#cause bees sting that means hurt will happen | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

princeblack · 1 year ago

Text

he looks into her eyes as she tells him he's good, brushing his cheek with a gentle thumb. he loves her more than he's ever loved anyone, gazing into her pretty blue eyes until she kisses him again, letting out a muffled sigh as his hand slides up her neck.

she tells him her family wouldn't judge him and somehow it makes the pain in his chest worse because he knows she's right. they would probably love him like bee does and in return he would get them killed. "it's not that... not about if they'd judge me, i mean." he judges himself, so he would hardly care if they rightfully judged him too.

it makes him hazy with lust, how good she looks when she bites her lip, shivering against him. he can't believe she's been touching herself to him, too-- he'd been so sure his crush was unrequited and that he was being inappropriate by touching himself to the thought of her. he thought of bee when he was with daphne too, closing his eyes to pretend like her soft hair in his fingers was bee's, and imagining what she would look like on top of him to finish.

he touches her face, thumb tracing her cheekbone. "good girl... keep doing it." he wants to see how beautiful she looks coming apart for him, but he also knows he'll have to find a way to tell her the truth for that to ever happen.

it only makes the pain worse when he sees the look on her face as he stops her, holding her hand gently to keep her from undoing more buttons. "i-i do, i just... can't. bee, i'm so sorry." his voice breaks a little, tears stinging his eyes.

he shakes his head as she apologizes, his chest aching and the lump in his throat worsening. "you don't have to be sorry. you're beautiful." his voice is too weak to continue, watching helplessly as she seems to fight back tears. all the warmth has left his body, replaced by a sadness that's so strong he feels like he'll never be happy again. how could he do this? get her hopes up and then break her heart because the alternative is tricking her into being involved with a death eater. he's tired of all the pain he's caused and contributed to, but knowing he's hurt her is the worst of it all.

hearing her mention draco asking astoria to the ball makes it worse, because he wants nothing more than to ask her and have her want to go with him. but why would she, especially after he just made an ass out of himself? and because he'd only be playing with her feelings, unable to give her what she really wants because of who he is. she's the most incredible person he's ever met and she deserves the world, not someone who's apart of an organization that would want her family dead.

"yes," he replies softly, to her asking if she'll see him in class. he doesn't trust himself to speak much, knowing he's dangerously close to tears. she presses a kiss to his cheek, making his heart still flutter as green eyes glance up to her sad blue ones. "goodbye, bee," he says sadly, and despite his heart breaking, he still hopes she has fun with astoria.

regulus has always admired that bee befriended slytherins, even the ones intimidating to other people, like draco. he hopes she never learns that the malfoys are death eaters too, and draco will probably befall a similar fate that he is right now. the thought makes his stomach turn, because bee gives her heart and her kindness to everyone around her and she doesn't deserve being hurt in any way.

he slowly buttons his shirt back up before leaving, passing a group of curious students as he's headed down the staircase. he wants to continue homework, but decides his head is too foggy with sadness and heads onto the grounds instead, walking towards the forest.

the walk helps him stretch his legs but it doesn't clear away the sadness, still thinking about bee even as he gets into bed that night.

the next day, the slytherins have potions with hufflepuff like usual. the hufflepuffs crowd the second table and regulus sits behind bee at the third table, unpacking his cauldron and books. he tries not to stare for too long at her pretty hair and the bow tied in it, the sadness he's been holding onto slipping away a little at just the sight of her. it's hard not to feel happier in her presence, even if she's upset with him. the thought of her being hurt makes him sad again, but he tries to focus on getting ready for class, switching to the chapter he knows they'll be going over today.

"have you not asked someone to the dance yet?" draco asks from his side, seeming to notice the tension between regulus and bee. theo snorts from his other side and draco looks up a little sharply, eyes narrowing almost in amusement. "what's funny, theo? last i checked, you were rejected by not one but two veelas. seems a bit odd to be laughing to yourself."

regulus smiles at draco's reaction, unable to help himself. "it's okay, draco. he has to get his entertainment somewhere, since no one will go out with him."

theo's mouth sets in a hard line as if he's annoyed, but it's only for a brief moment and then he laughs again as if they're joking like friends. "yeah, well... at least i'm trying, instead of moping around over one girl who probably isn't interested. does it get tiring, being a bleeding heart type?"

draco laughs too, without humor. "awful lot of words to complain about someone having more game than you."

the two bicker and regulus tunes it out, switching his focus back to the front as professor snape strides in, slamming the door dramatically as if to signal to the class to be quiet. everyone immediately falls silent, probably because no one wants to lose house points, more than familiar with how snape teaches at this point. "page 164," he commands, and there's a rustling as some people pull out their books.

he goes on a lecture about the shrinking potion and all of its historical uses, before ending by discussing the chapter's contents and the correct method to make it. "it glows green if brewed correctly. if it does not glow, you will fail the assignment."

when the lecture concludes and he instructs everyone to begin, everyone stands to collect ingredients from the cabinet. already having prepared his minced daisy root, regulus pulls his ingredients out of a pouch, starting to brew the potion.

ignoring the chatter of draco and the other slytherins, he glances up at bee again, this time their gazes meeting, green eyes a little sad as he smiles at her. "you look beautiful today," he says gently, feeling almost shy after all of the things they did.

it was less of a challenge and more of a curiosity really, she didn't think there was more than one thing to love about her in all honesty she didnt see herself that way at all. her father neglected her and she clearly developed some rather obvious daddy issues because of it, in a way she sought out validation but it also seemed unreal when it actually came from someone else especially from someone like regulus, someone she adores and sees as almost this perfect being.

it's that fact that makes it even more strange he seems so set on saying he wasn't a good person. she frowns a bit, shaking her head. "I don't think you even have any clue what it's like to be a bad person. whatever happened or didn't happen it's not because you aren't good, sometimes bad things happen and we do bad things but it doesn't always mean we have to be bad people and when I look at you all I see is how good you are behind your eyes. she smiles sadly, thumb brushing against his cheek as she kisses him again this time more love and affection filled into it.

she looks at him sadly, she really didn't realize there was so much pain within him. from the outside regulus seemed to have about as perfect of a life as you could get, his family didn't have to worry about money and he was top of the class, seeker...everything and so much more but looking deep within he was sad, filed with a lot of self doubt and loneliness. "if you're worried because of your family you don't have to be...we don't judge you based on something you had no say in." she frowns a bit. "I want you to come..."

she's having a hard time between her emotions because everything suddenly seems so intense from his dad words to the way his voice gets all low and sexy, the pet name sending shivers down her spine as she bites down on her lower lip. "I did, I still do..." she hums blushing a bit. "even when I was with dean, I...couldn't help it." just the thought of it makes her need him all the more, just wanting to feel him inside her, wanting to moan his name as they explore each other.

bee purrs a little against his lips, trying to work on his jacket with eagerness until he's stopping her, his hand catching hers. there's a bit of a lump in her throat as he speaks, telling her they can't do that yet and suddenly she's embarrassed, and guilty but mostly it makes her over think. "I thought you..." she thought he wanted to, the way he was touching her and talking to her or maybe she was stupid you assume.

it's only made worse when he tells her there's things she's unaware of, she could easily assume it hsd something to do with all the rumors but the ides is over taken by the fact maybe he doesn't want her like that, like maybe she isn't sexy enough...or maybe she came on too strongly. she wasn't beautiful like his ex was, or elegant. maybe it made him feel weird knowing how different she was from what he was used to. bee thoughts run away a bit and she feels the tears stringing her eyes some, quickly forcing them back as she presses her lips together.

she's not trying to make him feel bad for not wanting to have sex with her, it would be fucked up to do such a thing but she also can't hide her feelings as she drops her hands from his body, her legs too as she smiles sadly. "yeah, no you're right I'm sorry...I just got over excited I didn't even think that maybe you wouldn't want to..." she pauses.

"I actually should probably get going anyway, astoria wants me to help her find a dress for the yule ball...turns out draco finally asked her to go, she's really excited." it wasn't a total lie, astoria actually did want bee to go with her to get the dress but it wouldn't be for another hour. it just felt as though it would be awkward to try and kiss him again after making a fool of herself. the least she could do. Is help her friend plan her perfect night with her dream guy. bee helps herself to the floor, fixing her skirt which has gotten bunched up in her panties and reaching for her robe as well before looking at regulus with soft blue eyes. "I'll see you in class tomorrow? and thank you for the broom and flowers too...I should probably get those back before someone steals them." she said with a soft chuckle realizing she left them by the study spot.

she leans in, pressing a kiss to his soft cheek. "I really do like you reggie and nothing is going to change that." bee says in almost a whisper before leaving as quickly as she could.

she spends the rest of the day feeling bad for herself, even astoria noticing when they were picking out dresses. in which bee wasn't even sure she wanted to go now but her friend assures her she's being silly and regulus does like her, saying boys are just weird and leaving it at that before they end the afternoon at the three broom sticks for some butterbeer and to vent about their teenage drama. going to her dorm later that night and catching herself wanting to cry a little, at first crying over regulus and then feeling stupid for crying over regulus because he didn't do anything wrong it keeps happening until she's able to go to sleep, hoping she could at least dream of him in a happy place.

#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( prose ) .#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. bexley ) .

51 notes · View notes

thewriterowl · 3 years ago

Note

Owl I have this dumb thought of Luke watering flowers in his garden that Din made for him and he sees a tiny black and yellow fluffy flying creature poke it's head out of his hydrangeas. Typical Luke innocence, "Good morning and hello there welcome to my garden." And the mean new bug stings him and he cries LOUDLY (cause he's gotta inherit something from Anakin so why not his overdramatic a) Of course Din comes rushing and he sees what happened. "Oh my Cyar'ika, did a mean bee sting you? Come here let's water the rest of your flowers together." It's stupid but I love it.

D: Luke is so hurt and betrayed. He just wanted to welcome it to his garden! Most times animals adore him but maybe this was just a little oops. But it was a shock.

It would be funny if he just yelps in surprise and sucks, hurt that it happened and here comes Din to kiss over the ouchies and cuddle him and lead him along the flowers to distract him.

"My poor baby, I'm sorry it stung you. That must've been so painful. Let me kiss to to make it better."

"I-It was just a....a sting?"

"kisses!!"

#owl inbox #dinluke

38 notes · View notes

invisible-pink-toast · 3 years ago

Text

MayBee Queen 2022

Day #2 - Bee

A short fic about a moment between Emilie and Chloe.

@maybeequeenchloe

*・゜゜・*:.。..。.:*・*:゜・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゜・**・゜゜・*:.。..。.:*

‘AAAHHH HELP!’ Is the scream that echoes around the Agreste mansion.

Emilie drops her book and bolts towards the noise, which isn’t hard to find, given that Chloe’s high pitched shrieking continues and now there’s crashing noises as well. Thought’s fly through Emilie’s mind as she races through her home - one of the kids is gravely injured, there’s an armed robber brandishing a machete, or maybe someone’s finally traced the missing miraculouses back to them. The peacock and butterfly brooches are hidden safely in the study, but she suddenly wishes she had them with her.

She skids into the kids’ playroom, expecting the worst, only to see Chloe is huddled in the corner, screaming and throwing toys at the opposite wall. It appears that she started with smaller things, blocks and Barbies that are now littered around the room, but has upgraded to the toy piano that now clangs against the wall as the keys go flying.

‘Chloe, what on earth is-’

‘Aunt Emilie! Kill it! Kill it!’ Chloe screeches, rushing over to hide behind Emilie’s legs. Adrenaline still racing, Emilie scans the room, still half-expecting the robber or government men-in-black to be hidden somewhere.

‘Kill what?!’

‘THE BEE!’ Chloe screams at the top of her lungs. The little girl points at a spot on the wall, where Emilie can just make out a tiny black and yellow bug.

The fight goes out of her, relief and irritation taking its place. She has an overwhelming urge to roll her eyes and yell ‘are you fucking kidding me’ but she pushes that down, reminding herself to be age appropriate. There’s a more motherly urge to put Chloe in a time out for such an overreaction - Adrien would never make such a fuss, but that’s when she hears Chloe sniff. Glancing down behind her, Emilie sees tears as well as a frown, and Chloe’s clutching Mr Cuddly like a lifeline.

Shame fills Emilie’s chest. Chloe doesn’t need anyone else in her life telling her off or belittling her feelings. Adrien might not make such a fuss, but that’s because he was taught other ways of handling his emotions. When Chloe sees her own mother throwing a tantrum, how was she expected to be any better unless she was shown how?

Emilie takes a deep breath, lungs burning just from the run upstairs, and crouches down to Chloe’s level, gently brushing the tear tracks away.

‘Are you okay?’ She asks her goddaughter and Chloe shakes her head, blonde curls bouncing.

‘No!! We have to kill the beeeee!’

‘Why do we have to kill it?’

‘’Cause they’re bad! One s-stung me, and it really really hurt, and then Maman squished it, and so we should squish this one before it stings me!’ Chloe sobs, so Emilie pulls her closer, rubbing her hand up and down Chloe’s back as she cries into her shoulder. Emilie guides her over to the craft table and gets her a tissue, helping Chloe to clean the tears and snot away. Chloe looks up at her, face red and puffy, eyes pleading, and far too adorable for her own good. ‘So now you gotta squish it.’

‘I’m not going to squish it, Chloe.’

‘What!?!’ Chloe shouts, stamping her foot. ‘Why not!?’

‘I don’t think we need to kill things. Especially innocent things that can’t defend themselves.’

‘But it’s going to sting me! Like the other one!’

‘What happened when the other one stung you?’

‘It was on the floor in my bedroom, and I poked it, and then it hurt me!’

Emilie tucks a strand of loose hair behind Chloe’s ear, the gesture smoothing out the five-year-olds outraged look. ‘I’m sorry that it hurt you. But it was scared, and even though you didn’t mean too, you probably hurt it when you poked at it. It was just trying to protect itself, just like you were when you were throwing things at this bee.’ Emilie explains, and Chloe frowns, deep in thought.

‘Maman says bugs are gross.’

‘Your Maman isn’t right about everything.’

Chloe’s eyes go wide. She’d never considered that before. Emilie knows that Chloe tends to parrot things, and that if she repeated that to Audrey or even Andre, she was probably going to get an angry voicemail, but she honestly doesn’t care. She loves Gabriel, but his taste in “friends” was something to be desired. At least that let Chloe into her life. And given that Audrey is spending more and more time in America, and seems to be more and more irritated whenever she’s in Paris, this is something Chloe needs to hear.

‘She’s not?’

‘Nope. About a lot of things. But as for bugs - they’re just little creatures. And just because they’re different doesn’t make them bad or gross.’

‘Oh.’ Chloe rocks back and forth on her heels. ‘I don’t want to get stung. It really really hurt.’

‘I know. The trick to not getting stung is to not touch the bee. They only sting if they’re scared, and you’re a lot bigger than the bee. If a giant person poked you, would you be scared?’

‘No!’ Chloe says boldly, but at Emilie’s raised eyebrow her cheeks turn pink. ‘...Maybe.’

‘Well if I spent my time outside with all the flowers and then got stuck somewhere with giants who tried to poke me, I would be very scared. I’d hope that one would try to help me.’

‘How can we help the bee?’ Chloe asks curiously, and Emilie smiles at her. She’s a good kid, she just needs some guidance.

‘Well grown-ups have a special way of helping bees. So if you find one stuck inside, I want you to get a grown-up, okay?’ Emilie asks, and Chloe nods diligently. ‘But you’re very smart, so I’m going to show you the special way, as long as you promise not to do it by yourself until you’re older. Do you promise?’ Emilie holds out her pinky finger and Chloe eagerly intertwines her own.

‘I promise!’

Emilie grabs an empty cup from the kids snacks earlier, and a piece of paper. When she walks over to the bee, Chloe still hides behind her legs, but she’s watching closely. Emilie traps the bee under the cup, slides the paper underneath, then carries the bee over to the open window. She crouches down so that Chloe can see the bug.

‘See, not so scary, right?’

Chloe watches the little bug crawl around under the cup. ‘Pretty colours.’

‘So now we get to set it free.’ Emilie leans out the window, lifts the cup and lets the bee slide off of the paper. Chloe gasps, but when the bee flies away, she starts to laugh and claps her hands.

‘That was much better than squishing it!’

Emilie leans down and presses a kiss against Chloe’s head, and Chloe leans back against her with a sigh. A sucking sound behind them draws their attention, they both turn to see Adrien standing in the doorway with a juice-box, staring at the chaos of the room.

‘Wha ‘appened?’ He asks, voice muffled around the straw.

‘Adrikins! Your mom saved my life!’ Chloe shouts, and Emilie winces at the volume, but can’t help but laugh.

#maybeequeen2022 #my fic #my post #chloe bourgeois #emilie agreste #mlb #miraculous ladybug #my fics

18 notes · View notes

devcted · 1 year ago

Text

"I don't think you should hate her..." bee starts, a gentle smile on her lip. his mom sounded like an awful lady, especially given her ideology hurts people just like her mother who was the best person in the world. she looks up at him, shaking her head with a sad smile. "hate means you still care...and you shouldn't care about people who are so cruel." bee doesn't blame him though, she doesn't hate her parents even though they haven't done anything half as bad as walburga did.

she's not totally sure how she should respond, she knew of pure blood families and how a lot of them liked to keep things...close. she's not sure how anyone could be happy living a life like this one where you couldn't choose who you loved, everything was arranged, everything was kept in the family...nothing was real or genuine and true love didn't exist. "so, now that you can make your own decisions...like chose who you marry. who would you chose to love?" she smiles, genuinely interested in what he looks for in a love interest as opposed to who he was chosen to love by rules and standards. "I guess you haven't really had to think about who your ideal type is though..." she frowns.

she discovered she had ancient magic abilities not long after cedric was killed. her first panic attack and she nearly blew out the lights in the hufflepuff common room causing other students to freak out a little. she's still working on controlling her power but it seems almost impossible, no one really knows much of ancient magic which is why they call it ancient. "just because you're a bad boy doesn't mean you aren't still hot...but sure I guess I could get on top of you, make sure you behave." she teases, smirking at him. he calls her a special girl and she shakes her head a little, smiling at his words. "I mean I don't really know how to control it yet...it's kind of like having so much power and not knowing what to do with it." she sighs, shrugging her shoulders a little, blue eyes flickering down to the ground.

"yeah, we could go together..." she smiles shyly. "maybe we could get you an owl? and your wand and go to your place of course." she smiles softly. it kind of sounds like a date and she doesn't know if it does to him but it makes her heart flutter regardless. "it'll be fun, I'd love to see where you live...or lived I guess." she knows it'll probably be like a castle, a beautiful castle gothic and beautiful like himself.

she laughs a bit when he asks her to continue to tell him how she thinks he's pretty, a bright smile on her lips as she rolls her eyes playfully. "maybe later, I think your ego is getting as big as your...she paused eyes flickering down to his dick as she smirks softly.

he points out how barbaric it is and she nods sadly, blue eyes flickering towards the ground as she frowns a bit. her brother died because of dumbledore, he was murdered in cold blood and nobody did anything to protect him...they never did anything to stop it. she can feel her eyes stinging. "yeah maybe if they had thrown dumbledore to the wolves my brother wouldn't have been the sacrificial lamb for the slaughter." she says, feeling sick thinking about how this never would've happened if they weren't so incompetent. "my brother died because of the games...well, sorta. I guess it's kind of a long story but the cup was a portkey and he got sucked in with harry potter whose name was never supposed to be submitted into the cup to begin with and it turns out that it was all one big plot for voldemort to get his hands on harry but my brother cedric got caught up in it because he's so stupidly selfless." she sniffs trying not to cry as she wipes away an escaped tear. "and dumbledore could've stopped it but he didn't he knew the games were dangerous and he had to have known something weird was going on but he didn't care and now my brother is dead. it's horrible to say but I wouldn't mind seeing him become food for the dragons."

it's hard not to smile at his words about her notes in her old dragons book, giggling a bit. "you'll have to tell me what I wrote, I read that book so many times I got sick of it I haven't read it in awhile...I have other dragon books too you could read all summer until you're an expert." she smiles pressing a kiss to his cheek again. biting down on her lower lip "I can see that...but you should know, that's my first time ever seeing anything big and beautiful." she teases.

his next words make her blush, heat going up to her face and down between her legs as he refers to himself as 'daddy' and she's his girl. she shouldn't like it as much as she does, it makes her feel like she's about to burst into flames. she bites down on her lower lip, eyes flickering to meet his and then back to his lips. "do you think you could handle me every night? you might look and feel young but can my sweet husband handle his duties every single night I ask for him?" she smirks as he leans in closer, wanting so bad to just say fuck it and kiss him. it's clear what they're doing even for someone who has never actually done anything like herself but she still feels a bit shy. "fuck...you're gorgeous."

he praises her, calling her a good girl for the way she just totally lost herself by sucking on his finger. now she's horny and blushing so bad as he licks his thumb and takes her hand, allowing her to lace their fingers together. she drags him down the hall, cedric slept on the bottom floor with her room next to it separated by a large bathroom though his room was the second larger bedroom in their tree house. she uses her free hand to push the door open and drag regulus inside. it's a peaceful sadness, but it felt so empty since her brother left, nothing but hufflepuff decor and pictures of sora and his life at hogwarts to fill the room without him. she knows they'll likely take a lot of it down to keep it safe but also so regulus doesn't feel as though he's sleeping in someone else's room, she drops his hand and smiles. "there should be everything you need already in the shower....I'll set this space up for you and it'll be ready by time you're all squeaky clean, and you can feel free to borrow his clothes until we get yours tomorrow..."

“it is,” he agrees. “that’s why sirius hated her… and i should’ve hated her too.” he frowns. “i still don’t, though– not really. i just hate the way my first life went and more than anything i hate voldemort.” it burns deeply; his desire to see the other wizard dead. he would do it himself and part of him is almost planning to, if he can find a way to make it feasible. at the very least, he’s going to kill as many of the older death eaters as possible.

“but i agree… i’ve always wanted to have kids. despite my family making it sound like it’s some sacred holy duty. the motto we’re taught is Toujours Pur… it means ‘Always Pure’. my ancestors prided themselves on each one of their children. our family had so much power that people used to think of us as royalty. a lot of people believed it was because of our bloodline itself, and the way we didn’t marry too far out…” after attending hogwarts like he did and being exposed to people from muggle cultures, the way he spoke about the black family seemed more and more ridiculous. but it’s true, that for centuries what people have believed is that blood dictates power. how could they not, when being a witch and wizard was genetic? he’s not so sure how far it goes, but what he does know is he’s tired of pureblood elitism and everything it’s done to tear their world apart.

she says she could take him even despite his power and he smiles, looking at her curiously. “do you promise?” he purrs, leaning in. “will you be on top of me, after?” he’s not interested in fighting her unless it means he gets to feel her. he thinks about her teasing words before asking, “would you be attracted to me? if i were bad?” he wonders if she would’ve touched him, even when he was a death eater. on the other hand, bee is even more special than he thought, being a user of ancient magic. he had never met someone who was able to practice it and truthfully he knew almost nothing of the subject, for once. “see? you are a special girl.”

“to diagon alley?” he asks, when she offers to take him to get his wand. “i have to go to gringotts anyway… maybe do some shopping. we could even stop by my family home so i could get clothes.” it never would have been possible for bee to visit before, but now they’re all dead besides kreacher and sirius. he wonders if sirius is even home, and what’s happened to him in all these years since.

it makes him feel soft, the idea that she felt connected to the place he would eventually wake up. “if that’s true then fate might actually favor me after all,” he muses, always having thought before that his life would have a bitter end. he didn’t anticipate getting a second try; especially not with an angel at his side. “i’d like to hear more about how you think i’m pretty.” it’s not like he doesn’t know, but he wants to hear all about it from her. he likes the way her voice sounds and how her soft cheeks get all pink.

he’s surprised when she mentions the triwizard tournament, having read about it but knowing it was discontinued due to the death toll in 1792. he wonders if she means it was cruel to the dragons or the students, or both. he doesn’t like the idea of them involving dragons in something that could get them hurt or further misunderstood. “i’m sure it was amazing to see them up close, but that sounds barbaric. maybe instead of making students fight for their lives for entertainment, they should’ve slapped dumbledore in a clown costume, tossed him into the ring and had us place bets on which dragon would get to its dinner first.” he never liked dumbledore before and he doubts that’ll change much on his second time at hogwarts.

he softens again at the mention of how many times she’s read the book. “i would love your copy. especially if there are cute little notes in the margins.” he pauses, smile tugging at his lips again. “i could dedicate my first book as a dragonologist to you... or i could thank you in other ways. my heart isn’t the only thing that’s big and beautiful.”

he likes how she teasingly continues what he said about playing house, a shiver running through him because of her words. it makes him horny in a way he’s never felt before, unfamiliar with the intensity of it. he’s always wanted to grow up and marry a beautiful girl; settle down and have children. but he never imagined it would be with a girl who looks like an angel and acts like one too. “yes, i’ll be daddy and you can be my girl… i’ll put the prettiest babies in you and take care of you every day.” she asks if he’ll be a good husband to her and he leans in, speaking near her ear. “i’ll be the perfect husband… we’ll make love every night.” he doesn’t know how they got here, the air so heavy, but he’s intoxicated with her and needs more.

a soft sound leaves him as she takes his finger into her mouth, her pretty lips wrapping around it and sucking. his pants feel tight and the warmth between his legs has only grown, unable to tear his gaze from her perfect mouth. he can't help but wonder if her mouth will feel this good around his aching length, wanting to push his finger further until she suddenly pulls back. “good girl,” he murmurs, and sucks his finger clean of her spit one last time. “you taste better than the pancakes.” he stands from the table as she does, taking her hand when she offers it, even though it makes his heart flutter.

#⠀* prose › b. diggory

31 notes · View notes

alwaysahiccupandastrid · 4 years ago

Text

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

��A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

#sia #music #music 2021 #music movie #autism #tw ableism #tw meltdown #tw blackface #anti sia #lol sia

343 notes · View notes

olivinesea · 4 years ago

Text

Worth the Keeping

a/n: Damn this was a slow one. Brought to you by the way asphalt looks under streetlights and me having been a badly behaved teenage drunk. It’s long but there’s no way around it. TW abuse, nothing wild tho. One bad slur, I’m sorry. Settle in for some in depth Hotch thoughts. ~6k

Young Hotch, young Haley. Bittersweet.

He’s never thought much about his own life, never felt that it carried much importance. Certainly the people in his home did not value it. He thinks perhaps his mother did at one point but she is too caught up in her own worries and the care of Sean to devote any attention to him. Sometimes she even seems angry if he appears to need help. So he makes sure never to need it. He learns how to splint broken fingers and reset dislocated joints, how butterfly bandages and superglue were all that was needed to close most wounds. He thinks, when he is encouraged to imagine the future by naively optimistic teachers, that perhaps he will be an EMT since he’s become so good at triage. He’s met a few EMTs, the rare times when an ambulance was necessary, the threat to life too immediate to ignore. They usually seem like nice, if a little intense, people.

Once, when he was only five, he had experienced anaphylaxis after being stung by a bee. He’d already learned not to make a big deal out of life’s little injuries. So when the bee stings him in the garden, he knows not to say anything. It is his fault anyway, it is always his fault. He sucks on the skin around the sting, anything to take away the fiery sensation he is feeling. He has never been stung by a bee before, had no idea what was going to happen as he grabbed at the little buzzing creatures flying busily around his mother’s flower garden. It turned out, bees did not appreciate chubby hands grasping at them and one made a point of letting him know.

He creeps back to the house guiltily, thinking of the ice in the freezer, maybe he could get some of that. Sometimes his mother would bring him ice wrapped in a towel to place over the repercussions of his childish transgressions, still reaching for love he couldn’t earn. It was always too cold, biting in a way that made the injuries pulse. But he accepted it because it meant that his mother was sitting near him, that he wasn’t alone for a little while. This only reinforced his lessons that care was painful. Wasn’t it better to have someone care so much it hurt than to have no one to care at all? She promised him that’s all it was, it was only because they cared that these things happened. It was only that he was still learning.

But right now, the bee sting is burning a hole in his hand and he thinks maybe the ice could at least distract him from that pain. He slips silently into the house, his eyes adjusting slowly to the dark interior after the bright summer sun. He is breathing hard, but each breath seems to draw in less air. Maybe he is afraid. He knows fear, is intimately familiar with the feeling. He knows it better than most five year olds do, who only experience fear on a basic level—sometimes practical: fires burn, falling from high places is dangerous; sometimes fantastical: what if there are dragons in the woods or ghosts in the attic. Fear was a means to keep you safe but when you are a child there are supposed to be adults helping keep you safe as well. A child’s fear shouldn’t have to be so specific. Aaron is afraid of slammed doors and broken glass and dirt tracked in on his shoes. He is afraid of storms that brew in bottles of dark liquid and unleash torrential outpourings of disgust.

In this moment he is afraid, not of a monster, but of a person who might be watching him from the shadows of the living room. He is too young to understand schedules and time, he doesn’t know his greatest fear is otherwise occupied. Instead, he lets fear be the reason for his change in breathing. He makes it to the kitchen with its big windows and bright lighting, only to find his hand has grown, comically large and heavy, the skin swollen and stretched. Breathing feels like trying to drag air through a wet towel. He feels his heart racing as the fear closes in but still stays quiet. He probably wouldn’t be able to make much noise if he tried but he doesn’t want to find out who else is inside the house at the moment.

Through the small luck allotted him, his mother comes in minutes later to find him curled on the kitchen floor, skin around his mouth a pale blue, his eyes closed in concentration, trying to will air through his constricted windpipe. She is about to scold him, to tell him to stop playing when she sees his hand, all doughy pink and covered in hives that travel up his arm to his thin chest. She rushes to the phone to call 911. She’s never been more scared, both that her son might die and that her husband might find out how careless they’d both been.

Ambulances weren’t easy to hide, drew too much attention, but something tells her there isn’t time for a different choice. The EMTs assure her she had done the right thing, quickly setting to work administering epinephrine and monitoring Aaron’s oxygen levels. If he seems rather quiet and withdrawn for a five year old, he had just gone through a dramatic, life threatening experience. It would cause anyone to sink into a bit of shock. They don’t notice the nervous looks exchanged between mother and son, both their eyes darting to the long driveway every so often, looking out for incoming danger. When they tell her the boy needs to be taken to the hospital for further care she visibly balks.

“But he seems fine now, he’s doing better right?”

The child in question is sitting in the open back of the ambulance, thin legs dangling, scum from leftover bandaid adhesive outlining skinned knees. He is breathing carefully into a mask that another medic holds for him. His hand is cradled in his lap, no longer outlandishly large but still misshapen. He looks fragile and she longs to pull him away, out of the hands of these strangers, who may only be trying to help but don’t realize how their help might have consequences. She wants them to leave, wants the house to return to the state it was in this morning when her husband left for the day, so he wouldn’t see anything as out of place, wouldn’t have to know about the day’s events.

She is worried about talk in the neighborhood, about the way her front lawn has been overrun by busy people in uniform, doing what she can’t imagine. But it was a future worry; she was so good at keeping secrets surely this was one she could fit in somewhere. If only she can keep it contained to this moment, prevent it from spreading.

“He is, but it’s important that he go. There could be a secondary reaction.”

Her arms are crossed and she rubs her index finger across her bottom lip absently as she tries to think quickly. Victor will be home soon, he would be disturbed to find them gone. She doesn’t think there will be any way to hide this if they went to the hospital. Too many people will see, there will be no way to lie away their absence. But if they didn’t go now and Aaron got worse, she couldn’t very well call the emergency services a second time. She looks at him again. He is now staring down at the ground, swinging his little legs back and forth. She hates that she has to make a decision like this. She hates how there were likely no good outcomes no matter what she chooses. She pinches her lip between her fingernails for a moment then sighs as she gives in.

“Ok, let’s go. I just need to call my husband first.”

It was only the presence of the hospital staff that stops him from strangling both mother and son when he receives the bill. Aaron shrinks against his mother’s side as his father thanks the doctor with a tight voice before turning and walking out of the building. His mother, nervous herself, is shivering, he can feel her body shake as he presses against her. She takes off on quick steps to follow his father from the building. She would have left him behind if he hadn’t been gripping tightly to her skirt, nearly dragging him off balance with her speed. They get into the car silently. Aaron climbs behind the passenger seat to the back and tries to melt into the corner. The air is snapping with electricity as a fast moving spring rainstorm darkens the sky around them. The tension makes him want to scream. He knows better.

“I’m sorry, there wasn’t time,” his mother starts, her voice embarrassingly plaintive.

"Shut up.”

Aaron’s eyes dart back and forth between his parents. He sees his mother hang her head, rounding her shoulders ever so slightly. He sees his father’s knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. He knows this was his fault but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He opens his mouth to say something but right then lightening cracks across the sky in front of them and they are all dazed by the flash.

Later, after they get back to the house and Aaron is sent to his room, the crashes of thunder mingle with his father’s shouting, his mother’s cries. He shivers beneath his too thin blanket, his lungs still feel new and foreign. Like they have been scraped raw and newly exposed to their purpose of pulling oxygen into his small body. He has suspected it before but this experience has solidified in his mind that he shouldn’t be here, that his presence only causes distress. He knows his mother would be better off if he had died, he knows his father would be less angry about that than whatever humiliation he feels he’s just experienced at the hospital. For some reason, despite his wishes to the contrary, he only brings about waste and pain. He had only wanted to meet the tiny creatures, to see if their busy movements, their buzzing hearts matched his own.

As he gets older, he grows tired of the care, he wishes more and more to be ignored. If only his father cared less, he could fade into the wallpaper, disappear into the shadows of their house. If no one cares, he can’t disappoint with his shortcomings. He can just float around in a fog that softens the world around him, never caring too much about anything, never feeling that sting of caring. If he doesn’t care, nothing matters, nothing can touch him.

Aaron has completely accepted the fact of his own unimportance by the time he is a teenager. He does everything he can to blend into the background. To escape the notice of others because being noticed is never safe. It reminds people that he dares to take up space, dares to make use of resources better allocated to creatures more deserving, less hateful.

Something shifts once he hits puberty, a sort of recklessness sparks inside him. Though he is still careful to avoid the attentions of adults, he starts to bite back when other kids tease him. They had been teasing him his whole life. For his strange haircuts and too small or too large clothing. For never having new things. They told him he was dirty, they told him he was weird. All the usual small cruelties children hurl at one another.

Now that he is in high school and has gone through a growth spurt, not yet his full size but much larger than he had been, he has some power. He notices the way the other kids step back when he stands up quickly, only with the desire to run and hide, but he notices it nevertheless. I’ll remember that, he thinks as he walks, rather than runs, to escape from their taunts.

Part way into his freshman year he breaks someone’s nose. While not exactly justified it wasn’t unprovoked either. They had been picking at him throughout the day. Purposely running him into lockers, knocking over his lunch tray and pinching him as he walked by. There are so many of them and they are so quick about it he is never completely sure who is doing it. His irritation grows inside him such that he wouldn’t be surprised to see smoke drifting out of his ears. The pokes and jabs are bad enough on their own but what the other kids don’t know is that they are just layering over deeper bruises, ones he does his best to forget about. If he thinks about those too much he’d go crazy.

The older he gets the harder it is to hold together the fractured reality he lives inside of. The one where a man can be both a hero and a monster. He has known since he was little about the danger his father carries but as he got older and saw more of the world around him he has realized that this is not the same for everyone. And not only is it not the same, his experience is somehow invisible, inconceivable to all the eyes of his hometown. As an adult he will look back and realize that some people did know, they just didn’t do anything to help, for whatever complicated reasons adults tell themselves that they shouldn’t get involved in others’ business. Even if the cost is taken out of a child’s nightmares.

So when Luke Gatson pulls his too-long hair and calls him a fag at the end of the day, he’s had enough. He swings his fist blindly but with all the force of years of built up anger. He is surprisingly accurate, maybe having absorbed more knowledge of inflicting pain over the years than he realized. There is an audible crack as the other boy collapses on his knees, holding both hands over his bleeding nose. Aaron stares at him, hand still clenched in a fist, eyes burning. Luke’s friends crowd around him, glancing between the two, wondering if they are meant to get some sort of revenge for their friend. Aaron can see that they are surprised, probably the reason that they haven’t jumped him immediately. He also sees the tears on Luke’s face that he is trying to hide. That makes him feel bad and he loses any sense of the burning hatred that had taken over.

“Sorry, Luke,” he says sheepishly.

“Fuck you Hotchner,” Luke replies, scowling at him.

Aaron shrugs, he’s heard worse, and walks away toward home. As afternoon becomes evening, Aaron’s stomach is in knots over the thought that his father will find out what he’d done. He is sure the man will not be pleased about it. He is so anxious he can’t even pretend to eat what is in front of him at dinner, a frequent struggle that earns him glares from both parents. He can’t stop darting his eyes to the phone, waiting for it to ring and deliver his sentencing.

He is washing the dishes when it finally does and he nearly drops the soapy ceramic, startled by the sound. He forces himself to stay still, to keep doing what he is supposed to, maybe his mother will intercept it. But his mother is putting Sean to bed, only his father is downstairs and he can hear him grumbling about people’s lack of decency calling so late. Aaron can only make out muffled sounds from the other room as his father has a short exchange with whoever is on the other end. He hasn’t been able to move since the phone started ringing and his hands start to shake as he hears the small click of the receiver, the footsteps coming toward the kitchen. He carefully sets the plate in the sink but continues to grip the sponge like it might be some sort of shield. He feels his father’s presence behind him and slowly turns to face him.

Victor is looking at him curiously from the doorway, eyebrows pulled together, corners of his mouth drawn down slightly.

“You got in a fight.” It is not a question, he is not interested in the details or whether his son might have different information.

Internally Aaron panics, trying to think of a way to escape this situation. He’s had plenty of time to consider how his father would react and how he might possibly minimize the fallout. Outside he is perfectly still, eyes downcast, breathing measured. Maybe he should run. He hasn’t tried that since he was small, too small to understand there was nowhere to run to. Maybe he would be fast enough now. Then he hears the least expected sound. He has to look up to convince himself he is interpreting it correctly. His father is laughing. His eyes go wide with alarm, he can’t remember his father ever laughing before. Maybe this has unlocked some new level of anger.

“Must have been a weak little shit to get taken down by you,” he says.

Still in shock, Aaron has nothing to say. His dad rubs his face with his hand, a little chuckle escaping. He drops his hand and looks at Aaron.

“Never fucking do that again. You won’t like what happens after.” All humor gone, the stony glare reappears. With that he turns and walks away, his steps only slightly unsteady.

Despite knowing better Aaron gets into more fights and his father delivers on his promise. Rationally he knows he can stop this. Maybe he doesn’t always have control over what happens to him at home, but this, the fighting, is completely a choice. After the first incident a few other kids test him, seeing if his breaking Luke’s nose was only luck. They quickly discover that he is able to back up that first knock out. Aaron is a natural fighter. He is on the scrawny side but what he lacks in mass he makes up for in pure rage. After a few more black eyes and split lips, the other kids grow more cautious, give him space when they walk by. No one teases him anymore.

But those fights taught him something. He discovers he likes the experience of being on the attack rather than only receiving. He never fights back at home, it is unthinkable to try to defend himself against what comes at him there. But out here in the world, for a few moments, he becomes something else. He becomes electricity and thunder, the one operating the crane that swings the wrecking ball, demolishing years of pent up confusion with his fists. He starts fights now. It does’t matter that it means he goes home to a matching fist, a coordinating set of bruises. He would be going home to that anyway, wouldn’t he? The blood in his mouth tastes like winning.

A couple years into high school and this is all he is now. Something dark and dangerous, he walks through the hallways, glaring at others, raising his fists any time he can find an excuse. If people notice he has more bruises than ever before, dusky marks on his cheek, his neck, the angry red patches of skin exposed during scuffles, it only makes sense given how much he’s taken to fighting.

Sometimes he sees flashes of fear in their eyes as he gains the upper hand and for a split second he is remorseful, identifying with that fear. But then, just as quickly, he is angry again. Angry that this fear is so new to them when for him it’s been a close companion all his life. He resents their normalcy and their parents that scold and worry, making a big show of taking away privileges when they have to come to collect their misbehaving child from the principal’s office. His father never makes a big show, barely says anything at all, simply apologizing to the principal, promising he will talk it over with his son, will make sure he understands the gravity of the path he is heading down. He can’t look at his father during these meetings, afraid he might scream, if only to drown out the ringing in his ears.

One time it is his mother rather than his father picking him up after yet another fight and he makes the mistake of making eye contact with her. The tears are instantaneous. He brushes at his face roughly with the heels of his hands, but nothing he does can stop them. He is frightening to see cry, making the people around him very uncomfortable with the way he is completely silent. The principal doesn’t bother giving his mother the usual speech, only ushers them out the door, his mother offering a quiet thank you. Looking into her eyes had shown him that she knows, that she knows what is coming and she will do nothing to stop it.

She had given up on him when Sean was born, writing him off as a lost cause. She will give everything to Sean; if only she can keep him safe, she won’t be a total failure. She felt guilty at first, trying to reason that Aaron was old enough to take care of himself but the nagging feeling of abandoning her responsibility was hard to escape. As he grew older, however, he had become this stranger she no longer feels anything for but shame. She can’t wait for the day he is old enough to leave the house. She knows there will be no peace before then.

Aaron fights with a determination that reveals how little he takes into account his own safety. He’ll fight with anyone; bigger, older, more experienced, it doesn’t matter. He’s even started to pick fights with adults, daring them to react. Nothing anyone does can touch him. Without a sense of self, a drive for self preservation, there is no reason not to throw himself entirely into the burning of the world. He would deny it but his deepest secret is the hope that if he keeps at it, perhaps someone will notice, someone will care enough to tell him he is worth compassion. Every time he fights and no one asks why, it reinforces this idea: that he is worthless, just an embarrassment to minimize. So he fights harder. He doesn’t know if he is trying to prove them right or wrong.

He only slows down when his father breaks his wrist and threatens to send him away. Alone in his room, doing his best to immobilize the joint with an old brace, he cries, hot and painful tears. Not because of the injury but for how twisted he’s become, how the only comfort he has found has been in turning this brutality on others.

Wandering the halls after school one day, prolonging the time before he heads home in the rain, he hears singing. Mindlessly he walks toward it, curious who might be the owner of such light that they can spill it out of themselves in sound. He comes to an open door and finds clumps of students standing or sitting, all facing toward a makeshift stage. Standing alone at the front was the singer, her face as beautiful as her voice suggests. He is magnetized. Her song ends and he feels it like a loss, barely registering the exchange between the girl and the two adults in the room as they thank her and make some marks on a clipboard. Suddenly there are fingers snapping in his face and he glares down at their owner, pulling his injured wrist in against his chest, protecting it from whatever action he is going to take. When he finds a small freshman boy looking up at him with an expression not of fear, only interest, he is confused. He is not accustomed to anyone looking at him without some degree of anger.

“Are you here for auditions?” The boy seems a little exasperated, like he’s repeated the question dozens of times already.

Aaron blinks at him. Auditions? As he is trying to understand the question, another kid steps into the spot last occupied by the singing girl and says a few words before beginning to sing as well. He notes that they are good as well but nowhere near the sweetness he was drawn in by. He looks around the room trying to find the girl, he is fairly certain he’s seen her before, maybe in one of his English classes. He never paid much attention to the other kids outside of which ones might deserve a fight. He spots her in a corner whispering with another girl, ducking her head and smiling, playfully knocking her friend’s shoulder. The strange feeling in his chest is his heart melting. He looks back down when he feels a tug on his shirt sleeve. He is ready to bite the head off of this annoying child.

“There’s a spot left if you want to audition. You have something prepared right?”

Aaron Hotchner has nothing prepared, nothing in his life could have prepared him for this moment but he’d do anything to get closer to that smile. He nods.

“Sure.” He can barely get the word out, his throat is dry and raspy. The kid looks at him quizzically, Aaron almost laughs at the way one of his eyebrows rises up. He can already imagine him as a crinkled old man.

“You have something to sing?” he questions more directly, doubt clearly apparent.

Aaron shrugs, he can come up with something. On the better days, the spring and summer days, when the light gets longer and he can wander in the woods for hours, he sang with the birds. Singing was nothing new to him. Singing for other people though, he does’t like that idea at all if he lets himself think about it. But there is no time to think. He is giving his name and being jostled into the room. Before he has fully taken in his surroundings, his name is spoken with some confusion as he is called up to his turn.

One of the adults is his civics teacher from his freshman year. She frowns as she looked at him and he feels a wash of anxiety, remembering who he is, remembering he is not made for good things. He opens and closes his mouth but no sound comes out. The room is quiet and he can feel everyone’s eyes on him. He exhales, angry with himself, looking up to glare out at this roomful of people who’s only crime is agreeing with him that he is worthless. But he sees her again—she is smiling, barely, but it is enough.

He clears his throat and starts to sing. It is a quiet sad song, a hymn he’s heard a hundred times as he forced himself to stay awake during services. There is not enough penance in the world to absolve him but he likes the music sometimes. This one has been a favorite for many years. His voice gets stronger as he settles into it, staring at the floor just beyond his shoes, trying to picture himself out in the woods, surrounded by his only companions—the silent trees and the birdsong. When he stops they are staring at him and he hates it. He rubs one foot against the back of the other calf, considering just walking out of the room before anyone is forced to say anything, to embarrass him further with some pitying words.

“That—that was great!” the teacher finally says. “We needed a baritone, you would be perfect.”

Aaron just nods, cheeks flushed as he risks another look to the corner where the girl had been standing. She is still there, looking at him more carefully now, her expression an odd mix of emotion. It is enough to give him the courage to smile back, just slightly, the tiniest twitch of the corner of his mouth.

“Rehearsals start next week. Everyday after school. Can you do that?”

He nods again, dragging his eyes back to the adults in front of him. “Yes, ma’am,” he says, just as quietly as when he started.

As he walks away, he hears his old civics teacher mutter to the drama teacher, “I had no idea he could sing. I’ve barely heard him speak.”

The other teacher hums back in agreement, just as confused.

Many months down the line and Aaron has softened a little. No longer an instigator of fights, he has other things on his mind. The anger hasn’t gone anywhere but he holds it back so that it doesn’t disturb the peace he finds with Haley. She is the best thing to ever come into his life and he knows he doesn’t deserve her; knows it is only a matter of time before the world rights itself and takes this gentle soul from him. He knows she is not a second chance, no one will ever forget what he is, he can never outrun the dark looks that follow his name. But he’ll hide in the solace she provides as long as the world lets him.

To her credit, she doesn’t make him feel foreign or pathetic as she learns new layers of his reality. Inside she cringes at every revelation but she is careful, keeping an invitation on her face, making space for him to bleed out some of what poisons him. He is hesitant and slow to share, sure that each slip will send her running. But when she does’t run, when she only pulls him closer, he trembles with the desire to be seen the way she seems to. That relentlessly denied hope gaining strength—that someone might care to look past the barbed wire and broken glass he’s made a home within.

There are good days and bad, they are only children after all. Sometimes he can’t explain his feelings. They are too big and all he wants to do was rip apart the world to find a place he can bury them. He tries to hide from her but she’s caught on to his tricks, seeking him out in all his usual unusual places: behind the gym, near the creek, the empty fields around his home. She grabs his shaking hands and pulls him to the ground, leaning against him and stroking the back of his hand while he shivers out the small pieces of a story that he thinks she can handle. The reality is it is much more than she can but much less than he needs. But they do their best.

She waits until she is alone or with her sister to cry for the ways life has harmed him, has doubled back on its promise and turned something she thought was a gift into nothing but torment. It is the first time she’s really understood what people mean when they say life is unfair. But she is stubborn and believes everyone deserves kindness, if no one else was willing to provide, she will be his reprieve.

At first the other girls laugh, thinking it is some kind of joke, a cliche, the beauty and the beast. But as they watch him change, catching smiles and held hands, they are in awe of Haley Brooks. While they can’t forget their distaste for the weird and angry boy they’ve known since grade school, they think perhaps there is something they missed. The softer-hearted among them root for their success; the others, once over the novelty, do their best to ignore the couple. Soon it isn’t even worth a comment when Haley turns up to some social event, towing along a brooding but behaved Aaron Hotchner.

It is Halloween and she’s convinced him to come to a party. Not a big deal, she promises, just a keg and some idiots in the woods. He gives in easily because he knows how badly she wants to go and he tries to give her whatever normalcy he can. He is uncomfortable at parties but appreciative that this one will be outside, in the woods, his woods, as he likes to think of them. The party is uneventful, he even manages to get a laugh from a group of tipsy sophomores when he makes a dry observation of the likeness of warm beer to peanuts. He hadn’t been trying to be funny but their laughter feels nice anyway.

They wander away from the party together, walking towards the neighborhood they both live in. He has handed over his jacket to supplement the impractical blue gingham dress she is wearing. He’d resisted her requests for a couples costume and frowned unhappily when she thrust a flannel and a straw hat at him as they were headed out. He’d put his normal jacket on over it as soon as she was distracted by a conversation and “lost” the hat somewhere in a bush. At least without the hat he could feasibly be wearing a normal outfit though he would never pick out something quite so green.

They hold hands as they walk down the sidewalk, tugging on one another slightly just to feel the comfort of the opposing weight. Occasionally there is a sign post and he drops her hand to split around it, only to grab it back and pull her in closely for a kiss. She giggles, enjoying this looser version of him. He doesn’t drink in front of her very often, usually too nervous to lower his guard and make himself vulnerable in that way.

As they get closer to town, he steps further into the street when he lets go of her hand. There is more traffic here and she is confused by what he’s doing. Maybe he is getting tired, not paying attention to his actions. She isn’t completely wrong, though it’s not the sort of inattention she’s thinking of. Every headlight that burns their vision pulls at him. The promise of impact, of un-ignorable damage draws him closer. He laughs as he stumbles, veering back to the sidewalk with smaller and smaller margins. He seems to have forgotten her, instead he is focused on this private game without a possibility of winning. It makes her nervous but she tells herself it isn’t a big deal. All boys are like this, flirting with destruction.

As yet another car passes with only a few feet of clearance, she can’t take it anymore.

“Aaron! This isn’t fun for me,” she is upset and the tone of her voice cuts through the drunken fog of his mind. He’s almost forgotten he isn’t alone, hypnotized by the weave of light and dark. Immediately remorseful, he jumps back to the sidewalk, planting his feet heavily and grabbing her around the waist. He pulls her in close, tucking her head under his chin, closing his eyes against the rise and fall of the horizon.

“‘m sorry,” he whispers into her hair. She shakes her head but squeezes him, arms wrapped around his torso. He takes another breath and opens his eyes, watching as another car passes them, oblivious to their small drama. The lights still pull at him but he clings to her, holding on for all he’s worth.

#Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner #haley hotchner #young hotch #tw abuse #hotch thoughts

39 notes · View notes

melonisopod · 4 months ago

Text

So on the one hand too much yellowjacket venom can cause renal failure, that's bad.

On the other hand, bees, wasps, and yellowjackets share a common ancestor, and the main component of their venom is called Phospholipase A2, and it seems possible to build up a tolerance to it over time. It's possible to build up some tolerance to it over a period of time, (there are a lot of studies specifically with people allergic to bees) but (there is a lot of technical speak I don't have the degree to parse out) it doesn't seem like you can eradicate adverse side effects completely. (Link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC507602/)

Now *maybe* this would be kind of useful if you're a beekeeper, because beekeepers do get stung no matter how careful they are. It happens. It's still going to irritate and hurt a bit, but you'd probably build a tolerance to the pain and resistance to the irritant. And because bees and wasps share a common ancestor, bee-immunity will boost your resistance to wasp venoms as well (although obviously you have the *really* insane ones like Tarantula Hawks I don't think any level of tolerance will save you there).

It kind of makes me wonder though, since hymenopterans *should* have similar venoms BUT you get outliers like murder hornets and tarantula hawk wasps, that will absolutely fuck up your day (I think tarantula hawk is what made Schmidtt, who was way too into his experiments with getting bee stings to be normal, ask "Why did I do this?")

"Can you build a tolerance to *extreme* wasp venom like tarantula hawk venom?" I mean maybe but there's no way someone would do that willingly. That's something the CIA would do as torture.

Anyway, not really sure where I was going with this. I guess building a tolerance to bee venom is *possible* just not *practical*. Also I'm a big baby when it comes to pain so there's no way I'm getting willingly stung by anything.

It's late enough at night that I'm pondering if I should build up a resistance to bee stings.

#alright copied and saved what i wanted to post an hour ago #but my wifi was down and was forced to use my phone data #anyway here's my braindump

10 notes · View notes

rockthistowninsideout · 3 years ago

Text

DigiWeek 2021

Day 2 - Voyage

The Story

part 1 part 3 part 4

After the first shock of having been transported to the Digital World had subsided we had tallied what was in our possession. We still had our school bags with us which meant unnecessary burdens in the form of school books and notebooks. But we couldn’t just throw them away so we had to carry them if we liked it or not. Thankfully, we still had our full bento boxes in there as well (today we’d gotten free pizza for lunch because of the principal’s birthday – the only good thing coming out of this miserable day). In addition to that I had a small first aid kit at the bottom of my bag while Taki was always carrying a sewing kit. We could be off worse, I supposed.

Once that was out of the way, the four of us set off to the West – at least I thought it was the West as the sun was moving in this direction (I mean, the world was moving in this direction. My science teacher would get pustules if he’d heard that.) The vegetation grew sparser the longer we trudged until we suddenly stepped into thick powdery snow.

“Oh God!”, Taki muttered, clutching her bare arms after a few metres. She started to shake until I took off my jacket and placed it on her shoulders. “Thank you”, she said with a bright smile.

I simply touched her back in response. “How far is it?”, I asked Kamemon.

“There’s a cave about an hour away where we can hide for the night.”

Just as it had said this, a snowstorm descended completely out of the blue. For a moment, we were engulfed in a twirling cloud of snowflakes. Taki and I leaned into each other to shield ourselves. When that cleared, a hideous Digimon stood before us, baring his sharp white teeth from out of a mass of black wiry fur.

“Oh, Frezamon! My friend, how are you doing?” Kamemon said cheerily.

I blinked rapidly. I wouldn’t call someone a friend who was frantically dancing around us. It drew nearer and suddenly produced an ice pick from among its fur. With which it was aiming at us now!

Kamemon took a step back. “It’s never done that before!”

“Stay back!”, Ryudamon yelled. It leapt before the three of us, hissing “Tera Burst!” and jumping into the air to fire several mini explosions. My eyes went wide watching but Frezamon simply danced back, noticing that a few fur strands had caught fire. It grabbed a handful of snow to put the fire out. Then it let out a roar and threw the ice pick. It sailed past Taki’s scalp by a whisker but only because she had managed to duck away in time. Suddenly the DigiVice, how the round devices we had gotten were called, at her belt started to glow – as did Ryudamon and it changed in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-moment from the mastiff-sized Digimon to a blue cyber dinosaur three times my height. It looked terrifying with its red sharp claws, bolted extremities, and sizzling cable ends serving as its tail. My own DigiVice lit up. The name DexDorugamon appeared on it.

Frezamon, though, seemed not intimidated by it. The ice pick returned in a boomerang-like fashion and now it was ready to throw it again. The twirling fur revealed something that caught my eye. A black spike was protruding from Frezamon’s back.

“Kamemon”, I asked and indicated the spike. “Is that a normal feature of Frezamon? Like a bee sting?”

Kamemon cautiously peered around Frezamon’s back. Its eyes went wide. “No! I have never seen that before!”

“Well, you said something about a gruesome force. Maybe that’s what’s responsible for the spike.”

Taki, who was still looking frightened, yelled “You heard that?”

DexDorugamon raised a claw as answer. It jumped for Frezamon’s ice pick, tore it away and by doing so it caused Frezamon to topple over. Now that it lay face-first on the ground, DexDorugamon could aim its Cannonball at the spike. It burst into a thousand shards that floated in the air for a moment before dissolving into sparks of data. As DexDorugamon evolved back to Ryudamon, Frezamon slowly rose to its feet, looking confused.

“Oh, hey friends! How come you’re out here in the cold? And who are those weird-looking creatures?” It indicated Taki and me.

I squinted at Frezamon. “You don’t remember anything?” I asked incredulously.

It shook its head, asking with a frown, “Should I?”

“Well, you just tried to kill my best friend!”

Kamemon rushed to Frezamon. “What my DigiDestined actually means is that something caused you to attack us. You wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t been out of your mind, right?”

Despite being basically nothing but fur, Frezamon managed to look like an entire question mark. And then downright offended. “Of course not! I would never hurt my friends.” It tilted its head and scratched it. “Now, thinking about it, you’re not the only - what did you just say, Kamemon?”

“DigiDestined.”

“-DigiDestined that I’ve encountered. I saw one the other day up on the mountain.” He indicated the snow-covered peaks on the horizon.

Taki and I exchanged a look. Another human! So we weren’t the only ones stranded in the Digital World!

“We should go find them”, Taki said. She looked much better, now that the imminent danger was banned. “Maybe they know how to get out of here.”

“Why would you want to leave the ice wastelands?” Frezamon asked truly flabbergasted.

“Our friends here are not made for arctic conditions”, Ryudamon explained. “We need to find food and shelter for the night so we can strategise on our next move.”

Frezamon waved its ice pick in farewell. It bared his teeth and said: “Then goodbye and good luck on your journey!”

DexDorugamon

(Frezamon is a Digimon made up by me so I can’t present you a picture now.)

What happens if your (favourite) character comes to your country/city?

“Oh how wonderful, Germany! Pretzels, Weißwurst, and potatoes! God, I love potatoes!”, Miyako exclaimed as she, Mimi, Hikari, and Sora were exiting Bremen Airport. She stood for a second at the curb, closing her eyes and inhaling (though mostly exhaust fumes), before stepping onto the bus that would take them to their destination.

Their tour guide Susanne, a German chef Mimi had met on one of her cooking trips around the world, laughed. “You are aware that you are in the North of Germany. We do not eat pretzels and weißwurst, at least they’re not our national dishes. We eat kale and - Pinkel!”

Hikari’s eyebrows climbed up her forehead. “Pinkel? Sorry, my German is really, really just rudimental, but as far as I’m concerned pinkeln means to pee. I doubt you eat anything related to pee!”

“Of course not. Pinkel is East Frisian and, you may be surprised to hear that, East Frisian is more related to English than to modern day German. So Pinkel derives from pinkelt, or pinky finger. At least that’s one theory. It’s a smoked Kaszanka, made of pig’s blood, pork offal, and buckwheat or barley”, Susanne explained.

Miyako and Hikari exchanged a look, wide-eyed. “Pork offal?”, they said in unison, sounding utterly disgusted.

Susanne shrugged. “Sure. why let anything go to waste? I heard that head-to-tail usage of animals is very en-vogue again.”

“Well”, Miyako drawled, “I think I’ll just stick to the vegetarian options then.”

#digiweek2021 #voyage #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #miyako inoue #hikari yagami #mimi tachikawa #sora takenouchi #my oc #my stories #digimon

12 notes · View notes

sukirichi · 3 years ago

Text

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ]

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ]

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ]

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them.

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !!

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #besties #series ( broken records )#tw: physical assault #tw: toxic #tw: toxic relationships #tw: adultery

7 notes · View notes

nikosheba · 4 years ago

Note

I just finished the last chapter of Outlast The Forest and it was quite painful to read, but also beautifully written. Would you mind to expand on what you wrote in the notes, about the plausibility of your interpretation? Just out of curiosity....

Thank you so much, I’m glad you’re here in Turleg hell with me (and that you’re enjoying the story)!

All right, so I’ve been meaning to write this out for a while, but here’s my reasoning behind why I think the Gaurwaith’s captivity of Beleg went down Like That:

(warnings for discussions below the cut of rape/sexual assault)

The first thing I want to note is that Tolkien often speaks very delicately of any matters of sexual violence. The closest I can think of him saying it outright is Morgoth threatening Lúthien in the Lay that he has “a use for every thrall” and that he conceived “an evil lust” for her. Apart from that, it’s mostly references to forced marriages (Mithrellas, Aredhel).

And then...there’s Children of Húrin.

Second point: the Gaurwaith are rapists. Andróg specifically.

When Forweg and Andróg are going after girls from the nearby village, he talks around what they’re doing. Túrin doesn’t know where they’ve gone, and asks where they are, and the others laugh, then say, “Away on business of their own, I guess [....] They will be back before long, and then we shall move. In haste, maybe; for we shall be lucky if they do not bring the hive-bees after them.”

This could be robbery, of course, but Tolkien also notes specifically that Andróg was driven from Dor-Lómin for the slaying of a woman. When Túrin confronts Andróg about the girl from the village, who has run up with her clothes torn, Andróg just says, “Outlaws know no law but their needs. Look to your own, Neithan, and leave us to mind ours.”

Ulrad afterwards asks if Túrin killed Forweg because they were “seeking honey from the same hive,” and asks, “Did the bees sting him?”

Andróg also reports, “What business Neithan had there I now wonder. Not ours, it seems.”

So here we have a whole conversation, literally about the serial and customary rape of girls, without once speaking of the act itself. I’m just mentioning this because I think it’s clear (to me) that Tolkien intended his audience to pick up on this from context clues.

So, now we get to Beleg. And once again we start speaking around things. When he announces himself to the Gaurwaith, he comes to them with his hands open and outstretched, and Andróg immediately lassos him:

“He came forward with no weapon in his hands, and held the palms turned towards them; but they leapt up in fear and Andróg coming behind cast a noose over him, and drew it so that it pinioned his arms [...] Then he bade them tie Beleg to a tree beside the cave; and when he was bound hand and foot they questioned him.”

Then they leave him there “without food or water, and they sat near eating and drinking,” and they’re about to brand his face: “Ulrad brought a brand from the little fire that was lit in the cave-mouth. But at that moment Túrin returned. Coming silently, as was his custom, he stood in the shadows beyond the ring of men, and he saw the haggard face of Beleg in the light of the brand.”

Anyway then they have their little reunion (and in the Lay they kiss, I’m never getting over it), and it says Túrin “tended him with what skill he had.”

So, already something has happened that Beleg needs tending from, despite the fact that all we’ve heard of the Gaurwaith doing is not feeding him. Already we’re talking around something. Then:

“[Beleg] said no more, and did not speak of Andróg’s malice, to which his evil handling had been chiefly due; for perceiving Túrin’s mood he feared to be disbelieved and to hurt their old friendship, driving Túrin back to his evil ways.”

So my question is, what does Túrin not know? He knows that Beleg was tied to a tree. He knows they were going to brand him. So something else, some “evil handling,” has happened that he will not speak of.

Then the next day, it says Beleg was “swiftly healed of his pains,” which, again, what pains? We’re informed of all the times the characters are physically injured, usually.

Then, when Beleg returns to Thingol and Melian, he “told them of all that had happened, save only his evil handling by Túrin’s companions.”

And to me, him being unwilling to say something like “They weren’t sure who I was so they tied me to a tree” doesn’t really...make sense. This is more than one time that he’s refused to say what happened to him, and it’s done in such a way that to me, it feels like Tolkien giving him the dignity and agency to not sort of make it a lurid spectacle.

So to sum up: Beleg was captured for multiple days by a group of known rapists and they did something to hurt him that he always refused to talk about from then on, that was bad enough to cause him pain and injury but that was easily possible to hide from people, even from people tending to his wounds.

I think if you’re determined not to see it that way, you don’t have to, but I think the interpretation that one or more of the Gaurwaith sexually assaulted him holds the most water. And thematically speaking, Andróg is said to have “the hardest heart” among all of them, and is certainly viewed as the most predatory among them after Forweg’s death. It also gives a LOT more weight to Beleg later healing Andróg of his wound, and Andróg eventually saving Beleg from the next time he’s bound and helpless at someone’s mercy.

But we’ll get there in a few chapters :)

#Beleg Cúthalion #meta #silmarilllion

47 notes · View notes

guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 4 years ago

Text

No One Lives Forever Not Even God

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Language, Insomnia, mentions of antidepressants, mentions of drugs, drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of nazis, parental neglect, mentions of the dead, cemeteries, mentions of meltdowns, corrupt government, mentions of cancer, low self esteem, self destructive behavior, medical testing, thoughts of murder, mentions of injury, and mentions of knives,

Word Count: 6.1k

Songs: Mother- Pink Floyd, He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse, A Pearl- Mitski, Me and My Husband- Mitski, Saint Bernard- Lincon, Why Didn't You Stop Me?- Mistki, Nuestro Planeta- Kali Uchis, You Know I'm No Good-Amy Whinehouse, and Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Whinehouse.

"I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too. Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.”

A/N: I only did one proofread so sorry if there are typos and this is just more of an infodump to set up other chapters so enjoy ig. I almost gonna start another series a social media AU let me know if you'd want to be tagged in either of these series.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Nightmares come while I’m asleep but, when I’m awake the nightmares of the day just come for me then, so really I’m just stuck. I would like to say the antidepressants are working, it's just the insomnia that comes with them isn't working for me. I’m honestly starting to think mood stabilizers would do me better.

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

I’m not sure I could blame this all on the pills though. I’d have to give some of the credit to the massive bombshell that a certain ex Avenger had dropped on me.

It's almost like every five seconds a new giant secret about my mom is unveiled to me. Like sure I saw from the video that she’d left me that she had associations with some bad people like Kingpin but nazis?

SHIELD had apparently collapsed because it was infiltrated by Hydra but it was prevalent while my mom was still alive. Seems like she had worked for or with everyone who was anyone. I’m just gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know because up until two weeks ago I didn’t either.

Her and Natasha had been recruited at the same time and worked together but for someone who claims to have been so close to her you’d think she’d know that she was dead. “She went off the grid and that was the last I heard from her,” is all she gave me with a smile that even I could tell was fake and I’d just met the woman.

You know when grown folks come up to you and expect you to remember them because they met you once while you were like in the womb that’s kinda my relationship with Natasha. She knows so much about me and I know absolutely nothing about her save for the fact she's a spy meaning she’d be a great liar.

She used to babysit me sometimes if I could trust what she says that is. Apparently I called her “Auntie Nat”. For some reason no one ever thought it was a good idea to inform me that I had a godmother. Maybe they did and I just forgot.

I thought they were supposed to take care of you when something happened to your parents. And the one who’s alive is about as useless as the other. It might be fun to have another person that was considered family. Just maybe not a spy at least I’d know she’d walk out of my life so I won’t get attached.

Mother, do you think they'll like the song?

“Hey mom,” I sighed sitting down in the light dusting in front of her tombstone. “I know it’s been a while and I’ve got a lot to catch you up on,”

It took a bit of digging before I found what I was looking for in my bag. I ran my fingers along the cold surface of the small jewelry box. There was puffy white glue holding the larger pieces together.

I placed the box in the grass sitting next to the tombstone. I removed a purple coiled bracelet and sat it next to the box.

I tucked my legs under my body admiring the piece of jewelry.

“I brought you a bracelet,” I spoke. “It’s kinda like a friendship bracelet cause I have the other. I don’t know if I should leave it here in case someone steals it,” I laughed. “You’d have to be a real shitty person to steal from a cemetery though,”

I curse so often I didn’t realize I did it until I had already done it.

“Ah sorry! Excuse my French,” I chuckled.

“I met Natasha Romanoff and she said she knew you. She said she knew me too. I don’t remember her though…” I trailed off.

For someone who claimed to have a lot to say I sure was at a loss for words. I just didn’t know how to get any of them out.

“Oh! You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you but I got to meet some of the Avengers. Most of them were new though. You’d know some of them. Like Captain America I wanted his help but he couldn’t provide it,”

I had a bit of an episode when I was told no one knew where Thor was. I think it was justified though.

How the fuck do you lose two Avengers let alone the ones that can’t possibly be hidden. One is green and huge and the other leaves lightning bolts everywhere they go.

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?

“The other is Natasha but I don’t think I really knew that yet. She went by Black Widow. I’m sure you knew that though. You probably know a lot,”

I wonder how many secrets she never told me about. I mean I could only imagine all the secrets working for the government would let you in on. Like she probably knew about big stuff like the Tesseract and aliens maybe she could’ve known about that.

“Okay I have a question. I have a lot actually but I think if you answer them I’m gonna get up and run out of here,” I joked.

“Number one is my middle name Natalia because of your SHIELD buddy? Like it might just be a coincidence but it could also be a godmother typa situation or something,”

It was a running theory. She would’ve known my mom before I was born. And if what I was told is true they’d be pretty close too and Natasha translates back to Natalia and I know she’s Russian. It makes sense.

Ooh

Mother, should I build the wall?

“Uh… there’s this boy,”

When was there not? It seems like there was always someone in my life. Carmen in therapist mode said it’s because I put my self worth into my relationship status.

“He’s really nice. Like really really nice. Nicer than anybody I’ve ever been associated with. It’s just he’s like…” I didn't know how to put the next part into words. “He’s just too nice. Too nice for me at least. Like he’s such a good person and I’m just me,”

“And it’s I feel bad,” I sighed. I was getting myself too worked up over this. “Like I keep playing like a game of tug a war with him where I let him in and kick him out again it’s tiring. I don’t even do it on purpose. I feel like we could be something maybe. But I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. It’s a self defense mechanism. At least I think.”

I do it with everyone. I shut them out before they can get it. The less people you let into your life the less people that can walk out.

It’s a bulletproof tactic. At least I used to think it was. Never realized people could get hurt including myself.

“I saw dad,” I informed myself? I guess I’m not sure how healthy it is to have a conversation with someone you know can’t respond and isn't listening. “Like two days ago actually I didn’t say anything I freaked out and ran away. It made me think though,”

Mother, should I run for president?

Made me think about how I’d done so well on my own. Well I’m not gonna take all the credit, most of it was Carmen keeping my ass in line. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I haven’t talked to anyone in a while.

”I found a small studio apartment in Queens. It was the cheapest one I could find. I’m just renting it like an Airbnb right now. I need to find a permanent place and a job,”

I couldn’t find a permanent place at my age unless I had full autonomy which leads me to my next topic.

“So I was thinking about getting emancipated which everything would’ve been a lot easier if you were here then we could just go to court for custody cause you’d win for sure.”

Mother, should I trust the government?

“I know you never got to know how corrupt SHIELD was but do they like keep tabs on everyone who does anything to them or related to them? Because like I did a little snooping and I know they had files for all the Avengers and other people like Kingpin.”

I knew I was going to have to do more than sit here and ask a dead person what to do but ranting to someone who couldn’t spill my secrets was a start.

“I was just wondering how deep it went or if they had hidden stuff on me,”

Mother, will they put me in the firing line?

It’s probably common knowledge that if you mess with the government they’ll mess back. I’d like to think they were like bees. You leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Only stinging when provoked.

But every branch of the government is like a wasp. They don’t die if they sting and they’ll sting you for no reason at all. They just like to see people in pain.

And I’m sure the energy research branch of SHIELD would probably be more than interested in a walking fire bomb that can move things without touching them.

I mean I’m not going to stop poking things around until I figure out what’s wrong with me. So might as well not complain.

“So I don’t have many things figured out right now and the whole you and SHIELD thing only confused me more so if you could just like come tell me what to do just this once that’d be great,” I laughed.

At first I was contemplating if this was weird or not but hearing me say that I now know this is pathetic. It always has been.

Ooh

Is it just a waste of time?

But I didn’t know if I should keep searching. Maybe I should just pretend like I’d never gotten introduced to the world of powers or mutations at all. For all I know Peter, Carmen, Felicia, Wade and I are just normal people who do normal people stuff.

Sure I wanted answers but I didn’t want to end up like those people who spend their whole life searching for an answer they won’t find any and end up never living at all.

Like a quote my mom used to say all the time “The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all,”

She really just used it so she didn’t have to listen to being put on bed rest but it obviously had a deeper meaning and she knew that.

I keep finding myself stuck on that phrase. That and the whole when the dust settles poem.

I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too.

Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence.

But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.

“Uh I don’t know if I should even tell you this cause you died before it was even a problem in the first place but…” I blew out a breath digging my feet deeper into the ground.

“I’ve been clean for like two weeks now. Which is actually a thing I’m pretty proud of right now.”

I’d stopped using everything except weed, nicotine because those weren’t drugs and even then I used it way less than before. Oh, and my antidepressants too but that’s obviously okay they’re prescribed.

I hated the word clean made me seem like an addict which I wasn’t. I’m many things but I wasn’t an addict. I just didn’t know of any other words to use.

I wasn’t an addict but I’d say the lines between recreational use and dependency were blurring just a bit. I had gotten it straight though. I’m good now. The antidepressants are helping.

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry

“You have a superpower of just making people feel better immediately. I don’t know if it was the fact you were my mom or what but if you even just put a bandaid on a stab wound it’d probably stop hurting and disappear,”

I wasn’t even exaggerating there was this one time I got hurt at the zoo and she just kissed it and I forgot about the fact that I even fell.

I’m not sure how true that is though because I couldn’t actually recall the memory I was just told about it by my mom a few years after it happened. So I guess I remember not remembering then being reminded. Weird.

“I wanna see the giraffes!” Aaliyah cried, stomping her feet down on the concrete.

This was one of the only times mom didn’t have to work on the weekends and Liyah had to have her way like always.

“Mom!” I screamed “Tell her you said we could see the lions first,”

She just sighed. “Well since she’s the youngest do you think you could be nice and let her go first please?”

“Fine,” I huffed. I wasn’t doing it for Liyah, I was doing it for mom. Even a blind person could see how tired she’d been lately.

Liyah laughed at me sticking her tongue out. She’s such a brat.

“You’re so dumb.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“I know you are but what am I ?” She teased hitting my shoulder before running away.

I took off after her. She may have been fast but I knew I could catch up to her.

I almost had her when my foot got caught on something. It launched me towards the ground and I put my hands down to catch myself but I still hit my knee.

I slid on the concrete scuffing my leg. I didn’t scream because that would make me weak and it didn't hurt that bad. I just bit my lip and stood up.

I didn’t want to limp but it hurt too much to put pressure on my leg.

Liyah had beat me back to mom and when I reached them she was already apologizing.

Fake.

She was just scared to get in trouble. I wasn’t gonna snitch on her anyways.

“Let me see it,” Mom asked, grabbing my arm, pulling me to sit down on a stonehenge.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a first aid kit. She always had everything in her purse. It was kinda like a super power. The black Marry Poppins.

She wiped the scrape with an alcohol wipe and I just barely hissed. It didn’t even really hurt anymore.

She placed a bandaid on it, smoothing her hands on top of it before placing a kiss there.

“There,” She wiped her hands on her thighs before standing up “All better?”

I nodded my head and we went off to see the giraffes because I’m nice like that.

“In case you were wondering, Aaliyah still always gets her way even now. I’d say she’s got me beat on the manipulation game honestly,”

It’s fine though I taught her everything she knows not everything I know. I could still get one over on her if needed.

Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true

“I found your pendant, the SHIELD one. Which I guess makes all of this real no matter how much I want it to be fake. I just want this to be a poorly written book where I wake up and the past five years were all a dream,”

God knows how much I meant that. Well maybe I didn’t mean it too much because some people I’ve met in the past five years are people I don’t think I could survive very long without. Even though I kinda exploded on everyone so maybe I’m gonna have to test my theory on how long I can really survive.

“Hey Doc,” I greeted pushing up the door of the restaurant.

“Hey sweetheart, how ya been?” He queried.

“I’ve been better,”

“I hear ya,” He nodded.

Once we were in the back of the restaurant aka his office. I pulled out the diamond. Doc knew everything about everyone and anything. He could also make a duplicate of anything you gave him.

“Whatcha got for me?” He asked, rubbing his hands together.

“This, I’m not sure what it is,”

I placed the bird pendant on the desk. I found it in a shoe box filled with my mom's stuff.

“I was wondering if you knew,”

He lifted it up to his eye to get a better view, His eyesight so bad that his glasses were practically a magnifying glass.

“It’s a crest, I don’t think I’ve seen this before it’s most likely from a government branch,” He placed it back down on his messy desk. “I can do some more extensive research for you if you’d like,”

“Yes, that’d be great,”

“Stop by again tomorrow and I’ll fill you

I wish I never went back to Doc’s place or found out about flash drive, Vulture, SHIELD, any of it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get anymore fucked up the devil came out the woodworks and spit in my face.

Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you

“I remember all that testing they did after I agreed to do whatever Stark needed me to do sooo badly. I still don’t really know what he did- or he’s doing with all that DNA and other stuff he’d gotten from me,”

Aren’t the Avengers and by default Tony Stark products of SHIELD so wouldn't that mean whoever’s behind all of that could’ve been the one to tell Tony about the fire thing in the first place.

That had been the main thing about the whole Stark situation that I still couldn’t figure out. Someone needs to tell me how he found out and they better tell me now.

“There are multiple lacerations 1-2 inches lining the upper and lower abdomen,” The doctor lady announced to her assistant. Before moving her cold hand away from my side pushing my shirt back down.

Okay that’s chill nothing I haven’t had before.

“We’re gonna have to do another X-ray is that okay?” Her assistant asked. I wasn’t going to bother to learn their names. I was planning to stay that long anyways.

What’s the point? They’re just going to come back and say the machine is broken and then do another blood test.

“Yeah sure,”

I was led into a much bigger room than the last. There was much more machinery too.

I was strapped down to a cold blue cushioned table by leather straps. Straps weren’t really necessary, not like I was planning on lashing out and mauling anyone.

I closed my eyes when the flashes of the machine went off. Apparently I had fractured three of my ribs and bruised my sternum.

You’d think they’d let me go now but noooo they need more blood and then when they were done drawing blood.

They had to hook me up to a machine to monitor- I don’t even fucking know what they were monitoring.

I just know I had all the pads with wires on my temples and chest and everywhere else. It reminded me of that one time I had to do a sleep study.

Except they didn’t have holographs to read off and fancy probably government funded tech then. They sure as hell didn’t have all this whispering either. Or maybe they did and I was just unconscious.

Still I didn’t even want to actually be here and I was cold for once.

“How much long do we have here?” I groaned.

“Not much longer. We just have and MRI left,”

Yeah right. I was gonna be in here for the rest of my life

“I could probably go back there if I wanted answers,” I spoke quietly.

“But I don’t want the government in my business like that well at least just not more than they probably are already at least and the tests are so invasive,”

Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing

That’s not the only invasive thing in my life. Or should I say was in my life? I don’t fucking care really.

My dad was somehow the strictest and the most lenient person ever. I think he just wanted control.

I used to blame his alcoholism for everything he did but no really he’s just a shitty person. A shitty person who likes to beat on women and take doors off the hinges.

“You are so pathetic!” My mom screamed at my dad.

They had been at this all night. For so long that I’m seriously contemplating jumping out of this small window right now.

Sapphire had no qualms sleeping on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Aaliyah and I however were still wide awake.

I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head but I’m assuming we're still up for the same reason. To kill our dad if he even touches our mom.

I had a kitchen knife in hand as I sat on the bathroom sink. I always had a knife every time my dad started yelling a little too aggressively just in case but this time felt different. Like I was really prepared to stab him this time.

I didn’t know what it was but something felt off.

“Are they done?” Aaliyah asked, rubbing her eyes. The apartment had fallen silent.

“I don’t know. Stay here,” I hopped down off the sink.

I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna listen to me. The kitchen was empty which means they must’ve moved to their room.

The next moment was the sort straight out of a family sitcom except the family was falling apart and the kids were going crazy but otherwise it could’ve very well been an “oopsie” misunderstanding moment. Where the younger child asks “Are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?”

Then the oldest child pulls them into their body and whispers “I dunno kiddo,” or “No they’re just going through a rough patch,” anything like that.

Except it wasn’t that. That wasn’t what she said and that wasn’t what Aaliyah asked me.

God how I wish that was what she asked me.

I have a bad habit of acting before I think. I opened the door opening my mouth to let out the words in my brain.

“You’re dying? How are you dying?”

They both turned to look at me like they were just noticing they weren’t alone.

My mom sighed moving closer to me grabbing my arm.

“I’m- Im not no ones dying,”

The door creaked as Aaliyah pushed her way into the room.

“But you said ‘I need you to step up you need to know how to handle it when I’m dead’,” She paraphrased cleaning out the cuss words.

“It didn’t mean literally dying right now,”

Now I could see how this could be us just jumping to conclusions from like two sentences but she had been weird lately. Like she’s always traveled a lot and been secretive but lately she’s been extra secretive.

And I could tell the secret wasn’t to protect herself so whos to say it wasn’t the fact she was currently dying. It actually makes perfect sense.

I’m starting to wish I wasn’t always right. Stage 4 Lymphoma. Basically we should go coffin shopping pretty soon.

If only she wasn’t so selfish and would get treatment for it. She couldn’t leave me here by myself. Who’s gonna take care of us if she dies.

I’d thought about it before and I decided I’d take on the role of caregiver for my sisters but then it was only a what if situation.

Wade has cancer and he’s not dead but that’s only because he got pumped with like super drugs shit.

Now I just needed to find some super drugs and figure out how to get her to take them.

Fuck Cancer and fuck my dad. Why couldn’t he have gotten the diagnosis instead of my mom. A life for a life type beat.

I guess that wouldn’t have made for a good tragic backstory would it. And what fun is life without a tragic backstory.

My only question is when does the backstory end and when does the actual plot begin because clearly I’m not there yet. It’s only tragedy after tragedy.

Maybe that is my story, just pain and suffering. Someone has to be the butt of the joke.

She won't let you fly but she might let you sing

“You always told me to surround myself with people who you could block out the rest of the world with. Peter’s like that so was Olivia she was one of those people for me. When we weren’t yelling at each other or crying, I mean. Still wish you could’ve met her though,”

“AH YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “I found it,” I waved the joint in the air.

“Alright come sit down then,” Olivia laughed, patting the seat on the couch next to her.

“Shit,” I muttered. “Where’s the lighter?”

She just laughed at me again. Before reaching into my pocket and slipping it out. I couldn’t help but smile at how intimate that action felt for no reason at all.

I quickly and lightly pressed my lips to hers muttering a quick “thank you,”

About three minutes had passed and I could feel the weed taking course through my system.

My head was in her lap until I abruptly shot up gasping at the beginning of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean.

“Dance with me,” I pleaded it didn’t take much convincing because here we were twirling around. Although it was much more giggling than dancing.

I bumped my leg on the glass coffee table and immediately apologized making Liv and I laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

I was laid out on the soft white fur rug with Olivia laying her chin on my chest. I ran my hands through her hair.

It was actually very easy there were no knots my fingers just glided smoothly through.

“I mean shit,” I breathed “I know I can’t run from the rest of the world forever but until then? Bitch you can call me Flash cause I’m zoomin’.”

She giggled at that before speaking up.

“You don’t have to run you can just stay here with me forever,”

Her words were so genuine it made me want to cry. She basically just said “I love you” in more or less words.

“You know what? I think I might,”

She gave me a tired smile, turning her head to place a kiss on the top of my breast.

I smiled back at her and how adorable she looked right now. I just want to kiss her for the rest of forever.

When I glanced back down at her I could hear her breathing slow and her eyes had fluttered shut. She was asleep.

I felt all warm and fuzzy and at peace and I couldn’t tell if it was the weed or if it was just being in Olivia’s presence.

I wasn’t ready to say these words to her when she was conscious yet maybe I’d never be ready but I’d say them now. Just to get them off my chest.

“I love you,” I whispered.

I never really felt comfortable saying that to anyone. Probably a result of not hearing it enough as a child or something. My family’s never been affectionate anyway. That’s fine because I wasn’t my family, I was my own person.

Stroking her hair gently before drifting off to the land of dreams myself.

So much for forever huh?

It’s funny to think how I took times like that for granted if only I knew those were some of the only moments of normalcy I’d get for a while. I’d spent too much time thinking about what could’ve been with almost everything.

So much so that I didn’t take much time to actually be. Now I feel like I’ve made it to the point of no return. Not mentally but like with everyone else around me. I think I pushed people too far away this time. Not so sure I could get them back.

“Uh I can't really remember what I’ve already told you so I’ll run through it all. This vigilante or superhero Spiderman started doing his thing then I got caught up in his mess.” That was most definitely an oversimplification but what do I look like telling my mom I was a well known thief. “Then his relation to Tony Stark got extended to me so now I kinda do stuff for him but I don’t work for him.”

I don't work for him he might think I do, but in reality he works for me. I had almost everyone at the compound wrapped around my finger.

“I don’t think I really wanna work for anyone. I was offered to be an Avenger in training but that isn’t really my style. I will use his gym though.” I rambled on.

It was kinda weird how easy it was to rant to my mom like this because not like she could voice her opinions about anything. I guess I hadn’t visited in so long that I forgot what it was like.

Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm

“Oh!” I exclaimed remembering a very important factor that I left out. “Then we have the whole Staten Island fiasco that I told you about. I remember telling you that. I’m still searching for answers on how I did that too,”

Like some real answers not that radiation BS.

“Your phone’s broken,” I pointed out the cracked screen sitting on the wood.

“Oh shit!” Peter cried “May’s gonna kill me this is the second phone I’ve broken this month,”

I came off way calmer than I was feeling. I’m surprised I wasn’t running around screaming right about now. I was probably just paralyzed in fear.

How do you react in a situation like this in the first place.

“Okay how long are we going to be sitting here? What are we waiting on?” We’d be up here looking down at the fire crackling underneath the pier for like 15 minutes now.

“I don’t know actually,” He sighed.

“Uh…”

How was I supposed to respond to that? That was the driest response to anything in the history of the world.

“Well since I’ve already pinky promised I won’t spill your secret can I ask some questions while we wait for you to figure it out?”

“Sure, go ahead,” He nodded, shaking his arms.

“Okay number one did you think I had died or something because if someone burst into flames in front of me I’d probably think Satan was coming for me. I’d cry too,” I laughed but had to stop myself as the stabbing in my ribs ran through me.

“No, I didn’t think you were dead, you had a pulse,” He pointed out “Maybe I could’ve thought you were dying though. And I wasn’t crying,”

Liar. He so was crying.

“Aw you don’t have to lie I think it’s cute,” I teased if I didn’t feel like my body was falling apart I might’ve poked his side.

“Alright, second question: do the webs like come out of you? Cause that’s kinda disgusting,”

“No, I make them with chemicals ‘n stuff. I’d explain the science to you but I’m not sure how much you’d care.”

I let out a small laugh knowing what feeling would come if I laughed too hard.

“I mean you could explain it ‘m just not sure how much of it I’d understand,”

We both laughed at that.

“On the topic of the webs what’s there integrity like how well do they hold up or like how long,”

“Uh…” He blew out a breath running his hands over his face “As far as I know they last up to two hours. That is unless someone cuts them or something,”

I couldn’t help but wonder if Thorn was one of those someone’s to cut the webs maybe I was the only someone. I didn’t really need to ask the question. Aaron had already answered the question for me when he told me about the deal at the ferry. I just wanted to see what Peter would tell me honestly.

I spent the rest of the night asking questions and cracking jokes. I was talking for so long I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten.

It should be a world record how fast I managed to fuck up 5 friendships. Well it’s my personal best at least. Only took like 4 minutes.

I feel like that’s all I do is just fuck up everything. I used to believe there was a difference between being fucked up and being a fuckup but the older I get the more I realize that there isn’t.

It’s like someone built a self destruct button in my head and every time something good happens to me I feel the need to run away.

Like Peter he’s literally perfect he's smart, respectful, adorable, and selfless. He’s literally a fucking superhero for godsake.

I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I really was but all the Trigonometry chapter was doing was mixing with the sound of rain outside and triggering the urge to fall into a deep sleep.

“Okay,” Peter tapped his textbook with his pen. I wish I could be confident enough to do math with a pen.

“So sin is equal to the opposite of whatever angle you’re trying to find so first you have too…”

He droned on, I knew he was talking about the math problem lying on the bed in front of me but I wasn’t listening. Maybe if I sat at the desk I could actually be paying attention right now.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” I sat up on my elbows yawning.

“Are you tired?”

I just hummed again. Until I realized what the question was. I reached for my phone and it was already 9:03 that woke me up for sure.

“Oh shit! I gotta get back,”

Not like I’d get in trouble or anything but Carmen would get on my ass about the fact I didn’t come back when I said I would then she’d make something out of nothing.

I scrambled around trying to find all my things to put them back in my bag.

“Wait it’s raining though,” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah,” I chuckled “It’s New York it’s always raining,”

“Yeah but it’s cold and wet and dark so if you tried to skate you’d probably get hurt,”

I knew what he was doing and it was working because frankly all his excuses were shit because one I don’t get cold and two I could just walk and there are lights everywhere but I was gonna stay anyway. I was too tired to argue right now.

“May!” Peter shouted.

“Yes?” She called back.

“Can Y/N stay for the night?”

“Yeah if her parents are okay with it,”

That’s how I ended up wearing some shirt with some dumb science pun sitting on the couch watching Aladdin for like the millionth time ever. I was singing along to One jump ahead when I felt eyes on me.

I turned my head but before I could make eye contact with Peter he acted as if he was watching the movie the whole time.

“What?” I giggled. Fuck, I hadn’t like genuinely giggled in the longest time.

“Nothing,” He replied, turning back towards the TV again.

This time I was the one to stare at him wondering what was going on in his head. Not even the fourth song in and I was already yawning struggling to keep my head up.

This goes to show how much willpower I had because I couldn’t even stop my eyelids from falling shut. I deserved to sleep though I’d been exhausted lately.

There’s only like 6 people on this planet that I trust enough to fall asleep around and surprisingly Peter had become one with like 5 months of knowing me.

I would still trust him if given the chance I’m just not sure how much he trusts me right now. I understand though. I don’t deserve anyone’s trust.

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

32 notes · View notes