#cause ive been staying up later recently

[swagging-back-to]

lso literalllllllllly sobbing i asked for morning shifts not realizing the dunkin I applied to starts at FOUR FUCKING AM.

so i'll be waking up at like 3am. every day. except for Monday, but I'll have to wake up at noon. for the next four months straight. hahahahahahhaha wow. I do not think I'm gonna stay long.

[hopelesslydevoted2paige]

010. bet u wanna

pairings: paige bueckers x fem singer!reader

word count: 434

warnings: loving another while in a relationship

su's notes: happy holidays!! guess whos back... im so sorry for not updating at all ive been losing motivation but the fact that people still read this and want more pushes me to write 🥹 thank u guys for the support even if i havent been updating..

series masterlist

i bet you miss me, i bet you're reminiscing

a week later

Paige groaned, rolling around the bed with her hands on her head, pounding from another hangover.

She turned towards the open door, facing her girlfriend who had knocked twice.

"Hey, you okay?"

The blonde sniffled. "Yeah."

Amaia nodded. "Okay. I'll be outside if you need me."

"Okay, thanks."

'She would've stayed with me.' Paige thought about you for the millionth time this week.

She remembered everything that happened that night. All she could think about were the possibilities, would you have gotten back with her if she wasn't drunk? If you guys were in a better setting?

She ran her hand through her long hair, missing the feeling of your touch as she opened her TV.

The moment she opened YouTube, she immediately recognized your face from one of the recent interviews you did for your new album.

She heard your voice introducing yourself, not even realizing she had clicked on the video and placed the remote down.

"-And i'm here to do the Wired autocomplete interview!" You grinned, making Paige's face warm up.

"When does the new album come out." You said outloud as you peeled the paper off. "It's already out! Go check it out on Spotify, Apple Music or any listening platform!"

"Does-" You read your name outloud as you peeled another strip paper off. "-watch basketball? Yes! I love supporting my friend, Azzi Fudd who is on the UCONN women's basketball team and-" You stopped yourself. "And yeah!"

The blonde girl frowned, feeling the jealousy pit at the bottom of her stomach.

"Who is the song 'nonsense' about?" You chuckled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. "That's for me to know, and for you guys to find out." You winked and grabbed another board of questions.

Paige paused the video, rushing to type the song on the search bar and clicking the first result that popped up.

Millions of thoughts raced through her head as she listened to the lyrics. Were you seeing someone else?

She grabbed her phone from her side table and pulled up her messages with Azzi.

paige: azzi

azzi: what

paige: does she still live with you?

azzi: no hi, no how are you doing?

azzi: yes she does

paige: is she seeing someone?

azzi: not that i know of.

azzi: not that i would tell you

paige: i know i messed up, okay?

paige: i still love her.

azzi: then prove it

paige: how?

paige: she won't listen to me

azzi: cause you were drunk

azzi: obviously she wouldve thought you didnt mean it

azzi: make it up to her before its too late.

i bet you hate the way that you said goodbye and you still can't even tell me why

[seamsterslocal]

summer binder picture tutorial

this is the third binder ive made for myself recently and the first one i’m writing up. it’s designed to do a few things: 1) allow me to put it on by myself without dislocating my shoulders 2) allow me to breathe well enough to partake in normal activity 3) be cool enough to wear throughout a muggy 90-100F summer 4) not constrict my ribs in a way that aggravates my lack of connective tissue and causes intense pain.

this has become necessary even though i had top surgery many years ago, because when i had it i was extremely skinny and since then i’ve increased in size by about 50%. this has been really fucking good for my health in every single way* except that when my chest is squishy or moves at all it’s So Goddamn Triggering for me. but also since ive had top surgery ive developed and/or been made away of a plethora of chronic conditions that make every single commercially available binding option medically impossible. unbound, my chest is pretty much what you’d expect for a chubby cis guy but venturing out into the world in just a tshirt no longer works for me

*anyone who badmouths weight gain or fat bodies in the notes WILL be blocked

under the cut are a bunch of process pictures and explanations of what they all mean:

first i’ll give you a look at the pieces and measurements:

most of the seams are sewn in this picture and one half is turned inside out, allowing you to see both the finished dimensions (right) and the placement of the fusible horsehair canvas that gives this lil scrap of linen any structure at all (left)

to get your chest measurement, you’re gonna have to do some math:

first measure above and below what you want to bind. average these numbers. mine are something like 32 and 34, which average to 33. subtract a few inches--this is to allow the air movement between the laces at center front and back, critical in the summertime. i deleted 3 inches bc i like that number but you can go bigger if you want. the more inches you subtract here, the more youll be able to ratchet all your chest material down later, but at the same time you need to leave enough fabric for a sturdy garment. let’s say a range of 2-6 inches/5-15cm. by taking your measurements this way, you’re essentially measuring the chest you would like to have. that + the horsehair canvas work together to compress any squishy tissue/force anything that doesnt compress up and to the outside (basically into the armpit/lower shoulder--the chest might stick out but it will give a very puffed chest captain america pectoral silhouette)

you can also see how ive clipped my curves and pre-drilled my lacing holes. i used the marlin spike on my knife to open up the holes on the interfacing side, mainly as a way of marking them. this worked well bc the interfacing’s glue kept the linen from raveling

this is the same stage but looking at the non-interfaced grey linen/cotton blend (the black is some 100% linen from my cabbage stash). you can see ive broken the solar-plexus-to-back measurement up into a bunch of pieces to save on fabric but that’s not necessary. my original pattern was just two pieces (front and back) and chopping the straps into thirds on both sides was aesthetic

in the following picture you can really see how this is really just overgrown regency stays:

i thought about doing side lacing but didn’t think that would be comfortable for me. on the front, the side seam allowance was pressed inwards before turning to create a finished looking slot. on the back the side seam is left unfinished with an extra wide seam allowance, and is inserted into that slot.

here’s a closeup on it pinned in place (you can adjust the angle of the side seam and the fit during this pinning stage):

that side seam was just topstitched in place once i had the fit how i liked it, and the armhole was reinforced with more topstitching

alright, time for eyelets: first, you can see how well the marking worked:

next, two rows of basted eyelets (left), one row of eyelets sewn with a doubled and waxed cotton thread (center right), and one row of eyelets opened and stainless steel rings placed (right).

next time i’m going to mark the eyelets same as i did above, but do this step differently--i’ll mark and baste the steel rings in place BEFORE widening the eyelets. this is bc i had a lot of problems keeping the eyelets on center

eyelets half done on this one! on the left are eyelets sewn with doubled and waxed cotton thread and on the right eyelets sewn with quadrupled and waxed thread. the center is basting again. i was able to force the holes back in line while sewing the eyelets but it was kinda annoying. adding a second picture that doesnt have great focus but hopefully shows how that process worked and shows the spike clearly

i ended up using this white cotton thread because it’s stronger than my black cotton thread (which the rest of it is sewn with). [eta: after this was first posted, i pressed the whole thing heavily, which effectively de-waxed the thread, and i dyed the whole thing a medium charcoal grey, the thread blends in perfectly on the lighter side and isn’t such a sore thumb on the darker side]

bonus: the piecing layout for that little piece of strap. the whole light gray half of the binder was made from 1/2 of one of the legs i cut off some linen suit pants to make slutty camping shorts last year and i really really didn’t want to break into any of the other three halves for this garment--i have Plans for it

overall the fit of this is incredible. it DOESNT hurt my ribs which every zip-up garment ive been able to find (and it is difficult) does due to really thick elastic at the base. it doesnt aggravate my sensory issues with the synthetic fibers that every commercial option is made of. i can walk up a hill or stairs, or go to pt, without getting too out of breath. i can eat with it tight, or loosen the front easily and without taking it off to make eating easier and less nausea-inducing. it is reversible!

best of all the lacing at the back gives the garment enough movement for me to get it on without dislocating, and the interfacing and steel rings give it structure once it’s on. the shaping comes only from fusible horsehair linen canvas and stainless steel rings like youd use for chainmail, there’s no boning at all, which makes it very quick to sew (except the eyelets, but metal grommets would be sturdy and quick provided theyre of good quality)

there’s a small amount of gaping on the outside of the shoulder strap, which i plan on fixing with a tiny tiny dart in the armpit, i want to add pockets to tuck the laces into, and i need a better lace for the back, but it’s completely wearable in time for the 90 weather next week which is all i wanted. i’ll do a reblog when it’s perfectly finished with an update on the fit but for now it is done enough 

the little ridge where it doesnt lay flat against the shoulder is most visible with just a single t shirt over it. with a flannel or a sweater, it disappears, and by itself, it’s hidden in movement

eta: after dyeing this, i relaced it a bit looser in the back and that gape mainly disappeared. ive decided to leave it in instead of smoothing it with a dart because the loose fabric gives space for my chest to expand when breathing and shapes my silhouette in a way that emphasizes my shoulders

[thegayspencerreidstan]

ive stumbled across ur account recently and i love ur writing sm tbh. if ur taking requests still do you think you could do some Sub Spencer x Dom Reader smut please? the reader being a sweet top but still kind of rough? and if you could add praising from the both of them please. if u do this tysmm ur writing is amazing 🫶

UM... ABSOLUTELY,,,IM SORRY IVE BEEN TAKING SO LONG

Warnings: Teasing, Eating out, Swearing

Spencer Reid X Soft Dom!Male Reader Smut

You and Spencer were in your hotel room after a large case...you were both exhausted and yet...here you were, jerking off your boyfriend as he silently sobbed and begged for more....you wanted to make him feel good, but teasing him was just so much fun.

You rubbed his thigh, dragging out a soft whine out of him, god it was hot...but eventually, you gave into his pleas and you thumbed his slit as you jerked him off faster, you could tell he was enjoying it from the way his entire body was trembling...but not long later, Spencer had enough and looked up at you.."fuck me...please..I want you so fucking bad" Spencer begged, you chuckled and caressed his cheek, shaking your head "Not yet handsome...not yet" you mumbled as you continued jerking him off.

You watched as tears streamed down his face...it wasn't because he was upset.. he was just so needy and desperate, but he knew better than to try and change your mind, he whined and moaned as you jerked him off but not long later, you finally turned him over and carefully pulled his ass into the air, you removed your pants and took out your cock, watching it spring up, Spencer of course..wasn't used to you being so silent, but he didn't mind too much, you watched as Spencer grabbed a pillow and placed it between his legs, adding a bit of friction against his cock, causing you to smile.

You and Spencer had...been intimate multiple times yet Spencer continued to be nervous every time...it was cute, you leaned down and spread him open before latching your mouth onto him and sliding your tongue into him, Spencer's thighs shook at this action as he moaned "fuck...! That..holy- oh..f-feels so good.." Spencer moaned out as you thrust your tongue in and out of him, eventually you believed that he was ready for you and you slowly pulled your tongue out of him and gently thrusted into him, causing Spencer to let out a gasp "o-oh fuck!..mmph~ you-you make me f-feel so good" Spencer moans out, the sudden praise caused you to blush and you begin to fuck him at a rough pace "god...Spence~ you're so fucking tight.." You say as you practically pound into him, the way he's moaning is already telling you how close he is..

You give him a soft smile as you whisper in his ear while ramming your cock into him "you've been such a...fuck!~ hn..good boy..you can cum sweetheart..be a good boy and cum for me~ okay?.." you watch as he nods, his hips thrusting back into you as his entire body quivers with desperation, he then slides his hand down and begins to jerk himself off and eventually, he cums all over his hand as he squirms, you can feel yourself getting close and your thrusts get sloppy and slower, after a minute or two, your thrusts stop as you cum into Spencer, causing him to let out a shaky moan, you stay there for a little before pulling out and pulling Spencer close to your chest "hey...I hope I wasn't too rough-" you mumble, but Spencer shakes his head and smiles "not at all..you did amazing" he says softly before falling asleep, you chuckle and get a damp washcloth from the bathroom and clean Spencer up before crawling into bed with him and falling asleep.

[carliim]

The Fourth | Jeremiah x Fem!Reader

---------------------------------------------------

summary: its the Fourth of July and Jeremiah sees you watching the fireworks with Conrad, he's loved you for as long as he can remember, how is he going to react? is he going to see the situation different than it really is? (belly basically doesn't exist and youre in place of her)

request: yes/no (that was really fast lol)

word count: 1k

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, and that's all I can think of!

(not proofread and I wrote this late, ill fix errors later :))

----------------------------------

Jeremiah's pov:

it was the fourth of July night at cousins beach. we had all spent most of the day down at the beach playing drinking games and eating a bunch of food. and all I could do the whole time was watch y/n. only mom knows but I have loved her basically since I was twelve... I stayed home with her for a week while she was sick and I took care of her, and when I got sick two days later she took care of me. I've always seen her as beautiful. even way before this summer. but guess who also did. Conrad. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up going for Conrad rather than me. I mean yeah he's older, taller, mysterious, but he would never truly care for her as much as I do. Conrad likes the idea of someone needing him and wanting him so he will take that to his advantage until he no longer needs it and then he will push them away, and im not letting that happen to y/n. I can take care of her.

y/n's pov:

I was standing down at the dock watching the fireworks out in the distance smiling to myself at how great of a day I had. I couldn't help but smile when thinking back to every time I caught Jeremiah glancing over at me. he's always been the flirtatious type but recently he's been seeming more sincere about it. that's why I think ill always pick jer. he's taken care of me since we were twelve. all the way back to when he stayed home with me when I was sick. I've loved him ever since and have always promised myself to look after him.

I noticed a figure walk up next to me.

"oh! hey Conrad" I smiled in his direction before looking back to the fireworks

"hey y/n/n" he said slightly monotone that made me look back at him

"Is everything alright?" I turned my body to face him completely and tilted my head to get a better look at him

"um, yeah yeah. I just have something ive been meaning to talk to you about."

"what's up?" I look at him slightly concerned

he looks at me for a few moments, seemingly nervous. instead of speaking he only moves closer to me, taking one of my hands in his. I shift uncomfortably, not liking where it's seeming to be going.

don't get me wrong I love Conrad. but I have and will always see him as a brother. my heart belongs to someone else.

before Conrad could get any closer, a firework flies right by the both of us causing me and Conrad to jump.

"um, I uh, I think im going to head back inside. I think im going to call it a night. goodnight Conrad." I start heading back up to the house quickly, wanting to get out of the situation.

"right, um, goodnight y/n" he clears his throat, glancing back down at the ground before turning back.

----------------------------------

once I got back inside I walked upstairs and headed to my bedroom, I walked in the door but stopped and walked towards jers room. I wanted to make sure to say goodnight to him before heading to sleep, and see if he had as good of a day as I did.

"knock knock, its me" I opened the door and peeped a head inside. the lights were off but her was sitting on his bed facing the opposite direction. "I wanted to see how your day was, I had a lot of fun hanging with all of you and I- jer? are you listening?" I walked over and sat next to him, moving his chin so he was looking at me.

"why him y/n" jer said with a tear stained face.

"woah woah jer why are you crying? what are you talking about?" I turned to face him fully and took one of his hands in mine.

"Conrad." he scoffed. "I seriously should've known that it would end up being him. I saw you both down at the dock together" he let another tear fall as he looked me dead in the eyes with so much hurt.

"no no no jer you're seeing this all wrong. I didn't know what was going down back there. I was just watching the fireworks and he came up to me like that. if im being honest I think he had one too many drinks tonight and didn't even know what he was doing himself." I gave him a sympathetic smile as I rubbed his hand softly

" so you didn't kiss him?" he asked as his gaze softened "and you didn't want to kiss him?"

I laughed and placed a hand on his cheek "jer. no I didn't want to kiss him and I definitely didn't. im honestly glad that definite accidental firework went off. "

"yeah uh that's my bad." he glanced down tugging a smile grin

"I thought so.." I smile softly "look, jer. you are honestly one of the sweetest, and most caring people I have ever met in my entire life. since day one. you have always been the one to look out for me and take care of me. no matter the situation you were the one the came to my rescue. I was drunk? you were the dd. I was sick? you took care of me. I was crying over something dumb? you were my shoulder to cry on. someones messing with me? you'd beat them up in a heartbeat. I can go on and on. jer. it's always always been you and I don't know have you haven't seen that. I wouldn't choose anyone else but you." before I could let him get a work out of his mouth I cupped his cheeks and pressed my lips onto his in a soft kiss. his eyes widened in shock before he melted into it, bringing his hands to hold my waist. i pulled away slowly after a few moments and smiled at him.

"will you stay with me tonight" he asked as he rubbed my sides softly

"of course jer." I smiled and laid down with him, my head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around me holding me close.

"my moms gonna flip when I tell her about this."

"nah honestly I think she sees everything coming." i look up at him. "and probably this too, we both go to her about everything." we both laughed and not long after fell asleep. gosh this is going to be the best summer yet.

----------------------------------------

pls pls like and reblog!! 🫶🏼

[stitchwraith-stingers]

(some-what of) an analysis on patty possom(?)

inspired by this post on the PE-AZ yes this episode is my fave yes i unironically love patty yes i was a fnaf kid yes i am utterly deranged

some of these r incoherent because its midnight and i wanna post this as fast as possible before i go to bed and wake up at the crack at dawn

yayyy patty ^_^

one of the first things ive noticed post becoming alive like the next frankeinstine is that her eye wasnt fixed by the mechanics, which as ill discuss later imply a sort of negligence (? i think) to the properly, i however dgaf and like to interperate this as her having a lazy eye <3

she seems to be a genuially nice person!!!! um . i dont know how to continue this paragrapth pretend theres something here thats interesting

imagine being born into the world and already having a dreadful fear of being abandoned. crazy, mustve impacted her very hard

though this probably means it gave her fake memories or she was already sorta vaugely away of whats happening?? like psudo sentient?? if that makes sense, how the hell do you know this girl, you havent BEEN to the devils sacrament

the way she goes about it and the ending shows that she has no clue on how to socialize or their cues at all, or just cuz of the pov its intentionally shown as more creepy (which it probably is, you could hear her go "where r u going :(" in a sad tone), shes a massive werido and i love her for that

point is, shes nice but has no idea how to say "nooo dont leave me haha" normally cuz she just appeared 2 seconds ago with no idea of proper communication, does that make sense..... help

heres the thing i love about this the most, shes at the end of the ep shes seen dragging background character #47 in the same tone of voice and hes seen uncomfortable. PAN TO THE NEXT SLIDE IN WHICH THEY SEEM OK IN THEIR PRESENCE

LIKE . THE GUY JUST ACCEPTS HER HAND TO HOLD WHEN SHES SHOCKED..... THEY R BESTIES AND IM TIRED OF PPL OVERLOOKING IT, and the fact that i dont think we get to see him again (cuz they couldnt fit him anywhere in the background? i think) makes it better for me, balding old guy notices furry twice his size scared of being left alone so he decides to stay here just for her.... MANNN

the general area

lets see, were right off the bat were introduced to a good few places, the fun tunnels, the game zone, a claw machine thats rigged, the place with the signature snack which i wont go over because thats kinda of its own gag but its sticky and probably unhealthy, and the main stage

i assume the fun tunnels are made with a holograpthic effect inuniverse, and i think theres some LED lights in there to make it glow, i was going to say its polyethylene plastic but i dont think that exists google stock photos lied to me, also not related but it looks like a horrible spray paint job was done on this thing lol

also acording to the lyrics theres supposed to be 3 more members, a raccoon, cat and turtle . i dont think we see craggle in photo though rip (if theyre not a sphyinx ill be dissapointed), tyrone seems to have a 60's? aesthetic going on, rascal has a punk aesthetic going on and patty has a more modern aesthetic ? i think, the spiked collar is throwing me off

from winns dialouge in the start implying that they havent been here in a good while ("when i was little" ur in 5th grade) and the fact that their instruments are still there, then this was probably a recent desicion, or atleast long enough for a 10 y/o that hasnt been here in awhile to be upset by this and for patty to be immediatly spawned in with abandonment issues

along with a rigged claw machine and the snack i think it implies that the people over there who own this establishment are probably really cheap, and the fact that the PRAMBY snack is really sticky is definatly going to cause some health issues down the line, something something fazbear entertainment

oh and also, theres like a split second frame where this shows up, obviously its just there as a morbid joke but atleast it shows us this establishment is atleast old enough to have someones decaying body be bone by now, which after writing that makes me sound stupid because skeletonization might not take as long as i thought it would ("3 weeks to several years" depending on the surroundings)

whoever was there seemed to have been stuck for 25 days at least and has gone undetected, which means this place is linked to one unsolved missing persons case and they dont have a clue (most likely), also theres ballpit balls inside this thing i fucking guess?? theres no actual ballpit in the place idk what this kid was doing

i have tried to make up a map of how the place looks but im always bad with rooms ? and i had to take a fewwww small creative liberties with this cuz i couldnt figure out where theyd be but close enough👍👍

[kpopscruggles]

its time for the resident boyfriend of sungchan to tell a prompt! -🏳️‍🌈

so imagine you and your friends going to a new car wash which are just hot men using their pretty privilege to gain money by washing people's cars half naked as your friend rants about how icky it is that people are attracted to random shirtless men washing and putting their bodies in dirty cars you got shocked seeing your friend's crush sungchan half naked and your friend speechless

(btw if you want a recent sungchan abs picture: https://x.com/autumn0913_/status/1786723808474468715?s=46)

so it was a no brainer for your friend to be the one paying just to see his crush again but he forced you to go outside in the heat instead of staying in the cold car just for him to not be shy but you would thabk your friend later when you see whos waiting in the cashier

anton lee. the man youve been crushing ever since he moved in the neighborhood crosssing his arms on his chest making his arms really visible with a cap on top of his face while he sports a sleepy smile making it obvious he just slept

as you were going to pay to him he sees you and yawns flexing his six pack abs and glorious obliques that you could watch move all day. the two of you were awkward with obvious blushes covering your face his friend suddenly said

"anton they're the last customer btw" sungchan shouted rushing to your friend. you mentally note how much your friend is gonna be in pain knowing how short he is. you remember that meme of that hamster eating a banana meme and laughed.

anton smiled at you before asking "wanna hang in my house after i clean this up yk we could netflix and chill"

"i swear to god anton you didnt just told your girlfriend to netflix and chill but yeah im waiting in your room" you said while tracing his abs and looking at the surrounding making sure no one was there to see your secret relationship bloom

OFMFMDNSNND BABES IVE MISSED YOU!

Okay cause they way both o them would be that type to start secretly flexing and doing stretches if they ran into their crushes, knowing the car and all!

And once Anton gets you alone it’s a wrap! He’s got you on his lap, being a moaning mess on his cock as you ride him and he’ll talk about how you were eyeballing him the whole time he was washing your car.

- “Don’t think I didn’t notice baby~ f-fuck…it’s okay, I’m glad you enjoyed it~”

Meanwhile Sungchan doesn’t give two fucks, he had you drop the two off co on a lil car ride and now he got you giving him the most messy head on planet earth in the backseat!!

- “there you go~ take it all down your throat…fuck! Hold it~”

Pic⤵️

[rosegoldenatlas]

its a weekend and usualy i might stay up later but i got so little sleep last night im just going to bed now.

things were both better and worse today

started out awful

but now im at my usual levels of meh so thats an improvement

ive recently been feeling bad over my ex which is. well its not that new but like its a lot of emotions ive been trying to ignore for a while that are now bubbling up to the surface (i made a few rant posts to try to get them off my chest though)

been lonely and lazy as ever but hey what can you do

although my parents are gone tomorow and i dont have to see them for the next 2 weeks! (though im going to be staying with my aunt and grandparents who. arent much better.)

anyways

im gonna get some sleep

you should get some sleep

hope you have a good day tomorow

stay awesome

Yas sleep my queen.

Well at least it evened out? The optimism in me is trying I swear. *logician takes the stage as per usual* if every day is just a tiny bit better than the last then eventually youll have a nice day or even a good day, that's just math. There will be bad days or bad moments but those don't have to control your entire day. Like when my parents called me fat and unattractive (the words were a little more flowery but still) or when they invalidated my gender presentation and sexuality (thank the gods I'm not out to them yet) There were some good parts of that day too! Like when they said 'the chemicals in the water turn the frogs gay' and 'vaccines cause autism' AND 'the estrogen in processed food is making men gay and feminine??' I had to try so hard not to burst out laughing. And I read a really good fanfic later that day.

Ughhh feelings over Exes suck. Try pinpointing the things you miss about them. For me it was a lot of the physical touch and the reassuring words and the times they would let me rant to them. Then you try to find outlets for those things, I asked my friends if they were okay for hugs and more physical touch, I asked if it was okay go rant to them if they got to rant back, I gave them reassuring words and then so did they. I'm glad that rant posts help you a lot too.

Yass engage in the sin of sloth with me my queen. Its great here.

YOOO THATS GREAT. As for the grandparents and aunts thing uh are they the type to just leave you be more often than not. That's how mine are but idk.

Day isn't gonna be too great. My family is forcing me to go swimming with them while I am sick (I have a really bad cough still but other than that I'm almost better yay) and also on my period (I get really bad cramps, like I can barely walk without pain meds kind) because 'fresh air will make you better!' (It usually makes it worse for me actually). But at least its usually only for three or so hours so not too too bad.

You stay royal your majesty.

[burning-sol]

im censoring any art i make of "her" and limiting reblogs because i do want to make vent art but i dont want to share a lot of details <- but if i dont share details it might make people feel wrong to later have interacted with any art featuring her at all. and i did make a post abt her in the past but it wasnt my intention to give the wrong impression of her because id genuinely experienced amnesia and couldnt remember the details about her. to be clear she's not real, she's not representative of any person in real life, i would describe her as a mix of my psychosis and what i recently realised describes maladaptive daydreaming.

i have been getting very very paranoid recently so ive been talking to xander and hy said he's going to help my get back in contact with a therapist when it gets the opportunity. i dont know how my behaviour has been perceived at all the past (???) amt of time, but i apologise if its caused confusion or distress.

anyways ill be talking about her under the cut with art but content warning it goes into talks about psychosis and emotional abuse and some transphobia and SA <- the art is evocative of that last thing i put it at the very bottom of the post. there's also talks about grooming..

i do have records of when she was first around but i only really looked at it to see how i drew her as i have a lot of amnesia around her and i dont like looking at old logs of things.. like. the thing is, there's a lot of stuff that happened online or i had uploaded online and i would rather let it remain forgotten rather than drag it back out. maybe its selfish of me but like i seriously dont want to think about the times i might have been groomed or the specifics of anything, i just want it all to go away. so yeah, i forgot about her and forgot about what she said or did because i wanted to forget and it didnt come up so it was whatever.

but there was a time where i was experiencing some different voices, ive had a track record of abusive voices throughout my life (to be clear xander is very different from that, to me it clearly has a wider depth of emotion and thought than these voices and actually has control over the body.. i just feel like i want to make that clear) and she was amongst them though i think she was different in her own way. the main reason i feel so scared of her is that i experienced a sexual hallucination perpetrated by her and i had to search up whether that was even possible because i have not heard anyone bringing it up before. but yes, that happened, and i dont claim to be a victim of sexual assault but it's still painful to think about and im still scared of her.

aside from the i guess "threats" of sexual interaction and recently threatening to leak sexually compromising information and photos of me, she is generally quite demeaning. she talks a lot about how i should just go back into being a complacent girl who does what she wants. she threatens to isolate me. i guess she's also threatened to hurt me physically too. its not real but at times it has felt like i am in literal chains and are at her whims and it makes me feel scared.

i dont know if its clear but there's a lot i dont bring up when it comes to any sexual trauma because i just. i dunno. i dont feel like any of it is worth talking about if im complicit in it, if its in my head, if its just nothing. things ive been involved in are deeply humiliating and hurtful. and of course i cant HELP but bring it up at times, as any person does, but out of everything i dislike talking about this trauma the most. id rather be quiet and not talk about anything and hell, i probably wont keep this post up.

a part of me realises it probably just hurts others that i dont talk to them about things like this. but talking to someone privately abt when im distressed makes me think about my previous toxic behaviours and i dont want to repeat that ever again, so i prefer to just stay quiet.

just typing this has made me exhausted from the emotional drain so ill stop this post here. thanks.

[granulesofsand]

tw for just programming shit in general

hey, so i’ve been questioning if what i experienced is related to programming and hc did. for a while, ive know of some sort of complex system structure. the problem is that there isn’t much abt programming ive found, especially the aftermath of it.

some experiences are..

- recently we had an alter split very rapidly; we didn’t notice he split but very soon after he split, we experienced rapid switching and a higher gatekeeper being forced into dormancy. i didn’t know of this gatekeeper but one of our main gatekeeper did. this caused deep disassociation for us. later we learned a sublayer had a missing alter we already had an assumption was programmed disappear and have the host of said sublayer to be kicked out of the sublayer (i think, i still dont know how to word it) and replaced with a very strict alter

- sometimes when we research hc did too long, we have an anonymous alter front and force a almost sleep like trance onto us where we’re almost paralyzed and then deletes any signs we researched it and forced us to forget everything we learned (he hasnt showed up much so imma make this before he shows up again)

- we have a rotation of alters in a very far down sublayer; they switch with the seasons and most of them can interact. our autumn group is most definitely organic, or mostly organic, share some names of alters in other groups that are most definitely odd (like just numbers and letters)

in addition we have a sublayer of alters who speak their own language and can only be translated by the host of that layer (same sublayer that replaced the old host), we’ve had a history of forced dormancy, as well as what id assume is shatter splitting.

sorry if this isnt related to ramcoa; there were more experiences but we really don’t remember much of what happened to the system. ty for any help you can give, stay safe.

Are you ready for the single most helpful answer I can give?

Maybe.

All of things things are possible in programmed systems, but they aren’t impossible in organic systems. High levels of control, forced splitting and dormancy, cycles and languages, those things can happen in either.

I am interested in the sleep-like alter. That would be strange for a system without any history of RAMCOA. Alters erasing trauma material is common, but I have no idea why they would do this without having those experiences.

It’s also the trance; where I can see a non programmed, non RAMCOA alter deleting potential triggers, that looks like something we’ve seen in programmed systems before.

The number names are another pointer. Combined with the trance alter, I wouldn’t dismiss a potential past of RAMCOA.

In case you& are a programmed sys, I would recommend setting up safeties ahead of time. Even if you don’t see active programs running, gather support people and resources like they will.

Programmed systems also come with passive programs to keep alters in their assigned spots and prevent memories from leaking over. You might get some pushback if you look too hard at things like structures or periods in your& childhood.

Tumblr and TikTok have a surprising number of survivors, some of whom share their own experiences or have links to reading they found beneficial. It’s unfortunate, but there aren’t many professional documents like studies or peer-reviewed texts.

Most of the paved road was laid out by previous survivors, and there is a beauty to the community we rely on. Set up some failsafes, then come back and start digging with peers. As of now, what we have is each other.

Your stability will waver as you go. Take lots of breaks and care for yourselves. Good luck!

[prettypinklass]

I for one, would really like to hear about the Awakening X P3, so fire away cause I am intrigued.

Also don't feel bad about being crazy about it, I have been crazy for 3 different Persona AU's which I am actively writing fics for, some even as far back as July from 2022. I am insane with you there, especially when concerning the multiple ones with only P3 as the base.

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

This is the fic if you want to read it its not finished yet but yk. Putting thoughts under a cut because this might be a long one

The premise here is that I replaced Robin with Minato. Thats it thats the fic. Or it was.

Because now I have a whole list of social links with the Shepherds and other characters from awakening that I brainstormed with my friends. And Ryoji is there but only to Minato as Thanatos. And exploring Minato with amnesia, relearning the lessons he took from P3 and applying them with his new friends in the Shepherds, is really fun actually.

I dont. Have plans to explore every social link actually. I do NOT have enough patience for that. But I *am* writing out the social links for the Shepherds as a whole (the Fool), Lucina (the Hanged Man), and Emmeryn (the Star). Possibly Chrom as well im not sure

Anyway it includes ryomina, a lethal dose of headcanons, and the arisato/shirogane family au that ive recently been obsessed with thanks to another friend. stay tuned for marth jokes when tiki joins the cast because blue haired swordsman voiced by yuri lowenthal. I know he was recast in reload but please let me be funny just this once.

im not spoiling more arcana links but expect Minato and Vaike to be idiot best friends (I LOVE vaike hes so fucking funny) and some awakening kids shenanigans. and poor Frederick having to put up with the fact that Chrom found an amnesiac teenager lying on the ground and appointed him tactician after one(1) fight and discovering said teenager can spawn demons.

also minato and emmeryn parallels that i cannot wait to explore further

im so excited about this fic you dont even know. sorry robin out of the way im replacing you with minato and fucking sprinting with it.

Theres going to be. Definite changes later in the storyline (grima cant exist without robin, afterall, and awakening needs a big bad evil guy) but right now its just. Retelling awakening through the eyes of an amnesiac minato who is Very tired and Very confused

Awakening is my second favourite fire emblem game and persona 3 is my all time favourite persona game. i mash them together and get a wonderful mess to clean up

[sounds-void-fishy]

todays update of the saga of good omens prompting me to investigate my relationship with joy, meds, and my own autism:

- officially stopped taking my zoloft cause while it does help with my fatigue, it also dulls my emotions in a way that i realised i needed when feeling my emotions at full force felt like touching a live wire, but dont anymore

- resultingly my energy has be been low and i'm working on picking apart the difference between "sad" and "tired"

- i did stay up til three am reading fic last night which probably didnt help, and i slept til nearly noon so my day started much later than usual, and i had to fight pretty hard to go get groceries but i did it

- i cried reading a fic because i was overcome by how beautiful the world is and how there always is love and beauty and light *somewhere* even if it's hard to find

- i'm so lucky to have the people i do in my life who even though they don't necessarily understand what the fuck im on about still encourage me to pursue happiness

- someone ive been chatting with and am going to go on a date with when our schedules align is into doctor who and recently started good omens and seems genuinely excited about talking to me about them and i definitely have a crush

[rin-and-jade]

hello! i have adhd but recently i've been looking into symptoms of osdd and ive been getting worried that i meet many of these symptoms (attributing actions to diff "ppl", derealization, depersonalization, etc). however, i often wonder if i'm ACTUALLY experiencing osdd or if it's just my adhd acting up with messy memories and impulsivity. how can i know the difference? i'm very new to this. thank you

Hey man!! No problem i can answer this for you, let’s instantly start off with signs that determine what is adhd and what is osdd with some key points;

Memory: for adhd-ers, they do have a worser memory compared to regular people, and when i mean that it’s about getting those to-do things and reminders sticking to their heads and aren’t glued properly so if there is any distractions, those things that should be remembered are gone, falls down. They do not necessarily have gaps in memories yet just a little trouble on trying to retain stuffs unlike any dissociative disorder such as osdd that has these gaps even with good memory.

Constant shifting: adhd-ers also tend to pick up a new hobby and interest once in a while, yet have trouble with keeping up or committing to it due to the gradual decrease of the initial interest that is the one keeping them going (gotta catch those dopamines) though they are aware that they want to do this and its not limited to ways to dress and culinary preferences. Note that they do not change their way of thinking or speaking, while osdd have these things too. Not only that, having different kinds of clothing sets and hobbies in osdd means you will gravitate to one of them strongly while you feel less connection with the other things as because different parts having vastly different interests.

Impulse: adhd-ers do have a sense of urgency in buying things sometimes, and because of the poor ‘discipline’ of knowing if its a need or a want everything are seen as a need until they regretted it later. These people always know they needed it with a clear motive or reason while osdd feels more around the grey, where sometimes you don’t know why or how, but you can always feel the “i want that” deep inside your chest and head, which made it possible to purchase something. This can also be applied and many other things such as saying something in social situations.

Attention: adhd-ers have hard battles on this one, staying focused on one thing at a time and trying to remember/recall something isn’t as easy as people tell them. While these people have problems with attention and the ability to recall, osdd as a dissociative disorder always have dissociative symptoms such as derealization and depersonalization, these are not voluntary and not caused by poor focus or attention unlike adhd-ers who just ‘zone out’ in my way of explaining.

I really hope these hints will help you determine which one you’re having, though i must add that this is from a subjective view of mine for having 3 other adhd friends in my life with the basic information of adhd down.

- j

[youngpettyqueen]

Hiya! If you're still doing that WIP ask game, could I please request "rumor has it" and "for the man who gives everything"? Thank you! ^_^

P.S. I LOVE your idea for a fic about Hawkeye and the still in PoA omg!!!

yo!! im totally still doing the WIP ask game its so much fun and I love any excuse to ramble about my writing- thanks so much for asking!

"rumour has it"

it's this post. ive been working on this one on and half ever since I made that post, actually. its been slowgoing due to a) and miles to go before i sleep b) writer's block and c) I keep making new WIPs because I have absolutely no self control whatsoever and if I dont write down every idea I have im gonna die

anyways onto writings cause I have quite a bit for this-

"“Mornin’, sir,” Radar greets, all pleasantries, though he’s wearing an additional anxious look over his usual nervous one, “I was wonderin’ if you maybe had a minute?” 

BJ offers him a warm smile. “For you, Radar, I’ve got at least two,” He tells him, “What can I do for you?” 

Radar manages a little smile of his own. “Oh, well, thanks,” He says, “It’s about a patient, actually. I’ve got one who could use your help. Think you got enough minutes for that?” He asks. 

BJ chuckles. Radar’s tone isn’t urgent, so it’s probably not anything serious. Probably one of his animals with another splinter, or a runny nose. “Sure, Radar,” He agrees, “Bring ‘em on in. Is it one of your pets again? I warn you, if I have to surprise-deliver another litter of guinea piglets, I’m gonna have to charge you.” He jokes. 

Radar’s expression goes nervous again. His eyes flick to outside the door- he still hasn’t stepped fully into post-OP, just sort of hovering half-inside. “Uh, not exactly,” He replies, “Y’see, it’s-“

“Not exactly?” BJ would recognize that offended tone anywhere. Sure enough, Hawkeye shoves his way inside not a second later, nearly bowling Radar right over seeing as he’s got his arm around the kid’s shoulders to lean on, “What’s that supposed to mean, not exactly? Just which one of your animals are you comparing me to?” He demands."

this one is all silliness! thats it thats all just a lot of silliness. Hawkeye's hurt (not seriously) and he won't tell anyone what happened, and BJ's determined to get to the bottom of it. the 4077 rumour mill does nothing but make his mission more difficult, as rumours escalate to ridiculous levels. which uh, all becomes really funny when you find out what happened. which is in the post itself

bonus because this bit makes me laugh-

"“Sir- sir, you’re gonna fall-“ Radar is saying, managing the impressive feat of staying upright as he keeps up with Hawkeye hounding in on him.

“Oh, no! No, no, no!” Hawkeye continues, undeterred, hobbling after Radar like he’s chasing him, “You opened this can of worms! Which of your animals are you comparing me to? It better not be-“"

because I love some Hawkeye and Radar clownery <3

"for the man who gives everything"

I do not have anything written down for this one besides plot notes to myself, but I do have the blurb!

"All the ways Klinger shows how much he loves everyone, and what they do to show him how much they love him.

Or, 6 times Klinger did something just to make someone else smile, and 1 time everyone got together to return the favour."

classic 5(ish) + 1, centring on Klinger because I love him. I recently got to Where There's a Will, There's a War in my rewatch and Hawkeye thinking of when Klinger got him the magazine made me wanna cry, and I realized I havent really written anything about Klinger despite how much I love him! so, the idea for this came to mind

this will be a longer oneshot (like rumour has it) where Klinger goes out of his way to do something nice for another main cast member, all from the POV of others, and then it will be how everybody repays him from his POV. because Klinger deserves the world and im gonna give it to him

again, thanks so much for the ask!

[daftpuppy]

hey so im new to the fandom cause i realized i am into it.. May i ask , if its normal to just have a default kink? I vividly remember watching videos about this before I was conscious, and id grind.. I, personally dont enjoy it, cause i find it weird, and a lot does too... im just turned on by it and idk why.. 😭😭😭

im going to be straight with you, I def not the best person to ask this question to at all! Hell i would 100% recommend asking anyone else.

i myself am still rather 'new' to the kink community as an whole (technically ive been doing this shit for years but im super on and off with it so i dont really count it)

but ill try to give some sort of answer (i would highly recommend asking others and looking at articles/reasearch papers so dont just take my word and run with it cause im probs wrong).

This is my first time hearing the term 'default kink' but i assume it mainly refers to having a kink in concept. Like how you would tell someone you liked piss broadly than saying omo specifically (I could be 100% wrong, i would greatly appreciate it if someone could tell me the true definition cause i couldnt find any thing about that term TT). Which in that sense i would thinks its fine, like imo its fine to have a kink that you dont really want to participate in but find it hot.

(From this point onwards Im mainly talking out of my ass, feel free to skip if its not really answering your question cause it probably isnt. Im just one passionate bitch who cant stay on topic)

For the later part of your question, i totally get it. Omorashi for me was something that turned me on but i also felt so disgusted by it for the longest time which caused me to basically stop doing it cause i thought it was 'too weird' and disgusting. It really wasnt until recently where I realised who gives a shit if its werid, and I starting seeing more posts on Twitter about kinks and taboo which only really pushed me further down the rabbit hole...again.

I think everyone has a right to think something theyre into is too werid and begin to hate it because of the way it turns you on, but i think a lot of it involves getting rid of societal expectations and just being you. Cause no matter what kink you have, if its piss or not, 99% of society will hate it and think you are weird for it. You cant please everyone but you can please yourself.

For you since you dont enjoy it cause you find it werid but get turned on by it, it can be a slippery slope. It may be a thing were you dont like participating im omo but like watching it, or maybe you prefer controlling. Idk thats for you to find out if you even want to.

Again, DO NOT TAKE WHAT I SAY AT FACE VALUE! Do more reasearch cause im a stranger on the internet, not some kink professional. When it was me in that position all it took was a mindset change. Realising that I should be able to indulge myself and not feel 'dirty' for it, letting myself understand that yes, a piss kink is weird, but it feels good to me so I should let myself experiment even if i end up concluding it wasnt for me. But it may not be the same for you and thats ok.

I cant really give you a definate answer cause i feel like its a pretty personal journey you have to take. You know, start out small and see how it goes.

anyway sorry about my college theis. Hopes it helps, im really just talking about of my ass rn. If theres someone who has a better take feel free to add, idk if i even answered the question lmao 😭

[eazy-peazy54]

hey guys! so today i had a panic attack. im documenting this here to help me better understand it later. i felt dizzy, and i could feel my heart beating out of my chest. i felt like i was going to die, and for an uncomfortably long time as well.

lots of bad shit in my life has been piling up recently, and causing me intense stress and anxiety. that has been followed with fears of me dying. i feel like someone i know is going to die, all the time. and if its not one of my parents or one of my friends, then it logically has to be me. this is most likely the result of the fact that my mom has cancer, and recently got another tumor.

ive been staying up later and later every night, sometimes even to 5 am, to save me time before i inevitably go, to give me some more time on this earth. more time to live. more time with my mom.

i know thats so delusional of me, and i know truly deep down in my heart of hearts that im not going to die, but thoughts like that linger.

---

anyway, im going to air out the sadness by drawing and writing and working on my music. just wanted to put this here. no, im not going to kill myself, but im so stressed i was convinced i would die.