#can’t keep my hands off you
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In February 2021, Tumblr had 518.6 million blog accounts.
Text
The Blackberry™️ shoutout in this song knocks me out every time.
1 note
·
View note
Text
free will is drawing ur two favorite characters together and making them gay
#akekita content in this economy? it's more likely than you think#this is like for the three ppl that ship them (me tumblr user haliai and atlus)#also which boyliker at atlus designed yusuke's phantom outfit like WHY is he dressed like a gay hooker 💀💀💀💀#the skintight spandex bodysuit designed to show off the slutty waist?? the exposed cleavage?? the cunty little fox tail?? bro 😭#my hand was shaking while i was drawing the second img it felt so IMMODEST 😭😭😭😭😭#i wish atlus confirmed which highschool akechi went to bc i love the hc that he attends kosei#his tie matches hifumi's ribbon so i think they're trying to tell us smt (im delusional)#ANYWAY akechi and yusuke would match each other's freak lowkey like they're both hardcore yappers that weird everyone else tf out#akechi would find solidarity in the fact that yusuke doesn't shut up abt whatever he's interested in#also also the fact that akechi is a mirror version of him bc they're victims of the same situation#both being exploited and utilized as tools after their mothers death#by the man they called father in exchange for validation or a false sense of place#but ultimately yusuke was saved by phantom thieves while akechi refused any pity and slowly succumbed to fate of his own making#really makes you look at atlus and think whats going on in their buttery smooth brains for not including other character interactions#aside from the social links with joker. the wasted dynamic potential between some of the characters is insane 😭#persona 5#p5#yusuke kitagawa#kitagawa yusuke#goro akechi#akechi goro#akekita#bro me when i stay up until three am drawing persona instead of finishing my lab (i’m beyond cooked 💀💀)#i think i need to switch college majors i can’t keep doing this#lotus draws
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Jace is shaking his flat white ASS in a cute little cowboy get up at the renaissance world tour. That man loves Beyoncé.
#Jace the type of queer man that defends Beyonce with his life you know those guys#yes he’s also in assless chaps#he got them tailored so they make his ass look good#he almost doesn’t make it out of the house on time bc Porter can’t keep his hands off#my love for Jace grew while looping lemonade for a month of course he loves Beyoncé#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20#fantasy high#beyoncé#renaissance#d20 fhjy#fhjy#jace 💫💎
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
WOAH time for some random bug-people side characters
#these are very rough doodles. like these designs were completely off the top of my head they’re not final#the bug people aren’t that important I just find it funny that the bugs are actively evolving human traits and nobody really cares#‘that’s a butterfly the size of a human who can speak English’ ‘oh yeah it is. anyway’#COUGH COUGH obvious bug fables inspiration COUGH COUGH#I actually came up with all of these fellas before I knew of bug fables#but the designs? absolutely undoubtedly inspired by it. I can’t pretend they aren’t.#I think I came up with the bug people in early July so yeah it was pre-bug fables obsession#side note. Dalia and Garnet are also nicknamed the geriatric potatoes#despite Daria being pretty young#garnet on the other hand. yeah he deserves the title he does Not have long to live#I fucking love Dalia’s restaurant by the way. I made a jingle for it#pdbc#< oh yeah almost forgot that tag#Daria used to be the same age as garnet and they were a duo and not family but I changed that#I think it’s better if she’s his gay granddaughter who’s just like ‘alright grandpa let’s get you back to bed’#keep getting Dalia’s name wrong damn I need to pay attention
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the cat king#i do not ship them but I don’t want to hate on those who do (mostly) I just want to kind of inform people of the creators meaning for their#Relationship because I keep seeing people saying they hope they get together in s2 and it’s really confusing to me#Their relationship stems from the cat kings own narcissism and predatory behavior and Edwin’s need for someone to push him into under#Standing that his queerness doesn’t have to be torture and can be something giddy#even if he doesn’t return those feelings#The cat king does like Edwin but he doesn’t know anything about him. He likes the game and then he likes the kindness he’s shown despite#Knowing the cruelty he’s presented to Edwin#Queerness and preformance always go hand in hand#He’s a older secretly insecure character#Edwin is the younger#genuinely kind character that shows him that projecting his hurt will never get him what he wants#It’s about the isolation of queerness and the walls put up and the coping mechanism used to protect yourself even at the risk of hurting#Those just like you. That kiss from edwin was to say “I’m sorry your loneliness had caused you to be cruel. It’s the easiest way to feel.#And while I cannot and will not give you what you want or need#you deserve to feel happy and not like you have to gain the attention of uninterested people#I can’t even explain all my thoughts about their dynamic it’s just so much it’s just about the predadation from older queers because of#The trauma they’ve endured and the cycle of hurt and the way we can break the cycle with kindness while also protecting our youths by#Healing those traumas#Something the cat king learns and accepts#Off topic but I don’t like people defending their age gap because#Yes; Edwin is 86#but he died with a teenage boy brain and then spent 70 of those years in hell where he certainly was not getting his brain developed while#The cat king has possibly hundreds of years of sentience and experience. The power imbalance is not if y’all. And that part of their dynami#Is actually very clear I think but some people didn’t catch it?? Or didn’t care??? Idk man
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off
#It’s awful#I used to think short carpet was bad but vinyl flooring is the literal WORST#They should make socks that are lined with a rubbery nubby texture for people with sensory issues and/or allodynia#who find light or sliding contact painful and need deep pressure to function#This is why my grandma always wore her penny loafers— even in the hospital bed#I know what you were grandma#I KNOW you#She knew the lyrics to every song ever from 1890–1980 and would spontaneously burst into song if something you said reminded her of a song#And her mother used to sit down and read the dictionary for fun and was essentially a walking encyclopedia#despite dropping out of school at a young age because she just absorbed everything she could find#My aunt talks really really fast and for a really long time and constantly crochets to keep her hands busy#and according to my mom would rock in a rocking chair for hours and hours#All of my uncles and my mom are slightly socially awkward and take LOONG pauses between words sometimes#and something about their neutral facial expressions is “off” and guess who else looks “off” when I’m not purposefully grandiose#Moi [frames face with hands]#me#I can’t quite put my finger on it but I look a little too “dreamy” and like a fish out of water simultaneously#Like “the lights are off but someone is definitely in there watching and it’s kind of creeping me out”#And I will also read the dictionary for fun and I also happen to be a walking encyclopedia#Right now I’m into herbalism and mushrooms and psychotropic substances so I will recite paragraphs of information unsolicited#about any of those things#I guess it’s a branch off my main interest in psychology and human biology
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay maybe my brain is completely rotted by this man. but he looks like a groom standing at the altar with his best man. beloved husband the aisle is long but i am on my way
#i think i’m just extra delusional today#because i can’t stop thinking about it#i just. want to be his wife so bad#i have no other ambitions#just mrs. decimus meridius#forever throwing myself into his arms and showering him with love#and being loved in return#what a great joy that would be#to look into the eyes of the man you love and see love reflected back#i’m making myself sad now#but i do love him so much#i’ll just be… waiting in his tent or something#awaiting orders 👀#hehehehe#let’s turn this emotionally vulnerable post into a thirsty one before i embarrass myself further#i need those hands ALL OVER ME#i would not be able to get my clothes off fast enough honestly#constantly thinking about how the plainest most vanilla lovemaking would bring me such immense joy#how i would long for it every day and NEVER EVER get tired of it#as long as i could be with him <3#I CAN’T KEEP THE SOFTNESS OUT OF THIS SORRY GUYS#gladiator
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi egg!!!! ive seen the tag a couple times now and im just so curious who is lady terror 👀 an oc? a ship personified? can i peer into your mind for a second (the answer here can also be Who's to say or just NO)
YES! Lady Terror (real name: Genevieve Sinclair) is my sortof self-insert (though she’s gained a bit more of a life of her own now) OC for the Terror. She and Francis as the most disenfranchised from british empirical thought and good society are falling horrifically in love with each other over the course of the expedition in spite of their respective past romantic rejections and dejections and it being the literal Worst Time To Do That. And I tag them when I am… reminded (I’m certain some think I do this too often… but it’s my house). I’m painfully (and soul crushingly at times) trying to get the canon novel for them written (though I have an excerpt of the first chapter in my masterlist in my pinned, should that be of interest), which intends to have the most insane gothic jane austen vibes one could hope for, and I have like 20 au’s for them including a particular western au that is gaining increasing real estate in my brain recently. Loads of content in the “egg’s oc’s” tag if you wanna take a peek (I say mostly bc I’m exclusively on mobile atm bc my computer is in the shop and linking over isn’t very easy😭) and I have some mini fics for them in my masterlist as well!
#thank you for asking about her I have been dying 😭😭😭😭#GOING ASKLESS ABOUT MY DEAR LADY TERROR I AM PARCHED#she’s so everything tho#and francis has so many fucking issues about her its so funny#like picture this: there is a cute girl on the other ship and WOAH she’s actually on the level#but wait you’re treating your breakup like a divorce and literally if it ever happens again you’ll kys like you can’t take it#and then some terrible shit keeps happening on this voyage that you and she tried to prevent but can no longer control#and her life is in your hands but she’s only one of so many and she’s slipping through your fingers all the time#and you have to shut yourself off from her even though you get along like gunpowder and canonballs bc you can’t do a damn thing about losing#her. but she’s too stubborn for that and she can take care of herself bc she’s spent all her life learning how and THEN SHE ALSO CHOOSES TO#TAKE CARE OF YOU#they make me insane but alas my motivation wanes#but opportunities like this help anyway thank u dear moot
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
wrath 🎀
u fucking whore i hope you (buffering. reload. reload) live your life far away from me where we never have anything to do with each other again. i’m sick of being the bigger person and i have a right to resent you for what you’ve done actually you piece of shit. i will not forgive u. good luck with your life but i will win. i’m better than you and i will win.
#i can’t give up girlies#i won’t die and in ten years we’ll meet again for the reunion and u will see#embracing hatred and spite#i really need to eat something before i lose my marbles for real#’ru mad at me about something’ boy the audacity. quit asking this#reason u don’t know is the very reason i’m so pissed off in the first place#i’m the abnormal one for not being over this entire shitshow by now but i have never felt a normal proportion of emotion about anything#this is established#you on the other hand don’t give a shit about anything#ion wanna pretend i’m ok with this rn get the fuck out of this country already#go home#get ur rich family to buy u that m2 and terrorize the english highways what the fuck do i care#i’ll buy my whip with my own money motherfucker#man i’m a bad friend#i’m a bad person#added to list of posts i should probably keep in my drafts but i don’t care; this is my house#huuuuuuu ion wanna talkkk right nowww but what the fuck am i supposed to say#‘ru mad at me?’ yes very much so#why? misplaced sense of entitlement maybe??? i’m evil?? i’m silly and childish and not being fair to you#i don’t want to talk#splitting headache#deep breath. don’t be a sissy little bitch and say the right thing. let me cook
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
lies down on the floor. AGH
#complaining tag#augh idk how to word this but like. i’m chinese. i was born in china and i wasn’t raised there but you can’t scrub it off of me#no matter how hard i used to try and. i wouldn’t call myself dark but by asian beauty standards? i would be#and we have. a singular white headmate that keeps getting startled to look down and see our hands are brown#and just. EGHJKK. AUGH. DON’T LIKE IT!!!!#i’m in that weird diasporia zone where i’m not really chinese enough anymore to feel at home in chinese communities#i don’t know the language of the country i was born in#only a few scattered words and half holidays and traditions#but i’m never going to be american enough to be. gesture#and like. the headmate is cool they’re fine and it’s not like we have any control over this but#it just feels. NOT GOOD? to have that experience of being surprised by our skin and our eyes and our hair and. AUGH#it’s like the embodiment of my attempts as a kid to be as white as i could the erasure of being. flops on the floor like a fish IDKKKK#it’s not a big deal i guess it’s just. weird? all of us more or less have some vague acknowledgment or recognition of being chinese#and to have a complete and utter disconnect stare you down like that is Not Awesome#shrug it’s ok so it goes i guess
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
having shri’iia thoughts as one does bc GUESS who’s save file completely died when the new patch came out nooo we have to replay her again 🤭 alas. just stewing on the thought of how she never got to fuck her Mistress even though she wanted to…!!!! like she was out there getting psychologically tortured and mind broken but she was just like WHY won’t you fuck me im literally doing everything for you. which is so bad for her, woman who already has an excruciatingly low self worth because she missed the mark on the standard for lolth’s children (and that’s worse than not fitting in the standard at all) by something out of her own control btw (not being born in a noble house) but she’s been recognised and blessed by her goddess, and she’s been invited to join a drow house so everything should be good right?? she should be desirable right?? finally everything is correct and well and good and the way it should be right????? but no..!! it’s not..!! and so she’s doing everything for this woman, no dignity left, literally doing anything to get her approval, to be told that she’s finally enough, and she’s finally fitting in - and she gets it sometimes, she gets ignored most times tbh and it’s just this painful excruciating stew of self loathing and insecurity that she’s in, and she’s in there for a century but the thing is she can’t even give up. it’s not in her nature to. and she’s done too much to just give up , and she’s been doing this for a long time that she can’t give up and lolth didn’t raise no quitters so she sticks by it, trying to achieve that hopeless praise. but then one day she gets dropped like nothing, everything she’s done and suffered and worked towards and sacrificed gets thrown out bc her goddess isn’t pleased with her and good luck going home btw you’re not welcome here anymore bc ur pathetic. the rug gets pulled under her feet and she’s left in this strange world that she can barely navigate in let alone speak the language and u expect her to b fine with that…?
#I rlly want to. hmm maybe make a comic or draw something abt shri’iia in the tiefling party#^ bc that is the turmoil currently and she’s PANICKING …!!!!#but she can’t show it. she can’t give herself away. so she gets DRUNK. and she’s in her corner chugging down wine#also like the idea there that she undoes her braid bc her hands aren’t steady enough to put it back to her usual style#and maybe it keeps getting caught lol. so hair down shri’iia 🤭🥳 and her hair is wavy going down near her feet 🥳#hair down drunk shri’iia who looks like she’s having so much fun but if you look at her properly her eyes are rabid#and if u just watch her she’ll just stare at her hands with the most haunted expression#but if someone gets close to her she’ll go back to smiling and laughing and it’s so fun woohoo 🥳#but if someone invites her for a chat she doesn’t want that. just fuck her please the last woman she’s with never did even#though she always got her off. and when she does sleep someone she gets disarmed and bewildered that it’s mutual#and someone else makes her come after how many years#and that in itself is so dreadful that she can’t think about it so she’s like can you drain me again. like what u did before idc just go#for it idcccc and astarion is like. mid dissociating just going through his motions caught off guard bc this is the first time he’s#gonna be drinking someone and fucking them so . unsure what he feels about that chat let’s put a pin on it. does drink her albeit much more#demure than before. he doesn’t wanna go overboard. only doing What he Needs to Do. like hag romance first time rlly is about#the deceit and using each other for their own agenda. so when the act 3 graveyard comes around it’s like a redo of their first time bc#they’re both aware! and present! and there’s no pretense! and I like the idea that shri’iia actually confesses after like when they’re#holding each other. admits that she was actually scared of her own feelings bc it’s new. doesn’t know what to do with it. she’s very aware#of how she loves and her devotion and she doesn’t want to subject him to do bc it’s a Lot#but she wants to learn. and she wants to give her love if he wants it (just want to know if ur capable of love!!!!!)#and it’s this SWEET confession in my head augh aughhh 😭😭😭😭😭😭 maybe I’ll just do a comic of the graveyard scene lol#bc in my head. it’s a bit different. 🤭🤭 and I like it a lot heheheheh…..#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers#oc: shri’iia.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Another batch or Mr. Puzzles quick sketches. I kept forgetting to draw his side pocket in the last couple ones. Random character featured in the little comic-ish Live Interview is some version of doodlesona. Can’t guarantee the dialogue will be believable/sound in character for Puzzles because honestly I’m still working on understanding his talking style and when he sarcastically jokes around or when he chooses to be serious and drop performance act. But in the off chance you wanna read it goes from left to right with reading
#GUYS it’s so hard drawing a character who uses his hands to communicate 24/7 jksjsksp PLEASE#my brain doesn’t know what pose to put him at any given time because he keeps SWITCHING inbetween words#he’s so animated and that’s why I love him so much expression and emotion in display#but I don’t like drawing hands at any given time if I can avoid it so screw him jskjso#the last two pages I think I’ve started to get a hang of how his expressions operate#still need to see if I can pull off the full range in my own style tho#and yes I inserted my silly doodle sona in the interview segment hello wazzup lol#although it’s very much a caricature because in reality I have no issues being on film. Been doing that since I was a toddler it’s natural#was even in a production class in high school operating camera equipment like I honestly love it#speaking of that art…still trying my best to figure out how his dialogue is meant to sound?#like I’ve always struggled with writing character dialogue I’m unfamiliar with the style of#thing is I’m good at acting the part if you give me a script to follow and example of tone inflections#but writing it from scratch is a whole nother struggle#so I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel on point I’ll try to get better at analyzing his speech patterns#honestly think I made it too formal sounding here? Or jumbled in some parts because I was stumped on how he’d translate thoughts to words#still fun interaction tho!#like I think he’d try his best to drop a few moments of empathy and try to get someone with anxiety to feel comfortable#but he’s also got the ratings to worry about and can’t afford it being ruined by someone’s anxiety hiccup#so kinda treading the line of being compassionate and giving advice to calm them v.s impatience to get the show rolling#or something idk still trying to analyze him and how he reacts to given circumstances#can you tell I think way too deeply about all this trivial stuff?#doodles#sketches
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
THOUGHT ABT CHIP JRWI INCIDENT 40 DEAD 32 WOUNDED
#im so fucking far behind so I feel like I can’t rlly say shit#bc either its shit I’ve already said or abt events I haven’t witnessed myself#so I can’t like. give MY take im going off second hand info anyway#idk I just. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!#he’s so selfish and selfless and all he really wants is to protect and love#forever some part of him is stuck as that little boy on the black rose#whether it’s in his desire for family and crew or even just his… simple urge to do good for goods sake that children have#before hard reality and Reuben and the streets told him to keep to himself and only care abt him and his#idk I just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya#it took gillion beating the shit out of him for that selfish shell to break#for him to realize like. hey. you’re impacting the ppl you interact with and you’re being a *dick*#and after we see him care more not just for his crew (like keeping his promise to gillion to not lie or just trying to know them better)#but like. signing for la alma. giving up grimms magic to revive people. stealing from royalty to give to an orphanage#loffinlot chip just… WOULDNT do that. it wouldn’t help him and just puts him at risk. just ignore it keep your head down and leave.#and even WITH that growth he’s still got that selfish streak— in the most positive sense of the term#him turning down Lizzie’s army offer in joaldo is him prioritizing those close to him over the needs of the many#(versus with Grimm doing what serves the most— self-sacrifice is easier to swallow)#anyway. tumblr mobile stopped showing my last tags like 7 lines ago so im stopping here just.#know that fucker is rotating in here again.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
not even funny how hard i was crying yesterday like jesus christ
#honestly might be the hardest i’ve cried (at least in a very long time)#like i was a MESS#and what was it at???#jjk spoilers#jjk season 2 spoilers#NANAMI. AND MAKI. AND MEGUMI AND TOJI.#i was crying for like 4 episodes straight or something and then toji decided to pull that ‘not zenin? i’m glad’ EXCUSE ME SIR#also like toji’s alright he’s not my favourite but OH MY GOD and his eyes changed 😭😭😭😭😭#i’d just finished crying over nanami getting barbecued and then i was off again#i got spoiled for him dying on tiktok spoilers are basically inescapable but oh my god#in the scene where miwa is crying over mechamaru like hands crossed in her chest leaning over that was actually me#i literally had my head parallel to my bed and my arms crossed to my chest like i can’t get communion or some shit 😭😭😭😭#and i had to keep turning my head to look at my tv and just kept sobbing#because by the time he actually died i’d stopped crying because it had been like 5 episodes or something but i was sobbing#and it caught me so off guard when jogo got them i was literally staring at the screen going ‘WHAT?’ before i started crying my eyes out#the pipeline my camera roll goes through its pictures of nanami from like the first episodes of the season and then it’s me crying 😭😭😭😭#i felt so ill about it all i literally couldn’t finish my dinner i ate like a birdseye chicken fillet and then had to give up#also keep in mind i dedicated my entire day to jjk like i watched the movie and then watched all of season 2 in like 9 and a half hours#so when nobara died i was so exhausted i couldn’t even cry i just sort of went ‘you what’ at the screen and had to sit there in pain#but it was so so good all the same like damn#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk season 2#zad talks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Vent abt smth that gets on my Nerves
#tried bringing up to mom like. hey how could I bring up coming out to family. and she was like visibly uncomfortable so I was like dw I’m no#gonna like try to ruin Christmas with it or some shit I’m just. nervous u see. and I’m sat there anxiety rambling abt it because oh my god.#and she pulls out the fucking. ‘can’t you just be a person?’ mom I am a person already. the problem is. the PROBLEM IS. EVERYONE THINKS I AM#AND THUS TREATS ME AS A GIRL. like oh my god.#vent#it’s not a huge vent like if it comes up I’m not gonna Lie moms discomfort abt the matter be damned.#but like. ‘can’t you just be a person’ is what she says every fucking time it comes up. like mom. mother. mi madre. do you realize how much#of an insult that feels like when you say it EVERY TIME I bring up trans anxieties. or dysphoria. or any of the ways my transness affects my#life. like being trans doesn’t make me less of a person oh my god. but also frankly I don’t have the patience to be nice about getting into#things and I don’t have the heart to hurt her about it and even if I did have one of those I don’t have the patience to hold her hand#through all this shit. like I gave up having mom on this journey ages ago do you know how painful it is to un-give up on something that#immense. it’s hard and it hurts and it burns and it’s like. giving up to begin with didn’t hurt too bad- it’s cutting off the festering#wound. but. but then. you find out that. you can in fact work with that. and suddenly you have to try and clean the wound. care for it and#wrap it and do it all over again. and god it hurts. and. I’m not entirely sure I want to un-give up all the way on this? it’s. a lot#like I get and I appreciate that she’s trying to do. something. in theory at least. she avoids the subject when I bring it up and all but#cringed when I brought up coming out to her side of the family. she calls me my deadname and her daughter more than she did before she said#she would try. and I don’t have the energy to uncover that wound enough to start cleaning it. I’m just letting it sit there because frankly#it’ll be such a huge thing because it’s Always a huge thing when I don’t let the subject drop mega fast and I’m. I know she’s not gonna cut#me off for just being trans but GOD I want to keep ONE of my parents in my fucking life when I’m able to stand on my own two feet holy shit#and. man. it appears this is. still more of a thing than I thought it was. thats. annoying and inconvenient
3 notes
·
View notes