#but by the person i am
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2nd message into a conversation w someone here and i was indirectly being asked what’s in my pants bc they wanted to know “what kind of person they were talking to”
… as far as i’m concerned i’m just a trans guy and that’s pretty obvious. but “what kind of person” just made me feel like more of an object.
i’m not one for call out posts unless it’s something REALLY bad so while i won’t be saying who this was, if it wasn’t already obvious, please NEVER ask not even just trans people but ANYONE what genitals they have.
i didn’t know it was necessary information to have in order to, not even just engage in tickles, but have a conversation first??? like damn.
#and i even tried to nicely educate them after#and got ignored lol#why can’t people just treat trans people like… human beings?#this is why i’m so on and off with making new friends here sometimes#i’m either put into a box or category that helps the person make sense of my identity and it’s usually not the male/guy box 🙄#or i’m fetishized#or i’m a 2nd choice bc some gross man can’t get girls so he goes for me since it’s assumed i have the same parts#which no i didn’t get bottom surgery but it’s still very different down there on T#like ugh#sorry to vent#i just wanna be more than trans sometimes#more than what’s in my pants#not identified or categorized by these things#but by the person i am#by the guy i am#who i am#ugh
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what if your doppelgänger wasn’t evil it was just a person. what if your doppelgänger wasn’t trying to replace you it was just trying to learn to be a person and you were the best model it had. what if your doppelgänger looked at you with your eyes and said with your voice that it just wanted to be loved. what then.
#aelan speaks#fornax cain#fun fact i used to think imposter syndrome was more literal#not so much “i don’t deserve this good thing and i’ve somehow tricked people into thinking i do”#but more like “i am straight up not a person and everyone knows it”#“and i am TRYING to be a person but i can’t get it right and they all KNOW and i should not be here but i don’t know where else to go”#anyway i was a normal child
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so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.
the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.
i had like, fifteen raw eggs.
i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.
except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.
so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.
#i feel a kinship with that snake#would that i could be a simple tube#and eat my fill of eggs#but being a person is rather nice too#my wife is a saint#and i promise that most of the time she is the goblin and i am the Serious Guy#but i had a little pique of insanity and you know what it was my junior year of college#and i deserved to just go a little insane#you spent 65 hours a week being Rational and then you go home and eat like twenty raw eggs
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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!
do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!
#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring#bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency#okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say okay! i am so sick of like#fanfiction authors having to write dissertations#because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol#this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person#am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''
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hey for everyone talking about jury nullification etc etc: it only works if you lie and say you dont know what it is. if youre chosen for jury duty and they ask you if you know what it is, you say no. here's an article going more in depth, and here's the cgp grey video about it.
like. just so we're clear, it's good to know about, but if you go into a courtroom and start talking about nullification, you could very well have voided your place on that jury. be smart about it 👍
#jury nullification#ceo shooting#united healthcare#and also like. can we all please be careful on the internet#'i want this person to die' <- not a crime#'i hope this person dies' <- not a crime#'i am going to kill this person' <- now youve made a threat that can be investigated#idk call me paranoid. i just want everybody to be safe. except ceos of insurance companies
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ugh why must I be always so repulsed by my own vulnerability but I find it very moving and impressive if other people are vulnerable with me????
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i do think there is a degree to which certain kinds of Instagram activists have convinced themselves that traumatising themselves in solidarity is a useful form of activism. "I'm having nightmares and crying so much I want to be sick because of all these videos of dying children but I can't look away while people are getting hurt" I mean don't you think you'd be able to help more if you weren't having nightmares and crying all the time?? don't you think this is a one-way trip to burnout? don't you think maybe increasing the amount of trauma going around is counterproductive? I dunno bro there's something to be said for bearing witness but there comes a point where you gotta look hard at yourself and go "am I helping, or am I just making myself suffer so I don't feel guilty for not suffering while somebody else is experiencing bad shit"
#and they try to drag other people down with them#BUDDY I AM NOT USEFUL IF I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK#vicarious trauma is not like. a useful form of solidarity. in my opinion#personal
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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#humans#population#Robert Evans#I am not a ZPG person necessarily#but I do like the idea of taking care of the people we have before we worry about adding more#but rich people have other priorities#Elon musk
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psa
#jokes about this and then continues to do it#terrible post sorry#tbc this is a joke entirely at my own expense lol i am the LAST person to judge anybody else for this
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Odysseus: Penelope I am not the same person you fell in love with, I have done terrible things to get home. I understand if you can’t accept the monstrous things I have done-
Penelope: cool, could you please move this wedding bed
Odysseus: what, no!
Penelope: that’s my husband
Odysseus: Penelope I have killed so many
Penelope: I don’t give a shit
Odysseus: I sacrificed my crew-
Penelope: And I would’ve done the same
Odysseus: I am covered in the blood of the suitors
Penelope: and you look fantastic
Odysseus: I TORTURED A GOD ON HIS OWN WEAPON
Penelope: and that was incredibly sexy of you
#epic the musical#Odysseus: I am not the man you fell in love with#Penelope: L + Ratio + Don’t tell me you’re not the same person + You're always my husband and I've been waiting
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idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they could make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.
#ace writes#autism#nonverbal#deaf#deafawareness#sign language#no yeah i just think it would be good#btw I am a semi nonverbal autistic person that knows a couple of simple signs#but would like to pursue it further as a good method of communication for me#just so ya know :}
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reminder to myself and whoever else needs it to stop feeding the machine. I'm aware I'm yelling into the void but look at the past couple years of games. They're pushing $70, $80, $100!!! for games that are completely unfinished, unpolished, and sometimes completely unplayable. Yes the game showcases were cool. The doom game looks sick and I don't even go there, but they're shaking the shiny keys to distract you and get you swept up in the hype. They're going to push so much fomo marketing to get you to jump for it full price.
Wait for sales. Wait and buy a used copy. Hell, wait a couple days (even hours!!!) after launch and reviews and breakdowns will start coming out. Our game backlogs are already packed, and mr big AAA studio can deal with some of us waiting to see if they actually delivered what was promised.
#I am whining to myself but preorder culture drives me insane#I love waiting ~2years after a game comes out and getting it for like $10#and all the patches are done! the updates are all there! dlc's out!#but feel free to reblog if you vibe#personal
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on identity, healing the inner child, fursonas, and cringe culture
#art#digital art#my art#fursona#personal comic#furry#wolf#i had a werewolf phase when i was 8. i would howl at the moon and i would grow my nails out and chew them into claws#comic#webcomic#web comic#comics#comic artist#indie comic#this will probably be included in a zine later#cringe culture is dead#i am cringe but i am free
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Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with
#my path of self improvement has been less self righteous and personally gainful#and more just. a lot of embarrassment and pain#like i wouldnt change the path i took to get where i am now but i wouldve chosen to travel that path sooner because omg#nothing hits me like the fear that future me will feel the same way about right now me that right now me feels about past tense me
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