#can't even think curved
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SOMEBODY PLEASE SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD CAUSE I SIMPLY CAN'T TAKE THIS MAN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#oh lord!#I'm loosing my mind#I'm going crazy#i can't think straight#can't even think curved#it's simply too much#i might diiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!#jhs#Jung Hoseok#jhope#bts jhope
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baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
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it's a good thing conclave didn't waste any time on making the stories about catholic orders and their in-fighting. and probably i shouldn't either because i am not informed enough about it to go on at length. pls take all of this w a grain of salt.
but i know in my heart of hearts that aldo bellini is a progressive liberal jesuit, the holy father's specialest most progressive liberal italian-american jesuit.
look at him. look at his glasses. those are the glasses of a man who did his dissertation on reinterpreting loyola through a contemporary reformist lens. academic wunderkid. has sooo much beef w the editors of american jesuit weekly. possibly the events of conclave are occurring in a better more beautiful world where aldo bellini is the editor of american jesuit weekly.
the late holy father for sure was a progressive jesuit also. vr pope francis coded. and low-key set him up as a successor. for a while, that seemed nearly a sure thing in some circles.
but there is the fact. well. the fact that everyone is tired, done and tired of jesuits, progressive or otherwise.
this among other factors meant he couldn't consider him the best option, besides whatever character judgement and uncanny machievallien prediction he came up with.
adeyemi has that benedictine swag which makes his potential election particularly seem like a breath of fresh air + reliable + lots of influence. tremblay is giving dominican drip and dominican corruption. and dominican flop. his nespresso machine? it's giving dominican also.
tedesco has to be an italian-founded order member. most hypocrital salesian of all times maybe?? this is unrelated to the fact that i was nearly enrolled in a salesian primary school and the weirdly panopticon-ish playground didn't pass the vibe check. and also because: consider tedesco rising in the ranks of an order created to help migrant workers...someone kick him in the head for me pls.
who even knows about benítez. i want to say franciscan but that might be just too on the nose. cistercian?? honestly it would work well if he is also without affiliation.
this lens does make lawrence's homily being interpreted as a campaign speech more understandable (and particularly funny).
because, as far as anyone can tell, he's fully running as an independent candidate. zero platform besides - if i fuck up i'll apologize and do better and be held accountable, which is more than any of you probably would.
and because he stands alone, he can be held accountable. he can belong to all, and not one faction only. as far as anyone can tell, he's burning bridges with bellini and rocking the statues quo.
he is speaking to/from a place of frustration with institutional inertia and factionalism, he is using his position as dean to bravely promote a platform for internal change in the curia, he is offering doubt as an alternative to certainty, he is pulling an absolute wildcard move.
pity he didn't mean it.
pity the the only order lawrence is interested in joining is the most hardcore discalced carmelite experience possible.
you know how some people look into luxurious real estate listings like it's porn? that's lawrence w tiny monasteries. the sort of minuscule organization with not enough people for management to be necessary. too small for politics. as close to erasure as you can get in this world: no need to be useful.
serving god by existing only to meditate on him. a narrow slant of a life, at that. barely taking up space, barely casting a shadow.
his favorite is a decrepit wreck of a place in the middle of southern spain, nowhere. no wifi no speaking aloud no possessions. no shoes no food. no nothing, only prayer. and a big big sky overhead.
maybe that will fix his issues with reaching god. if that doesn't work he'll probably just wander into the tabernas desert and become an hermit. works for some people, supposedly; plenty of order founders seem to believe so, anyway.
#conclave#sabbadin also gives jesuit. imo#i can't begin to guess at ray o'malley. some really niche order no one's heard about or he's also unaffiliated#i do think that. perhaps. unfortunately. everyone thinks lawrence is pulling another curve ball of a political move.#so even if he does join an order post canon#that reputation will proceed him. no abbot will believe this political mastermind if he says he wants to set aside wordly matters#he just won't get that spiritual job interview acceptance.#guy who is cursed to remain orderless. to answer to his own discernment and be an agent in the world. forced to try and try again#thomas lawrence#aldo bellini#vincent benítez#goffredo tedesco#joshua adeyeme#joseph tremblay#conclave spoilers
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Untitled Zukka Hurt/Comfort Ficlet #1 (because practicing drawing means I need to write little mini fics I guess...)
“You’re sick.” Sokka’s voice was as calm as the surface of water on a still night. Not a hint of accusation or contempt. No softness, no sting. Only observation. Reflection.
Zuko took a breath, deep to sooth his limbs that were threatening to shake. “I’m fine.”
Sokka frowned, and Zuko felt a knot form instantly in his stomach. His shivered, vision swimming as he saw the flash of another frown, superimposed. A different frown. Harsh. Sharp.
Sokka’s movements were calm. Fluid. Gentle as he raised his hand to Zuko’s forehead and pressed with just the right amount of pressure. “You have a fever.” Zuko felt his heartbeat pick up as Sokka’s lip began to curl, but as his expression settled Zuko realized that Sokka wasn’t angry, just concerned.
Zuko breathed deeply, pinning his arms to his sides before the other boy could notice that he was shaking now. Only, he must not have been fast enough because Sokka dropped his hand from Zuko’s forehead to grab Zuko’s trembling fingers.
“Your hands are freezing.” Sokka hand tightened around Zuko’s as he pulled it upwards, pressing it against his mouth. Zuko couldn’t stop his hands from shaking even harder as Sokka’s breath warmed his skin.
—
“I can do that.” Zuko reached to grab his sleeping bag. “I’m fine.” Sokka lifted it over his head like they were kids playing keep away. Zuko huffed, crossing his arms, but let Sokka keep it.
“You’re not fine.” Sokka spread of the blanket. “How long have you been feeling sick?”
“Ugg.” Sokka paused. He looked up, holding Zuko’s gaze until Zuko finally drawled, two days? maybe three.”
“Three days?!” Zuko felt his pulse quickening again, his shoulders bracing. “Why didn’t you say anything!” Even though Sokka’s voice voice was high he didn’t sound angry. In fact… Sokka’s eyebrows were scrunched, lips pressed thin. “You were training Aang this morning. Zuko, you shouldn’t be bending like that if you’re sick “ Sokka was worried.
“I’m fine.” How many times had Zuko said that now? “It’s just a fever. It’ll go away.”
“I mean, sure it will, if you rest. Can you, uh…” He gestured towards the sleeping bag, laid out and waiting.
“Oh.” It felt awkward to lower himself down when his legs felt so much like jelly, Zuko was sure it wasn’t graceful. But Sokka didn’t say anything, just stood there, eyebrow raised. Waiting. Zuko realized, then, that he was supposed to lay all the way down. So he did, somehow feeling boneless now that he wasn’t holding himself up.
He blinked as Sokka settled a blanket over to his shoulders. It took Zuko and absurd number of seconds to realize that it was a blue blanket, one of Sokka’s own. Woven. Thick. Soft.
“Comfortable?” Sokka asked. When Zuko met his eyes he smiled.
It was nice, seeing Sokka smile. Zuko wanted to smile back, but he… there was a quivering in his stomach. Not sickness, just… waiting. “I’m fine,” Zukp said. When Sokka raised an eyebrow, he added, “I… feel fine.”
“I doubt that,” Sokka said.
“I do,” Zuko insisted. Yes, his body felt suddenly heavy. And his skin buzzed strange sensitivity that made event he gentlest touch feel like a scratch. But he was lying on his side, on something soft, and he was warm. “I… thank you.”
Sokka shrugged. “I didn’t do much,” he said. “Do you need anything else?”
Zuko thought for a moment. “Water?” He croaked.
“Coming right up, bud.”
Zuko let his eyes close for a moment, just listening to the sound of Sokka’s footsteps as he went back to the packs, the rustling of fabric as he was digging through something. Then there was a feeling, something hard brushing his fingers. Zuko opened his eyes to see a small, green glass. “A Ba Sing Se souvenir cup?”
“It was on sale,” Sokka said, chuckling. “Drink it. It’s medicine.”
“For what?” Zuko asked.
“The fever?” Sokka reminded him. “Do they… umm… not treat fevers in the Fire Nation or something?”
“Of course they do.” Zuko propped himself up just enough to tip the bitter liquid into his mouth before settling down again.
More sounds of shuffling as Sokka lowered himself, and then Zuko felt weight on his back as Sokka pressed into him, a hand settling itself onto his arm. Sokka’s touch was firm, but quiet. Soft. Sweet. “But not yours?” Sokka sounded sad.
Zuko swallowed. He remembered that feeling, tossing and turning as his skin crawled and his stomach churned. Waking up with a sweat drenched face but father still expected Zuko to do his katas. Run through his katas, go to school, sit up straight. There was punishment for slouching, even if he only slouched because he was shivering so hard he couldn’t mind his posture. “We were being trained to rule, Azula and I. Countries don’t stop because you have a cold.”
Sokka didn’t say anything, just started rubbing his arm.
“You can rest now,” Sokka said after a while. “I can take care of you.”
Take care of him? Zuko tried to remember the last time someone had taken care of him. His Uncle had tried, of course, but Zuko had always pushed him away. He couldn’t let himself be seen that way - weak, sick. So he ignored the quiver in his Uncle’s voice when Iroh spoke to him from the other side of a metal door. And before that… before that his mother would, when father would let her. When Zuko was so sick that she’d block his bed with her body to keep father away, even if it cost her. Then sit with him and fuss his hair back with slender fingers.
“I’ll take good care of you,” Sokka said.
Zuko took a deep breath in. Not a sigh, just a breath, one to fill him up. He could feel his heart starting to race again, but... nicer this time, with Sokka so warm and solid against his back. He let the breath out. Slow. Controlled. Eyes still closed, he whispered, “Okay.”
#zuko#sokka#zukka#sickfic#Zukka H/C sketch + fic#hurt/comfort#ficlet#art is just for fun#I will not explain Sokka's outfit#I'm just happy it kinda looks like him#kinda#Zuko a little less so#close enough#i grade myself on an extreme curve and i declare this... okay#learning to draw in your 30s#fire sibling headcanon#do we think Ozai ever let Zuko or Azula take a sick day?#Ozai never let his kids have a sick day#and as lovely as Ursa is - she just can't stop him from being terrible - not all the time#not even most of the time#physical art#titles? what are those#titles are hard#look at me crossing over from genfic into shipfic#but still hurt/comfort fic because of course#amateur art corner#my writing#my atla fic#my atla art#zukka h/c
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sitting around pondering those luigi brothers rn
#botched art#super mario#yes i let my sonic fixation into this sketchpage too#because while i was staring at the brothership models it kept occurring to me#how many features and proportions mario in particular has with sonic#luigi is lankier so it doesn't hit quite as strong with him#i also kept staring at the Shading Circle thinking like#“that can't be it. there has to be more. there isn't even a highlight”#but that's the thing#the cell shading doesn't have a highlight on the character models#just a thin black outline and the soft shading on the veeeery edge of minimal features#these bros are mostly flat colors!! and being in-game seeing them moving tricks my brain into seeing more depth than there is#i'm still so bad at drawing these two after years of various attempts#it starts with the face shape. trying to place the cheek curve while knowing that it'll be covered by the nose and mustache anyway#then its the nose. god i hate trying to draw the nose#then its the ear hair which i can never quite place right#and after struggling with all that i sweat profusely and spend 20 minutes just trying to sketch the mustache#then have to adjust said mustache a minimum of 5 more times until it looks right#and then the hats?? the fucking hats????#you'll notice i didn't draw them for the purposes of this page. guess why. guess.
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I don't think anyone who believes Arya is focused on revenge has ever actually read her chapters, it's just been one long game of telephone where people repeat a take they heard so they can pretend they know what they're talking about
#arya stark#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#and usually the evidence is that she's with the faceless men?? when it's been made clear she's with them because she has nowhere else to go#this isn't even subtext it's literally just what written plainly on the page but people still have trouble understanding it#Arya's focus has always been to return home and to her family and that hasn't changed + won't change in the future#if she truly wanted to hunt down the people on her list then why hasn't she ever thought about doing so??#or thought that she wants/needs to stay with the faceless men so she can learn their skills to take revenge?#people act like we don't have direct access to the character's thoughts and try and fill in the blanks based on assumptions and vibes#I challenge anyone who thinks this to give me any actually evidence to prove that Arya is solely focused on revenge#need idiots who lowered the curve of their english classes to stop speaking on complex characters they can't seem to comprehend#like Arya isn't the one poisoning a disabled child cause she was told she'd benefit from it worry about that instead of speaking on her
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I do think Billy Joel is lying about not drinking any of the times he crashed his car (I'm potentially willing to give him one of the three which is more than anyone else) but only because he spent so little time sober during that period of his life. It's not like I don't think he's a bad enough driver to crash his car three times in two years without drinking.
#i like to think his family is like bill you're a bad driver#and he can't even be like it's fine i'm sober now because he won't admit to not being sober back then lol#i'm MAYBE willing to give him the one just because it happened at a notorious dead man's curve
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brooo it's literally impossible to be anything other than skinny during the summer
#speaking for me specifically#i can't wear shorts#so i can only wear trousers#but if i wear bigger trousers then im “not accentuating my curves”#or looking “homeless”#but its too hot for tighter trousers#and dont even get me started on tops#i have to wear something that is modest and keeps me cool but doesnt make me look homeless and makes me look conventionally pretty#so by the time ive gotten all those down#i am physically unable to think about what i want out of wearing clothes#lile jesus christ#i wish people didnt care so much about what i wore#its literally just fucking CLOTHES#AUGH#anyway#rant#rant over#rambles#cult rambles
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help baal's yaoi hand 😭
lucas by @drakuniel
#latest months have been really stressful.. i can't stop thinking about how i'll manage to survive by my own working in the art files since#ai is improving its ass creations and well people are buying it sigh i wont give up or anything but damn i dont exactly see a birght future#anywaaaayy daniel opened a whiteboard so i had fun drawing sketches like these there were a lot of talented people it was surprising ngl#myart#sketch#oc#fanart#vivo en bruma#my eyeglasses are kinda curved lord even one of the temples is broken so i had to held(?) it with a bread wire and the lenses fall everytime#in a while and my right eye hurts both of them are all red I CAN FEEL MY VEIN GOING UP TO THE BRAIN AND PALPITATE#and none in this family is taking me seriously what have i done to these people
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let it be known that ghostrunner goes down in history as the only game that can make me ragequit within MINUTES. i tried, I REALLY TRIED to get into it, TWICE, once in 2022 and then right here and now, i love the aesthetic, the music, it looks awesome on my new monitor, i tried with controller and keyboard, i switched on assist mode, i cannot for the life of me play this game. I'M TOO SLOW. PERIOD. never even got past the first level/stage/whatever. i have 2.1h logged on steam, this game HATES me, it is hostile, it is angry, it makes me angry, one of the worst game purchases i ever made
#AND I THINK I EVEN PAID FULL PRICE BACK THEN!!! HNGHHHH#ok BYE you're getting uninstalled bitch!!!!! FOR GOOD. get out of my sight#ghostrunner#games#yes i might be a tiny bit upset.#there's a lot of things i can git gud at but this game is not one of them#it's time to accept defeat.#*eye twitches*#*grinds teeth*#EDIT: i looked it up on yt. it's just 3h long?!!#yeah ok no wonder i can't do it. that's no learning curve that's a learning vertical wall
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I broke up with my ex boyfriend nearly 3 months ago (I think it's in about a few days or so) and it's 1am and it definitely struck me, i must have hurt him so much and if i regret anything it was the fact that i wasn't truthful to him and me both..
#i wrote two letters#one double sided#i had to let him know i let him down and I can't imagine how hurt he must have been#truth is i just wasn't the one and it was really difficult to realize that because i was nearly willing to just settle...#and the second letter was letting him know i still think of him fondly and even though it was a massive learning curve-#I'll never ever forget how it felt to be truly cherished and wanted. I've had massive problems with that in the past.#diva#glam#slay#me#blog
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The irony of trying to start a "pain journal" but being too fatigued and having too much brain fog from said pain to start one
#is that irony? idk. i can't think.#i try so hard not to get crabby when i'm in pain like i genuinely try so so hard to be kind and patient#posting this on fb not to make my parents feel bad but also maybe to show them how bad this is#far as i know i don't have scoliosis like my dad. i was checked growing up. but there has to be some kind of curve#and at this point i will not tolerate anyone telling me it's just posture because it canNOT be just posture now.#i wake up in pain now. at the moment it's so bad i was just crying and waddling and pacing#it's my spine right in my mid-back. like where my bottom ribs connect to my spine#trying to stretch. took some naproxen 3 hours ago and it genuinely did nothing. put some tiger balm on#does tiger balm make anyone else drowsy??? or is that just brain fog from the pain?#fatigue and brain fog are things i literally just realized. like this whole time i thought i was just a lazy person#needing to lie down for most of the day unable to concentrate on even fucking reading.#but no it turns out when you're in pain every day all day for at least 11 years it makes you foggy and exhausted.#the more you know#literally drag me by the hair to a doctor because i cannot do it. i cannot be told to just Do yOgA and go on birth control or w/e#if you're afab it's always gotta be your period huh. that's a physician's only answer.
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Yeah anyways what if I DARKENED my hair. I should not until after this wedding because I am supposed to wear a pastel purple dress. No idear actually. I know I am going to practice wearing heels because all the bridesmaids are womenlets. Actually the bride and groom are both under 5'4 LOL I should get pretty reasonably sized heels
#So the real issue is that the dresses the bride picked out are satin and spaghetti strap#I bought the dress and it shows my spine so bad#Like seriously very obvious that I have a spinal deformity in this dress...I am imagining ways to take away from that or even .#work my curve somehow and make it harmonious with the dress and everyone else#I just can't be proud of this no matter how hard i try#People will think you are weird for trying to make scoliosis look cunty#so it has to be effortless#Unfortunately i had cut my hair before i saw the dresses. if it was long it would lay over my back and hide it#So if anyone has suggestions for how to be a knockout spoonie in a sheer dress please let me know
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brrrrr (/pos)
#weight talk#<- just in case even though this is pos#but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life#like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL#i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL#but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety#partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly#so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up#well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite#and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day????#and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs#highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16#and then it dropped 10#and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER#and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left#like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling#but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back#I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE#and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore#like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards#but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore#I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man#and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic#when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way#and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore#i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat#seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy
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An idea I never really wanted to write but I like to day dream about it at work.
Norman figures out Brendan is gay and is waiting around for his son to come out to him. Cue very roundabout ways of trying to build trust with him.
One of his ideas involves asking around for a popular restaurant and then taking him there for a meal when the stars align and they're both free.
Brendan does eventually open up to him but it was about how when they first moved he felt pressured and trapped at the idea of having to follow in his dad's footsteps. (This is because after you arrive to Petalburg Norman makes the assumption his kid will be a trainer just like him and I imagined his kid took that literally). It becomes really nice moment and Norman is quite ecstatic and happy because he is proud of his kid and everything carries on as normal...
At least until Norman walks up to the gym the following day and realizes he technically failed his goal at getting his kid to come out to him. Cue him hitting his head against the door and his junior trainers terrified for the rest of the day.
#i feel like this is how i always imagine norman actually#him trying to accomplish one goal but inadvertently accomplishing something else.#this is heavily based on a moment in the original rse games where it's revealed norman was going to teach wally how to catch pokemon#i always imagined it was because he was mentally preparing himself so he can then teach his own kid to catch pokemon#but that plan fell through because his kid arrives with a starter and at least one pokemon#so he then revises his plan on the fly and creates an opportunity for his kid to befriend wally#the latter who he sensed was very lonely (but also failing to miss that his kid wanted to see him since it was hinted at they very much did#this leads me to think norman is that kind of a father#someone who tries to set up a carefully thought out plan to accomplish his goal#but then having to basically heavily revise/scrap the plan because of various curve balls life throws at him#norman's not even my favorite from the hoenn games#but i can't help but find him so facinating that i need to 'torment' him#pure rambling
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#lasso the sun.#THE ONLY THING IM CONSISTENT AT IS BEING INCONSISTENT#will probably hate this tmrw but lets go ig???#can't wait to perform an autopsy w fresh eyes#sigh ok here we go: most successful thing is the planar differentiations on the face#the hair is sloppy - u can tell it was a 2nd hand thought that didn't have much priority; the rhythmical beats to the forefront bangs#are very static#i think i made the eyelids too dark it almost looks like eh's got a black eye though the issue may alsobe that the reflective light on the#bottom ridge of the brow is too light#there's also an issue with his lips curving appropos but this is smthing i need to work on in general#by keeping in mind large planar differentiation and how much will show and won't show in accordance to the overall egg shape shifting away#not gonna even talk abt hiis beard bc i clearlywasn't really thinking when i put it in
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