#cant even really talk to anyone about it tho lol bc im realizing how bad my oversharing is and the solution is obviously

[fishandshesmygills]

oh yeah they moved my granddad to hospice care

[moonlit-dreamers]

Name all your favourite TSAMS ships

fuuucckk dude

this is like asking someone which pet is their favorite you cant do this to me man ;-;

but i might as well talk about some specific ships that ive been rotating around in my brain more recently tho fair warning that a lot of these will have more abusive themes (tho i'll try to be as brief as possible since i dont want this post to go on forever lol)

off to a great start with sunvant/lord eclipse. ik a lot of ppl like to make them fluffy but they got so much toxic potential. like idk man. the power imbalance + lord eclipse being both physically and emotionally abusive is some good shit. sunvant is absolutely and purely devoted to him. nothing eclipse could do would change that. every punishment is a lesson. every reward is a blessing. every command is a job he does happily. yes, hes absolutely terrified of his lord, but isnt everyone? isnt everyone meant to be scared of their god? if he isnt scared then is he really appreciating his lords true beauty and raw power? idk man. some good shit right there

the obvious sun/eclipse. i can never escape them in any form. main dimension sun/eclipse, dark sun/eclipse, sunbeam (eaps sun)/eclipse, sunvant/eclipse. all of the above pls. but if we're going with MAIN dimension suneclipse their relationship could be sooo many things. (which is y i like the ship so much bc its so versatile!) it could be a fixer-upper, abusive, friends/enemies with benefits, you name it. anything and everything is possible with these 2 bitches and its wonderful

sun/solar is actually the first thing i shipped. even BEFORE sun/eclipse. shocking, ik, but i felt like they had sooooo much potential THAT NOBODY FUCKING SAW. like- an emotionally broken down mechanic who feels guilty over the death of his own sun and an anxious mess that just wants to make things better. how could it be any more perfect??? solar coping over his suns death with sun by accepting that hes gone but at least he has another to love and he wont be empty forever. AUGH

solar/eclipse. im fucking rabid over these 2. like idk man. i feel like theyd be so weird about potentially liking someone whos like a distorted reflection of themself. projecting their own self loathing onto each other then realizing just how similar they actually are and how it.. might actually not be that bad. then learning to love themselves by loving the flaws of the other and accepting who they are now. idk man. this is just wholesome thoughts tho dont think for a second i dont have toxic thoughts about them lol

sun/solar/eclipse (are you noticing a pattern yet?) is THE polycule. idc what you say, theyre all kissing each other. fuck you (/silly)

this is for my own au becuzzzz i wont let go of a chance to talk about them :3 we got sunshine(sunvant)/solstice(eclipse) and they are an absolute WRECK. theyre both fucked over by their past and the beginnings of their relationship is so rocky bc sunshine doesnt trust anyone + doesnt understand nor believe he deserves affection (hes also constantly wanting to go back to lord eclipse). meanwhile solstice doesnt even see sunshine as a person and rather as a project to work on (and also an opportunity to maybe better himself. maybe if he can help someone then that means he can be a better person). solar comes in later and while i havent Completely thought about their dynamics i will say that both solar and solstice are very overprotective of sunshine. they both constantly butt heads bc they both want to protect him while sunshine just sits in a corner head in hands trying to figure out how to get them to stop without having his own panic attack (they get better tho dw <3)

anyway uhhhhh i think thats all for now lol

have fun with this info ig

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[percyjacksonfan3]

The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

[grxceblqckthxrn]

TDA characters as types of tiktokers

y’all KNOW i’m bored when i’m doing this shit lmao 

i’ll get around to doing the other TSC characters eventually TDA was just the first to come to mind also if you’re not actively on tiktok some of what i say might not make sense ahaha

also i named some tiktokers who yall can use for reference for some of them and from what i’ve seen they’re all fairly unproblematic so you should check them out!!

EMMA CARSTAIRS

okay so she’s DEFINITELY super popular and she uses her platform for good

she’s really funny and a lot of her audios go viral posts videos of her dancing saying that she cant dance but she’s actually really good at it

6M followers and growing fast 

 hypes up her boyfriend’s account ALL the time

calls out misogynistic/racist tiktokers through duets and KEEPS THEIR TAG IN THE CAPTION  

 she is not afraid of starting drama lmao

occasionally hops on POV and transition trends but its usually satire 

emma can’t act for shit lmao 

super active on tiktok and has a spam account

people are always asking her to drop the skin care routine but she doesn’t have one?? 

*pushes Zara down* “and no one’s gonna help her?? WOW some world we live in”

JULIAN BLACKTHORN

there’s no way he doesnt  have an art account lmao

a lot of his paintings go viral but 90% of his comments are 14 year old girls thirsting over him

yall know that pottery guy on tiktok?? the cute one?? (i searched up his account just for this post he’s @/daxnewman769) that’s the best way to describe him

literally all the famous tiktokers commission him

probably has like 4M followers lmao

will occasionally make about how respecting women doesn’t make you a “simp”

doesn’t get into tiktok drama tho

posts candid videos of emma and all his jealous 14 year old fans get so pressed but he shuts down anyone who says anything bad about her

sometimes does painting or drawing tutorials and he’s really good at teaching stuff lmao

CRISTINA ROSALES

omg okay so like yall know those really pretty girls on tiktok who are literal models and are always dropping tips on how to frame your face for pictures and best clothes and poses and whatever  ( @/ameliezilber is the first person that came to mind as an example)

thats her

alot of her content is just for the aesthetic

BLING EFFECT

GRWM’s all the time

10 step skin care routine 

GOOD VIBES

has a pretty decent following?? like at least 2 million

has a spam but it’s exactly the same as her main lol

also calls out problematic tiktokers but not by name

her entire account is full of body positivity and does a bunch of stuff on loving yourself

sometimes does POVs and all the comments are like “@ netflix hire her rn”

sometimes posts crack videos with emma and cute vids with mark and kieran

MARK BLACKTHORN

does a lot of reaction videos and duets

a lot of his videos go viral but he doesn’t have a huge following like maybe 800k

 everyone still knows him

gets at least twenty “are you wearing only one contact” comment about his eyes every post

he’s really funny without even realizing it 

sometimes goes inactive for weeks at a time and just forgets that tiktok exists lmao

shows off kieran and cristina ALL THE MF TIME AND EVERYONE IS SO JEALOUS LIKE HOW ARE ALL OF THEM HOT

KIERAN 

doesnt have a tiktok lmao sorry

but shows up so much on mark’s and cristina’s that a lot of people know who he is

DIANA WRAYBURN

unironically does POVs but is actually good at them??

lots of videos talking about the struggles of minorities like LGBTQ+ and POC and women

posts a lot of those vidoes that are like “what to do if you ever get kidnapped” “red flags in relationships” “most powerful parts of the body” etc

probably has like 500k followers 

at the end of the day she doesn’t really use tiktok that much tho ahaha

LIVVY BLACKTHORN:

does a little bit of everything??

posts dance videos sometimes 

omg her transitions are SO good

everyone is in love with her and she has to remind them that she’s a minor (i’m just a kid plays aggressively in the background)

posts videos that are just vibes?? like her skating at night, dancing in traffic with dru/her friends, walking through the city at night etc

lots of lip syncing videos to whatever sounds are popular and all her comments are like “i wish i looked like this” “guess im not eating today” and she gets so upset :((

she wants everyone to know that they’re perfect the way they are!!

also posts POVs sometimes and she’s not that bad at them ahaha 

probably has like 1 million followers 

doesn’t even need a spam just posts everything on her main 

shouts out her sibilings accounts all the time

overall just great energy

TY BLACKTHORN

never posts his face on his main but he does on his spam

yall know those accounts that post fun facts or psychology facts?? his is like that except he talks to explain them and everyone finds his voice SO calming 

he posts a lot of content of animals and everyone is in AWE with how good he is with them

his username is probably theanimalwhisperer or something djkfskjd

every single time he posts Kit on his account all the comments are like “OOH ICU” and “SHIP” and “ASK HIM OUT ALREADY”

he gives 0 shits about popularity on tiktok he’s just posting for fun because he likes teaching people about his interests

so he has like maybe 500k followers

lots of philosophical questions that has everyone questioning their existence

ugh i love him

KIT HERONDALE

be honest this is what y’all were waiting for 

yall know those unproblematic ppl that everyone refers to as the “king(s) of tiktok”???

yeah thats him

SO FUNNY

LIKE HIS CONTENT IS GENUINELY HILARIOUS

lots of sarcasm and satire

think @/adamkindacool  ?? (one of my favourite tiktokers lmao)

does reaction videos for those “pov: im the annoying hot cheeto girl sitting next to you in math class” videos

dark humor (not like rude humor but actual dark humor)

like “i put the baby in the oven and the pizza in the bed” type of jokes back when those were a thing

has like 4M followers but almost every single one of his posts go viral so he’s gaining fast

lots of pranks

starts a bunch of trends

any video he posts of Mina goes viral

sometimes he posts some really weird stuff that has everyone laughing so hard irl (@/benoftheweek)

he NEVER thirst traps but still gets a lot of those weird sexual fairy comments on his posts (iykyk)

TO BE CLEAR I MEAN THE FAIRY EMOJI ONES NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING FAE 

reacts to the comments with a video of him just staring at the screen with the “oh to see without my eyes” or “im just sixteen” audio going on in the background which only encourages them to make more weird comments

anyways everyone loves him

any of his povs are pure jokes meant to make fun of pov’ers

posts maybe one serious tiktok every 5 months that talks about being respectful and using your platform for good

“i miss old tiktok”

posts a lot of random videos of Ty where, again, all the comments are shipping them except even more so on his account because everyone can see his heart eyes for Ty

collabs with Dru a lot and does a bunch of duets of her videos

everyone loves him bye

DRU BLACKTHORN

SO many memes

she deletes any hate in her comments bc she honestly doesnt care to respond to them and doesn’t need that kind of negativity in her life

but one time she got a “the f in women stands for funny” comment and she WENT OFF

does really dark povs sometimes that are really interesting

CLOWN MAKEUP + SCARY CLOWN TIKTOKS ( think @/avani ‘s clown make up posts

REALLY good at makeup and sometimes gets julian to do scary makeup on her for tiktoks and povs (like those ones with stitches over the mouth or skin peeling off)

huge ally!! posts a lot about minorities struggles and white privilege, and acknowledges hers

does movie reviews and stuff sometimes

“types of” videos

pulls a lot of pranks on her sibilings with livvy and sometimes with Kit

lots of body positivity + self love

calls out back-handed compliments

also has a lot of content like Livvy’s of just vibing in LA

julian and emma and mark go off at anyone who sexualize her in the comments

probably has like 650k followers

posts a couple of times a week

BONUS: 

JAIME ROSALES

lots of skateboarding videos idk he just gives me that vibe

doesn’t post that often but is super popular

like maybe 1.5M followers

really passionate about systematic racism

HATES all those privileged white boys using the “this is america” audio to pretend they’re oppressed ( this is a may 2020 thing so it probably wont make sense to anyone who sees this after lmao)

POSTS A LOT OF THIRST TRAPS LMAO 

also posts lots of videos that’s just him yelling about stuff but they’re really entertaining to watch ( like that guy sebastian @/sauceyogranny)

everyone thinks he’s super hot he always shows up in those “hottest boys on tiktok” videos except sometimes he’s just the token POC boy and it makes him mad :( 

DIEGO ROSALES

HIS ACCOUNT IS SO PRACTICAL LMAO

lots of tips 

“what to do if you’re trapped in the desert” “what to do if you’re kidnapped and stuck in the trunk”

doesnt reply to comments EVER unless it’s to clarify a point he made in the video or answer a question

has like 200k

okay thats it lmao im done bye this took me like an hour to make

i’ll get to all the other characters from the other series’ eventually 

also if yall are wondering abt the lack of f*ckbois in this post they’re coming dw

TMI CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

TID CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS 

TLH CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

[holycalf]

i started watching sku bc of your blog (and i really enjoy it!) but i dont get why you seem to like shiori but not ruka....i mean it seems like his intentions were a lot better than hers ever were tbfh am i missing something? not saying he went about things GREAT but....at least he actually seemed to care. shiori was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch it seemed like...

hi! im glad ure enjoying it! it can definitely be a lot at times, and i think the first 12 eps can rub ppl the wrong way so props to u for getting thru those (even tho i liked em :) ) this is gonna be long so if u feel like reading an essay feel free to read under the cut

um.. i dont really know where to begin tbh? i mean you cant really talk about any of these characters without talking abt the other two so.... this is gonna be long.

so lets take shiori, who has a very classic case of internalized homophobia. which is confirmed by ikuhahras outtake on ep. 17 which states the following

 “I finally realized the truth. To think that she loved me back! What a miracle! But...‘The loser in love is the one who lets their heart be ruled by it.’Everyone's adopted a provocative attitude toward someone of the opposite sex that they like at least once or twice, to get that person to notice them. So it's okay if I do that.This love will crumble if we touch. But when people don't touch, the love eventually dies away .That's why I decided to keep your love prisoner. To make sure that you love me forever. That game will make our love ‘eternal.’ I'm sure of it.We were ‘lovers lost from the beginning.”

so shioris in love with juri. im not sure if thats something u caught onto or not but its definitely the quintessence of her character, and needs to be considered when we consider her against ruka- since its a shared affection. also, i just like shiori, i dont necessarily think shes GOOD i just enjoy watching her and she feels very raw. shiori has a crippling inferiority complex, you can even tell through off handed conversations with her friends in hallways she exaggerates her stories to be more liked. juri is someone who has things come easy to her, and doesnt even really seem to care or notice. in the shows canon shes: liked by the student body, liked by teachers, admired by men (and girls too), academically inclined, good at bowling, captain of fencing club (and likely the most talented duelist- since shes the only one utena never properly beats) and a MODEL?????????? and shiori, at least in her own eyes, is painfully mundane. growing up next to someone who seems to have everything go in their favor, all of the while youre harboring having feelings for them (and jealous that youre among SO many suitors) is so frustrating! especially when you dont believe to have any at all. the elevator sequence when she discovers juris locket is a bit of a power trip for shiori, and also just a sort of confusion. shioris “why do you look at me like that?!” when she considers juri mid breakdown is a clear reflection of her own confusion, she may as well be saying “how could you possibly love me?”...but that was the black rose arc which all got undone anyways- so by the time we see shiori ruka arc she doesnt even know juris got the hots for her. when she first sees ruka, shes staring at juri first and only zeroes in on ruka once she hears people talking abt him. she takes ruka the same way she did that boy in middle school because he seems to be something coveted by the girls around her, its a very closeted gay girl move to decide to go for a boy just because other girls are into him... and it definitely helps that hes in such close contact w juri...he could easily be the one stored in that locket of hers, so why not take him? 

so then we have ruka, who the entire time we watch him is smug, condescending, and genuinely one of the most unpleasant characters on the show. by the end we learn hes in love with juri, so maybe this persona was embellished to push her towards revolution to “free her from shiori” or whatever but.... sorry i dont care LOL! the way he treated shiori ALONE was enough for me to dislike him, there was NO need to tear apart and embarrass the girl like that. he took clear advantage of her crush on juri. his locker is seen right next to juris, and shiori is pressed up against one of the two lockers, but we arent shown which,  “after all, that wasnt my sword,”....he knows shiori has been going to juris locker (and potentially polishing her sword but who knows. all we know is that she goes to juris locker.) and it is later revealed hes extra certain of her feelings because upon publically dumping her (another dick move) we hear her kinda stutter “I love you more than.... I love you more than anyone else” shes clearly beating around a bush because theyre in public, hes pinpointed she and juri are both into eachother, and instead of being a normal ass guy about it and just SETTING THEM UP and telling them to work their stuff out he chooses to, “out of love”  assault juri, emotionally manipulates the girl juri is in love with,  then inadvertantly cause juris locket to break which upsets her so deeply she forfeits her duel with utena. and upon that locket breaking he has the AUDACITY to think hes somehow freed her from something... when the girl is breaking down crying in the rain (the first and only time we ever see juri cry...even if its implied she does it in the shower that one time lol).......then just???dies??? like all he does in his time on the show is cause problems and die, all because he couldnt get over his feelings for a lesbian.... it just feels SO gross to me that he hides his assault and general abuse (can we talk abt how he likely took shioris virginity, JUST to break her down???) behind some icky hero complex

PLUS we see shiori at the end of that episode realize shes in that locket while juri is dueling, and we see her run up to juri at the end of the ep and it doesnt look malicious, it feels very...resolutiony? esp when you put it next to the miki/kozue closing scene of their car arc duel, which is explicitly bad terms, this feels more hopefully....suggesting some part of shiori has at least changed. ruka never got that luxury, he completely exploited two girls in order to add dramatic flare to his last few days and felt valid in doing so..... shiori never seemed to think her actions were JUSTIFIED.....which is sort of the point of the black rose arc where shiori is arguably at her worst........... the very ugliest part of ppl are brought out in those elevator sessions so thats what we see of shiori? 

sorry for the essay!! but i hope this helps and make sense :-) feel free to ask any more questions u have abt the show, and i hope u continue enjoying it! im assuming ure still watching it, i dont know how far u are but if u JUST finished 29 then that means ure getting to some of my fave episodes! (33,37,39 :) ) 

tl,dr: shiori never assaulted anyone

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[blookmallow]

and finally, the conclusion of the dark brotherhood questline 

i have been through so much and lost so much but i gained the one thing that matters most of all.....  cicero’s heart 

-----

well

these aren’t the real emperor’s clothes but i have this still,

i put it on the dawnstar sanctuary mannequin with the jester hat lmao

:( my favorite guard friend who hangs out around the shops in the mornings with me is onto me 

hes not hostile or reporting me to the jarl or anything at least tho 

Dont woRRY About It

i did have guards after me for a while (i had. several just go ‘ok ill let you off this time :)’ bc. i. asked nicely. after attempting to assassinate the emperor of skyrim) but eventually just paid my bounty and they were like ok you’re good and now apparently everyone has completely forgotten That Time I Tried To Murder The Fucking Emperor 

anyway after the fucking massacre that happened at the sanctuary i was absolutely Out For Blood

i mean like....... i realize maro is completely justified here. we are in fact a league of assassins guilty of murdering A Lot of people, we very much did make a real attempt on the emperor’s life (and killed his double, who was less important but still like, an innocent guy, presumably)(or even if it was like that death note thing where its actually a criminal on death row anyway, like, we clearly didnt know that) and i did personally murder maro’s son and ruin his reputation, so. like. we are the bad guys in this situation no matter how you look at it lmao but STILL THOSE WERE MY FRIENDS, FUCKER

so i decided to murder him out of pure spite, but. uh

I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO CAUSE THIS BUT I ACTUALLY GOT THE SOLITUDE GUARDS TO MURDER HIM FOR ME LMAO I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

im trying to remember what the fuck even happened here im clearly. underwater, i think maybe i like. confronted him and he got hostile but i jumped off the pier and the guards were like “woah that guy’s losing it” and intervened but he fought them too or something ??? ??  I DONT KNOW BUT THE GUARDS KILLED HIM FOR ME :’) thanks guys 

then after everything we still kept the contract, and... the new plan.... was for me to sneak onto the emperor’s ship before he leaves skyrim and kill him there.... WHICH I COULD HAVE FUCKING. DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS SO MUCH EASIER THAN... KILLING SOME OFFICIAL’S SON AND PLANTING FALSE EVIDENCE AND TRACKING DOWN THE GOURMET AND MURDERING HIM AND IMPERSONATING HIM TO TRY TO POISON THE EMPEROR AND IMPLICATING A RANDOM CHEF WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AND

EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!!! WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED ABSOLUTELY ALL OF THIS. WAS ASTRID GETTING ME ALL MIXED UP IN THIS WILD GOOSE CHASE ON PURPOSE FROM THE BEGINNING ?? ? ? SORRY!!! IM ANGRY

i got all the way here without anyone even seeing me (i used a couple invisibility potions for the really tricky spots, but still) i could absolutely have just done this and avoided the entire everything. god 

anyway i again dont really understand the politics of skyrim but. the real emperor was expecting me to find him one way or another. he had already accepted his death and made peace with it. it was. actually kind of sad. i dont know enough to say whether he was actually a decent guy or not but he seemed like he was. i couldnt bring myself to steal his clothes so i still just have the duplicate emperor’s clothes but it looks the same anyway

i took a war axe from one of his displays though. i dont remember if i already mentioned my ongoing tradition of always taking something from my victims and enchanting them later to mark who it belonged to, but thats a thing ive been doing. little murder scrapbook

im not really sure how murdering the emperor counts as “serving the empire” but sure ok 

i also killed this guy lmao the emperor’s last wish was for me to kill whoever it was that betrayed him and i dont like this dude in the first place so i was like yea you got it 

i built a memorial with the weapons rack in my room in the dawnstar sanctuary

enchanted special weapons for each of our fallen members (left to right it’s astrid, arnbjorn, festus, gabriella, and veezara) (i also later added another dagger for lis bc i had one space left) 

theres also gemstones on the floor beneath each weapon but they keep sliding out of place :’ | 

ANGEL DARLING SONG OF MY HEART LIGHT OF MY LIFE YOU’RE ALIVE

you can see the game autosaving in the corner bc i had Just come out of the sanctuary lmao thats how lightning fast i reacted to this 

[sobbing] baby boy.... baby.... i was SO WORRIED

i murdered the fucking emperor of skyrim bc i was so desperate to continue this questline to see if cicero would come back I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU.....

(he pranked me and pretended he was gonna kill me at first. i almost lost it thinking he STILL wouldnt forgive me but it was ok :’) u got me, ) 

sniffs...... best friends forever........ this is the best possible outcome this is all ive ever wanted it was all worth it for this 

we got our window back!!!!! also ft cicero subtitle photobombing me with his boundless enthusiasm for murder but i forgive him 

oof we also have... a bunch of torture victims hanging around now too :’ ) oh

i kinda feel bad about them but there doesnt seem to be an option to let them go, 

i mean i could just kill them all i guess. i killed one guy to see if i could. you Can. his body is still there. nobody seemed to care that i killed him

I TURNED AROUND AFTER NAZIR SAID THAT AND CICERO’S JUST. LOOKING AT ME LIKE THIS,

i fuckign love this cute little shit. what the fuck. this is such justice too everyone was so rude to him, everyone made fun of him and talked down to him, everyone wanted him dead after he went after astrid, but she sold us out and got everyone killed, he was RIGHT, and now hes the right-hand-man to the Listener who is now ALSO the leader of the brotherhood. he’s basically second in command to the entire organization now and nobody can do a goddamn thing about it bc they all KNOW not to fuck with me now 

i also realized hes taller than me and i dont like it, :’)

im still deciding medea’s taller than him anyway i dont care. she would be taller than the character model is allowing for

he likes to randomly start singing/humming really off key/dancing around its SO cute.... im lov him...............

darling..... calm down, :’) 

hes so completely devoted to me now im in pain

i realized i could tell him to go to sleep and he actually did it the absolute madman 

he gets up if you try to sleep beside him though

i mean. not that i tried that or anything

he stands SO close to me all the time.... i turn around and hes right there beaming adoringly at me. i cant do this 

he kept saying mother needed some flowers so i took him out to collect some nightshade for her n dropped them around her feet 

“whats the point of thievery lol like..... just kill them?????? stupid” 

having cicero constantly two feet behind me jus making cute comments and/or half singing The Weirdest Shit I Have Ever Heard is absolutely delightful 

ur so cute when you’re threatening people

he also hates the forsworn see we’re in sync

I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN

me, the leader of the brotherhood, in full brotherhood armor, with cicero following right behind me giggling to himself about murder:

[fluffyheretic]

I’m so fucking tempted to say “every single question with Kazushuu or Hitoshuu (except for the nsfw ones i guess)” But I don’t want to singlehandedly kill you

ok let’s do it

as a side note sometimes the answer is the same or similar for both ships just bc shuu is uh. the same person. but ofc not always

under cut for lengthhhh

1. Who makes the first move and how?

hitoshuu: normally im gonna say definitely hitori. he probably decides to be direct and just straight up ask. in iwasweetie au specifically tho i want it to be sweetie if only bc i need to make him get over his shit. he also asks “directly” but it actually involves a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush so it ends up not being very direct

shuukazu: im not sure if it would really be one of them specifically, i can see them as the “this kind of just happened” couple. maybe kazuaki is the one after several months whos like “so um… what are we…. lol………..”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

hitoshuu: shuu, not that hitori is the paragon of confidence but shuus like “wtf hes the ideal young man and im Bastard Supreme but ok i guess”

shuukazu: BOTH LMAO but kazu is more vocal abt it and shuu is the Bottle Up EVERYTHING type

some good ol body positivity cuddle sessions work in both cases

3. Who is the most romantic?

anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what feelings ARE” reasons

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

again anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what intimacy IS” reasons but specifically hitori is just more confident and kazuaki isnt necessarily confident but is more just. shameless

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

not shuu for similar reasons as above. there’s a trend here, you see

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

THIS is a CHRISTIAN blog

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

hitoshuu: going to dinner at a place thats nice but not TOO nice. like good comfortable atmosphere and good food but not posh

shuukazu: they probably just wander around, maybe go shopping, kazuaki keeps pointing out stuff he wants and dr iwamine “i dont know what to do with my money bc i dont want for material things” shuu just buys it for him. shuu please stop enabling him. stop it.

8. What do they like in bed?

hitoshuu: cuddling :)

shuukazu: snuggling :)

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

i feel like shuu considers every single new couple-y thing he does to be the new most embarrassing thing he’s done. we’re holding hands? embarrassing. i kissed you? god now THATS embarrassing. you caught me wearing your sweater that you accidentally left at my place? well put me in the fucking ground thats literally the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to anybody. how dare i show sentimentality. despicable

kazuaki is similar in that he’s constantly one-upping himself and getting a NEW most embarrassing thing but his things include stuff like getting caught watching really strange anime and scream-singing pop songs and anime OPs in the shower

hitori probably like tripped on the sidewalk once

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

these questions are difficult bc man idk what media exists in 2188 bird japan

11. What do they hide from one another?

in both cases shuus answer is “just about everything” hes terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. pretty much everything you learn about him has to be squeezed out

hitori hides how troubled he really is because he wants to seem like the responsible one everyone can depend on so that they dont have to worry about him. he does his best to hide when hes struggling but since shuu has that exact same impulse they pretty quickly start to see through each other, but are also very understanding about it.

kazuaki probably doesnt have as much to hide but he might be shy about portraying how REALLY in love with shuu he is too soon because he doesnt want to scare him away. he also hides the weirder shows and games and stuff that hes into lol

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

hitoshuu: i can see them having that kind of relationship where at first its casual and almost competitive in a way, like a “i think youre sexy and the only thing i know to do about it is see what i can do to make you flustered, then act smug when i succeed” thing. but over time when the novelty of that starts to wear off they both kinda realize they just straight up like each other and start being more genuine and soft.

shuukazu: again its a similar thing with shuu where he starts feeling more comfortable with letting himself be a little more genuine and START opening up. kazuaki picks up on this as a good sign and starts to worry less about trying to impress shuu and more just enjoying their time together.

13. When do they realize they should get together?

this is another one that i think is a similar answer in both cases, at least for shuu’s part he has a “dammit. i cant lose him” moment. since hes a person of very few words he tries to communicate “i want us to be serious” via letting down his walls a little bit, which hitori/kazuaki hopefully notice is happening and then are like “oh maybe we can work”

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

for shuu and hitori its “responsibly take care of you, bc its what i should do but also secretly i get STRESSED AS FUCK when someone i care about is sick so i gotta make sure youre okay”

for kazuaki its “take care of you, although i dont really know what im doing, also i thought since youre bedridden we could cuddle but its not as enjoyable as i wanted so like I’m Here but also im gonna watch tv okay? ill get u crackers and ginger ale”

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

hitoshuu: shuu’s gonna say he doesn’t care, but hitori also doesn’t really care so eventually he’ll get shuu to admit that he’d like to watch a nature documentary. especially if it’s marine-themed. hitori likes that too so hey there you go

shuukazu: shuu WILL watch the 76th pokemon movie OR ELSE

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

hitoshuu: both are cutthroat bastards that do anything it takes to keep each other safe. their reliance and trust in each other is probably 99% of what keeps them going.

shuukazu: again shuus gonna do literally anything it takes to keep kazuaki safe, but to be real i dont know if kazuaki is making it out of this one. and if he doesnt then shuus not either.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

shuu’s answer is going to be at various points in prehistory to study organisms that are now long-extinct (side note god thats definitely my answer too). his bf is worried abt the dangers but comes with him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

i think hitori might not have anything specific in mind but going to historical sites in their heydays seems like a good choice.

since kazuaki likes literature he’d probably want to see historical stuff related to that, like seeing shakespeare plays when they first came out and meeting his favorite dead authors to ask them questions.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

hitoshuu: hitori doesn’t like to dance around that kind of thing, after a little time has passed for them to both think about it then he’ll just be direct and say “hey lets talk about that thing that happened” if he feels he was in the wrong then he’ll then follow that up with an apology. i can see hitori being a little grudgy but then quickly getting tired of it and just wanting things to be resolved. shuu hates talking things out because hes bad at it but he knows its best so he’ll just try to explain how he felt at the time but also what he’s considered since then. even if he’s not good at explaining himself, hitori is good at understanding him anyway so they usually work it out pretty quickly.

shuukazu: they can be messier since kazuaki gets really emotional really quickly and sometimes says things he doesnt mean. theyre both bad at dealing with it afterwards though until after a few awkward days, kazuaki cant take it and is like “waaa i dont want us to be fighting anymore 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” and shuus like “ok.” because yeah he’ll take the easy way out. they could probably improve their communication tbh

19. Where do they go on their first date?

hitoshuu: they probably decide to do something simple and casual to make it less awkward so they just get coffee. shuu feels like, from what he knows, that he should be expecting hitori to make a move on him. hitori doesnt because he wants to be considerate of shuus comfort level, but shuu takes it as a sign of disinterest. luckily shuu realizes hes wrong about that when hitori quickly invites him on Another date where they take a stroll in the park, and thats when hitori goes in for the tactical hand-hold maneuver.

shuukazu: kind of the opposite of hitoshuu in that they dont really declare it officially as a date. kazuaki just asks shuu if he wants to see a movie with him, not really calling it a date but kind of implying it to be one. shuu probably doesnt care about the movie but thinks this might possibly maybe be a date so he should go. kazuaki then uses it as a chance to Put On The Movies, as awkward as that might be, including the classic “stretch with my arms up and then let one down over your shoulders” move. shuu doesnt really know how to indicate his own interest in response but hopes the fact that hes also not complaining in any way gives a hint. despite it not REALLY being an official date at the time, later on theyll look back on it and decide that yeah that was their first date.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

shuu hates taking time off work, but if he must, then he’ll be content as long as theres something scientifically interesting there like a museum or an aquarium.

hitori doesnt really mind where they go, hes just grateful to get to go on holiday at all, so he’ll let shuu pick. and again, that’s going to be somewhere with a natural history museum, probably a very nice one and they’ll both enjoy it.

kazuaki is similar in that he’s just happy to be there but his ideal holiday destination is probably just…. akihabara. so shuu relents and goes there with him occasionally. kazuaki does like to visit aquariums with shuu though! they do both

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

hitoshuu: the cemetery, at least at first when they arent used to being that vulnerable in front of each other

shuukazu: well shuu sure as shit is nervous about going to anime cons with kazu

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

in both cases, definitely at one of their homes, because shuus too much of a wreck to have a moment like that in a public place.

for shuukazu, i picture it that theyre just hanging out at kazuakis place and relaxing, and they end up cuddling a lot, and kazuaki kisses him kind of impulsively. hes then very apologetic about it before shuu manages to assure him that its fine.

hitoshuu, maybe hitori walks shuu home after a date and goes for the classic end of date goodbye kiss, but just on the cheek. then when once again hitori has walked shuu home, shuu wonders if he should expect a real kiss this time, but hitori goes for the cheek again. shuus disappointed and grabs hitoris sleeve before he turns away because he doesnt know how to say he wants more. but hitori takes the hint and kisses him for real this time.

23. Where is their favorite place to be together?

in both cases it’s at home, because shuu finds it much easier to be intimate when they’re in privacy. i think all three of them really appreciate just getting to relax together.

24. Where do they first have sex?

what did i say about this being a christian blog

25. Why do they fight?

usually its because shuu said something a little too tactless. hes not so clueless that he’ll say something really obviously offensive, but sometimes he really doesn’t know what’s too much. but his bf is hopefully understanding of this and corrects him Still Firmly but still with some “but i know you didnt mean it like that, we’re okay” way, because chances are he really didnt.

for hitoshuu specifically, hitori has to be on shuu about eating properly and can sometimes get kind of annoyed about it. shuus kneejerk reaction is to then be offended because hes an adult who can take care of himself. but they calm down and make up when shuu remembers that hitori just worries for him, and hitori remembers that shuu doesnt not eat just to spite him.

for shuukazu, i can see kazuaki’s lack of responsibility and aloofness start to get on shuu’s nerves, and when he brings it up kazuaki thinks he’s just being mean. again, similarly to hitoshuu, they get over it when kazuaki reminds himself that shuu wants him to be able to take care of himself, and shuu reminds himself as well that he can be too abrasive and should work on it.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

hitoshuu: they dont have to right away but over time it would be good for them to be honest abt their respective traumas and the shit theyre dealing with instead of hiding it

shuukazu: similar, shuu should probably get around to being more open abt his shit. they might also want to have a talk abt what a serious relationship is gonna look like for them

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

hitoshuu: i answered this already! but again, its bc theyre so ~responsible~

shuukazu: ppl either see kazuaki being super clingy and think “man hes so overbearing, his poor partner 😒” or see shuu being emotionless and think “man theyre so cold, their poor boyfriend 😒” actually they gotta mind their own damn business

28. Why do they get jealous?

hitoshuu: i feel like hitori actually gets hit on a pretty decent amount. shuu is never happy about it, but the death glares he starts sending usually scare the person off anyway

shuukazu: both of them think the other is too good for them so if anyone looks at them with even a little too much interest the other is immediately like “well i guess this is it”

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

hitoshuu: little moments shuu loves is when hitori asks him how he is, how he slept. when he makes him dinner. hitori loves when shuu looks deep in thought, tucks his hair behind his ear, and he definitely likes to see him get along with nageki, which he does.

shuukazu: shuu loves when kazuakis eyes light up with excitement when he sees something he likes, especially when shuu realizes that hes one of those things too. he also loves kazuakis really nice hugs, especially when shuu just woke up from a nightmare. kazuaki loves how shuu listens to him intently, and asks questions about the things hes interested in, and sometimes rests his hand on him when hes getting tired.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

hitoshuu: both are important figures in each other’s lives, obv shuu helped nageki but also hitori is probably the first person to get even a little close to shuu after ryuuji died. theyre both just pockets of trauma but are doing their best so it would be good for them to support each other and try to heal. theyre both pretty dependable so when the going gets tough they’re each other’s rocks

shuukazu: theyre definitely the “it will never work” couple that ends up working anyway. shuu might think kazuaki is annoying at first but if ryuuji is any indication shuu definitely seems to gravitate towards people who are more chill and even a little silly, and when shuu realizes that kazuaki isnt as dumb as he makes himself seem that helps a lot. for kazuaki shuu definitely has a ~mysterious~ aspect that draws him in initially but when it wears off as he learns more about shuu, instead of the magic being gone he just starts finding him more relatable and endearing so their relationship actually improves.

[flyingcookierambles]

plans for 2020???

uhhuhuhuhuhuhhhh

graduate college

get a part time job and take a gap year for academia/save up money while job hunting for my first Real Adult Job?????

figure out my gender??????????????? probably switch to like they/she pronouns or something bc i realized that every time i post something on twitter/snapchat/tumblr/whatever i always refer to myself as a “a foolish child who makes bad financial decisions” or “a person who makes their wallet cry” or like “guess who just spent like $40 on a steam sale???? this kidddddddddd” like ive always just been unconsciously referring to myself in like third person or they/them/gender neutral pronouns?????? like. i dont think that in any tweet/toot/snap ive ever written i’ve called myself something like “a foolish girl” or “a girl who makes her wallet cry” or anything so like theres that. and honestly ive made/been making some posts about this gender thing for like the past year. ive asked the cool mods at feminism and media about it (ill post the screenshot later). ive changed my main tumblr about page which i dont think anyone’s ever visited since it’s listed under “hi” and like maybe i should change it to “about”? anyways ive like changed most of my stuff online to be something like “gender questioning, but she/her pronouns are fine for now” or like “gender questioning/probably nonbinary” and then just straight up changed my facebook pronouns to they/them (but im p sure my family hasnt noticed thank goodness cuz thats not a can of worms i wanna explain to a bunch of religious baby boomers rn), changed my myanimelist gender to non-bianary (again why is this a thing? a rando blue anime hellsite is not the place i expected to have this option but like im not complaining so lol), and also put “gender questioning, probably non-binary” in the write in gender option on goodreads so like. uhhh. i guess im probably non-binary????? but also im a terrible and indecisive person so like every time i say im probably non-binary my stupid brain goes back to bein like. wait is this some internalized misogyny that makes me not want to be a girl/cis girl? but also i find the dysphoria memes/jokes on the egg_irl subreddit really relatable and its just a bad cycle in which i go “oh these gender dysphoria memes on a trans subreddit are really relatable” -> “huh maybe. im not a girl???” -> brain awakened to being not a girl -> self doubt of brain might have internalized misogyny -> haha im a cis girl even tho i always refer to myself with they/them pronouns in writing -> haha wait that doesnt sound right a cis person wouldnt refer to themself with gender neutral pronouns right -> i know, ill go to a sub that i know makes gender dysphoria jokes and caused this self doubt/gender questioning in the first place with dumb jokes like “would you push a button?” and this meme but replace the “im bi” with “im ace” -> haha these gender dysphoria jokes are really relatable -> oh no (repeat this hell cycle of self doubt for 2 years and its me haha) 

regarding the above example sentences of steam sales and my finances, uhhhh, i wanna play more video games this year. and actually finish them. because i think according to steamdb or whatever account rating site it is, my account’s games net worth is something ridiculous like $600. and like. ive only played like 30% of the stuff i own. so uh. i should get my moneys worth and play stuff

the above resolution does not apply to games that are technically endless with no real goal/end, such as the sims, cities skyline, prison architect, etc. this resolution applies only to games that do have an end, such as nameless, pesterquest, steins;gate, etc.

the above resolution also may have some exceptions due to technical issues or time since some games, mostly japanese visual novels like steins;gate, are not compatible with macbooks i guess maybe they’re not popular with gamers (not surprising the macbooks has terrible venting lol) and also maybe not popular in japan so japanese companies just dont think to port things to mac os??? idk what the issue is here exactly but like since im in a college dorm and not at home ill only have access to my macbook for a majority of the time.

also similar to the “finish the games” thing, i should read, or at least attempt to read, all the books i’ve brought. i have so so many ebooks. that are unread. yet i also keep buying more books. i should stop buying books and finish the ones i do have and also use the library more.

also i should probably figure out how to save money lol. im 22. but im constantly broke. 

also i should uhhh probably find more diverse books lol. like i love my shitty indie fantasy books and stuff but the protag is usu a white dude so like eh. but also. sometimes when i read books w female protags im like haha cant relate. and then the gender questioning sets in once again. is it because im probably non-binary? or am i actually trans or something???????? i mean i hang out on egg_irl, a mostly mtf trans sub, but also an occasional non-binary or ftm trans post comes up which is also nice to see. idk mannnnnnn lollll

also there was this whole like haha cant relate brain reaction to my school’s vagina monologues event when i went in to listen to my nursing major friend have some monologue. like she talked about some thing about like delivering a baby and it was kinda near the end of the event bc i got there late and the ones that i did hear at the end were just like haha cant relate but also ive been told that the monologues that year were particularly terf-y, probs in response to my college turning co-ed (it was up until i think 2 years before i entered a womens college and the older students, alumni and current students that were there at the time, were apparently super pissed about it, so the school i guess doubled down on “(cis) girl power!” but also kinda excluded trans/gender queer ppl that weren’t cis girls in the process)

gender is stupid i feel like id much rather not have to deal with it/pick a label to be and move on with life lol but my brain wont let me

push this internal gender crisis out of my mind by playing a ton of video games/reading a ton of books/do school work ig hahahahahaha

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[rqs902]

i didnt bother with posting about ep 9 of ‘all for one’ but here we are on the last ep lol...

ok but ep 9 was literally just a big karaoke fest / fan meeting so nothing really stood out to me.... 

im starting this note halfway thru the ep after seeing huang zhibo’s line in pinlin’s group’s performance bc he did so well im so proud!!!!!!!! omgosh his stage presence has improved!! mainly this is all i wanted to say bc i actually really like zhibo even tho he didnt get much time to shine throughout this show :c ok even tho they had to color his hair for half his line, for the ending they didnt and just filtered the whole screen (thankfully) bc he really looks so nice here ahhhh 

omg he also got a random closeup later!!

omg i literally rewinded and replayed this one part so many times to watch zhibo.... i really like his dancing!!! 

ok but objectively pinlin’s group killed it, compared with the other 2 groups LOL

but ok i guess i should say something about what’s happened so far.... poor naicha’s group always gets stuck with doing a stage thats like 10x harder than all the other groups.... lol so is anyone actually surprised with the results from the first round?? is anyone gonna explain what happened to half of the members of he yifan’s group? lol.........

i think aj’s group did really well! their song really suited them and did feel very 潮 lol i think huadi KILLED IT and aj’s smile is always a highlight of their stages. i think ill always feel like i wish jojo had a bigger role in their perfs but it is what it is. i really liked their song

for new storm to be performing uniq’s monster feels so weird..... like the entire show is/was basically a whole big yuehua promotional strategy lol 

I CANT LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT HEARING CHEN TAO’S WENHAN “GWI ZE” IN MY HEAD HAHAHAHAHHAA

ok im sorry hong weizhe but wenhan started the song better LOL ;;; but also i love zongying and hes adorable but i think he messed up on stage and also his stage presence still needs some work.... why does it just look like hes glaring LOL yang bingzhuo is pulling off the short hair well! why is yixuan bald yanxiu singing his heart out!! and haolian’s smile aw haolian is really just a tall baby lol 

tuo xian mu ou.............. im crying........ their performance was so..... thoughtful. goodness even with a performance with minimal choreography, naicha designed every aspect of it with care. he always brings out the best qualities of each member through their performances and that is truly admirable. gao xin starting and ending the song, mu sen’s voice!! and guanguan’s, especially the line they sing together wow, zhang peng is beautiful and i need more of his voice too, zirui singing his heart out, long-ge’s dancing that brings people to tears, chen shun’s rap that cant be replicated, the little montage at the end, and naicha mentioned the formation at long-ge’s center part matching from their first performance and also their star levels matching from their original first grading -- bringing him back to being the only class leader with just 4 stars..... the fact that theyre all crying and hugging and selina and fei are crying im--- ahhhh gao xin and zheng peng’s friendship im truly ahhhhhh 

im sure they knew going into the last round that it would be highly unlikely that they would win... but i think they really showed us that they deserved to. 

ugh this ending song again feels biased toward new storm lol just like alllll the editing lol. i really like yanxiu’s voice! GAO XIN ZHANG PENG FRIENDSHIP AHHH omg yunlong holding a haoyu sign is the cutest thing!!

lol the fact that pinlin is in that new soy milk commercial im laUGHING theres really no doubt that he’ll make it still lol

naicha’s speech at the end was short but he stated facts. they lost the competition but they didnt lose face. tuo xian mu ou had the best stages 

poor aj.... never got to win first place this entire show........ and then he doesnt get to talk at the end?? ?lol

wow new storm won wow much surprise wow i definitely wasnt expecting this at all wow 

i feel like the whole concept of “popular class” is such a cop-out move LOL feels bad for the members of new storm who arent popular and probs arent gonna get treated like winners even tho they won.......... im concerned for yanxiu

i bet none of them actually even wanna be in “popular class” bc it totally ties them down / separates them from their actual classes... this is literally just to satisfy angry pinlin istg 

oh and theyre gonna go from 7 up? am i suddenly watching idol producer??? ooo chen shun!!! recognizing talent! naicha crying for him!!! and the fact that gao xin’s tall body jumped up as soon as she said tuo xian mu ou... awwww and he prob knew it wouldnt be himself but he was so happy for his team members c: gao xin is a giant softie 

at least since new storm had so many popular kids, that leaves a couple of spaces open in “popular class” lol 

lol i almost forgot about wang di oops now that im thinking about the kids who lost... why didnt they invite back the other teams?? like wait what about like yati and boxuan and ziyue -- i thought they liked them?? i mean i get they got eliminated halfway thru the show but still.... i feel like they were memorable / contributed a lot to this show

can we talk about haoyu running over to comfort huadi!!?!? ahhh 

yea about the whole “i dont think they even want to be in popular class”  -- literally i feel like huadi and aj and naicha are crying when they go on stage because they had to leave their original class behind....... 

im crying watching long-ge gesturing for a crying naicha to go on without them....

ok my tears havent even dried yet but im laughing at them trying to make it so suspenseful who got first place......... ITS PINLIN NO ONE IS DOUBTING THAT ITS PINLIN EVERYONE KNOWS ITS PINLIN OK THANKS

wow look at pinlin literally getting 3x the number of votes as yangtong at #2..... wow 

also just looking at yangtong, aj, and huadi’s rankings it makes sense why yoyo class was consistently like second place lol

haoyu and huadi coming out to welcome pinlin first is...... the most......... ahhhhh

and ofc they pan to his class -- aka look at yunlong’s proud smile and zhibo going from happy to sad in like 30 seconds

wow we really going for #8 and #9 at the same time? are you sure im not watching qcyn? 

OH MY GOODNESS ZHIBO AGAINST LONG GE????? ZHIBO IS POPULAR???? HAHAHAHHAHA OMG WHATTTT ok i expected long-ge and long-ge def deserves it but omg i didnt realize zhibo was popular lol omg yuehua owns this show istg

i feel like long-ge will win.... but also i feel like long-ge doesnt want to win........ i totally see him as someone who would prefer to go off on his own and not be tied down by this show any longer... but also chen shun and naicha are like his best buds on this show so at least he’d have them.... zhibo i feel like would need / want this win more.. because i think he’d have a lot more to show us that he hasnt gotten to yet / may not have the chance to if he just goes back to yuehua. 

pinlin and yixuan and all the yuehua kids running off stage to comfort zhibo....... yall couldnt get your fans to vote for zhibo i guess.......... well we all know that if he yifan hadnt dropped out, he’d be in top 8 and therefore not long-ge so.... thats just something to keep in mind :\ tbh feels bad for guanguan (and jojo) bc he was on zui you xiu with chen shun and long-ge... but i think guanguan didnt get to demonstrate himself as much as they did on this show... even tho naicha tried his best (and succeeded in doing so more than any other leader) to highlight each of their strengths

lol the way they announce the two groups its like “new storm!” and then a huge long list of names for popular class -- like hmm i wonder which one is the actual winners......

i keep getting scared that yixuans gonna hit haolian in the face with that giant thing lol

HAHAHAHA the ending is just pinlin doing 99999 last minute cfs for their sponsors 

hmmm so how do i feel about the popular class -- theyre gonna be called Black ACE? oh ok lol isnt it kinda funny that 4 of them were in “trigger” from the very beginning together? (just like how 4 of the yuehua kids are in New storm...) interesting how things kinda were set from the beginning lol. i honestly feel like pinlin, wang di and yang tong kinda stick out to me in this group, but i wonder what this mix of what feels like is “yoyo and tuo xian plus 2” will turn out. 

well now i guess its time to watch out for these two groups and also keep an eye out for guanguan, zhibo, mu sen, gao xin, zhang peng, and jojo to see what they get to do next!

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny

[diabolikpersonals]

Like, what do you think of them generally?

alright alright alright alright alright thank u for the opportunity to talk about diaboys!!! I appreciate it ! under a read more bc I ranted forever

LAITO:

My first exposure to dialovers was the anime so my first impression towards Laito was like “oh, he’s the flirty one - oh shit he’s banging her in a church, you cant do that, thats nuts lol” but as I got more into the games, Laito became SO IMPORTANT TO ME??? especially like his relationships, w/ ALL the characters like his brothers and yui and the other families and everything! I especially love learning more about his relationship with Ayato and Kanato because it’s so dang complex. His feelings towards his triplet bros is really complicated because he loves them and you know he loves them but his trauma w/ his mom sort of fucks it all up so he’s got like this genuinely nice and kind and loving personality fighting against this trauma and warped view of the concepts of love and family that Cordelia gave him, and what you get is, “I love my family and I hope they die” and throughout the games u learn more about the reasons why he has those world views and it’s SO GOOD Laito is such a well thought-out character!?! As a writer Laito delights me but as a fan, his whole deal makes me so dang sad djhfghjdkdfd

That’s why I was so fucking satisfied w/ Laito in the Laito vs Shin cd because you got a bunch of the darker stuff surrounding him (his tendency to push people off of buildings, that FUCKING VOICE DROP he does when he’s genuinely mad) and Laito was like...he was SCARY. And he was scaring YUI and he was scaring HIMSELF, too, which made me so sad!! Laito was like crying and punching walls and being like “why am I acting like this??” and it fuckin broke my heart dude. He’s a genuinely good person, he’s so wonderful, but he’s recovering from some really really nasty stuff. So that cd really gave me a sense of like, “Man, Laito hates this just as much as I do.” It makes me want to...idk...it makes me want to give him more opportunities to be good. He really is good!!!

KANATO:

As for my first impression, I think Kanato turned me off right away because I could instantly recognize all the tropes they were gonna use when they were designing him. You can look at him and tell that he’s gonna be the ~yandere~ character (I hate using that word but u know what tropes I’m talking about). As soon as they showed him eating a bunch of sweets I was like “yep.” When they showed us his room full of wax dolls, I was like “uh huh, that seems about right.” And then he yelled a lot and tried to stab Yui for making him french toast or whatever and I was like “ok.........I’ll go start ayato’s route” u know??? just super not my type, and the Kanato vs Azusa cd was torture because Azusa’s so soft-spoken but Kanato’s always yelling at the top of his lungs. I had to keep messing with the volume and it bugged me.

I think I would like Kanato a lot more if he...had a...friend. I think rejet kinda realized that he needed one and they had that in mind when they were introducing Azusa, but that ended up being a pretty bad failure I think. Kanato doesn’t really get along with anyone and he’s pretty open about admitting that he doesn’t like anyone particularly well. I’m glad to see him starting to love Yui genuinely but...idk I feel like every other diaboy has another diaboy(s) that he gets along with really well and it’s always nice to see them acting friendly and even encouraging each other sometimes! Kanato doesn’t really have that kind of relationship with anyone. When Ayato tried to reach out and apologize in LE, Kanato was like “lol kill yourself” and I was actually so fuckin mad at him, I was like “boy if you don’t fix that attitude of yours-”..........I guess I just wish that he had more character development by this point. That scene really hurt.

RUKI:

Basically the WORST first impression ever...my first Ruki scene that I ever saw was when he broke the cat’s neck and I was so pissed. I was like “immediately fuck this guy” and he became my least favorite character right away. And on top of that he was really elitist and one of those jerk intellectuals “ohhh solve this puzzle or STAY OUT THERE IN THE COLD you big dumb idiot. im smart and you’re not” and I was like FUCK this guy, how does yuma put up with him with HIS backstory?

But I hella warmed up to him during MB, like especially during Reiji’s route where Ruki was like “...uh...okay” the whole time jhdghdj that shit was hilarious. Ruki started feeling really real. And I think that like...hm...like if Laito is a genuinely good person surrounded by bad influence, Ruki is the opposite - he’s a bad personality surrounded by good influence. Ruki’s a jerk and he’s been a jerk his whole life but he has these wonderful brothers who love him so much and this lovely angel Yui and he’s just got all these good people who look up to him and he has to be good. This little asshole kid who treated all his servants like shit is now cooking dinner for his three adoptive brothers every day and they love him so much and they love him so much. It’s so fucking satisfying. I love seeing him supporting his brothers even though it conflicts with his personality and his main drive, like letting Kou run away with Yui even though Kou couldn’t become Adam. Ruki’s most important thing in MB was making one of the Mukamis become Adam but he gave that up to let Kou be happy. That shit is so important. Ruki was such a fuckin turnaround for me, I hated him at first but now I love the hell out of him and what he represents for the Mukamis.

KOU:

Kou is great!! I think he’s affected lots of characters in really positive ways, and he’s been affected in positive ways by different characters and it’s really nice to see. For sure he’s still got that trauma from his past but I really appreciate that Kou is in an environment that doesn’t have a lot of reminders of the bad stuff from his childhood. Like, how Kou was sought after for being such a beautiful child, and how he was trapped in a dark place for such a long time. There’s none of that shit when he lives with the Mukamis. Rejet could’ve easily put in tons of haunting reminders about Kou’s whole “too beautiful for his own good” thing but whenever he gets complimented, it’s usually for something different. Azusa will talk about how talented and amazing he is, and Kino’ll be like “idol clothes are pretty nuts huh? lol” and Ruki will be like “you’re working properly after all” and I fuckin love that shit...They could’ve made it so dang hard for Kou, but no, he’s in a much happier place now. He’s nice and comfortable being with these people. That makes me feel relieved lol

I already talked about how he helped Ruki but I think the most important relationship with a diaboy that he has is SUBARUUUUU cuz like, when you look at Subaru’s route you’re like “oh he definitely needs a friend, I’m glad he has a gf but he was so dang lonely and self-deprecating that he DEFINITELY just needs a genuine good friend” and then Kou showed up and he was like “guess what subaru? we’re gonna be friends, I’ve decided” and subaru was like “???” and MB happened and by the end of it Subaru was like “I took everything you said really seriously and I do want to be friends with you..............im not gonna say it out loud tho. let’s just shake hands ok” and I was like AW HECK YEAH!!!!! And then you keep seeing nice little reminders that they’re friends in other games, like in either LP or VC (Im sorry I literally cannot tell these two games apart) they were picking out hair accessories together for Yui, and in the Subaru vs Kou cd, Kou asks Subaru at the end if he had fun, and in LE Kou gave Subaru that pep talk and made Subaru laugh, and Subaru was like “Kou if I’m gonna die then I want you to kill me” and Kou was like “But I don’t want you to die!” and Subaru was like “you dont??? you actually care? about ME???” ITS SO FUCKING GOOD DUDE Subaru needed Kou so badly. Thank god for Kou honestly

KINO:

It was weird like...I was so mad at him during certain routes but I could never actually dislike him. It’s because he’s so dang funny tbh. He literally killed some of my favorite characters but then he would say a funny line and I’d be like “haha, I’m glad kino is here!” like it’s almost scary how charismatic he is towards both the other characters and to me, the player. He asked nicely if he could kill Shu and Shu was like “ok, sure.” Kino is hands down my fav villain because of this. Especially because you can really tell that deep down he wants to be a real member of the Sakamaki family and like he genuinely wants to be friends with people like Yuma and Kou, and he’s got the whole villain-turned-awkward-family-member trope which I LOVE. Like especially in that drama cd where he was like “I never get to go to school so I want to do home ec with you guys! Let’s make donuts!” and Kou was like “ok!!!” and kou tries to be super positive and encouraging the whole time even though Kino was actually secretly plotting to blow the place up. Kino looks like an idiot but he’s a genius tbh

and and and and and and I want him to kiss yuri. I think yuri is super in love w/ kino too, despite the fact that he’s. annoying. thats all I got dhgfdjskj...I love the childhood-friends-to-lovers trope so fuckin much

CARLA:

hey carla fuck you

I was really mad at him for his actions in DF mostly ^^; And tbh it’s really hypocritical because it was a group effort between both of the Tsukinamis, but I ended up loving Shin and hating Carla. Kino also did similar bad stuff to Carla, but I ended up loving him while hating Carla. So, why?

Well here’s fuckin why. Shin and Kino are cute & funny. They have their nice little payoff moments - maybe Shin hurt one of my favorite characters, but then you get to see how bubbly and energetic he gets around his big brother. He was walking one of his wolves around christmas time while wearing a red jacket and a random kid approached him thinking he was santa claus. That’s adorable! For a long time, Carla didn’t have anything like that. And he was a jerk to absolutely everyone, including Shin, who was so dang devoted to him!! Like remember in the DF cds where he was like “hey shin, the plan is we suck her blood until she’s purified from the vampires” and shins like “ok nii-san got it” and he started sucking her blood, exactly like he was ordered to, and then carla came in and STABBED HIM and was like “hey dont touch my property” like SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK CARLA U TOLD HIM TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! IT WAS THE PLAN

And he fucked Ayato up real bad in DF so I was so mad...;; I only recently started forgiving him once diatwitter and LE started up. Diatwitter let us see his cute old grandpa side where he fuckin wanders around amusement parks by himself like some kind of cryptid and kou keeps being like “wait was that carla? what the heck??” and LE gave us some pretty nice stuff like carla being like “ur definitely my brother, shin” so...carla is ok I guess...but then again LE also gave us some bad carla moments like “if ur not actually a founder then u lied to me and im gonna kill u” so basically uh?? carla’s just a jerk I think. I’m warming up to him at a snail’s pace but he’s still a jerk. sucks about the endzeit tho, I hope he’s like permanently ok now

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 2.0: "I ate a Bagel and we SNAPPED" - Eve

After the “Ginger Curse” met its next Travellers Survivor victim....... 

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

We won thanks to the combine efforts of Nick, Chloe, and Aidan. All kings and queens! I probably should say something about the vote switch last time. Yeah that happened. Didn’t even realize cas was part of the tribe. Great social game 10/10. So sorry Payton <33. Now we wait to see who goes but so far I quite like nick, Chloe and Aidan. Idk if I can take Chloe that far tho. I feel like she’s gonna get targeted by the other tribes when we merge if we survive that long anyways. I feel like out of our tribe, Nick has the best change of making it to f4 but I’m not sure he’ll be able to win. Payton has a job that takes him away so :/ if we lose again, he’s probably gonna be voted out next. I mean if I’m taken out of the picture. I’m pretty sure the tribe thinks I’m hella annoying but they need me on their side for now. :^)

Lmaoooooo well thank fuck we won because my ass was on the chopping block lmaoooo. My ass didn’t volunteer to do the challenge either because I fucking suck at memory so mfjrkjskfks lmaoooo fuck me man. I’m barely scrapping by but here I am

So happy we are safe again! I'm so use to going to tribal everytime lol. I think now would be a good time to get ashley eve and isaac all together on the same page with me for some kind of alliance

What's up though? Here we are in Survivor: Old West, losing the second immunity challenge and we have a specific reason to point to in Xander. I'm sure he tried his best, but when it came my turn to answer the questions I was only able to give correct answers about the information he gave me. I personally think he is the person that is going to help us the least, but Sammy was not in that challenge. In the challenge that Sammy mainly participated in, Nicole was the person that made things difficult for us. That brings us to late last night where Sammy decides to be the first person to throw out a name and pick Nicole, gives his reasons, and that's it for me once the name is said and agreed upon in my alliance, it's done that's the plan. Now all there is to do is see what Xander and Dylan say, and we're done. I hope so anyway, I could sit here and ponder if Sammy had ulterior motives or if this is a good move for me but at this moment I don't want to overthink anything, so we chillin' --- Oh as I was writing this I found a Vote Reveal advantage on space 25 on the railroad, which I am guessing means there are more things on 50 and 75. Vote Reveal is a bit useless but maybe there will be a specific situation where it will work out.

So so happy our tribe won that challenge. Honestly idk how to feel about this game. Im trying really hard to be social with people so IF we lose im okay but I feel like everyone except Austin is actively reaching out to me. I basically start all the conversations. So to me either people are a bit inactive in this game/ dont care about the game or theyre already forming alliances and dont really need to talk to me. Im really hoping its that theyre inactive. Right now Isaac and Keaton can go, they literally just leave me on read and dont try to talk to me. I had a good conversation with austin WHO I FUCKING LOVE IM SO GLAD HES HERE and he wants to start an alliance soon. We both agree Eve would be a good option but he also mentioned that he would like isaac or pat to join it. This lets me know he likes isaac so they must be talking so idk why he isnt talking to me but whatever. Anyways.. I would love an alliance with Austin, Eve and Pat but a four person alliance when theres only 6 of us can be scary. Luckily our tribe has been doing well in challenges so far but we will probably have to go to TC at some point and thats when shit is going to go down. I can def see people possibly wanting to vote me so im going to start being even more social and get that alliance going with Austin. I wouldnt mind seeing Isaac or keaton going if we do go to TC next round. I doubt anyone has the idol yet and holy shit im so bad at this i always get zapped. I need Jess, Micheal or Alyssa to rig this shit for me please

The challenge involved having people active on call.... And to be honest I didn't want to do it for us. But I offered because I don't want to be that guy. Anyways. We lost but barely. Got our hopes up saying 8/10 if only Michael could count. Makes me wonder what's really going on up there in his head. I'm just glad the votes seem to be off me this time. But we can only hope. I did my part of the competition. So they can't entirely fault me.

Okay so I’m in an alliance w Jared and Owen and I think I mentioned that. I honestly wanted to sit out of the challenge bc I just needed a break. However, we lost and in my head I immediately thought to vote Nicole. She really hasn’t put in too much for these challenges and I know she’s on vacation. Xander would be my next choice just because he is short on responses and I feel like he would vote me out over Jared or Owen and a i assume he’s closer to them after the challenge. I’d like to work with Dylan on the side if possible. I’m just chillin hoping this first tribal isn’t a blindside and if it’s against me then hoes ain’t loyal and that ain’t very western like. I don’t think they would betray me this early tho and I have faith in my alliance.

I feel like these people are carrying me at this point and that is A okay with me. I’m running the Iditarod and they’re my dogs

OKAY WOW PAT EVE AND I POPPED THE FUCK OFFFFFF we did everything we needed in life and it was beautiful. I'm not really doing alot in this game I'm just floating along woooo

Welp it's been real y'all. No one had talked to me since the challenge much and only sammy has said maybe it's me and Dylan says it's definitely me.

Hi welcome to my lifeeeeeee today i ate a bagel and we SNAPPED in the immunity, I FUCKING KILLED IT, (thanks keaton!!!!!) HEHE HAHA IM SO CUTE Waitin for this Alliance to be made tbh but what do i know, we're gonna keep SNAPPING so whatever ladies xoxoxoxoxox