#it’s a whole roster but what can i say? i’m a fella with a big heart

[acidblum]

my early teenage-hood crushes:

my current crushes:

[walking-true-to-style]

Scavenger Hunt || B.M.

Pairing: Brian May x reader

 Words: 4.56k

Warnings: drinking, swearing other than that just some wholesome romance

Gender: not specified.

Synopsis: Your long-term boyfriend, Brian, has been acting funny all week. Whenever you ask, he brushes you off One day he asks you to clear you evening for a special date, which leads you on a wild goose-chase all over town.

Your eyes open slowly to the view of your long-term boyfriend, Brian May. A tired smile plays on your lips as you watch his eyes twitch about under his lids. You wonder what he could be dreaming about. By the looks of his expression he seems to be having a good dream. You press the back of your index finger to his cheek, stroking it gently against his stubbly skin. After a moment, his eyes pop open and settle on you. “Good morning, darling.” he says, sleep still abundant in his voice. “Good morning, Bri.” you smile back. He grunts a little and shifts so he can hold you closely by the waist. You settle in close to his chest as he rests his head on top of yours. “What were you dreaming about, love?” you ask him after a few moments of silence. “You.” he replies. You smile into his chest, then look up to place a soft kiss on his jaw. He looks down at you, eyes full of admiration. “I want to take you out tonight. What time will you be home from work?” Brian inquires, rubbing the small of your back with his thumb. “Hmmm... about 7:00, I suppose?” you reply. You cock a brow at him. “Why? Date night isn’t until Friday, love. It’s only Tuesday.” “Does that mean I’m not allowed to take the love of my life out any other day?” he snickers you scrunch your face and shrug. “I suppose not.” “Perfect. I can’t wait!” he says. There is something childlike in his voice. “What is this about, Brian?” “I’ll tell you later.” He places a tender kiss on your forehead, and, with that, he gets up and starts getting dressed, leaving you slightly dumbfounded. As you both get ready in the morning, he refuses to answer any questions. All he would answer with was “You’ll see, my love.” and an excited smile.

“You’ve been acting funny all week, Brian. What’s going on?” you ask over breakfast.

Brian looks up at you as he takes a sip of his tea and smiles nervously against the rim. He sets it down and shakes his head.

“It’s nothing, love. Truly, I’m fine.”

“Brian Harold May, I have hardly seen you this week.” your eyes fill with worry. Still he doesn’t break.

”It will all make sense later... I promise.” And gets up to leave for the studio.

______ “Brian? I’m home! You here?” You call, stepping into the threshold of your home.. There’s no reply. Wasn’t he supposed to be taking you out? You walk into the kitchen find something to tide you over. Brian had told you not to eat when you came home, but you couldn’t help yourself. You pull out an apple and begin munching on it. Your eyes glance around the room. Finally, they settle on an envelope with your name beautifully written onto it. You set down your apple and go to pick it up. You pop open the wax seal and unfold the paper within.

“(Y/n) Sorry I have hardly been home to greet you with a kiss. I promise tonight, though, you won’t regret this. I am sending you off on a little spree To find roses three, and then find me. Your first rose is where we first met. I bought you a drink after Smile’s set. Go there and speak to the bartender. The second clue, he will surrender. -Bri” You smile and roll your eyes. This was just like him. He was never one to want the public to see his love story, but he would make a big deal out of it.. You get dressed into something more comfortable than a work uniform and set out. You call for a taxi and give the address for the pub. On the ride, you remember the day you two met. ___ You were having a fun night to yourself, dancing in your seat at the bar to the music. You couldn’t help but eye the guitarist the whole time. He was so handsome! You could’ve sworn he was eyeing you too. At the end of the gig, you turned back to the bar and ordered a negroni. “It’s on me.” You heard a voice come from behind as an arm slid between you and the counter, putting down a couple pounds. You turn to see just who had the set to buy you a drink to see the guitarist. He was slightly tipsy already and sweaty from his performance. Somehow he was more beautiful up close. “My drink’s on me” you smirked, sliding back the money. “I insist, love.” he slid it back, brows raised. The bartender eyed him carefully and looked to you in case he needed to intervene.

“Well, I suppose if you insist…” you looked at the bartender and he nods. He fixed you the drink and set it on the counter. You thanked him and turned back to the guitarist.

“So do they give you a name with all that hair?” you inquire, taking a sip of your drink.

“Ah- Brian. Brian May.” he said to you.

“Nice name. I’m (y/n).” you stated.

“I enjoyed the music by the way. You boys put on quite a show.”

A smile played on Brian’s, and you swore your heart stopped for a minute.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. Now, how does someone like you end up in a place like this?” he cocked a brow up at you.

“Oh, I’m a regular here. Come every Friday night to see the bands play. I’ve had a knack for music, but never saw myself playing in front of people.” you confessed.

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” Brian winked at you. You felt your jaw open slightly.

The rest of the night you spent getting to know one another, about your majors, likes, dislikes, and everything under the sun. He definitely held you to you being a regular as his band, smile, then renamed Queen, began showing up on the roster frequently. After each gig, he would pack up his equipment as fast as he could and B-lined to you to converse.

_____

You pull up to the pub and walk in. You haven’t frequented here since your uni days. It feels as if nothing has changed, other than the people. You turn to the bar and see the same bartender that’s been there since you were a regular.

“Benny? That you?” you walk over disbelievingly at the skinny bearded man polishing glasses behind the counter.

“Who’s askin?” Benny inquires in his gruff Scottish tone. He turns around and his grim complexion brightens up at the sight of you.

“(Y/n)? Why, I haven’t seen ye since ye came here lamenting about yer finals! How’ve ya been!” his smile seems to reach his ears.

“You remember me?” you laugh. He comes around the bar to give you a big squeeze.

“Course I do! How could I forget my best tipper? Plus, you were in here every Friday night for the bands. Uhhh…. Negroni, right? Should I get one for ya? On the house, of course.” Instantly, he begins setting out bottles.

“Not tonight, sorry… I think my boyfriend left something for me here?”

“Tall fella? Wild hair?”

“That’d be him.” You chuckle at the description.

“Yeah he left ye a note and a rose. Says it was important.” He takes an envelope out from under the counter before handing you a yellow rose.

“Thank you, Benny. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem, love. You take care-a yerself out there, ye hear me? Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t. I’ll see you around.”

You pop outside the pub and lean against the wall. You smell the rose and sigh, then turn your attention to the second envelope.

“(Y/n)

If you’re reading this, of course you knew,

Where we first met it was all brand new.

I wanted to go steady since day one,

But as friends we’d remain til they day I called for fun.

Your second rose is our first date

That night you agreed to be my mate.

Look for the tree where we shared our first kiss

The note will be there, it’s not hard to miss.

-Bri”

Just as you finish reading, a familiar voice catches your ear.

“Hello, beautiful, need a lift?” A blond man in sunglasses pulls up at the curb. You look up and laugh.

“Roger, what’s going on?”

“I figured you’d need a ride to your next location. It’s across town. Wouldn’t want you getting tired on your first stop.” he dips his glasses down and gives you a charming wink. You stifle a giggle again and get into the car. He gives you a side-hug and starts up the car again. Off you speed as you think about your first date with Brian.

____

Ring ring ring

You went to the phone and picked it up.

“This is (y/n). Who am I receiving?” you greeted.

“Hello, (y/n). It’s Brian.” your eyes lit up at the sound of his voice.

“Ah! Brian. Always a pleasure. How are you today?”

“I’m doing quite well. I wanted to see if you were free this afternoon? Perhaps you’d….want to go for a walk with me.”

You thought for a minute about this. Was this a date? You suppose you’d see. You smiled into the phone and said, “I’d love to Brian. Drop by around 3.”

“Sounds perfect! I’ll see you then.”

3:00 hit and Brian was right on the dot, if not a little early when he knocked on your door.

“Brian May, fancy seeing you here.” you let him come in and enveloped him in a hug.

“Well, I was just in the neighborhood, so I wanted to pop by.” he winked. You finish getting your shoes on and head out.

“It’s a lovely afternoon. I figured we’d do coffee and stroll in the park? My treat by the way.” he said, taking your hand. You feel a spark run through your system. You smiled up at him. He seemed a little red in the face.

“You spoil me way too much, Brian!” you chuckled. It caused him to relax slightly.

You took your coffee to go and headed to the park. It was the perfect temperature out-not too hot, not too cold. A few fluffy white clouds strolled through the sky by the light breeze, but otherwise it was sunny. It was a stunning day in Hampton. You set down by an oak tree growing in the grass and watched as children and pets played on the far side of the field. You took a sip of your coffee, enjoying the fresh brew thoroughly.  You talked with Brian about your days, classes, and what have you. The conversation flowed as smoothly as the coffee.

“Brian, it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it.” you said, taking another sip of your drink.

“Mm, I suppose it is.” he replied. His tone seemed a bit…. preoccupied as his gaze was fixed down at the ground. You noticed this take turned to him.

“Is… everything okay, Bri?” you asked.

“I’m so hopelessly in love with you and I don’t know how to say it.” he sighs

“You what?” you nearly choked on your drink.

He shot his gaze back at you, beet red.

“Bloody hell, I said that out loud, now didn’t I?” he dropped his head to his hand and rubbed his temple.

“Uh, yeah.” you replied, turning just as rosy.

“God, I’m sorry. I was planning on it being much smoother, but here we are. I understand if you don’t feel the same, of course. I value your friendship above all, and I would never want to lose you-“ you cut him off with a kiss that even you didn’t think about. He jolted and quickly eased into it, cupping the base of your jaw with one hand and propping himself up with the other. His lips were warm and soft and tasted of his freshly brewed coffee. It made you wild. As you both pulled back, you rested your foreheads to one another.

“So, I take that as a ‘yes’?” Brian chuckled.

“You really need to ask that?” you grinned at him and pressed another kiss to his lips.

____

When you arrive at the park, it’s nearly empty, save for a figure standing under the oak tree you and Brian shared your first kiss under. You thank Roger for the ride. He nods and points at the figure.

“That’s where you’re gonna want to go next. You roll your eyes playfully at him.

“I gotta go, but have fun on this little adventure!”

“See you ‘round, Rog.” you hug again and get out. You head toward the figure under the tree. He is sitting alone holding a single rose.

“John, that you?” you call out.

“Hello, (y/n).” he greets you with a smile. You pick up your pace and wrap him a big hug. He hands you a single red rose, which you take carefully into your hand.

“I suppose you’re in on this wild goose chase Brian’s sending me on, too?” you ask jokingly.

“Indeed I am. I’m also supposed to be your escort to the next location. He didn’t want you having to go all that way alone.”

“And where would that be?” John doesn’t reply but gives you your third envelope tonight. You read it aloud.

“(Y/n)

If you’re reading this, it means Roger got you to the next spot alive.” you chuckle and John rolls his eyes, though, he is grinning. You continue on.

“I know how close you and John got to be as friends, so I want to take you to where the magic happens.

You’ve been such a support to me and the band,

We’re honored  you’re here to lend a helping hand.

You’ve almost collected your roses three, so soon you will be home to me.

The third rose will make its mark

When we all stayed at the studio til well after dark.

PS: it’s a longer drive, and I trust John the most in his driving ability.

-Bri”

You think for a minute about where you’ll be headed next. It comes to you fairly soon after.

“We’re going to Sarm, then?” you ask John. He nods.

“That was such a long day! You boys really needed to relax.”

John chuckles and offers you an arm to talk to his car.

“You were a lifesaver that day.” he says.

_____

You walked into the studio after a coffee run to find the boys fighting again.

“The lyrics just aren’t strong enough, I think.” Brian stated coolly

“I don’t care about the lyrics currently, but it’s SO SLOW. God it’s…. creeping at the moment!” Roger fumed.

“You’re playing the fucking 12-string” John said through the mic.

“Okay, boys, take- take two” Freddie interjected. Brian mimicked crying noises at Roger who sneered back. He saw you come in and calls out to you.

“Tell you’re lover here that he needs to speed the bloody hell up, PLEASE.” Roger begged, earning a scoff from Brian behind him. You looked to Freddie and John in the booth, who seemed like they’d just about had it.

“How long have you guys been working?” you asked, handing out the coffees.

“Too long.” John groaned. You came in and handed him his coffee. He offered an exhausted smile, relieved. You finished handing out the drinks.

“How bout you take a break for the day. You’ve been here way too long.” you offered. They all reluctantly agreed, knowing a break would do them some good. Brian gave you a kiss on the temple and settled on the couch. You sat next to him and leaned your head on his shoulders. The others ended up around the couch too, stretching and taking a deep breath as they settled in.

You weren’t exactly sure how many hours had gone by, but suddenly you were all on top of one another giggling about stories from the past.

“Do you remember when John got so hammered that he forgot what band he was in?” Roger snickered. You all laughed so hard at that memory.

“This band is great, who is it?” Freddie chimed in, doing an impression of Deacon. Brian chuckled lightly. John was very quiet.

“Do you remember when Roger locked himself in a cupboard because he couldn’t come to terms with his car kink?” John said evenly, raising his brows slightly. He had an unreadable look on his face. You all laughed even harder. Now it was Roger’s turn to retort.

“That song was good, and you know it! The producer wanted it!”

“The producer was a twat, and you know it.” Brian interrupted. Roger laughed at that.

“You’re right, he was.”

The rest of the night was spent giggling and bonding with everyone, swapping stories from touring days, uni, and everything else. The boys had accepted you as one of their own, and loved hearing your takes to their music.

____

“You’re awfully quiet tonight. Is everything okay?” John interrupts your thoughts. You look over at him and give him a reassuring look.

“Oh, I’m fine. Just…. feeling nostalgic, I suppose. All these spaces just bring back so many memories.”

“Brian really loves you, (y/n).” he casts a glance over to you. You meet his gaze, offering light smile.

“He does, doesn’t he…”

“Mm. When he told me about this, I was so happy to be apart of it. Personally, I wouldn’t have thought about doing something like this, but he really goes the extra mile for you- and he should! You’re a wonderful person, (y/n).”

“Thanks, Deacy. It means a lot.” You place a hand on his shoulder, and he grins at you.

A few more moments pass, and he pulls into a parking space.

“We’re here. I’ve technically done my job, but I can walk you in if you’d like?”

You give him another hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I can go from here. Thank you so much for driving me.”

“It’s not a problem. I hope you’re having fun.” he gets out and goes around to open your door.

“I am, definitely.”

“I’m glad, love.” he smiles and waits until you make it to the studio before driving off.

You step into the recording room and smile.

“Ah! There you are, darling!” Freddie calls from the couch in the booth. He runs out and gives you a hug, nearly picking you up as he does.

“Freddie! Hello!” you laugh. He places a kiss on both cheeks. You returned the favor.

“I was worried for a moment you weren’t coming. Here, I have a few things for you. More than just the envelope and roses.”

“That so?” you smirk and cross your arms.

“Now, don’t move!” Freddie instructed you gave a mocking “yes sir” to him. He stuck out his tongue. He goes back into the booth and returns with two boxes.

“For you, lovie. It has nothing to do with this scavenger, but we all chipped in.

“You all spoil me, I swear.”

“Oh think nothing of it!” Freddie laughs. “Now open it!”

You open the first box to reveal a photo album. It’s filled with Polaroids of you and the band goofing off. There are photos Brian took the first day you met of you by the counter, photos you took of the band backstage before a show, all of you at different parties, ridge farm, and some shots of all the boys that were taken by you or John.

“Oh, God I’m gonna cry!” Your voice is quivering lightly, but your smile grows brighter. It was such a thoughtful gift.

“Oh don’t cry, darling! Not yet at least. There’s one more thing! This one is just from Brian, though.”

You open the smaller box to find a small silver locket on braided chain. You let out an audible gasp as you gingerly take it out of the box.

“Oh my goodness…. it’s beautiful.” You turn it on your hand admiring it. You open up the clasp to find photos of you and Brian from the park when he first confessed to you. Tears prick your eyes, but don’t fall. You give Freddie a big bear hug that nearly knocks him over. He laughs and hugs you back.

“There, now, I still need to give you the final rose and envelope.”

“Oh, heh, right.” You get off him and he hands you the last rose- a blue one.

“I’ll read you the last letter while you put on the necklace.” You nod and he begins reading.

“(Y/n)

So you found the final rose of three.

Now you get to come home to me.

Your current adventure is nearly done,

However, now a new one’s begun.

Your trust so far in this endeavor’s been blind

But it will take a literal sense you’ll find.

Worry not, because I’ll say,

Once home, I’m with you all the way.

-Bri”

“Oh thank goodness…” You laugh. You adjust the chain around your neck.

“Shall we get going soon, lovie?”

“Definitely.”

You bring around a taxi and head back home.

When you return, Brian is outside on the yard. You run up to him and kiss him roughly. You nearly crush the roses in the process.

“I missed you today, darling.” he says against your lips.

“I missed you too. What was with that quest you sent me on?” you ask as you part. He tsks and chuckles.

“No more questions, love. All will be answered soon. Now, remember in the letter how your trust will literally be blind?”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to put this on while I put down your things, okay?” he hands you a dark piece of fabric to tie around your head.

“Brian May, what are you-“

“Now, now I just said no questions, love. I’ll be back in a few.” He places a gently kiss on your temple and walks inside. You huff but obey and put on the blindfold. He comes back a minute later.

“Can you see anything?”

“Not at all.”

“Perfect. I’m going to lead you to the last location, okay?” you feel his hand come to your elbow. He intertwines your arms, and you cling to him.

“Off we go then.”

He leads you down the street for a while before turning off into a trail. The leaves and sand crunch under your feet and a light breeze flows past you.

“Not too much longer, now, love.” he whispers sweetly, stepping down. You mimic this movement down a hill, further into what you could only assume to be the woods.

There is the sound of water moving by you. Perhaps a creek or a lake.

“Brian, where are you taking me?” You laugh

“We’re almost there…”

After a little more walking he stops and says, “We’re here.”

You take off your blindfold to see the sight in front of you. You’re in a meadow past the woods. There is an old, forgotten gazebo that’s been lit with candles beside a lake, the sky is clear and you could see virtually every star. Roger, John and Freddie are there, placing down a dinner. A soft melody is playing on top of the sound of the water pushing against the shore and the wind rustling the trees.

“Brian, this is beautiful… when did you…” you trail off. Brian sets both hands on your shoulders behind you.

“I found this place when I went for a walk. No one comes here as far as I know. No one but us.”

You look at him with wonder.

You sit down to eat, and the rest of Queen say their goodbyes to you and leave you with your love.

“Well, no use standing here when we have dinner waiting for us. Shall we, then?” Brian takes your hand and leads you to the gazebo. As you move closer, you see garden salads the boys had set down as well as potatoes, fruit, and several other dishes. There is a basket of white roses as a centerpiece. Brian pulls out the chair for you and pushes you in. You both enjoy a pleasant conversation detailing your days, and you talk about the scavenger hunt you just went on.

“How is everything tasting, by the way? Mary came over and had a hand in helping me prepare.” Brian confesses.

“It’s amazing. It all tastes so good! How did you set this all up?”

“Well, the boys definitely had a hand in helping me out. The scavenger hunt was my idea. John helped me write the passages, and I’m glad he and Roger could give rides. I see you’re wearing the necklace. Do you like it?”

“Oh, Brian, I love it!” you take his hand and squeeze it. He lifts yours up and brushes his lips against your knuckles.

“I wanted something for when I’m off on tour and can’t see you. This way, I’ll still be close to your heart.” he says lovingly.

As you finish eating, you step off and sit on the steps of the gazebo and look at the stars. A small chill runs through your body and you huddle closer to Brian. He sets his arm over you and holds you close, pointing out constellations in the sky.

“If you look up this way, you can see Scorpius. And if you follow this trail of stars all the way over here, you’ll run into Norma and Ara.” He speaks in a hushed tone. You lean your head into him and sigh contently. You could listen to him speak about the cosmos for ages.

“They’re like diamonds, aren’t they?” He says, still looking at the sky. His grip on your shoulder tightens slightly. You look up at him and give a soft “mhm”

“But none are as beautiful as you, (y/n).”

“Brian, what are you-“ you smile at him. He gets up and sits in front of you.

“There are billions and billions of stars, but none are as beautiful as you. You are the one that came to Earth and outshone us all, even our own bloody solar system’s sun.” He pauses and pulls out a black, velvet box from his pocket. You gasp and cover your mouth. He opens it to reveal a diamond ring with a helix band. Tears are already flooding down your face. He just gives you the most blinding, heartfelt smile he’s ever given.

“(Y/n) (l/n), You are a rarity of a person. I have been so honored to call you my friend and now my love. I have one question for you now, darling. Will you marry me?” You nod vigorously, unable to do anything else but cry and smile. He motions for you to say something and you manage to choke out a yes. His grin reaches his ears as he takes the ring out and places it on your finger. You can’t help yourself and tackle him to the ground, peppering him in a million kisses. He holds you close and you lay down on him.

“So THIS is why you’ve been acting so weird this past week.”

“Generally, yes.” Brian chuckles.

“I love you, Brian.”

“I love you too, (y/n). So, so much.”

.

[nicolewoo]

First night on the road

Pairing: Finn Balor x Reader

Scenario: It’s the reader’s first night backstage at RAW and meeting the good brothers.

Warnings: A little cursing

I'd only been in the arena for a few minutes before I heard a delighted scream. “YYYY/NNNNNNN” Ettore was running straight for me. He wrapped me in a huge hug, picking me up off my feet and spinning me around. “I heard you were coming to work with us!!!” Kofi and Austin followed close behind wrapping me in a giant group hug.

“Who's here?” Kofi asked jokingly, and all three members of The New Day began chanting “Who?” “Who?” “Who?”

“Y/N! That's who!” Ettore said.

I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me. I felt a pair of hands wrap around my waist and pull me back from the pack of jokers. “Easy now fellas. T'is one's mine.” Fergal joked as he pulled me against his chest.

“So the rumors are all true?” Austin asked.

All three of them looked to Fergal and I. I paused for effect but smiled big and said “Yes.”

“You're really working for RAW?” Kofi asked.

“No.” I corrected. “I'm working for the WWE, but for NXT.” I informed them.

“But you're on the road with us?” Ettore questioned.

“Yep.” I grinned at them all.

At that, Fergal and I were wrapped in a giant group hug again.

“Seriously though,” Austin said after a second. “We are so glad everything worked out for you.” He paused before adding “Both of you.” He wiggled an eyebrow at Fergal. “But why are you traveling with RAW if you're working for NXT?”

“I can work anywhere, and they wanted to keep Fergal and I together, so here I am.” I explained hoping that they wouldn't ask more questions about what I do for the company.

Kofi asked, “So what are you doing for the WWE?” Figures.

I pondered a second before answering, “It's all technical social media stuff.” I tried to appease them, but they were having none of it. They stared at me expecting a little more information.

Austin was the one who spoke, “Go on. We're smart men. What type of technical social media stuff?”

Fergal stepped in now, “Guys, she's not allowed to talk about it. She has an NDA.”

That brought a couple of raised eyebrows. “So, you're like the WWE CIA or something?” Ettore joked.

“Something like that. A little more like MI6 actually.” I laughed, grateful for both Ferg and Ettore for allowing me an easy way to end the questions.

“Now young lady,” Kofi wrapped an arm over my shoulders. “You're gonna have dinner with us, right?”

“Guys, it's her first night....” Fergal was going to say something else, but Ettore cut her off.

“Then she's lucky to have friends to eat dinner with. You can't hide her away from us Ferg. You can come to dinner too.” Kofi said.

I knew Fergal didn't like to eat at catering. He preferred to grab his food and go eat alone or with the good brothers, so I knew a compromise was in order. “Gentlemen,” I butted in. “How about we all eat together tomorrow? I promise. I just want to get familiar with everything today.” I smiled warmly, and they smiled back.

“Tomorrow then.” Austin ceded.

“I'm gonna get her settled in, guys. We'll have dinner tomorrow.” Fergal promised. I got hugs from each of them before we left.

Walking through the halls I got a LOT of odd looks. Some seemed confused, some seemed unhappy. No matter how they looked, everyone noticed Fergal and I walking in together. I heard whispers behind us after we passed. Fergal squeezed my hand to reassure me. “Give t'em time. T'ey'll love you once t'ey get ta know ya.” He gave me a warm smile and ran his thumb over my knuckles. “Here we are.” Ferg knocked on the door that had a piece of paper taped to it reading BALOR CLUB. He ducked his head in checking to make sure everyone was decent.

“I haven't been this nervous since I first met you.” I admitted.

Fergal grabbed my hand, “No reason to be nervous. T'ey're gonna luv ya.” Ferg looked down at me, “No reason to be nervous. Trust me, luv.” He placed a quick kiss on my forehead then opened the door.

Chad (Carl Anderson) and Andy (Luke Gallows) were both dressed in their ring gear. Both were taller than I thought; which only intimidated me more.

“There she is!” said Chad and he walked full speed to wrap me in a giant hug. I'm usually a hugger, but not before I've even met someone. A split second later, Andy joined the hug and pulled Fergal in too.

“Group hug!” he practically yelled.

“All right. All right.” Ferg said pushing the boys back. “Give her some room to breath.” He wrapped his arm around my waist. “You ok, luv?”

The combination of my anxiety and the crazy greeting had me laughing. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Enough mushy, Ferg.” Chad said. “She's gonna have to get used to us hugging her,” he smiled at me.

“Y/N these are t'e good brothers, Chad and Andy,” he introduced the duo properly. I noticed the smiles on their faces as they shook my hand.

“Good to meet the woman who put a permanent smile on Ferg here.” Andy said as he patted Ferg on the shoulder a bit too hard.

Chad and Andy had the first match of the night and Fergal had the second to last match, which meant I'd have someone with me at all times. It was a comforting thought. I knew the boys would be kind when in charge of me.

After Fergal got into his ring gear, we headed to a nearby room to watch the show with other talent. By the time we headed back to the dressing room, the boys were showered and dressed in street clothes.

“Do you want to watch Fergy's match?” Andy asked.

I nodded yes, “If you don't mind.” The three of us settled headed back into the common area to watch the match.

Watching Ferg wrestle before I met him was one thing. Now that we were together, I cringed at every hit he took. Andy took notice and patted my shoulder reassuringly. “You'll get used to it, Y/N.”

“He's the best, well, besides me. Nothing to worry about.” Chad said.

“You say that like he hasn't just returned from 7 months of recovery.” I said quietly.

“I know it's all a bit scary,” Andy said, “But once you get to know more about wrestling, you'll learn what can hurt a wrestler and what just looks dangerous.” His assurance didn't help, because I knew that any move could hurt someone if done wrong. Needless to say, I was happy when the match was over.

After the match, we went back to the locker room and talked while Fergal got showered and dressed.

“Ok, I'm starved. Let's get some food.” Chad said bluntly as Fergal finished dressing.

We all followed behind and climbed into the SUV the good brothers had rented for this leg of the journey. The boys started immediately asking about me. “How do you like it in the WWE?” “Tell us your hobbies.” “Favorite music.” Thankfully, it was a quick drive, because I was starting to feel like I was being interrogated.

Ferg squeezed my hand before we got out. I was finally getting used to the idea that I couldn't touch him in public. Andy opened my door, and helped me onto the sidewalk. Ferg came around the car and placed his hand on the small of my back. Andy then placed his hand higher on my back. I cocked my head a bit and looked to Fergal for an explanation. “Ah, t'e brothers.... actually t'e whole roster will help cover any PDAs. If I touch you, and someone else touches you, t'e press and fans won't assume you're dating anyone.... jus' t'at we're all friends. It's how everyone keeps their relationships secret.”

“That's genius.” I declared.

The restaurant was beautiful and posh. Low lights, candles, classical music, white tablecloths. We followed the maitre d to a side room just off the main dining room. We were still within view of the other patrons, but partially blocked. I could see the guys appreciated a bit of privacy. Just a bit.

We were joined by Benjamin Satterley (Neville) and Rami Sebei (Sami Zayn). Once we settled in, the conversation became all about wrestling. First, the wrestling here at the WWE. Story lines, who's the best heel, etc. Then came the old “embarrassing” stories from NJPW. Chad was dead set on telling me every crazy thing Fergal did while in Japan. Ferg was turning brighter shades of red with each story. Ben must have noticed, because he stopped Chad by turning the conversation to me.

We discussed my work history and what it was like to live just across the river from St. Louis. The guys were all excited for their next show in St. Louis because I agreed to show them the city. When the conversation turned to what my role was in the WWE, I panicked. The Non-disclosure-agreement loomed in my mind. “I'm working with creative.”

“Thank the heavens!” Ben said. “Maybe you can get the writers' heads out of their arses,” He started, but Fergal stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Guys, she's just started. She's not even working on the main roster. She's working with NXT.” He interjected.

“And actually,” I continued, “I'm working with the social media side of things,” I said shyly. I didn't want to disappoint them, but it was true. Of course, I didn't offer up that much of what I was doing.

Rami jumped in to calm the boys, “As long as you're happy and you're sticking around. I haven't seen this guy” He patted Ferg on the shoulder, “so happy in ages.” That made Ferg smile shyly.

“Wait.” Ben started, “You're working on NXT, and you're on the road with RAW? That makes no sense.” He looked to me for answers, but I didn't have any that I could say aloud. My eyes shot to Fergal who promptly changed the subject. “Guys, it's boring.... trust me.” Well THAT wasn't the response I wanted. I elbowed Ferg in the ribs. “I just mean, that none of us would want to do it. Sitting at a computer all day isn't our idea of fun.”

“You're not out of the dog-house yet,” I teased.

Fergal snaked an arm around my waist, and to cover the PDA, Rami wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Both of them leaned in to kiss my cheek. “The other patrons are going to think I'm a slut.” I joked nodding my head to the other dining room.

Just then, the food arrived breaking up the whole thing. Chad and Andy insisted I sit between them; Ferg across from me. I almost protested, but it really was the smartest move to keep our relationship a secret from the public. At least this way, I got to enjoy the salacious looks Ferg shot at me and the warm smile as he talked to his friends. He really was too beautiful. I said a thankful prayer in my head.

Dinner was eaten, jokes were told, stories were re-lived, laughter and joy all around.

When the plates were cleared, the conversation turned to Fergal's injury and the time off. I could see a hint of pity on all of the guys faces when talking about the 7 months off, but Ferg smiled the whole time.

“I neva woulda met t'is wonderful lass if it wasn't for t'e injury.” He beamed at me, and my heart swelled with joy. I hoped he meant it.

“Here's to bad circumstances that bring us joy,” Rami raised a glass to toast, and we did.

We were then interrupted once by a young boy about 8 years old. He'd spotted the superstars from the main dining room. He knocked on the door jamb with father in tow and asked for autographs. His dad apologized for interrupting our night, but the boys were happy to put a smile on the kid's face. The father explained that his son was obsessed with wrestling and wanted to become a wrestler. Ben made sure to tell the boy, “Find me when you graduate from school. I might need a tag team partner then.” It was really sweet.

By the time we climbed back into the SUV to go back to the hotel, I was exhausted. I snuggled up close to Fergal and rested my head on his shoulder. Chad and Andy were shockingly quiet, and I was nearly asleep by the time we arrived.

“Let's get ya inside.” Ferg whispered as he helped me out of the car and up to our hotel room. “Did ya have a good first day on t'e road?” He asked as we got ready for sleep.

I nodded yes. “Good but tiring.” I admitted as I crawled under the covers and Ferg crawled in behind me pulling me against his chest and wrapping his arm around me.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

WEEK 2 LOAD PREVIEW

Sup fellas. We had a wild week 1 to say the least headed up by a tie from our beloved Brownies. Don’t let that fool you from the fact we’re now going 10-5-1 and busting that beer cooler open this weekend after we take down the Saints in Nawlins.

               This may not be single solden coming at you with these previews this year (otherwise known as sir fucks a lot or as Shawn puts it “Old Solden” but that won’t be stopping me from going balls deep on each and every single one of you. Act like I don’t keep notes in the offseason for material to write these and it’s likely to get you torched. On a serious note, we do always give the Saints trouble and I think it could be a steal game putting together the offense with Gordon and Njoku’s huge wangs running wild. Fuck it let’s get to the matchups.

 Golden Taints (Sam) (1-0) VS. Green Eggs and Cam (Shawn) (0-1)

First off, welcome to the league Shawn. The name might be punny, but it’s a little too PG rated for our liking here in the league. Considering paying your weird $5 fee that was put into place for changing your name just so I don’t have to look at it for 16 more weeks. Second off, fuck you Sam. This matchup looks like it could be an interesting one with a new member having the chance to take down our reigning champ. I mean you talk about preoccupied, Sam has his old sugar momma/not his babies but kinda momma/34 year old bombshell landing in Cleveland likely as I type this and faces a weekend of trying to not let his future girlfriend and ex girlfriend all not find out about each other. Hopefully his sex and drama filled weekend blinds him enough to let Shawn get this dub. Rivers will most likely be tearing up Buffalo and he has some favorable matchups as Zeke takes on the Giants and Tygeek Hill takes on Shittsburgh who couldn’t even do better than tying the Browns. Shawn is poised for BIG numbers from Antonio Brown (24) and high end potential from Lindsay and Garcon as they take on two defenses who looked like shit week 1. Going for the upset with this one as Sam is in a sex coma of sadness by Sunday.

 Nugs in yo cargos > Soon to be single again Sam

 Don Julio (Paul) (0-1) VS. jared donovan’s Team (guess who) (0-1)

Jared I think it just needs to be said that not only are you not creative or care enough to make a team name, you somehow managed to make your name lower case but Team capitalized. That’s even more frustrating than Shawn’s. Paul if there’s one person I’m rooting for to take down Sam other than myself, it’s you ya cute son of a bitch future neighbor. This matchup, not much needs to be said. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen such a low weekly projection from a team in week 2 before bye’s start in the NFL. Jared, I like that you’re back and so far are still trying, but taking two browns might be a worse draft strategy than I have had in my tenure in the LOAD. I’m hoping Fournette and obviously Juice will show out for you backed by the one and only Brady, but I don’t know if that will be enough. Paul is Hunting to get the Julio out of the loss column, and will be celebrating with a Graham post with his Cousins bound to get hella likes.

Marvel nerd > jared donovan

G-reg 3rd Leg (Matthew) (1-0) VS. The Injured Reserve (Cholly) (1-0)

Okay seriously this whole auto draft BS is getting old. Next year we need to put something in place where an autodraft equals a Kicker for your first overall pick. Even TJ found a suitable drafter to fill in for him, and the Auto is ridiculous. It’s fun to see Bennett with so many black people on his roster and led by a super inconsistent white QB, even though I see a big bounce back week for Bro Stafford. Bennett’s draft was an even bigger surprise than him having a girlfriend. Not because he has a girlfriend, because he told literally no one and sprung her on the group without a heads up. People don’t forget. I’ll give it to Casey, he’s been to as many squad events as I’ve been to lately, but I kinda miss the drive down to Cleveland aka make doug take you and declare an equal split on the potential tow costs only to uber back to Willoughby anyways and not tell anyone until 1pm when he wakes up. 2017 was wild man. DJ Titty city keeping his streak alive with a dub led by big weeks from Gordon and Mixon.

Rent a DJ > Snow King

 Gurls that Swallow (Holla) (1-0) VS. The Brady Bunch (Doug) (0-1)

Nothing I love more than seeing Holla win and Doug lose. It’s almost a toss up for what’s more enjoyable. Holla’s miracle victory on St. Patty’s day where the police are calling friends in his phone to get him anywhere else than he was, or Doug moving into the real world and paying rent for the first time since College. Holla has a big time question mark with Rodgers in Q status and an otherwise questionable roster, yeah that’s right I’ll say it. First year I can remember I wasn’t the biggest fan of the Grandma killa’s roster. Doug is poised for big weeks from his Big 3 wide receivers bend it like Beckham, all chad thinks I do is smoke Green, and TJ re-Cooper-ating from the loss Hannah Bush handed him. As much as I hate to say it, I see a victory on the forefront for Douglas.

Discount Double Doug > Holla at ya Grandma

 SaviorsOfTheUniverse (TJ) (1-0) VS. Nuk if You Buk (Dom) (0-1)

What a matchup we have here. Ex roommates, current lovers, and future enemies on the pitch. That’s football right? While Dom is on a bigger tear than I was last year, it wasn’t enough to get him a week 1 victory. Tj not far behind him with the women, has a lead in the LOAD. And I guess real life too with his two coconuts he calls balls. I’d be okay granting Big Tone the victory if TJ ends up winning this year, as he’s cooler than TJ will ever be anyways. JK. But not really. With Watson facing a terrible Titans team and Josh Gordon set to see a full game of reps, he needs to hope this will be enough to make up for a David where’s his Johnson in Questionable status. Man I fucking hate that status, just tell us amiritedude. Dominic has a team full of pass catching running backs and turned into a traitor by drafting Big Ben (how’d that taste last week?). Although Mccaffrey is set for a big week, I’m giving this one to TJ.

 Hipster Tones > Worst Vball player

 ***MATCHUP OF THE WEEK***

MaKamaraca Gr8 Again (Ya boi) (1-0) VS. Blowin’ Down Ingrams (Wardawg) (0-1)

Man I really don’t like picking myself as the matchup of the week, but Chad’s biweekly dramatic blowup on me pretty much sealed the deal. I put a lot of thought into how bad I wanted to take this, but I figured I’d take the high road (get it? I smoke weed) and keep it under control. Chad, not only does your team suck this year, but if you look at the previous years according to yahoo you are 19-28 and full of excuses. I respect your commissionership and commitment to this league, but there’s only so much shit you can talk before you face the facts in black and white. Last place with the least amount scored isn’t exactly the start I’d be hoping for. With everyone wondering if Matt Ryan is a fraud, he comes into the week hoping for a big Sunday out of LA and powerful performances from Collins and Ajayi. I hope Kamara puts 500 yards on the Browns and 3 tuddies because we’re still outscoring them and winning regardless. Jimmy G (stop dating porn stars and play football) rebounding and the Stanford bearded mother fucker connecting another week with Mike Evans taking me to the victory and plenty of shit talking to Chadley.

Stoner > Alcoholic

That’s it for me boys. Hoping we can get some more participation with writing these and it causes more drama than the first two weeks have. Not trying to give advice but TJ is the easiest target as he gets the most mad. Solden signing off, Go Browns. Drop a LOAD.

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Best and worst of the 2017 NHL Awards show

At some point you have to give credit where it’s due.

You can go into every NHL Awards Show with a black ball of despairing anticipation, and for good reason. The NHL has given you every possible reason to expect the worst with this show.

But for the second year in a row, it wasn’t, like, horrible.

It wasn’t good, don’t get me wrong. But whereas I spent a good 35 percent of previous awards shows groaning and begging for the sweet, cold embrace of death, now I just spend most of these shows going, “Ah, that could have been better.”

Which is improvement, but it’s still not how you want to spend a Wednesday night in late June. It was a nice night. Maybe not in Vegas, where it was over 110 degrees all day, but certainly elsewhere.

To be fair, the NHL didn’t actively screw anything up, as far as I could tell. And given the number of things that got screwed up over the past few days with the expansion plans, not-screwing-up is a big achievement.

The problem for a lot of hockey fans was that they seemed to have had the misfortune of actually wasting 150 minutes watching this show, which is not something they usually do. Typically you can get by just checking Twitter. Every reporter in the league will tell you who won, and awards vote totals hit your feed within seconds of the winner being announced. You don’t have to sit through any tortured hockey puns, either. Nice way to live your life.

But this year it seems the lure of the expansion draft was too much for people. They could have gotten all that same information on Twitter and not watched all this stuff. But oh that live TV intrigue. I get it. I don’t condone it, but I get it.

And now you all get why I keep warning you to stay away, every single year.

The Best

5 – Jacob Tremblay

Second year in a row the little fella did a phenomenal job introducing an award. First of all, he said “Masterton” correctly, twice. Normally not praise-worthy, but the voiceover announcer got it wrong just a few segments earlier, so y’know.

Plus he made a joke, also for the second year in a row, about how the Canucks suck, and this time even Mike Babcock and Gary Bettman openly laughed at it.

Is that what we need in this league? We need children to tell it like it is?

4 – It’s Connor’s league now, baby!

Ted Lindsay award: Check.

Hart Trophy: Check.

NHL 18 cover: Check.

The league actually found a marketable talent and plans to market it properly? Signs and wonders.

3 – Good music for once

Apart from being known for bad comedy, bad interstitial videos, bad presentation, and bad … well, everything I guess, the NHL Awards are known for bad music. Last year it was X-Ambassadors, a band picked mostly because Sidney Crosby likes them — so he’s not perfect, it turns out — to stink up the stage. In the past it was frickin’ Nickelback.

This year I’m sure it was also… hmm it seems like it was Arkells. That’s weird. The Arkells are good. They’re not embarrassing at all. They’re, like, enjoyed by actual non-rube people. Their latest album is pretty good and everything.

When the NHL announced Arkells were playing, I assumed it was a typo. Maybe some sort of clerical error. Yeah, okay, they’re Canadian. Big checkmark in their favor there, hockey-wise. But then they played. And they were good.

Using them to open the show, introduce some NHL Top 100 players, and actually seem like they knew who the people they were introducing were? What a novel concept.

Next year: The Hold Steady. Hopefully. I have it on good authority they like hockey. Make it happen.

2 – Joe Manganiello

Hold on, folks. Hold the phone.

Not only can the musical act be good, but the host can be naturally charming and charismatic? Leads one to wonder why this wasn’t considered, say, at any point in the past several years.

Ideally the hosting thing wouldn’t lean so heavily on assuring the audience in the building and at home, “Guess what, gang: I love hockey! It’s so good to watch and I can definitely name the players.”

1 – Including the expansion draft

Having Bill Foley and George McPhee on stage to pick all the guys from the expansion draft, talk through the picks they made — explaining why they took William Carrier over someone else from Buffalo, for example — and it really helped to both give insight into the process.

Of course, Foley had the first big screw-up of the night, announcing the pick from Dallas (Cody Eakin) when he was supposed to announce the pick from Detroit (Stefan Noesek????). But whatever, they could have announced it all at once. No one would have cared.

More important, though, it helped fill in a lot of what often felt like dead space in a too-long awards show. Instead of some awkward comedy segment with like two or three mild laughs in four minutes, an actual important thing happened.

The Worst

5 – Whoever gave Torey Krug a second-place vote for the Norris

Every year you are guaranteed to get some very dumb votes for the various awards. It’s unavoidable.

But whoever thought Torey Krug was the second-best defender in the league this season, well, jeez. I dunno. Like how many games do you have to not-watch to arrive at that conclusion?

The multiple people who didn’t have Erik Karlsson in their top-five at all? Obviously those people should be in jail. But they’re also unreachable; they’ve long ago decided that Karlsson isn’t good at the “defense” part of hockey, even though he very obviously is. You’re not gonna be able to lobby them.

But if you’re thinking, “Well jeez I’ve watched a certain amount of hockey this year, seen all these guys, and I gotta say, Brent Burns had a good season, but Krug was right there,” please turn in your PHWA card.

4 – Pierre McGuire evaluating the expansion draft

Look man, Darren Millard was already talking about some of these guys’ junior teams. So why would they do this to me? Why?

He also came out to intro NHL 18 and made a dick joke. He should not be allowed to do this. I’m calling the FCC.

3 – Photoshop jokes

For each of the last three years at least, there has been a stand-up segment where someone has the horrible misfortune of having to rip through a handful of absolutely terrible, lazy, bottom-of-the-barrel jokes backed up by some photoshop jobs some poor intern spent a maximum of six minutes each putting together.

This year, as a tribute to Manganiello, who is handsome and famous, it was NHL players on magazine covers. Like Mike Fisher and Carrie Fisher on a housekeeping magazine cover! Because they’re married! Get it?

Or Brent Burns on the cover of Dentistry Today! BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE TEETH!!!!

AND DAVID POILE ON THE COVER OF GM MAGAZINE INSTEAD OF GQ MAGAZINE BECAUSE HE IS A GM AS HIS JOB! HAHAHA!

I take it all back this is a great gag that didn’t make me want to die

2 – It was still somehow 14 hours long

Okay you’re gonna build the expansion draft into the show. Last year’s show was two hours. This year’s was only supposed to be two hours, according to my channel guide, but we got to 10 p.m. and the Vezina and Hart hadn’t been awarded, and 20 percent of the Golden Knights roster hadn’t been revealed.

These NHL Awards Shows always feel like they’re incredibly long because they are not entertaining or well-written or paced properly. But see, if you have the expansion draft, you cut stuff. Like that’s the whole thing with it.

That photoshop segment? Get it outta there! The segment with the fried catfish and breath mints? Cut it for time, baby!

How is this allowed to run half an hour long? Someone should be called before a war crimes tribunal for this.

1 – John Tortorella winning the Jack Adams

This is so dumb.

John Tortorella is absolutely one of the absolute worst coaches in the league and the only reason he is considered the best coach in the league this year is a power play that shot 30 percent for half the season, and a Vezina-winning goalie.

But okay, sure, let’s accept that this is the PDO award. Of course it is. Even when Barry Trotz won it last year, Washington had a very high PDO. So that all makes sense. And I guess the consolation I — or anyone else who’s understandably incredulous at this pick — can take from this is that apart from Trotz, the previous three winners all got fired in short order.

So when Columbus is fumbling along next season and Tortorella is bereft of answers for why, well, at least he’s got this award, right?

And how do I know for sure that he’s going to be bereft of answers? In the NHL’s “magenta carpet” show, he told Kevin Weeks that he thinks the key to coaching in this league — and I swear to god he said this — is going away from Xs and Os and more toward compete level and mental toughness.

Good lord.

At least the people running the show played him off like a Best Short Subject Documentary producer who tried to thank every member of their extended family.

Thank goodness for small mercies.

—

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 9 Preview

Well fellas, we’re officially entering in to the second half of the NFL season and I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am exhausted. I think it’s a combination of the 3 AM Free Agency wake up calls and this past Halloween weekend where the majority of us were either blacked out or rolling tits from Friday 9pm until we went to work on Monday morning (except for Chad, who had to use some PTO because he’s such a beta nowadays.) Anyways, since we’re at the halfway point of the season and since TJ didn’t want to issue his personal (pointless?) mid-szn power rankings, I figured I would take this time to at least revisit his initial pre-szn rankings and see what he got right and what he got wrong as of the current mid-szn standings. I mainly wanted to do this because the matchups aren’t overly exciting this week with lots of teams on bye and since nobody is really beefing with each other currently (minus the entire city of Cleveland against the Browns organization). Don’t worry, I’ll eventually get into the matchups/predictions, but strap in because this is going to be a long one - I took work off to do this.

Grading the Caito Rankings - Preseason Edition

To refresh everyone’s memories Tj categorized us into 3 different sections (wow what a fucking racist) dynasties, wild cards and tankers. I am not going to rerank everyone because the standings speak for themselves (duh). I am just going to grade Tj’s original predictive categories.

Dynasties:

Holla’s Heavy Hitters - Wow, right off the bat and Tj couldn’t have been further from being correct as the heavy hitters are currently sitting in last place (tied) with a 2-6 record. Grant it, he has the third most points scored against him, so maybe attribute his poor record to bad matchup luck. Holla will need to climb the leaderboard as high as his friends were Saturday night in order to reach the playoffs. 

2. Crow’s Before Hoes - With all of the trades Pauly has made he has definitely solidified himself as a top contender this year (despite losing his leader Watson for the rest of the season a few hours ago) and has claimed his rightful throne as the LOAD’s 2017 official Trade Guy. 

3. Julio Tones - Tj bet on himself as being one of the top dawgs this year and he has proven it to be true. He’s also probably going to be super pissed after he sees that I am doing all of this, but content is king. People would’ve read your rankings no matter what their preconceived notions were about them ;)....Anyways zeke is spinning right back into that 6 game suspension so let’s see how your squad holds up without everyone’s favorite bucknut.

4. 2 Gurleys 1 Cup - Sam is a perennial contender so this was an obvious pick, however with this past weekend’s rape allegations and with his recent outlandish drug intakes during OU’s Homecoming and Halloween in Cle should he be considered for a 6 game suspension just as much as Tj’s top player? LOAD Presidente will need to address this.... #LockHimUp.

Wild Cards:

5.  Jon SnOBJs - Chad is and will always be a wild card, on and off the court. Just look at some of these pics from last weekend:

6. Little Diggs - Tj underestimated my powers like Obi Wan underestimated Anakin’s. But in this ending, Anakin (Little Diggs) will slay down Obi Wan (Julio Tones) in the duel on Mustafar (fantasy championship) altering the fantasy landscape forever.

 Tankers

7. The Injured Reserve - Casey’s more of a wild card currently sitting in at 4th place, but that David Johnson injury will most likely crawl back to hurt him just like his piss crawls down everyones couches.

8. Ain’t EZ Bein Breesy - Solden’s definitely trying, I’ll give him that. But maybe a little too much time has been focused on Mel instead of his lineup?

9.  The Brady Bunch - Tj thought this was one of the worst rosters drafted and looking at Doug’s starting lineup it’s actually solid all around. He has mitigated his risk by diversifying in all different sectors and taking long and short positions all at the correct time. Dude manages his roster just like his....wait for it.....401k plan. Nice.

10. G-reg 3rd leg - Bingo. Tj thought this was the worst roster in the beginning of the season and so far it has performed that way. Even though Watson just went down today, I bet if Bennet would’ve picked up Waston instead of the guy who likes to kiss titties in his mom’s mini van he would have a better record.

But it doesn’t really matter because the rest of the his roster kinda looks like this:

Alright Tj hasn’t done that bad so far, couple big misses, couple spot on hits. Maybe he can do a year end recap before he retires from fantasy at the end of the season.....Anyways, on to the week 9 matchups:

Ain’t EZ Bein Breesy (3-5; 8th place) vs. The Brady Bunch (4-4; 6th place)

The craziest trade deadline in the history of the NFL just passed and somehow three of the biggest names involved were both on Doug’s team. No way Doug has ever been apart of something more wild. Kelvin Benjamin and Jay Ajayi on their new teams will look to add some extra firepower to Doug’s already well balanced team. Who’s the third name you might ask? Doug scooped up the second coming of Christ AKA Flash Gordon to make his roster for more lit, literally.  The only way Solden can win this one is if he steals Doug’s phone, benches all of his players and then slips some ecstacy in Doug’s drink and hopes he ends up on the Shoreway towards Lakewood Sunday morning before he can get a chance to set his lineup. If not, then Doug wins this easily.

Rachel’s Boyfriend > Mel’s Boyfriend  

Holla’s Heavy Hitters (2-6; 9th place) vs. Julio Tones (6-2; 1st place - allegedly)

I won’t spend much time on this one as Tony’s first place squad should easily handle Holla’s last, especially after Hopkins just lost Watson. However, who would have thought that Holla would’ve turned down doing X with all of his friends and that TJ would be the one rolling face in a gaylord focker nurse’s costume at an EDM concert? Hopefully TJ isn’t letting this whole first place thing get to his head though and starts getting out of control like Manziel did after winning the Heisman....I mean a totally new and ridiculous haircut/mustache, a serious girlfriend, "running” in marathons and oh here’s a new one...being shady to paul:

Not caring about Paul? Wow, careful Teej, Uncle Ben once said, “with great power comes great responsibility”... Tread lightly with that first place title...

Gaylord Focker > Holla

2 Gurleys 1 Cup (5-3; 3rd place) vs. The Injured Reserve (5-3; 4th place)

Sam’s a fucking rapist. 

Casey > Rapey

Little Diggs (6-2; 2nd place) vs. Jon SnOBJs (3-5; 7th place)

Putting past performances aside, I think this week’s matchup between Chad and I will actually turn out to be extremely close. 3 of my usual starters are on bye and the rest are in shit matchups. I think in order for me to pull this one out I’m going to need Chad to pull one of these on Sunday morning and forget to set his lineup:

Passed out in 425′s lobby at 8 am.....what a fucking rookie....

PFT > Big Cat

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK:

G-reg 3rg leg (2-6; 10th place) vs. Crows before Hoes (4-4; 5th place)

I am not sure this should actually be the matchup of the week based on both rosters, but it will definitely be the one that everyone has their eyes on due to the big shakeup that happened today. Deshaun “Better Than Mitch” Watson tore his ACL on a non-contact injury late this afternoon and man will that injury change the landscape across the NFL and Fantasy worlds alike. Not only did pauly lose his leader, but he just traded for Deshaun’s best deep threat in Will Fuller. Didn’t you learn anything from all those years at OU hanging with Doug? Never put all your eggs in one basket...Diversify, Diversify, Diversify. However I think the 2 happiest people in regards to the Watson injury, were the browns analytics department and Matthew the Snowman Bennett. This dude HATES black quarterbacks. He says it’s because of historical trends and that none of them have ever been more than a flash in the pan (dude russell wilson?), but maybe it’s because the Snowman knows no other color besides white ; )

Anyways, if Paul decides to accept one of my trades or at the very least picks up another QB (might I suggest CJ Beathard because that last name is fucking gold) he should be able to pull this one out.

Little Guy > Big Guy

Alright men that is it for Little DIggs this week. Hopefully you all enjoyed. Remember to keep taking that vitamin C and pushing those fluids, the weekend begins tomorrow.

Peace and Good Luck, 

Dom