#cause I put them in my inclusions box

[yoohyeon]

Mutuals do you know how much could I get selling my NCT albums ? Without inclusion or almost cause I think some may be damage

[gay-otlc]

Transmasc Lesbianism

I'm a lesbian. I'm also a straight trans man. This might confuse you, but you may want to consider looking at perspectives of gender and sexuality that differ from your own and don't fit into neat little boxes.

A definition of lesbian that has been gaining popularity in queer spaces is "non men loving non men." This was meant to be inclusive for nonbinary lesbians, as an alternative to "women loving women." However, the phrase is very flawed. I've spoken about this elsewhere, but the main points are

It categorizes all nonbinary people alongside women. In this context, "non-men" comes off as "women or nonbinary people who are basically women." Not all nonbinary people, even if they're non-men will feel comfortable being labeled as a lesbian, since the term has feminine connotations and can cause dysphoria. It's unfair to put them in this box just because they're not a man.

Attraction is complex and cannot be divided into "attracted to men" and "not attracted to men." This disregards people who use the split attraction model (different romantic and sexual orientations), people who experience alterous attraction, people with fluid sexualities, and more.

Gender is complex and cannot be divided into "male" and "all genders that are not male." The identity most blatantly erased by this is multigender identities- people with multiple genders can be both male and a gender that is not male. There are also genderfluid people who are sometimes male, demigender people who are partially male, or nonbinary people who don't identify as male but may refer to themselves with masculine terms such as boy or man anyway.

The focus of lesbianism should not be excluding men. Mindsets like this are echoing TERF rhetoric that seeks to exclude transfeminine lesbians because TERFs wrongly consider them to be men. And it's annoying to make our identity about men or lack thereof, when we don't need to be talking about men at all- our community is about our shared attraction for women, because women are great!

Awesome, we've got that out of the way. If you're still reading this and going "but you can't be a trans man and a lesbian, lesbian means non men loving non men!!!!!", then I don't know what to tell you. Read the list again? Go through the other posts linked? Maybe log off tumblr?

If you read all that and you're willing to accept that not all lesbians will fit into "non men loving non men," and you don't understand but you're open to learn, read on! By the end you might still not understand, but you don't need to understand me to respect me.

For some context, here is a description of my gender and sexuality.

Gender: I'm a bigender trans man. To put it as simply as I can, my gender is primarily male, but I also have some of the female gender. I'm comfortable being seen as solely a man or both a man and a woman, but not solely a woman.

Sexuality: I'm sexually attracted to women almost exclusively. As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I describe myself as a lesbian (or gay, sapphic, etc). I also describe myself as a straight man (or straight transmasc, transhet, etc).

How can I be both?

That's where my multigender identity comes into play. I'm a man and a woman. I'm attracted to women. This makes me both a man attracted to women and a woman attracted to women; a straight man and a lesbian.

Like I said earlier, male is my primary gender and being female is more secondary. So, I'm primarily a man attracted to women, and to a lesser extent a woman attracted to women. Internally, I perceive myself as more of a straight man than a lesbian. I get a lot of gender euphoria from calling myself a straight man, and the feminine connotations of lesbian can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

So, why do I still identify as a lesbian?

Although I consider myself and my attraction to be mostly transhet, that's not really how I interact with the world around me. I'm out as bigender to some people, but I'm also closeted in many contexts, and I don't pass very well even where I am out. This means I navigate my life as someone generally perceived as a woman, who is attracted to women. Even if I don't always consider myself to fit fully with lesbianism, a majority of people will interpret me that way when they find out I'm attracted to women.

Lesbianism is a label I found my home in, for many years, and it still means a lot to me. I spent a long time defining myself as a lesbian and existing in our community, and it's a significant part of my identity.

The way I experienced my attraction growing up was a lesbian experience, not a straight experience. I consider myself a straight man now, but I didn't grow up interacting with the world as a heterosexual child. I was expected to have crushes on boys and was mocked for not fitting into that. I was called a lesbian in a derogatory way when I was ten, and I found power in reclaiming that. When I realized I was attracted to women, I spent years feeling like a freak for it until lesbians communities helped me to be proud. Lesbian is the label that most accurately describes my history and my experience as a young queer.

Also, although the label lesbian sometimes causes dysphoria, I sometimes get euphoria from referring to myself or being referred to as a lesbian. I especially get euphoria from being a butch lesbian. I take so much joy from my butch identity. And while referring to myself as lesbian in a joking manner, with phrases like "I'm so gay for her" or "not to be a lesbian but oh my god," might not count as gender euphoria, saying them makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

So, why do I identify as a man? Because I am one.

Why do I identify as a lesbian? Because it describes my past experience and the way I interact with the world as someone perceived as a woman. Because it's important to me. Because I want to.

Why do I use these labels that contradict each other? Because these are the labels that are right for me, and I have every right to have a confusing identity.

Thank you for your time.

[gipzisays209]

Are... Are Anti-Endos serious? Like, is this a legitimate, honest fucking opinion? Because I genuinely cannot tell anymore what is satire and what is serious...

Let's just... digest that "positivity" post for a sec, under the cut right here.

"If you're [Insert thing here] you can be a system, but you can't be a system unless you fit this super specific criteria that WE say you fit under!"

I hate to break it to you, but you can be a system BECAUSE of the things on that list, not IN SPITE OF THEM. Plurality is NOT EXCLUSIVE TO DID AND OSDD, and no amount of saying we aren't valid is going to change that. My plurality was caused because of my Alterhumanity and my spirituality, not because of trauma... and DEFINITELY independently of any kind of CDD. Yes, trauma was a factor later on, but originally? Trauma played no role.

So yes, there are those of us out there that are plural and Alterhuman. Yes, there are those of us out there that are plural and Trans. Yes, there are those of us out there that suffer from things like NPD, Schizophrenia, BPD, and a MYRIAD of other disorders AND ARE PLURAL. A CDD IS NOT A REQUIREMENT TO BE PLURAL, AND NO AMOUNT OF BITCHING ON YOUR "POSITIVITY" POST IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT.

Like. Do you... fucking hear yourself. You LEGITIMATELY SAID "It does not matter what or who someone is". And then you pull "But not Endos" IN THE VERY START OF A POSITIVITY POST.

It is NOT a positivity post if you're directly targeting a group of individuals WITH SAID POST! A positivity post is INCLUSIVE and is aimed at bringing people up, not knocking people down. Directly and clearly excluding a group from your positivity post automatically makes it an attempt at exclusionary bullying, not a positivity post. Like the message OP was going for, but poor and tasteless execution. 3/10.

I actually hope this shit is satire... But unfortunately I have a feeling it isn't. Because since when are exclusionaries capable of such nuance, right. Especially when they're blatantly ignoring the collections of sources put forward to them, like this one from Sophie, or this one from the Guardian System.

So congrats on the half-assed attempt at bigotry, Antis, but I suggest that every time one sees a "positivity" post that has tags like these, find positivity in it anyways. Not only will it (hopefully) make you feel better, but it'll make the exclusionaries pissed off to know that we're turning their attempts at being bigots into something that ACTUALLY spreads positivity!

This has been another Ted Talk from your local Dragonkin Mixed-Origin system on why positivity posts don't make good ammo for bigotry, and once again, your friendly reminder that being a system is an individual experience that can't be defined by one label or box. Anyone that tries to tell you otherwise, especially random people on the Internet, is being a bigot. Have a wonderful day!

[jaggedjot]

An Extended Set of Notes on a Look at Season Two

Or, an attempt at being cohesive in extenuating circumstances.

"He wants you in pieces for the privilege of putting them back together as he sees fit." Armand has correctly identified Daniel's saviour complex (part projection-denial of his own feelings for Louis, part assertion of the white masculinity he leans into) with Louis.

There is a distinct edge to the smiles that Claudia and Armand give each other.

It is implied through the montage that Louis’ speech about his newfound commitment to pragmatic optimism ("Stop feeling sorry for yourself. A shit life beats no life. And where we're going now, we can't be running away again.") is aimed at Claudia. If that is the case, then Claudia is going to rightfully furious at this implicit criticism of her own despair at being an eternal adolescent, especially as this is coming from the man who played a significant role in causing that about. Not to mention the underlying resentment it suggests Louis has about her willingness to leave him, when Louis will be doing something similar to her later in the season.

I do need Sam Reid to teach classes about how to remove a shirt or waistcoat that smoothly.

The third episode of season one had Daniel point out how different Louis portrays Lestat in the present day to the original interview, namely that at the time he seemed to despite Lestat. Armand though clearly recognised that the anger and loathing Louis exhibited in the 1970s is something of a front to mask still existing love.

Initially I thought that Lestat was eating bible scripture, but, judging by the modern costume, he may be eating one of Armand’s scripts instead; the symbolism of both potential images is wonderful.

While Claudia and Madeline’s heads are already turned away, defeated, we catch a glimpse of Louis watching Lestat leave them to their fate.

Interesting that Armand is not going to pretend that there isn't something between him and Lestat.

Whoever blocks the sex scenes understands the importance of desperately grasping hands. I wonder if this tussle will end, as the previous one did, with Louis’ initial dominance fading as he allows himself to be overwhelmed.

“Let me guess, he’s your companion, finally. Picked another one over me!” It must be incredibly difficult for Claudia to see Louis find love, and be loved so intensely, when she is unable to in large part due to Louis' decision for her to be turned as a child. And for Louis to then decide that he has grown out of their relationship.

The line of "You fear Armand. You should fear the other one." before cutting to Louis smashing a glass against a priceless painting. My crazy girl is back.

Present day Louis actually seems to be wearing a colour that isn't black for the first time.

Even having rewound a dozen times, I still have no idea what horrific creature Louis imagines crawling out of the hollow of Lestat's throat. You would presume it would be a rat, but there is something insectoid to it.

A lot of theories about what happened on that fateful night in San Francisco being refuted or made more valid, specifically the seeming confirmation that it was Louis that left that scar on Daniel, and that the interview did take place the same night Louis and Daniel met.

Claudia and Louis sharing Madeleine is quite something.

The implication of the montage accompanying Claudia’s “You got to give up something to get something.” seems to be that Claudia is going to realise that she can never be fulfilled while maintaining her splintering relationship with Louis. Then for it to be followed up by Louis' "You and me, me and you." speech to her.

Santiago's inclusion in the "You and me, me and you." montage promises many things.

This trailer does nothing to contradict my theory that Armand is standing in the prompter’s box of his theatre during the trial, while claiming in the present day that he had no say over what happened next.

Please tell me Lestat's imagined ghost is not accompanying Louis and Armand during all their Parisian dates.

The shot of Lestat laughing while holding an ashing cigarette further confirms that there will be flashbacks to Rue Royale, as the blurred background looks very similar to the downstairs room.

"Pieces of my life gone. I knew who I was without those pieces." LOUIS.

The toast between Claudia, Madeleine, Louis and Armand seems to be taking place immediately before the trial, because Claudia is wearing the same fateful yellow dress and Madeleine the same blue blouse and, seemingly, red two-piece skirt and jacket.

The collapse of the bookshelves containing memorabilia of the past are not clearly connected to something happening in an interview session. If this is a response to something dramatic or particularly emotional in the story, you would expect Daniel to be up close, not sitting behind a desk alone.

It does hurt me to see Louis cry.

[persephone-s-moon]

Who I think the Lost Boys' favorite Monster High characters would be

This turned out longer than I expected, but I also included explanations for my picks. Let me know your guy's thoughts :))

(I did try to put a read-more link, but it fucked up the picture formatting, so I apologize for the long post)

David: G1 Toralei Stripe and G3 Draculaura

For Toralei, David LOVES a messy bitch. He supports women's wrongs always, and Toralei causes almost every problem in Monster High. I definitely see David as a cat guy, and Toralei is the true embodiment of cat-attitude. She's a leader and your classic mean-girl, but doesn't like kicking people who are already down, and you know what? He respects it. He respects it a lot.

When it comes to Draculaura, he didn't really get the G1 hype. She's very sweet and pink, which is Totally not his style (so he says), and he thought the Monster High take on vampires was incredibly silly. But by G3, Draculaura's grown on him. He doesn't really get the whole vampire-witch thing, but he's surprisingly fond of her new style. He likes the dainty little sheer details on her main doll's top especially. Also, the image of this "cool" vampire with a cute little pink doll is Very Good.

Honorable mentions: G1 Cleo De Nile, G1 Nefera De Nile, G1 Spectra Vondergeist

Marko: G1 Venus McFlytrap and G3 Frankie Stein

Look at Venus and tell me Marko wouldn't be obsessed with her. Her overall personality is really inconsistent, but he's super fond of her being depicted as a loud, chaotic party animal. He really likes her bold colors and all of the patterns she wears and the fucking sharp teeth on her shoes. I could see him trying to recreate that. He'd also add little details of his own to her battle vest.

He wasn't really big on G1 Frankie because she was sort of basic to him, but really likes the new take on their preppy/punk style, especially the new bright color palette. Neons really stick out to him. The new prosthetic leg is so goddamn cool y'all, and he'd be all over the idea of Frankie doodling on themselves. Also! Canon trans doll! I headcanon Marko as transmasc, so the inclusion of a nonbinary doll that actively binds? Sign him up, he wants that.

Honorable mentions: G1 Ghoulia Yelps, G1 Howleen Wolf, G1 Holt Hyde

Paul: G1 Lagoona Blue and G3 Ghoulia Yelps

Lagoona is such a cute monster, and she's so fucking friendly. She can get along with any monster without letting anyone walk all over her (except for Gil, who Paul HATES), and Paul would just adore her passion. He really likes how she leans into the whole fish-aesthetic with her outfits, and he just thinks she so cool. Like, look at the fishnet shorts!! He'd love that shit!! Specifically I think he'd like her Dawn of the Dance look, but moreso the official art rather than the doll.

G3 Ghoulia is so cool y'all. He already liked G1 Ghoulia, who was easily in his top five monsters, but G3 has that skater/gamer aesthetic and this man just eats it up. I feel like he'd be disappointed that she doesn't speak Zombie anymore, but her new cool-girl schtick makes up for it. He definitely gets rid of her eyebrows with nail-polish remover as soon as he gets her out of the box though. Thinks she looks better without them.

Honorable mentions: G1 Ghoulia Yelps, G1 Deuce Gorgon, G1 Clawd wolf, G1 Viperine Gorgon

Dwayne: G1 Clawdeen, G1 Abbey Bominable, and G3 Ghoulia Yelps

Yes, Dwayne gets THREE because I genuinely couldn't decide between G1 Clawdeen and G1 Abbey for him, and I didn't feel like G3 Abbey was really his style.

G1 Clawdeen is That Bitch. She's confident, bold, and does not hesitate to call someone out on their bs. I think Dwayne would really admire her feircly protecive nature and her no-nonsense attitude. And that fur coat? That fur coat that she wears to high school? Increadible. Amazing. Showstopping. Dwayne would also figure out how to curl doll hair just for Clawdeen because he Knows what she deserves. The irony of a vampire liking a werewolf character is not lost on him.

Is Abbey's accent accurate to the Himalayas? No. Does Dwayne care? Also no. Abbey is way too charming of a character for him to be terribly bothered by her Russian-esk accent (even though he points it out Every Time). She's honest to the point of accidently insulting her friends and doesn't really understand a ton of cultural differences, which Dwayne thinks makes her more fun. He'd really love her dry sense of humor and her strong disposition. And honestly? Maybe I just think he has a thing for faux fur.

Another G3 Ghoulia enjoyer. I feel like we've somehow collectively forgotten that Dwayne skateboards. I haven't forgotten though, and I think Dwayne would redecorate Ghoulia's skateboard and then promptly lose it (he'd end up stealing Paul's and then gaslight him into thinking it was his the whole time). I think he'd really enjoy this more confident version of Ghoulia, but again, disappointed by the language shift. (I'm projecting at this point.)

Honorable mentions: G1 Cleo De Nile, G1 Frankie, G1 Clawd Wolf, G2 Deuce Gorgon

Star: G1 Spectra Vondergeist and G3 Cleo De Nile

Look me in the eyes and tell me that Spectra DOESN'T make you think of Star. She's pretty reclusive but a mega gossip, and she's super quick to make judgements. Spectra will literally make shit up and then start to believe it herself, including lies about her own past. Her aesthetic is somewhere between the lost boys' and Star's, which looks both cool and super flowy. Star would totally see herself in Spectra in both appearance and personity, and as another supporter of women's wrongs, I think that she'd adore her.

Honestly I feel like G3 would be a hard sell for Star because she's already so attached to the original versions of the characters, but if she had to pick, it would be Cleo. Her jacket and accessories are so fucking cool, and Star definitely wishes she could see herself properly so she could do makeup like that (she does NOT trust the boys). She would try to paint Cleo's molded-on bandages and ruin the plastic, but she'd wrap real fabric around it to hide her fuck up.

Honorable mentions: G1 Purrsephone and Meowlody, G1 Cleo De Nile, G1 Operetta

Michael: G1 Frankie Stein and G3 Deuce Gorgon

Michael is nothing if not a basic bitch. G1 Frankie is very peppy and constantly confused since she's somehow always 16 days old, which I think Michael can relate to. She has the messiest fucking love-life known to man, and he gets it. She's exploring and trying to learn everything at once, which includes relationships, and Michael isn't exactly known for thinking things like that through. He isn't the biggest on any sort of fashion, but I think he'd like her color palette and the little stitch details. That, and I think he'd find her heterochromia really cool.

G3 Deuce is the first time Deuce didn't look like a weird asshole to Michael, and I think after meeting the lost boys, he's definitely more into alternative men's fashion than he used to be. This new Deuce is what Michael considers "cool" in a cartoonish sort of way. I wouldn't put it past him to try to figure out how to decorate his jacket a little to resemble Deuce's considering the lost boys all have something unique going on, but I think he'd end up regretting the snake motif since it isn't really Him.

Honorable mentions: G1 Jackson Jekyll, G1 "Slo Mo" Mortavitch, G1 Iris Clops

Sam: G1 Draculaura and G3 Twyla Boogeyman

He's going with the safe choice, but he's right. Draculaura is sweet, sensitive, and a shopaholic (something he can related to, Mr. Born-to-shop). I think, like Star, he'd be the type project onto her. He'd get as many different Draculaura sets his grubby little hands and mostly-empty wallet can get and he'd talk to all of them like, "You hearing this shit, Draculaura?" Even though she's a vampire and he's recently been on the anti-vampire bandwagon, he makes an exception for her because she's vegan.

I feel like he was surprised with how much he liked the new Twyla since he wasn't terribly fond of G1 Twyla, but I think changing the green to a nice teal really helped. Her patterns don't clash as much (neither do her accessories, which he was SUPER bothered by in G1), and her hair Actually looks nice. She just feels more cohesive, which really sells her to Sam. He's still a die-hard Draculaura fan, but there's room in his heart for two cute monsters.

Honorable mentions: G1 Clawdeen, G1 Clawd, G1 Rochelle Goyle, G3 Draculaura

[acursed-love-sick-cat]

By: @lovesickfox

You have Finally arrived home after such a long day. Dropping your things at the door you proceeded to flop yourself right into the couch. You groan out in exasperation, causing your beloved buggy eyed cat, Baby, to look at you curiously.

She waddled over to you and butts her head into your hand hanging off the couch. You give her a quick pet but still lay there.

She mews at you, purring slightly, still trying to get your attention. After a while of no reaction, she jumps right onto your back making you yelp out due to her chubby weight.

A sound of something dropping comes from another room of your residence.

"Oh Shoot!" Cries out a chipper but robotic sounding voice. In mere moments, a tall animatronic known as Sun pokes his head out from the hall.

"You are back! Are you alright?" He questions. He looks at your face before looking upwards to Baby sitting on your back.

"Oh! You little thing! You shouldn't sit there! Come here come here!" He shuffles toward you both, arms out stretched, making a grabbing motion.

Baby having none of it decides to hop off and scurry away from Sun.

Sun gives a sigh then kneels down to your level. "Hello my darling Sundrop! You dont look very happy! Did your day not go well?" He tilts his head a bit.

"Not... particularly." You grumble. You sit up and sink into the couch with a huff. "Today was just... too much." You put your head into your hands.

"Awwww im sorry to hear that Sunlight! Come here! You are home now! No need to worry about those silly things anymore!" Sun cheers and bundles you up into his arms. "I was planning a surprise for you but that can wait! Right now seems like the perfect prime time for cuddles!! I'll even get Moony to join!" He coos to you.

He practically skips his way to your bedroom. He places you onto the bed before twirling around the room, gathering all sorts of blankets, pillows, and soft things.

He tosses them onto the bed on top of you. "Get yourself comfortable how ever you like! Ill go get Moony!" He assured before practically hopping out of the room.

You dig yourself out of the pile a little and situate everything around yourself. You place pillows and stuffed animals here and there. You wrap yourself up in the cozies blanket. You pile the softer pillows behind you then sink into them.

Just as you finished getting comfortable, both Sun and Moon enter the room. They carry a variety of your favorite snacks too and some drinks.

"We're baaack~!" Sun cheers.

"We also brought snacks for you." Moon added.

You smile at them, feeling the day fade away in the wake of their kindness. "Thank you" you mumble.

The both of them set down their items onto the nightstand and sit themselves on either side of you. Sun grabs the remote and turns the TV on and looks for a movie. Moon leans into you, his music box playing softly within his chest. He wraps an arm over your shoulders and pulls you closer into his plush chest, laying his head onto yours.

Sun settles on a simple children's movie. He wraps his arms around your midsection and nuzzles into you much like a puppy would.

"We care about you so soooo much!" Sun chirps to you. "No matter how hard the day gets we will always be here for you!"

"Day and night. No matter what it is. We will always stay by your side, Moonlight" moon adds.

All you could do was smile at the both of them. Theres still worries and panic in your brain but its much easier to push them aside with these two daycare attendants here. You relax into their arms, sighing softly.

-

I love this so much. And the inclusion of my cat and her habit of crashing on my spine for cuddles

[magicmanii]

Beelzebub x Mc with CVS (Cyclical vomiting syndrome).

♥︎: platonic

Gender: gender neutral

Triggers(?) : talk about nausea, vomiting, and food.

Note: I made this because I fully believe beel and I would bond over our conditions. (This is also heavily based on my experience but I'll try to make it as inclusive as possible). I also use the pet name "peach" in this but it can be interpreted platonic or romantic

————————————

• he found out you had CVS when you decide to just tell him one day in case anything happened and I kid you not his reaction was just,

• "oh... Alright! " and then got back to working out.

• doesn't think much of it but he's happy there's at least one person in the house that knows even a little bit of what he goes through on the daily.

• He tries to have all your trigger foods memorized so he can be sure what to get you when out and about.

• SUPER strict about having at least 2 meals a day, he won't force you to eat when everyone else is eating but he damn makes sure that you're well fed so you don't trigger any nausea episodes.

• Whenever you get vomiting episodes he's the first person to be at your side making sure you don't throw up on yourself while also making sure you're as comfortable as possible and one of the only ones to stay by your side 24/7 (besides Mammon).

• brings you any notes and or homework you missed while out being sick but it ends up being useless because he doesn't have the heart to try and make you work so you two end up cuddling for the rest of the night.

• will carry you to the nearest restaurant if your nausea starts to act up and let you eat as much as you want (it's on him).

• If you get nauseous because of anxiety he'll pry you away from whatever is causing you stress and bring you to the gym with him while you hydrate nearby or bring you to his room so you can have a bit of breathing room away from everyone else.

——————————

A knock was heard from the door has Beel carefully walks in with an arm full of food and a small smile, he had managed to snag some food for mc and bring it back to his room without eating anything! walking quietly to the bed as to not disturb the resting person cocooned in blankets he gently set the food down on the floor before slowly sitting on the bed himself, chuckling when he heard a irritated groan.

He quietly stared at the mass for a couple of seconds before putting his hand gently on what he assumed was their side, before shaking them softly which only got him another irritated groan.

"mc" he shook them again and spoke their name quietly

"mnn.. "

"mc I got you some food" he turned around grabbing at a package of fruit before sitting up again. "Look they're cut up mc" he shook the container to prove his point.

Mc peeked their head from the blankets at the mention of fruit only to spot beel smiling at them while pushing the box into their direction.

"Come on peach, you need to eat something so you don't start feeling worse"

They let out a sigh before sitting themselves up and grabbing at the container, ripping it open to settle their stomach.

Beel smiled as he watched them munch away on the fruits, them being clearly content on the snack. "Dinner is in a couple of hours so you don't have to wait long to eat again".

At this they laughed " Beel you know I'm not you, I can survive a couple of hours before having to eat again ".

" I know.. but I'm just telling you so you know! " he ruffled their head, the sounds of protests quickly coming out of them at the gesture. "You're lucky I don't give you a noogie next time".

" no! Beel don't you dare! '' mc was quick to put distance between themselves and beel, tightly gripping on the package of fruit before giving him a lighthearted glare, which he in turn gave a cheeky grin.

——————

Also know that if you've requested something I'm working on it currently!!! I'll try and get it out as soon as possible!!

Words: 739

[undercoverpena]

How come you claim to be bisexual but you never create any bisexual characters?

i’ve been stewing on this one for a bit. but, firstly to destruct this. I am a little… annoyed? (not the right word but the others seem aggressive) I don’t like how you say “claim” — cause I don’t claim, I am bisexual. I am whether you think it or whether others do, it’s who I am. it doesn’t matter if I write all the sapphic fiction or not.

to the second part of the first sentence, admittedly as most are readers I don’t make it painstakingly obvious, but in my head when I write them, there are several who are. but I try to be inclusive where I can be, and making this obvious I feel could be putting people in boxes which they could feel uncomfortable with if they are after immersion.

[jerrytheduck]

College packing tips, because I have ✨opinions✨

This isn’t gonna be all inclusive instead just a list of thing to think about that might not be on a standard list

It got really long so I added a read more lol

long and the short of it is consider if you can buy it easily from college if you aren't gonna need it right away, that way you keep down on bringing so much stuff

but also if it is gonna make you happy, honestly do bring it. like college is different enough, you can keep some things the same

Most college beds are extra long, so don't get the wrong sheets

mattress toppers are godsends imo but they can be expensive so don't stress too much about it if u can't

on that note i also adore my ugg comforter its so damn soft

Bring the documents you might need to get a job! If you have a passport this is the best choice because it is the most easily replaceable, but a (certified) copy of your birth certificate *and* your social security card also works (you need both)— obviously not everyone works in college but it’s still good to have the option

Check the I9 list online if you’re not sure what counts

Yes you should bring a little set of tupperware and a single set of dishes/silverware — sometimes you just wanna make ramen or order takeout whatnot so it’s nice to have some containers

On that note, I would pick a little electric kettle over a microwave or a fridge— it’s cheap, not a fire hazard like a microwave (check your college’s rules! some are fine with it some aren’t) and you can make all sorts of stuff with boiling water—namely, ramen and hot chocolate/tea

If you don’t like the 50 cent ramen they have slightly more expensive ramen that I do think is better— personal choice tho you do you

Some dorms have stuff you can use/share and some don’t, so it might be better to hold off on buying some things until you get there—my dorm has a communal vacuum, kitchen and box of trash bags, for example

If you wanna be the og, after you put up a command hook for your coat by/on the door, leave it there for the next person. Or don’t, you do you.

Don’t forget an umbrella. Pref one that shrinks down and has a little strap for your wrist

If you use wooden pencils, you also need a pencil sharpener. Battery operated little ones usually aren’t too expensive

Bring meds like Tylenol, Advil, cough drops, prob mucinex, and neosporin, and share them if people ask (don’t forget prescriptions too!) — however, if you’re looking to pack light, you can also just buy them at a cvs or walgreens as needed (but remember, if you’re in quarantine that may be harder than u think)

HDMI cord (and adapter if you’re a stinky MacBook user) (that is a joke, MacBook users are not stinky) so that you can attach your computer to monitors, tvs and the like (I wouldn’t buy a new one just for college tho, just pack one if you’ve got a spare)

Paper towels. Can also buy these when there tho, just nice to have

Tissues. Same as above.

A laundry hamper that you can carry with you down to the washing machines all in one go (don’t get like a hamper and a bag, for example cause you’re not gonna want to do that transfer). I would also recommend something that only holds one load of laundry if you’re only ever gonna do one load at a time, and that it is small enough to fit under the bed

I like tide pods cause they’re idiot proof, but that’s a personal preference.

The next few bullets are gonna be about cold weather shit, because I go to school in New Hampshire but live in Virginia— therefore there was quite a difference in winter temperatures — these only apply if you’re also going somewhere hella cold

You might not need your heavy duty coat until after thanksgiving but you should have a coat or layers that are warm enough to tolerate down to like 30 even before thanksgiving

My coat complement was as follows: one thin pullover, one sweatshirt, one waist-length Patagonia that was pretty good in a lot of temps, one knee length Patagonia with a hood that is very very warm.

With these, I would usually wear the waist length Patagonia down to 30, double with the sweatshirt down to 25, and switch over to the knee length below that. If you’re not in the cold for very long the waist length will do without the sweatshirt until as low as 20 if you walk fast and have accessories

Speaking of accessories, you need a nice hat and some gloves. I personally liked the fairly thin driving style gloves for most everyday stuff, because you could actually do things with them and they were pretty much enough for most activities unless you were literally playing in the snow

These made every coat so much warmer.

Shop for coats in the summer when they’re on sale and search around— they don’t need to break the bank but I would opt to splurge on this over pretty much anything else specifically for the knee length coat. You can also layer more tho if yours isn’t as warm, and that works too!

I wore a mask outside instead of a scarf cause that was easier but that’s personal preference

I don’t really go out so this doesn’t apply to me really but lots of people have a “fracket” — a cheaper jacket meant to be used between parties that you don’t care if it gets stolen as much

If you see people wearing Canada goose jackets they are insanely rich. Keep that in mind when meeting people who may otherwise seem mostly normal. (No, not all rich people are assholes but it’s something to keep in mind)

Don’t forget to bring warm weather clothes for the start tho!! It’ll still be warm in September and buildings up here don’t always have AC

Yes, bring your stuffed animals. If your roommate judges you they can fuck off and mind their own business.

Shoes: similarly based on it being cold and snowy as hell in the winter, may not apply

A pair of comfy hiking boots/shoes will probably be more useful than straight snow boots on most days, though if you have those you can def bring after thanksgiving/christmas

Hiking boots are the second thing I’d recommend you splurge on for high quality if you can

However, while nature works hard, northern snowplows on golf carts work harder so usually you won’t be literally trudging through snow unless it’s actively snowing. They plow the sidewalks too here usually, which is why you can get by without snow boots if you want

You do need some kind of comfy everyday shoe that is both waterproof and non-slip tho because there will be ice

Speaking of which, if it is below freezing that is not a puddle. You should not remotely trust any wet spots on the pavement or you *will* end up immediately on your ass.

Otherwise, bring flip flops, sneakers and dress shoes if you have them (for the few times you will need to dress up, or if you wanna make a less dressy outfit immediately a little more formal)

You shouldn’t need to buy anything new tho just bring the shoes you have/wear at home

Oh and shower shoes. Spend like zero dollars on them tho

I have generally not needed a tv tho I do have a second monitor for my laptop (those are usually cheaper than tvs) which was a godsend when we were semi-virtual my freshman year but doesn’t get used as often now

Don’t buy the books until after you start your classes but also check the library (online and physical) because sometimes they have them available for free

Actually before buying any piece of media (movies and whatnot included) check to see if they have it first, some schools have a movie library or even video games and consoles

Not related to what to bring but after you finish your classes leave an honest description of them on rate my professor or the college-specific review website—and use those websites when choosing classes too

However, remember that people are more likely to leave reviews when things go badly, so especially take things like evaluations of niceness of the prof with a grain of salt

Instead, look at workload, style of the class, content, etc to see if it lines up with what you assumed from the course description, and then go from there.

Generally assume that there is no such thing as a truly easy class, so searching for only the easy classes won’t really get you anywhere. Things are easier when you actually like the content, usually.

You don’t need as many school supplies as you did in high school— if you write notes for every class you’ll need a notebook for each, some pencils/whatever tools you usually use to take the notes, and maybe like one folder or binder to leave in your dorm for printouts and whatnot

If you want to print every reading ever you might need another binder, but wait to buy that until you’re actually doing the readings because that depends a lot on the class

Speaking of which you do need a backpack for college but def make sure it’s the right size for that updated list of supplies ^^^ mine was way too big and I was gifted a smaller one so that’s what I use, you do you

[kiankiwi]

here’s the public accident fic!

usually when it’s Saturday grocery day. you were fully expecting Elvis to be in baby space. as he usually is. but not today.

you heard elvis running down the hall to your room. “Mama look! i gotted myself dressed!” you smiled as you looked at his outfit. it actually matched, and was on correctly. no shirt inside out. pants buttoned. “well my goodness. What a big boy I have. mommys very proud of you!” Elvis let out a happy squeal before heading to the front door, you right behind him.

as you got him in his car seat, you made sure you had his diaper bag even if he was in a bigger headspace. after he was strapped in you got into the driver's seat. “you ready, baby?” “yea mommy!” After turning on his nursery rhymes cd, you two headed off to the grocery store.

Since the littles inclusive store was a farther drive you knew he would fall asleep. hence why the lullabies were on. and as expected he was knocked out by the second song. By the time you got even close to the store he was snoring. maybe putting him to sleep wasn’t all that worth it… you sighed and got out, going to his side shaking him awake. “time to wake up buddy.” he whined and rubbed his eyes. “there we go baby.” you helped him out, putting his wobbling off as him being sleepy still.

once you got the cart and got inside the store was still wobbly a bit. “you wanna sit in the cart buddy?” he silently nodded and raised his arms. you chuckled and got him into the cart. you smiled as he woke up more and more. He started pointing to the snacks he wanted and babbling to you. “yea is that right?” you were just happy he was more upbeat and active.

as you continued on through the store you gave him different items to keep him occupied. the little applesauce packets have been the only surefire way to keep him preoccupied. it was specifically needed for this aisle, as y’all were gonna be there for a while. the pasta aisle. you picked up a few different shapes and held them up in front of him. “Alright sweet boy, which shapes do we want for this week?” he picked his all time favorite, flinestones. “good choice bubba.” you gave him the box and of course he started shaking it and playing with it immediately. you laughed and went to go grab some sauce for it.

as you were deciding between alfredo and vodka sauce you heard screaming. “what the fuck is this thing doing in the middle of the god damn aisle! you are an abomination, MOVE!!” Elvis whimpered very frightened from the yelling but he started sobbing when she pushed him into the shelves. you quickly put the jars down but before you could get to the old woman a worker was leading her out. you were grateful cause you would’ve hit her.

not bothering to watch her get escorted out you went to elvis who was still sobbing. “Oh sweet boy.” elvis wouldn’t look up at you and when you looked down you realized why. He had had an accident. “awe baby… she really scared you hmm?” he nodded softly. as you headed to the bathroom to change him, you realized you forgot the baby bag. You cursed and rushed to the littles section and grabbed a new outfit, a few diapers, some wipes and socks. you then headed to the bathroom, popping the tags off and keeping them in your purse before getting him clean and changed. “there we go buddy. allll better.” elvis smiled and nodded. you both finished grocery shopping and headed home.

I love this little Fic! YES nothing matters if E is upset!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[insomniactalks]

Absolutely love love love reading your analysis posts and the way you interpret things 💖

To add to your LIAOD one, I couldn’t help but notice the pink in the underskirt of Anna’s dress that Gina wears, which is not apart of the original dress.

But I love the inclusion of it, cause its definitely a nod to Gina’s aesthetic and looks throughout season 3 so far.

It kinda also adds to your point that they’re singing this to each other, cause even though on the outside they may be Anna and Hans, underneath it’s really just them having fun with each other.

(Also sorry if your notifications from me are all over the shop… I couldn’t decide if I wanted to reblog or ask box this 😅)

Thank you so much! ❤ I actually couldn't see this in my inbox from my phone. I had to access it thru desktop, but I know you've been having problems with ur Tumblr (which is prob why I haven't received any notifs from you.😅) I hope Tumblr fixes the problem soon!

I think this is the post ur referring to. And a fantastic catch! I didn't even notice that! 🤯 To further illustrate your point:

You can clearly see the difference in the underskirt for Anna in the movie versus Gina in the dream sequence. There's just a bit of pink for Gina because that's totally her color, and like you said, she may be Anna on the outside, but she's still Gina Porter on the inside. To add to your point, tho EJ may be dressed pretty closely to Hans in the movie, there is a major difference here:

He doesn't have long sideburns like Hans. As we saw in S2, when EJ was portraying Gaston, they were not afraid to really paint on those horrendous sideburns! LOL 🤣 So tho he's playing a character, EJ is also himself here too. (Kinda goes with Gina singing "I see your face" at the start b/c EJ may have Hans' hairstyle, but there's still a little bit of him present as well.) I also love that the entire dream sequence is actually just Gina and EJ having fun and singing to each other. As far as we know, the only time they break eye contact is at the end when Gina spin dips EJ. They really were just having the time of their lives, instead of just putting on a performance to impress Corbin. They were definitely living in the moment! 😭💜

[candiid-caniine]

Ughhhhhh. I'm putting this here because it's a secret i shall take to my grave (at least for now and probably forever) but I'm also going slightly insane at not having anyone to talk to about this so. Hi. Please listen to me ramble. I'm kinda a mess. So. I have a crush on this dude, okay? And, like. Me? Crushing? On anyone? Ew, weird. Never happens. Except for the fact that now it has and. Yeah okay fine. I'll admit it. I'm Down Bad (at least in the horny way). Anyways. I know he's not into me, and really i should get over the crush, but it sucks cause my brain is like "well. What if??? 🥺" And. Ugh. Anyways. But i swear to god. This motherfucker has said some things that just. My brain goes uuuuuuhhhhgggg and i get all fucking subby and 🥺 and bleh. Like. Shut Up i am Too Gay For This. Like. I made a joke. Then he jokingly threatened me, basically he threatened to "find me". And now I'm jerking off to the thought of him "making good" on that threat (sexually). And. Ugh. Like. Please. I'm going insane. I want this guy's fingers in my cunt. I want him teasing me until I'm literally crying. And he! I just. AHH. Okay. Okay. Thanks for listening to my gay rambling. I'm sorry. I just think if i keep bottling it in I'm going to Die and probably cry a lot. I hope it's okay.

of course it's okay! dude, buddy (gender neutral), I'm honored that you trust my ask box with this 💕

(potentially) unrequited crushes are. fuck. they suck but they're also so,,, energizing. they make us fucking insane and that's like one of the most human things I can think of (aroace inclusively - I think going a bit mad over the complexity of human connection transcends romantic love and sexuality).

now. you know this guy and I don't, obviously, so I'm not going to give you advice, per se, but i will say 90% of my experiences, romantic and sexual, were with people who I was convinced would "never be into me."

I'll also say that the notion of confessions ruining friendships is not always accurate. in fact it's very heteronormative. what ruins friendships is when one or the other friend can't deal with boundaries. if you tell him how you're feeling, and he doesn't reciprocate, it may be awkward for awhile, but if your friendship is strong and you respect his "no" and he doesn't get weird and in his head about it, you'll be okay.

all of that aside: do not feel like I'm pressuring you to confess! I'm just trying to give you angles from which to look forward. attraction is not an imperative. no matter what you do, this crush is energizing you. it's filling you with something wild and bright and exciting. even if you never say anything or act on it, it's okay for that sexual energy and excitement to belong only to you. it's no less beautiful than it is if you share it. if it's waking up new sexual appetites, you'll take that forward with you and have amazing new experiences on your own or with other partners.

thank you for sharing, lovely. this is sweet as hell and you deserve a person who'll threaten to find you and wreck your holes and your brain if you want them 💕

[sowhatnotcreative]

I thuroughly understand that some contries have a specific culture that makes you more likely to do something. I'm not stupid. I also thuroughly understand that certain neurodivergent traits are likely to be the cause of someone doing something, anything at all, wether it be feeling overwhelmed because of autism or maybe hyperfocusing because of adhd? I am also in no way judging that.

However, in storytelling, in writing, in journalism, in anything at all, you don't have to start with this reason, this specification or modifier (I know there is a word for it I just cant think of it). If you want to say that you personally felt overwhelmed in a situation and you are writing about it? It's allowed to say "I felt overwhelmed". You do not have to say "I have autism so therefore I felt overwhelmed". And yea this is only an example, i will add another less controversial one, but please remember this example, it will be important in a minute.

I am writing about what I did yesterday. There is NO point in saying "Because I'm Swedish I like to make myself some porrige in the morning. Swedes also like to eat their porridge with jam and so do I. Then because I have CFS I stay in bed". This makes for a impersonal and overly informational story. Does the fact that I'm Swedish have any relevance to what I eat for breakfast? No! Do I stay in bed because of CFS? Yes! Is it relevant? No!

I didn't wake up and decide that because I'm Swedish I must eat porridge, I just wanted to eat it. If it's traditionally Swedish or not is irrelevant, but if I still want to make it a point? Maybe in introducing my character? How about "I ate porrige for breakfast and just like many swedes I put some jam on it". The main point of the sentence is not where I'm from.

Now let's get back to the former example. Maybe you are even writing about being overwhelmed specifically to bring awareness?

Sidenote: This post is mostly targeted towards this new "woke" way of creative writing that tries to tick all the opression boxes so they can tag it on bookreads or maybe tiktok will pick it up for being inclusive, maybe sell something to a specific market so they make a point out of being the most opressed™ - but let's assume this specific text is just a tumblr post or something, wanting to bring awareness or just general writing, who am I to give advice to authors anyway.

You were in a situation. You got overwhelmed. Yes of course having autism could be a massive part of it. Maybe the only reason even - but not everyone who has autism would be overwhelmed in that specific situation. It's not at all a guarantee. All people with autism are also different. Someone who doesn't know anything about autism, and reads this awareness would read it not as "wow autism makes this situation so much more difficult to deal with", they will read it as "Wow, people with autism can't do that?". In the effort of removing stereotypes, you are enforcing them. By placing the "cause" (be it nationality, disability or neurodivergence) before what happened, you make that thing the determining factor. Not even on purpose just sentence structure!

Causation and action when the causation is not absolute can be implicit is bad writing. And when you think deeper it does do more harm than good to put what ever it is front and center.

[jrpneblog]

You could Tella the difference right from the start

Before we go into the inquest lets put a bit of context around this result. Burnley are, by far, the best team in the Championship and will be promoted as Champions come May 8th. In normal circumstances this result could have been taken on the chin, tough as that may be with a derby game, and we could have moved on. The problem we have, of course, is that things are now beginning to turn toxic with the manager with some alarming similarities to the stance taken by some fans with regards to Peter Ridsdale's position within the club. The positions of Lowe and Ridsdale at North End is another debate for another so lets just concentrate on the football for now and the fact North End were comprehensive outclassed in every position on the Park and were probably a tad lucky only to lose by three goals. Although we closed down well early on, from the minute Tella opened the scoring after quarter of an hour there was only ever one result. One down at the break and three down after an hour North End were really up against it as the Clarets romped home with plenty to spare in the most one sided game, between these two sides, I have seen in my fifty seven years watching the club.

North End made one change from the side beaten by Bristol City last week with the completely ineffective Woodburn coming in for the suspended Ched Evans. North End started solidly and closed down well early on but it was clear from the start that the Burnley wide players of Tella and Zaroury were going to cause us plenty of problems and that it was going to be a long afternoon. With just fifteen minutes gone a Brownhill cross from the left found Tella unmarked in the box and he headed home to give Burnley the lead. North End countered and had their one shot on target in the first half through Browne. Woodman then saved superbly from Barnes as the home side dominated and Woodman was again called into action to save from Zaroury. North End were still in the game as the teams went in at half time but to be honest I just could not see where a Preston goal was coming from.

Ryan Lowe made two changes at the break with Whiteman and Parrott coming on for Woodburn and Ledson. Again North End opened the half well but when Tella beat Lindsay before firing home past Woodman the game was over with only ten minutes gone in the second half. Things went from bad to worse for North End and a few minutes later Tella latched on to a through ball and fired home underneath Woodman to complete his hat-trick and ensure Burnley won their tenth game on the trot in the Championship. Fortunately for North End Burley eased off a little after the third goal and were content to do a little bit of showboating of the skills at the disposal of Vincent Kompany. The North End bench were conspicuous by their absence for the final part of the game and the picture doing the rounds on Social Media painted a thousand words of the North End staff at Turf Moor.

This was only North End`s fourth League defeat on the road this season and as was said earlier it could almost be excused if our home form had been anything like. North End looked weak in the tackle, devoid of creative ideas, lacking inspiration and several other observations which are not really fit for inclusion on a social blog. Clearly something must change and change quickly. Burnley are already selling their early bird tickets for next season and you just wonder how many season cards North End would sell if they were to go on sale at this moment. I cannot really remember apathy such as is present amongst the fan base being at such a high level for a Preston team in the Championship. Make no mistake many have had enough and the club wont get them back until something very strategic happens at Preston North End. Until then we will have to just plod on and with three out of the next four games at home you feel its now or never for more than just North Ends faltering play off aspirations.

.

BURNLEY 3-0 PRESTON

.

WOODMAN 6

STOREY 6 LINDSAY 5 HUGHES 5

BROWNE 6 LEDSON 4 McCANN5 BRADY 5

WOODBURN 3

CANNON 5 DELAP 6

.

Subs:

WHITEMAN 5

PARROTT 5

ODOMAH 5

FERNANDEZ 6

.

MOTM: Freddie Woodman

Attendance 21,528

Preston Fans 2,247 (10.44%)

[cockashi69]

Take everything

♡part one♡

pairing: Knto Nanami X fem reader

rating: 18 + MINORS DON’T INTERACT

genre: smut (next part) & fluff | lovers! au

warnings: drinking, drunk reader, drunk Nanami, dirty thoughts, mentions of sex. Other than that I think non in this part I think? Either way, read at your own discretion and put yourself first!

word count: 2.7k

summary: fem lawyer( reader) meets eager Nanami at a bar on a Tuesday after being dumped and falls in love??? Who knows really, maybe it's the cocktails or his overwhelmingly gorgeous looks, you didn't care, either way, he should give you some affection and gods did you need that now more than ever.

author’s note: Here's my first attempt at a fic >_< I kinda had this idea floating in my head but I thought I was too much of an inexperienced writer to do it any justice. There's probably a lot of mistakes but what can I say? Girls gotta start somewhere. If you have any meanie mean things to say then the block button is right there 0,0. If you don't then my ask box is always open for constructive criticism, comments, concerns, or anything really. I'm also trying to learn how to make my writing more inclusive. I know there are two sentences in here that might make it hard to relate, but I was trying to show that the reader was shy and flustered when she's drunk. If you have any way for me to fix that, please message me! Anyways that's all I have to say other than I hope you enjoy this little dribble, muah<3

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Your footsteps echo throw out the wide empty hall of your office building, only worsening the god-awful headache forming in the middle of your temples. Work wasn’t the problem, you’re good at work, work is the only thing in your life that you somewhat value which is why you are so skillful at what you do. You pride yourself on how hard you can work and how well you can do your job. It isn’t surprising that you have made a name for yourself in the lawyer world. Everything else didn’t matter, friends, family, or boyfriends. Or at least that’s what you thought until your so-called boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend now, broke up with you over the phone this morning.

Gracefully walking back to your office after touching up your makeup in the bathroom. He broke up with you at the end of what was spoused to be a coffee break, “god what an asshole,” You hissed softly to yourself. Trying to pretend the crying session you just had at your desk didn’t happen was one thing but pushing the lump in your throat that was caused by a man like him was another. You quickly caught yourself and hurried to the bathroom to wash up, after all, there are no emotions when it comes to the law, only fairness and logic. But forgetting him and the god-awful way those words rolled off of his tongue. There’s nothing fair nor logical about it.

Quickly you massage your temples trying to dull the pain, you looked at the clock, 4:02 PM. sighing you got back to the paperwork at hand. You have to respond to a few discoveries requests for a few cases, negotiate them, requests for production, and the list goes on and on, nothing out of the ordinary. On a regular day, where you didn’t get dumped by the first guy you actually thought was decent enough for a fourth date, especially not when he tells you “sorry it’s not working out, your just too hardcore, I need someone I can relax with, I hope you can too,” then hangs up without waiting for a response at ten in the morning. Or rather he never wanted one in the first place, ‘hardcore’ what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m so much smarter than you that you can’t stand it, so you dump me? Seriously?

Your thoughts kept racing and tears threatened to fall if you didn’t stop thinking soon. You looked back at the clock, 4:34 PM, you were giving that idiot way too much of your time, and it’s starting to affect your work. You stood up from your chair, grabbed your purse from the sofa, as well as your coat while still thinking about him, of course. It isn’t like this is the first time you’ve been dumped, not by a long shot.

You used to be quite the looker back in high school, it wasn’t that hard to get into the university you wanted so you took it easy. While in university, you had no time for such things as boys and parties. You had to get into law school and continue the family business, this is when you had to take things seriously. And that you did, captain of the debate club and perfect grades that were obtained by many sleepless nights and endless studying sure did the trick. While in law school you thought you could revisit the dating scene, but your choices were slim. You couldn’t date anyone outside of law school because they just wouldn’t understand the hectic schedule and what it takes to become a law student, and you just didn’t find anyone you liked at school either. You decided to push your love life to the side for a while.

You didn’t know how long that while would be, surely not in your late twenties when you’re one of the best lawyers in your country. But here you were single and alone, but you were successful, beautiful, and proud of where you ended up. The only thing missing was love. You don't remember men’s egos being big enough that they couldn't date a woman more successful than them. Why should it matter anyway, when you’re with your partner or on a date you wanted to leave work at work and not think about it. It’s bad enough you’ve had to compete all your life and now you have to do it with your lovers too? Ridiculous.

You got in your car, threw your bag on the passenger seat, buckled up, and started driving home. You knew the reason it made you so upset was that he dumped you because he couldn’t handle a strong woman, it made him uneasy. Working in law, you learn not to take things personally. It enraged you how he could think like that, you thought men like left the dating pool like ten years ago. You let out an audible grown breaking the silence that filled your car.

“I need a drink,” you mumble to yourself with a pout. Quickly you take a left turn to get to your favorite bar, a local eatery actually, but nothing can beat the amazing cocktails they make with the fruit that just hit the spot. You quickly pull into the parking lot.

You walk up to the front door, you can see your reflection on the glass door. Tired eyes started back at you. One hand on the handle you look at those eyes and think, this is the last time you’re going to think about him, you’re going to get drunk and the memories of him will fade away with tomorrow’s hangover, understood? Pulling the door open, the familiar smell of fried food warms you up as you walk through the restaurant to the back where the bar was.

“ Hey y/n, a little early in the week to see you…,” looking down on his watch, your favorite bartender trails off, “ … and early in the day too,” a glass in one hand and a towel in another, he finishes his sentence. “ It's good to see you too, it’s five o’clock, come on,” you mumble the last part in a joking manner with a small pout on your face. “ You know what you’re right, what can I get you?” You order your usual.

This sets the night in motion as you sat there alone drinking and somehow along the way you ended up with a fried chicken sandwich and a cheesecake or two. By the end of the night, you felt content, you needed this night, along with your thoughts, sorting them out and coming to terms with things. No way could you do this sober, there would be too many conflicting arguments in your brain and you almost always ended up blaming the opposing party. Drunk and at peace, you tended to accept things for the way they are. Through heavy eyes, you gulped down the last of your drink, turned around to your purse on the chair behind you to pay your tab. As you’re rummaging through your purse to find your wallet, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you see a pair of long legs walking towards you. You didn’t pay them much attention because you were sitting directly in front of the bartender and many people walk through to get drinks and what-not. You continue your quest for your wallet.

“ Ummm excuse me?” a husky voice asked, now reaching the bottom of your bag, you look up slightly out of curiosity not realizing the question was for you. You greeted with soft brown eyes pocking through strands of blond hair. Halting the search, you look up quickly, “ oh I’m sorry, are you talking to me?” You replied to the blond man. He brought up his muscular arm to rub the back of his head, he shot you a dashing smile, “ yes miss, I’m Kento Nanami,” he chuckled, bringing his other hand for a handshake. A handshake? What is going on? In your drunken state you looked at his hand then back up to his deep orbs, it took a little bit for you to take your right hand out of your bag to meet his. “ Well hello Kento Nanami,” you flash him a grin, “ what can I do for ya?” you asked, now looking at his face, the very handsome face before you actually. Looking down at the ground he brings both of his hands down to his pockets, “I uh… saw you drinking by yourself and thought that you might want some company,” he confessed, the alcohol in his system made his cheeks a faint shade of pink, or so you thought. “ Some company?” you questioned him, why would he want to accompany sad women in business casual at a bar on a Tuesday? You thought to yourself, your brows coming together in thought. He quickly noticed your mood change adding, “ if you'll have me that is?” Finally looking up at you through his blond locks. You smile at him, “ sure why not, have a seat Nanami,” you patted the empty seat next to you. Sitting down he gestured to the bartender, “ a beer for me and..” trailing off, he waited for your response. “ A vodka soda please,” you replied while sitting up in your chair. “ A vodka soda for the lady,” Nanami ordered the two drinks with a grin.

Still smiling he shakes his head, “ didn’t take you for a vodka soda kinda girl,”

“ I’ve had a lot to drink before this, I have a list of drinks I order. Vodka soda just happens to be the last,” you sighed looking up at him.

“ What brings you here, uh… I’m sorry you haven’t told me your name,”

“ Well, Nanami, you never asked. I’m y/n,” you chuckled at the blonde.

“ Y/n huh, I like it. What brings you here y/n,” he asks continuing his thought-form earlier.

“ Oh nothing, just another Tuesday, except I got dumped while I was working and just needed a way to seal all of it away,” you’re surprised at yourself just how much you share with this man you just met. But something about him… just.. Feels warm. You don't know how but he just warms you up, like this bar did, like how the sandwich and cocktails did. These things didn’t raise your temperature, no, they warmed your soul up. Filled the void for a little bit, made you feel happy to be alive.

You take a closer look at the man in front of you. Chiseled jawline, high cheekbones that had a tint of pink sprayed across them, pink lips to match. He was utterly gorgeous. You weren’t sure if it was your drunken state or something else but you allowed yourself to look at his lips a little too long letting your mind wander into some dirty places. You would never allow yourself to think of anyone like this, let alone a stranger!

“ Y/n” his husky voice broke you from your trance, god even his voice is starting to make you dizzy. You jump a little bit, “ yes? I’m sorry, uh getting a little tired I guess, umm what did you say?” Looking down you fumbled through what you thought made sense. His lips ravaging every inch of your body was the only thing on your mind. “I was just saying how awful it is, that guy has not an ounce of respect. You deserve so much better,” his voice only distracted you further.

“ He said I was hardcore,” you said the last word with a mocking tone as you flipped your hand through the air, “ or whatever that means” you huffed. God, you were really drunk right now.

“ Do you know why he would say something like that?” his question clung in the air as you brought your head down to your drink trying to come up with an appropriate answer to not scare gorgeous Nanami away. You took a little too long, he leaned down and brushed your hair behind your ear, “ y/n” his hot breath hitting the side of your neck. God he was making it unbelievably hard to focus right now. You turn your head, unbelievably close to his face your noses were almost touching. You meet his gaze as He looks down at your lips, you turn away bring your arms to the air, “because I'm more Succesful than him because, I can kick his ass, because I win almost any argument there is, because I like to keep figurines of fictional men on my desk at work, becuse… because… I’m… I’m… too much.” your voice breaking at the last word, tears started to roll down your face halfway through your outburst, by the end of it you were full-on sobbing into your hands. I'm. so. Wasted. You thought to yourself almost forgetting that the most beautiful man you've ever laid eyes on was merely inches away from you.

Reaching between your hands, he tilts your head to face him. With furrowed brows, he leans in with heavy-set eyes. Kissing you right under each of your eyes where your tears had streamed down. Your eyes widen at the sudden act, your jaw dropped low as you watch him lean back in his chair. “ I'm sorry... I couldn't hold myself back, blame the beer,” he laughs, hand in his hair. “I just can't stand to see you cry, especially when I can't knock the teeth outta the guy responsible..” he trailed on, you couldn't focus on anything he's saying anymore. You lifted your jaw back up, soft music humming in the background, fairy lights dimming his sharp features, you started at him. In fact, you kept staring still not believing what just happened. No one has ever shown you such affection before, it was intimate yet so caring. You've never felt so loved in your life, well maybe the alcohol is intensifying your feeling. Before you knew it you leaned forward embracing him in a kiss cutting him off from whatever he was saying. His soft plump hitting yours, you were being sloppy, the drunken haze surely isn't doing your kissing skills any favors but you couldn't stop yourself. You needed to show how much that meant to you. You needed to taste him, to feel him, to be with him. Hands in his hair, you arched your back to get closer to him, but this only made you fall off the chair you were still sitting on. You thought you landed yourself on the floor of the restaurant but instead, you were in between two bulky thighs and an even bigger pair of arms wrapped around you. “ Careful darling, I think you've had a little too much to drink.” He whispered in your air, his breath tickling your ear making you squirm away from him as you giggled like a schoolgirl. “I think you should take me home... Nan..a..mi.” you hit his broad chest with a slender finger with each syllable of his name. “God even his name rolls off my tongue so well”, you thought to yourself. “ Oh, does it now?” he purrs softly. Purrs? Why is he fucking purring? You turn your head sharply to meet your widened gaze to his dark one. “ did i- did I say that out loud,” you hiss through your teeth. “ Sure did” he raises his shoulders with a shit-eating grin. You bring your hand snack to your face where they were only minutes ago, “ I'm sorry I think I've had too much to drink.” You sighed the embarrassment out.“ Mhmm,” he said while his eyes moved across your body stripping you down with his imagination, biting his lips he leaned in closer, “ do you maybe want to take this somewhere else… maybe my place?” The last word clinging to the air. You smile looking down, “I think I'd like that,” you're breathless. He took your breath, your better judgment, letting a random guy at a bar take you home on a Tuesday when you had work the next morning, he took your mind, thoughts, and body. The only thing left is your soul, and you're starting to think it'll be a few more hours till he has that too. Maybe it's your drunken state or the air tonight, but you're scared. Scared shitless. But nonetheless, you take his hand into a taxi through the night anyways.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car

© mine.

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Bucky is kidnapped by Hydra to reactivate the Winter Soldier.

word count: 2.924 words. it worth it, i promise!!!

warnings/tags: none. angst as hell mostly. but it has a happy ending.

author notes: i don't speak russian, but i haven't used google translate either, so no worries. none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

join the tag list NEW!!! here.

No. It couldn't be possible. It had to be part of a terrible nightmare. Bucky couldn't have been kidnapped by Hydra again.

You didn't know what to expect in the ship flying to the secret location of the organization. For Stark, it didn't take more than a couple of minutes to track the arm down, since Shuri put a small monitor on it when the soldier stayed in Wakanda. She never told it, wanting to use it in some kind of circumstance like the one you all were going through now. And you couldn't be more grateful, but it didn't help to make you feel better.

You were sitting close to the back hatch. Back rested against the metallic wall and legs curled to your chest. Nothing inside your head more than the hallucination of a pair of blue eyes staring at you. Blaming yourself was something you couldn't avoid. You should have been with him, by his side, protecting him as many times you promised him. But in fact, you just failed him. You failed his trust, his love. You let them take him. Only God knew which torture Hydra was putting him under, while you were there, lamenting.

You didn't even notice Steve's presence squatting next to you until he placed a hand on your shoulder. Then, you raised your face towards him. He was suffering too. In the end, Bucky was his long-life friend, his big brother. He lost him once and felt like he was going to lose him twice. Although this time was different. You were carrying the dispositive that could put to sleep back the winter soldier, but, at what cost?

“Buck got you now. Everything is gonn—”. He spoke in plural, referring to your last night's talk.

“How could you be so calm, Steve? How do you do it?” You whispered through your trembling lips, about to break in crying.

“Because he needs us focused, not distracted”.

He was wise. Captain America was wiser than anyone in that ship. He curled the left corner of his lips up, trying to make you feel good, trying to transmit you the encouragement you needed to not give up. And he did, more or less. You had to fight harder than ever. For Bucky, and only for Bucky. That's why you didn't hesitate on jumping out from the ship when it landed on the cold hard ground, as the freezing weather hit you on the face.

Following the plan, you ran quietly to the back door hidden under a huge layer of snow. Shaking part of it with the palm of your hand, you placed the device with technology from Wakanda on the locker. Not later than fifteen seconds, it deciphered the code to open the hatch. Once in position, the Avengers followed you downstairs. The passage was empty and silent. The only sound that broke it was a couple of rats running away from your presence. You all had studied the plans of the building, mostly underground, remembering exactly where you had to go.

The coast was clear, that was the reason why you all were so confused. You were expecting to find more than a dozen of agents, but when T'Challa enunciated through your earwigs that he only located two heat spots, you couldn't believe it. How only one man kidnapped the most fearless assassin up to now? Tortuous and bitter screams dragged you back to reality, causing your brain to react to make your legs run faster than ever in your whole damn life. You knew by heart that voice beneath all the pain.

Your skin bristled when your gaze landed on that chair of horrors, connected to an enormous power source. Bucky was sitting there against his want.

“... добросердечный… возвращение на родину… один…”

“STOP IT”. Steve yelled.

Huge mistake. You were aware of it when —yes— that man stopped reciting the Russian words to re-activate the Winter Soldier, but only enough time to push a red button near to him and close the heavy door in front of you. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. At the moment you glimpsed Steve’s shield sliding above the floor, straight to the inside of the room where Bucky was being tortured, you followed the same way. Never in your life, you were this fast. Like a lightning bolt, you snaked yourself under the small distance between the door and the ground before being closed. Now, it was you, that man and the soldier.

“You’re late…” He mocked with an awful American accent, under James crying out loud in pain. “грузовой ваг—”.

Your left hand moved quickly to unholster your gun and shoot him. One… Two… Three… Four bullets right to his head. The man fell dead before he couldn’t complete the command. You didn’t lose time, running to the controls to try to turn that machine off. But it was impossible. Even if you knew Tony could do it, there wasn’t signal inside those large and wide walls made of steel reinforced. You were in one of those abandoned soviet bunkers, that could save you from Armageddon. You were inhaling and exhaling so fast that your lungs never got really full, trying to focus, trying to shut every single noise around up. Trying to think of a plan b. But it was your heart who pushed you to act and not your brain. Grabbing Steve’s shield, you aimed for the energy source before tossing it like a damn frisbee.

That thing blew up, turning off any kind of light and dispositive around, as the sparks and the cables decorated your surroundings. Just like the fire that started to burn down a pile of boxes with different documents of Hydra. But that wasn't why you were impatient. Catching the shield when it came back to you, your legs moved immediately to Bucky, still stirring on his seat for a few seconds else. Then, he simply stopped shaking. Her eyes were wide opened. Reddened, in tears. His chest rose and fell violently. His heart was racing. And you could see the trauma taking control over his body in holy silence.

You didn't doubt removing the protection from his mouth along the restraints keeping him on the chair. Your fingers trembled like never before, not having any more time to lose. Probably, the Avengers would be trying to open the door when the emergency red lights illuminated the bunker, producing a loud alarm sound to indicate that something was going wrong inside the facilities.

“C'mon, Buck… C'mon, we have to leave”. You told him, trying to help him to stand up.

But as soon as your hand was about to land on his arm of vibranium, the five cold digits got closed around your throat. Soon, the lack of air for you was more than evident. He got up on his own, not needing you to do it. The ocean blue in his eyes turned into a dark storm. There wasn't any gesture on his face, more than his jaw clenching, pressing his teeth together. That wasn't Bucky —your Bucky—, but the unstable trained assassin Hydra turned him in. You could barely gulp saliva, gripping his metallic wrist with both of your hands to try to stop him from murdering you.

He couldn't. He couldn't kill you. His strength was suffocating you with no mercy, though.

For a moment, you felt too weak to fight, seeing everything around you getting blurred and darker. Blacking out. But there was something inside you, a sweet tone of voice calling your name. A male voice. Your eyelids rolled down bit by bit, wanting to concentrate on that honeyed sound being closer and closer.

“любить”.

The sore whisper left your lips. Love. The first time Bucky told you about love came to your mind. He told you about his family. George, Winnifred, Rebecca. He told you how much he desired to have a family of his own. To be loved.

“новый”.

Your almost dead fingers traced the form of his new arm made in Wakanda when you felt him lifting you from the floor, being suspended on air.

“сороковых годов”.

Trying to keep a firm tone of voice as much as the pressure let you, the Russian words were spat to the confused soldier, who wasn't understanding what you were doing. The forties changed his life. He was sent to war and, lately, captured by HYDRA. It was something he'd never forget, part of his DNA.

“заката”.

You didn't know what the hell your subconscious was doing either till that precise instant. You were reprogramming him. You were using his own memories to reset his wiped brain from them. Dusk. The first night he spent in Wakanda, Bucky was terrified. But you stayed with him. You comforted him by saying that everything was going to be okay, that his life would be different. That he was safe. That he was at home.

“лето”.

His last night of summer in that kingdom, Bucky took you to his favorite place between the woods, wanting to show you the fireflies fluttering in the middle of the gloom. He used to walk there whenever he woke up from a nightmare. Those small insects used to make him feel better for some reason he didn't comprehend. Until he saw their light reflecting on your amazed orbs. Bucky knew then he was in love with you. Besides his long-life friend, the only person who never judged him, who never ran away from him. The same person that now was dying under his fingers.

“шесть”

Six years took him to be Bucky, after his last war, after the last effort, after the last jump. He was a new man. You made him a new man. A good one. You guided him through the right way. You helped him to get used to the twenty-one century. You accompanied him to therapy and stayed in the waiting room every single session until he finished.

“заткнуться”.

The soldier ordered you to shut up, earning quite the opposite when you knew it was sorting some kind of effect on him, as soon as you felt some relief by the grip loosening around your throat and your tiptoes touching the ground. Little by little, you opened your eyes again, gluing them on the blue ones fixed on you.

“боец”.

He wasn't a super soldier, he was a fighter. He spent the last six years of his life fighting for it, fighting for ruling his existence, fighting for being pardoned for crimes he didn't want to commit, fighting for your love. Bucky furrowed swallowing, allowing you to place your feet on the floor.

“Бруклин”.

And when he demonstrated to the world that he was no longer the Winter Soldier, but James Bucky Barnes, he moved to his birthplace. Brooklyn. You and he rented an apartment together when you both learned that you couldn't live apart. That you were made for each other.

“Отец…”

A tear ran down your cheek, slowly moving your left hand to his free one. A shiver toured his backbone when he felt your warm touch holding his hand and, even if his cold fingers were still around your throat, the soldier bowed his head to follow the connection between the two of you. His flesh hand landed on your stomach, pressing it under yours, trying to transmit to him the news about your pregnancy status. Bucky was going to be a father. You were going to build a family as he always wished.

“Свобода”.

As the sob escaped your soul, his hand made of vibranium released your neck. Freedom was what he got after all those years.

Bucky was free.

His hold was the only thing that kept you on your feet, pining to the cold hard ground, as well as you trying to fill your lungs with the heavy air around you because of the dense smoke coming from the flames burning down that damn place. You watched Bucky picking the shield close to you, probably believing it could be easier to kill you with it than with his own hands. Your arms automatically wrapped your abdomen, as if you could protect your unborn child from that horror, crying James' name to remember you.

“James… James…”

You weren't able to stop whining, feeling a heavy sorrow under your chest, covering your vitals organs. The noisy sound from the bunker was suddenly turned into a constant beep, beep, beep that caused you to frown yet keeping your eyes closed. You called him once and again until a warm hand laced his fingers with you. Peace invaded you eventually, after a fond squeeze around your skin followed by a pair of rough lips pressed on your forehead. You let yourself go, not finding any strength inside your heart to continue awake.

The next time you opened your eyes, you needed a moment to adjust your gaze to the sunlight. Purring feeling more comfortable than before, you rolled on your stomach, sinking your nose into the large pillow. Bucky's scent was like a punch of reality. Your eyes snapped open as your pulse increased, starting to panic. Sitting up, your orbs moved quickly all around the room you recognized instantly. It was your dorm in the Compound, the one you used to share with your boyfriend —and the father of your child. It was empty. No trace of James anywhere. You tossed away the oxygen mask and the sheets covering your stiff anatomy, getting up from the bed. Another huge mistake.

Everything spun around you, feeling strong dizziness hitting your head, having to sit down for a second. But as soon as you felt recovered, you stood up again walking straight to the main door to step out. The hallway was deserted, hearing some voices coming from the meeting room. You followed them slowly, finding balance with your palm against the walls. Sam was the first one noticing your presence, coming faster to help you.

“James… James…” You mumbled, not really sure about when you started to sob again, whilst your muscles got tense with every syllable.

“He's okay, he's okay, take it easy, girl”. He tried to calm you as Steve reached you to bring you to the closest chair.

“We don't know what you did… but even if that man introduced the commands again… you turned it off”. Natasha spoke this time.

“I re— I repro— reprogramed him”.

The confusion was more than evident between the Avengers present in the room. But no one of them had the need to ask how. The spy taught you Russian in your free time, you weren't a fluent speaker, but it was enough to have a chat. Even so, you weren't going to say the words you used. You weren't going to make Bucky go through another wipe. If they worked, you'd make sure that he'd hear them when the occasion required it.

“I wan— wanna see him… please”. You cried covering your face with both hands, desolated after the hell of the situation you had to live.

“He's resting”. Steve informed you, squatting close and placing a hand on your right thigh to gently caress it. “And you should do the same. For your baby”.

“There's no way you're gonna stop me from seeing him”. You replied, raising your head and looking at him through your eyelids. Silently pleading.

He snorted, convinced that you wouldn't change your mind. Nodding two times with his head, he stood up and offered you a hand to hold it and help you to walk. Steve guided you through upstairs, following your pace step by step —he could have carried you onto his arms, but he wasn't sure if he could hurt you accidentally. You were too weak, barely breathing properly because of all the smoke you swollen inside the bunker. Although you started to feel somewhat erratic and excited as you were coming to Bucky's old dorm.

Steve opened the door for you, letting you walk inside before closing it behind your back. Your boyfriend was peacefully sleeping under the sheets. There were some scars on his face, already healed but yet seeming painful. The only explanation you found to be there was that Bucky used the shield to open the door and take you out of the bunker. A theory that made more sense when you noticed that he hadn't his prosthesis and his shoulder was covered by a thin black microfiber.

You headed to the bed, tucking in to wrap his warm and heavy body between your arms. At the moment he felt you, he embraced you as better as he could, not opening his eyes but shedding a tear. His lips started to tremble as you pecked them, previous to hiding his face into your neck.

“I'm so sorry…” Bucky sobbed, causing your whole anatomy to shudder because of the sorrow in his voice.

“We're gonna be okay, my love… You, me, our baby… Our family”.

His crying increased after those two words, caressing his back slowly to comfort him somehow. You knew that this recovery would be hard and painful, being conscious of how close he had been to end with your life. He didn't want to do it, nobody could deny it. You were everything he had, everything he always wished for deep inside his soul and heart. And the acknowledgment of having a baby with you only provoked him to feel guiltier.

But as you said so, everything was going to be okay.

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