#canon kills

[everwalldigan]

Thinking about that series on TikTok where canon batfamily characters meet their fanon counterparts and I think all canon characters would have a sort of disdain to borderline hate for their fanon versions EXCEPT BRUCE. Canon Bruce would be seething with jealousy

Canon Bruce: so you’re saying… most of them live with you. In Wayne manor. And it’s not burned down every week.

Fanon Bruce: yup! All of them except Jason, he and I don’t get along very well you see… he’s always angry with me so the weekly family dinners are always tense ://

Canon Bruce, through gritted teeth: you see him regularly? Must be nice.

Fanon Bruce: it is! The kids can get a bit rambunctious at times but thankfully their older brother Dick is always there being the good responsible mentally stable older brother he is so there’s not much damage except the broken vase or two

Canon Bruce, glaring daggers: is that so.

Fanon Bruce: there’s also Tim, he can’t get enough of his coffee, sometimes I have to replace it with decaf just to get him to sleep!

Canon Bruce, who has found Tim napping in places he didn’t think was humanely possible to sleep in: hnn

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[sandwormb]

When they make Sherlock Holmes and Irene Norton née Adler have sexual tension I get so angry that steam comes out of my ears. First of all that woman has a lovely husband whom she risked her well-being and outsmarted royalty for. Second of all, she’s like Lana Del Rey to Sherlock Holmes. He keeps a photo of her in the way stan twitter has screenshots of their fav artists. This is not a heterosexual dynamic.

[ditzybat]

villain: this is photographic evidence of your children committing war crimes

bruce: it’s ai generated

villain: this is a video of red robin literally admitting to blowing up multiple league of assassin bases with with little warning, potentially killing hundreds

bruce: he’s such an entrepreneur, funny thing how words can be twisted in media

villain: these are multiple videos of black bat killing people in costume

bruce: are you saying women can’t defend themselves in this day in age? my mr villain i expected better from you than misogyny

villain: red hood is literally pumping lead into a goon in front of you

bruce: those are rubber bullets silly

[chloesimaginationthings]

NEVER ask FNAF Vanny about her past…

[demaparbat-hp]

She will (and he'll let her)

[dcxdpdabbles]

Alfred: You can't keep doing this, Master Bruce. Eight-year-old Bruce: I'm not doing anything wrong. Alfred: You are literally trapping my dates in the caves underneath the Manor Bruce: I didn't trap them. They wandered in there and got lost. It's not my fault they are all big crybabies. Alfred: Master Bruce, you lure them to the entrance. Bruce: Cry. Babies. Besides, you'll marry my parents, so it doesn't matter if they fear caves! Alfred: It's not the caves that scare them. It's getting lost and dying in them. Also, Master Bruce, who said I was going to marry your parents? Bruce: The man who lives under our Manor. Alfred: ....What man? Bruce: He has snow-white hair, glowing green eyes, razor sharp teeth, and he sees the future. He said you would raise me, but since my parents are raising me, the only way that can happen is if you marry them! Alfred: Did this...man say anything else? *loading shotgun* Bruce: Yeah, he said not to take ally shortcuts. That's why I made Mom and Dad wait for you to pick us up from the movies. Alfred: Alright. That was decent advice. Bruce: He also said it's my duty to defend Gotham by dressing like a bat and fighting crime! But that one is a secret, so don't tell anyone. Alfred: Of course, Master Bruce. Can you show me where this man is hiding? *clocks shotgun* I would like to talk to him. Bruce: Yeah! And you can help me make a bat costume afterward! Danny, deep underground: Someone just walked across my grave.

[technically-human]

St. Hilarion's ghost story

[onlycleverinmyhead]

Bruce: Cassandra has done nothing wrong ever in her life

David Cain: she killed a man

Bruce: no she didn't

Cass: I killed a man

Bruce: no you didn't

Bruce, watching a video of Cass killing a man: this is fake.

[xlandloud]

arkhamverse tim doodles bc i’ve been playing ssktjl too much

nonsense under the cut bc i thought it was funny

[my-dear-ceramic-frogs]

Loved whatever tf these two had going on in season 7

[hinamie]

cursed kids v2 ⚠️👹

i've been a jjk first years stan since day one and have been wanting to redraw the first art i did featuring the three of them

[simpin-on-noodles]

What do you mean this DIDNT happen! Nah this canonically happened-

[4sh-n4]

AU where bruce and co. (his entire hoarde of kids, even jason in disguise) are at a gala. And it's a really big gala, party of the year type of thing in Gotham, absolutely unmissable. And usually, even the rogues know that this night is off limits, so it's relatively safe. So, they're all at this gala, right?

And then the joker crashes it because he has no respect for Gotham traditions. Breaks in through a window, yada yada. He starts to go on this whole villain speech as per usual, and everyone is waiting for the heroes to come. But all the heroes are at the gala, in their civilian identities, with a thousand eyes on them. No one can reasonably slip away, except for maybe jason, who's already seething mad and ready to attack. But with the chaos and people trying to get away, all the exits are blocked, and his helmet is at home.

Bruce is at the front of the crowd, facing the Joker. Joker sees him and makes a comment about Jason, and goes on about how Bruce must've felt when his baby died. And then he brings up how he killed the little birdie too, just a few days before the terrorist attacks that allegedly killed Jason. And he mentions how much he tortured Robin before his death, and Bruce snaps.

He leaps forward, absolutely hammering the shit out of the joker. Beats him up so bad, no finesse or technique to it, just pure rage. His kids try to pull him off, to no avail. No one else even tries. By the end of it, by the time the police arrive, the joker is more blood than body, and Bruce has finally calmed down. Everyone is just staring at him in shock, understandably. (The joker ends up in hospital, paralysed and in a coma)

His kids all drag Bruce home and give him an entire lecture about his persona and how his cover has probably been blown. About excessive violence and how he refused to kill joker but then pulled this in public?? They're all worried about the fallout in the news the next day.

No one sleeps that night, for various reasons, but then when the newspaper comes out the next morning... there's just nothing bad written?? The headline is something about Bruce being a hero for saving everyone from the joker, but there's no other mention about Batman or anything else.

Turns out, no one in Gotham is surprised that Brucie Wayne, no 1 airhead, beat up the joker because "did you SEE him as a teenager?? We were all just glad when he came from his travels pretending to be stupid instead of picking fights with everyone. If anything, it's understandable that he snapped, I would too if a clown started bragging about killing my son." The only reason no one brought up his violent past is because they were worried he would revert back to that behaviour.

[titanofthedepths]

Society if people stopped using “he” for characters that use they/them or it/its

[anaie-russie]

she WILL NOT change her mind