#can’t stop thinking about it… never lost a friend my own age before… god it’s so wrong
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nagilicioussodelicious · 3 months ago
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Ugh
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cowgurrrl · 2 years ago
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More domestic Joel Miller headcanons because I can’t stop thinking about him
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When Tommy and Maria have their daughter, Joel absolutely falls in love with her. You two take turns helping the new parents out so they can get some sleep which means you get to watch Joel hold the tiny baby
He will bounce her around the dimly lit room, humming whatever song is stuck in his head, and his curls are a mess on top of his head and he looks so tired but he’s so happy
As she gets older, she clings to him and cannot get enough of him
One time you were walking through town together and you heard a very loud “UNCA JOE” coming from behind you
Joel lit up like a Christmas tree when he turned around and saw the little girl abandoning Maria to rush across the town square and into his arms
She and Ellie become fast friends and the two become little trouble makers despite their 14 year age gap
Speaking of trouble, Ellie constantly makes fun of how affectionate you and Joel are at home. On patrol, you keep it professional and barely even kiss each other goodbye. But, once you’re in the comfort of your own home, all bets are off
This man was so touch-starved for so many years but now that he has you, he is the clingiest man alive
Joel will come up behind you when you’re doing something and wrap his arms around you, kiss your neck, tickle you, whatever he needs to do to distract you
He LOOOVVVEEESSS laying his head in your lap and letting you run your fingers through his hair while you ramble about your day
Can’t fall asleep unless he’s touching some part of you
He has a horrible habit of smacking your ass any chance he gets (poor Ellie)
“You guys are gross,” she’s yelled across the room so many times you’ve lost count. Joel thinks it’s hilarious each time
“You’re gross,” he’ll accuse before letting go of you and turning to face her. “You don’t have to be so jealous. There’s enough Joel Miller to go around.” He teases before wrapping her in a big hug and spinning her around the room
Her squeals of laughter could power a whole city as she screams at him to put her down
Loves cooking even if it took him a long time to learn
You and Ellie grinned your way through some truly awful meals but he got better and now you actually look forward to when he cooks
Teaches Ellie how to cook even though she’s more impatient than he is
You manage to snap a Polaroid of the two of them at the stove with their backs to you and under it you wrote “Chefs Miller + Williams”
Oh my god the nicknames they would come up with for each other
Ellie Bellie was the first one and then it quickly divulged into Elle Belle, Bellie, Smellie, Smell, Elle, and so many more
At one point, you were each calling her Beleanor Roosevelt
Joel’s nicknames get cycled through pretty quickly: Joey, Jo Bro, Joel Bowl, Bowl, Grumpy McGrumps (curtesy of Ellie), Goel (Joel’s drunk alter-ego) and whatever else ends up sticking
Joel is one of the most intelligent men you have ever met and you would (and have) trusted him with your life but Jesus Christ is he oblivious when Ellie starts dating
Sarah wasn’t really interested in dating so Joel never had to talk to her about anything but with Ellie EVERYTHING is different
Ellie never really came out in the sense that she never sat you two down to have an emotional conversation. She just kinda came home with Cat and told you she was her girlfriend
You were being a typical protective figure for Ellie and asked Cat lots of questions but even then you weren’t sure if you thought Cat was right for Ellie. Joel, however, was surprisingly quick to welcome Cat and didn’t have any qualms about Ellie dating
When you asked him about it later, he shrugged and said, “I think it’s nice that Ellie has good girlfriends like her”
“No, Joel. Cat is Ellie’s girlfriend not a girlfriend”
“I’m lost”
Once you explain it to him, he goes into Ellie’s room and they talk for a long time about God knows what
Joel Miller may be from Texas but that man supports his daughter, no matter what
Neither of you ended up being a huge fan of Cat but once Ellie and Dina start dating, it’s over
Joel invites Dina over for dinner every chance he gets and embarrasses Ellie each time but Dina loves it
Subtly tries to teach Ellie love songs on the guitar
Ellie subtly lets him
You subtly fall deeper in love and the life you have built with them
In conclusion, Joel Miller would be the sweetest little domestic guy if given the chance.
Give me my last paragraph back or give me death 🍓🍓🍓
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hannahssimblr · 11 months ago
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Epilogue (Final Part)
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It’s hours later and we’re still talking. The DJ arrives around ten and cracks the speakers up to ear-ringing heights so we exit to the lobby and stand by the window as the snow falls and the lights from the ten foot Christmas tree twinkle on the glass. 
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“No, no, stop, I can’t take it anymore,” He shrieks in agony as he grabs my arm, “He said that when he was inside you?”
“Yes! I didn’t know what to say back, like, um, thanks pal?”
“‘You’re so Alpha’” He repeats, deadpan, but his shoulders betray him when they start wobbling again, “‘and I’m just a little-”
“Beta boy, yes. Oh Evie, you intimidate me so much, I’ve always wanted to fuck a girl who scared me.”
“I’m going to die because of this story,” He cries, “I refuse to believe that men like this exist, it’s just too much.”
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“There was this other lad too,” I begin, “Not as bad, but he got a nosebleed halfway through and it was dripping all over my face for like fifteen minutes before either of us noticed.”
“No!”
“Yeah, God, I feel bad, I think he was on some blood thinning medication or something but like…” We fall about laughing again, laughing and laughing until I think I’ll start gagging. I remember thinking during that experience that there was only one other person in the world who would find it as hilarious as I did, and as we splutter and cackle now at my retelling I remember how it used to be like this all of the time with us. I think about the time we lost through staying out of touch as he wipes his eyes and stumbles to the side a little bit, from laughing or from drinking a little too much, I’m not sure.
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“Women are not like that,” he says, “I’m sorry for you, but they’re not, even the crazy LA ones don’t put me in situations like that.” He steadies himself a little by bracing his arm on the wall, so close that I could count his eyelashes if I wanted to. “I just don’t get it, do you think they get nervous?”
“Nervous around me? I doubt it. Sure what’s there to be nervous of?”
“It’s a lot of pressure, you know, making love to a beautiful woman for the first time. There’s a lot on the line, the chances of humiliation are high, maybe, I don’t know, maybe that guy just blurted the first weird thing that came into his head-” He breaks off because a high pitched laugh has exploded out of him again, “But it’s a flex to say that you’re so hot that you give men nosebleeds.”
“Oh come on, you’re exaggerating.”
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“No, for real. Don’t you remember how nervous you made me when we were young? I turned into a total idiot around you.”
“Hardly.”
“It’s true. You were like this stunning princess and I was just some guy.”
I scoff, “Some guy?”
“Yeah, and it’s nice to see that some things never change because you’re still so beautiful and I’m still just a random man off the street.”
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“Hmm, c’mon, you’re just schmoozing me,” I say, “Is this the way you all sweet-talk each other in Los Angeles? That’s not going to work. Irish girls are too humble to accept that.”
“Have I made you self-conscious?”
“No, I’m just wondering if you’re actually trying to flirt with me now or if you’re just trying to make me feel better about the fact that I’m thirty and my body is slowly ageing and rotting away.”
“Don’t say that, you look better than ever.”
I narrow my eyes, “I’m so curious about your game.”
“What do you mean?”
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“Yeah, how you approach women, how you flirt with them now. What’s your technique? Is it intense flattery?”
He scoffs, “Oh, no, come on, I don’t have a technique, I don’t think about it like that.”
“No?”
“What do you think I am? Some kind of weirdo pick-up artist? No. I… I improvise, it depends on so much, like, where I am, who she is, what I feel like I’m hoping to get from the situation…”
“Okay okay, right. Well what if you were at an event with friends. Say, a wedding…”
He smirks at me.
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“…and you see a woman standing on her own by the bar, and you know, she’s pretty mysterious in quite a sexy way, and you’re looking at her and thinking, hmm, yeah, maybe I’d like a piece of that-”
“You think that’s my inner monologue?” He interrupts, “That I think like that?”
“No, shh- shut up for a second, in this scenario you do. And you’re going to go over and talk to her, and you see the perfect opportunity to do it, and the lights from the dancefloor are shining in her hair, and oh, she looks so lonely over there, someone should go and keep her company…’
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“I’d say hi, you’re very pretty, can I kiss you please?”
“Really?”
“Yeah t-”
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He doesn’t finish because I have grabbed him by the lapels and pressed my lips against his. Maybe it’s for the joke, or because I’m slightly drunk, or maybe it’s to see if it still feels the way that it used to, I don’t know. I don’t really think about it, it’s just happening. 
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“Oh look, it worked!” I say as we pull away, and I don’t really have a chance to try and read his face to see what he thinks about it because he takes a step towards me and kisses me again, though differently to how I kissed him, gentler, slower, with my head cradled in his hands, which is inconvenient because he makes my insides start flip flopping around. I draw back laughing, “What are you at?”
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“We’re kissing now,” he confirms, then frowns, “I think. Aren’t we kissing? Or is this a hallucination?”
“Jude…”
“Don’t you want us to be kissing?”
“Well it’s not that, it’s-”
“Ah, you think it’s dangerous to be kissing.”
“If you keep saying ‘kissing’ it’s going to lose all meaning.”
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“What did we call it when we were teenagers? Shiftin’ right? Will you shift me, Evie?”
“Oh my God,” I hold my hand up to his face, “it is illegal for you to put on an accent and say that. I hate that you can still do that.”
“My Irish voice?” he says in his Irish voice. 
“Please get that away from me!”
“Sorry about that,” he settles back into his American drawl, and I jerk with surprise as I feel the tips of his fingers graze my waist, “Also, I’m sorry that I kissed you, I thought we were, you know, doing that now.”
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“It was a joke… And maybe just a little bit so that I could see if it still felt the same as it used to.”
His eyes tour my face, “Did it?”
“Did it for you?”
The corners of his mouth tick up, “I don’t know, it’s been a long time since I’ve kissed you, and honestly I didn’t get a decent sample, mind if I try it again?”
“Aha! I’ve figured out your game,” I declare, “You put on that silly act you’ve always put on, don’t you?”
He hooks his finger into the strap of my dress before it drops off my shoulder, “Hm? What act is that?”
“Your favourite one. ‘Oh, little old me? I’m so innocent, why I’ve never even held hands before, and I certainly haven’t fucked half of Dublin city. I don’t even know what sex is.’”
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He gasps with delight and stares right into my face, “You’re still obsessed!” He cries, “and you haven’t stopped wondering about me!”
“About what, exactly?”
“My body count! After all these years it still tortures you. You’re so shallow…”
“Oh please, I couldn’t care less.”
“Evie,” He says mock-scoldingly, really drawing out the syllables, “I can’t believe it. I told you back then that it didn’t matter, that I didn’t have to tell you if I didn’t want to, but you’ve never let it go to this day. Wow. Wow.”
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“I don’t even want to know,” I sniff, “It’s meaningless information to me now.”
“Well since you don’t care and it has no power over you anymore, maybe you finally ought to know…” He glances quickly around the empty lobby before his eyes slide back to mine and he whispers, “that you were the seventh.”
“The seventh?”
“Is that a good-surprise or bad-surprise?”
“Well I thought it’d be so many more.”
He shrugs, “No, I mean there was the first girl in the playground, then a girl who worked in the tennis club at the beach, a girl from my maths class at school, Michelle, someone from my university, Astrid, and then you-” He pauses, “Wait, there was another one. You were eighth. Seventh and a half.”
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“And a half? Who did you forget? A centaur?”
He shakes his head, “There was an awkward foursome situation in Berlin once. It’s a long story, really stupid. I’ll tell you about it later.”
“Well I’ve never been more curious.”
“I’m a source of a lot of interesting info.”
“Like your current body count?” I tease.
“Oh, now I’m ran-through.”
“Tell me more about your life.”
“We just don’t have the time tonight.”
“What, not now?” I protest, “Not in this perfectly perfect situation when we’re both a little drunk and potentially snowed in for days, when there’s nothing to do but talk to each other?”
“No, see you’ve changed the subject, you’ve got me messed up. I…” He laughs tipsily and sways a little bit closer to me, through accident or otherwise I’m not sure, “…I was thinking about how much I might like to kiss you for a little longer this time, just to see if you still give me that same crazy feeling that I used to get with you, and you distracted me.”
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I act like it’s a burden to me and slump back against the wall, “Fine, go ahead.”
“Oh jeez, no need to beg me, you know it’s off putting to be so eager?”
“Please?”
He comes in close and pecks my lips gently and even that makes my knees start to wobble. “No, come on, give me a proper kiss, that’s the only way we’ll know.”
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“Still so demanding,” He tilts my chin towards him and angles his mouth over mine while his hands skim up my back and hold my body flush to his.  As he strokes his lips over mine I can’t help but curse inwardly because of course this is happening to me, of course it feels like everything I’ve been searching for in the years between then and now, everything I couldn’t find in other people. These are the kinds of kisses that ruined me for other men for years to follow, and he’s ruining me now. 
He glides his tongue along my lower lip and builds this kiss to the kind of intensity that shouldn’t be displayed in a public lobby, but he doesn’t care so neither do I. He kisses me until I’m soft and formless in his arms, until I forget the years in between then and now, and then he finally slows it, brushing his lips against mine and then gently drawing away and I find myself following his mouth in search of more, “The same?” He murmurs with his forehead against mine, “Or terrible?”
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His hand cradles the back of my head as I sigh and bury my face in his shoulder, “What are we going to do, Jude?”
“You’re going to have to try not to be awkward about it because we might be snowed in for several days.” He says, “If you’ve decided I’m crusty and repulsive, you’re going to have to hide it from me to spare my ego. Either that or I’ll camp out in my room out of humiliation and get my sister to bring my meals to me until I can get the earliest flight to LAX.”
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I pause, “so you’re sharing with your sister?”
“Yeah we booked late, so a twin room was all they had left. And she snores like hell.”
“Well that’s a pity because I booked months ago, and got a huge room all to myself. A four poster bed and a big gorgeous bath.”
“Are you bringing that up to make me jealous or is that an invitation?”
I scoff, “an invitation to what, exactly?”
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“Come up and fuck you in the bath or something, I don’t know. Why would you bring the bath into it?”
“That’d be fairly shameless of me, wouldn’t it, if that’s what I was alluding to.”
“Is that the kind of woman you’ve become? The kind that invites strange men into her bath?”
“God no, I’d never directly ask that, that’d be very slutty.”
He brushes his fingers gently along the side of my neck, which is unfair because he knows how much I like that, and as I feel that touch all the way down to my toes he gives me a sly little smile and draws back to look at me, “I don’t know, you’ve really talked up this bath and you’ve got me curious. Will you show it to me?”
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“You’ve always been so cheeky, did you know that? You ask audacious things of people.”
“Me? Never. That’s just not me, you must be thinking of somebody else. Of one of your other ex-boyfriends.” He grins and saunters casually toward the stairs, glancing over his shoulder at me as he goes, “I actually just remembered that I spilled something on my suit.”
“Did you.”
“Mm, I’m a total mess, I might be drunker than I look. I think I better go and take it off.”
“Doesn’t suit you anyway. You were always better in shorts.”
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He pauses for a moment and regards me with one raised eyebrow, a question, and I don’t care that I’m predictable to him, that he already knows I will push myself away from the wall and catch up to him, “Actually you have the right idea, my dress is uncomfortable. I want to change out of it, only I’m not sure I can manage the zip on my own.”
“Oh, I can help you with that,” he says, “Or at least I can try, you know, but fair warning I haven’t ever undressed a woman before.”
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“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” I smile, as I wind my fingers through his. 
THE END
Beginning // Prev
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noellie-writes217 · 1 year ago
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Unemployed and Uneducated
Summary: Peter is desperate for a job after months of living on his own
Warnings: none really, just a few mentions of loneliness and a lost relative
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“Peter Parker?” A woman from the unemployment office calls into an overall dejected lobby. Peter looks up from holding his head in his hands as his knee bounces anxiously.
The same few thoughts flood his brain:
* I’m pathetic
* I can’t do this much longer
* I can’t do anything
* I need help
- Who the hell could I ask?
- I’m fucking alone!
- I couldn’t save May, who else can’t I save?
* I am so fucked in the head
- Lost everyone
1. First my parents
2. Ben
3. Tony
4. May
5. Everyone else, including my best friend, my doppelgängers, and of course, the love of my life
Man this shit is gonna give me a complex
* I am so depressed
- I should get medication
- I can’t afford medication
- That’s why I’m at a fucking unemployment agency
* And I’m back to being pathetic
“Here,” Peter pushes away all of those invasive thoughts for the next fifteen minutes in that woman’s office. She types his name into her computer and pushes her glasses up, as if that will change the astonishing lack of… anything.
Peter sits there, awkwardly, eyes darting around the room as if he has no clue about what she’s seeing— not seeing on that screen.
“I’m sorry,” she starts, “I think we’ll just have to “build your resume on print.” The red haired middle aged—Gina, Peter reads the name on the plaque on her desk— grabs a pen and some paper.
“So where did you graduate?”
“Oh, I uh… I had to, uh… dropout…?”
Gina nods and writes something down on the paper. She kinda reminds Peter of a glorified guidance counselor… but maybe a little meaner. “Look Peter, I’m not gonna lie to you, this isn’t looking good for you. Without a GED and a diploma shits gonna get real difficult. I seriously recommend you getting that GED. I can’t give you some entry level jobs to start until you get that degree.”
Now it’s Peter’s turn to nod.
“So tell me about what you like to do.”
‘Apparently, I like to self sabotage a lot.’ He filters himself so he doesn’t projectile word-vomit all over this stranger’s office.
“I wanted to be an engineer. I had my sights set on MIT before I had to drop out.”
———
Trying to think of a time before a traumatic event is extremely difficult. A victim of rape can be triggered by something that once was innocent, like a lemonade stand; a son who used to be pushed by his father on the football field might not be able to play football ever again after they stop talking to their father; a victim of domestic violence might not be able to respond to sudden movements from their partners the same way. And for all of those people, looking back on their memories before the abuse might be difficult to do with a totally unbiased opinion.
Something’s you never forget, like the way Aunt May felt in Peter’s arms just before she died. Or the words she spoke in those final moments, the same words his uncle Ben said when he died.
‘Nothing will ever be the same.’
Peter can’t afford flowers for May’s grave, but he still visits her grave three times a week on average, no less than two in that span.
And that’s where he is right now. Sitting across from her grave stone with his journal between the hedge and him.
“So I’m still looking for a job, and I haven’t really had time to make friends, but it’ll get better soon…” as soon as he feels a tear fall down his right cheek, he sniffles, blinks. And uses his sleeve to wipe it all away.
“Good God, May. Why didn’t you tell me it’d be so hard to make it on my own?” He chuckled somberly, the same way anyone would when they were trying to hide their emotions.
“I don’t want to keep going.” He cries. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You can.” A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice says from behind him. “She’d want you to.”
It’s Happy.
Peter closes the journal and stands up as fast as possible for him.
“Sorry,” Happy starts, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
Peter hides his face and can’t even bring himself to self to glance at Happy even by accident, “No no, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I should probably leave anyways.” He starts to step away but Happy takes hold of his jacket sleeve.
“Wait, let me take you to get something to eat,” He smiles, “please. My treat.
Tom takes a moment to consider the offer. The most surprising thing about his moment of hesitation is the fact that he thought about saying no.
“Why would you want to take a stranger out to eat?” He asks.
“I don’t know. You just remind me of someone that I can’t quite place.”
Peter smiles with a glint of hope in his eyes.
— — —
“So,” Happy starts as Peter munches on his cheeseburger, “what’s a young kid like you doing visiting someone’s grave instead of going to school?”
Peter puts down the burger, “I had to drop out actually.” Happy leans back on the booth bench.
“It’s not drugs or anything,” Peter reassures the older man, “I just don’t have the money for anything and I need to earn money for rent.”
“So was May helping you with that before she died?” Happy asks.
Peter debates being forthcoming about his past, but decides against it because he doesn’t have the strength anymore. He lost that at the Statue of Liberty.
“Yeah. My parents died and she always managed to find someway to help me.” Peter smiled.
“I was her boyfriend,” Happy begins, “she never mentioned you. Peter, are you hiding something?” Peter gets a l little nervous.
“I went to the soup kitchen after school. She helped so many that she probably had no idea the effect she had on me.” He covers his ass.
Happy is still suspicious but doesn’t push. “Well, Peter, you seem like a good kid. I’m sure everything will work out eventually.”
“Thank you, Mr. Hogan.”
“So where’s the first place on your list?” He asks.
“What?”
“You said you’re looking for a job, tell me where you’re looking and I can give you a ride.”
“Stormy’s Autobody.”
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loveabledirtbag · 1 year ago
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1.07 - The Review
the day has come. this episode. ufffffffff. this episode. it’s all been leading here. i always knew that it would end this way.
before we even begin, i just gotta say….this episode is so much. it’s so odd how much i love it, because i think it was one of the first times i’d ever felt seen in the service industry. something just happens when you work in the service industry long enough where every single thing that COULD go wrong, DOES go wrong. and for some reason there’s never a FUCKING MARKER THAT FUCKING WORKS.
i’m probably gonna say a lot that pisses people off, and i’m gonna do my best to make sure everyone is pissed off evenly. because i got some hot takes in my watch of this, but i hope you all find it nuanced and detailed enough that maybe there’s stuff in here for everyone to take something away from it. maybe the true traumatic working experience was the friends we made along the way…
LETS DIVE IN
that intro to the episode though! i remember watching for the first time and just being so thrown off guard. why are we getting this semi-old-school tv intro? we get opening credits, we’re seeing everyone coming into work. it’s just so GOOD! because we the audience are just as lost as the characters are. we’re sorta thrown for a loop, with an opening that honestly feels sort of familiar, just like them coming to work feels familiar. day in and day out, they do this. just like every other day. we’ve seen a million shows that show us an opening like this. but then tossing in little bits of chicago history, landmarks, and tidbits. breathing in and breathing out….chicago. all of it to signify that no one (not us, the audience. not the characters) are ready for what’s about to happen. no one knows when they’re going to experience the worst day of their life. if just happens.
uff. ebraheim’s reading of the review is so painfully good. because you can tell his enthusiasm for the review! but his less than perfect reading, on a topic that he doesn’t understand is actually creating tension, adds tension on top of tension! uff. so good.
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also, what a pretentious review! my god! the dichotomy of the long haired bearded man who got syd’s dish last episode, and the privileged snobbery of a holier-than-thou reviewer makes his words even more pretentious. “oh, chicago’s changing so much, wahhh. how can we evolve and not change the core of who we are”. which, is a topic i really value, and a subject i think about a lot for my own city. but the way it comes off in this review makes me wanna go, “oh fuck off, you middle aged fuck!”
plus the fact that a lot is happening and ebra is just reading, and is told multiple times to stop, but he keeps going because he thinks he’s lifting spirits. ugh. heartbreaking.
uff. ebra won’t stop reading. tina is late. marcus is NOT doing cakes but is lost in donuts (AGAIN). they’re rolling out the new to-go systems today. a reviewer is praising syd’s dish that isn’t actually on the menu and was given to him instead of being tossed. it’s just a perfect cluster fuck of a day. and it hasn’t even began.
i’ve seen some back and forth on how weird it is that when tina introduces her son louie to the restaurant, after he got suspended, was to ask carmy to teach him how to work at a restaurant. which i don’t think is weird at all! i know a few people who’s parents worked in restaurants, or who knew of parents who worked in restaurants, and their kids basically worked lower down positions as a chore. most weren’t paid. is that illegal? yes. BUT, louie is suspended, his mom works all day, we never hear of a dad. he can’t be left home all day, and being left home all day without supervision probably wouldn’t be good for any kid, but definitely not a kid who just got suspended. there’s a tone in tina’s voice of….recognition that louie probably is going to need to learn restaurant skills because he’s most likely not going to go far in school. so it’s not the worst thing in the world. am i opposed to child labor? yes. do i think it’s the worst thing in the world that while louie is suspended he learns to work in a kitchen? no. do i think he deserves to be paid? yes. do i think he is going to be paid? really couldn’t tell ya. but i also think this is just true to a world of people in kitchens, and a real issue that parents and guardians have to deal with in regards to their kids. right or wrong isn’t really the thing to discuss here, but the authenticity of this moment in the lives of a lot of working class individuals.
i will say that carmy throwing training louie in on sydney is a little dickish. i understand there’s a lot going on, and carmy feels the weight of the lot that is going on. but syd also has a lot going on, and carmy just kind of tosses it at her. i think there’s a lot of moments people complain about carmy throwing stuff on syd’s plate. and i agree with some of it and don’t agree with others. but it could have been just a bit easier on everyone if carmy gave it to someone who had less going on than syd. give louie to sweeps and have louie do the odds and ends that need doing. you know?
UFF, that the moment we see the unhappiness on syd’s face as carmy passes louie off on her, ebra starts reading the review again. painful. just painful.
i love that tina has so quickly come to regard syd as a teacher. that she confides in syd about louie and believes in her so much that she is confident that syd can help louie the same way syd helped tina.
love the little moment of richie and carmy being on the same side on the review. just both of them going: who the fuck is this hack who thinks it’s endearing to call us shabby, as if we’re this quaint little hayseed restaurant. the little engine that could. fuck him! i love those small moments when carmy and richie are so clearly family and grew up together and even as they have the most intense fights together slip right into agreement. because the love is never in question. fight, don’t fight. eh, it’s family.
ufffff, but the fact that richie is just that little extra bit annoying to syd. all the bad things adding together, before the real horse-shit has even happened. it’s just all painful. but like, asking her if she’s blowing someone at the newspaper is a step above anything we’ve seen him say to syd. and syd is just fucking over it, because she’s got enough shit going on. and then his repeatedly calling her boss, subtly rubbing it in, poking at the idea that she’s trying to take over. FUCK. it hurts so good
especially watching it again and knowing it’s coming. because so far if you’re watching for the first time you don’t know what’s coming. you might have picked up the one take, you might notice that while the episode hasn’t been break-neck intensity like some of the first episodes, there’s just this….growing sense of unease. you can almost feel that something is coming, but you don’t know what it is yet.
i love as carmy is getting the count for the day: “richie, go fuck yourself”, “69 all day chef!” just these small moments of humor, even if the humor is people annoying each other and also adds to the tension.
oooof, and then marcus doesn’t have the count for cakes. i just…i want to be supportive of marcus. but this is the….third? fourth time? JUST IN THE SHOW that we’ve seen someone go “dude, come on. you can do donuts, but you HAVE to do your actual job.” like, he almost shut the shop down because he blew a fuse because he fucked up. like, that wasn’t a wake up call? i love his dream, and i want him to chase his dream, but being an adult, especially an adult who’s working a job to support his mom, at a restaurant that is trying to claw its way back from the brink of financial ruin….you can’t fuck around! or you find out.
i love the moment where sydney chooses NOT to get into it with richie. because she’s teaching louie the register. which is, arguably, the easiest thing to learn. the nuance and finesse of it is, without question, something not everyone can do. we see that as the show progresses, and we’ve seen it already. richie has a way with people that is his gift. but the actual act of being on register is extremely easy. and it’s obvious why syd would bring him to the register, but richie comes up and shoo’s them away acting like his job is too much for louie. and syd just bounces to the next thing, and chooses not to get into with him. it’s not worth starting a thing by telling richie his job is not that hard. AND she does the right thing of asking sweeps to take louie, keep working, while she goes over the new to-go system with richie. because she has a lot to do, and can’t be stuck watching a kid.
and then the fact that as richie pushes syd’s buttons about getting her dish in the paper, suddenly she snaps. richie is getting in her face about bringing in “the wrong kind of business”? as if the shop can afford to choose who’s money they take and who’s they don’t? as richie sells coke out of the back alley, and carmy is selling vintage denim just to make ends meet? and so, syd goes in for the jugular and pushes back. with a lot of bite.
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i love that at some part as richie, syd, and carmy are talking, as tensions are beginning to rise as everyone is just getting mad at everyone, and BEFORE the shit hits the fan, Spiders (Kidsmoke) by Wilco starts playing. a live version that is so loud, and noisy, and ragged that it just adds to this unbelievable tension and anxiety before you even know why you should be anxious in the first place.
THE SHIT HITS: endless to-go orders. and here’s where i gotta get into this, because i think this is the precipice of a lot of dialogue and conversations and i want to weigh in. before i go ANY FURTHER i gotta just say that i LOVE carmy, and syd, and marcus a lot. i love them. and so when i criticize any of them, it’s not a black and white thing. i’m not trying to take sides and shit on one character completely (like so many people seem to do).
carmy owns the beef. he’s working to try and get the shop out of a hole and build it up to a place where it’s financially stable. he’s also working and trying to introduce his system to the social environment, replacing michael’s system. there has been a lot of chaos, a lot of pushback and a lot of work. he has hired sydney to be his number two. sydney has been the one pushing for to-go’s for EPISODES. and while it’s not like sydney doesn’t have a lot going on, to-go’s has been her fight for a while. even in a previous episode carmy said “we just got it to kind of a chill place, there’s more to do but this is nice and i want to keep it here for a bit” in response to syd pushing to-go’s. so it’s not unreasonable of him to have said to her at some point, “if you wanna do to-go’s, can you be in charge of it?”. i’ve seen so many people shitting on carmy for being a bad boss for not checking on syd’s work, and to me it’s like…he trusts her enough that if she says she’s going to do something, he trusts it’ll be done. how many of us like it when our boss hovers over our shoulder watching everything we do? none of us! i think it makes perfect sense that carmy gave to-go’s to sydney, who’s been asking for them for weeks, if not months, and if he gave her the freedom and the trust to do it herself, since she has continually proven herself as trustworthy, AND as someone who has continually asked for leadership roles. could he have checked in, or double checked that she did everything right, and made sure she didn’t accidentally leave to-go’s on overnight? of course, and i will fault him for that. but we’ve also seen that he’s incredibly busy, and he trusts syd, so that small mistake is not nearly as bad as the people calling carmy a horrible boss want to make him out to be.
plus, it’s weird that the people who seem to shit on carmy as a horrible boss for this moment seem to also think syd is perfect? like it’s carmy’s fault that syd didn’t double check if she turned off the to-go’s overnight? idk, there’s a logical fallacy in how so many people talk about this moment.
but the point of all of this is for me to say, neither of them are horrible! sydney made an innocent mistake! like, a mistake that FUCKED the restaurant, but an easy one to make. maybe she fully forgot to click the off button, maybe she clicked the screen and it didn’t register her finger and she didn’t notice and assumed it hit off? who knows. new technology is weird. it’s hard. and it doesn’t make sydney a shitty person for messing up, nor does it make carmy a shitty person for not catching the mistake himself.
and yes, the fact that as carmy is focusing on the mess of having HUNDREDS of orders (more than they have of any menu item in the shop), that he also stops and says: “i told you that dish wasn’t fuckin’ ready” shows that some of his anger is at syd for having a successful dish. so, yes, it’s misplaced anger, and he needs to work on that. and when syd asks “what does that have to do with this?” and he yells at her to stop talking so he can figure it out, it’s because he knows he was just caught being a baby, and being angry at the wrong thing and not wanting to be confronted with it. he has trouble processing his emotions, and dealing with them, and it comes out in anger and he needs to work on that!
because i think there’s a mix of things happening with carmy and that dish, and syd. i think he struggles not to see her as competition, even as her boss. he says in the next episode that even as the sou at his restaurant, when anyone new would come in he would have the desire and urge to “smoke that motherfucker” because they were the competition, even though he was their boss. and now he’s the owner, and syd is his sou, and even though she can’t get higher without his say so, he still feels that threat of “what if she’s a better cook? what if she deserves this more than i do?”. we see him work on a lemon chicken dish, as she works on a braised short ribs and risotto. his dish makes it to menu, hers doesn’t. but the critic breezes past all the work carmy has done on making the sandwiches better, and updating the menu by saying “some small improvements” only to get it out of the way so he can talk about syd’s dish. the dish carmy said wasn’t ready yet.
and i believe it wasn’t ready, i think i’ve talked about this in a previous post. it wasn’t ready. BUT i don’t think carmy knew what it needed. he comes off as an unhelpful asshole to syd because he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what her dish needs. there’s too much pride on him being the best chef ever for him to work WITH sydney to make her dish perfect. and now it’s all biting him in the ass. he’s mad syd made the better dish, he’s mad he can’t figure out why it’s not perfect, he’s mad all the work he’s doing for the beef is not being recognized but syd’s imperfect dish is, but he’s also mad at the very real frustrations being presented with the to-go orders flying out at him endlessly, and i know, I KNOW (because of the next episode after this one) that he’s mad at himself for feeling all of this and not being able to process and handle it better. and all of that anger and frustration comes pouring out of him in a very unhealthy way.
i also think it’s lost a bit at how carmy takes a moment to think. it’s a hectic moment, and his mind is still on syd and everything else, but he takes a second and he on-the-fly creates a system to try and get everything done and help everyone accomplish the day and get through it. people are going into the walk in and pulling food, stations are being created and properly sectioned off, sweeps is organizing tickets, fak is helping, richie is helping, and carmy gives everyone a job to do. i think it’s mirrored (and mirrored in a healthy way) next season in the finale, but i want to point out that carmy is trying to get everything down and under control, he’s just doing it while screaming and letting his fury fly free on everyone around him.
OOOOOF, and syd asking marcus how he’s doing on cakes, as everyone, EVERYONE, is flying and scurrying and trying to figure out how to get on top of this cluster fuck. and marcus, in a distracted, uncaring voice says “uh, getting there”. because he’s still on donuts. i’m sorry. that’s just so fucking unbelievably not okay.
i’ve seen some people really trying to defend marcus. some even agree with him. it’s pointless to try, we’re fucked, why can’t i just keep working on donuts? BUT LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE. as someone who used to work at mcdonald’s with no autonomy, who was hired to be some sort of drug addicts half-baked plan to have really good bread when buying bread was cheaper and easier, so your job is nearly useless and pointless. being given the freedom to focus on desserts, and spearheading a dessert on your own, AND THEN being given even more autonomy to research, and experiment, and play around to try and figure out how to make a donut, and all your bosses ask is that you do the job they’re paying you to do. you make cakes. your idea was to put cakes on the menu, we did that, so do it. do whatever else you want, but just make sure you’re doing your job. AND NOT ONLY THAT but at least four or five times in the last few weeks someone has had to say, “hey! do your job please!”, to the point where you even blew a fuse and almost shut your work down for good because you weren’t doing your job. AND NOW there’s a potentially shop ending crisis (AGAIN) and your response is “eh. it’s fucked. i’m gonna do me”. NO! i’m sorry. he doesn’t deserve carmy’s abuse, but he deserves syd’s anger and more. like, i love marcus, but that’s just not acceptable.
ok, and, here’s a place where i want to be really nuanced and try and explain something: sydney’s bouncing around trying to do a lot at once. clearly she’s stressed. BUT, carmy is also running around and trying to do a lot at once, and he’s the boss. he’s creating a system, on the fly, and when he comes to syd and sweeps organizing the tickets he tells her multiple times “step off the expo” because he’s going to do it. and she keeps arguing with him. not maliciously, but because she’s trying to explain HER system to him, but he’s already running HIS system and he doesn’t need to hear her system, he needs her to get in line and start working so they can get through the rush. every second counts and he doesn’t need to waste what precious time that they don’t even have to give to hear her reasoning for something that they’re not gonna do. i don’t want to blow past carmy’s abusive and bombastic anger, because it can’t be, nor should it be, ignored or blown past. but it’s easy to talk about it. carmy is in the wrong with HOW he reacts to the challenges of this day. he’s wrong in every single action, but i don’t think he’s wrong in the decisions he’s making to tackle it. sydney wants to break it down and try to systematically get through things, and carmy knows: we already have more to-go orders than we have food in our walk in. there is no way to systematically break it down. we just have to GO, fire everything, cook everything and see what shit we’re left with when we run out.
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syd’s not in the wrong for trying to create a system to break things down and organize the chaos, but carmy is also not wrong for knowing the chaos is too big on this one and they just need to push and see where they land. and as the boss, i will say syd is in the wrong for just…not listening to him. yes, she’s trying to help, and she’s trying manage, but carmy asked her multiple times to do something and she kept not doing it. and yes, carmy is very in the wrong for how he treats EVERYONE. i’m not excusing that. it’s just wrong. but in a rush, especially one as fucked as this one is, you just gotta listen to who’s in charge and do what you can do until the rush is over. does that mean allowing yourself to be debased if your boss is being verbally abusive? FUCK NO. but in a crisis at work in the service industry, if your boss says to do something, you just gotta do it, and if it goes to shit you get the satisfaction of knowing it’s their fault. you were just following their orders. i hope this makes sense. i don’t think they should have just put up with carmy’s abuse, BUT syd’s attempt at trying to have a nuanced and reasonable discussion over how to best tackle the problem was not the time and place. in a crisis, the boss is the boss, and you just gotta go with what they say, and if possible talk about it later. but in the moment it’s do or die.
i also think there’s an interesting parallel between syd’s mistake here, and carmy’s mistake in the very first episode. both of them were trying to help the shop make more money. syd with the to-go’s, and carmy with the ballbreaker tournament. both of them are successful and bring a lot of people in. both of them realize that in the restaurant world, you can’t have explosive growth without proper preparation. because they’re not set up for it. richie tells carmy they’re not set up to deal with the influx of nerds playing games, so carm should make the spaghetti. in this episode, carm tells syd they weren’t ready for to-go’s, and it’s not helped by the good review in the newspaper that morning. more business might seem like a universal good thing, but in the restaurant biz, if too many people come than you overwork your staff, you might run out of food, wait times begin to go up as they’re working harder to accommodate for everything. and then every additional customer gets more and more upset as they have a bad time at this place. you risk losing every new customer, because they came in, and you weren’t ready for them, and they had a terrible time. and you risk losing old reliable customers because they came in and the place was crowded, and you were overwhelmed by the new influx, and they get so frustrated that they decide to never come in again. more than one restaurant has closed because they suddenly experienced an explosion they weren’t ready for, and it overwhelmed them, and then they crashed and burned.
BUT BACK TO THE SHOW: syd didn’t say corner. i’m not sure if saying it would have helped, but richie said corner, syd didn’t. but richie is also an asshole, and choosing to take that moment to push syd’s buttons more as the cakes that SO DESPERATELY need to be cut and prepped fall to the ground. fuck off richie.
tina’s moment to try and check in on syd is so sweet. mama bear gotta come in and mama bear. and that syd takes her anger out on her, and insults the beef (where tina has worked and the place tina loves) and questions what tina or louie is ever going to get out of “a shithole” like the beef is rough to watch. because it’s so clear how much tina has come to respect syd and her teaching her chef things, and for syd to just kind of spit on that, and take her anger she’s feeling at herself (for making the mistake with the to-go’s), and at carmy (for clearly being mad about the risotto and for yelling at her), and at richie (for….well, being richie. fuck richie) and to put it on tina who is only trying to make sure that syd is okay, is hard.
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GET ME A FUCKING SHARPIE THAT FUCKING WORKS! FUCK! - the most relatable line i’ve ever heard to depict a shift that has turned into an absolute shit show. why can’t shop sharpies work the moment you desperately need them to?
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i do love (and maybe love is the wrong word) the blink and you’ll miss it moment of tina telling carmy that they’re out of giardiniera, and him saying they’ll prep it fresh and (like always) he (without thinking) puts it on syd’s plate. which shows his trust of her. BUT also shows his willingness to brush off anything he doesn’t want to deal with on her. AND THEN, because everything is moving so fast, he calls richie into the kitchen to ask for a sharpie, and as his brain is still processing and flying through he asks him to prep the giardiniera. it’s a beautiful, and realistic, moment of television. because we’ve seen so many moments of “something i don’t want to deal with, ‘syd, you got this’”, and so carmy does that. but he doesn’t even realize he’s said it. and the problem is still on his brain, as he sees richie and asks him to fix this problem, because everyone else (including sydney) is probably dealing with the million other issues that are happening in the kitchen at that moment.
and i appreciate that as richie goes to the back to prep the giardiniera, and sydney questions what he’s doing he says “what does it look like? i’m helping you”, he honestly didn’t go back to fight. he recognizes that syd is doing something, and because he’s also been told to do something he’s hopping into “okay. so sydney’s already doing this, so then i’ll just help her.” which is, honestly, the right attitude. but sydney has already been so bashed around and is already feeling so much that she takes richie’s presence as a threat.
there’s something about the way syd lays into richie that…so supremely gets under my skin. i honestly can’t even fully explain it. she does such a good job in this moment acting out this onslaught of insults. the intense intake of breath, the bitter laughter, the just stabbing (intentional wordplay) of her words into him. ufff. i like….hate syd here, even as i think richie probably deserves it.
and i love that he takes everything she says, chooses not to engage until she insults his daughter. WHICH IS FAIR, syd went WAY TOO FUCKING FAR with that one. because we know he feels like a loser. his ex wife has him as richie bad news, his daughter wonders if that’s his real name, he brags about drunken nights and mornings at bars to dates and doesn’t realize why that doesn’t impress them, and then lies to his coworkers about it, blaming her. he knows that he’s a loser. but he knows that his daughter is the one good thing he ever did, and he doesn’t want his daughter to think of him as a loser.
and again, carmy comes in as they’re fighting, even as syd is brandishing a chefs night, literally TOUCHING it to richie’s stomach, as she says “maybe i will fucking stab you”, and he screams at them to shut up and get to work. which, once again, is the right call, just enacted terribly. because yes, they need to stop and just get the work done, but his screaming at them isn’t going to help calm them down. but also, like….when people are brandishing knives at other employees, maybe you got bigger fish to fry, carm.
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uuuuuuuuuuufffffda. the fact that after all this time. ALL THIS TIME. as everyone is having the worst day in the kitchen they’ve ever had. arguably, the worst day in the kitchen anyone COULD HAVE, that marcus goes up to carmy with a DONUT and is smiling, like, “look! i did it!” FUCK OFF.
and no, carmy freaking out, grabbing marcus’ face, grabbing his donut and throwing it on the floor is not okay. that is abuse. it just is. arguably, actionable abuse. marcus was…partially right for leaving after carmy did that to him. that was absolutely, unequivocally, not okay for carmy to do. but….marcus…..the fuck dude. this is like the fifth or sixth time someone has had to do say to you “the fuck? do your fucking job.” in this episode alone this would have been like a “third warning” in a day. marcus deserves to be fired, or sent home for the day, or written up, or some form of punished for this. because in a 20 minute, in real time, no cuts scene, this is literally the third time marcus has chosen not to do his job, not to get back to work, but not even to help anyone else out around the kitchen as they all are struggling and hustling and just trying to make it work. like, it’s not only disrespectful to the restaurant that it trying desperately not to close, it’s not only disrespectful to carmy who has literally given you every opportunity to chase after your dreams and been way more than understanding when your dreams have gotten in the way of your duties in the kitchen, but it’s so fucking disrespectful to every single person in that kitchen who is struggling and fighting tooth and nail to get things in order and make it work so that they still have jobs next week. like, marcus, your mom is sick (spoilers), tina has a son, richie has a daughter, you all need to pay rent, buy food. you’re threatening seven people’s livelihoods because you want to make a “perfect donut”? no, i’m sorry, get the fuck out of the kitchen and come back when you’re ready to be an adult who can multitask and prioritize doing his job, and doing the fun stuff only after everything else is done. (again, carmy’s reaction is fully wrong and i do not support it, though! toxic, angry, abusive. not okay).
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but because of carmy’s abuse, marcus chooses to leave during the middle of the shift, and again, kind of leaves everyone in the lurch to try and figure the shit out and pick up the pieces. and….im not fully sure how i feel. i believe in removing yourself from abusive situations. and carmy is being abusive. and i also don’t believe in staying in an abusive situation for the sake of other people, because you have to take care of yourself first. but….carmy is not normally abusive like this. i know a lot of people like to say that he is, but so far in the series, he has only ever raised his voice to speak over others, and has almost never (if ever) been confrontationally abusive to anyone. other than maybe richie, and that’s giving as good as he’s getting, to someone who is in his family. i’m not trying to excuse abuse to a family member, but it’s much more of a feel of “richie is my cousin, i can speak differently than i would to the others who are my employees”. his meanness to richie is more of a informal familiarity, more than it’s abusive. this is really the first time we’ve seen carmy choosing to be loud, angry, AND attack others directly with his words. he has been confrontational, he has been loud, he has been angry, but he’s never been all of them, as he’s attacked those around him. so, all of that to say….the fact that carmy is like this for the first time is shocking, and it adds more believability for why marcus (and eventually syd) leave. it’s shocking. but i also can’t help but think of everyone else that marcus is fucking over by leaving the very first time carmy does something wrong to him. you know? and maybe i’m wrong! maybe i’m not reading past experiences and conversations and interactions correctly! if i am, let me know! but, every time i see marcus throw his tray of donuts on the table and take off his apron and walk out, i can’t help but think “really? you fucked up so many times, you were told to do your jobs so many times, and now you’re choosing to pack up and go home??? you’re fucking people over and forcing syd to do your job for you, while she does a million other things, and you think you get to go home as the morally superior one? fuck off”.
and again, i love marcus. i think he’s got so much heart and is arguably the heartfelt anchor of this shows. but he’s human and the writers do a great job of writing him as a human, and he does a great job acting as a fully fledged human. but as a human, he has made a lot of mistakes the last few episodes.
AND THEN SYD STABS RICHIE IN THE ASS!!!! quasi-on purpose, quasi-accidental. i mean. watch in slow-mo as richie backs up into syd’s knife. its so quick, and syd was looking over at carmy shouting, and richie was backing up. like…it WAS an accident. buttttttttt…..was it?
the fact that richie immediately upon getting stabbed walks it off, and is like “ebra, come on. i got stabbed.” and ebra also immediately follows richie to sew up his ass. what friendship. and what history does it spell out for richie and ebra, both? like richie is just like “ope. stabbed. okay, i’ll deal with this now.” and ebra is like “you’re stabbed? okay, let me get my stuff.”
“not right now, i got stabbed” “you probably fucking deserved it” “mm….m-maybe, maybe.” is such a good back and forth between carmy and richie.
i also think it’s interesting that as carmy walks out to the front of the shop to check on louie and sweeps, while richie is at the front of the bar for ebra to check out his ass wound, carmy asks louie and sweeps how their job is going, and they respond that they’re working on it, and carmy says “thank you, chef. keep going please.” very calm. very collected. i wonder if this was voice over, and just sort of overlooked, or if it was a conscious decision of carmy being calm and responsive in a moment during the chaos? because since shit has hit the fan he’s been shouting and calling people names, but louie and sweeps respond to him with just “we’re doing what you asked” and his response is a very appropriate “ok. thank you.”
i love that as ebra tells richie his story of samalia and the “factions”, as he describes the helicopters coming in, we hear helicopters in the background, mixing with the music. and then richie goes “is this shit black hawk down!?” such a genius moment of humor during such a tense episode. and for that exchange to end with “fuckin’ piven” “piven”.
i fully believe the two seconds carmy spends in the walk in cooler he’s taking two seconds to just breathe.
tina opens the doors, even as they’re out of food, for the very first customer of the day. and he says “do you guys have risotto?” and tina just barks “no!”. ugh. so painful. so good.
once again, syd leaving right as the doors are opening is….i have mixed feelings. she just stabbed a guy, i get it (well….i don’t get it, i’ve never stabbed a guy). but she’s clearly in a bit of shock, and should prioritize her mental health over the shop. but….AGAIN, there are so many people who have no other options in their life, who need the beef to survive, and to abandon them all in the middle of a crisis just sucks. and i think it’s saying something that it’s syd and marcus. they have been sort of focal points and main characters in the show, yes. so them leaving is the most dramatic to the tension and narrative. BUT they’re also young. syd has an impressive resume and can find another job. arguably, marcus has a better resume now than he did when he got the job. they’ll be okay. but as it’s been stated so many times….where is richie gonna go? where is tina gonna go? sweeps has a history of drugs that is probably going to make it difficult to get another job (maybe. idk. he could have been kicked out of the mlb for weed or something, but still). the beef is full of people who have no where else to go, and the people who can afford to get out to at the worst possible moment, at the expense of the people who can’t afford to leave.
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i was talking to my sister about this, she’s a psychologist. because i want syd and marcus to be emotionally, and psychologically healthy, and part of that is by removing yourself from toxic situations. but i can’t help but see the class dynamics of two people who have way more opportunities and privilege leaving the shop at the expense of the people around them. and i don’t know fully where to land.
but syd basically leaving and putting all of the blame on carmy is still….not fully right in my eyes? carmy is being abusive, carmy has created an atmosphere in the kitchen that was so overwhelming and bombastic that syd got distracted and accidentally stabbed richie. but for her to say “well, it’s all carmy’s fault” isn’t right. yes, when she calls him a piece of shit, she’s saying it for his actions today; for his actions with not having the humility to admit he doesn’t know what’s missing from her dish, and a lot. but almost every episode they’ve had a back and forth and a chance to talk and he’s continually apologized for his wrong moves, and she really hasn’t. so, to be right in the middle of a shitshow, and to say “this is all on you, this isn’t my fault”…like….ehhhhh, you asked to have more responsibility, you pushed for to gos and then you didn’t set it up properly. easy/honest mistake, but you still made it. that’s on you. you also picked fights (even with assholes who deserved them) and tried to argue with your boss about something in the middle of a rush. like, all understandable, none of it evil. but to turn all of that over to carmy and go, “100% of this is your fault.” like…no it’s not? syd definitely has a right to leave to try and process the traumatic event of stabbing someone, she has a right to leave to escape the toxic environment carmy has created, even if i have mixed feelings on making everyone’s lives harder by leaving. but i don’t think she can say it’s all his fault. it’s not ALL his fault, even if A LOT, if not MOST, of it is his fault.
i also wonder if syd calling him a piece of shit has anything to do with their “i don’t want to be shitty” “then don’t” conversation in season two? (but we’ll talk about that when we get there)
carmy realizing the weight of his actions, as the shit continues to crash and burn around him, only to crouch down and eat the smushed donut off the floor, and then have a sick, twisted, grim smile as he realizes that the donut is actually really fucking amazing, is such beautiful poetry. it hurts.
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and also, people really are disgusted by carmy doing that, and like, yeah, it IS disgusting. but that shit happens every day at your favorite restaurant. shit fall. people pick it up and eat it. it’s not great, but it’s so true.
carmy smacking the ticket printer off the shelf and (hopefully) breaking it is the only outburst of anger i am in full support of. the ticket printer deserves to die.
aaaaaaaand that’s the episode. wilco plays their final note, a crowd erupts in cheers and we’re all left just…emotionally wrecked. i have probably watched this episode (along with the whole season) a dozen times, and im still conflicted on how i feel about the whole thing. because obviously carmy is in the wrong. it’s barely worth discussing how carmy is in the wrong. anyone trying to defend carmy is also in the wrong. but i don’t think he deserves 100% of the blame. a bad thing happened that wasn’t his fault, and he took his frustrations out on everybody around him, instead dealing with them in a healthy and non-toxic way. but everyone in this episode was at their worst, and that’s THE POINT OF THIS EPISODE. EVERYONE. tina’s mama bear-ing only caused frustration, marcus was lost in donuts and made things harder, syd made a i little mistake with huge consequences and then also attacked everyone around her (except much less intensely than carmy), richie is on fine form with being his annoying self, ebra reading the newspaper after being told to stop, and carmy’s abusive, explosive anger. they’re all at fault. not just carmy. carmy is just the loudest, most bombastic, and the main character, so we notice it more.
but that’s the episode! next is episode eight! season finale! in what is arguably one of the most subtle, nuanced, often overlooked and not talked about episodes….with one of the biggest, over the top endings ever that everyone LOVES talking about. but, we’ll talk about it when we get there!
season one: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode eight
season two: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode seven | episode eight | episode nine | episode ten
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walker-extended-universe · 1 year ago
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(Don't) Jump
Relationship(s): Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Cordell Walker, Cordell Walker & Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan & Cordell Walker, Lucifer & Michael
Tags/Warnings: Episode: S05E22 Swan Song, Stopping the Apocalypse, Self-Sacrifice, Desperation, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Hurt No Comfort
Summary: Gabriel senses the oncoming apocalypse and decides to quit being a coward. He brings Cordell along with him.
Part 5 of Henry Winchester 'Verse
Written for @angstober Day 21- Can't Save Everyone
Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134
-------
It’s happening.
Cordell’s hands paused over the keyboard of his laptop. “What’s happening?”
The prizefight. Our brothers fighting over the planet, over paradise. It’s coming soon. I can feel it.
Cordell sighed. He’d known this day would come, but he’d foolishly hoped Sam and Dean would do something about it before it became a problem. “What do we do? Start prepping for the end?”
I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but… There might be another way.
“What? Like we go there and try to talk them out of it?”
It’s worth a try. Maybe it’s time we quit running from all this family stuff.
Cordell shook his head. “Do you really think that will work? That we can just stop the apocalypse if we ask nicely? I thought everyone up in Heaven and down in Hell wanted this….” He wasn’t sure what was left of their brotherly bonds would be enough to stop the will of cosmic forces.
We have to try, don’t we?
He wasn’t wrong about that. “Okay. Just- Let me tell Emily first. Just in case.” Just in case they didn’t come back. Just in case something went wrong. Just in case Gabriel was wrong about everything. They needed to be ready.
—-------
Lucifer and Michael stood in Stull Cemetery, ready for the final showdown. Neither of them truly wanted to do this- they were brothers, after all- but they had no choice. It was the way the story was written. It was fate, plain and simple.
Fate did not involve Dean Winchester rolling up to the site of the battle blasting his rock and roll. Nor did it involve their wayward brother Gabriel appearing in the nick of time.
“It’s been some time, little brother,” Michael greeted.
“I thought I killed you,” said Lucifer.
“Gabriel?! Why the fuck are you wearing my brother?!” demanded Dean.
Gabriel sighed. “Okay, in order. One, I’ve been a lot of places, Michael. Made lots of interesting friends too. Two, Lucifer, you are not the only person who’s taught me tricks. I’ve evolved since you left. And three, I’m wearing him because I needed a place to hide and he consented to it. Now, let’s talk Apocalypse. Or, rather, why we shouldn’t be doing this whole mess.”
Michael scoffed. “Gabriel, with all due respect, you abandoned Heaven eons ago. You don’t have a right to try interfering now. You lost that ability when you ran away.”
“And if you try to argue that you’re doing this to save human lives, let me remind you that you tried to kill me not too long ago,” Lucifer hissed. “How could you value these disgusting creatures over your own brother?”
“See, this is why I left Heaven; you asshats never let me talk,” Gabriel grumbled. “Alright, I admit I haven’t exactly been the most responsible archangel. I’ll own that. I’m an asshole. I’m lazy. I’m a coward. I run away from my problems and get my kick out of punishing people that I think deserve it based on my own metrics.”
“At least he admits it,” Dean muttered.
“Shut it, Winchester, adults are talking. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Now, I know I’m not the most responsible being in the universe but you know who’s even worse about that? God. He’s the one that fucked off ages ago and left you to run Heaven on your own. And you still want to play along with his little story when He’s not even around to watch it go down? Come on, Lucy, you’ve gotta hate that plan more than I do.”
“He will come back when we bring Paradise,” Michael said, ever the practical one.
“You say that like I’d let you win,” Lucifer snarked. “And who’s to say He would? Father stopped caring about us as soon as He made the humans. And I’m not doing this to play into His plan; I just want the earth restored to what it was before these monkeys wrecked it.”
“Again with this sympathy for the Devil crap,” Dean muttered. 
“Shut up!” all three archangels commanded.
“The point remains, Gabriel,” Michael continued, “You really have no room to speak on this. All the pieces were put in motion eons ago. This is just the way it has to happen. No one can do anything to change that.”
“That doesn’t really line up with the whole ‘free will’ thing, now does it?” Dean snarked.
“That’s enough out of you!” Lucifer rounded on Dean.
It was easy to forget how strong Lucifer was. It had been so long since any other angel had seen him at his full strength, even his closest brothers had forgotten. Even now that he’d been out of the Cage and found his true vessel, he wasn’t all that intimidating to the ones who knew him best.
How easy it was to forget how brightly his grace shone when he was full of righteous anger. Even Gabriel had to shield his eyes. Even Michael had to step back. He truly was the Morningstar.
Cordell screamed at Gabriel to do something, anything to protect his brother. But, despite his insistence on coming here, Gabriel couldn’t. He couldn’t move against Lucifer. Never could.
He was, in the end, still a coward. Always would be when it came to his brothers. Some things never changed.
So Lucifer beat Dean near to a pulp. Gabriel did nothing to stop him. Michael did nothing to stop him.
Then, to everyone’s surprise, Sam did something to stop him.
Gabriel noticed Lucifer’s grace dimming first as Sam fought his way to the surface. Sam stopped the beating and reached into his pocket for the key. The key to the Cage.
“Don’t worry, Dean. I’ve got him.”
The Cage opened with a roar and the wind picked up as it tried to suck Lucifer back in. Just as Sam was ready to fall in, Michael ran forward to stop him. If Gabriel didn’t know any better, he might say Michael was worried for Lucifer.
Cordell reached for his brothers; Adam was the only one he could grab. Gabriel watched in horror as both his brothers fell into the pit and Cordell cried out for Sam.
Then, just like that, the door to the Cage closed and the ground sealed up as if nothing was ever there.
Cordell stood, staring at the spot where his brother once stood. Sam- his brother, his twin, his other half- was gone. In Hell. He felt frozen in his grief, barely even registering Gabriel’s voice in his head.
He knew he had to talk to Dean. He knew he needed to figure out what to do about Adam. He knew he needed to call his family. But he also needed to grieve.
“Sam,” he whispered, tears silently falling down his face.
He felt a presence next to him; he didn’t even need to look to know his older brother was there, staring at the ground and thinking the same things he was. He wanted to reach out, comfort Dean. But he didn’t know how. Even if there wasn’t this gap between them, sowed by anger and abandonment, what does one even say in this situation.
Eventually, the silence got to be too much to bear. “Dean-”
“I’m fine,” his brother said robotically. “Why don’t you just go? Go home to your wife and that apple pie life of yours? You don’t need to be here.”
The words cut him deeper than any knife could hope to. But Cordell couldn’t argue. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say before walking away.
A small distance away, he saw his half-brother, no longer commandeered by Michael, speaking to a dark-haired figure (An angel, Castiel, Gabriel supplied) before the other disappeared in a flash. Adam looked at the ground, dejected. Alone.
Cordell sighed and made his way over. “Do you have anywhere to go? I can give you a lift.”
Adam shook his head. “I used to. But then I died.” He laughed bitterly. “I shouldn’t even be here. I only agreed to this crap because the angels promised they’d bring my mom back. But…” He threw his hands up. “Guess that’s not happening.”
Cordell nodded. “Why don’t you come home with me for now? We’ve got a spare bed for you until you figure out what you want to do. If that’s okay with you.”
“I guess I don’t have that many other options, do I?” Adam scoffed. “Where’s home anyway?”
“Austin, Texas.” Cordell clapped him on the shoulder. “Come on. We’ll grab some burgers on the way.”
“Yes, please. I’m fucking starving.”
Cordell chuckled and led him away. Then, he remembered Gabriel had flown them there. “Gabe-”
Relax, Cowboy. I’m on it.
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angelmichelangelo · 2 years ago
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2012 Squish Annon: Well I survived. Barely. I'm still crying as I type. I started crying at the part where Raph says " I love you brother" to Leo as he's trying to kill him and just cried harder when it ended with all the young turtles and Splinter together. Poor Leo. He became what he most hated. I'm so glad he came to himself again. I shudder to think what would have happened to Raph without Donnie. Of course Mikey turned into a crazy wise hermit!! I love that neither he nor Leo were surprised by the fact that Donnie managed to turn himself into a robot. I am worried about Donnie though - the episodes made it clear that the turtles are old now... what's going to happen to him when his brothers are gone?
They found each other despite everything. They will always find each other. *sob*
Also I can't believe they turned Casey's skull into a bomb. To be fair, it's what he would have wanted.
I think that, despite the happy ending, this might be my least favourite of the bad futures. I think it's because it can't be fixed or prevented in the same way as SAINW or the ROTTMNT movie. Yes, they found Oasis and I am so glad, but the rest of the world is a hellscape. This is reality now. In a fundamental and big way, the turtles lost. They couldn't stop the bomb. They didn't save everybody. It isn't their fault - saving the world is something they never should have had to do in any iteration, but they always make the choice to try, and this time... they couldn't. It just makes me very sad.
And they were seperated for so long! They were all out there and they could have been together but they weren't because they didn't know. I think I feel worst for Mikey - Raph and Donnie had each other, and Leo didn't remember that he had any brothers... but Mikey was alone apart from Chompy and Ice Cream Kitty. He thought his brothers were dead. He thought he was the last one.
I need to go back and watch some happier episodes and then read some hopeful future fanfics, because my heart is kind of breaking right now.
just gonna promote my own post about the horrors of the mutant apocalypse arc here because i feel you’d appreciate it, squish anon lol
but yeah! you’ve so totally pinned the reason as to why it feels so odd. the fact is that it’s such a depressing fate they find themselves in and NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT. that’s just it. they can’t change the fact that their friends are dead. life on earth is pretty much over as they know it. their lives have been changed irreversibly and for the worst. donnie can’t get his body back. raph won’t ever get his memories back. leo can’t be un-double mutated. mikey won’t ever get those years back that he spent totally alone. the damage has been done and thats it. they just have to live with it and make the best out of it. it’s depressing ;___;
it’s a really bitter sweet ending. nice because, yay they found oasis and they found each other and they’re together again! but horrible because oh my god what a miserable existence? just essentially waiting to die???
anyway, he’s a very dark theory i have regarding this episode. enjoy :3
the last shot before the episode closes is when all of them are standing with splinter again and they are their normal selves again. i have a theory that the order in which they appear on screen is the order in which they die.
because mikey is already standing with splinter. smiling and waving his brothers over, i imagine the years of malnutrition from spending alone is what caused his death to be the first. mikey looked… incredibly unwell throughout the arc. he seemed to have aged the most despite being “the youngest” so yeah. mikey dies first and is the only one for a little while to be dead.
second to appear is donnie. ik technically and rather morbidly, he’s already dead. but i flip between to ideas for this: his robot body was destroyed thus his soul and memory was no longer connected and they lost him, or donnie shut himself off after mikey’s death. either way, i think it’s quite fitting that the b-team follow each other into the afterlife. they’d miss each other too much:((
then we have leo. he looks tired:( i imagine the double mutation was probably very unstable, and caused a lot of complications. it’s cruel but i imagine it’s a kinder fate for him.
THEN RAPH IS LAST. i imagine raph is the only one that makes it to old age. turtles live for a long time, so how cruel would it be that raph is the one that lives the longest, without his brothers. the people he wanted to protect and love the most, are gone. and maybe he thinks about *ahem* joining them. but he can’t! why? because he has mira to look out for. he has to love and protect her because if he doesn’t, she’ll be totally alone.
so raph keeps living, not for himself, but for the memory of his brothers.
and then when they are reunited again with their sensei, he’s finally happy again.
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wizardpeebis · 1 year ago
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vent under the cut, tw: SA, transphobia, abuse mentions, self deprecation
how do i even get to this point man. i’m?? not even 20 and i feel like all i am is wasted potential. i’m really happy with where i’m at gender/presentation wise. i feel like the 6 months of hrt i did got me the results i wanted, all i want now is top surgery. but i can’t help but feel like i’m cheating myself by stopping now. i lost so much to keep doing it. i was so adamant that i would continue hrt until i was no longer dysphoric enough to want it, i lost my health insurance bc my parents disowned me, i had to drop out of college bc of the sudden lack of car/health insurance, my aunt took me in for a little bit but ended up kicking me out. she stole so much from me, like, only some of it would fit in my car and i had nobody to help me take it all, so tons of personal items from my childhood were taken. it feels like my own personal library of alexandria. as a system, i don’t know anything about myself from, like, before middle school? and from then up to college is like reading off a cue card, i don’t actually remember it. losing old sketchbooks, journals, old toys, it’s like losing my history as a person. the fact that it was done maliciously makes it so much worse. my aunt wanted to hurt me and i feel so stupid that she was able to.
and you’d think that after all that, i would catch a break, but the fucking cherry on top is that the only place i had to go after getting kicked out was some guy i met at a rave who i had already been sleeping with and fallen in love with. but on top of not deserving a family or a home, i don’t deserve to fall in love either? because each time i’ve tried it ends so horribly for me. i sound stupid as hell this is some fucking corny ass emo shit but like, idk, it would just be awesome if i could get into a relationship with someone who’s not a raging narcissist. this guy is the worst one i’ve fucked so far. he’s just like my mom lmfao. i feel like a fucking idiot about it btw. he did every classic narcissist thing and it took me ages to catch on. i fell for it every time. like a fucking moron.
the only thing that got me to realize, actually, was when my friend pointed out that he’d sexually assaulted me. and then i felt dumb again for not realizing sooner, especially because i’ve already been sexually assaulted like that and it took me just as long to piece it together. it’s kinda deeply upsetting to know that someone could easily take advantage of me like that and if nobody ever said anything i’d never connect the dots.
and then there’s the whole thing about how he got to fake out a suicide and go to the mental hospital twice and then residential to shirk the consequences of the whole thing. because he has a mommy who loves him no matter fucking what regardless of whatever heinous things he does to other people, and she’ll foot the bill for him to get a month’s worth of treatment that he’s not going to retain a single moment of, even though some of us are trying so hard and being so brave all alone with no mommy to call when they need help. i hope god can forgive my family for what they’ve done because i never will and i don’t care if it sends me to hell.
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jkpfr · 2 years ago
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It’s fairly rare for Jan and I to be on break at the same time. With our differing programs, when it’s not all four of us, it’s often Jan and Adele or Damien and myself.
“- Is that everything?
- Let me check…”
He came with me to the craft shop, and we’re about done looking for stuff I’ll need to make the invitations I want for my birthday. It feels a little dumb to have him help me gather the items I’ll use for an invitation I’m going to give to him… But it’s not like he doesn’t know that he’s invited anyway.
“- Where’s the…
- Bottom right.
- Bottom right?”
Ah, he’s right. “The”, which stands for the cool set of rainbow pens I found, was in fact in my cart.
“- Cool! Then I think that’s… everything, yeah.
- Okay!”
I hope I didn’t blush. Whenever Jan flashes that giddy smile of his, my face feels flushed… but I have to reassure myself that I didn’t blush. It would be too embarrassing otherwise.
Jan spins around, and we’re heading to the cash register. Though I like this shop… I’m eager to leave, if just to ensure Jan is comfortable. When I noticed him rubbing his eyes… I abruptly realised the lights were too bright, and once I thought about that, suddenly I heard the loud music coming out of speakers all around the place, and quickly I started to wonder if there wasn’t too much of a crowd walking around us.
Lost in thought… when someone stops Jan in the middle of an aisle, I almost crash into him. I apologetically place my hand on his shoulder, but I get shy and immediately remove it.
“- Jan?
- Hmm… Yes?”
The person who stopped him looks to be a young man our age, one I’ve never seen before – and by the sounds of it, Jan doesn’t recognise him either.
“- Jan—Wow! It’s been so long! You haven’t changed at all!”
He has mid-length wavy light brown hair, amber eyes, and a little stubble on his chin. Height-wise, he reminds me of Damien.
(Meaning he’s not all that tall, but I’m an asshole.)
“- Sorry, I…
- Haaa…”
It’s hard to read the stranger’s expression… he looks light-heartedly bothered that Jan doesn’t recognise him, but I can’t see him being too surprised about it.
“- Can you remind me? I’m so sorry.”
Jan is surprisingly calm – I’d gather he’s not used to being put on the spot. I guess he manages to stay cool even when he’s unprepared.
(If I saw you fail sometimes, would it be easier for us to be closer?)
“- Well… Back then, I hadn’t been able to change my name yet.”
That complicates things.
“- But… You were the only person I was out to. You were the only person I could talk to… about my dysphoria, my transition. So…
- WHA…!”
Interrupting his own loud reaction, Jan slaps his hands over his mouth.
I can’t help but take a step in front of him – to look at his face. With his eyes wide open…
He’s cute… What got into him?
“- Seriously?” he continues, letting his hands slide towards his own chin.
“- Y-Yes?
- Oh my God!”
Is he… shaking?
“- It’s been… Seriously? It’s been years… You look great!”
This is weird coming from him… he excitedly grabs the guy’s hands.
“- Really?
- Yes! You look awesome! I couldn’t even… I see it now, though. I’m so glad to see you again!
- Oh, for real?
- Yes!”
This guy… is someone Jan knew in the past. It’s now that Jan recognises him that he looks surprised… Or rather, it’s Jan’s positive reaction that surprises him.
Hmm… I feel a little dumb, just observing them like this. I’ll make a dumb comment to make it look like I’m owning it.
“- Jan was the only person you were able to be out to? That sounds tragic.
- …Attention seeker.
- …Ouch.”
Still holding the stranger’s – to me – hands, the flustered Jan who directs a snarky comment in my direction looks adorable.
(This doesn’t look like him failing at all.)
Guy number three chuckles and does in fact turn his attention to me.
“- Well… I guess… As far as not being able to be out generally went. But Jan being the one who knew, that wasn’t so tragic.
- Yeah? How did he come to know? Were you guys close friends?
- You don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to.”
This could feel like a critique coming from Jan, but he looks in an overwhelmingly good mood. Finally letting go of his old friend’s hands, he looks at him with some sort of… amazed wonder.
“- Heheh, it’s fine. You were so cool!”
Number three takes a step away to stretch, and immediately looks more relaxed. When he starts talking again, though, his voice reveals a lot of emotion.
“- I was just… this was in middle school. My parents are extremely transphobic, and I just couldn’t… allow them to know. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone, so I was completely closeted.”
He marks a pause, clicking his tongue as he hesitates. I don’t know what to say… so I wait.
“- It felt so bad… I desperately wanted someone to talk to about my feelings… but I couldn’t even trust my friends. I didn’t know that I could trust them to keep it a secret, or even just… to respect me. Well, it’s in that context that I learned about Jan.
- Learned about Jan…
- Learned about Jan…”
Both Jan and I said that.
“- Heheh! Jan was this boy who was extremely popular… but plot twist, he was actually nice! Whenever someone told you about Jan, they would tell you “you’d think a popular guy like this would be an asshole, but no, he’s actually super nice.” He had a really good reputation and he looked like he was friendly with everyone.”
Of course that’s how he was.
“- So when I would run into him, I’d be curious, like everyone else. Plus, there was no way around it… He was pretty… So incredibly pretty…”
He chuckles nervously and starts to look in the direction opposite to Jan before continuing:
“- I started to overthink it… His face… He had such a pretty face, almost like… So I thought… I thought maybe he was like me. I didn’t have any proof, and actually, I didn’t believe it that much… I just wanted to.”
I find myself blushing (though if I’m lucky, maybe not…) and can’t help but take a glance at Jan. He looks slightly embarrassed, but most importantly… Well, Jan is very handsome. I wouldn’t say he could be mistaken for a girl, but his facial traits are delicate… His extremely pale blonde hair contributes to that soft air of his, and when his eyes were wide open in shock just a couple minutes ago…
You could see that he hides it. With his eyelids always exaggeratedly, and yet somehow tastefully relaxed, Jan wants to look cool – which he is – more than he wants to look cute – which he is.
“- I really wanted to. And with time I realised I desperately needed somebody to talk to. That’s why… I risked it, and I talked to him. And I told him.
- But…
- …Yeah. Oops. I was wrong. That was embarrassing, huh?
- It’s alright,” Jan reacts.
“- Of course… See? Being the person that he is, Jan lived up to his reputation, and he was incredibly nice. Now that the cat was out of the bag… It just turned out that he was the only person I’d come out to. And because he was so nice… I knew I could always come up to him to tell him about my feelings… Even just to hang around someone who knew, and believed me.
- Aww, that’s so sweet, though. Is that seriously how you guys became friends?
- Yes.
- Yeah! We were in different classes, so otherwise, we wouldn’t really have had a reason to hang out. I always felt like such an outsider, but there was something exciting about having a secret together.
- And you always seemed to appear out of nowhere, so it was like…
- You were in constant danger,” number three says, chuckling again.
“- Pff… No… I was going to say something like… constant fun.”
When I asked him about it a long time ago, Damien told me Jan had always had close queer friends. If this person’s identity was a secret, then he’s probably not who Dam was talking about. Either way… he said “duh, you’re safe with Jan” like I’d asked him a really stupid question. “Safer than with me, even.” (Threatening finger guns.)
“- Well… I don’t know if you ever thought about me, in all this time, but… You were so important to me, and I’m like… way too happy to have ran into you.
- Hah… are you kidding?”
I don’t know how he could say that, when Jan has been smiling genuinely this entire conversation. But just now… his expression gets a lot more intense.
“- I almost want to cry. I didn’t even recognise you. I’m so happy to see you again.”
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briannaswords · 1 year ago
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aaah I'm literally in love with your writing style!! like 'ryn likes to believe that he rises with the sun, akin to the way a morning glory blossoms under the sunlight' 'love is the most powerful and most dangerous force to have existed. Love has killed more than every disease combined' 'with turquoise waters hugging its banks and an intricate village filled with generous people...' this is literal poetry askfjddfh
and the titles are so intriguing!! I'm already hooked!!
thanks for tagging me!!
Friends Break Your Heart Too
And, like, oh my god. That’s exactly what it feels like. I look at Addy and I smile and squeeze her hand and I don’t know her very well, just like she doesn’t know me, but we both know that, in this moment, we understand each other perfectly.
"I didn’t ask for a week this time Mila. I asked for five minutes. You couldn’t even give me that."
(this is from a short story that's based in the canon of 'friends break your heart too' that I was basically using to try and get in Eliza's head. currently untitled)
But, now that she’s thinking about it, Eliza’s been exhausted for a long time now. She’s been exhausted since half-term, when she returned to her last school a day before everyone else to scrape off the last bits of her identity left from the explosion of that first whisper that spread and spread and spread until all Eliza could see was rubble. She’s been exhausted since Year Ten, sitting through the discussions of gay marriage, listening to people debate against it as if marriage is a privilege, something that can be given and taken away instead of a basic human right (Article 12: Men and women of a marriageable age shall have the right to marry and to found a family—Eliza looked it up and cited it, fuming, in her end of year essay). She took Religious Studies because she thought it would be beautiful, thought it would be a way to better understand other religions and through those humanity as a whole. Instead, she broke the nib of her pen when writing her essay in fury, she cried herself to sleep, she looked around her classroom and was dumbfounded by how ready people were to disguise their own prejudices as religious beliefs, to use God as an excuse to continue oppressing minorities.
Mila, who kisses sweetly, smiles warmly, loves earnestly. Mila, who’s so, so talented and doesn’t know it. Mila, who’s so easy to love.
from my (also untitled) fantasy wip
“You can’t be perfect all the time,” he’d said and Nessa didn’t know how to tell him that she did, she really did, because she didn’t know how to be anything else. Because ‘perfect’ is exactly what everyone always expected her to be. She’s ‘The Brain’, the girl who always has the answers, the girl born to succeed. She’s never been anything else.
She wasn’t enough for Mother, who lost interest in her when she stopped being little and cute enough to pass as a doll she could dress up, who traded brushing Flo’s hair for missed calls, who calls Margot ‘Margaret’, who forced Flo to drop Mallory for Hazel but has never been around enough to actually get to know any of Flo’s ‘suitable’ friends, who tells her to ‘make them proud’ but never calls her pretty or smart, who calls her ‘darling’ but never seems to mean it. She wasn’t enough for Nessa, who Flo knew always liked Juno more, and she may have been good enough for Mallory but Flo dropped her before she could find out and she wasn’t enough for Hazel who had no qualms about cancelling plans to hang out with Elliot and she wasn’t enough for Harriet and Margot, who have always preferred each other, but finally, finally she’s good enough for Sol.
and this was supposed to be another character study to get into Imogen's head but ended up basically being a letter to her gf haha
But you? You. You, Sara Nnadi, you terrified me. You breathed into my lungs a kind of fear I didn’t even know existed because with that fear came love—an emotion I wasn’t ready to make peace with as it was an emotion my own mother is still incapable of showing to me.
gently tagging @the-world-is-a-poem @dogmomwrites @holdmyteaplease @writingdeliberately @cabbojage @leisoree @tea-and-mercury
Seven Snippets, Seven People Tag Game
Thank you so much for the tag @awleeofficial! This is a new one for me too ahaha
Rules: Post seven snippets and tag seven people!
I will use seven different WIPs!
Love and Other Lies
It's the dawn, and Ryn likes to believe that he rises with the sun, akin to the way a morning glory blossoms under the sunlight.
Blood Moon
The breeze blows softly outside, bringing with it the subtle scent of autumnal spice. Outside Julienne Toussaint’s open window, the midday sun beats down on the falling leaves stricken with lush gold, vibrant red, dull orange and crisp brown, making them seem to glow.
Cherry Blossoms (a short story)
“I love the nature here,” Angel smiled, eyes sparkling as they skated across the landscape surrounding them. “I get to tend to everything here, and it’s so beautiful to create luscious life out of nothing but a few tiny seeds.” He looks down at the hands clasped in his lap, fair eyelashes casting pale shadows along his cheekbones. “I love my plants. They are what’s left of my family.”
Troubled Waters
"Sometimes, when one walks along the thin line where the ocean rises up to meet soft sand, it's possible to hear a soft singing. It's said that the souls of heartbroken people are forever trapped in these waters. Sometimes the singing turns into wailing, broken noises showing pain, for the mermaids cannot cry."
Dynasty
“Love,” the warlock had told me, fixing me with his bright crimson irises, “love is the most powerful and most dangerous force to have existed. Love has killed more than every disease combined. Mortals will do crazy, unspeakable things in the name of love.” 
Part of Your World (a fic collab with @faceglitchsworld)
The island of Crescent-Moon is a delightful place to grow up. With turquoise waters hugging its banks and an intricate village filled with generous people, there is a place for everybody on the island, or at least that’s how Teresa feels. 
Creatures of the Night (a vampire fic I'm working on)
“Want to go out for a bite?” he says, a seductive smirk playing upon his lips. His crimson eyes burn into her, gaze resting near the hollow of her neck, and for a second, she's not entirely sure he’s talking about food.
These kind of suck I'm so sorry but I can't think of anything else that's newer that I've written.
I'll tag @dancinginsepia, @worldsfromhoney, @ashfordlabs, @bassguitarinablackt-shirt, @ko0l-k1dd0, @holdmyteaplease and @briannaswords only if you want!
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garoujo · 3 years ago
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FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS — JUJUTSU KAISEN
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feat : gojo satoru, geto suguru, itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi + nanami kento.
ღ warnings — f. reader, creampies / unprotected sex, aged!up characters, hidden feelings, just them falling in love w u sob, car sex in nanami’s.
ღ note — obey me version. i’m back with another one of these cause it’s always gonna be my fave trope of all time ! ! ! also got a lil carried away with satoru’s *sniffle* sorry ><
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・✶ 。゚ GOJO SATORU
gojo was almost too good at hiding his growing feelings for you, like he didn’t have your post notifications on on every social media platform you owned and like sight of a new picture of you didn’t make his cock twitch and thicken behind his uniform slacks. hiding his need for you behind teasing and always convincing you that staying a little bit longer wouldn’t do much harm.
satoru snaps his hips up into you with a bit more ferocity as he sinks his cock into your soaked cunt from where you’re straddling him, grinning when he’s elicited shaky moans and needy whimpers from your pouty, swollen lips. there’s a teasing smirk curling on his own when he feels your walls twitch around his cock, crystalline eyes almost rolling back at the ethereal sight of you above him. he didn’t expect to have feelings form in the place of pure lustful sex, but you were so good for him—all starry eyed and sweet and he should’ve known when he got that first, sweet taste of you he’d never be able to satisfy his craving. “gonna cum.. i, fuck.” you choke, voice heavenly when his name rolls off your tongue and he grins almost mockingly at how adorable you look lost in the pleasure only he can give you. “yeah? go ahead. fuck, don’t let me stop you, pretty girl.” satoru drawls and he watches your eyes squeeze shut before you’re creaming around his cock, his fingers tightening around your jaw to pull you in for a sloppy, wet, moaning kiss. there’s a rush of bliss through his nerves, in his whole being everytime he kisses you—he’ll never get enough, licking and grunting into your mouth, filling you up with his load while you moan and breathe your sighs across his lips in a tone he still finds himself dreaming about when you leave. so even when he’s still coming down from his orgasm, still lost in a half hormone-drunken haze he doesn’t hesitate to suddenly flip you underneath him and kiss all over your face, heated presses of his lips against your skin as you whimper at the over stimulation and grab at his toned shoulders. “oh? what’s the rush? i don’t think i want you to leave just yet, sweetheart.” satoru hums lowly and you give him a dreamy look through wet lashes when his softening cock twitches awake inside of your tight walls once more. “i’ll take good care of you, pretty girl.”
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・✶ 。゚ GETO SUGURU
it wasn’t supposed to happen at first — you’d both always been close but not like this. it had just happened after a long night together and ultimately you both enjoyed it too much to stop, but now it had gotten to the point where he didn’t want to lose you as a friend despite the way his heart yearned for more.
“g-god, pretty girl. feels so good, fucking—shit.” geto grunts, scratchy and breathless and it only takes a few more thrusts from the dark haired sorcerer before he’s following you off the cliff of his release, the hot rush of bliss taking over him. his cock flexes as he spills his loads inside of you with a surprised grunt, his body trembling above your own and it’s almost instinctive the way he hugs you closer, keeping you pressed tight against his chest while he smears messy kisses along your cheeks, riding out his orgasm through shallow thrusts as you both bask in the aftermath of your tingling pleasure. suguru shoots you a grin when he finally rolls off of you, keeping his arm trapped underneath you as his lips curl into a drowsy grin, and he’s hoping you can’t hear the racing of his heart when you wiggle closer to him, and he can’t help but kiss you once on the lips—hoping you’ll blame it on the post orgasm bliss, even though to him it’ll always be more than that. “you staying? s’posed to be stormy so saves you going home.” suguru asks, hoping his hopeful tone is masked behind his breathlessness even though his arm encourages you to curl up closer to him—and he hopes it’ll convince you to never leave. but for tonight—you do stay, so when an hours past and you’re breathing deep, asleep against his chest, suguru doesn’t need to hide the lovesick haze that’s fallen over him this time as his fingers trace his initials into your skin, whispering three quiet words against your temple before he’s curling up beside you, because for now, he’ll let himself love like this a little longer.
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・✶ 。゚ ITADORI YUUJI
itadori didn’t really understand what the arrangement was, in his mind you were dating — so you can imagine the confused and particularly hurt expression on his face when he has to listen to you introduce him as a friend, but watching other hungry gazes on you makes something particularly carnal burn in his stomach.
it’s almost desperate the way yuuji’s hands are grabbing at your hips, keeping you pressed tightly to the couch after you both finally arrive home from dinner with your friends. you’d never seen him like this, so needy and rough, his gaze heavy when he blinks down at you before focusing on the way your pretty tire juggle everytime he sinks his heavy cock back into your soaked cunt. “s-slow down, yuu—so much.” you whimper through pouty lips but even with his dazed mind he knows you don’t want him to stop. your mind is cloudy with how well he’s fucking you, losing yourself in the feeling of his huge body looming over your own as he moans ragged grunts of your name, smearing a mixture of his drool and kisses along the dip of your shoulder when he leans over you. “feel s-so good, baby, fuck! love this pussy, l-love it so much—‘ts mine, right? all mine—ughhh.” yuuji grunts, words half coherent when your walls are twitching so needily around him and your pussy is squelching with every unforgivable push of his hips, so you don’t reply immediately—too lost in the pleasure only he can give you, but this only makes him go harder. he curses roughly as he fucks into you eagerly, his hands almost curled into fists at your hips while his groans echo somewhere deep in his chest, and you feel like your body is almost crumbling with each crushing thrust into you as he hugs you closer—ruthlessly slamming his hips into your own. “p-please, baby. tell me ‘ts mine—fuck, gonna cum. please, please, ‘m yours so say it.” he almost pleads despite his ragged tone, but you hear him this time as your nails leave scratches of red along his biceps, his heavy cock kissing every part of you when you finally answer back. “fuck, y-yes i’m yours yuu!”
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・✶ 。゚ FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
he couldn’t help himself when it came to you, he had been particularly inexperienced at first but when you’d walked into his life he’d given you all of him, more than he’d ever given somebody else so maybe that’s why he couldn’t help the feelings that came a lot with it — still finding himself getting lost in you almost too easily.
it’s almost too much for him, you are, everytime he’s got you lying beneath him—blinking up at him through doe eyes and pouty lips and megumi feels like he could finish right there and then. “p-please, ‘gumi.” you whisper, eyes cloudy with want as you gaze up at him, your fingers smoothing through the raven strands of his hair before his hips roll into yours languidly, and megumi feels his heart race when you breathe his name—your walls squeezes around the sensitive head of his cock delightfully when he pushes up against the sweet spot inside of you. “you..” he grunts, jaw clenching when he fucks into you again before he restarts despite the way he feels lightheaded. “you feel so good, everytime.” he blinks slowly, trying to hold back the needy whimpers and whines that are dying on his tongue, as the grip he has on your waist tightens when he continues to sink his cock into your doughy cunt. “o-oh, fuck.” megumi breathes again, grunting and clenching his teeth and his pace stutters when you hiccup his name, tight walls clenching around him once more and he repositions his knees this time before he sets a new pace. “do you lov.. fuck—like, this?” he says, words barely coherent and he knows he means to ask do you like him, but he knows it’s not the time—when warmth is pooling in his stomach and he’s trembling before he’s curling over you, instead focusing on the needy mewls and moans falling from your lips. another time maybe.
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・✶ 。゚ NANAMI KENTO
it was fine at first, your agreement. he was mostly busy with work anyway, sometimes he’d pick you up on his way home and you always helped him relax after a long day or help take the tension from his body after some gruelling overtime. but he had gotten used to seeing you now, couldn’t help himself from imagining your silhouette in the kitchen preparing dinner or busying yourself with something in his home—he’d gotten comfortable with you and he wanted more.
it’s dark in the back seat of nanami’s car, your face pressed against the expensive leather as his thick hands grab at your hips—ruthlessly slamming his cock into your tight cunt from behind, as his eyes focus on the way your ass jiggles with each heavy thrust. “doing so well, sweetheart.“ nanami grumbles, his head falling forward as his body follows, pressing his chest against your back, and the new position allows you to hear how fucked out he is, every deep growl and slurred curse against your shoulder. you tremble from under him, feeling his toned bicep curl around your waist and you push back into him when you feel his calloused hand snake between your legs, practiced fingers rolling your already puffy and swollen clit. “focus on me, that’s it. so good for me.” nanami growls, quiet at first but his voice is close enough for you to hear his words, your tight walls twitching in reply before you babble “feels s-so good.” and the blonde haired male feels something primal, possessive take over him at the sweet tone of your voice—his cock throbbing inside of you. “it feels good? taking me so well.” you hear him groan, your words encouraging him to slam himself even harder into you, the sound of skin slapping growing louder with each of his heavy thrusts. “you’re gonna make me cum, sweetheart. you going to take it for me?” nanami drawls, voice low and ragged and ecstasy is all you feel with his words, his brows creasing from the almost brutal pace he’s challenged himself under but he was stroking your walls just right. “i.. i can take it.”
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© 2022 garoujo. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.
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honorabledeleah · 2 years ago
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Blood Of The Faithful (1)
Pairing: Ran Haitani × Married, Older! Reader
Content warning: Age gap. Brief description of a stab wound. Implied sexual content
Word count: 5.1k
Summary: In a chance encounter, Ran comes across you, a newly married woman with a husband who couldn’t give you the time of day. He thinks he can fill the vacant hole in your heart quite well…if you would only stop treating him like a kid.
Note: In just about every story of Ran I’ve ever read, he’s always had the upper hand. I wanted to see a story of where he desperately tried to win the love of a woman he couldn’t and shouldn’t have. And because of that wish, this story was born! Please enjoy :)
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Ran first met you at his lowest, on a very dark, dark day.
Bleeding through his new Yves Saint Laurent shirt wasn’t his thing—and getting grazed by a knife in a fight wasn’t either. But you can’t always get what you want, Ran supposes. He’ll just have to buy another one later. He’s sure his father could spare the money. Better to spend it on your son then his typical prostitutes, right? 
“Fuck…” He grumbles,  his vision blurring and dimming by the second. It’s one of those nights where Rindou wasn’t with him, maybe out with a girl twice his age, or with his ‘friends’ who couldn’t stomach being around Ran for too long—much too nervous. It didn’t help that he broke his phone during the fight and lost his wallet somewhere amidst the bodies he left in the alleyway. What kind of gang brings 15 people to jump one person?
Either way, as he stumbles through the streets with crimson painting him, Ran finds solace in knowing that he’s at least in his neighborhood. He’s desperate to at least make it inside his own house before he collapses, but when Ran’s foot catches up on a rock, it sends him toppling forward in one of the most humiliating ways imaginable. 
His body hits the concrete with a thud, the only light source illuminating him being the poorly lit street lights. For something that should’ve been expensive, (because his neighborhood wouldn’t settle for anything less) one might’ve thought it’d at least work better.
But it doesn’t, and as Ran tries to pick himself up and stand again, he finds himself completely unable to do so. The stab wound near his stomach throbbed painfully, his legs so weakened they were shaking.
How awful. His new shirt is an absolute goner, then.
And he might be too, soon.
Or, so he thought until he heard an oddly calm, melodic voice in the midst of a storm. “Oh my god, are you alright sweetie?”
Sweetie. How strange. Ran is usually the one calling people that, typically pretty girls who didn’t know any better when they approached him. And the last woman, used to be the only one, who has ever called him that was his mother.
That was until she stopped breathing, of course.
Looking up with whatever little strength he had left, Ran’s eyes widened once he met yours.
You’re in your late 20’s, no older then 30 but almost there, the maturity in your eyes and the plush to your skin told him so. There’s a bag of groceries in one of your hands, and you’re wearing an awfully, awfully tiny shirt, one that could never fully cover your breasts. Not when it was practically spilling out of the thin material, and ah—you’re coming closer.
The bag of groceries is the first to hit the ground, you following right afterwards. You look even more beautiful up close, Ran realizes, and when you put his head on your lap as you inspect the wounds, he thinks maybe dying right now wouldn’t be so bad. It’s much better to die in the lap of a gorgeous woman then it is to die alone in the middle of the dirty, insect ridden streets in his opinion.
But when he thinks of Rindou, his no good little brother and the most precious thing in his life, Ran thinks there’s no way in hell he could die now—or ever.
“C-Can you stand? You need treatment dear.” Your voice shakes as you attempt to help him up, but Ran must’ve been heavier then you originally thought, so he used whatever strength he had left to stabilize his footing.
There’s something comforting about your scent, it…it smells like a home. Not the one he lives in, with the shiny marble floors and the high ceiling with glass planes for windows, but an actual one. One filled with laughter, small corners and secret hiding spots, a room with regular windows and not ones made from colored stained glass.
As you speak to him, one sentence after the other, Ran doesn’t pick up on any of it. All he remembers through the haze of his injury and his squinted eyes was a door, and the warmth of your hand on his back.
And then, nothing. 
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The next time Ran wakes up, hes somewhere unfamiliar, and whatever he was laying on was…soft. 
It all comes to him slowly, like pieces of puzzles falling to its place, but when he blinks and sees you above him—Ran realizes that he was sleeping on your lap.
He gets up much faster and rougher then he should’ve, especially considering that you were snoozing off with your head angled so low, it makes him worry that you’ll hurt your neck that way. 
Grabbing your head, he slowly pushes you back so you lay normally on the couch. He’s in a living room, an extremely spacious one that rivals his own, and all around him were first aid kit materials like bandaids and disinfectant.
You…You him, it seems.
Looking around, he quickly realizes that this was your house. He’s standing in the middle of a spacious living room, looking eerily similar to Ran’s own. There’s a dog bowl in the corner (though he hasn’t seen any pets yet) and general decorations. There’s also pictures hanging on the wall that tells him so, of you smiling with an unfamiliar man, his hands around your waist, beaming into the camera. Or at least you were, the man that you were with looked somewhere between a scowl and a grin.
He must be your boyfriend—this man.
With brown slicked back hair, boring golden eyes and a somewhat sleezy smile, your boyfriend reminds him of a man he’d see hanging around his father. He’s undoubtedly rich, probably has a charming smile if he flashes his teeth, but at the core, they were all the same. 
Just people hungry for power.
There’s more where those pictures came from, of just you and that man, one where you were at a Zoo, some restaurant, and…your graduation?
“His name is Minato, we married each other just about a month ago.” 
Ran whips his head around more calmly then he felt, because quite frankly, he was too enamored by the pictures to have heard you walking behind him, a fond smile on your face.
Ah, husband then.
He doesn’t know how he managed to miss the golden band on your finger, a small diamond glinting back at him in the low evening light. It’s much too small, he thinks, and if he were to be your husband, he would’ve bought you the most expensive, beautiful ring there was. And if he couldn’t—then that just means he wasn’t worthy.
“You make a lovely couple.” Ran says, and he means it. Or at least, he thinks he does. 
Blinking, he backtracks. Wait…think? 
“Thank you, are you alright?” As you approach closer with concern on your face, Ran somehow found himself backing up until he hits the wall, your hand touching his forehead. “You were burning up earlier, and you had this wound—I was worried you’d get a fever on top of your injuries.”
Heart beating fast, much more faster then it’s ever had before, Ran took a moment to calm himself. “Y-Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for treating me.” 
It fails, god does it fail when you flash a blinding, bright smile at him. “I’m so glad.”
Ran Haitani doesn’t get nervous. Ran could count on one hand, during his 19 years of living, just how many times his nerves took over him.
But in front of you, as you harp around like a worried mother hen, he finds himself absolutely frozen. Not with fear—because there was absolutely not one thing scary about you, but just…
Nervousness. He’s scared of messing up, somehow.
What was going on?
“Your clothes were soaked with blood, I’m not sure where you live, but you should probably take a shower first. You don’t want to scare your folks or passing pedestrians.” Ran doesn’t tell you that he only lives with his brother. Or how his father was abroad and his mother six feet under. Instead, he smiles.
“No, I couldn’t intrude more then I already have.” Ran began to step away from you, slowly, one foot at the time, eyeing the door. Something about you makes him feel not like himself. He’s never felt so out of his own skin until now, and he couldn’t pinpoint just exactly what it was. “Thank you for all that you’ve—
“Nonsense!” It absolutely startles Ran when you grab his hand, pulling him somewhere with much more strength then he thought your little body could hold. “You’re still so young, what if someone calls the cops on you? That could go on your record you know.”
Ran absolutely does not mention that he’s already been to juvie two times, or how he’s already taken a life at the ripe age of 13. If anything, he keeps his mouth firmly shut and lets you lead him.
Turning the corner, he sees a restroom, and you’re quick to push him in. “Take a bath for however long you want, please also make sure not to scrub too hard around your wounds, okay?” 
Ran could only blankly nod, swept away by your rhythm.
“Take your time, dinner will be ready soon!” And with that, you closed the door and left, your footsteps receding and leaving Ran alone.
It takes a few seconds for Ran to snap out of his daze, still somewhat recovering from the hurricane that was you, but when he looks in the mirror by accident, he freezes.
There’s a color decorating his face, spreading through his cheeks and especially to the tip of his ears.
Ran was blushing a shade of cherry red.
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“What’s your name?”
“Ran, Ran Haitani.”
Dinner, turns out, is yakisoba with chicken. The noodles were still steaming and shiny since it just got out of the pan, and the green onions topping it only made it look tastier. Ran has had yakisoba many times, due to that little store near the station, but it never quite look as delicious as this.
When was the last time Ran had a home cooked meal anyways? 
“Okay then Ran, I hope you don’t mind some yakisoba. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I didn’t really plan a grand meal…” You trail off in a way that hints at signs of nervousness, darting your eyes to land on everything except Ran. And that was cute, adorable even. 
“Don’t be, thank you for saving me and doing all of this. You’re a very sweet woman.” He talks like how he would to any girl, with flattery laced in every word and a smile just small enough to be genuine. You clearly believe it, by the way your eyes light up, but you don’t…you don’t quite look at him like the other girls do. What was missing?
“How could I just let a kid bleed out on the street?” You say, passing him a glass of water. “I could never live with myself if I did that. Now, eat up dear, it'll grow cold.” There’s excitement in your voice as you eye the food, like you couldn’t wait for Ran to try it.
Well, even if it was bad, he would never tell you so. The reaction you so clearly want from him is one you will get regardless if it’s genuine or not. He swirls the noodles on his plate and puts it in his mouth, he’s already prepared his next few words before—
“It’s delicious.” Ran says, his eyes widening with how much he meant it. You looked so eager for him to eat it, he assumed that perhaps cooking wasn’t your forte, but it clearly is if this is what it tastes like. The way the flavors all blend in his mouth was masterful. 
You don’t reply, and when Ran looks up to realize why, he finds your shoulder shaking with barely contained laughter, until you break. “Pfft, so you are still a kid!” You holler, little giggles ransacking your body. 
Your words bring heat to his skin, and Ran doesn’t understand why. 
Sensing that, you’re quick to explain. “You seem…quite mature for your age. I saw uh, your tattoo’s.” 
Ah, that's right, while treating him, you must’ve lifted up his shirt and saw the tattoo that he got matching with Rindou. Which, you did terrific at, patching up his wounds way better then Ran and Rindou had ever learned how to, despite the many times they’ve injured themselves and required it.
Grinning, he tilts his head. “Are my tattoo’s the only reason you think I’m ‘mature’?”
It’ll be a lie if he were to say he didn’t get injured lower, right below his v-line and very close to something rather private—but you treated that too, he saw it when he was in the shower trying to scrub blood from underneath his fingernails. He received that wound when one guy was clinging to his waist, trying to save his comrade from being choked in the midst of the fight.
Unexpectedly, you blush a daring red at his comment, and Ran is shocked by how quickly you switch from a doting hen to a shy, bashful woman. He feels like there’s so many faces to you, he couldn’t keep track of them all. Not when your expression was always changing. “I-I didn’t mean to violate you like that, it’s just, you were bleeding particularly hard down there! And I didn’t see anything…private.”
It seems like you really didn’t, and even if you did, Ran wouldn’t have a problem with it anyways. His dick wasn't something he felt like he had to hide from women—especially beautiful ones at that. “I wasn’t worried about that.” He says gently, and the smile he gives you seems to calm you down, making you sigh in relief. 
“Oh thank goodness. I would never want you to think I violated you like that in your sleep.” 
There’s something so…so cute about you. It would almost scream naive, but with your age, he wouldn’t think so. It was more like you were truly sweet from the heart down. 
Rindou would like you, Ran thinks. Rindou liked his girls as sweet as sugar and as nurturing as a mother. Though the girls he usually sleeps with are none of that, having zero of the traits he liked with the exception of the physical department. 
Now that Ran is looking even closer though…your breast would 100% catch Rindou’s eyes. 
Stopping himself from staring before you could catch him, you gladly didn’t seem to notice it. It was a shame he’d never see you after this again. And quite frankly, he finds it to be a waste for a woman such as you to be tied down so early. 
As Ran exits your house, truly expecting to be somewhere he wouldn’t recognize, he’s utterly baffled to be met with… 
His own house, just right across from yours.
That’s right, wasn't there moving trucks here just a week ago? 
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The next time Ran sees you again, it was you who appeared first.
A week or two had passed since his last encounter with you, and while you appeared in his mind much more often then he would’ve liked to admit, Ran swore all he needed was time.
Time to forget you, and maybe a little bit of a distraction to help speed the process too.
Gripping the girl's hips, he helps guide her up and down, a steady yet rough rhythm that she doesn't seem to mind. “Move your waist, like that, hah…” 
“Ah, ah, R-Ran—!” 
He’ll have to change the sheets later, he knows, but that’s in the back of his mind. Right now, he could only focus on the warm heat enveloping his cock, and the pair of breasts that were bouncing in front of him wildly. 
And just as he was about to cum, his cock swelling and his breathing uneven, a knock startles the girl who’s name he couldn’t quite remember, and your voice startles him.
“Hello?” There’s absolutely no way in hell that Ran wouldn’t be able to recognize your voice, not when he has been recalling the melody of it in his brain for the past two weeks. “I-Is anybody home?” 
Rindou is out right now, he never liked to be here when Ran had his girls over, and it was just your distressed voice that rang inside his hollow home.
You sounded like you were in trouble.
Once he realized that, he pushed the girl off of him and told her, “Be a good girl and wait for a second, okay?” beforeputting on his pants and rushing to the door. 
He thought he had been too slow and that you would’ve left by now, but you didn’t, and the woman he’s been thinking of since that fateful day was right in front of him. You were wearing a worried expression on your face, furrowed eyebrows that quickly shifted to pure embarrassment once your eyes landed on his chest.
“R-Ran?! You live here?” Ah, so you had no idea that he lived just right across from you. Which meant that your visit wasn’t for him. 
He smiles his usual smile, hoping it’d offer you some assurance. “I do. Quite a surprise, isn’t it? Neighbor.”
Bringing his face closer to your own, he tries to make eye contact with you again, but you only blush and look away. It’s endearing. “I had no idea.”
“Now you do. Do you need something?” 
At his inquiry, you snap out of your embarrassment, the concerned look returning to your face. “It’s Momo…” Your face turns considerably more pale as you speak. “He’s missing!”
Ran blinks. “Momo?”
“My dog that I got a week ago.” Now that he thought back on it, Ran recalled seeing pet food and an unused dog bowl in your living room, was that you preparing for Momo? “He must’ve gotten out when my husband accidentally left the door open, and I caught it too late.”
It was clear how worried and anxious you were, your fingers never took a rest with fiddling at the hem of your shirt, and your eyes would shift from object to object, never staying anywhere for too long. “He’s a Pomeranian with brown, fluffy fur and a yellow collar. Have you seen him at all? This just happened about an hour ago. I searched everywhere.”
Shaking his head, Ran runs a hand through his hair. “I didn’t, but I’ll help you search for him.” Your eyes lit up immediately at his words, and Ran’s heart clenched. “I’m sure he hasn’t gotten far. The more eyes the better, right?” 
A relieved smile makes way to your face. “Thank you Ran, I—“
“Rannn~” There’s goosebumps that reach his skin once he heard a whiny, high pitched voice coming from behind him. Soon after, someone clings to his back, their arms wrapping around his waist. “You’re taking sooo long, come back to bed.”
It’s the girl from before, the one he should’ve never took home. Not when she couldn’t follow simple directions and stay inside like he told her to, having the guts to come out at the worse, possible timing.
Your eyes widened once it lands on her, and it seems as if you put two and two together. A look of realization dawns on your face with a blush. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had your girlfriend ove—“
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Ran quickly says, and perhaps it was much too fast, and much too firm for his smile to soften the landing of it. You flinch at the solid tone of his voice. “She’s…give us a second.”
Closing the door a little in hopes that you wouldn’t hear (or see) what he was about to do, Ran grabs the girl by the cheeks. Her eyes bug out as he did so, and he hopes that his smile was as sweet as intended, because his next words would be anything but. “What happened to being a good girl and staying in the room, doll?”
The girl begins to shake, but she’s also blushing. “U-Um, You were taking so long, and I—“
“You’re a bad girl, Izumi.” Her name came to him when his eyes caught on the embroidery on her bag, and he remembers the way she introduced herself to him a week ago. She had hair just like yours, and maybe if she behaved just a little bit cuter, she could’ve been more like you too. “I don’t like girls who don't follow directions, no matter how cute.”
Her eyes darkened with sadness, but she nodded in acceptance. “If you understand, put your clothes on properly and leave.”
Ran swears to himself, just then, that he’ll never get caught with another girl as long as you were around again. He doesn’t know why it matters so much, or why it bothers him so, but the thought of you thinking he was taken oddly…pissed him off. 
Ran belonged to nobody, and that's how its been since he was born.
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Searching for Momo proved to be much more troublesome then Ran thought.
Although he scoured every street, peeked in every corner, looked in even the dumpsters and trash, the small, brown pomeranian was still nowhere to be seen. Either Momo really knew how to play hide and seek, or someone else had already picked him up the streets and claimed him as their own.
You already alerted the nearby police department, so that if anyone were to bring in a lost dog, you’d be the first to receive a call. Other than that, it was just simply you and him out here, searching for Momo until the sun had began to set.
Your eyes are glossy, and you look exhausted from inside and out. The hair you had pulled so neatly in a bun was coming loose, random strands sticking out in all directions. There’s a tiredness to your footsteps that wasn’t present before until now, and you forgo your cardigan a while ago, but must’ve been starting to regret it as the wind started to pick up.
The sun casts you in an orange, dull light. But perhaps it only looked that way because your expression was so dejected, not that it lessened your beauty by any means. Ran doesn't think you could look anything less then stunning, no matter how worn out or fatigued you might be.
Taking his jacket off, Ran drapes it over your shoulders, hoping to ease your shivers as he does so. He doesn’t acknowledge the way it makes him feel, to see you in clothes that clearly don't fit you—his clothes that clearly don't fit you.
“Thank you Ran.” Ran smiles back at the drained, low energy smile you gave him in return for his jacket. “I didn’t realize it had gotten so cold out.”
Momo most likely won't be found soon, especially since it was getting darker and darker out. Not to mention, he doesn't want you out in the streets once the sun falls below a certain line. It was never safe for his mother, and it especially won't be for you. “You should head home for the day.” He suggests, and you open your mouth to argue back, but stops once you see the expression on his face, the one mirroring your own. “It's getting late, and it'll be harder to see. If he was around here, then we would’ve found him by now. We’ll take the search to a larger scale in the morning, you're tired, aren’t you?”
Though you didn't want to admit it, you nod anyways at Ran’s question. Perhaps knowing it was fruitless to lie. “We’ll make missing posters tomorrow, I’ll help you with that too.”
Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears, Ran was completely cut off guard when you embraced him, your body trembling in little shivers. You weren’t crying, not yet. But he gets a feeling you could only hold the tears for so long before they escaped.
And you didn't want him to see it—the kid you saved from the streets he still must’ve been, in your eyes.
“Thank you so much Ran, thank you.” You whisper, your voice muffled against his chest. 
For the first time in a long time, Ran hugs a woman. Not for the sake of it, or for an act he felt like he had to do to pull something off, but genuinely because he wanted to. Because he wanted to comfort you. “Of course, love.”
It was impossible to miss the way you freeze up upon hearing the term of endearment. Ran quickly realizes that while he called many other girls pet names, he has never once called you one—until now.
But if the way you flush and smile up at him meant anything, then he doesn't think you mind it that much.
By the time the sun came down, Ran had already saw you off home.
And in the next second, he called his brother.
“Hello?” Rindou answers, his voice a little bit raspy, and there’s a moan in the background that follows right after.
Brother and brother indeed, but he’ll have to cut Rindou’s fun short. “I need help, something has come up.”
The moans stop, and Rindou’s tone is a bit firmer, filled with more urgency when he asks, “What? What is it?”
“A lost dog.” Ran says, perhaps a little more nonchalantly then he should’ve. “I need help finding a lost dog.”
“…What?”
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As of the current moment, Ran has over 50 people searching for Momo, Rindou and him included.
His brother couldn’t fathom Ran calling people out to do this, but he surprisingly didn't question Ran like he was expecting Rindou to. His men, on the other hand, seem eager to help out, be of some use and prove their worth to Ran. Though he tried telling everyone to be quiet when walking through the neighborhood, Ran wasn’t sure if everybody heeded his warning as they should have.
No matter, he’ll deal with the consequences later. For now, Ran just needs to find that dog.
Your Momo, who you obviously have grown to love despite not having him any longer then a week, was the sole purpose of Ran’s search. You must have a big heart, and therefore have an abundance of love to give. How could the dog decide that the cold streets was better to be in then your warm arms? 
Walking endlessly, checking every corner he could, Ran landed on a common playground. 
It was a very small one, with little play equipment, nothing but one lone slide and three swings, but Ran found himself wandering over to it anyways. It reminds him of the one Rindou and he used to play in, where they would pretend to be rulers of a kingdom concocted from dreams and too many tv shows. But it was one of his favorite memories with his brother, and—
From his peripherals, a fluff of brown fur and something bright yellow catches his eyes.
Ran stops in his tracks. There was no way that…
It was.
Hiding in the slide, or rather—sleeping, was Momo. Your dog who has been missing this entire day, the one he left no stone unturned for.
This entire time, the little creature had been dozing off in the slide.
Even when he picks the dog up, it only stirred for a little bit, staring at him for a few seconds to only snuggle up in Ran’s arms and head right back to sleep. No survival instincts, huh?
While walking back to your house, and after calling off the search, Ran checks for any sign of injuries. Aside from simply being dirty, Momo seemed to be fine, like he spent most of his day cozying up in that slide and napping.
You would be happy to hear that, no, ecstatic. You’d smile widely, and your eyes would twinkle and you would thank him and mean every ounce of it. Would you still be awake at this hour? 
Would your husband be home? 
Was he consoling you right now? Wiping your tears away, offering you his chest to cry on, giving you comfort in ways only a lover could? 
There’s only one car parked in front of your home, your car he’s guessing, and Ran takes it as a no, nobody was home. Nobody but you. The lights to your living room were still on as well.
Most likely, you would want to be reunited with Momo right away. Or at least, that’s what Ran tells himself as he knocks on the door. Not at all listening to the pitter patter of his heart that says he only wanted to see your happy face.
It takes only a few minutes for you to appear, wearing your pajamas as you stilled. “Ran? Wha…” Once your eyes landed on the peacefully sleeping creature in his arms, your lips tremble, and you gape. “…Momo…?” You whisper, in utter disbelief.
Unable to stop himself from smiling, Ran hands your troublesome pup to you gently, afraid of waking him up. “He was sleeping inside the slide of a playground. From what I checked, he isn’t injured.”
“But…How? Wha…?” You close and open your mouth with shock, holding Momo and peering up at him with the most beautiful eyes. It’s incredible how cute you can still look with such an incredulous face. “I thought you said—“
“I said that women shouldn’t be out alone this late at night, not men.” He smiles, and slowly, you do too. “Does this make us even for when you saved me last time?” 
Teasing, he leans in a little closer, expecting you to blush as you always do. But there must’ve been something in the air that night, because you hug him close, Momo still peacefully sleeping in your arms as you found solace in his. “Thank you, Ran.” You whispered, voice low.
Slowly, hesitantly, because he’s scared you’ll hear the pounding of his heart, Ran hugs you back. His throat felt dry and rendered speechless.
“You’re such a good boy, thank you.”
There was a time where Ran was convinced he could have escaped your hold. That there was a universe out there where he didn’t fall for you, and he saw you for what you should’ve been—his beautiful, sweet neighbor.
Somewhere in his heart, he knows that it isn’t true.
Ran Haitani was gone from the very moment he laid eyes on you.
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duskamethyst · 4 years ago
Text
broken reverie.
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a/n: he’s not wearing glasses in this one.
word count: 3.9k
genre: smut, nsfw, college AU
warnings: taboo rs, slapping, spanking, choking, face fucking, brat taming (kind of), slight degradation, creampie, age gap (nanami reaching 40)
pairing: professor!nanami x f!reader
summary: professor nanami calls you to his office to ‘talk’ about your terrible performance in his class.
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maybe you went too far.
or else you wouldn’t have ended up in his office. 
but is this the outcome you coveted? yes.
the door creaks behind you before it closes again as you sit and wait in front of the big wooden desk. you were kind of excited when he told you to come and see him at his office earlier but now you’re having a whirlwind of emotions making your stomach churn and you don’t dare to look around to face him– even though he’s going to be sitting in front of you in a moment.
his shoes clack against the floor as he strides and sits on his chair. the air in the room feels dense when the male doesn’t say anything; as if you’re not in his presence to begin with.
he looks exasperated. a long, deep breath is emitted through his nostrils as he loosens up his tie from the collar. you only gawk at him in awe as he does so, but quickly snap out when he finally shifts his gaze at you. 
“so, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he finally breaks the silence. the deep, husky tone of his voice fills your ear and you hope he doesn’t notice your thighs press against each other almost immediately.
“tell you.. what?” you mentally slap yourself. you’re clearly aware of what he’s insinuating but you’re suddenly lost for words. there’s a huge difference between seeing him in class and being alone together with him. it’s even more nerve wrecking than you imagined and oh god, is his ac broken? because it suddenly feels hot.
nanami raises a brow, evidently unamused. “i had the courtesy to make time for you when i should be having brunch now so i don’t appreciate you playing coy.” 
you gulp audibly, “i’m sorry, sir.”
“if it’s not clear to you yet, i’m talking about your grades.” he opens the drawer under his desk and pulls out a pile of paper before slamming it in front of you. you blink in surprise and flip through the pages, though you know you don’t need to see it when you already know what lies on them. there are a lot of red circles on the papers, namely yours, with huge unpleasant numbers on the corner ranging from 12% to 25%. 
then he takes out another file which you realize as your student record throughout your semester and the subjects you currently take. 
“i find it odd that you scored well for your other courses.” he skims through the pages. “you certainly didn’t cheat, i can tell.”
“no, of course not.”
“then, what’s the problem here?” his tired eyes bore into you as he waits for you to answer or come up with whatever excuse.
“well, i–” 
“you’re doing it on purpose.” he snaps.
it’s as if time comes to a stop. your cheeks heat up with humiliation and you can’t bring yourself to continue to look at him in the eyes. although you’re aware that your silence means compliance, you’re still jumbling up words in your head to deny his assumption. 
“are you going to tell me i’m wrong?” 
“yes– i-i mean–” you stammer.
“then enlighten me.” he glances at the branded watch donned on his left wrist. “we have time.”
you shake your head, “i have another class soon.”
“skip it.” he quickly retorts. “i’m sure you have no problems with that. your grades are doing well for that one, but certainly not mine.”
sweat starts to form on your palms as you look down on your thighs, purposely avoiding his eyes that hold nothing but so much intensity. you’re weighing between two options; to keep on bluffing or come clean. you don’t think that nanami would let you get off the hook if you keep on lying and you’d definitely be bombarded with more questions, yet the outcome of the latter would be so embarrassing and you don’t know if you can live it down for the rest of the semester.
you’ve fantasized about being alone with him but.. not particularly this way. 
gathering courage and taking a deep breath, you decide it’s best to just tell him the truth.
“you’re right,” you feel your ears burning, hands clammy. “i purposely failed your class.”
lifting up your head, you see the male grinning lopsidedly in his seat. maybe he’s pleased that you’re not wasting his time anymore, you’re not sure, he’s not easy to read.
“wasn’t that easy?” he folds his arms in front of his chest. “i have my own speculation but i wanna hear why you did it.”
“um,” you look down to your hands again, also half wondering what kind of bold assumption he has in mind. “i was dared by my friend.”
“wrong,” he scoffs. “and look at me while you’re talking.”
you sigh defeatedly and nervously fix your gaze. if you’ve learned one thing now, it’s that your professor doesn’t have tolerance for bullshit and he knows one when he hears one.
“i-i did it for.. attention.” 
“my attention?” he emphasizes, maintaining his stoic persona to mask his amusement of finding out that his speculation turns out to be indeed true.
you purse your lips in a thin line, nodding your head quietly. nanami remains to stare at you as he ponders in silence. you can hear your heart beating rapidly in your ears and you want to break eye contact so badly but you’re certain it wouldn’t be wise. 
“all that, just for a crumb of my attention?” he spits with a hint of venom in his voice. “are you happy with what you did?”
well, you’ve imagined him punishing you on his desk, fuck you raw or spank you with his belt until your ass turns red– not some serious interrogation.
“no, sir.” 
nanami props his elbows on the table, hands clasped under his chin to keep his head up. the air around him becomes even more threatening but it somehow manages you to feel even more aroused, making your toes curl in your shoes. you definitely need to get out soon.
“you know, if i have even one student failing my class, i could get into trouble and be questioned for my performance.” he starts. “to have you doing that for your own selfish incentive is unacceptable, don’t you think?”
“i’m sorry.” you mumble with meek.
“besides that, you might have to retake this course again for your next semester and it’ll waste your time– or..?”
you stay silent to let him continue.
“or you were intending to be in my class again so you can see me?” 
“y-yes.” you bashfully admit after one silent moment, knowing that lying will take you nowhere. “i’m sorry, sir.”
nanami chuckles, finding your naivety to be rather entertaining. never has he ever met a student like you, outwardly expressing their interest in him by failing their paper. he’s not too sure what you’re trying to get out of him but maybe he can put one and one together. it’s pretty common that younger women have an attraction to older men like him and your classmates are.. well, not exactly the best looking either. 
“are you?” he smirks cynically. “do you have any idea how many students i have to monitor? how tiring my job can be?”
“yes. it was inconsiderate of me. i’m sor–”
“show me.” nanami cuts you off and leans back on his chair. maybe he can push you a little bit, he thinks. you owe him this anyway.
you blink, perplexed. “what?”
“you kept saying sorry.” he undoes two of the buttons on his blue dress shirt and spreads his legs apart. “talk is cheap. show me.” 
you do a double take as he taps his thigh and waits for you to come over. you have the faintest idea of what he’s implying but your body freezes and your brain short-circuits as if paralyzed.
“you chose to lie again? you’re not really sorry, are you?” 
“no, no! that’s not it. i just..” 
an ongoing battle takes place in your mind– sure that this is a part of your deepest, darkest fantasy yet you’re just baffled over how quick nanami catches on to it. now that your debaucherous dream has become a vivid reality, you don’t know which is the right step to take. 
“but if not now, when?” a soft voice in your head whispers. if desire could embody a voice, you think this is it. gentle, yet seductive as if it attempts to give you a push to pluck and have a taste of the forbidden fruit. 
“how much longer do you have to touch yourself to the thoughts of your professor before you go to bed?”
“although this could be a one time thing, at least you’d know how it feels like.” 
you slowly get up from your seat and make your way towards him. nanami’s eyes trail up at you, down to the floor then back up at you; gesturing you to get on your knees.
you settle between his thick thighs and look up at him timidly through your lashes before you bring your hands to undo his belt.
“no hands.” he quickly demands. 
you lick your lips as you figure the structure of the belt and how you’re going to take it off without the aid of your hands. the taste of cold metal and leather instantly invades your palate as you feebly use your teeth to tug the front loop of his belt. your head shifts awkwardly side to side until you finally get to catch the buckle between your teeth, pulling it hard before the belt soon unfastens.
nanami only observes you indifferently from above, yet the large tent in front of you doesn’t conceal the excitement he currently possesses. 
you take a deep breath before you continue on succeeding your quest. you twist your neck as you find and tug on the fabric loop that holds the button.
“i know you’re a smart girl.” he praises as he rests his hand on top of your head while you struggle to lift up the zipper with your tongue and grasp it between your teeth. the simple praise inflates your confidence and you become more eager to complete your task so you can claim your awaiting prize.
with valiantness, you finally lock eyes with him as you pull down his zipper completely to reveal the huge bulge pressing against the fabric of his briefs and the tip slightly poking out from the top. 
“hm? you still have to take it out, no?” he smirks as he notices you gape at the outline of his cock. 
you quickly pull yourself together and lean back up to the stretchy band on his waist. he hisses when he feels your tongue purposely graze against the flushed tip before you pull down the briefs by force to reveal the one thing you’ve been desiring for so long. 
you press your thighs together as a dull ache forms in your core from the sight of his thick cock standing proudly in front of you. it’s nothing like you’ve ever imagined– it’s better and you’ve finally found it worth going through all that trouble of failing his class (and using your mouth to take off his pants).
“this is what you want, isn’t it?” he sneers, titling up your chin with his fingers, brushing your lips with his thumb and pulling the bottom lip apart so he can see a row of teeth.
“y-yes, sir.” you gulp and breathe as you wait for his next command. 
nanami’s lips tug into a conceited smirk, “suck.” 
leaning down your head to the base, you flatten your tongue underneath the shaft and slowly drag upwards in favor of reveling the veins on his hard cock. nanami lets out a sigh of content when he feels your tongue licking his tip and his hand tugs on your locks by reflex. you look at him as you wrap your lips around the tip, slobbering the tip with your saliva and his precum.
“fuck.” he curses under his breath and his head falls back when the warmth of your mouth finally engulfs his throbbing cock as you take most of the length inside your mouth.
you hollow your cheeks together, head bobbing up and down as you struggle to take more of his cock that you nearly choke whenever the tip hits the back of your throat, but the hand on top of your head grabs a fistful of your hair and he pushes your head down to sink all his length inside your mouth deeper. when you want to pull away, he only holds you in place and remains his cock down your throat. 
“through your nose.” he mutters. tears start to well in your eyes while your saliva just trickles down to his balls as he screws his eyes shut and relishes in the pleasure that washes throughout his body. “i needed this so bad, you know?” 
your whines only give him more stimulation and his hips jerk in response, “just wouldn’t think that a student– fuck– out of all people would choke on my dick.” he lets out a sardonic chuckle as if something just crossed his mind. “it’s wrong, but that’s what makes it feel so good, isn’t it?” 
nanami keeps you in the position as he ruts his hips slowly into your throat. his eyes are closed in concentration and his lips part slightly in fast and short pants. you work on your gag reflex as you let him fuck your mouth, enduring the sharp sting on your scalp when he tugs your hair harder– at least you know you’re making him feel good.
“if i cum in your mouth, you’d gladly swallow, won’t you?” 
you can feel his cock twitching when you let out a choke of assent from your throat but you splutter as soon as nanami abruptly pulls away his cock because of a sudden knock on the door that startles the both of you.
“get under the desk.” he urges and you quickly crawl to hide while he coughs and inches closer to his desk. “come in.”
you hear the door open followed by echoes of footsteps before it comes to a halt in front of his desk.
“didn’t i tell you to contact me before seeing me?” his voice is laced with irritation yet collected as he speaks. you can imagine the agitated look on his face, thinking it would be only natural for anyone to assume that he’s already having a bad day. and to them, interrupting the peak of his orgasm is most definitely not it. 
without a second thought, you take back his dick inside your mouth. a spur of triumph swells in your chest when you feel his body jolts in surprise. you think it’s only fair since he has choked you with his cock and what perfect timing to carry out your petty vengeance when the man is busy advising his student. 
however, nanami shifts on his seat to give you more access to take more length of his cock. he tries to stay composed as he feels your tongue gliding up and down his shaft but once the wet muscle prods against the slit, he emits an oddly sharp exhale. you can hear him almost stammering as he speaks and the way his tone changes to conceal the squelching sounds you elicit from underneath the table as you please his cock with zeal.
“so, i want you to fix the mistake and hmm..,” his hands ball into fists on the table as he takes a deep breath. “show me in class tomorrow.”
“sure. uh, are you okay, sir?” you hear the voice say. “you don’t look well.”
his eye twitches when your tongue wraps around his balls, taking one inside your mouth to suck harshly.
“yeah, fine.” he clears his throat. “thanks for asking.”
nanami only watches as his student turns to walk towards the door until the door closes behind him. once he’s sure that the student has left the door, he finally leans back on his chair in relief. 
“fuck.” he groans, glancing down at you as you look up at him innocently with doe eyes and your swollen lips wrapped prettily around his balls. yet, he looks dissatisfied more than anything. 
nanami grabs your arm and drags you out from under his desk until you’re on your feet, “i never took you as a fucking brat.” he lifts up your skirt and bites back a groan once he sees the damp patch on your panties. “did you touch yourself?”
you hum a ‘mhm’, feigning guiltlessness as he grazes his fingers on your inner thighs. 
“you’re just asking for me to touch you here, hm?” shivers run up your spine when his thumb ghosts over your wet slit and up to your clit.
“y-yes.” your breath hitches.
“begging for me to push your head on the table and ram my cock inside you?” he muses, pressing on your clit as he watches you squirm. “is that what you want?”
“please–” you roll your hips slightly to soothe the ache on his thumb but a hand comes down harshly on your ass, gesturing for you to stop in a fierce manner.
nanami chuckles mockingly, “well, that’s what exactly you’re not going to get.”
a whine elicits from your lips when he draws back his hands to his thighs and you glance at his dick; still throbbing and leaking precum from the florid tip. well, at least he hasn’t put it back inside his pants, so you still have a chance.
“come on. you haven’t shown me how much you’re sorry.”
with your inhibitions already flew out of the window, you stand in between his thighs, hoist the skirt to your waist and tug your panties to the side before squatting down to smear your slick on his dick. sparks of arousal swim through you as you grind your clit on the tip before you sink down, gasping as his thick cock stretches your cunt and down until you’re filled to the brim.
you glance at the male expectantly, waiting for him to move but he raises a questioning brow at you, “if you want something, work for it.”
not exactly what you sought for, but it should suffice. you begin to gyrate your hips slowly, adjusting to his size before you can pick up the pace. you fight the urge to hold onto him for leverage, in fear he wouldn’t appreciate the crumple on his expensive dress shirt later.
as you become more delirious, you start to hump his cock vigorously, whining like a bitch in heat as you feel every vein and ridges on his cock brushing deliciously against your walls. nanami lifts the hem of your shirt and brings it up to your mouth and you quickly catch it between your teeth. 
“the door isn’t locked, you know.” he muses, staring at your bouncing tits with half lidded eyes; mesmerized and thick with lust. “what’s going to happen if someone comes in and sees you bouncing on her professor’s cock like a little whore?”
a low, guttural sound rips from his throat when he feels your walls clenching around him in response.
“you’d like that, don’t you?” he smirks, tugging your bra down slightly and brushes his thumb against the erected nipple, making you mewl through the fabric in your mouth.
“you know you’re not supposed to do this but,” he brings up his thumb to caress your cheek. “you’re just so eager to please me, aren’t you?”
you sniffle in response, hands clutching on his solid thighs as you melt into his soft gaze before it’s gone in an instant.
“but i don’t like brats.” he sneers, drawing his hand away to slap your breast. “i don’t like people making my job harder. are you a brat?”
you shake your head, he slaps again.
“you act like one. stop lying.”
nanami tugs down the shirt from your mouth, a part of the fabric already drenched with your drool. his large hand circles around your throat while the other grips your hip firmly to roll your hip even faster on his dick. 
“oh– feels good–!” you moan wantonly, eyes rolling back as you let him control your body and assert his dominance over you.
“fuck it does.” he presses your throat tighter on the sides, restricting air from entering your lungs but your walls squeeze harder in retaliation. 
“bratty little bitch. clamping down on me like that.” he grits out and slaps across your face. what seems to be a rather harsh form of treatment, the pleasure filled sting and the lack of oxygen only fuel your arousal that you don’t even notice the way you hump on his cock has become more rapturous.
“getting off to this?” nanami slaps your other cheek before he lets go of his grip around your neck and you’re finally able to breathe air again. yet, he doesn’t spare you time to gather yourself before he promptly lifts up your hips and starts to pound inside your cunt relentlessly. 
the position causes you to tip to the front and you immediately hold on to him; face burying on the crook of his neck while his cologne fills your senses and sends you into a state of frenzy. 
“you like me using your tight cunt like that?” nanami grabs your ass for leverage, the angle allows him to fuck you so deep that you’re able to feel his cockhead kissing your cervix with each thrust. 
“y-yes–!” you cry, the pressure in your stomach building up as you inch closer to an orgasm.
“like it when i use you to take out my frustrations?” he spanks the meaty flesh; walls clenching tighter on his fat cock and more slick dripping down his balls. “you just want to be my little cocksleeve, don’t you?”
“yesyesyes– please–!” your body starts to tremble above him. “w-wanna cum–”
“then fucking cum.” nanami rams into your cunny faster, abusing the spongy walls until the pressure snaps and tips you over the edge. you moan breathlessly into his neck, while your pussy gushes and creams around his cock. 
“that’s a good girl,” he fucks you through your high, grunting and panting as he pushes through the pulsing walls in order to chase his high. “and good girls get rewarded, right?”
you hum in agreement, still dazed and swimming in ecstasy as you gawk at him with heavy lidded eyes; the sweat glistening his forehead and sharp eyes focusing on where your bodies join. 
“then you’re gonna get some huge load in this pretty pussy.” his pace begins to stutter, nails digging deeper into your skin before his cock twitches and his hips freeze as he paints your insides white with cum.
both exhausted bodies rest against each other, chests heaving as you and nanami take time to regain composure and come down from your highs. he lifts you up slightly to take out his spent cock and he tugs back your panties in place, not minding the cum that dribbles from your quivering hole. 
your legs tremble once you get off of him that you have to force yourself to find your footing as you fix your skirt while the older male pulls back his pants in place. 
“do your best for your next papers, no more of that bullshit.” he fastens his buttons and straightens his tie before raising his hands to brush against his sleek, light brown hair that’s mixed with a few strands of grey. “but if you have any problems, just come and see me in my office.”
nanami falls quiet for a brief second to contemplate and you straighten your back when you once again meet his icy gaze, “after hours.”
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enjoyed this piece? wanna buy me coffee? :)
duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.
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straight4joekeery · 2 years ago
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Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics
(Part five)
(TWS ⚠️: mentions homophobia and domestic violence; If you want to skip I’ll put blue dots before and after the scene. I’m sorry if there’s any other areas I missed that talk about this!)
Prev. Part one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So he dumped me! Get this! He said ‘is it that time of the month?’ Like he’s so wrong for that! I mean… he wasn’t literally wrong. But still. As a woman I feel attacked. Steve? Are you even listening?” See? Steve doesn’t lie. Very. Annoying.
“Yeah. That’s crazy.”
“What’s your problem today?”
“… nothing”
“Oh. My. God. Steve get over it. It’s been a month! Why would you even want to be friends with him? He killed Chrissy,” (OH NO SHE DIDN’T), “I think he should be behind bars,” (SHE DID), “he disappears for like a week and comes back with a brand new apartment. I don’t know Steve I think it’s kinda messed up-”
“JULIE,” The entire diner went silent. He waved and apologized to the workers before continuing a little quieter, “genuine question. Do you ever shut up?”
“I-“
“Let me finish,” she actually closed her mouth for once what a shock! “It’s not against the law for me to have a friend that I actually care for. You act like I can’t know people besides you. Plus to be honest, I’ve never even liked you. For one, you over share EVERYTHING. Yeah, sorry, news flash I could not care less about your dear dear Bradley boy and wether or not he loves you. And also I’m allowed to have opinions that differ from yours. You don’t have to argue about EVERYTHING. If I said ‘oh hey Julie look at the pretty blue sky’ you’d come up with a six page essay on how the sky isn’t BLUE.”
“You done?”
“Oh I could say more if you’d like,” he grinned. When she said nothing he went to continue his beautifully presented speech.
“Pass,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry Steve. I really am. But it’s not my fault you cannot form a sentence where the subject isn’t Eddie. You’d think you’re in love with him,” (OH REALLY??) the last words rang in his ears. He scoffed as he took the last sip of his shake. He aggressively stood up and thanked the waiter.
“Oh and thank you for paying Julie!” He smiled as he ran out the door. He jumped in the car and laughed. Laughed until he couldn’t breathe. He wondered where all this rage came from. Then he remembered that he promised himself to never yell at anyone…
• Suddenly he’s ten again. His dad had told him something stupid that Steve quite frankly didn’t agree with. He didn’t even yell at him he just said softly that he has a different opinion. But oh no. Richard wasn’t too happy about it. He yelled at Steve until he lost his voice. When he did he had to use the only other form of punishment he knew. He hit Steve. Once. Twice. Seven times. But no. That wasn’t enough. He grabbed Steve by the hair and slammed him into the wall. That’s how he got concussion number 1 (and 2,4, and 5). If you ask anyone else he knew at the time he fell of his bike (Which was believable considering that’s how he got the third one). He remembered going to school the next day and Tommy laughing at him because oh Steve, you’re so stupid. Oh. Tommy.
Now he’s back to age 14. There were two kids in his grade named Cory and Danny. They were both super nice kids. Got good grades, never did anything wrong. But one day Tommy wasn’t to fond of how close they were sitting at lunch. So as usual, he said something. Called them… the word. Now I mean sure, Steve wasn’t the nicest and called Johnathan a queer once. But that? He’d never do that. That’s way too far. He told Tommy to stop. He just pushed him away and said, “or what? Are you a little fairy too?” •
Thinking back on it so what? So what if he was gay? There’s nothing wrong with that. And yeah Julie, so what if he is in love with Eddie…Wait. Pause. What? He had to think for a hot second about that one. He thinks about Nancy and what it felt like to be in love with her. And yeah it’s a lot different actually, but not in the way he thinks. He thought about how he actually felt about Nance he loved her but no… the longer he thought about it the more he realized. He thought about Robin, and how yeah he obviously loves her too. In the same way he loved Nance.
But that’s like saying their whole relationship was a lie so no. He loved her. But… He was hyperventilating at this point. Okay well he’s obviously not gay because he hooked up with like 10 girls a month a while back. He did it in hopes for just the right girl. He hoped it ‘feel different’ with her. Different. Oh.
But he guessed that it doesn’t matter anyways, because Eddie doesn’t like Steve back. Right?
He had to stop thinking about it because he’s been sitting in the car for a while now and he can see Julie inside standing up finally. He pulls out of the parking lot and cranks down the window. Just breathing in the summer air. He makes it about half way home before he realizes that he drove Julie to the diner. Oops.
He turns on the radio. He still hasn’t changed the tape since the airport. He has to admit. This kind of music is growing on him. It’s loud he’ll give it that, but the more he listens the more he actually hears the lyrics. And they’re actually good. Like really good. He pulls up to his house and sits in the car for a bit longer. Just listening.
Once the tape is over he gets out. He unlocks the door and jumps onto the couch. He sees the copy of The Lord of the Rings that Dustin had gotten him after forcing him to watch the movies. He almost cried (but then he thought about his dads stupid words) when he got it. Mostly because it’s probably the best gift he’s ever gotten. But partly because he couldn’t read. After concussion number 13 (12? 14? He didn’t know. I wonder why he couldn’t remember!) he was never able to. The words blend together and make no sense anymore. Every time he picks up a book he gets an instant migraine. (Oh yeah because he gets those too now.) He picks it up anyway. He opens it and… yeah. “Pointless,” He sighed.
It’s the weekend for gods sake, and he just discovered the that his life was a lie (he honestly wasn’t even mad about it. He was happy. It felt like a 50 pound brick just got taken off his shoulder). He should be doing something fun. So he gets up and looks around. He could put on a movie. But then again he’s seen them all about 20 times since Eddie left. Yep he’s got nothing. He could… yeah nope absolutely nothing. He glanced towards the phone and shrugs. He dials the only number he has memorized.
“Hello?”
“Hey Vick!”
“Steve! How are you?”
“I’m good! Really good actually. Uh random question.”
“Hm?”
“Are you and Robin working today? Or just over the weekend in general?”
“I mean we are supposed to be but we can always just close up the shop. Why what’s up.”
“You guys want to go out for a drink? I’ll drive up there.”
Steve could practically here her smiling over the phone. She sighed, “I’ll go inform the wife,” she giggled.
“Thanks Vick, you’re the best.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. When will you head up here?”
“…now?”
She laughed, “yeah okay. See you in a bit!”
“Bye,” he put the phone back on the wall. He walked to his room to find a good outfit.
He put on his skinny jeans because in Eddie’s exact words, “they are very…Flattering?” He searched for a good shirt. Thankfully he expanded from his polo collection. He accidentally pushed a shirt off of its hanger and he couldn’t just leave it on the ground like a normal person because that would ruin “the image”. He picks it up and looks at it. It was a Nirvana shirt Eddie had bought him saying that, “this band will slowly ease you into metal. Grungey but surprisingly good.” He didn’t think they were to bad. He threw on the shirt for fun. It looked alright so he decided to stick with it. Plus it was actually very comfy. He went to walk out of his room when he saw it. Why did he still have it? It’s been seven years. But there it is in the corner of his room. The stupid battle vest. He thought he gave it back to Eddie. He picked it up and went to hang it up when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. I mean. He might as well. He threw on the jacket and… he looked good. Really good. He wondered why he never wore it before. He definitely pulled it off. He ran to the bathroom and grabbed the makeup bag he kept for when Robin came over (he swears it’s for Robin and Robin only). Go big or go home right? He pulled out three things: lipgloss (WHICH HE HAS NEVER USED AND IS ROBINS AND NOT HIS), mascara (WHICH HE HAS ALSO NEVER USED), and eyeliner. (Which he actually hadn’t ever used) He started with the lipgloss. Yep looks good like normal Wow Steve! He should have done this sooner. He put on the eyeliner. He had done this so many times on Robin it was practically muscle memory and… woah. It was… different to say the least. Then he put on the slightest bit of mascara on and checked himself out… for 5 minutes. He actually liked what he saw. He decided it was definitely time to go so he jumped in the car and drove up to his second home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next
EEEEEE. YOU GO STEVE. Baddie era fr (I’ll never say that again I swear. Dw it pained me too). I feel kinda bad just giving him piles of trauma. This one’s gooooodddd tho. Sorry if it’s short, it was originally supposed to be combined with the next one but I’m hoping that one will be kinda long. Am I projecting Nirvana onto him? Yes. Ofc. Nirvana is great and deserves more attention in fics. I am stressing a lot over this. I have a post up on my page that like gives updates and spoilers and stuff. So I was saying how I stopped reading my English book for this. Oops. I also don’t even have another chapter written after this so it’s gonna be a fun little weekend project! Also crazy to think I’m most likely half way done. Anyways now the stuff no one cares about. Comment or reblog if you want to be tagged. (I am not being aggressive when I capitalize this I just need people to see it.) MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR TAGS ON GUYS!! Here’s the tag list!: @asbealthgn , @queerbeansworld , @bird-with-pencils , @vecnuthy , @artiststarme , @captain-winter-wolf-aehs , @piningapple @rowendyss @steve-themom-harrington @lfaewrites @azreadytodie @thequeenrainacorn @pastel-dreamscape @importanttimemachinenerd @jehneeg @swagaliciousmarie @mightbeasleep @krazyperson @milkshakeflower @fando-random @bumblebeecuttlefishes @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369
I am going to cry I just found a much easier way to tag people. ⬇️⬇️
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kurosukii · 4 years ago
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𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡
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pairing: kuroo tetsurou x f!reader
summary: your best friend has been dying to know the guy you’ve been fooling around with since your twenty-first birthday; you wish you could tell her, but the mystery man is no other than her father.
genre: smut, age gap, best friend’s dad au
warnings: 18+. DILF KUROO. dubcon, manipulation, slight somnophilia, spanking, pussyjob, alcohol consumption, dumbification, hair pulling, virginity loss (...social construct), oral (f receiving), overstimulation, size kink, corruption kink, daddy kink, daddy issues, dirty talk, degradation, praise, unprotected sex, nipple play, creampie, cumplay, multiple orgasms, breeding kink, choking, spitting, mating press, clit spanks, begging, fingering, slight exhibitionism, finger sucking, tie kink(?? he makes you wear his tie so...)
word count: 5.2k
author’s note: for @sugawara-sweetheart’s decadence collab! thank you so much for letting me join! shoutout to @stopisa for that ✨lovely✨ dilf convo. (dilf kuroo AAAAAAAAAAAAAA) (let me know if i missed any warnings!) (MINORS DNI)
º thank you @meiansmistress and @ssrated1volleyballplayer for editing and beta reading <33
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[12:24 PM]
“come on! you have to tell me who he is!”
you grip the handle of your spoon harder than normal, hoping your best friend doesn’t see your reaction.
you open your mouth to say something, but she cuts you off with a comment that makes shame and embarrassment burn through your body.
“you guys were really loud last night! well, you were. i didn’t hear so much as a peep from your man—well aside from the occasional murmurs, which i’m pretty sure was dirty talk…” she trails off, looking lost in thought.
you squirm and wince at the wet pool between your legs. the wet pool being cum that he told you to keep warm just before he left.
she sees your discomfort and laughs at your predicament, clearly thinking it was the aftermath of a hard night of fucking—it was, but she didn’t need to know about the sticky cum that was still inside your pussy.
“he clearly fucked your brains out! at least one of us is getting dick!” she exclaims, her lips forming into a pout as she takes her finished bowl of ramen to the sink and rinses it with water.
yeah, you are getting dick—not just anyone’s dick, however, because it’s her father’s.
your stomach churns at the thought, not from disgust, but from guilt and shame. you are way past getting disgusted with what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.
not when her father never fails to make you cum at least three times in one night, not when he calls you his good girl and cockslut, and certainly not when you called him over last night because you were so pent up and you needed your daddy’s cock.
last night…
“you’re such a cockslut,” kuroo growled, his balls slapping against your ass as he delivered a hard thrust that had you creaming and moaning all over his cock. you bunched the sheets in your hands, wincing with slight discomfort when he folded your body in half while he pounded relentlessly inside you.
“you should see how dumb you look with your eyes all crossed and teary while your tits are bouncing everywhere.”
you squealed when he roughly flipped you on your stomach, large hands grabbing your hips as he entered you once more. he lifted one hand and slapped your ass in sync with his thrusts.
“so drunk on my cock now, huh? can’t live without it, hm?” kuroo taunted you, one hand squeezing your hip while the other spanked your ass until it was burning with pain. you moaned words incoherently, tongue lolling out as drool seeped from the corners of your mouth.
“daddy! more, please!” you moaned loudly, toes curling from the pleasure.
“you’re brave for calling me over, knowing that only a thin wall is separating you from my daughter’s room,” he hissed, pounding your pussy from behind.
“but i guess that doesn’t matter to you anymore as long as i fill this dirty pussy with my. hot. cum—fuck!” he ended each word with a hard thrust, cursing when your tight cunt clamped down on him.
“faster, daddy! your cock’s filling up my pussy so well—oh my god!” you screamed, partly aware that you shouldn’t scream his name, for fear that your debauchery with your best friend’s father would be revealed too soon.
kuroo indulged you, teeth bared as he pushed your back into a deeper arch, making his cock reach places he hadn’t before. you winced when his large cock teased the entrance of your cervix. it was always a trip taking him—no matter how many times he fucked you, his cock always stretched your pussy wide open.
“w-wait, it h-hurts daddy!” you whined, moving forward to escape the brutal thrusts of his hips so you could adjust your position. he growled in disapproval, tightening his grip on your hips as he roughly pulled you back on his dick.
“take my cock. i know you can do it, whore.” he hissed, moving your body back and forth on his cock like you were a fuckdoll. you moaned from both pain and pleasure as kuroo guided your hips, fingers leaving bruises on your skin.
you cried out when kuroo tugged your hair from its roots, pulling your body upright until your back met his sweaty chest. “yeah that’s a good fucking pussy. come on slut, squeeze daddy’s cock,” he whispered in your ear, teeth biting your earlobe.
“d-daddy i can’t—i’m going to cum!” you squealed, voice cracking as your body started shaking from your fast approaching orgasm.
“i’m going to cum too, baby—and don’t you fucking dare waste my cum,” he growled, wrapping his arms around your body.
you fell forward on your shaking arms, sheets bunched tightly in your fingers as moans and whimpers freely fell from your lips.
“i want it to stay inside your dirty cunt until tomorrow,” he ordered you, reaching for your arms and holding your wrists in one hand, the other slapping your already swollen ass.
you cried out when your face was smothered by the sheets, drool staining the pillow as the headboard continuously thumped against the wall. your body shook with his thrusts, breasts swaying with the movement.
“i want you to look my daughter in the eye and have a normal conversation with her—just like you always do—while you’re thinking about how slutty you are with her father’s cum inside your pussy.”
that was last night. a couple hours ago, if you were to be specific, since kuroo fucked you until you passed out on your bed. you only woke up when your best friend practically broke the door down—bed empty of him, thank god—saying that she made lunch. she looked pretty disheveled herself and she blamed it on your headboard hitting the wall all throughout the night.
you buried your face into the pillow to cover your guilty expression, groaning at the movement because your body was aching all over. she laughed and left you to your own devices, still recovering from him.
he has a crazy appetite for a man his age, to be honest. he may be an older man but he fucks like a teenage boy who recently discovered sex and became hypnotized by the pleasure of it. you lost count of how many times your best friend—his daughter—almost caught you and him fucking around in the apartment, their house, and even his car.
it wasn’t always like this though. there was a time when you only saw him as a fatherly figure and not someone who regularly uses you as a cocksleeve.
maybe it was the way he looked so good with a five-o-clock shadow, or how even with salt and pepper hair, he still acted youthfully. perhaps it was his signature cocky grin that lured your younger and more impressionable self towards him.
in truth, it was your daddy issues that led you to him.
you met your best friend the summer after high school. you bonded quickly over your common interests and quickly learned that it was just her and her dad. she confided in you and told you how lonely he was and she hoped that he would meet a nice and loving woman to take care of him. you comforted her and reassured her that he would meet that woman. if you only knew.
you couldn’t help but admit to yourself how envious you were of her and her father’s relationship, seeing as the one with your own was non-existent. you couldn’t wait to meet him, hoping that he would treat you as his second daughter since your best friend was basically your sister.
she failed to tell you—because why would she?—that her father is an attractive and charming specimen of a man his age. his eyes would crinkle at the sides when he laughed and his feline eyes would always look at you with warmth and tenderness.
you sigh as you put your chin on your fist, the sounds of dishwashing and humming filling your ears as you play the events that eventually led to your risky love affair with her dad.
you really feel ashamed, but it wasn’t your fault that her dad is so good to you. from the moment you met him, he made you feel so loved and appreciated. it was obviously innocent and familial at first, until it turned to something darker, more carnal.
his glances gradually became lingering and he started giving you sly winks that left you burning with desire. you tried so hard to fight it too, but you were too weak against his sweet talk and honey voice.
it was a year or two later that he finally made a move on you.
you figured that with a job that caused him to be in constant public eye, he would avoid fooling around with girls that were decades younger than him, but even with the heavy implications of a scandal, it still didn’t stop him from devouring you.
it all started one night when he invited you guys over, claiming that he missed the both of you. your best friend told you to go first because she was going to be out for her tutoring session. you internally shivered at the thought of being alone with him, not knowing what was going to happen once you were confined in a small space.
the sexual tension was so thick when you arrived and next thing you knew, you had your back on the dining table, legs spread in the air, with his mouth sucking and slurping on your pussy. you came with a scream of his name, cumming so hard for the first time in your life that your body ended up convulsing.
he had laughed at how blissed out you looked. “you taste even better than what i imagined, baby. thanks for the meal,” he purred, winking at you and leaving you to process what happened, hand wiping off the juices from his face as he went back to cooking dinner.
his daughter finally showed up and your face burned the entire time, unable to look her in the eye because not only did her father make you cum minutes prior, but he also was a tease and had his fingers inside your panties while talking to her, fingers slowly tracing circles on your clit.
the topic of conversation was your living situation. he was never happy about how the two of you wanted to live alone together because he insisted that it was better if you guys lived with him. at first you thought it was him being overprotective, but you came to understand it was because he wanted easy access to you.
he ended up fucking your throat that night out of sheer frustration, punishing you for being a bad girl and wanting to be away from your daddy.
you partly hoped it was a one time thing, but you were proven wrong when you had a movie night and your best friend dozed off on the long couch housing the three of you.
kuroo was under your blanket and between your legs in an instant. your shorts hung off of one ankle while he pushed your panties to the side.
“daddy! we shouldn’t be doing this—fuck!” you moaned as his lips sucked your clit into his mouth, tongue lapping up your slick.
“guess you just have to be quiet then, kitten,” he teased you. you arched your back and bit your lip to muffle your scream when he inserted a finger in your dripping cunt while his lips played with your clit.
you had no idea how your best friend didn’t wake up to the sounds of your muffled moans and whimpers, but that thought went away when you started riding her father’s face and cumming all over his mouth.
you became needier after that, eventually losing the hesitancy of being pleasured by him. instead, you anticipated the times when he would make you cum.
the deal was sealed on the night of your twenty-first birthday.
night of your birthday…
“hey girl, the postman came and said this was for you!” your friend slurred, clearly having had too much to drink for just a small and intimate celebration for your twenty-first.
you’d been buzzing the whole day, both from the alcohol and anticipation of what was going to happen later. you woke up to numerous happy birthday texts until you came across the one you’ve been so excited to see. your cunt gushed when you saw your daddy’s text, letting out a little moan at what he said.
happy twenty-first, kitten. you better be wearing my gift when i come over because i’m going to fuck your little pussy tonight.
you sucked in a breath as your face flushed. you held the smooth black nondescript box that was elegantly wrapped with a crimson satin ribbon. you had a pretty solid guess of what was inside and your best friend had as well, because she wiggled her eyebrows and teased you. you sighed, like father, like daughter.
how you were still able to look her in the eye after everything you’ve done and what you’re going to do with her dad is beyond you. his mouth, tongue, fingers—soon to be his cock—truly hypnotized and consumed your conscience and only left neediness in its wake.
you ducked your head to hide the embarrassment on your face while the rest of your friends that came over jeered and whistled as you walked towards your room to leave the box on your bed for safekeeping.
you left it sitting in the center of the bed and went back to the living room to enjoy, skin tingling the whole time in anticipation for your daddy...
you closed the door after saying goodbye to the last group of people and turned to your best friend. “thank you for the lovely little get together,” you thanked her shyly.
“you’re welcome, darling, but i’m sure the main event is just about to happen. tone it down a little, yeah?” she smirked at you, eyes glinting with mischief as she giggled on the way to her room.
you sighed, the guilt that was momentarily forgotten reared its head once more when you were finally alone in your room. it went away again when you studied the gift kuroo gave, nimble fingers leaving light touches on the box settled on your lap as you untied the ribbon.
you rummaged through the white crepe paper until you saw pieces of red lace that were as red as the ribbon that tied the box. he always loved the color, so it wasn’t a surprise that the lingerie he gifted you was of the same shade. your fingers shook when you took them out in front of you. these can barely cover anything, you gulped.
you caught a tinge of gold in the corner of your eye and saw that there was a white card peeking out amongst the paper. the card was lined with gold embellishments and there was a short message printed in red.
kitten, wear these for me. - k.t.
and who are you to not follow daddy’s orders?
you placed the garments at your side and set the box on the floor. you began to undress, removing your cotton bra and panties which you threw on the floor, somehow landing inside the open box.
your naked body was exposed to the cool air and you shivered, head buzzing and eyes slightly drooping from the alcohol you consumed. you took the lace with delicate fingers and gasped upon inspection of the panties.
you were taken aback by the design because not only did it lack enough cloth to cover your entire lower region, but they were crotchless. your mouth dried at the obscenity, hazy mind playing images of kuroo rutting into you without having to remove anything.
that was most likely his intention after all. you slowly stood up from the bed and softly moaned at the slickness between your thighs, pussy clearly excited and aching for his dick. you slipped your legs through them and grabbed the matching bra. you moaned when you clipped it on, nipples hardening when the lacy pattern rubbed against them.
you might as well be wearing nothing with the way you barely felt the fabric against your sensitive skin. you yawned as you laid on your back, the numerous glasses of wine you drank finally caught up with you.
you tried to fight it, you really did. but you were fighting a losing battle with your eyes and besides, you were only going to close them for a bit. you’d wake up before your daddy comes over, right?
you ended up dozing off. you woke up with a moan, alcohol already flushed out of your body. you slightly squirmed as you felt something wet on your tits and a moving pressure in your pussy. you slowly opened your eyes and found a large body looming over you.
“do you know how long i’ve been waiting to fuck you?” kuroo asked, lips pulling away from your clothed nipple with a pop when he realized that you were finally awake.
“three fucking years. yet you had the audacity to be asleep when i arrived? i’m going to wreck your slutty pussy, whore,” he growled as he scissored his long fingers inside your pussy faster. you cried out in pleasure, hands reaching for his wrist as you tried to slow his movements.
“d-daddy, i’m sorry!” you cried as you arched your back. he just grunted and removed his wet fingers from your cunt. you whimpered at the loss because his fingers always felt so good when they moved inside of you. he stared you down instead, large hands loosening his red tie—you noticed that it matched the lingerie you were wearing—and promptly removed it.
he bit his lip as he reached down and made you wear it instead, cock twitching in his pants as he reveled at the sight of you wearing his gift, and in his favorite color no less. he unbuttoned his white dress shirt, muscles rippling from the movement.
even though he didn’t play volleyball all that much anymore, he still maintained his toned body. if it weren’t for his salt and pepper hair, you wouldn’t think he was decades older than you. not that it mattered, anyway.
“you look so sexy in red, kitten,” he whispered, the sound of his belt unbuckling mixing with your heavy breathing. you gulped when you saw that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, eyes widening at the sheer size of him. he stepped out of his pants and smirked when he saw your reaction.
“fuck, your pussy is so pretty. can’t believe i waited this long to fuck it,” he hissed as he spread your legs, your crotchless panties baring your pussy to his eyes, making them twitch under his scrutiny.
he groaned as he rubbed his hard cock on your slit between your folds. you moaned at the stimulation, thankful that he didn’t thrust inside immediately because that would’ve been more painful than pleasurable.
“i was e-eighteen when we first met, y-you could’ve fucked me—oh that feels good—any t-time you wanted to, why didn’t you?” you stuttered as you shivered from the pleasure his slick cock was giving you.
you planted your feet flat on the bed as you took hold of his cock and humped it with fervor, moaning at the slick sounds it made with your lower lips.
kuroo hissed at the increase in stimulation, warm hands grabbing the back of your thighs and folding your legs toward your chest as he thrusted faster between your folds. you moaned louder as you let go of his throbbing cock to bunch the sheets in your fingers.
“you know what they say, good things come to those who wait,” he grunted, hips thrusting faster, making your pussy wetter and slicker.
“besides, you were still a shy and innocent girl back then—until i corrupted you, obviously,” he teased you as he moved one hand to your mouth, inserting his fingers between your lips. you moaned as you sucked, slightly tasting yourself on his fingers.
“i don’t think you could’ve handled this big...fat...cock,” he grunted as he clenched his jaw from the pleasure.
“but now? now you’re my little whore who’s about to know what it feels like to get fucked by a man,” he growled, separating himself from your body. you whimpered, arms reaching out for him but he held your wrists in one hand and placed them above your head.
“you’re already dumb when i fuck you with my mouth and fingers...they’re nothing compared to my dick,” he said frankly, fingertips lightly teasing your puffy clit, aching from the lack of release from the continuous stimulation of his cock. he let go of your wrists and moved his hand to your thigh, fingers circling your skin.
“i-i don’t think your cock will f-fit daddy,” you said in a small voice, staring at his twitching cock.
“nonsense baby, i trained you to deepthroat me, remember?” he reminded you, memories of all the times you sucked his cock filling both your minds.
“i’m going to train this pussy as well. you’ll be begging me to never leave your cunt after i’m done with you,” he declared, positioning himself between your legs again.
“now hump my cock again, kitten. faster this time,” he ordered you, fitting his cock between your lower lips once more.
“yeah just like that—fuck,” he groaned when you ground your clit with more force on his shaft. you cried out at the movement, pussy gushing out more of your juices.
“you like that, hm? like how you’re making my cock wet with your slick?” he taunted you, fingers squeezing the skin of your thigh as he rutted his hips faster.
“can’t wait for me to—shit—bottom out in that tight cunt?” he growled, basking in the heat emanating from your pussy.
you moaned loudly, hips rolling as the knot in your lower stomach threatened to burst. your breasts were freely swaying with each movement your hips made. you threw your head back as your mouth fell open, uncaring of the volume of your cries and whimpers.
“i’m cumming, daddy!” you screamed, pussy clenching around nothing as you drenched your daddy’s cock with your cum. kuroo followed suit, groaning loudly when he released his cum all over your stomach, staining the front of your barely-there panties.
“such a dumb cockslut, you came by just humping my cock?” he teased you. your face warmed in embarrassment, hiding your face in the pillows. kuroo chuckled, honey eyes glinting in mischief. well, he came by just humping your pussy, so he was one to talk.
he spread your lower lips, puffy clit exposed to the air. you shivered at the chill but quickly yelped when he spanked your clit a few times.
“d-daddy!” you exclaimed but he just laughed at you. “just wanted to slap your clit, baby,” he chuckled, hand slapping it once more.
you tried to squirm away from his spanks but he held you in place. he held his throbbing cock with one hand and guided it back to your clenching hole. he rubbed the tip against your sensitive clit before inserting his cock in your pussy.
“t-too big daddy!” you cried out, tears forming in your eyes as his cockhead went past your tight muscle.
“shh baby, i know you can do it. you can take my cock, yeah that’s a good girl,” he cooed, palm flat against your stomach with his thumb rubbing the skin. you sucked in a breath as he slowly slipped his cock inside your virgin pussy inch by inch.
“i’m gonna fuck you so good with my fat cock that you won’t even care if my daughter catches us,” he growled when he bottomed out. you whimpered at the force of his sudden thrust and the implication of what he said. he only let you adjust to his large cock for a few moments before he started thrusting lazily.
“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he taunted you as his thrusts increased in speed and strength. you moaned louder, body shaking with the thrusting of his hips.
“n-no s-stop! she’s going to hear you!” you begged, voice cracking when he folded your body in half. he began pounding ruthlessly into your pussy, the slick sounds of skin meeting skin filling the air and making you lightheaded from the pleasure.
“so? i dare you to scream my name, slut. watch her bust that door down,” he mocked you, hands pushing your knees further up your chest. you whimpered at the stretch, the sounds of the headboard thumping against the shared wall only served to make you clench around your daddy’s cock.
“fuck—how do you think her face would look when she sees you taking my cock like a good little bitch?” he growled when he felt you squeeze his cock. he grunted as he thrusted faster, balls slapping against your ass.
“yeah just like that, you want me to cum inside you? fill this slutty pussy to the brim? fuck my cum so deep into your pussy that you’ll get pregnant?” kuroo groaned, throwing his head back as he felt his abdomen tighten, the signal that his orgasm was fast approaching.
you held your bouncing tits in your hands, his silk tie only adding to your pleasure as it rubbed against your sensitive skin. “n-no please!” you pleaded, tears falling from your eyes.
“you’re on the pill, aren’t you?” he asked, jaw clenching because he was stopping himself from cumming immediately. he wanted to spill all of his load in one go, after all.
“y-yes daddy b-but—!” you squealed, stinging pain blooming in your chest when kuroo pinched your nipple.
“then take my fucking cum, whore,” he demanded, cock throbbing because he was so ready to spill all of his hot cum.
“n-no daddy! please don’t cum inside me!” you screamed, eyes rolling to the back of your head and tongue lolling out as his cock hit your g-spot.
“shut up and take it,” he growled, hands squeezing your waist as his thrusts grew erratic.
he groaned loudly when he saw your fucked out face, thrusting so deep that his cock teased the entrance of your cervix. his hot cum spurting out of his cock as he filled your pussy.
“daddy you’re cumming so much—oh my god!” you screamed as you came with him, legs shaking from the intense fucking.
“your cum’s filling up my pussy, fuck and it feels so hot too!” you cried out, throat raw from the sounds that came out of your mouth ever since he came inside your room.
kuroo removed his hands from your waist—one hand snaking around your neck, applying slight pressure to the sides as he rode your pussy to prolong his orgasm.
his other hand moved to straighten your leg, rubbing your outer thigh while he cooed at you. “you like my cum, baby?” he asked softly, hips slowly rocking back and forth. you whimpered, your overstimulated pussy aching from his never-ending thrusts.
his movements caused his cum to overflow and seep out the sides of his cock. the mixed fluids fell out of your pussy, sliding down your ass and drenching the sheets beneath you.
“don’t be shy, baby. you can tell daddy if you like his cum,” he encouraged you, leaning down to kiss you languidly on the lips.
“i-i love your cum daddy,” you tell him in between kisses.
“that’s my good girl. happy birthday, my sweet kitten.”
you open your eyes when your best friend throws the damp towel to your face. “quit daydreaming about him! you were moaning ‘daddy! daddy!’ like he was actually fucking you!” she yells while crossing her arms across her chest.
you duck your head in shame. great, now i’m even messier and wetter down there, you grumble. you wince when you hear the squelching sound—dear god i hope she didn’t hear it—as you shift to face her properly while she walks over to you.
“so! tell me more about him, what’s his name?” she asks animatedly, chin resting on her fists as she sits beside you on the island. you swallow thickly, a lump suddenly weighing down in your throat. you inhale a deep breath before coming up with a half-assed lie on the spot.
“he’s a shy and private guy...i’m not telling you his name yet because...i really want you to meet him in person, you know...?” you already know him—you’re related to him! you scream in your head.
your palms feel sweaty as your nerves are on the verge of frying themselves. you bite your lip while you rub your thighs together, wincing immediately as you feel her dad’s cum drench your panties and shorts further.
“well, judging by your reaction right now and the sounds last night, he’s not really the shy type when it comes to bedroom activities,” your best friend pouts at your secrecy and then smirks, eyebrows wiggling.
your face burns in embarrassment and guilt, if only she knew she was talking about her dad.
“anyway, i’m going to the library right now, i’m so done with this paper,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“take care and have fun laz—dad! what’s up? what brings you here?” she squeals in delight when she sees him and jumps into her father’s arms while he kisses the top of her head.
your pussy quivers at the sight of your daddy, and when his eyes land on you, he winks deviously then places his daughter back on the floor.
“can’t i visit my favorite girls on my day off?” he says to her while looking at you. your best friend is clearly oblivious to the desire that was swimming in her father’s sharp eyes.
“well, i’m going to the library to finish my paper. you guys can hang out in the meantime, but don’t watch our show without me!” she says as she walks out the door and ends her sentence with a click.
kuroo locks the door and turns to you, eyes glinting like a predator. he picks your body up and sits on the chair, settling you on his lap and wrapping his long arms around your middle. his large hand cups your cheek and he kisses you, earning a moan from your mouth when his tongue massages yours.
you kiss for a while and then he pulls away from your lips. he grabs your chin firmly, fingers squeezing your cheek open as he spits inside your mouth. you moan while swallowing his spit, hands reaching for his stubbled face before kissing each other sloppily once more.
“you keeping my cum warm for me, kitten?” he asks, lips separating from yours to leave kisses and nips on your jaw. you moan and squirm on his lap as his other hand sneaks inside the waistband of your shorts and inserts two thick fingers in your messy and dripping cunt.
“such a good girl for daddy. you kept his promise,” he growls lowly, biting the skin of your neck and leaving a mark which he soothes with his warm tongue.
“i think my kitten deserves a reward, hm? would you like that?” he asks you, fingers curling inside your tight walls.
“y-yes daddy!” you whimper, grinding your hips on his lap. he smirks and removes his fingers from your cunt and stands up from the chair. you whine at the loss of stimulation and he shushes you with his finger—the one he had inside of you seconds ago.
“let’s go to your room, shall we? daddy missed his favorite girl.”
[1:14 PM]
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voiceless-terror · 4 years ago
Text
Jon wears a leather jacket to work. No one is immune.
Jon’s running late.
He doesn’t often run late. Ever since he got the promotion, he’s been working overtime- coming in early, staying late, sometimes not leaving at all. He had a mess on his hands, and its one he intends to fix.
So while it’s been some time since he’s seen Rosie at the front desk, it isn’t enough for her to do a double take. But that she does, her usually stoic face going red and her eyes widening in what looks like shock. That’s a bit dramatic.
“O-Oh!” She’s stuttering. Rosie never stutters. “G-Good morning, Jon. You look- you’re looking very nice today!” 
That can’t be true. He slept through his alarm, something he hasn’t done in ages. He didn’t have time to comb his hair and decided to leave it in the messy bun from yesterday- at least it’s out of his way. He skipped shaving altogether and couldn’t find his usual cardigan, instead resorting to an old, beat up leather jacket from college. It’s seen better days, and it reeks of guilty cigarettes snuck in his most desperate hours. The picture of professionalism he is not.
“Um, okay,” is the only response he can think of giving, scurrying past her desk and down to the basement. He doesn’t have time to parse that interaction out, not when his assistants are probably already gathered round, gossiping about his absence. Sure enough Tim’s sitting on Sasha’s desk, smirking and whispering something as he walks through the door, keeping his head down with a grumbled “Good morning.”
The chatter instantly stops. He hazards a glance to find Tim and Sasha, open-mouthed and staring in what can only be horror or fear. He was never any good at reading people. 
“Good Lord,” Tim whispers, borrowing a phrase from Jon’s book. It sounds odd coming from his mouth, and even stranger in that soft tone. Tim’s deafening on a good day, and Jon’s never seen his golden skin turn quite so red. 
“Good morning, Jon,” Sasha’s smirking, her voice turning velvety and smooth. He’s heard her use that tone in bars when she wants another round for the table. Never in the Archives. And never once has it been aimed at him. Jon bristles.
“What is going on?” he asks impatiently, running a hand through messy hair. He could swear Tim gulps. “Do I have something on my-”
He’s interrupted by a loud, high-pitched squeal, followed by the shattering sound of two mugs full of hot tea hitting the tile. He jumps back to avoid the mess, scowling at the man in front of him. Martin looks like he’s having a coronary; Jon wasn’t aware faces could turn that red. And he, too, is staring. 
“I’m late, I don’t have time for this,” he says, side-stepping the spreading puddle and throwing a scowl at Martin’s gaping face. “Clean this up.” He walks away to sputtered apologies and a snicker from Sasha. What’s gotten into them today?
He shuts the door with a decisive click, should anyone think of bothering him.
_________
And not an hour later, someone does.
He answers Martin’s tentative knock with a curt “Come in.” Martin’s looking at his feet as he shuffles in with a cup of tea, his face only slightly less red. He stands as far away as possible when he deposits it on his desk, refusing to meet Jon’s eyes and likely not seeing his nod of thanks. But instead of leaving, he just stands there.
“Do you need something?” Martin jumps at his voice, raising his eyes minutely before lowering them again. What in the world…?
“Y-Your jacket.” He flushes again and Jon’s starting to think he should really see a doctor about that. “You’re still wearing it.”
He is. He hadn’t given it much thought; it’s cold down in the Archives, and sometimes he’ll go all day with a jacket or cardigan over his shoulders. Still, Martin’s right- it doesn’t look very professional. He starts to shrug out of it when Martin throws his hands out in front of him, like Jon’s about to cut the wrong wire on a bomb.
“N-No!” His voice comes out high and strangled. It’s very irritating. “Don’t!”
“What on earth is going on with you-”
“It’s just- you shouldn’t! Not if you’re cold.” Martin gives him a weak smile that Jon doesn’t return. “Wouldn’t want you to get s-sick or something!” 
Jon stares. “Please leave.”
“O-Okay.” Martin backs out of the room. Jon keeps the jacket on.
It is cold.
_______
Thirty minutes later, Sasha comes in with a file he doesn’t need. She lingers with some inane chatter which is very much unlike her, and her phone’s positioned awkwardly in front of her. If Jon didn’t know any better, he’d think she was taking a photo.
The last straw comes when Tim leans in the doorway, a leer on his face. That always means trouble.
“Come to drop off an unnecessary document?” he snarks, slamming a book closed. He’s tired of this game they’re playing. “Maybe finish whatever strange prank you’ve got planned? You know I don’t have time for-”
“Boss.” Tim’s face goes serious, an alarming sign for him. “I have to tell you something. And I promise I’m not making fun of you or anything. I know where your mind goes.”
Jon rolls his eyes at the dramatics. “If you insist-”
“Jon.” Tim comes closer and Jon subconsciously shifts back in his chair. “Objectively, this is the hottest you’ve ever looked.”
What?
Tim raises a finger. “Don’t give me that. I mean, did you look in the mirror today?”
Well, that’s a bit uncalled for. Jon knows he looks a bit scruffy, but this teasing has got to stop. He’s starting to feel a bit insulted. “Tim-”
“You look good. You look dangerous.”
“That’s not a compliment-!”
“Like you ride a motorcycle,” Tim continues, inching closer. His eyes are staring intently into Jon’s, but it seems like he’s lost in his own little world. “Or maybe you’re in a gang, or an underground syndicate. You’ve got a rough past but really, a heart of gold.” Perhaps Tim’s drunk. Or on drugs. He could be on drugs. It’s the only thing that would explain whatever the hell...this is.
“I meet you at a bar,” Tim’s sat down now, right in front of Jon’s desk. Instead of throwing his legs over the side of the chair he leans forward on his knees, still with that disconcerting eye contact. “You’ve stepped out for a smoke.” Oh God, can he smell it? “I’ve had a few too many. You say ‘Got a light?’ in a dark, husky voice.”
“Husky?”
“I nod, flicking my lighter on and raising the flame to your cigarette. You look me directly in the eyes as you inhale-” At this Tim does his own little breathy intake, a finger to his lips as if he’s putting on a one-man show. And Jon- well, Jon’s not immune.
Tim sighs, leaning back in his seat and letting his hands fall back into his lap. “And the rest? Is history.” He takes a moment to recover, blinking slowly. Jon stares.
“What I mean to say is-” Suddenly Tim’s back again, as if the previous minute had never happened. “-do you want to get a drink later?”
What the fuck?
Jon opens his mouth but then pauses, considers. It’s been a week. He’s tired, at the end of his rope. And maybe-
Maybe he misses Tim. Just a little. They did used to have fun, sometimes. Before all of this. Back when they were friends.
“Okay.”
Tim blinks. “What?”
“I’ll come,” Jon agrees, though the rational part of him wants to take it back. But Tim’s in front of him-ridiculous, charming, idiotic Tim- and how can he resist? “But I don’t smoke anymore, so I’m afraid I can’t quite live up to your fantasies.” Tim barks out a laugh and Jon finds himself smiling back, his face growing warm. 
Perhaps he should wear this thing more often.
ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491015
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