#can you tell i'm asexual

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

The sweltering heat was a lot.

The sun was baking in heat in any and all forms of life from above.

Night Raven Students hurry to shades or run to class to hopefully get some cool air in their systems within the stone walls.

But alas, one student stood out from the rest on this hot day, leaning by one of the stones with closed eyes as one hand held firm his leather bound bag while the other rubs his sore meaty neck as people walk by is Leona Kingscholar waiting for something to happen it seems.

Come on you sneak, I won’t ignore you ditching me. He thought to himself in a scowl, a yawn showing off his fangs erupts his form as he cracked his neck.

His feline ears twitch at a certain sound.

His beautiful gem greens of eyes open a crack and look up.

His handsome face broke in a smirk.

Walking up to the wall is Jamil Viper wearing a short sleeved button up and a sweater vest to work well with the heat on the school grounds.

Well, guess you’re worth a wait…

A few birds chirp afar, a distance ballad melody for prying ears to hear and enjoy or loath as they wander about this fine summer day.

The breeze was now just picking up and getting a bit cooler as if the Gods finally answered the pleads of many to come and settle down this blazing heat.

Tucked away in a beautiful green house of grass, hidden away with the scent of floral and soil, behind the soft shadows of large leaves and tall plants around, hushed away by the gentle flow of the stream two souls connect as two lips press against each other in sweet open mouth kisses.

The prince snakes an arm around the thin waste on top of him as the Viper’s son rubs his fingers through dense black hair.

A small growl leaves the kissing as a finger gently tugs at a hidden knot.

Jamil pulls away, cole eye staring at emeralds. “Maybe if you take better hygiene you wouldn’t be so knotted up.” He scolded lightly, ignoring the would be scolding of the lion undoing his updo but leaves the braids.

Leona rolls his eyes in response and merely leans back up to meet Jamil’s soft lips again, momentarily silencing the servant boy. Jamil hums softly in the kiss, pushing back to add pressure as their mouths open and they kiss with much more space and care for, their lips and tongue exploring and tasting this dish they’re both so familiar with already yet are trying new ways still.

It’s hard to pinpoint when this began with the two, when the barely edged line in the sand of schoolmates turned partners in kissing was crossed, but they can know when the first time their lips met in such a personal way. . .

—

“Hey, you wanna go to town sometime?”

Jamil looked up at the Savannaclaw dorm head and sigh, bag being fixed around his shoulders, he harbored his voice up to the surface in the sea of noise, “Again? Why are you so hooked on taking me to town someday?”

Leona shrugs and walks with him, “Cause I want to.”

“You ask me almost every day now…”

“I’m what some people call…persistence.”

Jamil rolls his cole eyes under his eyelids. Cole gray, like a fireplace burning down low with soft embers on a cold winter’s night, eyes that are cold to the glare yet have a deep rooted warmth hidden away.

Leona smirks, “What’s the matter, worried I might kiss ya?”

Jamil freezes as he stares up at Leona in shock that such words left those royal lips.

And there is it~

The hunger of new knowledge Leona craves for plenty.

The yearn to lick his teeth in thirst as he gets new information.

He has always been curious about his school chum in Scarabia since the first day he arrived. So isolating and cold, a perfect little snake hidden away in the grass blending in. But even small snakes can pack a mighty lethal bite, and Jamil was no exception after all as proven when the live feed of him trying to mind control Azul Ashengrotto was shown on his phone during winter break and his overblot right after.

This was the start of the journey Leona was aching for new things to learn in his boring school life and Jamil was just so beyond perfect to learn. 

Leona watches as Jamil looks away, smirking at the obvious warm glow on the younger’s cheeks. He bends his torso a touch as he gets close to the ear of his little prey, “If I were, I would gladly make your first kiss special~” 

Jamil blinks, “What?”

Leona tilts his head, “Huh?”

Jamil turns his head and stares at his upperclassman, his perfect eyebrows curved in a forever curious motion as he stares at him so intensely.

“Kalim was my first kiss.”

Leona’s ears turn down in a flat motion as he stares at Jamil in shock. Did I hear that right? He thought with eyes wide open.

He can’t possibly imagine those two faces merging together in any context or meaning of those translations!

He watches as Jamil walks ahead in the hall, away from Leona’s side, to the bright eyed little sunshine that steals all of his attention.

Images of their faces growing close and locking in broad daylight sneaks up in Leona’s mind.

Flashing imagery of Kalim’s arms wrapping around Jamil’s thin neck right there in the damn hallway burns Leona’s eyes with each blink.

Sicking sounds of their mouths moving and making gentle sounds hit his ears with his mind’s own personal record player on loop as he pictures Kalim’s face attached to Jamil’s.

Kalim’s eyes open as his tongue roams the mouth of his servant.

Kalim’s little smirk of victory as he so publicly claimed Jamil in front of him.

“Uh, Leona, you’re gonna stand there forever or–”

Leona pauses.

Leona looks to his side and sees Ruggie standing there confused.

Leona blinks for a second and looks back to the halls, seeing Jamil and Kalim walking away talking in clear imbalance.

Soon, Ruggie’s snickering takes him out of his entranced space, “Daydreaming much? That’s dangerous Leona~”

Leona frowns as his feet start walking. Stupid Viper, why did he have to spring that on me?! He growls silently as he ignores his friend’s calls out as he tries to keep up, his mind thinking back on the conversation just a few minutes ago.

How can he say something so matter-of-factly!?

Jamil glances over his shoulder as he crosses the mirror to Scarabia with Kalim, who is talking about whatever, watching as the lion prince of the Savannah walks into his mirror with a scowl on his face. His angry, handsome, face.

Jamil lets out a sigh as he accepts the different heat he’s used to in his dorm

Great, what was that all about anyways?

—

Leona watches Jamil’s face closely, watching how he breaths and how his face twitches some in emotions. Jamil’s hands dig deep into the fabric of his shirt as he cuddles close.

It was only a week since that hallway conversation when the two met up in this way, buried away in the back of an empty locker room after their club activities lips locked. 

All Leona had to do was be angry from that conversation for Jamil to be curious.

All Jamil had to do was bump into Leona for him to crack and crash their faces together in a lip bruising memory.

All they had to do was be so frustrated in their own curiosity they end up in this situation. 

Leona smirks as he hears Jamil’s voice gasp in a hitch as he rubs his ear shell as their lips meet in the kiss, keeping a mental note of the noise and what causes it.

Feeling annoyed he’s the only one shaking, Jamil shoves his tongue into Leona’s mouth without much warning. He smirks to himself as he felt and heard Leona be taken aback from the sensation and focused on this.

This is just like speaking, yes? Just focus on your Rs… He thought as he acted as if he’s taking a special conversation lacking sound but with lots of R related words to draw out.

Leona’s tongue lightly bumps onto his, the rough feeling startling Jamil some, both obviously curious and eager of the organs in their mouths. 

It takes so much of the other to not melt to the sensation of this kiss and seem weak in front of their momentary partner.

It takes so much not to grab and cling onto the body in front of them.

It takes so much not to let their vocal cords work freely at the warm feeling around them.

The two pull away, gasping for air.

Emerald greens stare deep into cole black.

Animal fangs gleaming in labored breaths matching the others’ less fanging canines.

One way of messy knots of black vines stands in comparison to the one that grew messy in the moment. 

They stare at each other, lips swollen and glittering in sweat from the intense kisses, hands on each other to keep balance but also to not let go. 

“From now on, I’m learning all your firsts, got that?”

“HUH?!”

—

True to his word, since then Leona learned new things about Jamil.

Jamil’s first move mark was made by Leona behind a pillar after the final class period.

Jamil’s first mature touch was given by Leona after a joint P.E. class.

Jamil’s first time touching someone else in such a personal way was thanks to Leona convincing him to swim in the watering hole in Savannaclaw’s lounge late on a school night. 

Despite the intense heat that oozes out of the two in their casual affair that’s what it was: 

Casual.

Jamil doesn’t know when Leona will randomly appear in front of him.

Jamil doesn’t know when Leona will randomly kiss him again.

Jamil doesn’t know when Leona will suddenly take even more firsts.

Jamil doesn’t know anything and it’s killing him!

So now here they are, in the green house, locking lips when they should be in their final classes of their day, with Jamil sitting on the dorm leader’s legs. 

Leona rubs circles on the vice’s back as Jamil’s head lays on his chest, both of their lips reddish from their nibbles and puckering sucks.

Jamil’s eyes are closed, listening to the sound of Leona’s lungs and hearts make music under the hardened flesh of his chest, his body collecting and settling his breathing carefully.

Vrrr…

Jamil’s eyebrow quirks slightly.

Vrrr…

What is that-

Jamil sat up fast, cranking his neck to look up at Leona who looked at him confused in return.

“You purr??”

Leona’s ears flatten and he looks away to the side, his expression not fitting his words, “No-”

Jamil smirks victoriously as he feels the soft vibrations of a purr in Leona’s chest still.

“Oh hush up!”

The snake lets out a mighty laugh as Leona growls, cheeks flushed in exposed embarrassment. 

The two calmed down and stayed still after a moment, bodies close.

“So,” Leona started, “How was your first time ditching class?”

Jamil pressed his cheek against the bicep under him, so relaxed with the warm solid body holding him with the purrs. “Honestly, nerve wrecking…” He admitted, his eyes slowly fluttering to a close. “But at the same time, it’s calming…”

“Well obviously, you’ve been overworking so much you deserve to step back for a while.”

“Mm…”

“. . . Are you falling asleep on me?”

Leona looks down and pauses.

He watches Jamil’s steady breathing.

He admires how the light through the glass and plants form lovely light beams and shadows across Jamil’s smooth dark olive skin and flowing silky black hair.

He looks peaceful…

Slowly, he raises a hand and places the palm against the younger man’s head.

Jamil hums softly and seems to openly accept the touch.

Leona smiles to himself, leaning his head back into the grass as his own tired eyes close and accept the warmth as well.

Maybe this heat isn’t so bad?

[robyn-i-guess]

understandable tbh sometimes i remember sex isn't just a thing people made up and say that they do like no it's real. and terrifying

are people really having sex?

like actually

are we sure people are really doing that

[angryducktimemachine]

Aromanticism Zine but it's just my incoherent thoughts.

[just-trying-my-best-everyday]

Are you normal about aspec people or will you try to find ways to fit them into amatonormative standards regardless?

[stopper-my-heart]

Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).

Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?

This is fine

[headcanonsandmore]

MAWS Lois Lane is that particular type of bisexual who has wonderful taste in men and absolutely atrocious taste in women.

[arowitharrows]

just remembered it's international asexuality day, so shout out to aces who are just so fucking tired of it all. just really rather exhausted. yeah, happy ace day.

get sleep.

[kedreeva]

as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!

Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!

I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.

Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.

So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.

Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.

I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.

In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).

SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.

I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).

I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).

The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.

But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.

also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.

Good luck out there!

[bokvshou]

sex-repulsed aroace culture is accepting that as you become older your parents and relatives will find it easier to have sexual conversations and make dirty jokes in front of you, especially when you're an adult and there's no "innocent child with a childhood to protect" anymore.

and there's nothing you can do about it even if it makes you extremely uncomfortable.

[inkmage13]

Did anyone else go through the "weird girl" to "queer girl" to "butch lesbian" to "butch is my gender" to "oh fuck i'm a man" to "actually I'm completely nonbinary" to "actually I'm transmasc and also mostly gay" pipeline or did I have an original experience with that one

[knifearo]

yeah man. reminder that an aspec person doing something can never be invalidating to aspecs in general. a person's individual actions are not reflective on the entire community and our job is to remember that we can all do whatever the fuck we want forever ‼️ the people who are leveraging us against each other are NOT our friends and should not be listened to. in fact i advocate putting them in the oubliette

[redysetdare]

Some people don't seem to understand why it's not okay to constantly add on "As long as you're not sex/romance negative" onto every repulsed "positivity" post and I think the best way I can explain it is this:

Remember what Straight people say? "I'm supportive of gay people as long as they don't shove it down my throat!"? Yeah, we all know that's homophobic as shit right? Ok, so I'm going to ask you to look at a repulse "positivity" post and replace Repulsed with gay and sex/romance negativity with straight negativity or something similar. Suddenly it doesn't read so nice, now does it? Suddenly it's "Gay people are valid but make sure you're not shaming people for being straight!" So let me ask: what makes the sentence above worse than people saying the same shit but to repulsed people, On every single post.

The fact so many people feel like they need to Remind repulsed people to "not be dicks" and they never do it to literally any other identity because they would obviously be called out for being hateful... so tell me again, what makes it ok to say that to repulsed people every single time we speak up or get any sort of "positive" post?

[themoonpool]

I'm going to go insane. My adoptive guardian had just told me three times now that I can't call myself asexual because I haven't even had sex yet. So to cope:

Imagine your f/o finding out you're asexual, whether by accident, straight up telling them, hell even just them seeing you wearing a pin or having the flag in your room. And they're all for it. They'd never have pressured you into anything, anyway, and they'd even meant to ask you at some point... But now they know, and it doesn't change a single thing about how they see you. They still love you.

[honeybewrites]

Pride Tag

I’ve seen a couple of various pride posts for people’s OCs, so I’ve decided to do my own version of that! And because I’m feeling adventurous, I’m turning it into a tag game.

I'm also doing this instead of catching up on my tag games because I wanted to. Sue me.

Rules: Tell me your OCs sexualities without telling me your OCs sexualities

I’m doing Echoes of War Chronicles OCs. If people end up enjoying this, I’ll post one for Legend of the Ancients too.

Asset 703

No. Except for 1 (one).

Fres

Maybe. But let's talk first. Extendedly.

Rage Airvix

Vanilla™ muscle MILF anyone???

Dana Hueland

Yes. That one? Yes. That one? Also yes.

Master Gerd

Only hookup. No relationship.

Healer Asurr

No. Zero exceptions.

Tagging @orions-quill @fractured-shield @anaisbebe and anyone else that wants to hop on!!

P.S. I've put their sexualities in the tags in order of the OCs.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

I think we may have integrated a little too hard the idea that being aroace is the "easy mode" of queerness, and so contextualized all acephobic experiences as "not that bad" inherently rather than taking a hard look at them and what they can look like

[dust-rat-lives-here]

So how are the "asexuals experience no oppression" exclusionist crowd feeling after the back to back conservative coverage on how asexuals are evil monsters