#can you tell my adhd meds kicked in as i started writing this

[querade]

Doctor who's season 13?? ESPECIALLY the Yaz Hug moment

So with the new specials coming out I thought I'd post my thoughts on the season 13 finale

The doctor breaks herself into three different versions ,three different pieces overwhelmed by solving three equally pressing problems. I hear everyone’s issues with the 13th doctor etc etc but this was the PERFECT finale to her character--the entire arc is so chock-full of different problems EVERYWHERE that the doctor is squashing out.

I didn't realize it until then but the entire point of the Flux and the doctor closing herself off and not telling yaz and dan anything--AHH such a good idea!! It's the perfect way to represent everything as her arc comes to its climax.

Also just. The 13th doctor doesn't want to worry people so she doesn't tell her companions squat and just constantly deflects. you know how Clara uses the TARDIS and pseudoscience as a coping mechanism to get away from the Bad Things she has to eventually deal with?? YEA. NOW THE DOCTOR IS DOING IT.

in a way you see she's kind of grateful that she's in the middle of all this, because then she doesn't have to face anything :3—which is terrible and awful, but easy to rationalize because 'people's lives are on the line and she has to save them'!!

Naturally the doctor has always had a problem with being far too selfless. and while this arc doesn't state it directly, the acting and the camera work and the situation all state it indirectly enough. And Yaz is kind of the only one who notices cause she's the only one who's been there long enough?? anyways ahhhh when the companions finally reunite after like two episodes of being apart, its just. the doctor forces herself to stop the 'how do we fix this' brain and she makes herself pause and just goes "wait" and she stops and HUGS YAZ for like three seconds. It's the first break, the first silent, not-really-tense moment you get in an EXTREMELY long time. And even then it doesn't feel like long enough.

THE YAZ HUG MOMENT IS SO GOOD: I guess I noticed it was weird that it lasted so long but I couldn't exactly figure out why it was such a good choice. And then. In that whole meet-up scene, the cuts are SO very well done. You have the camera circling her, spinning, and the Doctor sees someone, says their name—

"Yaz! Dan! Kate Stewart, Kate Sewart! Jericho! Victorian-looking bloke!"

With every new bit of information, in a row, it jumps to a new cut, a new angle, with no continuity of the Doctor's previous pose—and i mean no continuity, from one cut to the next she is 180 degrees with completely different hands and head positions— but with possibly MORE stuff that she has to cram into this situation and spread herself even thinner--and it feels kind of like she's losing her mind.

(She kind of was.)

But she doesn't realize it yet or want to face it or can't face it or whatever, just keeps going, and then forces herself to pause. and to stop.

After all the losses, loss after loss after loss after loss in this arc, after making an extremely difficult, selfless decision, after all it cost her, she takes just a little selfish moment for herself to say, "Wait." and she chooses to not do anything. she chooses to take three long seconds to turn and hug yaz. not anyone else.

Of course, once she does, the camera stops spinning and idk i was just like 'WOW we really have been going nonstop for just a ridiculous amount of time haven't we.' and that was kinda when i realized that yea, I am gonna miss season 13's version of jodie whittaker.

[kragehund-est]

hey, not to make this your problem, but my adhd is kicking my ass. what systems do you use that work for you?

here are some of the things i use to help myself. everyone's different though, so see what works for you. @ anyone else, feel free to chime in with what you do.

study/work:

do NOT have your phone in the vicinity, and also put it on do not disturb.

dedicate a clear space to work in, don't do other things in that space.

set a timer for 25 min and study til it runs out. take a 5 min break. repeat 3 times. then take a 40 min break. (pomodoro technique) plan ahead of time what will happen in each of those time slots.

it's fine to fidget or doodle, but do a periodic check that that's not becoming your main focus. i use a grip strengthener because i don't have to look at it to use it.

if you listen to music, either set a playlist or accept whatever music comes on. if a song you dont like comes on, simply accept it and let it pass. DON'T PICK UP YOUR PHONE TO CHANGE IT.

if you find your mind drifting while you're studying/working, don't stay in the same place, get up. get a glass of water, stretch, get a snack, whatever. come back once you feel you can focus better.

memory:

a lot of people will tell you to set up a morning/nightime routine. instead of putting in steps like 1. brush teeth 2. take meds, etc., my routine is to force myself to walk along a predetermined path in my house. it's much easier to remember to do things when i SEE them

if you have something you misplace often, like you wallet or keys, give it a home. i have a little box on a table by my door.

if you have to remember to bring something with you (like a backpack, gym bag, or gift for a friend), place it directly in front of the door. you cannot leave without looking at that thing.

also, you can get carabiners and clip things together. i used to always forget my water bottle. well now i physcially cannot do that because i clipped my car keys to it.

write things down! "nahh i'll just remember it" <- no you will not. bring a notepad and pen.

in that same vein, don't put anything off when it takes two seconds. pay for something with your card? immediately afterwards put the card back in your wallet, lest you drop it in your pocket and then forget it there when you wear different clothes the next day.

i have a huge whiteboard in my living room that has my calendar and my to-do list.

on my calendar, i put not only the event, not only the TIME of the event, but also i include the time i need to leave in order to arrive on time, and list anything i need to bring with me.

the to-do list has completion times and priority level next to it. i will NOT start a low priority 40 min project when i have high priority 5 min project. even if the 5 min one sucks.

general tips:

everyone with adhd knows routine is important, but if you find part of a routine difficult, find the root issue and adjust it. problem: i take too long to get dressed in the morning. cause: too tired to make a decision, uncoordinated because of sleepiness. solution: lay your clothes out and loop your belt through belt loops *before bed* so you don't have to do it half asleep

don't mix stimulants. caffeine or adderall alone: cool. caffeine and adderall mixed: twitchy sociopath behaviors and shaky hands.

don't worry about maintaining "normalcy", if something works for you, do it.

limit phone use, especially short form media like reels. it has been proven to both induce and worsen adhd-like symptoms.

i know this is cringe but maintain your physical health. exercise, sleep well, drink water, eat balanced meals.

[a-cure-for-hysteria]

A RANT ABOUT PARTY DRUGS AND PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS

(Expect little cohesion, don’t want to edit this after writing)

Another thing about medicine (both psychiatric and otherwise) is the lies we - collectively - tell ourselves about them. After seeing Dopesick on HBO, even my most conservatives relatives would agree that it’s “such a shame about that girl” and “who’s to say we wouldn’t end up like that with her life”. Basic empathy - finally - but bear with me.

The characters in Dopesick are pretty much fine until they are so tolerant or have been on Oxy so long that no doctor is willing to prescribe more. Then, they’re off to the streets, doing anything they can for oxy, heroin, later fentanyl. The only thing they had in common was some sort of injury happen to them, and a doctor sponsored by Purdue Pharma.

Personally, I have (due to a long list of diagnoses, of which none have been revoked as I got new ones, for some reason) automatically renewed prescriptions in almost all the drug categories. I have amphetamines, cannabinoids, zolpidem, pregabalin and benzodiazepines. If I ask nicely and have a good reason, I get Oxy too - luckily for me, my body has some sort of allergic reaction to opioids, so addiction is unlikely.

However, my cornucopia of legally prescribed substances is a constant, looming threat to my continued well-being, made even more so by the fact that I need them to survive. I just have to NOT go overboard. Sometimes that’s easy, sometimes it’s hard.

I’m 30-something now. I live a pretty calm life - child free with cats and a loving partner, somewhere in rural Northern Europe. Before that, I partied hard. I’ve tasted all the substances for fun (and later; out of social necessity) and let me tell you - the effect I get from a rail of amphetamine snorted from a CD cover at 02:47 AM on a Wednesday, at a party (three tweakers in a dirty apartment) I’d never attend sober… that clear, ready feeling, it’s the same as what I get from 60 mg of Vyvanse each morning.

“People with real ADHD don’t get high from their meds!” you might say. Your ignorance is forgiven. There is so much we don’t know about the brain, about ADHD (if it’s even ONE thing and not several, if it’s generic or trauma or both) and let me tell you - me being high on my meds IS what makes me do the dishes. Go to work. Remember how my partner feels before I take all the dinner scraps without asking if they’ve eaten. I am high. I have taken speed at parties and I know. Every day, I know.

There is no inherent difference between the speed you do at a party and the speed your doctor gives you. Sometimes prescribed speed is tied up with lysine, making you wait an hour before it kicks. Sometimes you get BAD speed at parties - levoamphetamine and not dextroamphetamine. Sometimes it’s cut with bad stuff. But - it’s the same. It’s the same it’s the same it’s the same.

I am as addicted as the guy living under the bridge. However, I get to call it meds and everyone is so happy about my go-getter attitude at work, and how I am a valuable asset to the company. My partner rejoices upon learning I now do my half of the chores. My mom says I seem happier, more well-adjusted. A friend tells me she considered just leaving me alone because I never seemed to get my shit together, but now my shit IS together. Nice!

I recently upped my dose from 30 to 2 x 30 mg Vyvanse. No problem - it even says so on the prescription that I can. I’ve been taking out two boxes at the pharmacy every month, but haven’t taken the correct dose since I started. I just didn’t need to, except now and then on stressful days. Now I need 60 mg, and it doesn’t even feel like 30 did in the start. What happens when 60 is no longer enough for me to feel the high that allows me to get anything done? And, am I lying to myself? Would 30 have been fine? I need, need, need the clear, ready feeling. And I need to get shit done. I need people to be happy with me.

Yes, that’s it. I need people to be happy around me. Is there a rehab for that?

[15-lizards]

(this is voltron anon) but OH GOLLY GEE WHERE TO START. its honestly not a “send an anon about it” sort of story but more of a “tell around a campfire with dramatic reenactments” sort of story, but i guess i COULD have  compromised for messaging you about it. except im on temporary ghost mode?? sort of???? i dont know how long itll last but basically we had a little ✨crisis✨ and i deleted all my post and unfollowed all my mutuals and unliked everything i had previously liked and deleted all messages and basically purged my account clean, short of actually deleting it bc my mental stability depends on the feeble bursts of serotonin u get from scrolling on the hellsite. and so now i only interact through anons, bc again, ✨reasons✨(fyi its also bc of voltron)

but if i ever DO get back on my regularly scheduled bs, i will tell you the full story. possibly in like. 5 months. if my calculations are correct. 

that being said i think i can spare you and your humble followers some note-worthy anecdotes about The Fallout, yk, as a treat;

fainted a total of three times. reasons varied.

insomnia induced hallucinations and crippling paranoia that left me curled up sobbing on the floor of my childhood bedroom my beloved <33

also got a bit into computer programming (i ran a pidge kinnie blog back in the day and that largely influenced my decision)

attempted parricide

changed my major like three times?? technically four??? in like a year

taken to a witch doctor to smoke out the gay adhd demon possessing me

punched said doctor and cemented the belief that i was evil and gay

worked at a vet clinic?? for like a week?? idk it was kinda random but fun

filled out seven journals in less than a year. writing mostly illegible and when i can make out the words they either dont make sense or just. sound weirdly ominous. idk it was probably whatever meds i was on at that time

knitted a scarf <3

lost my cat

dropped out of drama club AFTER ALMOST DYING

accidentally kicked my brother in the balls. hard. yes bc of voltron. 

also i technically changed continents 3 times haha

it was an eventful time period. felt longer than it was. but yea maybe ill tell the full story one day. (i can be cool i promise just gimme a chance)

[delta-pavonis]

Dunno if you have been asked this before but, what's your writing process like?

I have not been asked this before, so thank you for asking!

The short version is: bold of you to think I have a process! 😅

Long version: I have ADHD and my brain just goes OOOH SHINY and then quite literally heaves forth a bunch of words/images that I might be lucky enough to get down in a doc. If I get positive responses that gives me dopamine, which encourages that specific type of content or ship or AU. My brain is starving for dopamine (yes, I have a whole bunch of doctors and a therapist and am on meds, but that can only do so much and I was only formally diagnosed maybe two years ago), so it pretty much pulls an ADHD version of Mari Kondo with every single activity - it will hold that one thing in its hands, ask Does this spark dopamine? and if it doesn't *YEET* there goes my motivation to do the thing.

It is 50% superpower and 50% absolute pain in the ass. For example, Hellknight!Hob exists because I saw some pictures completely unrelated to The Sandman on Insta and came up with a short AU, posted it to Tumblr, and the response was HUGE (to me at least, not like, huge in the grand scheme of all fandoms). Right now I haven't been getting lots of positive feedback on Hellknight stuff (not through any fault of my wonderful readers, but just simply because I haven't posted recently) and therefore I quite literally have trouble getting myself to write more of it. Which of course, puts more time in between posts, which reduces positive feedback, which makes my brain shift to other things even if I don't exactly want it to. It is WACKY.

Which is to say... fun trick: if you want me to write more of something, tell me you like it and I will start leaning towards it. This is why I have a drummer/dancer AU sequel in the works.

So, you know, if anyone is missing Hellknight and wants to wax poetic about it to me, I wouldn't mind having something else to kick my mind into gear... 😅😅😅😅😅😅

I do, however, have a few tools I lean heavily on:

I write in GoogleDocs and keep everything accessible offline, even from my phone, so I end up writing bits and pieces even when I am in random ass places.

Wordhippo.com is my main reference as dictionary, thesaurus, etc. You can literally type "word hippo ___" into your search engine of choice and fill in the blank with the word you are looking for and the page for that word will pop up.

I used this resource to get the AO3 html formatting script in GoogleDocs. It is a lifesaver. I also have used AOYeet.

And I have some amazing AMAZING fandom friends who help with all the ups and downs of creating fanworks as a hobby and without whom I wouldn't still be here.

[claireandacat]

Well, this is going to be my personality for the rest of my life…

I like to call myself a cinephile. I love movies and I love that even though it’s difficult for folks with ADHD can’t really sit through one, somehow I can. Unless it’s a chick flick, I cannot get into cheesy af romance.

I’ve always loved movies as a child all the way until present day adulthood. I don’t have any school or studying I gotta do so ever since graduating medical assistant school I’ve been trying to find “adult” hobbies for the past year and a half.

The one that sticks the most is watching movies.

I don’t know why. Maybe because I love analyzing the story, filmography, acting, choice of cast, music of a movie and really just digging deep and discovering the meaning, the writing, symbolism etc. plus I can kick back and have a gummy or seltzer and cuddle with my cat, if he wants to join he never does.

Maybe it comes from my dance background. I mainly danced ballet, contemporary and modern and usually those dance types are expressive. There is a method of adding feelings and emotions with your movement to convey or tell a story with the music and choreography.

Maybe I just love getting sucked into a good story and with reading you gotta pay attention with the words and details and that gets difficult for not only someone who is ADHD but is also a dyslexic. Movies are purely visual and everything folds out in front of you.

My neurospicy self has been comparing and contrasting almost everything I’ve come across for the past couple years. Well, most my life more like it but this time my brain more developed and can really think about all sides more clearly. I’ll compare the simplistic and most random of things. Since I started working in healthcare I’ve been noticing trends, behaviors and habits of each generation.like for example, I’ve noticed boomer men are very dependent on their wives. They don’t know what meds they’re on, what for and the dose but their wives do. They tend to have certain expectations of how things run. If there is a long wait at the urgent care due to understaffing, they will let me know and give me attitude as if it’s my fault the place is understaffed or we had to stop taking patients back for a bit because EMS was called. Gen X and beyond tend to have a lot more grace if it’s something we cannot fix in a second.

I will say all this comparing and contrasting really does exercise the mind. Or maybe it’s just my neurospicy mind making sense of everything.

I JUST LOVE MOVIES OKAY?

And I am noticing lately that when watching movies that I’m really watching it and admire it in every single way.

An example would be with Oppenheimer. When the day of the trinity test comes, there is this gradual intensity that plays out and you can FEEL this intensity as the team is getting ready for this test bomb. The music is frosting on the cake because just like the whole scene, it too gradually gets more intense. Then they press the button. It’s a beautiful montage of flames and explosions in PURE SILENCE. I cannot explain the beauty of the flame animations and pure silence after such an intense moment. It’s like a relief.

I of course have to mention Wes Anderson when it comes to scenes that just feel so complete to me. Wes also knows how to add charm and bits of comedy. One of my favorite is the part of The Grand Budapest during the prison break and they retrieve the long latter and you know it’s long because it’s coming across the screen in more than a few frames, but after those few frames you know and get the idea this is a long latter.

Or in 28 Days Later there’s a certain beauty and eerie-ness of seeing Jim, Cillian Murphy’s character walking around an abandoned post apocalyptic London wondering what the hell just happened after he has woken up from a coma in a different world.

The movie Rush which is based on a true story, has to be my favorite rivalry story. The two main protagonists start out as typical rivals, ones more reserved and the other is more proud and experienced. As the story plays out, Niki Lauda starts winning as these races while James Hunt starts to struggle. This tug of war ends when Niki gets into an awful accident during a race. I won’t spoil too much so I’ll stop myself but In the end, they become eventually friends.

I love movies. I love finding beauty in them. I love thinking about the significance and symbolism of certain scenes. I could go on all day. Thank you for reading my rambling.

[qvirkycrxxtvre]

I’ve decided whilst tripping balls on mushrooms this evening that I will be posting here a tad more.

What it is, is I keep a diary on my notes app on my phone, but I’m deciding to just like, move it. Here.

I say this because I feel like it’s such a waste to live the life I live and it to be told to no one. I know I have this conclusion bc I have dead relatives that didn’t have the literacy to document their stories and I remember my family asking me to listen to these terribly scary familial stories in hopes I would do something good with them, make some kind of art. I won’t.

I don’t talk to my family anymore.

Pause rephrase

I’m not telling you my name, but I want whoever reads this to know this blog will contain the incredibly intimate thoughts of a mentally unwell woman. Me.

I need help, and I’m sure I’ll get there. Hold on I need to restart again

I need it to be known my Husband is a good man, who is coping with a very traumatized wife. My life has always been very interesting and I guess I feel an upswing to that coming soon again. I was one of those who grew up chronically online and had unrestricted internet access starting at the age of 6 maybe, but I still had access even at 3

$€£¥

Sorry okay back back back Maybe I’ll make a notation yup let’s do $€£¥ to notate whenever my ADHD brings me away from my writing so if the thought is incomplete but it’s still in the entry, that’s what happened.

I uh. Used to have a very very public diary. Multiple. Some way more public than others. I don’t really value privacy, my Husband is doing his best to teach me these things like what’s okay and what’s expected but like

It’s fucked okay anyways I think I gave the disclaimers I needed

Fuck the world building I just need to recap all the shit that went down, ugh I can feel it in my guts that I’m supposed to go write a scathing yelp review but no I, I wanna write it in my diary ya feel me? Maybe if I don’t write terribly, I can copy paste lmfao okay sorry back back back

Or actually does it matter? I can’t remember okay yes okay hold

Yes so that notation worthy pause was me reminiscing on our night so so hard that I felt the need to message my friend about the night but then I remembered I literally am starting a diary as a coping mechanism to get the crazy things I need to say out of me without disturbing my life via messaging actual friends or my Husband to start crazy stuff when I really just need a place to vent.

$€£¥

Sorry, see this is why we don’t have Hemingway ass writers modern day. I’m telling you, if I could focus long enough to tell you my adventures it would be like The Sun Also Rises ahhh it’s always interesting starting a public diary bc it’s like damn I have to introduce myself kind of like not really, I talk about myself and rehash my life on a daily basis so I guess whatever one doesn’t know about me, you can find out in a few days when I get to it.

My brain is literally so Wattpad (where I once had a public diary) that I’m trying to title this project to a degree. Eh,it’ll come in time.

Ugh. I took my meds and when they kick in I’ll go to bed and I’ll still haven’t told anyone about tonight ahhhh

You need to understand that I’m considerably slow processing speed wise but like when given the time to get there, I have a lot of mind.

Anyways. Okay I think I’m finally not tripping balls.

My Husband is asleep in bed next to me. We got home not too long ago- it’s 12:48PM- put the baby to bed, ate our pizza burgers joyously.

$€£¥

See okay cool now I can just tell it here

God so, there was obviously a time before I was married. I still have friends from that time period.

I currently play DnD on a weekly basis with my Husband, my middle school best friend, anddd

our DM. We jokingly call him Daddy Master because of a typo my Friend made in the group chat.

But god, if she only knew.

I keep getting distracted writing on here because obviously, I want to tell her something.

It’s “What I wouldn’t do to have gone home with Daddy Master tonight”

I hate knowing there was a time when that could have been what happened.

We had some dumb pizza and beer issues tonight and honestly, he handled it. It’s so fucked, I loved a masculine man. I love someone taking lead. I love someone driven to protect. Ugh, and his car was so so clean

So, we ordered food right? But it never came. It was some bullshit. So two hours later, Daddy Master in the front seat, my Friend in shotgun, me behind Daddy Master and my Husband behind my friend

Okay see pause and go back again, the reason calling this guy Daddy Master is extra funny to me, is because I literally used to go to this man when I was younger to get my fill of DD/lg play (it was a trade, I had to do feet stuff for him idk) and like this was all on a friends level because like

Like how I mentioned previously, I don’t entirely understand privacy and something that comes in tandem with that is I also didn’t understand boundaries and what was for people in relationships vs family vs friends of that makes sense.

Anyways. Uh, my Friend doesn’t know how I know our DM. My Husband knows to an extent. That we met on tinder. Same place I met my Husband, years later.

What the fuck was I trying to say

Oh

God I just, my husband isn’t… sexy when he’s mad. He’s effeminate, in like a whimper/panic stutter frustration way, but then also he’s… he’s prone to hit… things…

But Daddy Master? Bruh.

$€£¥

Sorry. Okay I need like a 4th person pronoun that isn’t “Chat” that I can reliably say to address the readers or else Bruh and bro (my default words) are going to be everywhere here

Dearest Reader. DeRe. Boy if that don’t look like someone making fun of John Deer products in the sponagar voice

Ugh

Anyways, I think I WILL make content on here. A mixed media diary. I used to do comic strip diaries at one point. I won’t take it that far but def anticipate some soundgasm audios attached here and there

I want to tell people things but I feel the meds kicking in, and it’s so late at night.

I’m going to go listen to some audios and jill off now. Ugh. I’ll become a better writer as this goes, I’m sure

Goodnight 1:24AM

05202024

[thisgirlsays22]

hey!

1 and 14 for the asks, pls my love...

cassidy :))

Hiiiii!!! Thank you for the ask lovely and for answering mine!! Sorry for the rambling ahead haha

1: favorite fic you wrote this year

I've only written a few things this year because after vowing I was only ever going to write fics < 20k, I changed tact and wrote a ~50k Sterek fic that pushed my writing boundaries in frustrating and exciting ways. El Lazo might not just be my favorite fic of 2021 but potentially one of my all time favorites! Finishing it was a huge goal for me since I'd originally intended it to be part of the big bang even but just didn't feel like I could achieve what I wanted with it within the allotted time. But they got me started and so I'm super grateful that event existed.

I'm so so proud and happy that I finished writing and editing this fic. I indulged myself and poured in a lot of my favorite Stereky things into one place, and I learned a lot along the way--especially thanks to my betas. Editing is SO HARD but wow I would not have been as happy with the end product if I hadn't gotten their advice.

14: a fic you didn’t expect to write

we were young and now I'm older (i'd do it all again) . This one really snuck up on me. When I first got into Sterek (wow about a year ago now) I thought it would be more of a drive-by thing for me. Just kinda hang out, devour all the amazing content that was already here waiting for me, and peace out quickly.

But I realized I actually did want to engage more and create alongside my consumption, so when I saw the prompt from imagine-sterek for their event, I gave myself the low-pressure task of trying to participate in another fandom thing. And I've never written anything abo/mpreg (well, post-mpreg in this case) before so that was cool.

The emotional core of the piece really sparked my interest and unearthed new writing interests for me. Exploring Stiles saying goodbye to a certain stage of his life and preparing himself for the next grounded the story for me and made the rest fall into place. Plus I got to try out some stylistic techniques that were new to me that I very much enjoyed!

END RAMBLE

[stardustedknuckles]

I have been dealing with psych since April trying to get my records over for them to take over my ADHD meds after I got kicked off my old insurance. Medicaid expanded their income requirements so even though my income didn’t change, I was pushed into it and lost pretty much all medical autonomy. 

This got long, sorry.

I offered to self pay to keep my doctor because she was very good to me and nope, clinics are not allowed to charge medicaid patients. The reasoning is that if you can pay for it you shouldn’t be on Medicaid. No fucking shit I shouldn’t be on Medicaid and also fuck Medicaid. Doctor recommends you do something medicaid won’t pay for? You literally cannot pay for it yourself. The only things scarier than being unsure if you can afford to cover a cost yourself is that not even being an option, legally. If they say you can’t have it, fuck you.

So my new and terrible PCP referred me to psych because nobody at her office could maintain my script, which I figured was coming because I’ve been seeing MDs since I got diagnosed. I had a luckily quick dx and I have always feared if I went to psych for meds they would be like “hmm the notes say he saw you for ten minutes, so I’m not going to honor this.” I woud have kept going to MDs, but they’re damn hard to find on medicaid and I learned that it didn’t matter how fast I was diagnosed, a dx is a dx.

For two weeks they have been telling me they got my records, everything looks fine, should be put in at the pharmacy any day now. And today they told me just kidding, actually, since my diagnosis is considered inattentive ADD there is no evidence to suggest it should be treated with the meds I’ve been on for three years.

A few of you ran into my blog for general critical role reasons but most of you are here because of the fic I write. That was not fucking possible before meds. Paying attention to something for four hours routinely was not possible. Staying at my computer and drafting plots and thinking about these characters was not possible. I was in a state of perpetual exhaustion to the point a few doctors have wondered if we’re actually treating chronic fatigue syndrome (HUGE overlap btw). Those doctors have all agreed - hold on to that ADHD diagnosis, because the end result is that I’m being treated effectively.

This right here is my worst nightmare. Forced to go to psych (they snuck me in one last appointment with my old PCP in march so I could get 3 more months of meds - I still don’t know who got that bill) only for them to jack me around and mislead me until I would not leave them alone. Where are the meds you promised me, I am now running low when I had a surplus (I didn’t tell them that part - I was sick enough earlier in the year that I had a few weeks where taking them was pointless). I have already been splitting my evening dose because I haven’t trusted them that they have it figured out and now they are just. No, sorry. Hope you had a good three years because you’re going to have to go through everything unmedicated again to do the test she wants to see.

Nobody even recognizes a difference between ADD and ADHD-I. They are clinically the same dx with the same treatment and have been for a while.

It’s fucking cruelty is what it is.

And I immediately started crying because new birth control and also nightmare scenario, but the only saving grace is that mom already got me in with a clinic that has an MD for unrelated reasons. She’s THREE HOURS AWAY but it is literally the only option and will allow me to keep my meds. I will still have a period where I am low/without them since I’m splitting and it still might not be enough but. Fuck.

And in the middle of all of this I have a kidney stone working its way through, AND my blood pressure keeps dropping me an hour after I eat and scaring the shit out of me. That’s why mom called up my brothers’ MD, because my primary care is utter shit. It’s not even “they do their best but they’re underfunded” it’s “I have medicaid now and that means I am disposable.”

Fuck the american health system up the ass. I can’t even begin to process what this would do to someone who didn’t already have a mistrust of doctors and a backup plan at all times. Who didn’t have a mom who is frankly routinely controlling but who also knows how to get shit done.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to lie down because the emotions from the last three days also set off some kind of histamine flare.

[obstinaterixatrix]

I’m a little tired of seeing all the adhd executive dysfunction/emotional regulation/inattention posts without tips or suggestions as if it’s a completely hopeless situation. of course it’s important to acknowledge & validate it especially in an adult context but like... There Are Workarounds

when I need to clean I call friends and chat so it doesn’t feel as agonizing

when I can’t study I start eating sunflower seeds by the bag and suddenly I can read again (but if that doesn’t work it’s just Med Time)

if I have to write something and I can’t get started I do screenshare with pals (even though they’re probably not watching I feel that External Pressure)

Find Your Stim (I like clicking pens and messing with stuff that makes sound which means I have to be alone otherwise I drive everyone around me bonkers lol)

gotta have a whole BAG of tricks for emotional regulation when that anger spiral kicks in (breathing exercises, blasting music in the car, private vent blog, literally just leaving and sprinting around the block, ngl I’m not as great with this one -_- )

Ten Billion Alarms

I remember where I put things ONLY when I say out loud ‘I am putting down [thing] on [place]’ WHICH I am trying to make more of a habit so I don’t have to constantly enlist someone to call my phone

(the above falls in line with yelling PHONE, MASK, WALLET, KEYS right before leaving the house)

like not everything works with everyone and sometimes it takes a while to get A Whole System setup but once you do realize certain things specifically giving you trouble (importance of External Motivation/Validation, trouble starting, needing additional stimulation) you can specifically target that aspect of adhd brain bullshit and hopefully enlist people as necessary. telling folks ‘here’s a problem!’ without any hints on what folks do to live with it feels. I dunno. come on. let’s help each other out.

[thevirgodoll]

hi! i was wondering if you have any tips to stay organized and stay on task? i’ve been doing a short online course this year and have really struggled to ACTUALLY bring myself to do the work, as assignments and lessons are not under any time constraints i just don’t do it. i also have adhd so get bored or distracted easily. do you have any tips for me?

This is really close to me because I also have ADHD. I have both inattentive and hyperactive type. *As a result, this academic tip guide will be a guide for people with ADHD and not neurotypical people, without disability. There is a difference.*

I am doing online as well this semester.

1. I create a schedule. If I do not create a schedule, I will be unproductive the entire day. So, what will help you is to do things in orderly fashion.

For example, at 12p - I will do this assignment/watch this lecture. You have to dictate what time you’re doing everything. Then, you also have to block out technology distractions while you are working. 

-> Even if you’ve gotten halfway through the day with no schedule, write down or block off times on your digital calendar for what you are going to do at each time. ADHD is easier to tackle if you break things down into smaller tasks.

*Pro tip that I almost forgot: before you do anything, wear your day clothes. Don’t wear pajamas. Actually getting dressed or even doing hair/makeup changes things.

2. Download the Forest app after you have created your schedule. I consistently recommend this because it works in increasing productivity. It allows you to set it for however long you’re doing this task, say 30 minutes.

-> Why?: It will block all apps on your phone for (insert time here) to plant a tree, and if you leave the app your “tree” will die. Eventually, the more sessions you do, the more points you will gain to plant different plants, and eventually plant real trees around the world.

3. Have a list (& a planner) as well. Not only is the schedule creating structure, but the list creates even more structure so you know what you need to get done for the day. It also helps you not fall victim to the classic symptom of forgetting. Each day, you should write down what you WANT to get done and create your own times to look at lecture and assignments. Have goals for the day.

For example: complete assignment 2.

If you do not have expectations with yourself before the day begins, your ADHD will kind of take over and do something else. I have structure to my day. I set a timer to wake up at the same time. I take my ADHD medicine 90 minutes before my final wake up time, and I do my morning routine once it kicks in. Having the same routine helps.

-> Focus on your goals. Don’t be super harsh about the times.

-> Don’t overwhelm with how many things on to do list. Again, break it up into small tasks. For example, one part being: Wash dishes or fold laundry. It makes it less overwhelming to your brain and gives you a choice of which task. Typical non ADHD people just tell you to prioritize tasks but that doesn’t work for us. Do it in a random order and it gets the job done.

4. TAKE BREAKS! The other side to this is making sure that you give yourself adequate breaks.

*For hyperfocus, wait til your hyperfocus has started to wear off. Use it to your advantage for peak productivity. It is no joke.*

-> The misconception is that some people with ADHD are lazy and as a result, some ADHDers won’t take breaks. You can take a break. Healthy, long breaks do more for you long term.

-> Have a timer set. For example, after a 45 minute session or an hour session, I will take a break to do another task that has nothing to do with studying, like laundry, eating a snack, or stretching. Then after that task is done, I will go back to studying.

5. Have a workspace. Only do work at this space. I do schoolwork at my living room table and it is perfect. I do not study in my room because that is my sanctuary for relaxation and rest, not productivity. Make an effort to make the workspace clean, with your supplies - laptop, notebooks, pens, etc - readily available.

-> Once I get to my workspace, everything for the morning is already done. I’ve done my morning routine, so all there is left to do is hydrate while I study.

6. Recognize if you have adequate energy to do the task. Sometimes, with ADHD you may neglect your needs. If you are not getting enough rest, here are some tips:

•Bed should be for rest only.

•Blackout curtains

•Lavender essential oil, I have a diffuser but you can also put it on your pillow

•Background noise: pick what you want, lo fi music, rain sounds, binaural beats, singing bowls

•If all else fails, ADHD is often comorbid with other illnesses, meaning you could have a form of depression causing insomnia for example. This should be considered if you are having long term issues and symptoms.

7. Don’t overdo it. We are not neurotypical. Executive dysfunction is real - meaning our brains actually shut down when it perceives a task to be mundane.

-> You do not have to fit everything into one schedule for the sake of being “productive”. Each day should be what you know you can do, and there are different days to tackle different goals.

-> When you feel like you cannot continue, which is literally a symptom of ADHD, sit still for a few minutes.

8. Have a “What I Did Today” List. Because of how ADHD actually makes us feel, we don’t realize how much work we have put in. ADHD actually can be explained easily, we have about 2 dopamine workers showing up to work while most people are at maximum capacity. We are working overtime to do our best, even on medicine. So, acknowledging what we did today is good and encouraging, or at least reflecting in a journal.

9. Play music. It’s recommended to play study music without words because with ADHD we will submerge ourselves into the playlist of nostalgic 90s R&B. I recommend lo fi hip hop on YouTube, video game instrumentals, classical music, or jazz instrumentals. Whatever gets you going just do it!

General ADHD tips:

•Rewrite lecture notes and type the lecture notes.

•Color code with bright colors and pretty drawings or calligraphy

•Instead of telling yourself “I need to take notes” which usually leads to procrastination say “Rewrite lecture notes and emphasize main points” ... this is useful in your to do list but in everyday goals

•Generally try to get your assignments done ahead of time if there is structure to certain courses, if not, again, stick to the schedule. If you slip one day off your schedule then don’t beat yourself up. Breathe!!!

•Side effect of most ADHD meds is that you’re not hungry so buy easy things to eat like muscle milk or yogurt and granola or smoothies so you can sustain yourself

•Get a dry erase board to show what you need to do for the day and put it on the fridge with command strips

•To avoid forgetting things, put them at a table near the door where you leave your apartment/dorm/house.

•Don’t overthink the time it takes to get ready, often that’s why ADHDers are late. Better to be super early than late though - have a routine set so you know how long each task takes - for example “I know a shower takes me 15 mins, washing my face takes 60 seconds and a few more including sunscreen/moisturizer, etc...”

•In that same grain, set timers for going to the bathroom, showering, etc just in case you one day hyperfocus and push yourself too far

•Open the blinds!!!!

•Clean your room and tidy up your space. A cluttered space impacts your mental health in a really negative way. Your space reflects your mental state at times as well, so check in with yourself. Have a specific day where you know you’re going to clean, but ADHD sometimes gives us bursts of cleaning so take advantage of that as well.

•Anytime your water bottle empties refill it. Have your water bottle or mason jar next to your workspace, and drink 5-10 gulps. Seriously. ADHD depends a lot on hydration, especially if you are on medicine which naturally dehydrates you. If you do not stay hydrated, you’ll get that massive headache mid day and crash sooner. A lot of times, lack of productivity can be due to not drinking enough water.

•If you don’t take medication, then sometimes you may notice you love coffee, and that’s because it’s a stimulant. Too much of anything is not good, but balance it with water. If you’re going to use coffee to kinda “medicate” then do it close to when you’re going to be productive.

•Setting yourself up to do a task rather than envisioning the overwhelming act of doing the entire action. “Okay, lets just get up and get the first step down, such as opening the laptop or wetting the toothbrush.” Baby steps.

•Take advantage of accommodations! Your college more than likely has an Office of Disability Services. Also, email your professors...they’re actually just as stressed as you about classes being online.

•Remember that you’re already trying as hard as you can, so don’t listen to the narrative of “try harder”, “you’re *r word*”, “you’re cheating by using medication”, “just do it,” “it’s easy,” “what’s so hard about it?” or “you’re lazy”. Anyone telling you that, even yourself, is wrong. And DO NOT allow anyone to be ableist, even yourself.

•Validate yourself. Don’t let anyone to do the “I experience that too”/“I know what you mean”/“we ALL have trouble with this!” and they don’t have ADHD. No. It’s our experience, it’s valid, and unlike anything on the planet. If you’re reading this and you don’t have ADHD - no, you do not experience any of the things in my next bullet point.

•Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble along the way getting this right. ADHD completely changes your executive functioning.

We see the task, but our brain blocks it.

We have something marked down as “important” but our brain tosses it out in the “trash”.

We watch an entire episode of a show, but our brain ignored the entire thing. Our brain picks and chooses what is stimulating, our brain changes our interests.

We have sensory overload, we have no dopamine, we have bursts of curiosity that cannot be contained (often inconvenient) and if interrupted, our brains cannot take it.

People often discount how many things ADHD actually changes because it’s widely misunderstood. I want to take the time to acknowledge that ADHD, formerly known as simply ADD, has different types: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, or combined which is what I have. So it’s not “hyper” and “relatable”. It is also not a buzzword to use to describe things. I must put stereotypes and misrepresentations of ADHD to rest.

It impacts us emotionally as well, which most people don’t know... such as rejection dysphoria — extreme sensitivity to being criticized to where our brains self destruct. Our brains don’t regulate emotions well.

ADHDers - do not fall victim to how everyone else operates and call yourself a failure. We have to work twice as hard and the results actually come out brilliant especially with our determination and imaginative ideas that are also seen in autistic individuals, honorable mention!

There’s good days and bad days. There’s literal changes in thinking that other people do not experience. We all collectively know wouldn’t be who we are without ADHD, but we all recognize the challenges. However, it makes me happy to see messages like this so that I can make a difference and hopefully help one person with ADHD, especially of color, at a time stop being so hard on themselves. 💗

[bobfloydsbabe]

OC Bingo ask time :::

When did the spark of inspiration hit you for your OC's (Willa or Augusta or both)? When did the moment of clarity strike where you had the 'alright we're doing this' moment? Was it a moment while watching it the first time, thinking back on the source material, a song that hit just right?

And if that's not how it works for you, how did your OC's come to life?

((Don't feel obligated to answer if you don't like the question - or you can answer a completely different question on something you want to gush about and pretend I asked that instead 😂))

Hey friend! I promised the answer this ages ago, but Uni has been kicking my butt, so my apologies for the late reply. Get ready to read a novel 'cause your girl's got some shit to say.

Willa

How Willa came to exist is actually a pretty good story. Quite a few years ago, now there was an ask game going around where someone would send a face claim, and you had to make an OC on the spot. Someone sent me Teresa Palmer, and Willa was born. Here's the original post. I had just started watching Chicago Med from the beginning, and Jay had just been in an episode, so it seemed like the right fandom and pairing. I was invested in Willa right away.

My lovely friend, Jess, sent me a dm begging me to tell her all about Willa. She's the only one I knew at the time who watched the One Chicago shows, so I was happy to oblige. I started writing her fic, decided on a name for it almost immediately (which never happens), and she was added to my OC page around that time, too. I made graphics, gifsets, teased her fic, and then abandoned her in true ADHD fashion. I followed the dopamine to my next hyperfixation and sort of forgot about her.

The 'alright, we're doing this' moment came about a month ago when I started rewatching old episodes of Chicago PD. I couldn't stop thinking about Willa, so I looked through the roughly three chapters I'd written of ELB before I jumped ship and decided then that I would post about her and her fic. A month later, here we are, and four chapters of Every Last Breath are available to read on multiple sites. Willa is the reason I became active in the OC community again.

Augusta

Augusta sprung to life from my obsession with Bridgerton and constantly listening to champagne problems by Taylor Swift. The song contains the lyric: "What a shame she's fucked in the head." That hit me like a ton of bricks, and not just personally. I imagined someone who went into self-imposed exile overseas to escape other people's judgment because of mental illness. I imagined a childhood friend of Kate's who was introduced to Benedict at hers and Anthony's engagement party. The reason they hadn't met before was that she'd been overseas for a while. My original idea and this fanfic idea merged, and that's how Augusta Hayes and her story, Cracks of Light, which is a nod to another Taylor Swift song, came to be. This is all a long-winded way of saying she came to be because I'm a Swiftie and have a soft spot for Benedict.

The clarity moment came when I didn't stop thinking about her for five months and decided to just post the first chapter of CoL. I'm still working on chapter two, but imagine I'll have lots of inspiration once season 2 drops in a couple of weeks. I'm always a slut for more Benedict.

[aaetherius]

A tiny update under the cut (one of the personal/mental health/medication variety - it’s not negative, or venting or anything like that)! This is primarily for those I speak to OOC (though can apply slightly to the dash as well)! 

I never know what I should share or not, but I do try to address things when it’s something that impacts things related to threads or ooc communication (plus I sometimes think it can be nice to hear about things sometimes). This isn’t anything bad, more so just a heads up! 

Most of you who I am in ooc communication with know I started medication for my ADHD. I am also on depression medication. The issue being that we’re having a bit of a difficult time getting things to work/work together (I’ve actually always been very resistant to medication for some reason so this isn’t too unusual for me). So tldr, I mostly just want to slide on to say that the medications do influence, greatly, how much social energy I have available. 

The ADHD medication tends to make me more talkative, less tired, and more active on the dash (via ooc posts or just interacting with the dash in general such as sending memes, liking ooc posts, and whatnot). So, when the effects of the ADHD medication are active I can be very social (this is especially true on Discord/if I’m comfortable with someone) - reaching out on Discord/responding to ooc messages/whatnot. Normally I’m pretty shy/reserved and rarely message first ooc because I have terrible social anxiety and don’t wish to be a bother and am usually extremely tired. So I do worry that when I’m in a better and more social mood I might come off as too much as I can type/talk a lot/can be excitable (and sometimes I send cheesy pictures that remind me of people or I think you might like/find funny haha) when I’m usually very mellow, and if I do you are free to tell me you’re not in the mood to talk or just ignore me until you are (you do not have to respond to ooc messages quickly by any means)! So, there are times when I reach out multiple times or days in a row when this is happening. 

And, then, the depression medication does the opposite (see where the issue is coming in hgdufgkf), but helps me with focus/stopping my brain from going 100 miles a minute. It utterly exhausts me to the point where I, someone who has never taken a nap in their life, fall asleep randomly and can stay asleep for hours (aka I can totally pass out mid-conversation, and have fallen asleep at work. Thankfully I am a super light sleeper and pretty functional after just waking up so the phone ringing in my ear is enough to save me hguidflghu). I tend to do more writing when the impacts of this one are stronger. However, I also tend to be very reserved. I may not like things on the dash, send in memes, or might be slow ooc, and I’m very unlikely to reach out ooc first, and may get tired and leave you hanging during a conversation (that said, you’re always free to message me ooc and I will do my best to respond just know if I don’t or if I’m slow or if I stop after a bit it’s not personal, my social energy just died rhgkdu). So, in short, when the depression medication is kicking in, I could go a few days or longer without reaching out to someone if you’re someone I usually speak to/reach out to or, if I seem to like your posts randomly and then there are other times when I do not like them, it’s the medications flip-flopping on me. 

So, we keep trying various things to kind of control it/adjust it as needed. There was a time when I just took the depression meds, and a time when I just took the adhd meds (if I talk to you enough you might be able to guess because I kind of vanished ooc for a bit and I am so sorry gffjgkdgvg). Now we’re trying them at once (in the morning and at night), but that’s making my insomnia flare up despite the depression one being the one at night and tldr there’s a lot going on with figuring out the best system for me and it effects my ooc communication a lot. So, when I’m super active ooc vs when I am not active ooc at all are very random at the moment. Some days I will be, some days I won’t be. I couldn’t tell you the when or the how, we’re trying to get all sorted out, but it’s obviously trial and error.   

So, in short, I just want to say that if I ever go quiet on anyone or I seem to be less active on the dash in terms of things that involve social energy, I’m not mad at anyone and it is very much not personal at all. And, if I’m ever super social and being a bother, I am also sorry, you can always stop responding (there’s never any pressure or even just tell me you’re tired!). I’m me regardless, of course, it doesn’t change anything other than the amount of social energy I have basically which is why sometimes I seem super active on the dash and other times you can message me and I seem dead to the world ghruidfglu. 

Hopefully this explains things well enough/makes sense, I have zero knowledge of how medication works I just know how it impacts me personally so I just tried my best to put words to that so those who speak to me ooc know why I seem to flip-flop between being social and not being social! 

Also not super related, but for some reason I make more typos when the adhd meds are active I have no idea why, you have my apologies for that as well. 

Thank you for understanding, as always! I love all of you very much, and I hope your week is a wonderful one! 

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[phykios]

honesty and promise me, part 3 [read on ao3] [co-written with @darkmagyk]

Several more weeks and hookups later, Annabeth thinks she should probably come clean. Some people might bury it deep, and for sure, Annabeth’s considered it, but, well. It is kind of embarrassing that she didn’t know Percy’s name at first. Stuff like that doesn’t usually bother her--she’s had nameless one night stands in the past, and despite Thalia’s ribbing, she knows that Thalia doesn’t really care either. It’s just that, you know, he’s Thalia’s family, and they’ve seen each other a few more times, and they are planning to continue to see each other a few more times in the future. Or more than a few times. 

Anyway, she kind of feels like she owes it to him. Like he deserves this small nugget of truth, payment for all the times he’s fucked her blind. It’s nagging at her, and she hates feeling like she owes anyone anything. 

Piper certainly seemed to think so, when Annabeth had told her over their monthly brunch date.

“It’s just common courtesy at this point,” she said. “Like, what if you guys end up married and then sell your story to Hollywood, they cast my dad as the male lead, and it comes out in interviews that you didn’t know his name for like a month? He’s gonna get the wrong idea.”

Annabeth wasn’t sure which part was more ridiculous: the movie, Piper’s dad being involved, or them being married.

Anyway, sharing some of her avocado fries, Piper had reminded her that being mean wasn't very punk rock, shutting her up effectively.

She’s out on site in the Lower East Side, taking measurements for plots of land, writing down sun angles and measuring the wind velocity between the brick buildings, when she gets a text from him. 

I’m on a break and I’m starving 😩 Want to grab something to eat?

It’s 2pm on a Thursday and he wants to grab something to eat. If Annabeth didn’t know any better, she’d say that that sounds like a real, honest-to-goodness, bona fide date. (Meeting up at and subsequently leaving bars together does not count as a date, she’s pretty sure. Neither do the booty calls.) He’s been getting a little free with his texts, that boy, sending her selfies and memes and questions about her day, and now this? An invitation to their first, actual date? She should block him on principle, just for the sheer audacity.

sure, wya

520 8th, text me when you get here 😁

That’s another thing: Percy loves his emojis. If this is going to continue, they’re going to need to have a serious talk about that. 

She doesn’t need to text him when she gets there; he’s already outside, leaning on the stone edifice of the building like a particularly jacked rent boy in his tight t-shirt and broody look, cigarette between his fingers. The sweatpants sort of ruin the image, though. He looks particularly comfortable in a way that warms Annabeth right from the inside out. “You know, when Nico said you smoked, I honestly didn’t believe it.” she says, not even bothering to say hi. 

He looks up from his phone and smiles, the sun behind his teeth. “Hey!” 

“Hey, yourself.” She doesn’t even hesitate--she plucks the cigarette out of his hand, taking a drag off it herself. “You been smoking for a long time?”

“Who do you think taught Thalia how?” He raises an eyebrow, bemused. “Is that a problem?”

It is, but it’s not like she can tell him that without losing some of her credibility. “Wouldn’t smoking fuck with your cardio?”

Percy shrugs, conceding. “A little. I used to be a lot worse, but I just can’t quite kick the habit. It’s mostly a stress thing, anyway.” 

“Rough practice?” she asks, putting just enough effort into her lip wobble to make it abundantly clear that she’s making fun of him. “Were the other boys being mean to you because of your tights?”

He grins at her, saucy. “Annabeth Chase, do you really think that NYCB rehearses here? In the Garment District?” But he laughs before she can stammer out an answer (and thank God, she’s lived here three years and can barely keep the boroughs straight, let alone the neighborhoods). “I just wrapped up teaching a class. I don’t have to be at rehearsal until 5, I was thinking we could hang out? Bryant Park?”

A first date at the New York Public Library. She almost hates to admit it, but Percy Jackson might be kind of her dream man. “I believe I was promised food,” she sniffs, but she does hold out her hand, and when he takes it, lacing his fingers through hers, she’s sure that he can feel her heart beating, palm to palm. 

Twenty minutes later they’re settled on a bench in the corner of the green, Annabeth halfway into a ham sandwich and Percy juggling a salad and an iced coffee. He’s been regaling her with tales from the more exciting side of ballet, a side she hadn’t even imagined could actually exist. “So by the time I land in Paris,” he says, taking a sip of coffee, “the guy’s foot has swollen up to, like, twice its original size, and when I finally managed to find some wifi to check my phone, there’s, like, eight missed calls from my mom and my agent, and an email from her that just says ‘READ THIS,’ in all caps, and of course the article is in French, which I didn’t really speak at the time, and I was so stressed that my ADHD made it so I couldn’t even read the Google translation, and I had to ask someone to translate it for me.”

“Oh my god,” she says, struggling to keep it in.

“And that’s how I found out that I’d been moved up to first cast in Le Corsaire, from the poor barista at a coffee shop in Charles de Gaule!” He laughs. 

“That’s insane,” Annabeth says. “And the show was the next day?”

“It was that night! I had to haul ass to the opera house and get warmed up, because I was going on in about four hours. You should have seen the looks on everyone’s faces when I stumbled in, I’m sure that they all wanted to kill me.” Percy chuckles, taking a bite of leafy greens. “Now I wasn’t just the twenty-year-old upstart American, I was the twenty-year-old upstart American who skipped town when I wasn’t supposed to.”

“How did it go?”

“Killed it, of course,” he says, deservedly smug. 

Despite her best efforts, she’s absolutely entranced; he’s a great storyteller. “I bet you break that story out at parties all the time, don’t you.”

He laughs. “Whatever gets the donors to open their checkbooks, right?”

“I can’t believe you lived in Paris. I’ve always wanted to see it.” She’d had a few chances to when she was in college, the semester she’d studied abroad in Rome, but she just never got around to it. Just another item on her long, long list of regrets, placed somewhere between the sketchy burrito from last week and not telling her mom to fuck off earlier when she’d had the chance. “If I were you, I’d never leave.”

Percy shrugs. “It was amazing, I won’t lie. But towards the end I just really, really missed it here. All my family is in NYC, you know? My mom, step-dad, and my sister live here, and Thalia and Nico and Hazel, too. I tried to come back and visit whenever I could, but being away from them was really hard.” There’s something soft and inviting in his expression when he says, “I’m really happy to be back home.”

“What are they like?” Annabeth asks. “Your family. Your non-mob family, I mean.”

He rolls his eyes, but he grins another one of those blinding grins, too. “My mom is the most amazing person you will ever meet. Not only did she support my dance habit, she did it as a single working mother who had to raise an angry, ADHD asshole of a son who didn’t always appreciate her. I don’t even want to know how many hours she had to work or how many scholarships and grants she had to track down in order to pay for me to go to SAB, but somehow she made it work, and managed to write her novel at the same time. She married my step-dad the summer I turned sixteen, and my baby sister was born the next year.” 

Even Annabeth, cynical and black-hearted as she is, has to smile back. The love he has for his mom is so palpable, so tangible, she can practically see him glowing. “And the…” What had Thalia called them? “The ‘Cousin Consortium’?” 

At that, Percy laughs, full-bellied, unrestrained. “The name was Nico’s idea. I didn’t really have many close friends when I was a kid, apart from my buddy Grover--he had to wear this really gnarly leg brace and I liked to dance, so you can imagine how much we got picked on--but we were all really close growing up, since our dads were all assholes. They may have left us emotionally scarred, but at least we had each other’s backs the whole time.”

This is a very Percy thing, she’s starting to realize: he can not and will not hold back on his feelings. He simply refuses to. Where most guys might try to hide or downplay their affection for their friends, Percy’s is written all over his face. Maybe it’s a byproduct of doing ballet, but he’s so unashamed of his love for his friends and his family and his art, that maybe Annabeth kind of wishes she could be included in that love too, if it always feels this warm and joyful. 

“I think it’s amazing that you guys are so close. I only had the one cousin when I was growing up, and we didn’t really talk all that much,” Annabeth says, almost without her permission. Something about him, it’s just so easy to talk to him. He makes it safe to open up.

“The med school guy, right?” 

Annabeth nods. “Magnus. Fifth generation Harvard student. We’re all very proud.” 

Ugh. Even she has to wince at the false cheer in her voice. Percy gives her a half-smile, sympathetic and soft. “Harvard not really for you, then?” he asks, picking up the threads of a long and complicated story, and one that she absolutely does not want to get into right now. Or ever, if she can help it. 

“More like I wasn’t really for Harvard.” Which wasn’t entirely untrue. She had been good enough for the university in Cambridge, Mass--good enough for two degrees and graduation with honors--but she had never been good enough for her mother’s capital-H Harvard. Never good enough for her mother at all, really. 

Percy takes her hand. His fingers are cold from his iced coffee. “Hey. It’s their loss,” he says, with a sincerity and an intensity that makes her blush.

Every part of her wants to pull away. His thumb is rubbing against the joint of her finger, soothing and sweet, and she thinks she may break out in hives from it. “Damn right it is,” she mumbles. 

He is so nice. So nice and hot and sweet. Objectively, what she’s about to do is a terrible idea, and might torpedo a really good thing that they have, but if she doesn’t come clean now her own guilt is going to drive her insane.

“Okay, I have a confession to make.” Percy raises his eyebrows, slurping the last dregs of his drink. “When we met… and then when we hooked up the first time… I may have… thoughtyouwereJason.”

He blinks. “Pardon?” he asks, mumbled around the straw.

Annabeth buries her head in her hands. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

“You… thought I was Jason?”

“Well,” she sputters, glaring at him through her fingers, “you were being all bro-y with Thalia!”

He is valiantly trying to hold in a smile. “You know, I distinctly remember telling you my name that morning.”

“I was really hungover,” she whines, “and you were shirtless and making breakfast so I wasn’t really… paying attention.”

“For a whole week?”

This is so embarrassing, why couldn’t she just keep her stupid mouth shut? “Yeah.” She slumps her shoulders, stuffing her hands into her jacket pocket. “Sorry.”

She’s not entirely sure what she expected: at best a couple of weird looks and a tentative promise to meet up later that would end up not working out, at worst she thinks he’ll just get up and leave her here at Bryant Park. Either way, they’d be doomed to months of awkward interactions, until eventually they wouldn’t be able to be around each other, and Thalia would have to pick a side--and Annabeth’s seen what Thalia does to people who cross her family. She’s seen Thalia beat a dude to pulp for calling Nico the f-slur. Picking Percy over Annabeth? That’s nothing.

So when he starts laughing, Annabeth is completely at a loss. Slowly, at first, then all at once, he’s laughing so hard his shoulders are shaking, and he has to put down his salad so it doesn’t topple over onto the grass. His head is tilted back in joy, the grey, late afternoon light adamant that Annabeth can see all of his features clearly, from his screwed up eyes to his bright, white teeth to the single dimple in his cheek.

Of course, even his laughter is hot. Asshole. 

“You thought I was Jason!” He shrieks.

Annabeth crosses her arms, scowling. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I really don’t mean to laugh,” he giggles. Annabeth can feel her own giggle rising in response, and she ruthlessly quashes it. “I can definitely say I’ve never heard that one before. You do know Jason is blond, right?”

“As a matter of fact, I did not. Besides, you and Thalia look exactly alike.”

He scoffs. “No we don’t.”

“Uh, yeah you do. You, Thalia, and Nico are all basically clones of each other.” 

“Okay, Captain Glasses, whatever you say.” He rolls his eyes, but there’s no heat behind it.

“I’m sorry,” Annabeth feels like she has to say again.

He cocks his head. “For what? For thinking I was Jason? He’s a pretty cool guy.”

“No, for,” she blushes again. All this blood rushing to her head can’t be good for her. “For sleeping with you when I still thought you were Jason.”

Percy scoots closer to her, throwing her a grin and slinging his arm over her shoulders. Without even realizing that she’s doing it, she settles in beside him like she’s been doing it her whole life, slotted up against his torso, tucking her booted feet beneath her legs. “I am choosing to take that as a compliment,” he says, smirking. “You couldn’t resist my charms, even when you thought I was a brogrammer.” 

Annabeth can’t help herself. She kisses him, wiping that smug grin right off his face, and when she finally retreats, after what feels like hours, he looks so dazed she could probably keep calling him by any name she wanted and he wouldn’t even realize it.

After their lunch, they meander for hours, headed in a vaguely southerly direction, holding hands the whole time, a steady, uninterrupted flow that took them all the way from Midtown to Greenwich Village. He tells her about his first day at ballet school; she tells him about her favorite monuments. “There are two architectural environments in America,” she says, ranting, speaking with enough force that she might forget the feeling of his hand in hers, “endless dead suburbia, or cities where every single building is either a concrete or a glass block--and not even Brutalist concrete, just shitty, poorly designed, paint-by-numbers concrete. It is an absolute travesty of modern government that they don’t fund any public works projects anymore.”

“That’s why all the gardens and stuff?” he asks.

“Nowadays everything is built by the lowest bidder. At least I get to add some beauty back into the city.”

“I know what you mean,” Percy says. “Paris is practically overflowing with public works, you almost forget about it sometimes.”

She sighs. “You’re so fucking lucky. Paris is so beautiful and everything in New York is just hideous.”

“Aw, come on,” he says. “Not everything. What about the Empire State Building, or Central Park?”

“Well, obviously, those,” she says, just a teensy bit flustered, but she’s not about to give up the argument without a fight. “I just mean like, normal, every day buildings: offices and apartments and stuff. It’s all so samey and boring.”

He looks to her right, pointing at the building they are passing. “What about this one?”

She turns.

If she had known they were headed this way, she never would have taken them past here.

“It’s… okay, I guess,” she mumbles, staring up at the arched windows, pedimented doors, and Rococo details of Miss Minerva’s Private Pre-College Prep School. A shudder goes down her spine, like someone walking over her grave. “There are better Beaux-Arts buildings.”

Sensing her discomfort, he picks up the pace, and changes the subject.

Finally, he stops outside a nondescript building, turning to face her. “This is me,” he says, a little bit mournfully, squeezing her hand. “Are you okay to get home safely?”

This man is ridiculous; it’s not even dark out. “I think I can manage a few blocks,” she says, lightly swatting him. “Isn’t it kind of early for you, though? It’s only four o’clock.”

He flushes faintly, one hand coming up to rub at his neck. “Uh, well, I always give myself a little extra time--you know, time blindness and everything.”

“You baked in extra time in case I wanted you to walk me home, didn’t you?” She mock-gasps, secretly delighted. “Scandal!”

“Guilty,” he grins. “You’ve been to mine so many times, I was curious.”

She just barely stops herself from laughing out loud at the very idea of Percy coming to her apartment--as if. Thalia hasn’t even been to her apartment. Nobody knows where she lives, none of her neighbors know who she is, and this is entirely by design. “Cut me some slack; a girl’s gotta have some mystery. Can’t make it too easy for you, can I?”

“I have a feeling you’ll never make things easy for me,” he says, white teeth gleaming.

“You better believe it,” she smiles back. “Now that I’ve foiled your plans, are you going to be too bored?”

“Oh, I’ll think of something,” he shrugs. “I’m very resourceful when it comes to boredom.”

Inspiration strikes, and she grasps his hand, pulling him down the alleyway. She almost hates to admit it, but she has something of a Pavlovian response when it comes to hanging out with Percy. Annabeth has come to expect some really excellent sex whenever the two of them meet up, and maybe spending all afternoon with him has made her a little bit horny. 

She presses him up against the brick wall, hidden from the street by the long afternoon shadows, and kisses him. His hands flounder for a second, before coming up to rest on her shoulders, this thumbs tapping against the base of her neck, fingers fluttering on her jacket. It’s an intimate touch, kind of chaste and very respectful, and he holds her with precision and grace. He wouldn’t do anything she wouldn’t want to. This is a date with no expectation of sex on his part. But Annabeth does not want grace right now, spooked by the ghost of her old school. She does not want precision. She just wants him. She just wants to keep him on his toes, keep him interested, blow his mind a little. 

She just wants to blow him, to be honest. 

He squeaks into her mouth as her hands fly to his belt, deft fingers practically ripping it off of him in an increasingly familiar motion. “H-hey,” he says, squeezing her shoulders, “this is--”

“Do you not want me to?” she asks, one hand playing at the top line of his underwear. 

“No--I mean, are you sure? I’m-I’m okay with this, I just want to--”

“I know.” She kisses his cheek, then drops to her knees. “But we’ve got some time to kill, don’t we.” 

Afterwards, when she’s finished with him, Annabeth wipes her mouth, and he whimpers. 

“Ho… holy shit,” he pants, flushed and trembling. 

She tucks him back into his boxers, doing up his fly. “There we go. That was better than being bored, right?”

He nods wordlessly, swallowing, shaking. His eyes are glassy and glazed, stupid like he’s just shot out his brain through his dick.

In the short time they’ve been together (though, honestly, this might be the longest relationship she’s ever been in before… and they haven’t even broached the “dating” conversation yet) Annabeth has been on the receiving end of several different Percy looks. His face will light up with joy when he first lays his eyes on her, so happy to see her (though she can’t really fathom why), glinting like the sun on the water. His eyes will narrow, glaring, even as he furiously tamps down on his growing smile when they start arguing over something stupid, like Annabeth’s affinity for olives. He’ll grin at her, knife sharp and slanted, licking his lips and looming over her after she comes down from yet another orgasm via his mouth or his hands.

Percy looks at her now like someone took a bat to his head, and instead of seeing stars, he sees little miniature Annabeths flying around. 

He pulls her to him and kisses her, entirely too sweet for what she’s just done to him, but that is also a very Percy thing. And when she leaves him with a final kiss on his cheek and squeeze of his ass, she can feel that look burning a hole through her jacket, following her down the alley and around the corner, and she finds that she doesn’t mind the weight of it at all.

[iam93percentstardust]

AU-gust Day 2: College

Requested by @endrega23 for an ironhawk au! Disclaimer: I headcanon Clint as ADHD in this one based on my own personal experiences with ADHD. I understand that not everyone with ADHD has a universal experience and may not have an experience like Clint's or mine.

Also on ao3 here

~

Clint doesn’t like going to class. His ADHD makes it difficult for him to pay attention—or to keep from distracting other students—and the fact that he works nights means that he can’t take his meds in the morning to help him focus if he wants to be able to sleep that day so he just doesn’t bother going. It’s not like he doesn’t know the material anyway. He majored in Recreation Management so that he’d be “qualified” to do the job he’s been doing his entire life. At this point, he could probably teach his classes.

Tony, though, Tony goes to all of his classes, not because he needs to learn anything—he could definitely teach his classes—but because Howard thinks it’s important for him to show up. And because Tony is a sweetheart who wants to make a good impression on his professors.

Fucking Howard, Clint thinks as he slings his backpack over his shoulder.

He glances back toward the bedroom where he can just barely spot a tuft of brown hair sticking out from under the blankets. Tony sneezes, rolls over to face the wall, and sneezes again. Reassured that Tony is still alive, Clint sets out into the way-too-early morning (why do engineering classes have to be at the crack of dawn?).

He gets there early enough that he can snag a seat in the back of the classroom, mostly because he sees better from a distance but also to make sure that if his meds don’t kick in on time, he distracts as few people as possible. He’d resigned himself that morning to a sleepless day so that he could go to Tony’s classes—thankfully only two today—and actually focus on the lectures. He might know exactly what he’s doing in his own classes but the math Tony is learning goes way over his head. He’ll need to be able to pay attention so as not to miss anything important.

Fortunately, he comes armed with a special notebook Tony designed for him and a pen that records the audio of the lecture and when he uses the pen and notebook together, the notebook records a digital transcription of his notes. Hopefully, even if he misses something to write it down—and that’s always possible when professors talk at the board during their lecture because then, his hearing aids sometimes miss it—the pen will have picked it up.

The morning passes quickly, in a haze of a lot of math that Clint doesn’t understand but surprisingly almost as much math that he does understand, and then he’s trudging back through the snow to their apartment. They don’t live too far from campus, in one of the actually nice apartment complexes because Maria Stark insists on the best for her darling, which is great in the spring since they can just walk to campus but absolutely terrible in the winter since neither of them bothered to get a car because they can just walk to campus.

Clint blames Tony always forgetting to grab a hat and gloves when he leaves for why he’s sick now.

Tony hasn’t moved from the bed when Clint walks through the front door but he has the laptop propped up on the bed next to him and Clint can hear the sounds of some action movie floating through the apartment so he figures Tony is probably awake. He goes into the kitchen and starts heating up some soup. Neither he nor Tony are particularly good at cooking but he thinks he can probably manage dumping a can of soup into a pot and stirring it a few times.

He heads back into the bedroom once it’s heated with a bowl of the soup and a cup of chamomile tea. “How are you feeling?” he asks, setting the whole tray on the nightstand and reaching for the thermometer. Temperature first, then food.

“Leave me here to die,” Tony croaks dramatically.

“Can’t,” Clint says lightly. “I put too much time into this relationship to give up now.”

He holds the thermometer out. Tony obediently sticks it under his tongue. They wait a moment for it to flash 99.7—better than it was last night but still not great.

“Do you feel up to some lunch?” he asks.

Tony hums listlessly but reaches out for the bowl when Clint passes it to him. He helps him sit up, tucking a couple pillows behind Tony’s back so he’s not leaning against the hard headboard.

“Where did you go this morning?” Tony asks. “Get some time in at the range?”

Clint glances in the corner where his bow and quiver are still hung on the wall but maybe Tony had been too tired to notice them still there. “Do you really think I would abandon you here to go shoot some arrows?” he asks, telling himself not to be offended when Tony is sick and has pretty much never had someone to take care of him like this.

Tony shrugs. “You weren’t here when I woke up.”

“Because I went to your classes, dumbass.” He pulls the notebook out of his backpack and passes it to his sick boyfriend.

“Oh,” Tony says softly, flipping the book open to glance over Clint’s notes. “You did that for me?”

Much to Clint’s horror, Tony’s eyes are filling with tears. Aw shit, he’s so bad with emotion. “Ya know, maybe now since I did that, you’ll get me those fancy arrows I’ve been wanting for Christmas,” he scrambles to say and then wants to hit himself as soon as he’s done.

Tony though just smiles at him like he understands the sentiment behind it and leans over to kiss Clint’s cheek. “Thank you,” he murmurs before sinking back into the pillows.

“Yuck, germs,” Clint says cheerfully but he’s happy enough to curl up next to Tony on the bed when his boyfriend pats the empty space next to him. “What are we watching?”

Apparently one of the Bourne films, which Clint can’t stand, but he knows Tony loves him so he gamely turns down his hearing aids so that he doesn’t have to listen to the movie and instead puts his focus on cuddling Tony. He’ll probably get sick in a couple of days but Tony’s more important than worrying about a couple of germs.