#changed me. it changed it me and it lives in my head now. i dont remember the exact wording but that line. aughguh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

triglycercule · 23 days ago

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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force #ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale #just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3 #PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD #mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions #she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want #but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust #(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him #its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i #after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were #LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill #itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but #just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3 #i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN #ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans #murder time trio #utmv #sans au

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roseworth · 8 months ago

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i may be the stupidest person alive

so im afraid of bugs right. and there was a HUGE bug in my apt today and i freaked out and spent like 5 minutes trying to get it out. and after i got it out i thought it might be a hornet so i googled pictures of hornets to compare. but what i didnt consider was that a close-up picture of a hornet would scare the shit out of me. so i pull up the picture and freak out again and threw my phone across the room instinctively. so i gave up on finding out what kind of bug it was and started doing something else. THEN 10 minutes later i open my phone to find out i never actually closed the picture of the hornet so i got scared AGAIN and throw my phone again. and i just realized that when i threw my phone i still didnt close the picture so ive been scared to open it again bc i dont wanna see it

#this story actually omits the fact that the bug got in TWICE #i dont even know where it came from #i woke up this morning and it was buzzing around the living room #so i get it out. then a couple hours later im sitting on the couch and it suddenly just fucking appears right next to my head #and it was HUGE. like 2 inches long #and it FLEW #big spiders scare the shit out of me and they cant even fly. this motherfucker is terrorizing me #i got it out through the front door both times #and like 10 minutes after the second time i see it AGAIN. flying into the door trying to get back in #anyways ive now changed clothes and tied my hair back bc every time something brushes against my skin i think its the bug and i scream

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stationk17 · 2 years ago

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You give me a self absorbed arrogant smartass and expect me not to like him? Well my friend you are very wrong.

Please please listen to @roguespodcast i beg you

Edit: The Companion Jonathan portrait

#station art #codotverse #edward nygma #rogues podcast #rogues! the podcast #the riddler #this man has been living rent free in my head for three days now and i need to start charging if he stays any longer #dont mind me throwing my little flairs onto his design i couldnt help myself #the way i draw his hair may change im not super satisfied with this version #jon will get a portrait too at some point because he wont leave my brain as well

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vaguehotels · 9 months ago

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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

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everytaylorswiftsongisaboutcats · 4 days ago

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YOYOK kids are COSOSOM girlies, who have epiphany traumas, are the tolerate it peeps, with a New Year’s Day kind of terror, while lost in their State of Grace as a dreamer, with a Nothing New sort of realism, after their The Lucky One teenage burnout.

#You’re On Your Own Kid #Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus #epiphany #tolerate it #New Year’s Day #State of Grace #Nothing New #The Lucky One #Taylor Swift #girlies #aesthetic #Midnights #The Tortured Poets Department #folklore #evermore #Reputation #Red TV #late night Swiftie theory thoughts Meyers Briggs type style understanding lol #I hosted parties and starved my body like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss the jokes weren’t funny my friends from home don’t know what to sa #I looked around in a blood soaked gown and I saw something they can’t take away #I changed into goddesses villains and fools changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules #if you really want to break my cold cold heart just say I loved you the way that you were #only 20 minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen #if it’s all in my head tell me now tell me I got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it #you assume im fine but what would you do if i break free and leave us in ruins took this dagger in me and removed it #please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere #I never saw you coming and I’ll never be the same just twin fire signs four blue eyes we learn to live with the pain mosaic broken hearts #this is a State Of Grace this is the worthwhile fight love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right these are the hands of fate #it’s like I can feel time moving how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 will you still want me when I’m nothing new #they tell you that youre lucky but you're so confused Cause you dont feel pretty you just feel used they’ll tell you now your the lucky one

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6mayhem · 2 months ago

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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL #i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort #but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome #and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP #he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him #were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond #its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other #there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes #while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time #theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car #and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk #in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time #to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship #him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil #he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits #all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did #they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him #also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now #but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other #he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that #makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary #if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself #sorry oversharing oh wow

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faaun · 1 year ago

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. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying

#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too #i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as #a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done #putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning #this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks #everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from #recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's #science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said #and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life #breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful #things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to #restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of #this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the #except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you #have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him #and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met.#tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most #extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going.#you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another #phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts.#i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know.#i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied.#you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up #i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.

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rainc0at · 7 months ago

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I LOVE THIS FUCKIJG FILM SO MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS PERFECT

#the casting is so good its oerfect they all do such good jobs iCAAAANNTT #roman and zsasz do SO WELL they creep me OUT its so GOOOOODODODO #“fuck fsmily! all due respect but fuck that!!!” all his. tantrums? how else would i word thst idk so. and like from the little bits we see #we learn so much about them. like idk shit avout them sorrt im a poser. but FUCKKXKCK its just so good #obviously margot robbie does incredibly. and cassandras actress! i know people have said they sorta dilute her character down which IS sad #esp bc i dont know anything about her either. but fuck #and the way it depicts gotham!!!!!!!!!! ive talked about this alot before and god its always sssoooooo #ITS JUST ALL SO GOOD. the humor THE WARDROBE. once again the causal lgbt rep. all the sexism stuff.#its just perfect its genuinely perfect #AGRGRHFHSJ I LOVE THIS FILM.#birds of prey #AND JUST THE WAY EVERYONE TALKS AND THE DELIVERY OF EVERYTHING. I DONT KNOW ITS JUST ALL. PERFECT.#also another mention to roman and zsasz. they do it SO. WELL. the changes in zsaszs voice AND JUST HIS GENERAL ATTITUDE. sionis and how wel #his actor does the quick switches. and again the delivery of ALL his lines. also special mention to his little spin at his first scene.#ALSO HIS AND ZSASZS LAUGHS ohmyod #and montoya does it all so well and inlove her voice and same with canary and i cant say much on them because its ALL so good that i cant #pinpoint it??????#ALSO THE HAIR TIE SCENE 💘💘💘💘💘#also forever thinking of roman and his thing with how people pronounce words. actually im sorta just always thinking about him and zsasz #zsaszmask hoffstrahm and now hannigram all live in my head. and another ship i wont say incase noah sees this. OH AND SUKEVE.#another mention to the soundtrack. oh. my. god.#another mention to how it depicts gotham. like you just see people living. in the daytime. hanging out living rhwir lives. and you see smal #businesses and a supermarket and a club and the graffiti and just somuch of the film being. in. the daytime. AND THE SKATING DERBY!#GOD i love this film so so so much can you tell #also why is all the content of my posts only ever in the tags. like okaaayy sure.#DINAHS SIDE EYE AT ROMAN AND ZSASZ WHEN THEYRE BEING EXTRA GAY I CANT DO THIS #am i gonna go and look at loads of zsaszmask content now. yes. dont judge.#also anti-big establishments moment (her robbing the store) and her promising to get sal the 75 cents. support small businesses #also bruce wayne mention theyrr always so funny #rain rambles

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mydr3aminvi0let · 8 months ago

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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back #sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with #idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that #community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize #bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought #he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive #i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better #so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH #my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body #believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how #as a woman #can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids #when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me #when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison #in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty #i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing #but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with #reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers #tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like #i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming #you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in #i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement #singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now #there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart

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starstaiined · 1 year ago

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thinking about the unforgiving nature of the passage of time

#just realized that i've probably rocked my baby boy to sleep for the last time without realizing jt #he's three right now and so fucking big #when did he get so big?#everytime i used to watch him when he was a baby i'd put the same lullaby on and rock him to sleep #he'd tuck his little head against my neck and i'd just rock him #tonight i picked him up and he had a growth spurt so he doesn't quite fit the way he used to #but he still cuddled close and hugged me tight while i rocked him #had to put him down and tuck him in so he could actually sleep comfortably though #long gone are the days where he'd drift off comfortably on me then i'd go around cleaning things up while holding him in one hand #god #i dont miss the person i used to be #i'm glad for the time passing for that much #i've learned to stop drowning in the waves of grief #learned how to cup it before it can grow. to say 'i know this hurts and i'm sorry it does. let's sit in it together.'#learned how to mourn without swandiving into a lake of self pity #but for all i've changed in the past few years so has everyone else #the kids have grown up. all of them were so little and are now at such different stages of their little lives #and i'm grateful to be a part of their story but damn it's so bittersweet #anyways i'm rambling and probably incoherent i'm just overly emotional about this

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waterfallofspace · 1 year ago

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hello!!!! he is here (in his rain boots) to offer a distraction! lol

whats the format you prefer w snz stuff?? (like a fic, wav, video, etc!)

in his rain boots!!! ToT I love him omg so precious~ thank you for sending in the ask!!

For making myself, or consuming content?

Content Consuming Wise, I love art, wav, and fics, buuuut I think I may lean towards fics..? Still love the others, but I find in general that fics are easier content to consume for me, but still provide a full experience?? Idk man maybe it's just that I read a fic today that changed my brain chemistry (shout out to bestwhumpist) but im just. Fics. Agughghh~ (though a good wav is still ~chefs kiss~)

Making Myself, honestly I enjoy making most forms of content! But recently I've been having a lot more writing burn out, so wav making has kinda been something I enjoy more~ even though I'm still not that good and it takes me forever hahaha~ But I'll always remember my roots with fics, I've always enjoyed writing!

#waterfallasks #thank you for sending this innnn <3 #i wasnt sure which you meant so i went with answering both options #hope that's alright!!! but yeah i find im more selective with wavs then fics honestly #and uh... maybe a bit of a controversial take but- i dont tend to actually like videos!#like its generally i find ones i DO like and thats surprising rather than finding ones i DONT #assume dislike until proven otherwise type of deal i guess!~#BUT ALSO IN THESE TAGS SHOUTING OUT BESTWHUMPIST AGAIN FOR THAT T/RIGUN MASTERPIEC #ive said this to her but the line about “give me a real one this time” or whatever it was #changed me. it changed it me and it lives in my head now. i dont remember the exact wording but that line. aughguh

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nexttothelamp · 2 years ago

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Damn I love my wife so much it might kill me

#dude when i have NOTHING #i never have nothing #because i always have T #she makes my life SO wonderful #and dont get me wrong; my wife is a goblin who i have actively had to teach how to love over the years 🤣#but shes perfect. everything about her i wouldnt change a hair on her head #also turns out i have a body worship kink and thats perfect for a girl who needs SO much love #only took me a decade and a half to figure that out 🤣#bro we've been together ALMOST 12 YEARS NOW #and been friends for 14 🤣❤️❤️❤️#fuck. its so hard to live yunno?#like weve both got ptsd and we've worked our way through so much bullshit #abuse the death of her father being outed at the funeral #running from wv together to start a new life in the city #yunno she wrote her vows months before. i couldnt. i knew no matter what i tried to say it wouldnt be enough #not until i was there. i didnt know i could love her more everyday but i do #yunno as a kid i told myself no one could ever love me #but i ended up marrying my high school sweetheart?#she left a boy for me 🤣#and that doesnt EVEN MATTER ANYMORE ITS BEEN A DECADE #sigh. im in a mood #just dropped her off at work and cuddled in the car shamelessly #its hard to even be away from her for 8 hours #and the craziest thing about it? she feels thw same way about me 🤣#ive been so sick for over a year now #but T's always there. even when she cant be there she is. and i feel that #last night as we were going to bed #i remembered something horrific #she needed to get up early... but she still talked me down for an hour until i fell asleep in her arms #i. am so fucking lucky

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nfnfnfnfndnfkfjfndksjsndnxjsojsn · 2 years ago

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i feel like more people need to realize we are all share the same sky and none of us are truly ever alone

#sorry im just htinking about how happy i am how better i am how i take showers now and have friends how I'm nice to my dad and I'm able to #hug him but still talk to my mother i have food and water and blankets i have friends and i am loved changes are scary and I'm still scared #but i remember how happy i am how younger me or even me from a week or month ago or years ago would be proud and still root for me to live #one day ill have a house of my own a life of my own memories to share and love but new ones to experience and in all of them i was never #alone i always had someone to love me and live for i always had a purpose I've had one since i was born which was to be my sisters friend a #and be someone to lean on and i still uphold that i try to support everyone i can since i know how hard it is to not be at the worst times #i hug and tell everyone i love them 24/7 i tell everyone they are amazing since i never know when ill look back on this all and regret not #saying it everytime i hug my dad and he says calm down kylie i always say you'll miss this in 10 years as a joke but i think about it so mu #so much i dont know if ill know any of you in 10 years but I'm happy to be talking to you now I'm happy to know that there's people out the #there who are kind and have fun thoughts who makea fun silly art and chat with me and care about me and try to help me and ill never see yo #why do i have a voice in my head and think about t you all the time when i don't even know you? its crazy but i love it so much you all ha #have watched me grow and change watch me get older and my hair grow longer watch me be happy and i think about that how i might be in your #brain or memories at one point how i have a impact just like how everyone has an impact on me what I'm saying is that no one is ever truly #alone everyone is filled with love and memories to share everyone has a different view on the world and no one truly has the same and i thi #think thats just so special and i get to see it! i get to talk to people everyday and listen and learn and its so special

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tinytveit · 2 years ago

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not to be a design bitch but im thinking abt my forest green and mustard yellow bedroom with bee items and hanging plants and pots and shelves full of trinkets and books and a soft fluffy rug on the floor.

she doesn’t exist yet but im thinking about her

#u cant paint rentals around here afaik so the walls are gonna be white prolly but i dont care!!!!!! plant bee paradise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#callie plays irl #im dreaming to escape my current closet of a room #my tastes have changed alot but its always been green and yellow and like. now. i will have what i seek #and i do not care. if it takes me months. and i have to save. i will Have my space #i saw a velvet deep green duvet set yesterday and shes living rent free in my head babes #im abt to flood my aesthetically pleasing pinterest

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phagodyke · 3 months ago

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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel #bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea #but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little #better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not #not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me #feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like #im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense #but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it #and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express #anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or #another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me #feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even #that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever #and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a #rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but #if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way #ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now #for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a #stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to #i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this #they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode #actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to #deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im #usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help #and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now #ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok #ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking #about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well #.vent #tw self harm

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sensitivegoblin · 4 months ago

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AHG!!!!!!!!!!!

Im screaming until my throat hurts in my mind

#im so stupid n fucked up with mood swings #and i keep fucking up in my masking #like my dads not mean but hes just grumpy n blunt #so i just feel like i keep fucking up in everyday interactions #like every other sentence i say was just not the right one no matter how hard i try #like....he likes breakfast alot ok and gets sad of he sleeps too late on weekends #so i call him and he sounded upset so i tried to give an out like “oh its ok take your time” or something similar and he just louder and-#-angerier the kinder i try to be #so like what the fuck? :(#life just feels like a video game and some how im picking all the wrong dialoge options #masked? wrong. unmasked? wrong. mirror? wrong. wallflower? STILL SOMEHOW WRONG #writing those out n realizing how untrue i am to myself 95% of my time.....:')#fuck #i just reallu cant get it right #also admitidly i wanted to get out the house cus im having a bad mental episode kinda night like im warding off an anxiety attack #so it just hurts extra to be proven yet again that my dad has changed with age and now i am alone #:'(#im so sso so sad i wish i could cry with someone safe that would try to stop me just comfort me #i really really REALLY need to cry :(#but my emotions just make my dad mad......#and crying alone hurts my fucking chest so badly and usually ends in SH #i wish i could end it but im so scared of failing and pain and being a burden #i hate that im so stupid and broken i wish i was normal and could work and live in a real house :(#i just have so little hope for my future #and taking it one day at a time is for people who dont have literal Hell in there head #their*#i should let myself cry to get it out of my system but im so alone #i wish i could mentally step back and let someone else take the wheel.....#some people are mean drunks and then theres me; crying on my hands and knees scream begging to God to posses me with an Angel #i try to think that God has a plan and itll be worth it but....what if the plan is im a background chatecter and fade away?

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