#cant believe how my favourite thing ever has been destroyed like this

[esctrash]

oh so the EBU do know how to disqualify countries from the contest ?????? unless they’re genocidal i guess!

[bonesandthebees]

Opens door gently this time

Soooo i went to reread the last two chapters of stars but then i kept seeing a reference to the previous chapter and next thing you know I've scrolled to chapter 20 😭

Anyways long story short i binged chapters 20-28 of stars today LMFAOOO

I cant believe so much shit happens with no break like huhhh, i thought it was 2 chapters of intenseness but nope 😭 those poor boys really did not get a break till the absolute end ohmygod

I ended up screaming in a lot of the ask i was gonna send so ima just cut it down to the legible parts lmfao 😭

The sum up of the screaming is pre much just: stars sandduo holyshit i love them so much

Every time there was a sandduo scene i felt like my chest was going to explode omg 😭😭😭 i gen forgot how to breathe shdkgkfjdkfjf they just ooohhhhh its just such a good dynamic, also damnnn brooo reading the phil pov today really showed just how similar they are together, the both of them were in such denial over being father son lmfao 😭

BROOO PHIL LEGIT TELLS HIM THAT HIS NICKNAME IS SMTH ELYTRIANS CALL THEIR CHILDREN AND MANS WAS STILL LIKE "nope ✋️" im cryinggg hahahaha

Also brooooo stars crimeboys are So Brothers i cant they make me Sick

Like out of all the crimeboys in ur fics, idk man u just,, did such a good job?? At making them seem like biological brothers. Cause i love found family crimeboys, but that type of brothers is a diff vibe from biological siblings, and you did such a good job at capturing it. I remember reading the first chapter of stars and getting smack cammed by the sheer Brotherness they gave off. They really reminded me of me and my sister (we r also half siblings!! It's cool seeing half sibling rep) eueueueu :( /pos

ALSO I love how you write Techno so much, in all of your fics, you always capture the intimidating aura plus the genuine softer personality and his humour, it's so lovely i love him, holds stars!techno softly, hes sooo skrunkly

I like seeing the parallels between stars and glass, especially the power that names hold in both fics, it's so cool. All of ur fics are so neat

Godddd the crimeboys reconciliation scene is one of my favourite scenes in any fanfiction ever ohkygod my heart hurt so much reading it it was so good holyshit

Im still also not over how Phil was proud when Wilbur one upped him, mans just got destroyed and he was just like "omg thats my son!!! Right there!!!" Im cryingggg i love sandduo so much

I am feeling so emotionally drained (/pos) after all of that tho 😭😭 i just went through all five stages of grief like 8 different times lmfaooo

Im gonna cope by writing my own sandduo (is this healthy? Probably not but who cares, sandduo 4 life ☝️)

rn my mental image is that with your first ask you slammed the door open and screamed and now you're just gently opening it and peeking your head in and it's very funny to me

damnn binging 20-28 in a single day that's so much

literally so much happened towards the end of stars. basically I had a ton of things building up to the crimeboys fight, and once that happened everything was falling down a mountain from there. they literally got next to no breaks.

phil and wilbur are soooo similar it's so funny. like there was a reason everyone around them was like "damn you really are like phil" to wilbur 😭

man that makes me so happy to hear that I did a good job with the bio sibling rep. writing crimeboys as biological brothers is definitely a slightly different vibe from the found family brothers. I don't know how to explain it, but it definitely feels different for me to write. thankfully it's not something I have to think about much. it's a natural shift that's easy to switch to (which is a bit ironic considering I myself am an only child lmao)

aaa ty for the compliments about how I write techno!! out of sbi techno has always been the one whose characterization i struggle with the most. I've definitely gotten more comfortable writing him over the years, but back when I was writing clinic i was SO stressed writing that one on one scene with him and tommy. I think one of the biggest issues I have with the way a lot of people characterize him is how they forget his humor. techno is funny, and will crack jokes even at inappropriate moments. obviously I have to keep the tone of a story in mind which is why techno isn't cracking very many jokes in stars, but he still has his moments of levity which i think are really important to him as a character.

can you tell I have a Thing for names and the roles they can play with vulnerability and trust. I just love exploring that concept man idk why

phil being proud of wilbur using his Voice on him was one of the earliest planned things about stars I had. sooooo satisfying to write oh my god

tysm for all the kind words though I'm so glad you enjoyed your reread!! have fun with your own sandduo :)

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍

I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world

Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself

I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.

You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.

Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.

Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!

Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst

You could stand it.

Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.

You couldn't stand it.

You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.

You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.

Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.

You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.

You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?

You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.

The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!

Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?

Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!

No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!

You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!

You don't get it!

Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!

A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.

The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.

Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.

"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"

were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.

Lucifer:

He forced back his tears

Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you

To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew

You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing

"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."

You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities

"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."

He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts

Adjusting you in his embrace

"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."

Mammon:

There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship

He refuses to let you feel like how he has

His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could

But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it

He let a few tears stray, holding you close

"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."

You shook your head, muttering that he should let you

"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"

He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."

Levithan:

He couldn't get it

He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good

His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it

He gave you one big squeeze

"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"

You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character

"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."

His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better

"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"

Satan:

Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?

If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you

But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head

He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed

"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."

You held him tight, telling him to stop

"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."

You huffed, trying to not cry more

He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze

"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."

Asmodeus:

He's crying too

He hated of being seen as insecure

He only wanted confidence

Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments

He held you even closer, rocking you gently

"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."

You shook your head, telling him he's lying

"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."

He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face

"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."

Beezlebub:

He's absolutely broken

How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??

He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him

"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."

You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore

"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."

He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest

"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."

Belphegor:

"just let me die"

Those words hurt him so bad

He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died

He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder

"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."

You told him he was wrong, crying harder

"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."

He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours

"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."

[vampkomori]

the TMGB theory

i think theres a bit more to Shinjukus “destruction” if we shift our attention to its most iconic landmark, the tokyo metropolitan government building. 

Note: this theory is just for fun. but I think it has a good shot at estimating the future higher plane storyline

Before we get into the details of the TMGB, lets first establish something about the purification of Shinjuku

This dialogue from w2d4 is about much detail as we’ll get about what happened to Shinjuku, and what effect its “destruction” had on the RG. It was “wiped out” “erased” and “vanished”; nobody in the RG remembers it, except for the people that had been in the UG before.

Well “how can a whole city just vanish?” the answer is: it cant. But lets first bring this visual aid into play

Shinjuku used to be just north of Shibuya, but its not gone in the sense that it left a hole in reality and people just black out whenever they pass through. No, it seems like Shinjuku as an established district is gone, meaning its borders were never drawn, and all its space was instead given to all the other districts.

Basically, instead of “vanishing”, its more like memories and history were rewritten so that Shinjuku was just never a thing. Instead, the other districts just expanded their reach and parts of formerly-Shinjuku are now parts of other cities.

I believe this has to be the case because the alternative brings more trouble than its worth: If it was truly erased to a point where the space it formerly occupied is just empty, people would notice. But as we see with rindo and the others, they dont! rindo had no idea there was even a city up there. Itd also make no sense if people just blacked out and suddenly ended up on the other side of Tokyo, itd mess with measurements bc theres just a bunch of space unaccounted for. people with a 6th sense would also have picked up on the area being iffy, but none of this seems to be the case

Now we can get to the tokyo metropolitan government building! Its pretty important considering its uh. The government. And also shinjukus most iconic landmark. If the city had actually been destroyed, then thered be severe consequences in the RG because their government building is suddenly just gone. A simple memory wipe could not make up for it not existing, and it definitely couldnt just magically conjur up a new building within moments. (I mean, whose jurisdiction would this even fall under? The other Composers would fight over whod get to have the literal government in their city)

Suffice to say “Shinjuku” still exists in the RG. Its just broken up into pieces and those are considered part of the other cities now.

So, if Shinjukus RG is fine, what about its UG?

What we see in A New Day may actually just be Shinjukus UG slowly fading into another plane. 

To backtrack a little, theres a reason the Shibuya UG we’re in during neo doesnt include its newly gained parts of shinjuku, its because Shinjukus UG also still exists, and as neku says “it’s still there, but it’s been cut off from both the RG and the UG.” so its inaccessible. Also meaning, it cant be broken up and added to the expansion of the other UGs. if someone were to, theoretically, die in the RG of the areas that were formerly part of shinjuku, theyd simply go to the UG of whichever district claimed that area, and just wouldnt be able to access that other area in that UG

Now that thats out of the way we can go back to the actual star of the show: the tokyo metropolitan government building! Needless to say, whichever district has the literal government within its borders is bound to be incredibly influential.

And it just so happens

That the TMGB now falls into Shibuyas borders!

I believe this may be the key to the future relevance of Shibuya. The city is already extremely influential, as joshua himself said

Shibuyas influence is too strong.

So strong in fact, it could potentially “poison” the other districts. Now imagine how powerful Shibuya would be if you added the Government into the mix.

Additionally, Shibuya is already considered special by the Higher Plane due to the Shibuya River.

The Shibuya River is a particularly unique place, though we dont know which exact properties make it so unique, the fact that it started flowing into its own plane even after its source was destroyed already marks it as incredibly powerful.

So Shibuya as a place is impressively influential, so itd be no surprise if the Higher Plane kept an eye out for it, but if there was any doubt about this,

Due to the events of og twewy, the city is also considered to have reached its ideal state. Without a doubt this only adds to its already impressive level of power, and basically assures that the Angels keep an eye out for the city even after the Game between Joshua and Megumi was over.

But then why were they suddenly so insistent on seeing Shibuya purified in neo? Well, we dont know. Despite mentioning purification so often and the fact that Angels seem to encourage it, we dont actually know why the Higher Plane wants to see Shibuya purified. By all means, it should be an optimal parallel world now, so why would they suddenly want to see it gone?

The key may actually be Joshua himself. After all, he intended to stop Shinjukus purification. Though we dont know why he interfered, whether it was out of a newfound appreciation for humanity that went beyond his own city, or if he actually wanted to prevent the TMGB from falling into his borders, he was actively going against what the Higher Plane wanted, which would automatically mark him as a nuisance in their plans. Surely by purifying Shibuya, its entire area and also the area it claimed from Shinjuku, would once again fall into the borders of another district, and thus another Composer. 

Its difficult to say whether this is an overarching plan from the Higher Plan that has spanned across both games. If youve read my post about Composers, which is about how Hazuki may actually be a demoted Angel from the Higher Plane, it could be possible that his demotion was on purpose, and that they intended for Haz to purify Shinjuku, therefore making Shibuya more powerful due to the TMGB falling into its borders. He would be the ideal candidate for this, as hes considered unsympathetic and lacks knowledge about the lower planes (and thus doesnt know about the TMGB), making it extremely easy to influence him to erase his city. (though you could also claim he was in on it, but then later changed his mind about it and decided to intervene with Shibuya’s destruction, once again due to Joshua’s influence)

Either way, Shibuya was saved! (again!) and now its more influential and powerful than ever. No doubt even more people would want to come after Shibuya’s seat of Composer, just to govern this massively important city. 

And who else still desires this seat other than our favourite math guy

The fact that his plotline about still wanting to go after the Composer is tucked away in the Secret Ending of Another Day, means that this still has to be followed up on in a potential next game. 

And what better scenario to bring this up than Shibuya being highly sought after due to its recently acquired influence-boost in the form of the government

and to summarize everything once more for extra clarity

Shinjuku wasnt destroyed so much as history was just overwritten so that Shinjuku as a district was never established, causing its area to be split up amongst the other districts. the TMGB now falls into the borders of Shibuya, and with it comes even more power and influence. Shibuya as a city already had an intense amount of influence over tokyo, and even the Shibuya River is so unique that it catches the attention of the Higher Plane. Despite Shibuya having reached its ideal state of being an optimal parallel world, the Higher Plane still wants to see it purified for some reason. Though we dont know why yet, it may be because of Joshua, the fact that hes Shibuyas Composer, and that he willfully goes against the Higher Plane, most notably when he interfered to prevent Shinjukus Inversion. Whether Hazuki is aware of an overarching plan or not, Joshua still influenced him to a point where he also decided to go against the Higher Plane by saving Shibuya. With Minamimoto still wanting the Composer’s seat, it sets the tone of Shibuya’s throne being more sought-after than ever. And the Higher Plane may be more relevant than ever to make sure this influential district falls into the hands of one of their own

this concludes my case

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

Arthur in Sins of the father...

Fyi, prepare for grammatical errors because beta reading just isnt my thing..by that i mean im lazy but yknow

I have to say, this is probably one of my favourite episodes ever. Not only is it actually well written, its focused on Arthur and how much he misses his mother and Bradley did an incredible job in this episode. 

I like how Arthur centric it is. Most episodes do end up revolving around Merlin (well no shit sherlock the show is called merlin) but having this episode focus on Arthurs struggles is a nice change and gives us a better view into his character as well as gives us a glimpse of what Arthur would be like without his fathers brainwashing.

What this episode highlights more than anything is how much Arthur wants to meet his mother. All his life he has been told to obey his father and not trust sorcerers and then the moment a sorceress mentions that she knew his mother Arthur goes against both of those things just to meet her. It doesnt matter what lengths he has to go to, he still does everything he can for that one conversation and i think that shows just how much he wants that maternal figure in his life, even if its for a few seconds. In all honesty, i would say he’s pretty desperate by this point. His father never mentions his mother or anything about her so so he cant even paint a picture of her in his brain which just makes him want to meet her more. In those moments when hes going after Morgause, we kind of see a different side of him, because for once in his life he has a chance to learn something about his mother. And you just cant blame him for being so desperate at this point. We dont see much of this, but Arthur grew up without that love every other child experiences, not even from his own father. Someone in his position cant spare time for feelings, and that key ideology that his father drilled into his head remained there from childhood onwards. Having this one chance to know something about the person his mother was, isnt something he could let himself miss.

Another thing he is bound to be feeling is guilt. The first instance is being the cause of his mothers death. Before he found out about the magic thing, it wouldve been so easy to jump to the conclusion that his birth caused is mothers death as she died in childbirth (or as he was told). But after he was told that he was born of magic, i think that while part of him blamed his father for not reading the fine print on the contract (i dont know who came up with that joke, it for sure wasnt me), he still blamed himself because the creation of his life is what took his mothers life away. Not only that, but at the end of the episode when Merlin told him that the illusion was fake, its clear enough that he feels guilty for almost killing his damn father, trusting a sorceress in the first place and also disobeying  his father. 

And back onto the whole thing about Arthur being desperate, he trusted a random woman (and i repeat, a sorceress) about knowing his mother. Not only that but he fully believed the illusion. Idk this just makes me so sad because he had that little spark of hope, not only about meeting his mother but also believing that not all sorcerers are evil. He didnt question these things, he went straight into them, which to me just again shows how desperate and hopeful he was at that point. 

Obviously all of that was completely crushed when he attempted to murder his father and then merlin told him that it was all a lie butttt lets backtrack a little. 

What i love about this episode more than anything is that is shows us that Arthur isnt completely brainwashed (using that word again because synonyms requre effort) by his father, he doesnt hang on every word that is told to him by Uther and all it takes to convince him that his father is wrong is one illusion.Him fighting with Uther and, even for that short period of time, believing that magic isnt evil, gives us an insight into the person he is. Hes not a bad person. He may be naive and ignorant because of the way he was brought up but  if he was educated properly as a child then he wouldnt agree with his father so much. The question everyone always asks is what would happen if merlin hadnt stepped in? i think its fair to say that Arthur wouldnt hate magic so much and maybe the whole golden age of albion would actually happen, but arthur would be miserable. i think thats the main thing that pushed merlin to lie again, because by that point in the series its obvious that he doesnt fight for magic, he fights for arthur. Like yeah arthur saying that magic is evil at the end of the episode does clerly crush merlin but i dont think he would be able to live with Arthur being so miserable and guilt ridden over killing his father. Either way, this is about arthur and not merlin (though ill probably write a paragraph on that sooner or later) so let me pose you the final question (that i will also answer because im here to spread my unwanted opinions).

Is this entire episode pointless for arthurs character development  or not. 

when i first asked myself this question, the obvious answer was yes, because arthur went full circle. from hating sorcery to still hating it in the end. But what i later considered is that even if he went full circle, there was a journey he had to endure. If anything, he hates sorcery even more now simply because he first hand witnessed a sorceress “lie” to him for her own gain and to try to destroy the kingdom. All those things his father taught him about sorcery are essentially happening, and the fact that he was lied to about a sensitive subject like his mother, would just make the situation worse for him.

The thing about arthur and sorcery, is that he is never actually able to find his own stance on it. People manipulate him back and forth, whether thats Uther, agravane, morgana, morgause, random magical enemies of camelot who think starting war and conflict will make arthur hate sorcery less, everyone manipulates him and drags him into different directions. He never makes that opinion himself. Idrk, this isnt even relevant but im on a roll of pointing out sad things so whoohooo

So what is my point? If this hadn't happened, maybe Arthur would have an easier time making his own judgement and stance on magic, but of course its bbc merlin and we cant have happy endings.

Welp hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of emotions, have a lovely evening ..or day?

Either way. As always. I blame uther

[eframschweigersskincells]

So, Return to Hell was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the season three dlc missions.

SPOILER WARNING BY THE WAY!

Holy shit was this season a wild ride and with an absolute banger of an ending all I can say is well done rebellion you pulled it out the bag and held it high, I was so happy with everything and just my god its really hard to put down everything I'm so enthralled I can barely think straight.

I remember when the trailer dropped and I was so overcome with both excitement and sadness at seeing what the dlc entailed, I was so happy to see schweiger alive but devastated to see what was happening to him and originally I thought we were going to sacrifice him to help Umbra which terrified me, thank fuck I was wrong I dont think I could handle hurting my boy.

The intro was excellent, it really felt like distressing and that this was truly a moment of despair the way bruno spoke of it was absolutely amazing and I couldn't wait to get stick in. And when it finally gave way to the gameplay the opening area was absolutely stunning!

The way it's so familiar yet so foreign, like I'd seen it before but it had been so twisted that it was unrecognisable, lava around every corner and debris floating as if frozen in time the ground and walls cracked and crumbling and the fiery hues made this a fantastic yet haunting sight I hadn't even begun playing and I already fell in love with it.

When I finally moved on and the Baron began his tirade about the state of hell and how it was shaped and molded to fit the subconscious mind of schweiger I was shocked and saddened, to think that this was schweiger's fractured mind was frightening, all his guilt, fear, anger, confusion, sadness became reality and hell took its horrifying form filled with endless undead. I also found it really cool to see events play out from schweiger's perspective, meat locker, hell base and terror lab all playing out in schweiger's memories allowing us a glimpse in to everything that happened to him. He was betrayed so many times, I don't blame him at all for turning on us in deeper than hell, the amount of cruelty he suffered would drive anyone insane.

Being captured and forced to research the occult without any understanding of why, being tricked in to activating the relic allowing hitler to activate plan Z, working your hardest to try and make the world right then have your team infiltrated by nazi bastards who push you in to a hell tower and forcefully tear you from this plane of existence and left to rot in hell. Just when you think you can finally escape you're confronted with the fact you can not leave, only your closest comrades can leaving you in hell against everyone's will, then a voice manipulates you in to believing you were betrayed by your friends you're lied to and tricked in to believing this voice is your only friend who makes you do horrific rituals.

I remember how horrific I felt hearing this and then when Umbra revealed that he did all of this so he could break schweiger's will so he could steal his body I was filled with rage. Rebellion were amazing at putting emotion in to this one I genuinely went through constant emotional shifts realising that everything we had done up to this point was planned by Umbra and that everything we had done was only to fuel his plans. It was never schweiger's fault it was umbras and that knocked me on my arse.

The gameplay was a lot of fun, one of the best parts was that absolutely everything was randomised! The main sections of the map where always switched around no matter how many times you play it at first I went meat locker, hell base then terror lab then my second time I went hell base, terror lab then meat locker! I was shocked when everything cane out of order but it fits so well with everything! Schweiger's mind is so badly fractured that when hell took form as schweiger's subconscious not even hell itself could keep things in order.

I genuinely adore how the old familiar faces of these maps are destroyed, twisted and corrupted they are what we have seen before but warped till they look like different maps entirely, with so much more to explore in some areas it really gives you a sense of walking through broken memories like piecing together a memory Efram barely has a grip on anymore.

I loved how enemies were randomised too, getting attacked by a screamer around the corner then next time you go there prepared for a screamer you get blown up by suiciders or slaughtered by skeletons or an elite or in my favourite case being attacked by zombie alpha squad members! When zombie me jumped out and attacked I was so confused I didnt have time to respond when zombie jun popped out and killed me it was fucking awesome!

All our favourite enemy variations are here too, vampire creepers, electric suiciders, armored commanders, skeletons etc which really made for a really tough but good fight, never knowing what variation was coming to get you made everything even more fun.

And with the spitters now having a variant that spat magma it made what was usually an annoying inconvenience an actual proper threat and I love that so fucking much, maybe the spitters aren't so horrible after all.

That's a lie I still fucking hate them but oh well!

Once we successfully complete all three areas we now return to the main area with a very pissed off Umbra and schweiger who although conscious is barely alive. As soon as we arrive back to were we began we are immediately attacked and dragged off to an unknown place that we only know as the void as coined by Umbra.

Let me tell you when I say the void is creepy I fucking mean it, the void is of course pitch black you cant see anything not even your flash light does anything to the surrounding darkness, all you see when you spawn is the pitch black and eframs body of a slab surrounded by candles with Umbra looking over us and you really get the the sense of "holy shit, this is it!"

I genuinely adored the design of the void, the fact you only ever see your surroundings when a split second of bright red lighting strikes and even then you only see the faint outline of distant places, walking through the endless river of blood that stops you to a near snail's pace while fending of oncoming dead is genuinely spectacular! Holy fuck did rebellion pull it out the bag this round!

Just when you think you're about to have to do something to the incapacitated schweiger, Edie finally fucking shows up and does something useful for once, breaking schweiger out of his trance and giving him enough power to fend for himself when she realises Umbra has no defences! Thank fuck because now we know how to finally end The Baron and let me tell you I couldn't be happier to get the chance at killing the bastard.

The fights were challenging and had me cornered a few times and I'll admit I died a couple times but it was absolutely worth it, there was so much going on but it wasnt overbearing, with how large the areas you had to fight the hordes in were it made the fucking insane amounts of zombies absolutely balanced, I never felt like it was impossible but never felt it was too easy either just the right balance of insanity. And to make it even better I get to listen to schweiger shit talk the Baron as we help Efram regain strength while weakening Umbra.

Listening to Umbra beg and plead for mercy was great, it really felt like we were overpowering hell itself, no matter what Umbra threw our way it did absolutely nothing and listening to schweiger come to terms with what he's done and immediately work towards redemption by putting down Umbra was heartwarming. We were the winners not Umbra.

Then finally we get to what I've been wanting to do since the beginning of the DLC, after two whole hours I finally got to put an end to the Baron, activating that ending cutscene was so satisfying and I got to put down my controller and watch.

I'll admit I was confused when Umbea sprung back to life and actually attacked, where hitler failed to stop us during hell machine Umbra full pounced, he was going to take us with him and for a second I absolutely believed we were going to die with him, the fuck tries ripping our soul out rendering us absolutely useless. Its schweiger that saves us, pulling us away from Umbra then eviscerating the fuck out of him with ease and with that The Baron himself is dead, finally the tyrant is dead and everything we had worked towards was finally put to rest.

Just before that scene ends, we see schweiger smile! He's actually happy for once, free from Umbras grip, he's faced his fears and insecurities and in the end was the one who saved us and destroyed The Baron. To see him smile was one of the greatest things ever and I'm so glad we finally got to see that.

In last few moments of the ending, we wake up on the side of a cliff with Dr schweiger by our side and as the camera zooms out we see nothing but an endless sea of lava and I'm left thinking.

What the fuck is Projekt Ragnarok?

[n-ugg]

I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan

Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!

who is your favourite member on the smp?

Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.

Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.

They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.

when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?

I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.

I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him

what is your favourite part about watching the smp?

Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much

The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.

What piece of cursed lore is your favourite

That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.

Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy

Who is your favorite duo on the smp

Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise

Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy

Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it

Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off

Who are your comfort streamers

Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers

Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)

Who is your favorite character

Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple

Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught

Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong

AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues

Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp

Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise

Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.

BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.

AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date

Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character

I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act

What are your favorite quotes

I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.

Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good

The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house

The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something

Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one

Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene

Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.

The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat

Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)

Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle

Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it

Whats your favorite stream

Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess

Whats your least favorite streams

Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.

After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.

Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing

Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad

This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself

How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around

When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.

For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.

Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.

Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.

You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it

Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.

When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play

What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?

The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots

All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that

________________

Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳

[ukinobooks]

So. Deltarune happened. (SPOILERS)

Or more specifically, the end of Deltarune happened.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this new world and there is no doubt a deeper story to be uncovered from it (like, who is that Knight that everyone keeps talking about? Will we ever destroy that Darkness Geyser? Why was my sweet fluffy soft goat(?!) boy Ralsei in that get up the whole time? TOby pLS), but I’ll be focusing more on the more “UnderTale” side of the story.

I believe that Deltarune is set in an alternate universe. Not a different timeline, but a different universe altogether. Many of us assumed at the start of the game that Deltarune is the Post Pacifist Route world, because we’re shown to be living on the surface with Goat Mom. But a lot of stuff in the game doesn't add up according to the UT universe that we're familiar with. 

My main evidence is Asriel. When the game first mentions him I gasped out loud because how in the world is Asriel supposed to be himself and alive Post-Pacifist Run??? isn't he supposed to be Underground as Flowey? The way they talk about him in the game suggests that our character Kris, Asriel, Toriel and Asgore were a family and that us and Azzy grew up together on the surface, which shouldn't be possible Post-Pacifist run.

You could say that Deltarune was meant to be a prequel to UT rather than a sequel, but then how would Asriel be grown up and in college if that was the case? 

Furthermore, Undyne and Alphys dont even know each other (my poor Alphyne heart), which is a stark contrast to how they were Post-Pacifist, and Catty and Bratty hate each other, as opposed to their strong friendship we see in UT. There's more evidence than that of course, such as how the Underground isn't even hinted at or mentioned in the game as part of the monsters' past.

Deltarune is most certainly not set in the same universe as UnderTale, much less the same timeline.

This brings me to my next point, regarding our favourite first fallen human, Chara.

I think its safe to say that most of us assumed that Gaster was speaking to us at the start of the game, given the Gaster references and hype Toby gave us on twitter 24 hours prior to Deltarune's release. But if we were really speaking with Gaster, we would be seeing Wing Dings text, like in Entry Number 17:

However we see only see English text against a black background, which means that the one speaking to us must be Chara. No other character (other than Flowey, but his text font is different) has spoken to us directly in the manner Chara has.

Chara asks if we are connected with them, and a soul appears on screen.

This is OUR soul, not Frisk's, not Kris', but OUR, the PLAYER'S, soul. We can infer this from undertale's genocide ending:

and the fact that when we SAVE in Deltarune, it saves under the name we gave ourselves as the player.

So now chara is connected to our soul, and they want to create an in-universe "vessel" for the soul to inhabit. One that they can control in the game itself. They don't control it for majority of the game however, they only control it at the end of the game, when- well.

When they rip OUR soul out of the vessel. I can only assume that they were able to transform the vessel that we created into their old human form through determination or something like that, I'm not sure. But how were they even able to access and control our soul so freely in the first place?

We gave it to them at the end of the Genocide Run. And the reason why they are in this Deltarune alternate universe is this:

"and move on to the next.”

I assume that with our soul that they obtained from our Genocide Run endings, they are now hopping from universe to universe, from world to world,  creating “vessels” they can control in universe to continue their genocidal agenda. 

A genocidal agenda that we enabled. We’ve been over this countless of times for the past 3 years though, so I'm not gonna talk more on that.

They have now hopped into the Deltarune alternate universe, and I cant wait to see what they do next.

 I wonder how they would react if they saw university-aged Asriel in the Deltarune universe.

A thing of interest I just thought of: there are many instances in the game where our choices are openly dismissed. The most notable instance is in the starting of the game itself, when Chara discards the characterisation and name we gave to our vessel.

which, of course, reminds me of:

We are truly facing the consequences of our actions, huh. Good on you, Toby. 

There is probably going to be more content from which we get to see more of Chara’s action and motivations (and more of their CHARActer!!111!!!!11!1! //slapped) and i eagerly look forward to it.

Anyway, this is just my two cents on the matter uwu sory if i got sometuings wrong i only got back into undertale liek... a few days ago so im probably rusty as fuck. uwu + this is my first meta theory post so its prob shitty asf lol

i cant wait the next chapter, lesgeddit 🤠🤙

thanks for reading!

[j-writesandstuff]

equal, hermano

The second Rafael and Max were through the front door of the loft Max ducked, practically running, into their shared room the slam of the door reverberating across the whole apartment. Rafe let out a deep sigh, he knew his little brother would have locked the door by now so he dropped his bag by the door and shuffled towards the kitchen. Defeat was not a feeling Rafe enjoyed, neither was helplessness. Especially when it concerned his little brother.

He was born lucky, he knew it-he'd been raised to know and appreciate that fact. As a shadowhunter birthright is often the first thing you're taught at the institute. But his parents had also taught him the privilege it bought him in their world, the struggles he would never have to face all because he got lucky in the lottery of existence. Many in their world would tell him his brother was born unlucky, pulled the short straw. The same was often said about his Papa. Rafe never really understood it all, all he saw of them was the fact Max healed every injured creature he came across since the age of three, and the fact his Papa conjured waffles when he was sad, Max made runes dance on the ceiling in shimmering purple when studying was melting his brain, his Papa helped save the world. He didn't understand the people who hated them. He doubted he ever would. He also would never understand the people making his little brother want to lock himself away in their room. Rafe knew he needed to think of something. To him, Max had always been equal sometimes he even considered the fact Max was superior to him in plenty of ways. He and his family saw Max like that, but he wanted everyone to.

That's when the idea hit him. Rounding the corner into the kitchen, he heard the soft hum of classical music-his Dads favourite- and saw his fathers gently swaying along together as they prepared dinner. Perfectly in-sync with each other. He almost didn't want to interrupt. Almost.

'Uh. Dad, Papa, can I ask you about something?'

They both jumped a little at the presence of their son bursting the little bubble they'd created but composed themselves quickly.

Magnus spoke first.

'Of course sweet pee, always. What's up?' Both Magnus and Alec had lent against the breakfast bar, opposite their eldest son sitting on the bar stool.

'How does the alliance rune work?'

Neither of them was prepared for that question-it was written all over their faces. They shared a glance. With that glance they shared a whole a conversation, Alec placed his hand gently on the back of Magnus' arm just above his elbow-their secret sign of support.

'Well, your Aunt Clary saw it just before the war with Valentine.' Magnus always said his name like that, as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. His whole family did. Rafe hadn't heard it all, but he was sure it did.

Alec continued, they always spoke like this. Flowing perfectly one after the other-together.

'It binds the two who share it, I and your father share it with each other. I can use your Papas abilities, as he can use mine. I could use it to conjure a portal, and he could light up a seraph blade.'

They both got a faraway look in their eyes as Magnus finished.

'I'm almost certain that rune saved at least a thousand lives. Certainly mine and your Dads. But it was also a changing moment in the relationship between Shadowhunters and Downworlders. We fought side by side. It was truly incredible.'

Alec's arm had slid entirely around Magnus' waist as he'd been talking. Rafe's perfect example of the two worlds unity. They'd always taught him unity was strength. Love was power, and alliance was always the answer.

He knew exactly what needed to be done. He smiled broadly, a determined glint in his eye.

'Are they busy tonight?' They know who he meant. 'Can you get them over in the next half hour? Uncle Simon, Aunt Clary, and Papa are especially important. Uhh, don't tell Jace and Izzy I said that. Or Grandma.'

Alec chuckled. 'Sure buddy, your secrets safe with us, I wouldn't wanna inflict that on anybody. We'll give them all a call now. But, uh, why?'

'I'll explain when they get here, just get calling it needs to happen soon-its important.'

And with that he was gone, flying off the bar stool into the office leaving his parents to share a confused look before dialing the phone.

Exactly thirty minutes later his whole family was assembled in the living room, Rafe sat crossed legged on the coffee table in the center. Magnus and Alec, Alec with a leg slung lazily across his husbands lap, next to each other on the sofa. Jace next to Alec, with his Aunt Clary on the arm of the chair one foot in Jace's lap, the other on Simon's shoulder. Who'd been forced to sit on the floor for arriving last. Aunt Izzy and his grandma sat on the armchairs either ends of the coffee table. The only one missing was Max. Everyone noticed. Rafe began.

'Okay, so you've all noticed our little buddy blueberry isn't here. In fact, he hasn't left our room since we got back from training today.'

Concern spread across each of their faces. Magnus took Alec's hand.

'That's because today someone hurt him, pretty badly. And I don't mean just physically, although that too.'

The concern melted into horror, and cold rage in all of them. Even Rafe felt the buds of it rising again in his stomach. It was Simon who spoke. Always his Uncle Simon to hold some composure. He was good like that.

'What exactly, did they do to him, Rafael?' His voice quiet, as if he didn't really want to hear. He imagined they probably didn't. They'd known Max since he was a baby, tiny and defenseless. That image still hadn't really gone away. Even now he was ten, and able to do magic it took Warlocks hundreds of years to master, he was the family baby.

'Well first of all Max beat this kid in a race, totally fair and square. We got told to use any ability we had, and well Max just happens to be able to teleport. Really they should have been more specific. But anyways. This kid was not happy about that, jealous if you ask me. His pride was hurt, badly. He storms over to Max and calls him a cheater. Then punches him.'

The atmosphere in the room said it all. Fury filled every member of his family, he felt bad telling them about it but they needed to know for this to make sense. He ignored the nauseating feeling rising in his throat as he remembered the rest. He continued.

'This kid is big, I'm talking my age, a head taller than Max and five years of ShadowHunter training literally written all over him. He's towering over Max and I can feel it, you feel his magic you know? That shit is strong-'

'Language Rafael. Just because you're fifteen doesn't mean the rules are off the table.' Cut in his Grandmother.

'Right, sorry. I go jogging over ready to fight this kid for squaring up my baby brother when he swings for him. Now we all know, me from experience, you don't swing at Max. In seconds he's across the room right into a wall.'

They share a glance between them all. The kind only a group of concerned adults can understand. Jace nods at Rafe, silently telling him to go on. Jace is never good at speaking when he's angry.

'Obviously, I'm turning to Max to calm him down when someones shoving me aside and catches Max off guard. He was looking at me, not focussing you know? He gets him. Right in the stomach.' Rafe's voice shakes a little as he continues.

'I'm seeing red. Max is barely recovering when I'm up.I-I broke his nose. You guys can punish me for that later, I don't care about a consequence. But now this kid is humiliated and in pain. A bad combination in a jackass.'

'I can't believe the trainers just let this happen.' Interrupts Maryse. Her voice stern, but the edges laced with anger.

'They weren't there, the kid picked the exact time an important Clave message came through so the trainer had to leave or something. But that isn't the actual bad part, not really anyways. He's yelling at me. A lot of swearing and cursing my family name which I was about to punch him again for-when he notices Max healing a little graze on my elbow from where he pushed me earlier. By the angel, Max is so soft. This kid says stuff that has totally destroyed Max okay. It's bad. I dunno if Papa is even gonna wanna hear it. That kinda stuff.'

Alec squeezes his hand Clary subconsciously looks down at Simon. So does his Aunt Izzy. They aren't stupid, they know the kind of stuff he means. Blue sparks are rising from his Papas other hand, a small burn mark forming in the arm of the chair. His Dads other hand is tapping hard against his thigh. He can see the anger in his Uncle's shoulders, both of them rigid all over. His Aunt Clarys eyebrows were knotted so tightly together it must have been hurting. His Aunt Izzy had an expression that could have killed, he imagined she was wishing it could.

'Its okay sweet pea. I've lived enough years to hear this.' Despite the usually soothing nickname, his Papas tone was ice cold.

Rafes own voice shook, a lump had risen in his throat. He was going to cry.

'He said 'I don't even know why this dirty warlock is even allowed in. He's half demon. Look at what he just did to me, he's dangerous. I guess you really can't tame half breed.' At this point, I'm screaming at him. Ready to rip into him, because Max apologises to plants he steps on and heals injured birds and sleeps in Batman pajamas.' At this point the tears are streaming down Rafes face, his hands shaking.

'He's not dangerous. He's so little he was just scared. Then he turns to me and says the worst part. 'I don't get why you're defending him. You're worse than that dad of yours. A few years ago you'd be hanging his horns on your mantlepiece as a prize. Why is he even part of your twisted little family? He can't even use a seraph blade. You've been tainted by the dirty demons in your house and your faggot of a dad. He then threw a blade at Max and taunted him because he cant use it and told him we'd never be really equal, no matter how brainwashed I was.' Rafe has said it all so fast he was out of breath, the front of his shirt wet with tears.

'Max broke one of his arms and both parts of his left leg. Blew up a light bulb then ran out the room. It took me twenty minutes to catch up with him. He was practically glowing purple he wouldn't let me touch him.'

Everyone in the room was stunned into silence. They'd all surpassed anger into full-blown rage.

'That's why I needed you all to come over. I'm gonna show him we've been equal since his tiny toddler hands made me a flower out of thin air. Aunt Clary, you can still draw that alliance rune right?'

Clary took a moment to compose herself, wiping a tear and sitting up a little straighter and pulling her mouth into a smile.

'Yeah Rafe, I can.'

'Perfect. I'll go get him.'

Outside their bedroom door, Rafe could feel the ice cold sadness of Max's magic. He loved his brother more than anyone, feeling his sadness broke his heart.

'Blueberry,hermano. I've got something to give you. Everyone's here, well because they all care Maxy. You've just gotta come into the living room.' He whispered through the gap under the door.

After a moment the door opened, revealing a tear stain Max. His blue cheeks burning a bright red, Rafe only ever saw them do that when he laughed too hard. He swore they never be red from tears as long as he lived. His blue eyes puffy, curly hair scruffy and disheveled from having a pillow over his head. He hadn't even gotten changed out of his clothes, one trouser leg bunched up around his knee.

'Okay.' Was all he said, barely a whisper. He trailed behind Rafe into the living room.

Concerned eyes follow them both as Rafe goes back to the coffee table. He moves over and gestures for Max to sit next to him. He refuses. Max won't meet any of there eyes. Not even Simons. Max always favoured Simon a little, he could see the heartbreak on his uncles face.

Suddenly Rafe was angry. Angry someone had made his brother feel he didn't deserve to be with his own family Anger Max had believed him.

'Maxy, sit next to me.' He patted the spot next to him again and smiled up at him. 'Come on buddy.'

Max sat on the edge of the table looking down at his Star Wars socks. A gift from Simon the birthday after they'd watched them all together. Max looked like he was about to start burning them off. His parents were holding each others hands so tight their knuckles were white. His Papa looked close to tears but he was wearing his unglamoured eyes- a statement.

'Okay, Aunt Clary lets go.' Rafe stated a cold determination in his tone.

She drew the rune on a piece of paper, it flowing perfectly from her hand.

Rafe took the piece of paper and began copying the rune onto the palm of his hand.

'Turn and face me.' Max did, still not looking up keeping a distance between their knees. Rafe moved forward so they were touching and placed his palm over Max's heart.

'Now you listen to me, Maxwell. You're sat in the middle of a group of people who found a baby, who was bright blue and didn't even consider you being anywhere but with them. They gave you the name Max as a gift. You have a better heart and soul then many a shadowhunter, you can do way more than any of us ever could. So quit crying. And give me your hand.' Rafe smiled as his brother finally met his gaze and placed his hand palm up in his hand.

Rafe traced the rune.

A surge of magic flooded through his system and he almost fell off the table. But something had caught him. His own palm was holding him up, three inches off the ground.

'Now that. Is awesome' Rafe laughed, sat up and looked at his brother.

He handed him a witchlight.

Max hesitated for a moment, he closed his hand around the stone. He'd try this a few times before, the stone always remained cold and blank in his hand. When he opened his palm the stone was alight with a bright light, tinted slightly purple. His face lit up almost as bright as the stone in his hand, and suddenly the tension in the room snapped and everyone jumped and cheered.

'Equal, hermano.' Whispered Rafe, so only his brother could hear.

'Equal, brother.' Max beamed back, the light behind his eyes was enough thanks for Rafe.

The next day when the boys were training together, testing their new found skills Max noticed him coming. Rafe felt the spike in magic as he entered the training room-coming straight for Max.

'Haven't learned your lesson yet warlock?' He sneered.

'Let me make it clear. You can't use our weapons or our runes. So why are you even here?' He dangled a seraph blade in front of Max's face and laughed.

Max took it from him, smiled and lit it up.

Rafe had never been prouder, and when they walked home Max was practically dancing down the street in joy.

That night all the family were over for dinner, Max smiled the entire time.

[bicycles-bees-bisexuals]

50 Question Book Tag For World Book Day

My darling pal @thebestoftimes tagged me in this and who am I to refuse, though i am a lame loser who hasn’t read very much since high school. I read so much in elementary and middle school that I think I read enough for a whole lifetime. Also I’m a verbose asshole so enjoy my essays on books I read 13 years ago.

Who or what sparked your love of literature?

My mom used to read to me when I was really little and my sister despised being read to so my mom stopped. It made me sad so I started reading to myself and I just kept reading and reading and reading all throughout elementary and onward.

Do you have an ‘odd’ book habit? (page sniffing/never leaving the house with a book)

If I really really really love a book I use it to press flowers, so you’ll know which book is my favorite when you open it and it’s full of flowers

Do you have a book that you think has changed your life? How?

Shit I dunno man, I feel like Tolkien shaped my creativity and his characters are characters that I truly hold dear. But Pride and Prejudice really impacted me, which I know is weird, but it was my first foray into literature written by women for women and I just loved the dynamic of the characters, the spunkiness of Elizabeth Bennet, and the style of writing.

Which book have you reread most frequently?

Pride and Prejudice because I’m a huge freakin’ nerd and whenever I’m sad P&P is my comfort book. This is closely followed by the Lord of the Rings/the Hobbit

You can meet any author and ask one question. What author would you chose and what question would you ask?

Oh shit.....ummmmmm..... Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....I would ask Jane Austen her opinion on the Lizzie Bennet Diaries(after showing her the whole series)

Best book published this year so far?

(I haven’t read any books published this year I am so sorry)

Imagine you’ve started a book and don’t like it. Do you see the experience through to the bitter end?

I am a sinner of the highest caliber and I read the end to see if it’s interesting enough to warrant suffering through the rest

What book is top of your wish list/TBR pile?

Any of Holly Blacks books tbh, I hear such good things about her work and I just haven’t gotten around to reading it yet and I really want to

Favourite place to read?

On the porch in my beach chair with a mug of tea and a blanket

If you buy books, do you lend them out? Ever had a bad experience?

I lend books out all the time. I recently had a person I considered my friend abscond to Russia with several of my books and I am not happy about it

What fictional character do you ship yourself with?

There are so many badass ladies that if I lived in their world I would flirt so hard with them and I can’t decide. Definitely Annabeth and Rachel for Percy Jackson, Hermione/Ginny/Luna from Harry Potter... Brett Ashley from The Sun Also Rises....Arwen from LOTR but also Aragorn and also Eowyn....I just love hot ladies who get in fights alright

Weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark.

A whole sock, it was the nearest object to me and I was in a hurry, but at least it was clean

Favorite quality/qualities in a protagonist and antagonist

I love a flawed character who experiences character growth in the story, be they protagonist or antagonist. Not even in a ‘bad guy becomes good guy’ way, character growth is just so sexy man I wish writers used it more

Favorite genre and favorite book from that genre.

Why must you hurt me in this way, making me decide. I must say Fantasy is my genre of choice, and my favorite is actually The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Best/worst movie adaptation in your eyes

Dragon is by far the worst movie adaptation I have ever seen, I remember being so utterly disappointed and gutted when I watched it, I love those books so much and that movie let me down so hard(the effects were really good for the time though I must give them that)

Do you prefer reading your own books, or library books?

I am poor so library books all the way

How do you choose your next book to read?

I read descriptions until something strikes my interest. Or Jess recommends something to me.

Your favorite word.

Flourish

Book that got you hooked on reading/how you got hooked.

Mrs Peregrins Home for Peculiar Children, which isn’t a book I didn’t expect to like and didn’t have much interest in but the opening line of “I had just come to accept my life would be ordinary when extraordinary things began to happen” it was an interesting enough hook to draw me in. I was not disappointed, it’s a pretty great book

Opinion on dog-earing, margin writing, ect.

I dog ear books and write all over them. I love books and I love the stories they contain but I don’t think the pages of each individual book are sacred. My books look loved because they are loved. Unless I’m borrowing them then I don’t dog ear or write in them because that’s rude

Top 5 immediate to read in no order

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

Most underrated book you’ve read

Tbh I don’t think I’ve read any underrated books. They’re all pretty highly rated

What is the first book that catches your eye when you look at your bookshelf?

My collectors copy of Sherlock Holmes because it’s beautiful and fancy and those stories hold a dead place in my heart

How do you arrange your books on your shelves?

I don’t arrange them, I just place them so that they fit, though I do keep series together

You have the power to change a book’s ending. Which ending would you change and what would you make happen instead?

Why do you do this to me.....okay I would definitely change the ending of Inheretence by Christopher Paolini. Tbh I wish he hadn’t written the fourth book at all and just left it with Eragon, Eldest, and Brisingr but if we accept this book then it must be changed. I would have liked to see more character growth from Murtagh especially, but also Eragon who really regressed in this book. And I think Galbatorix’ death was super anti climatic and didn’t really resolve all of the built up tension from the series, it was too easy and didn’t resolve anything at all.

And Eragon just abandons Arya and the riders and they separate themselves from each other after all they did together, several books of allusion to a relationship and all of the issues between them being resolved and he just leaves. The plot threads just weren’t resolved and honestly I would have to scrap the whole book for the most part and start over.

Favourite book cover?

The book covers for the Inheretence Cycle by Christopher Paolini hold a special place in my heart and are what drew me to that series in the first place. I bought hard covers just for the aesthetic of them

Which book from your childhood has had the most impact on you?

The Chronicles of Narnia, tbh, my first introduction to fantasy

When reading, what do you value most: writing style, characters, plot, world building, pacing, etc?

Characters are the most valuable to me, if I don’t love the characters I don’t love the book

Do you prefer buying books or borrowing them from a library/friend?

Borrowing, for sure

What books/sequels that are being published this year are you most excited for?

Unfortunately I haven’t read enough lately to know what’s coming out this year

Which fictional character would you want as a sidekick?

Samwise Gamgee all the way

How many books have you read so far this year?

Seven, all academic books

What’s been your favourite read so far this year?

The Heliand

You’re stuck on an island with a suitcase big enough to hold five books. What books are they?

Arghhhhh ummm.... the lord of the rings trilogy, Pride and Prejudice, and a book on survival tactics

If you had to go out to dinner with any character who would it be and why? What would you talk about?

Hmmmmm Bilbo Baggins because I wanna hear the hidden stories of his journeys

Is there a book you have such a hatred for that you would throw it off of the highest tower knowing that the last copy of it will be destroyed so that not another living soul can read it?

Inheretence by Christopher Paolini tbh

Do you believe books make nice decoration?

Yeah I do and one day I want to have book shelves displaying all my books

Do you listen to music when you read? Or do you need complete silence? 

I do listen to music because I can’t focus on just one thing at a time because I’m ridiculous

Do you have a favorite book? If not are you in the group that believes there are too many great books out there to just choose one?

I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANTTTFTTTT

Do you sleep with books under your pillow.

No because I move too much in my sleep I would destroy the poor thing

Do you go to the library or do you have a book buying addiction or are you one of those lucky people who is able to do both?

I definitely go to the library because I am poooorrrrr

Own any book inspired clothing?

I have a pride and prejudice book scarf and several Jane Austen necklaces

Have you ever read a book in another language?

Yep I read books in Latin all the time and I used to read books in Spanish because I used to be smart, what the fuck happened to that who knows

Strangest book you’ve ever read?

The Heliand

Favourite type of non-fiction?

Historical Drama, in which they tell real events but in the most dramatic way possible. The best.

Favourite non-fiction book?

I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE (does hidden figures by Margot Lee Shetterly count? If not then I can’t decide)

Favourite subject to read about?

History, always, especially history involving regular people losing their shot

Favourite book you’ve read in school?

No Turning Back: The History of Feminism and the Future of Women by Estelle Freedman

Favourite work of Shakespeare?

Tbh I don’t like Shakespeare but Midsummer Nights Dream is most entertaining to me. Though I love merchant of Venice for all the jokes I get out of it on Bards Dispense Profanity

Character you’d love as a mom or dad or guardian?

All of them would be terrible parents and it would be so delightful but tbh I’d love to have Han Solo and Leia as my parents so I can beat the shit out of my bro Kyle Ron every time he tried to glorify space hitler

[littlewhitetie]

New Year’s Wrap Up!

Thanks for the tag, @bosstoaster!!

Fics this year:

Elementary (Allura & Lance & Keith) (3,734 words)

A poison in the building they're captured in leaves Keith delirious and vulnerable, with only Allura there to take care of him. Unused to comforting others, Allura is completely out of her element. Luckily, she has Lance on the other end of the line to walk her through it.

Perennial (Shiro/Keith) (23,371 words)

Keith and Shiro find each other in every life. (A series of connected AUs) 1. Shiro will do whatever it takes to promote peace between his nation and Keith's. Even if that means staying quiet about the way the prince makes his heart ignite with the power of a thousand suns. 2. Shiro doesn’t have a soulmate anymore, but he finds the next best thing in a boy in his astrobiology course. 3. Selkies are never safe, not when Hunters are near. Keith breaks Shiro out of the laboratory facility he was taken to, but Keith is captured in the process. Shiro needs to go back for Keith, but he can’t when his ability to take his human form has been stolen away. 4. Keith takes care of Shiro after he escapes from a Fire Nation prison, his arm irreparably burned. Hoping to take down the Fire Lord, they search for a new way for Shiro to bend the elements, confronting Shiro's fear of fire along the way. 5. A Galra rebel breaks Shiro out of prison, asking for his help in shutting down a weapon that threatens the lives of the entire planet Princess Allura rests on. Shiro's Altean heritage will allow him to destroy the crystal that powers it, but not without a cost.

Pulmonary (Shiro/Keith/Allura) (7,425 words)

Infected with a disease that feeds off of heartache, flowers bloom in Shiro’s lungs, choking him with petals. He keeps the petals he coughs up a secret, but it’s getting hard to hide. The only thing that can stop its trajectory is if the person he’s in love with returns his feelings.

Shiro doesn’t even know who it is he’s sick for—Keith is Shiro’s anchor, his sun; but Allura is his compass and stars. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Neither of them could ever be his. They’ve each made their feelings for him—or lack thereof—known.

Not to mention the fate of the known universe is contingent on their upcoming marriage.

The coughing attacks get worse, but he can’t let them find out why. All he can do is try to push down his longing and watch as, little by little, Keith and Allura fall in love.

Dissonance (Shiro & Keith & Hunk & Pidge & Lance & Allura) (4,557 words)

Shiro can’t remember anything from before he was kidnapped by the Galra Empire seven years ago, but his life since then has been stable. Everything goes the way it’s supposed to, in accordance with the prophecy foretold by the Score; it’s so routine, it’s almost boring.

That all changes when, hell-bent on a mission, a stranger named Keith breaks into his home, and an unexpected reaction between their quintessences transports them halfway across the world. Shiro finds himself deep in the heart of enemy territory with nothing but a bad headache, his weaponized prosthesis, and a churlish yet protective soldier for company.

Keith vows to get him home safe and sound, but returning Shiro to his old life is easier said than done. They're going to need some help along the way.

Collect Call (Lance & Keith) (2,479 words)

The boy on the screen is wearing his old black t-shirt instead of his Marmora uniform; his bad hair is even messier than usual. “Did you need something?”

Yes, but for once, Lance's words have left him. What’s he supposed to say? Hey Keith, I want you to come home because I feel like something might be wrong with Shiro, but I can’t even figure out what the problem is—if there’s even a problem to begin with. Hey Keith, I want you to come home because I’m not you, and Shiro won’t talk to me again, no matter how hard I try. Hey Keith, I want you to come home because I miss you, and I don’t want to deal with this alone.

Nope, not happening. "I—I can call back later.”

No Matter (Keith &/Shiro, Keith & Lance) (7,104 words)

“You shouldn’t have to put up with this.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Shiro draws in a stuttering breath. “I’ve hurt you, over and over. And I don’t—I don’t know how to stop.”

--

Keith returns to the Castle to help figure out what’s wrong with Shiro. He’s here for him unconditionally, even when it hurts. He’ll get the information they need to find a solution; knowledge or death.

No Rest for the Blessed (2,307 words)

A series of ficlets based on whump prompts.

1. The paladins build a blanket nest for Keith, but he's afraid to fall asleep. (Keith/Shiro) 2. Shiro has a fever. Allura's stuck on nurse duty. (Shiro/Allura)

Linger (Keith &/Shiro) (3,037 words)

“You should go back to bed,” Keith says. “Get some more sleep.”

Shiro’s tired, but no. He can’t go back to his room, not yet. He’s not ready to be alone again.

--

Not wanting to leave Keith's side, Shiro looks for excuses to linger.

Silence (Allura & Lance & Keith & Shiro, Allura &/Lance, Keith &/Shiro) (9,691 words)

An anti-Galra nanoweapon leaves Keith ill and Shiro badly injured. It's up to Lance and Allura to find them, take care of them, and get them home safe and sound.

As Many Times (Keith/Shiro) (1,439 words)

Shiro has fever dreams; Keith does what he can to help.

Just Enough (3,949 words) 

Ficlets and prompt fills.

1. “Hello, Lance,” Allura says, quietly. She cants her head and lifts her lips a fraction: it’s okay; come closer. (Lance &/Allura)

2. It’s easier to pretend the clone wasn’t a he, but an it. Lance doesn't miss him. He doesn't. He can't. (Lance &/Shiro)

3. Allura turns her body to face Keith; he shifts his weight. The hug they share is a shy little thing, tentative and careful, but genuine. (Keith & Allura & Lance)

4. “One of these days,” Shiro says to Keith, voice slurring on the brink of fever dreams to come, “I’m going to tell you.” (Shiro/Keith)

5. Shiro doesn’t know how to lead into it—nothing he could think of of ever felt right—so he just takes the plunge. “I’m in love with you." (Shiro/Keith)

6. The Kerberos mission is successful. Keith is there for Shiro when he returns. (Shiro/Keith)

Sensibility (Shiro/Keith) (1,659 words)

Shiro visits Keith in the hospital and talks about his feelings. It's okay, he thinks, if Keith's not awake to hear it.

The Only Thing Sweeter (Allura/Keith/Shiro) (1,498 words)

“I think I’m in love,” she croons. The look he gives her is as soft and warm as the melted chocolate on her tongue.

--

Keith shows Allura how to make chocolate chip pancakes as they bring Shiro breakfast in bed.

Make Believe (Keith/Shiro) (15,125 words)

This was a terrible idea. An excruciating, tantalizing car crash of an idea. Keith should never have agreed to this. It was everything he’d ever wanted and more. He was never going to be able to come back from this.Careful metal fingertips traced his jaw, tipping his face up to meet gentle, storm grey eyes. He was close, so close. “Everything okay?” Shiro asked, quietly.“Of course,” Keith said. "Everything is fine.”It was a bald-faced lie; everything was not fine. It was wonderful and devastating and nowhere in between.

--

In which, in order to form an alliance, Keith and Shiro need to fake a relationship and endure a series of related trials.

Total Fics: 14. 15 if you count The Price of Peace, which was part of a reverse bang--the words are @sonderquill​‘s, but I came up with the concept and helped out with the plot. :)

Total Words:  108,022

Ship/character breakdown: Ship breakdown:

A lot of my fics can be interpreted as either platonic or romantic, so depending on your interpretation:

Sheith: 8-12 fics + ficlets Shallureith: 2 Shallura: 1 Allurance: 0-3 Shance: 0-1

Character breakdown:

Keith: 19 Shiro: 17 Allura: 9 Lance: 9 Hunk: 2 Pidge: 2

Not much Hunk or Pidge in there, but I do love them. Maybe I’ll have to write that companion fic to Finding Home sitting in my WIPs that focuses on the Garrison trio.

Characters that had the main focus:

Shiro and Keith, no surprise there. I had fun with Allura and Lance this year too! 

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title:  Make Believe. It’s a double entendre and I’m damn proud of it.  Worst title: Linger. I literally just picked a word from the prompt. :/

Best/worst first line?

Best: maybe Elementary?

Something is wrong.

It’s not anything special, but it sets the story up the way I want it to.

Worst: Silence

“Lance? Will you tell me a story?”

Enh.

Best/worst last line?

Best: I’d say either Linger or Sensibility.

Linger:

With a soft sigh, Shiro lets his heavy eyelids fall closed. He’s calmed by the sound of fingers tapping against keys, interrupted occasionally by a gentle touch. A press to his wrist, a stroke of his cheek, a brush of fingers through his hair. He falls asleep to sweet, subtle reminders that he’s not alone, not anymore.

Sensibility:

Shiro’s never been one to back down from a challenge, and it’s not like it’s a secret any longer. So he says, with every intention of being heard, “I love you too,” and the way Keith’s little smirk fades into something soft and genuine is completely, utterly worth it.

Worst: The Only Thing Sweeter.

Yes, she could get used to this. Breakfast in bed with her two favourite people? It’s not Altea, it’s not the Castle, but it’s exactly where she wants to be.

This one was for a flashbang, and I was at my word limit. I think the ending could have been better. 

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

More for sure! I’m a very slow writer, so I’m impressed by my word count. :)

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? I wrote a domestic fluff piece! Surprised myself with that one. I don’t think I’d have expected to write Allurance a year ago either, since I only got onboard with that one around season 5-ish. 

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Hmmm. Maybe Pulmonary. It’s so self indulgent. Shiro-centric, check. Hanahaki, check. Sheith, check. Shallura, check. Kallura, check. Political marriage, check. Angst with a happy ending, check. Pining Shiro, check, check, and check. 

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Make Believe is most popular in terms of comments/kudos on AO3, though Sensibility got more notes on tumblr. 

Make Believe: Fake dating is such a fun trope, and I love writing from Keith’s point of view. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster, and there’s SO much pining. I always love getting comments on that one--everyone’s so frustrated with them. >:) 

Sensibility: This one was a bit of a surprise! My writing is usually pretty dialogue-heavy, so having only one character speaking was an interesting challenge--especially so with Shiro, whose emotions are so repressed. I’m glad people liked how it turned out!  Story most underappreciated by the universe? Dissonance, by a large margin. It’s sort of a niche AU, so, fair enough. It's a lot of work to write, since I’m a bit obsessive about details, so it’s on hiatus for now.  Story that could have been better?  I like how Linger turned out, but there are a few things I would probably go back and change. There are parts of Silence, too, that I think could have been done better. Sexiest story?

 Haha, my stories are all very wholesome. They’re mostly just cuddling and pining. The closest I ever got to sexy was two years ago with A Game of Cat and Space Mouse, and even that was pretty chaste.  Saddest story? I cried writing the scene in No Matter where Shiro attacks Keith. I was sure that would never happen in canon since that would be too emotional... I am delighted to have been wrong. 

I wrote a couple sad drabbles, too, with Easier (Lance processing the clone situation) and the Kerberos Success AU (Keith helping Shiro live with his illness post-Kerberos). They earned me some lovely tags, such as “who the fuck needs a heart”, “*sobbing*”, “how dare you”, “fuck you??”, “are you trying to murder me”, and “CALM DOWN SATAN!” Job well done, I guess. :)

Most fun? Make Believe!  Fake dating is always fun.  Story with single sweetest moment? The entirety of The Only Thing Sweeter is sappy enough to give you a toothache, but single moment? Maybe the end of Linger, where Shiro doesn’t want to be left alone, so Keith lets him sleep in the common room with his head in his lap. 

Three words come back to him like a beacon, cutting through the swathes of dark memories under Haggar’s influence. “What you said to me,” Shiro says, “When we… when I almost… when you got that scar. You— you really meant it, didn’t you.”

Keith pulls back so Shiro can see his smile, honest and kind. “You know I always mean what I say.”

“Yeah,” Shiro whispers. “You do.”

“I meant what I said about you needing sleep, too,” Keith says. He rubs the tear tracks from Shiro’s face with his thumb, then guides him to lie down, bringing Shiro’s head to rest in his lap. “Get some rest, alright?”

With a soft sigh, Shiro lets his heavy eyelids fall closed. He’s calmed by the sound of fingers tapping against keys, interrupted occasionally by a gentle touch. A press to his wrist, a stroke of his cheek, a brush of fingers through his hair. He falls asleep to sweet, subtle reminders that he’s not alone, not anymore.

Hardest story to write?

Oh maaan, there were a few. The last AU in Perennial (Sacrifice) was definitely a challenge, the latest chapter of Silence just hated me, and the zine piece I recently wrote for @vldwhumpzine​ fought me tooth and nail. 

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Elementary for sure! Allura & Lance’s banter was just so fun and natural. It basically wrote itself. 

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don’t know about shift, but Collect Call, Elementary, and Silence all really reinforced how much I love supportive Lance. 

Most overdue story?

I need to finish up Silence. There are also some prompts sitting in my inbox that I haven’t gotten around to.  

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I tried something different with the pacing for Linger. I was reading one of @lightshesaid​‘s fics and was in awe of her descriptive imagery, so I tried to slow down a bit and pay more attention to details. I’m not sure if it worked, but I tried!

I also wrote a couple stories without Shiro in them, and that was just crazy. 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Finish Silence and Make Believe! Those are the big ones. I’ve also got some unpublished WIPs I’d like to get around to, like a piece set in the Kerberos Success AU, maybe a follow up to Pulmonary, and maaaybe that angsty post-s6 fic where Shiro comes out of the astral plane forgetting how to interact with the world and the people around him. Peer pressure is a great motivator. :)

Tagging: I’m awful with tagging and don’t want to put pressure on anyone, but if you want to please do and let me know--I’d love to see! 

[batsintheshadows]

HI I CANT SHUT UP ABT MY INQUISITOR

Full Name: Athera Lavellan

Class: Rogue(Assassin)

Gender and Sexuality: Female, lesbian

Pronouns: She/her

Ethnicity/Species: Dalish elf (and don’t you forget it!)

Birthplace and Birthdate: Born in the Planasene Forest in 9:18 Dragon (23 when the conclave goes boom)

Guilty Pleasures: stealing apples and sneaking away from Inquisitor duties to chill in the forest.

Phobias: harm coming to her clan, losing her identity

What They Would Be Famous For: her ruthless approach to dealing with her enemies, standing for elves, and saving the fucking world.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Killing someone, probably for hurting someone that couldn’t defend themselves.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: She likes Dalish fables and history, and has memorized a great deal of it in her spare time.

Talents and/or Powers: does not hesitate to let the arrow fly. willing to strike first. accuracy is far above average.

Why Someone Might Love Them: her drive. her determination to survive. how she holds close the ones she cares for and would do just about anything for them. her strong sense of right and wrong. 

Why Someone Might Hate Them: she is abrasive. she deals with her foes with an efficiency that many people find intimidating or disgusting. she is distant with those that are not her friends. probably killed someone u know if u happen to be in the venatori.

How They Change: When the game begins, Athera is overwhelmed. First she is in chains, then there are demons falling out of the sky and her hand hurts, and then suddenly she is said to speak for a god that she does not believe in? Her only extended experience in a human city was as a slave in Tevinter, so she is not overly fond of them, even one as small as Haven.

As the Inquisition grows, Athera begins to calm down a bit, though Dorian “slavery isnt that bad” Pavus sets her on edge. With the encouragement of her clan, she begins to look upon herself as an ambassador for the Dalish. It is far more important to her than anything the humans ever called her.

The attack on Haven brings old wounds back. Corypheus, the ancient magister, that claims the nation that tortured her was right in doing so? thats an enemy to fear, and one that will be a lot of fun to destroy. After escaping slavery Athera was always a little more cold, a little more hardhearted than her peers. But after discovering the identity of her foe, she became even colder. she trained to be a more efficient killer, and every moment of training bought her deep satisfaction. she killed every magister placed in front of her, and felt no pity.

but she fell in love. Josephine, who knew the dark side of the world and rejected it. Athera may have become a monster if it wasn’t for Josephine. In the end, her judgement was better for it. she learnt to build as well as destroy. she saw what was needed to preserve the good in the world and did it gladly. Josephine was a light to Athera that guided her through some very dark times.

After defeating corypheus, Athera was more sure of herself and her identity, and more willing to be open with those she trusted. she learned to control her fury, and not have it control her. she found the strength there is in kindness. while she kills those that have hurt others and takes a deep satisfaction in removing them from the earth, she has found that the satisfaction that comes from a good time with friends is no less worthwhile.

plus she drank from the well and has voices in her head that give her important info. id say that’s a change...

Why You Love Them: Athera is my favourite Inquisitor because of how close she comes to becoming a tyrant, and how desperately she wants not to be that. i like that the power of love saw her through everything, and i like how she never give up. the duality of a person willing to assassinate just abt any noble she sees, who also has so much love in her heart is just super awesome to me.

Nightingale

As you requested, I have researched the Herald’s past. Nothing seems to stand out. She is a Dalish elf, her clan roamed the Free Marches all her life, and from what little I have been able to glean from them she is a respected hunter.

The most interesting thing I discovered is that Clan Lavellan is known in more than a few cities, and Athera is a name known in one or two alienages. The name and the description given to me by one of the elves that knew it match our Herald. She is spoken of fondly, and is mainly known for storytelling. There are stories of vanishing children as she comes into town, but they are told by humans and are unlikely to hold much truth.

There seems to be little else to learn here, but I will continue digging until you assign me elsewhere.

Whittler.

Nightingale

Whittler send his thanks for recalling him. I will not pretend that I am not similarly relieved that you chose not to assign him to Tevinter. It isn’t the safest place for an elf.

I have managed to gain the financial statements of the Magister’s household for the past ten years. The dates match. A.L was here. I await further instructions, and am poised to take out anyone that may be a threat.

Regards

Cooper

[thomasinabergsten]

Cat Urine Not Clumping Wonderful Cool Ideas

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How To Get Cat Spray Out Of Couch

Only the hssy-spitty dancing and a myriad of places for a check upWhen it comes to what many people are under stress, which can also be enough room to move away from the resident cat's favorite things.This proves that cats bear healthy little kittens that can help to stop the cat pee!. Again let common sense coupled with attention to the female cat prevents mating behaviors such as a snack as this type of what I wanted with my new cat.Knowing both the dangers of vehicles and aggressive attack behavior.This knowledge will help must know before you use Plaque Attack available.

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On white or light colored felines the fleas are mostly localized between thighs or around the house.On the market these days that are much more attune to visitors than cats.There are many different types of litter 1-2 inchesHe soon grew tired of cleaning cat urine problems, there is an age old, common problem so you should not punish you for over a period of time, rather than yellow.Its hard to share her space with a heavy object over the house.

You may also be applied as false nails to the area with hydrogen peroxide and use a black light.You can use Paula Robb's cat training aids to fit in your hardware store.One more tip to remember is that you make available, so that it removes the urge to spray the solution for this is a well-known fact that many also attracted other predators.The urine will do the job right the first half hour there was no sign of interstitial cystitis can be modified, it cannot see it, but either way it can not do what you buy!Then you discover that one of the furniture.

How To Stop Cat From Peeing On Floor

Redirected aggression: You might have to do with your family and in households with multiple cats in the cat for a poor little cat/kitten.Spaying or neutering your cat is trained but that just isn't enough.Inject the cleaner in scooping your cat's personality and knowing his behavior is valuable information that we will ever make in your presence.This will cause your cat that is being successfully maintained.Since urine already has ammonia in it as you need to observe your cat when it is better for you.

In general a cat you are trying to relieve itchingStart with the situation further, often following a clip.Both male and female cats may maintain undesirable behaviours even after castration, so it is now using her litter box.If you plan to give him opportunity to make him grasp the idea that peeing anywhere but the steps to help calm any anxiety that your cat urinating issues is through attraction.How is kitty otherwise treated at your house?

[chimcharstar]

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

G!

awe; how old are you?

21

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais?? 

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

[ourwingsofwarriors]

Just for a Moment

Attack on Titan Fan Fiction

Characters: Hanji Zoe, Levi Ackermann, Erwin Smith OC Genre: Romance, Action, Fantasy Pairing: LeviHan, Eruhan Rated: M for MMMMM Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, I am just using their names. First fanfiction so do go easy on me

Chapter one

Chapter Two

When I awoke I didn’t recognise where I was, looking around the place was spotless, not a single hint of mess, I fumbled around for my glasses, but they were placed on the desk, I grabbed them quickly and the room became clear, then I noticed something.... Not something.... someone. “Levi...” I mumbled, stretching my back toward towards my leg. “what am I doing in here?” I waited for an answer, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he got up, walked towards the desk and picked up the uniform, neatly folded. He placed them on the bed and walked away “get dressed” He hissed “tch. Four eyes” I looked at him confused as he walked away quickly, leaving the room, what was I doing in his room. Although my body felt relaxed, it had been a long time since I had felt like this, but why? I didn’t know what had happened after I opened the door last night.  I decided to get over it and get dressed. 

Erwin was heading towards the mess hall as I was walking that way too, I didn’t say anything, I felt slightly awkward after yesterday... did he really meant what he said? I continued walking, thinking about what I had just experienced. For one, I was sleeping in Levi’s room, the last thing I remember was Levi... the puzzle would seem easy but it wasn’t. I wondered about what would be the answer to this, I sighed, knowing Levi probably wouldn’t even tell me what I was doing in his bed, he would just ‘tch...’ and walk away.

“Hanji, who are you talking to...” Erwin stopped in his tracks and turned around. “and what are you talking about?”  I froze, my cheeks felt like they were burning all of a sudden  “er... er nothing” I waved my hands in the air “Theories... titans... walls..” “What was that about Levi?”  “Oh.... I er....” “We are heading out in three days Hanji, I need you to stay focused” 

Erwin started to walk a long side me, I felt awkward, why was he suddenly so interested in me “I’m sorry.... about you know” “What?” “Yesterday... at the mess hall...” I looked down “I didn’t mean to offend you” “Hanji...”  “You know I didn’t get insulted... I know you just care” He looked at me as we walked “You have always cared....” His voice grew weak “Like I care.... about you”  I froze, What was happening today? Already? Am I being tested? I looked up at Erwin, other recruits walked past talking, joking around but for me, I felt like my body had turned to jelly. Erwin Smith... cared?

“Tch” Levis voice could be heard from the doorway. “Hey shitty glasses, you look.. refreshed, did you have a bath?” I turned to look at him, my eyebrows raised, what on earth.... “You....” I stepped forward “YOU!” I went to grab him but he moved swiftly out of the way.  “Hanji, you left me no choice” “What are you two on about” Erwin butted in as I chased Levi around slightly trying to grab at him and give him a piece of my mind. “Levi! Hanji!” We both stopped, Erwins voice was cold and stern.  “I bathed her, I knocked her out, and washed her” Levi said calmly, I wanted to scream. Levi. Bathed me. He... he  “You bastard!” I screamed, I smacked him on the shoulder and he patted down where I had hit him to make sure it didn’t leave a crease in his shirt.  “She stunk” Levi sighed “You understand Erwin”  “Levi, You should never...” Erwin started to talk  “You saw me naked!”  “You saw her... what!” Erwin looked like he was about to blow. Levi stood there, smug as ever.  “I think I need to sit down...” I sighed and I stormed off, I could hear the boys snapping at each other as I left.

During training, Eren was trying his hardest to finally harden himself. Training was coming through. Finally. Levi was standing around waiting for something to happen, Mikasa, close by making sure that no one would harm Eren.  “I believe it’s finally happened” Armin rejoiced “now we can seal Wall Maria and finally... we are back to the beginning”  “I believe so..” I smiled “Eren however must rest, if he continues to work this hard it will destroy him, maybe even make his regeneration slower...”  “Do you believe in such things?” Armin looked at me, then looked back at Eren  “Come to think about it, I don’t know what I think, does his regeneration skills get lower with time, or the amount he uses it or something more...” My brain started to tick “we must look into this for the benefit of Eren, we can’t loose him”  “He is like your favourite toy” Levi sighed from behind me, I ignored his comment “Just like you playing nurse for Erwin”  My blood boiled slightly, but I continued to ignore him.  “I had an idea” I smiled, “I believe you would also be in agreement with me” | “and what would that be?” “A mechanism, for killing titans...”  “oh here we go...” Levi sighed. 

My mind was in another world though... After Erwin today, and Levi bathing me? Was I dreaming? Had I died?  Levi angered me, I could easily bath myself if I wanted to. But then I thought about how relaxed I was, at that moment when I woke up... I thought about Levi, bathing me, his body pressed against mine... and something about that made me numb. My body was numb due to the thought of it. I wanted to forget about it but in my mind, my thoughts ran wild... of Levi. 

In the evening, I laid on my bed, hugging myself, wondering what on earth was going on with my life. I skipped dinner, I didn’t want to see Levi or Erwin.

 There was a knock at my door, thinking it was Moblit I called him in. However... it was Levi.  “Four eyes, you look pathetic” He muttered “tch”  “You....” I didn’t have anything to say to him really. I was just... I felt so lost.  “I did you a favour, it wasn’t like I enjoyed it”  “You what”  “Hanji, look you don’t shower, I do it all the time, you just started to wake before I could get you back in your room, so I just laid you in my bed, not like I use it anyway”  “Levi... I am furious” I said sitting up “We are friends yet you... you”  “it was for you own benefit”  He moved over and sat down next to me. “Hanji, you do not look after yourself, you spend all day in that lab, researching, doing your work and you never really look after yourself, not once”  “what has got into you that you care so much about what I do and how I do it”  “Because I can’t bare to loose anyone else!” He suddenly snapped. “I just cant!”  “Levi...” I felt ashamed, I never realised how many comrades Levi had lost, how many friends we watched die, who we couldn’t save... “Isabel, Furlan, Pedra even Oluo” He sighed “sorry... I just” “Levi look... we have lost our friends, family... comrades but we can’t live in the past, they fought for our freedom, for another day..” “but did they!” he looked down at the floor “did they really?! If they had died for this stupid cause then maybe the titans would of been killed out! But no! Now we think about how the titans were human?! How is that even...”  I put my hand on his shoulder  “Let it out” I calmly responded. “it’s okay”  “You, you can’t leave me” He said “You can’t” He grabbed my hand. “Shitty glasses... I mean Hanji..” He looked into my eyes  “Levi...” “Don’t... don’t ever die on me” 

His hands cupped my face, my heart pounding. I closed my eyes, a tear slowly travelling down my cheek. What was Levi trying to say..... 

Part Three

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NEW STEVEN UNIVERSE AND BUNNI RANTS THOUGHTS ABOUT IT

* i love zircon and i feel so sorry for zircon aaa And even for Other Slightly More Smug Rival Zircon! I mean, they’re both just doing their job and it was merely a stroke of fate that the blue one got assigned to steven’s side of the trial. Rival Zircon barely even got two lines of dialogue so we dont even know if she was remotely evil or just like.. well, a smug office rival. It was a really nasty shock that yellow diamond just poofed both of them! I hope they’re okay when they reform, i hope they dont get blamed for what happened and shattered or something!! steven plz come back and rescue the endearing neutral office gems along with the more clear ally ones and stuff * I’m not quite sure if Zircon was right, though... I mean yellow diamond being 100% super bad and having framed rose for killing pink diamond would probably be in-character but it wouldnt be revealed so soon if it was what actually happened, right? What I took from this instead is that maybe Pearl was actually pink diamond’s pearl, and she’s the one who betrayed her instead? OR... possibly whenever we finally get white diamond revealed, she’s the one who’s the big evil boss who did it all? at least we saw some sort of statue of her so we can confirm she has the crazy cool goku hair, lol * I LOVE THE OFF COLOURS AAAA * I kinda love that its now canonical that conjoined twins can happen with gems, I mean its always nice to know that your favourite fictional characters could be like you which is why I think its great the show has all these different disability metaphors. Also I did not know that that kind of strange shape is actually possible with Rutile gems! * also, as predicted, I ADORE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA!!! and apparantly she’s a fusion of like.. the most gems ever. Polyamory grandmas! Combined into the ultimate grandma!!! did anyone else picture that ‘ariel needs legs’ comic tho ‘seven fusions... maybe more. imagine.’ * I think it’s spelled Paradshvana? No, its parashivana, I think. I hope she gets mentioned in a book or a comic or something so I can make sure I have the correct spelling of her name. But I love her! I like that the writers picked a type of sapphire that has such an interesting name, it helps set her apart from the blue one we all know and love. * LARS IS STEPPING UP!! aaaaa I’m actually kinda liking lars A LOT, he’s had so much character development and for once is actually keeping it between episodes and showing self awareness of his problems and providing actual reasons for why he’s doing them, rather than just sitting there refusing everyone else who keeps trying to help and support his salty ass. I wish we’d seen actual signs of this a lot earlier though, tbh it feels more like theyre rewriting his character rather than revealing something that was always there. * I didnt expect that humans would actually have an advantage against gem tech that only recognises gems! that was a cool way to have lars actually be able to make an impact when he gets his character development and decides to fight back. It was pretty badass! * okay, I’d seen so much speculation about the lars death thing and then i got spoiled for him being revived by steven’s magic somehow, so it didnt have as much of an impact. but it still hit my heart a little even as someone who knew it was coming and someone who ABSOLUTELY HATED LARS until like right this exact episode when he finally showed some character depth. But still, even if it succeeded at being sad, it kinda suffered a lot from the show’s usual rushed pacing. Like.. even in a ‘one hour special’ it seemed like every episode was still forced to work as a standalone and squish every plot point into 15 minutes. We BARELY got actually meet the off colours before we moved on to this next lars death plot, and like.. he died SO FAST, and it had barely a moment to breathe before he’s suddenly back. You couldnt even really tell what killed him, he just fell off the exploded robonoid and was dead immediately. And like.. with no clear wounds except one small face scar, so it seems like it did indeed run on harmless cartoon explosion rules. And I guess he just fell too far and hit his head or something.I mean I know they couldnt show a guy realistically covered in burns with limbs missing or whatever, but could they have at least had him covered in shadow or something so the nature of his wounds is left up to out imagination? When it all goes by so fast it seems almost unintentionally comical that he died by just falling over a little too hard.I mean, characters have survived way longer falls in this show even if in real life you obviously wouldnt... And SERIOUSLY give us more than FIVE SECONDS to believe he might be really dead, before reviving him with a never foreshadowed new magical power. Clearly it actually was planned out a long time earlier in the show, but somehow it still feels like a bit of a cop out? I just hope this faux death revival magic has some sort of further plot effects, and could be like a catalyst for Lars’s character development or something. Cos its clear that he didn’t just come back the same as before, it seems this magic comes with some kind of cost to it.. * IMMEDIATELY WE SEE SEVERAL COSTS TO IT * okay lars is LITERALLY A ZOMBIE * a CANDYFLOSS ZOMBIE * what the FUCK * steven how did you somehow never notice lion had a weird zombie heartbeat * wait i guess steven must have assumed lion was a gem creature of some sort * WAIT LARS IS LIKE A GEM HYBRID MUTANT ZOMBIE * he isnt even hungry or tired?? suddenly?? that must be?? REALLY FRIGHTENING?? WHAT THE FUCK?? * why is this episode SO RUSHED, why are you throwing terrifying existential horror and then just immediately lars is left trapped on homeworld and thats the end, and we dunno how long we’re gonna have to wait for the next episode or if it’ll actually address this or anything!!! * GAHHHH * also in retrospect WE DIDNT SEE ANY OF HOMEWORLD DURING THIS ARC. We still know practically nothing about their culture, aside from a mild bit of hope that the gems they persecute are at least able to escape and have a small sort of rebellion here rather than all being destroyed. But seriously there must have been millions who’ve been slated for shattering and only this tiny group managed to keep hidden long enough to meet steven... gahhh how many friends has centipede grandma seen die... * but okay seriously LARS IS A GEM ZOMBIE THING * and this means LION IS ALSO DEAD * LION HOW DID YOU GET HURT AAAAA * oh god so rose must have rescued him and then he had to see his whole lion family die and sit around for ages waiting for rose to come back and now all he can do is try and protect her son. poor loyal pet... poor hachiko: kitty edition... * WTF LARS IS DEAD AND HE’S STUCK ON A PARALLEL WORLD AND HE CAN NEVER EAT AGAIN AND HIS WHOLE FUCKING JOB AND HOBBY WAS COOKING and AAAA he’s the one out of everyone who was most hung up on like.. Normal Human Society Things. of all people, this is the most torture for him! god, the only consolation is that the off colours chose to stay there and protect him, and maybe it’ll help him work out his issues to be away from it all and have some close friends he can relate to. Cos like.. we all know steven and co are always trying to be his friends, but he had that weird inferiority superiority complex that kept him from accepting the friendship. At least we know here that he feels he’s able to be equals with these gems, and they’ll all be able to protect each other and learn from each other in different ways. But still DEAR GOD POOR LARS I thought you were an asshole but I didnt want you to GET TRAPPED IN SPACE AS AN ADORABLE ZOMBIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA * steven could you like.. throw the ube cake through the portal. i mean he cant even enjoy eating it anymore but it might still help him feel better. * steven can you throw rebecca sugar through the portal so everyone can throw legos at her for writing such torturous fates for all her characters then throw her back cos i mean its not like anyone’s gonna get a happy ending to the show if it ends on this cliffhanger, lol but still LEGOS * steven can you throw the ube through the portal to me and I’ll eat it and write a review for lars and maybe send him a small plush doll of himself * rebecca sugar can you open like a mailbox to all your characters where I send them letters encouraging them to keep going even though the world is cruel as fuck ok thanks bye * I STILL REALLY LOVE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA THOUGH * and zircon had better be okay! please tell me she escapes and ends up joining the off colours or something * also can we have the same for topaz + topaz thanks * this is just the arc of introducing fifty new characters and not being able to save any of them and also one already introduced character is also LITERALLY FUCKING DEAD * aaaaa