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brandstifter-sys · 5 months ago

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Crypt Cuddles

@dukexietyweek 2024 Day 8 - Date Night + Pets

Word Count: 3065 (Ao3)

Rating: T

Characters: Remus, Virgil

Pairing: Dukexiety

Warnings: food mention, sex mention, macabre flirting, cartoon antics, spiders, dogs, death mention

Remus doesn't get to plan their dates often, so he wants everything to go right for Virgil. But even with such careful planning and equally macabre company, there's still room for a few hiccups

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Remus was absolutely ecstatic. Virgil had finally given him free reign to set up a date for their monthly date night. Usually he could only pick the movie they watched or their dinner. Virgil was always hesitant, content with routine. It was fun, but Remus was itching to do something more.

Everything had to be perfect! Not in a way that nothing would go wrong, but perfect in a way to impress his Carnage-patch kid even if something went awry. And with Remus’ side of the Imagination, that was more likely than not.

Was he nervous when Virgil finally knocked on his door? Of course! But that gave way to excitement when he flung the door wide open.

Virgil was the one who was surprised. Remus was not nude, nor was he wearing his usual outfit, opting to wear his sash as a belt, and trading in the gaudy jacket for a black billowy shirt. Virgil began to worry that he wasn't dressed up enough in his usual jeans and hoodie. It was bad enough that Remus looked hot even when he was covered in mud and strange fluids.

“Well if it isn't Death himself,” Remus cheered and leaned one arm against the doorway, “If you're here to take me, be gentle, I want to burn that face into my memory!”

“You're running out of material,” Virgil scoffed fondly and tried to hide his blush behind his hair. You would think he'd be used to Remus' flirting, but no.

“I'm not!” Remus giggled and grabbed his hand, “I just used a little too much brain power to set up our date!”

Before Virgil could ask what that entailed, Remus whisked him through the organized chaos that was his room, and through the portal-door to the Imagination.

Virgil was used to the rush that blew his hair back and tickled his skin, it was standard for entering the Imagination. He was expecting the gloomy cloudy skies and the spindly forest he usually saw on Remus' side.

He was shocked to see that the sky was mostly clear with a few wispy clouds. They were in a clearing in the forest with no nightmarish creatures in sight.

“Remus,” Virgil breathed, “Where are we?”

“We're near the border of my duchy, Roman’s kingdom, and your part. It's neutral ground. I didn't want anything to get in our way,” Remus said with a shrug, “I want to be the only one to see your radiance illuminating the darkness, to feel it burning my skin to a crisp.”

He kissed Virgil’s hand and smiled at him, though he was shaking. That was more than enough reason for Virgil to be concerned.

“Are you trying to be Roman?” he scoffed teasingly. That got Remus to stop shaking and start shimmying.

“I'm trying not to overdo it so soon!” Remus laughed and guided him through the trees, “I'm trying not to go Gomez, rip off your hoodie, and then worship your anxi-tities!”

Virgil snorted and shook his head. Remus was still being Remus, but on a short leash. It was still unsettling, not knowing where Remus was taking him, even if he trusted Remus.

“Holy shit!”

Virgil gawked at the scene before him. There was a graveyard in the forest with elegant granite headstones and a marble fountain in the center. He couldn't stop staring at the fountain, not when it was a statue of the grim reaper with their arms spread and holding a scythe. There were purple and green fairy lights draped across it and in the branches of the few autumn trees in the yard.

And in the center of it all was a purple and black striped blanket with a lantern in the middle, and a picnic basket holding it down.

“Do you like it?” Remus beamed. He was bouncing on his heels like an excited kid. Virgil was impressed and he really did like it. But there was always a catch.

“What if there’s a zombie uprising?” Virgil hesitated.

“Look at the gravestones, even if there's a zombie uprising, we're safe!” Remus chirped and dramatically motioned to the closest headstone.

It read: “Here lies Roman's Hetero Fantasy #472”

Virgil laughed and quickly covered his mouth. He was Roman’s friend, he should show some sympathy! But it was funny.

“Welcome to the Gravely Yard of Broken Dreams, my Margrave of Terror!” Remus giggled, “There are no bodies here so I can't accidentally reanimate them!”

“You really went out of your way for me,” Virgil muttered shyly. He knew Remus would bend over backwards for him, or go full Uzumaki if he were feeling really bold. But it always surprised Virgil when he put so much thought and care into their relationship.

“Of course I did! My shadow’s the only one who walks beside me—and you are my shadow, the darkness keeping watch over me, the void that I want to swallow me whole and cradle me!” Remus said, dropping into a purr.

Virgil had to laugh at his ridiculous boyfriend before he kissed cheek.

“You won't be leaving my arms ever, even if you want me to let go, honey.”

“It's a good thing I don't want you to let go of me! I want to get trapped in your web, pierced by your claws, and enraptured by your sublime beauty!” Remus said as his entire body turned red.

“You're the pretty one here,” Virgil pouted. So he didn't see himself as anything special when it came to looks. And Remus was pretty, from his sharp smile and big beautiful eyes, from his tan but freckled skin to his perfectly groomed mustache.

“I know I'm pretty,” Remus laughed, “And I know you are absolutely spellbinding, gorgeous, unearthly. You are so much more than pretty!”

Virgil kissed his cheek again and pulled him to his chest. A little more affection might make this dork shut up.

“What did you pack for this picnic?” he asked while Remus imploded. Virgil smirked as Remus actually exploded like a cartoon character with a stick of dynamite in his mouth.

When he returned to his usual state, albeit blushing, Remus guided Virgil to the blanket and sat them both down.

“Scare Bear,” he hummed and dug through the basket, “I thought about it a lot. Sandwiches are so boring, so are wraps, and I didn't want to use too many forks.”

He pulled out a tray of meats and cheeses, and crackers, setting it between them on the blanket. Then he pulled out a plate of bell peppers, celery, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, and hummus.

Virgil was impressed but waiting for the catch. Was one of the meats from one of Remus' creatures? Was the hummus poisoned? Did he mic in dish soap somewhere?

“So I begged Jannicus to make something!” Remus beamed, “and all it cost was letting him dry clean my suit!”

“That's why you're dressed up,” Virgil teased and grabbed a piece of cucumber. He dipped it in the hummus, watching Remus preen from the corner of his eye.

“It's comfy, and if you like the look, I don't mind wearing it more often! Though I like wearing less around—”

Virgil shoved the cucumber into his mouth before he could finish that sentence. Of course he liked the look, his biteable neck was in the open!

“I like a little mystery, Cuddlefish,” Virgil hummed and went for another cucumber for himself.

“I am an enigma!” Remus chuckled and pulled a bottle of wine and two glasses from the basket.

“Red wine?” Virgil questioned.

“Janus packed it. I think there's some juice in there if you don't want to drink,” Remus chirped. He really did think of everything.

“One glass is fine. But I doubt it'll taste like you only sweeter,” Virgil hummed and relaxed, lounging on the blanket on his side, watching steam escape Remus' ears.

Remus set the wine and glasses aside and grabbed Virgil's face. He was so pretty in the dim light, Remus couldn't help himself.

Virgil grinned into the kiss, letting Remus' frantic lips explore his own. He would be fine skipping the meal if Remus wanted to make out and cuddle under the stars.

“You are such an emo nightmare!” Remus teased and bumped their foreheads together, “The perfect match for my brand of nightmares!”

“You're such a gorgeous nightmare,” Virgil said and ran his fingers through Remus' hair, “Old habits never seem to go away. You make me feel brand new.”

“What old habits?” Remus gasped and melted under the touch.

“Making you drop everything to kiss me,” Virgil hummed, “It’s the collision of your kiss that makes it so hard.”

“Keep making song references and I'll be the hard one here!” Remus giggled and pulled away for just a moment. Virgil watched him pour two glasses of wine and set the bottle in the basket.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Virgil jeered and took his glass. He was looking up at Remus with the most relaxed smile and purple eyeshadow. One man could not be allowed to look so pretty and teasing.

“Which one makes you want me more?” Remus jeered and wiggled his eyebrows. Virgil tried to bite back a laugh.

“Which one guarantees you won't bite my fingers off?” Virgil asked and sat up.

Remus pouted in thought. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't get the urge to bite. Then again, he didn't have an opportunity to bite.

“I don't know, but why would I bite your fingers if they're not going anywhere near my—?”

Virgil silenced him with some salami and cheese on a cracker, smirking like a little shit. Remus did the first thing his brain thought of and sucked on his finger before fully accepting the treat.

“Now I know you're trying to be seductive,” Virgil huffed and shied away from him. Remus coaxed him back and giggled as he chewed and swallowed.

“I have to keep up with you somehow!” Remus huffed, “Just seeing that aubergine hue under those peepers is driving me mad! You are my siren, and I am ready to crash and drown in you. If you wanted to, I would throw away everything just to decay with you.”

“We're in the right place,” Virgil mused and licked his cheek, “But you're too lively.” Remus squeaked as his soul left his body—a cartoon angel ascended from his shoulders with hearts floating around his halo.

Virgil reached out and grabbed the little ghost's tail and dragged it back down to its body. Remus giggled and leaned into him with the most lovestruck eyes.

“You are such a dork,” Virgil jeered.

“A toast to being a dork in love!” Remus beamed and held up his glass.

“To being in love with a dork,” Virgil said.

“Tchim-tchim!” “Prosit.”

They clinked their glasses and each took a sip. And then Virgil stole a kiss from an unsuspecting duke. Remus was all too happy to reciprocate.

“It tastes better with you,” Virgil teased.

“You think so?” Remus giggled and pulled together a cracker with salami and cheese. Virgil could see what he was up to, and he didn't mind.

When Remus brought the food to his lips, Virgil took it between his teeth, grazing Remus' fingertips. That got Remus to shiver. But he couldn't handle it when Virgil kissed his fingers and languidly kissed up to his knuckles.

Remus couldn't take it! He shot into the air like a rocket and exploded above the trees like a green firework. Virgil was impressed that he didn't spill his wine, even as he floated down to the ground again.

“You're going to stop my heart if you keep that up!” Remus giggled and laid down, using Virgil's lap as a pillow.

“Do I get to keep it if it stops?” Virgil asked and ran his fingers through Remus' hair.

“It's already yours,” Remus hummed and closed his eyes, “And so is the rest of my body.”

Virgil set his wine aside and grabbed some celery and hummus.

“If that body is mine, I'm not letting it go hungry,” he said and brought the celery to Remus' mouth. Of course Remus ate it. Everything was going better than expected.

The evening went by without a hitch. They talked and fed each other, sharing quick kisses that made Remus act like a Looney Toon. It was calm and relaxing. And nothing was going wrong.

“Hey, Scare Bear,” Remus asked as they stared up at the stars, “Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah,” Virgil said and pulled him to his chest, “You did good, Puppy.” He punctuated that statement with a kiss to Remus' forehead and giggled at how red the duke became.

“What about you?” Virgil asked, “This is pretty tame for your tastes.”

“I'm getting kisses and cuddles from my boyfriend, he hand fed me, he thinks I look hot, and he's enjoying himself. What part of that wouldn't be a good time, Carnage Patch Kid?”

“You're right,” Virgil said, “I just wanted to make sure. You keep asking me about it, but it shouldn't be all about me.”

“What if I want it to be all about you? I'm just a man driven mad by a sublime specter. You don't know what hell I would endure to see you smile. I want to pamper you, to be your sacrificial lamb. I want you to torment me for your own amusement, I want all the pain you want to inflict.”

“You're a little masochist. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy. And I'm happier when you're with me. It feels natural, right,” Remus said and kissed his jaw. This date was going smoothly and he was having fun with his Baby Undead.

But something felt off.

Virgil could feel the vibrations through the ground. Something big was thundering their way. But there was a chance it would pass them without seeing them.

Remus could tell something was coming too. But he wasn't concerned. He knew that pattern.

Still, he sat up and looked around. He had to bite back a laugh as a familiar tarantula crawled onto Virgil's arm.

“You made a friend!” Remus giggled. Virgil glanced over and smirked.

“How did you get out?” he asked and scooped the spider into his hand, “You were supposed to stay in my room, Thunderbolt.”

The spider chirped and relaxed in his palm.

“She's still really feline,” Remus giggled, “And one of the best mistakes I ever made.”

“You wanted to make me a cat, this was your first gift to me ever. She's anything but a mistake.”

“You're right!” Remus giggled. And then Virgil went rigid. That thing he could feel coming was close.

Boof! Bork! Woof!

Remus beamed as a giant three-headed dog burst through the trees. Her tail was wagging so fast and all of her eyes were locked on Remus.

“Winary!” he cheered. The dog immediately started whining and tackled him to the ground, each head nuzzling him and licking his face. Such a happy puppy!

“Was this part of your plan?” Virgil asked and relaxed, laying down next to him. Thunderbolt scurried to his shoulder and curled up in his hoodie.

“Nope!” Remus laughed as his puppo calmed down, “But out of all the surprises that could happen, this isn't so bad!”

“Looks like we won't get to pull a Mary Wollstonecraft,” Virgil said and pulled Remus' head to his chest.

“We can do that later!” Remus beamed, “I'd rather watch you watching the stars.”

“That might be a problem,” Virgil said with a grunt. Winary decided that it was the perfect time to flop over both of their legs.

“Why?” Remus pouted. He looked so dejected with big sad eyes and an adorable pout.

“I'm not gonna watch the stars, not when you're here,” Virgil admitted shyly. Why wouldn't he want to admire his boyfriend? Remus was adorable and feral, sweet and silly, and he cleaned up so well. If Virgil were bolder he would kiss every freckle on those cheeks until Remus couldn't function.

“You’re so sweet!” Remus giggled.

“You're the sweet one here,” Virgil huffed fondly, “You set up this whole date and you thought of almost everything that could happen. You went out of your way to make it something I would enjoy.”

“You're enjoying this?” Remus peeped hopefully. Virgil nodded and kissed his forehead.

“Yeah, even if there's a hellhound crushing my legs.”

“That means I get to carry you back!” Remus beamed, “And you'll get to see me looking like some sort of bodice-ripper male lead!”

Virgil laughed and shook his head while Remus fantasized. He was not some damsel who couldn't get around without his legs. He had some sturdy spider limbs. But it was cute watching Remus daydream.

“How about you just lay with me here and decay?” Virgil suggested.

“Passing on in each other’s arms, letting this cursed flesh rot away until only our pristine skeletons are left, clinging to a passion that goes beyond living?” Remus asked and looked up at him with shining eyes.

“Yeah, unless Winifred, Sarah, and Mary decide to eat our corpses. And Bolt too, but she doesn't eat nearly as much.”

“Mm, keep talking about decaying with me,” Remus purred and fluttered his lashes. To add to his point, he traced circles on Virgil's chest.

Virgil took his hand and kissed it, letting Remus melt on him.

“How about you try to asphyxiate me instead? Steal my last breath while I devour your lips,” Virgil said with a smirk. Remus was never prepared for Virgil flirting with confidence. He could never get enough.

Virgil cupped his chin and leaned down slowly, building up some tension. His thumb brushed Remus' lower lip before he struck. Remus refused to fight it, not when Virgil leading the kiss sent sparks through his vision.

“We should do this again sometime,” Virgil mumbled against his lips, “If it's not too boring for you.”

“Only if we keep our pets home. I want to pull a Mary Wollstonecraft with you!” Remus giggled and nuzzled into his chest. He was going to appreciate the anxi-titties no matter what.

“Deal,” Virgil hummed and held him close. Winary rolled on her side with a huff while Bolt crept out of hiding to cuddle between Remus and Virgil. This wasn't perfect, but it was wonderful all the same.

#sanders sides #remus sanders #virgil sanders #dukexiety #dukexietyweek2024 #day 8 #bonus prompt: pets #food mention tw #sex mention tw #death mention tw #spiders tw #cartoon antics #sandyscribed

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