#certified vent moment
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fuckin…. im a bit grouchy today, but reading “omg someone who draws, draw this extremely complicated and time consuming idea I had for free teehee just throwing this idea out there” makes me want to chew concrete, this isnt cute, you arent coy. just the flippancy of it rubs me the wrong way, “teehee im not asking for artists to draw for me for free, im just throwing this idea out there teehee”
Drives me up the walls, you want your ideas drawn, animated, whatever? Fucking pay an artist
#text post#certified vent moment#ive just been stressed out over how artists are treated in general#we are simultaneously put on a pedestal ‘omg what you do is so incredible youre so creative i cant even draw a stick figure’#and devalued to absolute shit#even among leftists that talk a big talk about supporting workers#will use shit like AI and when called out on it will whine ‘oh i cant pay artists poor me boohoo’#we arent even seen as workers by people#but our labor is still exploited all the same#im tired man#anyway i had to read someone post ‘pls some artist out there make this amv for me teehee’ on a tag I follow#and it pissed me off#A FUCKIN AMV BRO???? DO YOU KNOW HOW TIME CONSUMING THAT SHIT IS????
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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Heyyyyyyyy how's my favorite Bnuuy doing?
AYYYY BNUUUUU
I’m okay ig, sister doesn’t want me using Tumblr so I got insta and oHHHH MY GODDD I HATE IT it’s overstimulation station I hate it sm. At least people actually talk here. Over there is just. So much short form content and everything feels superficial and fake and hate hate hate
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URL FROM MACHINE GIRL - ASS2MARS , BLOG THEME BASED ON MACHINE GIRL - SCHIZODIPSHIT
DIVIDERS COURTESY OF @/c1rcus-of-silliness
RONNIE / PAX
HE / IT / honestly whatever besides they
PREV URL WAS LABRATBOYGIRL
BIGENDER + OBJM + NONHUMAN (you dont like any of that then thas too dam bad)
not stating exact age but . minor☝️
i enjoy alphalore / alphastar716 , machine girl , miitopia , objectified (comic) , twomp / ashur gharavi , itlop / thitcs / tj klune , drive45 , smiling friends , miitopia , cult of the lamb + others
i also enjoy my wife @sh1ft1ng-starzzz :3
no specific dni . but ive got a block button in my hand that im not afraid to use
i do answer donation asks (im not a dickhead) but if any donation asks go unanswered its either because 1. i didnt see it when it was sent or 2. the ask was already sent before
MORE SOCIALS + FUN SHTUFF ON MY STRAWPAGE
@kinb0x <- BLOG WHERE I TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A CREATURE I AM
@essence0fwr4th <- GOOFY ALPHALORE RELATED RP/PARODY BLOG
HAVE FUN I SUPPOSE collect my images
#*shitty bitcrushed voice* youve got mail!!#<- ask tag#my art#<- art tag#certified objectum moment#<- objectposting tag#casually spills guts#<- vent tag (filter if needed)#neon lights and squids#<- wifeposting tag u_u#the beast reveals himself#<- irl pic tag
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i have never related more to alhaitham in my life (read: I have never been more overstimulated in my life and my headphones are the only thing saving me)
#why does the entire population of australia need to be in my town#i know we are a tourist town!! i know!! but if these fucking tourists dont learn how to use a roundabout#i am going to get my own dendro vision and start shooting lasers at people like alhaitham#(anyway sorry for the vent i was just storming through the shops headphones in ready to kill someone if they looked at me funny#and thought. yeah. this is a certified alhaitham moment)
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i think i just sabotaged my entire relationship
#oh well#tw vent#and just hours before he leaves 😭😭😭#coming on tl to moan about how i fucked this up#certified medu moment#anyways#this is an L moment
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goddamn bro my mom reaaaaaallllly needs to take a chill pill or 2 bro
#this is a certified unpog moment#pogn't#shitty even#vent#anyways ngl I think these white american sayings are actually the funniest way by default 2 deal w shitty situations mann#take a chill pill#cool it pal#slow your roll
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DID is quite the disorder
#certified blood post#i want to interact!! i want to talk to people#but i cannot even feel secure typing in a way thats comfortable. i dont want to look 'weird'#perhaps that is more social anxiety than DID but my point still stands#vent post#<- not quite? but could be close enough to need that classification#there is also the fear that with all of the introjects from the show we will be deemed fake#i believe we make 5 and 6? if we are to be counted separately as rust and scarlet#rather than as one blood moon#actually i think i have an idea. this may take a moment!#for clarification: this idea is not a careless one! no need to worry
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Vent
When you planned on studying, but your mom shut the door on you while you were speaking so you feel triggered and on top of that your period pains began, so now you'd just rather fill your mind up with distractions.
#vent#sometimes alternatively moments like this are what motivate me to study bc I'm trying to get certified in IT#and thus get a job that pays well -> finally be able to move out.#i just. need space to just study without stress.#it's hard to not feel stressed when the only place i feel the safest (my room) keeps being intruded and disrespected.#I'm supposed to also be packing which was why my mom was speaking to me#i hated that she undermined how much ive been busy especially with studying since it's crunch time.#she said there's no reason for me to not have much done when?? that's?? not?? true??#and when i went on to explain and defend myself she shut the door.#im so fucking tired
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tonight i've been almost entirely unavailable ooc! I've been painting & drawing & listening to cr. i just haven't been in the right headspace to be talking to people so I've stayed mostly to myself <3
#ooc.#tbd.#it's nothing personal to anyone i have a stack of messages i have just been Unable To Open tonight#i've been feeling really lame lately / like kind of a Shitty Friend so i just have been isolating a little more than i probably ought to#not entirely!!!#but still more than i probably should bcs i would rather work through the feelings than put myself at the center of others' attention#( not saying tht for pity it is a Me Issue & I'll work through it i just want to be blunt abt where I'm at )#i had a huge emotional high in recent months that i rode Hard & usually a low hits right after a high but it took a bit longer to get me#but i'm figuring shit out internally it's just a Process i do better on my own#bcs i have a lot of Weird Irrational thoughts that are my reality in the moment but if i put them out there then they become more permanent#if that makes sense???#idk dude im Certified Insane#it's 6am & im venting in tumblr tags its what i do
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Switching like crazy today all due to our therapy appointment. 💥 was pissed and didn't even want to go. Ended up switching out out of spite for our therapist and we haven't been able to stick to front for more than an hour since.
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I blame this one girl back in my catholic school years for giving me the blonde white girl fetish
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who up cutting off everyone they know out of fear of them cutting you off
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Chat? Friends? Moots?
I feel scared. I feel sad. Like a heavy despair is crashing down on me. Like I’ll peak out of my blanket and see something I could never unsee, that my truest fears will be unlocked.
I feel like my mind is being reduced to infinite fractals. I prayed but nothing’s working. It’s so heavy. I think I might cry.
Please, please. Help. I don’t know what to do I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
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ronnie/pax (among others)
he/it/pretty much any except they
gods #1 bigender fagfreak ravenous beast gore enjoyer and objectliker (in more ways than one)
minor . btw yk the drill with that
brainworms currently wiggling over miitopia / drive45 / smiling friends / cult of the lamb / diet tea other cola / machine girl / alphalore + alphastar716 / mouthwashing / itlop + thitcs + tj klune / objectified / twomp + ashur gharavi
normally i do not maintag fandom posts because i shrimply get Nervous👍
feel free 2 send asks or dms or whatevr …….. ilove attention
no specific dni but i block when needed
THE SILLYSQUAD !!!!!!!!!! (fun fact first person is my wife whom i love oh so much)
peep my strawpage (basically the same info as in here but you can also send questions and doodles and such :o))
@kinb0x <- blog for erm . Things and Stuff (fiction/otherkin junk)
ok go have fun also look at my Images
#my art#<- art tag#*shitty bitcrushed voice* youve got mail!!#<- ask tag#casually spills guts#<- vent tag (filter if needed)#certified objectum moment#<- objectposting tag#Spotify
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names are assholes and i’ve cornered myself T^T
>my name is mystery
>i decided that i also vibed with lee and having a normal sounding name is useful
>”hey guys i use lee/mystery”
>literally everyone ever uses lee
>the name mystery becomes anxiety for me bc nobody uses it (“what if people think its stupid bc the moment they get a chance to use something else they take it” + it sucks when people dont use both names yknow) its so atypical so its hard to use anyway (employers and transphobia and shit)
>i trick myself into thinking lee is just as fine as mystery
>i go to college
>week 1 i realize im lying to myself i dont like lee much
>this feeling of dislike only grows. the dislike is now hatred. it is genuinely uncomfortable now.
>i realize that actually wait mystery fucks still i was right the first time
>too scared to say “please stop calling me lee” to 75% of people because now lee is so ingrained everywhere and despite knowing i use both NOBODY USES MYSTERY
>ive somehow trapped myself into a second fucking deadname, except i chose the damn name this was by my own creation
>also realizes i still should get a normal name that employers would like and transphobes wouldnt kill me over that isnt mystery
>every name is wrong and bad. im starting to think its mystery or bust.
>but going by mystery is hard because ive barely been able to tell people i genuinely hate the current alternative, i immediately out myself as queer doing so which safety concerns, and if i say i use two names EVERYONE WOULD USE THE SECOND NORMAL NAME
>part of me is afraid that id also hate mystery if i use it in school despite two years of highschool not being a problem, and that id get shit if i changed my name in the system to mystery despite people probably not caring much
>i think im fucked
#vent post#shar rambles for way too long#certified ‘sorry irl people who follow me on tumblr’ moment
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