#cause then you've acknowledged yourself as a victim

[i-spilled-my-soup]

post ttc nico thinking bianca might have lived if he was only smarter and stronger and better, and bianca being the only role model he'd had for all the life he'd remembered he absolutely overcompensates becoming a caricature of distrust and seclusion. but he isnt used to it like bianca was and his desire to help (to prove his worth? to prove that he has a right to live when his sister didn't?) manifests in clinging to any opportunity of progress, anything that could earn him graditute or at the very least repentance

[degreedummy]

Leo/Cancer 12H + 12H Sun/Moon

Getting too comfortable in your current conditions or refusing to acknowledge how your needs have developed out of fear of looking selfish will make following your desires almost completely impossible.

For Leo 12H/12H Sun, I think you have a habit of only allowing your confidence to extend as far as people validate it, refusing to set yourself up to be the punchline of a joke you have a habit of seeing yourself as. With your ego being cast into the shadows, the only time you allow your confidence to breathe is when someone passes by with a torch. You've become accustomed to cherishing your talents in the dark so much so that you've never taken the time to explore practicing them freely.

For Cancer 12H/12H Moon, you have a habit of saying yes to every demand in a panicked attempt to avoid any conflict. Putting your needs on the back burner, you tend to only focus on making sure everyone around you succeeds no matter what, even if that means moving past you. You have a habit of being prepared for abandonment, finding your role in society to be one of an unpaid psychologist, traveling the world trying to survive off of the wished-for reciprocation that you never actually ask for.

You find no shame in second place because you know how to turn it into a platform to embolden the winner, setting your pride aside to allow them to have their day, but I think the comfort of never having the light shone on you has become detrimental to your cause. I think you find pride in being able to let pain go easily, but there tends to be a twisted past behind this habit, most usually a refusal for your original comforts to be met by people who promised you more than they were ever actually willing to give you.

You call victim to false promises, to a point that it almost feels like you intentionally fulfill your half to hear whatever pretty words they have prepared for you, completely submitting to the comfort while ignoring the backhanded disloyalty being slid in under it. There isn't anything you won't do for somebody you love, except for letting them go and allowing them to face the consequences of their own actions. You have a habit of stepping in between your friends and their fate.

You put no second thought into sacrificing whatever you have left to make sure the rest of the village eats for the night, even if that means going on hunger strike for the fifth night this week, and you need to learn when to stop. You're naturally altruistic, wanting nothing more than to see the people you love succeed, but you need to become more comfortable in questioning what that love is built on before trying to polish a rock like it's a statue. You don't need people as much as they convince you, they only recognize what they're losing without you, and you can't take it away if you're not aware of it. You're not aware of your power because you use it to apologize for not being even better.

I think part of you knows that you can let go at any time, refusing to answer the phone and accepting whatever reputation comes with it, but that's exactly why it bothers you. You never want to be known as the person who didn't help.

You never want to be known as the person who became everything they hated in the people they promised to be better than. You never want that one wrong interaction to be the career-defining moment that means nothing else you do will be taken seriously. At some point, you need to recognize your reputation isn't as fragile as the relationships people love to entrap you in. You are not either good or bad, you do not have irredeemable qualities, your willingness to try harder is all you need.

No matter how slanderous someone can be, the collective will be able to see the quality of your character through the veil of lies your own friends warn you against to keep you around. You are not helpless, people who benefit from your intentionally limited potential find comfort in enforcing your helplessness, and you need to be able to recognize the cause of the cycle if you truly want to break it.

You can't find comfort in consolation prizes and participation trophies, especially when you know the votes were intentionally mishandled to steal the win for someone else. You are not selfish for expecting, and enforcing, payment for your services. Stop working for free to make up for not working in advance, because none of the work being done is advancing you in life. Break away from people who see no value in you past what you can do for them.

[achlyisdumb]

A Birthday Burden

——AVA One Shot——

[It's Victim's Birthday! So I decided to make this one shot :D]

——————————————————————————————————

Victim sat alone in a dimly lit room, the faint glow of the screen casting eerie shadows across his face. The date on the calendar marked another year since his creation—a grim reminder of his existence. He loathed this day, a mockery of a celebration that highlighted his status as a mere mistake, a disposable toy for his creator. The name "Victim" felt like a curse, a branding that he could never escape.

His mercenaries, the group he had grudgingly come to rely on, had other plans. Among them, Agent Smith was the most persistent. Stoic, nonchalant, and cool-headed, Smith was determined to make Victim acknowledge this day, despite Victim's vehement objections.

Pacing the room, Victim's movements were sharp and agitated, a physical manifestation of his internal turmoil. "I don't see why I should celebrate the day of my creation," he spat, his voice laced with bitterness. "It’s just a reminder that I'm nothing but a mistake. A plaything for that bastard."

Smith stood with his arms crossed, his expression unyielding. "You exist, Victim. That in itself is worth acknowledging. Your creation, regardless of the intent, means you have a presence in this world."

"A presence?" Victim scoffed, his pacing more erratic. "I'm a mistake. A discarded piece of code. That cad created me and threw me away without a second thought. Celebrating this day feels like celebrating my own misery."

The other mercenaries, each as professional and resolute as Smith, surrounded Victim. Their presence was a silent but powerful testament to their respect and loyalty.

"Even if you were a mistake, you've carved out a place for yourself," Primal said, their voice steady and sincere. "You lead us. You have a purpose."

"A purpose," Victim repeated, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "My purpose is to exist in this endless loop of torment, all thanks to that wretch. He created me, deleted me, and left me to suffer. Every misfortune I’ve faced is because of him."

Smith stepped forward, his gaze piercing through Victim's rage. "Revenge won't change what happened. But denying yourself even the smallest moments of acknowledgment only gives him more power over you."

Victim's anger flared, his fists clenching at his sides. "You think a simple birthday celebration will make me feel better? You think it will change anything? I'm weak, powerless against him. Celebrating this day is a joke."

"We're not asking you to forget," Smith said calmly, his voice steady. "We're asking you to reclaim a part of yourself, even if it's just for a moment."

Victim glared at them, his chest heaving with frustration. "You don't get it. None of you do. That miscreant is the center of my world, the cause of all my pain. I want nothing more than to see him suffer as I have."

Smith's voice remained steady, but a hint of empathy softened his eyes. "Hatred consumes, Victim. It blinds you. If you focus only on your rage, you lose sight of everything else. Including the people who stand by you."

The words struck a chord, albeit reluctantly. Victim’s anger didn't dissipate, but a flicker of doubt crept in. He looked at the mercenaries, their unwavering expressions, their dedication. They weren’t just his followers; they believed in him.

"Fine," Victim said through gritted teeth, his shoulders slumping in reluctant acceptance. "I'll celebrate this stupid day. But don't expect me to enjoy it."

The mercenaries exchanged glances, a silent understanding passing between them. They set up a modest celebration—a small cake and a few candles. Victim watched with a mix of contempt and resignation, his movements slow and deliberate as he approached the makeshift celebration.

As the candles were lit, Victim felt a surge of conflicting emotions. The act of celebrating felt hollow, yet the presence of his mercenaries, their insistence, held a strange weight. He couldn’t deny the effort they put in, even if it felt meaningless to him.

"Make a wish," one of them (Ballista) said, their tone neutral yet sincere.

Victim hesitated, the words catching in his throat. He closed his eyes, the image of that jerk burning in his mind. His wish was simple, fueled by rage and sorrow: to find a way to break free from the chains of his creation, to find a path where he wasn't just a victim.

He blew out the candles, the small flames flickering out one by one. The room fell silent, the air thick with unspoken words. Victim sat down, the celebration continuing around him. He didn’t feel better, the darkness within him still simmering. But for a moment, a brief, fleeting moment, he felt the presence of his mercenaries, their solidarity, and it was enough to quell the storm inside him, if only slightly.

"Thank you," he muttered, barely audible.

Smith nodded, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "Happy birthday, Victim."

The words hung in the air, a bittersweet reminder of his existence. As the celebration drew to a close, Victim knew that his hatred for that fiend wouldn’t fade, but he also knew that he wasn’t alone in his struggle. And that, in itself, was something worth acknowledging.

———

[themostradicalconceptussy]

Quick reminder in light of the recenent situation with Neil Gaiman

You can (and should) condemn Mr Gaiman without condoning TERFs. At the end of the day, regardless of if the report is biased by the nature of the political leanings of its reporters, we as leftist feminists (or what I see most of us self describing as anyway) preach about believing victims first and yet some of you refuse to because you disagree politically with victims. We have no evidence that this is a smear campaign, and you are all for believing victims until its a guy you have a parasocial Tumblr relationship with. Neil Gaiman is not your friend. He's not your buddy Neil, he's a random man in his 60s you've (most likely at least) never met in your fucking life. You do not know him, so don't delude yourself to think you do.

If you love or hate trans people, SA is SA, abuse is abuse. Whether he was, at best, an irresponsible BDSM partner who misused his status as a writer, or, at worst, an outright abuser, or something in between, he is not defensible here. It is of course a complex situation, and not clean cut, but we need to practice what we fuckin preach.

If we don't believe or value the experiences of victims of abuse, or other forms of crime, based on their political beliefs, that is discrimination, and contradicts everything that the community he had cultivated on Tumblr claimed to stand for. If a conservative woman was beating abused, she's still a victim and we, even as staunchly leftist progressives should listen to her, no? You don't have to agree with everyone's opinions to acknowledge their plight.

At the end of the day, what has happened is wrong, and his response was half arsed bullshit that reflected the reality presented in the allegations, and did nothing but serve to make him look worse, much like the earlier situation this year with Wilbur Soot that you may have seen me reblogging about. Bad people are bad people, and the proof is in the pudding, in this case the half arsed responses that serve only as unintentional admissions of guilt.

As for the nature of the publication, I imagine as a heavily radfem anti-trans page, it was more than happy to be the first to break the news of the bad character of a prominent trans activist in television/literature, as it fits their "TRANS = ABUSER" narrative. I do not deny that. However, the victims themselves, as far as I can tell, are evidently former fans, who present actual evidence as confirmed by Mr Gaiman's statements, and thus we know this wasn't, at least on their end, done as a TERFism motivated career assassination. If the publication took this under the guise of causing ill repute for TIRFs and progressive politics, we cannot prove that, and it does not negate the nature of what has occurred.

I'm not here to argue with TERFs, or anyone else, about the nature of gender. That's not what I want to incite, I simply want to acknowledge the glaring hypocrisy from certain people in this online space. A victim of abuse that is a radfem is still a victim, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. I can acknowledge that, because guess what? Me disagreeing with someone doesn't make them subhuman dirt that doesn't have rights. What I'm really saying in this part is, don't bring gender politics into the reblogs, I do NOT want that and I will simply block anyone trying to incite needless arguments with me or anyone else.

TLDR; BELIEVE VICTIMS AND DONT BE SELFISH DICKHEADS WHO PRIORITISE THEIR OWN ENJOYMENT OF MEDIA OVER REPERCUSSIONS FOR ARSEHOLES AND CRIMINALS BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT THE WANKER IS YOUR BESTIE AFTER HE REBLOGGED YOU ONCE. WHERE THOSE INVOLVED STAND ON GENDER POLITICS DOESNT CHANGE THE NATURE OF UNRELATED IMMORAL/CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR THEY INSTIGATED/WERE VICTIM TO.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Oracle of Jersey

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Birds of Prey (Comics)

Summary: Barbara Gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers looking over a dead body.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Barbara Gordon, Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, Lori Zechlin, Wendy White, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Tim Drake, Ted Kord, Jean-Paul Valley, Dick Grayson, Helena Bertinelli, Zinda Blake

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Mentor Barbara Gordon, No Powers AU, Podcast AU, Murder Mystery

Episode 1: Female Sleuths & Self-Defense

"Hello, Pythians. It's been a while. Today we'll be discussing some sensitive subject matter. This includes but is not limited to domestic violence, child abuse, grooming, and murder," Barbara's tone allowed a hint of personal sadness. Her voice was subtly disguised with a Mid-Atlantic accent. Her voice was mature and robust, but there was something sweet and feminine about her cadence. The lilt in her voice was unlike her natural speech, but it added to the bit, along with voice-altering software. Oracle was a character, and she had to stay that way. She took a breath to collect herself. "Today, I have a special guest. She is loud and proud... And she is fighting to elevate the voices of domestic violence survivors during Gotham's lockdown. Miss Dinah Lance. Dinah, can you take a moment to tell us about yourself and your organization?" Barbara leaned back away from the mic as she put Dinah on speaker.

"Hi, Oracle. Well, as you said, I'm Dinah Lance. I've been in Gotham most of my life, and this organization is near and dear to my heart. Black Canary is my mother's non-profit organization dedicated to survivors of domestic violence. It goes back to before I was born.

"My mother lived in a community filled with women in violent and unstable relationships. She quickly realized that most of these women didn't have the tools they needed to escape, let alone protect themselves. So, she took it upon herself to secretly offer free self-defense classes in her apartment. My mother knew this wasn't enough, but it was all she could do at the time.

"Fast forward a few years. My mother married my father and got pregnant with me, and she had to take a break from offering classes. To her surprise, her neighbors took over for her. They went on to teach their friends everything they learned. Eventually, this led to a connection with lawyers, doctors, and childcare workers... And from there, my mom founded the Black Canaries.

"I was fortunate to grow up with two loving and supportive parents, and I took it upon myself as soon as I was old enough to continue what my mother started. Since then, we've expanded to all victims of domestic violence. Not just women," Dinah replied. She was obviously passionate about her cause.

Barbara made a soft noise to acknowledge all she'd heard. "I wanted to take this time to tell the listeners your organization now operates online. I left a link in the description... But I also wanted to ask about a specific case that's gained traction in the media. I understand that you've taken a personal interest in the Anna Stanfield case... You've also expressed discomfort with the long-time trend of giving murder cases nicknames," Barbara paused, "After a message from our sponsors, we'll talk about that and how this case is different from anything the Black Canaries have dealt with this far." Barbara played an ad for Ted Kord's tech company.

During that time, Barbara took the opportunity to quietly thank Dinah for the interview. "I appreciate you coming on the show, Dinah. I wanted to ask you personally if you'd like to come back to talk next month for Mother's Day?" Barbara asked.

"I would love to," Dinah replied, "And thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk about Anna Stanfield."

Barbara smiled to herself. "Of course. It's always a joy to have you on the show," Barbara replied, "We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... Welcome back, Pythians. Before the break, I asked Dinah how the Black Canaries have taken an interest in the Anna Stanfield case and her critique of the media buzz surrounding this cruel Gotham slaying."

"Right. For everyone unfamiliar with the case, Anna Stanfield was an eighteen-year-old girl from Gotham. Last month, she got married to a man seven years her senior, and at some point on the first night of her honeymoon, she was brutally beaten and ultimately smothered to death.

"The media's taken this as an opportunity to talk about the lack of knowledge about her past. Instead of putting forth the efforts and energy to spread information about the case, they've focused on dissecting this girl's life to blame her for her murder. Her husband, Eddie Stanfield, is seemingly missing and has been since the discovery of Anna's body. Few efforts are being made to find him despite his history of violence toward women... And instead of being treated like a suspect, they are searching for Eddie Stanfield as a potential victim... Despite all evidence pointing to the contrary.

"What makes this case different from anything the Black Canaries have ever dealt with is the type of case that this is. Black Canaries deals with survivors. This is the first time we've ever dealt with a murder case. We're all working to find Eddie Stanfield and bring him to justice, and there's a lot I can't say legally... But I can say that we've got a few leads we're checking out," Dinah explained.

"I know you said you can't talk about the investigation for legal reasons, so I wanted to hear what you had to say about the nicknaming of the Anna Stanfield case as the Honeymoon Murder," Barbara replied.

Dinah took a breath before speaking. "With all the media buzz for the case, people have forgotten that Anna was a living, breathing person. People view this case as a form of entertainment rather than an actual murder of a real human being.

"The media's done a terrible job of depicting Anna's humanity. They've instead chosen to sensationalize her murder and reduce the brutal slaying of a teenage girl to nothing more than a series of puns and online memes," Dinah answered.

The two went back and forth, discussing the details of the case before their second set of commercials. "When we return from break, I'll introduce you to one of Gotham's best P.I.'s," Barbara announced.

The second set of commercials was three minutes long, allowing the two women to talk. "I hope I'm not talking too much. I don't wanna overwhelm-."

"You're doing fine, Dinah. Actually, I wanted to ask how you were doing? I've been following your work for a while now, and I saw that you've received threats-. Sorry, I sound like I'm still interviewing you. I wanted to know if you were okay," Barbara interrupted.

"It's okay... I've had worse. A few threats aren't going to scare me away from the truth," Dinah replied. Barbara pushed up her glasses and ran a hand through her hair. "Hell, if I wasn't mistaken, I'd think you were worried about me."

"I am," Barbara replied, "You know, Dinah... Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." Dinah made a soft noise.

"Keep an eye out for Eddie Stanfield... And boost my tip line," Dinah replied. Barbara could hear the smile in her voice. Barbara bit the cap of her pen before typing the tipline number and adding it to the description for the video. "You know what? I feel like I know you."

Barbara held her breath for a moment. "I make a point to get to know everyone I interview... Even if it's through research," Barbara half-lied. She didn't want Dinah to know they'd met before. Barbara's podcast identity needed to remain secret, not only for the safety of her daughters. The work she did in connection with her podcast was borderline illegal.

"It was so wonderful having you on the show, Dinah. I hope to hear from you in the future... I know you have to go, but I did enjoy speaking to you today," Barbara beamed. She chewed the cap of her pen as she waited to hear Dinah's voice.

"It was nice talking to you, Oracle... I'll keep you updated on the case," Dinah replied before hanging up.

She tossed her head back and ran both hands through her hair before calling another woman. "Hello? May I call you Question?" Barbara asked.

"Only if I can call you Oracle," Question joked. Barbara recognized the voice as ex-police officer Renee Montoya. She didn't see fit to mention it, though. Barbara chuckled.

"Of course, you can. We're about to go on air in a minute or two, and I want to let you know you don't have to answer any question you don't want to," Barbara reassured her.

"Let's get into it," Renee replied enthusiastically.

"Okay. We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... One. Welcome back. Before the break, I promised to introduce you to Gotham's finest private investigator, the illustrious and anonymous, Question. Question, would you like to take some time to enlighten the viewers on your connection to the Anna Stanfield case?" Barbara asked.

"Someone hired me to find and notify her family... A friend of Anna Stanfield who wanted to remain anonymous," Renee replied, "The issue is, Anna Stanfield doesn't exist. Or at least she didn't, up until a few months ago... But that made me wonder how Eddie Stanfield came to know her. She's an eighteen-year-old girl with no past, no known family, and no history... Not so much as a report card from her."

"It sounds as if you have some suspicions about the crime. Can you elaborate at this time?" Barbara asked.

"I've found some important information that's led me to a family within the city, but I'm not at liberty to say. The police have been notified. But I can tell you, I have reason to believe Eddie Stanfield is guilty of a series of violent crimes against Anna... And I'm not talking about her murder," Renee replied. Barbara took her pen and jotted down a note.

Silence fell between the two for a moment. "Are you-. Sorry, that's such a shock. I wanted to know if you were working with the Black Canaries or anyone else to get information on this case?" Barbara asked, stumbling over her words out of shock. She didn't think anyone would have any new information like this.

"Yeah, I've talked to Dinah before finding what I found... I told her I'd look into finding Eddie," Renee paused, "And I've gotten a bit of information from her as well."

"Can you tell us if that information led you to your most recent revelation?" Barbara questioned.

"Yes, actually, she did. Dinah personally went and found information of her own that led me directly to a series of truths that led to this mystery family," Renee replied, "We're not sure if they're her family for sure. We only know interesting circumstances surrounding them point to this case."

Barbara typed something on her computer while she listened to Renee speak. Barbara mulled over the details mentioned by both women and wondered if she should delay posting the episode another week. As it came to a close, Barbara pushed up her glasses and started the editing process.

[sophieinwonderland]

Okay, you know what, let me just go on another little vent about the author of the Sophie is Dangerous Document's victim complex.

One of their accusations is that I caused them to be "blacklisted" by the endogenic community. Now, I don't actually recall telling anyone to block them. I don't really care what other people do. But they sure told people to block me and other pro-endos.

And I think we need to acknowledge some basic cause and effect here.

Because you know what? I do have a pretty decent following. If you make a big callout document about me that was making erroneous claims that are either stretching the truth or outright lying in some cases, and just making mountains out of molehills in other cases, it stands to reason that some people might not like that.

But I am still only one blogger. And I am pretty controversial, I'll admit. I'm sure even some of my followers would agree with you that I've gone too far at time. So I'm sure you could call me out and still have a decent following by other pro-endos.

But then you also go on and callout Cambrian, another major pro-endo and a moderator of r/tulpas. By attacking both of us, you've probably alienated the entire tulpamancy community on Tumblr.

Then you also go on to attack Nox after that, who ran multiple syscourse-related blogs and was becoming a pretty prominent syscourser.

Now you've alienated friends and fans of three major pro-endo bloggers, AND you are actively creating an environment of mistrust. Because if you've already gone after these three, people are going to be wondering who you'll go after next.

And your reason for targeting Nox is because you didn't like them calling anti-endos a hate group. Which alienates the many pro-endos who share this view, that the group of people defined by hating us for existing are, in fact, a hate group.

And look, while I 100% consider anti-endos a hate group, I'm also not going to make public callout posts attacking the character of any pro-endo who disagree with me. At worst, I might vague them with my own responses. But overall, this isn't personal. It's a matter of opinion. And I can still respect that some might disagree with me on this if they're respectful in turn.

But you resort to personal attacks and callout posts over this difference of opinion. You made the pro-endos who disagree with you feel unsafe interacting with you because not only did you disagree with the people calling anti-endos a hate group, you made callout posts and told followers to block them.

And when you put followers of these pro-endo blogs in a position where they felt like they had to choose between you and them, is it any surprise which most of them chose?

You keep blaming everyone but yourself for making you a pariah without processing how your own actions led you here!

[sleepy--anon]

Sapnap’s Revenge Tickle Game

This is something I came up with inspired by @wishitweresummer 's Sap's tickle games

Reblog first, like later please, reblogs do more

Dream happened to be lucky today, he was at Punz's, helping him with some technical difficulties he had. When Sapnap was in a ler mood to this degree, nobody is safe and even so much as making eye contact is dangerous. However, since Dream was gone, George was gonna be his victim, and he had a thirst for revenge. He grabbed a tissue box and made long strides to George's room.

"We're playing a game~" He said as soon as he walked in the room. George had been lucky so far, never falling victim to ler moods like that yet, but he recognized the tone from when Dream fell victim to it on call with him. Dream had warned him after he moved in that running or fighting it will only make it worse for yourself, so all he did was back himself up on the bed a bit, squeaking out a noise of acknowledgment.

"Hold this above your head with both hands~ If you let go or your hands come down, you loose~ Understood~?" George nodded slowly, he knew this was gonna be hard but he feared the consequences of refusing more. He carefully took the tissue box out of Sapnap’s hands, adjusting it in his own, watching Sapnap’s fingers twitch.

"Up, come on~" He urged, climbing on the bed infront of George.

"How long until I win...?"

"If you can make it until I'm satisfied, I'll pay you $500~" While that would normally get George competitive, the time limit being until he was satisfied sent a chill down his spine. Sapnap quirked an impatient eyebrow at George, causing him to reluctantly raise the tissue box over his head.

"Ok~ go~!" Sapnap’s face split into a wide, evil grin as he jumped into action, drilling his thumbs into George’s armpits. Causing him to jump, shriek, somewhat curl in on himself and burst into hysterical laughter. Yet still keeping his arms up.

"THIHIHIS IS UNFAHAHAHAIR!"

"Oh~? And your games with me are~? Wanna explain how fair tic-tac-toe was~?" George flushed dark red, the longer he stayed the worse the sensation got. And worse, because he was keeping his own hands up, he felt more vulnerable and in turn, more sensitive. When Sapnap walked his fingers down his ribs, one hand dropped to protect them.

"Ah ah ah~ both hands on the tissue box George~ Remember~?" George wanted to growl but he swallowed his pride and forced his hand back up onto the tissue box which was now sort of resting on top of his head. Sapnap resumed his journey, pressing circles into every rib, chuckling evilly at how George twisted and thrashed at the sensation. When Sapnap pressed into the bottom ribs George’s hands shot to Sapnap’s wrists. Letting the tissue box fall between their laps as he held his wrists out from him.

"Ohohohokay! Alrihihihight, yohohou wihihihin! Yohohou wihihihihin, I lohohohose." George heaved, trying to catch his breath as Sapnap tsked at him.

"You're right, you did loose George~ now you have to endure your punishment~" George’s blood went cold, looking at Sapnap with wide, terrified eyes.

"P-p-punishment?" His hands shook from where they were holding Sapnap’s wrists. He never mentioned a punishment when they started. Sapnap surged forward to press a kiss to George's nose before pulling him so that his back was against his chest.

"Yes George, punishment~ I really don't know how you thought I would be any nicer to you than you've been to me~" Sapnap pulled George’s wrists behind his own neck, tying them together with a belt. Pressing a kiss to his jaw before leaning backwards with his legs looped around his hips, stretching him out. George whimpered at the feeling, suddenly feeling a sense of dread when he noticed where Sapnap’s hands were hovering.

"NO! COME ON SAP THIS IS CRUEL!" Sapnap scoffed at him, dropping his clawed hand onto his lower ribs cage and his knuckles on the other side. Using two different unbearable techniques was driving George to insanity, especially with how trapped he was, he could only kick.

"STOHOHOP IHIHIHIHIT SAHAHAHAPNAHAHAP PLEHEHEHEASE!" George was starting to see stars. He got a few seconds of relief when Sapnap reached over, grabbed one arm and pulled it to stretch the one side more, to make his ribs poke out. Sapnap then honed in on that one rib that made him loose the challenge. Hyper focusing on that one, ignoring George’s intense thrashing, screaming, begging.

"SAHAHAHAP PLEHEHEHEASE NOHOHOT THEHEHERE! I CAHAHAHAN'T TAHAHAHAKE IHIHIHIHIT! PLEHEHEHEHEASE! STOHOHOHOP I'M GOHOHOHONNA WEHEHEHEE MYSELF PLEHEHEHEASE!" Sapnap finally took pity on George, feeling like he took him to the same limit. He released him and rubbed his ribs and chest.

"Sometimes you boys need a reality check on what you two have been dishing out, because it seems like you two are bitting off more than you can chew."

[texasinnersmile]

"Well, since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you. I did not care for the Eras Tour."

"What?"

"Did not care for the Eras Tour."

"How can you even say that, Beth?"

"Didn't like it."

"Beth, it's so good. It's like the perfect live music experience."

"I- This is what everyone always says. Whenever they say, it's like, "Oh my..." Everyone always says-"

"The staging? Her outfits? The new hits, the throwbacks? I mean--"

"--TRAVIS KELCE!?"

"I know, uh - FINE fine football player. Did not like the tour."

"Why not?"

"Did not - couldn't get into it."

"Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?"

"She insists upon herself, Lois."

"What?"

"She insists upon herself."

"What does that even mean?"

"'CAUSE IT'S A VALID POINT TO MAKE, SHE'S INSISTING!"

"She's re-released all her old back catalogue to own her masters, which is fair, you know. But then she's released this goddamn awful recent album and keeps promoting the hell out of it, even though it's been critically panned, apart from the most notorious swiftie journalists. Then she's released about thirty-eight different versions of the album alone, to keep herself at the top of the charts, keeping legitimately original and inventive music from the top spot. And then - you know, I didn't watch the full live recording on Disney+."

"YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE FULL PERFORMANCE?!"

"Well, how can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?"

"I agree with Stewie, it's not really fair."

"It's outrageous."

"I did think about watching it all. And I - I watched that Miss Americana Netflix documentary about her--"

"Yeah, it's a great documentary-"

'"And Taylor--"

"I love that documentary."

"It's NOT a great-"

"I have no idea what everyone saw in it. She's so self-obsessed. She'll be a victim in her own mind for as long as she's - anyway, that's where I lose interest and I walk away."

"You know what, Beth-"

"She acknowledges her privileges but she still speaks about the matters of the heart! She's sensitive!"

"Documentaries on pop stars are by definition self-obsessed and self-serving."

"I love "Five Foot Two." That is my answer to that statement."

"Exactly."

"Well there you go."

"Whatever."

"I like that documentary, too."

[wxndswept]

Don't you miss your sister, Lyza? Don’t you ever think about Kris—the one who has sacrificed everything for you? She was your older sister, your protector, the one who carried you through your weakest moments, and what did you give her in return? Silence. Indifference. You stood by while she bled for you, while she shouldered your mistakes. How do you live with yourself knowing that the only thing you've ever given her is heartache? You let her down in the worst possible ways, and even now, when you should be crawling at her feet, begging for forgiveness, you just stand there, still selfish, still oblivious.

You’re a disappointment, Lyza. You always have been. Everywhere you go, you bring nothing but destruction. You ruin lives, tear people apart as if their suffering means nothing to you. Does it ever cross your mind what you've done? How many souls have shattered because of your recklessness? Yuuki—did you forget about him too? The one who tried to reach out to you, to help you, and what did you do? You crushed him, just like you crush everything in your path. How much pain do you have to cause before you feel anything, before you realize that this chaos is your legacy?

It’s always about you, isn’t it? No matter the cost, no matter who suffers, as long as you're free to chase whatever hollow dream you’re clinging to. But don’t you dare pretend it’s not your fault, Lyza. Don’t you dare act like you’re not the source of all this misery. Everyone who tries to love you ends up broken. Kris, Yuuki—they were just the first. Who’s next? How many more lives will you destroy before you decide it's enough? Or are you still too blind to see the trail of wreckage behind you?

There’s a darkness in you, Lyza. One that poisons everything it touches. And you, you refuse to acknowledge it, refuse to confront it. That’s why you'll always be alone. You’ve lost Kris, and you’ve lost Yuuki, and you’ll keep losing everyone who tries to care about you because that’s who you are. You’re the disaster, the storm that leaves nothing but ruin in its wake. And when you’re finally standing in the ashes of all that you’ve destroyed, maybe—just maybe—you’ll realize it’s always been your fault. But by then, it’ll be too late.

"What, you think this is some big gotcha moment? Try again, ass. My sister didn't sacrifice shit for me. It was all 'Lyza, let's go explore! Lyza, follow me! Lyza, let's go to Petrichor! Stand over there, Lyza! Don't be a baby, Lyza!' I know she regrets it, I know it tears her up inside every day, and I know she's now at the Akademiya to find me, not because of her passion for relics and artifacts. But I am not losing any sleep because of what she did and didn't do."

"You think she suffered?! You think I should be crawling at her feet for forgiveness?! FUCK that! She should be begging me for forgiveness!! Kris wasn't transported against her will! Kris didn't have needles stuck in her over and over for years! Kris wasn't subject to the Abyss, the Heavely Principles, and who knows what else! Kris wasn't turned into a living weapon for a madman who just fucked around to find out! I'm the victim here, I'm the one who suffered!"

"I wasn't born with this darkness, I had it pumped inside me for ten goddamn years! I think I deserve to be a little bitter and angry for the shit I went through! I was nothing but a tool for that fuckwit, a weapon to sic on those they didn't like or to test some new toy they were playing with, all in their pursuit of the end, and their perfect body! I was sent to Yuuki, I didn't choose her! I didn't create the explosion that blew us to the Express, I've had no freedom in my life! I may have made a lot of mistakes in their name, but I am not the source of anyone's misery, especially for the people currently in my life! I don't need a big dramatic showdown or a drawn-out conversation to know that! I felt that in the very core of my being!"

"...You are right about one thing, though. I did lose Kris, and my father. I'm here in an alternate dimension with a new path and people a part of me wants to call family, while they're at home, on my Teyvat with no knowledge of what happened to me. I'm sure it tears Kris up inside, and even though I hate her, I still want nothing more than to go home and let them know I'm okay. And I almost lost Yuuki too. She was the first person to treat me so well, and I constantly pushed her away. To the point where I did actually try to talk to her, she wasn't listening because she was too wrapped up in her own thing. That darkness in me, I ignored it for too long, and was consumed by it. But thanks to Yuuki, I was given a literal second chance. I don't plan on throwing it away, I intend to use it to live up to the example my friends are setting in our Trailblaze, to right the wrongs I did do. And I intend to help Yuuki with everything she's going through, I can see it all clearly now, how much she pushes herself for reasons she doesn't understand. I'll help her so she can sleep soundly again, and maybe at the end of our journey, I can see my family again."

"Hehe... ahahaha! You know, fuck you, but thanks for giving me a chance to vent all this out, asshole!"

[themarkofoxin]

hey! i'm the same anon as before, just wanted to say that i genuinely appreciate you actually looking into the topic, especially since (unfortunately) that's become a bit of a breath of fresh air in the past few days.

in regards to your tags about how people would respond to a genuine apology from dnp about some of the insensitive things they've done/said, I can't really speak on everyone's behalf (and if some of the people affected still don't forgive them i think that's pretty valid too), but at least in my experience, this seems like one of those situations that is blown way out of proportion by the people that aren't actually affected by it instead of those of us who are.

i've been in this kind of situation on a few fronts before, and it almost always goes exactly the same way. (creator) makes an insensitive/out of pocket joke/comment/whatever. fans that are affected let them know in a "hey, that's kind of a messed up thing to say" kind of way, (creator) acknowledges the mistake and apologizes, agrees to learn from the mistake and to do better in the future, a *grand* majority of affected fans accept the apology and that's that.

the problem is that a huge portion of the fandom that isn't affected by the issue will immediately get defensive and start freaking out about the people affected "trying to cancel them", or "you're just trying to cause drama/make them look bad/make yourself the victim" "this isn't actually a real problem" or even "that insensitive thing they said is correct, actually", and just take that as a cue to start being hostile and displaying actual, genuinely bigoted attitudes way worse than the incident(s) that started the issue in the first place in an attempt to "defend" the creator.

i'm sorry if this was too long or kind of contrived, but this has happened so many times in so many different communities that I've got the pattern down to a T, and it's a bit disheartening to see it again happening here when most POC phannies are just asking for nothing more than acknowledgement from DNP and will be perfectly satisfied (if a little disappointed) if they ever genuinely adressed this stuff.

That being said, I know there are probably people that this has affected more negatively than others, so I feel like if those people are not comfortable supporting them even after the hypothetical apology I can't dismiss their experiences and emotions either.

TL;DR in these kinds of situations, the people actually affected by the issue will generally be the most chill about accepting a genuine apology and a promise to do better, so if DNP ever did it I can almost guarantee the response would be mostly positive from POC fans.

I know I went on a bit of a rant, but hopefully this can shed some light on the issue if you wanted to understand a bit more about it :) i still encourage reading and listening to other POC fans, since this is just my experience

you are definitely in more of a place to notice this kind of pattern than i am, and thank you for explaining it to me. i appreciate you saying you've seen apologies go over well, that honestly gives me a lot of hope for the world, because i may be pretty cynical about how people online respond to apologies.

[lacependragon]

I'm still waiting for the part where My Hero Academia goes:

"Actually this society isn't sustainable. One for All is leaving us forever and we continue to push adults and children to the brink. Just because All for One is gone doesn't mean big villains won't appear again. We need to work together to rebuild into something more sustainable that doesn't glorify brutalizing yourself and burning out as fast as possible to save a few more lives."

Because right now I'm sitting here going.

Okay cool you beat the villains. You know, the group that was mostly made up of people rejected by society through no fault of their own, abused, beaten, groomed, and trained to be perfect little monsters by someone else or by All for One.

Great, you stopped Tomura, the most victimized of them all.

Cool, you killed All for One, the guy who started it all.

What are you going to do what all these victims of the system? What are you going to do to ensure this never happens again? What are you going to say to point out that this pain glorifying burn out hero society you've built isn't fucking sustainable.

And I have to hope that's why My Hero Academia is going on so much longer than the war ending, according to the mangaka. I have to hope that's what he's building to, instead of another bad guy or "Somehow Palpatine has returned".

Because if you spend years, literal years, exploring why villains exist, and showing all the pain these kids go through as a result of adult heroes not being prepared or burning themselves out and breaking, and showing the flaws of this society and then don't change that society at all? Never acknowledge what caused this plot to begin with?

Then what's the fucking point of this entire story?

If you're not going to say "Hey the system that let All for One steal Tomura should change". If you're not going to say "The system that let these kids walk the streets in pain and fear while no one cared except to say 'a hero is coming' should change". If you're not going to say "This system which I have shown extensively does not work should change".

Then what' was the fucking point of even writing the damn thing?

Like. Endeavor knows he needs to change. But what about the society that created him? His father? That made quirk marriages viable and legal? What about the society that broke Rei so badly? That helped create Touya?

If this damn society ends as it began. If the only difference is motherfucking Izuku at the top and half the top heroes dead or retired because they broke themselves to try and save the world. If breaking yourself is still the only way to do it, and children still suffer, and people are still apathetic, and the only fucking change is that All Might is gone and so is All for One and ~magically~ that makes everything better--

Then it means nothing worth listening to. And the last decade has led up to nothing.

No amount of power of friendship or overcoming the odds means jack shit when society ends as it began and society was so much of the problem to begin with.

The opening of the motherfucking show is "Not all men are born equal" and Izuku goes on to explain how it's all because of fucking society.

So if the series, manga, show, WHATEVER, doesn't SAY ANYTHING about that society doesn't TRY TO CHANGE IT after everything if we END with the SAME LAWS as we began-

Then this was pointless authoritarian bullcrap.

I mean yeah it says a lot of other things. But nothing I can't get better elsewhere.

This is a problem I have with a lot of superhero media. Particularly the MCU. Which is why it's so wild to me I'm having the same problem with a fucking anime. Half a world apart and drinking the same kool-aid.

Please let me be wrong. Please let Hori just fucking write about society and Izuku changing things. Make him a little politician. An activist. A voice for the people. Just do something that tells me that you know this society needs to change. Give me something that tells me the characters want this society to change.

Otherwise I really feel like the climax of the war kinda. Destroyed a lot of the earlier messaging in the series.

[jrueships]

anon who asked me to post some of the nba player sun+moon combos that make me feel different degrees of insane.. grah grawh. unprompted and unelaborated for now. will reblog with more later because there is always more

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, idk if it's real or not & idc. it is fun & i like feeling like i am right abt things (i never am). leave me to my delusions please. im joking on these but also am i really

kyle lowry: ☀️ Aries, 🌙 virgo

what a bitch combo, people can't staaand you, huh! one moment you're having friends <3 you're having fun <3!! the next you're having a moment where you accidentally snap and regret everything but not fast enough for your friends and now all those friends of yours that made you so happy are gone and in the wind <3 with the only one left to blame being the only one left all alone : you <3 !!!

Ja Morant: ☀️ leo, 🌙 leo

do you even have your own personality at this point if we take away every outside influence youve tacked on to protect it or what. but hey, keep live, breathing, dying to the method acting, right 🥰 ?? cause when they hate you, it's not really hating YOU, huh? it's actually pretty genius !! ... i don't think YOU even know who's the real you at this point anyways, so no one will EVER hate the you you really are inside!! AND!!!!! they won't ever Love It either !

phenomenal acting ja! you're nothing without entertaining, as always 🥰 !! 🩵🩵

Anthony Edwards: ☀️ leo, 🌙 aquarius

'im not like OTHER girls'

* posts video of him being H*mophobic. *

Draymond Green: ☀️ pisces, 🌙 gemini

you could murder someone and still be the victim ( you have . )

JJJ: ☀️ virgo, 🌙 scorpio

the face of a man that would die if he couldn't throw in his stupid two cents into a fountain that specifically has a sign against throwing two cents in it .

Pg: ☀️ taurus, 🌙 leo

outside you're lovable until the wrong person (a person who actually DOESNT want to feed into the luxury of your own ego, WHAAAT😱😱?!??? NO FUCKIN WAY 🙀!!! ... AUTONOMY ⁉️⁉️) spends too much time with you for them to realize that you're actually a piece of immature shit. not even solid, liquid. the worst kind of asshole is an unpredictable asshole. because they can hurt the hardest and get hurt the hardest ( when it's least expected ). BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH if you actively distance everyonee who DONT automatically feed into your own delusions and only surround yourself with people that do or make you feel secure to the fact that theyll never ever call you out enough for you to actually acknowledge how much your shit stinks!! because you devoted too much loyalty to them for that to even HAPPPENN!!! it's a COMPLETELY HEALTHY and MUTUAL and TOTALLY NOT CODEPENDENT relationship ‼️ they compliment YOU, feed into YOU, you give them what they want, work for them for whatever they want, you provide enough where they feel too weak alone without it.... or at least not Whole thanks to you merging to their side like a parasite BUT A HELPFUL ONE!!!! .. so they have no choice BUT to excuse your gluttony and your selfishness and stubbornness because man!! you just work SO hard, huh :( !! scorpios just HAVE to understand because they work just like you!! virgos too!! and cancers just HAVE to feel bad because you've done SOOOO much for them ALREADY , haven't YOU ? what a good relationship . it's so . ' loyal . '

they can't leave you because that'll tear out too much of the life YOU gave them !! they can't LIVE without you (now)!! and you know that because you made SURE of that !!!!!!! because you ONLY EVER actually try whenever it's what You want. if others end up benefiting from it as well. sure. whatever. as long as it always adds to Your wants and Your demands, they can have their little cookies or struggles or whatever other people face that aren't you .

( i just Know it eats him up everyday that he can't include cancer zodiac dame into his little circle of Close Friends That Are Close Friends Because They Agree With Me. i just Know It. )

double the loyalty with double the selfishness too! but you make sure only to hang out with the people that you KNOW need that loyalty so they can value it while excusing the .. certain cons that come with it. hopefully excusing it to the point of pretending it doesn't even exist!! that would be GREAT 😁😁!! ... considering that's the entire reason you did all this work in the First Fucking Place .

you're such a HEROOO, and if you can't be that... at least you can be mentioned as the sidekick! eitherway, you're getting the limelight you always work yourself (more like others) to view you in! congrats pg ! you really EARNED it.

deserved can be up to debate .

but wait, no actually. because you never let anyone in too deep that ever Dares debate with you! so nevermind . wow . congrats .

Deebo: ☀️ Leo, 🌙 Libra

leave me alone right now (DO N O T leave me alone i will CRY ) i just need some time to myself (WHY ARE YOU LEAVING M E ALONE?????? with TIME !?!?? to MYSELF????? WHOSE PERSONALITY CAN I BASE MINE OFF OF WHEN I'M ALONE ?@???? my OWN??!?!?!???) please just leave me alone or i might say something i don't mean ( please don't leave me alone or i might do something i might not mean ) i don't want to look clingy ( but let's be honest..) don't make me regret ( please )

Kd: ☀️ libra 🌙taurus

Keldon: ☀️ libra 🌙 scorpio

oh i just KNOW that preservation lying is Prominent and Delusional

Lebron: ☀️ capricorn 🌙 aries

all the achievements you already have pale when it comes to chasing after the unattainable. Living and yearning like a Gatsby

[whisky-tango-foxtrot-biteme]

Healing

To me, healing is an odd thing when you've experienced verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse. Trust in others has been broken, your abuser will go to some extreme lengths to protect himself, and you can lose relationships in the process. People you felt were your family, friends, or "tribe" walk away in silence because either they have something in their relationship to your abuser that is rewarding to them. or they don't want to rock the boat, or they themselves may fear the abuser.

So a victim of this kind of abuse has no physical wounds to say "hey, look at what happened to me." It's difficult to prove. Your abuse may have occurred privately. Your tribe may silently ignore the situation. One key idea to keep in mind is trauma is anything that makes you feel unsafe--physically, emotionally, or psychologically. Emotional abuse is also closely linked to complex PTSD.

There is a large number of folks out there who believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." That is false. Verbal abuse is aggression and it is emotional violence. It is often hidden in the shadows, where your abuser wants you. It can cause you to self-gaslight. When you have been gaslighted, you are put in a position where you question your own reality. You will ask yourself if "was what happened to me really that bad?", "am I really a bad person?", "did I exaggerate?" This is self-gaslighting. The answer to all of these questions is NO. If your abuser was actually concerned about you as a person, you would have been treated with respect, honesty, and without humiliation or deceit. Abusers do not care about their victims.

Healing is not easy. It requires that you acknowledge to yourself it happened. You need to validate yourself and use positive self-talk and make your well-being a priority. Document your abuse. Write about it. Be specific. That way, you are less likely to doubt yourself.

Remember that words DO have a physical effect on us. Words have specific meaning and they convey thoughts that can be absolutely cruel and demeaning. Words that are intended to harm you will cause a fight or flight response in you. Cortisol levels rise. Anxiety will rise. This causes real physical issues: migraines, increased blood pressure, digestive issues. It also causes further psychological issues: you are unable to recall details, you may ruminate, you are much more likely to experience depression.

Do not blame yourself. You likely absorbed an untrue message from your abuser or maybe his flying monkeys from a smear campaign that you are a bad person or that you deserved the abuse. That is absolutely 100% false. It is not about you, but about your abuser's need to control you. Do not engage with your abuser if they ever reach out and do not respond to any flying monkeys. You are not under any obligation to justify yourself. What your abuser wants is to trigger any response out of you for their own egotistical purposes. They desire the attention brought to them. Again, this is a tactic to shield themselves, to prevent the sunlight placed on their malicious behaviors.

In my situation, my abuser absolutely hated that I grey rocked his ass. It made him increasingly angrier. It made him lash out at the end with a humongous smear campaign and a string of viciously insulting texts. If you cannot remove the abuser from your life completely, be aware that this type of behavior will continue until you can. Find someone who can help, someone you can talk to, someone who appreciates you. I was fortunate. I had a sister who saw through all of this and was there to witness some of this behavior and who supported me both in person and via text and phone. I understand finding that person may be difficult. Call 988 or get therapy ASAP. You need to process this emotional trauma and understand it was never about you and it was not your fault.

Healing is not easy. You will feel anger, resentment, loneliness, guilt, lack of self-esteem, shame, a ton of negative emotions. This is EXACTLY what your abuser wants to you experience. These are emotions that can isolate you, break you mentally, and cause you depression and anxiety. Your abuser wants to 100% break you. Do not let them do that. Reach out, ask for help and support. It is a form of self-love. There is no shame in letting the world know you need help and letting the world know your truth. Develop a powerful compassion for yourself by kicking your abuser out of your life and out of your mind. Communicate and connect with others who will model love, wisdom, compassion, and acceptance to you and reflect that back out into the word. Do not let an abuser put you in a place where you are in a place of hate, fear, and anger.

[faunabel]

discourse sort of but not really idk im just having thoughts again

genuinely, i think one of the best things for our society would be to drop the phrase "playing the victim"

people who genuinely are heartless with malicious intent and zero emotions are... incredibly rare. treating someone's hurt as lesser than yours because you've decided they're evil does not help the situation.

not to mention that being put in a situation where people say you're "playing the victim" for expressing genuine distress is painful and traumatic. it's emotionally invalidating and makes it difficult to express your emotions at all which leads to conflict avoidance.

i think it's a phrase primarily used to silence people and unfairly prioritize your own emotions when the problem can't be fixed without acknowledging everyone's needs. when was the last time anyone benefitted from making one person out to be a monster?

it's just... so easily used as a gaslighting tactic. "your feelings aren't valid because you're only using them to manipulate me and i know your intentions better than you do so you're bad and have no rights to be upset."

the main take away is the concept that you aren't allowed to be upset because... the person decided your feelings don't matter?

really fucked up if you actually stop and think about the implications.

next time you think someone is "playing the victim," consider that they're genuinely upset and maybe you should step aside yourself to fix the problem instead of invalidate and belittle the person. ask yourself why you feel the need to victimize yourself. consider there's no black-and-white victim/perpetuator dynamic and you both hurt each other in some way. that's what communication is about, fixing the problem, not making yourself out to be innocent and incapable of doing wrong. you don't have to paint someone else as evil to make the pain they caused you valid.

[lesbianrobin]

It’s not that people necessarily lack a conscience or are so lacking in self awareness, it’s that the most natural human reaction is to punch back blindly. When we are hurt we want to cause hurt back, because it is the easiest course of action. And once we’ve committed to this action, it’s very difficult to run it back and admit our wrongs, so most people just double down and play the victim.

In my own drafts there are several editions of a post replying to you, because once long ago I made a mistake, and you rightfully called me out, and my first instinct was to lash out and say that you weren’t understanding me. And in fairness, there may’ve been a hint of that, but my own mistakes were far greater, and even any misunderstandings there might be did not excuse my initial comments. So I wrote and wrote furiously to defend myself. And I saved them and never published them and instead took the time to reflect on your words and my own and where I had gone wrong. And I read and learned and did my best to form new understandings.

But I was only a single button press away from being one of those other people. It’s really just a single second of flawed judgement that can separate us. Not everyone has that moment of clarity where they know that anger is just instinctive self defence. Some of them are good people who just are a little too impulsive.

All my best to you. And my respect to you. You speak your mind even when you know it won’t endear you to others, and that’s a kind of bravery of its own. Too many people only say what they know others will want to hear. I don’t always agree with your opinions, but I respect you for saying them.

thank you for sending this ask, and whoever you are i hope you're well! i've certainly had moments myself where i lashed out because i got overly defensive, and i do think you're right, it's far less a matter of conscience and more a matter of being able to recognize and control that instinctive response.

i think what separates "lapse of judgment" from "poor moral character" is repetition. i've personally known some people both irl and online who simply Always double down and never admit when they've done wrong, or who recognize their fault but refuse to change their behavior, and i do think that at a certain point that "instinctive response" defense loses its credibility.

anyway thank you for this ask!! this is gonna sound maybe like. self-absorbed? and i apologize for that. but i've never thought of myself as a brave person despite many people in my life telling me as such, and while i do appreciate the compliment, i don't think it's rly brave of me just to like. post opinions on tumblr. i certainly don't always take a step back and think irl the way i can on here, and you've correctly pointed out that we're all kinda the same human animal at the end of the day. i think one of the greatest acts of bravery can be really examining yourself and confronting your mistakes, and it takes a lot more courage than just saying shit online.

sorry i swear i'm almost done i just wanna share something my dad taught me dkvjdjd he's always had this little mantra when i messed up where he would say "what do we do when we make a mistake?" and i'd respond "acknowledge it, do your best to fix it, and never do it again." and i think that's like one of the most helpful little tools i have in my brain for accepting and addressing my own faults. we all mess up! it's just a matter of knowing where to go from there.

[silvaurum]

also... no, forgiving yourself doesn't mean you might do it again.

if you meaningfully acknowledge what you did, that it was wrong, why it was wrong, and then understand why you did it in the first place, what you were trying to do or what you could do better, and then you practice doing that... then you have no reason to do it again.

but if you torture yourself forever and ever because you'll never be good again... yeah, you might do it again, because you're already damned and awful and evil forever.

or... you don't even get to step one, where you acknowledge what you did and that it was wrong, because if you did that, then you'd be awful and evil and you'd have to torture yourself forever.

hating yourself for everything you've done wrong does not give you an incentive to do better. it just causes you misery. it lowers your ability to reflect honestly on yourself and analyze your actions. it distracts you from practicing to do better. it takes your time and energy and puts them towards self-flagellation and thus, your own ego, rather than trying to repair your relationships or your behavior.

it is explicitly self-centered and counter productive to refuse to show grace to yourself.

and besides that, idk about yall but the main people who abused me were obsessed with their own worthiness/worthlessness. my main abuser would cry and ask if she was a bad person, and it was my job to comfort her. simply hating herself did not make her less abusive, it made her MORE self centered and LESS able to engage in healthier behavior patterns. it put me in a WORSE situation, because she was more emotionally volatile, because she fully believed that she was either a blameless innocent victim, or that she was evil incarnate. and if anyone criticized her, or tried to set a boundary, no matter how politely, it must be because they hated her and thought she was evil. and then either they were evil for victimizing her, or she was evil. knowing that abuse was bad did not make her less abusive, it made her more defensive.

you can absolutely acknowledge your wrongdoings in full without treating them as immutable facts about your personality. they're not. you are more than your best or worst actions. & there's a big difference between 'taking responsibility for your actions and their results' vs filling your brain with self-obsessed misery.

forgiveness means you have to: meaningfully recognize your issues, understand them, recognize they are a big deal, and apologize by changing your actions. that's what accountability can look like. forgiveness is not the same as ignoring or downplaying; those are explicitly opposed to forgiveness in my mind. ignoring or downplaying an issue means you haven't even done step one.

because ultimately forgiveness involves processing difficult emotions, and if you hold on to those, get defensive, you aren't going to get very far. and that makes it very hard to change your behavior.

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese