#chase barely being able to keep his balance for 2 seconds

[wheredidalltheusersgo]

So um.

Projects my PE class experiences onto Chase.

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 14 Summary:

The road to Jackson had been difficult, lives and bonds having already been tested, but nothing could have prepared you for this. When a petty fight and a subsequent make up session turns into the fight of your lives, will either of be able to escape?

Warnings: Angst, Abandonment Issues, Fluff, Hurt & Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Cults, Blood Sacrifice, Smut, Oral m&f receiving, Breeding Kink!Joel (u can't change my mind on that), Joel Def Has Needed a Hug Since Like 2003, Reader Having Major Anxieties About the Future.

A/N:

Hello my loves, we're back! Missed y'all, I've been putting my whole coochie into this one so prepare yourselves.

This week, the road to Jackson continues. This one is a little heavy on the violence, as different sort of group is introduced to reader and Joel. So if that bothers you, please err on the side of caution. Along with that, some talk about reader's former group(cult) so if there's some religious trauma lurking inside, maybe sit this one out. As always, take care of yourselves and you could always message me for sparknotes later haha. Aside from that, I do feed y'all with some smut too! Gotta have balance ya know :)

Let me know what you think! Enjoy <3

Chapter 14/20

Chapter 14: The Road to Jackson Pt. 2

The second the beaten up truck had crossed over state lines into Wyoming, an anvil of stress had been placed on Joel’s shoulders. Despite the finish line being in sight, it was like he couldn’t breathe without you within arm’s reach. It had been four days since the daring escape from the library in Montana and he had been stuck to you like glue ever since. He was almost manic in the way he chased after you, never allowing you to take a single step without him directly behind you. 

At first it was sweet, albeit a little annoying, but you allowed it because of how scared he seemed. Joel had sobbed, actually sobbed, into your chest before he promptly passed out from the exhaustion of it all against your shoulder. After driving for the entirety of the day, hoping desperately that the signs you followed were somewhat accurate. Did the Jackson community that Joel’s brother lived in, actually reside in the bones of where Jackson county used to be? Was it somewhere nearby? You weren’t sure, but following the blocked letters on the faded highway signs was preferable to waking the man that snored into your ear. 

Once the sun was long gone from the sky and the road became barely visible to your tired eyes, you finally pulled off into a weigh station for transport trucks. Parking behind the small building where the department of transportation had once surveyed the area, you peered out the windows. An abandoned transport sat across from you, but there was no sign of whoever had been driving it twenty years prior. Nor was there any sign of life from the brick building to your left that looked like it had a hole blown into the side of it. With no reason to put it off any longer, you finally bit the bullet and woke Joel up. 

Joel had woken with a start, as you knew he would, which he quickly tried to pass off as a stupid dream. He laughed when you tried to pry at first but all it took was a sideways glance and a sassy, “are you fucking serious Joel?”, for him to break. He sighed, explaining how he was terrified of losing you, despite the constant reassurances that you were fine.

“I just won’t do it, I can’t do it baby. I’ve lost so much and this…,” Joel trailed off, rubbing mindlessly at his chest with his clenched fist. 

“This is a lot,” you finished for him. 

He nodded, his big brown eyes making your heart ache inside your chest. Biting your lip to keep it from trembling, you hummed in acknowledgement. What could you say to quell his fears? This situation, the situations that came before that one, and the one before that, were all a lot. 

Joel was a lot. 

You were a lot. 

The baggage the two of you carried was heavy, along with the baggage you both accumulated along the way, but the pain was worth the prize. Or at least, you thought so. 

You sighed, “What can I do?” 

“Just let me fuss over ya for a while. I promise I don’t mean nothing by it, I just…”

“I get it, you want to stay close to me for a bit. It’s okay, I don’t mind,” you finished for him once more, smiling when he finally released some of the tension from his shoulders. 

He was scared of losing the only person he had, or at least the only person he truly let himself have. That was understandable and you decided to grant him the favor of becoming your shadow as you made the way to Jackson. For the first two days it was cute, but the constant hovering soon got old. Usually it was you chasing after Joel but now it was him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him around, just that you preferred to not trip over him at every turn. 

The fact that the rugged ex hunter, ex smuggler, ex contractor, Mr. Joel Miller was anxious enough to be perpetually underfoot while on the dangerous route was unbelievable. And it was that implausibility that kept you silent on the matter, despite the bitter annoyance that bloomed in your chest. If he was truly scared enough to be careless, you felt as though you needed to grant him his fussing. It was only after Joel had almost gotten the two of you killed in a gas station that you had to finally put your foot down. 

With over half of the fourth day on the road already behind you, along with an upset stomach and the need for fresh air, you had begged Joel to pull off into a rest stop. In actuality, you needed space but the moment your feet touched the ground, he was already in front of you. Normally that wouldn’t bother you but with how tired you were, you had to swallow the urge to snap at him. 

Joel, unbeknownst to your angst, followed closely behind as you trudged into the store. When the door slid open after a few tries, you stepped inside and waited for any sign of predators but none came. When he pressed a finger to his lips, you nodded, vowing to be quiet as you searched the shelves for anything of use. You had halted in one of the aisles to examine a slightly water damaged box of tampons, kicking yourself for forgetting to ask Joel to grab some out of your mother’s washroom before you left. However, the box fell from your hands when a wall of muscle had knocked into you. 

Joel had slammed into you from behind, causing you to trip over a nearby display. He caught you on the way down, ensuring that you didn’t tumble down with the cardboard cutout advertising a new flavor of cola. Although you were safe from falling on your ass, that didn’t stop the loud smack that alerted the infected souls that soon came pouring out of the back room. 

Needlessly cussing him out as you scrambled back towards the truck, Joel had closed the door right in time for a half a dozen clickers to slam themselves into the driver’s side. When he finally managed to shift it into drive, his window was seconds from breaking. The spiderwebbed glass glared at you as Joel veered back on to the highway, making your chest tight with fear and hot with rage. It was truly a miracle that you had made it out of there alive and while he was elated by that fact, you were pissed. 

���Jesus honey, that was fucking close,” Joel laughed. 

The laughter grated on you, forcing out a response that you had been keeping back for days. 

“Well maybe, if you hadn’t been up my ass then that wouldn’t have fucking happened Joel!,” you snapped. 

And so the argument began. While you were trying to explain how you didn’t need him to hover over you like some sort of mama bear, Joel was countering it by arguing that he was just trying to make sure you were safe. It was maddening, the same fight between the two of you being hashed out over and over until one party finally apologized, but this time both of you were unwilling to break. 

Perhaps it was the stress of the road, or perhaps it was the exhaustion that had settled in your bones in the days since leaving the library, but you didn’t have the patience for it any longer. For the entirety of the day, Joel had been forced to constantly reroute the path to Jackson due to the snow or piled up cars and junk in the way. You were getting nowhere fast and with the gas dwindling, the stress of the situation started to weigh down on your increasingly fragile patience. When he had finally found an open road around midday, whooping as he pulled the truck back onto the highway, you were well past being soothed. That, along with the close call that had just happened, had you primed and ready for some desperately needed crying. 

The need for sleep, a deep and peaceful one where Joel was curved around your backside, holding you tightly as you both dreamed, was becoming dire. Bags gathered around your eyes and your skin had grown dull from the small portions you barely managed to gulp down, yet you tried to push through the stress for his sake. You felt ridiculous, cursing yourself for being so weak while Joel seemed completely fine with the few hours of sleep he got during your short turns behind the wheel. Feeling tired of the fighting, of the road, of him, of yourself, you finally dissolved into a puddle of tears. 

The bickering between Joel and you was in full swing. Both of you had already said your piece about his constant presence but he continued to pick and somewhere in the haze of it all, you got lost. Loneliness and exhaustion curved your spine, making you slump down in your seat as Joel ranted about safety. He was missing the point of your argument but you didn’t care anymore. Aching for the quiet home in the woods that you had known for just a little over two months, along with a mate whose emotions weren’t rubbed quite as raw as his were now, the tears came quick. 

The guilt of being upset with Joel for caring too much pressed into your chest, making you hold in all of the pained cries that thickened the lining of your throat for as long as you possibly could. You knew he had reason to feel how he did. Joel had said so himself, he had lost so much. And you? Well, you were the bitch that snapped at him for giving a damn. Feeling overwhelmed and childish, you chewed at your lips until they were red with blood and tried to focus on the road ahead. 

“ - And that ain’t gonna fly with me darling, I’m not letting you out of my sight until - wait, what? Sweetheart, are you crying?,” Joel suddenly asked, his voice growing soft as he looked over and saw the wet trails that glistened on your cheeks. 

“No,” you croaked. 

The sob that weasled its way out of your mouth betrayed the response and Joel cussed. Quietly berating himself as you tried to will the pesky tears away, he slowly came to a stop along the side of the road. Nothing but trees and abandoned cars surrounded the truck, aside from a sign boasting a small town a couple miles away. You stared at the faded faces of town residents that smiled down at the oncoming traffic, noticing how they were all dressed in the garb of their respective agricultural professions. 

The farmer’s face was almost completely blurred with time and it reminded you of the concaved skull of the alpha that had choked you back at the library. His head had cracked open under the strength of Joel’s fists and the sound that it had made while doing so was something you would never forget. Thinking about the wet crunch of his knuckles slamming through bone, you were suddenly reminded of where you were. 

You were bawling in a parked truck in the middle of nowhere, with Joel scooching towards you to provide comfort, and all you could feel was embarrassment. This was no time for a crying session about the woes of traveling, or for petty fights with a partner over someone standing a little too close, it was a time to act. Wiping the tears from your cheeks before Joel could get to them, you quickly plastered on a sugary smile and shook your head at his advances. 

“I’m sorry, it’s fine. I’m actually fine, just a bit tired,” you said in a chirper tone, making Joel’s hands freeze mid air. 

He blinked, “But… You’re crying?”

The laugh you gave him was forced, sounding high pitched and off key to even your own ears, but Joel didn’t flinch. He just looked absolutely flabbergasted as you tried hopelessly to push him away. You inwardly cursed him for being able to read you so well. No matter how hard you tried to fix the smile on your face, it refused to come off as anything other than fake and Joel easily saw right through it. 

“I’m totally fine babe, just a bit tired is all. Nothing a nap can’t fix,” you promised. 

Joel nodded dumbly, seemingly unconvinced but unwilling to push the topic any further in fear that you might start sobbing again. He dropped his hands, looking down at them for a moment before he slowly brought them back to the steering wheel. Clearing his throat as he pulled back onto the road, he continued to give you sideways glances as he drove. 

The constant attention made your cheeks burn and you focused on playing with the hem of your sweater. An awkward silence fell over the truck as it roared down the highway, but you kept your eyes on frayed hem in hopes that he might leave it. In fact, you were so absorbed in the fabric that you didn’t realize he was getting off the highway to park under an overpass until he had already done it. As he threw the truck into park again, you started to object but he held a hand up. 

“Hey, I know you’re fine baby but let’s just rest a while. I’m tired, you’re tired, let’s just take a few seconds to breathe before we keep going,” Joel suggested, rubbing your back with his warm hand.  

“Okay,” you whimpered, biting your lip to keep any more tears away. 

“Okay,” he mimicked. 

Joel opened his arms and you crashed into them, greedy for his touch despite the fact that you were ready to kill him back at that gas station. Although it was him who had pissed you off in the first place with his constant hovering, he was also the only person that could calm you down by simply existing. Without even having to be asked, he spread his legs out on the bench and leaned against the door as you straddled him. Pushing your face into his chest and nosing at his neck until he sighed, you let a few more tears slip as you scented him. 

“What’s got you so riled up baby? I know I’ve been breathing down your neck a bit, but did I say something to piss you off? I know I can be an asshole, but you can tell me. Whatever it is, m’sorry sweet girl,” he murmured. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you tried to think of a response. What was it that was riling you up so much? For that question, you had no answers. Sure, there was the exhaustion, but that had never bothered you before. Was it the injuries you had accumulated finally coming to bite you in the ass? Was it the fact that Joel had acted as your shadow for four days straight? Maybe it was a little of all of the above, but that didn’t account for the way you looked like you were about to keel over. 

“I honestly don’t know Joel,” you answered truthfully, “I didn’t mean to start anything, I just feel so tired and gross. You were looking out for me, I know that, and now I feel like a burden.” 

A fresh round of tears poured from your tear ducts at the admission, making you shove your face deeper into him to cry against his skin. Joel sucked in a breath and reached up to cup the back of your head with one hand, cradling it as you released all of the pent up emotions. As you cried, he snaked one hand under your shirt to draw circles over your hip, his signature move for times of crisis. Just like always, it worked like a charm. 

Ever so carefully, he pulled your head back, shushing your whines as he began to rub his face over the mark on your neck. You whimpered, allowing him to mark you with his scent until it coated the back of your throat. Joel continued his assault, kissing and nibbling on the sensitive skin until you sagged into him. When you were finally sated, he kept one hand on the small of your back and the other dug into your knotted hair, scritching your scalp as you huffed at his skin. 

“Why would you think that babygirl? You were the one that got us out of that town back there, not me. If anything, this old man is the burden,” Joel joked, trying anything to wipe the frown from your face. 

You laughed a little, feeling his small smile of victory against your cheek.  

“What can I do?,” Joel whispered, unwittingly repeating the words you had said to him just days before. 

You smiled a bit more at that. Mutual support with a partner, as flawed as it may be in practice, was something you had only dreamed about once upon a time. A pipe dream, you had thought. Joel wasn’t perfect, and neither were you, but you were both trying to understand the other. After taking one last hit of his musk through your nose, you leaned back and looked at him. His eyes were full of concern, the worry line between his brows sticking out as he placed his hands on your hips. 

“Need me to back off and give you some space while we’re out? Cus I can’t make any promises darling, but I’ll try. If that’s what you want, I mean,” he continued. 

“I don’t - well, I mean I do want you to back off a bit. But maybe just like, two paces back when we are in a high risk area? That way you don’t knock me over and alert half the fucking neighborhood again,” you teased. 

He smiled and gave a mock salute, “Yes ma���am.” 

The giggle he pulled from you this time was more genuine and it softened some of the built up tension in the truck. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence afterwards, you snuggling deeper into his chest in an attempt to fuse yourself to his skin as you drifted in and out of sleep. It was funny, earlier you wanted him to leave you alone but now you needed him closer. He hummed at your constant readjusting, patient as ever despite the requests to hug you tighter and the way your fingers dug into his skin in return. 

Once you finally found the right position, sat between his legs with your back against his chest and his arms wrapped around you, all of the stress of the day vanished and you were asleep in seconds. However, when the driver’s side door was suddenly thrust open in the dead of night and the both of you were tumbling out of the warmth of the truck, you realized that the position had also worked on the man that was supposed to be keeping watch. Joel groaned as you landed on top of him, his entire upper body squished upon your ungraceful fall to the ground. 

“Freeze! Hands in the air, now!,” a gruff voice commanded. 

In a flash, Joel was reaching for the gun that toppled into the snow beside him but it was kicked away by one of the many beings with glaringly bright flashlights. 

“Not so fast big boy, show me your hands or missy here gets one put right between her eyes,” another voice threatened. 

Joel hesitantly followed their instruction, gesturing for you to do the same as he lifted his hands above his head for the group of strangers to see. You paused, trying to think of a way you could get to the knife that you had shoved inside the waistband of your pants but as one of the assailants noisily cocked their gun, you raised your hands alongside him. The fear that Joel felt was reciprocated by you, the bond making your growing panic ping pong off of eachother until you were both rabid with hormones. The need to protect Joel was so powerful that every movement that wasn’t focused on getting him out of here was painful. 

When you caught his eye, Joel subtly shook his head, as if to warn you against any brash decision. Despite the desire to jump up and rip the face off the man who threatened him, you nodded once in return. There would be no getting out of this if you didn’t remain calm. Schooling your face to match Joel’s signature look of annoyed indifference, you attempted to give off the air of not giving a fuck. He was definitely more natural about it, but yours ended up being so convincing that Joel gave you a slight dip of the head in encouragement. 

“On your feet, let’s go.” 

With your hands up, the faceless guards behind flashlights led you away from the truck and towards town. Despite his mask of indifference, Joel’s eyes bounced around and tried to pick out an escape route. However, if it was much too dark for you to see anything, there was no way Joel would be able to. As the wind blew across the flat ground, kicking up snow and freezing the moisture in the corners of your eyes, it was impossible to see anything that was more than five feet away. 

They walked you for what felt like miles, the air depleting your body of the warmth you had been spoiled with in the truck. The coats, along with the food and other supplies you needed to get to Jackson, were tucked away in the backseat and you prayed that wherever they were taking you was close. Joel stayed right at your side, his arm linked with yours as he trudged through the snow. He didn’t look at you aside from a few glances, too focused on the dangers around him until you finally reached the destination. 

An iron gate was slid open with a squeal, the black material rusted around the edges from years of being subjected to the harsh elements. You grimaced at the sound, whipping your head around to look for any sign of infected that might have heard the high pitched shriek. 

“There’s no infected nearby, the chosen ones and their offerings make sure of it,” someone assured you and you scoffed. 

“Is that so?,” Joel sighed, seemingly as unimpressed by the odd response as you were. 

A laugh came from your right and you glared towards the direction it came from. These people were full blooded dumbasses if they thought there was nothing stumbling around in the dark. Even at the camp you were in for most of your life, the one that was secure against infected for decades until one day it wasn’t, still saw both small and large groups stroll on by. The ones that were working the gate didn’t always engage, sometimes allowing them to pass if they didn’t notice the feast in the distance, but even the more fanatic guards never deluded themselves into thinking they were completely safe from them because of their religious beliefs. 

“The Teacher will protect us with her guidance, she makes sure that those who have been given the gift reunite with the truly wise. We cannot know their paths until we reach full redemption,” came from the other side of the group. 

“Oh fuck,” Joel said under his breath. 

Oh fuck was right. 

-

After taking you inside of the gate, you were shoved into the lobby of some worn down luxury hotel. Wax candles covered nearly every surface, giving the room a warm glow despite the bizarre paintings of a naked older woman that were plastered everywhere. Those ones were the least concerning, as the other ones depicted members of the group dancing with what looked to be infected. 

The residents that milled around were all dressed in strange beige garments that did little to compliment their figures, but you supposed that was the point. Josiah had never implemented a uniform for his group, but there were rules about modesty that everyone was supposed to follow which banished fun colors and anything that showed too much skin. The few omegas that you saw in the lobby were in long dresses that came down to their ankles, the high neck looking like it strangled them as they all sewed and weaved textiles for the group. The rest of the group seemed to be let off easy, with the alphas and betas donning flowier pants and a matching tunic that showcased way too much chest. 

Joel squeezed your hand as you were ushered into a larger room that had once been a ballroom. The room was lined with tables where families chowed down on steaming heaps of food. The smell of freshly cooked stew drifted over from their plates and your mouth watered. The way your stomach growled as you watched a young girl dig into chunks of tender meat was almost unbearable. You averted your eyes, choosing instead to focus on the long table that was placed on the stage. 

A group of serious looking older men and women sat there, all scowling down at you as the guards shoved you forward. The one exception being the woman that sat directly in the middle of them all. She was different from the rest of the group by clothing alone, hers being a deep shade of blue that was in stark contrast to the sea of beige around her. As the community members with guns urged you further into the room, she stood and all of the spoons that scraped bits of food off the inside of bowls were collectively dropped. About a hundred voices were silenced by just the act of her standing up and you gulped, coming to the realization that the woman that stood proudly at the head of the table was the woman that was showcased on every wall. 

“My children, it seems we have newcomers. Can we all give them a warm welcome?,” she called, her voice gentle yet clear in the silence of the room. 

A hundred faces turned to look at Joel and you, their expressions completely somber as they heeded her command with a unified, “Welcome to the Thin Space, where The Teacher helps guide us towards truth.” 

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” you whispered to no one in particular. 

Yeah, Joel had it right when he balked at the guards at the gate. 

As the faces quickly turned away in search of more instruction, you had an odd sense of deja vu. Looking out into the crowd, you saw quite a few children mixed in with the somber adults and wondered if you would have looked like this to an outsider back at your old camp. Josiah ordered the group to be obedient, to dress modestly, to speak a certain way, to act differently, to pray, and to follow the preacher’s words as law. This, despite its freaky ass twist, just seemed like a different brand of the same shit. Two sides of a fucked up coin that you had finally escaped, just to be pulled right back into it. 

“Bring our guests to the detox ward, then we can meet and go over their paths,” the woman commanded the guards, waving everyone off as she sat back at the head of the table. 

The moment she dropped back down to her seat, the rest of the room returned to eating and it made your stomach roil. Josiah had done that as well, stopping dinners to go on long spiels where he twisted the words of some ancient text to suit his own desires. Sometimes it would go on for hours and by the time he was finished, you were too tired to eat the meager portions that your mother allowed you to have. Most times, you ended up going to bed hungry with half cocked dreams about running away from home swirling through your mind. 

This woman, whoever she was and whatever she desired from her own followers, was no different than him. You felt it in your bones. And as the guards ushered the two of you away, the more bitter part of yourself that still had a bone to pick with Josiah made sure to send her a look that said exactly that. I know what you are, it screamed from across the room. It was a look that earned you a smile from her, a glass of red wine being raised in acknowledgement as you were led into a side hallway that held three bathrooms. The guards bypassed the men’s and women’s changing rooms, coming to a full stop in front of the door that said private. 

“You’ll go in first. Get clean and put on the clothes left out for you. Then come out and he’ll go in,” the man closest to you instructed. 

Joel scoffed, “Yeah, I don’t think so buddy. She stays with me.” 

The man scowled at Joel’s insolence but you were quick on your feet. Before a fight could break out between the two alphas, the both of them already red in the face at the slightest provocation from the other, you jumped in with something you knew would work. If they were anything like the group that haunted your dreams, they wouldn’t let Joel come in unless he held some sort of ownership over you. With the marks on your necks as clear as day, as well as your scents fused together from the bond itself, you knew it wasn’t a bond they were looking for. 

“Please sir, I don’t want to be without my husband. He doesn’t trust me to do these things by myself… You see, I’m so easily confused without him,” you whined, making your voice soft and needy to really drive home the point. 

Joel’s brows shot up in alarm and you shot him a look. Luckily, he managed to get it under control before the others could see. He straightened his back, making himself taller as you cowered under him to add to the effect. The man narrowed his eyes, flitting them back and forth between you and Joel before another guard came to the rescue. 

“We cannot take a husband away from his wife, especially not when she is of the simpler kind. That would only aggravate the both of them before The Teacher can see their true nature for herself,” the woman behind Joel argued. 

The man grunted in affirmation, nodding at you to push the door open before he shoved you in. Joel tumbled in afterwards, cursing as you knocked heads in the small space. 

The door slammed shut and you were shrouded in darkness, the only light being the candle that was half melted against the corner of the sink. A shelf with different types of clothes stacked on it was shoved into the corner, while a bucket of grayish water was placed in the shower. A crusty looking sponge laid next to the bucket and you shuddered at the thought of rubbing it across your body. 

“Okay, what the fuck was that?,” Joel whispered, waving his hands around in the air like some sort of cartoon character. 

You rolled your eyes at him, “I grew up with these types of people Joel. Of course I knew that the marriage card would work, you don’t need to get your panties in a twist.” 

Joel scrunched up his face at that, pinching the bridge of his aquiline nose as he huffed out a frustrated breath. 

“Obviously, I’m not talking about you calling me your husband. We’re mated, why would I care about that? I don’t give a shit, we basically already are married anyways. I’m talking about the freaky deeky fucking cult we just walked into!,” he hissed in response. 

Him likening the two of you to a married couple didn’t go unnoticed but you shoved the poorly timed butterflies away, deciding that now was not the best time to pick at him for answers to questions you weren’t sure you wanted to ask. Instead you nodded, focusing on his panicked response to a group that seemed so foreign to him, yet so familiar to you. 

“I know but if they haven’t killed us yet, they probably have something else in store. It’s best if we go along with it for now, just until we know what type of crazy they are,” you muttered, moving to grab the long and surprisingly itchy dress from the pile. 

Joel grabbed the fabric from your hands, tossing it back onto the shelf as you started to undress. You gave him a pointed look, stepping out of your pants and reaching to grab it again but he intercepted every attempt. 

“Stop it Joel!,” you whispered angrily, softly slapping away his hands in frustration. 

He guffawed, “You can’t be serious right now, you’re going to let them put us in these weird ass get ups?” 

You sighed, grabbing the sides of his face and bringing it closer until his forehead rested against your own. Joel allowed you to do it, although you felt the tension that still bunched all of the muscles in his arms as he gripped your hips a tad too harshly in return. With his emotions running high, you knew that it was best to tread lightly. 

The anxiety you felt in that moment was geared towards the purpose of the group, rather than the group itself. For you, these people were easy to read. Whereas Joel was in a foreign place with strange people that clearly had even stranger beliefs. He was in limbo, while you felt like you were back home for a family visit. Sighing at his outburst, you tried to reason with him. 

“We have no guns, no getaway car, and no idea what we are up against here. But you know what we do have?”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, “No, what do we have?”

“Me, someone who grew up with people like this. I know these people Joel, just trust me. We need to know what they want, then we can figure out how to leave, okay?,” you asked, waiting patiently for his affirmation. 

He made a disgruntled noise, starting to fight back with a strained, “Well, I don’t know if your upbringing is gonna really help if they -” 

“And we have this,” you continued, holding up the knife you had tucked away. 

Joel’s eyes widened and he snatched it from you, holding it up to the light like he couldn’t believe it was real. He sucked in a deep breath, nodding to himself as his mind worked through the possibilities your hidden treasure unlocked. 

“Good, this is really good darling. We can use this to get out, just have to find the right time,” he muttered, his fingers drumming against his pant leg as the knife lifted him from complete despair. 

You nodded, “I know, so get your damn clothes off and let’s try to fit in with these freaks. Once we know more, you take point and get through as many of them as you can. I’ll grab something and cover you.” 

Joel’s face drifted into shock for a second. The directness of your words surprised him, you could tell by the way his eyes flicked up and down your figure like he was seeing it for the first time. Then he looked almost proud as he nodded in agreement. 

“Well ain’t you full of surprises? Alright troublemaker, I’m game,” he agreed. 

“I try,” you said cheekily. 

After a few loaded seconds where Joel stared at you, analyzing for any sign of hesitation, he finally allowed you to pick up the terrible dress again. He began with begrudgingly taking off his thick flannel, whipping off the white tee he had on underneath before he quickly added his jeans to the pile. The long shirt that they left for him showed off a good chunk of his chest yet was long enough to fall almost to his knees, making him frown as he slipped it over his head. 

Once he had the loose linen pants on, you watched as he tried to shove some of the excess fabric into the waistline to aid in his appearance. It sort of worked, but you couldn’t help but think he looked like was supposed to be in a circle somewhere, poorly playing the bongos as he talked about free love and the best kind of pot to smoke. 

“Hey Joel,” you called out, a cheeky grin tugging at the corners of your lips.  

He stilled his efforts, turning to face you as the dress finally rolled over your thighs. The fabric was tighter than you thought, with the beige material practically strangling you until it randomly got flowy at the knees. Clearly whoever had made this didn’t account for your body shape, as your breasts were pushed into your lungs, making breathing difficult with the pressure. The waist barely fit around the fat on your hips that Joel loved to squeeze, and you had the feeling that a single sneeze would burst the curves from their cruel beige confines. 

“Yeah baby?,” he answered, concern etched into his face as he dropped the hands that fussed at his waistband. 

“Looking far out man,” you teased, giving him a peace sign that made him snort. 

“How in the hell do you know what that means? Fuck it, you know what? All you need is a fucking sleeping cap and a candle, and you’d be the spitting image of Ebeneezer Scrooge. So, take that you dork,” Joel bit back. 

You rolled your eyes, “Jokes on you old man, I’ve got no fucking idea who the hell Ebersneezer Stooge is.” 

“What the fuck did you just call him?,” Joel snickered, groaning about his age when you shrugged in response. 

“Whatever hippy,” you giggled. 

The sound of his muted laughter echoed throughout the room, leading to three solid raps against the door that made you both jump. Joel flicked his eyes towards the entrance before he glanced back at you. A reassuring look was plastered on his face and you tried to mimic it for his sake. Whether you achieved it or not, you couldn’t say. The door being slammed open by the gun toting guards forced you back into a much darker reality, one that didn’t leave time to check on Joel’s feelings. The only consolation you had in the dire situation you found yourself in was the fact that he had the knife hidden somewhere on him, ensuring that he could protect himself if this went sideways. 

“Out, it’s time for you to meet her,” the guard said, urging the two of you out of the room with the barrel of his gun.

Walking through the dingy space, you were led out to a longer, more smokier hallway that was lined with a ridiculous amount of candles and burning herbs. Your nose wrinkled from the smell of incense, tobacco, sweat, weed and blood. The air was thick, weighing down on your chest like it was a living being. Joel sneezed loudly behind you, muttering to himself about new age stoners and hygiene as he grimaced at the state of the place. If the situation had been better, perhaps his grumbling would have made you laugh. But instead, you were tense as the guards led you to the room at the end of the hall that had strange symbols painted across it. Mesmerized by the loopy script that covered every inch of the wood, you took a step closer to examine it. 

Just as you reached it, a guard pushed you back with his forearm, knocking you directly into Joel. He caught you in his arms, barely able to keep his threatening growls to a minimum as he lifted you back on to your feet. Rage simmered off of him, so much so that you felt it when he geared himself up to spit out an insult. Sensing the disaster that brewed in the air, you pressed your spine into Joel’s front, grounding him with the proximity. 

“Breathe baby, eyes on the prize,” you whispered into his ear for good measure. 

Joel’s body remained as taught as can be, but you squeezed his hand in thanks when you felt his jaw click shut. The sound of his angry teeth grinding was never pleasant and would certainly give him a hell of a migraine later, but it was better than the alternative of him being shot for mouthing off at one of them. 

The door opened after the guard knocked twice, revealing another dimly lit room that was filled with half melted candles and reeked of a mix of bodily fluids and incense. There were more paintings pinned to the walls, depicting different scenes with the group and the beings they seemed to revere. It was the one at the center that took you off guard. The painting showed a woman holding a baby in her arms, while an infected person is wrapped around them both, almost as if they were protecting them. 

“Ah, I see you have found our scripture. Beautiful, isn’t it? Nature becomes one again so that the world may heal, that is our truth,” the woman practically sang. 

The guards behind you all made a noise in affirmation, nodding at her words as they waited for orders. 

“Fabian, stay here with me. Elaine and Thomas, go back to your posts, and the rest of you guard the door,” she instructed. 

The door swung shut behind the four that left, leaving Joel and you alone with the woman and her loyal servant. Fabian stood to the side, his hands folded behind his back and his eyes straightforward, looking out into a void as he waited for her signal like some sort of highly trained guard dog. It made you sick. 

“Please, do sit,” she said, gesturing towards one of the couches that had way too many throw pillows and blankets on it. 

Joel went first and you followed, gingerly sitting on the edge of your seat as the woman drifted throughout the room. She grabbed three mugs from a desk in the corner, along with a steaming kettle that filled the room with the smell of citrus and herbs. Placing each cup down on the coffee table, she filled them and gestured for you to take the tea before she took hers. You looked at Joel and nodded towards the cup, motioning for him to follow your lead as you picked it up. 

The smell of the tea, whatever kind it was, was mouth watering and you had a hard time convincing yourself not to drink it. It was only after you watched the woman down half of her cup that you decided it was safe enough. Absolutely parched from the road, you gingerly allowed yourself a small sip. The tea was bursting with different fruit flavors, making you muscle through a moan as your weak stomach was finally soothed by the delicious hot water. 

“Good right? We make that ourselves, along with everything else you see here,” she explained. 

Taking one last big gulp of the drink, you sat the mostly empty cup back down and straightened up. Again, Joel followed your lead and discarded his cup on the coffee table before he sat back. You could feel his concern and reached back to squeeze his thigh, earning a pat to the back of your hand in the process. 

“Interesting,” she smirked. 

You cocked an eyebrow at her, “What’s interesting?” 

“The dynamic between you two is interesting, I’d like to know more,” she answered. 

Joel scoffed and you narrowed your eyes at her. That statement sounded like a slight but to which party? You weren’t entirely sure. Clearly, Joel thought it was himself that had been insulted because he quickly started in on a defense. 

“With all due respect ma’am, I’m not -”

Fabien was over in a flash, smacking Joel against the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper like he was some sort of abused dog. You shot up out of your seat, placing your hands on Fabien’s chest to push him back in return. The loyal servant stumbled back, glaring at you before he stepped forward to strike again, but the woman raised her hand in the air. Upon seeing her hand raised, Fabien went back to his job as a statue. 

“That’s enough Fabien, they are new. They don’t know our rules,” she crooned. 

“One is not to speak to The Teacher unless The Teacher speaks to you,” Fabien answered coolly, almost like he was reading from a script. 

She nodded and raised her eyebrow at Joel, refilling all of the cups once more before she leaned back against the cushions. Bringing her feet up from the floor and wrapping herself in a blanket, you suddenly felt like it was you two who were intruding on her day. Despite your growing frustration at the situation, she was as cool as a cucumber. 

“I was talking to her, the guard dog will get his turn soon enough,” she said to Joel. 

You balked and looked at him, noticing how blotches of redness bloomed across his cheekbones from the slight. Despite the urge to comfort him, you looked back towards the woman and responded for the both of you. 

“Sure, maybe our dynamic is weird to some people but why would I talk to you about it? I don’t know who you are or what you want from us,” you argued. 

Taking a sip of her drink, she mulled it over a second. Joel sighed in annoyance, with his patience for the situation already growing slim, and you grabbed his hand, squeezing it three times to calm him down. He was right, what she was doing WAS incredibly annoying. She was playing with you two, pretending to think things over before she gave the answers she had already thought up beforehand. You knew it and Joel knew it, but you had to stay calm. 

“My name is Aspen, but my group has taken to calling me The Teacher. You may call me whatever you wish to, it is not up to me to decide how I am labeled,” she explained. 

You raised an eyebrow at that, “And what is it that you teach them exactly?” 

Aspen smiled then, gesturing to the paintings around her with bright eyes. Her smile was wide, showcasing a clean set of teeth with long canines that put you on edge. The wrinkles on her face were few, yet her hair was completely gray. You couldn’t tell if she was 60 or 85 and every second that passed only made you more unable to figure it out. 

“This place,” she said while holding her hands out wide, “Is the Thin Place. It is the one place on earth where our world and theirs come together, creating a thin space for us to reside in until we may all be one again.” 

Looking at all of the paintings around you, a funny feeling began to bloom in your chest. Maybe this group was a bit different than yours afterall. To quell the nerves that beaded sweat along your hairline, you picked up the cup and chugged it down. Scenes of infected dancing with humans, bringing them into their horde before turning them made your stomach flip. Along with the more brutal scenes of people being strapped down before being bled, their blood gifted to the growing horde as some sort of offering. And one of the main paintings, the sick piece with a woman birthing a baby, only to allow herself and her child to be coddled by an infected man. 

“And how,” you cleared your throat, “How do you do that? How do you make the two worlds come together?” 

Aspen chuckled, “All in good time my child, you will know when the truth is revealed.”

Joel huffed out a breath and rubbed his eyes, unable to stop himself from grumbling at her response. She narrowed her eyes at him, examining his face in a way that made you want to shield him from her gaze. It was like he was a piece of meat, her tongue running over her gleaming teeth as she raked her eyes up and down his form. 

“And what is it that you have to say sir? Please, we’re all friends here,” she declared. 

Joel huffed out a laugh, “How ‘bout you cut the shit and tell us why we’re here, hm? Cus with all due respect ma’am, I’m not buying what it is you’re selling. If I need God, my mama raised me in a church, I know where to find him. Until then, I’m good.”

Aspen laughed, a shrill and grating sound that had you wincing as Joel shifted uncomfortably beside you. Looking over, it seemed she was getting to him too as sweat had begun to dampen his tunic. The light of the room shined down on his face, making him look almost ethereal for a moment and you had the strange urge to lick him but ignored it. Instead, you watched as he gulped down his second cup of tea and placed it next to yours. As he leaned back, Joel’s hands came up to rub at his eyes and you couldn’t help but notice how the hair on his arm moved as though there was a breeze in the room. It was strange, you had never looked too closely at the dark curls smattered across his forearms before but now they were all you could see. 

“I’m not talking about God. I’m talking about the only truth in this world,” she explained, standing up and walking over to the paintings to point at what she meant. 

“Th-the infected?,” you asked, feeling a little dizzy as you tried to understand what she was trying to say. 

Aspen hummed, “Yes, only a select few are chosen as an offering to them. Once they are given the gift, they will know the truth of the world. And us, their humble servants, will be rewarded with a feast. That is, until the messiah comes to bring us all together.” 

Joel giggled beside you and you turned, noticing how your vision stuttered before finally focusing on his face. His head was laid against the back of the couch, a lazy smile on his face as he laughed at something that you couldn’t see. Leaning forward, you cupped his cheek and tried to bring his face forward but it only slumped back the moment you let go. He laughed again and your heart sank. 

“You - you drugged us,” you choked out. 

The room was stifling, making you sweat as the walls swelled and shrunk with each breath you took. As Joel continued to giggle, you scooched closer to him, seeking the comfort of his body despite the fact that his mind was in lala land. Gripping his arm and sliding up next to him, you pressed yourself against his side and tried to focus on the woman in front of you. 

“Your fingers are pretty baby, way prettier than mine,” Joel mumbled, laughing softly to himself as he played with your digits. 

You let him do it, too busy trying to pull yourself out of the nightmare you found yourself in. Everytime you focused on something for too long, it would slowly get warped until it was almost unrecognizable. The only thing that grounded you was Joel’s hands pulling your fingers up to his face, examining them with so much scrutiny that you were worried he was going to strain his eyes. 

“A part of stepping into the next part of life is forgetting this one. In order to cleanse you of the toxins of this world, you’ve drunk the tea along with me. Now, the ceremony can begin,” Aspen said excitedly, reaching forward to ring the bell. 

“What ceremony? What? What the fuck is happening?,” you cried out, ripping your hands from Joel as the guards at the door barged in. 

Joel whined at the loss but you ignored him. Instead, you shot up and stood before him, ready to fend off the guards as they crept closer. It was hard to tell how far away they were, as your depth perception and internal clock was all off. One moment the men were standing menacingly in the doorframe, the next moment one of them was lifting you over his shoulder. You screeched, uselessly pounding against the man’s back as he carried you away from the room but it felt like you were fighting someone while locked in a dream. The punches you landed were weak, almost laughable, but you still tried to squirm your way back to Joel. 

The blood rushed to your head, gorging your brain with the thick liquid and making you even dizzier as the guard carried you out into the hallway. Just as the edges of your eyes began to darken, signaling that the drug was starting to pull you into a deep sleep, you heard Joel call out from the other room. 

“Wha-? Whas - What’s happening? Where’d she go?!” 

That was the last thing you heard before passing out. 

- Joel - 

Joel’s head felt heavy as he lounged on the couch, playing with the fingers of his sweet girl while she talked to some lady. He didn’t remember getting to a safe place but maybe it was because he was so sleepy. As they conversed about things that were beyond his understanding, he brought her fingers up to look at them. 

Compared to his, they were so small. The skin was relatively unscarred, save for a few nicks and scrapes that would likely heal over in a few days. The only thing he was unsure about was the wrist. He grimly remembered shoving it back into place by himself after he found you and upon closer inspection, it looked relatively straight but the bruising was still pretty bad. Still, Joel couldn’t help but worry, especially with how the dark spots seemed to grow and shrink with every passing second. That couldn’t possibly be healthy. He giggled as the bruise shrunk again. What do I know, he thought, I’m not a fucking doctor.

Leaving the wrist behind, he returned to your fingers. They were the same digits that played with his hair until he fell asleep, the same ones that cupped his jaw and traced the scars on his chest, the same ones that brought him toe curling pleasure just days before, the same ones that did brutal things just to see to his freedom. He loved these hands and he loved you. Warmth filled his chest and the world got brighter as the euphoria he felt because of his love for you bled into his vision. 

“Your fingers are pretty baby, way prettier than mine,” Joel mumbled, continuing to move the digits around in his grasp. 

Turning his head for a moment, you were still engaged in the conversation you were having with the woman. Joel tried to wrack his brain for any elderly friends you had mentioned but couldn’t think of anyone other than Miriam and Rachel. Was she one of them? No, Joel thought, she couldn’t be either of them. They were dead, you had watched them die yourself. When his brain couldn’t conjure up an answer to the question, he let it go and watched you speak to the mystery woman. 

The way your skin glowed was breathtaking. Sweat dampened your hair,  making it look like it was encrusted with jewels. Everything about you screamed Goddess and Joel had a hard time not breaking into tears of joy. He always felt this way, like he was a mere mortal and you were the sun shining down on his face but in this moment, in the funny smelling room where he held your hands in his, it was overwhelming. The radiant woman that sat against his side was his mate and he couldn’t believe it. To keep himself from crying in front of the stranger he couldn’t place, and not wanting to embarrass you in front of your friends, Joel returned to examining your fingers again. 

Although, he was surprised when they were suddenly torn from his grasp and he whined at the loss. Joel’s vision went fuzzy for a second, the colors in the room swirling as his head buzzed with an unbelievable amount of pressure. He squinted, trying to figure out what was going on as the voices around him turned more urgent. By the time he managed to blink away the stars in his eyes, you were gone. 

Joel gasped, looking around the room with increasing urgency when you were nowhere to be found. Instead, all he saw was your friend talking in a low voice to another stranger. The man she was talking to looked familiar and he tried to remember how he knew him. Was he one of Sarah’s teachers? He kinda looked like the art teacher she liked that always smelled a bit like weed. Joel never said anything about it, preferring that his pup have a pothead for a teacher rather than a drunk. And plus, an art teacher smoking a joint in between classes was practically a cliche. Yes, he thought, this had to be him. Nobody else in Texas would be dressed like that. 

It took a few seconds of wondering why he was hanging out with Sarah’s art teacher, but he slowly remembered that his daughter was gone. And not just that, Sarah had been dead since his 32nd birthday, which was twenty four years ago. If that man, by some miracle, was still alive, he would be grayer than Joel by now. After a flash of a memory that involved him tumbling out of a truck and a gun being shoved into his mate’s face presented itself, the reality of the situation came back to him. 

“Wha-? Whas - What’s happening? Where’d she go?!,” Joel asked, his heart beginning to beat harder as he realized his words were slurred. 

When Joel locked eyes with the woman across from him, it clicked. The truck, the hotel, the clothing swap, the meeting and finally, the tea. The two of you had been drugged by this woman. This was not his first experience with drugs by a mile, both recreationally and in similar situations such as these, however this was the first time he was stupid enough to drug himself. Usually whoever did the drugging was less sneaky, stabbing him with a needle or shoving a bitter smelling cloth under his nose to knock him out. But this was different, these drugs weren’t meant to knock him out. 

Tommy had convinced him, about forty years ago, to take acid with him at a Pink Floyd concert that he had snuck out of his parent’s house for. He remembered standing in the crowd, his mouth wide open as he looked at all the lights that dazzled and dizzied him. The crowd danced and sang around him, Tommy even got into the center of the floor to pull some moves on a cute guy that was giving him the eyes, but Joel was stuck in place. He couldn’t take his eyes off the lights that bounced off the crowd. As he remembered how your face had glowed, shining in the candlelight like it was the sun itself, he quickly drew the connection and realized that he had been given a hallucinogen. 

“D-drugged us? Umpf - why?,” he managed to get out, his tongue feeling like a dead weight in his mouth. 

Aspen slunk over, shushing him as she kneeled at his feet. Joel straightened up, feeling uncomfortable at the way she clasped his upper thighs under her talons. The only person he wanted anywhere near where she was touching him was you. She smiled at his attempts to get away, reveling at his discomfort for a bit longer before she granted him space by leaning back on her heels. 

“You sir, are special. The chosen comes to us as someone who is closed off to any truth except for the one before themselves. They do not seek the answers we do, which is why they must learn the ultimate truth,” Aspen carefully explained. 

Joel made a noise of impatience, squirming as he tried to will his limbs to cooperate. He didn’t give a shit about whatever crap she had to say about being chosen or ultimate truths. All he cared about was where the fuck you had gone. 

“Where is she?,” he grunted, straining all of his muscles to lift himself into a shaky standing position. 

She stood from her place on the floor, so close to him that he could smell the way her scent was marred with something foul. It was a scent he had smelled many times on himself. Joel had noticed the aroma of blood that tainted the air when he walked in, but this was something more. This was the acrid smell of death itself. 

“The chosen is an offering, he will learn the truths of the world. For his sacrifice, we are rewarded with enough sustenance to sustain us until the next pair are found. She shall sustain us,” she sighed, gliding back over to the man by the door. 

Cannibals. These people were fucking cannibals, and not just the run of the mill cannibals that were scattered around the world. Joel had been alive long enough to encounter the groups of people who were led by desperation to feast on the flesh of others until they could finally take down another deer. He understood those people, even empathized with their plight. Hell, he had been one of those people before, when a hard winter forced the hand of the humans left trying to survive a few years after the outbreak. 

These people were not the same. They sacrificed bonded pairs, deluding themselves into thinking that if they gave one to the infected that they deserved to eat the other. His stomach panged, the tea he swallowed rising to his throat as the world swirled around him. He gagged, fear and disgust pushing the small amount of sustenance he had in his stomach to his mouth. 

Slapping a hand down on the side of the couch, Joel spewed watered down chunks of vomit against the ground. Hands that were too cold to be yours rubbed his back, making him puke even more until he couldn’t possibly release any more bile. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Joel turned back to Aspen and her servant. 

“You’re fucking sick,” he spat. 

Aspen smiled, “You’ll see soon. Once the truth is revealed to you, this will all make sense.” 

Rage prickled at his skin, sobering him a bit as he took in the entirety of what Aspen was saying to him. There was no way he was letting them toss him to a horde, only to celebrate afterwards with a quick bite of you. Joel focused on the heavy weight of the forgotten weapon he had tucked into the fabric of his pants. All he needed was the right moment and he could lean forward, slicing the carotid in Aspen’s throat with a quick flick of the wrist so that he could enjoy the warm spray of her blood against his face. The drugs intensified every emotion he felt, especially the bloodlust he had for an adversary worth killing. He was practically frothing at the mouth while he imagined it. 

The corners of Aspen’s mouth turned downwards, her eyes widening slightly at Joel’s reaction to her plans. He smirked in return, picturing all the ways he could destroy her as her face alternated between warped and clear with every blink. Joel could practically taste her fear and he wanted more. She breathed in sharply through her nose, hardening the expression on her face as she called out to her guards. 

“Come, take him for preparation. I’ve had enough of his ignorance, we must teach him before it’s too late,” Aspen called out. 

Two guards came in, their faces distorted as they walked over. As they made their way to Joel, he couldn’t help but notice the way their shadows danced along the wall. The contrast of the dark figures against the cream colored walls was enough to make his mind spin. However, as hands latched on to his arms and shoved him forward, he was forced to remember what he was gearing up to do. As they yanked him out of the room, with Joel stumbling along as he tried to think of an escape, Aspen called out to him. 

“Bless you for being the chosen my child, your sacrifice will allow us to keep going for another winter. The death of the chosen one, along with the reward you have brought with you, will not be forgotten,” she promised. 

Reward? She thought that killing you was a fucking reward? Joel felt every muscle in his body pull taught against the scratchy fabric, a flush growing up the side of his neck as he chewed at the inside of his mouth. The guards managed to finally pull him out into the hall, shoving him towards whatever preparation area they had for him, but Joel wasn’t worried about the secondary location. He needed a moment alone with the freaks that had been threatening him and his mate for far too long. He needed it like he needed air. 

It didn’t matter that the floor looked like the surface of the ocean, even forming ripples with every step he took. It didn’t matter that the effects of the drug were blurring the lines, making him rabid as he thought of the most gruesome ways to take care of his enemies. It didn’t matter that you were in a different room, going through God knows what while he was being led towards death. None of it mattered. Joel wasn’t dying today and neither were you. It was everyone else that was fucked and they didn’t even know it. The fates of everyone who got in his way was getting more solidified with every step of the way. 

The guards led him to the back of the building, stopping before a maintenance door to unlock it. Joel breathed in deeply, noting how there was a distant smell of you drifting from somewhere nearby. You were close, so close that the slightest hint of peppermint and lavender hung in the air. He reared his head back, looking around for any sign of his mate. 

There was nobody else lingering in this side of the hotel, yet the sight of a glass door marred with unfamiliar symbols stirred something within him. As the man to his right gripped his shoulders harshly, using all of his might to push against the wall of muscle that was his backside, Joel swore he could hear your voice. He wasn’t sure if it was the drugs, the bond, or the love he felt, but he knew you were behind that door. 

“Get - oomph - get in there you big oaf,” one of the guards panted, finally managing to force Joel into the room. 

Joel stumbled in, catching himself on one of the industrial sized washing machines that lined the walls of the room. Piles of discarded clothes were everywhere, with every piece of beige clothing reeking of the rancid smell of terror. One of the guards shut the door behind them, making sure to lock it for good measure. They thought they were locking Joel in with them but it was the other way around, they were locked in there with him. 

“Take off your clothes, there will be no need for them in the next life,” the man closest to him instructed. 

Chuckling to himself, Joel shook his head and answered with a simple, “No.” 

That seemed to anger them, the smaller one pushing off of his place by the door to stalk over. They were both younger men, too green to see how cornering a rabid beast may get them hurt. As the space between Joel and the guards grew smaller, he focused on stilling the waves in his vision so that he could strike. 

“If you don’t want to take it off, we shall take it off for you,” the larger man sneered, taking one miscalculated step forward to grab Joel’s collar. 

Fingers grasped at the fabric, pulling it half an inch from his skin before they abruptly let go. Instead, they were pulled back to uselessly cover a gash that sprayed blood onto everything in sight. The guard gurgled out a protest and swung with his free hand, sending a weak punch towards Joel that he easily ducked. Stumbling forward, the larger man was already dead before his partner had a chance to draw his weapon. 

The remaining guard fumbled with the strap on his holster, giving Joel the perfect chance to slam him to the ground. A whine crawled out of his throat, muffled by Joel’s palm clamped over his mouth. A sharp sting came from the man biting him but he ignored it, suddenly mesmerized by the way the red stains of blood on the man’s face danced across his sallow skin. 

“Stop,” Joel mumbled to the squirming guard, putting more weight on the hand that shoved his face into the floor. 

A crack and a muffled scream resounded in the room, causing Joel to shudder at the sound. The mirage was shattered, replaced by a sickening reality where he was crouched over a man who groaned in pain from his jaw being shifted about three inches to the right. 

“Oh fuck,” Joel mused, huffing in amusement at his own blunder. 

The man hissed a garbled response, something about him being fucking crazy, but it was cut off by a knife slicing through vocal chords. Another misting of blood found Joel, baptizing him in the torment he caused with his own hands. He wanted to linger, to see if those dancing streaks would return again as the man took his last breaths, but he shook himself from the fog that clouded his judgment. 

Lifting himself from the floor, Joel stumbled towards the door and tore it open. The walls of the hallway shivered as he ping ponged off of them, trying desperately to keep himself upright even though his legs felt like wet spaghetti. All he needed was to think of you, his mate, possibly in danger at the other end of the hallway and he was using all of his might to overpower the effects of the tea. As he came to the opaque door, panting from the effort, he smelled it again. 

Lavender and peppermint, the scent that he would know anywhere. One that had mingled with his, creating a soft undertone to your scent that was all him. And one that was now bitter with fear and overpowered by the smell of death. Unsure of what he was about to see, Joel held his breath as he opened the door. 

- You - 

The candles that lined the pool dripped down the edges, creating piles of goopy wax along around the shallow end. The deep end however, that was where the wax got lost in the impressive layer of thickened blood that coated the bottom of it. As you lay strapped to a wooden table, your whole body tilted with the way the floor was slanted, all you could think about was how many people had been in the exact position. By the looks of it, a fuck ton. 

Women buzzed around you, covering your nude body in fragrant oils and soothing herbs, all while they boasted about how lucky you were for The Teacher choosing you. It was enough to make you barf. And you had, twice already. Each time made you feel slightly clearer but the waves in your vision never quite went away, along with the vibrancy of every color. 

At first you were outraged, having never taken any drugs other than a few hits of a joint that the older kids had shared with you and Jake behind the chapel. Now, it was just annoying to be incapacitated in such an inconvenient way. Although your mind was clearer, your limbs were weighed down against the wood. Even if you could get away, there was no telling whether you would be able to run. The only hope you had was Joel. 

“She looks perfect, my children. A beautiful reward for our offering. The others have taken her mate through the preparation, his ascension should come at any moment now,” Aspen’s voice called out, echoing around the abandoned swimming pool. 

The women all bowed to her, hurrying to their places along the wall as their leader descended the steps and drifted over to you. Her breasts were bare, painted in more symbols that held no meaning to anyone outside of the group, while her waist was covered by a blue skirt that flowed behind her. A long knife was strapped to her hip, bouncing with every step she took. The closer she got, the more blood you smelt and you realized that the paint they used for everything was not in fact paint. 

“I knew there was something about you, something that was begging to be unleashed, and now look where we are,” she sighed dreamily, brushing the hair from your face in an almost loving gesture. 

You tried to scooch back but couldn’t, not with the leather that strapped you down to the wood. 

“Why?,” you hissed, squirming uselessly. 

She hummed, “Why have they chosen me to be the one that speaks for them? Why has your mate been chosen to know their truth, while we all must wait for the messiah to understand? Why do people have to die? There is no one answer my child, it just is.”

The answer unnerved you, forcing you to freeze the attempts at escaping despite the fact that you were quivering with fear. This woman was crazy, completely deranged in her own self made delusions that she could speak to fungus controlled beings. Joel was right to worry about these people. 

Josiah had believed in a social hierarchy, one that left you at the bottom and everyone who presented differently above. And you never questioned his devotion to his backwards beliefs about marriage, modesty, or correct social norms. However, as far as the actual religion went, he was mostly just using it as a backbone to prop up the bullshit he wanted to advertise. Christianity was just a tool to propel himself forward, landing him a role as leader and preacher in a world that was primed for someone to take advantage of people. 

Paul’s group was different in action, but they also held similarities to Josiah’s. They strictly enforced a hierarchy that cherished only the group of alphas on the in, mowing down any possible competition for the crown with the arena. Meanwhile, your kind were used and discarded. Only the unlucky ones were kept. Violence was the tool Paul used and boy, was he good at it. However, his purpose was the same; to propel himself forward off the backs of others. 

Aspen was not like either of them. 

“J-Joel, my m-mate -,” you stammered, working hard against the effects of the tea. 

She clicked her tongue, “He knows what we cannot, they have taken him as one of their own by now. And you shall be our reward for the offering.” 

Aspen’s hand cupped your cheek, making you wince at the smell of stale blood that lingered under her fingernails. 

“You will have the most tender meat, the well loved ones always do,” she cooed. 

You balked, “What the fuck?” 

As the women that had lathered your body circled around the table, holding hands as they began to chant in a foreign language, you saw how devoted each of them were to this cause. It would have been fascinating, if you weren’t being inducted as their next meal. And as to Joel’s ascension? You weren’t sure what exactly that entailed, but it didn’t sound good. 

Aspen floated around the room, making odd screeching and clicking noises that resembled her supposed gods as she lifted the knife in the air. They all screeched, the sound of it piercing your ear drums for a few seconds before it suddenly stopped. The women let go of each other's hands, turning to march straight into the deep end of the pool. Dipping their hands in the muck, they smeared blood across their bodies while continuing to mumble the words they had been taught. Aspen cried out, ordering them back with a single noise. 

They turned back towards you, surrounding the table in a way that had you sweating. Aspen kissed each one of them as they stepped forward, the gesture almost like a blessing before they pressed their bloody hands against your body. By the time they were finished, every inch of your skin was covered in the semi-congealed mess. 

“To your places, it is time,” she bellowed, forcing all that had marked you to scramble back to their place along the wall. 

Tears stung your eyes, threatening to spill over onto your blood soaked face as the rotted smell reached your nostrils. The fear had grown into an all out panic as Aspen approached the table. Joel wasn’t going to make it, you were going to die here. Was it because he was dead? You hoped not. 

Of all the ways to die, becoming food for a group of freaks had never crossed your mind. You could think of a million other ways you had fretted over, this had never once made the list. 

“Please,” you whimpered. 

Aspen sighed, bringing one hand to your chest and the other to your belly to ground you. Her hands were cold and only worked to sober you even more to the impending doom you faced. 

“Hush now child, you will be remembered by the Thin Place as heroes. Your mate has ascended to take his place and you shall sustain our -” 

She stopped her speech, lifting her hands from your body as her eyes flicked up to meet yours. The intensity of her gaze made you raise an eyebrow, confused at her sudden hesitation. 

“What?,” you asked meekly. 

Carefully, Aspen laid her hand back down against your belly and leaned forward. She placed her ear against your lower abdomen, making you squirm in discomfort at the proximity to your more intimate parts, but she quickly shot up again. 

“It is her, she is the one who carries him for us,” she announced. 

Excited whispers and hushed squeals of eagerness filled the air. Aspen smiled brightly at you, reaching forward to unclasp one of your hands. 

“I had begun to have my doubts, but you have come! Your mate has ascended but all is well, he shall return to you once the babe is born. The connection between worlds will be complete through the son, he will show us the truth of his father’s kind,” Aspen prattled on. 

“The - The what?!,” you sputtered. 

Just then, the door whipped open with such force that the glass on the top half of it shattered as it smacked against the wall. Joel stumbled in, looking delirious yet hellbent as he zoned it on you. Blood covered nearly every inch of him, making you whimper in fear. How badly wounded had he been wounded to cause that much blood?

“You motherfuckers!,” he roared, sprinting towards the shallow end at full speed. 

He skidded to a stop on the side, leaping down only to be confronted by one of the women. Joel didn’t hesitate, mowing her down the second she lept in his way. The woman dropped and another took her place, quickly being disposed of by the vengeful spirit that had possessed your mate. 

“STOP! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! SHE WILL SAVE US ALL!,” Aspen screeched. 

You cringed at the older woman’s poor choice of words. She couldn’t possibly understand the fire she had lit under Joel’s ass with her plea. 

The fury in Joel doubled, with the memory of someone else who had been strapped to a different table setting off the alarm bells in his mind. As chaos ensued, you reached down and groggily undid the rest of the straps. The second you were freed, you moved to get up from the wood but were stopped by Aspen. Tears were in her eyes as she grasped your shoulders in desperation, shaking them back and forth in an effort to lift you from the fog of confusion.  

“Please,” she cried, “This is the key to saving everyone, he needs to ascend before it’s too late.” 

Your mind remained blank. No matter how hard you tried, not a single thought came to aid in your response to the sobbing woman. The only thoughts you were able to conjure up were terrifying, with a million unanswered questions starting a dull throb in the center of your brain. Was it possible? Of course it was, Joel had been cumming inside of you for months. Was it true? You had no idea. 

“Please you need t-”

Aspen’s pleas were cut off when Joel rammed a knife into the side of her neck, effectively ending whatever she had to say about babes and messiahs. Watching as she scrabbled at her neck, you did nothing but stare. The effects of the tea were muted by the shock of Aspen’s words, making her death seem almost surreal as Joel ripped the blade from her. She fell to the floor, giving one last pained wheeze before she stilled for good. 

“Darling, hey, hey, it’s me,” Joel said, cupping your face in his hands. 

You wanted to poke fun at his reassurances. Of course it was him, you had watched Joel run in here and tear through the group. Who else would it be? That would’ve reassured him, perhaps even earned a laugh, but you remained mute. Studying his ridiculously long eyelashes as he nervously examined your face, you tried hard not to look him directly in the eye. If you did look at him, you were worried that all of the things Aspen had said would come pouring out of your mouth. 

Joel brought his head down to knock against yours, sighing as he tried needlessly to reassure you that everything would be okay. He whispered sweet words in hopes of soothing you, but it was pointless, you were already calm. So calm that you felt untethered from reality. The drugs mixed with the shock and you ended up tuning out for most of what Joel was saying. After letting him frantically check you for the source of blood, he put it together that it wasn’t yours all by himself and gently lifted you from the table. Normally, you would protest his babying, but you were barely present as he stomped out off the pool deck. 

The next few minutes blurred together and suddenly, you were being lifted onto the back of a horse and riding out into the night. Hugging Joel tightly, you buried your face into his back to shield yourself from the wind and tried to remember what had happened. Aspen had made her announcement, Joel had mowed down her followers, he had carried you out, and then nothing. 

You had a vague memory of him killing other people, the blurred faces of two guards who jumped out from around a corner during the escape flashing in your mind. Despite the hallucinogens that kept his eyes glossy, you remembered how Joel’s brute strength had allowed him to beat the two men into the ground with his bare fists. His movements were erratic rather precise, his tact seeming to be to overwhelm his victims and use their surprise to end them. You watched the display, too soaked up in your own thoughts to aid, yet unable to look away from the more menacing side of Joel. It was a side to him that you found oddly comforting. 

It was also a side that was in sharp contrast to the man that picked you back up and backtracked to the closet to reclaim your lost clothes. Muttering angrily about Aspen and her women stripping you of the tight dress, he carefully wiped as much blood and oil as he could from your body before he redressed you. 

Once Joel was fully dressed himself, you leaned up against the wall, rubbing at your chest to calm the erratic beats while he stuck his head out of the door. After seeing it was clear, you remembered that he had scooped you up again, but the rest of the escape was too distorted to understand. It was fine, you weren’t sure you wanted to know the details anyways. There were bigger things for you to worry about. 

“I’ve got ya honey, don’t worry. S’okay, we’re gonna be just fine,” Joel called over the wind, kicking the horse in the sides to start a gallop. 

His comfort did little to help you but you hugged him tighter, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck to satiate his own nerves. As the horse tore through the night, taking you further and further away from the remainder of Aspen’s followers, you couldn’t help but think of what she had said. The baby, those two words rang in your ears until a migraine began to bite at the backs of your eyelids. 

Wincing from the ache, you closed your eyes and snuggled closer to the broad expanse of Joel’s warm back. He squeezed your arm in response, a brief moment of comfort amidst the chaos, before he returned them to the reins. As the night wore on, you focused on the sound of hoofs taking you away from danger, trying desperately not to think of the dangers that the future may hold. 

- Joel - 

Two more days of living rough, huddled together at night inside of a former auto shop and even a tool shed to withstand the elements. Two more days of him watching you pick at the measly portions he was able to scrounge up. Two more days of him babbling to himself in hopes that you might finally speak up. Two more days of Joel anxiously hugging you tightly as you pretended to sleep beside him. It had been two days of hell for him. 

The first night, he had given you a pass. He didn’t sleep either. With the drugs still swirling in his bloodstream and the adrenaline of the escape making his heart thump painfully hard in his chest, Joel had finally directed the horse into a former auto shop. After clambering off the horse and stumbling through a rudimentary inspection of the place, he jogged back outside to pull the horse in through the half opened garage door. You were slumped over in the seat, gripping the sides of the leather to keep yourself from sliding to the ground. He understood the feeling, for the past hour his head had felt like it was weighed down by a ton of bricks. 

Easing you off the seat, Joel had thrown you over his shoulder and led the horse in through the tight opening. After closing the bay doors as gently as he possibly could, he patted the stallion’s side before walking through the shop to get to the office in the back. The air was stale there, with the dust particles tickling his nostrils, but the door had a lock and the loveseat shoved in the corner would be comfortable enough to ride out the rest of the effects together.  

For the next four hours Joel had held you in his lap, rubbing your back and leaving the occasional kiss to soothe the both of you as the drugs left your bodies. The dead weight slumped against him was almost enough to convince him that you were asleep, but he was too attuned to you to be fooled. Your breathing was quicker than usual, a dead giveaway that you were still keyed up to let yourself fall into a slumber. He let you pretend anyways.  

When the morning came, Joel had even pretended to wake you. He whispered soft greetings in your ear, kissing your cheek gently until you hummed in acknowledgement. After a hazy smile was sent his way, a tiny bit of the weight on his chest was lifted. Perhaps you would be okay. Maybe you just needed the night to come to terms with everything that had happened. 

“How do you feel honey? Are ya alright? I know that must’ve been scary for you,” Joel asked, fussing over the errant strands that clung to your face.  

“I’m fine Joel. It was just a lot is all, are you okay?,” you answered sweetly. 

He hummed, “I’m okay, was just worried ‘bout you. Drugs can be fun but not like that. That was… Not the best place for you to try ‘em for the first time. 

A devious smile had graced your lips, easing more tension from between his shoulder blades. 

“God Joel, what do you take me for? That wasn’t my first time trying drugs, I’ve smoked weed before. Definitely my first time doing that kind of stuff though. Can’t say I’m a fan,” you joked. 

The pair of you had laughed and once again, Joel was deluded into thinking that you would be okay. But that’s not how life worked, not in his experience anyways. An entire day passed with you glued to his back on the horse, completely silent as he followed the trails to the best of his memory. At first he thought it was you being tired and he said nothing, allowing you to doze if that’s what you needed. Nevertheless, as the day wore on and you remained locked within yourself, he began to ramble about anything and everything to fill the silence that suffocated him. 

During his time as a smuggler, Joel had always preferred his counterparts to say as little as possible to him. That’s why he and Tess worked so well together, she understood that he liked space. But he wasn’t a smuggler anymore and you weren’t his accomplice, you were his mate. Joel couldn’t stand the silence, it felt like it was filled with nothing but impending doom. Like at any moment you were going to turn around and tell him you were leaving him. Distant memories of Sarah’s mother standing over her crib, apologizing to him through tears before she left for good, plucked at his oversensitive nerves. Joel clenched his jaw, working hard to not let his memories of that woman distort the situation. You weren’t her. 

Still, Joel couldn’t help bemoaning the fact that you were supposed to be the one talking his ear off. As someone who wasn’t great with words, he loved the fact that you were a storyteller. Before he had taken you for the first time, before he finally allowed himself to indulge in the woman that plagued his every thought, you had charmed him with the way you spoke. 

Joel would come back from whatever bogus job he made up to keep the distance, make a meal for the two of you, and then he would sit and listen to every thought that ran through that pretty little head. He was almost jealous of your ability to make anything seem interesting and it made him want to get better at it. And now, with your mind a million miles away, it seemed his rusty sociable skills were being tested. 

By the time Joel stopped for the second night, you weren’t even pretending to listen to him anymore. He knew he wasn’t being particularly interesting, prattling on about a job he had done in Austin nearly thirty years ago, but he was slowly running out of memories to help pull you from the abyss. And usually, when his words failed him or came out entirely wrong, you were the one that swooped in to save the conversation. This time that didn’t happen and he was forced to awkwardly rush through a tedious speech on the importance of applying the finish to a deck equally to protect the wood. 

While Joel talked, he formed the most rudimentary bed anyone had ever made with tarps and fishing nets. Meanwhile, you stared at the walls, so checked out that he had to practically drag you into the makeshift nest when it was time to go to sleep. When he had finally curled himself around you, holding you close to preserve body heat while the night passed, Joel decided to push the issue. 

“Honey, are ya alright? You’ve been mighty quiet today and well… If you’re feeling a certain way about what went down, I’d like it if you talked to me about it. I - I mean, we could work through it ya know,” Joel whispered, rubbing every inch of skin he could reach to calm you. 

There was no response at first but he knew you heard him. The way you tensed against his body was enough of an indicator. He waited, allowing you a moment to collect your thoughts before pushing you to speak. Just as Joel was about to press it again, willing to face a wrath if he must, you spoke up. 

“M’okay baby, I’m just tired and I still don’t feel very well,” you mumbled against his chest, looking up to press your chapped lips to his in thanks. 

The sickness that had come over you while on the trip to Jackson worried him, but he accepted it as a reason why you might not be particularly chipper. For once in his life, Joel had never desired to be in his brother’s commune as badly as he did now. The allure of an actual doctor checking you out was driving him mad. Everytime the wind shook the shed that night or you shifted uncomfortably beside him, he wanted to throw you on the back of the horse and ride until he got to the gates. But Joel wasn’t stupid, he knew his eyesight wasn’t what it used to be and riding around in the dark like that was pointless. It was the thought of you finally getting the help you needed safely that got him through it. 

After the two of you departed from the shed, it was that second day on the road that had broken his spirit. Jackson was so close, another hour and he would be at the doors, but the temperatures had quickly dropped to dangerously low levels. Joel had shook with each sharp gust of wind, a movement which was mirrored by you in the saddle behind him. After trying to tough it out for the majority of the miserable day, he had finally decided to pull off until the weather broke. 

The luxurious home near the ski lodge Joel found was a god send. It even had a gate that he quickly latched behind him before he led the horse towards the side of the building. And to his surprise, there was nothing lurking within the abandoned place. The only scary thing that was in the beautifully built home was you, sitting in complete silence as he fiddled with the large fireplace that sat in the living room. 

After breaking apart some discarded boxes, books, and a kitchen chair, he managed to spark a flame that quickly grew into a blazing heat. Closing his eyes, Joel allowed his limbs to unthaw for a few breaths. Then he hummed and turned, about to offer his hand for you to join him, but you weren’t there. Glancing around the room, you weren’t anywhere to be found on the open concept first floor and Joel’s heart lurched, a sweat breaking out on the back of his neck instantly. 

“Darling? Where’d ya go?,” he shakily called. 

No answer. 

Joel cussed, leaving the fire to search the house. He checked the second floor first, finding nothing but a couple of chairs that looked out upon the frozen landscape. Jogging down the creaking steps, he ran towards the kitchen. He skidded to a stop in front of an open door, panting as he spied the steps to the basement. A chill ran through him at the sight of the shut door at the end, childhood fears about monsters in his parent’s cellar hitting him like a ton of bricks. He had never even thought to check the basement. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“Honey?,” he tried again, his chest growing unbearably tighter by the second. 

When no response came for the second time, he broke. Taking the steps two at a time, Joel landed at the bottom and swung the door open so hard that it shook the frame. 

And there you were, arms thrown around yourself in comfort as you faced the glass doors that lined the back wall. Only the top half of the glass showcased the view that was currently shrouded in darkness, the rest of it covered by thick layers of accumulated snow. In four long strides he was at your side, placing a hand on your shoulder that finally made you jump out of your stupor. 

“Oh!,” you gasped, blinking rapidly as if you had just been woken from a dream. 

Joel raised his hands in the air, giving you a worried look as you tried to regain the mask of indifference that hid your true feelings from him. He longed for you to scream at him, to say the pettiest shit you could possibly throw his way, to hurl insults that would make his heart ache for days, anything would be better than this. There was no fixing a non response, there was only the stress of trying to find the missing puzzle piece. If it was him you were mad at, Joel needed to know why.

“I’ve been calling you baby, did you not hear me?,” he asked. 

You blinked, turning from him to look back out at the inky sky. He wanted to grab your shoulders and shake you, to force out the truth the only way he knew how, but he could never be that cruel to you. Especially not with how beat down you looked. What you needed was for him to listen, he just needed you to fucking speak to him first. 

Joel gulped down all of his hesitation and aversions to prodding, placing himself directly in front of the glass to obstruct your view. He grabbed your hands, squeezing them as he lovingly waited for your eyes to stop looking through him. When he finally felt your gaze focus on the fine lines that stained his forehead, Joel decided that that would have to be good enough. 

“Please darling, please talk to me. I’m beggin’ ya. I know you’re not okay but neither am I. We almost lost each other AGAIN and now it feels like I’m still losing you. S’okay if you’re cross with me, just fucking say something. Say anything baby, please,” Joel begged. 

Your eyes met his for the first time in what felt like eons and his heart stuttered at the contact. Butterflies erupted from the growling pit of his stomach, threatening to explode from his mouth with a plethora of praises, but he reined them in. He didn’t want to spook you back into the shadows by coming on too strong. The look of your face was conflicted so Joel stepped forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead as an encouragement. 

“I know m’not the best at this, I’m new to… Talking about feelings and um, stuff. But that don’t mean that I don’t wanna hear about how you’re feeling. I don't want you to keep it secret from me if you’re hurtin,” he tried. 

“Joel, I think maybe we’re… I think that I’m…”

The words trailed off into more silence and he pulled back. Joel pushed a few loose strands behind your ear, nodding his head in encouragement. 

“Go on sweetheart, you can say it. Please, whatever it is, I can take it,” he pleaded. 

You swallowed hard, looking away from him again as you whispered, “I’m just tired, it’s nothing Joel.” 

Joel flinched like he had just been slapped. The frustration he had held back grew hot in his chest, making him dig his teeth into the inside of his mouth to keep back any harsh words that may be hidden beneath the surface. This was something more, something that you were hiding from him. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

The fact that you felt like Joel couldn’t handle whatever reality you were stuck in right now broke him a little. Memories of him breaking down, sobbing into your neck against the truck over the fear of losing you, blowing up at you after you went into the library without him, even showing you the wreckage he had made in the kids rooms back at the cabin, all made his stomach twist. Had he been wrong to open himself up like that? Did it ruin any chance of you trusting him to take care of you, to safeguard your heart? And finally, did the time with Aspen’s group awaken you to the fact that Joel couldn’t fulfill his duty as a provider? Was it over? 

“I uh -,” Joel cleared his throat, willing the tears of betrayal that threatened his waterline to go away, “I’m gonna go upstairs then, there’s a fire going. I’ll um… I’ll give you some space.” 

Joel turned away, leaving you in the dark basement to be alone with your thoughts. He felt stupid. Of course you thought of him as weak, he couldn’t seem to protect you from anyone or anything. He was unable to care for anyone properly, despite the fact that it was all he had ever really wanted to do. 

It was Joel Miller’s curse. To love someone so dearly, yet to not be able to safeguard them or cherish them in the way that he should, which inevitably would lead to their demise. Rinse and repeat. The moment he got you to Jackson at least you would be safe, even if you didn’t want anything to do with him afterwards. Rarely did omegas ever leave their alphas after being claimed, and vice versa, but Joel wasn’t surprised that he was about to be one of the few. 

“God, I’m a fucking asshole,” Joel muttered as he walked back upstairs, ignoring the creaking in his knees at the movement.  

The mark on his neck burned with despair and Joel cupped it, swallowing hard as he made his way back to the fireplace. Was it yours? Was it his? He couldn’t tell, all of the pain seemed to blur together as of late. His eyes were glossy as he pulled throw pillows and blankets onto the floor, creating a comfy place for you to sleep in front of the roaring fire. Once he was finished, he bent down, scrubbing angrily at his puffy eyes as he tried to let the flames to soothe him. 

Before you crashed into his life, Joel hadn’t cried for years. Only in dreams would a few strays come to the surface, but he didn’t count those. He had been a steel trap, a hardened shell that kept out any human emotion that could either harm or help him. But you, you had pried him open with your bare hands embarrassingly fast. He hadn’t even had time to realize it, but you released the softer part of him that had been trapped for years. Joel was constantly in awe of how you managed to get him to fold, easily opening the floodgates that had been sealed off for way too long by just being you. He was usually pretty thankful for that, but not now. Not when he couldn’t seem to get his damned emotions in check anymore, not when you had lost trust in him because of that. 

Just as Joel was about to lift himself from the floor to go find you and bring you towards warmth, he felt two soft hands on his shoulders. He froze, not wanting to scare you away by doing anything wrong, but he softened when a kiss landed on the bald patch in his beard. You continued, giving him a few more pecks and he soon felt his cheeks grow warm from the attention. 

“Come lay down with me,” you whispered. 

He did not hesitate, jumping to his feet instantly and turning to face you. The smile you gave him was the first real one in days and although it didn’t totally wipe out the tightness in your expression, it did brighten your eyes. Joel watched while you discarded the majority of your clothes, leaving you in nothing but an old shirt and a pair of panties as you snuggled into the sheets on the floor. He stared down at you, not sure of what you expected from him. Did he leave his clothes on? Would you care if he rid himself of his filthy jeans? 

“Joel, just get comfortable and lay down. That’s all I’m asking,” you huffed, patting the place by your right. 

Joel nodded, dutifully shimmying off his dirty clothes until he was in nothing but his boxers. He knew he probably should have kept some of them on, especially with god knows what lurking outside, but the allure of feeling your soft skin against his after days of being shut out was too tempting. Drifting over to you, he groaned as he dropped to the floor. Uncomfortable zaps of pain shot from his lower back, making all of his muscles tense from the feeling but he managed to clumsily flop onto his back beside you. 

Like ice against an open flame, you melted against his side and Joel pulled you close. He sighed as your hand came up, twirling his chest hairs between your fingers as he tangled his legs with yours. With the fire roaring in the background and you stuck to him, he finally felt courageous enough to ask the question that had been on his mind all day. 

“When we get to Jackson, what are you going to do?,” Joel asked. 

A beat passed. 

“What do you mean?,” you returned, sounding incredibly confused at his wording. 

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, “M’just wondering if you were planning on… I don’t know honey, clearly I haven’t been what you needed. And now, you’re probably realizing that and I just… I wanted to know if you had made plans for when we get there.” 

Another pregnant pause passed, making Joel regret everything he had ever said in his entire life. Why did he have to ask that when you were finally coming around? Maybe you weren’t even thinking about it until Joel had to go run his stupid fucking mouth, he had probably just said goodbye to every bit of good in his life. Dread curdled the lining of his stomach and he suddenly felt like he was waiting for the guilty verdict that would send him straight to deathrow. 

“Oompfh! Fuck’s sake darling, watch it,” Joel groaned as you clambered up onto his lap, kneeing him in the groin in the process. 

Two hands cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at you in the dim room. Gazing up at you, he noticed how the orange glow of the fire illuminated your skin. A few scrapes and bruises remained but aside from that, you were as beautiful as the day he pulled you from that river bed. Joel sighed and grasped your hips as your thumbs brushed across his face. He knew what you were going to say, that you were planning to leave him despite the bond, that he wasn’t enough. At least this way, with him taking in your gorgeous body for the last time, he could cherish this as his last memory of being able to hold you. 

“Is that what you want me to do?,” you whined. 

The desperation in your voice distracted him from the downward spiral he was in, forcing Joel’s attention back on you. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want sweetheart, you - ,” he choked on the words, looking away so that he could collect himself before he whispered, “You need someone who can be a better partner than me. That’s clear as day to me now and m’sorry I held ya back for so long.” 

The tortured sob that came from your lips surprised him. The cry was garbled, sounding like it was somewhere between a whimper and a howl. Joel gasped as you cried out, digging crescent moons into his shoulders as you shook him wildly with your hands. The pain was minimal but the shock of watching his mate absolutely lose it was something else. This is not the reaction he had wanted, all he wanted to do was give you the out you so clearly needed but were too afraid to ask for. 

“I don’t want anyone else Joel! I want you, so stop trying to leave me! PLEASE! I fucking need you, you asshole!,” you shouted, practically shaking the walls with your booming voice. 

Joel quickly rolled you over, blanketing your body with the solid weight of his own. Your arms and legs wound themselves around him tightly, keeping him trapped in your embrace. Not that he minded. Joel grasped your chin, opening your neck up for him to scent along the line of your throat while you sobbed uncontrollably. 

“S’okay darling, I already told ya that I won’t ever leave you. Was just tryin’ to give you an out in case you needed one honey, I just want you to be happy is all. You’ve been so sad, I thought it was my fault,” he mumbled in between kisses and nips. 

You sniffed with a vice like grip on his curls as he laved his tongue over the mark. Joel debated on biting into it again. The hormones it would release would certainly calm you, but he decided against it. He reminded himself that it was gentle that you needed. 

“I’m only happy when I’m with you. I’ve only EVER been happy with you Joel, so please, don’t say shit like that to me anymore. No matter how many outs you give me, I’m never going to take them so cut it the fuck out. How would you feel if I did that all the time?,” you sobbed. 

Joel sighed, “Okay, I’m sorry baby. I guess I just got stuck in my head these last few days with everything, but I was worried sick. You saying nothing isn’t exactly normal.” 

Again, the room filled itself with the sound of the crackling firewood and the snow pelting against the glass windows. Joel winced but continued to dote open you, hoping to unlock any piece of information you were willing to give as he brushed his lips over the mark again and again. Finally, with his scent covering yours and the weight of his body crushing you into the plush blankets, you let something slip. 

“I’m… I’m scared Joel,” you said, the words barely a whisper. 

Joel pulled himself from the crook of your neck, propping himself up by placing his forearms on either side of your face. With him positioned this way, your bodies intertwined and the both of you breathing the same air, he looked deep into your eyes as he asked you, “Why?” 

Your eyes shifted away from him but they couldn’t go far, instead tracing the outline of his nose as you mumbled a response that was so quiet he could only make out one singular word. 

“Family? You’re worried about your family? Do you mean your mom and Jake? I don’t know where they are honey, but I’m sure they’re alright. Seemed like tough cookies to me,” he soothed. 

The crinkle in your nose made his brows furrow. Joel frowned as you shook your head at his guess. He sighed, frustrated at your unwillingness to elaborate and his own inability to read you as well as you did him. Then, it dawned upon him. 

Joel sucked in a breath, “Then it has to be…”

Of course, how could he have missed it? The exhaustion, the nervousness, the mood swings, the lack of appetite, that could only mean one thing. Even now, as you stared up at him with terrified eyes, you were too afraid to tell him. Terrified of what he might say at your completely reasonable discomfort, you had made yourself sick from the anxiety. Joel kicked himself for not realizing it sooner. He could’ve stopped all the negative thoughts that were running through your mind if he had known. 

“You’re afraid to see MY family, not yours,” Joel exclaimed. 

The way your eyes widened told him that he was right on the money. He sighed, knocking his forehead against your own in a playful manner. 

He tsked, “Should’ve just told me sweetheart, I wouldn’t have been mad at ya.”

You nodded shakily, “Sure yeah, I uh… I think they’re going to hate me maybe.” 

Joel sucked his teeth, cradling your head with one of his hands while the other caressed your cheeks. He leaned in, brushing his nose with yours before he kissed you once, then two more times after that. Each of them were slow and sweet, like little bursts of sunshine on a rainy day, and the way you were calmed by them made him smile. 

“Tommy might be a lot, you’ve heard the stories, but he’s always been the friendlier Miller brother. There’s nothing to worry about there. Maria is a bit tougher, she kinda scares me, but I think you’ll get on just fine. She’s fair, just doesn’t take any shit. And Frankie is only four, so I don’t think he’ll mind ya much,” he joked. 

You gave a small smile but it still didn’t fully reach your eyes, “Okay baby, I’m sure you’re right.”

Fuck that. 

Joel wanted, scratch that, he needed you to understand that you were wanted. That you were loved by him, meaning that his brother would love you too or he’d have to pay for it. He might be older now, but he wasn’t above using some good old fashioned schoolyard justice on Tommy if he didn’t accept his mate. Not that he thought he would have to, Joel was pretty sure the only unwelcome guest upon arrival to Jackson might be him. 

“Hey, none of that. You’re the only person I want to see, day in and day out, for the rest of my life. You’re the only person who I would do anything for. Honey, you’re it. They ain’t blind, m’sure they’ll see that. Hell, they’ll probably throw you a damned parade for putting up with me. And if they don’t, fuck ‘em,” Joel said simply. 

And he truly meant that. You were the one anomaly in his life. Find a girl and have a daughter, lose the girl and lose the daughter. Find another girl who turns out to be his best friend and find another daughter through unusual circumstances, lose the girl and lose the daughter again. When Joel left Jackson in a haste after Ellie death, having done nothing more than drink and grouch for the two days he wandered the streets, he decided he was finally going to take himself out of the equation. And then, you happened. You, who survived time and time again against all odds. You, who understood him in a way no one else ever could. 

Joel didn’t give two flying fucks if Tommy and Maria didn’t like you. He didn’t care if they thought the age difference was strange. He didn’t even mind the sideways glances he might get as he strolled through town with you on his arm. The only person’s feelings he truly gave a shit about was yours. As long as none of the negativity blew back on you, he didn’t care. Joel would happily take it all. 

“You’d love me no matter what, right? Even if… Even if I had to - Like if I told you that I’m uh, well that I might be - ,” you sputtered, unable to fully get the words out. 

He leaned down and captured your lips, pressing his mouth against yours until you relented. Feeling it when you finally allowed the tension to release from your muscles, Joel smiled into the kiss as you tugged on his overgrown curls. Pressing his tongue against the seam of your lips, he breathed in deeply when you let him in, tangling your tongue with his. There was a bit of heat to it, growing in intensity by the second, but mostly it was just about exploring each other. He squeezed every bit of skin he could, humming in satisfaction at the weight of your curves beneath his palms. 

When Joel finally parted from you, your lips were swollen and shining. A haze covered your eyes, making you look almost drunk beneath him. It made his cock stir between his thighs but he pushed any thoughts of that nature away. The only desire he needed to quench tonight was his desire for you to finally be happy again. 

“I love you, no strings attached. There’s no ifs or buts - no exceptions. I just love ya darling, that’s all there is to it,” Joel murmured against your lips. 

You sighed, “I love you too Joel, so much that it scares me sometimes.”

He grinned at that, feeling giddy at your admission. Joel was an all in type of guy, in every possible way. Even before your paths crossed, he was a little bit unhinged. A lifetime of trauma and violence had loosened a few screws in his mind, that was for sure. But after meeting you, after claiming you as his own, Joel was downright feral at the drop of a hat for you. He’d bring the entire world to its knees and dance around in the ashes of the fallen for you. And for some reason, he was lucky enough to fall in love with a woman that would match his energy in that way. 

“What’s got you smiling like that lover boy?,” you cackled. 

Joel opened his eyes, having slid them shut as you played with his mussed strands. He couldn’t help it, the feeling of your fingers against his scalp was his kryptonite. 

“Just thinking about you pretty girl, s’all I’m ever thinking about,” he sighed into your mouth as you latched onto him. 

The kiss you shared was sweet, or at least that’s what Joel had meant for it to be when he accepted your advance. However, when your tongue flicked against his and your heels dug into the small of his back, forcing his hips flush with yours, he couldn’t help the pornographic moan he released. In return, he sucked on your tongue, making you claw at his bare shoulders and squirm beneath him in desperation. 

“Please Joel,” you panted when he finally let up. 

Kissing down the side of your neck, Joel stopped at the indents his teeth had left on you forever. He grabbed your throat, holding it still as he bit down with enough pressure to break the skin again. Your garbled scream of pleasure was cut off by his hand pressing over your mouth, effectively silencing you as Joel licked the wound clean. When he finally pulled away, your pupils were so wide that they eclipsed any bit of color that your irises usually held. He licked his lips as he stared down at yours, suddenly starved for any scrap of affection you could possibly throw his way. 

“What’s that baby? Tell me what you need,” Joel pleaded, knocking noses with you once more. 

With the glow of the fire warming the both of you, the storm raging outside, the pile of rich fabrics saving you from the hardwood floor, and your bodies intertwined, it felt like you were the only two people left in the world. There were no infected, no raiders, no annoying brothers, no scary mothers, no damaged pasts, it was just you and Joel. 

“I need you Joel. Love you too much baby, need to feel it,” you whined. 

Joel nodded, kissing both of your cheeks before he brushed away the stray tear that rolled down your face. He cooed at your teary eyes and kissed you again, softly this time, before he traced the column of your throat with his lips. Working his way down your body, Joel stopped and suckled at your nipples. Pulling on both of them with his mouth until you squealed, he stopped to admire the hardened peaks. 

“S-sensitive,” you moaned as he blew cold air against them, making them tighten up even more. 

“I noticed that darling, so pent up aren’t we? Love hearing how good I make you feel, let it all out for me,” Joel said, continuing his wet kisses until he reached your mound. 

The curls that covered your mound made his breath hitch and he quickly parted your legs, famished for the taste of your weeping slit on his tongue. Joel looked up at you, maintaining eye contact as he licked a stripe up the seam. Circling your button with the tip of his tongue on the upstroke, he hummed at the delicious taste of your essence. It was like the sweetest honey he could possibly imagine and he was shameless in the way he began to greedily suck it from your folds. 

“J-Joel, oh my gooood,” you cried out, shaking in his grasp as he threw your legs over his shoulders and pressed your hips down so he could properly devour you. 

With you properly warmed up for him, Joel pressed two fingers inside with ease, slowly thrusting them with such precision that your eyes were rolling into the back of your head. He grinned and leaned back, enjoying playing with your pussy for a moment as he watched you shake. Slick slid out of your slowly tightening hole, dripping down his arm and ruining the sheets below for any future use. 

He grinned, “Does that feel good baby? Feels so good when I’m right there huh?”

You keened and he took that as all the response he needed to add another finger, he kept the slow pace but used more and more pressure to rub at that one spot until you were right on the edge. Sweat dripped down your body, making the moisture glisten in the light of the fire. Joel knew what you needed, teetering on the brink until he decided to grant you mercy, but he wanted to hear you say it. He craved to hear you call for him, to hear how much you needed him, he was sure that he would explode if you didn’t. Just when Joel was about to start begging you for it, you called out for him. 

“Please baby, m’so fucking close. Need you to f- ha!,” you cried out, yanking ruthlessly at his hair as he sucked your clit into his mouth. 

Slick sprayed out of your core, the wetness drenching his face as you shivered through your orgasm. Joel groaned at the explosion of flavor on his tongue, lapping up every drop that you graced him with. His fingers squelched inside of you, never letting up on their pace as your walls clenched and unclenched around them. 

He was so out of it, entirely focused on quenching his need for your slick in his mouth at that moment. So focused that Joel didn’t even realize he was working you up for another, more intense, orgasm that had you thrashing against him. With Joel whining at how your nails dug into his scalp, feet kicking at his back as he held you down, he was in heaven. He stayed stuck to your core until you cried out, breathily reminding him of how sensitive you were today for some reason. When Joel’s head popped back up from your bottom half, his entire face was shining with your juice and he grinned down upon you like a madman. 

You laughed, “What’s that look for?” 

Joel shrugged, playing off his giddiness with a shake of the head. He wasn’t sure what was making him so giddy but he knew it had something to do with you. Nuzzling your neck, he placed a plethora of sloppy kisses there until you sunk even deeper into the floor. Lifting your chin, you allowed him more space to work as he licked over the wound he had made again. 

“Need you inside please, right now,” you sighed, the sentiment half a whine and half a demand. 

Pulling back, Joel pressed himself up on his forearms so that he could get a look at you. With flushed cheeks and a sparkle of lust in your eyes, you had come alive again. He understood and he felt the same. Being without your attention for two days had felt like he was going through withdrawal, his body and mind had rebelled against every second of it. But now, he felt whole again. 

“Okay darling, I gotchu. Always gotchu, until the day I die,” Joel promised, leaning forward to capture your lips as he positioned himself. 

A whine came from your mouth when he pressed himself inside, slowly burying himself to the hilt and hungrily devouring each sound that the weight of his cock pulled from your mouth. Still hungry for more, Joel slipped one leg over his shoulder and sunk so deep that you had to pull your mouth off of his to gasp. With every inch of him inside, throbbing against your twitching walls as you struggled to adjust, Joel’s mind felt fuzzy. 

“Big s-so big Joel, s’too much,” you whined against his mouth. 

Joel groaned, “I know honey, but you can take it. I always make it fit, don’t I? My sweet pussy is so good at letting me stretch her out, isn’t she? Listen to her baby, she loves it.” 

You whimpered at his filthy words, leaving red scratch marks on his back and shoulders as your hips started to grind down against his. Joel chuckled, taking that as all the green light he needed for him to start thrusting away at your dripping hole. 

“Yes, yes, yes, so good Joel. Too good for me, love it, love you,” you babbled with fresh tears shining in your eyes. 

The praise released some of the stress that had worked its way into his muscles, making him sink further into you until not a single inch of space remained. Sweat slicked and panting, the two of you writhed together on the floor, working yourselves higher and higher with each movement. The leg over his shoulder began to shake and Joel turned his head, pressing hip lips to your calf before he nipped it. You yelped at the sting, clenching down on him so hard that he almost lost it. 

“Shit babygirl,” he groaned, “Don’t do that or unless you want me to fucking fill you up. God - fuck, make you mine.” 

“You already have,” you sobbed, pulling him down to pant against your mouth as the tension rose, “I’m already yours Joel, it’s yours baby, shiiiiit.”  

When he felt your pussy spasm, preparing to gush around his cock and milk him for all he’s worth, Joel pressed his mouth close to your ear. Groaning as he focused on keeping the pace, he managed to grunt out a command that he knew would finish you off. 

“All mine hm? Such a good girl honey, now cum for me. Show me how good my cock makes you feel and fucking cum,” Joel ordered you. 

Joel kissed you then, greedily taking all of the choked noises you released and drinking them down like they were the finest aged brandy he had ever tasted. Your pussy choked him, holding him in a vice grip before your walls began to pulsate around him so hard that the intensity of it almost hurt. He hissed, his pace faltering a bit at the feeling of your drenched walls trying to hold him hostage, and barely managed to hold on. 

He wanted you to be able to ride out your orgasm, to let every bit of pleasure roll over you until you were boneless and sated, but you had other plans. Almost as if you had sensed Joel holding back, you grasped the back of his neck and brought him closer. With one hand to his throat, gently nudging his chin upwards as your other remained buried in his hair, you nosed at his neck for a moment before clamping your teeth over the spot you had already claimed. 

A high like no other rushed through him as you broke the skin, further cementing your place in his life with yet another claim over his mind, body, and soul. He whined loudly, shoving all of himself inside of you with one brutal thrust that forced you up the makeshift bed by a couple of inches as you stayed latched onto him. Pure ecstasy raced through his veins, making him collapse on top of you as his cock spurted a seemingly endless stream of cum deep inside of you. When you finally pulled away, licking up the blood that rose to the surface and sealing the wound with your tongue, Joel was completely boneless. 

“I’ll only ever choose you Joel, over anyone and anything. You’re stuck with me, I hope you realize that,” you sighed into his ear once you were done. 

Joel hummed, “Sounds mighty fine honey. Being stuck with you is the only thing I’d ever want.” 

The laugh you granted him lit up his insides, making his heart swell with all of the thick emotions that the poets used to write about before the world went to shit. He wished that he had the words to explain to you how he truly felt, how he would tear out his own heart and give it to you if he thought that’s what you wanted, but he would have to settle for the laugh that warmed him after he said something cheesy. Which was alright, the latter still seemed to work on you. 

When Joel finally gathered his wits and his knot had gone down enough, he moved to pull away but you stopped him. Whining and locking your legs around him even tighter, you effectively kept his hips hostage. 

“Darling, let me get you something to clean up with. Then we can cuddle,” he tried, stroking your sides to comfort you. 

Sometimes after sex, it was him. Sometimes after sex, it was you. Or sometimes, it was the both of you. Either way, at least one party was always greedier for the proximity than the other and the other was always more than happy to oblige. No matter who started it, it always ended with the two of you staying wrapped up in each other for hours. Not that Joel was complaining, it was usually him falling asleep while buried inside of you. With you wrapped around him in every possible way as he slept, he always felt so safe. He couldn’t help it, Joel was an old man and cumming inside of your pussy was like taking a pre-outbreak prescription grade xanax.  

“Please, can you just stay inside for a bit longer? I just want to feel close to you right now, I’ve missed you,” you begged him. 

And who was Joel to say no to such a request? Rolling himself back over the length of you, he groaned as his cock nestled itself back inside. The whine you let out at the feeling made him involuntarily twitch, the blood rushing back to his groin quickly. When you clenched around him, he had a hard time trying not to start thrusting again. 

“Was getting me to stay inside just a way for you to get me to fuck you again because if so, you could’ve just asked,” Joel laughed. 

You giggled, “No, that’s just your dirty mind, old man.”

He guffawed, encouraged by your taunting to start thrusting his oversensitive cock in and out until he was fully hardened again. His cum squelched inside of your pussy, pouring out around the sides of him and dampening the curls that rubbed at your clit. 

“Old man huh? When are you gonna admit that you like that I’m older -umph, shit - you like that I know how to take care of that little pussy, hm?,” he taunted, making you moan and begin to swivel your hips against him. 

“Yesss, I love it. F-fuck, love how you know how to fuck me, take care of me, nobody else could ever do it like you do daddy,” you gasped. 

The squeal you let out when Joel threw both of your legs over his shoulders, effectively bending you in half as he slid even deeper than before, was music to his ears. Fingernails scrabbled at his strong arms as they pressed the backs of your knees up by your face, gifting him with even more angry red marks to remember you by. The thought of you marking him up, showing that he was undeniably yours, made his cock jump inside of you. 

“Fuck yeah darling, know you do,” he moaned, picking up the pace until he was slamming himself into you hard and fast. 

The room was filled with a cacophony of slapping skin, whines, and groans. The squelching of your cum soaked pussy was lewd, but it made him groan and pound into you even faster. Joel smiled devilishly when your eyes rolled back, legs shaking as you clamped down on him again. He grunted as your release splashed his lower abdomen. 

“Aw honey, already?,” he chuckled darkly, “Well, I’m not done with you yet. Not even fucking close.” 

Just as your fourth orgasm petered off, making you a mess of splayed limbs and sweat against the floor, Joel pulled out and flipped you onto your front. As you arched your back, lifting your hips and dropping your chest to the blankets to present yourself for him, Joel bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t even have to ask you for it. 

One of his hands came up to your ass, rubbing the skin softly before he slapped it. You moaned, more slick dripping down your spread legs as you wiggled in anticipation. He grabbed his cock, trying desperately to ward off the ecstacy that loomed in his gut as he watched a glob of your shared release drip onto the floor. Joel couldn’t cum yet. First, he needed to wreck you. 

“So beautiful like this, perfect for me,” Joel whispered, leaning forward to kiss up your spine. 

The soft kisses he left on your back was in sharp contrast to the way Joel pushed himself inside, driving himself to the hilt without any warning. He reared back, drawing himself almost all the way out before he slammed back in. Starting a ruthless pace that had you babbling nonsense into the blankets, Joel could feel his balls tightening up already. Your pussy was too wet, too warm, to fucking tight around him, with each thrust forward making you grip his cock harder. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last like this. 

“Daddyyyy, fuuuck! Please, please, please, please, I’ll be good, so good for you,” you cried. 

He wasn’t sure you even knew what you were begging for, so lost in the fog of pleasure that you were just spewing pleading sentiments to call for something you didn’t know you needed. Luckily, Joel was fluent in the babbling whines you let out during sex and blanketed himself over you. Pressing the weight of his body into yours, he grinned when you dissolved into high pitched keens that made him twitch in turn. Gripping one of your breasts in his hands, his heart soared when you laced your fingers with his. 

“Joel,” you sighed, squeezing his hand. 

“Yeah honey?,” he panted, trying hard to stave off his incoming orgasm until he felt your release. 

“I love you,” you said. 

And just like that, he was done for. Joel’s mind went blank and he heard an embarrassingly loud whine crawl out of his throat. Thrusting up hard two more times, he cried out as his cock locked inside of you and released a torrent of cum, coating your walls with milky white. Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as you finally came around him, your walls sucking him in, tightening and untightening around him hard as he gave you every last bit of his release. It just kept going and going, until he felt like he was never going to stop cumming. It was only when the pleasure started to fade off into overstimulation that your pussy was finally sated. He collapsed, maneuvering you so that you were comfortable in his arms as he curled around you. 

“Fuck honey, that was…,” he started. 

“Yeah,” you dumbly agreed, still panting as you came down. 

Joel laughed and so did you, ushering in a silence that wasn’t filled with hidden resentments or fears. It was peaceful and loving, his heart warming as you reached back to play with his curls. He hummed and nosed at your throat, brushing sweet kisses along the fresh bite as he watched the way the crackling fire glinted off of your sweat soaked skin. 

“I love you too, so much,” Joel finally answered and you hummed, leaning back to capture his lips in a sweet kiss before you snuggled back down into the blankets. 

On the strict agreement that you would wake him if he fell asleep for too long, Joel laid behind you and pressed his face into the crook of your neck. You sighed, hugging the arm slung around your chest and reaching back to play with his hair every so often as he softened inside of you. Every part of him was glued to you in the stillness of the night, making sure he stayed as close as humanly possible as your heart rates slowed down together. 

When you finally fell asleep, not faking it for the first time in two days, Joel was extremely careful not to wake you when he pulled out. After pausing with every inch, he was graced with the sight of his own cum spilling out of you and onto the blankets. He grinned, having to shake himself from the far off fantasy of a swollen belly that the view sparked in his mind. It was ridiculous of course, he was much too old and the world was way too fucked up, but he had to admit that the thought of it was nice. Perhaps in a different life the two of you would have made it a reality. 

Shaking himself from the fantasy, Joel carefully tiptoed from the room and managed to scrounge up some abandoned baby wipes stuffed inside one of the bathroom drawers. The moisture in them had long since dried up, but the wipes themselves still smelled nice and were perfect for cleaning the both of you off before he eased himself back down. You turned over, mumbling something about family again in your sleep as you threw a leg over him. It made him smile. Never in his life had Joel thought that it was Tommy of all people that would be giving you all this grief. 

“S’alright sugar,” he sighed, “You’re easy to fall in love with.” 

Wrapping his arms around you and pressing a firm kiss to the top of your head, Joel felt himself being lulled by the sounds of the dying fire and your muffled sleep talking. To ward off the incoming chill of the morning, he pulled a few blankets up around your bodies and pressed himself even closer to you. Finally, with you peacefully sleeping in his arms for the first time in days, he dozed off. 

It was only the next morning, when a familiar voice jolted him from sleep, that Joel had wished he thought to put on some clothes. His eyes snapped open, quickly finding a pair of brown ones that matched his own. Joel lurched forward, clutching at the blankets that had been kicked away, trying the best that he could to protect your sleeping form from an unwanted gaze. 

Tommy raised his eyebrows at him, politely averting his eyes as Joel’s fussing caused you to stir with an annoyed groan. 

“Joooooel, stop it! You fucked the shit out of me last night, it’s only fair that you let me sleep in you asshole,” you whined. 

Joel’s eyes widened, his face turning even redder as he looked up at his grinning little shit of a brother. Tommy chuckled and shook his head, looking like he had about a million jokes to crack as the eldest Miller did his best impression of a deer caught in headlights. You were none the wiser, already fast asleep at his side again and completely unaware of the bomb you had just dropped in front of the person you had been terrified to meet hours earlier. 

“Well howdy to you too big brother, looks like we’ve got a hell of a lot to catch up on.” 

[itsthe-neo-zone]

[03:18PM] ~ Park Jongseong x Reader, Apocalypse au

You didn’t want to live with the misery of regretting everything.

But that all went out the window as soon as the apocalypse began.

2 weeks, it’s been 13 whole days and 12 nights since the whole world decided to end itself.

The reason? An outbreak, a malicious deadly disease terraforming the earth in its own way. Killing everyone and everything with it. And when you say terraforming you mean turning us all against each other.

You regretted waking up that Wednesday morning, regretted getting out of bed, not hugging your mother in your arms longer and giving your family a proper farewell.

You were in school when it happened your district sounding the sirens, mid-week morning meaning you were in the dinner halls, you heard the sirens and all hell broke loose, the diners small tv monitor picked up an emergency broadcast.

Shaking your head subconsciously you drifted your mind away from what happened. It had been difficult thinking the past few days, even eating was becoming a luxury at times.

Like now, you’ve been wandering empty suburb streets looking for something to sustain yourself, where you were looked to be like a neighbouring district, but you weren’t sure, the sign posts were all ripped down to make any form of defence weapon, supplies were scarce at this point.

The scent on you was horrid but not as putrid as the stench of rotting corpses filing the earth. You stopped turning to look around you. The street was dusted with ruined houses all damaged and crumbled to the grounds.

Maybe you could crash into an abandoned one, maybe there was food and maybe you’d finally be able to use an actual bathroom. Your stomach grumbled with delight at the thought of food.

As you were about to pull the rusting metal rod in your hand towards the nearest property you heard a shrieking ear deafening pop,

The blood hit your brain, adrenaline began quickly building up inside you, like a band slowly stretching about to snap, your heart rattling in your chest. It tightened slightly. You swayed slightly from the shock of adrenaline hitting your numb body.

You swiftly turned to see nothing behind you but a pelleted bullet, someone around you had a weapon, and their target? You.

You began seeing the blurred edges of your sight return a sign to take response. Fight or flight. You chose the latter feeling weaker than expected. Heading outwards past the last few properties your best hope was to lose your hunter out in the wilderness.

Brushing past leaves twigs and the thicket of the edges of the lush greenery you low down once you’re no longer hearing bullets trailing after you. It was quiet

Almost too quiet to be normal. You push yourself up against a tree, straining your breath to regulate faster than it should. You regretted being stupid to do that too as you felt the persisting tickle at the back of your throat.

It let a much needed cough to begin crawling up your oesophagus. Shutting your eyes for a moment you stiffened your lips slightly holding it back. Why now of all times, you’d been surviving fine…

You could hear a slight crunch of foliage under careful feet, slowly creeping up on you.

You’d be done for this time if they did have a weapon. Trembling fingers dug into the metallic rod in your palms, they’d make indents from how hard you were gripping.

Feeling your chest tighten a little. The metal was starting to feel slippery in between clammy fingers but you held it to your face keeping your stance ready.

You were scared, no, terrified even. But that didn’t mean you were going to give up so easily. You wanted to survive, you had to.

Ironic.

A few weeks you were ready to give up on life itself.

As you sighed, you prepared to turn and show yourself but as you made a move you felt something restrict your breath and pull you away from the edge of the tree. You didn’t have your hand on your mouth though.

It was a foreign feeling but it was something you greeted with open arms, it was warm, and you forgot the caress of another on your cold stiff body.

Caress of another? It wasn’t my hands.

Gunshots sounded across the clearing you hid from. Disturbing screeches of birds fleeted from above. A harsh thump fell to the floor. A limp body.

But it wasn’t yours. You still had a chance.

Eyes widening, you registered the figure behind you keeping you hold in a strong grip.

The surging boost of energy you had left pushed you to kick with your feet. Backwards tripping up your attacker. The gunshots stopped but you were sure it was them, not just one but 2, maybe more…

The figure fell back unable to balance themselves but you were pulled back, you pushed yourself out of their hold, they pulled away regained their stance before attacking you from your side,

the male twisted his arm around your head and the other at your waist holding your arms down. He was agile and had strength but you managed to be faster. Quickly thinking, you moved.

Digging your elbow into their side hitting them right beneath their rib cage.

Bingo,

you heard a slight grunt they pushed away from you trying to recover.

You turned grabbing the rod, eyes shaking to survey the sight before you. It was just one, you swing your arms back getting ready to attack.

“Stop!” A strained call out towards your direction, but you faltered, it wasn’t for you? He directed it behind you falling back slightly. You turned to see another male.

Eyes trained like he was about to pounce on his prey. What was more horrifying was the gun now in his hold pointed directly at you.

“Don’t, Jake, she’s harmless.”

His arms stayed firmly ahead of him holding the weapon. “Harmless my ass, you were about to lose your head,” his fingers wavered.

“Just listen to me.” The guy stood up. You noticed the tattered and beaten up clothes they wore, rips and smears all over each article. Dried blood splattered across parts of their body. Judging by the colour it wasn’t from today.  

The combat boots the two wore made you think twice about setting down your weapon as you remained in your stance.

But their eyes and faces showed different,

They were anxious, in pain, alert like you.

“Idiot.” He dropped his arms. Mumbling before walking towards the other who was now slowly guiding himself down by supporting himself on the tree.

His face was etched with strain. And for a second you felt a pang of regret. You shrugged the feeling away watching the two converse.

“Are you survivors?” you swayed slightly, pressing forward kept your feet stable you regrated the shakiness your voice had, first people you spoke to in a while and you sound like you were about to cry.

“Just barely,” one huffed, “As I said he was about to lose his head.” The one named Jake turned from tending to his friend and shot you a dirty glare.

Jakes eyes were intense and focused, he didn’t flit nor shy away. Pressing further. You subconsciously step back, eyes looking past him and towards his friend.

“I had to protect myself.” You pull your arms downwards stepping out of the position and lowering your guard slightly.

“Mhm, sure.” He muttered. He turned back lifting the others shirt. A long tear in the seamless skin ran down the males side. It wasn’t bleeding, it looked like it was an old scar. Just barely healed.

“You’re, fine,”

“She had, shit, every right to do that.” The other caught his breath then spoke.

“Right.” Jake pressed his lips into a thin line. It looked like he wasn’t having any of that, his jaw clenched, he was stopping himself from speaking any further.

Standing up and walking past you. He glanced at you up and down before moving back to the clearing.

“Sorry about that,” the boy sitting at the bottom of the tree pushed himself to try getting to his feet, you stared cautiously your fingers tingling to help him, so now you were starting to get your humanity back? Where was this feeling a few days ago?

The fliting sound of slipping feet against the rough terrain is what brought your focus back as you moved to assist him. He groaned.

His eyes caught yours, cautious and foreign, was this just the way he looked at people him or was he anxious to be around you.  

“I’ll … uh.” Your hand waivered, before holding his free arm. “I’ll help you.”

“Um… Thanks.” He nodded clenching his jaw he pushed himself up with your help.

“I’m jay.” His lips pressed into a thin line the edges pushing upwards slightly as he nodded, he stayed silent for a second. You figured out this was an introduction a few seconds late, sucking in a quick breath you mumbled.

“Ah i- yeah…. I’m _____ .” your face tensed up. Jay flashed you a lopsided smile.

“Sorry about earlier, I had to make sure you didn’t interfere while Jake finished up with—uh…”

“Were you the—” you paused. How were you going to ask him if he was the one that was chasing you. How do you word that without sounding weird. “the… I was—”

“You mean the gunshots?” he mumbled.

You quickly nodded giving yourself a mini headache at the fast movement.

“No, we were… in the distance, yeah, when we heard the sound. Just me and Jake.” He lead you to the clearing.

You were slowly introduced into the new space, you watched Jake push the body dressed in black to the side. There was someone following you his face hidden beneath the mask.

“Found all this.” He kicked at the floor with his foot. “shit thing is he’s probably a trained assassin.” He nodded towards the pile of weaponry. “All in his bag, some on him,”

Jake stood up facing Jay. “We need to fucking leave, where there’s one there’s always more.” He lifted a few small items. Something that looked like a smaller loaded gun, testing its scope he tucked it into his pocket.

“Here, take that.” He threw a shielded knife at jay and grabbed a larger gun and handed it to the male next to you.

“lets go.” He walked past Jay and farther out.

As Jay turned he caught your eyes, he saw the anxious glimmer, the shiver you tried to hid and the fact that your fingers were digging in to your palm.

“Our chances of survival are bigger…” he stated. It cut you out of the worry trail your brain was starting to follow,

“Together than apart.”

You caught his eyes. Jay was trying to be as friendly as he could, you could see a glimmer of hope, something you lost within the first 3 days.

“Are you-, I’m sorry I’m a bit confused right— shit, I’ll just ask… are you asking me to…”

“You should come with us.” You silently thanked him for putting you out of your misery. Shocked he was asking you this. And relieved to have met people you could somewhat trust.

“What?”

“HEY! Hurry up if you want to fucking live dude!” Jake was already way ahead.

“Gimme a second!” he sighed, calling out.  

“I was wondering if you wanted to join us. That is if you’re not with anyone right now.”

You could almost cry from the surge of relief you felt. It was almost draining the life out of you fending for yourself. And night-time was when it got its worst alone. No more going crazy talking to yourself.

“Yeah, that would be great.” You voiced out, he smirked, hearing your voice so relieved.

“Glad to hear.” He nodded towards the direction they were headed. Leading you further ahead.

“Do you know how to wield a gun?”

You shook your head.

“I’ll teach you don’t worry.”

~~~

(thinking of truning this idea into a fic what do you think?)

Seola - It’s the neo zone © All rights reserved.

[sour--disposition]

Take Me By The Hand

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harry lewis x fem!reader

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requested: Heyy, could you do the ‘take my hand’ concept that you did with JJ, but with Harry?? Love your writing sm! Xxx

please see my pinned post for masterlist and request info!

One taking the others hand to help them up

You were 4 when you first met Harry properly. You’d been running around the playground, chasing after one of your friends when you’d taken a tumble and ended up in a small heap on the floor. Harry had come trotting over, sticking out a hand to help you up.

“Is your knee okay?”, he asked you.

“I don’t think so. It’s bleeding”, you told him sadly. 

Harry kept hold of your hand, dragging you over to where the teachers on duty were standing. “She hurt her knee”, Harry said bluntly, poking one of the adults and then pointing to your knee.

Harry followed you and the teacher inside, sitting next to you as you had your knee cleaned and a plaster stuck on. The teacher left to fill in the accident book and write a note for you to take home. “I’m Harry”, the boy said as soon as she’d left.

“I’m Y/N”, you told him with a bright grin.

“Shall we be best friends?”, Harry asked with a toothy smile.

“Yes!”.

-

Holding hands whilst one walks on a small wall

You and Harry had stayed best friends from that day forward. There wasn’t anything that you didn’t do together. Harry would always be the first person you’d turn to whenever anything was wrong. He held your hand through every trip you took to the first aid room in your primary school and he shouldered his way through to sit next to you whenever you were in a classroom together.

Harry asked you out on your first date when you were both 15. You’d gone to his house after school, pestering him until he did his homework before you let him outside. He’d been pacing around the lawn in front of you, completely distracted from his kickaround with Josh, as you sat on the deck with Rosie.

“What’s wrong with him?”, she asked from beside you.

“I have no idea”, you told her. “You know what he’s like though”, you dismissed, all the while worrying about your best friend.

Rosie and Josh ran inside 20 minutes later to help set the table for dinner, leaving you and Harry alone in the back garden. “Are you gonna tell me what’s up with you?”, you asked him.

“Do you wanna go on a date?”, Harry blurted, leaving you stunned. The two of you were wide-eyed in surprise, both with words caught in your throat that you were desperately trying to say. 

“Yeah”, you smiled.

A week later you met Harry by the beach. You’d seen each other through the week during school and spending the evenings after school together, but this evening felt different. This evening would be the one that potentially changed yours and Harry’s relationship forever.

You walked side by side down to the sea front, stopping and sitting on a small wall there. The two of you talked for hours, like you always did. Harry telling you about his family, about what happened in the few classes that you didn’t share together, telling you about his day and you returning the favour. You laughed well into the sunset, a soft silence falling over you as you watched the sun dip beneath the Guernsey horizon.

“It’s getting dark, and it’s cold. Let’s head back”, Harry suggested. As soon as you’d stood up, you stepped up onto the wall you’d just been sitting on, making you ever so slightly taller than Harry. With your arms held out for balance, you took a few tentative steps.

Harry reached out, grabbing your hand to keep you steady. You looked over to him, a shy smile on his face that you soon mirrored, paired with a rosy blush. Harry kept your hands entwined as you walked along the wall, matching his pace with yours so he didn’t rush you and cause you to stumble.

When you reached the end of the wall and jumped down, your hand didn’t leave Harry’s.

-

Holding hands whilst driving

Harry had never let whatever Youtube success he was gaining get in the way of the two of you. He always made time for you, always made you feel important. As soon as he’d learnt to drive and got a car, you and Harry would spend hours traversing the coastline, wind pouring into the window and billowing through your hair as you watched the cliffs and waves pass you by.

If you were in his car, Harry would insist on you being in the passenger seat, no matter who else was joining you. His hand would always rest on your thigh as he drove, only ever moving to change gear before quickly returning to its place.

Your fingers were wrapped loosely in his, making sure he was able to let go and reach for the gear stick whenever he needed to. The roads along the coastline were fairly straight, only ever bending slightly and no sharp turns in sight.

With the road empty bar from the two of you, Harry snuck a glance over to you. Your face was illuminated by the soft glow of the sun, hair windswept against the headrest and over your shoulders.

“I love you”, Harry said simply. It was no massive declaration, it didn’t have to be. You and Harry had been friends for 13 years, together for nearly 2. He’d loved you for as long as he could remember.

“I love you, too”.

-

Possessive hand holding

The first time you visited Harry in London was quite the nerve wracking experience. Aside from helping him move his stuff into his flat with Lux and Freezy, you’d barely seen him since he’d left the small island you both called home.

You waited by baggage claim, leg shaking with restless, nervous energy. It was just your luck that your suitcase was one of the last to make its way through and round the conveyor belt, the hall almost empty by the time you’d got your belongings.

Harry was waiting for you just outside arrivals, just as restless and nervous as you were. His eyes had been glued to the door from the minute you’d text him to let you know you’d reached baggage claim. Every person that walked out of the sliding doors that wasn’t you irritated him even further. It had only been a few weeks since he’d last seen you, and he was going mad.

At last, you trudged through the doors, looking a little worse for wear and incredibly pissed off. But you were there.

Harry wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight against his chest. “I’ve missed you so much”, he whispered into your hair. “The guys are already at my place, I hope that’s alright”, he told you. “They’re really excited to meet you”.

At Harry’s apartment building, he kept a tight hold on your hand as he led you upstairs. “Harry, it’s okay”, you assured him, squeezing his hand.

“Just nervous”, he told you.

Harry led you into the apartment, pausing for a second so you could drop your case by the door and kick your shoes off. His deathly tight grip on your hand never waned, like he was scared you were going to escape.

“Lads, Y/N”, Harry said awkwardly as he led you through the doorway. “Y/N, both of the Cals, Ethan, JJ, Simon, Josh, Tobi and Vik”, he introduced, pointing to each man in turn as he said their names.

“Nice to meet you”, you smiled happily.

You sat next to Harry on the sofa, squeezed up against his side. His hand was still gripping onto yours, squeezing tighter whenever any of the guys started to talk to you. “Harry”, you whispered, wiggling your fingers in his grip. “What’s wrong?”.

“Someone looks a little jealous if you ask me”, Freezy poked, wicked grin shooting across the living room.

“Oh, give over”, you scoffed, flicking Harry in the chest. “You buffoon. There’s nothing to worry about. Now ease up, you’re cutting off blood flow to my fingers”, you teased.

-

Rubbing their thumb over the other’s hand 

“I don’t wanna leave”, you sighed, leaning further into Harry’s chest. “I miss you too much”, you whispered.

“I miss you, too”, he told you, wrapping both arms around your body and pulling you closer.

Harry watched over your shoulder as you opened your phone and pulled up flight times for a few weeks time, scrolling through them to find the cheapest option. Seeing Harry as often as possible was taking its toll on your finances and Harry knew you’d only accept so much help from him.

“What if this was the last time you flew home?”, Harry asked into your hair.

“What do you mean?”, you asked, thumb pausing over the screen.

“I spoke to Cal about it the other day, before you came”, Harry started. “How would you feel about moving to London?”, he asked.

You turned in his arms, facing Harry. “Are you being serious?”, you asked, a blossoming grin eager to bloom over your face.

“As I’ve ever been”, he whispered.

3 weeks later, you waited at the gate in Guernsey airport, surrounded by your family. “I’m so happy for you”, your mum whispered as she pulled you in for a tight hug. When she pulled back, you were both laughing through the tears that had begun to shed. “You and Harry deserve to be happy”, she told you.

They watched and waved as you walked towards the flight bridge, knowing that this would be the last time they’d see you for a while. You sat in your seat, watching as Guernsey got smaller and smaller below you. Although leaving home was never going to be an easy thing, you knew that you could build a home wherever Harry was.

You’d already shipped a lot of your stuff over to Harry, leaving you only to bring a large suitcase with you on your flight. You had no idea what to expect when you arrived, whether your stuff would be in Harry’s room or boxes strewn into whatever corner of the apartment they could fit into.

“Here”, Harry said as you sat in the car in the car park outside of the apartment building. He handed you a key on a keyring. “House keys”, he told you.

“Thank you”, you smiled

Harry pulled your case behind you as you walked up to the apartment. You stilled in front of the door, Harry pulling to a stop next to you. “Are you okay?”, Harry asked, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah”, you assured him quietly. “It’s just a lot, y’know”, you murmured.

“I know”. Harry’s thumb skimmed across the back of your hand in a soft, repetitive, soothing pattern. “I love you”, he reminded you, thumb never halting its soft reassurance against your skin.

“I know”, you smiled up at him. “But I love you more”.

-

Unconsciously searching for the other’s hand whilst asleep

If you were to ask Harry when he knew you’d be in his life forever, he’d have told you when the two of you were 5. Teasing from the other kids about you being best friends with each other was almost never-ending, but you and Harry always found a way to make light of it.

It wasn’t uncommon to see you and Harry playing with the dolls amongst the other little girls or racing around through the mud with the other boys. Everyone quickly learnt that where Harry went, you went and where you went, Harry went.

Harry knew you were going to be his bestest friend forever when he’d sat down on the grass to play and realised that there were no toys left. You’d come and sat down next to him and you’d played in the mud together, making daisy chains and mud pies and potions that you stirred with sticks, never caring about the dirt coating your pretty pinafore dress.

If you were to ask Harry when he knew that your relationship was meant to last, he would fumble and stumble over his words, not really knowing what to say. It was something that brought his friends great joy, asking what he saw in the future for the two of you. After all, you had been together since you were 15.

The night Harry realised you were his one great love was rather anti-climatic. There was no fireworks or mind-blowing kiss or Earth shattering sex. In fact, you were curled up asleep next to Harry, hair piled on top of your head and the hem of one of his Sidemen Clothing shirts riding up on your thigh.

He’d shut his computer down and gotten ready for bed, sliding in next to you as quietly as possible. Whilst he was lounging in bed next to you, attention focused on the screen of his phone, you’d started shifting beside him. Harry laid stock still, not wanting to wake you up with any movements.

Instead, you reached a hand across the bed, seemingly searching for something. When you couldn’t find whatever it was you were looking for, a frown settled itself onto your face. Harry was sure you were dreaming, but couldn’t resist closing the gap between your fingers and his.

The minute Harry hooked his fingers around yours, the frown on your face disappeared, replaced by a soft, blissful smile. Harry had known you long enough and knew you well enough to know that you were still fast asleep, the gentle sighs falling from your mouth being a dead giveaway.

So, if you asked Harry when he knew that your love was meant to last, he’d tell anyone that listened that it was the moment he realised you loved him even in your dreams.

[marvelsswansong]

kind gestures

summary: simple exchanges of kind gestures go a long way- in saving lives, healing and leading two enemies to eventual love. 

tags: enemies to lovers, violence, slow burn-ish, second chances, starts with angst but ends with fluff ✨

word count: 5.8K

a/n: this was written as part of the Marvel fic writers x BLM Request campaign (check masterlist for more info). This fic was one of the hardest for me to write and took 2 months to finalize so a bit nervous about posting this one. 

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The edge of the cup clunked awkwardly with the wooden tray she was carrying as May carefully parted Peter’s door, revealing a very stressed out Peter. He was staring blankly at his textbook with his head in his hands, eyes wide yet unblinking. Carefully setting down the cup of coffee onto his desk (she normally didn’t let him indulge in caffeine but considering all the late nights he’d been pulling lately, she figured she could give him a pass this week) May held the tray close to her chest and watched her nephew’s response, which was a whispered thank you without even looking up. She sighed- she’d seen stress and exam cramming, but it was never this bad. 

“Alright, what’s going on?” May pressed, forcing Peter to look up at his aunt. His whole face was now more visible under the lights, allowing her to clearly see the dark circles underneath his eyes and his unkempt curls sticking out in odd directions from the countless times he’d run his fingers through his hair. 

“What’d you mean?” he asked lowly, causing May to raise an eyebrow.

“You’re eating half the amount you used to. You’re getting basically no sleep these days, you’re moody, you’re quiet… What’s going on, Pete?” she questioned, genuinely concerned as she lay a hand on his shoulder. Peter had to bite his lip from wincing as she was lightly squeezing a fresh bruise he’d gotten last night while chasing a robber, and forced out a smile, one as realistic as he could muster.

“Just stressed, May. Senior year is no joke.” his half attempted humor caused May to purse her lips but she didn’t want to push her nephew any further if he didn’t want to share, so she just smiled, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. 

“Alright. And you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” 

Peter nodded, almost reflexively. 

“Of course.” 

She smiled and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead.

“Alright. Love you loads. Try to sleep soon, okay?.” 

Peter let out a heavy sigh as soon as May closed the door behind her, the tension leaving his body. Squeezing his eyes shut and leaning back on his chair, he pondered on how he was going to be able to keep this up for another month or two. Normally balancing his schoolwork, social life and his superhero identity wasn’t so draining. Definitely not the easiest, but he wasn’t relying on three cups of coffee a day and for Ned to trade him notes as Peter could barely keep an eye open during class. 

He’d already had to beg two different teachers to not send May a concerned email or give her a call as he’d been caught sleeping in class five different times now. He couldn’t help it, he was just so exhausted and… angry. 

Spiderman had been falling in the public eye’s favour for the past few months. He was no longer the unanimously loved friendly neighbourhood superhero, rather he was now seen as a failure, unable to keep the villains of New York in check. It’d all started three months ago, when a string of robberies occurred across several big banks on the upper east side of Queens. It made headlines and left officials scratching their heads, but Peter wasn’t too concerned- robberies weren’t uncommon in New York and usually the criminals got caught a few weeks later and never attempted to rob again.

But then it came out that a note had been left at the scene of the crime. Drawn in red lipstick, a picture of a crescent moon was painted onto a high security vault which had been drained of all its gold. The media went into a frenzy and Peter recalled watching the NYPD press conference on his phone during lunch time, the head officer describing this behavior as of “possibly a serial robber” and warning the public of any suspicious behaviour.

But it was all speculation back then.

Then a week after that string of robberies came a gruesome murder where the mayor of New York City was gutted like a pig in his million dollar mansion, his bloodied and mutilated body bleeding out onto the rich white marble floors. The killer left an identical lipstick moon at the crime scene, this time painted onto the mirror in his living room under the word written hastily: “PIG.” 

The police was careful to say these two crimes were connected, as it could be a copycat trying to masquerade as the robber. 

Only for three days after the mayor was killed, the killer went after the head of a property investment firm located in west Queens, the corpse found with both of his hands caught off. Another lipstick moon was left at the scene, written under the word: “ROBBER.” A jewelry store was then stolen from the night after, followed by a string of killings of rich politicians and businessmen as the weeks went by- each time they were mutilated differently, but their murders were always accompanied by the lipstick moon. 

Once it became clear that there was a serial killer on the loose, pure panic descended the city. The police began to heighten security measures around the business sectors of New York and put out a reward for any information on the killer, all the while the public began to fear who this unknown master assassin was. 

Peter, as both a citizen of New York and a superhero, felt a moral obligation to capture this villain and put them in their place. He began to map where these crimes were happening and found a few connections: the crimes only occurred in New York and always during the night. Upon asking Karen to hack into the police force database, he read that the choice of weapon was always a carving knife, though varying in size each time. 

He started amping up his nightly patrols, commanding Karen to immediately notify him if any distress calls about murders or robberies in the New York City area were being passed through the police station. He was determined to catch this killer, who later became nicknamed as Moonshine, named after the deadly and illegal alcohol brand, but every time he got close he was always somehow too late. And with every robbery and murder Peter failed to stop, the terror felt by citizens began to morph into anger and blame for Spiderman. 

He’d never faced such slander before. Comments under articles reporting more of Moonshine’s crimes were littered with people questioning why Spiderman had yet to catch the villain, what exactly he was doing to try and even stop it. The public scrutiny paired with the increased pressure by the police for the superhero to help them out was so intense that Tony eventually stepped in, going off on a press conference about how Spiderman was still a young person and how unfair it was to put the burden all on this one boy. 

“Don’t worry about it, okay, Peter? Fury’s agreed to let us work on this case, now that it’s been dialed up to a kill count of almost 30 and the entire nation is in panic over it. You go home and sleep, focus on school, okay? And EAT! You look blue.” Tony had chastised, pushing Peter to go back home after he’d spent the whole night at the lab trying to connect more of the killings for any clues. 

But sleep wouldn’t come to him.

The pit in his stomach was unbearable. He felt useless, powerless and frustrated. 

The only progress he managed to make since he started working on the case happened a week ago, when he was the first one to respond to a distress call made by the wife of a prominent politician. 

Peter immediately swung to the affluent neighborhood and stepped into the bedroom, where the politician was cowering in the corner as the criminal had their hands outstretched in the air, the knife glimmering in the moonlight.

“Stop.” 

You turned around and his eyes widened- you were a girl. It was obvious by the way that the suit was hugging your body and the way you spoke, though your voice was slightly lower pitched due to the voice modulator installed in your suit. 

“Spiderboy? Never thought you’d show up, considering everyone hates you now. Now leave.” you pointed to the exit with your knife, the tip glittering threateningly with a drop of blood. Peter pursed his lips, gritting his teeth angrily.

“Not a chance. You’ve been terrorizing the entire state of New York with your unnecessary killings and robberies.” 

You just smirked, amusement seeping through your tone. 

“Unnecessary? Is that what you view that as?”

“More than that. You’re a villain. You’re immoral. You’re sick.” 

The man behind you then yelled and lunged forward, trying to tackle you onto the floor. You stepped backwards but the force at which he moved cause you to accidentally cut yourself a few inches below your hand, a gash appearing on your wrist. Your gaze turned murderous under your mask and you swore, gripping the metal blade even tighter.

Before Peter could web you down you moved at lightning speed, slitting the man’s throat before rounding around Peter and kicking him down. The pure speed and unadulterated strength with which you kicked caused him to clumsily fall onto the floor, his body colliding with the wooden drawer in the corner. Then within a blink of an eye you’d sped off somewhere else, and by the time he ran into the living room you’d already left your message on the pristine white sofa, the lipstick moon sigma smiling at him mockingly. This time you’d written the word “cheater” under the drawing, the letters messy and sticking out in odd directions.

Peter cursed.

He was so fucking close. 

The walk back home was hard, his heart feeling low and the sweeping sensation of guilt punching him in the stomach with every step he took. He asked Karen to pass on the new information to the NYPD and Tony (“she’s a girl and she has super speed and super strength”) before turning off all his electronics and closing all the curtains in his room, enclosing the space in darkness.

He needed to get away from all the scrutiny and responsibilities for a while. 

That was a whole week ago. 

And nothing had changed. Peter was still stressed, still being scrutinized, still feeling the intense backlash from the public. If it wasn’t for his natural intellect he was sure he would’ve failed the past three exams he took, considering he was falling asleep in almost every class and getting by on intense cramming sessions and copious amounts of redbull. He’d been barred by Tony and even Fury himself from looking further into this case, both of them arguing that it wasn’t “good for a teen” and that Peter needed to “get more food and sleep.”

But how could they say that when this was all Peter could think about?

Once he heard the lights go out in May’s room, his stomach growled in hunger and he was suddenly craving some ice cream. Figuring that there was a 7/11 open just down the block from his apartment, Peter quickly pulled on a spare pair of jeans and a Stark Tower hoodie (even packing his web shooters underneath his sleeves- he never knew) and headed out the door. 

The walk was quiet and brisk, the night wind whipping past his face as his footsteps rang out in the dark. Stepping into the convenient store he accidentally bumped into someone, stepping on their feet in haste.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” a feminine voice rang out, paired with a laugh. He looked up, his cheeks flushing red when his first thought was that you were very, very pretty. Wearing a breezy floral tank top and a tight pair of jeans, you were giving him the brightest smile he’d ever seen on a girl, one that made his breath stop in his throat.

“No, it’s fine. It’s my-” his words trailed off when his eyes fell onto your arm. 

There was a gash on your left arm, right underneath your hand, right where he had sliced Moonshine a week ago. 

“It’s my fault.” Peter finished, smiling awkwardly. Thankfully, you didn’t question it, simply amused at the cute boy blushing in front of you. Then as soon as you turned around to walk up to the cashier, he rolled his sleeves back and webbed you to the counter. Your eyes widened in shock, a couple of swear words passing by your lips before your eyes narrowed at him, finally recognizing him.

“Spiderboy.” 

He ignored the string of curses and angry comments that left your mouth and immediately called Tony. 

“Mr.Stark? I’m sending you my location right now. I’ve caught Moonshine.”

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Winter break came two weeks later, along with the fury of the freezing cold and layers of snow covering every inch of the city. Bundled up under three layers of fur and fuzz, Peter wrapped the red scarf around the lower portion of his face several times before stepping out into the street, the paper bag filled with books heavy in his left hand. 

Things had gone back to somewhat normal following your capture, the whirlwind of media sensationalism and public anxiety bubbling down to a silence. Tony had clapped Peter on the back and congratulated him, telling him that “the adults will take it from here.” Though now that it was winter break, Peter was visiting Stark Tower more than ever, the unlimited amount of books and scientific resources an attractive excuse to not be stuck in his apartment for weeks on end. After all, he even had an entire floor to himself after being dubbed an honorary avenger, and it was his recluse, away from any stress or responsibilities. 

Greeting the receptionist, Peter passed through the sliding glass doors and hummed as he stepped into the elevator. The elevator stopped on its ascent and he could hear some of the adults in midst of a heated argument as an exasperated Sam entered the elevator, shaking his head. 

“Is… everything okay?” Peter questioned, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Sam sighed, crossing his arms.

“Ms public enemy won’t talk. She’s just been sarcastic and rude and driving Tony up the wall. The latter I actually appreciate. Everything else I don’t.”

Peter nodded, letting out a quiet “oh” and reverting his gaze to the floor.

“Is there… is there anything I can do to help?” 

Sam just smiled and waved it off.

“Nah. Thanks though kid, if it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have her in our custody.” 

As the doors slowly slid shut Peter leaned on his right foot to look out, seeing a small figure hunched on a metal chair in a glass box while the rest of the Avengers argued amongst themselves outside. You made direct eye contact with him and smirked and he quickly looked away, troubled thoughts filling his head.

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No lesser than three hours when he saw you in that cell, you were walking free (well, semi-free with a GPS tracking bracelet on your right wrist) around the tower as if you’d lived there all along. Peter had immediately reached for his web shooters, fearing that you’d escaped, when Steve stopped him, putting a firm hand on Peter’s wrist.

“C-captain, I don’t understand, why-” 

Steve sighed, his eyebrows furrowing in deep thought.

“Fury and her talked and apparently she holds a lot of dirt on criminals and high ranking illegal activity by politicians that both the US government and SHIELD wants. In exchange for information she’s been granted limited freedom.” 

Peter wanted to talk back, argue about how ridiculously unfair and dangerous that decision was, but before he even had a chance to open his mouth Steve was pulled away by Bruce, some quiet murmurings about a meeting being exchanged that Peter didn’t have the brainpower to absorb. If Peter would’ve had the luxury to not know who you were, he probably would have been fine with seeing you walk around the kitchen. 

Especially because he wasn’t blind- you were stunning. 

But all he could feel right now was rage and hatred, the twisting of his gut intensifying as he toyed with the idea in his head. His enemy was walking around freely and happily even after all she’d done, all the people she’d scared and killed-

The lights went out at the moment, plunging the room into darkness. His senses forced him forwards and to corner you immediately, causing your eyebrow to raise in the dark.

“Can I help you, spiderboy?” 

“Don’t call me that.” he scowled. “I’m just trying to make sure a villain isn’t going to get away. You’re not responsible for this, are you?” 

You rolled your eyes.

“Are you serious? I’ve been in prison for the past three hours and had this big bracelet cuffed to my wrist that I literally can’t even saw it off if I wanted to. It’s made of vibranium or some shit and I need a code to be able to unlock it.” 

“Stop talking, I’m trying to think.” Peter snapped, his senses on high alert. He was waiting for a notification on his phone or some kind of announcement from FRIDAY but the floor was completely silent, the only sounds in the room being the labored breathing from him and you. 

The sound of glass breaking filled the air and you both tensed, your arm already reaching for the knife on the counter behind you as Peter began to walk towards the noise.

He never got to, however, when you pushed him behind you and swung your arm at the intruder, the blade pointing directly at the intruder’s neck. Under the veil of darkness it was hard to make out what was happening, but he could hear the slap on skin from where you were attacking the assailant and the heavy grunts from when you flipped the intruder over to the floor, the body smacking right against the concrete floor. A shout and you had pinned the unknown man to the floor, your legs right on his neck and causing him to pass out. 

Peter spoke quietly into the dark, not being able to see who had won the fight.

“Uh… you okay, Moonshine?”

Soft footsteps pattered against floor as you came into view, wiping the bloodied knife from where it had grazed the intruder’s skin on your shirt.

“(Y/n).”

He paused.

“What?”

“Don’t call me Moonshine. I’ve always hated that name. My name’s (Y/n).” 

Fuck, he thought the name was kind of pretty. Shifting nervously, he bit his lip before speaking.

“Well, (Y/n) thanks for… saving my life.” 

“You’re welcome.”

An awkward and tense atmosphere filled the air as Peter pondered over what to say next, before it hit him.

“Wait… why did you save my life? I thought your whole deal was that you killed people for no reason? Politicians, businessmen, robbing banks…”

You licked your lips, your eyes falling to the floor as you let out a humorless chuckle. 

“The banks I robbed were scamming citizens below the poverty line to bypass tax policies. The mayor sexually assaulted all his female staff. The property investment firm’s CEO was stealing money from the firm’s deals while cutting pay for his workers. The lawyer was contaminating evidence so his client would win, the politician was cheating on his wife, the last guy I killed was a convicted rapist.”

The lights flickered back on and two guards with the SHIELD symbol marched in, motioning for you to follow them. You sighed, dropping the knife into the sink and looking at Peter’s shocked face with amusement.

“I’d never kill someone who wasn’t guilty. I’m not a villain, Spiderboy. I’m the equalizer.” 

The man to your right grabbed your arm roughly, almost pulling you forward towards the entrance as Peter watched you walk off. His mouth felt weirdly dry and his brain was foggy, not sure of how to process all the information you’d just given him.

----------------------------------------------

You were starting to get comfortable in the prison cell they’d allocated you to, the harsh cement floor feeling softer and softer every minute. You supposed it was a good thing that you were captured by the Avengers and not their sinister counterparts, considering you were still being served warm food and given time to sleep. Even if they gave you the bare minimum or glared at you while giving you food, it was better than nothing. 

Each day was blending into the next, though you were allowed to wander out of your cell at certain points throughout the day given that you were wearing your bracelet and under the constant surveillance of FRIDAY. But those times where you weren’t outside, you were either being interrogated by an Avenger or forced to watch the Avengers argue amongst themselves outside of your cell. 

It was all miserable and isolating, to say the least. But you supposed…

Perhaps you did deserve all this. 

The night settled in and something must’ve broken in your cell, because it was suddenly much colder than it was an hour ago. The superheroes had decided to call it a night, each of them going back to their floors and living you all alone in your cell. Shivering slightly, you pushed yourself against the wall and rubbed your hands together, trying to brace the cold. To your surprise, you soon heard the door opening and a hand reaching out to you, holding a thick blanket in their hands. 

“Here.” 

Your eyes trailed upwards and stopped at Peter’s face, a slight blush dusting his cheeks as he coughed awkwardly and extended the material towards you. Taken back by the kind gesture, you didn’t take it, afraid of this being some kind of a twisted joke or a test. But he just kept on holding it out towards you, his eyes basically begging you to take it. 

“Thanks.” you whispered, wrapping yourself with the thick blanket. He nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. “Where uh… where’ve you been the past few days?”  

“What do you mean?” 

You shrugged. 

“You used to pass by my cell almost every day, Spiderboy. Well, every day since that day of the failed invasion. Then I stopped seeing you for a whole three days till… well, today. What’s up with that?” 

His eyes widened then he awkwardly scratched his neck, as if almost embarrassed about telling you this.

“Right, about that…. Well, after what you told me, uh, that night, I… I went to talk to Director Fury by myself. He was pretty wary about my idea and it took me a few days to convince him but I think he’s going to agree with me now.” he said lowly, slowly sitting down on your bed as you shifted over and gestured for him to sit down. 

“What’s the idea?” 

“Well… basically, you leave this cell and the bracelet behind. In exchange, you work with the Avengers for the next two years. Kind of like a superhero internship, so you can help people the right way. Because that’s ultimately what you’re trying to do, just… maybe your methods are wrong.” he was speaking to you softly, and you were frozen, touched by his kindness.

“You… you really did all that for me?” 

He nodded shyly, not meeting your gaze.

“Yeah.” 

A beat of silence passed.

“W-why?” it was your turn to stutter as you shifted towards him, searching his eyes for any sign of deceit or manipulation. But there was none. Just pure sincerity as he smiled. 

“Because I was wrong about you, (Y/n). And the world deserves to know that they were wrong about you, too.” 

You opened your mouth to respond then closed it, when words failed you.

“Well…. Thanks, Spidey.”

“Peter. That’s my real name. Peter Parker.” he cut you off and you smiled, tugging the blanket closer towards yourself.

“Peter. I like that name a lot.” 

You had a feeling you and Peter were going to get along from now on.

---------------------------------------------- 

Peter was staring at you. Again. 

Had you noticed? He wouldn’t know, you’d never brought it up to him. Weeks had flown by since the ice had broken and you’d slowly started to let him in and he was starting to see who you really were as he managed to take down your walls brick by brick. Between late night talks, walks in the park after training and secret sleepovers filled with sugar, he’d slipped into a dangerous crack of infatuation. 

It started out with fascination. Fascination with someone so morally different from him, a fascination with the layers of secrecy wrapped around yourself, a fascination with the unknown. Then somewhere along the way it turned into a friendship, a quiet compliment leaving your lips out of nowhere, a small smile, your unapologetic laugh muffled behind your arm as Peter tried (and failed, miserably) to drag in a six foot teddy bear into your room after winning it at a county fair. The bruise he had on his lower back was a testament to the fall.

The seasons melted from fall to winter eventually, meaning it was time for him to switch jackets for sweaters and blankets to fluffy multi-layered ones. He still remembered the time he caught you wrapped up in all three of his blankets in his room when he’d returned late from training one day, and the adorably panicked look on your face. 

And the others had caught onto his infatuation, apparently. It was all too clear from the snide remarks and gentle shoves from Sam and Bucky, the incredibly awkward love advice given from Steve (which was promptly followed by Natasha rolling her eyes and telling Peter not to follow it), and the outright questions from Tony over cups of coffee.

“You like her, don’t you? Miss public enemy number one.” Tony mentioned casually one day, accepting the hot cup of coffee Peter had brought in for him from the kitchen.

Peter almost dropped the other cup of coffee he was holding in his hands, the stumble obvious and eliciting a soft chuckle from his mentor’s mouth.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Peter replied quickly, averting his gaze. Tony rolled his eyes.

“You know who I’m talking about. Hey-” 

Peter looked up at Tony, worried about what he was going to say about you.

“I know we were all harsh on her at the beginning but we all like her now. Besides, I think you two would be good for each other.”

“Peter-” 

The call of his name forced him to snap out of his daze, your hand being waved in front of Peter’s face repeatedly. When he looked up at you, his eyes glazed over, you laughed.

“Too much soda?” 

He shook his head sideways, brushing off your comment.

“No. Not enough, actually. But I think there should be more in the fridge-” he walked over and opened it, only to find it void of any soda. “Huh. Guess not.”

“We could go out for one. There’s a 7/11 just down the street.” you spoke up from your seat from the floor, carefully separating your legs underneath the thick blanket. He agreed and the two of you snuck out the tower after grabbing a thick coat and sneakers, almost forgetting to bring the credit card that Tony had lended you and Peter for “emergencies only.” 

The walk was silent, the only sound being the snow being crushed under your feet, given that it was well past 10pm on a Wednesday. A few cars passed by but it was a mostly deserted street, albeit it well lit and seemingly safe. A few giggles and a light shove was exchanged in the store (to which the store clerk glared at you and Peter for) and the two of you left with two large bottles of soda. 

“Damn it, I forgot something.” Peter swore after the store door closed behind you. You smiled.

“It’s fine, go inside. I’ll just be waiting outside here for you.”

You hummed quietly to yourself to fill the empty space, your slow breaths coming out in white clouds and dissipating into the cold air. The sound of a scream and two bodies struggling caught your attention, the distressed noises coming from the alley around the corner. Spurring into action, you gave it little thought before running towards the noise.

It was dark, darker than usual, not a single street lamp to light the way. Carefully stepping forwards, you brushed past some bushes and a dumpster, before walking right into a heavy figure. Before you could do anything, the figure knocked you against the brick wall, your head colliding with the unforgiving cement and a cold blade pressed against your neck.

“Give me all your money.” the clearly male voice growled into your ear. 

“Who’s she?” another male voice spoke out in the dark, a smaller figure thrashing in his hold. From the moonlight passing over ahead you saw it was a girl, a large bruise on her left cheek and terror evident in her eyes as her irises stared into yours.

“No clue. But might as well get someone outta her too, huh?” the man holding you chuckled, the blade now actually pinching your skin. Dropping your groceries onto the floor, you slowly nodded, your left hand reaching for your wallet inside your pocket. The man lowered his blade for a millisecond, relaxing under the guise of your compliance, and in that momentary relief you kicked your heel out and hit his knees, causing him to groan and drop his blade. 

Swiftly kicking his face, you reached for the blade, only to be tackled by the other man behind you onto the floor. He attempted to hit you in the face, a blow you managed to dodge last second by twisting your head to the side, before you shifted your body upwards and pulled yourself out of his hold. 

The first man was knocked out cold, apparently, his body unmoving except for the slowed breaths leaving his lips. You acknowledged this for a few seconds before another swung at your face came from the other man, this time landing it on your left cheek. Stumbling from the impact, you stopped his hand, now holding the blade, a few inches away from your neck, the tip glistening menacingly in the moonlight. 

Twisting his arm to the side, he cried out in pain and this time you were the one to push him against the wall, your blade against his neck. Out of breath, pumped full of adrenaline and anger, the terrified look of the female victim burned into your mind, the thought of killing entered your mind for the first time in a year.

“(Y/n)-” 

Peter’s voice cut through your hazed mind, distracting you for a brief moment, but before the man could retaliate Peter webbed the criminal’s hands to the walls. 

“Karen, please send the police my location.”

The girl was still shaking, half from fear and half from the freezing cold, and you shrugged off your own coat and wrapped her around in it. She thanked you over and over again until the police arrived, carefully taking her in and shoving the criminals into a police car and slamming it shut. Once the red and blue lights faded away Peter’s cold hand reached out for your cheek in the dark, and you twisted yourself away from it.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Don’t touch me, Parker.” 

Peter recoiled in shock, the venom in your tone obvious and distasteful.

“(Y/n), you’re scaring me.”

“I should scare you. I’m- I’m a fucking monster, Peter.” 

Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you shivered from the cold, causing Peter to immediately take off his own coat and try to wrap you in it.

“DON’T touch me.” you shouted, trying to escape his hands. He sighed, looking like a kicked puppy, and holding out his coat.

“I promise I won’t touch you. But you’re freezing. Take my coat. Please?” 

You stared at him for a few moments, unmoving, before snatching the warm coat from his hands and begrudgingly wrapping yourself with it. 

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But-” Peter sighed, wrapping his arms around himself. “It’s freezing out here and we should start getting back to the tower.” 

Silence.

“Fine.” 

Carefully picking up the discarded grocery bags, the two of you walked back to Stark Tower, Peter ever so slightly walking closer to you as a result of his protective streak flaring up. The bruise starting to form underneath your left eye was becoming prominent under the street lights, causing Peter to stare at your face worriedly as you simultaneously tried to avoid your gaze. 

You didn’t speak until the two of you ended back up in Peter’s living room, collapsing onto the inflatable sofa with a sob.

“Hey, hey-” he was quick to soothe, wrapping his arms around you and letting you cry into his shoulder. 

“I-I almost killed him.” you admitted. You expected him to shrug you off, disgusted or shocked, but all he did was stroke your hair, pressing a shaky kiss onto your forehead. “I’m a horrible person, Peter. I’m forever going to be a bad person, I-I’m unable to be fixed-” 

“Stop saying that.” he cut you off, taking your face into his hands and forcing you to look at him. His eyes were just soft and sincere, not even a hint of disgust or fear in his irises. “You’re not perfect, sure. But no one is. And you’ve come so far from the first time I ran into you a year ago. Don’t throw all that progress away just because of a momentary thought.” 

“Why do you even bother with me?” you asked quietly, wiping away a stray tear with your sleeve. Peter smiled.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re worth it.” 

The kiss was natural and swift, you leaning in but Peter being the one to close the gap. When Peter pulled away, his cheeks tinted pink and a wide smile on his lips, you chuckled and crossed your arms.

“We still have one more problem.” 

“And what’s that?” he asked, teasing. 

“The soda’s all frozen because we were out for too long.” 

Peter laughed, his shoulders relaxing and his hand brushing away a stray strand of hair falling from your face.

“Is that what you’re worried about?” 

You smacked him lightly on the chest, playfully.

“It’s a valid concern!”

He licked his lips, slowly nodding and then staring at you wistfully.

“Hopefully it’s the biggest of our problems.” 

“Hopefully.” 

And it was.

Until seven years later, when Peter had to plan the proposal.

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a/n: AHHHH that’s it! I’m not the most confident about this one so please leave a like/reblog/comment if you liked it! it takes five seconds but makes my whole day <3

[rainygothherowolf]

Jasonette/Daminette- Little Sister Pt.2

Previous ~ Here ~ Next

Marinette was in the kitchen, preparing herself some hot chocolate. After the drama at Wayne tower, Jason insisted she stay with his family. Her older brother seemed to loathe the class with a passion, refusing to let her near them. Marinette's parents were hesitant at first, not trusting some random Gotham boy to take care of their daughter but eventually they were persuaded. Where she would be staying was definitely a factor, where could be safer?

"I don't see how you could stand to drink such sugary poison." Damian stated making her jump, he was right behind her. He reached past Marinette and to the cupboard she was in front of. He grabbed a teacup before pulling his arm back, his eyes never straying from her own.

"Well then... what do you suggest I drink?" Marinette's hot chocolate sat on the counter behind her, forgotten, as she turned and faced Damian. The Parisian crossed her arms defiantly, Damian looked down at her like she was a cute puppy.

"Tea has been known to calm frayed nerves, perhaps I could prepare you some?"

"W-why would I need to calm down? I feel perfectly fine!" Marinette declared, refusing to give in. Her stubbornness seemed to amuse Damian, he reached out and just barely brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Well, you've been blushing since you noticed I was here, for one. Now, would you like some tea? How do you take it?"

"I don't usually have tea. I tried making myself some a few times but always thought it tasted like bitter water."

"You haven't had my tea yet." Damian challenged, "You wouldn't be scared to try something I made, would you?" Marinette was coherent enough to see what he was doing, even if his imposing and, frankly, distracting physique was only a hair's breadth away.

"Only if you have my hot chocolate. Or are you scared of the 'sugary poison'?" Marinette offered, Damian leaned his head down just a fraction of an inch closer to Marinette before catching himself pulling away. He retreated back a few feet before turning to the sink.

"Alright then, it's a deal. I'll try the wretched holiday drink if you have my tea." Damian spoke with his back to her as he filled a kettle with water.

"Deal." Marinette agreed before heading to refrigerator, she's get him to admit her hot chocolate was good. No one called her favorite drink 'wretched' and got away with it.

"Deal." Damian reaffirmed.

By the time the drinks were done Marinette was thirsty, she would have had her own hot chocolate but Damian demanded she leave it, claiming it would cloud her pallet. She rolled her eyes at that but by the time she finally got past Damian's joking defense the drink was cold.

Marinette sipped from her cup first, Damian watched, both amused and attentive as she took a sip of the tea.

He laughed at her wrinkled nose, just for a moment- one could hardly call it a chuckle, before adding the cream.

"Try it now." Marinette looked at Damian hesitantly before taking another sip, this time he noticed her relax as a small smile graced her lips. Damian smirked at his little victory.

"Alright, your turn Monsieur." Damian rolled his eyes as Marinette watched him lift the mug. He felt she looked over excited for something so silly but found it strangely endearing.

The warm, smooth liquid made it's way past his lips and while it was a little too sweet for his liking, it was still good and he told her so.

"Fine, it was adequate." Marinette rolled her eyes before taking a taunting step toward him.

"Yeah right! That was some of my best work, you don't get to get away with calling it 'adequate'" Damian scoffed, taking a more intimidating step towards the short girl, one upping her in their little game of chicken.

"Then what do you suggest I call something I found too sweet but bearable?"

"Good! You call it good, it's important to be polite, Damian!" Marinette took another step forward forgetting how close they already were, refusing to back down. Damian had to look further down than usual to meet Marinette's passionately determined eyes.

He took his opportunity, using his right hand to tilt her chin upwards, smiling slightly, only slightly. They were so close, he could feel the warmth of her body from where he stood. Damian was about to speak when they saw someone walk into the kitchen, it was Jason.

The teenagers separated themselves quickly but it was too late, the damage was already done. The taller boy immediately scooped Marinette up and slung her over his shoulder. Jason was glaring daggers at a smug Damian before waking out of the room with Marinette. Damian waved goodbye to a blushing Parisian, she followed her old brothers lead and glared at the annoyingly smug boy.

The rest of Marinette's stay was an amusing balance between getting to know the Wayne's, spending time with Jason, and sneaking off with an unrepentant Damian.

Whenever Jason was around they kept their distance but were caught more than enough times.

"And you eat this?" Damian asked, bewildered at how anyone could consume something so unhealthy.

"Yes. It isn't that bad if you have it every once in a while. Sometimes the calories are worth it! Worth the satisfaction of indulgence." Damian scoffed from his seat on the counter opposite to Marinette, who was baking chocolate chip cookies.

"Why don't you help me? That way they're done sooner." Marinette offered, not realizing how disastrous the question was.

"I think it would be best if I didn't. Things tend to go wrong when me or my siblings attempt to do anything in the kitchen." Marinette giggled, she thought Damian was great. He was a good listener, funny, smart, and on top of that he was drop-dead-gorgeous. Marinette knew he wasn't just being friendly, no, he'd made his intentions perfectly clear when they first met but she didn't want to become a problem. Jason seemed to hate the idea, so she did her best to keep it friendly- unfortunately, Damian was persistent.

"It's just rolling the dough into balls, it's not even real cooking!" Marinette countered and Damian relented, getting up and watching her roll the dough before following suit.

At first, everything went suspiciously well. Damian did a good job rolling the dough and there was a period of comfortable silence, the problem with that was that it was too comfortable. Marinette began to hum, softly at first before it got a little louder. Damian didn't comment but eventually Marinette realized what she had done and blushed, her hands going to her head- accidentally getting flour on Damian's (NOT distracting) tight black turtleneck.

Marinette apologized repeatedly but noticed Damian was trying to smother his laughter.

"What? What is it?" The Parisian demanded, her accent thickening as she got more and more worried about what he was laughing at. As it turned out, the in her state of embarrassment she had not only dirtied Damian but also herself. She had cookie dough smeared across both cheeks. She blushed a deep red, making the cookie dough even more visible.

Eventually, Marinette moved past her embarrassment and spoke to a working Damian as he loaded the cookies in the oven.

"Oh Damian~" The boy turned, his eyes still amused.

"Ye-" Damian was cut off by a cloud of flour, she'd thrown the powdery substance at him as he turned. While blinded by the thick cloud of white Marinette was able to get close enough to get some cookie dough on his forehead.

"Oh it is on, little one, and I don't loose." They spent the next ten minutes throwing flour, extra dough, and water at each other, in a world of their own.

Reality didn't come crashing down on the teens until they saw the flash of a camera.

It was Tim and Stephanie.

Marinette blushed as she tried to dust the flour off herself, embarrassed that she'd made such a mess in someone else's home. Damian seemed to be torn between being amused at Marinette's embarrassment and trying to salvage what was left of his reputation.

"Jason's gonna lose it."

"Todd doesn't need to know."

"What's in it for us?" Stephanie countered, using her hand to lower Tim's hand as he tried to call Jason.

"Cookies?" Just as Marinette spoke the timer went off and she went to take the treats out of the oven. The warm chocolate-y smell filled the room as both Steph and Tim began to drool.

"Todd doesn't need to know?"

"Jason doesn't need to know." Tim seconded as Marinette fanned the cookies. When they were cool she handed them all the cookies on a plate. All but one that she negotiated for Damian to try.

Dick, Tim, Steph, Selina, even Bruce found it hilarious, they understood why Jason hated it, but they also saw that she brought out the best in Damian. It pissed Jason off, Marinette was off limits. Damian was frustrated because had Jason not been so annoying he'd have asked her out already, but watching the second robin get so riled up also made the chase that much more fun (not that Damian would even consider perusing her without her explicit encouragement).

Damian was taking Titus out for a walk on the grounds when he heard a familiar hum, he followed the high, sweet tune to the rose gardens where a small Parisian sat, sketching.

Marinette sat on a small bench for two, her hair in loose waves. She wore a black skirt that ended just above her knees and a deep red halter top with matching red flats. She looked stunning, surrounded by the vibrant rose bushes. He studied her for a moment more before making his presence known.

"What are you drawing?" Damian asked as he approached the girl. Marinette wasn't as jumpy as when they first met, getting used to his sudden appearances.

"A new design, a dress." Everyone knew she wanted to be a designer but no one knew she was MDC yet. Marinette convinced herself that was because it hadn't come up yet but in reality she was embarrassed. She'd heard Tim say they were his favorite designer and that if he ever met them he'd either fall in love (Stephanie slapped him across the head at that) or pass out.

Marinette didn't look up until Damian's shadow blocked the light. Marinette decided to tease him and ignore the boy in favor of his dog.

"Hello again, Titus! What a good boy, so cute!" She poured all her attention onto the animal who took it in stride. Damian didn't like being ignored but humored her, petting Titus.

"You like to design." It wasn't a question, Damian remembered what Grayson told him about conversation. He tried to find a relevant topic that would allow him to compliment her.

"May I see your sketch?" Damian asked, still paying attention to Titus. Marinette blushed as she quickly shut her sketchbook.

"Uh... hehe- maybe another day." Her logo was on the corner of each page and Marinette didn't want to risk it. Damian thought she looked adorable, blushing deeply, but he also thought it was uncalled for- he hadn't begun his teasing yet. This caught his attention and curiosity, he had to see the book.

"What? Why are you blushing?" Damian teased but he saw she was getting uncomfortable, he had done it in good fun but he saw he'd overstepped.

"Apologies- I'm sorry if I crossed a line I was just teasing, you don't have to show me- I didn't mean it." Damian was at a loss, he didn't think before he spoke and ended up stringing together apology after apology. Marinette giggled.

"It's okay, you don't have to blush!" Damian hadn't even noticed how hot his face was, this only embarrassed him further.

"Oh~ Do you need some tea? To calm the nerves?" Marinette teased, earning a half-assed glare from Damian, who was still trying to fight his blush. Finally, he got it under control. Despite the sidetrack Damian persisted, trying to start up another conversation just like Grayson told him to. He sat next to Marinette on the bench.

"The gardens are beautiful this time of year, are they not?" Damian offered. Marinette hummed in agreement, studying her surroundings before her eyes met Damian's.

"Breathtaking." Damian complimented, making Marinette blush heavily. Damian glanced at her full, pale rose lips, unconsciously licking his own. The Parisian seemed to notice and she tilted her head upward slightly, only slightly, with her eyes half-closed.

Damian summoned his courage and leaned in closer, they both closed their eyes. Just as they were about to close the gap, his hand was about to hold her check. Damian swore he felt her soft lips barely brush his when they heard Jason yell.

"AH! Get off her! NOPE NOPE NOPE!" Jason was a few meters away but both teens obeyed, embarrassed. Jason grabbed Marinette’s hand and quickly, but carefully, pulled his little sister away from Damian. "From now on, you two aren't allowed in the same room anymore. Except diner. Keep away from Nettie, Demon Brat."

Damian saw Jason's face, this wasn't just because he thought it was weird to see Damian try to date someone he saw as family- no, it was something else entirely. It was because he saw Marinette as too good, too pure for Damian.

Jason didn't want Marinette to be dragged into the mess that was Damian's life.

Jason didn't want Marinette to suffer because Damian didn't know how to deal with his emotions.

Jason didn't want Marinette to be hurt by Damian, he didn't want to see someone he loved hurt. It wasn't just because it was Damian, it was because he didn't want to see Marinette's heart get broken.

Damian, shockingly, backed off- hardly even acknowledging the girl on the few occasions they crossed paths. He wasn't outwardly rude like he was with his siblings but Marinette seemed to catch on. At first she was a little dejected but was adamant about keeping positive.

Jason spent as much time as possible with his little sister, making sure to watch movies, tour the city, and just hang out all the time. He also made sure that she got to know the rest of the family, except Damian. And the fourth robin let it happen, he kept to himself and let her spend time with everyone else.

And then family night reared it's ugly head.

Marinette was sitting with Alfred the Cat and Cass on the sofa, Jason on a chair near Marinette, waiting for everyone else to arrive for the movie.

The Parisian beamed when she met Kor'i and Mar'i, quickly bonding with both. Marinette was quickly dubbed Auntie Nettie by an Auntie Steph and Uncle Timmy. Dick was about to play the first movie when Kor'i spoke up.

"Where is the little D?"

"Yeah! Where's Uncle Dami?" A four year old Mar'i asked from her father's lap. Jason scoffed, he was about to speak when someone walked in.

"Has anyone seen Alfred the Cat?" Damian asked, before he saw Jason and Marinette. Damian was about to say never mind- noticing Alfred purring in Marinette's arms, but Mar'i beat him to it.

"Uncle Dami!" The half Tamaranian announced, jumping from the couch and flying into her uncle's arms. Marinette was quick to catch onto the families nightly activities and let them catch her talking to Tikki. Jason clearly wasn't happy, neither was Damian, but on the bright side they didn't have any secrets. Kor'i and Mar'i were briefly discussed but Marinette didn't pry.

"It's been forever, like a whole week! You have to come watch the movie with us, it's family night! You can sit next to Marinette! Isn't she pretty? And nice?" Mar'i chattered and waited for Damian to respond.

"Yes, she is very nice." Damian spoke as carried his niece to her father who gave him an encouraging smile before Damian sat between Marinette and Cass. Mar'i spoke up just before Dick could play the movie.

"And pretty! Right Uncle Dami? Isn't she really pretty? Like momma!" Kor'i gave her daughter a quick kiss on the cheek, distracting the girl from Damian and Marinette's panic- and Jason's low growl.

Dick played the movie and gently shushed his daughter, stopping her from asking Damian again. Telling her she did a good job and would get extra popcorn.

The movie was some children's story that Damian couldn't seem to pay attention to, all he could seem to think about was the Parisian next to him- cuddling Alfred the Cat with her knees practically tucked to her chest, her back to him.

Damian took notice of Marinette's drooping shoulders and yawns as the movie progressed, but he hadn't expected for her to suddenly turn and cuddle onto his side, grabbing his arm as she and Alfred slept. Jason clearly didn't like it but Marinette was immovable, sleeping peacefully against a tense Damian. The boy did everything in his power to not sink into the warm sofa and nap alongside her, exhausted. He fought his tired eyes as best he could but it was a losing battle.

Eventually the movie faded away, his head rested upon something soft.

Jason wanted to be mad, he wanted to move Marinette so she rested against him- she always used to as a little girl but he saw she was clinging to Damian, whether it was intentional or not. Jason knew Damian hadn't done anything to give Marinette reason to cuddle him, finally understanding that Jason just didn't want to see Marinette hurt. Unfortunately, neither could do anything about it. 

Jason also knew he couldn't blame Damian for passing out, knowing as well as anyone that finals and patrol were a bad mix but that didn't mean he didn't want to slap him for passing out and unconsciously cuddling with Marinette.

Alfred the cat eventually woke from his nap and moved from his warm spot between the two teenagers and left the room to do only God knows what. The sudden lack of warmth seemed to stir both Marinette and Damian. The Parisian whined softly as she nuzzled closer to Damian, her legs ended up across his lap as they snuggled closer. Jason clenched his fists and jaw before bringing his attention back to the movie, trying to think of what to do.

By the time the movie ended, Jason was at a loss- at some point Cass left the room so Damian and Marinette were literally lying on each other, limbs entangled as they slept, blissfully unaware of their compromising position. Everyone softly laughed and took pictures of Damian sleeping and Marinette lying carefully on top of him, his arms wrapped around her with her head tucked under his chin. Their their legs tangled.

"Jay, I'm sorry but they're so cute together. And they really seem to like each other, I know it's weird for you but let them be." Dick tried, he'd been rooting for them since Damian started to ask about how to start a conversation, lines you don't cross, how to tell if a subject is off limits. The first robin prayed to whatever god was out there that his brother would finally see that their dating wouldn't be the end of the world.

"I know." Jason noticed Damian back off when he realized why Jason didn't want them to date, it wasn't just because Damian was an ass, if something ever happened to Damian- Marinette would be a mess and he couldn't stand to see the broken look in her eyes ever again. Jason knew it was a shitty reason, she'd probably be a mess no matter what, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted to protect Marinette. Jason finally knew what to do, but until then he'd let them sleep.

Jason walked out of the room, annoyed- the brat won. Damn their stubbornness. Hopefully it would make Damian more bearable...

Damian woke up with the sun, but for once wanted to stay in bed. He was warm, and a calming, steady breathing tried to lull him back to sleep- wait. Why would he feel someone else's breathing?

Damian's eyes snapped open and scanned the room, he was lying in the living room with a blanket on him and- 'No. No. No. Of all the times to pass out, of all the people-'

Damian's mind went into overdrive trying to remember how he'd gone from sitting with Marinette leaning on him to falling asleep with her. He knew he was dead, but suddenly his mind focused on the even sound of her breathing, she was still sleeping- dead to the world. There was no reason to wake her, so Damian closed his eyes, pulled Marinette closer, and allowed himself to go back to sleep. Enjoying his last moments in the land of the living.

Something made a noise, Damian opened his eyes again. This time Marinette awoke with him, propping herself up on his chest and rubbing her eyes with a tired yawn.

"Good morning." Marinette froze at the sound of Damian's deep, rough, sleep-filled voice as she took in a messy haired, tired Damian. She blushed, hard, morning Damian was officially her favorite Damian.

"D-Damian- w-what happe- did I- I'm so sorry!" Marinette sat up, not thinking about what she was doing. She continued to apologize while Damian panicked, if Jason walked in right now- he'd die for the second time. Breaking the family record, sure, but that certainly wouldn't be worth it. Well... No, not worth it- unless someone brought him back again... No, no, Todd would likely make it painful. Definitely not worth it.

"Marinette-"

"No, this is totally my fault! I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to fall asleep on you, you were probably really uncomfortable with me leaning on you like that!"

"Marinette really it's alri-"

"No, Damian! It's not alright, I- Jay probably got really mad at you, I'll- I'll talk to him make sure he knows it wasn't your fault."

"Marinette?" The Parisian seemed to be done with her ranting and was staring at Damian again, she for some reason, hadn't noticed earlier but Damian wasn't wearing a shirt. In Marinette's sleepy state she just stared unabashedly. Damian's voice seemed to get her attention.

"Perhaps you shouldn't sit like that..." Damian refused to call it what it was. Had he wanted to be more accurate, and he didn't, he would have asked her to stop straddling him.

Marinette froze, blushed, and then started whining in embarrassment. Her head in her hands. Damian was having a difficult time holding back his own blush but was managing alright.

"Marinette?" Damian asked, she peaked out from between her hands and realized she had yet to get off him, finally he sat up on his own and gently pushed her off him. They sat next to each other, Damian refused to look at Marinette in her beautifully flustered state.

Jason walked in with his arms crossed, he leaned against the door-frame.

"Awake are we?" He asked, not expecting an answer, he didn't get one.

"Well, Demon Spawn, let's just say your reputation is effectively ruined. Steph and Selina got more than enough pictures to get even you to blush." The two teenagers refused to look at Jason, he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting his annoyance surface.

"I can't even-" Damian waited for the inevitable outburst, for once. " I can't believe I'm fucking doing this- You two were cute or whatever but word of the wise, brat- hurt her and I'll kill you. Got it?" Both teenagers heads snapped up, Marinette blushed. Damian nodded a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

'FINALLY' Was the only thing Damian thought in that moment before he began to plan how to ask her out. He needs to speak to Grayson again, unfortunately.

And with that, their banter and teases began again. This time there was no bribery to keep Damian's siblings quiet and no Jason to stop their kisses. The young couple went on dates, watched movies, laughed at the put off look Damian’s family would have when he said something awkwardly funny. Of course, Jason was still insistent on sibling bonding, stealing Marinette as often as possible- that became their new game: who could get Marinette for the day.

Of course, there were some close calls. Jason had walked in on Damian and Marinette kissing... for an extended period of time... he stood frozen and watched in horror as they made out on a chair in Damian's room, Marinette's hands in Damian's hair with his hands at her hips, keeping her pressed against him as her legs bracketed his hips.

Damian noticed Jason first, immediately pushing away and inwardly cursing. Marinette blushed furiously and had to stop Jason from killing Damian but her messy hair and slightly swollen lips didn't help.

Of course, everyone else thought it was hilarious.

As they say, all good things must come to an end. After three weeks of freedom from her class, their trip finally came to an end and so did Marinette's reunion. By the end of her stay Marinette knew why she'd be okay, from now on she had a family four times as big as before. The Parisian couldn't be happier: she reunited with her brother and has an adoring boyfriend. All she had to do now was survive the last few weeks of the school year before transferring to Mme Mandeleiev's class.

I’m gonna be okay, Marinette thought that to herself as they made their way to the airport. Damian didn't want her to leave, no one did, he held Marinette's hand while she spoke to Jason who promised to visit often.

Everyone hugged her goodbye or said so from a respectful distance before she passed through security and rejoined her class.Both Damian and Jason glared at the class in warning, they still seemed to be reeling from the discovery that the Italian was a liar. People called out to the girl, shouting apologies. Marinette just walked past as if she couldn’t hear a thing. 

And then she was gone. Damian and Jason pouted, they already missed her, luckily summer was right around the corner. They'd get her to visit soon, or if they had to they'd go to Paris.

After all, family is supposed to stick together. And despite their attempts at denying it, they were clingy.

[nightingale101]

Don’t take the money.

So slowly writing chapter 2, i figure i might as well post the first chapter here.

~~~

Somebody broke me once, Love was a currency A shimmering balance act, I think that I laughed at that And I saw your face and hands, Coloured in sun and then I think I understand

~~**~~

This was different. Those other times, love had burnt like an uncontrollable fire, consuming everything and everyone in its path and burning itself out in the process. It was all consuming, a fire they had lit under his skin that turned everything it touched to ash and ruin. But with V… with V it was different. It was…. Warmth

One

Sweet Disposition.

 A moment, a love

A dream, a laugh

A kiss, a cry

Our rights, our wrongs

   “I don’t understand. They- Grayson said - at the oil fields”

 “he either lied or wasn’t high enough up the Chain to be in the know.”

 “But I-“

 “Focus, We have to move. Reinforcements are probably on their way here as we speak.”

 “I know- I just.”

 “It’s alright, we can figure this out. Together, as a family.”

 “yeah. Ok... one thing at a t- oh shit, that alarm. Fuck”

 “We have to move. Now. Do you think you can help me carry him, V?”

 The voices came to him from far, far away, a lifetime away it felt like. filtering in through the inky blackness he currently found himself drifting in. afloat, lost, confused.

 He didn’t know them. At least he didn’t think he knew them, he couldn’t remember. Well, he really couldn’t remember much of anything right know. He wasn’t even sure he knew himself. He wasn’t even sure what his name was. Where was he… How did he get here… why was he here... why couldn’t he remember?

 V… was that a name...? Was that his name? No… No he didn’t think so, but it was confusing. He knew V… He was sure of that. He wanted to… save them.

 ~~**~~

 He didn’t know how long he’d been there. floating in the dark, it seemed timeless. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, it could have been a year as far as he could tell. He wasn’t sure where he was, or why, or how he got there. But he remembered his name now.

 Johnny.

 ~~**~~

 The voices still floated to him though the darkness. Not as clear as the first time, but he caught the occasional word through the muffled haze that seemed to surround him.  

 Plan. Silverhand. Night City. Dying. Border. Wake up. V. Bleeding. Badlands. Lucky. Wake up. Please.

 There were more than the first two voices now, although he couldn’t tell exactly how many. Some of them seemed to blend together and he couldn’t distinguish one voice from the other. He heard the first voice, the voice he now could recognize as V, the most often. She often talks to him alone, or at least he doesn’t hear anyone else while she’s around. He wonders if this means he saved her. If he could just remember what happened.

 ~~**~~

 He knows who he now. He is Johnny Silverhand. Deserter. Rockerboy. Terrorist. All round bastard.

 He remembers all of it. Alt. Arisaka tower. Rouge. Smasher. And V. God he remembers V. A pang of guilt clutches around his heart when he thinks of her. That’s new he thinks. He hadn’t really felt guilty about something before. Everything was inconsequential to him before, someone else’s problem.

 He remembers It felt like torture to him. Watching her slowly get worse, her body and mind slowly being taken over by him, with nothing he could do about it. He remembers when he stopped the elevator, taking control of her arm to push the button, the fear in her voice. And he remembers his own fear, when she’d passed out, and he couldn’t reach her, no matter how hard he tired. But, he could still hear her voice… she was talking to him, wherever he was. Which means she was alive, right? He’d… Gone with Alt? is this what being a part of her was like? This… nothingness... but something. And still being able to here V.

 He doesn’t remember anything after speaking with V in Cyberspace. Seeing her red digital form, arguing with him of all things. She didn’t want him to leave, wanted to find a way for them both to live. One moment they were talking… and then he was here. Nowhere.

 ~~**~~

 He was starting to feel things again. and everything… Hurt. There was pain firing in all his nerves all over his body. His head was throbbing, sharp pain spikes were running down his back and adding to the dull ache in his legs…. His... legs...? Was this phantom pain from his non-existent body? Like what he had felt when he first lost his arm. Was he feeling the injuries that his body would have sustained from that last fight at the tower...? Or- no. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea that he actually had a body again. Because that would mean V... was... and he didn’t want to think about that. As long as she was alive, it was all worth it. He’d given his life for hers, and he couldn’t think of better thing to lay down his life for.

 ~~**~~

He’s… confused. He has a body, he’s pretty sure of that, can feel jolts of pain running down his spine, way to vivid to be phantom pains. But he hears V talking… wherever he, they, are, she’s here, and talking to Panam. He tries to pay attention to their convocation.

 “… signs of improvement.” Panam was saying. “but no guarantees, V.”

 He thinks they’re talking about him. Whatever is going on, he thinks he’s getting better too. He didn’t feel like he was floating anymore. He felt anchored. Secure. Still in darkness, but he didn’t feel like he was floating endlessly. He was more aware of his body; of the pain he was feeling. Or whoever’s body he was in, because as far as he knew his body was a skeleton and some rusted metal buried under the oil fields.

 “I know…” came V’s voice, she let out a sigh. “One day at a time, right?”

 V sounded exhausted. She sounded like she did when he’d taken her to the Pistis Sophia, after she’d woken up, a pain in her chest and barely being able to walk. Like she was running on empty, holding on by a thread that was threatening to snap at any moment and send her plummeting to the ground.

 “Right. And anyway. We should talk about you.” Panam said.

 “one thing at a time, Panam.” V responded, “Besides, there’s not a lot to talk about on that front anyway. Mitch is still chasing down his old contacts, isn’t he?”

 “Yes, but that’s not really what I meant.” Panam continued. “I meant, how are you doing? I know you haven’t been sleeping and-“

 “Time is short… Sleeping seems like a waste.”

 “If you don’t sleep, you’ll burn out so much faster. You-“

 The conversation faded to the background as his thoughts sawm around his head. V. It was odd not knowing exactly how she was feeling, what was going through her head. When he was in her mind, her thoughts and feelings flowed into him, and he could reassure her without even speaking, steel her nerves, calm her racing heart. He wanted to reach her now. He wanted to reassure her. He wanted to speak to her…

 “…V” His voice was so small he thought as the blackness surrounded him, not his intention at all.

 “Johnny!?” he heard V say, her voice full of concern but also hopfullness, and then the nothingness came once again.

 ~~**~~

 When Johnny Silverhand woke up it was sunrise, the pale orange light stung the edges of his vision. His eyelids were heavy, like he hadn’t opened them for so long that they resisted the unfamiliar movement.  It took an enormous effort to even open them at all, and even more effort to try and keep them open. His whole body ached. Every inch. From his legs to his head. From dull aches, to sharp jolts, he felt it all. Even moving his eyes too look around like it hurt.

 He was in a tent. He recognized it as an Aldecaldo tent, like the one V had awoken in after she’d passed out in front of Panam. He was vaguely aware of frantic voices around him, but he was more focused on breathing, the ache in his chest as his lungs rose and fell. The fact that he was even breathing at all.

 And then she was there.

 “V…” His voice was hoarse, and his throat felt like it had been fucked by a sandpaper covered dick. But it was worth it, her face lit up with a smile the second he spoke.

 “Johnny… Oh my god.” She sounded so relieved, he heard her dragging something to his side and she sat down next to him. With the most effort he’d ever needed to do anything, he turned his head slightly to look at her. His neck protested, loudly.

 “I don’t…” it was taking all his effort to stay awake. He felt Vs hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.

 “It’s okay.” She said softly, as he was rapidly losing the fight with his eyelids.  “just rest… we can talk later”

 ~~**~~

 The next time Johnny woke up he felt marginally better, as in he didn’t feel like he had been runover by semi-truck, just a minivan. He wasn’t sure what time it was, sometime at night he thought, Judging from the lack of light in the tent. When he turned his head slightly, he could make out a person sleeping, or at the very least laying down, on a cot opposite him.

 He moved his hand to reach out to them, not entirely sure why, but just knowing he wanted to. With a protest of pain that shot out from his wrist, up his arm, and down his spine; his hand slid off the cot and thumped onto the floor. It felt like trying to move a waterlogged post, slow and impossibly heavy. He almost imdently wanted to bring his arm back up onto the bed, to a more comfortable position, but quickly decide that was way more effort that he was willing to put in right at this moment and would probably make him pass out again. He settled on moving his fingers, enjoying the feeling of his nails scraping though the carpet, or mat, or… whatever was on the floor of the tent, he couldn’t be bothered looking. He became aware that he couldn’t move his other hand, or his other arm in general. His arm that in his original body would have been his cybernetic arm. He hated that feeling. He let out a sigh.

 He saw the person on the other cot stir and begin to sit up, it was V.

 “Johnny.”

 “Hey... V.” he croaked out. She stood and walked over to him, taking a seat by his side again. “I ...” he began, but wasn’t sure how to finished that sentence, or even what he wanted to say. she reached for something next to him, a bottle of water. She placed a straw in it and brought the other end to his lips. He drank. It made throat feel significantly better. When he was done, she put the bottle back down, somewhere just beyond his sight.

 “Its okay.” She picked up his arm and placed it back on the bed, resting it across his chest. “first off, how are you feeling?”

 “Fucking preem.” He said, throat still protesting slightly, “Apart from the fact that I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck or ten”

 “Yeah, I figured...” V responded, her eyes looking over his body, as if she could see the pain. It was quite for a moment.

 “V…” He said softly, breaking thought the quiet, she looked at him. “What the fuck happened… I don’t... I don’t remember”

 She let out a sigh and looked up at a ceiling. He could see her eyes dart back and forth as she got her thoughts in order. The last time he’d seen her do this, they were on the roof above Mistys, making one last choice, and he was feeling sick to his stomach. But at this moment, it felt like a lifetime ago. Maybe it was. “Johnny, what’s the last thing you remember.”

 “talking to you… inside Mikoshi and then… Nothing.” His voice came out more of a hushed whisper than he would have liked.

 “okay… its… right.” She began.  She slapped her hands down on her lap, he wasn’t sure why, maybe to psych herself up. “so, while we were talking in Mikoshi, before we came to a decision, Alt appeared. Do you remember?

 He shook his head slightly. He knew he’d already came to a decision; he would die so she could live. It was V who was still wrestling with the choice. V continued. “She said there was an anomaly. Something that she didn’t account for, and then you disappeared. Just… Blinked out of existence right before my eyes.”

 She paused to take a shaky breath.

  “She then told me a location inside Arasaka Tower to go to, close to where we were, If I chose to go back to my body... which I obviously I did... and in that room was the anomaly. In that room was you.” She looked at Johnny. “Your body.”

 He swallowed. “I don’t understand…. Grayson said…”

 “He lied” V said. “Or he just genuinely didn’t know. But this” she placed her hand on his chest, right above his heart. “This is you. Not a clone, or a replica. You.”

 He let that sink in for a moment. He’d known that he was in a body. He just hadn’t thought it had been his body. At least it was slightly less concerning that he couldn’t move his left arm now. The prosthetic must have been damaged. “...How?”

 “Cryogenically frozen.” V said. “honestly, lucky you still have all of your fingers and toes. Cryo freezing’s a crapshoot even these days, I couldn’t imagine how it was back then.”

 Lucky to even be alive, he thought, from what little he knew about the Cryo technology from 2023, but leave it to Arasaka to have the top tier technology squirreled away in their basement. “so, is that why I feel like I’ve been run over?”

 “Maybe partially.” V said. “but, near as I could tell... they froze your body right after they used soul killer on you. So all your injures from the tower, they’re still fresh.”

 Oh. That made more sense now. He did fall out of a helicopter, and get his ass handed to him by Smasher. “so... Alt just uploaded my mind back into my body? And I was good to go.”

 V smiled at him, a sad smile. He decided he didn’t like it. “not exactly… Johnny when I got to you, you were dead. You had no pulse, you weren’t breathing. Me and Panam just barely managed to get you back. We didn’t know if you were going to wake up…. I didn’t…. you scared the hell out of me.”

 “It’s payback…” He said. She was upset, and he hated that it was because of him. Her hand was still on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Despite the protests from his arm, he moved to place his hand over the top of hers, letting his fingers come to rest between hers. “For when I thought...”

 “its not funny Johnny.” She sounded annoyed, but she didn’t move her hand.  “You’ve been in a coma for nearly a month.”

 A month his mind echoed. He could feel himself slowly slipping back into unconsciousness, but he was suddenly aware of the implication of sleeping for a month. The moment V’s mind was placed back in her body, she was a ticking time bomb, and the clock was set for six months. And now that was down to five. She didn’t deserve that. His chest ached as guilt wrapped itself around his heart.

 They were quiet. His hand was still over hers, their fingers interlaced. She had begun to move thumb, gently and slowly stroking the side of his palm. He in turn began to move his thumb, caressing the back of her hand. Her hands were so much smaller than his and they seemed much more delicate, but he knew they could be just as deadly as his own if she needed them to be. He wanted to ask more questions, but more than that he didn’t want this moment to end, just being able to touch her- actually touch her. And just enjoying this. This unspoken thing between them.

 He was in love with her. He’d been aware that for a while now, although he couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it started. He thinks it might have started bubbling in his chest around the time he took her to the Pistis Sophia, when he’d committed to saving her.

 He’d been in love before, he knows that. Alt. Rouge. And even Kerry at some points. But this… This was different. Those other times, love had burnt like an uncontrollable fire, consuming everything and everyone in its path and burning itself out in the process. It was all consuming, a fire they had lit under his skin that turned everything it touched to ash and ruin. But with V… with V it was different.  It was…. Warmth. Like a fire you had built to keep the winter chill at bay. it surrounded you with its warmth and comfort so that whatever storm you were taking shelter from, didn’t matter.  It still burned with ferocity, like all fires did, but it didn’t feel like it would consume him and everything thing in its path. It felt... safe… like he needed this fire to survive, and not like he need to survive this fire.

 He wanted to tell her, but as the thought crossed his mind, he felt his grasp on consciousness slip. “V…”

 “You should rest..” She said, she had the softest smile on her face. “Its late. And we’ll have all the time in the world to talk when you’re stronger.”

 He thought that sentiment was laughable, as his eyes slowly fell shut against his will. He’d always been weak.

[riotwritesthings]

The Curious Witch and the Cursed Wolf

Chapter 3: A Name and A Feeling | AO3

Art by the wonderful and adorable @gayspacesprinkles​

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Title: The Curious Witch and the Cursed Wolf (Chapter 3) Collaborator(s): Riot @buckybarnesbingo​ Square Filled: B4, warm and fuzzy feelings @starkbucksbingo​ Square Filled: N4, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron Rating: T Major Tags/Warnings: fantasy AU, witch!Tony, wolf!Bucky, fairytale vibes, Non-graphic injury Summary: Once upon a time there was a man, and a wolf. They both went into the forest looking for different things, and instead they found each other. Word Count: 1,697

~~~

Once upon a time there was a man, soaring through the air, weaving through the trees, laughing, lighter than he’d ever felt in more ways than one.

“I’m doing it, I��m flying! Look look!”

Tony, the wolf says in his strange voice, like a whisper in the back of Tony’s mind, like it’s being spoken warm and low directly in his ear.

“Are you looking?!” Tony demands as he circles the clearing, picking up speed.

Don’t fly into a tree, the wolf tells him, but Tony is too busy crashing into a tree and hitting the ground to respond.

“Owww,” he whines and then squeaks when the wolf’s cold nose presses to the back of his neck.

Conjuring a broom for himself hadn’t been hard, once he’d simply told himself that he could, and getting it off the ground hadn’t been hard either. Just like the stories.

It turned out that steering was the hard part.

At least he’d thought to conjure himself up some new clothes too, hadn't scraped himself up too badly on the tree bark.

“You can, but we’re in a forest, I was going to say,” the ball of light says with a huff, and Tony just laughs.

He has magic. He can do so many things, now. He'll be able to make things so much better.

"That was awesome!" Tony says gleefully as he pushes himself upright again, laughing and pushing the wolf away when he continues sniffing at Tony with obvious concern.

"Oh no, you're an idiot," the ball of light says, with a sighing sound like a soft breeze. "And you're probably going to die."

Tony is going to protest, because he's not, he's just excited, but the wolf beats him to it with a low growl.

He was doin' okay right up 'til the end, the wolf says.

The ball of light screams, flashing brighter for a second.

"Y-you can talk?" She demands in a squeaking voice, bobbing up higher into the air.

"He's been talking the whole time," Tony says, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

Only to you, says the wolf, and Tony can see the amusement beneath the stormy blue of his eyes.

"He can talk," the light says again.

"Is that not normal?" Tony asks, still more confused than anything. "I mean, I'm a witch, apparently."

"No," the ball of light says with feeling as she floats hesitantly closer.

You're a talkin' firefly, the wolf points out, baring his fangs and then snapping them when the light floats a little too close.

"He's not wrong," Tony says helpfully. The wolf lets out another soft huff of breath, his tail thumping once against the ground, and Tony smiles.

“I’m not a firefly,” the light protests, wings shaking with agitation. “My name is Pepper.”

“Hi,” Tony says. “I’m Tony, and this is a wolf.”

The wolf makes a sound that Tony is pretty sure is a laugh, tail thumping against the ground as Pepper makes an annoyed sound.

“Are you—" she trails off, circling the wolf, and Tony steps closer because he doesn't care if the wolf isn't 'normal.'

Tony isn't normal, never has been, and maybe all he knows is that the wolf has been through more than enough but that's plenty. So Pepper dips down towards the wolf again Tony bats at her with a glare.

"He's under a curse,” she says, floating up above their heads again. "A strong one."

"Oh," Tony says, even though it really shouldn't be a surprise at this point. “Do you know—“

”Look, I'm a messenger, I’m not here to answer a million questions," Pepper says, sounding huffy. “I have more messages to deliver, and I'm late because I had to chase you down for so long."

"Wait—" Tony says, because he does have a million more questions, but she’s already floating away, still grumbling to herself.

Tony watches her go, the wolf still seated huge and solid and wild beside him. When Tony looks over at him the wolf lets his tongue loll out in an expression that Tony is pretty sure is a smile.

"So, cursed huh?" Tony asks, and the wolf tips its head to the side for a moment before nodding slowly. “Do, um... do you have a name?”

Don’t know, says the wolf, ears drooping a little.

Tony can’t let that stand, has to do something.

“Well you need a name,” he declares. “So we’ll just have to give you one. What do you want it to be?”

The wolf shifts, still a little unsteady on three legs, and droops a little further.

“Well, you probably don’t want me picking out a name for you,” Tony says with a sheepish grin. “You’ll end up with something like Buttercup.”

The wolf lets out a sharp huff of breath.

Bucky, he finally says. I think... it used to be Bucky.

“That’s a terrible name,” Tony says gleefully, “I love it. I’m going to call you Buckaroo, and Bucky-bear, and—“

Don’t, Bucky says with a flash of his teeth.

Tony just laughs. Bucky leans over and nudges his huge head into Tony’s chest, knocking him over in the dirt again.

He pushes himself upright and Bucky is smiling at him again, eyes bright. He continues watching Tony, like he’s waiting for something, head cocked slightly to the side.

“It probably won’t be long until you’re walking as good as new,” Tony says slowly, because he doesn’t want to say goodbye. “I guess, you probably have somewhere you need to be—“

Bucky whines again, such a deep and sorrowful sound, drops his chin down to rest on his front paw and stares up at Tony with big sad eyes.

“Or!” Tony says quickly, heart jumping. “Or, you, if you wanted to come with me...”

Bucky’s tail wags aggressively, and Tony smiles. The stone in his chest glows bright enough to shine through his shirt, like it’s connected directly to the warmth spreading through his heart.

“I’ll get better at flying,” Tony says quickly, “So I won’t hold you back, your stride has to be huge—“

No flyin’ in the trees, Bucky interrupts, and then huffs when Tony pouts.

Bucky pushes himself to his feet, gives himself a great shake like he’s shaking off water, and Tony watches in awe as half of his size melts away. Until Bucky’s head is barely even with his shoulder, much smaller but no less fearsome.

Ready, Bucky says, smiling again, white fangs no less intimidating now that they’re smaller.

Tony smiles back, collects all his things, and they go.

 ~~~

They walk deeper into the forest, and Tony tells stories of all the things he’s seen so far, all the people he’s met and the ideas he’s had, all the new ideas that he has now.

There are so many inventions he can build now that he can summon the parts he needs. So many people he can help back in his old village, that he can heal, and maybe they’ll actually listen to him this time. Maybe they’ll let him help.

Bucky listens, asks questions, lets Tony grab onto him for balance when he gets distracted talking with his hands and tips over a tree root.

Bucky says that he doesn’t remember much, only running, being hunted. Tony doesn’t ask any questions.

As the trees grow even taller around them though Bucky slowly says that sometimes, he remembers more. What it was like to have a home, a life, but it’s faded, barely more than a dream now.

Tony doesn’t know what to say so he reaches out instead, runs his fingers through Bucky’s thick fur a couple times. Bucky’s steps lighten, ears and tail perking up again, and Tony smiles.

It’s nice, not to be alone.

Night falls early, this deep in the forest. The thick leaves blot out all light from the stars, and the darkness is deep and cool around them.

"Do you think I can manage an all-night magical fire to keep us warm?" Tony asks once they find a place to spend the night, safe between an outcropping of rock and the roots of an ancient oak tree. "Or should I just magic us up some blankets?"

He does want to try the fire, but he also wants to not burn them both to a crisp overnight.

Blankets, Bucky scoffs and gives him a look that Tony quickly figured out is his version of a teasing grin, stops sniffing at the ground to push himself to his feet and then stretches, stretches, stretches himself out huge again. Until he once again stands taller than Tony's head, huge and fearsome.

Then he drops down to the ground again, makes himself comfortable and gives Tony an expectant look. He huffs in fake annoyance when Tony flops out on top of him, but Tony isn’t buying it.

Tony wiggles and shifts until he can prop his crossed arms and chin on top of Bucky’s massive head, grinning down at him. Snuggling into Bucky thick fur and soaking up all his warmth.

Why aren’t you afraid of me? Bucky asks, his usually quiet voice even softer.

"Why would I be?" Tony asks, frowning a little.

All he's seen of Bucky so far has been pain, and fear, a hesitant reaching out and a warm soul beneath it all. The way he'd jumped in front of Tony when Pepper first showed up.

Nothing that Tony should be scared of.

He pushes his fingers into Bucky's fur, scratches behind his ear, and smiles again when Bucky's eyes fall closed.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Tony has to know, because he'd seen the way Bucky had gone tense at the word witch. He'd seen the wound that took Bucky's leg, seared and torn as if by some incredible force and heat. Something unnatural and terrible.

He'd really expected Bucky to leave.

You're... different, Bucky says slowly, so warm. Safe. Good.

Tony presses his smile into Bucky's fur, cheeks warm.

"Well, since neither of us have anything to be afraid of, maybe we should stick together,” Tony says. "You know, for safety."

For safety, Bucky agrees, and presses his head up harder into Tony's hand.

[crystalangelluna]

A New Chance Chapter 2

Ao3  Part 1

I hope you enjoy the second chapter I tried...

But what can I say when you write a chapter really late instead of sleeping oh well... Mari does know their identities since they were comic book characters, etc.. Damien is only really here for 5 seconds but I plan on including him a lot more in the next chapter which will hopefully come out tomorrow. If you have suggestions or gave spotted and errors please let me know. Enjoy :)

It has been 9 months since her sacrifice, in those nine months a lot has changed, for example Hawkmoth has been put to jail for terrorism, and for manipulating paris to leave it in a depressed state for years but they couldn’t express it in fear of becoming an akuma victim. They slowly started recovering up after all the trauma.

The remaining members of the agreste family adopted the little girl who was akumatized. They welcomed Vivian Mari Agreste into the family 3 months later.

Marinette looking down below at them was very happy that Adrien has a sibling, and also happy for Adrien when he finally started being himself again after what happened.

During her funeral all of Paris went to express their appreciation for her, as she was the one who saved the world from the terrible fate of the wish. Her parents were proud and upset that their daughter was a hero of Paris, but upset that she had to pay the price

Heaven was beautiful, it was indescribable, unlike anything she ever thought it was. She got to meet all the past holders of the miraculouses and listening to their stories as heroes. They became the family she never had.

Even after all these months of thinking and trying to figure out the answer, she never knew why her last lucky charm was a Key Chain in the shape of a Robin. She figured it was one of those times where the lucky charm sends something that may represent the near future, like the time when she was forced into the Guardian title the prior year.

Every now and then she wonders what happened to the miracle box, where specifically in Earth B-42 did it appear etc. The PMH (Past Miraculous Holders) told her not to worry especially since they would be alerted if something happened. Her birthday was rolling in and was excited about spending her birthday with the PMS since they became like family to her.

On the day of her birthday the PMH made her favorite cake and all was fun and games until something happened. Marinette's necklace started glowing, The kwagatama had flown off her neck and landed on her hands. Everyone started gathering around her to see what was happening, curious as to why it would be reacting that way since their Kwagatamas never reacted that way. There was an image appearing out of and it appeared to be KWAMIIS!!!

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINETTE!!!!” Yelled all the Kwamii’s excitedly from inside the Miracle Box.

Mari started tearing up, after a long time of not seeing them and wondering if they were ok, they were in right in front of her and she couldn’t be happier.

“H-Hi guys y-your ok”she couldn’t help but muster out.

“Aww bug don’t cry we’re ok what about you, are you ok?” Plagg was the one who spoke up.

“I am getting better, I had a lot of help.” She explained and looked towards where the rest of her family was behind her. They couldn’t help but melt a little.

“Mari since today is your 16th birthday we decided to give you your present.” Tikki spoke up barely containing her excitement.

“Ooh what is?”

“A new opportunity for you to start over in an alternate universe on Earth B-42!!” Yelled all the kwami’s

“ Wait-WHAT!!!” Mari was trying her best to process everything that was just revealed.  A NEW CHANCE-ALTERNATE UNIVERSE-COMING BACK TO LIFE-LEAVING HER FAMILY THE PMH. She then realized that she never gave up her guardian title which meant that it was her duty to protect the magical beings to make sure they never end up in the wrong hands again.

“ I have a duty as Guardian of the Miraculouses, which means I have to protect you from evil at all costs. My journey is not over yet it had only just begun!!.” Mari spoke with the tone of a leader.”

The kwamiis were all excited to have their guardian/ladybug/Mari back with them. They all explained what she must do in order to go back to the world of the living. She said her goodbyes to her family and went off to bed knowing it would be the last time she would see them in a long time.

She awoke from her rest thinking that it was all a dream looking around she expected that she was back in her pick room at the bakery. But was instead met with a chamber of sorts. It seemed more like a room for royalty, she observed as she explored a little. There was a knock on the door, alert she got the nearest weapon-like thing to protect herself with. Instead a woman in her 40’s came in then kneeled at her feet and started exclaiming in an unfamiliar language that she somehow understood.

“ Oh great guardian please excuse my inappropriate behavior for intruding.” “Don’t worry, no harm done, just one question where am I?”

“ Why great guardian you are in the great temple of the Miraculouses. After 300 years of waiting you have finally come to us. We have so much stuff to get you ready for.”

All Mari could think about was…

WAIT WHAT…

(TIME SKIP)

Turns out she was in the original temple of the miraculouses and that same day she was named the Grand Guardian of the Miracle box.Also that the language the woman and her talked in was the Guardian Language. After a long talk with tikki and the rest of the kwami's, she decided to stay and learn all she can so she can be a great guardian. She learned multiple languages, all the types of martial arts, how to wield a sword, how to summon the miraculous powers in and out of costume, and much more.

Once she was done with her training she left the temple with the Miracle box on a mission. To destroy all lazarus pits and bring balance to the world.

Her first stop is Gotham, New Jersey, USA.

She is able to heal places by just being there for a period of time and using her ladybug powers.

On the first days she made sure not to appear on Batman's Bruce Wayne’s radar directly, so she goes out and heals Gotham during the day and transforms into Ladynoir at night to help with crime. She occasionally comes across some of the bat clan on their patrols hearing what they were saying using her super hearing, courtesy of the black cat miraculous.

Keeping her stealth in check she follows them around Gotham seeing as she is seeing her favorite heroes since she was little saving Gotham. Also since back in her universe everybody here were comic book characters or made into movies and tv shows.

Of course she forgot one tiny little detail…

She was wearing Plagg miraculous.

So eventually his bad luck caught up to her when she was following robin for the first time on a fateful night.

Knowing that Robin Damien was more observant, skillful, and gets mad easily she was extra careful not to get caught. Of course this wasn’t the case when he suddenly turned around and charged at her with a katana. Using the first thing of self defense she “accidentally” said…

“CATACLYSM!!”

And right there where the katana once was, aiming it directly towards Ladynoir Marinette…

Well lets just say the Katana was no more…

Realising what she had just done (which was getting caught and completely disintegrated Robin’s Damien’s katana into pieces) she well....          

Ran away……

But before she ran away she yelled “Sorry!!!”

She could tell he was chasing her, since she kind of you know…

Did THAT…

She hears plagg cackling maniacally in her head.

                  At least someone is enjoying the Chaos am I RIGHT?

Taglist:

@thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @kceedraws

[kpopfromtheblock]

a/n ⇾ surprise bitch! bet you thought you’d seen the last of me! 🤪 i’ve been here all along but just haven't felt motivated to write. i know it gets annoying to have to wait so long for updates but i appreciate those of you who have stuck by my side! ILY, FR FR. i try to make every update as good or better than the last so that its worth your while and sometimes that process can take me a long time… i hope y’all can understand that… i won't always update as frequently as other writers but i will get an update out at some point, just keep baring with me pls and thank you! ✨

THERE WILL NOT BE A PART 2 TO THIS, PLS DO NOT ASK.

LIFE WITH BANGTAN | ot7 + kth smut

009

genre ⇾ fluff, smut and a bit of angst.

pairing ⇾ bts x reader, taehyung x reader (smut)

summary ⇾ the boys forget movie night and they have to find a way to make it up to you, starting with Taehyung...

warning ⇾ idk, if i matters but i just want y’all to know this is very TAE X READER heavy... i mean it’s still ot7 x reader but just a bit more Taehyung focused... — smut, pwp, hand job, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, dirty talk (a lot of dirty talk), fingering and more... — usual warnings: cringy-ness, swearing

words ⇾ 12k

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”Ugh!” You groan as you step out of the elevator. The cardboard box you’re holding in your arms isn’t too big but it is quite heavy. The box combined with the large backpack you’re waring is adding a bunch of unnecessary weight to your body and the journey to get to the boys dorm has taken longer than usual because of it… But you know this will all be worth it in the end, for tonight is movie night and hopefully the start of a monthly tradition with your lovers. 

The cardboard box in your arms and bag on your back are both filled with Disney movies… From the classics all the way up to the most recent ones available on DVD. 

Mayhaps you went a little bit crazy on Amazon, buying a total of one hundred and ten DVDs, some of which still haven’t shipped yet bc they are coming from countries outside of Korea and mayhaps, buying all those DVDs put a bit of a dent in your bank account but you’re almost one hundred…No, a solid ninety-five percent sure that this will all be worth it once you see the look of joy on Yoongi’s face after he watches the Aristocats for the first time or the tears in Jimin’s eyes during that one scene in Toy Story 3… Yeah, it’s gonna be a good night and you’re excited to experience it with your amazing boyfriends.

Finally making it up to the boy’s door, you put the box down on the floor and sigh, feeling relieved that you get to give your arms somewhat of a rest, even if for only a few seconds. You slide the shield of the keypad up and watch it illuminate. Quickly typing your customized pin in, the door beeps and you put your hand on the knob, twisting it open before it can lock again.

Once the door is slightly open, you begin kicking the box towards the opening, too lazy to bend over and pick it up again. 

A minute or two passes and you’re still kicking… You’re doing well, the box is nearly halfway through the door when suddenly the door is pulled fully open. “Oh!” You say almost following forward as you had been resting a lot of your weight on the door to keep it from closing whilst you kicked the box inside. “Darling~” You know immediately, without even having to look up, that it’s Taehyung calling you. The tone of his voice combined with the endearing nickname he’s been calling you since the day you two met gives him away. 

Before properly greeting him, you bend down to pick up the box again since you don’t have to worry about the door anymore… Picking the box up will probably go much quicker than kicking it. 

Once the box is in your arms again, you look up to meet Tae’s pretty brown eyes and boxy smile. You can’t fight the smile forming on your own lips. “Hello Handsome.” You tell him before leaning forward to place a single kiss against his soft lips.

“Why are you so dressed up?” You question, not missing the way the navy blue slacks and crisp white button up he’s wearing, compliment his tan skin. 

He takes the heavy box from you then steps aside to let you in without answering your question. “Oh fuck,” He groans. “What the hell is in here?” He asks. There’s a slight strain to his words as he struggles to balance the heavy box in one hand whilst he closes and locks the door with his other. 

Upon stepping inside, you see that the dorm is up in slight chaos.

One of the boys makeup artist and a friend of yours, Sua, is chasing Jungkook around with an eye shadow palette in her hand. There is a stylist you’ve never seen before, standing entirely too close to Namjoon while she fixes the collar of his shirt and Jimin is sitting on the couch while their hair stylist straightens the few fly-aways at the top of his scalp. 

Sua notices you first before any of the other guys do. 

“Y/n!” She stops chasing Jungkook to approach you.

Jungkook stops running around and Jimin looks up from his phone at the sound of your name being called.

“Hi baby!” Jimin says enthusiastically before waving at you. You look over at Jimin and give him a sweet smile. “Hi...” You say softly, waving back. You know he would’ve gotten up to greet you with a kiss if the man above him wasn’t holding a hot hair styling tool to his head. 

You look away from Jimin to see both Sua and Jungkook making their way over to you. 

Sua gets to you first and wraps her arms around you, engulfing you in a tight bear hug, which is slightly awkward since you didn’t have time to put your arms out to receive the hug properly. “Long time no see, how are you doing?” She asks against your ear before releasing you. “I know! I’m doing well, how are you?” You smile at her, although confused as to why she’s there, you are happy to see her. 

Sua has always been sweet to you and she was one of the first people to discover that you and the boys had something going on and even though she was a bit weary, she was supportive when she realized how much you really loved all seven of them and how much all seven of them loved you. 

Sua kept your secret until it was made knowledgeable to the rest of the staff and you have been grateful to her ever since. 

“I’m good! Just trying to get these boys of yours to sit still for a second. Especially this one.” Sua says pointing a thumb at Jungkook who is standing behind her with the brightest bunny smile. He waits eagerly for his turn to hug you. “I don’t know how you do it.” She continues and you chuckle. “Don’t worry, they run away from me too.” You joke and  both Sua and Jungkook chuckle. “I do not.” He protest, opening his arms for a hug. 

You finally take off you backpack, placing it on the near by chair and walk up to him. You wrap your arms around his waist and press your face against his chest. Your eyes close instantly at the warmth you feel being against him. Jungkook waste no time wrapping his arms around your frame, squeezing you against him.

Like always, you’ve missed your boys so much.

“I missed you.” He tells you, almost as if he can read your mind and you smile. “I missed you too Kook.” You confess before pulling away.

“Are you guys almost ready? Manger-nim will be here soon with the car.” You hear Namjoon’s voice from behind you. You pull away from Jungkook and turn to face the leader of the group. 

What is going on?

“Did I mixed up the dates for our movie night or…?” You mumble to yourself, thinking maybe you had read the date wrong on your calendar. 

You pull out your phone to check your google calendar, that holds all your important dates. You are usually bad with dates which is why you rely on your google calendar to keep track of everything.. You know once you put it in there, it’s official so you don’t understand how you could’ve messed this one up. 

The men around you seem to slow down their frantic movements at your words. “Babygirl…” Namjoon calls out and you look up to face him. The look on his face, makes you worry. His brows are furrowed and his lips form a slight pout. 

“Movie night... We completely forgot.” Your heart drops at his words. 

‘We completely Forgot’… The words are dramatically echoing in your head for some reason.

How could the forget the movie night you’ve been planning for weeks. 

“You forgot?” You ask for confirmation and Namjoon nods his head, a solemn look on his face. “Darling, we’re so sorry.” Taehyung’s voice catches your attention and you turn around to face him this time. “An event came up that we have to go to.... A car is on the way to pick us up.” He explains to you. 

“Oh...” You say, not able to hide the disappointment in your voice. Jungkook comes up to you from behind and wraps his arms around your waist. You don’t even have to turn around to know it’s him. It just feels like him, not to mention, he loves to give you back hugs. He pulls you close to his chest and then rest his chin on your shoulder. “Please don’t be upset.” He begs you but it’s too late. Your feelings are hurt. 

How could they forget? You think again.

“I’m not.” You lie and Jimin is the first to sniff you out. 

“Yes you are.” 

Hoseok comes walking out of his and Jimin’s shared bedroom. He is looking as gorgeous as ever in a suit that is tailored to perfection. Upon seeing you, he gives you his one hundred watt smile but suddenly, it fades when he notices the look on your face. “What’s wrong Angel?” He mumbles, softly. You’re about to shake your head and lie again but Jungkook speaks before you can. “She came for movie night.” Jungkook’s chest rumbles against your back as he speaks. “That was tonight?” Hobi asks, looking up into your eyes. His usual bright expression is now a little less bright when he catches the displeasure in your eyes. He can tell you’re upset and that you are doing your best to hide it but he knows you. He knows that look. 

You nod your head at his question, a broken smile gracing your lips. “Angel...” He starts before his long legs strut over to you until he is standing in front of you. He leans down to place a sweet kiss to your lips. Although you’re upset, you return the kiss as best you can with Jungkook’s arms still wrapped firmly around your waist. 

“It’s okay...” You lie again. 

“We’re so sorry baby.” Jimin apologizes and you shrug. “It’s fine.” Your fourth lie for the night…

Jin comes strolling into the living room with Yoongi not far behind. “Ok kids. Car is here. Let’s get going.” They both look too good to be true. Dressed in dark suits that seem to compliment each other. “Princess?” He greets your curiously. You give him a small smile. “Hi...” You say. “You look handsome. You all do.” You say truthfully.

Yoongi looks up at you. “Kitten, what are you doing here?” He asks in confusion. 

Seriously? No one remembered what tonight is… or was supposed to be? 

You feel like you’re going crazy, like you made it all up in your head but you know you didn’t. You remember planning this night... The eight of you agreeing upon this date so you don’t understand how this has happened...

You want so badly to tell them off but you also don’t want to start anything… You suppose it’s not their fault... You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, the minute you decided to be with them, to love them… They have priorities and obligations to fulfill as the ‘World’s Biggest Boyband BTS’ but you wish that sometimes, they could be your boyfriends and just that alone. Even if, just for the day…

“I came for movie night but it seems you all have other plans.” You say, the words come out bitter than you intended but you can’t take them back now. 

“Don’t say it like that baby.” Jimin tells you, feeling guilt bubbling in his chest. Yoongi comes to stand in front of you after Hobi has step away to put on his shoes. “Kitten, why don’t you stay until we get back?” Yoongi offers and you’re about to decline his offer when you feel Jungkook press his lips against your neck. “Yeah stay, we’ll be back before you know it,” He whispers against your skin. 

“You guys know I don’t like to stay in the dorm when you’re not here.”

“Please?” Jimin begs. “If you’re not too tired when we get back, we can watch one of the movies you brought.” Jimin suggest, and the idea swims around in your head for a little bit… As tempting as it sounds, you know that they’ll be the ones too tired to stay up and watch movies with you.

“Guys we really need to go…” Jin reminds them, picking up his shoulder bag and his suit jacket off the couch. 

“You guys go ahead... You don’t wanna be late.” You tell them and you watch as Yoongi’s lips form a small pout. You usually lose your mind at how cute he looks when he unintentionally pokes out his lips but in this very moment, all you can do is give him a half hearted smile. He leans forward and kisses you. “I hope you’re here when we get back.” He says before walking towards the door. Jungkook kisses your cheek then lets go of you to follow his Hyungs out. Namjoon is the last to leave. He places a kiss at the top of your head then walks towards the door. “See you later Baby girl.” He says before leaving, the door slamming behind him. 

You sigh and turn away from the door. You are instantly greeted by the messy dorm. The stylists and Sua must’ve slipped out of the dorm while you were conversing with the boys because you were now left alone. In a big, empty, messy dorm. 

You decide to tidy up so the boys will have a nice cozy and clean place to come home too. Plus you need the distraction… You just got ditched after all. 

You pick up the movie box that Taehyung left on the counter and bring it over to the coffee table. You plop down on the couch and begin  unpacking the box.

You even went through the trouble of buying as many of the Korean subbed versions as you could find for some of the older classics like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. You know Tae and Jimin have never seen those. 

You neatly stack the movies in the middle of the table, surprisingly the only clean spot in the house, before you begin tidying up the place.

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Cleaning kills about two full hours. You cleaned the the living room, vacuuming and wiping down all the surfaces. You also decided to clean the kitchen, making sure the dishes in the the dishwasher were clean and then packed away and the counter top was removed of any stains. You attempted to clean each of the boys room but gave up after picking up all the clothes thrown around in Taehyung’s.

After you were satisfied with the way the dorm looked (and smelled), you walk back into the the living room and plop down on the couch. Your eyes glaze over the large stack of DVDs you brought with you... Without even realizing it, a frown grows on your face. 

Cleaning had kept your mind off of the fact that your boyfriends ditched your planned movie night but now that you were done, now that you didn’t have anything keeping you busy, your failed attempt at spending quality time with your boyfriends was all you could think of.

You sigh heavily and pick up your phone. You decide to open the twitter app and browse around. Maybe one or two of the fifteen people you are following would post something to make you laugh…

You loved laughing, it always made you feel better. 

You were lucky enough to stumble across a few memes. You giggle at them and save one in particular to your camera roll to use later in your group chat. 

As you scroll further down, you come across a photo that makes your heart flutter with fondness. 

One of the BTS fan accounts you follow (just because you enjoy the memes they posts and all the cute edits), posted a picture of the guys. You knew instantly it was a picture of them from the night. They look exactly the way they did when they left and you distinctively remember Yoongi’s shinny dangly earring and how it looked pretty with his outfit.

The picture was taken mid laughter. The way Jimin’s eyes turned into crescent moons, how Hoseok’s mouth formed a prefect heart, the way Jungkook’s nose crinkle and his two front teeth made an appearance and how you could practically hear Taehyung’s deep laughter just from looking at the way his mouth was wide open and his head was thrown back… It all made your heart swell in your chest. 

You wished you could be the reason they were laughing or be there to laugh with them. You genuinely just missed them. You were looking forward to spending time with them tonight. You desperately wanted to be wrapped up in Namjoon’s arms, snuggled under a blanket with Jin beside you and Yoongi’s head on your lap while you play with his soft locks as he drifted off to sleep… The other boys gather near by. You always felt comfort when they were close to you. 

You suddenly felt a wave of discontent wash over you. You’re not usually one to let things get to you. You pride yourself in being someone who is very understanding, especially when it comes to plans changing but for some reason this situation is hitting you hard. 

It’s been almost a month since you’ve hung out, like really hung out with them. And yes, you’ve gone longer without seeing them as they were away on tour in different countries for months on end but this time they were back home. You could pop into a practice every now and then or sleepover at the dorm if you want to but they had been so busy this month (even with them being back home), that spontaneous visits were not in the cards for you which is why you were so looking forward to this night.

Exiting out of twitter, you decided to open the Message app. You go into the group chat named ‘Team Kim Seokjin’ and type out a quick message.

YOU to Team Kim Seokjin

hey guys, i hope you’re all having a good time. i finished cleaning up the dorm a bit and now i’m going to head home.

YOU to Team Kim Seokjin

i know you all wanted me to stay but it doesn’t feel right... anyways, be sure to text me when you get home. love you all ❤️

You sent the messages and locked your phone, not waiting for a reply. You stood up, grabbing your duffle bag and throwing it over your shoulder. You shut off all the lights before heading out the dorm. 

Your phone pinged, indicating that you received a text messages but you decide not to check it right away as you were too focused on getting back to your apartment. 

You hope the comfort of your bed would make you feel a little bit better…

Meanwhile on the other side of town. Taehyung and Yoongi were in the bathroom. The award ceremony they were attending had just called for an intermission so the two decided it’d be a good time to release some fluids. 

Yoongi was drying his hands when suddenly his phone vibrated in his pocket the same time that he heard another phone ping, the obviou sound of a text tone… He knew it was Tae’s phone as he was the only other person in the bathroom and Yoongi himself had yet to take his phone off of silent. 

“Hyung!” Taehyung shouts after flushing the toilet in his stall. “Hmm?” Yoongi hums in response. The stall door flies open and Tae hastily walks out, holding his phone up for Yoongi to see the text he’d just received from you. “She’s not staying.” Tae pouts. 

“What?” Yoongi says in confusion, not too sure what the younger male was getting at. 

“Y/n... She said she isn’t going to stay over’.” Taehyung says,

Yoongi squints his eyes, trying to get a better look at Tae’s bright screen before giving up to pull out his own phone. He unlocks it and looks at the text messages you sent, rereading them a few times to himself. “Ah.” He says in realization. “‘Ah’? She’s mad at us and all you have to say is ‘ah’?” Tae whines. 

One of the things Taehyung hates most in this world is when the people he loves and cares about are upset with him and you are at the top of that list. “I don’t think so.” Yoongi tells the younger man. “I disagree… I mean we basically ditched her…” Locking the phone and pushing it back in his pocket, Yoongi turns to the mirror and fixes a few loose strands of hair.

“Leave it to Taehyung to over react at a simple text message.“ Yoongi thinks.

 “She’s not mad. Trust me.” Yoongi tries to reassure Tae but truth be told, he actually didn’t know himself if you were mad or not… He understands why you would be upset, if you were but he also knows that you are someone who doesn’t get upset easily. 

As Yoongi waits for Tae to finish washing his hand, his phone vibrates again. This time, it’s a text from Hoseok.

HOBI to Team Kim Seokjin 

🥺🥺🥺 you won’t be there when we get back?

After reading Hoseok’s text, Yoongi instantly feels a twinge of guilt in his chest. He knows he shouldn’t... After all, he didn’t even want to come to this event but, it’s work. Something he had to do… He’d much rather be at home, cuddling up beside you on the couch, watching some stupid children’s movies… That would be a way better use of his time because it was time being spend with you and his brothers.

“Ready Hyung?” Tae’s question pulls Yoongi out of his head. He nods in response at the blue haired man before the two of them exit the bathroom, heading back to the others.

Yoongi decides that he’d call you as soon as the ceremony is over, to check up on you. He just hopes you’ll be awake to answers…

. * 　　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . * ⁺ ⁺

A    W E E K    L A T E R

With groceries in hand, you struggle to put the pin into the keypad of your apartment door. After two failed attempts and almost being locked out permanently, you decide it would be easier if the grocery bags weren’t in your hand… You lean down to place the bags on the floor and just as you’re about to stand back up, you hear the most horrifying sound… The keypad beeps indicating that it has been unlocked and the door is being pulled open from the inside.

“What the fuck?” You mumble out loud. 

You swiftly stand up straight, ready to throw hands at the intruder but you are pleasantly surprised to see the one and only Kim Taehyung, standing in your doorway with a bright smile on his face. “Tae?” You say, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

Although relieved to see your boyfriend and not some thief or lunatic… You were still a bit confused. “What are you doing here?” You question as he bends over to pick up the grocery bags for you. “I came to see you.” He states the obvious. 

Upon hearing his words, your eyes suddenly widen at thought of him coming into your apartment complex… 

In the middle of the afternoon… 

Where nearly a hundred other college students are living… 

Anyone could’ve saw him. 

You hastily look around then begin walking forward, pushing Taehyung back into you apartment at the same time. “Whoa…” He says slightly confused and startled by your sudden moves. “Someone could’ve saw you dummy.” You scold him and he simply chuckles at you. “I was extra careful.” He informs you. “I wore a mask and a hat and I came in through the back entrance.” He tries to reassure you before walking over to the kitchen to put your bags down. You scoff at him in both amusement and disbelief because you can’t believe that he really thinks a simple mask and hat is enough to hide his appearance… 

His fans could spot him even if he were dressed up as Bozo The Clown. 

“As if a mask could hide you from an ARMY...” You say sternly. 

“Someone could’ve saw you…” You repeat, your voice still a bit on edge as you take your shoes off at the front door. Tae doesn’t seem to care that he could’ve gotten caught sneaking into your building... And it’s not like he hasn’t snuck in before. He’s been to your place a handful of times but never at this time of day so you’re just a bit concerned but you’ll let it go for now…

You walk into the kitchen to see that Taehyung has started unpacking the groceries. You’re amazed by the fact that he seems to know where everything goes. You can’t help the way your heart flutters at how domestic the scene in front of you is but flutter in your heart simmer down just as a thought pops into your head...

What is he doing here?

“Not that I’m not happy to see you babe, but what are you doing here, seriously?” You start. “I thought you and the boys would be in the studio all day.” You say and he shrugs. “Well yes, we’re supposed to be… That’s where the members are now but I snuck away for a bit...” He explains. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Your eyes brows furrow in confusion. 

Why wouldn’t I be okay?

“Where does this go again?” Tae asks as he holds up the box of cookies and cream Rice Crispy Treats.

“Cabinet above the microwave.” You point to the spot you’re talking about and Taehyung nods before turning around to put the sweet treat away. You walk further into the kitchen to help him pack out the rest of the groceries. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” You finally say, referring to his previous question. “Well ‘cause of the whole movie night fiasco last week…” He informs you before turning back around to face you. 

“Ahh.” You say in realization. 

So that’s what this is about... He thinks I’m still upset. 

You chuckle at the thought and walk over to the fridge to put the orange juice inside. 

“I’m okay my love, you didn’t have to come all the way over here to check on me.” You tell him. You feel bad that you gave him the impression that you were still upset. You don’t want him to be worried about something that you were no longer thinking about. “You’re our girl, of course I had to come check on you… I’m sure the others would’ve tried to come, had they known I was coming” He says. 

You close the fridge and look up at him, smiling fondly. You make your way back over to the grocery bags… You decide to just take everything out at once and line them up on the counter to make things easier for yourself and make the process of putting things away go faster. 

“You’re sweet baby but I promise you, I’m okay.” You reassure him.

“But you weren’t though… Right? Before you were mad at us?” By the tone of his voice you know there’s a pout on his lip. “Yes.” You say truthfully, not wanting to hide anything from him. “I knew it!” He exclaims. “I knew you were mad. Yoongi Hyung said you weren’t but I know you darling.” He says confidently. “I’ll admit…” You begin before closing the fridge and turning around to face him. “I was upset that night… Mainly because I just wanted to spend time with you all but I got over it.” You confess. 

“I understand that you all have priorities and-“

“You’re our priority.” Taehyung cuts you off… As much as you want to believe him, you couldn’t. Yes, you know they love you and you know you mean a lot to them but you also know that their careers, their fans, mean just as much and sometimes that means you have to take a back seat to that part of their lives... 

And that’s something you have to learn to accept. 

“Let us make it up to you.” Taehyung’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.

“There’s no need.” You tell him and there really isn’t… They did nothing wrong and there’s nothing they needed to make up for. “Aw come on,” Tae whines. “Sleepover, we have the weekend off!” He suggests and you have to shake your head immediately. “I can’t.” You state. “I have a big project due on Monday that I need to get started on.” He pouts cutely and you resist the urge to kiss that pout off his lips. 

“Ok, well just come over Friday night then… The guys and I miss you so much.” He takes a step forward and you take one back… For some reason, your subconscious is telling you that some shit is about to go down that you are unprepared for…

“Tae…” You say warningly. You hate to disappoint him and the rest of your men and you would normally never turn down the opportunity to spend time with them but you just didn’t think it’d be responsible to hangout when you have so much work to do and catch up on. 

And yes, you could bring your work over to the dorm but that just wouldn’t be logical... You’d get nothing done.

“Please?” You don’t miss the way Taehyung’s voice has dropped and octave lower. You look up to meet his eyes and as you expect, there is something dark… Swirling around in them. He advances towards you again and you take another step back, this time your lower back hits the edge of the counter. Taehyung places his hands on either side of you, locking you between himself and the countertop. There’s no where for you to run. 

“Please stay over.” He pleads again and for a split second your eyes land on his lips. They are slightly chapped but they look so inviting... “Let us make it up to you.” His words come out as more of a command than question. “Tae…” You say his name again, a little breathier than you expected but his close proximity is making you somewhat lightheaded… It’s not like you haven’t been this close to him before, hell you’ve been way closer but for some reason, the way that he’s looking at you right now, like he can’t wait to get his hands on you, like he can’t wait to put his mouth on you… It’s all very intense. 

“I already told you… I can’t.” 

“You can’t or you just won’t?” He asks you. His question kind of catches you off guard because he’s sort of got a point… 

It’s not that you can’t go over to their dorm on Friday night or that you don’t want to… It’s just that you don’t think it’d be the smartest thing to do with the word load you have on your table right now… “Darling.” Tae calls… He can tell by the expression on your face that you are playing with the idea of coming over, in your head. “Hmm?” You hum, looking into his eyes. This time, you’re the one to catch him staring at your lips. 

Somehow the two of you have gotten so close to each other that your faces are inches apart. You can feel his breath fanning over you as he speaks. “What do I have to do to change your mind?” He questions, seductively. His voice is as smooth and raw as honey. If lust had a sound, it’d be they way Taehyung is speaking to you right now... The tingle in your core seems to get stronger the more he talks.

You look at his lips one last time and because you can’t resist him any longer, “Kiss me.” is all you mange to say. 

Tae is on you in seconds. He smirks as his lips collide with the softness and warmth of your own.

Kisses with Taehyung always start off slow… Slow and sweet and extremely passionate and today is no different. He sucks on your bottom lip slowly and you moan at the feeling. “Mmm.” He moans along with you. He loves how plump your bottom lip is and the way it bounces back into place when he lets it go. 

Tae takes his hands off the counter and grabs your arms, that are still awkwardly at your sides to place them on his shoulders. You instantly wrap them around his neck and pull him closer. You run your fingers through the blue locks at the back of his head and gently grip them. 

You had been so thrown off by his lips on yours that you had forgotten what do with the rest of your body. 

The two of you are chest to chest as his hands caress your sides. You slide your tongue across his bottom lip, hoping that he’ll get the hint and sure enough he does, opening his mouth for you to slip your tongue in. The two of you swirl your tongues around each others, the feeling is sensual and sexy and is slightly overwhelming your senses but you can’t stop. 

Another minute passes and Tae pulls away from devouring your mouth so the two of you can catch your breaths. “So...” He says breathlessly. You lean forward and peck his lips again, wanting to taste more of him. He smiles against your mouth before speaking, “Is that a yes?” He asks with his lips against yours and you giggle… It seems the man in front of you is adamant in getting you to agree to come over and if you weren’t so horny and now, so extremely wet, you’d tell him off but unfortunately (or mayhaps, fortunately?), you are both of those things and it doesn’t help that Taehyung has decided to drag his mouth from yours to the sweet spot where your neck and shoulders meet, peppering kisses and sucking harshly on the skin there.

“Oh god,” You mumble to yourself. 

It feels so good. 

“Darling?” Tae calls you as your eyes flutter closed. You tilt your head to the side, giving him more space to work. “Hmm?” You can only give him a hum of a response because you think your brain is too clouded with lust to form a coherent sentence… So you just don’t.

“You didn’t answer my question,” He reminds you. His warm tongue runs over the patch of skin he’d previously sucked on. “What was it again?” You ask, having genuinely forgot what it was… He chuckles and slides his hands from around your waist down to your lower back, they rest there for a second or two before he moves on, sliding his hands over the curve of your ass. He grips it firmly and you gasps at the feeling “I said...” He begins. “Is that a yes… To coming over?” He pulls away from your neck to look at your face. 

Tae’s heart beats rapidly and the tightness in his boxers increases when he sees the look on your face. He always thinks you look beautiful but even more so when your eyes are filled with desire, much like they are now. He could just eat you up... And he will. 

“No.” You say, bringing the man in front of you out of his trance. He raises his eyebrow at you and you try to hold back a smug smirk from forming on your face. “No?” He asks, wanting to make sure he heard you correctly. 

“Nope.” You confirm, popping your ‘p’ and shaking your head. 

“Hmm,” He hums. You can tell by his tone that he knows you’re just giving him a hard time and he definitely doesn’t mind playing along. “I guess that means I’m gonna have to work a little harder to get you to say yes huh?” He questions you and you smile sweetly at him, “Bingo.” You say matter-of-factly. 

He knows exactly what you want.

A sudden mischievous smile graces his lips before his mouth is crashing on to yours again. Slow and sweet kisses will no longer suffice for such a moment between the two of you.... Everything now is fast and sloppy and so so good. 

You moan as Taehyung’s tongue pushes into your mouth. He tastes as delicious as the first time he kissed you and you swear you could loose yourself in his mouth alone. 

His hands come down to grip your thighs. “Up.” He grumbles in your mouth and you jump slightly, so that he can effortlessly lift you off the floor and on to the countertop. You can feel the groceries behind you, uncomfortably pressing against your lower back. You remove your hands from around Taehyung’s neck and bring them behind you to push the groceries out of your way so you have more room to move around… The whole time you’re doing this, your lips never leave his.

The sounds of heavy breathing and wet kisses fill the space around you... Also the sound of your favorite bag of chips hitting the hardwood floor but you have no time to dwell on that, not when one of your gorgeous boyfriends is making a mess of your panties and he doesn’t even know it…

Now with Taehyung in between your legs, you can feel how hard he is. He’s pressing himself closer to you and the sudden urge to feel and taste his cock is strong. 

Your hand is down his sweatpants and past his boxers before you know it. “Oh fuck,” He grunts as you grip his hard cock in your small hand. 

You don’t hold back, beginning to stroke him as best you can from where you’re sitting. The angle is a little weird and slightly uncomfortable for you and there’s a bit of restraint from his boxers and sweats still being on him but he seems to be enjoying it from the way his mouth has fallen open and his eyes are fluttering open and closed. “Feels good?” You ask, wanting to hear praises from him. “I-I’m... Fuck...” He’s struggling to get the words out and that is a boost to your pride, if any. You love that you can turn him into a puddy from just your hands. “I’m s-supposed to b-be making you f-feel good.” He finally get the words out and you smile. 

You think it’s so sweet that he’s thinking about making you feel good whilst your hands are on his cock. 

“We can take turns baby.” You remind him before you grab him by the collar of his shirt with your free hand and plant your mouth on his again. The kiss is all teeth and tongue as you continue to pump his length... You use your thumb to spread the precum over the head of his dick. “Y/n...” Taehyung breathes your actual name for the first time since he’s stepped into your apartment. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna cum in my pants.” He warns you but that only encourages you to go faster. 

You stroke his length with determination. 

Your end goal is to get him to bust a nut… 

Right here… 

In your kitchen… 

In his boxers… 

While you watch… 

You want to make a mess out of him. 

“But isn’t that what you want baby?” You tease him. “To cum, right here in my hand.” Your voice is innocent but your words are so dirty that Taehyung can only growl at you in response before throwing his head back. “Fuck, your hand feels so fucking good around me.” He says through gritted teeth. “My mouth would feel better but we’ll get to that later.” You continue to pump his cock. Your pace goes from slow and steady to fast and hard and it’s making Taehyung loose his fucking mind. 

From the way his dick twitches and the way his face is screwed up in pleasure, you know he’s already about to cum. “Are you close my love?” You ask him sweetly and his heart feels like it might explode. The fact that you can switch from being so dirty to so soft and sweet while you rub him off, really throws him for a loop. You are truly the best of both worlds. 

“Yes...” He groans, finally bringing his head down to lock eyes with you and you bite your lip at the sight in front of you.

You don’t realize it but your hips are desperately gliding back and forth on the countertop, trying to get whatever friction you can… Even if its just the dull shift of your wet underwear rubbing against your folds every now and then… It’s better than nothing at all. Your boyfriend takes note of this, feeling a little guilty, as he was the one who was supposed to be getting you off but instead, here you are giving him, probably the best handjob of his life. He’ll have to make up for it later but right now, he can only focus on the fact that he’s about to cream his pants. 

“Oh God, please Y/n...” He calls out, his eyes haven’t left yours. The both of you are staring at each other so intensely that it feels impossible to look away. “What my love?” You ask him. You twist your hand around his throbbing cock as you continue to stroke him up and down rapidly. Your arm is about to fall off because of the constant change in speed but you refuse to slow down. “Please don’t stop.” He begs you, his voice strained. “I won’t… Not until you cum for me,” You promise him. 

“Are you gonna cum for me Tae?” You feel his dick twitch for the second time after you speak.

Your mouth starts to water at thought of how pretty his cock must look right now. So thick and veiny and probably tinted a pretty shade of pink… You wish you had taken it out of his pants before going to town on it so you could see it in action… You were too eager but it’s okay... You’ll have a better view of it, once you get your face down there to suck him off. 

“Oh f-fuck!” He groans loudly, halting your fantasies about his dick. “I-I’m cumming,” He stutters out, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as his mouth falls into a perfect ‘o’ shape. Your hand strokes him relentlessly for a few more minutes before you feel it... Tae releases his load all over your hand while your name falls from his lips repeatedly. You continue to pump him through his release, your thumb rubs over the sensitive head of his cock and he flinches at the feeling. “Shit...” He says and you giggle, before pulling your hand out of his boxers. The back of your hand is shiny and wet with his cum… Instead of letting it go to waste, you decide to give him a show... You look him in the eyes and lick the mess he’s made off the back of your hand... You’re not sure how sexy you look, licking your skin like a fucking cat would their fur, but Tae seems to be enjoying it and that all that matter. 

“Holy shit...” He says once you’re done, he comes towards you at full speed, lips colliding for the third time tonight.

Taehyung places his hands under your thighs, guiding you to wrap them around his waist. Once you do, he hastily picks you up and you squeal as he carries you over the couch. He basically throws you down on it… Thank God, you got a bigger one. The little two seater you had before would never work for what the two of you are about to do… 

Your boyfriend moves swiftly to help you pull your shirt off over you head and you have to laugh at how eager he seems to be. “Whats so funny?” He questions and you smile. “You’re just really cute when you’re needy.” You tease him and he scrunches his face in disapproval, making him appear even cuter than before. “I’m about to bury my face in your cunt and you’re calling me cute?” He says in disbelief. “Well, you are…” You simply shrug your shoulders with smirk on your face. “Shut up and get your pants off.” He says somewhat playfully before pulling his own shirt over his head. Your eyes land on his tan skin and his pretty collarbones.. You’re sure your drooling now at how good he looks above you shirtless and dark eyed with his pretty blue locks cascading over his forehead… 

He looks un-fucking-real… 

You begin unbutton your jeans but apparently you weren’t moving fast enough for Tae’s liking which seems to be a recurring theme whenever you’re about to get it on with one or more of your boyfriends… Taehyung impatiently moves your hands out of the way to unbutton your jeans himself so instead you work on your sports bra which actually doesn’t require much work at all… It isn’t the cutest one you own but it does have a zipper down the front which makes the removal process much easier and for that, you are thankful. You unzip the bra and slide it off your shoulders before dropping it on the floor beside the couch. You can’t stop your hands from caressing the tops of your breast then running your palms over your hard nipples. Tae’s hands would feel better but, he’s busy pulling your pants down past your hips. You lift yourself off the couch to help him get them off you. When they’re off completely, he takes the clothing and tosses them somewhere behind him. “Jesus,” He says as his eyes meet the large damp spot on your navy blue panties… “You were this wet the whole time?” He asks, looking up at you and you nod in response.

“Please take care of it Tae…” You plead… Now that he’s brought it up, the wet, stickiness between your legs is starting to get uncomfortable and since he’s the cause of it, it’s only right that he fixes it. “I’d love to.” He tells you before leaning down to press kisses on your stomach, right above the waistband of your panties. You bite your lip and look down at him, both your heart and your pussy are throbbing in anticipation for what is about to happen. 

Taehyung takes a chance and peaks up at your through his lashes… You are a sight to behold, laying here, so prettily and patiently waiting for him to make his next move… He thinks it’d be so easy to tease you and make you whine underneath him but he’s not a selfish lover and he desperately wants to repay you for the nut you made him bust not too long ago. He kisses the damp spot on your panties before looping his fingers in the sides of them. He pulls them down slowly and as your pretty cunt comes into view, he licks his lips. He can’t wait to taste you. “Hurry.” Your voice is soft and very desperate. “Sorry Darling, I just was admiring you…” He confesses and your face heats up right away.

Oh god, this man is going to be the death of me.

He pulls your panties off the rest of the way and tosses them in the same way he did your jeans, he then begins placing kisses one by one on each of your thighs… He takes his time, stopping every so often to suckle on your smooth skin… It feels amazing but you are loosing your patience. You whine out his name and he chuckles… After he just told himself, he wouldn’t tease… He can’t help it though, he just love to take his time with you. 

Tae positions himself more comfortably between your legs, hooking his arms under your thighs and spreading you open wider. He starts by licking a stripe from the bottom of your core to the top, just to get a taste. The tip of his tongue hits against your clit and you sigh at the feeling. Taehyung groans in delight when the taste of you glide across his tongue, igniting a fire in him to taste more. He flattens his tongue over your folds, licking his way back down before pushing the wet muscle between them. Your breathing is already starting to become rugged, the small pants leaving your lips are enough to boost Tae’s ego and he’s only just getting started. 

Gripping your thighs tighter to bring you even closer to his mouth, he begins lapping his tongue between your wet lips and your mouth falls open at his ministration. The back of your head gently hits the arm rest of the couch when Tae’s tongue hits your clit for a second time, this time he lets it stay there, rolling it over your harden bud slowly just before he sucks it into his mouth. “F-fucking hell..” You nearly screech out. His lips are locked around your clit and you can feel his jaw rubbing against your folds while his nose is pressed to the skin at the top of your cunt. You glance down to find his gaze is already on you. For a brief minute, you are able to see that his eyes are glossed over with lust before the flutter closed in pure bliss. 

The fact that he loves eating you out just as much as you love getting eaten out is just…. *chef kisses* 

You push your hands in his hair and grip from the roots, he grunts causing a small wave of pleasure to vibrate over your clit. “F-fuck!” You moan out, arching your back. Taehyung sneakily removes a hand from under your thigh, bringing it up to your wet pussy. He swiftly slides a finger in without warning, causing you to yelp and arch your back, “Oh my god…” You say breathlessly. He begins pumping his finger in and out of you slowly, his mouth never wavering. He sucks on your sensitive bud like it’s his favorite candy. 

Taehyung adds a second finger to your dripping heat and you clench tightly around them. He groans louder around your clit at the thought of you clenching around his cock instead. He knows he’d fit snuggly inside you and he can’t wait to feel your warmth and wetness engulf him but for now, he wants you to cum on his tongue. You taste so sweet and you’re so wet for him that he might just end up staying down between you thighs forever. “So sweet.” He mumbles exactly what he’s was thinking, over your clit. He then uses his tongue again, twisting the muscle in a circular motion around your clit while he steadily pumps his fingers in and out of you. You grab hold of your breast and pinch your nipples between the tips of your fingers to increase your pleasure. 

Your body is on fire… You can fill that familiar coil in your stomach starting to turn and he can sense it too… Almost as if he’s is in tune with your body… Not to mention the way you keep pulsating around his fingers. “Your close..” Tae mumbles, only loud enough for himself to hear. “C’mon Darling.” He mumbles again, in the same tone as he takes his mouth off your clit… 

You can hear him talking but it’s almost like you’re under water… The pleasure is deliciously overwhelming and all you can think about it cumming hard all over his mouth and fingers… You’re so close to that sweet release, it’s unbelievable… 

Now that his mouth is off your clit, Taehyung can focus on the look on your face. “Beautiful.” He, once again, mumbles to himself. 

He’ll never get tired of seeing you like this. Never, ever. 

He blows air over your aching bundle of nerves while he watches you become a quivering mess right before his eyes. 

The moment when he decides to curl his fingers up inside you, moving them back and forth as the tips of his fingers graze across that spot, is all it takes to send you into a frenzy. “Jesus, right t-there! P-please don’t stop!” You exclaim. He pops his head up further, the entire area around his mouth and his chin are g l i s t e n i n g with your juices. “Right here?” He asks, grazing his fingers over the same spot again. The way his words fall off of his lips combined with how he’s looking at you should be fucking illegal. “Yes, yes, yes!” You squeal as you orgasm begins blazing a trail through you body. “Oh fuck,” Tae groans, as he feels your fluids run down his palm… In an instant his mouth is back on your clit. He sucks your clit, mercilessly and the overstimulation causes tears to pool in the corner of you eyes. You try to push his head away from your aching cunt but he won’t budge. 

“Ah-h T-Tae wait, p-please.” You beg him. 

“I-I c-can’t!” You blurt out and he finally releases you from his mouth but his fingers stay in you just a little longer, pumping you as you come down from your high.

The wet sound of Tae pulling is fingers out of your cunt is sensitive to your ears. He licks his fingers clean the leans forward to kiss you and you’re able to taste yourself on his tongue, which causes another moan to escape you. “Do you think… You can take my cock right now Darling?” He asks in between sloppy kisses. “I need to be inside you.” He admits and all you can give him is a nod of your head. “Are you sure?” He questions. He doesn’t want to pressure you or make you feel like you have to do anything you’re not up for… He just really wants to feel you wrapped around him. 

“Yes.” Your voice is hoarse and barely audible but he hears you... 

Taehyung kisses you once more the leans up, you can make out the imprint of his hard member through his sweatpants, you can also see a few dry patches of cum from earlier and your mouth salivates for the hundredth time tonight.

When the blue haired boy above you pushes his sweatpants and boxers down in one go, his dick springs free and your eyes light up when you see the glossy, pink tip… 

Just as you remembered, it is gorgeous… He is gorgeous. 

You don’t get enough time to admire it because he is positioning himself between your legs again. “Ready?” He asks you sweetly and respond by leaning up to place your lips on his again. “Give it to me.” You encourage him and that’s all he needs to hear before slowly pushing himself inside you… No foreplay, no teasing… Just straight to the point. The both of you gasps into each others mouths when your warm walls engulf his thick cock for the first time in a while…

“Jesus…” He calls out and you fall back on to the couch, not having the energy to hold yourself up anymore. He begins with slow strokes, like he usually does. He leans down to meet your mouth again, repeatedly kissing you. “I love you.” He confesses and your heart does backflips, like it always does when they say those three words to you. 

“I love you.” You say back to him whilst his hips start to pick up the pace. His mouths falls on to your chest, peppering kisses on the valley between your breast before it comes to hover over one of your nipples. He pokes his tongue out and flicks it over your nip and you moan his name loudly as your eyes flutter closed. 

Tae pulls out of you, leaving just the head of his cock inside your warm, wet center. He mouth comes down and closes around your harden nipple… He doesn’t hesitate to suck it into his mouth right before he pushes back into you. “F-fuck.” You shout as your hands tangle in his hair yet again. He begins stroking into you at rapid speed… 

Your moans must’ve set him off… 

It’s almost like a flip was switched…

The way he’s ponding into you now is total contrast to how soft and gentle he was being earlier… Not that you’re complaining. “T-Taehyung!” You scream and he finally lifts his mouth from off your nipple, making sure to release it with a pop. He leans up and you’re able to see the beads of sweat rolling down his golden skin. He grabs hold of your legs, wrapping them securely around his waist.

“Scream my name again Darling.” He commands as he grabs onto your hips for support. “Taehyung!!” You scream again when he hits a particularly sweet spot inside of you. “You’re so good to me baby! I love your cock so much.” You praise him and he smirks… The man thrives off of your praises.

Tae bucks his hips faster, you lift your own up to meet his thrusts. Your skins slapping against each other mixed with your heavy panting is one of the prettiest sounds you’ve heard and you don’t want it to end but you don’t think that you’ll last much longer… And from the way that Tae’s head is thrown back, how his grip on you is getting a lot tighter, and the way his adam’s apple bobs in his throat, you know he’s close too. 

“Are you gonna cum with me Darling?” His voice is raw and he sounds so fucked out that it makes your pussy lips quiver… 

“Y-yes, yes I-I’m so close baby.”

“Argh! M-Me too,”

“Give it to me Tae, please..”

You hear him mumble another curse word under his breath and his thrust begin to stagger a bit before his releases his load into you… It takes you a little longer to reach your second orgasm but Tae doesn’t stop fucking you until you do, even with exhaustion starting to settle into his bones, he rubs your clit and continues stroking his dick inside you until you cum all over him…

Soon after your release, Taehyung collapses on top of you, trying his hardest to catch a breath. His eyes fall shut as he rests his head on your shoulder while you lazily run your hands through his damp hair. It’s quiet between the two of for quite a while… You’re both in post-amazing-sex bliss and are just enjoying being in each other embrace. 

You think that Tae has fallen asleep because his body is limp on yours, he’s resting most of his weight on you and his breathing is steady but then you hear his slightly muffled voice say:

“So we’ll see you Friday night then?” 

You toss your head back and burst into fits of giggles.

“This guy…” You mumble to yourself, whilst shaking your head with the fondest smile on your face. 

What am I going to do with you Mr. Kim Taehyung? 

. * 　　　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . * ⁺ ⁺

F R I D A Y    N I G H T

You arrive at the boys dorm at eight o’clock on the dot, like you were told. Stepping up to the front door, you quickly type your code into the keypad, the door beeps and you twist the knob and push it open before stepping inside. All the lights in the dorm were off, expect for the one in kitchen which casted a dim light into the rest of the open space. It seems like no one is home but that couldn’t be the case... Surely Tae wouldn’t have invited you to an empty dorm and furthermore, you texted him less than twenty-five minutes ago to let him know you were on your way so he had to be home.

“Where is everyone?” You mumbled aloud to yourself. 

Just as you pull your phone out to give Taehyung a call, you are startled by the sound of the toilet flushing. You whip your body around to face the bathroom door. You then hear the sink running. “Taehyung?” You call out but there is no answer. The sink is still running as you walk closer to the door. “Hello?” You call out again, a little louder and closer this time when suddenly the sink turns off and the door is being swung open. You are greeted by a pair of sparkly, yet startled brown eyes. “Oh!” Tae says placing his hand over his heart in shock. “Shit, you scared me.” He says, sounding like someone has knocked the wind out of him. You smirk, doing your best to hold your laughter in.

“I was calling your name...��� You informed him.

“I’m sorry Darling,” Taehyung steps up to you and wraps his arms around your waist before pulling you into him. You place your hands on his chest to stable yourself. Your faces are inches apart, much like they were two days prior. “Hello beautiful.” He says sweetly. You feel heat rise to your cheeks at the compliment he gives. 

Will you ever get used to all the compliments and affection these men throw at you? Probably not. 

With the sudden urge to kiss the man in front of you. You lean in to close the gap between the two of you, pressing your lips to his. He instantly melts into you.  With his arms securely wrapped around your waist, he pulls you closer. 

The kiss begins to heat up. His hands begin roaming your body, slipping from around your waist to lay them on the small of your back. His lips are so soft today and you find it incredibly hard to pull away from him but you do before things go any further.

You reluctantly pull your lips away from Tae’s and he eagerly chases after you, always wanting more. 

“Slow down tiger,” You say jokingly as you put your hands on his chest to prevent him from getting another kiss out of you.

“I’ve missed you.” He confesses and you can’t wipe the stupid grin off your face… “Tae, we literally saw each other two days ago.” You remind him and he scoffs. “Why can’t you just say it back… You’re turning into Hyung.” He tells you, his tone bitter. You laugh, instantly knowing exactly which Hyung he’s talking about. “Leave Yoongs out of this.” You say, poking his chest playfully. “Speaking of Yoongs…. Where is he?” You say, looking around at what seems to be an empty dorm. “Where is everyone and why is it so quiet in here?” You ask curiously.

Upon hearing your questions, a mischievous smirk graces face. 

“What?” You ask, suddenly suspicious. 

“Come, I wanna show you something.” Tae removes his arms from around your waist to grab hold of your hand. 

“Show me what?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Hearing those three words cause a irritable groan to escape your lips. You hate surprises, really hate them…

You start to have flashbacks of the amount of times you’ve voiced your distaste for surprises and it had to be over twenty… Taehyung should know better. “Tae, did you forget that I don’t like surprises...” You remind him. “C’mon, stop being difficult,” He begins tugging you towards the front door but you are resisting. “And close your eyes.” He instructs you. “Oh God, no.” You pout, stomping your foot like a child. “I don’t wanna go.” You whine. 

“Hey, stopping being a brat.” He says, sounding somewhat annoyed with you… “Just close your eyes.” He adds. ”You close your eyes...” You mumble under breath… Tae hears you and laugh at your immature comeback. 

“If I close my eyes we’re both screwed, don’t you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“Okay then, close your eyes. I’m not leading you into danger... I promise.”

You scrunch your face up in discomfort… “That doesn’t make me feel any better flex but okay.” Your remark once again causes more laughter to erupt from Tae. “What am I gonna do with you?” He mumbles more to himself but you still hear him, you’re too worried about where he’s taking you to comment.

After a few seconds of hesitating, you finally close your eyes. “Ready?” You can feel Tae looking at you so you nod your head in response. “No peaking.” He warns you as he start moving again with your hand locked in his. Your free hand moves around in front of you… You use it to prevent yourself from running into anything. As you start to follow Tae further into the unknown, holding on to him for dare life, you take a chance and pry your left eye open. Just as you do, he turn around to check on you. “Hey!” He exclaims and you close your eye just as quickly as you opened it but it’s too late… You’ve already been caught. 

“I said no peaking.”

“I didn’t see anything and we’ve barely moved an inch,”

Tae sighs before letting go of your hand. “Wait here.” He says, before jogging down the hallway. “Where are you going?” You call after him and get no response in return. You roll eyes and wait, anxiously shifting side to side.

It takes him all of five minutes to finally make his way back down the hall to you. You raise a curious brow at him when you realize there is something in his hand. He holds the item up, letting you get a better look at it. “A tie?” You question, looking at the funky patterned accessory dangling from his hand. “I couldn’t find a mask or scarf… This will have to do.” Taehyung walks around you. “What are you doing?” You ask frantically. “Blind folding you idiot, since you can’t follow instructions.” He says nonchalantly. “Hey!” You turn around to hit his chest and he huffs out a breathy laugh at the contact. “I was kidding!” He tells you, before lifting the tie up to place it over your head then in front of your face. “Turn around.” He instructs you and you sigh before obeying his request. You decide not to argue with him anymore… The quicker you put the blind fold on, the quicker you’ll be able to get it off… Hopefully.

Tae securely ties the fabric over your eyes, making sure the large part isn’t covering your nose. “Are you okay?” He asks after stepping to the front of you and you know. “I guess..” You shrug and you can hear him chuckle. “Can you see me?” He questions. You can’t see him but you can feel him moving around in front of you, probably dancing or making weird faces. 

“No Tae… Can we hurry up and do this… I wanna take this off.”

“Ok, ok.” 

Taehyung finally grabs your hand and starts moving. You decided to grab onto the length of his arm, rather than just his hand. The closer you are to him, the safer you feel… And also if he decides to try and throw you down into a ditch, you’ll be able to pull him down with you with how tightly your holding on to him. 

You hear the sound of the front door being unlocked. “We’re going out?” You ask, nervously. “Yes Darling, but not far.” He assures you and your nerves calm down just bit. You know you’ve stepped out of the apartment when the cooler air of the hallway hits your skin. You hear the door of the dorm shut behind you and the beep of the keypad, indicating that it is locked. “Come.” Tae’s deep voice is comforting as he continues to guide you to your destination. You walk for a short period of time before briefly stopping so that Tae can open, what sounds like, another door. “We’re going up the stairs now.” He warns you. His voice is echoing in space you’re in and you body get goose bumps, not only from the chill in the air but also when you think of all the horrible scenarios that could happen while you’re blind folded. 

“Y/n?” Tae pulls you out of your own head. 

“Hm?” You respond shakily and he laughs. “Why are you being so dramatic?” He questions in amusement. “I’m not.” You protest and you can’t see him but you feel like he might’ve just shook his head at you. “You’ve gotta step up, okay? The first step is right in front of you.” He explains to you and you awkwardly lift your leg up and forward just a bit before putting it back down on the step.

With Tae’s help, you are able to make it up three flights of stairs. You’re tired and out of breath by the end of it. “I’m not in the right shape for this.” You complain and Taehyung chuckles. “You’re shape is perfect.” He says sweetly, the heat that rushes to your cheeks is evident but if Tae noticed, he doesn’t say anything. 

“Are we here?”

“Yes.”

“Can I take the blind fold off?”

“Not yet.”

You can feel Taehyung shifting around you for a bit, then you hear another door being open and another b rush of cool air slaps you in the face… “Ooo.” You say wrapping your arms around yourself. It’s not freezing cold but it’s the start of September and the weather is starting to change from summer to fall so it’s a little chilly. 

Taehyung puts his hands on your shoulders and nudges you throw the door way. The rest of you boyfriends are watching you amusingly as you put your hands in front of you in attempt to feel out your surroundings.

Jungkook is trying his hardest not to laugh out loud at how ridiculous you look flailing your arms about. Yoongi takes a little break from grilling the meat in front of him to glance at you and a fond smile graces his face when he does. 

“Is someone cooking beef?” You say out loud. Jimin and Namjoon’s eyes widen when pick up on the smell so easily. “It smells like a barbecue.” You admit and you can hear what you thought was muffled laughing in the distance but you’re not sure… You know it isn’t Taehyung because he’s right beside you. “Ok, I’m gonna take the blind fold off but you’ve gotta keep your eyes closed until I say…” He says. “Okay.” You respond, happy to just be able to get the fabric from over your eyes. 

Tae stands behind you and begins untying the blind fold. He is looking at his members with a knowing smirk as he does so. “Keep your eyes closed.” He says, as the blind fold falls from over you eyes. 

“Okay, ready?” Tae questions and you nod your head. “Open your eyes,” He whispers in your ear and you do immediately 

“Oh my god.” You gasps, placing your hand over your mouth in awe. 

“Surprise!” All seven of your boyfriends shout in unison. Before you know it, your eyes are beginning to pool with tears. 

The sight in front of you isn’t what you were expecting.

You are on the rooftop of the boys dorms, it is completely decked out with fairy lights and streamers. There’s a wooden bench off to the side with an array of foods displayed. There a cute little tent made of sheets and filled with what looks like the softest and fluffiest pillows and blankets, right across from a huge portable projection screen. 

There is a Disney movie already cue up… You’re not sure which on it is but, the blue screen with the infamous white castle is ever present.  

“Are you crying?” Taehyung suddenly asks, as he leans down to match your height so he can get a better look at your face. “No..” You lie, trying to subtly wipe away yours tears. “Aw~ My baby,” Jimin coos before he jogs over to you. He wraps his arms around you, engulfing you in a big bear hug and you sniffle, before hugging him back. “Please, don’t cry Princess... Our hearts will break if you cry.” Jin pouts as he shuffles over to both you and Jimin, wrapping his arms around the both of you for a mini group hug. “Me too!” Jungkook shouts as he runs over to the three of you. He tries his best to wrap his arms around all of you, snuggling close to Jin first and resting his head on the older male’s back. 

“I-I c-can’t believe y-you guys did t-this…” You’re a stuttering mess and it doesn’t help that your words come out extremely muffled because of all the bodies smothering your own. Jimin laughs because he isn’t able to hear exactly what you said but the shakiness of your voice is adorable. “What was that Baby?” He asks, moving back a little to give you room to speak but his arms are still securely around you. 

“Ok, I don’t think she can breathe… You all have to give her room.” Namjoon is amused at the display of affection in front of him. Jimin, Jungkook and Jin back away from you, giving you breathing space and when you finally look up to greet them, your eyes are puffy and red and your nose is slightly snotty. “Aww.” You can hear Hoseok say from across the room. He had been busy fixing one of the fairy lights and hadn’t gotten a chance to see you properly. Now, here you are, a snotty nose mess in front of him and all it makes him want to do is hold you close in his arms until you’re done crying.

“I can’t believe you guys did this…” You repeat yourself, this time a little more clearly. “We felt really bad about missing movie night,” Taehyung, who has now made himself comfortable in the pile of pillows and blankets at the side of you, confesses. “But I told you it was okay.” You say, voice still trembling. 

“Yes, we know thats what you said…” Hoseok starts. “But it wasn’t how you felt.” He adds.

“Yeah, we’re really sorry Princess.” Jin chimes in. “We know you were really looking forward to that night and we hate that we disappointed you by missing it.” He continues. You smile and grab his hand. You can see the guilt in his eyes, but you don’t want him to feel that way. “But all of this?” You say, looking around. “Not that I don’t love all of this but, isn’t it too much?” You ask shyly and by ‘too much’, you mean ‘too much for little ole you’… 

“It’s not enough!” Jimin exclaims and the rest of the boys chuckle. “This was all Jimin and Taehyung’s idea.” Namjoon admits. “Yeah and you know they don’t do anything half assed.” Yoongi adds as he takes the last few pieces off meat off grill to put them on a plate. You nod your head in agreement. “Thank you guys for this… It’s perfect.” You say truthfully. You’re sure the boys can hear in your words, how moved you are. Your chest feels like it could explode at any minute. “Anything for you Angel.” Hoseok is staring at you like you’re his whole world and it only makes your heart flutter more. “Let’s eat kids before the food gets cold… Then we can watch the movie.” Yoongi suggests as he takes a seat on the bench. The rest of you follow suit, gathering at the table. “What movie is it?” You ask after sitting down in between Namjoon and Jin. “Astro cats or something like that…” Yoongi shrugs his shoulder and you laugh knowingly. “Its Aristocats and excellent choice.” You tell him excitedly before digging into the food like the rest of the boys.

This is way better than the movie night you had planned and you can’t believe the lengths these men will go to make sure you’re okay. You almost feel like you don’t deserve it but you would never say that thought out loud as you know they’d scold you for even thinking it.

Just like always, you are feeling extremely blessed to be loved by such caring and considerate men and you are convinced that you are indeed, the luckiest woman in the world to have all seven of them by your side. 

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Manga vs Anime: Episode 28 “The immortal Sugimoto Harakiri Show”

So let’s start with Ep 4 of the 3rd series… which is the 28 Golden Kamuy animated episode and we start with a request.

Yeah, this request is done because we need more GK.

Some data first.

This episode last 23:40 minutes and has an opening and an the ending. It covers part of chap 151, part of chap 154 and 4 other chaps of the manga, chap 155, 156, 157 & 158 for a total of around 96 pages (I’m discounting the covers) basically covering half of Vol 16.

The episode is titled ‘The immortal Sugimoto Harakiri Show’, which is actually the title of chap 156, chap 151 being ‘Muskies’, chap 154 being ‘Remaining Time’, chap 155 being ‘Yamada Circus Troupe’, chap 157 being ‘Karafuto Island Great Circus’ and chap 158 being ‘Key Performer’.

And now into the anime.

SUGIMOTO’S GROUP

Manga: Sugimoto’s group stops in an Ainu village, Sugimoto suggesting to spend the night there. Koito would like to reach Toyohara, which has better inns but Tsukishima says they’ll do it the day after so they’ll be able to do some shopping as well. Enonoka gives Cikapasi her father’s hohciri, explaining him that boys in Karafuto wear it until they turn ten.

Anime: This scene is completely removed in the anime.

My two cents: Normally I’m against cutting scenes but I’ll admit the first page isn’t really relevant as for the second, since the topic will come up later, the story could skip it.

THE MUSK DEER

Manga & Anime: Asirpa sees an animal she never saw previously. As Kiro explains her it’s a musk deer Ogata shoots it down, likely thinking they could eat it. Turns out the meat isn’t good and the pelt can’t be sold but they’ve a musk gland which, properly handled, can be sold to a high price, albeit currently smells horrible as Asirpa and Ogata discover. Kiro explains more about the musk deer explaining seasonal workers in Karafuto are called like “muskies” and this happened to him and Wilk as well. Kiro then tells her Wilk’s first prey was a musk deer and this allowed him to cut his hohciri. He then proceeds to explain her what an Hohciri is. Asirpa remembers she used to wear one and thinks thanks to that story she could discover something about her father and also remember something about him.

There are just some minor differences:

- In the manga, when Kiro explains boy cut the Hohciri off after their first kill the scene moves to Enonoka tying the Hohciri to Cikapasi’s hair, explaining him he’ll have to cut it off once he manages to kill a prey on his own, all this under Tanigaki’s gaze. In the anime this scene is removed, albeit it will come up later.

- In the manga Kiro smiles as he explains about musk deer and how they were called muskies, with Asirpa looking surprised at hearing this, Kiro getting up as he explains. In the anime Kiro doesn’t smile until he says what a hohciri is, Asirpa isn’t shown and they remain all crouched down. Asirpa’s surprised face is shown later, when she had heard what a hohciri is, possibly because it has caused her to remember something.

- In the manga she seems pleasantly surprised when she realized ‘that’ was an hohciri. In the anime she just stares at Kiro.

- In the manga Kiro’s head was lowered and his face heavily shadowed and barely visible when he said ‘I see’, as for Ogata he seems to look ahead with a firm expression. In the anime Kiro’s head is only barely lowered and showed from profile as for Ogata his expression seems sad or disappointed.

My two cents: In the manga when Kiro smiles as he remembers things, one gets the idea Kiro looks at those memories fondly so his lack of smile in the anime instead ands up on giving the feeling he’s looking at them with regret, which ends up changing slightly his characterization. Honestly, although Asirpa has shorter hair in the flash back, in the close up in the anime she doesn’t seem that much younger than she is now even though she should be at least 7 years younger if not more.

Basically the anime tries to imply she has grown up merely by making her head bigger in the transition between her younger self and her current one. You might notice it better if you put Asirpa’s current hairstyle on her younger self.

I’m not quite satisfied of how they depicted Kiro and Ogata in the end or of how they changed the framing of many scenes or the position of the characters to simplify them. They were doing a much better work with them in the previous episode. Still it’s not a big deal and I get they wanted to make things simpler to animate. On a VERY positive note they fixed Kiro’s character design so he finally doesn’t have a black weird animal on his chest but normal hair same as in the manga.

Oh, also maybe it’s just me but the scene in which Asirpa and Ogata smell the musk deer gland came out funny, same as the one in which Shiraishi said Kiro’s body was covered in musk.  As for the scene of Cikapasi, Enonoka and Tanigaki, it makes sense it was removed since they removed the 2 starting pages and since we’ll recover part of it later it’s not a big deal plotwise… even though all this will bring less focus on Cikapasi’s figure causing him to look an even minor character than what he already is.

CHAP 151 IS INTERRUPTED HERE

THE OPENING STARTS HERE

WARNING: The anime removed the whole Youichirou arc, which went from chap 151 to 154. As we can see Youichirou in the opening...

...is reasonable to assume they didn’t plan to cut him entirely but merely to move his arc later. At least I hope so. It would make sense as this episode covers a lot of pages so they wouldn’t have managed to fit the Youichirou arc here and they could probably postpone it to after the circus show. However we know the next episode contain the Vasily arc... and I think Youichirou arc as more sense if viewed BEFORE this arc as it was meant to be seen. Of course maybe it’s just me.

CIKAPASI AND TANIGAKI IN TOYOHARA

Manga: This scene doesn’t exist in the manga.

Anime: The anime shows Cikapasi and Tanigaki walking through the city, Cikapasi happily looking at his and Tanigaki commenting he likes it because Enonoka gave him that and telling him to remember he won’t be a real man until he cuts it off. We see a flashback of Enonoka tying it to Cikapasi’s hair before Cikapasi replying he knows. They then hear Sugimoto’s voice yelling to wait and turns toward it.

My two cents: This scene was likely added to compensate the fact they cut Cikapasi receiving the hohciri previously. Maybe it’s a matter of translation though, but it feels like the anime is already pushing the pairing Cikapasi/Enonoka by remarking how Cikapasi likes the hohciri because it came from Enonoka or how he’ll be a ‘real man’ when he’ll cut it. While it has its reasons to exist, the result is that the scene with Tanigaki and Cikapasi that was in the manga later and that showed them worrying for Inkarmat gets cut (they’ll place it in a ‘Golden Douga Gekijou’ 25 though) and, in addition, makes useless for them to hear Sugimoto screaming as in the anime they’ll join him only when they’ll hear Koito shooting.

THE CHASE

Manga & Anime: Sugimoto, Tsukishima and Koito are running after a boy, who stole Sugimoto’s bad inside which there’s a copy of Gansoku’s tattoo.

There are just some minor differences:

- In the manga, Tsukishima proposes to split into two groups to catch the boy in between them and leaves Koito with Sugimoto. In the anime this is cut and Tsukishima remains with the group.

My two cents: It’s a pretty small bit and the scene of them running after the boy is pretty fun in the anime. Now… it’s true Tsukishima’s plan will bring nothing but cutting it is a bit sad as it’s one of the few times Tsukishima is proactive.

TANIGAKI AND CIKAPASI SEARCHING AROUND

Manga: Tanigaki and Cikapasi are showing around photos of Kiro with no result. As Tanigaki asks Cikapasi if he’s tired, Cikapasi claims he can’t forgive Kiro for stabbing Inkarmat and will give his everything to track him down. Tanigaki thinks to a bedridden Inkarmat while Cikapasi goes on and claims he’s sure she too is fighting so he has no right to complain of being tired. Tanigaki tries asking info to another man but, by mistake shows his photo and then admits to Cikapasi he’s the one who’s tired.

Anime: In the anime the scene is cut and included in the ‘Golden Douga Gekijou’ in a shorter form. In fact they cut the scene in which Tanigaki asks about Kiro and the woman replies she would remember such a good looking men and Cikapasi’s reply.

My two cents: Well, the scene is not overly important but it would have been nice if they had added at least the Inkarmat bit to the previous scene with Tanigaki and Cikapasi as removing her is pretty bad. Recovering the scene in the ‘Golden Douga Gekijou’ doesn’t quite work as Cikapasi’s determination is cut and the focus is more on the joke than on Tanigaki’s worry about her.

THE CHASE CONTINUES

Manga & Anime: The thief grabs a pole and use it to climb on a roof and escape. Koito manages to jump on another roof and keeps chasing him, keeping up with his acrobatic escapes. The thief sees Koito keeping up with him as he continues running.

There are just some minor differences:

- In the manga, Sugimoto is shocked when the thief climbs on a roof and Koito catches his chances to surpass him as the thief runs on the roof. Koito then will jump on a less tall roof. In the anime Sugimoto is just worried and we can see Koito not just surpassing Sugimoto but also jumping on what is implied to be the same the roof on which the boy is running.

- In the manga the acrobatic abilities of the thief are well shown as he walks on a pole, jumps acrobatically on various roofs and then off of them. In the anime we only get a quick glimpse of his running on a roof and then jumping down it.

- In the manga we don’t see what happens to Koito after he’s hit by a branch. In the anime we see he manages to keep his balance and resume the chase.

My two cents: Now… I get that the anime is trying to fit a lot of pages in this episode so this is a bit of a cutting fest but the result is that the boy, Choukichi, seems a lot less of an acrobat than he is in the anime, while Koito seems much better than in the manga. Also in the anime the branch that Koito broke somehow gets ridiculously smaller when it hits Koito.

It would have never managed to support him not even for a second.

MORE CHASING

Manga: Tsukishima and Sugimoto regroups but they can’t find the thief. Cikapasi catches sight of them.

Anime: This scene is completely removed in the anime.

My two cents: Okay, this is nothing big and since they removed Tsukishima suggesting they split it makes sense to remove it.

CHOUKICHI REACHES THE CIRCUS

Manga and anime: Choukichi reaches the circus and the director, seeing him, scolds him, then notices he has a knapsack and worries he has stolen him. Gunshoots are heard. It’s Koito who has reached him and he’s now signalling his position to the others. Choukichi is impressed as this is the first time someone could keep up with him.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- The anime added a scene of Choukichi breathing in relief as he reaches the circus.

- In the manga the director of the circus hits Choukichi’s head. The scene is cut in the anime.

- In the manga when Tsukishima and Sugimoto hear the shoot they’re both on the ground. In the anime Sugimoto is messily trying to climb over a roof.

- The anime adds Tanigaki and Cikapasi hearing the shoots.

My two cents: On a personal note Choukichi character design makes him look a lot younger in the anime. His face is very round, his lashes longer, his side bangs much longer and his nose tiny, he might even pass for a flat-chested  girl. Tsukishima is horribly drawn here… -_- Maybe it’s just me but I get the feeling the anime cut the scene of the director hitting Choukichi as a form of censorship so as not to show a young boy being punished. This however causes the fact that, in the following scene, he attacks Choukichi with a katana, even more unbelievable than it was.

SUGIMOTO DECIDES TO JOIN THE CIRCUS

Manga and Anime: The director and Choukichi apologize for how the boy stole from Sugimoto. Sugimoto says it’s fine and the director instead says he’ll punish him so he cuts his cheek with the katana. Sugimoto punches him for hurting a kid but when Tanigaki tries to help the boy it turns out there’s no blood and it was just a joke as it was merely a magic trick used for their hara-kiri show. He also introduces Choikichi as an acrobat explaining this is the Yamada circus and he’s the troupe leader. Sugimoto, thinking Asirpa should be closer, decides to let her know he’s alive by joining the circus and performing in the ‘Sugimoto the immortal’s hara-kiri show’.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Yamada’s eyes are completely white as he says he can’t allow Choukichi to make more troubles and he looks scary. In the anime his eyes are merely close and he doesn’t look scary at all.

- In the manga in the flashback Asirpa as a sad and worried expression. In the anime she’s calm and smiling.

My two cents: As they cut the scene of the director punishing him and the one after it will be a joke Yamada’s declarations about how he punishes him seems to be merely lip service. When the anime shows a flashback of Asirpa talking with Shiraishi, picks up the same scene used in the manga, the one in which she was worrying about how her father betrayed the Ainu. The problem is in the anime this scene is cut. I’m not sure if they changed Asirpa’s expression in the flashback to fit with this but, if that’s the case, they could have used a real flashback of the scene they used, not a flashback of a scene that wasn’t included.

CHAP 154 ENDS HERE.

YAMADA IS PERSUADED TO LET SUGIMOTO TAKE PART TO THE SHOW

Manga and anime: Yamada doesn’t want Sugimoto in the show as he doesn’t want to share the trick of the hara-kiri show. Sugimoto forcefully insists he won’t become a performer and will keep the trick for himself. Choukichi suggests that, as long as Sugimoto and his friends agree to their condition they could let them all take part to the show, especially Koito, whom he sees as suited for that work.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Sugimoto tries to blackmail Yamada, saying if he doesn’t agree they’ll hand Choukichi to the police which pushes Yamada to say it would be very troublesome for them as the boy is their star. In the anime this is cut.

My two cents: I get the feeling the anime cut Sugimoto blackmailing Yamada so as not to show this side of Sugi who in the anime is much more of a noble hero than in the manga. As a result Sugimoto comes out as a lot less threatening than he was in the manga.

THE CIRCUS SHOW

Manga and anime: Sugimoto’s group is introduced to some acrobatic performances which Koito is capable to reproduce flawlessly. On the other side Sugimoto and the other completely fail at them. Yamada tells Sugimoto to stop trying and focus on the hara-kiri show while Tanigaki and Tsukishima will join the girl group and dance off the side.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga we see Choukichi performing first as Yamada explains the acrobatic act and then Koito. In the anime this is cut and we’re immediately shown Koito doing the act but Koito’s act too is cut short as we don’t see him falling or how they roll him as if he were a ball. Also they cut Yamada asking the group who they are.

- In the manga Sugimoto and Co try to perform the Kyokumochi. In the anime the scene is cut and included in the ‘Golden Douga Gekijou’ 26, and the only part cut from it is Yamada asking them to which circus troupe they belong with Koito replying ‘the 7th’ division’. These two lines though are placed when Koito is shown being good on a bicycle as well.

- In the manga we also see the ‘cycle whirl’ stage act with Yamada explaining it. In the anime this part is cut.

- In the manga it’s not explained why Tsukishima let go of Sugimoto’s bycicle, causing him to fall. In the anime it’s shown he did it due to being surprised by how well Koito was going on it.

- In the manga, when Koito says the circus troupe he belongs to is the 7th division, he has a serious face. In the anime he smiles.

My two cents: Well, this part got lot of cuts but it’s mostly explanation so it can work. The only thing I really don’t like is changing Koito’s expression as he says they belong to the 7th division because for me it was the fact he told it so seriously that made the scene really fun. Also the fact they gave Tsukishima a reason to let go of Sugimoto’s bycicle kind of affect a little Tsukishima’s characterization because it turns it into an accident, where in the manga the implication is he deliberately let go of him (if he did so as a payback for being put below in the Kyokumochi exercise or because he thought Sugimoto had to try standing on his own) is up to the reader’s speculation. The fact that Tsukishima might have let go of Sugimoto deliberately in the manga is also hinted by how we’ve a close up of his face which is shadowed when Sugimoto complains while in the anime Tsukishima’s face is totally unchanged to how it was before in the background.

THE DANCING GROUP

Manga & Anime: Tanigaki and Tsukishima joins the girls dancing on the side but Tanigaki keeps on getting scolded by Yamada Fumie, the dancing instructor in a quite vulgar manner. Fumie then accuses Tsukishima to be trying to win her over in hope to get a better treatment.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga when Fumie accuses Tsukishima of having fallen in love with her and so on Tsukishima is uncharacteristically smiling while in the anime he’s serious.

My two cents: Honestly it’s a pity Tsukishima isn’t smiling as it really made me think that, although Tsukishima hadn’t fallen in love with Fumie, he was trying to use his charm on her while in the anime  it just feels like her accusing him baselessly.

MORE CIRCUS ACT FROM KOITO

Manga & Anime: Koito does more impressive acrobatics acts, impressing Yamada who praises him a lot and thinks everyone coming to the show will talk about him. Sugimoto gets annoyed because according to him everyone has to talk about Sugimoto or there’s no point to do that. Koito tells him he’s just being jealous.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Koito is shown standing on two horses. In the anime this is cut.

- In the manga as Sugimoto hears Yamada praising Koito he gets worried and tells him to stop, explaining him why what he’s doing would make the whole thing useless. In the anime he gets angry as if he couldn’t stand it anymore. Sugimoto’s speech also gets cut so he sounds less formal, he explains nothing and merely gives off an angry vibe.

My two cents: Okay, the cut one of Koito’s many acrobatic performances doesn’t really affect the plot much and Sugimoto’s expression as he gets angry is pretty fun but it somehow messes up part of Sugimoto’s characterization as it’s real his purpose for doing that was mainly to have news of him reach Asirpa and Koito’s actions might jeopardize his plan. It’s true Sugimoto is also subconsciously doing this to feed his ego as he thinks he can easily be the star of the show when Koito is actually much better than him and that the plan is overall dumb, pointless and will fail but, credits when it’s due, the main purpose was still to find Asirpa, not just to give Sugimoto a chance to shine so it makes more sense to have him worried his plan will fail than angry at Koito’s phraises and he only got angry when Koito told him he was complaining merely because he was jealous.

TANIGAKI’S DESPERATION

Manga & Anime: Tsukishima finds Tanigaki crying and tries to comfort him thinking it’s because Fumie humiliated him. Actually Tanigaki cries because he thinks he’s being a burden to the girls’ group.

My two cents: There are no cuts on this one but somehow it didn’t impress me much either.

CHAP 155 ENDS HERE.

YAMADA TEACHING THE TRICK TO SUGIMOTO

Manga & Anime: Yamada explains Sugimoto how the sword trick works and then reveals the trick behind it. Sugimoto is told to try but his attempt is interrupted by some girls cheering on Koito’s performance and the cheers grow even louder when Koito throw a kiss at the audience. Sugimoto gets angry and claims Koito doesn’t need to be in the show. Koito claims all Sugimoto has to do is to give a better performance than his own. Yamada persuades Sugimoto to just work harder on his performance.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- The anime adds a scene in which Yamada points his sword at Sugimoto and Cikapasi, surprising them.

- In the manga Yamada says after Sugimoto has cut his leg he should hop on one foot toward the audience, showing them the blood. This part is cut in the anime.

- In the manga Yamada says Sugimoto should return to the centre of the stage, shows his upper body and pour water on it. This part is cut in the anime and only the visual is left.

- In the manga Yamada will keep on wearing his tuba even when he fakes dying. In the anime the tuba falls from his head.

- In the manga the explanation about how the trick work is more detailed than in the anime.

- In the manga Sugimoto practices the trick a bit but he puts excessive emphasis in his performance and refuses following Yamada’s instructions. This part is cut in the anime, although it also appears in the Golden

- In the manga Yamada praises Koito again. In the anime the scene is cut and included in the ‘Golden Douga Gekijou’ 27.

- In the manga Koito points out Sugimoto is acting in such way because he has no confidence in his performance. This is cut in the anime.

- In the manga Sugimoto admits Koito is sounding reasonable, although he then says he’s just making all this because everyone is making a big deal of him and thinks he should come up with another brilliant idea to drive the audience crazy, namely making a performance wearing roller skates. Yamada shoots his idea down. In the anime all this is cut.

- The anime added Sugimoto saying he would do better practice.

My two cents: In the anime the green aura with the visual sound effect when Yamada prays feels… disturbing to me. That greenish smoke seems more to indicate that Yamada is smelling than that he has an aura.

Cutting the part in which Koito accused Sugimoto to make all that fuss solely because he lacked in confidence about his performance and leaving the one in which Koito says if he can’t make a better performance than his own the idea he’ll get famous is a joke, feels more like Koito is competing with Sugimoto trying to outdo him to be the one who’ll get famous when Koito was likely instead merely giving his best and it was Sugimoto who was at fault for not being confident in himself to the point in order to top Koito he didn’t want him to perform, which is remarked by how Sugimoto admits Koito is being reasonable and by how he proves he’s not confident in his act by trying to come up with something different. The result is that both Koito and Sugimoto’s characterizations are affected.

CIKAPASI’S PERFORMANCE

Manga: As Sugimoto works on his act Cikapasi sees the giant spinning top act and decides he’ll perform that act.

Anime: This scene is completely removed in the anime.

My two cents: While cutting this part doesn’t affect the plot… well, it takes away from Cikapasi’s characterization as it showed he too wanted to do something.

TANIGAKI AND BENIKO

Manga & Anime: Tanigaki gets scolded by Fumie again and again he ends up crying outside, this time comforted by the little girls. Beniko tells the girl to go back or they’ll be scolded than explains Tanigaki this will be her last performance as they’re all orphans but she’s old enough they leave the circus. She then tells him she’s glad to make her last performance with him and to make it a success as Tsukishima is spying on them.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Beniko explains they leave the circus to be adopted. Unless this is a translation problem this part is cut in the anime making it sounds as if the girls are just left behind.

My two cents: The colours of the scene with Beniko are nice and no big changes are done. I’m unsure if the dialogues are really cut or it’s a matter of translation. If they’re cut… well, it doesn’t really work well.

TRAINING

Manga: We see Koito, Tanigaki and Sugimoto trying hard their act while Tsukishima just performs his act.

Anime: This scene is completely removed in the anime.

My two cents: Okay, it’s not a big deal plotwise but we kind of lose how hard everyone is trying (except for Tsukishima who’s not sweating at all) so it affect a bit their characterization.

THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BEGINS

Manga & Anime: The show is about to start, Enonoka and her grandfather about to witness it. Yamada tells everyone it’s a full house and Sugimoto says their performance is about to begin

My two cents: Nothing to say here. It’s a small scene and it’s transposed well enough.

CHAP 156 ENDS HERE.

THE ANIME PLACES HERE AN EYECATCH

THE SHOW STARTS

Manga & Anime: Yamada introduces his circus to the ones who came see it. We see some of the artists making some performances.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga we see Cikapasi performing as well. In the anime his performance is cut.

My two cents: The anime used still shoots for the audience. While this is pretty common and, credits when it’s due, each spectator was drawn differently their expression feel oddly still, their eyes too wide open in the first shoot. Maybe it’s just me though. The rest was nicely done, especially the way they handled Koito’s performance.

KOITO’S PERFORMANCE

Manga & Anime: Koito is performing his rope act when he sees Tsurumi’s picture discharged on the rope. He believes it to be his own but then the photo flies away and he chases after it in a spectacular way until he manages to grab it. Yamada is impressed, Sugimoto is shocked Koito is furious as he thinks it was Sugimoto who interfered with his act stealing the picture and placing it there.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga the picture flies away on its own. In the anime it seems it’s due to Koito moving too much on the rope.

- In the manga, when Koito jumps on the stairs they break and he has to manage to keep balance on them. Also as he chases after the photo he performs the paper walking act and then he jumps on the guys on the bicycle. All this is cut in the anime.

- In the manga it’s unclear if Koito grabbed the trapeze guy deliberately or by accident while in the anime it’s clear it was by accident as he was actually attempting to grab the photo and ended up grabbed by the trapeze guy.

- In the manga Sugimoto seems solely shocked by Koito’s performance in the anime he seems more a mix between shock and anger as he’s clenching his teeth, but maybe it’s just me.

My two cents: There are a lot of cuts on Koito’s performance so it’s less spectacular than in the manga but I’ll say it’s still spectacular enough. The effect of the people cheering on Koito was well done. I’m not really fond of how they changed Sugimoto’s expression but I guess they kept it in line with their previous change.

THE END OF THE DANCING ACT

Manga & Anime: The dancing girls act end and the girls leave the stage. Fumie congratulate with Tanigaki.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga we see the dancer end their performance and the audience cheering on them. This is cut in the anime.

- In the manga we see the girls congratulate with Tanigaki as well. This is cut in the anime.

My two cents: My personal impression is that Tanigaki’s satisfaction is more visible in the manga but I can be just me. His expressions are still visible enough. The cuts aren’t drastic as you can figure the girls would be happy for Tanigaki.

THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO END

Manga & Anime: As Sugimoto’s performance is announced some guys are about to enter in the circus. Sugimoto presents himself for his hara-kiri show, hoping his message ‘I’m alive’ will reach Asirpa. At the same time Koito realizes the photo he had found isn’t his own as not only it’s different but his photo is still in its place. Also he doesn’t believe Sugimoto could have a photo of Tsurumi. Tsukishima says the saboteur was him and that he did so in order to make the Karafuto show plan work but it backfires instead. Koito explains they’re in trouble as he switched his blade with the trick sword. Outside Sugimoto is about to start his performance.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga, the guys entering in the circus are mostly shadows and one might think they aren’t important, in the anime it’s clearly visible they’re Russians and the camera pausing on them draws the attention on them.

- In the manga Sugimoto’s expression is calm, in the anime he’s frowning, his eyebrows furrowed.

- In the manga Tsukishima explains Sugimoto is not a man to stand down so Tsukishima expected his competitive spirit and stubbornness to cause Sugimoto to work his hardest. He also admits his plan backfired. Those things are cut in the anime.

My two cents: The focus on the Russians takes away the surprise of when they’ll appear at the show. Tsukishima’s revelation he’s the culprit comes out as kind of funny. They let the scene of Sugimoto complaining the water is cold this time but as they removed all the previous ones the fact he was advised more than once not to make all that fuss gets lost and one might think the water is really very cold.

CHAP 157 ENDS HERE.

SUGIMOTO SHOWS

Manga & Anime: Sugimoto is about to perform his act but when he tries to cut himself real blood comes out from his wound and he realizes the sword he has can cut. He sees Koito and Tsukishima holding the trick blade and realize the sword he has is the real deal. Despite this he decides to carry on and after cutting his legs attempts the hara-kiri act. However some Russians shows up on the stage and point a gun at him. He makes short work of them while Tsukishima punches the third into unconsciousness. Yamada orders everyone to go out for the final bow so as to use this to recover the bodies of the Russians.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Yamada tells Sugimoto not to say ‘ow’ and scolds him when Sugimoto does. This is cut in the anime.

- In the manga Sugimoto voices his thoughts and seems more frantic as he turns. In the anime he only thinks them and he seems frozen on the spot.

- In the manga Sugimoto is biting his lower lip, in the anime he’s clenching his teeth.

- In the manga we see Sugimoto being surprised with the Russians showing up. In the anime such thing doesn’t happen. It’s not clear but as Sugimoto raised his eyes before the Russians showed up, he likely noticed them earlier.

- In the manga Sugimoto cuts the Russian’s hand in half, in the anime he cut it whole at the wrist.

- In the manga Sugimoto switches the way he holds the sword (from the blade to the grip) by grabbing with his left hand the cloth he wrapped around the blade which he used to hold it without cutting himself, so he can use his right to grip the grip. The result is when he attacks the Russian the cloth remains in his hand. In the anime it seems what he wrapped around the blade where papers which flies around as he attacks… meaning he either gripped the naked blade with his left and magically didn’t cut himself or that he managed to switch how he was holding the blade without using his left hand… which would constitute as magic.

- In the manga when the shocked second Russian tries to shoot at him, Sugimoto avoids the bullet then rolls away and tosses his sword at him. In the anime, after killing the first Russian Sugimoto immediately runs away, the worried second Russian tries to shoot at him and Sugimoto, after running some more, rolls on the ground and tosses his sword at him.

- In the manga we see Sugimoto standing up. In the anime we don’t.

- In the manga it’s unclear if the third Russian was trying to escape, in the anime it’s clear.

My two cents: Despite the change Sugimoto’s fear is well transposed albeit more funny than in the manga. Overall I enjoyed how they made the hara-kiri show… until the Russian showed up. I much preferred how the manga showed Sugimoto’s surprise at them being there instead than making him all ready to act with them being there. While the blade switching scene was poorly done (what are those papers? Sugimoto would have cut his hand if he had tried grabbing), the following scene which shows Sugimoto moving away, rolling around and then tossing the sword to the Russian is well done. For once the anime pulled out an action scene which was engaging.

CONFRONTING THE SPY

Manga & Anime: Tsukishima questions the Russian and it turns out they had been ordered by the Russian government to kill “Yamada, the one doing the hara-kiri show” and mistook Sugimoto for him. Tsukishima figures this means Yamada is a spy, which Yamada confirms saying he’s a former office in the imperial army disguising himself as a circus leader to gather intelligence in Russia. Fumie comments he’s a third rate spy, kills the Russian and tell him to bury all the Russians under the tent as they’ll leave in the morning.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga it’s Tsukishima who says this time it was Sugimoto doing the show instead than Yamada, in the anime it’s Koito.

- The anime adds Koito, Sugimoto and Tanigaki being surprised at the ringmaster being a spy.

- In the manga Yamada looks his usual self as he explains his role as a spy while in the anime he seems much more serious.

My two cents: The colouring is nice, Yamada however seems to serious so the idea he’s a poor spy doesn’t really get through.

THE MORNING AFTER

Manga & Anime: Beniko is about to leave the group. Tanigaki cries and Beniko makes him promise he won’t forget them. Tsukishima reads to Sugimoto the article about his performance but it turns out it has a mistyping as Sugimoto is called the ‘Sugimoto the unhemorrhoidial’ instead than ‘the immortal’ . Sugimoto rolls on the ground in complain. Yamada begs Koito to remain with them but Koito refuses as Tsurumi would scold him. Tsukishima tells Yamada they’re pursuing some people and asks him if he has information who could help them. Yamada suggests Kiro might be heading to the Alexandrovskaya prison were many partisans were moved years ago. Sugimoto thinks Kiro might be heading there. Tsukishima comments although the performance didn’t help they got important info. Sugimoto says he’s sure the performance helped and Asirpa would surely see the newspaper and understand it’s him.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Sugimoto smiles as he says Asirpa might figure out it’s him if she reads the newspaper. In the anime he’s serious.

My two cents: It’s not bad. I like the font they used for the newspaper which made it look like a real newspaper. If I’ve to be honest I don’t like much the ‘depression aura’ or whatever that is coming out of Yamada but it might be just me.

ASIRPA IS SEEING SOMETHING

Manga & Anime: As Sugimoto hopes Asirpa will see the newspaper article Asirpa actually sees some poop which turns out to be Shiraishi’s.

There are minor cuts and changes:

- In the manga Asirpa is delighted with her finding, likely thinking they could hunt the animal which pooped. In the anime she sounds worried as if scared, and her expression isn’t shown.

My two cents: Honestly I prefers the manga version, with Asirpa being excited at the idea to hunt something. It might be just me.

TO SUM IT ALL

Overall it’s not a bad episode. They had to cut quite a bit to transpose all those pages but except for one or two things it wasn’t nothing too serious or too character characterization harming, the art wasn’t too bad either. If anything we can complain the episode isn’t as informative as the manga but this isn’t terrible. Some action scenes are nice. And everything seems to work.

[ancano]

YoI Fanfic Recs

Okay so I just wanna share some love and show y’all some amazing fanfics that I have personally read and absolutely adored!! You’ll likely see repeated authors, either cuz I follow them on tumblr or cuz I’ll raid their uploads once I find one I really like. Also apparently I read a lot of A/B/O so if that isn’t your thing sorry hhhhhh

No particular order for these, just going down my bookmarks and history lists on ao3

Glitter & Gold by plisetskytrash and victurius (I just caught up with this one and oh my god I love it.) Summary - In a world where drugs, sex, and violence rule, Viktor Nikiforov is the king. As the Pakhan of the Russian Mafia (the Bratva) he is responsible for murder and mayhem across multiple continents and that’s just the way he likes it. The only problem is that a new leader has risen to power in America – known only as ‘JJ’ – and he starts to intrude on Viktor’s territory.Not only is that rude, it’s damn right unacceptable.So, Viktor sets out to find out as much about JJ as he can, including infiltrating the businesses he owns, such as The Kiss and Cry, a sleazy club that works as a front for an exclusive exotic omega strip club that only the richest and most powerful men can access. Naturally, Viktor has no trouble getting inside. Once he’s there, however, his plans are thrown out of the window when he spots a beautiful, young Japanese omega with chocolate-brown eyes and an ass to die for. There’s only one problem: Viktor swore he’d never mate an omega.Will Viktor manage to stay focused on his mission? Or will this omega break Viktor’s most important rule?

Eros and Agape by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl and Spunky0ne (you’ll see a couple works from these guys in this list because they are *chef’s kiss* amazing) Summary - For as long as Victor can remember, Yakov and Lilia have protected him from being discovered to be an Omega by helping him to project as an Alpha. But at the Grand Prix Final banquet, he comes face to face with the man destined to be his husband.

NEXT LEVEL: Nights After Dreams by RipVanGabriel (this is a LONG one, I haven’t even gotten very far in it, but trust me it’s worth it) Summary -  The silver medal was hard fought and won, but now the stakes are higher than ever. Five gold medals loom on the horizon, but more importantly, the "life and love" within the gold rings. Yuri and Viktor's relationship grows as they get back on the competition road, and new complications rise with them. (Proper follow-up to the TV series; not AU, no crack ships, no weird shit.)

Wait! But, I’m not Yakuza! by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, SesshomaruFreak, and Spunky0ne (like I said, these guys, *chef’s kiss* I refuse to admit how many times I’ve reread the 2 chapters that are currently posted. I’m also the only person commenting on it last i checked which is a fucking shame, so y’all go comment on this amazing fic pls) Summary - The Katsuki family, except for the Hasetsu Katsukis, are the largest and most powerful Yakuza family in Japan, so it’s not surprising that poor Yuuri keeps getting mistaken for one of his distant relatives. On a trip to Russia with his father, Yuuri stumbles into a bar to avoid a group of rough looking punks, and he comes face to face with a beautiful, silver-haired exotic dancer. Things get crazy when Yuuri sees the lovely dancer being abused and steps in, only to get himself beaten into unconsciousness. He wakes in his hotel room and finds a note next to his bed…”Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry those ruffians hurt you. It’s better you stay away. I don’t want anything else bad to happen to you. Vitya” He should go home. He should just forget the man, but Yuuri can’t help himself…Victuuri, intersex Victor, intersex pregnancy, lots of flustered Yuuri!

Love’s Requiem by Kashoku (gonna be honest, I don’t even ship Yuuri/Yuri, but I enjoy this fic) Summary -  If you had asked Yuuri in Barcelona if there was anything that could ever bring him down from the high of being with Viktor Nikiforov, he would have laughed. But when the living legend suffers a career ending injury, it brings new struggles to their relationship. Viktor begins to drown his sorrows, and Yuuri finds himself being pulled beneath the surface in a way he’s not sure he can survive.

you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be by roserelease (this shit right here is my fucking bread and butter y’all. I can’t even express how much happiness and love this fic gives me) Summary - More than anything, Yuuri wants to impress his cosplay role model Viktor Nikiforov. But after a horrible start to a convention weekend, he panics and backs out at the last second to meet his idol. Normally this would be fine, except Yuuri discovers too late that there's a little Viktor related secret inside the con vlog his best friend filmed over the course of the weekend for him...It's fine, he thinks. Embarrassing, but not the end of the world. And it's not like Viktor himself will ever see the con vlog, so why worry?(Except then Viktor does.)

Paying For Poison by SaerenDPity (another one of my absolute faves that sadly only updates once every other blue moon but when it does update I feel overwhelmingly Blessed) Summary - "Skater Katsuki?" Yuuri's eyes widened as he nodded, and suddenly Viktor Nikiforov was clutching at his coat. He barely registered that his childhood hero knew his name, he couldn't think on that when Viktor's voice was on the edge of breaking. Desperation lined his every movement."Yes th-that's me. Um… Mr. Nikiforov… Do… do you need help?"Viktor shook his head violently and shoved his hand into Yuuri's pocket. Yuuri only had time to squeak before Viktor was backing away, breathing heavily. "Please… please buy me."…Years after Viktor Nikiforov suddenly disappeared from the public eye, he resurfaces at the Rostelecom Cup, desperate for help. And Yuuri simply cannot abandon the man who inspired almost every aspect of his life, and so, he makes the decision to do just as Viktor asks - buy his services as an omega for one night.

Drowning In Your Love by MysticLipstick (another rarely updated fic that I’m head over heels for. please feed me, I need MORE) Summary -  Victor Nikiforov has always gotten away with being a whore in college. Being the top athlete swimmer has gained him tons of attention, championships and girls. However, a cosmic encounter with Yuuri Katsuki has him questioning everything—including his sexuality. Yuuri’s shy nature and blatant disregard for Victor’s fame has Victor chasing him—something he’s never done, but Yuuri shuts him down. Completely.

November’s Secret by LanaBerry (I’ve reread this one about 5 times already tbh) Summary - Overwhelmed with anxiety and his fear of failing, Yuuri faces the issue of if he should continue skating. His best friend, Yuko, proposes a solution - if no one knows it's you, then it's less embarrassing, right? Yuuri begins to create a completely new disguise and persona.But it works a little too well.Before he knows it, Yuuri has become the biggest mystery of the skating world and everyone wants to know who he is. Especially Viktor Nikiforov, the idol he's been loosely basing his new persona on for years.

The ‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ series by Reiya (recently finished rereading this one, always so fucking good) Summary - ‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’ A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be.

With What We Once Had by MagicalMirai (this one is just too cute tbh) Summary -  They called it quits, over a year and a half ago. But even though he should have been expecting it, Yuuri can’t help but feel suffocated when he bumps into Victor at the Grand Prix final, whilst holding his son. The son... he never told Victor about.

Nerve Endings by Phyona (this one is next on the “to reread” list) Summary -  When Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg, they have to work through Yuuri's anxiety and Victor's secrets to find their balance.

Puppy Love by Phyona (another phyona fic and it’s just way too fucking cute tbh) Summary - When Yuuri gets turned into a dog, the last place he expects to end up is Victor Nikiforov's apartment. He learns quickly that the only thing worse than being his idol's pet, is watching him pine for someone else.Warning: Makkachin has recently passed away at the start of this story.

The Stars on his Cheeks by QueenWinterofLuna (this one was actually written for a prompt I personally requested and I absolutely adore it, even still) Summary -  A short drabble based on this Tumblr request from @napsushi: Can you write a fic where Yuuri discovers Victor has freckles and is just over the moon about it? This fandom needs more freckled Vitya.

This is all I can find and think of for now but if I remember more I’ll be sure to update it!!

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 1: Preying in the dark (Part 2)

Warnings: murder, blood and violence

Author notes: the second part is out! You can read part 1 here!

The night was heavy, tensed. The ambient silence was deafening, oppressive. Had I not heard people's miserable thoughts, the atmosphere would have been awfully quiet. At such times, the slums of Yokohama were the stage of numerous illicit exchanges — drugs, mostly, but also humans — and muffled violence. In that place, where breathing could burn one's lungs with poverty, a fight gone wrong, a drunken man attempting rape on a poor lost girl or the assassination of any notorious man running away in that kind of remote place were common, and completely mute. There would seldom be a cry, a scream, some laughter, but nothing could ever pierce the curtain of stillness draped over the shallows. It was on nights particularly well lightened up by a full moon that the thieves gangs usually made a move.

Swiftly, with a band I had been given to avoid lice upon my arrival, I tied my hair in a neat ponytail. Then, from under the thin blanket a thief had offered me as a welcome gift, I grabbed the handle of a small dagger, a weapon I had bought with the little money I had earned from my first robbery, and hung it at my belt. Thanks to rags and scraps of fabric I had found, I had managed to make myself clothes, or rather, I had repaired my own, which had suffered from numerous holes and usury. I took a deep breath and went out of the shack made of plastic I lived in, pulling the hood of my dark cloak over my head to hide my face, then reached the group of burglars who had kindly welcomed me among them when I had been wandering without a place to go. I had been taught the ways of the slums, the ways of our peculiar work, in that underground world. Surely, we did not eat everyday, but that place felt warmer to me than the luxurious mansion I had grown up in. The money we earned by stealing whether honest or not people was redistributed among children, younger than me, to contribute to feeding them. For the sake of defending myself and with the purpose of helping out during missions in mind, the thieves had also taught me how to use a knife to fight, and how to use any kind of pin to pick up a lock easily and discreetly. Gradually, I had improved my agility and strength, despite being chronically weakened by the effects of my ability. Nevertheless, these people had not given up on me and had even given me a chance to be part of their gang. I was grateful that they had not thrown me away like my parents had, and had decided to dedicate myself to their cause. This evening, we were heading to a jewellery they had been keeping an eye on for months. After countless hours of observation, they had reconstituted the schedule of the owner, and had found the perfect time to hit and steal as much jewels as possible. I was to accompany them, and could not hide my excitement as I followed them in the alleys. It would be my first real robbery, not a mere pickpocketing in the streets or a grocery theft, no. A real robbery of a jewellery. If everything went as planned, we would be very rich in an hour or so.

We arrived in front of the shop. As expected, the streets were deserted, people were sleeping and, mostly, there was no camera. In such a fancy shop, there should have been a device or two, yet... None. That detail should have caught my attention, but all impatient I was, I did not listen to my consciousness advising to be careful. I had the honour of picking up the lock of the shop and, fingers trembling in anticipation, opened the door to the Aladdin's cave to reveal showcases futilely protecting brightly shining diamonds and gems of all sorts. The cases were quickly opened and the jewels were shoved into our bags within a blink, without any resistance. Again, we should have been concerned about the lack of alarm and surveillance cameras, but could one blame us, poor and miserable humans putting our hands onto unimaginable riches for the first time? Already, the prospect of a better life was building inside my creative mind, and, overwhelmed by the joyful and exhilarating feeling of being wealthy, we made our way out of the jewellery. For once, I could understand, somehow, why greed had blinded the parents who had given birth to me. Money could make one absolutely intoxicated, addicted, and any human could go to any extent to obtain the holy boodle. I was the last one of the group and, wanting to make sure we had not forgotten anything, I stayed back a minute in the shop. It had been the brightest idea of the night.

Ripping apart the silence of the night, the infernal buzzing of machine guns erupted in the street and the deathly ballet of bullets took my companions' lives, accompanied by a choir of screeching screams. I had not heard anyone's thoughts. That useless ability of mine had not even detected the trap we had fallen into. Heart painfully thumping against my rib cage, I dashed toward the back of the shop and squeezed myself in between brooms, mops and cleaning products. In a desperate attempt to calm down my breathing, I clasped my two hands onto my mouth — a rather practical move which prevented me from crying as well.

"Take a look inside so we don't let a vermin escape." A poised voice ordered "It's too bad they had no brains. Trying to steal from a shop under the protection of the Port Mafia... Did they think we would not notice them observing us?"

I understood. The lack of surveillance cameras and the reason why no alarm had rung during our deeds... It was because, from the beginning, the shop had been watched by dogs of the Port Mafia, a notorious underground organisation. From the beginning, we had been destined to be suppressed...

"To think I could be with my wife and kids..." A man grumbled, entering the back room "Damn thieves..."

I prayed for him not to open the closet where I was hidden. If he were to find me... If he were to find me, my short life would end... Or perhaps I could beg for them to spare me...? To which cost, however...? Footsteps got closer to me and I closed my eyes, biting down onto my hands not to let out a sob which would betray my position. The door to the closet suddenly moved. His hand was set onto the knob, and he was about to open it, when...

His phone rang. With an annoyed groan, he picked up his call and stepped away from the closet. My heart was beating erratically as he assured his wife he would go home soon and I could not help a sigh from escaping my lips as he finally walked out. Was I safe...? I had been incredibly lucky to escape unscathed... Surely, I could not indulge in such dangerous activities anymore. Despite living in utmost misery, I cared about being alive and being disfigured by a machine gun was not on the top of my list of ways to die.

"Let's move on if there is no one left." The same voice as earlier demanded.

Still trembling, I sneaked out of the closet, then out of the shop to step outside, in the streets. The moon seemed to be staring down at me, terrifying, like the single eye of a cyclops, and, mimicking a spotlight pointed onto actors, showed me the terrible sight of the thieves' corpses. I covered my mouth, fearing I would throw up in disgust in front of the viscous scarlet blood oozing from the gross piles of fresh flesh. I retched as the particularly repulsive stench of decomposing bodies reached my nose and I stepped away, feeling nauseous.

Time stopped when a gunshot echoed in my back.

"Well, well, well... What do we have here? More than a vermin, it rather looks like a frightened bunny. Looks like I was right to stay back... Because I love hunting~"

I froze, unable to budge a single muscle. I could not get my body to run and remained, absolutely stunned and feet embedded in the ground, as the man walked toward me, slowly, menacingly. He appeared in my field of view, suddenly, his large coat floating around his thin body, and pointed his gun toward my forehead.

"Worry not. It will be a painless death." His voice wanted to be reassuring despite the mocking tone he used.

I ducked. The barrel of his weapon was still letting smoke out from his shot, and, luckily, I had regained some control over my body.

"Hoh...~ Persistent much...~?"

I did not let him time to savour the vision of his prey desperately trying to stay alive and ran past him, bumping into him purposely to make him lose his balance in an attempt to gain some precious seconds to escape.

Following nothing but my survival instinct, I ran away from him, epinephrine rushing through my vessels to guide my legs in the back alleys of Yokohama, in between dirty and greyish walls, all the way back to the slums, where I lived. I was panting when I finally reached my shack and immediately glanced over my shoulder to see if he had been able to follow me. No one. All of my stress suddenly dropped, bringing me to the ground as I broke into tears, too happy to be alive and to have escaped from the mafioso. Despite the thieves' death, despite the failed robbery, despite my ability taking the better of my mind, the only emotion I could feel was the deep relief of being able to see the next day's sunrise.

Upon hearing about the events which had occurred during the robbery, the remaining members of the gang had decided to chase me from the group to guarantee both my and their safety. They had also advised me to look for a shack in another part of the slums, just in case the mafioso would still be looking for me, and had wished me luck to survive. Once again, I had nowhere to go anymore... The new shack I had taken was barely bigger than my previous one; at least, I could stretch my legs while sleeping. I had lost my occupation and the place I thought I could belong to, all because we had been too careless. I sighed, staring at the wall made of plastic. What could I do? How would I occupy my days, and, mostly, how would I survive? My headache was worsening as the days passed, and I was aware that fatigue would slowly kill me if an infectious disease did not. I wanted to live, yet I did not know how to. It was simpler to die. At the very least, surrounded by eternal darkness, I would not need to wonder about means to keep myself alive. However, I did not wish to end my time in that world just yet. I wanted to try and experience life. Only, it seemed life did not want me to experience it. Determined, I decided to wander around the city during the day. Perhaps would I be able to steal one or two wallets from distracted tourists, which would be better than starving. With renewed vigour, I left my shack and headed to the centre of Yokohama.

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[silenthillmutual]

I beg your pardon! It’s me who is going mad.

So, I know I did a Twitter thread about the ways Daniil is manipulated in Classic, and I thought I’d put it on here too.

I’m going to stop short of calling it gaslighting here though, because too many people are using that term who don’t really understand what it means. Gaslighting is specifically a form of abuse where the intention is to make the victim feel they are going insane. Not all manipulation or abuse is gaslighting - which doesn’t make it less bad, just...not gaslighting.

That being said: in Classic, there are quite a few times where Daniil can say that he thinks he’s losing his mind, and there are times when the game seems constructed to make you feel this way. Particularly I had in mind the ending of the game, and not just the part where you find out you’re a toy and always have been (that falls more under cosmic horror). What bugs me about the end and how that fits into things, is the fact that the Sand Pest and its outcomes have been chasing you - the clouds, the angels, the muggers, the firestarters, the rats, literally chasing you through houses and through town, only for all of it to completely vanish without a trace on the exact day you’re meant to give a solution to it all. I made a point on Twitter about how people attempting to gaslight you will submit you to a large amount of damage - physical, verbal, emotional, take your pick - and then remove the abuse and any signs of it just before they’re caught. it’s how they show to others that it’s you who’s the problem, not them. 

Regardless of whether you think the intention is to make Daniil feel he’s losing is sanity or not, the question would be who is manipulating Daniil, and why? There are a couple answers.

The first answer is the Town. The first playthrough as the Bachelor of the game is probably the closest fitting to psychological horror as the game gets. Like Silent Hill, the Town is full of horrors that seem tailor-made to torture Daniil specifically: most of these people are uneducated (the Town doesn’t even have a school), their cultural beliefs (mostly appropriated from the steppe culture) actively prevent him from doing his job as a doctor, his word and name are constantly weaponized by people with ulterior motives, and men run around on the first two days beating women to death or burning them alive and intervening actively costs you reputation - which you need to do anything. He arrives with the hope of finding evidence to keep his lab opening and, as we later learn, keep himself from execution, only to find that both the man who would serve as this evidence and the colleague who informed you of his existence have been murdered just before your arrival. You have a lot of things riding on your success, and everything about where you are is actively working against you. The government wants you to find a cure single-handedly, but the Town has other plans for you. 

And those plans are: errand boy, and scapegoat. People throughout the Town will inform you that they are scared of you when you’ve barely interacted with them, let alone in ways that should inspire fear. It doesn’t matter how good your reputation as Daniil is (and through the course of the game, there’s very little you’re made to do that lowers your reputation, and it never gets bad enough for you to be attacked on the street or refused sale from shops), what matters is the fact that everyone in Town, from the nameless NPCs to the rulers, are putting every bad thing they’ve done down as being your fault. 

But the Town has another way it’s manipulating Daniil, by almost making him a member of it. I don’t think I got a screenshot, but I’m sure that somewhere along the line Daniil comments that he’s starting to talk like one of the townsfolk. You can see this happens to Andrey, too, later in the game; he talks in what Daniil calls “Griefisms”. 

You have been sent here to fight an adversary that inherently cannot be beaten - in foolish hopes that a miracle would happen and your outstanding mind would stumble upon a once-in-a-million chance. And just so that you wouldn’t give up, they kept insisting that the adversary must be destroyed. Do you see how insidious the Powers That Be are?     > But why? Their motives are becoming less and less comprehensible to me by the day.

The second answer is the Powers That Be.

Three people enter the Town that the Powers That Be want to get rid of: the Bachelor, the Inquisitor, and the Commander. It wants them all to fix or solve or demolish something in the town, and doesn’t really care what happens to any of them. Pathologic 2 spells it out clearer for you that Aglaya, Block, and Daniil will all be executed upon return to the Capital if their answers are not what the Powers That Be want to hear. And for the time that you are in the Town as Daniil Dankovsky, the Powers That Be - like the town itself - actively work against you. The trains that are meant to bring food and medication never, to my knowledge, arrive, and most days bring about a new letter from the Powers spelling out for you how disappointed in you and your progress they are. Some of the ways they attempt to manipulate Daniil through these letters are subtle, but most of them are unsubtle suggestions that what he’s been able to accomplish is not good enough, that he was meant to work alone.

Even one of your first letters from them is suspicious; early on in the game, they write to let you know that they are in no way responsible for the outbreak, which is an incredibly suspicious thing to say. What is the point of sending such a letter? Would the player have really thought that they were if they hadn’t suggested as much through denial? After all, what called you to Town was a letter from Isidor Burakh. But yet, the Powers That Be are the ones who leave you stranded in the Town with limited resources, no help, and constantly shifting goalposts. Aglaya makes this clear to you when she arrives: you were never supposed to be successful. 

The letters from the Powers That Be do not serve any purpose other than to upset Daniil, and most if not all of them contain lies: that a train will be arriving, that they don’t mind if you have help in carrying out your plans, that Thanatica still exists, referencing conversations you’ve never had, signing drafts of letters you didn’t consult on with your name. One of the reasons i had put this down as gaslighting is because people who gaslight like to keep you off balance and emotionally fragile so that you’re easier to manipulate. You’ll do whatever they want to make the feeling stop, because you just can’t handle the stress anymore, and in the process you come across to others as unreasonable, unhinged, crazy, dangerous, so that no one will trust you. And that’s exactly how Daniil starts to come across to the townspeople: deranged, strung out, dangerous, untrustworthy.

You can contrast all that to a different letter they send you where they claim to be proud to call you one of your own. Combine the two, and you get honeymooning. They want to remind you of the good (or at least, not-as-bad) times you’ve had with them. This behavior serves two, sometimes three purposes: to keep you off balance from the violent back-and-forth, dizzying nature of what they’re doing to you, and so that you’ll defend them to people who can see what’s going on and want to get you out of it. You’ll even convince yourself that you’re not really being mistreated. If you were being abused, would they be so nice to you? 

You are the last friend our family has. I hope our attachment to you doesn’t look obtrusive.      > It requires too much from me. I’m not comfortable with it.     > No, not at all. 

The third answer is the Kains. Specifically, Georgiy and Maria repeatedly manipulate Daniil, though I’ve no doubt in the text above Victor stating their attachment to Daniil is also a manipulation, and one possibly planned by either or perhaps both of them. The text above probably looks normal, but think about the purpose it serves: to reinforce that Daniil is friendly with the Kains. Your only two options are to say that it doesn’t bother you, or to express that you feel your boundaries are being violated by their attention. But I even thinking about picking that option... Well, it feels mean. 

Throughout the game, people will comment on Maria’s attachment to you and what they feel is your predestination to be romantically paired with her. All this, despite the fact that you don’t really interact with her that much. I’ve seen this be explained as forced heterosexuality, but I think it also is a way of the Kains manipulating Daniil into doing what they want. Daniil gets upset whenever people cry; when children cry, he tries to calm them and fix whatever’s upset them - there’s an entire sidequest after the army arrives in which Daniil kills a group of soldiers, spurred into action by upset children. Whenever he encounters Maria crying, he reacts with discomfort, and she uses these tears and upset to manipulate Daniil into thinking Aglaya has lied to him, effectively distancing him from one of the only people in the game with a rational mind to show him support and tell him the truth. I don’t think the two are in any way unconnected. Something abusers, manipulators, gaslighters love to do is isolate you so that you only have one source of information to go to. If they cut you off from other people, they can continue to feed off of you. You’ll never have a chance to question if what you’re being told about yourself or others is correct, you’ll just be a constant supply of drama for them. 

DANIIL: Was there any particularly notable backstory? I’m deadly tired of all these people. They’re inhuman. They tell the future, believe in walking zombies, and die in all manners of painfully abnormal ways. 

AGLAYA: Your line of thinking is obviously fallacious - and I was implying something rather mundane. I promise you no one can really tell the future around here and neither are deaths inspired by third parties uncommon. Mysterious phenomenons do occur here sometimes... but hardly more often than anywhere else.

You can see, first, the effect all this has had on Daniil, how dispiriting the past several days have been to him. But you can also see here exactly why a family that prides itself on multi-generational reincarnation and manipulation through “fortune-telling” wants to keep its blunt instrument in the dark. 

That is, ultimately, why they are manipulating Daniil. Georgiy knows full well when he tells Daniil at the beginning that everyone, even himself, will lie to Daniil, that being that honest upfront is more likely to lead Daniil to trusting him. They want to sway him to their cause; this is why you are told that your success here depends on the wellbeing of the people Maria considers useful: herself, her father and uncle - who she gets out of the way later on to come into her power, the architects of the Polyhedron - which she will use to ascend to power, and the theatre director who has pledged himself to be her loyal servant. Eva’s on the list, too, but her inclusion was deliberately set up to make you depend on the Kains later in the game, considering that it’s Maria who convinced her to commit suicide:

DANIIL: Why did Eva die then? AGLAYA: I have a distinct suspicion she was made to die. DANIIL: By whom?  AGLAYA: One of the Kains. I’d even go so far as to claim that they may have performed human sacrifice.

It’s a two-for-one deal: try in vain to make a Focus of the Cathedral, and remove from Daniil the last piece of influence who was not totally in love with Maria. Maria “cries” and is “upset” at you for thinking Eva’s death is her fault, but no one directly tells you Maria is responsible - all Aglaya does is tell you the Kains are at fault. The rest is just you remembering how nasty Maria was about Eva at the beginning of the game. I wouldn’t even say that Maria was removing a rival for Daniil’s affection. She really does only view Daniil as an object: if you speak to her on day 12, she assumes that you’re leaving, and doesn’t even ask you to stay (for kicks, contrast this with either ending of Pathologic 2 when you speak to Daniil as Artemy, where he’s supposed to be your rival. what was all that about Maria being in love with you...?); he’s not even present in his own ending cutscene. Even Mark Immortell says you’re leaving -

And actually, that’s a really fascinating conversation you can have with him on day 12. It’s where the game outright admits exactly what Aglaya told you: it’s all fake. Maria cannot really see the future, you’ve just been manipulated the entire game to achieve someone else’s goals, and unless you’ve gone around and saved Artemy’s or Clara’s bound, it’s too late for you to turn back and make a different decision. If you’ve picked Daniil’s ending, you just destroyed an entire town on the basis of outright lies. 

[factoffictionwriter]

Tiva Fic Amnesty #2

This is also a piece of the multichapter fic in which Ziva returns to DC a few weeks after ppf. Here’s just a peek into an age old Tiva trope.

He had been expecting an apron, but instead she was wearing one of his old OSU t-shirts that fell mercilessly to her upper thigh. She was standing in front of the stove, a clunky book in her hands as she squinted at the pages, concentration drawing her features down. There were two big pots on the burners, and she seemed to be consulting the book for what to do with them next. 

She hadn’t heard him come in, at least she hadn’t led on that she did, and he just couldn’t bring himself to interrupt her. Something on the page seemed to confuse her, and he watched as she captured her lower lip between her teeth and gnawed at it. She turned her head toward the ovens, as if debating whether she should tend to the dish in there before continuing on with the contents of the pans, and then turned back his direction. She jumped the slightest bit when she saw him standing there, and he found it oddly satisfying to have snuck up on a notorious ninja. 

She continued on as if he hadn’t scared her, “You are home…” she turned back toward the ovens for a second to check the time, “... at a perfectly reasonable time. I did not expect you for at least another hour.” 

He bit back a smile and moved to take a seat on one of the bar stools, “It was a slow day. I blew through my case files. Boss couldn’t think up an excuse to keep me.” 

She set down the book, which he could now see was an old Julia Child cookbook he kept on a shelf for posterity. She glanced between the two pots for a fleeting second before deciding that they could both use a good stir, “You blew through desk work? You? Tony, I once watched you balance a pencil on your nose for 2 hours rather than fill out a report.” 

He laughed as she moved on from the pots and made her way to the oven, opening the door and giving Tony a good look at the two large steaks she was nursing.

“Let’s just say that today I was a highly motivated man,” his eyes trailed down her back and over her bare legs as she rolled up onto her toes to get a better view at the cooking meat. His tone must have alerted her to his alternative meaning, as she quickly closed the oven door and turned back his way, letting her hair fall into her face as she leaned against the counter. 

“You have been highly motivated before, I am sure.” 

He shook his head, watching as she slowly drew her hand across her shoulders and neck, sweeping all of her curls to one side, “Never this motivated, no.” 

She considered the statement for a second, then seemed to accept it as she moved back to the pots on the stove. 

Tony looked around the kitchen, “Did you buy food?” 

She shook her head, “You bought food and forgot about it. It was probably months ago. The steaks were in the back of your freezer.” 

He watched her turn off one of the burners and move the pot over to a waiting holder, “It’s probably best that they weren’t found until now. I would never be able to do them justice if I tried to make them.” 

She shrugged, “I also found an old box of macaroni in your cabinet. It’s not much, but I added some vegetables and threw in some spices. It should make for a decent side dish.” 

He gestured to the pot still boiling, “And that one?” 

“Mashed potatoes. Or, it will be, once I actually get around to doing the mashing.” 

He watched her stir the boiling potatoes, gauging how soft they were becoming. A small, intimate smile crept across his lips. 

It was almost a minute before she realized he hadn’t moved and looked up at him. 

Her brows furrowed at his expression, “What is it?” 

He shrugged, “You’re just being so… domestic.” 

“I have cooked for you before.” 

“Yeah, at your place. With clothes on.” 

She looked down at her attire as if just now remembering how little she was wearing, “My clothes are still in the dryer. I did not want to wear the same thing tomorrow without washing them. Plus, I smelled like airplane… and sweat,” she scrunched up her nose for emphasis. “I also used your shower, though I have to admit that your hair care products leave something to be desired.” 

He trained his eyes on the still boiling pot, trying not to imagine her standing in his shower… water running down her skin… suds all over her body…

“Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn’t really expecting company. But maybe we can head to the store tonight? Get some more food… maybe some beer… whatever else you may need…”

If his hinting at a prolonged stay surprised her, she didn’t show it. Instead she glanced back down at the large t-shirt hanging loosely on her frame, “My clothes probably won’t be done for a while, and I don’t think I can reasonably go out in public wearing this.” 

“Trust me, no one will mind,” he let himself run his eyes up and down her body again, studying the way the loose cotton folded and twisted around her hips. 

She laughed quietly, reaching down to turn off the final burner and moving the pot onto a cooler one, “It will be late by the time we are done eating anyway. I can go to the store tomorrow while you are at work.” 

“And clothes?”

She nodded, “I will buy some of those while I am out as well.” 

“Why didn’t you bring any with you?” 

She stopped her assault on the soft potatoes for a second, looking up to meet his eyes with an expression he couldn’t quite identify, “I… um… left in a hurry. I did not take the time to pack anything, really.” 

He reached into his suit pocket and fished out his wallet. He pulled out his Mastercard and held it up for her to take. 

She immediately shook her head and pushed his hand away, “I have my own money, Tony.” 

He held the card out again, “You’re not working right now. It’s not a big deal, consider it a gift.” 

She pushed it back again, “Seriously, I do not need it. I am sure I don’t have to remind you that my father was a very powerful man. He had accumulated a considerable amount of wealth in his life, and being the only living relative... Anyway, most of the money was tied up in various assets-”

“Let me guess: diamonds?” 

She smiled, “There were some diamonds, yes, but mostly it was in real estate. He had houses and land all across Israel, and even some over in Europe. I kept a few that had sentimental value, like the ones we used to visit during the summers, but the rest were of no use to me. So I sold them. That is another thing I have been working on this past month.” 

“You sold everything you didn’t want in a month?” 

“Unfortunately, no. There are still a dozen or so listings that I’m waiting on, but I did some damage. The point is, I have more than enough money to pay for myself.” 

She got back to working on the food, and he put his wallet back in his pocket, making a mental note to slide her a 50 tomorrow, just to help cover groceries.  

He resumed his previous line of questioning, “You were in a hurry? What, was this a last minute trip?”

She nodded a little, “I guess you could say that.” 

“Something important you had to do?” 

She looked up, “I would consider what happened last night to be important, wouldn’t you?” 

“Of course,” he stood a little in order to reach across the kitchen island and tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear, “I guess I’m just trying to figure out why you came back now. When I left you on that tarmac, you were pretty hell bent on giving all of this up - DC, NCIS, the whole bit. What changed?”

She shook her head, “I am still not returning to NCIS. I meant what I said about giving up the badge. I do not want to chase bad guys anymore.” 

“Okay. But what about DC? And the team? Aren’t we going to pull you right back to where you started?” 

She didn’t respond. Instead she finished up her work on the potatoes and moved on to stirring the mac and cheese concoction for a second before a timer went off and she gracefully pivoted to the oven and removed the masterfully prepared steaks. She set them on the counter and admired her handy work. 

Finally, she said, “Dinner is ready. I think we would both benefit from having some food in our stomachs before we dive into THAT conversation.”

[hecohansen31]

I’m the Tinder date anon and just want to let you know I loved what you wrote, it was sooooo good! Could you write a part 2? Thanks 🙏💜

(A/N): Hello there, lovely!

I am extremely sorry that this took quite some time for me write it!

I honestly love these two so I couldn’t help but want desperately to write something nice and sweet for them and I hope that I somehow did!

I hope it didn’t disappoint!

WARNINGS: Mentions of Sex, Self-Conscious, Body Issues, Trust Issues.

(Tumblr shit won’t let me modify this from the computer hence I can’t add the “keep reading” button, please don’t hate me) 🙈

Ivar was awoken by a body shifting next to him, which wasn’t unusual, since it had happened many times that Hvitserk feel asleep drunk next to him and sometimes or when Ivar was sick or feverish.

But this body smelled divinely.

And it was extremely female, by what he felt as he subconsciously pushed himself against it, meanwhile she gently moved out of the bed to reach for something…

… maybe the phone that was ringing in the room, quickly accepting the incoming call.

“What the hell, Elaine?!” she replied to the phone, keeping her tone low as if she didn’t want to wake him up “… oh c’mon as if you have never left me for a boy… and Hvitserk, at least, accompanied you back home…”.

He smirked, remembering Elaine, who, the previous night, had been so annoying that even the great fuckboy, Hvitserk had been turned off.

His brother had dreaded the entire night, which was strange, since he was the one who usually didn’t enjoy dates, but that night had been quite nice for him, since he got a beautiful girl in his bed.

He leaned into her warmth, meanwhile her ushered tone lulled him.

“Yeah… he wasn’t a psycho and I had fun… now won’t you stop bothering me and go back…” an annoyed huff meant that Elaine had no intention to leave her alone “… yeah… no I am not telling you the details… because it is none of your business!”.

He giggled slightly and the laugh was transferred to her shoulder, making her turn around and found him awaken and open-eyed.

She couldn’t help but blush, something that was seen even in the dark of the room, in the cocooned refuge they had created the previous night, after all the “activities” they had tried, together, eventually falling to the grip of slumber, due to the few drinks they had shared.

“… I have gotta go” and although he could hear Elaine protesting on the other line, she closed the call and even went as far as to switch off the phone and push it back onto Ivar’s nightstand, before she turned to him, mumbling softly, right onto his swollen lips “… I am sorry if I woke you up”.

“I don’t mind it” he mumbled, although he hated whenever the alarm would ring up in the morning “… Elaine seemed pissed”.

“Your brother was kind of an asshole with her” she replied, as she pushed her hands out onto his chest, slightly cold due to having been outside the blankets, as he nodded his head, as if to say that ‘he knew it all too well’ “… but she is also some kind of an asshole”.

He laughed delighted, pushing his hand onto her hips to bring her closer, and they met halfway for a kiss.

Definitely a “good morning” kiss, as their noses bumped awkwardly together, and this got a little giggle in the kiss, and it quickly spread in his mouth.

His hands moved up, tangling in her hair, meanwhile she became molten under his touches, a sensation he liked quite much, even more the previous night as he had ducked himself between her legs, licking her to oblivion, after things between each other had gotten quite heated.

He still remembered that moment in which she had stopped buckling up her hips, chasing the orgasm on her way, just to still all her movements as a sudden tremble had gone through her body and she had come copiously onto his face.

She had tried apologizing, but Ivar had shushed her, licking her clean.

“…I don’t mind it, I actually think that we should try doing that again”.

And she hadn’t been able to protest, smirking lightly embarrassed.

They were halfway through having a second round, her hands slowly drifting closer to his member, meanwhile his mind was focused onto marking up her neck, with soft love-bites, when Hvitserk opened the door to his room, without knocking.

“Brother, did you leave “YouPorn” on last night?” he asked, with a knowing smirk, probably thinking that, like him, Ivar felt the constant need of … an “helping hand”.

But what he discovered was much juicier, and immediately his eyes focused on the two naked bodies, hidden barely by the blankets, and Ivar shifted to hide her body with his, to preserve some kind of modesty, as she squealed surprised.

Hvitserk seemed almost ashamed and rushed out, immediately, mumbling an “I am sorry”, although they could hear hysterical laughs being uttered outside.

A tense silence grew between them, after Hvitserk had exited the room and quickly she moved to push herself to stand, holding the cover onto her chest, to shield herself, meanwhile she looked around the room to relocate her clothes, as she quickly pushed her phone in her bag.

Ivar felt himself lose all the warmth in which he had woken up to, but he was unable to do anything to stop her, mostly due to the fact that he was “a bit” embarrassed himself, and understood completely that she hadn’t wanted to be seen with him.

He let her dress in peace, after he had showed to her the restroom, he had then looked for his boxers, moving to dress up in some sweatpants and a casual shirt.

He felt somehow ashamed to be seen like that.

His legs hurt, mostly due to all the “physical activity” he had done the previous night, but he preferred to stand onto his clutch or just sit onto bed, than to crawl around his room.

She came back after a little bit less than fifteen minutes, dressed in the outfit of the previous night.

She had also washed off the little make-up she had worn, and Ivar literally beamed softly at her beauty, now even more perceivable, still blushing a bit.

“Ahh… thank you, for letting me stay and use the bathroom” she mumbled, moving close to him so that she could put on her shoes, their hands touching them accidentally and he literally rejoiced at the shy touches.

And she seemed to agree with him, smirking meanwhile she pushed her feet into the little black booties, before she adjusted her messy hair in a high ponytail.

She was honestly the cutest and Ivar wanted to lean in and kiss those lips again and again, peaking them till they became reddish and swollen, as they had been the previous night.

But he just stared at her, almost creepily and when she moved her head to meet his eyes, he immediately pushed himself to look at his legs, waiting for her to move away, and eventually she left the bed, adjusting herself onto her shoes and taking a quick look in his mirror.

“Ahem…” she mumbled, her hands clutching into nervous fists “… it was a nice night… I haven’t had this much fun since… I think ever”.

He wanted to show how much those words affected him, but he didn’t know how.

“… maybe we could do the same, another time?” her tone was tentative, almost as if she hadn’t expected him to be completely enamored with her, after a night… as if he hadn’t wanted to repeat every little thing they had done the previous night, that morning…

Hadn’t Hvitserk caught them, he would have gladly.

“Yeah, it was fun” ‘oh good job, Ivar… totally the coolest thing you could have ever said’.

But she smiled brightly, reassured, almost wiggling a bit onto her feet, before she moved down to plop a kiss onto his cheek, peppering a few more all onto his face, which got him too surprised to react properly.

Then she moved away, quickly getting a strip of paper out from her bag and handed it to him, as with a pen she wrote something quickly, turning again to kiss his forehead, before she wandered off, with one last look at him, who stood there, unable to move and process what had happened.

He heard her greet Hvitserk and slowly slumped back in bed, his head hitting with a thud the mattress meanwhile various images of the previous night flashed in his mind, the way they had laughed together at their clumsy moves around the bed, before they plopped onto it.

The way he had tried desperately to focus on her, changing the balance and pinning her to the bed, meanwhile he pushed his fingers into her pretty hips, to keep them from buckling up, meanwhile he peeled her soaked panties from her warm center to lick her clean, meanwhile she had ridden his face.

It was the first time ever that he had tried something with a girl, not many were willing, but (Y/N) had seemed extremely aroused, and the act in itself had made her enough dizzy that he got her all trembling around him, as he settled onto her chest after she had come.

“Let me return the favor” she had mumbled as he pushed her back down, to calm her, ashamed by the lack of his “reaction” to her “… you made me feel so good”.

“I just…” it hadn’t taken many words for her to understand somehow, and she hadn’t asked much more, settling back onto the mattress and softly kissing his head, her hair going through his head to ease his shame, meanwhile he slipped onto a soft slumber “… this is enough”.

He hadn’t had such a nice night of sleep, since ever.

He decided to face Hvitserk, after hunger got the best of him, after he had hidden the little ticket with her phone number in a drawer of his nightstand, the one locked with a little locket.

His brother was halfway through a bowl of milk and cereal, and Ivar, for a moment, believed that he was too busy eating to even acknowledge his brother, but he wasn’t enough sneaky and Hvitserk looked at him with a smirk, before he whistled.

“… congratulations brother”.

“Go to hell, Hvitserk” he mumbled, meanwhile he dragged himself to the counter, starting up the fire to prepare himself some pancakes, since, although he didn’t feel like facing his brother, he couldn’t help but feel slightly happy.

“Oh… of course, but I am glad that my brother finally got some… physical activity… done” he continued talking, meanwhile he played around with his bowl, looking hungrily at the pancakes Ivar was starting to cook “… and with an hottie, like that, I am proud of you”.

“Don’t you have some kind of button to switch that mouth off” shouted Ivar, trying not to mind him too much business, as he continued his meticulous preparation.

“… when are you seeing her, again?” continued his brother, not minding his “slightly” threatening tone, and the fact that he was close to where the knives were set in their kitchen.

“When are you seeing Elaine, again?” he retorted, as he moved to turn the pancake he was working onto, sending his brother a smirk of his own, gaining a muttered it’s a “low blow” “It is none of your business, also”.

“It was literally thank to me, that you got her in your bed!” retorted his brother, meanwhile he stole a bit of the pancake dough, as he moved to get chocolate syrup from its shelf.

“Well… she still could have turned out to be a freak” mumbled Ivar, not wanting to let his brother know that he actually liked her, and that he had done a good thing, for once.

“… from what I heard the only thing she was a freak in, was your bed”.

A fork was thrown his way and Hvitserk laughed, before he realized that something was bothering indeed his little brother, and decided to bring it up, when Ivar moved his plate of newly made pancakes on the kitchen table.

“You don’t seem too happy” he mumbled, as he munched onto the pancake he managed to steal from his brother.

“… I just…” he was just trying to find a reason why a girl like (Y/N) might be interested in him.

With all his problems.

Of course, she hadn’t seemed to mind his legs, but girls never stuck around on the long run…

… and wait till she discovered that she couldn’t satisfy her that way.

She wouldn’t be walking that cheerily away from his house…

She would be running away, for sure.

“… did you not like it?” asked Hvitserk, almost as if it was an offense to him.

“You are an idiot” muttered Ivar, thinking that he couldn’t escape this, so he might as well… try to open up, with his idiot brother, who, at least, had more experience with women “… I did, but I am sure that she won’t be very interested in going out with me, away”.

“Ahem… Ivar… I know that you don’t believe me, but I truly think that I basically saw her giggle her way out of the apartment, this morning and she was almost…”.

“Please don’t finish that phrase” he mumbled, facepalming himself, meanwhile he tried to shut up his brother stuffing a fork full of food in his mouth “… and I just… my legs…”.

“She didn’t even notice them, and she doesn’t seem the type that mind such thing” spoke his brother, through a mouth full “… she isn’t like…”

“Margrethe?” he asked, knowing all too well that the blonde bitch had spoken about his “little” problem to anyone who seemed to have ears that could listen “Fredys?”.

His previous girlfriend, could he consider her that, had been what Hviterk had defined from the start as a “gold digger” but Ivar had never believed him, preferring to bash into her compliments and gentleness, that physical contact that had meant the world for him, since nobody had treated him in that way, almost making him feel like a god.

But he soon discovered that she hadn’t wanted him for anything that she had mumbled in his ear late at night, but more for his money and Hvitserk and Ubbe had been more than happy to help him throw her out.

“… I was going to say with the typical… ‘she is not like the other girls’, but also that… is indeed true” he explained, a bit uncomfortable since he knew that those two periods brought bad memories in his already irascible brother “… I have to say that I was a bit busy with Elaine… but she honestly seemed to be into you and bery sweet, you are lucky brother”.

Ivar nodded, slightly, although he didn’t look too convinced, wondering whether for once his brother had shown himself to be wise, or he was just going to do another mistake.

She didn’t want to seem a clingy girlfriend.

(She wasn’t even his girlfriend).

But she couldn’t help but wonder if the connection she had felt with Ivar that night, had been felt just by her.

She had left him his number, and three days had passed from their ‘date’ and no call from him had come, although she had hoped so, and each time her phone would ring, she would be having a mini heart attack, hoping it was him.

It was never him.

And it was getting to the point that she was sure he wasn’t interested in her in the slightest and had just wanted a good fuck.

Although from the way he had been damnably charming and careful with her, she wouldn’t have guessed it.

In her constant state of annoyed waiting, she had been able to move even Elaine, who, one day, went  to her, and slipped onto her desk a small line of paper with a series of numbers on it, which she hadn’t understood at first, and then her roommate had simply mumbled:

“It’s Ivar’s phone number” she had simply commented and had explained “Hvitserk gave it to me, last night, since he said that ‘his dumb brother is a bit slow in these things’ “.

“Oh, ahem… thank you… I guess?” she tried to appear absolutely not appalled by the entire thing.

But Elaine simply smirked.

“You got it bad, don’t you?” smirked her roommate, slinging beside her onto her kitchen table, meanwhile she played, nervously with the strip of paper “He better treats you well…”.

“I…” she mumbled, trying to find a proper reply “… don’t think he is interested in me, like that”.

Elaine looked at her as if to say “nonsense”, before nudging her lightly to get her to continue her discourse.

“…I left him my number and told him that I didn’t mind… doing it all again…” and then she started fidgeting with her hands “… and it has passed three days with no calls or messages”.

“You do realize that men are idiots, and slower than us”? Elaine spoke up, laughing lightly “… but also I think that he is simply shy and needs a bit of a push… I don’t think that the guy who dumped me after a date… would have given me his brother’s number, if the brother in question didn’t have a thing for my roommate…”.

She still didn’t look convinced, but she tried her best to take a deep breath and Elaine gently caressed her back to relax her.

“And even if it doesn’t work… at least you won’t be in this limbo waiting for a sign…” she winked at her, before jumping away and lightly trotting towards her room, just to turn around “… just send him a message, do it for me”.

She still felt a bit down, but chose to indeed send him a message, although she was damnably scared that he didn’t want the same or might think that she was moving too fast.

“Hey, I hope I am not bothering you… but on Monday I am going to be left alone, because Elaine has another date… and since I liked our last one… maybe you could come over… so I could show you my own collection of alcoholic beverages…”

She honestly felt extremely cringey re-reading it, but ended up sending it anyway, passing terrible fifteen minutes, waiting for a reply and in the end, she thought about switching off the wi-fi so that she could focus a bit on studying and only switched it on after a few hours.

And when she opened it, not expecting any message back, since Ivar probably just chose to ignore her (had that been truly Ivar’s number, and not a terrible joke made by Elaine), she found out that Ivar had answered her, and even used emojis.

Wow.

She didn’t breathe properly for a few minutes.

And then she focused on the message.

He had replied:

“Hey, sweetheart (ten points for the nickname) you never bother me, although can I ask how do you have my number? (perfect he thought she was a stalker…). But I am happy that you did contact me, I was trying to take courage to ask you out, but you have more balls than me, apparently (and smiling emojis)! And if you want some company, I am always up for it, just let me know if I can grab something to repay you for the hospitality! Have a nice day, lovely! See you (and your alcoholic beverages collection) on Monday!”.

She was halfway through imploding, redness onto her cheeks, as she re-read the message, to make sure she wasn’t making stuff up, immediately jumping around the kitchen at any Taylor Swift song she could muster up in her mind, meanwhile Elaine snickered, having exited her room for a quick break too.

“Please don’t do that with Ivar, when he comes on Monday” recommended her friend, before she moved to join her friend in her dance “… I am happy that at least somebody will get laid on Monday, maybe not on the couch, since we both spend there out single nights”.

Elaine looked at her, as she exited the bathroom, all dressed up for her home date, with Ivar.

Through the days that had separated her and Ivar, they had chatted non-stop, delving in a more comfortable situation than their starting one, although she couldn’t help but feel like Ivar was keeping himself a bit back.

But she hadn’t wanted to push him and was more than glad to take what she could get.

“Is it too much?” she asked.

She had dolled herself up, even going as far as putting on her newest dress: a little black dress with little crystals onto the velvety fabric, bringing even more awareness to the heart-shaped cleavage that showed elegantly what she had been give by mother nature.

She had avoided heels, mostly because she hadn’t wanted to trip onto Ivar, but her make-up was full-blown, accentuating her eyes and lips, although she was sure that her lipstick would be either onto a napkin or Ivar’s lips, since she already missed them, by the end of the night.

Or so she hoped.

“No, no, I am just thinking that you won’t even arrive to the sofa… and straight up do it like animals on the floor”.

She almost threw a small spoon to her roommate, who giggled and moved outside the door, quickly pushing her form in her coat, meanwhile she muttered about having left some condoms under the sofa pillows in case they needed it.

And what was worse was that as Elaine exited, she saw Ivar waiting on the threshold of the door, a light blush on his cheeks showing that he had heard what she had said, and she quickly rushed to him, hiding her face, to welcome him.

He had his crutches in one hand and in the other he held a bottle of wine, for which she thanked him.

“Oh, it is the least I could do… since you were gracious enough to host me”.

He seemed definitely much less relaxed than in their text messages, but she tried not to give it too much thought, showing him the sofa as she moved to collect omething for the wine bottle.

He complimented her house and she gently replied, continuing the small talk till she was next to him again and inevitably caught him looking at her, and as he saw himself being caught red-handed he turned his head away, blushing delicately.

“Is it too much?” Gosh she had done a huge mistake…

“No no” he rushed to reply, gently putting his hand onto hers, almost as if it was natural “… you actually look gorgeous, very very gorgeous and I feel like a creeper looking at you, constantly”.

She giggled and smacked softly his chest.

“Look all you want, I don’t mind it” and to reinforce that she got up and moved to settle the take-out she had taken for the night (after having admitted to Ivar that she couldn’t cook to save her life, except the most basilar things), swaying lightly her hips.

As she turned, she found him looking at her ass, with no shame.

There she remembered about Elaine’s teasing and thought that maybe it would end up more real than what she had thought.

After they were settled they started eating and this gave them a chance to talk with much more calm on both side, which made them more relaxed and playful, and she thought about teasing him under the table, but when her leg brushed against his, more accidentally than by true intention, he yelped and immediately his knees shot up.

They hit the table with enough force that both their glasses fell and, although they didn’t break, they stained with the wine in them the white cloth on the table, but she wasn’t worried about it in the slightest, because Ivar moaned of pain, after the entire ordeal, and she rushed to him, worried anything might have happened.

But he just pushed her away.

Quite literally.

She couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt by the gesture and took it as him pushing her away, because it had been her who had hurt him.

She waited for him to calm himself, meanwhile he checked his leg, pushing his fingers onto his skin and gently caressing it, to ease the pain.

It was only when his attention shifted towards her that she asked if she could do anything.

“No no, I just need to lay down a bit” and as she moved to help him up, he rejected her again, making her feel as useless as she could.

“I am sorry” she muttered, meanwhile she tried to calm herself down, from the anxiety that was burning up in her stomach: she had basically ruined the entire night.

“For what?” he asked, meanwhile he laid himself down, carefully handling his leg.

“I shouldn’t have… shit… I am sorry”.

“You already said that” his tone was stern but soft, and he patted the handle of the sofa, to make her sit beside “… it wasn’t your fault… I was just not expecting it”.

“I’ll try to remember it, next time”.

He looked at her, confused, as if he was surprised that she wanted to try again.

“… aren’t you… disgusted by my reaction?” he seemed surprised and she dared to softly reach out for his hand “… I literally can’t stand the touch of another…”.

“Then I’ll be more careful”.

For a minute she realized the truth, he wasn’t annoyed with her: he was annoyed with himself.

And with his body.

“… you don’t have to be that nice” he mumbled almost ashamed, but she didn’t seem to mind it, instead leaning down and gently kissing him on his lips to silence any reply.

“I am not just being nice, I really like you” and she blushed hiding her face in his chest, meanwhile Ivar almost naturally circled his hands around her “… although it might seem crazy”.

“Yeah it is” he commented and for a moment, she thought he had said the truth “… it is crazy that you, a fucking beautiful girl want to end up with a monster like me”.

“Oh, you want to play this game?” she retorted, knowing what was bothering him “… you seriously can’t say that, when you look like a fucking Greek god”.

“I’d prefer something like Norse god” he mumbled, making her laugh lightly, meanwhile she pushed him away, as he linked them back together, gently kissing her cheeks as she leaned down to kiss him properly, the kiss taking all their embarrassment away and completely enveloping them together.

His hand came onto the small of her back, gently caressing relaxing circles on it, meanwhile she moaned softly in his mouth, making him take more confidence and gently pushing his hands lower.

She giggled, definitely giddy and pushed him away, before softly grinding against him.

And his gaze became troubled again and his hands went away from her bum, almost, although definitely more gently than before, pushing her to the side, in order to get her to gently slide away, which she complied, although with a worried look.

“I just can’t…” he mumbled, taking his head in his hands, and she had to take one away for him to focus on her.

“Is it something about me?” she didn’t understand, he had called her gorgeous and had kissed her like his life depended on it “… maybe I am not your type, and you are doing this just out of pity…”.

She was panicking hard and he was the one who got her to focus on him, tightening his hold onto her hand to get her to face him: he was red in the face and his stance had something of aggressive, not towards her, but he looked like he just wanted to spit something out.

“I just…” he took a deep breath “… I just can’t get it up… because of all the leg things”.

She didn’t know what to mutter, surprised, not talking, something that Ivar took badly, immediately taking it as a ‘I am not interested anymore’ and made to rush away, but she pushed him down, something which was quite impressive, but the fire burning in her eyes, said that she wasn’t taking any bullshit.

“… you can’t?” she asked, calmly, and he just nodded, hiding himself from her “… well I don’t mind it, last time, I literally… you know… without the need of your …”.

The sight of her extremely embarrassed got a thrill of excitement coursing through Ivar, although he had to admit that he was feeling quite ashamed of himself.

But she hadn’t laughed, neither pitied him, and that was something he was thankful for.

“So… for my little problem… I understand if you want to quit it…” but before he could quite his phrase, you had swiftly shushed him.

“Do I have to repeat myself?” she didn’t want honestly, she wanted to kiss him.

Now his lips were even more swollen, and pretty…

“No, I heard you fine the first time…” he mumbled, coming closer as if he wanted to see the truth in her eyes “… but in the long run, you are going to be annoyed with me”.

“Or I might not?” she replied, making him face her, gently laying a few kisses on his noses, playful enough that she saw his eyes shining again “… I am already half in love after two dates, don’t you have a little faith in me?”.

“Just had a lot of people who betrayed it” he seemed pained by saying it and she soothed the tone, with a soft kiss on his forehead, feeling him purr under her.

“I am sorry for it” she commented, gently taking his hand in hers, and holding his gaze “… but, although I am not pretentious enough to say that ‘I am different from other girls’ because that is some male bullshit, I truly care about you and, even if I know that we are mostly strangers, so you are free not to believe me, but I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose”.

“I just… don’t want you to regret this” he mumbled, chewing on his bottom lips.

“Oh, believe me, I am sure I won’t” again that reddish color, was drawn onto your cheeks “… I have had many guys with a perfect functioning… you know what… and I mean they didn’t make me…”.

“… cum?” he suggested softly, sending her a smirking look “… you know that we are adults”.

“I almost liked you when you were a tad insecure with that kicked puppy look” she mumbled, hiding from him, just for him to engulf her softly in his arms, a bit calmer due to the confession.

He just hoped she wouldn’t change her mind.

And she hoped the same.

“So, after this emotional moment, do you want to see my collection of alcoholic beverages?” she joked, trying to lighten up the mood, exiting her head from under his arms.

“… just if I get to see your bedroom next” although he was blushing adorably, Ivar seemed more lighthearted and before he knew it, he was spurred up on his feet and she pushed him towards her, almost not caring about his legs.

“Well why should we wait for that?”