#cause i didnt cry for like 3 days but now its happening again and i miss her so much

[claratyler]

Do you ever think about how pets only live like 12-17 years, which is NOTHING, and somehow you're lucky enough to coincide and share those ≈15 years with your very own specific kitty or doggy? How wonderful is that. Out of the entire history of time, they're only here for a few years, and we have the honor to be there with them

[urapunk]

(TW; mentions of self harm and vomiting.)

A Gary Smith writing that I made, and'll probably make more of.

People Dont Consider Me a Tradgedy And I Wish They Did

It's funny how alike he is to Petey. He's no different, he gnaws his nails quietly in class and listens to conversations around him because its embarrassing to start a conversation other than being the one spoken to. But thats a lie. He's just nervous and it tastes bittersweet and disgusting in his mouth like straight syrup.

But he cant even get better. He just cant. And so in the back of the ambulance with his snapped arm and new cuts from glass, he found himself crying. Crying for once. He's going to be fixed up and.. And well.. Sent away. Three months they said. Thats an entire summer. A summer in a looneyhouse and then its right back to the hell of bullworth if his grandpa decides to offer enough money. Those same faces. Those same, disgustingly familiar faces that he knows are staring. They're always looking, looking and looking and looking.

The EMT can see the cuts lacing his arms up and down until they get to his upper arm, because they feel even worse there and he doesnt hate himself so much as to make it sting even worse.

But he still does it. Theres atleast 12 cuts on his upper arm and they were all from really bad times. Times he's repressed and forgotten, times that make him want to rip his arm off and grow a new one, times that make him vomit from the anxiety of them happening again.

The lights are so bright in the roof of this death van. They hurt his eyes so bad, and he's sure his ankle is broken or wrist is shattered. He doesnt even know its his arm yet. Why didnt he just get Jimmy kicked out instead? Did he have to take over bullworth? Couldnt he just... Couldnt he just talk.

But he doesnt know how. He babbles like a small child when it comes to his stupid emotions because what are they. They all feel the same, his heart races, his face contorts, and thats it. Thats only how it feels and it will never feel different, and thats only the literal sense. They can either make him feel like hes driving a bumpy road or they can feel like his guts are spilling out so disgustingly in his lap.

It doesnt stop, and when they give him a therapist in happy volts itll still be the same. His therapist would ask him questions, like 'what caused this for you,' or 'why'd you do it?'...

'Why'd you do it?'

'Why'd you do it gary!'

And thats when he let out a loud, frustrated groan of pain.... He couldnt hear the sirens. Where had the sirens gone? Why couldnt he hesr the ambulance that he was in-?

He noticed he was wrong. He wasnt in it. He was now in a hospital bed, light beaming through the curtains and illuminated the cast on his right arm.

The cast. The cast that would restrict him. He was restricted now. Restriction is a bitter word. He doesn't like it because it specifically restricts him. Restrict, restrict, restrict.

It hit him that he had just woken up. He disnt remember falling asleep, maybe they out him out because he was writhing too much or- crying. Did he cry? Was he crying? He shouldnt have been crying. But nevermind that. He had obviously woken up from something frustrating him and he had no clue what it was. Maybe its best he doesnt remember.

It wasnt much longer in the day when he was checked into happy volts. He felt sluggish, and he quickly recognized the disgusting, stomach churning 'calm' of medication. His therapists all said the same things throughout those 3 months. Each time he was first meeting them he'd do a survey; with one question that stumped him every time, not matter how many times it was explained. 'Are panic attacks frequent? On a scale of one to 10, how bad do your attacks get?'

What is a panic attack. His therapists all just gave him the same answer, but he was searching for one that really set it up in him. He underatood it, a little, but it was like the knowledge of the ocean. It has fish and is very deep; it's emotional and very scary.

The thin mattress he slept on was annoying, and he couldnt tell if it made his slouch better or worse. He didnt have to wear one of those stupid gowns, they gave him a nice blue sweatshirt and white sweatpants with...

Grippy socks.

It made him want to die the amount of times he tried to slide down the hall only to remember, these arent normal socks. They have GRIP to them. He'd nearly fallen a less than safe amount of times. He couldnt even be childish, he had to be reduced to a 'calm' medicated zombie that felt sick all the time.

The clothes were comfortable though, the bed was.. Okay, but the showers were awful. He didnt feel clean. It never got hot enough to help him feel soft and fuzzy.

And it reminded him that he'd never wipe away the punches thrown at him over the years.

But that was for his therapist to hear, only because she was paid to. He's talk to his grandpa when he got home, but.. His grandpa wouldnt want to hear that. He wouldnt want to hear about how his grandson fought more than he should. That his grandsontried to take over the school and broke his arm in the process, that he fought ontop of bulworth academy and his last name would be slandered now. They shared nothing but the word Smith sometimes.

When he finally got out his grandpa had brought him clothes to change unto before leaving, a soft white tshirt and black cargo jeans, and a dark green jacket. He loved that jacket so much. It was like the perfect shade, the color that was the embodiment of gary! When he finally settled in the car he noticed his grandfather gripped the wheel angrily.

"So why'd you do it Fish?"

'Why'd you do it?'

'WHY'D YOU DO IT GARY!'

That made him wanna hurl. He couldnt stop thinking of Jimmy when anyone asked, but hearing it from his grandpa was sickening. Especially with the nickname he had aince a boy. He always loved aquariums and fish and all to do with fishing, so papa called him Fish, or just... Gary.

His grandpa was met with silence... And it did worry him. A little bit. But there wasnt room for worrying about gary now.

"Fish, tell me." He wasnt spitting venom out alongside his words, but more like a bittersweet syrupy medicine thats overly sweetened, the kind you'd take as a child and wanna throw up after.

"I dont know."

...

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99

The Prophecy Of Imortal Fire 3

"You what?!" Elias practically yelled. "He Stabbed me!" "Yeah like 10 years ago! Give or take! Why would he lie now?! Listen, I've met his father. Not a nice guy, and not easy to beat in a fight. Even if Alistar was doing this for his father, he wouldn't have any chance against him in combat!" Ella argued. "Ella... he almost killed you! He kidnapped children, and your father.... he killed me for a hot second! He called you names, gave you trauma, hurt you! Broke you! How can you trust that?" Elias asked. "I don't! I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, but right now we don't have a choice!" Ella answered. Eli looked over at Alistar, glaring before his eyes softened. He sighed. "Fine. He can't wield a sword with a broken arm anyways," he muttered. "Youd.. be surprised...." Alistar replied, earning some looks from the group. "Oh.. god, no! I learned my lesson! Besides i-...." alistar trailed off as he glanced at Ella and Eli's kids in the other room. "I wouldn't take a parent from their kids," he muttered. "No, but you'd take a kid from her parents," Loreley spat. "... I'm sorry," Alistar spoke. Eli scoffed. "Dont say it to us," he muttered, glancing at Ella. Alistar looked down, embarrassed. Eli rolled his eyes. "Coward," he muttered before walking out of the building. Everyone followed. Except for Ella. Ella hesitated. "We were friends you know...." she stated. ".. I know," Alistar replied. "What in the world happened to you after we stopped contacting one another that day?" Ella asked. "Too much to fit into one conversation....." He whispered before looking at her. "I'm sorry. What I did was selfish, and wrong, and shitty. You didn't deserve that.... and fucking hell you are NOT fat. You never have been. And if I could go back in time, calling you that would be the first thing I changed," Alistar ranted. Ella kept a distance between the two. "I did what I did because I was in love with you....but my father taught me that love was weak.... and seeing you choose someone over me... broke me... and it reinstated the fact that love was weakness.... so I thought I could marry you by force..... but i..... I shouldn't have thought that," Alistar stated, tears brimming his eyes again. "Alistar.. I wasn't in love with you. You were my friend.... how could you have possibly thought that doing what you did would change that?" Ella asked, crossing her arms. "I don't know," his voice cracked. "I don't know what I was thinking.... I just made choices and i...... God I regret every single one," Alistar muttered. "I'm not gonna ask for your forgiveness.. cause I realize its too late.... but please.... don't let my mistakes create a leeway for my father to come in and Destroy the life You've built," Alistar stated. Ella stood there for a few moments before walking closer to him and hugging him. "I can't forgive what youve done.... not yet at least..... but.... I believe in the fact that you're telling the truth," Ella sighed. Alistar let out a breath. "Thank you...... I'm so so sorry.... I-I didnt..... I shouldn't've..... I'm sorry," he all but whispered as he tried not to cry.

........ The group as a whole stood in the dining area, a giant map on the table. "So if we can destroy his forces from the inside, we can possibly win... but how are we gonna get in?" Loreley asked. "Theres a passageway through the dungeons. I found it when I was 10 when he locked me in my cell after breaking a vase. I made it myself from a small hole in the wall," Alistar replied, pointing the area out to the group. Mia glanced at him. "How many times did he put you down there for you to make an entire crawlspace?" She asked. Alistar raised an eyebrow as he calculated. "Uh.... maybe 5 times a week. 2 if I stayed out of trouble," He answered. The group looked at him. ".. what?" He asked. "Okay, so we'll go through there. Do you have armor?" Ella asked, turning to alistar. "No. Just this," he stated as he gestured to his shirt and pants. "Hm okay. Elias will fir you for some armor later," Ella stated. "What so he can stab me with it?" Eli asked. "Elias," Ella scolded. Eli sighed. "Fine. We'll do it now so I can get it over with. Cmon," Alistar gulped as he followed Eli outside.

"Lose the shirt," Eli stated as he picked up some already made armor. "P-pardon?" Alistar asked. "The armor won't fit right if your measurements aren't correct and your shirt is too baggy," Elias stated, an unamused look on his face. "O-okay but can't we just-" "Oh my god do you want me to help or not?" Eli asked, clearly frustrated. Alistar sighed. Eli rolled his eyes, turning to grab a measuring stick. His eyes widened at the sight of all the scared on Alistar's back and chest, blending into smaller ones on his arms. "Woah.... what... happened?" Eli asked, almost forgetting what alistar did. Almost. Alistar sighed as he hung his shirt over a chair in the hut. "After my mom died, my dad thought waking me up by having people whip me was a wonderful idea... and when he and I dueled, he would stab me," Alistar replied. Elias' eyebrows furrowed. "You're really messed up, aren't you?" Eli asked. Alistar chuckled. "Yeah... I am...." Eli gave a small genuine smile before walking to work on Alistar's armor.

[quodekash]

OKAY I HAVE ONE HOUR BEFORE THE OS2 MSP EPISODE COMES OUT SO HOPEFULLY I CAN FINISH THE ABAAB EPISODE BEFORE THEN, imma try to dial it down on the commentary so that its faster 

(also fun fact, i tried to do the mouthfuls of water when i mention how pretty anyone or their hair is thing that i suggested. and i had 48 mouthfuls of water and an immediate need to pee and i was worried that throughout the night i would suddenly become a 3 year old child and pee my bed. anyway.) 

AH SHOOT YEAH THE NOTE HE LEFT 

where the hell did cher go 

we’re probably about to find out but i wanna formulate my thoughts first 

(dang it now im thinking of first kanaphan bc i said ‘first’ STAY ON TRACK STAY ON TRACK STAY ON TRACK) 

presumably hes gone back to like his home town thingy 

but... why 

i have no idea 

we shall see 

OH, STUFF YOU 

VAFFANCULO TU OMOFOBO PEZZO DI MERDA 

LA DETESTO, DETESTO MOLTO 

LEI PUÒ MORIRE IN UNA BUCA FREDDA E BUIA ALL’INFERNO, PER FAVORE 

STRDYTCFUVJYHKB

“you two are not a good match” LIES, LIIEEEESSS 

NOOOOOO HE IS SADDDDDD 

HHHWHYYYYY 

“take care of your health” i love jack so much 

guys we’re nearly 6 minutes in and i havent mentioned jack’s hair ONCE 

okay well i just did BUT THAT DOESNT COUNT 

THIS IS A CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION 

I EXERCISED ✨RESTRAINT✨ 

“please tell him dont be too hard on yourself, and take care” AWWJRGKHB 

poor dude misses cher so much he keeps hallucinating him 

at this point the real cher is gonna show up and he’s gonna think its one of his hallucinations for goodness sake 

gun, go to therapy 

hes so pretty tho 

i love him 

and you didnt have a chance to say goodbye? because you didnt know it was a goodbye? and you desperately want to see him again but youre also terrified of that ever possibly happening because you know itll mean there’s going to be a goodbye, either that day or just at some point in the future, there will always be a goodbye, and you dont know if its worse to never get a chance to say goodbye or being forced to say goodbye against your own will? and youve had too many goodbyes in your life to know how to deal with it but you keep forgetting to bring this up with your psychologist when you see her once a month? 

whaaaat, me? projecting? no wayyyyy 

i love porsche 

porsche and gun are like lesbians 

that makes sense somehow 

porschegun are lesbians 

i will not elaborate 

“you, thyme, and cher. everyone left me. i have no one left.” jEEZ THAT ONE REALLY STABBED ME IN THE HEART SIX TIMES 

KILL MEEEEEEEEE 

whaaaat i have attachment issues? my psychologist said i have high signs of separation anxiety, like im a dog? noooooo waaaaaayyyyyyyy 

bro

DANG IT OF COURSE THAT WAS A DREAM 

“hes been drinking his old coffee for five days in a row” HOLY HELL HES NOT OKAY SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE OR SOMETHING 

i love him

and his hair 

sorry, i know i said i would dial it down but the episode is nearly over and it wouldnt be an abaab commentary post if i didnt mention and screenshot jack’s hair AT LEAST once. 

HES JUST SO PRETTY 

just. look at his face. appreciate his face. and his hair. 

JACK’S SAD LITTLE SMILE AND THEN HE LOOKS AWAY- IM GONNA CRY I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH 

CHER!! :DD 

and... yacht???? (seriously, IS that his name) 

HIS FREAKING BLUE HAIR IS SO PRETTY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL 

second best hair in this show 

“without you, my tiny room seems tremendous” FIHREBGKJB 

GROUP MOMENT 

THREEZOOOOOO 

PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

“you’re making us horny” GIUERDBJSGOIRE THIS IS SO FUNNY WHAT THE HELL 

HE IS AMAZING 

AND ZO’S LITTLE FINGER SHAKE DSFDSGSGD 

MY BOI IS GRADUATINGGGGG 

MY BOI IS SEEING HIS BOY 

JRGFJFNGGFVC 

A WONDERFUL END TO THE EPISODE 

THAT WAS EXCELLENT 

I LOVE THEM 

aight time for msp in like. five minutes. 

[olivieraa]

I went to bed really upset last night

I think there was a variety of factors that made me into a bit of an emotional mess after finishing attack on titan

Its like "its just an anime" or "its just a show"

Firstly, it was the anime/show that's been in my life the longest. 2013-2023. I associate a lot of my tumblr posts with the show. I called any character Kaji Yuki voiced in any other anime 'Eren' for fun. My time watching the first season is so vivid to me. I remember so much about analysing this show, and talking about it with friends.

Secondly, due to my OCD, the O stands for obsessive, and that connects to a lot of things, but its extremely hard to get me out of my Obsessive mode. I actually planned to make this rewatch last a couple of months. I was like "ah yeah Ive seen season 1 three or four times so its not gonna be that entertaining watching it again, I'll try watch a few a day". ...That didn't happen. I dont know why or how, but season 1 felt v different to me. I still got chills, I still got shocked when something happened, I would finish an ep and have the urge to scream from the adrenaline that went through me when something intense happened before a cliffhanger, almost as if I didnt know what was gonna happen next.

The reason I put off watching the show immediately after it ended is bc I'm aware this happens to me and its hard to get out of it. In my head I thought my obsessive nature wouldn't come around until I got to season 3 which I hadn't seen before and I thought I'd get to season 3 by mid-January. But from the absolute get-go, it kicked in, and from 7pm on the 21st of Dec to 4am on 26th of Dec, I binged the absolute fuck out of the show, taking breaks to do essential things like eat and shower. I barely slept.

So needless to say, I've only just come back to reality.

Third, I'm emotional af. Stories impact me on a really high scale, and I start to get stomach aches and chest pains bc of it. Esp if the story is magnificent. I finished that show last night and when I saw "The end", I was still crying, I hurt all over, and I just happened to be lucky that a friend who has seen it (and shockingly, doesn't watch anime) replied back to me and we talked about for a little bit. It helped to rant it out a bit but my sleep deprivation caused me to make so many typos and I officially had to sleep, which was hard, due to the chest pains.

And fourth, I believe what I just watched was perfection. To ever rewatch the show again, I'll see everything differently. Everything. The first 5 seconds of the show will be different. And when I'd had that realisation, I started crying again.

Like, I'm thinking of moments in the show that are literally just "characters swinging around and slashing titans" which is what the show was first known for, and now I'll be thinking "holy shit, these scenes have a bigger significance than you realise".

And for a show that's not about romance, the romantic tragedy that ties it all together, is what got me more than anything.

If this show gave off a vibe that the creator never knew where he was going with it, then I dont think it would be as impactful. As someone who loves Stranger Things, not everything ties up perfectly. And maybe the creators had an idea of their ending and then had to figure out how to get there, but it doesn't show. I've a feeling that by the end of that show, I'll be thinking that they ran through different drafts for their ending and finally settled on one and brought back a few tiny moments from the other seasons that ties it in and boom, done.

But almost every moment of attack on titan comes full circle, to the extreme point that I believe he wrote this whole thing out, almost every millimetre of it, and then released it at a specific pace up until recent years, and then obviously the anime adapted it. Yes he could have made slight changes along the way like "I originally wanted this character to say this line but changed it to this character cause it was more fitting" or something like that, but nothing that would really change anything about the direction he was heading with it.

Do I regret binging it? Yes, bc I have loads to do that I now have get stuck into with v little breaks (SnK was SUPPOSED to be my breaks), but also, mainly, bc I felt like I was there. Like when you're away from home for a month and you come back and everything feels weird and sorta wrong. So that's a learning lesson to myself. Never binge again.

Last time I did that was with Succession, but I'm just lucky that Obsessive mode kicked in about 20 eps in (so the first 20 I watched one a day), and so when Obsessive mode came in, it was for the second set of 20 episodes).

Unlike SnK where I watched almost 100 eps in 5 days :')))

Anway, I'll be thinking about this fucking show for a while, especially Eren. Especially Eren. He's just too complex, and I like to analyse, and that's some long analysation.

Also Mikasa and Levi impacted me too (Hange is my girl tho).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm glad I wrote this out. My thoughts are going through my head way too fast for my typing to keep up so I've had to slow down my thoughts and so my breathing is a little better this time around lmao

I'ma miss this show, and I look forward to the day I rewatch it and take every speckle of the show in again. Knowing my ass, it'll be on my next break which is sooner than I'd like it to be, cause I know what my addictive obsessive ass is like. Ugh, I'm a wreck

[caz-is-gay]

so. currently actually sobbing bc i made the horrible decision to look through techno’s channel. i saw the gravity mod vid he posted after the announcement that he had cancer. i remember being so happy. sbi content! god. i still haven’t watched the video. yknow the one. a year ago i tried to watch squids video on part of the potato war. i didnt get 3 mins in b4 i heard his voice (he was celebrating!! he was happy!) and started crying. maybe in a decade ill be able to watch it and smile. and ill be able to watch the new one, and old ones and laugh like i used to. i looked through the community posts. he really loved birds, didnt he? i feel so bad for his dad.

june 2022. worst month of my life i think. everything happened at once. on june 1st lizzy was over. i was so desperately in love with her. still in denial about the inevitable friend zone. we went to zydecos grad party! she left halfway through to call her ex. they got back together. the facade was broken. obviously she didn’t like me back and anything romantic with her is a pipe dream. (i mean who would ever love to be attracted to an ugly fat pig like me?) so lizzy is over. im trying to ignore the heartbreak. then i hear the news. techno died. my sister hears it from a friend and tells me. the ppl we have over dont get it. they dont get why it hits me so hard, and god i dont want to explain it. so i pretend im fine. keep hosting, keep being nice. every second is agony! i cry myself to sleep. that had stopped a few months ago. i wasnt suicidal anymore but god. 2 weeks later im starting to back to *normal* levels of summer break depression. my dad finds out. he loved techno. im gone again. my mom fonds out, she doesn’t know who he is., doesn’t know the other 3 ppl at the table have already been grieving. shes lost so many to cancer. “did you hear about that minecraft youtuber who died of cancer? he was only 23, its so sad” i didnt know what to say. “yes i watched him everyday for 4 years his videos were the only thing that could get me to sleep when i started having suicidal thoughts if not for him i wouldn’t be here and now he dead.” yeah.

i still didn’t get over lizzy for months. fantasizing about a life with her was my escape. it was unrealistic and i couldn’t think about her like that anymore. then my dad brought covid home from work. june 23rd, my mom almost dies. thats the worst day of my life. it was mcc day. i was watching it on my tv, because my dad went to see his parents and mom was sick. she had been in bed for days. she got sick a lot. she had bronchitis for 10 years at this point. i was taking care of her. she was obviously delirious. asking me to pour water on her because she was so hot. i didnt know what to do. i waited for so long. i couldn’t deal with this right now i needed to de stress not have more. it got too much, i called my dad and he said she must have high blood sugar. fuck. i looked at her insulin log, nothing written for 2 days. fuck fuck fuck. he told me, if she cant draw her own blood for a reading, call 911. so we did. she could have died. if i waited any longer she could have passed out and stopped breathing. she went to the hospital. medically induced coma, intubated. she had told us many times shed rather die than be on a ventilator. none of us mentioned it. she was in a coma for 2 weeks. woke up, had to be in vent for longer. she was finally extubated. she couldn’t talk but she managed to be sarcastic still. i had to hold back tears. best day of my life.

that month changed the course of my life forever. my disability was most likely caused by the mild covid infection i got b4 my mom got sick. my mom doesn’t have a fungal lung infection anymore. my parents are sleeping in the same room again, and going to therapy. my mom has a cgm and a cpap and is on top of her health.

i cant stand the sounds of artificial breathing after sitting next to her for so long. im more afraid of my future than ever. im still getting over my best friend (fuck being demiromantic man) and i am still crying over technoblade.

[sunnybubblezzz]

i just dont think that you like me that much anymore- leith ross

“I just don’t think that you like me that much anymore” 

its funny because i don’t- 

“and you’ll say your busy but its not the same as before.” 

its funny because she can’t even tell me what she’s busy with. she used to before- now it’s like, “oh i’m so busy.” i kinda miss you texting me what you’re busy with. 

“and no i’m not angry i just think i’m feeling sore.”

i can’t get too angry. cause that’s a bad look-  i’m just feeling so sore. so done. so tired of loving people who don’t freaking love me back.

“cause the truth is that you just don’t like me that much anymore.” 

“i just dont think that you think about me the same way.”

i didnt get a card from you this year.. i did last year. we used to talk everyday… i haven’t talked to you in forever. i used to tell you everything i did… you didnt even know that my aunt died.

now you dont even care.

“and don’t lie through your teeth ‘cause you know that i know what you’ll say”

i will never ask you cause you’ll lie. you’ll never tell me why you’re not talking to me anymore, why we aren’t as close anymore- you’ll just lie. i KNOW what you’ll say and it wont be the truth..

so “just leave it unspoken and leave me unsure.”

dont tell me the details. dont TELL me the fun you have with your other friends. dont TELL me that youre better without me.. just leave it unspoken and leave me unsure.

leave me unsure of our friendship. text me like nothings wrong, then don’t answer me back for a week.

“you stopped calling first not that im keeping score.”

you stopped texting first.. i lowkey refuse to text you first rn because i know that youre not even thinking about me rn.

not that im keeping score…

“and the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.”

“and im so embarrassed.”

IM SO EMBARRASSED.

i’m embarrassed because i’m jealous of all those people who you love. i’m embarrassed because III thought we were best friends. i’m embarrassed because i spent so much money, time, and effort on you AND FOR WHAT. im embarrassed because I LOVED YOU.

“im acting like a little kid.”

and i am.. i’m crying. i am crying like a baby right now.

“passive-aggressive and practicing little tricks.”

“watch me, i learned this for you. look at the things i can do.”

yeah those paintings, those books i read because you liked them, the shoes i watched because YOU liked them, the archon quest i did because you told me to, the SHOWS i’ve watched, the conversations i’ve listened to, the things i’ve thought of doing for you…

LIKE WATCH ME- I LEARNED THIS FOR YOU.

please look at the things i can do.

just so you could like me more.. just so i can have a reason to text you about it. just so you could be happy.

“i just dont think that you like me that much anymore.”

“there’s nothing quite wrong and i guess i cant.. really be sure.”

AND THERE WE GO. maybe in the end, im just overthinking it. MAYBE, there’s NOTHING wrong. maybe this is all im my head. i cant really be sure. maybe you still like me.. maybe you never did.

“but there’s sick in my gut and FINE IM KEEPING SCORE.”

my HEART in my GUT hurts. I FEEL SICK. and i knew this was gonna happen ever since the beginning and i can feel it happen and i know that its never gonna be the same again.

AND YES FINE I AM KEEPING SCORE.

and im checking everyday to see if you texted me. and im waiting every day for a text. and i say i dont care but i really do. and i feel.. i feel sick.

“and there’s numbers and figures that i cant ignore.”

“and the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.”

thats the truth-

“the truth is that you just dont like me that much-“

maybe you never did like me. it doesnt matter, what does matter is that you dont like me that much. but i love you.

and i loved everything you loved and because you dont like me that much anymore-

i just don’t think i like ME that much anymore.

like if you could just drift away from our 3 year friendship like that.. maybe there’s just something unlikeable about me. maybe im just not idk worthy of love.

the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.

[junjiie]

ASSHSSHS YOU LIKE JAEWON! YAYY ٩(^ᗜ^ )و your special (ily bestie westie) i'm just gonna give you a bunch of random jaewon lore fact thingies because your his no.1 fan (real!!)

um number one!!! jaewon was like a super controversial figure during produce x 101 because this man literally says ANYTHING and he cursed like every two seconds (me) and he was SUCH a controversial figure that most korean netizens hated him and started a petition to get him kicked off the show 😭 his controversy was mostly the reason he didn't win 2nd place and was instead booted down to sixth

number two!!! jaewon dated one of his former x1 members and when they broke up the two of them.. well— they kind of got into an ugly argument 🤗! idk if you know anything about x1 but i wont give any hints because i wanna keep that a mystery!! oh and hanbin is pretty jealous because now the two of them are mending their relationship haha drama!!

number three!!! jaewon's parents like- suck ass, i'm not even joking, like they're so horrible that he ran away not once, not twice, but FIVE TIMES just to get away from them cause they really are that bad 😭 (these people should've not had kids), he successfully ran away for good in 2017 when he joined cube entertainment and he hasn't talked to them at all ever since then, they still leave a longlasting mental affect on him because of their emotional abuse though (sorry but trauma!)

number four!!! jaewon and hanbin are a thing…? or are they…? trust me atp they have absolutely no idea what they are 😭 literally EVERYONE knows they like each other but they kinda just let shit happen..? do they like each other? 100%. but they just kinda sit by and just.. go with the flow. will they ever confess? eh.

and lastly, number five!!! a much cuter one that isnt as confusing, jaewon was nicknamed "sleeping koala" because he often clings onto people when he sleeps, like whenever he falls asleep he'll reach out at the first person literally unconsciously and just cling onto them while he sleeps. (he was a stuffed animal kid can you tell?)

um…… yeah! i'll probably make a longer thing abt jaewon facts because theres actually SO MUCH MORE i have to explain when it comes to jaewon because hes a mess (and is currently having a sexuality crisis) so there'll def be a longer post about jaewon 😭

ik you didnt ask for this but anyway ily bestie westie have a great day <333 (i have school tmrw save me)

I AM HIS #1 UR SO RIGHT.. and omg thank u for these HELLO??! eating them all up in three bites and patting my tummy and shit

one - SOOOO REAL OF HIM TBH!!!! an idgaf warrior since the start!!! he went to uni and graduated with honours as a dpmo major!!!! no media training in sight!!!! LOVE THAT 4 HIM!!!! i support all jaewon rights AND wrongs

two - omg drama hii i love that.. ur right ik jack shit ab x1 BYR . let me look them up and make a guess at who it is though........... hyeongjun ? ! ? Am i right

three - EWW BEATS THEM UP AND SETS THEM ON FIRE AND KILLS THEM??! at least he got away though good for him omg . Pats him on the head ☹️

four - Aww gay opeple ❤️ Locks them in a room 4 ever. jaebin 5th generation it couple-not-couple

five - UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭E EUE🥺😭UUUE HOLDING HIM RIGHT NWO.......... i will cling onto HIM!!! and then he will call security and they will drag me away kicking and screaming and crying

I WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD U EXPLAIN AB HIM I SWEAR HE IS SO . got me wanting to share silly facts now too 😢😢 but def more algorhythm than slow motion......... they are a MESS! and its great

THANK U AGAIN 4 THESE I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM SM <3 i went back to school today!!! i hope it doesnt go too bad for u tmr :( gl bsf

[nash-21]

Manisha? Or should I call her mine?

okay so here am I again. Its been a roller coaster ride for few days now. Its about her again as I am going to rant and rant about her for few days now...reason?..I think something is wrong..I don't know what but something is. I feel this after 3 yrs.. I met a lot and lot of girl but this feeling has not been for a single one of them. She is different.. Have been talking to her for a while and the feel i get from her is different.

She finished her exam and msged me. I was furious on her as she was acting wired all these days..No doubt she is a topper and toppers do like this that they dont keep anyone in-front of their studies but I felt I am different and can be close to her. I was continuously talking to myself all these days about how I am not going to talk to her even if she msges me because It was a complete disrespect for me and I don't talk to people who do not respect me. I have only 1 problem if she had any problem she could have atleast told me that she is busy with studies I couldn't have even disturb her a bit. I snapped at her a little when she came back as I didn't wanted to talk to her but she understood my anger and explained me. See nowadays I have been like "I dont want any explanation" but she calmly made me understand which I loved about her. I have been into a very bad position in my life were I was totally alone and handle myself all by my own. Mom,dad,sister all were their but personal problems cannot be shared with them as they will never understand.

Eventually when she explained me I was its fine she alteast accepted her fault its better to stop and start having a convo which is more important than anything else. So we had a good conversation and with that we forgot about the exchanges we had.

Cut to 30th when I went for the trip i realised nothing but a absence of her. I was constantly thinking about what would have happened if she was their with us. I couldn't have left her side for a sec also. It was a awesome trip but she was missing and to make her feel in..I video call her and tryed to make her a part of it. I felt good when she was on call with all of us talking. What if she was their infront of us....OH GODD ALMIGHTY!! thinking about it gives me butterflies. She is a mature girl and emotional instinct. But I always feel she can be a good guide and a person I can rely onto. You know what? I never felt that for someone cause I always feel I have to rely on myself and on my decisions and the consequences will be handled by me only.

So on 31st I hinted her with a developed feeling for her. And acted like I was in the influence of alcohol..she got that i guess so but then she said about someone she likes.I was like fuck..Im not the guy but then I realised she was hinting me. But I didn't go in dept cause it was like something which need special time and space which at that time i didn't had. And also i cannot let her feelings be like "isko toh koi value nai hai". So I didnt go in dept and kept it for some other day and guess what we had this discussion on 3rd of JAN. It was quite a convo we had but at the end its all for nothing I was continuously hurting her and she was crying because she confessed her feelings for me. She said me we dont have a future but I would love to experience love in present. Now I want someone whom I can be with in future. Now looking at the possibility I was skeptical that she wont be their in future why to waste time. But then I also want to experience the immense love she can give as people crave for that. YA I DO AS WELL ;D... but then I told her that I need some time to actually think and to know her well enough so that we'll be smooth for the yrs to come. And you know what? AS EXPECTED she understood. SHE GETS ME... No one ever get me so easily like she does. I really want to meet her and the craving for meeting her is going up everyday. When I think about holding her from her back and be close to her and dance something happens to me. This feeling is... what I'll say.. leave it its not explainable. So for her i wrote something which I guess she'll like

here it goes...

The smile and beauty of you is simply breathtaking.Your smile is contagious, spreading joy and happiness to everyone around you. It lights up your entire face, revealing your kind and warm heart. And your beauty is more than just skin deep. It radiates from within, emanating from your positive spirit and inner radiance. Whether you dressed up for a special occasion or simply wearing jeans and a t-shirt, You always look beautiful. you are confident and comfortable in your own skin, and this shines through in your every move. Manisha you are truly a beautiful person, inside and out. The person who gets you will never want you to go as he'll get a gem out of the fake gems in the world.

Thats it :D

-Nash

[spicy-tomato]

Can i pls req dream being reader's sugar daddy :O - 🌼

sorry this took a hot sec ive been working on this one for a while cause i really liked the idea, so here you go :)) it ended up being like 2k words so im sorry

You had it all, anything you could want and more. Wanted to go to rome? Done, your plane leaves tomorrow. Dream absolutely spoiled you and you couldnt be more happy about it. It started off as a thing to help you with rent, but the longer you did it the more you enjoyed being able to get what you wanted when you wanted. Today was your weekly lunch with dream, you had both agreed that at least once a week he would take time off to get lunch with you, it made you smile to see him take time for you. As the tease you were, you decided to wear something a little revealing to tease him since he had cancelled your shopping trip with him the day before. You put on a low cut crop top and some shorts that show a little too much before fixing your hair. You hear you phone ding, getting a text from dream,

Daddy dream <3

Hey baby, i'm out front whenever youre ready to go

You smile and put your phone in your pocket before walking out to his car and getting in. you kiss his cheek quickly “hi daddy” you giggle and smile at him

“Hi sweetheart” he looks you up and down before smirking “like the outfit, all for me?” you giggle and nod before he starts to drive to the restaurant, one hand on your thigh. “Do you know what you want? You know the rule, anything you want no matter the price. And after that we can go shopping to make up for my cancelling yesterday.” you smile at him

“I know, and we dont have to dream, we can just hang out. Its been a while since we did that. Maybe we can go somewhere for you to make it up to me instead” he smiles and squeezes your thigh as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant.

“Anywhere you want baby, only the best for you.” you look down and blush, moving over to lean your head on his shoulder as he moves a hand to pet your hair. “Ill take you anywhere anytime and get you anything you want.” you cant lie, at times you had thought about being more than just his sugar baby, having a real romantic relationship, but he was always so busy that it made it seem almost impossible. Sure he took time out to be with you but it was never a lot unless you were traveling. He didnt tell you a lot about his job either, just knew that he had a large following and that he didnt want anything serious and put his partner in a bad situation, but damn if you havent thought about him coming home to you and calling you his.

“Baby? You okay? You zoned out.” he waves a hand in front of your face and you blink back to reality.

“Yeah, sorry i just got a little distracted. Lets go get some food!” you pull away from him and he gets out, walking around to open your door for you and holds a hand out to help you. “Thank you” you smile and take his hand as you step out, he closes the door behind you and puts an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side as you both walk up to get a table. You get seated immediately and he pulls your chair out for you. “Is there a single flaw with you?” you ask genuinely, he just laughs and shakes his head.

“Theres a bunch you dont know about me, sweetheart.” you roll your eyes as the waitress comes back with your mimosa and his water, asking for your orders. He orders for you and him before she walks off to put them in. He always knows what you want and orders it for you. It makes you smile that he likes to take care of you. You shake that thought away and go back to mindlessly talking with him, waiting on the food. It comes shortly and you both start to eat. “Where do you want to go? Japan? Italy? Oh we havent been to paris in a while, maybe there.”

“I think paris would be great, its always so pretty this time of year, maybe we can have dinner on the eiffel tower again!” your eyes light up at the thought of going back to paris. Last time you went was last spring, you both walked around and had the most wonderful time people watching and shopping. You take another bite and he looks like hes about to say something before he stops himself and looks down. “What is it? Is something wrong?” you look at him concerned, scared you messed something up.

“Its nothing darling, dont worry.” you both finish up lunch and he pays before helping you up and leading you back to the car. “I have something id like to ask you when we get to paris if thats okay, its nothing bad i promise its just something ive been meaning to ask for a while is all.” you nod as he opens the door for you and helps you in. “now, a pretty girl like you needs pretty new clothes for the trip, lets go get you some.” he smiles at you as he gets in, resting a hand back on your thigh as he starts the car, leading you both to the mall.

You spend hours in there going to different stores and trying things on, him getting you whatever you wanted without any hesitation. You walk back to the car with armfulls of bags and a couple new suitcases. “Thank you so much daddy, youre the best.” you kiss his cheek and he turns a little red.

“Its no problem baby, why dont you stay over tonight and we can leave in the morning to head to the airport. I can help you pack and we can watch a movie.” you smiles and nod, putting your bags in the back of the car and your new suitcases in the trunk.

“Id like that…” you think for a second about how nice it would be to wake up next to him every day and how nice it is to fall asleep next to him when it happens, even if when you did wake up after he wasnt next to you. The cold bed always made you remember that you would never be more than this, not that this was bad in the least its just sometimes you wish you could be more. He drives you both back to his apartment building and helps you out, grabbing most of your bags, only leaving you to grab the suitcases as you enter the building. He lived on the top floor in the penthouse, expected for how much money he had. You set your stuff down in his room, your new clothes already laid out nicely thanks to him. He walks up behind you and hugs you from behind.

“Youll look so good in all of those baby, gonna be the prettiest one in paris.” he kisses your neck softly before pulling away and taking your hand, leading you to sit on the part of the bed not covered by clothes. “Let me go run you a bath and you can pick out a movie.” you nod and he walks to the bathroom, leaving you alone on the bed. You turn on the tv and start scrolling through netflix looking for a movie, finally deciding as he walks back in and picks you up. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck, moving your head to rest on his chest as he carries you to the bathroom. He sets you on the counter and takes your shirt off carefully, leaving kisses down your neck and chest and he moves down to take your shorts off. You lift yourself gently to help him take your shorts off. He takes them off quickly before nipping and kissing your inner thighs, ghosting over your core. You whine and try to move closer to him before he presses your hips down into the counter.

“Stay still baby, dont wanna have to punish you. Daddy just wants his desert.” you nod quickly and stay still, his head diving to softly kiss your clit, causing you to whine. He chuckles and starts to slowly eat you out, almost at a teasing pace. You whine and grip the counter, trying to keep from pulling his hair. He pulls away and smiles, “good girl, being so good and not pulling my hair. Just letting daddy eat you up.” after he says that his hands move down to your thighs open as he starts to eat you out like a man starved. You let out a loud moan and throw your head back, your hands moving to his hair and tugging closer. At this point he didnt care about you pulling his hair, to blissed out by hearing your sweet moans and tasting you. Your cries became louder as he dragged you closer to the edge. as you were almost there he stopped, causing a loud whine from you as he moves up to face you. He looked like heaven like this, face covered in your slick with eyes dark from lust.

“Now my good little girl, i want you to get off the counter and bend over for daddy.” you quickly move off the counter and do as your told. “Such a perfect little girl, i want you to watch as i make you feel good, got it? You look away and i stop,” he chuckles and grabs your neck after you nod. His hand moves from your neck to your hair to hold you in place, making eye contact with him through the mirror.

“Such a precious little pet for me, arent you?” you whine as he lines up with your entrance, teasing you, causing you to press your hips back against him. He smacks your ass roughly and pulls you against his chest by your hair. “Thats not very nice bun, its almost like you want me to leave you all worked up.’’ he smirks at you before pulling you roughly back against him, ripping a scream from your throat. He sets a brutal pace, leaving no time for you to adjust to him. He keeps the pace, your legs starting to shake as he brings you back to the edge of your orgasm before quickly throwing you over it. You let out a cry of his name, trails of tears starting to run from your eyes as he keeps going.

“Pretty little bunny, always so good and tight for me. Gonna breed you so good. Fuck you until i know it takes.” he tugs your hair roughly and starts to bite and suck at your neck, leaving marks in his wake. You whine and cry, moving your hands to tug at his hair. “So close princess, gonna fill you up so good.” he moves a hand to your clit to punctuate his statement, causing a louder cry to come from you as you tip over the edge once again. His hips start to stutter as he fills you up, riding out his high with shallow thrusts letting out a few more quiet moans before pulling out of you carefully. You whine and tug at his hair as he does so. He picks you up carefully as he pulls away.

“i figured we could take a bath and then cuddle before we pack and figure out what time we should leave for the airport.” you nod and he carries you carefully over to the tub, setting you down carefully in it before getting and sitting behind you. He starts to wash your hair as you slowly drift off to sleep. You wake up briefly as he lifts you from the tub and carries you to the bed. He moves the blankets back and sets you down gently before crawling in next to you , pulling the blankets back over you.

“Be my partner,” he says as you turn towards him

“Only if we can still go to paris” you giggle and he nods, kissing the top of your head before you both drift off.

[gikairan]

The other thing is... their stock price was probably massively overinflated, and its just now correcting itself? Disclaimer - not a person who looks at, or interprets, stock related stuff. Its Fake Money, but the fake money means a Lot to businesses

Take a look at the stonk graph

AND the wikipedia page together

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ubisoft

This section here is roughly when the Ezio trilogy came out, to AC3:

Around November 2012, Ubi stock price was between ���4-5. This is the month Assassin's Creed 3 came out. According to the wiki page for that game, "On February 7, 2013, Ubisoft announced that the game had sold 12 million copies worldwide", plus other accolades as "our most pre-ordered game", "4th best selling game in the USA in 2012" And yet the stonks dont really go up. Youd think "we've had amazing sales for this title!" would make stonks go up, right?

In fact, stonks dont really start going up until 2014. With 2016 seeing some big jumps. Do you know what happened in 2015?

When the Vivendi takeover attempt was thwarted, it was replaced by... Tencent. "On 20 March 2018, Ubisoft and Vivendi struck a deal ending any potential takeover, with Vivendi agreeing to sell all of its shares, over 30 million, to other parties and agreeing to not buy any Ubisoft shares for 5 years. Some of those shares were sold to Tencent, which after the transaction held about 5.6 million shares of Ubisoft (approximately 5% of all shares).[59] The same day, Ubisoft announced a partnership with Tencent to help bring their games into the Chinese market.[60] Vivendi completely divested its shares in Ubisoft by March 2019." Then stonks look like this:

So around the time of these biggest spikes, the games theyre producing are probably less impactful than someone is buying up shares to force a hostile takeover, followed by "We're partnering with Tencent to bring our games to China". The Chinese gaming market is massive, and largely been inaccessible to non-Chinese companies. A partnership with Tencent to open your games up to China probably caused a huge stonk boost as investors hoped Line Go Up.

That big dip, btw?

Ubisoft released their first real flop - Ghost Recon Breakpoint on the 4th October. A metacritic high of 62. Wikipedia doesnt have sale numbers, just Yves quoted as saying it was disappointing. This is the point i credit towards some reviewers changing their minds on Ubisoft games. Past THIS point, you start to see reviewers criticise Ubisoft for "every game is the same".

Thing is, the stonks recover from that quite quickly. Next IS 2020, where just about every gaming company was The Hot Thing. But Ubisofts stonks go back to around €60 long before March. The next spikes are actually 2021. The sexual assault allegations seem to have done nothing to stonk price.

The fall kinda starts around 5th March 2021. That year, they didnt really release any games from January to October. Hence the continued decline all year. Far Cry 6 didnt really light a fire (though i cant find sales numbers), and so stonks dont go up. 2022 saw basically no major games release.

Stonks are crashing at this point

Next spike is the 2023 holiday release schedule, where theres a new Assassins Creed. Theres another bump up for spring/ summer and now we're falling down a cliff again as Outlaws sold below expectations

But i dont see this as a Ubisoft specific decline? Over-investment happened in the games industry in 2020 - record sales were led by lapsed gamers who wanted something to do in lockdown. And once work came back, people stopped playing games. And investors saw declining sales and left.

But Ubisoft is definitely seeing its stock return to the levels it was at... before the massive rise in stock price caused buy an attempted take over by Vivendi? The stonk price was so much lower when gamers loved Ubisoft as a company. I dont think sales numbers alone were the reason Ubisoft stonk was so high, yaknow?

And, like, does this really matter? IDK. I'm not a stonks person. I can just remember dates in the gaming industry and can interpret a graph. My worry is what these fake stonk numbers all mean to the very real peoples jobs and livelihoods, in an industry thats already shed thousands of jobs over the last 2 years that may never return.

With the news that Ubisofts stock is down so much theyre considering making the company public

Have they considered..... just making a different game?

Like, Ubisoft have just used the same formula for their major franchises for the last FIFTEEN YEARS or so. The gameplay loop for all of their major games follows the same structure.

Reviewers started noticing it a few years ago, and that began the decline of Ubisoft review scores. Not to mention the culture of sexual assault souring their image among fans. I also think gamers are now starting to get tired of the gameplay loop, especially when other companies are making similar games?

Not to mention all the money they poured into Skull & Bones over the last decade that was never going to pay off (i've said before how they contractually had to finish this game - it was part of an agreement with the Singaporean government. Ubisoft Signapore had to lead on a game project)

But if they just.... made something different, it might actually perform okay? Like, youd get the people who like Ubisoft storytelling and worlds, but have been turned away by repetitive gameplay back?

Like, Star Wars Outlaws not selling well is a surprise. By all accounts, its a perfectly fine game. Its in a popular IP. Theres precedent in story based games IN that IP selling well (Star Wars Jedi). .... But it plays very similarly to just about any other Ubisoft game, and that might have stopped a lot of people buying it.

[ghostlysenses]

okay i have an idea for pt 3 of fake friends, you can honestly do whatever with it but here it is-

y/n is still angry at the trio even after coming to amends with everyone else, even with their own death in general, but one day they notice that one of them (probably tommy) just tries every night to talk to them, to apologize, he leaves small gifts that were either from their house or something he brought along with a “this reminded me of you”, he even once brought down a juke box and a disk and stayed up all night to try and talk.

finally its sunrise and tommy feels a cold hand on top of his, and a small voice going “it’s okay.” and he just starts to violently sob, apologizing over and over again, trying to explain himself over his cries in agony, and once the sun is fully risen he’s passed out on the blanket he brought with him, as the disk finally stops.

Oh... my... god I HAVE TO WRITE THIS!!!

Now this one i got on May 16th idk when this is going to be posted but im taking my time w it!! WHOO

Remember! requests are currently open!

Part two here! and you can find part one there too!

My Apology, Please forgive me

Tw; Mentions of death and suicide, angsty.

Its been a few months... You accepted your death and you've forgiven everyone whose ever wronged you...

Besides Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy.

You just couldn't, they broke your heart.

they were supposed to be your friends but... they thought otherwise

You were stuck forever under L'manhole

looking up from the glass...

Tommy himself was slowly being ditched by Tubbo and Ranboo...

his first thought when it happened his first thought was "was this what Y/N felt?'

He was hurt and distraught.

was this the pain he caused you?

he couldn't blame you for being mad at them when you felt this way... he just wished he could find a way to make it up to you..

he wished you were still here so he could talk to you

so he could have someone

but..

you did want to talk

you also wanted someone

and they ignored you

they ripped that from you and he will never forgive himself for that

he sits at the bench alone now, by himself... he imagines you sitting next to him sometimes.. laughing with him.. talking to him.

after he saw you that night he couldn't get the glare you had on your face out of his head.

you were pissed and he was too

He treated you poorly, he called you shit, he insulted you, he hurt your pride and confidence, he broke you, ignored you, and hurt you so bad that now... you're a ghost.

He knew he had to make it up to you

but you didnt want to see him

and he still tried

Tommy would leave things

He left a painting once “this reminded me of you”

a few days later he came back with a photo of you and him “I miss when you were here...”

a few days after that he came back with your adventuring backpack that you had lost in some old mine “I found this...I thought you’d like it back”

every day he would leave something...

and you dont know why

but you felt better...you didnt feel angry at him anymore...

there would be some nights where Tommy would come to the memorial, crying.

“Im so sorry... i should’ve been better, im a shit person”

“I wish you were here”

“you wouldve been the person there for me”

then he was gone for a few days....you heard he was trapped in the prison...

when he finally came back it was around 3am

he walked over and just sobbed

spilling everything from how dream treated him and what he did to him in the prison, to how he’s so sorry for putting you through so much hell

and he’s begging for any sign that your listening....

but you can’t reach him...

you keep trying though...

but nothing works...

when he’s done he apologizes for venting...then walks away

You have already forgiven Tommy by then, as it seemed he was the only one out of the trio who cared

and you felt terrible for what happened to him..

so that night and every night you kept trying to leave l’manhole

until you did...

you can go past the glass but only up to the opening of the hole in the glass that you caused

You can reach out of the memorial too.

This was going to be a pleasant surprise for Tommy

A few nights later Tommy comes back, he brought a juke box with him this time...

he sat the jukebox down and played Mellohi...

Your favorite...

a few moments later Tommy started crying...

“I wish you were here....Tubbo and Ranboo ditched me... I now know how you felt...and im so sorry for it...you didnt deserve to feel this way......I hope you know that I mean it when I say this but...you were my only true friend...and im so sorry i treated you so poorly..”

Big man TommyInnit apologizing?

damn

he started crying more, just repeating how sorry he is and how he wants you to come back

this went on for awhile....

Then you decided to comfort him

the sun was coming up and Tommy was to distracted by it to even care about his surroundings

“Im sorry y/n”

He felt something cold wrap around his torso, and something on his back

“I know Tommy....I forgave you along time ago...”

You had hugged him

he turned around and hugged you back..

tears in his eyes...

boy did he miss you.

[komoreangel]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬/𝐨

pairings: childe, zhongli, and xiao x f!reader (separate)

scenario: your past lives never stop haunting you, but your boyfriend is there to comfort you

request: What about Childe, Zhongli and Xiao having a s/o who can reincarnate, but her past lives were really terrible people and she sees herself as one? So they comfort her, telling she isn't one

genre: mostly angst with cuddles and kisses in between

childe

you’ve been lost in your thoughts for a couple days now

you can’t stop thinking about it

the blood staining your hands

what your past reincarnations did

what you did 

childe can tell something’s wrong

he can sympathize with feeling guilt for lives taken by your own will 

as someone who’s killed countless people, he recognizes the look of searing guilt in your eyes all too well

“y/n, is something wrong?”

you don’t answer

you have your head in your hands, and you’re sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes facing the ground

he can tell you’re not completely there with him 

“y/n?”

“i hurt them.” 

he knows about your reincarnations, you’d told him when you two started dating

“hey, are you okay?” he pulls your wrists away from your face 

“how did this happen?” your voice is quiet, almost that he can’t hear it 

you look up at him and the darkness in your eyes is familiar

too familiar

he promised he wouldn’t let this happen to you too

“y/n. snap out of it.” 

no reaction

he grabs your shoulders and grips them, making sure you’re staring straight into his eyes 

“i can’t stop thinking about it.” 

he pulls you into his arms 

“y/n, you are not your past lives. you are someone new, you are someone different. you are brave, you are strong, you are not responsible for what they did.”

“but it doesn’t change the fact that it was me. i took their lives.”

childe can see he’s not getting through to you

“i know. i know it’s hard. i know you never really forget the look in their eyes. and it’s okay. its fine. just please don’t feel guilty for a death you didn’t cause.” 

“but how can i? how did- how did you...” 

you stop talking for fear of upsetting him

he wants to tell you that he didnt stop hurting

he didnt get over it

he wakes up in a sweat fearing that the things he did will cause him to lose the good things he has

but that’s not something he can bring himself to say 

so he just hugs you as you cry 

because he knows you’re not a terrible person 

because a terrible person wouldn’t have it in their hearts to love him 

and although you don’t feel any less guilty

it’s better having him with you than being alone

zhongli 

as someone who knows a thing or two about reincarnation

and also as rex lapis, who hurt people during the archon war

when you sneak into his arms for cuddles he doesn’t protest

“darling, is there a problem?”

you remain silent. 

after a while, your quiet voice echoes out into the dark

“i was a terrible person.”

out of context, this would seem confusing

but he understands

“those people aren’t you.” he tries his best to speak words of comfort, but your tears continue to wet his shirt (not that he minds, he just doesn’t like it when you cry) 

“i...i killed so many people..” 

he holds you close to his chest, so you can hear his heartbeat 

“a reincarnation of you, someone who has almost nothing to do with you...you aren’t a bad person, y/n.” 

your guilt burns in your chest

you know zhongli is only trying to help

but you still can’t just forget what your past life did 

“but that was me...just, different.” 

he tries to comfort you in the best way he can: by explaining 

“a reincarnation is described as sharing the same soul, but otherwise having nothing in common. you and all your reincarnations are completely different people, with nothing in common.” 

you know he’s right 

but you just want your chest to stop hurting and those memories to stop coming back 

“it might help to get some sleep,” he says. 

but sleep is the last thing on your mind right now

“even if you’re not tired,” he continues as if he can read your mind

“just closing your eyes for a bit” 

you don’t feel like sleeping, but it can’t hurt to listen to him

you lean against his chest and close your eyes

he looks down at you and wishes he could take all your pain away 

he wishes he still had his godly powers 

surely there wouldve been some ability that he could use to help you 

unfortunately, just hoping won’t be able to do much

so he holds you close and hopes you stop feeling guilty for crimes that you didn’t commit 

and when you wake up, he’ll remind you that he loves you because of all the good things you do every single day 

xiao 

your regret is not all that different from his own

the sight is all too familiar 

you’re curled up in a ball in the corner of the balcony at wangshu inn 

“y/n, come out of there. i can see you perfectly well.” 

you come out and rest your forehead against his chest 

he can sense that you aren’t holding up too well 

the only difference between your guilt and his own is that you aren’t responsible for the bad things your reincarnations did or may have done 

“it’s not your fault. you couldn’t have done anything.” 

he does feel sympathetic for you, but he’s firm in the fact that you have nothing to do with the past memories that have come flooding back 

he notices that you’re wrapping your arms around him in a hug 

he’s not the best at comforting, but he tries his best to return your embrace 

he’d rest his chin on the top of your head if you started crying

most likely he would try to calm you down and help you relax because crying for a long time can get you sick

and that’s the last thing he wants 

he would also let you sit on the couch in your room with almond tofu 

if you wanted he would even let you sit on his lap and eat 

(although he’d scold you if you got food on the couch) 

he might run his fingers through your hair at an attempt to make you feel at ease 

he does like cuddling, but this time you aren’t cuddling out of happiness 

it’s understandable why you’d be distressed during a time like this, but he feels like you’re being sad over something you didn’t do 

even if he’s unable to convince you that you’re innocent, he’ll still be there for you 

the little things he’d do to help you feel better :(( 

and kiss your nose and forehead hhhh 

feeding you almond tofu and whatever other food he can make without burning down the inn

if anyone comes to see you with a commission he would tell them you aren’t feeling your best and to come back later

(and they’d probably pee their pants because of the intimidation levels he’s giving off) 

holding your hand and carrying you to bed if you fall asleep 

oh god xiao please hold my hand pls jfdksghsla

if you go a bit too long with being sad he might tell you you’re being ridiculous and that your past lives don’t deserve your tears 

harsh, but he just hates it when you’re unhappy 

he would force you to go outside if you haven’t gotten sunlight in a while

and slowly but surely your guilt might die down 

it could take a while but xiao is willing to wait as long as it takes 

as long as he gets to see your smile again and hear your laughter because to him those are the most beautiful things in the world 

a/n: they were all pretty angsty except for xiao’s...which had a happy ending. it took a bit longer to write but i really like the end product so i hope you guys enjoy! as of february 7, requests are CLOSED while i write the other ones i have in progress. they will open once all pending requests are written and posted! ty <3

[miaclemeverett]

mia i gotta say tysm for making such a safe space for people to express their grief over what happened

ig sometimes i dont feel absolute in my grief ?? if that makes sense ?? cause we never knew him personally so why did i start bawling my eyes out when i heard his voice ?

then i see someone say they did the same thing. that theyve found out three days ago but theyre still crying now. and im like me too, i heard his voice, saw a vod, saw another paragraph about the video, about how he can send his siblings to college ?? and im running to the bathroom to cry & laugh at my face in the mirror

and i remember how amazing he was. how much of a comfort he was to so many people, how he made us all laugh, continuously even when he didnt know it ?? that, despite his comedic exterior, we KNEW he truly CARED, for us, his friends & his family

and i thought maybe he deserves to be cried over ? because he was fucking amazing. and its not fair that one of the best people this world has to offer is gone now

i still cant wrestle with the fact that He's Gone. were never hearing his voice or just getting some bristle of his presence ?? SIGH i miss him sm. god better have hesitated

ily miss mia tysm 💗💐 we'll get through this & im sure he's in a wonderful place, threatening god as he should

of course <3 <3 much love to you anon

i've been watching a lot of techno videos and streams recently... i've reached the point where i don't cry over hearing his voice or watching any of these but sometimes reading about what his friends are saying about him can get me choked up. he cared so much for the people in his life and the people he didnt know alike. like what other man would get over 2 million subscribers posthumously like this if he wasnt so lovable??

again love to you and we'll get through this :)<3

[auntbibby]

i just really Really hate the ideology that "good things should never be easy or free, and if they are, theyre fake". it's like people dont want anything to improve or get measurably better, or for old obstacles in life to be removed becuz progress is EEEEVILLLL.

people look down on ozempic & wegovy becuz it can make losing weight become easier and that pisses off the people who go to the gym 3 times a day and drink raw eggs. plastic surgery pisses off similar ppl for similar reasons. laws getting passed that improve working conditions & wages for minimum wage jobs pisses off older ppl who had a terrible time at work when they were a teenager becuz "if i had to do it u should have to do it too".

i understand what youre saying about fat liberation. that people are naturally different weights, and we shouldnt look down on ppl for being big. that fat can be sexy etc.

however, the antipsychotic i HAVE to take (or else i will become so irritable i will have multiple violent meltdowns daily) has "weight gain" as a side effect. for the first dozen years of my life i was very very thin. since then, being on various antipsychotics & other psychiatric medications, well..... im currently 260+ pounds.

i was actually 298 pounds a year and a half ago but i went for lots of walks and changed my diet and the weight hasnt come back much. and dont say "see? you worked hard!" becuz i first tried like 3 different exercise regimens and they were all too hard. it wasnt till i scaled it back to "taking a walk or 2 every day IF IM UP TO IT" that i finally started losing weight.

......

maybe for a lot of things, increasingly the farther back in history u go, painful hard work & being rewarded were intrinsically linked. but thats not always the case. sometimes good things can happen withOUT painful hard work. sometimes painful hard work leads to detriment.

as for risuchan's points....

i get waaaaay overstimulated if i have to play a hard videogame level over & over & over again and then finally beat it. it causes me to need to decompress or ill possibly have a violent meltdown. i MUCH prefer beating a level on the first try. i try not to play videogames very much.

i literally cannot remember a time i had a really bad day and then felt pleasure when a friend or family member reassured me. the closest ive come to that is venting to my longdistance girlfriend online and then she sends me heart emojis & hug emojis. usually when ive had a bad day i isolate myself becuz i know if somebody starts talking to me, espECIALLY trying to comfort me, im worried i might have a violent meltdown.

when somebody comes back into my life after being gone, i think "ohh.... nice!" for one second and then i immediatelly think "damn, now i have to re-plan my schedule so im set up properly for a visit with this person.... lets see.... this week in april i dont have an outing planned.... if i have a bath on wednesday night then i can skip the bath on thursday which means i can have a bath on friday night which sets me up for when mom comes over on saturday and then i can skip the bath on sunday and have a bath on monday night and.... hmmm i need to phone mom to see if my outings THAT week are on tuesday & thursday or monday wednesday & friday...." it's pretty stressfull actually. i have so much anxiety about planning events and being late and stuff like that, i had to tell my brother to "visit me less" once. he lives in a different province.

i will admit crying is a good way to end my violent meltdowns. but id much rather my violent meltdowns didnt occur becuz i end up injuring myself and breaking stuff.

anyways all i think is..... i dont wanna reject a free lunch becuz its "on a silver platter". good is good & bad is bad. nothing is "too good to be true". thats just a bad thing disguised as a good thing dont let it spoil your perception of true good things.

edit: im srry if im comin across as mean. im srry.

if u had 3 wishes, would 1 of ur wishes be "everybody gets transformed into The Closest Thing To Their Ideal Body That Isnt Inherently Harmful"?

I feel like handing someone their ideal self on a silver platter would kind of invalidate all of their struggles up to that point. There’s a story about this somewhere around here lemme go grab it

[rintarhue]

network love ✧ 025 / moon and stars

➪ MAIN MENU | PREVIOUS | EPILOGUE

Still as the night sky, Kenma stands by his balcony, adoring the scenery before him. The moon often looked lonely, but with the stars by its side, he knows that it will never be alone—even when another day has to come and the sun has to take its spot in the sky once again.

“I wish you were here.” His words linger in the air, longing laced in his tone. He swallows the lump in his throat; seemingly trying to swallow up the sobs that wish to come out. “Fuck - I wish you were here, Y/N.”

Two years ago, Kenma fell in love.

"Hiraku's amazing. You made them perfectly."

He believed, he loved, and he cried.

He believed in the words you uttered, completely entranced with your perspective of the world. He believed the definition you gave for love; how endearing it is, how sweet it is, and how beautiful it is. Though, you never really mentioned how much love can hurt so much—how love can be the cause of one’s wound and also be the medicine for it.

“You once told me how the impossible can happen,” he laughs softly, reminiscing the conversation you two had. “You - you told me it was because of magic,” a small smile follows. “And because of love.”

He shuts his eyes close but the image of you is imprinted on the back of his head.

“Magic has so many connotations in it, and for me, it’s seeing the glimmer in a person’s eyes. It’s seeing their smile… mhm… it’s seeing their smile and then you feel like it can go against the brightness of the sun. You know?”

“Is that why you’re always making the people around you laugh and smile?”

Kenma knew you always wanted to make the people around you happy, though, he never really knew why. He only understood why when he lost you. You wanted to make people remember you as someone who had a smile that can go against the brightness of the sun, someone who had the whole constellation in their eyes, someone who fought well. You wanted to be remembered as someone you always dreamed to be, not only as a person who had a pitiful fate.

“I just… I want you here with me, Y/N. Because of you, I’ve learned how feelings should be; that I shouldn’t suppress them, and instead, express them.” He allows himself to breathe, before continuing to speak. “I’ve learned how it feels to be free, to be truly happy, to love.”

He loved you. Well, he still loves you. How can he ever make the word ‘love’ in any tense, when it’s evident that the feelings he has are still present? That the only tense he can associate it to is the present, the future—and it never will be in the past. His love for you will never be covered in dirt and dust; but it’s quite ironic as what you two had was ephemeral, like dust in the wind.

“You showed me what magic was, what love was; and god, how I wish magic was real.” The coldness of the air kisses Kenma’s skin softly, as he shudders a bit. “Because if magic was real, I’d make sure that you’ll be here with me right now.”

He can still remember the first time he watched the moon and stars with you;

“When I’m gone, just look at the sky, okay?” Your words echo through his ears, “I’ll always be there - just look for the brightest star.”

But now, he watches it all alone.

“People are desperate for love,” the words sit familiar on his tongue. “I’m desperate for love. It’s bizarre how you changed my life, Y/N. Love has always been something hard for me to decipher, it has always been hard for me to be open to others. But, fuck - now I know how painful it is.”

He looked at the sky once again; and then decided to pick the brightest star peeking through his sight—he decided to name it after you. Even if you aren’t physically here anymore, the trace of you will remain; that even if another day has to come, he knows you’ll always be there for him.

The stars will always be there for the moon.

“I love you,”

The first droplet of tears fell from his eyes, and the sky mimicked his cry.

— GENNFEDNFNSSNBFD PAIN. FUCKING PAIN. IM SORRYE FNRNNRMFNNRNRNFNFNEMMSAMMMEMRMRMFMMFMFMFMFMMFMDMEMWMEMEW

— i hope you all can forgive me 🥲 but can i Just say that ... wow theres sm to unfold in this chap and i can geek about it 🥲 ill leave it to yall if u caught onto em 😫‼️

— also!!!! i wrote this in an hour bc i didnt have time last night and yest so pls dont fry me alive oki T__T THANK U SM I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

update: wtf its 12 am here LAWL GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥

UPDATE 2: EPILOGUE TOM SCREAMS

taglist in the reblogs! <3