#cause it's never specified how old he is but he was certainly younger as a bs and even more so as an ad

[movedtodykedvonte]

Young adult/Late teen Big Shot Spamton is funny cause like I can believe a 19-21 year old would make a deal with an eldritch horror if it meant partially escaping the bottom rung of capitalism. Like yeah that sounds legit cause his brain isn’t done cooking and he knows nothing about being an person outside of the goal of success and wouldn’t consider the possible consequences of expediting that process.

Also just the idea of the mansion staff welcoming a new and esteemed guest and it’s like the kid that fucked up their coffee order so bad he was crying before he even served it not a month ago and now he is somehow the CEO of Toyota that lives in the biggest/best suite. Guy still doesn’t fully get how a credit card works but he has 10, no wonder it all went down hill..

[thatoneitaliangirl]

Oh my gosh could you write a childe x reader thing 🥺🥺 I wanna just have some sweet angst with a happy outcome somehow 😔

I may have gone a bit overboard- At this point, I feel I'm literally incapable of writing anything under 1,000 words. So sorry this took so long, I had to take a break from writing to work out some things with school. A bunch of nonsense and stuff lol. You didn't specify gender, so I wrote the reader as female, only cause that's what I'm used to working with. I apologize if that's not what you wanted. I can always whip up something for ya with your preferred pronouns! But I'm not sure if I'll make it this long . . . I honestly don't know how I even did this, like this is a feat I feel. Anyways, I hope Childe isn't too OOC in this. I'm not the best when it comes to writing angst, so I hope you like it! And just as a little explanation beforehand, I read up that Childe joined the Fatui when he was about 14, became a Harbinger at 18, and is considered a young adult. So in this fic, it's assumed that he and you are at least 20 years old just so the timeline adds up and stuff. Also, despite how long this is, Childe isn't in it as much as you probably wanted- I have a tendency to write more about the reader than the characters. It's something I'm trying to break, but I was just so proud of this. I hope you like it! Anyways, happy reading!!! ^^

Childe x Reader Angst

Plot- Reader and Childe have been together for years when Reader finds out that Childe killed her sister when she was young.

Word count- 8,864 (I'm so sorry)

Warnings- Mentions of death, sadness, bad writing, possible suicide at the end(But just mentioned as a fear), swearing, and cringe 'funny' moments cause why not.

The wind blows through your hair as you sit atop a ledge overlooking Liyue Harbor. Today is your younger sister's birthday, and for the past six years, it's been nothing but a reminder of your failure. You were supposed to take care of her. After your parents passed away, you were all she had left, and she, you. But you were just a kid yourself, hardly capable of raising a child.

You bite your lip and look over at all the families walking about, having fun. It brings a smile to your face knowing at least some people can be happy on this day. She wouldn't have wanted doom and gloom to be her only remembrance. The sun in the sky is warm, beaming down on your skin. You've fought many battles for the Adventurers Guild during your time living in town, and are proud to say you've survived. Even escaped a few sparring matches with Childe relatively unscathed.

You win every time, but it's no surprise given he lets you win. That's one of the many things you love about him. He tries to put you first in most situations as much as he can with his job. And it's the little things like letting you win a fake fight that makes you feel like you're floating.

Your relationship is practically plastered on every notice board in town with how affectionate you are to each other. Not a soul in Liyue can look at you and not know you are the Harbinger's lover. But you're okay with that.

Taking in a calm breath, you hop down and glide your way to the docks below.

"Good morning, _____! Nice weather, isn't it?" You smile at the young girl as she approaches you. You've known her for a while now, and have come to consider yourself friends. She seems a bit nervous though.

"It certainly is. Are you okay, Chen?" Her smile drops and she grips onto her arms.

"Can I ask a favor of you? It's rude of me, but I'm desperate!"

"It's fine, what's the matter?" The young girl sighs.

"My brother borrowed a loan from Northland Bank last month and the payments were due two days ago. He told me he was going to pay it back . . . He hasn't been home since. I just thought that . . ."

"You want me to ask Tar?" Her eyes snap up to yours.

"Will you? Please? I'm just so worried about him! I told him not to take that loan, but he never listens to me." You put your hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"It's okay. It's no problem at all! I was just headed there anyway. I'll see about your brother for you." Young Chen sighs in relief and reaches in her pocket.

"Here, I want you to take this as payment." You shake your head and push her hand away.

"No, I could never!"

"I insist! My mother gave this to me when I was a kid," She opens your hand and places a small coin in before closing your hand around it.

"She told me travelers would give these coins to people who did favors for them and that they grant wishes! Though I'm sure that's just a children's story; I was never able to get it to work." You give the coin a look, hesitant, before slipping it into your pocket.

"Alright, I'll accept. Thank you!" You wave goodbye to Chen and head towards the bank. Childe spends most of his days there, what he does, you have no idea. It's a mystery. The most you get out of him is 'business' which, yeah, obviously you do business. But it's understandable. The Fatui are a questionable lot, and not many people in Liyue trust them.

The Qixing keep a close eye on them as well, though you're sure even they hardly know what goes down under the 'bank' façade. Sometimes Childe comes home with cuts and bruises, claiming they're from training with his comrades, and while you don't buy that one bit, you play along. No need to add to his stress. If he thought you needed to know, he would tell you. No doubt about it.

Walking up the many flights of stairs, you nod to Vlad who lets you in.

Lucky for you, the first face your eyes land on is the exact one you came looking for.

"Tar!" He immediately looks over in your direction, smiles, and dismisses the Fatui agent he was talking to.

"Well, if it isn't the most beautiful woman in all Teyvat. Come to steal my heart?" He pulls you into a hug and kisses your cheek.

"No need, I already have it," You pull away, giving him a smile.

"I actually came here to see you."

"I'd hope so! Who else would you want to see?" Rolling your eyes, you grab him by his hand and lead him to his office.

"I have a favor to ask of you," The joking atmosphere surrounding you turns heavy as you hold his hands in yours.

"As you know, today is . . . Very important to me. I was wondering if you could get off early tonight? If not, it's okay though. I don't want to trouble you or anything." Childe chuckles and pats your head.

"I know what today is. I already requested an early leave this morning, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. If we're that backed up, I'm not sure I'll be able to," Your face falls a bit, but you smile. He made the effort to try and get off early without you even asking.

He places his hand onto your face and rubs his thumb over your cheek.

"But I promise to make it up to you. If I don't get back too late, we can go up to Mt. Tianheng and watch the lights at night. I know you like to do that when you're upset." The kind smile on his face is only magnified by the gentle look in his eyes. He's always been soft with you, even before you got together.

It was always an odd sight for people to see the two of you interact before you were a couple. He always regards people with the same jokester attitude, especially those he has to keep an eye on. But when he's with you, he may joke around, but is always much more concerned for your wellbeing.

"Thank you, Tar. I really appreciate it." He smirks and laughs.

"You appreciate it, huh? How much?" You roll your eyes again and give him a kiss on the lips. Childe smiles into it and tries to make it deeper, but you pull away with his lips chasing after you.

"Easy there, tiger. Save it for later, huh?"

"So, there's a later?" You lightly smack his chest and pull away from him as he laughs.

"Get back to work, Tar." You turn to leave but stop in the doorway.

"Oh, before I forget, I ran into Chen earlier," The look in Childe's eyes shifts slightly, but you barely notice.

"She mentioned that her brother stopped by here about two days ago, and was wondering if you knew where he went after? He hasn't been home since and she's very worried."

He ponders for a moment before his eyes light up in realization.

"Now that you mention it, he did say he was headed towards Lingju Pass. Don't know what for though." He shrugs.

"Okay, thank you! I'll be sure to pass it on." You exchange words of love before you leave.

After speaking with Chen, you decided to head towards the countryside. Your conversation with her went about as well as you expected. She seemed distressed and unsure of the information you gave her, but any criticisms were held as she thanked you and left. You hope that she'll be okay and that her brother comes back. Archons know, you understand what it's like to lose a sibling.

You take in a deep breath.

The air in Liyue is unlike any other. Once you leave the city and all the warm bodies, it's nothing but gentle breezes and the smell of earth. And the occasional Hilichurl, but you can easily take out a few to preserve the peace.

Walking along a random path in the sand, you reflect.

When you and your sister were young, you would often take walks like these while your parents were arguing. Despite only being a few years older than her, you actively chose to take on a more nurturing role. But after your parents died, you realized just how hard it was to provide for the two of you.

You knew how to use a bow to hunt, but not well, and even though you had your mother's catalyst, you didn't have a vision. Sometimes just showing it off and pretending you had a vision was enough to scare off petty thieves and weak Hilichurls, but it was only a matter of time before that wouldn't be enough.

Unfortunately, that time came all too soon.

The two of you had found an abandoned campsite and you decided to rest for the night. Your sister and you were headed to Mondstadt in search of a distant relative who you believed could help you. But during the night, your sister got thirsty and you were all out of water in your canteen. So you heading out to find a lake close by to fetch some, only to return to see a dark figure escaping into the night and your sister, laying in the tent, unmoving.

You were only a few hours walk to the city.

Sometimes you wonder if you had kept going that night, maybe whoever it was would have never even crossed your path. Your cries for help were heard by knights close by and they gathered your sister. Everyone in the city was welcoming and understanding, and the church gave her a wonderful service.

But nothing could mend the hole in your heart. Thankfully, the family member was able to take you in and trained you to become a knight. But that's not what you wanted. You wanted to find the person who killed your sister. And after completing your training, you left for Liyue and gained your Cryo vision along the way.

You summon your catalyst and flip through the pages. It's strange how magic works and how everything interacts with your vision. Before you, this weapon served your pyro vision-wielding mother. After you gained your vision, all the spells changed to fit the cold rather than the heat. You sigh and close the book. Sifting through it is just going to make you more sentimental. The sky above begins to turn shades of orange and pink as the sun goes down, so you decide to head home.

"I know you did something!" A loud voice yells, not too far from you.

"Chen?" You whisper to yourself and make your way around to see her at the edge of town, yelling at a Fatui agent.

"Calm down, miss Chen. We don't know what you are referring to." She balls her hands into fists, her face twisted in anger.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about! Lingju Pass? He hasn't set foot there since our father died. How dare you make up such lies!" You decide to make your way over to try and calm her down. She's obviously upset, and you know that Fatui agents aren't well versed in the ways of 'feelings.' In fact, most of the ones you've met have all been quite stoic and unconcerned.

"Are you calling the Fatui liars, miss Chen?" You stop, Childe stepping out in front of the other agent.

What is Childe doing out here?

"You Fatui lie about everything! Everyone in Liyue despises your presence here, and this just proves to me how low you people actually are. What did you do to my brother?!" She reaches up to hit Childe, and you run up to her and grab her by her arms. You know she can't hurt him, but if she tries she could get into some serious trouble.

"Chen, listen to me, you have to calm down." She looks up at you with tears streaming down her face but shakes off your grip.

"No! I refuse! He knows something about my brother, I know he does!" She looks at you with pleading eyes.

"Please, _____, tell him. Tell him to tell me where my brother is!" Chen sobs. Tears start to form in your eyes.

"Chen, I'm sorry, but Tartaglia doesn't know," You look up at Childe and are taken aback by the look in his eyes. His eyes are dead, angry, violent as he stares at Chen. He waves his hand, and two Fatui agents come from behind and drag Chen away.

"Let go of me!" She struggles as they hold her arms and pull her through the dirt path. Chen glairs at Childe, digging her feet into the ground to slow them down.

"You're a monster, Harbinger! A monster!" You continue to stare after her as she's dragged away. What just happened? You've known Chen and her brother since you moved here. What could have happened to make this poor girl act like this? You jump when Childe places his hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He wipes the tears from your cheeks and smiles his normal, dashing smile. Nothing like the look he was giving Chen just a moment ago.

"Sometimes those awful rumors spreading about the Fatui make people act irrationally." You look him in the eyes as he holds your face. His eyes are soft and caring now, just how he always looks at you.

"Do you know what happened to her brother?" You ask softly. His eyes darken a bit, but his smile never faults.

"_____, my love, are you questioning me now too? Come on, you know none of that stuff is true, right? I work at a bank, not much else to it." He answers, his voice joking, but there's this undertone you can't quite place and have never heard before. You force a smile and hug him close.

"Your right, I'm sorry for asking. I'm just so concerned for Chen and her brother. Do you know where they're taking her?" He hugs you back, tight, and kisses your forehead.

"I think you should just leave it be for now. Go home and get some rest. I should be getting off work soon, and we can do what I promised. How's that sound?"

"Good." You lean up and give him a kiss. His voice drops low as he whispers in your ear.

"I love you, _____. Don't ever forget that."

And he leaves before you can reply. A chill goes down your spine as you watch him leave, and it's not from your vision. You've never seen Childe like that before, even when he interacts with the Traveler. It made you freeze in place, made your blood run cold, and had your heart beating faster with fear all at the same time. That was Harbinger Childe, not your Tartaglia. You rub your hands along your upper arms to calm yourself. You never want to experience that again.

Taking a deep breath, you reach into your pocket to grab your handkerchief, but pull out the coin Chen had given you instead. All it does is remind you that once again you failed to protect someone you cared about. Poor Chen is scared and afraid, and you're positive that Childe's reaction did not help her any.

But as you hold up the coin, you notice a faint glow emanating from around the outer edge which turns the intricate patterns into Liyuian Characters.

'Let the truth be revealed.'

What does this mean? You remember Chen telling you the story of the coin, but it was just that. You've never heard of any coins gifted by travelers before, and it definitely wasn't a common folk tale.

You shove it back into your pocket and rush home.

The sun is almost fully down, and the stars begin to light your way as you walk hastily down the path. Once your house is in sight, you pick up the pace and run inside.

The glow from the coin is brighter now, illuminating your darkening house. How does one even make a wish on a coin?

"I want to see the truth, but I don't know how," The glow of the coin shifts and changes colors in your hands, giving off an almost mystical wave of magic you've never felt before. Whoever made this coin had to have been powerful. You take a deep breath and look at the coin with determination.

"Show me the truth!" The glow envelopes you and when you open your eyes, you're shocked at what lays before you. The dark figure that haunts your dreams at night looms over your dead sister, red-stained blade in hand and a mask over his face.

You step closer, the classic mask of the fatui on the hooded mans' face making his eyes glow white in the darkness. His stature is much smaller than yours, and his outline seems to be that of a boy. At the time it would have been easy for you to confuse him with a man, being he would have been taller than you. But now that you're an adult, you can clearly see his youth. He smirks and laughs down at your little sister's body while whipping the knife on his sleeve.

"You should never have crossed the Fatui." Your heart drops as the young boy removes his mask revealing ocean blue eyes. The eyes of your lover that you adore on the face of the person that you've despised for years. A woman appears next to him, the same woman you've seen him speak to on many occasions but have never spoken to yourself.

"Good work, Tartaglia. You've proven yourself useful to the Tsaritsa after all. But your job here is not done," Childe looks up at the taller woman, his face determined.

"The other daughter has left to fetch water. Unfortunately, there are too many knights around on patrol to take her. Dispose of the body, and return at once." Childe bows to the woman and she smiles wickedly.

"Yes, Signora. Anything for the Tsaritsa." She leaves, and Childe begins to wrap up the young girl's body in a blanket. He stops suddenly, lifting his head up as young _____ approaches from over the hill. Childe smirks, fixing his mask and hood back on properly.

"Until next time, _____." He says and begins to run.

You gasp as the light invades your sight again and you're returned to the present. Your heart is beating a mile a minute and your breathing begins to pick up. The realization is overwhelming, and the shock is preventing you from crying.

Tartaglia was the one this whole time? It can't be, it just can't! You love him, and he loves you, he says so all the time. Has he lied to you this whole time? Has he just been keeping you close to screw with you before breaking your heart and killing you? That coin has to be lying. There's no way your Tar would ever do something like that, especially to you! He tells you everything. There are no secrets between the two of you.

Right?

The clock on the wall says that it's seven-o-clock, usually when Childe gets off of work. You don't want to be here; you can't be here. How can you face him after seeing that, even if it was a lie? You quickly run up to your shared bedroom and grab your adventuring bag, filling it with few essentials.

Where will you even go? There's nowhere in Liyue where Childe can't find you. Even across Teyvat, the Fatui have eyes and ears. You just need some time to reflect, get your barrings, and confront him. If you'll confront him. This has to be some kind of joke, or lie placed by some unknown power to question your love for him. There's no way he could have-

"What are you doing, _____?" You gasp, started by Childe suddenly behind you, blocking the exit to your room.

"Tar, you scared me!" You say shakily, holding your bag close to your chest. He smiles his usual caring smile at you, but all you can see is the smirk he held while staring down at your little sister.

"Sorry, my love. I got off of work early like I said I would. Is that why you have your bag?" His ocean blue eyes dart down to your bag and back up to you again. You subconsciously grip the bag tighter, Childe noticing.

"N-No. I accepted a commission last minute." The lie slips out like acid on your tongue.

You've never lied to him before, and it feels wrong. But you have to get out of here. Every alarm bell in your body is screaming at you to run as fast as you can away from the man you love.

His brow furrows a bit with concern and he takes a step closer to you, but you take one back.

"This isn't about what happened today, is it?" He sighs and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, it's just I don't like it when people falsely accuse me of things. I kinda slipped into Harbinger mode for a sec there." He laughs, again trying to come closer to you, you step back.

"Are they false though?" The question falls from your lips before you realize it, and Childe's eyes widen in surprise.

"_____, you can't be serious? You know I would never lie to you-"

"How do I know that, Childe?" You've never called him Childe, and it shows from the shock on his face when you do.

"What are you going on about? I could never-"

"Get away from me!" You yell at the Harbinger, tears finally falling from your eyes. There's no way you could be near him like this, knowing that he could have . . .

"Why? I love you, I won't hurt you." You try to steady your breathing as he slowly inches closer, treating you as of your a wild animal he wants to tame.

"You don't love me." You shake your head, gripping your backpack with white knuckles.

"What?" The question comes out as a whisper from the man's mouth in disbelief, hoping he didn't hear you properly.

"You don't love me!" You say one again, louder, confirming what he has hoped wasn't true.

"_____," Childe tries to come closer, but you shove past him and run to the front door. Before you can grab the handle, Childe grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around.

"Please, _____," His eyes are glassy with unshed tears as he gazes into your own.

"Tell me what I did to make you think this way?" You sob, hands pushing on his chest to break free but failing. You can barely breathe as the sobs rack through your body.

"You-" Trying to get the words out only makes you cry harder as the realization hits you. All the rumors are true. The Fatui are evil, conniving, and uncaring. They kill, pillage, experiment, torture, and don't care about who they have to step on to get their way. And your boyfriend, the love of your life, the man you wanted to marry and start a family of your own with, is one of them.

"You killed my little sister!" Your hands ball into fists and punch his chest as hard as you can, but in your state, you have barely any power.

"My baby sister is dead because of you! How could you?" You managed to get out through your tears, finally breaking down in the arms of the man you've despised for years.

Childe stares at you, unbelieving. He pulls you into a tight hug, crying on your shoulder, continuously apologizing. Never in your life have you seen Childe cry. Even when talking about how much he misses his family or his country, the farthest he gets is a sentimental smile and longing. Never have you thought you'd see him cry either. It's almost enough to make you forget that he's practically admitted to the murder.

He killed your only sister. How do you know he's sincere with his tears as he holds you close and begs you not to go? You've seen him lie before, never to you, but if he kept this secret for so long, what else has he been hiding? But none of that matters right now. The man you've been searching for years for, who you wanted to kill with your own bare hands, is the same person holding you so tenderly now.

How could you forget the countless nights you've woken up from nightmares of that boy coming to kill you and finish what he stared, only for Tartaglia to wake you up and hold you close, promising that he'd protect you? Every year when you mourn your sister and confide in him about how you were going to find that monster no matter what it took, did he fear you'd ever find out and kill him?

Is that why he kept you close for so long, to make sure you'd be too weak for him with love to ever even try? How can you love someone who killed your sister? It's easy to just assume you'd hate him, but for some odd reason, a little voice in the back of your mind is telling you to trust him and love him like you always had.

Another voice is telling you to end his life with no mercy and finally bring your sister to the peace she deserves.

Gathering up your strength, you manage to push him off of you.

"_____, no," He's in a state you've never seen before, face wet with tears, nose running, eyes puffy. But, he doesn't try to pull you back in.

You swiftly grab your bag and leave the house and Childe behind.

-------------

"_____," Your cousin John calls your name, pinching the bridge of his nose. He watches as you continuously use your vision to destroy training dummies.

"You continue this and the knights aren't going to have anything left to train with." You stop temporarily to glare at him.

"I'm training."

"So it seems." He watches as you continue your 'training.'

"You know, this doesn't seem healthy. I'm no doctor or anything, but, maybe you should, like, not?" You sigh irritated and cross your arms.

"Not what, John?" He gestures to the broken wood pieces scattered around the courtyard. You roll your eyes.

"I'm doing no worse than the average rookie knight!" John nods, leaning up against the wall.

"Yeah, yeah, except no. Why? Thank you for asking, cause your not a rookie and you're upset, at what? I don't know because you refuse to tell me. All I know is that my cousin is back after being gone for three years and the-," John looks around before stepping closer and lowering his voice.

"The Fatui in town have been eying us up everywhere we go. What the hell happened while you were in Liyue?" You bite your lip and message your wrists. The tips of your fingers have begun to turn purple from the cold, but you hardly seem affected. John pats you on the back and leads you inside the knight's headquarters.

"Look, I know we were never very close, and when you lived with us, we barely spoke, but I'm here now. We're not kids anymore, _____." The two of you sit down in the library. The three years you lived with your uncle and cousin were your worst. They treated you nice, but you were grieving and took it out on them and many training dummies. It seems you've done the same again.

"I'm sorry, it's just . . ." What happened with Childe months ago is still fresh on your mind. You haven't seen him since you left that night, and you aren't sure if you want to. You're conflicted. You thought coming back to Mondstadt would help you clear your mind and help you decide what to do, but you can't, and it's frustrating.

Despite how hard you've tried . . . You still love Tartaglia with all of your heart. But you can't forget what he did. You could never forgive him either. You've held hatred for this man for six years now, and every waking moment has been used to devise a plan to find him and kill him. But you can't kill him; not when you still hold these feelings.

If this was his goal, then he succeeded. You know he knows you're in Mondstadt. As John said, the Fatui have had their eyes on you since you showed up. You wouldn't be surprised if they all have you listed as a threat. After all, being one of their high-ranking officer's vengeful lover with intent and reason to kill would put anyone on a list.

But, with that said, he hasn't tried to contact you. No letters, no passing of words, hell, no carrier pigeons. He's extra enough to do that. And this has caused you to feel even more upset. Cause you still love the man, and there's some hope still there that he meant what he said and he does love you and the fact he hasn't done anything is killing you.

"_____, you good?" You snap out of your daze and nod.

"Yeah, I was just thinking."

"You seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Please, what's going on with you?" You decide it's best to tell your cousin the truth.

You explain to him the situation. How you fell in love, what life was like for you the three years you were gone, the coin, and finding out the killer's identity. John looks at you in shock.

"Wow, that's a lot. And this is why you came back?"

"Yeah, I know. I should have come back sooner to at least visit, but," John cuts you off and waves his hands.

"No, you're fine. I mean, it would have been nice to see you, but that's irrelevant right now. You found out your boyfriend, a Fatui Harbinger, was the one that killed your sister, and you're here? Doing what? Destroying Favonius property?" You agree hesitantly.

"I mean, when you put it like that, it sounds odd."

"No, _____, odd is an understatement. Why are you here? You should be getting answers, slapping people, storming Snezhnaya! Actually, don't do that last one, that could get us in a lot of trouble."

"True," You agree.

"Honestly, I don't know what to do. Do I confront him? I mean, if he did kill her, which I'm about 90% sure at this point that he did, do I get revenge? I've wanted to for years, but I know that I could never kill him." John takes your hand in his and speaks with sincerity.

"You love him, I get that, but you can't let that get in the way of things."

"No, I mean, I literally couldn't kill him. He's a beast in battle, and could probably end me without even blinking. I've seen him take on multiple ruin guards in seconds, like, he's on a whole nother level." You sigh and put your head in your hands.

"But even despite that, I do still love him. At this point, I feel the best thing to do is to just move on. Go my own way and let him go his."

"And what about your sister, huh? Just gonna forget about her?" You look at him questioningly.

"Look, you need to at least get closure. Obviously, he doesn't want you dead, because you would have been so by now. I can't even tell you how many times the Fatui could have nabbed you, gagged you, and sacked you since you've been back."

"Gee, thanks John, that really makes me feel better about the situation." He rolls his eyes.

"Talk to the man, _____. There will always be a home here waiting for you to come back to." Maybe your cousin is right? If Childe did want you dead, you know damn well he has the power to have made it happen. But how would you even react when you see him? The only way to find out is to get it over with.

With newfound enthusiasm, you jump up from your position and slam your hands on the table.

"Alright, I'm gonna go! I'm gonna talk with Tartaglia and I'm gonna punch him at least once!"

"That's the spirit!" A series of loud shooshes sound around the library and you slowly sit back down.

"Sorry!"

You and your cousin John devise a plan over the next few days. You're still unsure about this whole thing, but with encouragement from John, you gain the confidence you need to push through.

In the end, you decide the best thing to do is to sneak out of Mondstadt without any Fatui seeing you. It's still dangerous to speak with him, and the two of you decide the safest thing is to get him unprepared and off guard. If he's not expecting you, he has no time to plan. Not that he needs a plan to kill you, he could just do it. But still-

As the sun seeps down past the hills and flatlands of Mondstadt, John and you make your way out of headquarters and down to the main part of town.

"You know what sounds so amazing right now? A tall mug of cider from Angel's Share!" John exclaims and grabs your arm. The two of you practically run towards the tavern, gaining looks from the other citizens.

"Cool it, John," You whisper yell to him as you head inside.

"You wanna actually look suspicious?" He laughs, sitting down at a table in the back.

"Sorry if I'm not good at being convincing. Dad always said acting would be my downfall."

"When would you ever have to act to be a knight?" He shrugs his shoulders.

"Right now?" Okay, he has a point. Merely minutes after you sit down, two Fatui agents walk in after, taking a table far enough away, but close enough to keep you in their sights.

"Don't worry, _____," Your cousin says, noticing your worried expression.

We'll get you out of here."

John waves his hand and gains the attention of Master Diluc as he's walking around the tavern.

"We'd like two Valberry Whiskey's please!" Your cousin asks loudly and winks. Diluc rolls his eyes and heads towards the back of the tavern, getting the 'drinks.'

It was a miracle and a half that John was able to convince Master Diluc to help you. But John said he owed him a favor. For what, you have no idea. Not even a second later, a young bard runs over to your table and slams his hands down.

"What did you just order?"

"Uh," You look to your cousin for guidance. The drink was simply a code, not an actual order.

"Valberry Whiskey?" The young bard looks at you in amazement. He's clearly drunk, but the sheer excitement in his eyes seems to sober him up enough to eagerly rush to the bar counter.

"A new drink! And Diluc didn't tell me?!" His shouts of joy gain the attention of the entire bar.

"A new drink?!"

"One not on the menu?"

"Master Diluc!"

Your cousin and you share a look as the crowd goes wild, rushing towards the front bar and to the back looking for Diluc to inquire about this new drink. The few Fatui agents that had followed you in stand up from their seat to get a better view of you and John. John grabs your arm and pulls you into the crowd, the Fatui agents desperately searching for your whereabouts.

"This way, _____." He pulls you farther and farther away from the Fatui till you feel another hand grab you and pull you out of the back entrance to the tavern.

"Hey, watch your hands, buddy!"

"Would you rather still be in there then, _____?" You smile nervously up at Diluc, who's handing you a bag and cloak.

"Things didn't exactly go as planned, huh?" The redhead smirks and crosses his arms.

"I knew that bard would be in here tonight. Drunk off his ass, he wouldn't be able to resist the call of a new drink item." You laugh, pulling the hood over your head.

"Thank you, Diluc." He gives you a rare smile and nods. You begin to walk off but stop, looking back at the tavern owner.

"Hey Diluc, what was the favor for?" Diluc sighs and pinches between his eyes.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

__________________

The journey back to Liyue is a tiring one. It seems a lot closer than it actually is on the map, but heading to the main harbor is always a task. Thankfully, you're able to make your rations last the whole trip, and as you enter the harbor in the wee hours of the night, you smile at the familiar buildings. You may have only been gone for a few months, but this was your home for the last three years.

Your home with Tartaglia . . . You pull your hood farther down your head and try to remain in the shadows. Despite the time of night, the area is still bustling with people. Merchants making deals, ships delivering goods, the whole nine yards.

You flatten yourself against a wall as a few Fatui agents walk past. The place is absolutely crawling with Fatui, even more so than usual. Could it have something to do with you? You doubt it. Harbinger or not, Tartaglia could get in serious trouble for using Fatui resources in such a way.

You carefully slide through cracks and crevises, branches and bushes, trying to stay out of any Fatui sights. Eventually, you find yourself on the outskirts of the city, not far from your shared home. It surprisingly takes a lot from you to not run straight for it. You miss your house. You miss your bed. You miss Tartaglia.

But now is not the time to get sentimental!

You still need to confront him about what he did. And depending on his answer, one of you may not make it through the night. You keep yourself stealthy as you enter the house from the back. He's not home, which is good. But the place is in disarray. Furniture turned upside down, plates smashed against walls, everything caked in dust. It's hard to believe he's been living here if he even has been.

If that's the case, you may have to go looking for him. You look around the house at the disaster. He may have been trying to look for something; maybe a clue to what you had planned or something to use against you.

With that in mind, you run up the stairs to the master bedroom and open the closet. You fear the worst but are surprised to find your sister's belongings still in place.

Surely he would have found them in here.

The bedroom isn't as bad as the bottom floor, though still a mess. The bed is unmade, with a small pile of your clothes on your side of the bed, and his clothes on the floor. All of your things, besides the clothes, are still neatly in their places. Pictures of you and him together that were once on the walls are now on his nightstand, face up and smudged with fingerprints.

"What the hell happened here?" The sound of the front door opening startles you. Could that be Childe? There's no way he's living like this!

Footsteps move across the floor, into the kitchen, into the living room, and slowly up the stairs. Whoever it is, your about to face them.

The door opens slowly, almost torturously so. Soon, the sunken and sullen face of your lover is in your view, and even faster, your on the floor with a knife made of hydro to your throat. Your hood continues to obscure your identity as Childe pins you down.

"Bold of you to break into the home of a Fatui Harbinger! What did you expect?" With the pressure from the knife digging deeper and deeper into your skin, you freeze the hand wrapped around his holding the knife, and kick your leg out. Childe falls over, dropping his weapon which shatters on impact. Before you can get your bearings, he's lunging at you again. He grabs you from behind and holds you in a chokehold.

"Your fast, but you'll never be fast enough!" You gasp for air, holding onto his arm as it's wrapped around your neck. He's trying to kill you, you know he is. All the times you've sparred with him, you knew he was holding back, but he's definitely not this time. Even so, his hold on you is weak. Weak for him, at least.

You rear your elbow into his stomach as hard as you can knocking him back and you summon your catalyst. As he said, he's faster than you, but before he can get back, you place a wall of ice between him and yourself. It's not enough to hold him back for long, but enough to catch your breath. He laughs as he can hear you choking, attempting to regain your oxygen.

"You think this little wall will stop me?" He attacks the wall with his fist, making a section crumble. Your breathing is fast, but you can't seem to gain enough breath to speak. As he crumbles your wall piece by piece, you pull back your hood and lean on the bedroom wall behind you. Finally, he lands the finishing blow and the ice dissipates in a gust of cryo magic. The crazed look of bloodlust vanishes from his face the instant he sees you, hand on your throat, and your breath heavy.

"___-," He can hardly finish his whisper as he lets out a shaky breath. With the tense atmosphere suddenly calm, you're able to regain your breath and look up at the man. His skin a pale and his eyes are dull. He has large dark circles under his eyes and he looks a bit thinner than normal.

"_____," He manages to get out, still shocked you're actually here.

"Are you okay?" You shake your head.

"You haven't seen me in months and that's the first thing you say to me?" He rubs the back of his neck and looks down, ashamed.

"I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry if I hurt you." You can hardly believe what you're seeing. He seems broken, utterly defeated. If he hadn't fought you just now, you'd assume he'd fall over with the breeze.

Looking at him now, it's hard to believe he's the same man that killed your sister.

"We need to talk." He nods, refusing to meet your eyes.

"You need to tell me the truth, Tar," He takes in a shuddering breath at your words.

"All these years, I've been beside you. I've stood up for you, I've loved you. I told you all my darkest secrets and nightmares. Not once did I ever lie to you."

Tears come to his eyes just as they do yours. He bites his lip to prevent the tears from falling. You step closer to him, dropping your cloak, and put your hands up to his face. He flinches away from you but relaxes when your palms cup his cheeks and he finally looks you in the eyes.

"Over the past few months, I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to say to you. And no matter what scenario I came up with, I could never tell if I was doing the right thing. But, even though I carry some semblance of anger, I know that what I feel for you is real. And with that, I still hold hope that you feel the same and it wasn't all just a lie."

He grabs your hands, the tears now falling one by one down his pale cheeks.

"I swear to all the Archons that I love you! I never lied about that!" You hesitate for a moment, blinking away your own tears.

"And though I don't want to, I believe you," You rub your thumbs across his face, clearing some of the tears.

"But I need you to tell me everything." Tartaglia closes his eyes. He never dreamed in a million years he'd have to tell you this story. He'd hoped that you'd live in blissful ignorance for the rest of your life with him. But the gods had another plan for him and you, and he prays that at least one of them will let him keep you. Even if that's a selfish request.

"I joined the Fatui when I was young. I was constantly trying to prove myself to Signora and the Tsaritsa that I was willing to do anything they asked me. I still am," He looks at you with regretful and sorrowful eyes as he recalls the past.

"Your parents had fled Snezhnaya when you were born, because of a debt they racked up with the Fatui. When they were found in Fontaine, it was revealed that they were working for a group of rebels intent on infiltrating Snezhnaya. It was my job to take you and your sister to use as leverage on your parents. But, your sister fought back," You release his face and look away, finding it harder to keep eye contact with him.

"I wasn't as skilled as I am now, and I panicked. But La Signora said I did a good job. I didn't know that your parents had already been killed by the rebels, and neither did the Fatui. Not until after we had left you. At that point, there was no reason to continue after you. But you were never forgotten about. And when you came to Liyue, I was instructed to keep an eye on you," Childe lifts his arms up and places his hands on your shoulders.

"But I never expected to fall in love with you." You look into his ocean blue eyes and are overcome by the warmth they hold for you.

"The day I met you, I could feel it, and I tried so hard to forget about it, but you were just so . . . Amazing, and beautiful, and kind. I never expected that from you. You never once judged me or ridiculed me, even though you knew who I was. I thanked the Archons every day that you came into my life, and I prayed that you'd never find out what I'd done."

A sob breaks through as he wipes the tears running down his face. All the years you harbored hatred for this man, you never once thought about what he could have been going through. It's true that this doesn't excuse his actions, but to know that he truly regrets what he did brings you some kind of closure. In the end, revenge would have never made you feel better. Your sister wouldn't have wanted that.

You love Tartaglia with all your heart, and in this world, it's better to forgive than to let it eat away at you any longer.

"Tartaglia," His name comes out as a whisper with your breath, but he hears you loud and clear. The fear of rejection in his eyes tells you everything you need to know as you carefully speak to him.

"I forgive you." He cries, pulling you to his chest and you hug him back. Unfortunately for him, you weren't finished.

"But, I need some time to think about this. I love you; I never stopped loving you, and I always will," You pull back and smile at him before gently kissing his chapped lips.

"I'm going back to Mondstadt, but I'll be back. You just need to give me some time." He smiles as best he can and nods enthusiastically.

"I'd give you all the time in the world if I could." He moves to kiss you again, but you put a finger up to his lips to stop him.

"Save it for later, Tar." He laughs, looking back up at you with bright eyes.

"So, there's a later?"

(A little something extra. It doesn't quite fit to be an ending, but more like an epilogue just tying things together I guess lol.)

___________________

You sigh as you sling your bag over your shoulder. It's been a good few months back in Mondstadt after your reconciliation with Childe, and you've decided it's time to go home. You've kept in regular contact with him since you've been here, writing letters to each other like new lovers. You found the whole thing quite cute, despite the circumstances. He's been regarding you with caution, taking things one step at a time, and never pushing you past any limits you set. You're grateful for that.

"You sure you wanna go back? You can always stay a bit longer, just to give yourself a bit more time to think it over." John says, arms crossed and head down. You two have grown closer over your time spent here. It's a shame to think you were so caught up in your misery to be blind to the best friend you could have had. And it's tough to say goodbye, now that you've grown attached.

"I'm sure. You don't have to miss me too much, ya know? I'll be back to visit, and I'll write every week!" John huffs.

"You better, or I'm coming over there and kicking that Fatui's ass for keeping you away! I don't care how many ruin guards he can take on!" You laugh and pull him into a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you." He hugs you back, holding you tight.

"Yeah, I know." You roll your eyes and wave goodbye to the family you didn't realize you had.

Once back in Liyue, you get settled into your home with Childe. Thankfully, he cleaned up the mess he made while you were gone. He had said he was so distraught at the thought of you leaving him, he trashed the place in anger. Not anger from you, but anger at himself. He was afraid you'd think he was a monster, that he was heartless, and that you'd never want to see him again.

He was relieved when he heard you were in Mondstadt. There, he could keep an eye on you. One of the things he was afraid of was you doing something to yourself due to the pain of it all . . . If you did that, he wouldn't know how to cope. And when he received word that you had disappeared from Mond, well, he thought that fear had come true. But in the end, things worked out. You could never forget what he did, nor do you want to. It's something you have to live with, just like he does, and it's up to you to put it aside.

You know there are many things he's done that he's not proud of. Many things of which he promises to tell you when he's ready. And you'll be there to listen as he spills his heart out to you.

You take in a breath of air as you enter the harbor, smelling the salty water of the ocean and the wonderful herbs being brought in from traveling merchants. You'll never get over these smells.

"_____!" You look over your shoulder, surprised as Chen runs over to you. You haven't seen her since the incident outside of town.

"Chen! Are you okay?" She smiles and hugs you.

"I'm doing great! My brother and I have been selling a lot more of our goods since he's been back, and business has been booming!"

"Your brother?" You tilt your head.

"Yes!" She nods enthusiastically.

"He did go to Lingju Pass as Childe had said. It turns out, he had a buyer out there but didn't want to tell me in case the deal went south. I overreacted. . ." She puts her head down in shame.

"All the rumors about the Fatui got to my head, and I assumed the worst. But Childe went out and found my brother for me. Can you please tell him I said thank you? Also that I'm sorry. I really owe him one."

You pat her on the head, relieved.

"Of course, Chen." She reaches into her pocket and pulls something out.

"For payment-"

"No!" You shove her hand away.

"Gotta go! I'm late to see Tar!" You sprint off, leaving a confused Chen in your wake.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

A Deafened Bard (Stephen Strange x Female!Reader) pt. 2

Doctor Strange and y/n confide their tragic backstories in one another. Y/n struggles with her feelings for him.

Trigger warnings: abusive parenting, use of firearms, discussion of death and grief, mention of alcoholism

"On the outside, always looking in

Will I ever be more than I've always been?

Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass-"

You stopped yourself before you could indulgently belt out the titular lyric.

"Ew, why was I singing that?" You muttered to yourself. "I don't even like that song." 

You knew, subconsciously, that it was because you were trying to avoid what you really wanted to sing. For the first time ever, you had an audience. Someone was paying attention. 

"Love of my life, you've hurt me-"

"Oh, come on, butterfingers." He interrupted. "Love of my Life by Freddie Mercury. Give me something hard." 

"I wasn't aware it was classic rock trivia night." 

"Then why were you staring straight at me while singing?" He smirked. 

"Was I?" You cocked your head, expertly deflecting his implication. "I'm so spaced out I don't even know where I'm looking." 

"It's Freddie Mercury." He insisted.

"Uh, yes and no." You corrected, drawing on your encyclopedic knowledge of Queen from one particularly weird summer in high school. "While Freddie Mercury wrote the song, it was recorded on a Night at the Opera. Which was accredited to the whole band." 

"That's a nitpick," he shook his head. "I'm still right." 

You couldn't wear your heart on your sleeve anymore. You could only distract him with 70s glam rock trivia for so long before he started to notice a pattern. Although a sappy love song was in your heart, you sang the anthem of the depressed theater kid. 

You were staring straight at him, though. But who wouldn't? You studied his features only for artistic inspiration. His sharp jaw and high, high cheekbones were… inspiring. 

You couldn't lie to yourself. You fell and fell hard.

"Butterfingers!" Master Strange called out from the other side of the sanctum. "I need you!" 

You dropped your pencil and pushed yourself out from the chair. "Coming!" 

You followed the voice into his chambers. This was a new development, you thought. Out of respect for his privacy, you'd never dared to snoop around in his bedroom. But this was practically a written invitation. 

The room was spotless. Not a book or a scrap of paper out of place. Nor was there much to look at at all. A handful of picture frames, some magazines from when he was a surgeon, all featuring himself on the cover. 

"Butterfingers!" He called again, as if he knew you were about to snoop.

"I'm here!" You yelled back, eyes wandering around the room. "What do you need?" 

"I left my watch somewhere in the library!" He sounded disproportionately panicked for what was just a minor inconvenience. "I need you to go get it for me." 

"What does it look like?" You asked. 

"It's a $27,000 watch." He snapped impatiently. "It looks like one." 

"Jesus." You cursed.

"Don't give me that shit, [F/N]." He ordered, slamming his fist down against the sink. "Just do what you're goddamn told." 

"Alright, alright!" You put your hands up. "Fine, I'll get it." 

You hurried down the stairs and into the library. On the floor between his favorite chair and a stack of musty old books was a slim, silvery watch with a plain black band.

You picked it up and examined it. Apart from the price tag, was there really any reason for him to be so worried about it? He knew exactly where he left it. Did he have reason to believe it wouldn't be there when he returned? 

All you needed to do was flip it over to get your answer. You read the inscription on the back. 

Time will tell how much I love you -- Christine 

You should have known that his massive ego wouldn’t keep the women away forever. Hell, it certainly didn’t deter you. Much uglier douchebags have gotten far prettier girlfriends than they deserved.

You closed your fingers around the watch and sighed. The fantasy you created for yourself, of slowly, deliberately earning his love was shattered. Christine already beat you to it, it seemed. You tried to smother the part of you that resented this person for her exclusive right to Master Strange's affections. You didn't know her, but you loathed her. And you felt filthy for it.

With a heavy heart, you brought the stupid, criminally expensive little timepiece back to its rightful owner. 

"Here's your all-important watch, master." You mumbled, placing it on the bedside table. 

"I know I told you I would give you space to question things," He said, swiping it from the table and expertly affixing it around his wrist. "But I'd really appreciate it if you didn't question this." 

You tried to sound as non-passive-aggressive as you could. You attempted a more forgiving tone, but you couldn't hide your hurt. "It's fine. I don't care." 

"I didn't mean to get short with you, [F/N]." His voice softened. "I'm sorry. But this watch-" 

"It's fine." You cut him off, peering at the floor. 

"It was a gift." He finished anyway. 

You felt the lump in your throat rising. You knew what the watch represented and you wanted to smash it to pieces. Along with the sting of rejection, you felt the sting of tears in your eyes. "I know. I saw the engraving."

"She died two years ago." He lowered his head. 

Suddenly, all your ill will towards this woman turned into guilt. 

"I'm sorry to hear that." You said. "I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone who loved you so much." 

"She had agreed to come to a speaking engagement with me. As a second chance, and-" Pain wrapped his voice. He closed his hand tightly around the watch and held it close to his chest. "Have you ever been in love before, [F/N]?"

From the way your heart ached, and how easily the thought of never being with him made you cry, you knew the answer. You'd been avoiding speaking it into being thus far, but you couldn't lie to yourself anymore.

"Yes." You whispered. 

"You'll learn soon enough." He muttered. "It only brings more suffering." 

The tears finally breached and you tried to blink them away. You didn't know what emotion was causing them: guilt, shame, contempt, anger, sadness-- they were all present.

"Master Strange, I-" you stuttered, tripping over your breath. "I respect what you've gone through, I really do, but it's not fair to take it out on me." 

"You're right." He conceded. "I'm sorry. Please, go get some sleep.”

You nodded. “Right.” 

You slept as late as you could get away with the next morning. In apprentice terms, that only meant sleeping until eight thirty. Your dailies could wait an extra hour while you laid in bed, feeling like garbage. 

You stumbled down the spiral staircase in your pajamas. No bra, no makeup and no effort. You didn’t even run a brush through your hair. Why try, you thought. Why make an effort for the man who would never see you as anything but the help? 

When you saw the piano, though, you did a full 180.

In the living area was a French cherry baby grand piano that definitely was not there before. You certainly would have noticed it before. You placed your phone on the counter and approached the new addition. 

As if the memories were woven into the very muscles and ligaments of your fingers, you ran down a few octaves of C Major. The keys were smooth as porcelain and the sound that emanated from the instrument was next to heavenly. 

A bright orange post-it note was stuck to the music rack. 

“Love of my Life”, Queen, A Night at the Opera. 1975 

Was this a request, or an admission of wrong? Whatever the case, it made you smile. 

"You weren't being entirely honest with me, Butterfingers." He said, randomly materializing behind you. 

You turned around on the piano bench and looked up at him. "What was I not honest about?" 

"I'm so glad you asked." He sat down on the bench next to you, phone in hand. "Because when you said you used to play piano, you didn't specify you were actually a student prodigy." 

Sure enough, on his phone, he was scrolling through your Instagram. Dozens of videos of a much younger [F/N] playing hundreds of different songs, singing with too many vocal runs and doing so with the entire content of her soul behind the music. 

"Student prodigy is a bit strong." You turned your head to hide your blush. 

He scrolled up and found a picture of a young, zit-faced teenage [F/N] holding an acceptance letter. "Last I checked, Juilliard doesn't give full-ride scholarships to just anyone." 

You covered your face with your hands, smothering an embarrassed smile. "God, please. I'd rather you'd found my OnlyFans." 

He raised his eyebrows. "As tempting as that sounds, I'd still rather hear your explanation on this. Why did you give up on something you loved?"

You looked at him in surprise. "You really want to know?" 

"Well, I told you mine." He playfully nudged you in the side. 

You took a deep breath in. "Well, it was about two years ago, now-”

"Cheers to you, [F/N]!" Your best friend Holly raised her glass of champagne in your direction. "Juilliard ain't gonna know what hit ‘em."

"I'll drink to that." You said, bring your own flute up to your lips and taking a swig. You wretched in disgust as the vile liquid ran down your throat. "Or maybe I won't."

"You're gonna have to get used to it." Holly nudged you with her elbow. "I think most professional musicians are alcoholics."

You narrowed your eyes at her. "I don't think that's right."

"Is too." She smirked. "Conductors are mad strict. Abusive even. Drive musicians to drink all the time."

You laughed. "Is everything you know about the world of music from Whiplash?"

"And The Perfection." She added.

"Thank you, Holly." You said, attempting to take another sip of champagne, purely for dramatic effect. "Very cool."

You felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. "Hi, Holly. Enjoying the party?"

Holly took a step back. "Hey, Mrs. [L/N]. Yeah, it's great."

"I hope you don't mind," Your mom said, her fake nice voice eeking through her clenched teeth. "I need to borrow [F/N] for a few minutes."

Holly's face fell. "Sure. I'll catch up with you later, [F/N]."

Your mother tugged you off to the side. With a stressed huff, she began. "Jason is out in the fields with his ROTC friends."

"And what do you want me to do about that?" You asked, knowing her drunk self couldn't read your sarcastic tone.

"Could you go get him and bring him home?" She said, squeezing your upper arm.

"Are you kidding?" You spat.

"[F/N], he's drunk." She scolded. "Do you want him to get another strike on his record?"

"I don't care." You mumbled under your breath. "Have him call an uber. Hell, let him sleep it off in the field. Not my problem."

"You know what he's like when he's drunk." She rationalized. "He gets rowdy. It had better be you."

You tensed up. "No. Holly and I are going to the French Quarter. I don't have time to babysit Jason."

"Just pick him up on your way there?" She pleaded. "It won't take long."

You knew this wasn't going to stop. "Fine, but this is the last time."

You were both dressed far too well to be trekking through the swampy ass nowhere when you should have been fucking your way through the French Quarter. Luckily for your evening plans, all you needed to do was follow the sound of gunshots.

You slammed the car door shut and Holly followed suit. Finding him was the easy part. The hard part was hauling his drunk ass back home.

"Fun's over, shithead." You announced, heels sinking into the sod as you spoke. You didn't have much trouble projecting over the gunfire and getting their attention.

"Shit, [F/N]?" Jason sputtered, so drunk he could barely keep his head straight.

"Holy shit, I didn't even recognize you in that dress." One of his dumb fuck friends added. He jabbed Jason in the side. "Why didn't you tell me your sister's hot?"

"Buster, I-'' You clenched your teeth. "I don't care if you live or die, but my mom needs me to bring Jason home."

"If you get in the car now, we won't have to use the chloroform." Holly added.

Jason scratched the back of his head with the barrel of his gun, then pointed it at you. "You're gonna have to make me."

"Jesus fucking Christ!" You exclaimed, hitting the deck. "What the fuck, Jason!?"

Jason and his dumbass friends laughed. "You should have seen the look on your face, [F/N]!"

"Put down the fucking gun-" You seethed. "And get in the fucking car."

He lowered the gun and looked like he was going to concede. Just when you thought he would cooperate, he stuck it up again. He keeled over in a fit of laughter when you and Holly panicked again.

"Look at them!" He shouted. "They're so fucking scared!"

You knew out in the middle of the swamp, nobody could hear you scream. So you used it to your advantage.

"Jason, you're going in the car, or under it." You raised your voice. "I will mow your drunk ass down like eight day old roadkill right here in this field and you will be LUCKY if anyone finds your bloated, shit-covered remains before the crocodiles get a whiff of you."

That seemed to get his attention.

"Sorry, boys." He pouted. "You heard her."

He had to 'get you' one final time, though. Only that time, the gun went off. Just centimeters from your ear. You clutched the side of your head, trying to drown out the deafening ringing with your screams.

You vaguely remembered Holly pistol-whipping Jason before loading you into the car to drive you to the hospital, leaving him desolate and drunk in the field.

"It was a one-in-a-million shot." The otolaryngologist tried not to sound impressed at what was clearly some kind of anomaly very few got to witness in a medical career. "When the bullet fired, the gunpowder traveled down your ear canal, burning the cells of your auditory nervous system and... singing your eardrum... clean off."

Your eyes widened. "Off?!"

The doctor lowered her head. "I'm sorry, Miss [L/N]. I'm afraid you'll never return to full hearing again."

You didn't want to kill the messenger. You knew she was only doing her job. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"If we could do a tympanoplasty, which, given the condition of the drum, is unlikely-" she began. "There would still be no way to fully repair the hair cells along the ear canal."

You took deep breaths to try and quell your simmering rage. "I'm leaving for Juilliard in three months."

"Hearing aid technology has improved significantly over the last decade." She said, a somewhat hopeful upturn in her voice.

That was when your mother decided to join in on the conversation. "Oh, we can't afford that."

You thought you were going to crush your teeth into bits from how tightly your jaw was clenched in fury. "Take it out of Jason's college fund, then."

"Oh, [F/N]." She said as if you had just told the funniest joke imaginable. "Please. That wouldn't be fair to Jason."

"You can afford to send that blithering idiot to the Citadel." You hissed. "You can afford to buy me a hearing aid so I can play piano."

"Beethoven was entirely deaf." Your mom pointed out. "And he became the greatest composer of all time. It's really just mind over matter, sweetie-"

"Sure, that makes perfect sense!" You plastered on a deranged smile, feeling driven to the brink of madness. "I can repair my destroyed eardrum with the power of positive thinking! Jason gets thirty-five thousand dollars a year to play soldier, but I have to just use my imagination."

She covered her face with her hands as if she was being attacked and went into kicked-puppy mode. "Don't be mad at Jason, [F/N]. He didn't mean to hurt you-"

"Fuck this." You said, releasing all your tension in those two words. "Fuck all of this. I'm tired of you defending that chauvinist asshole. The next time you see me will be when one of us is dead."

"Where are you going?!" She wailed.

You snatched your purse from the table and threw it over your shoulder. "I'm moving out."

“Disgraced at age nineteen?" Master Strange said, leaning back on the piano. "Let me guess, you turned to alcohol to cope?"

"You'd think, but actually no." You shook your head. The tone of the conversation had taken a sharp left turn from sadness to dry, apathetic amusement. "I probably would have if I could have afforded it."

"You missed out." He said. "Drinking a whole bottle of eighty year old scotch was definitely the highlight of my grieving period."

You'd never joined the clauses 'Master Strange' and 'drunk off his ass' in the same sentence before then. It was an odd mental picture for sure. One you needed to see to believe.

"I got desperate." You admitted. "Luckily, New Orleans had a lot to offer someone like me, so I didn't have to go far to find people claiming to have answers. But it was all essential oils, incense, binaural beats-"

"I'm sorry," he cut in. "What kind of dickhead suggests binaural beats to someone with only one functioning ear?"

You threw up your hands. "Right? Doesn't make sense. Anyway, I came across a woman named Mistress Fantina and she pointed me in the right direction. How to heal my body through control of my spirit."

He looked at you with that fascination of the human body characteristic of those in the medical field. "It worked, I assume?"

"I figured it out." You shrugged. "But I got so invested in the Mystic Arts that I forgot all about Juilliard. Became a full-time student. Ever since, I never once thought about returning to my old life."

"I suppose if I'd discovered this world because I had lost, say, my ability to perform surgery, it would be hard to leave it behind and return to the operating room." He thought out loud. Sighing, he closed his hand over his watch. "But no matter how medical science evolves, you can't reverse death."

You let the quiet linger for a moment.

[uwuwriting]

Bakugou and Todoroki w/ future kids but they meet the reader first

Request: I know you just wrote the future kids thing but I never see the reverse scenario happen where the kid meets the reader. But maybe because they're young or the reader isn't with the boi (Bakugou in this case who doesn't have a hero name yet and maybe the reader doesn't either) The kid keeps saying his parents hero names until he finally runs into Bakugou. The kid didn't realize the reader was the mom until they stood next to Bakugou. - anonymous 

I really enjoyed writing the future kids requests mainly because they were the cutest along side some dad requests I got recently. So I chose these two since we don’t have hero names for them and you didn’t specify any characters so yeah. If you want me to write for others please don’t hesitate to ask. Love yaa.💖💖💖

warnings: fluff, some mild panic

Bakugou Katsuki

-You had gone shopping with Tsuyu and Ochako but had parted ways when the girls had been called in from their agencies. 

-Making your way back to the dorms, you were vibin along with your music when you felt a small tug at your pant leg.

-Looking down you were met with a pair of small e/c eyes staring back at you with a few stray ash blonde locks swaying along the autumn breeze. 

-The little figure stared at you for a moment, a poker face adorning his features before he spoke. 

- “Excuse me, do you know where the Ground Zero agency is?”

-You had never heard of such an agency and kneeling down you looked at the small boy.

- “I’m sorry sweetheart but I don’t know an agency by that name. Who are your parents? Maybe we can find them.”

-The boy looked at you with confusion and some irritation sprinkled on top, for a few moments before letting out a sigh and telling you that his parents were pro heroes.

-His mother apparently was on a mission across seas so they couldn’t really contact her  but his dad, the number two hero , Ground Zero  would definitely help. 

-At first you thought that the boy was confused since the number two hero right now was Hawks and you didn’t know anyone by that hero name. 

-And you told the boy that he was wrong but he was adamant, insisting that his daddy was number two.

-When you mentioned Hawks he titled his little head to the side and said rather matter of factly that Hawks had retired long before he was born.

-That was weird to say the least.

-With everything that the boy told you you were beyond confused and you decided to take him to Aizawa, thinking it was the best course of action. 

-Offering the boy your hand he hesitantly took it saying that his mommy always said that he shouldn’t trust strangers. 

- “But you look very familiar so I trust you. Kinda.”

-And with that you walked hand in hand to the dorms with the intention to find Aizawa in his room.

-Along the way however you heard yelling coming from the common room and you mentally prepared yourself for the tantrum that Katsuki must be throwing in there. 

-Halting your steps you leaned down to the boy ready to prepare him for what was to come only to be met with an ecstatic little human chanting ‘daddy’ under his breath.

-His eyes were practically shinning while he was making mini hops here and there, trying to mask his excitement. 

-If you were being honest he reminded you of yourself when you get fired up but his appearance practically screamed Bakugou at you.

-You have had a crush on Katsuki for some time now but you’ve attempted to drown your feelings and save yourself the humiliation and heart break. 

-Key word: attempted.

- “You excited there kiddo?”

-He looked up at you with a large smile on his tiny face.

- “That sounds like my daddy! Mommy always says that shouting might be part of his quirk and every time she says that, daddy and I need to tickle her until she takes it back.”

- “Well if your father is anything like the baka you are about to meet than god help your mother.” you mumbled under your breath, the boy too excited to pay attention to you, as you pushed the door open and stepped inside. 

-You made to walk to Aizawa’s room when his voice boomed through the room. 

- “Oi this isn’t a nursery. What are you doing?” 

- “Shut it Bakugou!’

- “Did you kidnap the kid? ‘Cause it seems that he’s trying to get away from your dumbass.”

-He wasn’t wrong. 

-The boy was trying to leave your grasp that you had unconsciously tightened when you started talking with Bakugou.

-The little boy looked back at you and mouthed ‘That’s daddy!!!’ before prying your hand off of his wrist and running to the couch that Bakugou was sitting. 

-He looked at the child with a scowl on his face, his eyes darting over the boys’ features noticing some resemblances to himself but also some of your characteristics. 

-The kid certainly had his hair and face structure but his eyes, nose and mouth were all you. 

-And don’t get him started on that cute grin he had on his face that was a carbon copy of the one you have. 

-Bakugou hated to admit that he had a crush on you. 

-You had caught his eye when you had roasted him during your first week of school and you two had been bickering back and forth ever since, feelings starting to develop on both sides but neither of you being brave enough to actually confess. 

- “Y/N why the hell is your brother looking at me like that?”

-At that the boy snapped his head to you, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape the grin he adorned just a few seconds ago being replaced by a really confused look. 

- “He’s not my brother, I found him! Now if you’ll excuse us I have to find Aizawa and clear things out.”

-The boy didn’t move an inch as you approached him, his eyes fixated on your face and as you leaned forward to grab him he wrapped both his arms around your neck and manhandled you onto the couch, making you fall on top of Katsuki. 

-The blushes on your faces were legendary.

-The kid was staring at you two and suddenly jumped on top of BOTH of you making Katsuki groan.

- “Mommy, mommy i thought you were in America with auntie Mina! Why did you pretend you didn’t know me? Why is daddy so small? Where are we?”

-Bakugou was staring at the kid shooting question after question as you on the other hand were on the brink of passing out from the word mommy. 

- “Oi, oi slow down. What’s your name shrimp?”

-He looked at Katsuki with a frown before roll his eyes and answering. 

- “Bakugou Tatsuo you old man.”

-They had to bring you to Recovery girl because you passed out and both Bakugou men were panicking.

Todoroki Shouto

-You didn’t know what hit you really. 

-You were lounging outside on your balcony enjoying the view the dorms gave you when you heard shouting from above you before you were frozen in place and a little ball of red hair came tumbling down the ice slide.

-It almost slammed against your glass door but stopped just on time, shaking the frost from the red locks. 

-As the child turned to you, her eyes widened and she quickly let out a string of sorry’s as she defrosted you, messing up her words many times and confusing the r with w.

-It was the cutest thing watching this five year old at best trying to melt her ice, her chubby hands resting on the iceberg as her nose scrunched up in concentration. 

-Eventually the ice melted and you were set free, rubbing your arms for some warmth as you looked at the child on your balcony more closely. 

- “I’m so sorry miss, I didn’t see you!!”

- “Well you were falling from the sky so I find it logical.”

-The little girl fidgeted with her fingers looking around in pure confusion, her lower lip trembling at the unfamiliar scenery in front of her. 

-Despite the clear panic in her gaze she held herself together, dawning a poker face soon after and looking at you straight in the eyes, her gaze feeling awfully familiar. 

- “I’m Rei. Nice to meet you.”

-She extended her hand and you were taken aback from her manners and the fact that you were being owned by a toddler. 

-Taking her small hand in yours you shake it and lead her inside, placing her on your bed and sitting across from her on your chair. 

-You stared at each other for a solid five minutes before you broke the silence with some basic questions. 

-How old she was, how she got here, where are her parents.

- “A kid got his quirk and things got out of hand. But my daddy will know what to do!! He’s a pro hero.”

- “Oh what’s his hero name? Maybe I can take you to him.”

- “Icyhot, he has an agency in the city but I don’t know how to get there.”

-At the sound of that name you were confused again. 

-Icyhot is Bakugou’s way of mocking Todoroki, your long time crush, and as far as you know there is no hero with that name,

-As you looked at the girl again you saw some similarities with Shouto.

-The hair and the poker face along with her quirk and some of her mannerisms scream Shouto.

-Even though her hair was the same color as his, she looked like you when you were around her age.

-Pushing your confusion in the back of your mind you looked at her again. 

- “Is you daddy Todoroki Shouto?”

-You wished that your first time referring to Shouto as daddy would be under him other circumstances. 

- “Yes!! Do you know him??”

-Oh you knew him alright.

-Nodding you sat up and extended your hand to the little girl, who grabbed it with no hesitation, and led her out of your room.

-And so the mad hunt for Todoroki began.

-Along the way Rei would tell you all kinds of stuff and share funny situations that her and her twin sister got themselves into. 

-Apperantly, Rei had a twin sister Ren and a younger sister who was recently added to the family, Ru. 

-You had been running around the school grounds for like an hour and you could feel Rei getting tired as she slowed down after a while. 

-She didn’t complain though. she just kept talking about her family and how her mom stayed at home for the last few weeks. 

-She was the cutest thing you have seen in a fat while and you could say that you were more than jealous of her mother, whoever she was.

-As you rounded a corner your eye caught sight of a head with vibrant red and white hair.

-And there stood Todoroki in all his glory holding a little girl of his own in his arms, this one with snow white hair.

-The moment Rei saw them she made a mad sprint and literally tackled both of them to the ground, the twins hugging each other like they weren’t suffocating Shouto. 

-You rushed to them, kneeling beside Shouto and prying the twins off of him, giving him a weak smile as you helped him up. 

-As you two stood there, the twins looked at you and something clicked.

-Both of them smiled to themselves and hugged you, nuzzling into yor side as Todoroki stared at you. 

-You all agreed to go to Aizawa or Recovery Girl to see how to get them back home.

-As you made your way to Aizawa’s office the twins were whispering to each other not as quietly as they thought. 

- “Mommy is really pretty.”

- “Yeah and daddy has that smile on his face.”

-You both became a blushing mess unbeknownst to them.

-You sure as hell had a lot to talk about after this. 

-And you’d finally get to call him daddy. 

TAG TEAM AY:

@brattyquirks​ , @the-arcana-fan-fic​

[dingdongitsbees]

“Gojo has a girlfriend!?” | Gojo x Reader Oneshot (Fluff)

Synopsis:  Yuuji has just overheard a phone call with Gojo and this seemingly mysterious woman who's coming to visit. He brings the news to the other students, adamant that their teacher has a girlfriend much to the disbelief of Maki, especially when the possibility of the girlfriend being you arises.

Ao3 Link

WC: 2.6k TW: mentions of death/murder Just send an ask to be added to Gojo the taglist! (specify if you don’t want angst etc)

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Guys, guys! Gojo has a girlfriend!” Yuuji announced, slamming the door open to the classroom.

“I refuse to believe that,” Nobara said rolling her eyes. “He couldn’t get a girlfriend even if he had the most romantic script in front of him.”

“I second that,” Maki said, not even looking up from her phone.

“Tuna, tuna,” Toge agreed.

“He’s not that bad-” Yuuji started.

“He’s an egotistical, immature man child who thinks dick jokes are the height of humour, what women would be attracted to that?” Maki glared.

“Then explain to me why I heard him call someone babe over the phone just now! And why I heard a girl’s laugh!”

“You say that like he doesn’t do that to everyone,” Nobara sighed.

“He said they were coming today anyway!” Yuuji insisted. “And he said “I love you” before he hung up!”

Now that raised eyebrows in the room.

“He… he really said that?” Maki said slowly for Yuuji just to nod enthusiastically in reply. “Then who the hell did he brainwash to be his girlfriend?!”

The group moved out of the classroom to outside as they argued leaving Megumi alone to slurp his noodles who was happy to be forgotten in the conversation since he already knew the answer. Watching the two adults yearn obviously after each other for years still scarred him, but he was happy you were coming today, even if you had the worst taste in men.

“Seriously who the hell is it!” Nobara yelled. “There’s no way its Utahime right?” The group was stood at the top of the stone stairs that led into the school, waiting for the mysterious visitor.

“She’d rather die,” Maki deadpanned.

“Mei Mei?”

“She’d go for someone richer.”

“Yuki?”

“She’s too busy for relationships, let alone with Gojo.”

“Shoko?”

“We would have noticed that by now.”

“A civilian?” Yuuji suggested.

“Like there’s any way he could explain the jujutsu world to a civilian without making it look like he was insane.”

Panda hummed from behind them. “(y/n)?”

Maki went still. “How dare you taint her name like that.”

Yuuji and Nobara looked to each other. “(y/n)?” they said in sync.

“She’s one of the only other special grade sorcerers,” Panda explained. “She was in Shoko and Gojo’s grade in school. She’s Gojo’s best friend.”

Yuuji and Nobara’s eyes widened.

“He has friends?” Nobara asked with a bit too much genuine shock.

“Somehow,” Maki spoke solemnly, pushing up her glasses. “But (y/n) is too cool to ever do that!” She looked to the sky with her outstretched hand dramatically. “I would never idolise and want to follow in the footsteps of someone if they were that foolish!”

“Bonito flakes!”

Nobara mouthed a ‘woah’ at Maki’s intensity, never seeing her look up to someone with so much passion.

A Megumi scratching his neck joined them from behind, now full enough of food to deal with what would soon happen.

“Who do you think it is?” Yuuji asked him.

Megumi sighed. “It’s-”

Panda whipped his head up, ears twitching, everyone falling silent. They strained their human ears and soon heard footsteps on the gravel coming towards them. Without warning a stick came hurtling at Maki’s head with deadly accuracy who froze before quickly cutting it in half, the pieces gliding past her head before the others could even blink.

“You’ve certainly improved Maki!” A happy voice spoke. Soon they saw a small woman with hands in pockets walking up the stone steps with a grin. “Yo yo yo,” you greeted.

“(y/n)!” Nobara and Yuuji gulped at Maki with, wondering how she would react to the attack. “How was my form? Was it alright?”

“Pretty good, pretty good,” you laughed, “I personally would have just side stepped to dodge it to retain some energy. But if you’re going to counter, I’d suggest putting your front leg a little more forward to help with your balance, but I’m sure you already knew that.” Offering Maki a knowing grin. “You reacted much faster than you did last time though that’s for sure. You’ll definitely have the Zenins kissing your ass in no time.”

Maki nodded sharply with the compliment and Nobara couldn’t help but notice the smile she was trying to keep down to remain in her collected self.

You looked over to Megumi who begrudgingly stepped forward to say hello, but the twitching corners of his mouth said otherwise. You gave him the ritual hair ruffle which he leant down into, knowing you had missed being able to reach down to tiny child Megumi to bother him whenever you wanted, but he still indulged in your methods of affection.

“You keep getting taller what a pain,” you whined.

“It is what happens when children reach puberty,” Megumi deadpanned.

“Beside the point,” you replied with the dismissive wave of a hand. “It’s of personal offense to me.”

You looked over to the other two first years blankly, taking them in, analysing their builds and posture. They gulped nervously under your critical stare. “Ah you two must be nail girl and Sakuna’s vessel, Nobara and Yuuji, right?” You smiled, disarming their defensive walls, nodding. “Nice to meet you! I’ll be coming up here a bit more to help teach now and then so I’ll get to know you two well soon.”

They beamed and you couldn’t help but feel your heart warm at the positivity that still remained in young sorcerers. Too many let their immaturity and childlike wonder, and frankly the happy and fun side of themselves, behind as soon as they realised how the world really was for shamans, you included, but the younger generation always gave you a kick in the gut to force you to remember. An unintended gesture that was greatly appreciated.

“But anyway,” you said, dropping you smile and sighing melodramatically. “Where’s the dipshit?”

“Who-?” Nobara and Yuuji started.

“Over by the track field,” Maki said, the other second years and Megumi pointing with her.

“Coolio,” you acknowledged and stuck your hands back in your pockets and started to walk towards the field before you heard Maki speak.

“Speaking of… Gojo,” she began, “Is it true he has a girlfriend?”

You would have laughed at the question had it not been so shocking to you that the answer wasn’t glaringly obvious. You glanced over to Megumi who had obviously not told them yet, who just looked at you with so much resentment for having indirectly causing what must have been a very long conversation before you arrived.

You looked back to Maki. “He does yeah… why do you ask?”

“Well, we’ve been wondering who it is, is she a sorcerer?”

You nodded.

“Someone we know?”

You nodded again, trying not to let the slowly rising smile read on your face.

“Well…” Maki huffed, “Who is it?”

You raised your fingers to your lips and feigned zipping them closed. “I’ve been sworn to upmost secrecy,” which was just entirely untrue but kept it much more fun.

“But you’re smart I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Maki nodded, absolutely defeated as you waved goodbye and headed to the track.

It didn’t take long to find him, his overwhelming aura hit you before his slender hands covered your eyes from behind. “Guess who!”

“I couldn’t even begin to guess, maybe my ex I still have feelings for, I would probably break up with my boyfriend for him, he’s very annoying.”

“You ass,” he replied taking his hands off which you just laughed at. “Your ex is a fucking asshole.”

“That fact is written across the universe in holy star dust.”

You finally took a good look at him, his stature towering over you as always, but always bringing the feeling of being safe like under a shelter in the rain instead of any kind of looming threat height can give you. You made eye contact through his black blindfold and couldn’t help but wish it was the old days where he wore his glasses so you could see his eyes more clearly, but then again, the old days didn’t only offer happy memories, it was why you were here in the first place.

The gang peered at you two from behind the bushes, watching every excruciating detail they could pick up from the interactions.

“Nothing too out of the normal yet,” Maki breathed, “That’s just ordinary friend things yeah? Yeah?” she questioned Nobara who nodded enthusiastically. Though the younger girl couldn’t help but notice the affection in your look at him, or the way her teacher’s body seemed to soften and let his usually unnoticeable guard down.

You sat down on the large concrete steps together, close enough to feel each other’s warmth. You two looked to the sky and watched as birds passed in a group of four, gliding through the air with no need to need flap their wings.

“How are you?” You asked.

“Straight to the point huh?”

You couldn’t help but smile a little but stayed silent for him to answer.

“I mean, it’s the same as every year isn’t it?”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

The events of last year still haunted you, and Satoru too, even though he was much better at hiding it. The two of you walking up to Suguru’s dying self, his hand clutched on his bleeding stomach as the two of you were just standing in shock, staring at the man that used to be your guys’ best friend. Satoru being the one to do the finishing blow because you were too much of a mess to do it. Gojo Satoru is good at hiding things, but those who knew him well enough knew sometimes the cracks were visible in his perfect façade.

He sighed. “You need to stop being right all the time, it gets frustrating.”

You chuckled and bumped your shoulder into his, internally grinning at his infinity being turned off for you even though it was nothing new. You took the opportunity to rest you head on his shoulder as the two of you looked up into the sky again in silence. Just taking in the slow heartbeat you could hear.

It was a few minutes before it was broken again.

“It feels weird to still feel like celebrating the birthday of a person I don’t know anymore, let alone of a person I killed,” he said honestly. “Like how is the engrained feeling of an arbitrary date that I properly celebrated only three times only mean more to me than it did back then when there’s no way to repeat the happiness of unaware teenagers.”

You hummed quietly, indulging him in his thoughts that you too felt. “I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t.”

“I’m sorry I made you do it,” I said, “He was your best friend.”

“And he was yours too, I wasn’t going to make you put a childhood friend down like a dog.”

You nodded into his shoulder, going quiet. He looked down at you and you couldn’t help yourself but reach up to touch his blindfold. He didn’t resist and sat quietly as you raised it so you could see his eyes. Little, almost microscopic droplets, detailed his under eyelashes. You gave him a small smile which he returned with his own as you brushed his eyes gently. He grabbed your hand delicately and kissed the fingers tips one at a time while you watched with total calm and comfort taking over your body, snuggling closer into the crook of his neck.

The group watched in tight tension as they spied on the scene before them. Maki looked like she was going to rip out the bush, roots and all, with the way she was gripping onto the small branches like a lifeline.

“It was probably just something very personal, and because they are good friends they feel comfortable doing that, yes that’s it. And the “I love you” over the phone must have been a joke or said in a platonic way. Yeah, that’s it.” Maki said, springing off all the close enough to realistic conspiracy theories in her head.

No one had the heart to tell her what was plainly obvious, nor the bones strong enough to deal with her disagreement.

You didn’t need to say it, he already knew, but you said it anyway. “I missed you,” you said quietly, “Going abroad sucks.”

“You really need to look at the sweet shops there and pick up some souvenirs.”

“Sweets don’t numb things for everyone,” you laughed, “Sometimes food can’t replace people.” You grabbed onto his hand and laced it in yours, his huge hand enveloping yours like a little protector.

“Did you get hurt?” he whispered; he knew you were fully capable to come from most missions entirely unscathed, but it didn’t stop the worry. People he cared about going to missions alone had left many scars in varying forms.

“I’m alright, just a few bruises here and there mainly by my own hand, no biggie.”

He nodded, happy with the answer.

He stroked his thumb over the back of your hand, leaning his head onto yours. “I love you,” he whispered, barely loud enough to hear over the subtle wind.

You squeezed his hand. You’d never been good at words, stumbling over what you’re really trying to say without saying it outright, even if you already knew what you were meant to say, especially when it came time for vulnerable things, but Satoru knew that better than anyone. So, you felt his face widen into a smile.

He squeezed your hand back.

He looked down at you again, taking his blindfold off so you could admire the now rarer sight of his eyes. There was no other way to describe his eyes than beautiful. Their blues captivated you like a ship barely staying afloat in a storming ocean, barely surviving, only at the sea’s mercy. Many were terrified of them, they were whispered about among shamans young and old, and to be fair they held power. Power unattainable except for those lucky few that inherited it. But to you it had always felt like it was the eyes that inherited Gojo Satoru. It was Gojo Satoru that really made them powerful along with infinity, no one had ever come close, and it was doubtful anyone ever will, even if he thought he was raising students that he wanted to be better than him. At the very least it was definitely a high bar to beat. But when it was you, and just him, just Satoru, together, it was not the power you yielded to. It was the fact that it was Satoru, the boy and now man you had fallen in love with and who had allowed himself to fall down to fall in love with you. When you looked into the sea of blue that seemed forever changing, the only word you could use to actually describe them was Satoru.

You rose your head to meet with his lips softly, giving him a sweet kiss that made his mouth upturn into a smile. And to be fair half of it was definitely because of the group of students that were losing their minds behind a bush right now, but the other half you happily knew was because of you.

Gojo Satoru may be an egotistical, immature man child who thinks dick jokes are the height of humour sometimes, okay maybe a bit more than sometimes. But he was Gojo Satoru, the most imperfect perfect person you’d ever met, and you would stay by his side until you parted from the world, but you were sure it wouldn’t take long to find him in the next.

.

.

.

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Just send an ask to be added to Gojo the taglist! (specify if you don’t want angst etc)

[luciferloser]

Demon brothers & Undateables react to an MC with a preteen child

(As you might have guessed by now, GN MC!)

(the child’s gender may be specified in some of the scenarios)

(Y/C/N = your child’s name)

Spoilers for lesson 16 in Belphie’s section!!

Lucifer

Toddler or Preteen, it didn’t make much difference to the eldest brother. He’s seen all the stages of development with the majority of his brothers and Satan, there’s probably nothing your child could possibly throw his way that would shock him.

That is, until he actually met your child. At first he remained at his full height to assert dominance, there was no way he was going to stoop to this human’s level not that his back would allow it anyways. But then, before he could even properly introduce himself, your 12 year old squared his shoulders and declared to the Avatar of Pride, if he did anything to hurt you, your son would make his life hell... oh wait. 

That bold statement did surprise Lucifer at first, but as your son trailed off and stepped back slightly, realising his mistake, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Kudos, young man, but I don’t think there’s much you can do that can torment me terribly.” he chuckled. 

“Wanna bet?” your son grumbled in response, already thinking of numerous ways to make this strange man pay.

“I have six younger brothers, I’d like to see you come up with anything they haven’t.” he smirked in response, “Anyways, come along, preparations for your room have been completed.” 

With that, Lucifer turned away from your son and strode down the corridor. This year was certainly going to be interesting...

Mammon

The Avatar of Greed didn’t really know what to say when he saw you standing next to a slightly smaller version of yourself. At first, he thought you were siblings, but then it dawned on him that you had a child. 

Mammon, as the ‘babysitter’ naturally spent more time around your daughter than you, but that certainly didn’t stop him from adding the odd flirtatious remark to you when he wasn’t being a tsundere. 

It was this development that caused your daughter to speak up one evening when she was chilling in the lounge with Mammon and Asmodeus. “Listen, Mammon, as much as I don’t mind you flirting with my parent, there’s something you ought to know. Hurt them and I swear to you now I will kick you so hard up the ass you’ll taste nothing but my shoe for a week.” your daughter boldly announced, not once glancing up from her phone. 

While Asmo was busy rolling on the floor in tears of laughter, the white-haired demon just spluttered as his cheeks darkened. “H-hey what makes you think I-I’d hurt ya ma anyways.” he tried to defend himself.

“I’m not saying I expect you’re going to hurt them, just giving you even more of an incentive not to.” your child smiled in an almost sickeningly sweet manner before jumping up from the sofa. 

“This was a lovely chat but me and Beel are going out for lunch, catch you later!”

Asmo picked himself up from the floor, and as he pushed Mammon’s jaw back up, he added “she’d be the perfect niece for me, hurry up and take MC out on a date.” With that, Mammon shook his head slightly as he went to go and find you. He wasn’t sure whether he hoped the attitude came from you or not...

Leviathan

When the otaku heard the news that the exchange student had a child, he was quite nervous. One human was going to be enough to handle, let alone an additional smaller one. 

His fears only worsened when you left him alone with your child for the first time. The two of you had been gaming as you usually did once a week and your child wanted in this time. You stood up at the end of that round, promising that you were going to get the three of you drinks and some snacks. Before Levi could even protest, you had already closed the door behind you.

The demon of Envy’s eyes darted all around his room, looking anywhere but at the small human. That is until your spawn child murmured his name. Snapping his head round to face your child, his eyes widened slightly.

“Okay so I get you don’t really hang out with ‘normies’ or whatever that’s supposed to mean, but if you really don’t wanna be with my parent then tell them that. I’m not gonna let you hurt them like that.” your child confessed, eyes never once leaving his.

After that confession, Leviathan got a faraway look in his eyes as he thought of the resemblance to an anime he’d just finished binge watching last night; ‘my human best friend has a child that is secretly a guardian angel!’. 

Snapping out of his reverie, Levi looked down at your child once more and nodded his head profusely. ‘I solemnly swear to you I will protect them.’ he recited the lines the protagonist from the anime had used, but he meant every word he said.

Satan

Being the youngest of his brother’s meant Satan had never really had anybody to be a role model for. Which is why, surprisingly, he felt compelled to look out for your child when he first met you both. Especially because your child was already past the unnecessary crying stage and had a pretty solid understanding of communication.

Your child had never really been an extrovert and so the avatar of wrath hadn’t been too opposed to looking after your carbon copy when you were busy being pulled in every which direction by his brothers. On one of those days, your child had accompanied Satan to the library to find some more books to occupy themselves with; seeing as they weren’t technically enrolled at RAD there was no need for them to complete any class work.

“Hey Satan, can I ask you something?” Your child enquired, glancing up from their novel.

“Hm? What’s on your mind, Y/C/N?”

“Why do you look at my parent like they hung the stars in the sky? And don’t say you don’t, because I spoke to Asmo about it too and he couldn’t agree more.” Your smaller version of yourself asked, tilting their head slightly.

Blinking rapidly in surprise at the question, Satan gawped at your child before shaking his head slightly. “You shouldn’t ask Asmo questions like that. He’s the avatar of lust - not love. I know for a fact he thinks I’m looking at them like-“

“Gross! I don’t need to hear about things like that, I’m gonna go hang out with Simeon if you’re gonna talk about that.” Wrinkling their nose in disgust, your child stood up to leave, packing his books with him. Smiling to himself as he watched Y/C/N leave, he thought to himself ‘I guess I need to have a chat with Y/N’

Asmodeus

The avatar of lust couldn’t help but squeal in delight when he took in the sight of you standing with your child. He had not one, but two new friends to go out clubbing with! What? What do you mean Y/C/N isn’t allowed to go clubbing? Well that’s boring. Oh well, they can always just go shopping together and Asmo can arrange some fashion shows for you and your child. In fact, yesterday he bought the cutest coat and it would suit Y/C/N so well.

Speaking of going shopping together, one night when you and Beel had gone out to Madame Screams to try some of the new ice cream on offer, Asmo had invited Y/C/N back to his room for a self care night after shopping all day. Applying a face mask to his skin and your daughter’s, he laid beside her to let the mask dry.

“Hey Asmo, I have a question for you.” your child stated, staring up at the canopy that covered the demon of lust’s bed.

“If its about that brunette demon that held the door open for you at River Styx he’s single but there’s so many nicer demon’s out there for you and I’m pretty sure he-“

“No! It’s not about him. I admit he was cute but that’s not what I wanted to ask. What I wanted to ask was, whether you were interested in anybody...” your daughter trailed off, suddenly feeling bad for prying.

“Oh honey, while you’re an absolute treasure and I have loved spending time with you lately I don’t think we’d be a very good match at all. If I’m honest I’m more interested in Y/N. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way- why are you laughing?” Asmodeus stopped his spiel of an apology at the sound of your daughter’s chuckles.

“I’M not into you like that either, babe. I only asked for my parent’s sake. They’re head over heels for you and I just wanted to see if you felt the same.” Your daughter confessed, rising from Asmo’s bed to find a washcloth. “When they get back from the ice cream store with Beel, you should totally ask them out. Watch how quickly they’ll stumble to agree.” And with that, your daughter left the avatar of lust alone with his thoughts of you.

Beelzebub

“Did the human bring a snack with them?”

That was the first thing the redhead ever said to you and your teen son. Needless to say it took a while for your son to warm up to Beel after that. When the situation was explained to the glutton felt very guilty afterwards and went above and beyond to make it up to him.

One afternoon when the three of you were supposed to go to a new cafe that had just opened, Lucifer wanted to go over some paperwork with you, and so Beel offered to take your son out anyways and promised to try to save you a cupcake. Your son didn’t look too thrilled at the idea of going out for food with the demon who thought he was the snack, but reluctantly agreed for your sake.

“Look, Beelzebub I have to be honest with you. You seem nice enough and all, but I still don’t trust you especially knowing you could swallow us whole and thought about doing that the first time we met you. But on the flip side, you did protect Luke from Lucifer a while ago. So I suppose I can learn to trust you, is what I’m trying to say.” Y/C/N stated as he brought a mug of spiced tea to his lips, looking over at the demon who went wide eyed at the sudden confession.

Swallowing the rest of the cheesecake in his mouth, Beel nodded earnestly, “No its okay! I’m not surprised you don’t trust me, after what i said to you I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me. I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but i care about you, you’re basically family at this point. And I care about Y/N too; quite a bit actually.” By the end of his sentence, the demon’s face was almost as red as his hair.

“Hmph, I figured as much. If you care about them even half as much as you say you do, say something. You might be surprised what you find out.” Your son smirked, leaning back in his seat to take in the blushing demon before him.

Belphegor

Unsurprisingly, your son had a blatant distaste for Belphegor when they met officially. Watching your body fall still in Mammon’s arms to then disappear was enough to send him charging at the sloth demon. Even after Barbatos’ assistance on the matter and bringing you back, Y/C/N held the iciest glare he could muster. Laying a hand on his shoulder, you assured him you were okay and didn’t hurt anymore.

“Put it this way Belphegor. I never want to see you within touching distance of us again. Demon or not, I will not hesitate to swing for you. Nobody hurts my family.” Y/C/N spat, turning on his heel and tugging you with him.

After weeks of awkward meal times, you and Beel hatched a plan to get your son and his twin talking. You had forgiven Belphie for what happened, understanding that he’d had his own family in mind when he attacked you.

“Oh. Y/C/N have you seen Y/N? They wanted me to meet them here.” Belphegor asked, avoiding eye contact with your son the entire time.

“I wanted to ask you the same thing about Beel, he said-” your son was cut off by the sound of the living room door slamming shut and the lock clicking in place. “Is this some kind of joke? Mammon if that’s you and this is your idea of a joke you’re not funny! Open the door!”

There was no answer from the other side of the door, the only sound being that of a pair of retreating footsteps. Sighing in defeat, your son slid down the door and glancing at Belphegor, to see him looking just as uncomfortable as Y/C/N felt. “Well, there’s no telling how long we’re gonna be in here. I feel like I owe you an explanation...” The sloth demon began, wringing his hands together as he prepared to tell your son everything.

A few hours later, you and Beel opened the door slowly to reveal your son and Belphegor dozing on one another. Smiling at each other in victory, the two of you crept closer and wrapped them in one of the blankets on the back of the sofa. You had to admit, this was the most peaceful the two of them had looked in a long time.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Okay but a mid 20's muds meeting the current Stu. Would murdoc try and flirt? Would Stu get weirded the hell out? Would he unfortunately not be able to resist a younger, full of energy and slightly more attractive murdoc who is still obsessed with him?

Behind a cut for length!

Anon, I've been thinking about this ask literally every night since you sent it, just imagining a dozen different scenarios. I remember when the portals were still being hinted at, there was a theory that Song Machine was going to be about time travel-- and to be honest I was totally against this, because I felt like I could predict exactly where that'd go, and I really did not want to quite literally press a magic button and "fix" Plastic Beach. The time travel was debunked, but egg on my face 'cause they still made it about Plastic Beach anyway!

I also have an answer sort of similar to this you might be interested in, about how the dynamic would change if Murdoc was the younger band member.

I do think the scenario you're proposing is quite different from one where their ages were always flipped, however, because the latter changes the dynamic entirely on both sides, while in this one I am assuming at least Stuart already has the experience of their established dynamic-- I read this as Stuart from our timeline, who has lived the life we already know of with Murdoc, being given a way to meet younger Murdoc but it isn't erasing any knowledge he has of Murdoc already. It's especially interesting to specify 20's Murdoc, as that means this Murdoc will have never met Stu, so he does not have their established rocky relationship as a reference point. I've wobbled a bit in the past on how exactly I think Murdoc would behave in his 20's, the answers on this blog aren't always 100% internally consistent, ha-- but in my heart of hearts, and were I approaching it from a story perspective, I'd lean toward Murdoc being a lot more rough-edged and less comfortable with his own sexuality, but very much still exploring it in private, anonymous/frankly pretty unsafe ways. This is just based once more on the place and era he grew up in and the attitude around being gay (more specifically a gay man) when he would've been coming into his young adulthood in the 80's. (And, well, it feels like this is a sensitive enough subject that it's worth saying: I'm not trying to sensationalize real world events for fodder between fictional characters, I'm just trying to treat the fictional characters realistically and consider the context of the time.) I can imagine things beginning to change in his mid-20s as you say, but I still don't see him as entirely occupying the same mental space he'd come to live in by his late 20s/30s.

I do think Murdoc would have an immediate attraction to Stuart, but I've definitely been warring in my mind between how, y'know, forward he'd be about that. I can certainly see a scenario where he's a little more lax, a little more reckless if he's been living in London longer and taking part in the music scene-- there's a world where he'd flirt and completely screw with Stu's head by calling him an old geezer. But the scenario I tend to drift toward is one where Murdoc's still in that in-between, gone from Stoke to London but not removed enough to be open about anything, and as a result comes across hostile and defensive. In fact, this would somewhat reverse their usual roles in "my universe" as I think Murdoc would be grappling a lot more with his internalized homophobia and projecting more of his learned toxic masculinity-- up until the point of meeting in the third stall of a bathroom or against the back of the sofa, where he'd avoid eye contact or sweet talk, instead just making it known with body language what he's asking for. I actually think Stuart would be a lot more sympathetic toward Murdoc, assuming this is the aforementioned situation where he's known our Murdoc in his mid-30s through his 50s and is able to contrast who Murdoc would become against this version of him, who may think he's liberated and fuck-it-all-happy from breaking away from home (and is, in many ways) but isn't really free of it in the influence it holds, and is still in a fairly dark unchecked place mentally. I think it would wrongfoot Stuart some, but if we're talking present-day 40s-age-range Stuart, I think he's at peace (/resigned to, if you prefer to be bleaker, and you know I often do!) with who he and Murdoc are, and so hearing the way 20s Murdoc talks and carries himself, he'd mainly feel an uncomfortable recognition of these denialist behaviours in himself, and sorta-pity as he's never seen them in Murdoc in quite this way. (Of course, I do think our Murdoc still exhibited toxic masculinity toward Stuart and the world in his own ways, but I think he also takes on a role of reveling in the punkish, statement-making anti-conformism of "different" sexual desires, without necessarily confronting it out loud as a named thing, or making any effort toward connecting with a community. That is the sort of internalization/externalization he is used to from Murdoc. This, I think, would feel quite different to Stuart as Murdoc makes defensive threats but later turns his head in silence, not creating an atmosphere of hunger or worship but one of shame-- for once, not shame Stu's bringing to the table, getting angry and wet-eyed over.) I keep imagining a moment where he tells Murdoc he doesn't have to play this character because "I know you," and it's not said with gushing empathy or accusation but said plainly, as fact; Murdoc's partly spooked and partly pissed off by it, but as things carry on he's quieted and accepts against logic that it may be true.

Sorry, my main idea here isn't as fun as you were proposing! I can absolutely get on board a bit more fun, with Murdoc as sort of a cheeky little twat who Stu thinks is just as likely to pull a knife and take his wallet as he is to tell him he sorta likes greying geezers, so get us some hash and let me crash at yours, yeah?

[kendrixtermina]

Thoughts regarding the Nolofinweans

One interesting thing to note, to me, has always been the slight contrast between Fingolfin and his kids. 

They’re like him in the sense that they’re described as brave, valiant badasses - Fingon & Argon being huge war heroes for example, but unlike him, they are also explicitly adventurous, which their father is not; he was explicitly in the “stay” faction but went along out of obligation (both to the people, but also because he gave his word, and because revenge) - meanwhile Fingon & Aredhel couldn’t wait to be gone, the former is noted to have marched at the very front during the departure. From how he’s described as very impetuous & heroic, we can assume that Argon was probably the same as his sister and oldest brother. 

The possible outlier here is Turgon, who is probably the most like his father out of the bunch. Pretty responsible & noble, tough not completely without some pride of their own. The way in which they go down is certainly very similar: “I have miscalculated & failed to protect those I was responsible for! Clearly all is lost and I must atone for my folly with my life, so let there be fireworks”

So, do the other three just happen to take after Anaire? They probably do in the sense of being very loyal friends like she was to Earwen (especially if you hc that Aredhel put her own adventure plans on hold to help her then-newly widowed brother with his kid) 

However, I wish to float another idea: 

Consider Fingolfin. What do we know about him? Though he’s the middle child, he seems to have been the most popular of the princes, at least in Tirion proper. That might well be because he was the one who was most often in Tirion, doing actual prince things, so the people of the city would have known him well - whereas Feanor was always traveling or working as an inventor; We’re told he had some influence with the scholars, but he probably wasn’t at the palace that often, and Finarfin noped out of everything & chilled out in Alqualonde - and why wouldn’t he, he was the youngest. It’s not specified what Findis did but it doesn’t seem to have been politics, it seems like the resonated more withthe Vanyar anyways, and Lalwen, like Finarfin, was one of the younger ones. 

It’s easy to imagine that Fingolfin was very dedicated & dutiful; Maybe there was an element of trying to win his father’s approval to it. There’s a very formal vibe to him, both from the title he ends up using, & some of the dialogue he gets, like, when he talks to Finwe in front of the assembly he adresses him as “my father and king” - certainly this is also meant to show that Fingolfin is considering the politics here, and of course they’re nobility. Maybe they just talk like that. But in the same scene, Feanor refers to Finwe simply as “my father”. Could it be then that this is a reflection of Finwe being somewhat closer with Feanor? Not impossible, but, in that snippet of dialogue where Finwe is discussing the events with Miriel in Mandos (and guessing very wrong about what’s probably going on in his absence) he refers to Fingolfin simply as “Arakano” (or whatever his mother-name was supposed to be at the time) 

So here’s my theory: 

In his younger days, Fingolfin used to be about as adventurous, impetuous and not-the-best-judge-of-character-y as Fingon, Aredhel and Argon, complete with some charley-brown esque conviction that maybe this time, Feanor would not pull the football away; It’s easy to see how he’d get cured of that last illusion with time, but there’s more to that.

He used to love nothing more than to go riding his horse around the landscape with Lalwen and do cool tricks; After Finwe would tell them stories of the great journey, he would go drape a courtain around himself and pretend to be a great chieftain. He’d do all sorts of daring tricks that won him the friendship of many other noble brats and some enduring Big Brother Worship from Lalwen. 

But then, as he grew older, it was inevitable that he’d hear people talking, that there’d be whispers behind their backs, or that he’d come across some documents where it’s referenced that his family was once the subject of legal dispute.

Much excellent writing has been made about what it must’ve been like for Feanor to have his very existence and the characters of his beloved parents be the subject of public debate, but the same would go for Indis’ kids, just in a different way - perhaps this is also part of the reason why Findis kept out of politics & the public eye. There were, after all, canonically people mumbling that they should never have been. At least Feanor would’ve been being a jerk to Indis on a regular basis. 

So at one point, after some humiliating experience or another, a still fairly young Fingolfin - maybe the equivalent of a 14/15 year old human or so - decided that he would have to be the most ideal, impeccable prince to prove everybody wrong, to prove that he was worth the dodgy exception, so to speak. If he were a clear benefit to Tirion’s society, he thought, with a bit of juvenile pride, maybe then people would stop talking bad about his parents, and his siblings would not be subjected to the same scrutiny. 

So from that point on he threw himself into his studies & his responsibilities (”Sorry Lalwen, duty calls. I’ll play with you tomorrow”) and did what he could to be a shining example, so no one would say that his parents were selfish for having him or whatever - and he was good at it, which ironially probably created something of a pridigial-son sort of situation. He was always there, suceeding & not giving anyone cause for worry (until things between him & Feanor started to get heated), so he wasn’t perceived to need attention; He probably felt a bit taken for granted now & then, like his efforts weren’t appreciated, or not good enough, though it was brobably just an occasional bit of subliminal resentment before Melkor came in. 

There’s one snipped that didn’t make it into the final cut, where Finarfin is described as the gentlest of the brothers, but also very learned and also a good speaker... which I’d sort of assumed anyways, because, look at Finrod. But imagine being in Fingolfin’s shoes with two super handsome, super smart brothers. He’s super exceptional himself, but when he was young & had only his family to compare to... 

Likewise, you might look at Finarfin’s super talented kids & conclude that he severely downplayed his own talents because he didn’t want to kick up more of a fuss & felt his father had enough “talented sons” to worry about.

We have to appreciate that the Melkor incident didn’t just result in a rift between Feanor & everyone else, but in strife & discord everywhere; Everyone’s marriages were wrecked, parents took different sides than their children (Finarfin: “We stay!” Angrod: “No we leave!” Orodreth:”No we stay!” ...But Orodreth did not turn back and had a thoroughly bad time in middle Earth more than anyone save Aredhel maybe.) - tough we’re told that at least his sons stayed civil enough to not outright criticse him in public. I think the partings between the children of Indis were probably messy too. Findis probably told the others to go to hell when they left, then Finarfin turned back, with some degree of bitterness over how all turned out - even the pair that was left in Aman might have taken some time to reconcile.  

(As for Turgon, he either simply won the impulse control lottery (ie -  he just takes after Indis), or got all responsible when he had Idril. )

[cyb-by-lang]

Cosmic Escape Velocity

Did a little bit of writing in the whole YYH situation thing! It’s silly. It also takes place during Hell Year in its own branch timeline.

Kei.

Yeah?

I suspect your personal fate and fortune may be… Isobu paused, clearly trying to come up with a single word that would sum up the disaster of Kei’s life. All of his tails swayed uncertainly in her mind.

Unlikely? Hilariously broken? Kei’s suggestions, as always, went over like a fleet of lead balloons. She didn’t react at all when Isobu mentally swatted at her with those tails in irritation, keeping her hands behind her back in perfect parade rest.

We are standing in the office of a thousand-year-old spiritual being that has a pacifier in his mouth, said Isobu, angling his palms as far up as they’d go without breaking his not-at-all-physical shell. He just didn’t have the limb rotation range. I am not sure there is a way to sum up this latest catastrophe without stretching the language.

Kei shifted her weight from her right foot to her left. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with just screaming.

I do not scream, Isobu huffed. 

Too much dignity?

Not enough lung. 

It was Kei’s turn to roll her eyes as subtly as she could.

“Are you even listening?” asked the baby, standing up in his chair to loom as far as he could over the top of his desk. The two mountains of paperwork to each side of him did not care, and in fact made him look even smaller. Despite the added weight of his spiritual energy—not chakra, as had been specified a few minutes ago—Kei didn’t take him much more seriously.

Look, she had the equivalent of a nuclear reactor implanted in her chest through spiritual surgery. There was only so much comparison to make. 

Still, what Kei actually said was, “Of course, Koenma-sama. Sorry for the interruption.” 

The baby sat back in his chair, frowning around his pacifier. “Then as I was saying, I can’t send you back to your starting point.” As Kei’s hopes for a quick resolution took a dive, he went on, “Going by your spiritual signature, you arrived from a world that has a different wave pattern from our own. Forcing your way through during convergence must have cost tremendous amounts of energy—”

Well, it wasn’t like I passed out in a bush on purpose, Kei thought despairingly, silently cursing her circumstances for the umpteenth time. Koenma’s attendants had picked her up, dusted her off, and plopped her in front of their boss with barely any time to react. 

“—but once the intersection period passes, that cost skyrockets. By a factor of a hundred.” Koenma laced his pudgy baby fingers together as far in front of his face as they’d reach, a contemplative look crossing his expression as he observed her. “How well do you understand the concept of a leyline?”

Kei considered. Then she unfolded her arms and brought her hand to her chin, to facilitate her thinking. It was probably a placebo effect, but it made her feel better. “I don’t know if you’re going for the ‘weak point in reality’ or the ‘source of magic’ version, but I think I get the basic idea.”

She’d only read enough fantasy novels to fill her entire brain with tropes.

Koenma stared at her with his eyes narrowed almost to slits, as though trying to decide if she was being facetious or not. “Well, you must have found a leyline from your home world at the exact moment the waveforms met. And whether you knew it would happen or not, using any kind of spiritual energy near something that volatile has…consequences.” 

Of the wormhole kind, Kei thought.

Your luck is atrocious.

“But this is no time to give up hope,” Koenma said firmly, wagging one finger. “Your world’s wavelength is appreciably short by human standards! The best time for sending you home could be anywhere in the next year to the next four. It’s certainly better than the half-century for some worlds. Some others haven’t come back in my entire lifetime!”

Kei shot a mental glare at Isobu. You were saying?

I stand corrected. It is worse.

Kei took a careful, meditative breath to steel her nerves. No time for freaking out. She could have her moment of wordless panic when she could find a corner to cry in without being observed. Even the emotional deadening of the last few months couldn’t stand up to this. “I see.”

Koenma’s face scrunched into a frown. If it was ever going to be less strange hearing fully-formed sentence coming out of that face, Kei didn’t imagine it’d be any time soon. Then: “In the meantime, would you like to have a job?”

Kei’s thoughts screeched to a halt. “I’m sorry?” 

“It’s not the same as a solution; just a stopgap,” Koenma explained patiently. “But if I understand humans, it’s better to have something to keep your hands busy than to sit around in despair until a miracle falls into your lap.” 

“What kind of job?” Kei asked, careful to keep the suspicion from seeping into her voice. She’d had more than enough contracts go bad in the midst of her long deployment to learn a little caution. Sensei filtered what he could, but now Kei was out of his reach.

And she hadn’t said no, so Koenma leaned forward in his seat with full lecture mode engaged. “I have a new spirit detective—a boy a few years younger than you—undergoing training to improve his combat skills. But while he’s busy getting whipped into shape, I don’t have anyone to handle his workload.” Koenma’s half-hidden eyes gleamed. “Are you interested?”

“What does the job entail?” Kei asked, as most of her sense of humor dropped right out of her body. Even if she didn’t know where she was, some things never changed. It wouldn’t be her first time being hired halfway through a contract, though it was always at Sensei’s discretion. There had to be a reason why a person whose agents had found her in a bush under a purple sky, in the land of the dead, thought she would be useful for his purposes.

Koenma replied, “In your case, it mostly means completing any minor missions he can’t. Stamping out trouble caused by apparitions of all kinds, but especially demons. Your duties will change after he returns.” 

Something in the back of Kei’s head started itching, like a thought she’d forgotten sometime over the last seventeen years. The blanket of emotional exhaustion was too thick to avoid smothering it.

I will look for it.

Thanks.

Kei’s gaze roved slowly around the room, from the stacks of paperwork to the employer offering her busy work. “Let me read and edit the contract before I sign anything. I’d also like any reference material you have on apparitions, and maybe an assistant if you have one to spare.” 

Something in Koenma’s expression softened, at least as far as Kei could tell. Babies did not have terribly suitable faces for adult emotions. “I’ll send for Ayame-san. She’ll also be your contact if you do decide to take me up on this offer.” 

“Thank you, Koenma-sama,” Kei said, because it didn’t hurt to be polite to a god who administered the afterlife. Sure, Kei was a little corporeal to be a resident, but that could always change. 

Kei barely paid attention as the oni attendants bustled around the pastel office and eventually escorted her out into a waiting room. While blue- or red-skinned humanoids registered as unusual, the sheer number of them running around like headless chickens cut down on the unfamiliarity quickly. They were just barely clambering up the slope on the uncanny valley in their tiger-skin loincloths, and most of them ignored her presence entirely. 

I wonder if that is a self-preservation instinct.

If any of them can tell you’re here, it is. Kei, sitting in an armchair no more comfortable than those plastic abominations in a waiting room at a hospital, mostly let the world pass her by. Do you think anyone’s realized we’re gone?

I doubt the nearest jōnin has, Isobu muttered resentfully. Then, more thoughtfully, he said, The crane might have.

Kei’s hand shot to her mouth before she’d even articulated her thoughts. Using her kunai would be more sanitary, but hell, she was in the land of the dead. She bit down on her knuckle with one canine, drawing blood for the contract. Then her hands flew through the hand signs with barely enough time to name them: Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram.

For a split second after she slammed her hand into the nearby coffee table, Kei’s nerves jangled with fear. What if this doesn’t work? What if I do this wrong and Tsuruya gets hurt— 

Chakra-derived ink spread across the wood in a familiar pattern. Sure, the drain behind the technique was an order of magnitude higher than anything she’d expected. And sure, that usually meant bad things, and she was probably breaking several interworld rules in one fell swoop. 

But Kei didn’t care.

Because, amid the sudden burst of white chakra smoke and the terrified screaming of oni office workers, she heard a familiar voice say, “Keisuke-sama? Did you call for me?”

Tsuruya beat her wings once, sending paperwork flying through the air along with the rapidly dissipating smoke, much to the dismay of the oni audience as the flailed after their disrupted files. Once she could see, she jerked her dark head to see Kei better with one eye, then the other. Then she folded her huge wings against her sides and bowed low.

Kei launched herself out of the chair and hugged Tsuruya’s three-meter bulk with enough force that her crane companion let out a startled honking noise.

“I missed you too,” Tsuruya said once she regained her balance, dropping her beak to rest against Kei’s back. Her wing looped around Kei, shielding them both with metal-edged feathers. “Though if you do not mind my asking, where are we?”

Kei said, “Probably the afterlife?” but was so muffled by her summoned friend’s feathers that she didn’t get a response.

“My apologies, but I do not think I caught what you said,” Tsuruya said. When this, too, failed to incite an audible response, Tsuruya changed tactics.

“Ow!”

By hitting Kei in the head with her beak, just like old times.

It was at this point in Tsuruya’s fussing that they were interrupted by a polite cough. Kei kept one arm slung around Tsuruya’s neck as the two of them turned to face the interloper.

A dark-haired woman stood amid the chaos of the oni attendants’ panic, expression placid. She wore a black kimono and carried a centimeter-thick stack of paper bound neatly with gold thread, along with an oar strapped to her back.

She bowed.

“Can I help you…?” Kei prompted, after managing a half-assed bow despite her stance.

“Ayame, Gekkō-san. I have your contract.” When she straightened, Ayame added, “If you’ll come this way, there is a side room where we can discuss terms in private.”

“Are you helping represent my interest or those of the spirit world?” Kei kept the obligatory lawyer joke tucked well inside her skull. 

“I only want to help both parties come to a compromise.” 

Well, that was helpful. “Thank you, Ayame-san. Please lead the way.”

-----

An hour later, Koenma received the modified contract and began to read it, while Tsuruya, Kei, and Ayame all stood around. Of the three, only Ayame seemed perfectly in place. 

Ten minutes after that, the oni outside his office were startled to hear a cry of “How many thousand yen per month?!”

Kei stared down his fury with patience born of entirely too long spent alone and nail-biting desperation. “I’m still human. I’ll need to pay rent, buy food, and obtain supplies while living in whichever city I need to cover. And I know what my expertise is worth.” 

Koenma gaped at her for a moment longer, only avoiding the goldfish impression by dint of his pacifier, then glared down at the contact. As he perused it with increasing fervor, he muttered under his breath. 

Kei caught the words “unbelievable” and “never in my life” and “not made of money.” 

Over Koenma’s shoulder, Ayame smiled faintly. 

“FINE!” Koenma burst out at last, throwing down his fountain pen in defeat after almost fifteen minutes of desperate rereading. “It’s legally sound, and you have a point about living world expenses. But when the call comes, you need to be ready to fight! Is that clear?”

Kei bowed in full shinobi style, dropping to one knee with her head angled toward the floor. Koenma didn’t need to know she was hiding a smile for, however tangentially, managing to frustrate a god. “Of course, Koenma-sama.” 

Oh, he may regret that.

“Then get out of my office! Ayame, show her how to get everything organized so she can start as soon as possible!”

Ayame swept Kei and Tsuruya out of the room amid the god-child’s impending tantrum. While Kei sat sidesaddle on Ayame’s oar as they took flight, Tsuruya pumped her huge wings and trailed in their slipstream with deceptive ease. 

“I look forward to working with you, Ayame-san,” Kei said, though even she wasn’t sure how sincere she was. “Please take care of me.” 

Still, Ayame replied, “Like one of our own, Keisuke-san.” 

It wasn’t until they’d landed in some human city that Kei realized, however belatedly, that she’d never told anyone her name. And that to be in the spirit world meant she’d been separated from her real body. Which was, of course, also lying in a bush.

All she could say to that, once she was again on her own two feet, was, “Well, that figures.”

Dead twice she could remember, and all she got out of it was a job.

[aegor-bamfsteel]

Why do people say that Aegor raped Calla when she was a child? Daemon betrothing his oldest daughter to Aegor does not mean the marriage was consummated when she was a child. Sadly, Daemon himself was betrothed as a child. His grandmother Daenaera was married when she was 6 and his grandfather Viserys II was 12 when he wed and 13 when he had his first child, only a year younger than Daemon when he had his. Usually, it is custom to wait to consummate if the bride is a child.

Furthermore, the people who hate the Blackfyres try to frame it as Daemon selling his daughter to be raped, but I doubt that is why he betrothed her to Aegor since he already has Aegor’s unconditional support. Calla and Aegor never had children, per GRRM, so Aegor championed his nephews and nieces, essentially dedicating his life to his brother and his family. Daemon didn’t need to sell his daughter to Aegor for support, so that was not the reason for the betrothal. (2/3)

My point is that GRRM is wildly inconsistent with his child brides (and grooms). He uses Unwin Peake’s nameless daughter dying in childbirth at the age of 12 as a reason for why he is so despicable (and that is despicable). But then has Aemma Arryn consummate her marriage at age 13 and paints her father, grandparents, uncle, and husband as decent people. Daenaera is then married at age 6 but doesn’t consummate until age 15 or 16. It’s due to Aegon’s depression instead of custom. (3/3)

Thank you for the very thorough ask, tiger. I hope that I have successfully responded to all of your questions. Calla, as with all Blackfyres (and many non-Targaryen women), has certainly gotten a raw deal when it comes to page time/character depth; her only mention is in twoiaf: “Whatever the case may be (for Aegor’s anger at the Targaryens and Bl00draven), Aegor Rivers soon began to press Daemon Blackfyre to proclaim for the throne, and all the more so after Daemon agreed to wed his eldest daughter, Calla, to Aegor.” As Yandel doesn’t make any further comments, I assume the people who believe Calla was raped as a child exist in fandom rather than on page. Rape is a very sensitive subject, and I’m trying to keep the fanwank a bit quieter, so my response will be under the cut.

Why do people say Aegor raped Calla as a child? This actually involves several leaps in logic I don’t find convincing, so I’ll try to break it down:

We are first introduced to Aegor in the Dunk and Egg novellas via mention by some Blackfyre supporters, who are the natural antagonists of the Targaryens; the protagonist, Dunk, is best friends with the Targaryen prince Egg. Many of the Blackfyre supporters are minor antagonists to Dunk, especially in The Mystery Knight when they attempt to kill him (Alyn Cockshaw) or kidnap Egg (Tommard Heddle). Meanwhile, Bittersteel is a legendary hero to Blackfyre admirers (such as Osgrey), at least an important hoped-for ally to the Whitewalls conspirators (Gormon Peake needed some quick victories so Aegor would have faith in his and Daemon II’s rebellion), and a threat Bl00draven takes as seriously as the Blackfyre sons themselves. As an important member of a faction which has members that tried to harm the protagonist Dunk, people see Aegor as a villain. 

The problem with seeing him as a villain (as opposed to simply an antagonist, which he undoubtedly is if you consider the Targaryens protagonists of the story) is that, due to lack of page-time and because he’s not that bad, he never actually does anything too villainous. Urging someone to rebel is at the end of the day just words. He took Bl00draven eye out in battle, but that appears to be an accident and doesn’t seem to have slowed him down. Leading the Golden Company to sack Qohor for failing to honor a contract is severe, but its only mention is in a non-canonical app that few people read. When his chief rival Bl00draven is a canonical child-murderer, child-crippler, kinslayer, deserter, head of a secret police organization, tyrannical overlord, etc...Aegor’s “evil deeds” don’t appear to add up to much. He might even seem more sympathetic than Bl00draven! But that cannot be, so fandom has to headcanon villainous behavior for him, because he must be a villain antagonist.

But what sort of villainous behavior should he do? In order to root for Bl00draven against him, it must be something terrible. GRRM often uses rape to signal how terrible a male character is (and how awful Westeros can be). The most evil villains in the main series are serial rapists: Gregor Clegane, Ramsay Bolton, Euron Greyjoy, Craster; even Tywin Lannister, Roose Bolton, and Petyr Baelish have raped or enabled the rape of young women and girls. When the age of the victim is specified, she is often a preteen/young teenager to make her rape even more evil. The lone exception is Joffrey Baratheon, and that is only because he is 12 (he still molests Sansa repeatedly). Fandom rightly criticizes GRRM using sexualized violence against women as shorthand for “irredeemably evil” or window dressing for a dark fantasy. Yet when Aegor, a character who shows no sign of being a sexual predator (look at Shiera’s SSM, the Dunk and Egg books, and Yandel’s commentary on Aegor’s anger at Bl00draven: one-sided Aegor/Shiera has even less evidence of being real than Daemon/Daenerys), needs to commit villainous actions, some in fandom fall into the same trap as GRRM and imagine him raping women.

Then Yandel tells us that Daemon “agreed to wed his eldest daughter Calla” to Aegor shortly before the Rebellion. As Calla was not a triplet of his eldest sons Aegon and Aemon, the oldest she could possibly be was 11, still a child even by later GRRM standards. The phrase “agreed to wed” is at most a promise; it’s not an official betrothal, it’s certainly not an actual wedding, and it’s absolutely not a consummation. If it had been a consummation, that certainly would have been mentioned, as Yandel has repeatedly recorded rumors just for the purpose of making Daemon look bad (the 14 year old newly acknowledged landless natural son petitioned the king for a polygamous marriage with a princess and an Essosi noblewoman? sure...) Considering Daemon died at the end of the Rebellion and Aegor was now a landless, penniless rebel dependent on his goodsister Rohanne’s mercy, and how the Blackfyres needed to find more allies, I think any talks of marrying Calla was silenced. She married someone else, whereas he remained a bachelor for life and championed the cause of Haegon and his son Daemon III (not necessarily the others, as seen with Daemon II and Aenys, and he did not crown any of Daemon III’s brothers). 

Whatever I headcanon, 2018 GRRM’s comment that he doesn’t think Aegor had any offspring pretty much puts the nail in the coffin of Aegor having consummated any wedded relationship, let alone with Calla. If a male character is promiscuous, GRRM raises the possibility of them having sired natural children; with Aerion Brightflame in Lys, and Brandon Stark in the North, and even Tywin Lannister, he says, “I suppose they could’ve sired bastards” (or in Tywin’s case, gives a non-answer). That he gave a straightforward NO regarding Aegor’s potential children indicates that he feels it would be out of character for Aegor to have a sexual relationship, whether in marriage or outside of it. I hope that when people headcanon Aegor as a serial rapist, they take GRRM’s comments and fandom criticism of sexual violence to heart.

My point is that GRRM is wildly inconsistent with the ages of his child brides (and grooms): I would disagree to the point that in his earlier works, underaged girls forced to wed old men was universally portrayed as terrible and a feature of a corrupt character. Hoster regretted his actions toward Lysa on his deathbed, but it led to their estrangement and her susceptibility to Littlefinger’s manipulation; Sansa Stark’s marriage to Tyrion showed the breakdown of societal norms under Lannister rule; Jeyne’s forced marriage and immediate consummation to Ramsay moves Theon to try to rescue her. Although the marriage wasn’t consummated, GRRM found it difficult to write the Tyrion/Sansa scene because of her horrific abuse. But then The World of Ice and Fire and Fire and Blood are published and older man/younger woman marriages and relationships are outright romanticized by the authors themselves (Elio Garcia said 37 year old Daemon Targaryen’s relationship with the 16 year old Nettles was a true romance; GRRM said that 56-year-old Alyn Velaryon was the great love of 21-year-old Elaena Targaryen’s life) Perhaps the lack of PoV in these works distanced the male writers from the female characters’ emotions and allowed them to envision Rhaenys (16)/Corlys (37), Corlys (61)/Marilda (17), Thaddeus (56)/Floris (14), and Aemma (11-13)/Viserys (16-18) as mutually romantic couples with sympathetic men; but then in the same works the authors use forced relationships with young girls to villainize other men Unwin Peake (daughter died in childbirth at age 12) and Aegon II (was receiving a blowjob from a 12 year old when his father died). The double standard seems to imply that a teenage girl can consent to a relationship with a man old enough to be her father/grandfather if she is genuinely in love with him, which is disturbingly close to real-life defenses of statutory rape. I hate the way that the supplemental material has suddenly decided to defend these couples with “the girls wanted it”, and I can only hope this doesn’t start appearing in the main series that people actually care about.

One type of underaged pairing seems to have a consistent portrayal: child grooms don’t seem to be granted the same mutually happy relationship as child brides. Both Viserys (12) and Larra’s (19) and Androw (17) and Rhaena’s (25) marriages ended in tragedy (and death, in the case of the latter). This makes me...unsettled when thinking about how the authors will write Daemon (14)/Rohanne (older). But to stay within the bounds of your question, I don’t think they will depict an Aegor/Calla marriage due to it making little political or characterization-based sense; so fortunately it will neither villainize nor romanticize Aegor. Although an antagonist to the Targaryens, he has consistently took the higher road over Bl00draven and has the potential to be a tragic and multifaceted character.

[jedimasteramell]

Backbeat

M!Ortega X F!Sidestep // Post-Date Night // SFW

Wrote to the Dagny song by the same name on literal repeat. Siona is mine.

If you haven’t played Fallen Hero: Rebirth, I can’t recommend it enough.

----------------------------

There's something about the way he kisses her.

Siona never expected nostalgia to have an actual taste, especially not tasting like Ortega. Burning… longing… a dozen wishes on shooting stars. A thousand promises, and a thousand and one suns to fulfil them. She didn't expect it smell like the cinders of car fires, his mother's tamales, sweat on metal mods, that same damn musky cologne he’s been wearing for decades.

She didn’t expect it to feel like warm blankets and crashing waves, like the first breeze of spring, and the vacuum of air pulled from a falling airplane. With hands tangled in her hair, the reassuring and stirring press of a well-muscled machine sandwiching her to the wall, anchoring her to the rest of the world.

Didn’t expect it to sound like soft acoustic, the rumble of distant traffic and thunder across the sky. How could she have known nostalgia would sound like breathy kisses, low rumbles of affectionate laughter, and Ricardo’s warm breath against her ear calling her lovely in English, Spanish, and every other way he could?

She couldn’t have imagined. Couldn’t have known. And somehow she forgot, until each time he kissed her again.

They broke apart to furiously flushed faces. Ortega’s grin from ear to ear at the sight of her mussed hair.

“What are you smiling at?” She shot at him, hiding her frazzled state and erratic heartbeat behind sass.

“You, obviously.” How was it possible for so much emotion to be stored in the corner of someone's eyes? For his earnestness, Ortega earned a sharp jab to the ribs. His ‘oof’ for her benefit only.

“Idiot.” She grumbled, massaging her knuckles. Next time she wouldn’t aim at the repair work. A sick jerk tugs her navel. Repair work she caused.

His grin remained, it had been far too long since he’d taken any insult of hers seriously. He mistook the wince as one of pain and not guilt, brushing her knuckles against his lips, the barest of static charges between his hands and hers. “Im glad you agreed to our date.”

His expression is too open, too warm, genuine in a way that turns her stomach and heart into gymnasts. “Yeah, well all we've done is made out in this alleyway so its not been much of a date yet.” Heat betrays her flushed cheeks, and the off kilter rhythm of her heart is not something she could ever possibly fake. He just has this way with her, and she just let it happen. Willingly even.

If smirks could be illegal, his most certainly should be. Especially since he shaved. Older face, younger eyes. Kiss-flushed lips cocked in the most infuriating teasing curl. Ricardo looked straight of a dream and he goddamn knew it. Bastard.

By his or her direct, Siona spun back into his arms, fingers splayed across his proud back. He stole her sarcastic retort along with the rest of her breath. She’d have let herself go flying along with it, if the tease of his thumbs, just under the waistband of her leggings hadn’t grounded her. Surprisingly soft, terribly tender, ripe with the memories of the intimacy they shared just days ago.

Ortega must have sensed her shit, the pause for air a polite time for her to disengage, to fiddle with her hem and curse the need for and the lack of contact.

“Let's go dancing.”

He said it with such ease and whimsy it took Siona a moment before she processed that he was indeed serious. Balking at him, she shook her head, only adding to the mess of her hair. “What no, I don’t- I can’t- and in public.”

Heavy comforting hands cupped her cheeks, a lid on the anxious angry flare. “Siona, hey, I know you by now.” No you don’t. “I'm not going to push you out there, not when your comfort matters so much more. I should have specified back home.”

“Home?” She queried speculatively and finally he appeared as abashed as she’d been feeling all night. Rose blush darkening his already bronzed cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“I mean, my place. Guess it just feels right to say home when you're there.” And once more, with that disarming smile he turned that fluster back around on her.

Ricardo Ortega was damn lucky she loved him.

Shit.

That wasn't the intrusive thought she wanted. Nor the hot rush that flooded her tip to toes at the very ludicrous notion she could even feel that.

Ortega’s pull on her was gentle and guiding, a comforting hand on the small of her back. The trip only a few blocks back to his apartment went by in a flutter of butterfly-feelings and far too many smiles. The presence of his hand pushing back the static void of his mind beside hers. They were two joined bodies here, even if not two joined minds. The doorman remembered her, she wished he didn't. Ortega had this way about him that made too many aspects of this, of them, bright, and shining, and grounded, and real.

Thank the devil, he’d left the lights down low. One glance on the couch and Siona’s whole face got five degrees hotter, and Ortega didn’t need any more reasons to be so smug.

Maybe he was the telepath then as he leaned into her, nuzzling into her dark hair. “I'm thinking about the couch too.”

A pout on her round lips, Siona twisted and shoved over-dramatically at the flat plane of his stomach. She couldn't budge him. Figures. “I thought you wanted to dance.”

He had no right to look so doting, no right! “I do.” The sheer magnanimity folded in the creases of his eyes and his smile was truly overwhelming. “As long as you still do.”

“I do...” She muttered, subconsciously leaning towards him as he stepped away to find the insulated remote that controlled his stereo system. A deep-beated R&B song, just fast enough to warrant dancing, filtered out from the speakers. Siona arched a heavy brow. “Your music's changed. What happened to all that club stuff you liked?”

“Tastes change. And I still like some of that ‘stuff’ you know. Just not tonight.” He lifted her arms to drape around his neck, hands finding purchase just above her hips. Goosebumps rose everywhere the faint static charge pulsed.

The song was catchy, or at least of quality artistry by Siona’s limited opinion. Music hadn't really ever been a thing for her. Too much else going on, too many other sounds and places to focus rather than engaging with the rhythms and lyrics of the radio. Her body didn't quite know how to move, every shift awkward and hesitant. “You can go ahead and say it.” She huffed, primarily at herself, mouth pulled to a cornered grimace. “I really suck at dancing.”

Ricardo hummed with a laugh, like it was really that easy. “You just need practice, Siona. It's not that different than a fight. In fact you can honestly just” Oh no, that grin meant he was about to say something exceptionally ridiculous. “sidestep.”

It took several pregnant moments, the song changing in the background, before Siona met his devilish smile with a disbelieving scoff. “You did not just make that joke.”

“I did and whatever are you going to do about it?”

“Smug asshole.” She swore, standing up on her tiptoes, and dragging him down into deep and abiding kiss.

There was something about the way she kisses him.

Ricardo doesn’t expect it to smell like shea and chocolate, like new clothes and hand rolled tobacco. He doesn't expect it to sound like an old favorite song restored to an unheard clarity, like the silence of the air before a great storm, like a prayer-hymn in pre-quake temple. He doesn't expect it to feel like melancholy, impatience, hope. Like fluttery stomachs, the wind while on his old bike, like taking off his costume for a well deserved shower and an ache so profound he’s not sure he could bear it. An ache and a love and a promise.

He couldn’t have imagined. Couldn’t have in his wildest, most heart-wrenching dreams. And yet, somehow, he forgot, until each time she kissed him again.

[nightshadehoney]

On Karako Pierot

Time for more Hiveswap theories! Months ago I made this post, in which I theorized, among other things, that the Mysterious Purpleblood troll was actually a disguise of Fiamet, a limeblood. While the new Friendsim confirms there’s probably something going on with Karako Pierot and he’s not just a joke, it confirms my theory is incorrect: he has a different name and we see his blood.   But it’s given me a lot to think about; the following is a bunch of observations, some I saw other make and some I thought up on my own, on the connections between Karako and limebloods, Karako and the probable-mutant limebloods the Vantases, and limebloods and purplebloods in genera. 

We still have no idea what’s up with limebloods; only that they were killed because they had powers that threatened authority. Is it possible limebloods can change their blood color or at least make others think they see a different color? Karako is Mind-bound, which would thematically fit with messing with perception, he also seemingly uses chucklevoodoos at one point which also could cause delusions. There is precedence for a troll unlocking psychic powers more characteristic of a different caste: the Condesce  does it. If limebloods could disguise their blood color to that extent, let alone imitate the powers of other castes, that would certainly be a massive threat to the authority of the hemospectrum, which is one of the pillars of Alternian society.

More under the cut because this got too long:

If the above is true, and limebloods can mimic other blood colors, do the mutant Vantases have remnants of these powers? Yes they do, but what they are mimicking isn’t a type of troll, but a type of alien: a human. Or at least humans mimic them, because Karkat lead the session that was responsible for human existence as well as the person responsible for the trolls interacting with the humans at all. Vriska says at one point that Karkat would “make a good human”, which I think is true. He’s sensitive, cares about people, has no inherent talent for violence, and successfully manages to get a group of trolls to work together towards a common goal despite their varying levels on the hemospectrum. He’s basically a human trying to yell his way through a troll society he is essentially unsuited for. The Sufferer lived his life by human ideals: a society with no hemospectrum, love without quadrants, a parent instead of a lusus. 

The last is one of a few things that Karako and Karkat/Kankri have in common. Karako, like the Sufferer, has a jadeblood “mother” in the form of Bronya. Also, Karako is a similar name to Karkat and Kankri. Could it be a naming tradition of limebloods; Calliope does mention something about them having weird names, but doesn’t’ specify what makes the names weird. Tealbloods seem to mostly have names that start ‘T’ so there is some evidence that certain castes get names that often follow a certain pattern. Alternativley, theres an aspect of naming grubs without a lusus (though Karkat does have a lusus) that makes the names sound similar.

Karako’s reaction to the topic of his lusus is interesting. The most reasonable explanation is that he was too runty to have ever had one and that’s why he’s so sensitive to the seadwellers’ remarks. But, if he’s some limeblood in disguise maybe there weren’t any around to care for him because they were hunted down and killed like their troll counterparts. Maybe he had one and it’s dead. Combining the two theories: maybe limeblood lusii are hunted to produce sopor slime and that’s how his lusus died.

Speaking of lusii. Fiamet’s icon on that prongle preview was Dr. Shrunk from Animal Crossing , presumably because his lusus is an axolotl. But maybe there are other reasons he was chosen as a placeholder image: Dr. Shrunk is a psychologist who also wants to be a comedian. A clown? His role as a psychologist works both with the fact that purplebloods have the ability to get into people’s head and mess with people’s emotions as well as the old and popular fan theory that limebloods have some sort of pacification ability (more on that later).  The use or Dr. Shrunk who is both or is one but wants to be  the other/pretends to be the other suggests some connection between limes and purples. Dr. Shrunk could allude to the idea of one disguised as the other or a duality between the two castes. Duality is a big thing in Homestuck and trying to tackle all of the ways it connects to this topic would make this already too long post way, way too long, but its gonna keep coming up.  

Axolotls are amphibians. Amphibians are characterized by their ability to metamorphose, to live in multiple environments (water and land).  It actually means “both kinds of life” but I’m going to leave it there instead of going down the duality rabbit hole. This would tie into my “limebloods have the ability to change/disguise themselves” theory. But it also makes me wonder if Limebloods could be seadwellers? This is a bit off the topic of Karako, though it is interesting his route is the first time seadwellers are seen. We’ve got one limeblood with an amphibious lusus, (though axolotls don’t really live on land but this one is an alien who breathes fire so who knows) And then we’ve got Karkat with a crab lusus, another creature that can live in the sea or on land, and one that we could reasonably guess was bred from a limeblood lusus given that Karkat is likely a mutant limeblood. So if limebloods are seadwellers, was their disruption to society merely that they were lowblooded seadwellers while the other aquatic castes were at the very top of the spectrum? I have always wondered how there could be the historical animosity between seadwellers and landwellers that Equius claims there is when all sea trolls are without exception higher status than all land trolls, and this could explain that. Or do they have some characteristic that blurs the binary between land and sea trolls? Do they undergo some metamorphosis that other trolls don’t and if so what is it?

Oh and metamorphosis? Axolotl’s don’t do it. They’re neotenous; they never develop lungs or live on land, basically staying in their juvenile stage forever. Karako is small and cute and probably younger than any other character we’ve seen.  His name is a Japanese term for an art motif of Chinese children playing (this is not the confirmed origin tho), he doesn’t talk, he has a little note attached to him so you can give him back to his mommy etc etc. I’m reminded of Calliope and Caliborn. Sburb disrupted their natural growth processes so they are also neotenous and can never achieve physical maturity. Calliope is the only other limeblooded being we’ve seen and Caliborn’s color (in trolls) is a mutation of lime.  

All these observations. I’m making don’t really mean that Karako is a secret limeblood. Pretty much all of it could be explained by there being some sort of relationship between the lime and purple castes. I’ve mentioned the popular theory that lime bloods have sort of special ability for pacification and an extension of that theory is that they have psychic abilities that are the opposite of the chucklevoodoos. In this case, the powers that challenged authority was the ability to nullify the powers of the subjuggulators whose whole role is about enforcing the social structure and the hemospectrum. Lime as the anti-Purple caste makes sense. Sopor slime is possibly related to them in some way (their blood, crushed up grubs, the blood of lime blooded lusii, etc) and it’s implied its use is to protect from chucklevoodoo powers. Gamzee directly eats it to suppress his purpleblood traits and it’s a mutant limeblood who is able to stop his rampage when he quits. When asked if she has the same powers as a limeblood, Calliope replies “maybe”. She’s the other half of Caliborn who is the god of the subjugglators (both of them). She’s the opposing force to him just as troll limebloods are the opposing force to the purplebloods. And the only entity that is able to triumph over Lord English i.e. the Mirthful Messiahs is a version herself (but not any version, its only a potential, hence the maybe). It makes sense that the iteration of troll society overseen by a servant and extension of Lord English is the one that eliminated the limebloods, who share a color with his enemy (sidenote, Caliborn once called lime “harlequin slime”, so there’s kind of a clown connection there) and if limes are indeed the anti-purples it makes their removal from society a huge reason why Alternia is such a deeply unbalanced hellmurder planet.       

[thebeatles-world]

Patrick Swayze's Unknown Son

The alleged son is Jason Whittle, who was born in 1973 and now is 44 years old. The following two pictures show, first, Whittle and, second, Swayze.

Whittle grew up not knowing he was Swayze's son. His mother, Bonnie Kay Whittle, was 15 years old when she allegedly had a one-night stand with 20-year-old Swayze in 1972. Bonnie Kay died of cancer in 2012, and the article seems to indicate that she informed Jason only a short time before she died.

Swayze died in 2009, so it seems likely that he never knew about Jason Whittle. If Swayze had known, then his estate lawyer surely would have advised him to give Jason Whittle at least a token $1 in the will to prevent him from challenging the will. Swayze left his entire estate to his wife Lisa and left nothing to his other Swayze relatives. Now Whittle is claiming a big part -- perhaps half -- of Swayze's estate, which is estimated to be $40 million.

The other Swayze relatives claim that Lisa used abusive methods to coerce Patrick to change his will seven weeks before his death to give everything to her.

Globe

reports that some of those stiffed relatives now feel gratified that Whittle might take much of the estate from Lisa.

======

I have a copy of Swayze's autobiography

The Time of My Life

, and I intend to write an article about it for this blog. The book says that in 1972 he was in a touring ice-skating show called Disney on Parade. That's how in 1972 he would have visited Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, where Bonnie Kay lived. Jason Whittle probably can prove that Disney on Parade was in that location exactly nine months before he was born.

The book includes the following passages about Swayze's experiences in 1972 (pages 30-32).

The dancers made $125 a week, which felt like a lot of money, especially since we all doubled, tripled, and quadrupled up in our living arrangements on the road. Most of the dancers were women, and of the few who were men, even fewer were straight men. So the opportunities for me in terms of finding women to date were just about endless. Unfortunately, I still didn't know how to communicate with women, or anybody else. I just sounded like an egotistical ass whenever I talked, as I couldn't stop going on and on about myself. For one thing, my knee [injured in a high-school football game] kept blowing up after each performance, the joint swelling painfully due to the rigors of the show. .... It got so bad that I had to go to the hospital in every city to get the fluid drained from my knee. And the more knee trouble I had, the more I had to talk about it. But after I had initially alienated just about everyone with my incessant blathering, people started realizing that I wasn't really egotistical, just insecure.

Apparently, Swayze was extraordinarily promiscuous during this 1972 tour. He hit on many girls who crossed his path and managed to seduce many of them.

Although Swayze was an extraordinarily handsome and talented young man, I think that he didn't study much in high school and felt intellectually inadequate. He was too busy with dance and athletics to read and study. I think that he often felt stupid in conversations with women in conversations about general knowledge -- history, current events and so forth.

In this regard, Swayze was quite similar to the character Johnny Castle in

Dirty Dancing

in his relationship with intellectual Baby Houseman. His personal experience and feelings of intellectual inferiority enabled him to play the role so well.

I think that Swayze's insecurity was a major reason why in 1972 he involved himself with much younger girls, such as 15-year-old Bonnie Kay. He was intellectually inhibited by older, more sophisticated and sarcastic women.

I began dating one woman who was in the show, a good-looking blonde who had a party-queen reputation. She was a wild one, the kind of girl who liked trouble, and at first I was drawn to her dangerous air. Part of me just wanted to see if I could win her, but once I did, I realized she wasn't at all the kind of woman I was looking for. It sounds corny, but I really did believe in Snow White and Prince Charming -- I wanted to find a woman whom I could ride off into the sunset and share my life with.

While Swayze was touring in 1972, he maintained also a long-distance platonic relationship with Lisa Haapaniemi, a 16-year-old girl, a dance student in his mother's dance school in Houston, Texas.

I'm not sure I as even aware of it at the time, but subconsciously I was comparing all the women I met to Lisa.

Beyond sharing Patrick's love of dance, Lisa did not threaten him intellectually, because she was so young and was likewise a poor student.

Lisa was back in Houston having problems of her own. She'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping, and her insomnia eventually got so bad she had to drop out of high school. She'd always had trouble fitting in, and now, with the onset of a creeping depression, she felt even more alienated. This was the beginning of what she later called her "blue period".

Lisa argued with her parents and so came to live for two weeks with Patrick's mother, who was Lisa's dance teacher. During those two weeks, Patrick happened to come home from his tour for several days. Lisa and Patrick already knew each other from their participation in his mother's dance school.

During those two weeks, Patrick dated other girls but also became sexually involved with Lisa in his home.

My mom didn't know it, but the attraction between Lisa and me had been growing for some time. She had seemed indifferent to me all those months [of Disney on Parade], but it turned out she was interested in me, too -- she was just shy, and acting like she didn't care was her way of covering it up. But during those two weeks when Lisa stayed with us, and and I took every opportunity to steal time together. When Mom was in the kitchen, we'd be behind the swinging door in the dining room, making out. After everyone n the house had gone to sleep, we'd sneak out to the living room and fool around on the couch. We still weren't technically "dating", but, man, we couldn't get enough of each other. In fact, I had been seeing other girls -- and the very day Lisa came to stay at our house I had a date with a girl named Mimi, which led to an uncomfortable moment. ... I'd asked Mimi out for that Saturday night, to go to the Houston Rodeo. When Lisa moved into our house that afternoon, Mom expected me to give her a ride to the rodeo too.  .... To my embarrassment, Mimi kept tickling my ear and kissing me all the way to the rodeo, as Lisa sat silently. ...

Soon, however, Patrick settled down with Lisa. As far as the public knows, he ended this promiscuous period of his life. Patrick married Lisa in 1975 and they remained married until his death in 2009.

========

When 15-year-old Bonnie Kay happened to cross paths with 20-year-old Patrick Swayze in Missouri, their encounter might have had nothing to do with Disney on Parade. Perhaps she was a

Candy Stripe

volunteer at a hospital where he had fluid drained from his knee. Since he hit on girls everywhere and was becoming a pickup artist through frequent practice, he might have seduced Bonnie Kay in one day -- and she never even saw the Disney on Parade show. (This is just my idle speculation.)

Her [Bonnie Kay's] mom, Lebetta Whittle, tells Globe, ... "She [Bonnie Kay] told me he [Patrick] wanted her to run away with him," Lebetta recalls. "But she was way too young and told him he could get in trouble for doing that. It was a short relationship, and she said she stayed there all night."

The fact that Bonnie Kay's mother has the last name Whittle indicates that Bonnie Kay never married.

When 15-year-old Bonnie Kay became pregnant in 1972, abortion still was illegal in Missouri. On January 22, 1973, the US Supreme Court ruled that abortion would henceforth be legal during at least the first three months of pregnancy. The

Globe

article does not specify Whittle's birthday, but it's likely that Bonnie Kay was a little more than three months pregnant on January 22, 1973. If so, then abortion remained illegal for her.

Although Bonnie Kay's fling with Swayze lasted only about one day, she did learn his identify. Her brother Ron told the

Globe

that she had Swayze's name and phone number written her arm when she came home from her night with him. At that time, though, Swayze was a nobody -- not worth the trouble of tracking him down to try to prove his paternity and collect child-support payments. Bonnie Kay kept Patrick's identify secret through the years, but sometimes was heard to remark that her seducer Patrick "was doing acting".

It's quite possible that she deliberately passed on any abortion possibilities anyway, because she considered an abortion to be a murder of a baby. That was an opinion to which many young women adhered even when they become unhappily pregnant -- and that still is true.

Many such young women who got pregnant dropped out of high school, gave birth, kept the child, and eventually married another man who adopted the child. The child was taught to respect that other man as the family's father. Such women considered such a difficult solution to their problem to be the moral solution.

The fact that Bonnie Kay kept the identity of Jason's biological father until perhaps her deathbed -- even though she knew that he was famous and rich Patrick Swayze -- suggests to me that she adhered stubbornly to some very strong moral convictions. It seems that she blamed herself for her foolish teenage fling and did not want to cause trouble for her own relationships or for the Swayzes' marriage.

======

The story of Jason Whittle is an ironic counter-point to the movie

Dirty Dancing,

which portrayed sexual flings and subsequent abortions positively -- and which made Patrick Swayze an international star. If Baby Houseman had become pregnant from her fling with Johnny Castle, she certainly would have obtained an abortion and continued on with her planned life, graduating from college and becoming a career woman.

In contrast, Bonnie Kay probably dropped out of high school and lived a lower-middle-class life as an unmarried mother -- or as a common-law wife to another high-school dropout. Even after she realized, many years later, that her son's biological father was the actor Patrick Swayze, she kept that secret to herself out of respect for her family.

Swayze did not became even moderately famous until 1985, when he starred in the televised historical drama

North and South

. By that time, Jason was already about 12 years old. When Swayze became a superstar from

Dirty Dancing

in 1987, Jason was already about 14 years old.

After Jason became an adult, he probably began to hear comments that he looked like the now famous actor Patrick Swayze. However, Jason might have suspected that his biological father was another man in the vicinity who had similar looks.

Jason would not have imagined any possibility that his mother ever crossed paths with Swayze -- much less ever had sex with him -- when she was a 15-year-old girl living with her parents in a Missouri town.

Decades would pass before the adult Jason would be able to sit down at a computer and google "Patrick Swayze" and instantly receive a wealth of information about Swayze's life. Before Google, Jason would not have been able to discover that Swayze was touring with Disney on Parade throughout the USA in 1972, when Jason was conceived.

======

Because Swayze died not knowing about this biological son, Swayze left his entire $40 million estate to his wife Lisa and did not even mention this unknown son in his will. Swayze did not explicitly exclude Jason from his estate.

Because Bonnie Kay did not inform Jason until after Swayze had died, Jason eventually might able to acquire as much as half of Swayze's $40 million estate.

article here: http://dirty-dancing-analysis.blogspot.com/2017/07/patrick-swayzes-unknown-son.html

let me know if you guys think it’s true or not, I decided to share this since this seemed interesting to read... 

[pharaohsparklefists]

Episode 100, part 3! Continuing the story of how two emotionally damaged young boys somehow turned into two high-functioning but emotionally damaged teenagers. (While somewhere else, Yami has a really terrible duel.)

While we’ve been diving deep into the Kaiba brother’s traumatic past, you may have forgotten that a suspiciously similar genius boy is watching them on his array of floating screens and making smug genius-boy pronouncements about the illogical nature of emotions

excuse you this is SETO KAIBA we’re talking about, he only lets like maximum THREE emotions control him and no sentiments

(the emotions are disdain, anger, and DUEL)

Nah, like, for real, Kaiba has a LOT of emotions that he doesn’t like talking about and they do, for sure, control his (often outlandish) behaviour (and it’s damaging bullshit to conceptualise emotionality as the “opposite” of logic or intelligence btw) but more to the point...

YOU SURE DO SMILE A LOT FOR SOMEONE OSTENSIBLY EMOTIONLESS, you little bastard

Anyway, back in the apparently-accurate simulacrum of the not-yet-Kaiba brothers’ past, tiny!Seto sees the award ceremony of a chess tournament somehow being broadcast on actual television on the slowest news day imaginable, and not-so-tiny!Mokuba remembers how the next chapter of their lives came to pass, which he blames for...

seriously how is this chess tournament on the news?

... YEN ARE NOT EQUIVALENT TO DOLLARS. That’s ... I mean what even is that? That’s just a strangely-sized piece of paper. It’s smaller than a novelty cheque but much larger than an actual cheque. And it has a rosette on it?? ... IS IT YEN OR DOLLARS CAUSE THAT’S A HUGE DIFFERENCE! In 1995 (which is as far back as xe will go), $100,000 was  ¥10,216,277. Which would presumably do a lot more for an orphanage.

ANYWAY.

Seto immediately comes up with a reasonably straightforward plan.

And then specifies...

And I would just like to point out, no, Gozaburo did not turn Seto into a ruthless, ambitious, goal-driven, emotionally-unhealthy person with a desire for power. Seto IS a ruthless, ambitious, goal-driven, emotionally-unhealthy person with a desire for power and that came pre-packaged. If he wasn’t that way when living (presumably happily enough) with his alive parents, he was that way after a short period of time in the orphanage.

Look, Seto knows he’s smarter than most of the adults around him and is supremely confident in his ability to manipulate or force someone into adopting him and his brother. And not just anyone; a powerful person he’s never met before. That means Seto knows he could trivially identify a potential adoptive parent/family and “make” them adopt him and Mokuba. He could have chosen anyone, and he would have been confident in his ability to do this. So firstly, it isn’t a friendly, innocent way to think. He goes straight from “I want this” to “I’ll force someone to give it to me” with no “maybe I’ll ask nicely”. Secondly, his choice of target is the wealthiest, most powerful person he’s had access to while at the orphanage. If Seto had wanted to, he could have had him and Mokuba adopted by their friendliest, sweetest, most emotionally well-balanced teacher by the end of the first week. He sees Gozaburo Kaiba, targets him, researches him, manipulates him into what he wants, and forces his hand. He could have done that to anyone. Seto didn’t want a loving parent, or a stable parent, or a happy parent. He wanted a rich, powerful parent. 

Although when we see Gozaburo in the orphanage, it’s briefly believable he might actually be ... nice.

y’know, while he’s doing his best Santa impression

That kid in the greenish hoodie totally got off-brand Duel Monsters cards.

On the way back out, billionaire CEO chess-grandmaster Mr Important is accosted by two orphans who didn’t bother participating in the distribution of (apparently off-brand) toys. They’re after something much more valuable...

“Huh, yeah, that’s what I thought you said. Weird.”

Seto immediately follows it up with...

“If you win, we won’t bother you anymore. But if I win, you have to give me a mouth, I’ve lost mine.”

NATURALLY there has to be conditions? The “condition” is actually a bet or a game: beat me at chess or you have to adopt me. Seto is about to tell us, in a few minutes, that he’s exhaustively studied Gozaburo’s chess strategies. He did so between seeing him win the prize money and him showing up and distributing the gifts bought with the prize money, which is anywhere from a few days to a few months. I’m convinced Seto also spent time in this period studying Gozaburo as a person, and is deliberately framing his demand in business terms, because he’s determined that Gozaburo is most likely to respond to a proposed business deal, as opposed to a bet or a game or a plea.

Gozaburo, on the other hand, has no idea how much research and preparation went into this, crediting Seto’s boldness to ignorance...

BABY SETO SMIRK

... And it doesn’t even make sense. I guess they were all previous winners? Or he’s using “world champion” to mean “world-class chess player”.

Gozaburo considers refusing, but something about Seto impresses or intrigues him...

The orphanage guy, meanwhile, is about to expire from embarrassment, totally out of his depth, not even the first idea of what is proper orphanage etiquette when an orphan brazenly challenges a billionaire visitor to a chess game to determine legal guardianship for himself and his younger brother.

... I don’t even think that’s legal. I don’t think you’re ALLOWED adopt an orphan just because the orphan beat you at chess.

I mean, Duel Monsters, sure, their whole world would probably accept that as legit, but CHESS?

Gozaburo agrees to this legal-minefield of a challenge, but says he won’t go easy on Seto. Seto responds like a stone cold boss...

OOOOOOH boom.

not-so-tiny!Mokuba turns to not-tiny-at-all!Seto at this point and says, essentially, “you had this all figured out, didn’t you?”. At the time, tiny!Mokuba looks worried and unsure, but older!Mokuba knows his brother well enough to know that even tiny!Seto wouldn’t have done this if he hadn’t been absolutely sure of his strategy. And giant!Seto confirms it...

Good thing there was so little on TV that chess matches were apparently televised. He must have caught all the re-runs...

So Seto and Gozaburo sit down for an intense chess match to decide the not-yet-Kaiba brothers’ whole future....

... which would be a lot more dramatic if it wasn’t for the wonky Eevees and giant-headed dog and hot pink elephant drawings as the backdrop.

The game begins and giant!Seto remembers how he won...

... is this how chess works? I don’t know much about chess but I’m SURE this isn’t how chess works. Is it?? Like I know it’d be off-putting to see your own preferred strategy employed as an opener by a 9-year-old you’ve never met, but would that really be enough to beat a world champion chess player? I’m dubious.

Anyway, it’s at this point, about to watch his brother beat his adoptive father at chess and confirm the direction of their very traumatic childhood for a second time, that Mokuba gets upset. He thinks if Seto had just lost this chess game...

And he suddenly, irrationally, grabs the door handle, wishing to intercede, to somehow step into the actual past and prevent this from happening. Seto tries to stop him, pointing out that this is just a virtual illusion, a replica of memories and nothing more, but Mokuba yells back at him...

Which is ... not rational. Mokuba says that this change, from Seto “always smiling” to “losing his smile” happened when Gozaburo adopted them, but we’ve just watched their memories of the time between their parents dying and Gozaburo showing up, and Seto does smile, but certainly not all the time, or even a lot, or with any particular warmth or happiness. In fact, he specifically told Mokuba (apparently multiple times) that he was forcing himself to appear happy to spite the people who’d ruined their lives, and even at that, he’s frowning more than he’s smiling in these memories. Furthermore, post-Gozaburo, Seto DOES smile, and he smiles at Mokuba more than any other time (if you don’t count maniacal DUEL laughter, which I don’t). He smiled at him just a few minutes ago, reassuring him in the forest!

We tend to take Mokuba at his word about their childhood, because of the two brothers, he’s a lot more open about the past, but being willing to talk about something doesn’t mean you’re right about it (as any academic discussion session will teach you...). I think once they were in Gozaburo’s house, and things were worse (emotionally), and the only joy at all they had was in brief moments alone together, Mokuba idealised this time in the orphanage, when they were alone together all the time. He remembered every (anxious, faint) smile of Seto’s and in his (very young, unhappy) mind, those smiles were big and bright and all the time. And he probably doesn’t really remember the time before the orphanage very clearly, because he was so young, so the orphanage seemed better than it was, whereas Seto probably does remember pre-orphanage so remembers the orphanage phase more realistically as not-super-fun. I think Seto maybe did smile more in the orphanage than at Gozaburo’s, because Seto smiles to reassure Mokuba and let Mokuba know he’s in control, and he was desperately clinging to that role in the orphanage. 

Which means Mokuba, Seto’s only family in the world, wants Seto to “go back to being” something he never was. Mokuba says he “knew” the brother who was “always smiling”, but that version of Seto is a fiction, someone Mokuba built out of biased memories while unhappy. Mokuba does know that version of Seto, but that version of Seto was never the real Seto. Seto can’t go back to being someone he never was. He never was a smiling, happy person.

He was, however, always always always there to hold Mokuba’s hand.

awwww so sweet WHAT THE FUCK