#cant even say im back on my bullshit cause i never left it

[tengenscvmbvdd1]

what the hell are we.

sukana x black reader pt2

--------------•--------------•-------------•

Last thing he said to me was i gotta earn his heart. That's sum bullshit. I dont even care no more, Dick wasnt even that good. He fucked me and left me, like some whore, I can'g believe that shit. But it's been 3 months already. I decided to date a man by the name of Muja Akutski. He's my everything for real, buh he be playing with my feelings and ofc niggas ain' shit gurl so i shit you not, Dick ain' good at 'll. I can't stand that shit.

" Yo, y/n, bring yo ass up in here." He called out from the living room, my living room btw. " Whats up baby?" He stared at me for too long, and i could tell he's pissed off, and i was confused of why, as usual. " Why u ain' clean tha kitchen." I was quick " Cause i ain mess it up muja, the fuc', Don't bring yo goofy ass ova here, of u gon fuck my house up, u gotta clean shit up." Slap!!

i looked up teary eyed, As usual, i get hit by him, But i cant leave him, i leave imma want sukana dick again, i can't get ova it, as much as i want to. But back to the problem.

" Muja what the fuck? ." He looked at me crazy, " Crazy ass bitch ain' gon b talkin crazy to me when i fuck yo pussy righ." I rolled my eyes and replied quickier than a rat eating a crumb " Yo dick lame anyways boy, Get the fuck out my house muja."

" No bitch." i know how to get his ass though y'all. " I'm calling Yujji and gojo if you dont get out." He had a bit of fear in him but then he's seen as bold for a minute, " Call them bitchass niggas ova y/n, I dont give a fuck."

i pull out my phone nd dial they number. Burrrrr......burrrr, Burrrrr..."uh hello"

" toru' , this nigga keep hitting me and calling me names, please come over and beat his ass toru". he looked upset in the phone but he rains hell on me the next minute, " y/n, i'm sorry, me and yujji are on a mission, and i'm showing him stuff out here in yokohama, Call ryomen."

thats no.

" Its fine toru, i'll hand-." Yujji pops up and he says " Y/n if u dont call ryomen i will, I'm not letting this gremlin touch u nm! Call him y/n."

" Muja leave.". I already know what he's gonna say. " Why should i leave im not scared of a punk ass nigga, Bring ryomen, Such an ugly ass name, Tell him i whoop yo ass."

burrrr....burrrr.....burrrrr.....

" wsp mamas?"

i hate when he does that. " Sukana, can u come to my dorm." i turn away from muja and cover my mouth to the phone, " I am being hit by muja again-." Muja starts breaking stuff in my room and house in general. " Yeah im on the way."

Muja finally decided to throw a vase ag my head, " ja, Stop this shit please, sukana gonna handle yo shit, Act like u have sense or you gon die, Stop breaking my shit!!!!!!!! I work hard for all of this." he goes breserk, " What to fuck gojo for the fucking money to but u all of this? Ur a dirty ass hoe, U bitch, U AINT NUN BUT I USED UP SEX TOY TO ME ANYWAYS, I AINT NEVER SEEN SOMEONE SO EASY-."

we hear a laugh from the front door and see sukana already invited himself in " your sex toy is funny. i suggest u leave right now.".

Muja raises his hand to me, " U fucking bit-." i hear a slice. and i see muja head fall to the ground. but he still capable of breathing and talking. " U wanna talk about sex toy and shit, I rmb last time y/n called me a lil boy, well u have one right here mamas..". " lets give him sum rq."

We were already in my room, when ryo start touchin on me, " Sukana stop ! You left me last time and now u wanna put ur dick inside of me again? Nigga your crazy as fuck, Get out.!"

" Mama i aint leave u."

"thats exactly what u did."

" lemme make it up.".

In no time, Im faced down, Ass up, In front of the living room mirror with sukana fucking my brains out again. " 'kuna...mghn, can't take more, sensitive.". "nu uh baby, we gotta let this broke trick see how good i can fuck you, show u how yo real man fuck u other than a little side shit.".

His head infact is set up prettily on the nightstand next to the couch, stilk alive watching this unfold with tape on his mouth. Im clenching around his dick, about to cum, but i know better, he tells me when to cum, i dont call the shots.

" dont know why u left this bitch in my pussy anyway y/n, yk i'm the only to hit this shi, so i need you to count after each lash upon ur ass mama, and count."

SLAP !

" ah ryo."

"count"

"Mghn ahh! one."

As he keep putting lashes across my ass while fucking me senselessly, my pussy is clencing around him so good, i start feeling him tighten up and his rhythm gets sloppy.

" kuna can i cum."

" nu uh, come ride this dick for me baby."

he slides out and sits on the couch, sukana puts his hands on my waist and turns me around, I have my knees on the couch, and i'm still facing the mirror, as i lower myself down, my pussy is still senstive, so i try not to sit completely but sukana pulls me down. " baby, dont fuck with me, dont run from the dick baby, sit the fuck on the dick and take it, U took fuck bitches dick well, whats wrong with mines, bouce on this shit."

i start crying for real now, i feel everything.

" s'kuna please, Please i cant, 's too much."

" u can baby, ur strong, strong enough to shut up, and fucking bounce."

as im bouncing, moaning and crying and whining. I feel it, fucking.

" kuna kuna kunakunakunakuna AH MNGH AH OMG."

squirt all over his dick, the mosy lewd noises start, when i go back to boucing, sobs, moans. i hear sukana groan in my ear, and he praises me, he pulls me back while i ride, pinching my tities while fingering my clit, he keeps fucking my pussy.

" f-fuck, y/n, g'na make u a mama, tired of playin'"

muja starts losing his shit but sukana didnt care, He nutted in me, still going.

" gonna look so pretty with my baby y/n."

muja lifeless head now rolls, and stops in front.

" are u staying this time kuna."

" yeah, i'll stay with u."

[starofhisheart]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR OFMD S2 EP6-7 under the cut

Ok, that was A LOT. I have so many feelings but no coherence so i'm gonna do this bullet point form but def not in order, just in order of me remembering wtf happened lol

-IZZY AND WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!!! Wee John looked STUNNING with that Divine-esque appearance and Izzy had that transmasc drag king kind of thing going on (iykyk) that made me love him even more

-Izzy singing LA VI EN ROSE took me tf out!!! i'm glad he got to finish it after the *ahem* distractions bc Con's voice is so beautiful I could listen to it forever. We better get it in the album!!! Also someone posted the lyrics translated and i cannot get over the lyrics:

"It's him for me,/And me for him, for life/He told me, he swore to me, for life"

-But not only was he singing the second half had fucking gentlebeard doing the dirty in the next room asdfghjkl which.....was hot, ngl. The passion was electrifying. I'm sorta glad we didnt rlly see it with everything that happened after bc it all kinda left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also Stede Bonnet canonically gets turned on by violence confirmed

Or trauma. Whatever.

-What else happened in ep 6 cause all i can think of is drag and singing and sex-

-oh yeah there was that shortlived sexually-charged torturer who i distinctly recall him being in another scene in the promo so unless that got the cut perhaps he's not dead...?

-Lupete missing all the action cause they were doing the nasty all night lmao so real

-Jim best wingman (gender neutral)

-Stede...Stedey boy, can I call u that? Now i'm gonna say this nicely, but WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? Stede in his white guy w undue confidence era fr. Zheng Yi Sao was so right for what she did truly

-But in all seriousness i feel like this whole thing in ep 7 was such a parallel to s1 but also a very necessary bit of conflict in their journey together that was bound to happen. THey want different things and neither is wrong or right for that. Stede did react poorly tho but like he just had sex w the love of his life, his first man, and Ed the very next day is like "aight i'm out". I'd be pissed too. After killing someone which we know is a big trigger for him historically.

But Ed also had a valid reaction. He's wanted to retire for a while and stede knows this but it hasn't seemed to have sunk in quite yet. He fears that Stede only sees Blackbeard and...its fair of him to have that impression tbh. These are two messy, traumatized dudes who have never had a real relationship and there's gonna be bumps. I hope we get s3 so we can better explore that like Djenks wants.

-Ok back to the fun stuff:

-Izzy barging in on GB and the docking joke. love his cringefail ass.

-IZZY IS HAPPY FOR ED EVEN IF ITS NOT WITH HIM

#growth

-the edizzy apology which was so typical of them. i expected it but bc i'd been building it up in my head all week w twitter pals it felt a bit anticlimactic but thats not the shows fault. it was very much in character and if they're satisfied so am i. i always have fic for more

-stizzy commiserating over losing ed pls thats all i've ever wanted!!!!!

izzy: "when i told him i loved him he-"

stede, like he's heard this story before: "shot u yes"

and the look they gave each other after!!!!! stizzy nation how we feelin?!

-izzy being like "stede no" when he was on his macho bullshit w zheng yi sao (also motivated by trauma bc he just lost ed, he cant lose MORE family!!!). i just like how protective iz seems of stede now.

-izzy''s "you're good for him" CRYING THROWING UP ETCETERA

-ed catching 1 fish and deciding thats his life now. adhd realness fr

-the swede whew is it hot in here or is that just jackie's effect on her husbands?

-jackie and ed actin like old friends. swede highkey shading ed adfghjkl

-anyway im sure there's more but i need to rewatch. there r things i wont go into bc its possible spoilers for the finale (tho its mostly just speculation some is based on bts not everyone may have seen). i am looking forward to and terrified for the show to end next week thats all i'll say

[gh99st]

You know, I never really understood why everyone was so 'love love love" all the time

Because even though 'its everything' I was fine on my own

Except not really, cause the people I surrounded myself with didn't like me, then the next lot drifted ans now where I am we do our own thing alot

Which is good until 'I can't I'm with my boyfriend', and sure I can entertain myself for a while but what I've learned about myself is that I really don't deal well with being on my own for extended periods

Even if its just the routine day and going home to just myself is tiring

Then I met him in early March, and he hasn't once left my mind. And as we call everyday and meet up on weekends and became what we are I got it

I got what everyone was saying about relationships, but I'm still not in one with him

Its something imbetween but way more complex than what im saying here, and I dont know where I'll end up

In Spain with you, making music that we are recording together soon..

And I still don't know how I feel, because it changes everyday

And I'm lonely, I am very very lonely

And all this happening in my life should be exciting, but it's not because I just think about you and where you are and who you might be with and who else you take to the music rooms and kiss because I cant anymore

And its sad to say, but it keeps me awake at night. Because now I have you you make being lonely worse

And yap yap yap here I go blah blah blah, insert sappy teenage bullshit here about how he probably doesn't even like me back womp womp womp

Anyway I made this

There is another one I added but icba to take a photo and add it so here's ur lot

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Hello :) Welcome back to another episode of Smol Copy-Pastes A Ramble/Rant From Discord And Calls It A Tumblr Post. This week, we’ll be looking at one of my Crying Over Nishiki sessions which ALSO became a full on rant against Kazama! Whoo! Here we go, gonna be another ‘read more’ cause a) spoilers, and b) reeeeally long unhinged ranting about fictional men :D

“LOOK I COULDVE FIXED HIM, EVEN AFTER HE SLAPPED REINA, I'D HAVE BEEN LIKE 'LISTEN BBY I LOVE U IM HERE FOR U BUT GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND APOLOGISE TO REINA!!!!!'

BUT NOOOOOO EVERYONE JUST HAD TO DECIDE TO BE A HUGE BITCH TO HIM AND BECAUSE THE DUMBASS LASHED OUT AT ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE HE HAD LEFT AND PROBABLY FELT LIKE HE COULDNT GO BACK AND APOLOGISE CAUSE I THINK HIS SELF ESTEEM IS ALREADY LOW ENOUGH BY THEN TO NOT EVEN THINK HE DESERVES HER FORGIVENESS AND THEN YUKO FUCKING DIES BECAUSE KAZAMA IS A FUCKING SHIT DAD AND EVERYONE IS A DICK TO HIM UNPROMPTED AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

point is i want to rip Kazama's spine out with my bare hands

hate how the game acts like he's so cool and good when he's really not he failed his kids so so badly ACTUALLY NO THEYRE NOT HIS KIDS HE'S THE ENTIRE REASON THEYRE ORPHANS”

(at this point I moved to the spoilers channel to continue my Unending Kazama Hatred)

OKAY SO TIME TO SCREAM ABOUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER KAZAMA AND HOW THE GAME SUCKS HIS DICK do you have ANY idea how much i hated when they go to Tojo HQ so Tachibana can pay em to leave his sugar baby alone and the old fucker who weve never seen before is like 'u know i'd have paid a billion yen for Kazama when he was ur age. are u worth that much? are u as good as him?' LISTEN HERE CUNT HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN KAZAMA EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE!!!!!!!

WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHIN SEEING AS HE'S REALLY ANNOYING IN THIS GAME like okay i get it Kazama is a yakuza and ex-hitman i EXPECT him to have done bad shit and it's very nice he set up the orphanage n all but it also isnt cause like bro you murdered these kids parents!!! and idk anythin about their life in the orphanage i'll admit but as an active yakuza i cannot imagine him being the most hands-on, tender, loving parent ever, yknow? ALSO ALSO like i know he tried to stop Kiryu and Nishiki becomin yakuza im just saying YA COULDVE TRIED HARDER MATE!!!! THEY WERE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, THEY WERE CHILDREN FOR GOD'S SAKE. KIRYU WAS LIKE 'WHY WONT U LET US BE LIKE U YOURE A YAKUZA U GET A COOL CAR AND PEOPLE RESPECT U LET US TRY AND HAVE THAT' YOURE LETTING HIM SELL HIS SOUL TO A LIFE OF CRIME BECAUSE HE WANTS A FUCKING CAR?????? I DONT CARE HOW STRONG THEY WERE IN THAT FIGHT YA FUCKIN SIT THEM DOWN AND GET RID OF THE ILLUSION OF GLAMOUR!!!!! TELL THEM THEYRE WORTH MORE THAN JUST GRUNTS WHO ARE GOOD WITH THEIR FISTS AND NOT MUCH ELSE, ONE FIGHT IN THE RAIN AND YOURE LETTING THEM JOIN, ABSOLUTELY FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT 

AND THEN HE'S SHOVING THEM OFF TO ANOTHER FAMILY BECAUSE OF SOME POLITICAL BULLSHIT IDK BUT FINE FAIR ENOUGH YA DONT WANNA PLAY FAVOURITES BUT I FUCKING HATE THIS WHOLE 'OH SEEMS DISTANT AND UNCARING BUT ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING AND HAS THEIR WELLBEING IN MIND' I JUST- JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!! 

MAYBE YA SHOULD PLAY FAVOURITES WHEN ONE OF YOUR CHARGES IS DYING VERY QUICKLY AND HER BROTHER HAS NO ONE FOR SUPPORT. INSTEAD OF FUCKIN LETTING THE GUY THEY APPARENTLY SEE AS BIG BROTHER FUCKING REPRIMANDING THE GUY CAUSE HE CANT GET CONTROL OF OR RESPECT FROM THE PEOPLE YOU ASSIGNED HIM AND SEEMINGLY KNEW THEYD BE DIFFICULT!!!!! HOW IS MY BOY MEANT TO ""PROVE HIMSELF"" WHEN HES DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA OF TAKING A LIFE (EVEN IF THE FUCKER HAD IT COMING), THE GUILT OF LETTING HIS BEST FRIEND TAKE THE FALL, AN ACT OF PURE KINDNEES IN CONTRAST TO HIS OWN BRUTAL IRREVERSIBLE ONE, THE STRESS OF TRYING TO SAVE HIS SISTER WHO IS DYING (MAYBE CONTRIBUTE SOME EXTRA CASH KAZAMA??? MAYBE???) AND DEALING THE AFOREMENTIONED DISRESPECTFUL FUCKERS AND LASHING OUT AND HURTING THE ONE PERSON HE HAS LEFT AND BURNING THAT BRIDGE, AND THE GIRL HE KILLED A MAN FOR HAS LOST HER MEMORY AND VANISHED (WHICH YOU HELPED WITH KAZAMA!!! YOU KNEW SHE WAS SAFE!!!!), 

AND THEN THE GRIEF OF LOSING HIS SISTER FOR NO. FUCKING. PURPOSE. HE SOLD OUT HIS REMANING MORALS, HIS PRIDE, ANY RESPECT OTHERS MAY HAVE HAD FOR HIM ALL TO SAVE HER AND IT FAILED. HE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT ALONE. YEAH I'D HAVE FUCKIN TURNED EVIL AS WELL!!!!!!!

im not sayin Nishiki is fully free of blame, obviously, he made his choices, and murdering Reina after using her love for him to further his own ends AND killing Shinji and ALL of the shit he pulls in Kiwami, yeah, completely fucked up, horrible, his choices, he did that shit. im just saying that i dont know, maybe if ya wanted to step in at any point in the last ten fucking years Kazama (preferably before that too), ya couldve and fuckin SHOULDVE”

I’ll be honest with ya lads, I stand by every word of this cfvgbhnjkgvbhnj

[axverelalol]

Bowser x Fem!Reader Chapter 4

N/N = Nickname

if theres a text like this with ‘ then its thoughts and or quotation marks or something ok enjoy this probably short chapter

WARNING ⚠️ - chapter contains Cursing, arguing, Blood

                                         Roma POV

‘Y/N Was taking too long..she should be here by now.. maybe i should go check on her..’ i was walking to- or floating to her so called ‘’room’’ i phased through her door and…saw her..Dead!?!? (maybe)  that wasnt supposed to happen! i panicked imaging what bowser will think of this….unless…Felix.. nono he wouldnt do that…or i dont think he would…- but i turned into my human form and put the ‘Neckless’ on her so i can touch her and not phase through her, i know i hate her but…i cant let her die..even if im not supposed to..im doing it cause i care not because shes supposed to be alive…i’ll talk to Felix later..

                                          after that

’Finally i got Y/N all patched up…now just- Felix-‘  i floated down the halls hoping i bump into Felix or something like that. 

                                         Felix POV

i was floating around thinking about if Y/N Was actually dead well, meh, she should be dead. i saw Roma rushing down the hall then bumped into me

“Oh hey R0mz!” 

“Hey! do you uhm… know what happened to…Y/N…?” 

“N0? What happened?” Obviously i had to lie. “I went to check on her since she took wayy too long though i know she takes atleast 30 minutes to get somewhere then when i saw her she was…-“

“She wasss?” 

…

“on the floor bleeding and she almost died if i hadn’t came back…” 

…

‘shit, i thought i killed her!’ 

“Felix?”

“M-my bad- atleast shes alright”

“Yeah well i gotta go make sure she’s awake so bye!” 

“Cya.” Geez, Y/N Is more tougher than i last saw her..well gotta make sure she dies……

                                          Y/N POV

I Woke up with a terrible headache and that sharp pain in my back is killing me…wait…..”IM ALIVE!?!??!?” “YES!!!” then my back started hurting then the headache worsened then i whimpered a bit in pain but the one thought is…who? who tried to…no no stop thinking it was him Y/N!! but…he wouldn’t.. do that…right..?- Felix would never harm me…. right..?- then i saw a familiar circle…. “Roma..?” “Correct!” 

…

…

…

“Explain. Now.”

“what…”

“Exfuckingplain Roma. WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IGNORING ME?!?!?”

“Im sorry..i was hurt and i wasnt supposed too…”

“That doesnt explain ALL of this. Where are the others? WHY WAS FELIX THERE WHEN I ALMOST DIED? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST!?! why werent you there…for..everything…..” 

…

…

…

…

“N/N…im sorry..i truely am…but i have to go….”

“NO.” I grabbed on Roma tight. since i still had the neckless on still.. “Y/N WHAT THE HELL?” 

“YOUR STAYING. IM NOT HAVING YOU LEAVE ME HERE ALONE AGAIN. I DONT CARE IF YOU CAN’T STAY. YOUR. FUCKING. STAYING ROMA. THERES NO CHANGING THAT.”

“Y/N STOP, PLEASE! LISTEN TO ME-”

“no. you. listen. to. me.”

…

“Im sick of your bullshit. just tell me WHY YOU LEFT? WHY DIDNT YOU VISIT AND OR TALKED TOO ME!? AND WHY DID YOU-“

“BECAUSE YOU LEFT. YOU LEFT ME ALONE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE, AND YOU NEVER MENTIONED YOU LEFT EVEN FELIX WAS HURT, YOU BETRAYED HIM SO MANY TIMES AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF HE TRIED TO KILL YOU BUT IF HE DID WE WOULDNT BE HAVING THIS ARGUMENT RIGHT NOW, NOW JUST LEAVE US ALONE!” and with that said..Roma left…i cant believe that i did that…they have the right to hate me..i slowly left the room facing down then it came back to me..’god dammit! did they forget about it aswell?!?’ i rushed down the hall looking for the Dinning room from..earlier?..i dont know anymore, everything is just going wayy too fast but..i dont get it?.. why are they Soo mad? its only been four years? god those idiots but in a good way…i think?- forgetting i was running down the halls i ran into a familiar figure..Fred….? then i tripped and fell face first and my nose started bleeding  “OMG!! N/N ARE YOU ALRIGHT??”  hell no. that isnt fred…. “Fred..?” “The one and only!” “FRED!” i hugged him tightly not wanting to let go (btw the idiots aka Roma, Felix and Fred are boos) “Alright Alright, save the hugs for later! now…WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU DUMBFUCKINGASS?!?!?!?”  

“SOMEWHERE, WHY DO YOU CARE ITS ONLY BEEN FOUR YEARS!?”

…

“N/N…its been 17 years…are you..okay..?”

…

…

…

“no no, it hasn’t been 17 years..This is a joke..right?..”

“Theres no joke N/N…”

…

was i really..in a coma and stayed away for that long…? was everything even real..? is this….real?.. “N/N Please..where were you..? you can tell me..we’ve been friends longer than roma and felix tho your closer to roma but still….please?..”

Inhales……………….

“OKMAYBEILEFTWITHOUTSAYINGGOODBYEBECAUSEITHURTTOOMUCHANDIGOTINTOACARACCIDENTBACKINBROOKLYNANDWASINACOMAFORPROBABLY4YEARSOR3YEARSANDTHERESTIDKPROBABLYPEACHANDTHEOTHERIDIOTSILOSTTRACKOFTIMEANDTHEYEARSSINCEIWASBUSYWITHTHEMIMSOSOSOSOOOOSORRY”

…

…

“N/N…I Dont blame you..i dont know how those two could hate you but hey! i can keep a secret..<3”

wow…it is really Fred and he actually cares about me still.. “Thanks Fredders..i dont know what i would do without you..” i hugged him tightly. “Of course..”

Short chapter yayyaaaa

[apollo0t]

i wish you valued me and the love i had for you enough to keep me close to you. you know what hurt me the most? you tried to convince me that what i felt for you was a mere attachment and it was nowhere near love. yet no matter how much i try, i am not even close to hating you. i just wanted to be someone to you. someone who mattered. even if you couldn’t make me your meaning in this meaningless world, like you wanted to, i wanted to become someone you find worth living for. i didn’t care how bad your past was or how many flaw you held within yourself. i didn’t care what insecurities you had. if you saw your reflection in my eye, you would've never felt bad about yourself. trust me, it hurt me when you would say bullshit like you weren’t beautiful. and whenever you did, i just knew it was one of my ambitions - to make you realize your worth and make you feel loved and beautiful. unfortunately and unfairly i didn’t get enough time for that. i would bring you the stars, but you are the moon itself. i didn’t care what beliefs you had. if we got this forbidden love in every universe, i would still fight for us. i was ready to give in all of me. i just wanted it to be us in the end. "why would my beliefs come between my love for you?", " jodi bhinotai na thake hobe naki" - that's what you said, right? i believed every single thing you have ever told me. now, looking back to every conversation we had, i realised you meant none of it and i held onto them like a fool. as stupid as it sounds, i would have trusted you with my whole life. maybe i knew too little of love. you left so quickly i barely caught my breath, and I was there, alone, holding what I thought was real. I fell deeper than you ever intended, lost in a love you might never feel. It’s like I leaned into the wrong heartbeat. i should’ve seen the ending coming, but hope made me look the other way. now I've become the same past i comforted you about. i swear none of them would call me crazy if they saw the way you talked to me. or perhaps it was all in my head. i wish they understood that i love you and love costs heartbreak. everyday i have to wake up with this guilt and heaviness in my chest - guilt for loving too hard and heaviness cause i dont know what to do with it. im so sorry for holding onto you. i feel like a burden for being in love with you. i cant help it. im trying, really. but none of it really matters. cause you will never know.

[erght]

Hi there, internet. Im alive.

Dont worry cs its my latest scan yet, so theres only a couple bits left.

I know it obviously sounds cringe but i just want to say please take care of yourself, do cherish your life even as bitter as it gets since you will never know when it might end.

I honestly so lost back then and i really dared god to just end myself.

Yet im actually that coward when it came onto my door.

I couldnt bear the pain nor the suffering as if a second lasted forevermore.

I couldnt sleep, i couldnt lay still nor walk cs my legs gave up to even try to stood still, i couldnt control my breath, it didnt even felt like theres an air taking in, i urinate blood shot, the pain rendered me so numb i couldnt even control whats leaking out from it, i couldnt process anything i forced myself to eat, its like whatever im taking in was clogged and never went through no matter how long the time has passed, i even felt more relief throwing it all up along the blood clot that i didnt even know happening inside my stomach. i couldnt feel an inch of what i know was my body except the pain that kept reminding me that im still conscious enough to even think as if god was telling me you get what you asked for so now show me.

I couldnt bear hearing my parents woes screaming at the medics to transplant whatever i need from them when they refused to act without further checkups on my body. I couldnt bear hearing them cry saying why cant it be them instead over and over and over that tore my heart to shreds im so sick of it.

I couldnt bear knowing my parents spent their whole fortune to save a life that i so easily throw away just cause.

Worse that i couldnt end myself anymore knowing everything had done to safe this very life that was mine.

And i dont think its only mine at this point.

I dont know how long of whats left of me; they said even if my body able to stop making more of these, it wont ignore the damage on the tissue that was caused from their previous ones. All i could do was giving it time and ease the work that it might need to heal. Worst case it doesnt recover and led to an organ failure, where i could start the countdown since a transplant would only mean a meager of bought time.

And god doesnt seem finished yet; cs now i got myself indebted to the people that holds me dear, i got myself an actual stable job in a company that took care of me and my future (if i get that far) family akin to what my dad did, i got myself cleared from various things that would have troubled me prior all this, and more as if god is trying to test me still with whatever he wanted from me.

Welp i think i should stop it here cs i kept editing it over and over and i felt like some are better to be kept private, but i just want to share this bit so that maybe others like me who might read this would be more kind to themself and cherish whatever theirs with their own ways.

And maybe the fact that you cant refuse the love others gave you no matter how you refuse it with all your might. You might not love yourself but others do, and they love you more than you do, than you ever will give yourself to. You might not realize that you are loved until you are forced to realize that you are loved by things you refused to acknowledge your whole life in denial to.

So please live; cs maybe there will be a time where its our turn to be there for someone else or someone we love when the time comes, or at least thats what i wanna do if i ever get to be one after experiencing all of this.

Or maybe im just dumb and this is yet another bullshit that only i can relate to.

[atlaskrr]

i hate my dad i hate my dad i hate him so much. honestly i couldnt care less if he died, he almost has a couple times im surprised hes still alive. the only thing id feel sorry for is the stress my mom would go through but oh hes already putting her under that. what gives him the fucking right to tell my mom shes not doing a good enough job that she cant do anything. what gives him the right to make my brother bruise. HES 11 AND MENTAL AGE STUNTED. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT. my mom work harder than his ass cause her business is solo and manual unlike him with all his employees. ohh youre so tired of driving me and brother to school. damn bro dads with less privilege do manual labour for HOURS to make a living and they dont make their wives feel fucking worthless get a grip. i hate how im turning angry like him. FUCK that personality is 30-60% dna i will sever my own dna out i dont want shit to do with that asshole. back when i was a kid i never understood my half sisters behaviour and why she left us but oh boy do i get it a whole lot now that ive taken off the rose tinted glasses. my mother says the same thing always that she wouldnt be happy if she didnt marry my dad since me and my brother wouldnt be born but thats just not true. id rather never exist and have her be happy because i make her sad too. she literally has depression but cant get help. she cant even find joy in her favourite drink coffee, good food makes her feel nothing, she feels empty. AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE OK WITH THAT. she lost her best friend of 16 years and my dad wanted her to "get over it". THAT WAS ALL SHE HAD FUCK YOU. also YOU made me cry on my graduation day. TWICE. TWICE. also part of the reason why instead of the teenage dream at 13 i instead wanted to kms. the reason i have eybags is not cause of lack of sleep but instead because he made me cry every day when i was a kid. what a good parent amiright. i thought he was changing i tried understanding that his childhood made him like this but i am SICK and tired of his bull and i dont think any reasons matter anymore. i cant believe i gave him a second chance in trust after he accidentally hurt my mom physically just because he seemed like he was getting better. i thought avoiding him like the plauge worked. guess it didnt. fuck him. cant even hold his own childs hand to stop him from running into the street. it doesnt matter if it seems like hes changed for all these past months he always turns back into his deepest anger again. i dont care if he only has small outbursts for another year or 2 or 5 or 10 this is truly my final straw.

[booyouimcrazy]

Taking Space

It’s rare to feel this light. 

Today i came back to say goodbye properly, before I disappeared.  Over the last couple of days i’ve REALLY been in my thoughts about you. 

They have gone up, down, and every other direction imaginable. 

I just opened the door after Vignesh left as well, and as I did, i couldnt help but think I feel less sad now than I did before. Like the last few days have felt like absolute mammothian bullshit personally, cause of the thought of losing you.

I've put myself through all the possible thoughtframes.

It not being the right time. (Will it ever be? Battling myself for thinking I want there to be.)

You not wanting a relationship. (Will you ever? Could I change you? Battling myself to say I shouldnt be basing a future relationship on wanting to change you, that's apparently a red flag.)

Us being really good in a couple sense (Like, really though, we have a tendency of being really well behaved as a couple, it's only on the inside that we argue quite a bit.)

Seeing all these reels talk about setting expectations before hand(Which we didn't do. Because I always imagined I'd only date you, and FWBs wasn't even ever an option, until taper down/doomsday happened, and even then, it wasnt really clear.)

Me wanting to be a priority and the place you always wanted to come back to. (Your safe space. The place you want to come to to retire away and just chill for a bit.)

Me thinking I'll never make it back, because I'll never get over wanting to date you, and we cant get sexy if that's where I am, and I cant see your face if all i'll want to do is hold it & kiss it.

Really dragging a dagger through us by bringing it up again, almost like I was trying to make you feel worse, but I just needed to make sure I was telling you as much as I was thinking without making it an absolute blow to the gut.

I think I fell in love with you, because it's been insanely easy.

I've never had to think extra about sharing a single thing with you, it just comes out easy, it's like you have some weird kind of key to my mind.

And I guess that's just one of the loves i'll have in my life. Which I could never possibly be happy about.

For all the loyal puppy I call myself, I definitely made myself hella doomsy to see if it could get a rise out of you, unfortunately - which maybe shouldn't have been the route I took.

But my life has never felt nicer.

Having you around has been such a blessing,

I dont think I deserve you either, but all I've ever wanted is you.

I think the thing you've given me is actually the ability to be entirely myself, and just accepted it with absolute ease.

If it meant how good I was with words, the way I understand sarcasm and can play off it with you, or be cryptic, because mostly, you get it, those are some of the crutches I stand on.

But there's also all the times you kind of save me from going through an absolute self worth rage trigger spiral around my parents, Because somehow all I need is to talk about what im thinking, but I cant ever with my own family -

And the fact that you willingly will communicate and put yourself through trenches to know what someone's feeling, and how you can actively help them, but then also take the steps to change - it's mind-boggling that you would.

Especially for a me. I'm a nobody. You'd never even heard me on a phone call. Or seen me. Or even ever met me. And you gave me more than my own blood & family ever did. I think that's the hard part to accept, I guess. Is the fact that you were able to give me all the emotional bits I havent got from my family ever, and then also the sexting. LIKE, WTAF is that sexual chemistry. So, combine those together for someone whose never had either? And watch it be kryptonite. I guess that's why I've wanted to be in a relationship with you bad, Because it is SO EASY to do the hard bits with you around. But like i've said over & over at this point, I hope that this is just the sign for how glorious it'll be when someone is actually willing to give me time everyday, and doesnt live with the daily stress of needing to run a business. My life will truly never be the same, because I have never had quality interaction after quality interaction day after day like I have with you. LET'S NOT FORGET. your INSANE sense of humour, that gets me so good. But yeah, all those exact things are things I hope to one day enjoy again most thoroughly. You might fall in love with Hannah though. Weirdly, that's something my mind wants to predict. Is that Male Hannah and Hannah fall in love. I mean, if you do to her what you've done to me, I will likely have to stop talking to you for life, So either you fall in love with her, Or we just become a trio. But I cant wait to be your friend again, Because i know i will miss my bestfriend too much to not make it back. So everything in my power will work to internalise that I will never date you. And cant expect relationshippy things from you, because they will never be able to be met. I look forward to the day. LYMAX. thankyou for the best time in my life, I wouldnt know love without knowing you, And for that im immensely grateful.

[snekjin]

almost forgot to mention that I had so much fun coming up with different possible scenarios for this prompt, here's a list of all the ones I didn't use:

-essentially the same premise as the fic I wrote except Patrick is blindfolded instead so he doesn't know who is touching him. naturally he gets off on the thrill of not knowing. possibly featuring an interlude where he fantasises about different teammates fucking him.

-jeremy takes care of both pat and jonny as subs separately and then one day decides to introduce them to play with each other 👀. They're both like 'wtf, you get off on this too?' (naturally would have to include a scene where they share a double-ended dildo 🫢)

-either one of Jonny or pat walks in on Jeremy fucking the other. Cue "please don't tell anyone about this. I'll do anything." "Anything, huh? 😏"

-established poly where pat and Jonny turn the tables on Jeremy and have their way with him

-an old school drunkfuck first time where they're up late getting hammered after a game and getting a bit too personal. Ends up in the three of them going to bed together. Great comedic potential for Jeremy waking up and being like "oh my god I fucked kane" and then rolling over and being like "Jesus Christ I fucked toews as well"

It's the ot3 that keeps on giving honestly.

29 smut for Jonny/Patrick/Jeremy?

29. "not so cocky now, are you?"

5.8k words later, it's finally finished!

In which Jeremy surprises Patrick after a good game by getting him the one thing he thought he could never have. I thought it would be fun to switch things up and make JC88 the established pairing. Might not be the meal that some of you ordered, but I promise it's good soup!

(Read on AO3 here)

[firemama]

Hey, Tumblr.

Sav’s 2022 saga of misfortune has come to a spike this fabulous May with a serious car issue. What makes this so bad, Sav? well... my only source of income, at this time, is that I am a delivery driver with shipt. Hard enough with the gas crisis- 5$ a fucking gallon- in orlando traffic, you might say. You’d be right.

I’ve got no savings; most of my money was burned through during a month long period of homelessness, a couple months of not being able to work due to being generally transient and out of town and thus out of my shipt metro and unable to even deliver for income, medical bills for an injury, moving and storage costs, and some other bullshit. I’ve got no savings, and i’m pushing debt on my credit card. And at this time, with my car in need of repair, I have no source of income and another bill.

So I am asking for donations, if anyone has something to spare, however small.

Patreon Paypal Kofi

If Donations arent your speed, or you would like something in exchange, I also do commisions. Moodboards for small cost donation/commissions as low as a dollar, and I also do art and writing commissions. Hit me up to talk about commissions if you’re interested. Some basic information about that is pinned to my blog, and my other blogs.

For those who are not familiar with Sav’s 2022 saga, the summary is:

Orlando/Florida major property tax increase. See: sudden rental cost hike. 1200 to 1300 will net you poorly managed slum lord apartment in orlando now. Our previous rent of roughly 1300 (which had been steadily increasing with every re-sign of the lease) suddenly jumped up to just shy of 1800, and would continue to climb with future extensions.

Preparations to move to new york for sibling’s school; see, also very fucking expensive, because im talking New York, New york. but its sib’s grad school, scholarship, gotta go, very important.

Just before moving time, a series of... events occured. Including but not limited to:

Major fall out with roommate (one of three tenants) which would result in one less person paying rent come renewal. With just me and the sib, never could afford to stay in our current house anyway. So, no going back, no resigning lease if New york falls though.

 Rather serious workplace injury to my dominant hand. At the time, thought, oh kind of serious- a deep injury to the knuckle joint that... i probably should have taken in to get stitches, but.. didnt, and instead just bandaged it up. “I cant afford medical bills right now” i said, unaware of a big storm coming.

My work, a few months prior to this, had every single Senior Manager quit in the span of a couple weeks for the entire franchise. This was a warning sign. At this point in time, it is much worse. For starters, I had been demoted from Manager to Assistant Manager and then to Associate again... because my Migraines had become worse (from stress because COVID and  the mail system and all the mangers left and xyz) and i could not keep the minimum 50, then 40 hours. Despite being demoted, and less pay, I was responsible for neigh all the managment responsibilities at my location because there was no one else. For 11$ an hour. And then all the other less-senior managers from other locations also quit, because no one was making more than the average Mcdonalds employee. Very bad, all around.

I had to submit my resignation anyway, because we had an out-of-state move coming. And I was already being paid less, and expecting to take on the work of more than one salaried job. But before I submitted my resignation?

(Tw, injury)After two-three weeks of excruciating pain despite the visible damage to my finger being healed, and no increase of motor function, and also a strange mishape to my finger. I finally filed for workers comp, belatedly, and went on down to an urgent care. The deep injury, if you’re curious, had been caused by a tape gun; specifically, a customer trying to grab the tapefun from my hands anddesimating my hand, most expressly my poor fucking finger joint. And upon xray at the urgent care, they found a metal tooth from the tape gun in my finger. more specifically in my finger joint. quite literally grinding against my bone. doing serious damage to my joint. (I am now legally allowed to complain about pain and no one is allowed to tell me im complaining too much. broken off sharp metal tooth in my finger for nearly three weeks.

Surgery, obviously, to remove the sharp foreign body from my hand. It was a very quick surgery, actually. But to the point, my workers comp covered most of the injury. Most. Not all. expensive, like I thought, and i definitely couldnt afford it. but necessary.

 And then we found out the ‘scholarship’ covered less than a 16th of the overall tuition to the gradschool in new york despite it’s title of ‘full ride scholarship’.

New york fell through, and we would not be able to keep our then-current lease.

so now we have less than two weeks to find a new place. And all of our research and propsects were in another state we cold not afford to live. we had no time, and due o afformentioned text increases, out prior 1200... just does not exist. not for sale anywhere. If it does, we ‘technically’ make too much to afford it, because our combined annual income if I ‘pretend’ to still work at UPS is too high for rent control. (the irony is that we could barely afford 1200-1300 and yet somehow rent control says we make too much money for it). If I say I do not work for ups, which I dont, because i quit... well we dont meet minimum income.

Mostly, we’re screwed!

4 days before must-be-out-of-house, we find one option. 1200$ 2 bedroom that will allow our two cats. We do a fast walkthrough, because we dont have any options anyway. Place has infestations twofold, the maintenance guy is trying to fix 12 different holes in the walls, and we cant test the power or water because it isnt on yet and we cant really wait. Front door locks, has AC, theres an on-site laundry facility, has working fridge, sold. We mostly only interact with property manager, who I did like quite a lot, and he assured us he will help fix the issues and can get the place ready by our frantic date.

I move into apartment with all of our stuff. We rapidly find several, several issues. No smoke detectors, window (ground floor) with no lock and two that can’t even close all the way. Both of those things, some of you may know... are illegal. It was not the only illegal aspects, such as one room being incredibly unventalated, most of the lights not working with no other light sources, occasional plume of smoke from the fuse box, and (this is in florida) no netting on the windows. Things that are not included in the ‘illegal’ list but still very much problems: hidden mold (did you KNOW it’s not illegal for landlords to rent a property with mold?), and other fucking stupid shit. The real  show stopper, however, was that the apartment’s payment portal malfunctioned. We paid them the deposit the rent, everything... and it paid it back to my sibs account.

This is when we meet the actual landlord. Who is insane. She is incapable of texting legibly, and is almost incomprehensible over the phone. She does not know the landlord laws- which is her only job as a landlord- which she showed by telling us it’s our responsibility to provide smoke detectors, for example. (no, that’s illegal). She tries to back up this claim by saying it is stated in the lease we will provide the smoke detectors. Which proves she cannot fucking read a lease, either, because it does not say that in the lease, it says we are obligated to provide batteries for pre existing smoke detectors, and even if she had written that into the lease... it would still be illegal. it breaks housing codes. like a lot of other shit. Her excuse to all these issues was “well this isnt luxury housing.” Our windows not locking and you meeting builing code, lady, is not luxury, it’s minimum.

This whole thing is summed up with her ignoring all these issues and demanding we pay her. I tell her we did, because we did, but the portal doesnt work. She says that isnt her responsiblity, pay her again and make it work. I am speechless. It does not matter if im speechless, of course, because she never lets you get a word in edgewise and will simply talk over you, but anyway.

Obviously, only option or not, we cant fucking stay in this apartment. Legally, we cannot, and if we play along despite that, we wave our rights. And im sure if we give her money, she will try to keep that fucking despoit and declare our rent non refundable or some shit. So we declare that she broke our lease (illegally) and that we’re going to leave as soon as possible. She threatens to call the police because we’re scamming her- as if we get anything out of this. could kill her and feel no remorse. she gave me a crazy stress migraine that was not relieved by excessive stress panic attack or crying. 

We break the lease. With nowhere to live, we put all our shit in storage. more costs we cant afford. Insues a month of having no home. I go out of town for a while and bum a guest bedroom. Sib stays with partner.

We spend most of that month looking for somewhere to live. I burn through savings with no source of income- cant deliver outside of my Metro zone for shipt, and other issues with delivery, and I wont be in one place long enough to apply to work anywhere. Spend money on storage, on moving trucks getting shit back and forth, on ‘non-refundable application fees’ and on medication for the cat, and on follow up appointments and medication and treatment for my fucking hand.

some fucking asshole backs into my car on easter sunday. Not once- no, he backed into my car and then paused. surprised he is no longer backing up. tries to back up again, continuing to back into my car he is already hitting. pulls forward a little. backs up again. slightly louder crunch and this time he realizes what he’s done. Mind you i am on the fucking sidewalk less than 6 feet away from my car, walking to it, about to get into it. He looks me dead in the face and tries to leave the scene despite me trying to flag him down. Only stops because someone stepped out into the road in front of his fucking truck to stop him. Is drunk. fights insurance trading like hell. Takes about an hour to get it from him on threat of the cops.

ensues, while without home, an exausting insurance battle. drunk guy tries to claim the damage was prexisting. I have witnesses, and I also have a fucking picture of the back of his truck with pieces of my car stuck in his bumper. Eventually he gives up, and I spend stupid amount of time conversing with car insurance. My car is old. and it is also a saturn, which is a company that no longer exists. It is also not technically one saturn, but two saturns franken-steined together with different parts of two older saturns. Obviously, despite the damage being cosmetic, they want to declare my car totaled. not-drivable. Obvious unacceptable, nd even if i did, the value on my car is shotty and i’ll get nothing from them for it. dribble car is much more valauble. but because it’s cosmetic damage, on an old ass already costmetically ugly car... basically zip on pay out. not even enough to get the specific cosmetic damage fixed.

Hardly fucking matters, because the check... is now being held by the bank. When will i be allowed to have it? they dont know yet.

Technically, my fucking car isn’t okay to be driven yet. I have to wait on a new title to be delivered, take it to a dmv to be inspected and declared drivable, hope to god it passes, and then pay them for all this shit. The check, if i ever get it, will probably fucking pay for that. *thank god for insurance.* so glad i pay them for this. I will have a car that is not repaired and no money to repair it with. fuck. At least it’s mostly cosmetic, except for my slightly warped gas tank hatch that is now a struggle to get open.

We find an apartment. This is great. We have a place to live.

This means more moving fees.

so we’re back in orlando. I have no savings left. I have a bit of credit card debt I cant pay off, and we still need some essential shit to buy for this place. but hey, we’re not homeless. Place isnt perfect yet- has rats, might have roaches, neighbors are wild and loud, pretty sure theres an active drug dealer based on the weird activity in the parking lot at all hours day and night.

but we’re not homeless. and im back in my metro, so i can deliver, so I have a source of income again. Everything will be fine.

Check is still being withheld. car is still technically not supposed to be drivable. this is fine. I will make enough money to survive this month, wrack up a little bit more debt on the essentials we need, but thisll be fine for a month or two until better work... good thing i can still deliver.

Lived here for a week. Sibling’s car breaks down and needs repairs. uh oh!

The day we get my sibling’s car back from the mechanic’s? today? today?  Obviously, my car breaks down. Obviously. fuck.

There’s more. This is a mostly abridged highlight. Other details- such as the fact that I had to borrow money from someone to get even this far, and my very old cat needing a vet visit that i just cant fucking afford yet- are all involved. My hand still has poor mobility- yesterday someone commented “I thought you were right handed” because they noticed i dont use it to do things like pop the fucking water pressure cap off my car engine to refill it’s leaky collant tank. Our current fridge may or may not be cool enough to store dairy in, we arent sure yet. we still need to buy a fucking dryer, we dont have a means to wash/dry clothes yet, and I dont own a lot of clothing so I’ve been stretching one outfit over a week.

Look, 2022 is fucking killing me. At this point I need roughly 6000$ to magically make it out of may without debts in three different places. Obvious not feasible, and it would still put me out roughly nuetral with no money. So... whatever I can get. Preferable enough to get the fucking car fixed so i have income. And then hopefully rent so we don't end up homeless again and with an eviction on our record.

If you read all this, please. Even if you dont wanna donate for nothing in return, it’s literally only a dollar to commission a cute little mood board.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Eyo its glass au guy, the au where glass physics just doesnt apply to our birdbois, here to add to this literal fucking crack au because dear fuck i might run on angst alone but mAN WE ALL NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES

Anyways, have you ever noticed that technoblades windows are just trapdoors with holes? wELL--

I like to imagine that literally the only reason Technoblade found out about Philza's... condition, was wAAAAAAAAY back then, back when they were just two dudes that dont die and were just chillin. Techno was just probably out and about, hunting deer, drinking blood, staying at villages and deciding whether or not to slaughter everyone when he leaves, you know regular Technoblade stuff.

When he discovers the invention of glass. (Yes im making both of them that old and no you cannot stop me)

Techno's pretty fascinated by the art of glass making and ends up staying at the village a little longer than Philza and him expected and even ended up not slaughtering them.

He actually stayed so long in the village in fact, that Philza's wanderlust got the better of him and he kinda just-- left techno. Not without saying goodbye tho.

So now, philza's exploring the world while techno is mastering the art of glass making. The reason techno was so interested in the first place was because he saw the combat potential and the living improvement it could bring. And if the history books say something abt a pink haired pig hybrid helping a potion maker invent the splash potion well, technos not gonna say anything.

And as the years went by, techno proceeded to make hundreds, if not, thousands of glass creations from sculptures to weapons to containers and anything he could think of really. But those years of glass blowing and fire fanning really did a number on him. So much so that while taking a break in the middle of his creations, he drank a health pot to fix the itch in his lungs.

He coughs a little, waving away the smoke of the fire. Man, the wood he got today was smokier than usual huh? It never got so thick he couldn't see across the room but itll be fine, he knows where everything is anyways.

He finishes his latest project and airs out the room, to try and get rid of the smoke blocking his vision. But why is everything still so blurry? So he goes outside to get some fresh air.

And now he's fuckin worried because he pretty fuckin sure he didnt set the village on fire enough to cause such a crazy amount of smoke to block his vision. Because oh god, he cant see shit anymore.

So he panics. He pours a pot each to both his eyes and it got a little better because now he can see things a few meters away from him kind of okay but his eyes are still fucked up. Chat is still screaming and Techno, caught up in the panic and emotions of trying to deal with all this bullshit, tries to calm himself down by breaking his defective products. Now at least chat is a little satiated.

Philza, having visited his longtime and only friend, hears the sound of something shattering. It sounded like a clay pot but higher pitched for some reason. So he rushes to Techno, holding seemingly nothing but his hands covered in deep cuts.

Techno meanwhile, has finally calmed down and started to clean up and pick up all the shattered remains of his glass objects. And as he picks them up, he squints at them a little, trying in vain to see if his eyes are salvageable. But with each shard, that hope slowly dims and finally he accepts his handicap. Until the last few shards. Because one of them broke into a really large piece and for some reason, he... can kind of see through it??? Huh, maybe his defect pile wasnt as defective as he thought.

Philza comes back to him with a towel and a health pot (he puts them in clay containers shoosh he dont know glass exists okay) and asks whats wrong. Techno raises his head to reply when he realizes "oh sHIT PHILZA YOURE SITTING ON GLASS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY"

And philza, the old bird man he is just kinda goes "huh??? Wat???? Glass???????" And Techno just kinda blindly pockets the glass he was looking at and pulls out a glass health pot of his own to tend to Philza's "wounds".

Philza kinda just stares because holy SHIT IS TECHNO A FUCKING POTION BENDER WHAT THE FUCK. Philza kinda just dazedly grabs the floating health mixture and his hands just pass through the liquid and his fingers are coated in potion.

And techno also staring because holy SHIT IS PHILZA A FUCKING GLASS BENDER CMON I SPENT LIKE-- 2 CENTURIES MASTERING THIS STUPID THING AND APPARENTLY PHILZA CAN JUST DO WHATEVER WITH IT WHAT THE FUCK.

And now they're just vibin on the floor with their heads blown. Oh yeah, techno invents eye glasses. The first two he makes are for himself and phil because "phil, do you not see the glass? You are literally just sitting on a pile of shards."

The glasses fitting was also kind of a train wreck since techno made rimless glasses and the glass just-- went straight through philzas eyes and shattered on the floor. When philza brings it up, techno vehemently denies screaming like an 8 year old and being torn in two because he didnt know whether or not he should worry over phil first or the thing he made for him.

Damn dis long. Lol oops

Pfft. Oh my god. This is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Just the both of them being confused with each other and oh my god.

[prongssmrrcury]

a very bleak christmas

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)

fluff, not much smut

this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh

"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"

"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.

"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.

"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"

"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.

"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.

"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.

"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.

"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.

"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.

sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.

"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.

"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.

"what do you mean how are things"

"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.

"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.

james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.

"are you ever going to tell him?"

"tell him what" sirius said bluntly

james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.

"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.

"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.

"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.

"guys- hes my best mate"

"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.

"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.

"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"

sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.

"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.

"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.

"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.

"oh he is" lily said

sirius blinked.

"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.

"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.

"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"

"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted

"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"

"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.

"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.

"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.

"sirius.." lily said lowly

"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.

"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.

"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.

"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.

"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.

"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.

"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.

"thank you" sirius said quietly

"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.

"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.

"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.

"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.

"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.

"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.

~

later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.

"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.

"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.

"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.

"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.

"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.

"where were you?" remus asked

"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.

"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.

"yea" sirius replied

"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.

"um, i was just doing homework"

"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.

"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.

"no" sirius said bluntly.

"sure?"

"yea"

"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.

"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.

"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.

"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.

"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.

"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.

"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.

"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.

"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.

"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.

"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.

"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.

"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand

"rem i dont know how-"

"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.

"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.

"then please tell me how you feel"

"how i feel about what?" sirius asked

"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.

"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.

"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"

"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.

"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.

"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.

"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"

"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.

"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.

soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.

an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.

"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.

"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.

"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.

"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.

"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.

"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.

"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.

"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.

"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.

"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.

remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.

"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.

"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.

"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.

"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.

"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"

"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"

"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once

"of course darling you can wear it whenever"

"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.

"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little

"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged

"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.

"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.

"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.

"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"

remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.

"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.

"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"

sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.

"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.

"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.

"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:

"dear sirius,

i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.

"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.

"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.

"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed

"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.

"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.

the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.

“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.

“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.

“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. ��obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.

“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.

“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.

“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once

“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.

“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged

“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.

“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.

“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.

“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.

[cwispyhologwam]

Admit it. Rick Sanchez X F!Reader

Word count: 2,382

Rick was... out of it, I guess you could say he was still himself, but not really he just seemed, off. When Morty tried to ask if anything was wrong, Rick would respond in a "normal" Rick way but, it seemed forced. It was barely noticeable but he could tell, even though after Rick basically told him to fuck off he dropped it. It was just after the whole incident with Unity, which didn't make sense to Morty because it seemed like Rick had gotten what he needed and wanted from her, or it, or they, he didn't really know how to refer to the entity, but that's besides the point.

He had spent the whole night in the garage when Morty woke up for school the next morning he found his grandfather passed out at his work bench with a strange device looming over his head. Morty didn't know why but looking at it sent dread coursing through his body, he had a feeling he knew someone who could help him and his grandpa. She was... Rick's friend? (Y/n) (L/n), well honestly he didn't know what their relationship was at the moment, because a few years ago she used to visit daily but again that was years ago, he thinks they might have gotten in a fight or something. But if anyone could help him, it was her.

So he asked his mom to give him a ride to her house, but it took some convincing because what mother wouldn't question why her 14 year old son is going to a 23 year olds house by himself, like what kinda porn set up type bullshit, but after he explained his concerns for his grandpa she agreed. Once he got there he told his mom he would get a ride home and she complied and left. He rang the doorbell of the large house and waited, once the door opened he felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

She was absolutely gorgeous, her (S/C) skin looked so beautiful in the sun's light and her (long,short,medium) (straight,curly,wavey, kinky) (H/C) hair was beautiful. She was (Tall/short) and (Skinny,medium,thick) it made Morty wonder if her and Rick were ever more than friends at one point. What really got to him was what she was wearing, it was a matching set, a long sleeve sweater and shorts  "Morty? Hello? You alright there kid?" He snapped out of his trance and nodded "Sorry, and sorry again for showing up unannounced but i need your help."

She looked at him for a couple of seconds before sighing "Listen first come in it's weird talking outside like this, and second, if this has anything to do with Sanchez I'm sorry but i can't help you." He frowned, why did she call him Sanchez? And why did her (E/C) eyes look so sad when she said it? He came in and she led him to her living room where they sat on the couch "So what happened?" He asked her, he really thought if he knew why she suddenly stopped talking to Rick he would be able to help "Morty, i guarantee if Rick is going through something right now it hasn't got anything to do with me, we haven't talked in years."

How did she know? "How do you know that's the problem?" he asked, she giggled playfully rolling her eyes at him "Rick and i used to work together, well if you could really even call it that, it was more like working next to each other and having conversations. But we were also intimate with each other and i know the only reason you would be here without him is because there's a problem concerning him."

His eyes widened if Rick worked with her that could only mean that she was a genius too, so if they were partners and lovers in one way or another then how could she not be the problem? But then again they hadn't talked in years. She was right there was no way she could be the cause of his grandpa acting strange. With that he felt pretty much defeated, what now? He didn't know how to contact anyone else or even who to talk to, it took him almost two weeks just to find her and she lived on earth there was no way in fuck he’d be able to get in contact with anyone else without Rick.

"So what do i do now (Y/N)? I just want grandpa Rick to go back to normal, I can tell he’s faking being his old self." He sighed and dropped his head, his shoulders slumped, he resembled a kicked puppy in all honesty, they stood in silence for a while before she sighed, "Have you met Unity? Or has he talked to them recently?" she asked with an almost sour look on her face, Morty nodded "Well there you go, she probably fucked him then left again" Morty had an oo0oh moment and nodded.

"Just like all things he'll get over it, now i think it's about time i take you back home yeah?" He nodded, but now he felt kind of bad she seemed really, bothered by something . "(Y/N) have you ever liked Rick? Or you know when you used to come over a lot were you together?" He asked as they walked out the door and to her car. "Yes, we did date at the time, well what i thought was dating until he bluntly told me it was nowhere near that and i was just quote un quote, "something to do." As they got in the car Mortys mouth dropped open no wonder she just disappeared from their life like that.

"i-im sorry Rick’s a real dick sometimes" she shrugged and focused her eyes on the road, ”Listen Morty your grandpa is a lot of things, a dick especially, and when it comes to emotions, especially his own, he becomes a coward, please Morty i know you've picked up about 300 shitty casualties from him but avoid that like your life depends on it. Okay? Or at least promise to try?” Morty could tell how serious she was without even looking at her.

 The rest of the ride was silent, once she pulled into the driveway of Morty’s house she groaned seeing that the garage was open and Rick was standing in front of it. With his arms crossed, the moment his eyes landed on (Y/n) she felt her stomach drop, her hands were shaking, which Morty noticed. "Fuck me" she said under her breath, Morty got out the car but she stayed still almost frozen. "B-Bout damn time yo-ughh- you got here." Morty groaned "How did you even know I left?" Rick rolled his eyes "your mom o-obviously di-ugh-dipshit." Morty shook his head and waved goodbye to (y/n).

She waved back, she jumped when she realized Rick was now at her window motioning for her to get out she rolled her eyes before reluctantly getting out. He looked her up and down before stopping and staring at her lips, his eyes just sat there for a good minute before she cleared her throat. "Did you have something to say or did you just wanna stand here lookin’ stupid?" He scoffed before taking a swig of his flask "Y-You know yo-ughhh you never wer- seemed like one to hold a g-grudge. Thought yo-you wou-ughh would have got- been over it b-by now."

she stared at him with a blank expression before she back handed him sending him stumbling "wha-what the fuck!?" he exclaimed as he looked at her he was gonna say more till he noticed the tears streaming down her expressionless face "How long have we known each other rick?" he looked at her questionably "hey y-your ughh c--" she cut him off her voice a little louder than before "How fucking long rick?" he stood up right and looked into her watery (e/c) eyes as he held his cheek. "5 years" she nodded "and how many times in those 5 years did you introduce me to the many girls you fucked, the girls you ploughed mindlessly just to get off?”

he looked at her questionably again "none." he said simply "how many of them did you introduce to birdperson, or squanchy, or the people you know from other fuckin universes, Matter of fuckin’ fact, how many of those whores did you see walking around with different dimension ricks at the citadle?" he didn't have to think at all before saying "none" she nodded

"Rick not only, not fuckin’ only did you introduce me to squanchy, birdperson, and other Rick’s and their (y/n), when you decided you were ready to go back into Beths life you introduced me to your family, to your only daughter, to your nephew, your niece, and the dickhead that you cant fuckin’ stand for knockin you daughter up, that that in itself should be enough proof that im not just a hole off the street for you to have fun with" he stood silently still looking into her (e/c) eyes.

"And that the crazy fuckin’ thing rRick! not once did we even have sex, we never went further than sleep naked together! So for you to have looked me directly in my fucking face, and tell me that I was simply something to do didn't hurt, what hurt was the fact that you lied! You lied Rick! Straight through yo motha fuckin’ teeth! The fact that you're a genius doesn't mean shit to me when you don't even have the damn brain capacity to admit when you care about someone! You are a fuckin coward! I know you're scared to be hurt again, fine! But dont fucking pussy out and act like the shit that we had meant nothing!"

Rick was at a lost for words he didn't want to get attached to anyone since Diane and he knew that, he watched as (Y/n) wiped the tears from her eyes ``It hurts like a bitch to love someone so much, and to know that they love you back but won't admit it, it just makes you feel like they’re ashamed of you, like you're ashamed of me, Rick i asked for nothing when we first met." she sighed

“I told you that i just wanted to learn, you took that as if i can get the bitch to trust me enough i can eventually fuck her, yet you never even made a move Rick, your exact words were, i dont want you talking to anyone else, and i accepted that as your fucked up way of asking me out. i never once asked to label us because i already knew what we were, i thought i actually meant something to you.” The two sat in silence for a couple minutes she had hoped he would say something, and when he didn't she shook her head and got ready to get back in her car " I have to go, tell Morty to come see me whenever i guess." she turned ready to get in her car till she fell through a lime green portal. She landed in Rick's room, on his bed to be exact Rick soon came in after opening another portal and walked through.

“When normal people want to talk they usually use their words.” she said as she rolled her eyes and stoop up intending to leave, she wasn't the person she was 5 years ago, he couldn't kiss and caress his way out of this one. She was sick of him talking his way out of things his words couldn't be trusted and his actions were misleading so at this point fuck it, fuck him, fuck his hugs, his kisses, his scent, fuck the way he looked at her with longing eyes and made her weak in the knees. 

Fuck everything, enough was enough, either he wanted to be with her, or he didnt those were his options, she hadnt even realized tears were freely falling down her (S/C) cheeks, she was shaking, she had tried to pursue a relationship with at least 10 other men and it all failed, she was taping her foot fast with her arms crossed as she kept looking at the ground 

She didnt want him to see her like that the man had barely said a fuckin word and here she stood crying her eyes out, damn near hyperventilating “I’m sorry … you’re right, i am a fuckin coward and everything you said is true … fuck this is making me nauseous, all this sappy bullshit, to sum up this shit show of our relationship i love you, i am a cunt for pulling that bullshit, like you didnt mean anything to me because unfortunately you do, i gave into the pathetic chemical reaction that makes me just as human and vulnerable as the rest of our shitty race, hell i might even be a little less Rick because of this shit but if it means you wont disappear again …. It's worth it.”

She slowly approached Rick and buried her face in his chest as she cried, finally the dickhead admitted to well, being a dickhead and a liar, and a coward, and a cunt pussy shit fuck bastard, and his way of apologizing, it was.. Shitty but that's what she expected, he held her tightly kissing the top of her head inhaling her sent messaging her scalp through her (kinky,curly,thick,straight) hair

Once again they'd be sharing the night together she already knew he wasn't letting her leave so after she had stopped crying and did all the things she needed to do before she went to sleep she crawled into bed with him usually shed sleep on his chest but tonight rick insisted on sleeping on her chest probably his way of making sure she stayed there. Of course the two were butterball ass naked it was the only way she could sleep, “i love you” rick said just as she was drifting to sleep she smiled and kissed his forehead “i love you too.”  

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

-------------

Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...