taken it a step further now. One of the girls nearby had found her way beside him, blonde, tall, and obviously intoxicated. She pressed herself against him, laughing as she draped her arms around his neck. Rafe barely acknowledged her, his attention still fixed on you. It was deliberate.

Your stomach churned.

And then, as if to solidify his little performance, Rafe pulled the girl closer, gripping her waist. The girl giggled, clearly enjoying the attention, oblivious that she was being used as a pawn in Rafe’s sick game.

You tried to look away, but the weight of his gaze held you in place.

Then, without breaking eye contact, he leaned in and kissed her—slow, deliberate, and intense. His hands roamed her body as she melted into the kiss, all while Rafe's piercing eyes remained locked on yours.

It felt like a punch to the gut. The room seemed to spin, and you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe. He was doing it on purpose. Every touch, every movement, every second of that kiss was for you, to hurt you, to remind you of the control he used to have and still has over you.

And it was working.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Your heavy eye contact with Rafe was broken as you turned around to face Mia with teary eyes. You didn't say anything, but she clearly saw what was upsetting you from a mile away.

“Oh my god, he's fucking disgusting.” she gasped, looking directly at Rafe with disgust painting her face. “Let's go right now.”

On the walk back to your dorm, Mia went on and on about how what he did should confirm the breakup was the right choice and how he just did it to try and make you jealous, and you knew that. You didn't need her to tell you, but that didn't make you feel better. He had caused you enough pain, so much pain, so why was he still going? When would it be enough?

“How was Topper?” you questioned curiously, honestly hoping selfishly that he did something that would make her never wanna see him again.

“Horrible.” she cringed, mock gagging, waiting for your reaction.

Really?” you chuckled, trying not to beam from ear to ear.

“No, the dick was average, but he's hot,” she giggled, looking up as she reminisced on the hook-up. “But why were you so happy?” she full-on laughed, crossing her arms over her chest

--------------

“Have you seen Rafe?” you asked around the party, looking around every corner for signs of your boyfriend.

You were supposed to go back home for the weekend for a doctor's appointment, but your doctor actually canceled the appointment, so you stayed on campus instead. You had tried to call Rafe multiple times to let him know you were still at school, but he hadn't answered. You believed it was because the two of you had gotten into a fight that morning, and Rafe was known to give the silent treatment, so you thought you might as well just find him yourself if he wanted to play that game.

You navigated through the crowds of people, your heart racing as you called out to a few acquaintances, hoping one of them had seen Rafe. He had been so distant lately, and the tension between you from earlier that morning hung like a thick fog.

“Have you seen Rafe?” you asked one of his friends, who shrugged and waved you off, lost in a conversation. You sighed, the knot in your stomach tightening. The last thing you wanted was to spend the night worrying about where he was, especially after you fought.

“Maybe he’s in the back,” another friend suggested, nodding toward a dimly lit hallway. You nodded, grateful for any lead, and made your way in that direction, your pulse quickening with every step.

As you reached the end of the hall, the music faded slightly, replaced by the muffled sound of voices. The door was somewhat cracked. You could hear muffled moaning, grunting, and clapping. You gasped, hand clamping over your mouth hard. You didn't wanna believe it, you couldn't, but there was only one way to know. Hesitating momentarily, you leaned in closer, peeking through the small crack of the door. Your heart sank as you recognized Rafe’s frame as he fucked some blonde bitch from the back, and if seeing what could be his frame didn't confirm it was him, the “fuck Rafe that feels so good.” did.

You felt as if the world around you had come to a standstill. You knew your relationship with Rafe was far from healthy. Anyone could see that, but you never expected him to do it. To betray you in such a hurtful way. Your mind started to race. Had he cheated before? Was it the whole time? Did everyone know but you? How could someone treat you like shit every single day yet be the one to cheat on you? It wasn't fair, and to be honest, you felt embarrassed.

You turned and rushed away from the door, tears welling in your eyes and blurring your vision. You needed to escape this suffocating atmosphere. As you moved back into the main party area, you tried to shake off the weight of what you had just witnessed, but it clung to you like a heavy blanket.

You stumbled into a group of your friends, busy dancing and laughing, oblivious to your turmoil. One of them, noticing your teary face, hugged you. “Hey, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I’m fine,” you lied, forcing a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. But deep down, you were anything but fine. You felt hollow, betrayed by someone you trusted more than anyone else.

As you moved to the crowd's edge, hoping to catch your breath, you couldn’t shake the image of Rafe with that girl. How could he do this to you?

You grabbed your phone, fingers trembling as you dialed his number, your heart racing at the thought of confronting him. But it went straight to voicemail.

------

“y/n!” You woke up to Mia shaking you awake, your heart beating out of your chest, and your sheets dripping in sweat. “God, are you ok?” she chuckled with a worried undertone.

“Y-yeah... Yeah, I'm fine.” You yawned, looking at your roommate with a mixture of confusion and anxiety. That was the third time you had that dream since the party. You didn't realize how much seeing Rafe kiss that girl really affected you until you went to sleep the next day.

“Well, it's 9:30; breakfast closes in 30 minutes,” Mia informed you, staring at you, waiting for a response or some form of movement to show your getting up. “That means let's go.”

Every time you had a nightmare, it made you lose your appetite the following day, reminding you of how you felt during that time. In fact, it made you lose the urge to do anything, and the nightmares did come more often than not. So when you made your way to the dining hall, you only planned to get a small bowl of cereal and maybe some fruit.

You and Mia sat down next to each other, opting to eat there. You had faced your fear of going to the dining hall multiple times, never seeing Rafe there, and everything went smoothly until it didn't.

“Oh my god, Toppers here.” Mia gasped, eyes sparkling with excitement as she made eye contact with him and waved.

You looked up, confused as to why he was even at the dining hall when you knew his frat had better food than the campus could ever provide, let alone why he was there ten minutes left before it closed, but it clicked when you saw Rafe right behind him with an empty plate in hand. Part of you felt like they were there to antagonize you, but at the same time, you felt that thought was semi-narcassistic because why would they go through all the effort. But it was Rafe, and this was all a game to him; it was fun to him.

As Topper approached, Rafe lingered just a bit behind, his blue eyes scanning the room with that familiar cocky smirk plastered across his face.

“Hey, ladies,” Topper said, his tone light and teasing. He leaned against the table, completely at ease.

“Hey, Top.” Mia chirped, seemingly oblivious to the tension hanging in the air.

Rafe finally stepped forward, his casual demeanor masking the intensity beneath.

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, shooting you a sideways glance.

You hesitated but finally nodded, wanting to keep the peace for Mia’s sake. “Yeah, sure.”

He slid into the seat beside you, and for a moment, the conversation flowed easily. Rafe leaned back, looking relaxed as he chatted with Mia and Topper. You tried to focus on your cereal, but his presence loomed over you, reminding you of everything you wanted to forget.

“So, what’s everyone up to later?” Rafe asked, his gaze flickering between you and Mia. “Got any fun plans? Or is it just another boring day in paradise?”

You rolled your eyes slightly, hoping to brush off the comment. “Just studying,” you replied, trying to keep your voice light.

“Like always?” Rafe smirked, leaning closer, his tone teasing but laced with something sharper. “You know, I thought you’d be over us by now. Seems like you still care way too much.”

The comment hit you like a punch in the gut, and honestly, it was weird to you that he even noticed you'd been glued to your dorm. It just showed you that he was still hung up on you. Your heart raced, anger bubbling to the surface. “Wow, really? You think it’s about you?” you snapped, the words slipping out before you could think twice.

Rafe shrugged that infuriating smirk still plastered on his face. “I mean, it’s not like I’m the one who’s still depressed about it,” he replied, his tone smooth dripping with amusement at the fact he was getting to you.

“Unbelievable,” you said, standing up abruptly, the chair scraping loudly against the floor before You gathered your breakfast—cereal, fruit, and all—and headed toward the trash. You tossed it all into the bin. “Enjoy your breakfast,” you called over your shoulder, the disbelief mixed with fury driving you forward as you stormed out.

-----------------------------

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[joemama-2]

velvet lies

pairing: gojo x fem reader synopsis: crippling debt and possible evictions have ruined you. working two jobs with no downtime, and a five-year-old son, you really don't know the meaning of taking a break. after continuous questions about his father, you have decided to finally let your son meet his dad. only thing is, he has no idea said son exists. and to top it off, you have not a single clue about what kinds of things will transpire from this sudden revelation. wc: 12.7k (huhhhhh?) tags/warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, fluff, romance, alcohol, classism, mom! reader, lying, abuse, MAJOR angst, slow burn, exes to lovers, (mentions of) cheating, scandals, death, blood, drugs, drama, family drama, miscommunication, blackmail, unhealthy coping mechanisms , depression, manipulation, mentions of miscarriage a/n: smidge more angst, delves more into yns internal thoughts & feelings series masterlist < previous chapter < next chapter

“Sa…” you can’t even find it in yourself to finish that sentence, to utter his complete name. As if afraid that when you do, it’ll be like summoning some sort of demon. Only this time, it’s the father of your child—same thing.

He looks as shocked as you, if not more so. His eyes widen and then narrow in a rhythmic movement that makes you scared, anticipating whatever utterance will fall from his pretty lips. If only you could go back in time and deny even the thought of going on this whatever with Mr. Ito. Maybe then you could’ve been spared, at least given some time to mentally prepare yourself for seeing the face of the man who has been practically haunting you for five years. Maybe then, he wouldn’t look so…different. 

“Ms. Y/N?” Mr. Ito’s confused voice snaps you both simultaneously out of the small staring contest you were just in. When Satoru finally acknowledges the other man, you can see a small tick on his eyebrows. Mr. Ito—well he’s not dumb. Every feature of Satoru reminding him of a small, much younger someone who happens to be in his kindergarten class. “O-oh…is this…do you two…know each other?”

What do you even say to that? Yes? No? Maybe so? It’s all so fucking confusing and complicated, but Satoru seems to save you. “And who are you?” he asks, voice flat and calculating. His eyes dart between you and Mr. Ito, like he’s trying to silently gauge what’s going on between you two. His analytical skills always seem to put you off, so you look away. 

“Um…well, I’m Ms. Y/N’s son’s teacher. Nice to meet you.” Mr. Ito slowly explains, putting on a timid smile, outstretching his tan hand towards Satoru.

To no surprise, Satoru doesn’t reciprocate the welcome gesture. He is instead, clenching his fists by his side. You can see his jaw tick from your peripheral, as if he’s doing his damned hardest not to blow the hell up right now. “Are you now?”

Mr. Ito, caught in the middle of something he has no business in, glances around awkwardly. A weird chuckle leaving his mouth, lowering his hand back down to his side. “Um, yes, sir.”

“Funny,” Satoru laughs, though there’s no humor laced in it. He looks back down at you. “Very funny,” Satoru adds, his voice light, almost conversational. His sharp blue eyes flick from Mr. Ito to you, then back again, but there’s a glint in them you recognize all too well—calm, composed, and dangerous.  

Mr. Ito doesn’t seem fazed, meeting Satoru’s gaze with polite confidence. “Yes, we were just discussing some things regarding her son,” he says, his tone smooth and professional. There’s a flicker of curiosity in his expression, though, as he glances between the two of you, clearly piecing things together.  

“Were you now?” Satoru’s lips twitch into a faint smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He then casually pulls out a chair from the table and sits, resting one arm on top of it as if he has all the time in the world. “And what kind of things are we talking about?”  

With every second that passes, you feel yourself grow closer and closer to pissing your pants. You know exactly what he’s doing, it’s the calm before the storm. Satoru is great at saving face, but after knowing him so intimately, you know his true intentions and feelings. But still, you’re too frozen in place to stop it all before it gets out of hand. 

“Well,” Mr. Ito replies, still composed but he spares a look at you before continuing. “Just a few concerns regarding his talkativeness.”  Mr. Ito keeps it vague, still a little on edge by this sudden change of events. 

Satoru lets out a low hum, nodding slightly. “Oh, he talks a lot, does he?” he says, his tone almost too soft, too soothing. His eyes slide to you, lingering just long enough to make you squirm. “And that’s become a problem?”  

Mr. Ito nods. 

Satoru smiles, arms crossing and one leg crossing over the other. “Must be a little troublemaker, he seems to take after his mom.”

The subtle barb stings, but you force yourself to keep your expression neutral. Mr. Ito, seemingly oblivious, smiles warmly. “Hah, well, I’m not sure who he takes after.”

“Correct.” Satoru simply responds. 

Mr. Ito pauses then continues. “But, She’s an excellent parent,” he says, glancing your way. “We’ve had a few chats during pick-up. It’s always nice to see someone so involved in their child’s education.”  

Satoru’s smile tightens ever so slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching as he leans forward just a fraction. “It is nice, isn’t it?” he says smoothly, his voice calm but edged with something you can’t quite name. “I mean, a teacher like you must see all kinds of parents. You’ve really taken the time to notice Y/N, haven’t you?”  

Mr. Ito hesitates for the first time, sensing the subtle shift in Satoru’s tone. “Well, I try to be passionate about connecting with all the parents of my students,” he replies, still polite but less certain now.  

Satoru’s smile doesn’t falter. If anything, it widens slightly, though his eyes remain cold. “Of course,” he says, leaning back as if completely at ease. “You’re just doing your job. Going above and beyond, I see.”  

You can feel the tension radiating off Satoru, even if he’s doing his best to appear calm. It’s in the way his fingers tap against the table in a measured rhythm, the way his gaze sharpens with every word.  

“Satoru,” you interject quickly, trying to defuse the situation before it escalates. “Can we ta—”  

“Oh, just a second,” he holds up a long finger, regarding you with such simplicity in a way that makes you feel inferior. Eyes not moving from Mr. Ito’s. “I mean, I should probably be involved in this conversation too, no? Considering I’m the—what do you call it?—Oh, right, father.” 

You gulp hard. Mr. Ito once again shifts his position, hands awkwardly clasping together. 

“Anywho,” Satoru switches back to the subject at hand. “Passion’s a good thing. As long as it’s directed where it belongs, of course.”  

The remark hangs in the air, heavy with implication. Mr. Ito moves uncomfortably but keeps his polite demeanor, clearing his throat. “Well, I should probably get back home, I have some things to grade,” he says, glancing at his watch. “It was nice meeting you, Mr.…”  

“Gojo,” Satoru finishes for him, his smile razor-sharp. “The pleasure’s all mine.”  

Mr. Ito nods, grabbing his jacket he put on the back of his chair. “Goodbye, Ms. Y/N. I'll see you on Monday.” He still has the audacity to give you a warm smile before leaving the cafe, the bell dinging following his departure. 

After a second or two, Satoru’s calm facade finally cracks, his jaw clenching as he exhales slowly through his nose. You brace yourself, knowing that the real conversation is about to begin. The way his eyes scan you up and down in an analytical way makes you feel naked. “And look at you,” he huffs, head tilting in a patronizing way. “Silent and jittery like a little mouse. If I didn’t have other things to say, I’d say you look quite pathetic.”

Blow number 1, there he goes already. Though, you can’t find it in you to rebuttal that. Scared to say anything, honestly. There’s a pause as Satoru picks apart every little thing about you inside his head. You might have felt better hearing it out loud instead of being stuck on the silent end of the stick. Eventually, you find your small amount of courage. “Satoru…”

“Oh, look. You do my name. Thought you would have forgotten it after all the sneaky shit you seem to have been doing these past few years.”

“Can we please talk?” You ask, voice laced with desperation. 

“Hm?” His eyebrow raises. “We’re talking right now, right? Why don’t you sit down?”

Hell no. You bite your lip, hands trembling by your sides. “Please, somewhere private.”

“What makes you think you deserve anything right now?”

He’s right, really right. You probably deserve shit with the lies and deceitful nature you’ve been harboring these years. But, can’t he have at least a little bit of sympathy for you? He has no idea about the shit you’ve been going through all this time by yourself. And while yes, you do feel guilty, he should be still trying to address the situation in an adult-ish manner. “Satoru…please. We shouldn’t talk here, let’s just…go somewhere more quiet.”

Satoru mulls over your words, a part of him wanting to drag this out even longer and make you more uncomfortable. You deserve it. But, you’re also right. So, he takes in a deep breath, stands up, and motions his head towards the door in a silent command. Without wasting a second, you turn around and walk out of the cafe with him hot on your tail. Intending to lead him to the secluded park that you and Koji frequently visit because there’s not a lot of foot traffic. Although your ideal spot would be indoors, you can’t exactly lead him to your apartment right now—not that you want to, anyway.

It’s only a few minutes of walking, but the entire time feels horrible. He stares at the back of your head, eyes roaming down to your back, legs, and then ass. In that specific order. Satoru’s always saved the best for last, and while checking you out should be the last thing on his mind, staring at your ass will at least somewhat calm him down. You’re not stupid either, it’s like you can feel his eyes shamelessly darting about. However, that’s the least of your worries right now.

You see the familiar bench in the distance, taking a seat. He sits beside you, leaving a considerable distance between your bodies. There’s another silence, this one feeling more suffocating. It suddenly hits you that you’re about to do this—about to have this conversation with him, own up to all your bad deeds. You have to, no more hiding. You gulp down the lump in your throat before speaking, “I know this is all probably…really bad. I know you’re mad at me, you have every right to be.”

Satoru doesn’t respond right away, leaning back on the bench with an air of nonchalance that contrasts starkly with the storm brewing in his eyes. He tilts his head slightly, his gaze fixed on the horizon, as if giving you the floor—but the weight of his silence feels heavier than any words he could’ve said. “Mad?” he finally repeats, his voice low and deceptively calm. He turns to you, a bitter smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

You wince, his words cutting deeper than you expected. Your hands grip the edge of the bench, knuckles turning white as you scramble for the right thing to say, the perfect way to explain yourself—but nothing feels sufficient. Nothing ever will. “I know,” you whisper, forcing yourself to look at him even as shame threatens to make you shrink away. “I know I should’ve told you—about Koji, about everything. I was just… scared. I didn’t know how to handle it, and—”

“Don’t,” he interrupts, his tone sharp enough to slice through your excuses. His gaze pins you in place, icy and unrelenting. “Don’t you dare try to justify it. You made the choice to keep my son from me. For five years.”

The raw anger in his voice makes your chest tighten, guilt clawing at your insides. “I didn’t do it to hurt you,” you plead, voice trembling. “I swear, Satoru, I thought I was doing what was best—”

“For who?” he snaps, his calm facade slipping for a brief moment, revealing the frustration bubbling underneath. “For me? For Koji? Or just for you?”

You flinch at his words, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. “For Koji,” you choke out. “I wanted to protect him. There’s—there are reasons why I didn’t…..” your voice trails off, unable to get the remaining part of your excuse out. But it’s true. You had—have—your reasons. And while most people still might not consider it good enough or justifiable, you truly believed what you did was for good. 

Satoru lets out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair as he looks away, shaking his head. “Reasons?” he mutters, almost to himself. “And what, you think keeping my son a secret all because of ‘reasons’ makes this situation any better? Are you that fucking stupid?”

“No, no, I…know it won’t make anything better,” you whisper, voice barely audible. “I know that. But back then, I just… I just thought that…he wasn’t ready for your world, like I’m not.” By world, you mean quite literally that. Satoru grew up spoiled, his inner elite circle is all he’s ever known. Responsibilities at such a young age, responsibilities no child should face. Expectations, public display, people constantly butting their heads in your business, you have absolutely zero privacy. Satoru would vent to you about that, and you knew—just knew—you couldn’t put your innocent baby boy through that. There’s a class divide between you and Satoru, the main reason as to why you two broke up in the first place. 

His jaw tightens, and for a moment, you think he’s going to lash out again—but instead, he exhales sharply, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “You didn’t even give me a choice,” he says quietly, his voice laced with hurt. “You decided for both of us. For him.”

The weight of his words crushes you, the reality of your actions settling in your chest like a stone. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, tears finally spilling over. “I’m so, so sorry, Satoru. I just… I didn’t know how to face you.”

He doesn’t respond immediately, his head bowed as if he’s trying to gather his thoughts. When he finally looks up, his gaze is softer, but no less intense. “Do you have any idea what it’s like,” he murmurs, “to find out you have a son—your son—after all this time? To realize you’ve missed everything?”

Your heart breaks at the pain in his voice, and you reach out instinctively, your hand hovering over his before pulling back, unsure if he’ll accept your touch. “I know I can’t fix this,” you say, voice shaking. “But I want to try. I want to make things right. For you. For Koji.”

Satoru studies you for a long moment, his piercing gaze searching your face for something—truth, regret, maybe even hope. “Making things right?” he echoes softly. “You can’t make this right. Because you did something so fucked up, I think I’m starting to hate you.”

“I don’t expect you not to,” you say, sniffling as you wipe your eyes. Now’s the time to be transparent.

“Tell me,” he commands, looking at you with an unrecognizable face. “Tell me every single fucking reason why you thought what you did was okay. Then maybe—only maybe—I’ll decide how we should move forward from this.”

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I thought I was doing what was best for Koji,” you repeat softly, though the words feel hollow even to your ears. “Your world, Satoru—it’s suffocating. The spotlight, the responsibilities, the pressure... I didn’t want him to grow up with that. I didn’t want him to be molded by something he never asked for. I–I just wanted him to have a normal childhood growing up, something you weren’t able to have…”

He stares at you, unblinking, his expression unreadable but his jaw visibly tightening.

“And then... there was us,” you continue, your voice faltering slightly. “We had just broken up, and I—I didn’t think you’d want to settle down with a kid so soon after everything. I didn’t think you were…ready.”

His eyes narrow, sharp, and cold. “So you assumed I wasn’t ready, just like you assumed it would be better to keep him from me?”

“It wasn’t just that,” you say quickly, the tremor in your voice betraying your desperation. You let out a shaky exhale, willing yourself to continue, even though it’s getting harder to breathe. “After the miscarriage... I couldn’t handle the idea of telling you I was pregnant again. I was terrified, Satoru. Terrified of losing him too, and what that would do to both of us. I thought... if I kept it to myself, maybe I could protect him, protect us from that pain.” The words of your past are extremely hard to get out. You vowed to yourself to never even utter or think of the word miscarriage ever again, though that’s hard to do when you’re explaining yourself. It was hard, so fucking hard for you. No words or exercises can prepare you for the pain of having a child, just like nothing can prepare you for the pain of losing one. It happened two years into your relationship, and although it was completely unexpected and accidental, you felt something in your bones that told you to keep it.

Satoru tried, as hard as he could, though you’re not sure that means a lot. You could see the exhaustion and fatigue in his face, feeling guilter by the day for wanting to keep it. While he never explicitly voiced out getting rid of it, you knew he wouldn’t be upset if you did. That alone was the start of your relationship’s downfall. Maybe it was your own version of stress, anxiety, and whatever else you were going through back then, but you lost it. Your body wasn’t strong enough to house and grow a production of your love, which you hated yourself for. Maybe even a small part of you started hating Satoru, thinking about how happy he must have been behind his soothing words and even more soothing hugs. You thought how ecstatic he must be, lying straight to your face after crying with you. Of course, you never voiced these malicious feelings out either. The memories you’ve locked away for years now come crashing through your defenses, spilling out into the open where they can’t be ignored.

You remembered the nights spent curled up on the bathroom floor. The heavy blood clots, mixed with strong abdominal pain. Sobbing silently so Satoru wouldn’t hear you, your hands pressed to your stomach like you could keep your child safe just by willing it. But it hadn’t been enough. Nothing you did was enough.

The moment you’d lost your first child, a part of you had shattered beyond repair. The guilt was unbearable, the self-loathing even worse. A horrible thing for a twenty-one year old to experience; for any woman to experience. Every reassuring word from Satoru felt like a lie, no matter how sincerely he meant them. It’s almost like you could see the shadow of relief in his eyes when he thought you weren’t looking, the slight easing of tension in his shoulders that felt like a betrayal even though you couldn’t blame him for it. 

It had eaten away at you, little by little, until the mere thought of being pregnant again felt like a cruel joke. You’d failed once—what if you failed again? When you saw the test, you didn’t cry out of happiness. You cried out of fear, choking on your sobs as the weight of the decision pressed down on you. Keeping Koji meant risking everything again—your heart, your sanity, your relationship with Satoru, already frayed and stretched thin. Could you go through that pain again? Could he?

You didn’t think you could, and that thought was what finally broke you. Because if you couldn’t handle it, how could you expect Satoru to? You’d already seen the exhaustion in his eyes, the way he’d tried so hard to comfort you when he was barely holding himself together. And the truth that you never said out loud, the truth you could barely admit to yourself, was that you didn’t believe he’d want to try again.

You were terrified he’d ask you to get rid of it this time. Or worse—he’d do what he did last time: try to be there, try to support you, while secretly wishing for a way out. You couldn’t handle the idea of hearing him say it. You couldn’t bear the thought of watching his love for you chip away under the strain of something neither of you was ready for.

So you decided. Alone. After the break-up. That is when you found out, after all; three weeks later.

You told yourself it was for Koji. That keeping him away from Satoru’s world—the world of power, expectations, and relentless spotlight—was what was best for him. You told yourself it was for Satoru, too, because he deserved to live his life without being shackled to a family he might not have wanted. But deep down, you knew it was also about you. About your own cowardice, your fear of rejection, your inability to face the possibility of losing everything again.

Sitting here now, with Satoru’s eyes burning into you, the weight of your decisions feels unbearable. The excuses you clung to for so long sound hollow, even to you. But they were your truths at the time, however twisted and fragile they might have been. “I thought I was protecting all of us,” you whisper, your voice cracking under the strain of holding back tears. The words hang in the air, raw and exposed, as you finally let yourself feel the full weight of the choices you made and the people they hurt.

Satoru feels his world pause when you mention the traumatic event you both went through. His stomach twisting in a disgusting feeling, a hint of bile rising in his throat. Memories, painful memories playing on repeat in his mind. He even feels the familiar tickle at his eyes, blinking rapidly to avoid any pour out.

Then, for a moment, his gaze softens, just a flicker of something raw and unguarded crossing his face—but it’s gone as quickly as it came. “So…by protecting, you decide to hide it, him, everything from me. You decided I didn’t deserve to know him,” he says bitterly. “That I didn’t deserve to be there for him—or for you. Did you just think that I wouldn’t be the man I was supposed to be towards my children? You didn’t give me a second chance, to—to prove to you we could’ve done this, together. You…You didn’t even give me a chance, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t just about you,” you snap, the frustration bubbling up despite your guilt. “I was scared, Satoru. Scared of rejection, of what your family would think, of how we’d even make it work with everything stacked against us. I didn’t have your money, your power, your family name. I was just... me. And I didn’t think that would ever be enough.”

His brows furrow, and you can see him processing your words, his fists clenching at his sides. “You think I care about any of that?” he asks, his voice low and dangerous. “You think I’d let a class divide or family politics get in the way of being there for my son?”

“I didn’t know what you’d do,” you admit, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions. “You were so far out of reach, Satoru. And after we lost... after everything we went through, I didn’t think you’d want to try again. I thought it’d be easier for you—easier for both of us—if I just disappeared.”

“Easier?” he repeats, his voice rising slightly, his calm facade threatening to crumble. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve hated myself for the last five years? For losing you? For wondering what could’ve been?”

You blink at him, startled by the crack in his voice, the sheer vulnerability in his words.

“You didn’t,” you whisper. “It wasn’t you, Satoru. It was me. I was scared, and I made the wrong choice. I know that now. I know I can’t fix this, but I want to try. For Koji’s sake. For your sake.”

He leans back slightly, exhaling sharply as he runs a hand through his hair. The silence between you is deafening, the weight of everything you’ve said hanging heavily in the air. “Do you know what I’m feeling right now?” he says finally, his voice quieter but no less intense, “How it feels like to find out you have a son you’ve never even met, to know you missed his first steps, his first words, his entire life so far? And why? Because you took that from me.”

Tears spill down your cheeks, but you don’t wipe them away. “I know,” you whisper. “I know, and I’m sorry. I was selfish. I thought I was protecting him, but I was just protecting myself.” 

Satoru looks at you for a long moment, his piercing gaze searching your face for something—truth, regret, maybe even hope. Finally, he exhales, his shoulders sagging slightly. “You’ve done a lot of damage, Y/N,” he says quietly. “And it’s going to take more than an apology to fix it.”

You nod, wiping your tears away. “I’m not asking for forgiveness, Satoru. I’m just asking for…a chance to make things right.” Your head lowers, vision blurry as you focus on your trembling hands in your lap. 

He doesn’t respond immediately, his gaze shifting to the horizon. “This isn’t about you and me anymore,” he says after a long pause. “It’s about Koji. And I’m not going to let you shut me out of his life again.”

“I wouldn’t,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “I–I swear, Satoru. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. For him.”

Satoru lets out a slow breath, standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. “Then let’s start now,” he says, his tone firm. “Take me to him.”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the reality of the situation sinking in. This is only the beginning—and there’s no turning back. “H-he’s at home.”

“So take me there.”

You stand, fumbling with your words. “I…I can’t just have you two meet out of nowhere, I have to tell him in advance.”

His lips purse, and downturn into another frown, a look that lets you know he’s this close to stop being lenient with you. However, he concedes. “Tomorrow. Here.” 

“Whe–”

“Ten in the morning, I’ll leave my meeting early.” he glances at the pristine, gold watch on his right wrist. “Give me your number, in case you try to run and lie again.”

A pang of hurt flies through you, though you can’t blame him for being cautious. Even if that cautiousness is riddled with snide remarks and insults. He gives you his phone, to which you go to contacts and place your new number in, marked by your name. Without another word, he pockets his phone. When he looks at you for one last time, it looks like it hurts, like he’s forcing himself to. After a second, he turns around and walks away, leaving you to your own devices. 

Letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, you sit back on the bench, head in your hands and lightly tugging at your strands of hair. Things still don’t feel right. You know you two still have a lot more to say to one another, unspoken words being your enemy. It’s far from over, actually. 

But at least you two have come to a small conclusion, for now. However, you don’t know how tomorrow will go. You can only hope you don’t cry too much, and that Koji and him will get along well.

Still, you can’t help that lingering sense of anxiousness. Is it okay for you to feel this way? To be wary? Or are you stretching your already little luck?

The walk back home feels boneless and empty. Taking your time, going through small detours, and whatnot. You get back home after a few hours, it’s already twelve in the afternoon. Regarding Sana with a muttered greeting and haphazardly giving her her money. When she leaves, you’re left alone. Koji’s surprisingly down for a nap. Usually, you would question why he’s sleeping this early in the day, but you could honestly use the peace and quiet right now. You could use it every day, actually. 

You sit on the small, worn-out couch. Letting your body sink into the thin material, head leaning back against the cushions. You’re in your mind again. It seems like every day is more exhausting than the last. As the saying goes, you learn something new every day. And today, one of the things that surprised you most was how Satoru said he’s been miserable in these past five years. He missed you? He hated himself for losing you? Then why didn’t he fight for you? Why’d he just stand there and take everything? If he really wanted you, he would’ve begged you to stay, he would’ve come up with some solution to your deteriorating relationship. Unless he said all that now just to make you feel even more shitty. You don’t know what’s right anymore.

 The thoughts spiral like a storm in your mind, each one crashing into the next without pause. The quiet apartment, usually your refuge, feels stifling now. The weight of everything Satoru said—and everything he didn’t—presses down on you like a heavy fog. You pull your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as if it could keep the memories and doubts at bay. It doesn’t. His words replay in your mind, over and over.

"You think I’d let a class divide or family politics get in the way of being there for my son?"

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to find out you have a son you’ve never even met?"

It’s not just his anger that haunts you; it’s the pain you saw flickering behind his icy facade. You knew it would be there, but experiencing it firsthand feels nauseating. Satoru Gojo wasn’t the type to wear his emotions on his sleeve, but in those fleeting moments, his vulnerability was almost unbearable to witness.

Still, you start to wonder. Why didn’t he fight for you? That thought burns the most. It’s a question that’s lingered in the shadows of your mind for years, one you tried to bury under the weight of your choices and responsibilities. The truth is, you don’t have an answer. Maybe you never will.

You glance at the small coffee table, littered with Koji’s coloring books and the half-empty mug of coffee you didn’t finish this morning. It feels like a snapshot of a life you’ve tried so hard to hold together, but now the cracks are impossible to ignore. You think of Koji, sleeping soundly in the other room, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing in your chest. He’s your anchor, the one thing that’s kept you grounded all these years. But now, with Satoru back in the picture, everything feels uncertain. 

A part of you wants to believe he meant what he said—that he missed you, that he hated himself for losing you. But another part of you wonders if it’s just anger talking, a need to lash out and make you feel as miserable as he does. The exhaustion pulls at you like a tide, and you let your head fall into your hands, groaning softly. You want to scream, cry, or maybe just disappear for a while. But none of that will solve anything. You can’t rewrite the past.

The soft hum of the refrigerator fills the silence, a dull reminder of the life you’ve built here, brick by fragile brick. And now, in just a single morning, Satoru has shaken the foundation of everything you thought you knew.

You sigh heavily, forcing yourself to stand. There’s no use drowning in your thoughts. You glance at the closed door to Koji’s room, then at the kitchen. Maybe you should prepare something for lunch. Maybe you should sit down and write out everything you’ve been feeling, like the therapist you saw briefly after Koji’s birth suggested.

But instead, you just stand there, frozen in place, as the weight of your choices and the uncertainty of what comes next presses down on you. He’s gonna meet his dad. Koji’s finally getting what he’s wanted after so long, after so many curious questions. You think about how happy he might be, a little shy at first, but he’ll grow to become best friends with his dad. Bitterly smiling, you walk to the kitchen, forcing open a locked cabinet. You pour an unknowing amount of small white pills in your palm, dry swallowing them to quell your monstrous cluster migraine. The pills burn slightly as they go down, a sharp reminder of how raw your nerves are. You grip the edge of the sink, your fingers curling into the cold metal. The thought of Koji meeting Satoru feels like a knife with two edges—one gleaming with hope and the other with fear. 

Once Koji wakes up, you’ll need to have a talk with him. Koji’s been asking about his dad for as long as he could form the words. His innocent curiosity, his longing, had always been a reminder of the choices you made, and now…now, you’ll have to confront what those choices mean for him.

He’ll most likely be jumping off the walls, but…you start hoping he doesn’t. You imagine his face lighting up when he sees Satoru—those wide, curious eyes sparkling with excitement and the kind of joy you could never quite give him on your own. That should make you happy, shouldn’t it? He deserves to have both parents in his life. But the thought of him bonding with Satoru, looking up to him, and maybe even loving him more than you…that thought digs into your chest like a splinter. You hate how petty and small it makes you feel. 

You’ve done your best, haven’t you? You’ve given everything you could, sacrificed so much, and tried to shield him from the harshness of the world. But Satoru has something you can’t give—a life free of constant worries, opportunities Koji can only dream of, and a charisma that pulls people in like gravity. It’s stupid, you know it is. But you start worrying that Koji will begin to prefer Satoru over you. That he’ll find more comfort and happiness in a parent he just met than the one who’s done everything she could. 

But that’s the thing. 

Maybe your everything, your all, it just wasn’t enough. It still isn’t enough. Because while you’re giving Koji the bare minimum, you can’t do the littler things. Vacations, buying him toys he loves that he constantly sees on TV, newer clothes and not the thrifted kind, going out to eat dinner. None of that, and more. 

You glance at the clock. Koji will hopefully wake up soon. There’s no more time to wallow in your thoughts. You rinse your hands under the cold water, hoping it’ll steady the tremor in them. "This isn’t about you," you remind yourself firmly, staring at your reflection in the window above the sink. The woman staring back looks older than her years, her eyes heavy with exhaustion and worry. But beneath all of that, there’s still love—a fierce, unrelenting love for the boy who’s about to have his world turned upside down. You can’t control how Koji feels about Satoru, just like you couldn’t control how things fell apart between you and him. But you can control how you navigate this moment, for Koji’s sake.

You take a deep breath, forcing a smile that feels like it might crack your face. When Koji wakes up, you’ll talk to him. You’ll answer his questions, help him prepare, and do your best to hide your own fears. Because this isn’t about you.

"It’s about him," you whisper, as if saying it out loud will make the truth easier to accept.

“What I say, baby, I want you to listen well, okay? Can you do that for me?”

The young boy nods and grins. “I can listen, Mama,” he admits proudly. 

You should also probably bring up the issue Mr. Ito expressed to you, but that’s for another time. Also, you feel as if you weren’t getting the full story there. Whatever, that’s for another time. You steel yourself, choosing the correct words to say. “So, you know how Papa is always busy?”

He nods.

“Well,” you continue, taking his much smaller hand into yours, presenting a warm smile. “Papa won’t be busy tomorrow.”

He gasps, already seeing the twinkle form in his eyes, and you feel a tad jealous at how happy he’s already getting. “He is?!”

“Mhm,” you nod back. “Do you want to see Pa—”

“I wanna see Papa!”

He cuts you off, causing your jealousy to momentarily skyrocket. You catch yourself before the feeling twists any further, biting down the sharp edge of jealousy threatening to creep into your tone. This isn’t about you—it’s about Koji. It’s always been about Koji. “That’s great,” you say, forcing your smile to stay steady, even as a part of you aches at how easily he lights up for someone who’s been a ghost in his life until now. “But, Koji, baby, you need to listen to me first, okay? Seeing Papa is a big thing, and we need to talk about what that means.”

He tilts his head, the excitement in his eyes dimming just a little as he picks up on the seriousness in your voice. “Is it gonna be like when we see Uncle Ren?” 

Your heart twists at the innocent comparison. Ren, for all his faults, has been one of the only constants in Koji’s life outside of you. But no—this isn’t like Ren. This is his father. Ren’s the nicer, older man who runs the sweet shop down the corner. He always greets you two with such warmness, even giving Koji a free lollipop most of the time. 

“Not exactly,” you say carefully. “Papa is... someone very important. He’s not like Uncle Ren. He’s your family, Koji. Your real family.”

He blinks, trying to process your words. His little brows knit together in confusion. “So... he’s gonna stay with us?”

You feel your stomach drop at the question. You hadn’t prepared for this. You hadn’t thought about how to explain that Satoru isn’t coming into Koji’s life as a permanent fixture—not yet, at least. How do you tell a child something so complicated when it’s barely something you’ve figured out yourself? “Not right now,” you say gently, squeezing his hand. “But he’s going to start spending time with you. He’s been waiting a long time to meet you, Koji.”

“Really?” His face lights up again, his tiny frame vibrating with excitement.

“Really,” you confirm, though your voice feels thick. You clear your throat, forcing the emotion back down where it belongs. “But when you meet him, you have to be on your best behavior, okay? No running around like crazy or talking over people.”

“I’ll be good!” he promises, practically bouncing in his seat. You hope so. More than anything, you hope this meeting is what Koji dreams it’ll be. That he gets to see the man who is half of him and feel nothing but joy.

But as you watch his wide, excited smile, your stomach churns with doubt. Will Satoru disappoint him? Will Koji’s expectations crash under the weight of Satoru’s complexities? Or worse, will Koji grow to love him so much that he stops looking at you the same way?

You push the thought away, leaning forward to kiss Koji’s forehead. “I’m proud of you, baby,” you murmur, even as the ache in your chest refuses to subside. “And I’m so excited for you to meet Papa.”

Koji giggles, his little arms wrapping around your waist in a hug so pure it threatens to undo you entirely. You hold him close, pressing your cheek to his soft hair, and try to anchor yourself in this moment—this fleeting, fragile peace—before tomorrow comes and changes everything. As Koji pulls back, his eyes are gleaming with uncontainable joy. “Do you think Papa likes dinosaurs?” he asks suddenly, his voice pitched with excitement. “I can show him my dino book! And my drawings too!”

Your lips twitch into a soft smile despite the heaviness sitting in your chest. “I think he’ll love them, Koji,” you say gently. “But remember, it’s okay if Papa doesn’t know everything about dinosaurs. You can teach him, right?”

Koji nods eagerly, his little hands fidgeting as if he’s already planning how he’ll show off his collection. “I can teach him all the big words, like pachy... pachycephalosaurus!” he declares proudly.

Your laugh is small but genuine, breaking through the weight of your thoughts. “That’s a big word, alright,” you say, ruffling his hair. Koji’s excitement is infectious, and for a moment, you let yourself bask in his enthusiasm. It’s easier to pretend that everything will go smoothly, that tomorrow won’t bring possible complications you can’t predict or control. But as he bounds off to his room, presumably to organize his dinosaur books and drawings for tomorrow, the silence that settles over the apartment again feels excruciating. You glance toward the kitchen, where the locked cabinet hides the pills you’ve been relying on far too often these days. For a moment, the thought crosses your mind, unbidden: Would it even matter if I wasn’t enough anymore?

You shake your head sharply, disgusted with yourself for even entertaining it. No. You have to be enough—for Koji, if nothing else.

Sighing, you push yourself off the couch and move toward his room. You lean against the doorframe, watching as he carefully stacks his books into a neat pile, his little hands moving with purpose. “Koji,” you call softly, and he looks up at you, his face lit with the same pure joy it’s always had.

“Yeah, Mama?”

“I just...” You hesitate, the words catching in your throat. I just love you so much. It feels too simple, too heavy all at once. Instead, you force a smile. “I think Papa’s really lucky to have you.”

Koji beams, his smile wide and toothy. “And you, Mama!” he says, matter-of-factly, before returning to his project.

You linger for a moment longer, letting his words wrap around your heart like a fragile thread. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring—if it’ll heal or shatter you further—but for now, you let yourself hold on to the hope in his voice. Because like always, Koji is your guiding light in a world so dark, he’s the hand that pulls you out when you’re sinking too deep. If you begin to question your love for even yourself, your love for him is enough to keep you going. 

Today’s a little more warm than usual, though that doesn’t say a lot considering it’s winter and the air feels crispy; still sunny. You hold your son’s hand, guiding him along the sidewalk and to the inevitable meeting spot between father and son. You left a little early; it being 9:30. It feels slightly calmer within your mind, probably because Satoru isn’t here yet. 

You sit with Koji on the bench, letting him find placement on your lap. Adjusting his red beanie and gloves. “Are you excited, Koji?”

“I’m really excited, Mama. do you think Papa will like me?”

You coo. “Of course he will. Papa already loves you.”

“Really? Even though he’s never seen me?”

Koji beams at your words, his small hands tugging at the ends of his gloves as if to keep himself busy. “Do you think he’ll play with me? Maybe dinosaurs or tag?” His little backpack is full of things he wishes to show his father, most of them being either dinosaur or car-related. 

You smile softly, stroking his cheek. “I think he’ll play whatever you want. Papa will want to get to know you, Koji. You’re very special to him.”

His grin widens, and he leans into your touch, the warmth of his trust settling heavily on your chest. You wish you could bottle this moment—his innocence, his excitement, his unshakable belief that everything will turn out fine.

The minutes pass as you and Koji wait for Satoru, the latter being more excited than the other. Finally, the sound of footsteps crunching in the frosty grass pulls your attention, and your heart skips. You glance up and see Satoru approaching, his tall frame unmistakable even from a distance. His coat flutters slightly in the breeze, his pace steady yet reluctant, as if he’s as nervous as you are. He’s wearing sunglasses, per usual. A voice in the back of your mind berates him for that fashion choice. “There he is,” you murmur, nudging Koji gently.

Koji hops off your lap, his tiny hand still clutching yours tightly. He squints toward the approaching figure, his expression a mix of curiosity and awe. “Is that Papa?”

You nod, your throat tightening. “That’s him, sweetheart.”

As Satoru comes closer, his steps slow, his gaze fixed on the little boy beside you. His expression is unreadable—somewhere between wonder and hesitation, like he’s trying to process the reality of seeing his son for the first time.

“Koji,” you say softly, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Say hello.”

Koji looks up at Satoru, his shyness momentarily overtaking his excitement. “Hi, Papa,” he says, his voice small but filled with hope.

Satoru stops a few steps away, his hands shoved in his coat pockets. His usual cocky demeanor is gone, replaced by something softer, almost vulnerable. His blue eyes flicker to you briefly before settling on Koji. “Hey there, little buddy,” he says, his voice quiet. He crouches slightly to Koji’s level, offering a tentative smile. “You must be Koji. I’m Satoru.”

Koji nods, gripping your hand tighter. “That’s me. Are you really my Papa?”

Satoru chuckles, though there’s a faint crack in the sound. “Yeah, kid. I am.”

Koji’s face lights up, and he lets go of your hand to take a step toward Satoru. “Mama said you love me already. Is that true?”

For a moment, Satoru seems at a loss for words. His gaze softens, and he nods, his voice rough with emotion. “Yeah, Koji. I do. I’ve always loved you.” The boy beams, closing the remaining distance to hug Satoru’s waist, his little arms barely wrapping around it. Satoru freezes for a second before carefully putting his hand down, his large palm resting gently on Koji’s back.

Your chest tightens at the sight, and you quickly look away, blinking back the tears threatening to spill. This is their moment, you tell yourself. A moment you’ve waited so long for, no matter how bittersweet it feels.

Koji pulls his head back, a wide and toothy smile as he regards his father. His head tilts, staring at his own reflection within the tinted shades of the glasses before Satoru reaches and pulls them over his head. It’s like a mirror, almost uncanny how similar the two look; you seem like an outsider. There’s an unspoken moment as the two continue to look at each other, as if finally saying this is really him. Their eyes are like when you place two mirrors in front of one another.

Satoru’s lips twitch upward into a faint smile as he holds the glasses out, letting Koji’s small fingers curl around the frame. “Here, try them on,” he says, his tone light but carrying a hint of something deeper—an unspoken acknowledgment of their connection.

Koji’s eyes widen with delight, and he eagerly slips the oversized glasses onto his face. They sit crookedly on his nose, far too large for his small frame, but his grin stretches even wider. “Do I look cool, Papa?” He asks as the glasses slide down his nose.

Satoru laughs softly, a sound that feels warmer than you expected. “Cooler than me, for sure. Guess I have to step up my game now.”

The boy giggles, and you watch the interaction with a bittersweet ache in your chest. This is what you’d imagined all those nights when you wondered how the two of them would get along. The way Koji lights up under Satoru’s attention is both heartwarming and a painful reminder of what’s been missing. Koji pulls the glasses off and holds them out to Satoru. “Here, you can have them back. Mama says sharing is nice.”

Satoru takes them, sliding them back over his forehead. His gaze briefly flicks to you, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face before he looks back at Koji. “Your mama’s right. Sharing is pretty nice.”

You clear your throat, feeling like an intruder in their growing bond. “Koji,” you say softly, “how about we sit down for a bit?”

Koji nods eagerly, pulling Satoru’s hand as he moves toward the bench. Satoru lets him lead, his expression softening as he glances down at the boy. It’s a strange sight—Satoru, who’s always seemed larger than life, brought down to such an intimate moment. As they sit, Koji climbs onto the space beside him which is in between you two, his legs swinging with restless energy. “Papa, do you like dinosaurs? Mama says I know a lot about them!”

Satoru leans back, crossing his arms as he smirks. “Dinosaurs, huh? Bet you’re smarter than me already. You’ll have to teach me everything.”

“I can do that!” Koji declares proudly, bouncing slightly in his seat. Satoru hums, his gaze shifting to you again momentarily. There’s an unspoken question in his eyes, as if silently acknowledging the effort it must have taken to bring this moment to life. It’s gone before you know it. 

You offer a small, shaky smile, unsure if it’s enough. But for now, it seems to be all you can give. Koji digs into his backpack, pulling out his dinosaur drawings and books. Koji’s small hands fumble with the zipper of his backpack, his excitement palpable as he pulls it open and begins rifling through its contents. “Wait, Papa! I gotta show you something!” he exclaims, his voice bubbling with enthusiasm.

Satoru leans forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees, curiosity piqued. “Oh yeah? What’ve you got in there, buddy?”

Koji triumphantly pulls out a stack of slightly crumpled drawings, held together by a paperclip, and a well-worn dinosaur book with a cracked spine. “These are my favorite! Look!” He spreads the drawings out on Satoru’s lap, pointing at each one with his little finger. “This is a T-Rex—it’s the king of dinosaurs. And this one’s a Triceratops! It has three horns, see?”

Satoru’s gaze moves over the colorful scribbles, a mix of crayons and markers. He chuckles, tapping the corner of a particularly fierce-looking dinosaur. “This T-Rex looks like it’s about to eat someone. You’re a pretty good artist, Koji.”

Koji beams, his chest puffing out with pride. “Mama helped me with some of the colors!”

You can’t help but smile at the way he gives you credit, even as you hover a few inches away. “He did most of it himself,” you say, your voice softer than you intended.

Satoru glances at you, his expression unreadable, before turning back to Koji. “You’re really into dinosaurs, huh? You know, I think I might need some lessons. I don’t know much about them.”

Koji’s eyes widen. “You don’t? Oh, Papa, I know so much! I can tell you all about the Velociraptor! They were super smart and super fast, like this!” He hops off the bench and runs a small circle in front of them, his arms tucked close like claws.

Satoru laughs, leaning back and watching his son’s animated movements. “Fast, huh? Guess I’ve got a lot to catch up on. You think you can teach me everything in one day?”

Koji stops, his hands on his hips as he considers the question. “Maybe two days,” he says with a solemn nod, as though he’s made a grand concession.

“Deal.” Satoru holds out his pinky, and Koji eagerly hooks his smaller one around it.

You watch the scene unfold, a lump forming in your throat. It’s a simple, tender moment—a glimpse of what could have been all these years. The sight of Satoru interacting so effortlessly with Koji stirs something deep within you: a mixture of relief, regret, and longing. For now, though, you let it play out, quietly holding onto the hope that maybe—just maybe—this is the start of something better.

Watching Satoru and his little carbon copy switch from topic to topic so animatedly, laughing practically in the same tone, hopping up from the bench and making their way over to the playground a few feet away where they play tag and other parently things, it’s bittersweet. Their voices overlapping with excitement, is nothing short of surreal. They laugh at the same things, sounding so bright, carefree, and unrestrained. It’s uncanny how similar they are, from the sparkle in their eyes to the animated gestures they make when they’re especially engrossed in a story.

Satoru follows Koji without hesitation. His long legs make exaggerated strides as he pretends to struggle to keep up with Koji’s smaller but determined ones. They dart toward the playground a few feet away, the father pretending to stumble dramatically as Koji tags him with a triumphant giggle. “Gotcha, Papa!” Koji exclaims, hands on his hips in victory.

Satoru clutches his chest, feigning defeat. “Oh no! You’re too fast for me! How am I ever gonna catch you now?” Koji’s laughter fills the air, high-pitched and unbridled, and Satoru’s laughter follows—louder, but just as genuine. They move seamlessly into other "parent-y" things: Satoru helps Koji up onto the monkey bars, playfully pretends to lose at rock-paper-scissors, and even kneels in the dirt to “help” Koji build a small castle from wood chips and fallen leaves.

It’s poignant.

On one hand, this is what you always wanted for Koji: the joy of having his father present, the sense of belonging that comes with it. Seeing them together, it’s clear they’re already forming a bond—one you never doubted they’d have. But on the other hand, it’s a painful reminder of what could have been. Of all the moments you and Koji missed out on, of the milestones, Satoru wasn’t there to witness. It feels like watching a puzzle finally fall into place, except you’re the piece that doesn’t quite fit.

You sit on the edge of the bench, arms crossed tightly over your chest, trying to focus on the joy radiating from Koji rather than the ache in your heart. The past five years feel heavier than ever as you watch them, your mind flipping through memories of bedtime stories, scraped knees, and birthdays spent alone. You did your best, but sitting here now, it feels like it was never adequate.

Satoru glances over his shoulder at one point, catching your eye. There’s something obscure in his expression—maybe it’s a touch of hesitation, or something softer. For a moment, you hold his gaze, unsure of what to say or do. Then, Koji calls his name again, and he’s pulled back into the moment, grinning as he lets the boy climb onto his back for a piggyback ride.

You smile faintly, blinking back the sting in your eyes. This is for Koji, you remind yourself. This is for him. Even if it hurts, even if it feels like you’re standing on the outside looking in, it’s worth it for him. Always for him. Because at the end of the day, no matter what his parents are going through, he needs Satoru just as much as you, and vice versa.

What if he starts needing Satoru more? Fathers and sons always have that special bond that can’t be replicated by mother and son, it’s like how daughters and mothers have a relationship like no other. Fathers and sons, they always seem to share a unique connection, one that feels effortless and almost predestined. The kind of connection you can never quite replicate, no matter how hard you try; and daughters naturally gravitate toward their mothers, a coalition that feels like it was written into their DNA.

But Koji’s all you have.

What if he starts asking for Satoru more? What if this new relationship between them becomes so strong, so unshakable, that you’re left standing on the sidelines? A shadow of the parent you’ve always tried to be. The thought sends a jolt of panic straight through your chest, cold and unrelenting.

What will you do then? No, you think, that can’t happen. It won’t. 

You shake your head, trying to banish the thought as quickly as it came. That can’t happen. It just can’t happen. You’ve been there for every scraped knee, every bedtime story, every nightmare that needed soothing. You’ve carried the weight of being both parents for five long years. There’s no way Satoru can just step in now and take your place, no matter how effortlessly he seems to connect with Koji. But that was because you chose that, a voice in your head reminds you.

Still, is it bad to hold your son this close to you? Fearing that he’ll be ripped away from you before you can even blink? Is that co-dependence? To want to shield him from a world that feels like it’s constantly trying to take him away from you? Is it selfish to want to keep him tethered to you, even as you know he deserves the freedom to explore this new relationship with his father?

You swallow hard, your hands fidgeting in your lap. Maybe it is selfish. Maybe it is in fact co-dependence, this need to keep him as close as possible, as if letting go even a little might mean losing him completely. But how could it not be? He’s been your everything for so long, the only light in a world that’s often felt impossibly dark. You glance at the playground again, watching as Satoru spins Koji around in his arms, both of them laughing like they’ve known each other forever. And maybe they have, in a way. Maybe some part of Koji has always been waiting for this, for his father to finally show up and fill the space you couldn’t. Wait, you know he’s been waiting for this. 

Your chest tightens, and you force yourself to take a steadying breath. This isn’t about you. It never was. Koji deserves this, and you owe it to him to put aside your fears and let him have it.

Even if it feels like it’s breaking you apart in the process.

It’s been a few hours and if possible, it’s like Koji and Satoru are best friends. That’s good, right? Satoru has always been a charming person, one you could easily find comfort in. You’ve lived that. Koji’s sweating by the time he comes over to you. “Drink water,” you gently instruct, handing him his small Spiderman water bottle, and wiping at his sweaty face and neck with the sleeve of your coat.

“Energetic little boy,” Satoru sighs in mild exhaustion as he comes over. He seems to be sweating too, cheeks flushed a nice red, chest heaving up and down. He undoes another button on his casual button-down, giving you a view of his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. You catch yourself staring too intently and look away before he can say anything. 

He notices.

“Mama, Papa is so fast. I wanna be fast like him.” Koji breathes out, smiling at you, his cheeks red in similarity to his dad. 

With a light chuckle, you take his water bottle back once he’s done. “You’re already fast, Koji. But when you grow up into a bigger boy, you’ll be really fast, maybe even faster than Papa.”

“Hey,” Satoru cuts in, giving you a frown that teeters on the line of a playful pout. “He’s not there yet, let’s cross that bridge when we get there.” 

The word let’s makes your stomach twist a bit. A reminder that he does want this, he does want Koji, he does want to be a father. You entertain the idea of him wanting you, before quickly shuffling that away. 

“Papa, are you coming home with us?” Koji innocently asks, unaware of the way his two parents simultaneously stiffen. The question hangs in the air like a weight, heavy and unrelenting. Koji’s wide-eyed innocence is almost cruel in its purity, completely unaware of the way his words have sliced through the fragile peace you and Satoru have been clinging to.

Satoru’s eyes dart to yours, his expression unreadable, though the slight twitch of his jaw betrays his tension. You can feel his gaze searching for some kind of answer, some indication of how you want him to handle this. But how could you possibly guide him when you don’t even know what to say yourself?

You force a smile, though it feels more like a grimace, and gently brush Koji’s hair back under his red beanie. “Papa has his own home, sweetheart,” you say carefully, your voice soft but firm. “He’s not coming home with us today.”

Koji’s face falls just slightly, but he doesn’t argue. Instead, he looks back at Satoru, his small hands clutching the hem of his sweater. “Can I see Papa again?”

Satoru crouches down to Koji’s level, his long fingers lightly ruffling the boy’s hair. “Of course, you can,” he says, his voice warm and reassuring. “I’m not going anywhere, buddy. You’ll see me again real soon.”

The promise is sincere, and it makes something in your chest ache. For Koji’s sake, you want to believe him. You want to believe that Satoru will keep his word, that he won’t somehow put his work over his own son. But a small, bitter part of you—the part that remembers how he let you go so easily all those years ago—can’t quite let go of its doubts.

Koji seems satisfied with the answer, his smile returning as he hugs Satoru tightly. “Okay! I’ll see you soon, Papa!”

As Satoru hugs him back, his eyes flicker to you over Koji’s shoulder. There’s something there, something unspoken but heavy. Guilt? Hope? Regret? You can’t tell, and you’re not sure you want to. When they finally pull apart, Satoru stands, his hands slipping into his pockets as he looks down at you. “I’ll walk you both back,” he offers.

You hesitate, your first instinct to decline, but Koji’s excited cheer cuts you off. “Yes! Papa can come with us!”

And just like that, you’re outnumbered. You force another tight smile, nodding as you gather Koji’s things. “Alright,” you say quietly.

The three of you set off together, Koji happily chatting away as he skips in front of you, completely unaware of the tension simmering just beneath the surface. Satoru walks close enough that his shoulder occasionally brushes against yours, each touch sending an unwelcome jolt through you. 

It’s a painfully wistful image, the three of you walking together like some semblance of a family. But deep down, you know it’s just that—an image. A fleeting moment in time that doesn’t change the years of distance and pain that still stretch between you and Satoru. And yet, for Koji’s sake, you try to hold onto it just a little longer. Even if it hurts.

The closer you get to your apartment, the more the houses look a little run down. Trash on the streets, beat-up cars, the way the number of people slowly dwindles down as if they know not to cross an unspoken line of the city. You suddenly feel extremely self-conscious; you know Satoru is having internal questions. 

You live here?

Is this even a safe neighborhood?

You’re raising my son in some place like this?

He stays quiet, but you know he wants to say something. He has to want to. Because Satoru was given everything growing up, all in pristine condition. He’s never had to worry about whether those were fireworks or not, he’s used to the kind of neighborhood where your neighbors are mowing their lawns at seven in the morning, greeting everyone in a happy way. 

The tension is stifling, stretched thin by the unspoken judgment you feel radiating off Satoru. You don’t dare look at him, your eyes fixed on Koji’s little form skipping ahead, blissfully unaware of the tension simmering behind him. Your cheeks burn with shame, and you hate yourself for it. This is your reality, your life. You’ve done everything you could to provide for Koji, and while it may not be perfect—or anywhere close—you’ve kept him safe, fed, and loved. But under Satoru’s unspoken scrutiny, it suddenly feels like none of that is enough.

He’s used to opulence, to security, to the kind of life where struggle is nothing more than an abstract concept. What could he possibly know about living paycheck to paycheck, about stretching every dollar, about the fear of your son asking for something you just can’t afford?

Still, his silence grates on your nerves, each step you take toward your apartment building making the tension in your chest tighten like a vice. When he finally speaks, his voice is calm, measured—but you can hear the edge in it, the careful restraint. “You’ve been here the whole time?”

You stop walking, Koji a few feet ahead now as he fiddles with a crack in the sidewalk. Turning to Satoru, you feel your stomach churn at the unreadable look on his face. His hands are still stuffed in his pockets, his posture casual, but his piercing blue eyes burn with an intensity that makes you feel exposed.

“Yes,” you answer, lifting your chin slightly as if that could shield you from the vulnerability creeping up your spine.

“And this is where you’ve been raising Koji?” There it is. The question you knew was coming, coated in a thin veil of curiosity but laced with something deeper—concern, maybe even disappointment.

“Yes,” you say again, your voice firmer this time. “This is where we’ve been.”

Satoru lets out a slow breath, his gaze sweeping over the street, the cracked pavement, and the graffiti-stained walls. “It’s not exactly... ideal,” he says carefully, though the criticism in his tone is unmistakable.

Your fists clench at your sides, a rush of defensiveness coursing through you. “I know it’s not ideal,” you snap, your voice low but sharp. “But it’s what I could afford. It’s where we’ve made a life, and Koji is happy here. Isn’t that what matters?”

His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t respond. Instead, he looks at Koji, who’s now crouched down and inspecting a dandelion sprouting from a crack in the sidewalk, blithely unaware of the storm brewing between his parents. Satoru then sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not saying you haven’t done your best,” he says, his voice softer now. “But...he deserves better than this.”

The words hit you like a slap, and you take an involuntary step back, your heart sinking into your stomach. “You think I don’t know that?” you hiss, your voice trembling. “You think I don’t hate myself every single day for not being able to give him more? I’m doing everything I can, Satoru. Everything. And if that’s not good enough for you, then maybe you should’ve been here sooner.”

“Then maybe you should’ve told me sooner,” he’s quick to quip back. 

Well, you walked right into that one, didn’t you?

The silence that follows is deafening, and for a moment, the two of you just stare at each other, the weight of years of pain and resentment hanging heavy between you. 

Koji’s voice breaks the tension, cheerful and oblivious. “Mama, look! A flower!”

You force a smile, blinking back the sting of tears as you walk over to crouch down to Koji’s level. “It’s beautiful, honey,” you say, brushing a hand over his soft hair. “Just like you.”

Behind you, Satoru says nothing, but you can feel his eyes on you, heavy with something you can’t quite name. And as you take Koji’s hand and lead him toward your building, you can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, and what this moment means for the three of you.

You three finally get to the poor excuse of an apartment lobby, making your way to the elevator that always makes questionable sounds. Once inside, you press the 3 button, and you’re off. The doors creak shut and the small, dingy light above flickers during the ascent. During this time, you wish Koji would mask the awkwardness with his childish nature. Too bad he’s pretty tired from playing til his heart’s content, leaning his cheek against your arm. 

The elevator hums and groans as it ascends, the sound filling the uncomfortable silence that hangs between you and Satoru. Koji’s small, warm weight against your side is a comfort, but it’s not enough to dispel the tension. You steal a glance at Satoru, who stands a step away, his hands shoved into his pockets as he leans against the elevator wall. His expression is unreadable, his blue eyes fixed on the faintly glowing numbers above the doors.

You wonder what he’s thinking. Does he regret coming? Is he silently judging everything—the elevator, the building, you? You hate how self-conscious you feel, how his presence has peeled back layers of armor you didn’t even realize you had put on. Koji shifts against you, mumbling something incoherent. You brush a hand over his head, smoothing down his messy hair, and whisper, “Almost home, sweetheart.”

Suddenly, there’s a sound of a ding. Followed by another. And then another. And then another. Confused, you glance over at Satoru who subtly pulls his phone out to glance at his home screen, a frown pulling at his lips. You can’t see who’s texting, but it looks and sounds like a lot. You know you have no right asking, but you can’t help but speculate about who’s blowing up his phone, and why he looks so annoyed by it. And why he also looks like he’s trying to hide the phone from your view. 

The elevator jerks slightly as it reaches the third floor, and Koji stirs, blinking up at you sleepily. “We’re here?”

“We’re here,” you confirm with a small smile, gently nudging him upright.

Satoru stuffs his phone away again as the doors creak open, revealing the dimly lit hallway beyond. The carpet is worn and the walls are scuffed. You promptly feel another intense wave of embarrassment. You’ve grown used to this place, its imperfections blending into the background of your daily life, but seeing it through Satoru’s eyes makes you painfully aware of every flaw. “This way,” you say, your voice tight as you step out, leading them down the hall.

Koji perks up a little, his steps are more energetic as he tugs on your hand. “Papa, wait till you see my room! I have dinosaurs everywhere!”

“I can’t wait,” Satoru replies, his tone light and easy, but there’s something in his eyes as he glances around. He’s taking it all in—the peeling paint, the faint smell of dampness, the creak of the floorboards under his expensive shoes. You stop in front of your door, fishing your keys out of your pocket. The chipped paint and tarnished doorknob seem to scream your insecurities aloud.

“This is it,” you say quietly, unlocking the door and pushing it open.

Koji rushes inside, his earlier fatigue forgotten as he kicks off his shoes and heads straight for his room. “Wait here, Papa! I’ll show you my dinos!”

Satoru lingers in the doorway for a moment before stepping in, his gaze sweeping over the small living room. It’s cluttered but clean, with Koji’s toys and drawings scattered here and there. The couch is worn, the coffee table scratched, and the kitchen in the corner is cramped and outdated.

“It’s... cozy,” Satoru says after a moment, his tone careful.

You bristle instinctively, crossing your arms over your chest. “It’s what I can afford.”

“I didn’t mean—” He stops, exhaling softly. “You’ve done a good job, really. Koji’s happy. That’s what matters.”

You study his face, searching for any trace of condescension or pity, but all you see is sincerity. It catches you off guard, and you look away, busying yourself with tidying up. Satoru takes a few steps further into the room, his gaze lingering on one of Koji’s drawings taped to the wall. It’s a crayon depiction of you and Koji holding hands under a smiling sun. Next to you, there’s an empty space, as if waiting for someone to be added.

He doesn’t say anything, but the slight tightening of his jaw tells you he’s noticed.

Koji rushes out with his toy dinosaurs, holding them up for his father to take. The two move to the couch, the weight of Satoru causing it to creak weirdly. Once more, Koji is giving his father a lesson about dinosaurs, their names, and what they were like—even what sounds they made.

“Do you want a drink?” you ask, looking over to the kitchen. “I have water and some juice.”

He looks up momentarily. But just as he’s about to answer, his phone rings, this time a call. The three of you look down at his phone, Koji tilting his head in confusion before focusing on making his dinosaurs fight again. However, you’re a little more focused. Seeing a name, a woman’s name, accompanied with a picture of your ex kissing a woman you’ve never seen before.

You feel your muscles stiffen, a tug at your heartstrings. As if he notices your behavior from his peripheral, he locks his phone and lets it ring, putting it back in his pocket. “Sorry.” is all he mutters before looking at Koji. “Hey, buddy.”

Koji looks up at him. “Mhm?”

“Papa has to go home now, I have work to do,” Satoru responds slowly.

“You work today? But Mama doesn’t.”

The older of the two nods. “I know, but it’s special work.”

“Special?!”

“Special.”

“Okay!” Kojis nods, grin widening. “When will you come again, Papa?”

Satoru hesitates for a moment, his eyes moving to you, then back to Koji. You notice the brief pause, the weight of his words hanging in the air. He doesn’t look at you directly, but you can feel the shift in the space between you both. “I’ll come back soon, buddy,” he says finally, ruffling his hair affectionately. “I’ll see you again. We’ll play more, alright?”

Koji’s eyes light up, and he nods vigorously. “Okay! We’ll play dinosaurs again!” His excitement bubbles over, as if nothing has changed, as if the uncertainty of the last few minutes never existed.

Satoru smiles, ruffling Koji’s hair. “You’re the best, Koji.” He stands, looking over to you now. There’s an awkwardness that lingers, like the space between you two is suddenly filled with things unsaid.

“Thanks for letting me come by and meet him,” he adds quietly, the words sincere but tinged with something you can’t quite place. His gaze flickers down to his phone again, but it’s almost as if he’s avoiding it now, like he knows the reminder of what’s going on in his life is right there.

You nod stiffly. “Of course. Thanks for spending time with him.” Your words feel distant.

Satoru turns towards the door, his steps slow. “I’ll text you about when I can come back,” he says, his voice a little more subdued than before. He opens the door, then stops, his hand resting on the handle. “Take care of him. And yourself.”

You can’t tell if the last part is meant to be comforting or a reminder, but you nod anyway, your own thoughts swirling. With that, Satoru steps out, and the door closes behind him. You hear the faint click of his shoes as he walks down the hall, and then everything goes quiet.

Koji is already back to his dinosaurs, chattering to himself, completely unaware of the complexities unfolding in the space between his parents. You stand in the living room, your gaze lingering on the spot where Satoru had been, a thousand different emotions crashing inside you. The woman’s name on his phone, the kiss, the way he shut down the moment you noticed—it all gnaws at you, but you don’t know how to confront it. How do you even begin to ask? And what would it change, anyway? Why do you even care in the first place?

You take a deep breath and walk over to where Koji is playing, forcing a smile for his sake, trying to push everything else to the back of your mind. For now, it’s just you and him, and that has to be enough.

a/n: can you guys tell i love ominous endings? ^--^

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