#cas did all of it for dean

[youchangedmedestiel]

Everytime I’m reminded that Cas was the only one in all universes with a crack in his chassis, that Dean wanted him to stay, that Cas did it, all of it for Dean, that Dean wanted to die because Cas was dead, really dead after Lucifer stabbed him, that Cas told Dean “I love you” twice and that Dean told Cas he needed him twice in such a vulnerable way, I just want to scream my lungs out.

[souporsaladnatural]

Obsessed with the sudden shift in Cas' willingness to say insane romantic shit to dean in season 8. A couple of seasons ago, he would tell dean that they had a profound bond to his face. That everything he did, he did for Dean. Now? He's hesitating. He clenches his fists to avoid hugging Dean back in purgatory. He stutters and looks away before saying he stayed away from Dean to protect him. When asked what broke through heaven's brainwashing, he looks away and says he doesn't know. It's so interesting to me

[lazarrusrising]

Destiel raises Claire au except it's like those stories kids have of their adopted parents forgetting they're not biologically related and Claire will find out she has an allergy to cats and Dean will be like "got that from me, kiddo" and Claire will be like "that's why we can't have nice things" and Dean will be like "Hey blame your grandfather, John was allergic to all pets, we still have the dog!" and they'll carry on until a couple hours later when both of them separately come to a pause and go "wait wtf were we talking about?" and Cas (who witnessed the whole thing and chose not to say anything) will just be sitting there smiling

[mickeys-been-staying-at-ians]

So Dean is fucked up after Cas is taken into the Empty obviously, all melancholy, no sleep, drinking too much, you know his gist. Sam probably tries to get him to talk about it, but he would never tell him everything Cas said, you know. So Dean is miserable, and Sam is miserable, but THEY DON'T STOP trying to get Cas back.

And they do, somehow. So Cas appears somewhere in the library or wherever they were Doing What Brought Him Back and there's a second of confused, vulnerable silence because this can't be real don't believe it's real he's gonna disappear and it's gonna suck all over again but he stays, and looks at Dean, and then Dean is hugging him, clutching him like... well, like everything that happened, happened, and they're breathing each other in. Cas hasn't had the chance to think about what it all means, yet, so he's not overthinking it. Then they break apart, and Dean has tears in his eyes and his lower lip is shaking, and while Sam hugs Cas, too, Dean's body is like, shutting down, months of exhaustion (physical and emotional) catching up to him, and he feels it coming, so when Sam gets Cas to sit down, making him drink some water, Dean's like "I'm just gonna-" and he's running into his room and he doesn't even make it inside before he starts sobbing. He's sitting against his bed, his face in his hands, all wet now, when Sam comes in. Maybe he knocked, maybe not, Dean couldn't hear him. And he tries to cover himself a little, but Sam sees anyway, and he's so tired, so he just. Doesn't care.

And Sam says, "Dean, don't hide from him" and Dean isn't sobbing anymore but he's still crying into his palms, saying "I'm so tired, Sammy" and Sam knows. He doesn't know what happened between Dean and Cas but Cas said he did something and now Dean wouldn't feel comfortable around him. So, you know. Sam can guess, a little.

So he says, "He thinks you don't want anything to do with him anymore" and "you should go talk to him" and Dean is like "I can't" and he doesn't know why, maybe because he's exhausted, or because he doesn't know what to say to him , or because Cas sacrifised himself for him again, or because he told him he loved him and turned Dean's world upside down and disappeared, or maybe because he's scared.

And Sam knows this is all happening in Dean's head and he knows some of it is whispered to him in their dad's voice, so he says, "you know nothing in the world would ever change how I think of you," and Dean's head snaps towards him, wet with bloodshot eyes, confused and terrified, but he doesn't say anything, so Sam asks, "what really happened down there?" and Dean knows Sam knows. There's a hand squeezing his heart and lungs and he can't breathe, and Sam knows, and Dean wishes he could go back to when it wasn't even an option.

"He's your best friend," Sam says, and he is, he is, he's Dean's best friend, above all else, it's not just sacrifises and battles and blood and desperate confessions, it's also movies and music and inside jokes, so Dean asks Sam to get Cas. He does, and leaves them in Dean's room alone. And Dean says "don't ever die for me again" and "you think you saved me but i was barely alive" and "next time we die together" which is maybe a little fucked up, but he's feeling so raw. He says, "you're my best friend" and looks at Cas, hoping Cas hears everything he isn't saying, how Cas is the most important person in all the universes to Dean. He's family, but he doesn't say that, doesn't want Cas to think he's family like anyone else, because Cas is more. To Dean, Cas is- something Dean won't say yet, but he is.

And they have a quiet dinner with Sam because they're all tired, and Cas showers while they turn on the TV and bring out a couple of beers, and they act like it's a normal day in their life. Dean's head keeps falling and his eyes keep closing, his temples aching, but he stays, and at some point Sam goes to sleep, and when they're alone Cas tries to get Dean to go, too, but he keeps coming up with lame excuses to stay and Cas doesn't know what to make of it until he thinks maybe Dean doesn't want to be alone, or even - maybe Dean doesn't want to leave Cas alone, maybe he's scared something will happen to him again, or maybe he wants to just - be with Cas longer. And Cas is completely out of his element, because why would Dean- But it doesn't matter. His priority has always been Dean's well-being, so if there's any chance Dean is pushing himself because of - some of that, Cas will step up.

So he asks Dean if he can sleep in Dean's room tonight because he doesn't want to be alone. And there's a blaring red light going off in Dean head, screaming he knows he knows he knows Dean wants him to... what? Dean doesn't even know. Cas is asking as if for himself, for Dean's benefit, and Dean. God. Dean loves him, doesn't he? He's always loved him, but he loves him like... like... but he doesn't think it, still. He feels too open, now, and he wants to lock himself in his room and sleep it off and drink and stop feeling so vulnerable, he thinks he must be an open book to everyone, to Cas especially, and god, could people always tell? Can Cas tell, now? But why does it matter? Cas told him- he told him-

But none of it matters, because Cas is here, and he's offereing Dean an easy way out, and Dean is a weak, weak man, and he's exhausted and all he wants is to breathe Cas' air and know he's here, and not going anywhere.

So Dean puts on an old T-shirt and gets out of his jeans like he always does before realizing Cas is here. He flushes all over, sits down on his bed because he didn't think about how this was gonna go. Cas glances at the desk as if he was gonna sit in his chair the whole night, and Dean doesn't actually know if Cas sleeps now or doesn't, which he maybe should've thought of before, but before he can say anything, Cas says, "Dean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable" and Dean, completely lost, says the first thing that comes to his mind, which is, "can you lie down with me?" which is not exactly how he was gonna tell Cas he's the opposite of uncomfortable with him, but it does the trick. He makes Cas get out of his dress pants and gives him a T-shirt to sleep in, too, and flushes even more when he realizes what Cas is wearing. Dean lies down when Cas steps towards the bed, faces the wall because he doesn't know what to do with himself. They lie in silence for an awkward moment before Cas says, "are we okay?" and Dean says, "of course we are" and Dean knows Cas is still overthinking it, and he is, too, but... Cas took the leap, and he must feel so uncertain about them, and Dean thinks he owes him something, at least. Cas told him he loved him. Nothing felt right since then, because Cas died and because Cas thought he could never have what he wanted and because Cas thought he wasn't the most important person in Dean's life with Sammy, whatever that meant, and because Dean had to come to terms with that reality, a reality where Cas loves him, has loved him, him, Dean, broken and all. A man. A man Cas thought beautiful, and loving, and- and Dean has many issues, but Cas was never one of them, and Cas deserves to feel certain about his place in Dean's life.

So Dean asks Cas to come closer, and there's a still moment before Cas does, still too far away from Dean, and Dean can't see him, can't make himself turn because his heart is beating so loud he thinks if he looks at Cas, it's gonna beat out of his chest. So he reaches behind himself, finds Cas' hand and brings it forward, keeps it between his hands and brings them to his face. Breathes Cas in. "Please don't leave again" he says, in that tone he used when he prayed to Cas. He feels Cas shift, finally, as if he lost some of the tension from his body, feels the bed dip behind him, and he doesn't know how Cas moves but then Dean's back is pressed against Cas' front, and despite his beating heart, Dean is feeling the exhaustion start to take him. "Cas, I..." he tries, but he can't think anymore, can't make sense of anything.

"You can fall asleep, Dean," Cas says, his words warm in Dean's hair and the last thing he hears before sleep takes him is "I will be here when you wake up."

So when Dean wakes up, it's to a heavy arm around his chest and slow breaths against the back of his head. There's no moment of confusion about who he's with, or why. He doesn't even get a second to consider if it was real before Cas says "good morning, Dean" and Dean wonders if Cas slept at all. If he needs to sleep, now. There's so much they need to talk about, all three of them.

"Cas," he tries again, remembereing his attempt from last night. He needs Cas to know, for sure. "Cas, I - what you said. You know I. I've never..." and Cas is like "I know, Dean" but he sounds a little confused, so Dean doensn't know what Cas thinks he knows. So he turns, takes a second to notice how close they are now, and he thinks about Cas' eyes, his lips. Thinks, soon.

"You have to know," he says, as if Cas didn't say anything. "You have to know how I - what I" and he can't get the words out, not sure if it would be easier if there were no words to get out or if there were no voices in his head screaming over them. So he breathes in, Cas' scent overtaking his senses, brings his palm to Cas' face. Closes his eyes. Thinks, soon. Thinks, now, and meets Cas halfway.

[heliotrope155]

I do think it'd been hilarious to have a truth-serumed or spelled Dean around Cas, just start spilling his guts and flirting worse. But also genuinely think Cas would get so overwhelmed from going zero to eighty on this that he'd duct tape Dean's mouth shut after attempts to tell him to stop confessing romantic feelings kept failing. Final resort, Cas would whoosh away to some glacier and sit there until he'd collected himself.

[wigglebox]

And in that moment, he knew he was never beating the 💖💜💙 allegations

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Cas knew Dean would keep the colt under his pillow. Sam didn't.

[eastofedean]

hey, jude, don't make it bad. take a sad song and make it better

(the spn in which mary left the hunting life behind and raised dean on her own on their own little ranch)

[disabled-dean]

Changing channels 2.0 but Gabriel makes Cas the Bachelor and Dean is the P.A. having an excruciating awakening of homosexual lust

[morallygreyintrovert]

Been having a hard time lately and I’ve had no inspiration to write but a few days ago I’ve started writing a post despair one shot where the empty returns Cas after only four hours because he’s so annoying and the last line of my fic has me kicking my legs and squealing like a teenage girl.

[butterscotchx98]

Uh Supernatural amiright

[atomiccryptid]

source 1 source 2 as of June 27, 2023

update: the smoke has mostly moved east to the new england region and has been in Ontario, Quebec, and areas close to there for months.

[lonewolf638]

&& the way neither of them are bitter when they talk abt sam going to stanford with others, its more so, can you believe it? sam went to stanford. he did that! but in front of sam both john & dean viewing (& letting sam know!) that it was one of the worst things sam has ever done

[starnana7]

okay but dean doesn’t believe in anything and also doesn’t believe in no one. all the faith he has in people are conditional, specially because he is the one that people puts their faith on, so it’s only one sided. like even sam, whom he loves and trusts so much, still doesn’t have his faith—bc he is the one that “endures” the faith, he’s the one that has the responsibilities, therefore, he can’t actually count on sam yk (btw i’m not saying this is true, dean Could count on sam, but this is how his mind works, he doesn’t think it’s okay for him to actually count on sam since he’s the one that Needs to be the responsible one, he’s the one that sam is counting On).

for dean, it’s only a -> b, not a -> b AND b -> a. the only person he actually had faith in was john, but he died. and eventually even he realized that that faith was misplaced and came (more) from a place of duty than from a genuine one. so we have this character who doesn’t believe in God, doesn’t believe in good things, doesn’t believe that good things could happen to him and that thinks everything is conditional, that people’s loves for him are conditional, mostly based on how useful he is, and that he will be okay as long as he continues this job and responsibility. he literally has the burden of the world on his shoulders and since he was a kid he was the only one that he could count on, the only one that could actually solve things.

And then enters castiel. A faithful Angel. An angel that rebels—for Dean. and that was devoted to dean in such a pure and unconditional way that actually makes him a little bit insane. cas is the only person besides himself that dean could really count on, that dean really puts his faith on. even john, as I said, he did it bc of something like a debt or bc that was what he always knew to be true. but with cas, it was the opposite. he never believed in angels; never even liked them. he was raised to never really trust anyone, let alone a supernatural being. but yet he trusts castiel, so much that it goes against his own basic instincts (to when both bobby and sam thought cas was betraying them and dean was trying so hard to not believe in that—i mean, not cas, he wouldn’t).

crazy that he was the number one faithless boy. he didn’t believed in God, but he did believe in castiel. he prayed to him. every night. he trusted him. so much that he never thought he would betray them. dean, who was raised to never trust anyone and hate all supernatural stuff, believed in an angel so much that it actually contradicted everything he was. he didn’t believe in God. but oh, he believed in castiel. to a point so powerful that it was literally his religion. like both of them were so devoted to each other they changed the narrative, they were the only real thing in chuck’s universes, they pretty much invented free will. Crazy. Insane actually.

[thevioletcaptain]

It cracks Dean open not only to see Cas, finally, but to instantly recognize such a familiar gaze on his otherworldly face. This is Cas. This is Cas. - Castiel's self portrait from The Beholder (on tumblr & ao3)

Peek under the cut for some jellyfish I referred to as inspiration, along with an earlier concept of the art :)

For a long time I've headcanoned angelic trueforms as looking a little like giant cosmic jellyfish. I've tried several times to draw jellyfish!trueform!Cas and it's never quite worked, but when I received a fic prompt consisting of these emojis:

🪼👀🎨

The need to try again was unavoidable.

I'm still not 100% happy with this version, but it's definitely getting closer to the vision!

These are the jellyfish pictures I used in particular while coming up with the concept for Cas' trueform in this ficlet. I tried blending aspects of these with aspects of what are commonly referred to these days as "biblically accurate angels" -- mostly thrones, which yeah, I know, Cas is a seraph, but in the words of Ron Swanson... I can do what I want.

This was just an earlier concept of Cas' self portrait. I still like the halo, but ultimately didn't end up liking it on the newer version.

Below is an earlier draft of the concept I eventually used, before I'd changed some colors and added more layers of wings/eyes/feathers etc. My hand slipped when I had a thick brush selected and accidentally drew him slurping Dean with a mildly horrifying prehensile tongue 😅

[wigglebox]

Destiel Pride - Day 19; Kiss me once, kiss me twice