#can’t put more ugh
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my early teenage-hood crushes:
my current crushes:
#iris!!🗣️#lesbian#lgbtq#pls yall do this i wanna seeee#can’t put more ugh#it’s a whole roster but what can i say? i’m a fella with a big heart#kehlani#ruby rose#rihanna#nxdia#chappell roan#billie eilish#oatmilklady#naomi mcpherson#katy o'brian#+#halle berry#nayia the bear#abby anderson#king princess#brigette lundy paine
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actually fuckedup so bad today i cant believe it
#Shaking and trembling and covered in blood: w-well live and learn i guess right? Can’t change the past right? Onward and upward right????#Technically wasn’t even that bad i just ate more cookies than i meant to but i was just doing so WELL and then today i ate x cals#Of my favorite sweets and I couldn’t stop myself I couldn’t put them down and im so angry ive had so much self control this whole time#I’m still gonna keep under my cal max today I’ll just have salad for dinner and black coffee but fuck man. Shit#I just kept going and got upset so i ate more to quench the feeling of being upset and Ive been stifling that urge so well#i know r3str1cting isnt healthy either but i almost forgot how scary b1nging rlly feels sometimes that was the first rlly Bad one#That wasn’t caused bc i was hungry from r3str1cting intensely but simply because i wanted sugar and couldn’t say no. And its shaken me#Ugh
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Some f1 fans cannot handle being reminded that this is a competitive sport, not daycare. Sometimes people have to do things that will hurt a driver’s feelings, seem unfair, or piss off other competitors when there’s points and millions of dollars on the line. You can still be disappointed and upset without acting like the decision made on objectively sound sporting reasons requires a trip to the hague. If you cannot handle that this sport is not actually hair braiding and gentle parenting when push comes to shove, you might enjoy another hobby better.
#some of these takes just have me rolling my eyes#i may dislike mclaren for some general things that went down with daniel#but daniel did not perform and they were 100% right to drop him and there is no world in which they were wrong in making that choice#sucks that nyck didnt get a full season but he ran his mouth about not wanting to be treated like a rookie and got rightfully dropped#when drivers do things that seem scummy but are legal … you can be like ‘ugh i hate that’ without saying they deserve a penalty for it#it’s very sad for logan that he can’t drive because of alex’s mistakes#but also. he’s not out for this weekend just because of alex’s mistakes#he’s not driving because he put out a season and two races worth of performances#showing why they shouldn’t trust him more than the man who crashed. and that is on logan#williams is 100% right for putting alex in there. it sucks for logan for SURE and i feel bad for him#but they’re right#no one says you cant be UPSET with the decision but you cannot pretend its wrong#*
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I want to talk about Phantom!Papyrus.
Not Dust’s hallucination, no. I’m talking fanon Phantom, Papyrus’ actual ghost, and what a genuinely cool character concept that is.
Imagine that you are Papyrus. You’re outgoing and outwardly confident. You’re a pacifist. You’re lonely, with only two real, close friends - your mentor Undyne, and your brother Sans. You would trust either of them with your life.
And then Sans kills you.
The circumstances of this vary depending on level of canonicity and personal headcanons. I generally imagine that Sans waits until he has a pretty high LV before attacking Papyrus, so the fight is over relatively quickly (not because Papyrus is weak, but because at this point Sans does so much damage per attack that it doesn’t take too many hits to win, and I don’t think Papyrus would fight back - not violently enough to survive, anyway.)
Papyrus dies… and comes back.
How does this happen? Again, up to personal headcanon. For this post, I’ll say he becomes a ghost due to the violent circumstances of his death, and follows Sans because his dust is on the scarf Sans carries.
At first, Papyrus would be horrified. He’d be furious with his brother, and heartbroken too - this person he loved and trusted just murdered him! Maybe there would even be a moment of him wanting revenge, wanting Sans to pay for what he did.
But regardless of his actions, Sans is still Papyrus’ brother, which means Dust is too. And this is where things get interesting.
As Papyrus watches, Dust makes his way through the Underground, killing indiscriminately. If this is really Papyrus’ ghost, he’d be horrified by what’s happening. He’d beg Dust to stop, try everything he could to end the violence.
It wouldn’t work. How could it? Dust has already gone too far. He killed his brother for this, he’s not stopping now. But after leaving Snowdin, he enters the domain of the Underground’s most dangerous fighters. Papyrus is left to watch in terror as his brother faces Undyne, captain of the royal guard and Papyrus’ best friend.
He has a decision to make. As a ghost, he can’t attack. He can’t get in between them, and he can’t make himself visible to Undyne. The most he can do is talk to Dust, argue and beg for him to stop fighting. So that is what he does - Papyrus takes every chance he can to fly in Dust’s line of sight, yell at him, distract him. And it works.
As the fight goes on, Dust becomes more and more distracted by his brother’s ghost. His magic attacks miss. He doesn’t dodge in time. For a moment, Papyrus is relieved - until he realizes that Undyne isn’t letting up. The moment Dust goes on the defensive, Undyne presses forward, unleashing attack after attack until Papyrus realizes she isn’t just going to capture his brother.
She intends to kill him.
Undyne steps forward. Dust falls back. Undyne readies her spear. Papyrus looks at his brother and beneath the hood he sees an icy terror wash over his face, a sense of defeat, desperation, and despair.
(What is worth more? His brother’s life? Or his ideals?)
Papyrus flies over. Years of training flash through his mind as he whispers into his brother’s hood. “As she raises her spear, send one bone attack into her side, and a second from above. She won’t be able to block both attacks.”
Dust attacks. Undyne staggers. Papyrus watches his brother kill his best friend.
At this point they’re both guilty. Papyrus refuses to aid Dust in attacking innocents, but if he ever seems about to lose a combat, Papyrus is there to point out weaknesses, tricks and attacks that Dust could never have seen on his own. At the end, when the human is gone, Papyrus is left to haunt his brother, watching the world around him slowly decay as he too deteriorates. What could he have find differently? How could he have stopped this?
There is no answer that could satisfy that phantom. He is bound to what remains of his brother, but he has never been more alone.
#I was planning to chat about Phantom and the bad sanses#but that’s a post for another day#yes I will put Handplates references in every Dusttale post and you can’t stop me#i know phantom is canonically a hallucination#and I love that too!! I really do#I just also like the idea of phantom being an actual ghost#ugh it’s not as in character as I wanted it to be but it’s sufficient I think#maybe I’ll do more with this concept#phantom papyrus#dusttale papyrus#dusttale#dust sans#utmv#utmv headcanons#madbard rambles#madbard writes
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how do i know if my chosen name is the right name :(
#this feels like such a dumbass question but genuinely i just. i really don’t know#i’ve never really felt comfy with my given name and it never really fully felt like me#but now that i’ve chosen a preferred name i like sm better i���m still nervous#how is it supposed to feel when someone uses your name??#i can’t tell if it feels a little weird just bc it’s a New Ne for the first time in 23 yrs#*new name#or if it feels weird bc it’s not right#but also#i’m planning on coming out to a lot of family during my thanksgiving break#and i feel like if im gonna do that i have to have my preferred name set in stone#:(( ugh idk#i’m prob just putting too much pressure on myself#i know that technically i can always change it and it’s normal and not bad to change your mind about stuff like this#but like. it’s gonna make it So Much more of a pain in the ass if i have to get everyone used to one name just to change it again#and i feel like other people would just find it dumb and frustrating tbh 😭#but like Bro that’s my name!!! ideally this is what i’ll live with for the rest of my life!!!! that’s so much pressure AGH#anyway ugh sorry this is such a dumb vent but i’m sooooo. how do u say. confused and scared#silas speaks#ftm trans#transmasc#transblr#transgender#trans community#preferred name#chosen name#milo mumbles
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huh, I posted a response to an ask about interpreting the goat eating Mithrun’s desires as SA and I can’t find it now, I guess it got taken down :/
#prob bc I didn’t censor certain words#I didn’t want to censor them in case anyone had them flagged as tws#I properly tagged it and put a cw and read more#but tumblrs tag muting system is crap anyway and still makes it known what post is there so ugh#it just sucks bc like…. that topic can’t be erased#victims deserve to connect with characters on that level#also I worked hard on it 😞#but I understand why those words would set of flags in the system
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I wonder how Halsin would enjoy the ocean / beach
As someone on the coast, I spend more time on the ocean or at the beach than I do in the woods, and not that I don’t enjoy a hike- but the water is my preference, and I wonder how Halsin would fit in
I mean he is a *druid*, he loves nature, but what about watching the stars on the beach at night, hoping to catch the meteor shower? Would he enjoy sailing? Looking for sea glass? Would he join you and snorkel on a warm day? (Okay, now I’m giggling picturing Halsin snorkeling, seems out of his world/element)
I like to think that he’d actually love how you smell of salt and the ocean after spending an early morning looking for seashells or collecting sea water for watercolors, commenting something far too poetic and romantic about it when you think you probably reek of seaweed.
One of those he-watches-her-when-she-isn’t-looking scenes, perched on a rock at the edge of the beach, watching you just standing in front of the ocean, waves dancing at your feet, the sun setting in front of you leaving the most beautiful silhouette in his eyes. (Even better if he hasn’t confessed his feelings to you yet, or hasn’t been able to admit to himself how infatuated he is with you until this moment. UGH)
Even if you aren’t a Druid yourself, he loves seeing how much you love the ocean and how much it seems to love you back.
I think there are so many ways these experiences or interactions could go- I’d love to hear other ideas and interpretations.
#I keep trying to write more about this#but I get too giggly and can’t put together one full coherent story#UGH#but please feel free to use as inspo#please tag me if you write about this#I love halsin#imagine taking his hair out of the half-bun and watching his hair get all salty in the wind#the water would be at his waist and at your shoulders because he’s so huge#I love him#daddy halsin#halsin fluff#halsin inspo#halsin headcanons#halsin bg3#bg3
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the lack of respect for the httyd books pisses me off ugh
#if y’all like the movies more power to you! i mean no I’ll will towards you! this is just how i feel! and it is wildly unpopular!#they were first!!!#the movies capitalized off cressida cowell’s creation!!! and then changed everything but the title and some names!!!#i’m sorry but when i search ‘httyd books’ and pretty much all that shows up is movie crap like…#don’t specifically tag the books unless it’s bookverse!!! nothing is the same!!!#and i Hate movie toothless i’m sorry they changed his entire character aND APECIES BTW#cressida names and creates so many different dragons and the movies really went ‘tehe let’s make up Our Own’#and now everyone thinks toothless is a night fury or whatever the hell and UGH#it just makes me so so so mad#i’m sorry ik so many people like them but as i reread the books now i can’t help but feel so angry at the movies#and the ppl who created them#like…. ppl like them more bc they’re pretty which is everything the book isn’t#EHICH IS THE POINT#they’re vikings!!! they aren’t clean! they’re dirty and their societal definition of attractive is Not what our world’s is!!!#creasida’s art gets dismissed So Quickly bc it isn’t perfect or whatever but it has more heart than every movie put together#the book art reminds me a lot of the m.p100 art whefe ppl crap it bc it’s a lil messy and it doesn’t fit conventional art beauty standards#but it conveys so much emotion!!! and then ppl tell me the books are too childish well#1. clearly you haven’t read past like book three or four and 2. wHAT ARE THE MOVIES THEN??? ARE TBEY NOT??? THEY’RECHILDREN MOVIES TOO!!!#ugh sorry guys the disrespect by the movies and fandom makes me angry these books are so important to me and ppl are so quick to dismiss em#you don’t have to read them or even like them but you can’t really be a true fan of the movies if you don’t acknowledge and appreciate thei#origins and that’s what people don’t do. they ignore the existence of the books and UGH the books are so deep and meaningful…#okay it’s one am i’ll stop now it just makes me upset you know#corey talks:)
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#i really can’t keep this up#i’ve never felt like this for such an extended period of time#i guess i was repping for so long i forgot that i hated being a man?#i relapsed twice today#i really can’t call it relapse any more if i keep this up#like i swear ill be having fun#doing anything#and if there is anything that reminds me that im a man it immediately puts me off#my dad said an offhand remark about how he thought we was gonna be taller and that set me off#i saw one of those ironic mewing memes and that set me off#i saw that stupid tweet and it set me off#i just feel so shit and there’s nothing i can do about it#i can’t undo the damage done to my body#ill never be short my bones will always be giant my skull will always be giant#ugh im even falling for the worms now#i need to just be normal and enjoy the holiday#like a normal person
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going to a family reunion tmmw and i know for a fact that i will be the only one masked. which won’t even matter bc none of my immediate family (that i live with) will mask either. epic!
#it’s outside but like. not at all distanced so that matters very little tbh#also i got a mask brace which actually seems to work really well!! it basically makes surgical masks more effective by sealing off the edge#s#which is great for me bc surgical masks fit me like shit but i’ve always been scared to spend a bunch of money on a better mask that i can’t#really figure out how to sanatize#but these are just rubber so you can wash em with soap n water#i wish they worked with cloth masks though :( bc i hate the waste of it. but apparently it’s smth to do w the charge on disposable masks#that go away when a cloth mask is washed and can’t be put back. UGH#but the mask brace is great and people will absolutely be making fun of me for it#whatever girl i’m also the only gay person there and everyone’s a republican so they were going to make fun of me anyway#just going to see my grandparents and make my mom happy 😓
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im lowkey so annoyed charles said he’d want to have a conversation w elon musk on that podcast. like i’m obvi not looking to charles as my main political source lol and i do believe he meant it in a completely unaware surface level ~tech billionaire entrepreneur~ kind of way bc he’s interested in those types of figures/that’s how he explained it on the pod but still sucks to hear. i don’t think this one-off hypothetical automatically means charles has bad politics i think he just prob lives in his celebrity bubble and doesn’t see all the shit musk stands for beyond his like business creds ig but still … he could’ve literally said anyone else
#esp considering charles is someone w such good pr otherwise#ig this is a good reminder that celebrities and normal ppl don’t exactly operate on the same frequency#and it was clearly a throwaway comment not intended for deep analysis (as I’m doing rn lol) but like when musk could directly impact policy#I kinda have to take it seriously#and yes it was filmed before the trump livestream but musk has been awful for years#ugh anyway#I love charles so much so it just stinks to hear this. esp bc the rest of the podcast was so good!!! m#(podcast was beyond the grid in case anyone actually reads these tags lmao)#idk if I should put this in the normal charles tag ig I will#I don’t wanna tag it as anti bc it’s not fully anti it’s more just … a reminder that I can’t idolize celebs#charles leclerc#f1#text#mine#the way I use tumblr as just my personal diary#like am I overreacting? probably 100% yes and I’ll prob forget about this in a week but sometimes u just gotta write it out u know
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i have a serious problem called ‘being normal’ and it manifests in such an undeniable way when i’m around random friends who know nothing about 1d / my ~internet history~ because sometimes a random h*rry song will start playing wherever we are and i’ll just go: ‘oh. did you hear he died?’
and the worst part is that im so earnest about it people BELIEVE me and then eventually it’s just like ‘oh kari why’d you lie about that ugly man being dead? why would you do that? what’s his deal?’ and then i have to pretend to be normal agaaaain and again and again and not say shit like ‘and many false prophets will arise and lead many astray’ because if i start quoting matthew they’re going to think i’m religious and i can’t have people thinking that, so then i’ll have to correct myself by saying ‘no i was just deeply obsessed with the biblical elements on the cw’s supernatural in 2014 and need a lobotomy’
and then i’m digging my own grave all over again. i fear
#i have to stop trying to convince people he died#to be fair luis started telling our irl friends that!!! and now i can’t stop!!! ugh#i’m serious about the lobotomy#the fact that i can’t even use normal quotation marks and instead ‘quote like this’ is because of supernatural like#my trauma runs so deep you don’t even fucking understaaaaaand 😪����#anyway this happened sunday getting pho with friends and then ayesha started to explain why we hate h*rry and i was just like#god i can’t do this!!! i can’t do this!! why the fuck did i put myself in this situation AH#i think i could benefit from being a little more shy. tbh. PLEASE!!!!!
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2nd message into a conversation w someone here and i was indirectly being asked what’s in my pants bc they wanted to know “what kind of person they were talking to”
… as far as i’m concerned i’m just a trans guy and that’s pretty obvious. but “what kind of person” just made me feel like more of an object.
i’m not one for call out posts unless it’s something REALLY bad so while i won’t be saying who this was, if it wasn’t already obvious, please NEVER ask not even just trans people but ANYONE what genitals they have.
i didn’t know it was necessary information to have in order to, not even just engage in tickles, but have a conversation first??? like damn.
#and i even tried to nicely educate them after#and got ignored lol#why can’t people just treat trans people like… human beings?#this is why i’m so on and off with making new friends here sometimes#i’m either put into a box or category that helps the person make sense of my identity and it’s usually not the male/guy box 🙄#or i’m fetishized#or i’m a 2nd choice bc some gross man can’t get girls so he goes for me since it’s assumed i have the same parts#which no i didn’t get bottom surgery but it’s still very different down there on T#like ugh#sorry to vent#i just wanna be more than trans sometimes#more than what’s in my pants#not identified or categorized by these things#but by the person i am#by the guy i am#who i am#ugh
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whoever ideas this was is a bloody moron
#notable mention there’s 17 pins… i’ve got 18 thing to put inside#and what? next one will take at least another amount of them to be added#ugh#undescribed#update there were 17 pins right but only 15 slots……..#am i a joke to them#it looks so empty and bad while i can’t put anything more inside#they only did this to sell more of them
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i LOVE first contact with aliens stories, seriously it’s one of my favorite tropes, but authors writing it really need to understand that there’s no writing it without engaging with the colonial history behind it whether you intend to or not, and if your story is about humans settling on another planet you’re gonna look stupid if you don’t
#also like. idk how to put it into words but.#if your excuse for why humans are leaving earth is because it’s become uninhabitable. it will always always ALWAYS be easier#to try and fix earth than to start over somewhere else#literally even if earth has nothing but rocks it STILL has more going for it than even the most habitable exoplanet#at least earth has air we can breathe gravity we can bear and is in the habitable zone#and it’s not full of potential allergens or plants/animals that we can’t eat#and we *already know* what’s edible and useful on earth which we’ve learned over millennia#and also. hand waving all the shit like allergens and inedible flora/fauna.#if your colonial humans are scratching a living from the soil and trying to find a niche for themselves in the local ecology.#ugh what am i trying to say here#like. *mean girls meme* so you DO acknowledge that ‘primitive’ technology is the best tools for this job?#but it’s more than that. like okay these colonists are doing the best they can with what they have and so they’re not ‘primitive’?#so you admit that the best way to ensure survival for future generations is to live sustainably?#i get it. i get it. i love made up alien ecologies and i love survival stories#but there’s gotta be (there is i’ve read it) a better way to tell them that doesn’t trash indigenous people while having your characters#live like them#like??? that’s what i’m trying to say. there’s some cognitive dissonance here#i’m trying to tell a story about people doing colonizing and having them live off of and understand the land#*IN not i’m
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i think about andrew minyard. i die. i resurrect. i think about andrew minyard. i die. i resurrect. i think abou
so mad nora isn’t a good writer cause so much of andrew’s life & relationships could be expanded on (especially with cass & aaron) and don’t even get me started on his thing with kevin oh my fucking god. ohh my god. the thing with drake and proust and his meds and the library scene and his role as a goalie and his thing with neil and and and and and
#ask#Also nora not liking neil Baby that’s your protagonist… what’s happening here…#i can forgive medical inaccuracies (I can’t) but i draw the line at underdeveloped csa warriors.#shoutout to my groupchat for putting up with my andrew psychoanalysis from a csa lens#also matt ugh i love matt. soooo much i wish we knew more about the other foxes#i did laugh when nora retconned andrew & renee fucking. come on girl
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