#can you tell i’m really fucking upset
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i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.
i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.
#dragon age#yes i’ve seen john epler’s explanation on only wanting to carry forward choices that they could ‘really do something with.’#and i understand what he’s saying and i’m curious to see how those 3 choices they brought forward will impact the story!!#but i’m still disappointed. and i think telling people why they shouldn’t be disappointed is just gonna make them More disappointed.#also don’t really appreciate dev comments like ‘careful what you wish for with cameos. it just gives us an excuse to find new and horrific#ways to kill your faves teehee 🤭🤭’ like okay???????? what???#alistair came back twice & could be fine both times. loghain’s inquisition cameo was so meaningful because who the hell expected to see him#again? leliana can straight up die in origins and yall brought her back anyways. like what are we doing out here.#also when i think of ‘typical’ nonsense for this fandom it’s people doxxing each other over fictional character opinions. or what#fictional side your fictional inquistor took in the fictional mage-templar war. or just plain old racism.#NOT ‘damn it’s fucking upsetting that this excited replay i’ve been doing of the previous games and all the recommending i’ve been doing#for new fans to play the other games before veilguard has turned out to be pretty fucking pointless.’#might as well tell someone to watch a let’s play of trespasser and that’s it.
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Gawd I’m. it’s 4:20am and I’ve been listening to exclusively the new 21 savage album since it dropped last night and I’m thinking abt my ocs . And spacewaffles I suppose
#RRRGG I can never get Bacon’s colors right but it’s ok!!!#it’s sooo okay and fine I’m deffo not upset abt it ^_^#lifesteal smp#baconnwaffles0#planetlord#oc: Corduroy#im so proud of the name Corduroy I really like it . need to flesh out her character more <33#UGH ok I dislike how Planet’s head/hair looks and Bacon’s hair is too fucking saturated AND you can’t tell that’s it’s braids !!!#Corduroy looks fine. love you Corduroy <333#according to procreate I spent 2.5 hours on this OHGG MY GOD WHYYY#ok caption true tho new 21 kinda awesome#my favorites so far r see the real and uhh#wait hold on#and just like me . special mention should’ve wore a bonnet . THAT song takes me straight back to middle school and swing screen doors <3333#AND ICE POPS AND WATER BALLON FIGHTS that we were allowed to start past 7pm cuz parents would make us clean up and we had school#damn. I love music#ok bye I’ve been here for long enough and i probs need to sleep lol#nox art
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it is so vitally important to me that aziraphale and crowley not only love each other but choose to love each other.
i don’t want it to be fate. i don’t want it to be god’s will. i want it to be a conscious and continuous choice.
i want aziraphale choosing every day of his goddamn existence to love crowley and all that he is. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley not in spite of being a demon, but because he is a demon. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s curiosity and creative wonder. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s love of plants and gardening.
i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s passion for books. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s desire to do things the human way even if he could just miracle it. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s angel-ness because it is a fundamental part of him.
i want aziraphale choosing to love everything about crowley and vise versa. and i want it to be a very conscious and intentional choice.
it being fate negates the entire point of the story. good omens is a love story between an angel and a demon, yes. but that’s not all that it is. it’s a story about two occult/ethereal beings who choose humanity over the great plan. two beings who choose the world over armageddon. and they make those choices because despite it all they have chosen to fall in love with the world and with humanity.
it only makes sense that they choose each other. that they choose their love. it being fate or god’s will ruins the foundational pillar of their relationship. that they choose each other over and over and over again. year after year, century after century, time and time again. they always choose. they choose the arrangement, they choose saving the other from harm, they choose lying to protect the other.
it is always a choice. and it better stay a choice or i am going to be so devastated.
#look i’m good with most anything for s3#as long as they end up in the south downs & hug at least once i will be happy#but this is one thing that isn’t necessarily a need but more like a deep rooted desire that will break me if not met#like if it’s all ‘haha this was god’s plan all along’ i will be so upset#disappointed even#because neil can do better than that#he’s a better writer than that#not to mention it makes absolutely no sense in the context of the story#like i understand how it’s fun to play around with ‘they were made for each other’#but i really want them to choose each other despite everything#because if i’m being honest it’s one of the things about aziracrow that feels fundamentally queer#to say ‘yeah fuck that’ to what the systems in power tell you you should act like#or who you should love and care for#and instead say ‘i choose this’ ‘i choose you’ to the people and things that actually fulfill you#that is powerful and that is foundational to queerness and queer liberation in my opinion#it’s not about fate or being made for whatever#it’s saying ‘i don’t care if it’s fate or the divine plan or not. it just is and you can’t change the fact that it simply /is/.’#and maybe that’s just me#but it sure as hell makes sense in my mind#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens 2#ineffable wives#neil gaiman#good omens meta#aziracrow meta#gomens meta
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i had a dream that would’ve been SUCH a good fic idea—it played out in my mind like a movie, almost every detail—but i don’t have the skill set to write ittttt
#graveyardtxt#the best way i can describe it is that during an alien attack—sonic and co lost and were taken back to their planet#they were held captive in some kind of lab. they had pretty shitty sleeping arrangements and were experimented on and tested almost daily#for as bad as they were treated. the location itself was actually really cool looking-#tails and espio were actually the main characters (along with amy as a sort of supporting character)#one of the most vivd scenes was sonic walked past their room and seeing amy looking on tails’s bed#only for tails to just walk into the room like “i’m fine you’re worrying about nothing’’ like okay little man where did you come from????#only for amy to tell him “tails never came back last night’’#also sonic was a fucking mess. his ass did not care remotely#near the end. tails and espio ended up secretly staying behind while everyone left#eventually amy returned to help them and when tails asked how sonic reacted to the info that he hadn’t returned to mobius#amy said that sonic just stared at her and run off#MY HEART DUDE. I DIDNT KNOW MY HEART COULD BE BROKEN LIKE THAT IN A DREAM#it sounds so lame when i explain it like this BUT IT WAS SO COOL AND I WISH I COULD DO IT JUSTICE AAAAAAAAAA#so upset dude i didn’t want it to enddddd#i gotta write this down in more detail
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sorta ? happy rant but still a rant below.
I’m so happy it happened and I don’t feel good about how much happier I feel but I feel so much happier ! and healthy ngl and it’s taking time and there are good parts and bad parts but overall I’m so glad we’re over because it was so unhealthy I couldn��t see it and I feel better now. And I know not all of it is good for me and I need to find more people to connect with and be friends with irl but cutting off the bad ones helps that so much I think. I’ve noticed I go weeks without thinking about them sometimes and it’s so good ? I feel good healing. Is that bad to say?
#camera talks#oops. ramble bc I’m upset at work but that’s what I was thinking about at 5 in the morning while I was driving#and also I don’t feel like I can tell my irls about this bc idk how they’d feel about me ‘bringing it back up’#I’d really love just to sit and call and chat with some of them about it but. el oh el I don’t think I can#I just think they’d be upset about me talking about it again bc it’s done and over but anyways#ugh. I have the stupid and hard cries about it too. and I still beat myself up about some aspects#but I feel so much bette it’s crazy. I didn’t know you could feel this much better after something like that#and I Know it happened in February which was a fucking while ago but it takes time to heal#I’m actually suprised I feel this good this soon tbh#still gonna vent tag this ngl#vent#tw vent#probably gonna delete later lmao
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SORRY I KNOW U SAID U DONT WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS AND YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER THIS ASK OR U CAN ANSWER IT PRIVATELY IF YOU'D RATHER i just really cant shut up ever and one thing i cant stand is fic writers getting shit in any capacity like omg what is up with unsolicited 'advice'? in some ways i find it WORSE than if people were just actively rude bc it's so backhanded and passive aggressive that you can't really respond how you want to bc they're not technically being nasty and they say it under the guise of being 'helpful' and it's just YUCK. like shut up!!!! who even asked you!!!!! writing fic is a free, beautiful hobby and for some reason people feel entitled to it in ways they really wouldn't with literally any other hobby and it does my head in, so pls pls dont feel like ur being sensitive. that's the main reason im sending an ask bc i get you've acknowledged that it's annoyed you and why so again sorry if im beating a dead horse here, it's just i hate to see you undermining your feelings about something that IS genuinely really frustrating and disheartening. like it will never not baffle me how oblivious some ao3 commenters are to how much their words can impact a writer. just like you, 99% of all my comments are positive, and yet i can probably list verbatim the handful of not-so-nice comments ive had in the years ive been on ao3 bc they just STICK with me. so yeah. you're very valid and i know you dont need me to tell you but you've got a whole army of people who love your work and have your back, so just remember that when someone decides to be obnoxious xxx
Haha hella I adore you & I don’t ever want you to stop talking.
Yeah I think the reason it irked me more this time was because after I got a few scattered comments I didn’t enjoy I kindly asked people not to do it anymore & then the very next chapter someone did it lol. & even asked if I was getting enough sleep … like…. damn it… really?
again I do think I’m being sensitive because fuck it I’m probably not getting enough sleep haha but damn you don’t gotta call me out like that! Lol. & I get so many wonderful comments and fanart and asks and all that jazz but I can’t help but hyper-fixate on the one not so nice comment haha
& then I over think everything & it ruins the fun hobby I’m supposed to be enjoying lol
I love that you get it, thanks for always being so awesome & now for the second or third time coming to have my back. You’re the best hella :)<3
#I wasn’t going to post anymore of these but I’ll probably post one more#idk maybe other fanfic writers can see it and know we are all going through it#it doesn’t matter who you are#or what you write#there is always some asshole who has access to the internet#that’s going to give their fucking opinion#but yeah I’m always really nice in my responses because I’m so awkward in those situations#I’m just smiling and laughing and saying wwwtttffffffffff#idk I did tell the last commenter to fuck all the way off though lol#they caught me in a MOOD though#thanks for sending this ask hella#& even the last time I was upset about it you let me vent to you#so that was cool#you’re one of the good one hella!!#& im sorry a you get stupid comments too#but im pretty confident the TAOB following would stab a bitch who was rude to you#as they should#don’t fuck with ao3 writers we aren’t paid enough to take your shit people#(get it…. cause we aren’t paid at all….. haha)#ok thanks again hella#hella1975#ask
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Me losing my anonymity to my neighbor after hitting the floor with my broomstick handle - I’ve incited a possible war.
#i was not mchaving it last night#I’m already on edge and last night flared my anxiety up really bad#legit had the shakes because i was so upset at how fucking loud they were#and all my landlord will do is ask if she’s fucking to which she responds no#and then she keeps doing it!#it’s like if i asked if she’s chewing gum#and she’ll look me in my eye and say no while blowing a bubble#and my landlord won’t do anything about it#so I’ll just take matters into my own hands#and if that mean’s embarrassing her and knocking on the floor every time i hear them so be it#the only thing my landlord can do is tell me to move lol#but I’m tired of being plowed over#i will be a bitch about this#I’m spending my fucking money to be here and i can’t just pick up and move#like i legit just moved here!#this girl will not be rewarded for her actions by me moving#i will make everyone uncomfortable#even as we speak they are going at it#why do you think I’m up at this ungodly hour?
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Feeling deeply tired of my family hours.
#it’s ok#I’m so tired#why don’t you have to watch what you say#no we don’t have to be told to watch what we say#because we have a fucking filter#and we notice people are getting upset before they yell or cry#or at least I fucking do#there’s so much I don’t do and say to not upset you#and I can never tell you because guess what you’ll get upset#everything I do is for this fucking family the only reason don’t kill myself is for your feelings#and you think you’re catering to me#I can’t tell you how I really feel because every time I do you make me feel worse#I never minded no one noticing how hard I try#that was always the point quiet little things to help things go smoother#a mediator a listener#that’s me that’s Klaryssa she just does that she likes it#and I do#I love helps I really do#but I also do it because sometimes it feels like no one else will#mom cleans what no one notices#I say let’s look at this from eachothers point of view#I go hey is that really the best way to say that#I’ve been cleaning up emotional messes for yeaaasrs#and you you go why is it on me to consider your feelings#because that’s what people do#I’m asking you to change your phrasing because it hurts#and you don’t understand why you don’t understand why#you just want to know why#I’ve been trying to explain for years#why is it my fault you still don’t understand
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WARNING FOR ANIMAL DEATH/MUTILATION IN THE TAGS
I think I’ve figured out why it’s the stuff with my cats that gets me the most viscerally upset when it comes to my roommate and I think I need to tell him why that is… we had a talk and he apologized for a lot of stuff but I just feel like I need to explain why I react so intensely to him hating my cats/wanting me to get rid of them
#like there’s the obvious things I’ve said before that ANY pet owner would feel the same about obvious#but like. okay I love cats. I’ve loved cats my WHOLE life#not just cats but animals in general#animals were baby’s first special interest#and I grew up on a farm and I had usually at least 8 pets at a time growing up#that I got money for by doing odd jobs and you know as a child you can spend all your money on your hobbies#and I love animals so I had pets#specifically I always had at least 3-4 cars#*cats#my mom’s first husband hated cats… fucking DESPISED them#and he talked about hating them/getting rid of them all the time#and. well. when I ever did anything to really piss him off#(which you know as a nine year old could be something as simple as breathing too loudly or some shit)#he would kill them#that man killed probably like 20 cats#cuz even after I was old enough to process ‘don’t get more cats bad things will happen to them’#my mom would bring home cats cuz she ALSO loved and wanted cats#even when I would beg her not to because I knew they were going to die#she never cared because in that moment she wanted cats#and obviously this was awful and damaging#and now that I live on my own with my two cats who are my BABIES that I love and cherish#my roommate talking about hating them and wanting them gone….#yeah it’s uh. um. hitting some really specific nerves#obviously I do not think he would EVER EVER do something like that#because you know. he’s not an insane control freak who hates me and animals#it’s still hitting those nerves#and yeah I think I need to tell him that for us to start coming to an understanding#like i get you don’t LOVE my cats you don’t have to#but you can’t talk that way about them… or I’m going to get VERY upset and defensive#kaz rambles
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had a talk with my boss today that was basically “hey this recent bout of covid has put the writing on the wall for me and I can’t do the physical aspect of this job sustainably anymore, can you help me figure out something else, hopefully here at the aquarium cause I don’t want to have to move again and I like working here, or at least can you point me to the person who can help me figure that out” and fingers crossed but here’s hoping I can just land a desk job and still be able to see my birds from time to time
#shhh sharkie#I’m preemptively so upset about this but the reality is I can’t.#I can’t be on my feet all day and I can’t scrub and clean and I don’t trust myself on ladders or with a knife#I can try I know it’s early but even if I get back up to what is my new 100% I can’t do this anymore it’s not gonna work out.#and I’ll be more of a burden than an asset to the team if i’m constantly having to need help to do the basic routine#but i love this team and this aquarium and i don’t want to have to move again so soon#or change workplaces and lose the convenience of my apartment’s location to my workplace#but like truly I can get through about an hour of standing and working on my feet and then i’m exhausted and have to sit down#like I legit took a nap in the office today and boy howdy did I need it#i’m just really sad. I don’t want this to have to end.#I always (jokingly) said that i’ll do animal care until my body tells me I can’t#and my body is telling me I can’t.#fuck this shit. I finally get a decent job and a good role and have some consistency and then wham bam fuck you.
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#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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so fucking frustrated bc I tried to give myself a Brazilian wax again bc it wasn’t that great the first time and panicked when I got to the lips and had to stop and now I have to wait until this weekend to pay for the rest of the job for fucking full price like wtf
#and I wanna go today to finish it but my mom won’t take me since I don’t drive#and keep tryna tell me that she can finish it like no I don’t fucking want your help#bc you don’t know how to fucking do it so why even fucking play like that#I’m so irritated I keep crying#cause I know this shit is gonna hurt like fuck bc I missed certain spots#so technically it’ll be like two months without being waxed in certain areas#I just wanna sleep forever I hate this shit and I hate my body for being fucking stupid#sorry I’m just really upset#tw: vent#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Changes in Shadow and Bone S2 that I actually liked:
- Canon Wesper
- Pekka vs Kaz
- THAT scene between Kaz and Inej
Changes I fucking hated about Shadow and Bone S2:
- WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY DID TO THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY
#shadow and bone#like I’m not really someone who complains about book adaptations#but what the actual hell was that#what happened to the original plot of the movie????#also the fact that they put 2 whole ass books in 1 season??!!#loved everything about the crows#but the original plot was in the trenches#AND DAVID???!#be so fucking for real#can you tell I’m upset#grishaverse#shadow and bone netflix#six of crows
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thinking unhappy thoughts at 1 am except these can’t even be categorized into the “no feelings past 4pm in winter are real” bc it wasn’t inherently a negative thought it was a positive thought which upon saying aloud sounded really fucking sad
#i was thinking about how nice it was to meet someone i met this past week#and how great it felt and how i felt like we clicked so instantly#and then i was like#‘huh wonder why most social interactions feel this good to me?’#and then i realized the difference was that this person actively introduced themselves to me and started conversation#as opposed to just about 90% of the social interactions i partake in which involve me sitting alone and being ignored#until i stand up and try and butt into some of my friends conversations in some way#anyways just thinking about how very few people seem to want to interact with me#nothing like real world experiences feeding into the deep-seeded belief i have that i’m inherently unloveable#and also that i’m inherently annoying but everyone is just too nice to tell me#i am not joking when i say i genuinely have trauma from being a neurodivergent person in the midwest#going from a life of ‘if people don’t like me they will tell me’ to ‘everyone seems to not like me but won’t say anything’#as a child was a traumatic experience and created intense feelings of inadequacy and trust issues#which i was already really vulnerable to bc i was emotionally abused as a kid#so combine having a dad who says everything you do is wrong no matter how hard you try#with friends who refuse to say what you’re doing wrong but will hold grudges against it and will be mad at you for it#but every time you ask them they say ‘no we’re not mad!’#plus literally like a decade of me trying to make friends in this fucking hellhole of a town and getting basically nothing but laughed at#and you can see why having a good social interaction for once is actually really fucking upsetting#because HOLY SHIT is that what life is SUPPOSED TO BE??#you’re telling me most interactions i have with people make me feel bad not bc i have social anxiety but because i’m giving it 110%#and i’m getting back maybe 10%???#anyways it’s wishing i didn’t live in this shithole place with these shitty people hours#and wishing the world was fucking nicer to me when i was a kid bc it was so rough for 13 year old me for no goddamn reason#every day is another day of realizing i literally didn’t have a time in my life when things weren’t falling apart#until i was literally 17#kristen
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#personal#my mom told me yesterday my brothers paying to have my door replaced today or tomorrow bc he misses me and thinks is affecting our#relationship badly#and she wasn’t supposed to tell me but i’m glad she did cause like#she tried saying she’s getting it replaced immediately grilled her on where the fuck she got that money since i know we have more important#issues and she IMMEDIATELY snitched#anyway i feel complicated. thank you for the door. that you already said you would do. what was the point of all of this#and i’m re reading the messsges maybe i was too mean but also 8 months no door and everyone being mean to me about it#he told my mom he misses me and she said how sweet it was to hear that and i should consider just. letting this go#and she doesn’t want to minimize the door or what it represents beyond just the door#but didn’t really get it when i was like it matters if he’s doing this bc he misses me or bc he thinks he did anything wrong#like he can do both but. i just want to know he’s not thinking i’m some brat for asking for something? normal? or that this won’t happen#again cause this always happens.#she was like isn’t it more romantic that he misses you so much he doesn’t care if he’s right or wrong? girl what the fuck are you on#anyway i feel weird bc like. it’s nice but i didn’t need him to shell this out#and i feel oddly like a brat to get this expressed done from when i said im upset with him#like 20 days later but feels fast. and i wish he could have reached out and talked to me#but also i’ve been so angry and resentful i don’t know if i’d want to talk especially if it’s just the same convo over and over#i don’t need grand gestures i just wish this stuff wouldn’t happen in the first place#and i’m worried that after the door my mom will get upset if i’m still upset with my brother after#and i’m not sure how he thinks we’re gonna get back to talking if i can’t acknowledge he got the door.#like can’t be like hey thanks! also we need to talk about how you use money instead of ur words.#like in this case i genuinely really needed the door but also it’s just hard to be like hey you did this thing that was unacceptable#also thanks for the full tank of gas dinner and 100 bucks. unprompted. anyway it’s unacceptable-#like it sounds stupid right? anyway i don’t know if he’ll tell me or just try to slide back into talking without ever talking about it#i don’t know and i feel like an asshole no matter what route i go#but will say funny i hid that he broke it from him and he’s hiding that he’s fixing it for me something something#i just feel weird about it. i miss him but also don’t miss getting shit from him or the other one lately i’m just#honestly doing my own thing and just getting through the day or enjoying it too much to think about him sometimes#but i do miss him and i don’t want to be constantly fighting or arguing with my family. it’s not a nice feeling.
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