#can’t focus basically
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i need to read back through bedrockrp tntduo threads to remind myself of tthem but i got really scared earlier and still now so I think I’m just in hell or something. thank god for youtube videos or whatever
#this post is about rp blogs#can’t focus basically#but I saw the post earlier about ): talking about our fav moments for their anniversary..#I’ll get there when I can lie back down in my bed without getting Scared perhaps
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english punditry is so lazy and full of bad takes it makes me hate this country even more
#their narratives about trent when we haven’t even played a flipping game yet have been absurd#walker and trippier who’ve made plenty more mistakes this season are perfect players tho!!!#even tho walker was no where to be seen for the iceland goal last week#and then england looked so awful until trent came on the pitch. but ok#this is why this country will never be successful. u have former players ripping into the team and highlighting their weaknesses#before they every kick a ball? yet there’s no questioning the manager and his tactics no let’s just scapegoat the one player#who can create from anywhere on the pitch and who completed club football as a RB in his#early 20s#i could go on bc this is so fucking stupid like even the ITV interview they said with him last season where they were basically being like#‘do you think you can defend bc we all basically see u as a massive weakness lol’ and he just had to sit there!!!#no other player got that treatment ie rashford or trippier or reece james or anyone else it’s just trent they focus on#this country will never prosper and i will laugh bc if they can’t fit a player into a box of what they think they should do#they automatically shun them and say there’s no place for them. and then wonder why we’re so unsuccessful#anyways. defending trent isn’t enough i need a gun#england nt
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i’m so overwhelmed by things that shouldn’t be overwhelming...
#among them‚ i’ve fallen behind on drscula dauly for the first time this year and it’s stressing me out cuz i really really wanted to keep up#this year that was the one goal i had for the year is keep up with it. last year i fell way behind when my brother died and it was so hard#catching up and the entry on the 30th was a little longer than they’ve been recently and i’ve been busy and also slipping back into depressi#on real bad and i’m just not in the mood for it and i feel like it’s just gonna snowball#and this is such a non issue. it’s a book. that i’ve read before. but still it’s just stressing me out. among other things#like library books that are overdue and i haven’t finished or journal entries i want to write or a letter i’ve been wanting so badly to writ#e and a short story idea that i wanted to write down but is escaping me and fucking. tumblr notifications#these are non issues!!! but it feels like there’s a timer for the world to end again all the same.#ugh#and i should be able to focus on one thing and get it done! these things shouldn’t be hard! they’re even meant to be enjoyable! but i can’t#get myself to do anything lately#and on top of all that i’m not able to fall asleep even with my sleep meds.#what even ever‚‚‚#anyway sorry for the rant i’m basically fine
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Fuck it. I’m leaving work early to watch the stream from home.
#dan and phil#phan#I don’t care any more lol#I can’t focus here anyways.#I basically showed up had 2 meeting. ate lunch and now I’m going home#not the most professional but whatever
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Mom is bringing me her tortilla soup tomorrow I love her 😭 mostly bedridden today because going up and down the stairs is too much for my body and it wants to faint
#the minister speaks#spent this morning on the floor in the kitchen eating fruit lol#woke up at like 7 so I’m just crawling through the day. basically#might sit up and play some. idk. something#maybe make the day go faster#I’m glaf covid isn’t hitting me so hard this time (get your boosters) but still I can’t really focus#hrmgh… hungry. should do something about that#also desperately craving an orange fanta. for some reason?
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Nothing more frustrating than having a dream set in an amazing book series and then waking up to find out it doesn’t exist. Guess I’VE gotta write this now
#it was so INTERESTING and vivid. i woke up like ‘i swear i’ve read this’ but it doesn’t actually exist#okay so the setting was this world where the moon has cracked in half (potentially due to human intervention idk)#the tides have gone super weird because of this#the majority of humans live at basically the tops of really really tall buildings. like at high altitude#at the lower levels; it’s just water. the lower down you go the humidity increases also#so as well as the humans who live at the top of the world there are vaporous species living at the mid level and there are mer-creatures#in the sea. god knows how agriculture works in this world. i know people had rooftop gardens#maybe everyone had adapted to a vegan diet or maybe there was trade with the mermaids to get fish. idk#anyway; the majority of my dream was concerned with this elite university academy and this one problematic student named alex#he had been sentenced to life imprisonment for basically insulting the government (this was a very totalitarian regime that had formed when#the world first cracked and everything went to shit)#but he would be able to get his sentence overturned if he took this one class (i think it was civics or politics or something#with a media focus) and basically created the best propaganda video imaginable#so they were basically requiring him to recant his claims publicly; endorse the government; and he had to do it so convincingly#that his video would be rated the best in the class#the other people in the class included these two sisters who also badly needed to pass in order to graduate#and a bunch of exchange students#also the sky is basically a television in this world#everyone is up so high that they can see the moon fractured in two and it’s Really close to the earth#but you can’t see much else in the sky. so they were doing shit like beaming everyone’s class schedules and syllabi and lists of what you#need to buy for class directly into the sky#i don’t know if i’m selling it but it was so INTERESTING. i was really annoyed when i woke up and realised i couldn’t actually read this#because it doesn’t exist#APPARENTLY i have to write it. which is worrying because i’m not at all good at worldbuilding. but honestly the dream was so vivid#i can basically just.. take it and expand on it very slightly#i think what interested me was the backdrop of this elite university that all the kids of rich family go to vs the obvious reality#of this world; where there is food scarcity and very little diversity of habitats. and a dictator#personal
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send me three emojis and i’ll use them as prompts to write a lil one-scene ficlet 🫡
#a scene about dean my good friend dean#and cas will probably be there lbr#possibly other characters too but dean is front and center babeyyy#cass writes fic#emoji prompts please!!!#basically#i feel like writing but i’m sleepy and anemic af today and can’t focus on anything i should be working on#so this is my compromise with myself#because if not this i’m gonna just fire up the playstation and play the long dark#where i will inevitably be mauled by a bear
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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope#I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little#and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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my brain is so violently ping ponging between interests this last month. i’ve thought about fwrr, phineas and ferb, NSP, pokemon, and vocal synths like all at once. can my brain PLEASE decide. i’d like to go back to having one big fixation bc this is so draining
#seaspeak#not even including OCs into this which is WORSE#because thats aNOTHER thing i think about#i really wish i could just magically take a pill that lets my brain always be focused#i get so exhausted because theres so many things going through my head at any given day and i dont know how to explain this to people#because theyre just like oh try to focus oh try to meditate#bro i cant even focus when i try to use the toilet or take a shower#i can’t do basic activities without it taking a million years because my head is so full of Thoughts of all types
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Would it be okay if you draw Season 2 Duke from " The Vampair Series " holding his hand out to the viewer.
References of Duke 😍 ( I am sorry controlling myself )
Thank u so much ❤️
his season 2 design is so handsome and I am more than happy to draw him for you so a double Duke for ya friendo 🫶❤️
first pic he’s wearing a glove and he’s missing a thumb (based on the referenced image)
second pic he’s not wearing a glove and he has a thumb! (this is just for fun)
#i am so sorry for the delay! it’s ramadan and i’m currently fasting this month#i get a little bit moody when im hungry hehe#basically when im hungry i can’t focus on drawing lol#but it’s done!!! finally done just for ya <33 i hope you like it!!!#the vampair series#duke of vaults#daria cohen#vampire#fanart#my art#art by me#ibispaintx#✏️ request ✏️#ask#blurryfangirlansuke
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Since I’m not doing NaNoWriMo in any official capacity, I’ve decided to let myself bounce around projects and add up the word count for whatever bit of progress I make across multiple works.
That means I’ve been opening up a lot of different stories and rereading older stuff, and there’s a lot of good stuff that I don’t think I’ll ever post.
Mostly bc I don’t like the idea of putting out snippets of things that might never get a full official story, or the fandom is something I’m not sure I want to associate with (even if it’s to “do it right.” I mean a lot of it is going “yeah so the original was pretty shit but here’s my take” and it feels weird putting that in front of people who are fans and presumably like the original version? Feels like putting “x critical” stuff in the main tag, idk. Then again I know people do that and I don’t have a problem with other people doing it, and the “thanks for canon but we’re taking it away from you now” is also a relatively common attitude so maybe I should get my head out of my ass lol)
But then I’ll read a really good bit I wrote and just go “oooOOOH BUT THAT’S SO JUICY IT MUST BE SEENNNNN” 😂
Idk I just have been pouring several thousand words into a fic that I love but have never considered uploading and I feel the need to acknowledge it in some way lol
#the problem with this one in particular is that it’s both a ‘rewrite the canon story but replace the mc with an oc’#and also I’ve focused so much on side characters and villains that I’ve even trying to find out how to file off the serial numbers#bc it might be different enough that it’d better off as original work#BUT the whole premise does hinge heavily on the settings of the original canon#but it’s also a book series and author I hesitate to align myself w even if I’m basically going#‘yeah he did this all wrong and the original is also super colonialist? so let’s not do that’#but ALSOOO I didn’t start writing this to fix he racist parts I started bc I wanted to romance the big side character dragon >_>#and fixing hat stuff is not necessarily the whole focus which might be disrespectful? idk???#but I also can’t in good conscience avoid mentioning it bc. it’s the whole plot of the original#AND IT’S SO BAD#the optics are so bad!!!! there was definitely no sensitivity reader! or they were really bad at their job!!#and it bugs me and pointing out all the ways the original is accidentally (I mean hopefully it was an accident) siding w the#colonial power against a native population’s uprising. like.#‘oh if they escape their reservations they’ll kill everyone indiscriminately we can’t let that happen!’ that’s straight up propaganda#like you’re a white Mormon dude I shouldn’t be surprised but ALSO#DAMN SON THATS OVERT#ok rant over lol#epon rambles
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you ever see a “critique” of something you like that is just so wrong and bad-faith?
#ramblings#i’m gonna be vague but basically imagine hating on an innocent AU just because it’s got ships you can’t accept#and then claiming the creator of the AU is trying to force that ship on others? that’s the stupidest thing#if you don’t like a certain ship then you can literally just ignore AUs that focus on it#petty af -_-#whether you like it or not AUs can have infinite little differences from thr source material and that’s completely valid actually#it’s not harming anyone it’s just good fun!
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What the hell, that’s actually a really funny line
#mobbtalks#I think the fact I’m working on the five dragons again has like. flushed my brain back to a lot of old unfinished projects#this is from a take on the adventure zone balance where Taako can see Lup’s ghost the whole time#but the have No Way to communicate so really it’s a lot of frustrated charades#I’m also being fucking. haunted. by Voltron. I am not doing it I am not writing it but there was an au idea I had years ago#that had decided to move back into my head WITHOUT permission#basically at the start of Voltron they show up on the castle or w/e and wake up allura and. other guy. right#well the idea I had was what if they don’t do that#it would have picked up multiple years later when Pidge(? I think) managed to reconnect some faulty relay and the pods come back online#I think they were like stasis/healing pods? rough getting around w/o those#and essentially it would be like. a real deep dive onto allura and other guy#if I remember right they essentially are the last survivors of their whole race. a desperate last hope#how would they feel waking up to find that a group of people have done it without them? people from a planet that doesn’t even know Voltron#it was gonna have a lot of focus on grief and the lions and change#and i refuse. not doing it. nuh uh can’t make me Get Out Of My Head#a real big focus on team as family which as far as I can recall the real Voltron never really did NOT DOING IT NO#anyway this taz fic has a lot of really good lines actually but this is my favourite
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lol as soon as I match with someone on tinder, I delete the app because I’m a scaredy cat and don’t want to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known 😅
#I just wanna kiss!#I don’t want to date or meet someone new!#I want to already know you and have inside jokes and already feel comfortable around you!#very realistic#girl looked really cute so I’ll try to focus on feeling flattered than feeling shitty that I chickened out#I’m just a silly lil guy who can’t talk to strangers to save his life I don’t know what to tell ya 🤷🏻♂️#this is the last post about it I promise#deleted the account. deleted the app.#my life is just… ugh such a mess that I really just… I can’t go and do much of anything#my profile basically said I just want to get late-night slushees and make-out and that’s literally about all I can do at this point 😬#which sounded good but I realized I don’t want to do small talk about my shitty life and feel like I’m convincing them I’m worth their time#even if it’s just a few hours of awkward groping and messy kissing I want them to actually want me#aaaand I just can’t reconcile that maybe someone actually might want me. at least not some stranger who only knows me from a few pictures#I have such a hard time believing I’m worth all the trouble#it’ll be okay 😬#a little yearning is good for you#which must mean a lotta yearning is great!#blegh#dating apps suck#meeting anyone in general sucks#everything just sucks#or it doesn’t and I’m just being shitty…#you can ignore this#take it sleazy#text
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okay so i didn’t cut myself bangs, my hair just already has bangs if brushed differently
SO I’VE HAD BANGS BACK FOR THIRTY SECONDS AND IVE ALREADY DONE SELF-SOOTHING BEHAVIORS THAT MAKE ME FEEL SEVEN AGAIN I AM MY BANGS MY BANGS ARE ME
#i cant explain the amount that my dsyphoria is built around my bangs#my bangs and my self-image =/=#i think#wait this is gonna be awkward I wonder if this is a thing#I’ve never realized this before#but like#i cant see faces in my memories right like I know what people look like but I cant conjure their pictures in my brain#(fuck thinking about this is making me try and I think I’m hurting my head. like I get memories and essences and their face is basically#there but it’s like doctor who where if you focus you can’t actually see. like yeah I know the facts so I feel like I’m seeing it but I cant#actually see their faces.#so anyway. i guess because that probably meant I couldn’t picture my own face#?do people do that???#i knew what I looked like based on bangs#so family photos. which one am I? bangs#and ever since they’ve been gone I still try to draw myself or picture myself with bangs#it’s def just cause I’m high but I can feel them and they’re like a reassuring warmth on my forehead#i feel so at peace#also like I recognize peoples faces im actually really good at faces so this isn’t me talking about prognosia just in case that’s unclear#it might be some weird imgination thing but I think this is how kinds work? I’ve always been unclear how much is exaggeration and not in the#whole ‘picture this’ thing. cause like. i can get the essence and ALMOST see it. but really trying to see it almost hurts my head. like I#cannot do it. but I kinda have always felt like other people could see it and I was just locked out of my imagination seeing#but also I knew that was dramatic and probably no one could see things and I was just taking idioms too literally and being weird#wow I’m high over sharing but these bangs are unlocking childhood nostalgia for real for real#and damn I really should’ve figured out the combing of this thing earlier but. sometimes I am dumb#and also I know it wouldn’t have worked not that long ago
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the problem with watching movies and tv shows is that I start copying whichever character has the most interesting way of speaking and long story short I’m trying not to talk like david bowie’s andy warhol impression lest I sound insane
#it’s such an entertaining way of talking and if you didn’t know he played warhol I recommend looking up a clip to see what I mean lol#but like this happens every time with every show or movie basically#I know I can’t be the only one who does this but sometimes the level to which this goes feels like a uniquely me thing#I’ve felt it happening with irl people too and I had to consciously focus on suppressing it. it was strange#bowieposting
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