#cars 3 is sad bc of that
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I couldn’t bring myself to put these on Twitter but
#cars#pixar cars#lightning mcqueen#doc hudson#radiator springs#all the cars in radiator springs as well#but mostly doc and lightning#I love them sm#cars 3 is sad bc of that#LIEK BRO#RAAAAGH#purplerae364post
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feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta
#YukiPri rambles#it's nothing serious#just have had a stream of unfortunate disappointments#nothing major and each time i'm like well ok that could have been worse and i'm glad it wasn't#but the cumulative result is just me kinda feeling droopy inside despite trying to continue lookin chipper outside#'wilted' i think is best descriptor for me rn#trying to tell myself that retail therapy isn't the answer here#In case folks are curious#the disappointments are:#1) dad was in a car accident and no one was hurt but gave me a huge scare#2) was given a day off at work in exchange for working a weekend and was looking forward to both#but they asked me last minute nevermind come in instead and i had to cancel all the plans i'd made and couldn't reschedule#3) movie i wanted to see on said day off is no longer playing in local theaters so it's either convince mum to drive an hour or give up#4) had an afternoon tea planned with mum and her friends and was looking forward to it for a month and only eating out this month#had reservations and outfit picked out and everything#but then a few days before landlord scheduled repairs for that day and wouldn't listen when we said we had plans#so i stayed home so mum could go and i'm glad she could go but sad#5) went to work this morning and there'd been a flood in the office from a customer leaving the bathroom sink running#and the torrent of water came down on my desk specifically ruining all of my books/personal stuff#i got reimbursed but it's just really sad bc some of those things were free/gifts that i can't get back and i hate throwing out books#especially ones i never got to read but they were completely drenched through and unsalvageable...#6) had an outing planned this weekend i was really looking forward to but we probably can't go bc weather is bad#i think there were a few others but that's most of the big ones#i am wilted and just want to curl up and not move
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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30 year old birthday pros:
-hang out wit friends
-watch hotel Transylvania 2 : the fetish film
-play video games and get snacks
- 6ish months on t and pass to cops
Cons;
- first car accident
-my car hates me and is ruined forever
Pros:
-car got to bite another car ? that’s enrichment maybe?/
-driver was a former Kia soul driver which reaffirms my theory that only kia souls can damage another Kia soul
#sigh. what a mixed day. well maybe this means the rest of my 30s will be good.#hit them at like 5mph from 4 feet away but still cracked my bumper and ruined my day for the next 3 months#for reference the only other accident I’ve been in is when /I/ got rear ended badly at a light by… another green Kia soul…#(the woman was crying to an npr podcast with her eyes closed)#it’s just such a fucking bummer bc I’ve driven flawlessly not a single ticket or me accident in 12 years#despite the many red light runners I’ve narily avoided (<even got D and D insurance bc of that) and the time my breaks gave out#when I was going 50 and pulled up next to a cop….. yes like my breaks stopped working as I was driving to work going 50…..#and the many many hydroplaning / driving in inches of water moments#y’all would understand my heartbreak if you knew how deeply I love my car. one of my fave things. I cried for hours when I got rear ended#and thought it would be totaled (thankfully MO is a 80% state and 8k damages was still under the threshold )#and now I am no better than a Tesla driver. for not looking. and assuming car in front of me alread merged when it started driving.#sigh. well at least I got he himmed by the cop and went 12 years without causing an accident. which is pretty good I guess.#and can’t kill myself in penance or my car would be sad :( and also my friends or whatever. but ny green Kia soul mostly.#a day in the life of steeve
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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...
#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
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happy birth to me~
i am born today :3
#will update with the stig-related presents we’re pretending I don’t know about tonight once I open them :3#not putting my actual age on here bc. internet safety or whatever but It My Birthday Haha#rook speaks#rook draws#top gear#the stig#stig art#it looks better on the post it which is very sad but I am in the car so my good picture ability is limited#it’s a sad rushed car doodle because i do not have the time right now TTWTT
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DOES HE HAVE ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES OR AT LEAST A SAD BACKSTORY I'M CRINE
no, LOL
#hes so short bcs hes kind of a play on like the 4'9 uwu baby protect me ocs who cant do any wrong#like his actions hold zero remorse or hint at any anxiety like#so i understand animals easier than people so his inspo was literally a lion#like he enters a place and rules it so he can be lazy as fuck and fuck (and yes hes a stone top to all these tall ass men)#it rlly reflects thru the gameplay too like 2k13 is so fun. u can rlly rule the world after like 3 games it's so fun !!!#he pushes people out of cars going 100 mph into a ditch bcs he wants to see what happens#he knows what will but he just wants to see what exactly will be the outcome during this time with this person & their specific attributes#he gets out the shower and collects the dead skin under his fingernails so he can scrape it off everyone on and off the basketball court#his only maybe redeeming quality is liking denver levins but only bcs a king needs his jester#hes cringe but free#hes the depthless guiltless toxic trope the canon rival love interest character turns into when the oc wants the canon couple's mans#but flipped#he kinda judt showed up one day in the league and started killing ppl (winning championships)#edgy oc who always seems to win against the canon except he doesnt have a sad backstory to excuse his actions & doesnt want one#hes just here to kill things and go home to his loving wife denver levins
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you are either a girl who is miserable and sad on her birthday or a girl who loves her birthday and there is no in between and neither group will ever understand the other
#obviously i am part of the first group and like it just makes me sad. like with every passing year i’m just like ok. well i super have#nothing to show for this past year or my age and i just hate everyone acting like i’m worth something or worth still being alive#so when the 3 family members i have are like yaaay happy birthdayyyy i’m like ok thanks but i should have died a long time ago#like there’s just nothing to celebrate like i’m not proud of who i am or that i exist u know what i mean? like i think i cracked it i think#that’s why i hate my birthday and so i like to just be alone and do alone things and cry if i want to or usually i just drive around and#sing along to sad music in the car and just wait it out u know#like i fully just let myself be as miserable as i want like that’s my gift to myself#but this year it’s on a saturday and so my mom is like what do u wanna do let’s do something fun and every year it’s always the same bc i’m#miserable beyond belief and she’s trying to hype me and it ends up with her getting mad at me bc i’m such a miserable downer fuck up and#it’s like great i can’t wait. it’s so pathetic to complain about birthdays we all have them we all get old whatever but it’s just like#genuinely u should be able to just skip it if u arent feeling it and everyone should respect that
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im just sick of feeling guilty for spending money 😭😭 ..
#og#i wanna save my money so bad but the past year has been really hard on my family. lots of bad shit has been going on#and i just wanted to get stuff to treat everyone so we can have a nice holiday and to show them i love them#but now i have less money in my savings and it makes me really sad </3#im trying to save my money up to eventually get a car which will allow me to get a better job and be able to move out#although i probably wont be able to move out for another few years bc. everything is so expensive#although my mom is trying really hard to find a job even tho i really dont think she should bc she's sick. but like. we're poor#and it's even sadder bc my younger brother wants to get a job to get some money too and it's like. no please it's fine#we can handle it you don't need to help out we're okay right now#OOF SORRY FOR VENT..#next year i just really hope i'll be able to like. save my money up a lot which. idk if i can#so to make myself happy i get myself a lil treat here and there otherwise im probably gonna get depressed LOL
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grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again
#in regards both to my cat and my grandma though i was mostly thinking about my grandma when i wrote this#i was fine the next day after she died bc like. it was expected. she was in hospice for several months#and a nurse had been staying with her 24/7 for the last 2 days. the nurse told us it probably wouldnt be long on the last day.#we knew it was coming so i didnt feel too bad right after it happened. it was only when the mortician showed up that it sunk in#but the next day i was fine. if she got brought up in conversation id get a bit sad but i was mostly fine after that day#and its been. like. a little more than 3 months since then#i havent been thinking about it much but idk. sometimes it just pops into your head and you get reminded that she isnt here anymore#sometimes i still feel like shes still there when i walk into that room. it still partially smells the same#i turn on the light and feel like im somewhere im not supposed to be until i realize that we cleared out her stuff months ato#you wouldnt know that someone was bedridden and in hospice in there just from looking at it#but sometimes i just get that mental image of her being in there. or when she was in a nursing facility for a time and mostly normal#when we thought she was just almost septic and not nearing the end#the stupid doorbell we had her ring when she needed something that made us all jump whenever we heard a similar sound#the fact that the last blanket she ever started crocheting is still in that room and never finished#her rocking chair that has been sitting empty for probably over a year now#the haunted lamp in what used to be her bedroom pre-hospice that keeps turning on#the fact that her cars no longer in the driveway#idk. thinking about it doesnt like. actively make me cry or anything. but it is like. a lurking feeling#like ive been aware and fine with the fact that shes gone. and has been gone#but sometimes i really... remember that shes gone#i still forget that its like. a permanent thing and that shes not just in the hospital again#i wouldnt say i feel too much grief about her dying. i feel more about my cat that died 8 years ago.#but it is a weird feeling to recognize. maybe i only felt sadder about my cat bc (to me) it was unexpected#idk.
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later
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I feel so fucking feral over any podium with ticker tape, THE PICTURES ARE SOOOOOO GOOD!!! And like...they shoot the ticker tape during the champagne...so it sticks to everything and everyone 🫠😵💫
#i turn into such a carfucker over any pictures where the ticker tape is sticking to the cars#brazil.....best podium ever...#its so funny bcs all my phone backgrounds are Seb rn but then theres one thats just the tire marbles covered in ticker tape 😭#but idk i was looking at pics from germany 2012 where they have golden tape#WHICH LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD#but the way its sticking to their skin and racesuits i feel so unwell#yeah sorry this is so weird i just think its so incredibly visually appealing#itd be fun to make one of those 'details' post and its just tape sticking to different things#theres these pics from some ROC where Seb has golden tape stuck on his cheek ITS JUST SO PRETTYYYYYYY#i wonder why they do it at certain gps#and god im so sad im thinking like oh i wonder if they still do it at the german gp BUT THERE IS NO GERMAN GP ANYMORE 😭#bur i think they do it at hmmmm#Australia/Brazil/Hungary/Miami etc I'm not sure which else since i dont pay as much attention to podiuks atm LMAO#but yeah idk i just feel sooooo deranged and feral about it#i think the race i have the most pics downloaded from is brazil 2010 for obvious reasons 🤭#that is probably one of my fav podiums ever top 3 probably#ALSO ALSO#theres these fucking magnificent pictures from RBR in milton keynes after their 2011 championship#and there's red white and blue ticker tape AND SEB IS WEARING MY FAV HELMET OF HIS!!! THOSE PICS ARE PERFECT!!!!!#if i wasn't committed to having a shippy pic as my of those would def be up there#anyways seriously going thru it(being obsessed over a minute thing)#catie.rambling.txt
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#I’m so fucking stupid#got all excited bc we found a bag I thought fell out of the car and was lost but was actually stuck in husbands thick jacket#and it had a small baggie of nintendo games I thought I already sold for bills#we got an okay check this week not short and was like cool I can keep these enjoy play some of them for the first time#bc I sold every other physical game I have except my sons#I only have 3 I kept for sentimental reasons the rest physicals are my sons#mine are all digital on flash sales lol#NO JK#I shouldn’t have even considered#we forgot about that stupif dental appt Monday#I rescheduled but I just know it’ll come down to selling the games again#this is why I need to detach myself from games and only enjoy ones I already own#have to block the bgthree tag here soon it’s making me sad#I should watch a playthrough on YouTube#that’ll help maybe#sigh#hobbies that cost money suck#if I wasn’t making a YouTube of glittering funkos I have I’d sell my collection too#I just feel like I can’t have things#why bother I’ll need to sell it for bills eventually always anyways#only hobby I can have is digital art bc it’s free#and writing#but I suck at it so#vent post#tbd#sorry I am just depressed I think#flip switched the other day and I’m just#vacant
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i can't find it but ages ago (like several days) i saw a post that was about how fanfic turned into romance novels is like the tiktok of books bc they dont have any breathing space and just jump between the main plot points and it makes the book unsatisfying and im like yeah actually thats absolutely true. And imo it feels in line with the antiintellectualualism problem we have where people just wanna be spoonfed the "interesting" bits.
But also the flip side of that is when theres entire books of like,,character interaction that doesnt go anywhere and its marketed as slice of life or light romance or whatever and yall know me i LOVE some chill slow paced low stakes character exploration but even slice of life stuff needs like actual plot to hold it together or it just feels a bit like mush. some of my most favourite stories are slice of life with characters who dont do very much at all but theres enough actual development of relationships and an underlying thread of a plot (not always a conflict even) to tie it all together so its not just a loose collection of characters in a bag rattling around like marbles and going nowhere. does any of this make sense
#often i think of the novel i read a few years ago that had characters i liked and seemed to be building up to something really big and cool#but then it just kind of couldnt support its own hype and the second half of the book was just. flat. it was just nothing#it felt like the author sort of..ran out of ideas? or was just freestyling without any overarching plot or goal for the end?#it was very bizarre. a good slice of life should feel like just that- ur briefly dipped into a fully fleshed out world#but this was like. ok this is gonna sound mean but you know when youre playing dolls with a toddler#amd they're just making up big plot points as they go along because theyre literally 3 years old#like 'ok the barbies are married now. ok and now this one dies and the other one is sad. ok now they have a new car. ok heres a dinosaur.'#it felt like that. no substance no real plot no character development no goal no endgame no worldbuilding no meat on the bones#ANYWAY its just as well i couldnt find the post bc i wouldnt want to clog the tags with this#god that book bothered me. never read anything else by that author bc i just. like it wasnt good.#it was like ordering takeout from a new place that looks promising but it arrives cold soggy meanly portioned and missing half the order
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