#can you tell I adore both of them

[isthataraccoon]

cardan pretended to be a monster while in reality he hated killing

oak pretended to be silly and weak while in reality he was a killer

[kikie-e3]

...... Pinescone.... 2024

💥*explosion noises*💥

[waywardsalt]

spent a while earlier digging through some phantom hourglass model/texture files and i am extremely happy to report that linebeck’s mouth textures are slightly lopsided

[wexhappyxfew]

hey shannon!!!! from prompt list 3 & the action category - “intervene” with kennedy and bucky, but kennedy is the one doing the intervening/defending him????!!! HELP - @softspeirs

KATIEEEE!!!!!! @softspeirs i am *here* i am *back* and we are here with a kennedy x bucky prompt that had me lowkey losing my mind w/this piece half-written months ago and me now just finally having the time to finish it up. the pure EXCITEMENT of this prompt with kennedy and bucky, kennedy's reactions, bucky's reactions and their dialogue....oh i was absolutely losing it. definitely one of my longer ones i think, but it came out just as i was hoping (and probably better). also the scene inspo for this hit me even before your prompt and when you sent this in - oh i was SO EXCITED. so i sincerely hope you enjoy!!! :D

flak-happy

(a/n): kennedy x bucky (pre-stalag, pre-anything-that-happened-in-the-stalag lmao). i fear we enter bucky: the definition of yearning, and kennedy: the definition of miss-repressed-emotions and oh boy does it make for the absolutely perfect combination, especially in a moment of time where things are turning rather dark and dreary and sad. oh kennedy farley you are so seen!!!! please enjoy my-return installment in the silver bullets universe!!! <3333 (he'll make it up to her, he swears)

"5-0," Kennedy said quietly, the tiny bit of newspaper in her hands something she was half-way between scorning, ripping into a million pieces, and lighting on fire, "they're trying to kill me."

"It's a baseball team, Kenny," Margie said from beside her, "the only thing actually trying to kill you are the Germans."

"But I have a helluva lot more emotional involvement to this team than the Krauts, Margie, that's the difference." Kennedy said, flipping the paper over and grumbling under her breath, "Fucking Danny Doyle - at this point, just say he's in left field 24/7, even when he's actually in left field. Can't even hit the goddamn ball."

"Okay," Vivian Ratcliff said quietly from beside Kennedy, plucking the newspaper clipping that Lieutenant Montez had gotten for her this morning from her fingers and neatly folding it up, "you need a drink. A stiff one at that." Kennedy sighed and crossed her arms between the two as they continued walking forward towards the flying club and bit back her lip.

"And I'm going to have to hear all about how the Yankees won their game," Kennedy mumbled, "please say we can open a tab?"

"Or!" Margie butted in, "Better yet, someone will already have a tab started for us." Kennedy glanced at Margie, gaze burning into the side of Vivian's head, who was currently running a hand through her short, dark curls in the hand-held mirror she was carrying with her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kennedy asked her and Margie chuckled.

"Ev Blakely." Margie offered with a grin, "He's always putting his ViVi on his tab."

"Oh, screw off, Margie." murmured Vivian, brushing her bangs that lay wilted against her forehead, back a bit - the entirely noticeable blush that had sprung across the waist gunners cheeks and the smile poking at her lips evidently hard to ignore.

"I am not, and I repeat, not his 'ViVi', he's just a sweet thing, a gentleman," Vivian offered with a shrug of her shoulders, wiping at a smudge of her red lipstick at the corner of her mouth gently, "honestly." Margie chuckled as Kennedy sent her a glance.

"Whatever you say, Viv, but he's a real charmer that Ev Blakely," Margie said, grinning, "especially that you're ViVi to him, hm?" A small smile quirked onto Vivian's lips as she snapped the hand-held mirror shut and slid it into her pocket and offered them a slight smile.

"Shall we head in?" she asked them with a smile and a nod before stepping inside, cheeks still flaming, "It seems like we're all in need of a stiff drink." Kennedy watched as Vivian then stepped inside, nodding and smiling to a few pilots that had stepped passed her. Slowly, Kennedy glanced towards Margie who simply smiled.

"What?" Margie said with a chuckle, "It's clear Blakely's sweet on her."

Heading inside the flying club, the atmosphere was alive with both a gentle, slow song by Ella Fitzgerald, the quiet chatter of voices still about the place and the mixture of smells which combined two of the finest things on Thorpe Abbotts - cologne and alcohol.

"Beer?" Vivian offered glancing back at both Kennedy and Margie stood in the small opening between the bar area and the dance floor.

"Yeah." Kennedy said quietly, following behind Vivian with a sparing glance towards the dance floor where Judy was, more probable, to be forcing Carrie to dance than anything it seemed.

A large group of some of the pilots had gathered in front of the wooden bar, a few backs turned their way, with a few pairs of wandering eyes meeting her own. At the moment, she made rather quick and inherent eye contact with Bucky Egan. Who was staring down Colonel Harding in front of him.

Kennedy glanced at Margie and Vivian, who sent her sparing looks as she stepped closer, curious to both listen in and figure out why the look in Bucky's eyes made her stomach twist.

"Now-now who's flak happy?' Bucky asked, leaned up against the bar, a morose look drawn on to his features, eyes peering into Colonel Harding's persistent and demanding. Kennedy stepped closer, her eyes looking to Colonel Harding's face - it was a mixture of sadness, grief and evidently being somewhat drunk, but it was somewhat a sorry sight.

"Who?" Colonel Harding seemed to challenge.

"You are." Bucky said with a nod, his eyes frozen on the Colonel's gaze. There was something slightly unsettling in that split second of time - this almost far-too-large group surrounding a somewhat bitter conversation. Flak-happy; what a word. Enough to stir thoughts of death in all of them. How much it surrounded them, consumed them. Buck's half-crescent glance towards Bucky was enough for Kennedy to catch Buck's gaze and see the unfurling repent growing.

"You are." the Colonel said firmly back.

"No, you are," Bucky said, before giving a quick tap of the back of his hand on the Colonel's front pocket, "sir."

For a moment, the low drone of the music seemed to dim to a distant hum as they all stood there, eyes darting back and forth, waiting to see the reaction of the Colonel, to someone like Bucky. Notorious for his outbursts at this point, it seemed.

Kennedy watched for a moment longer, before she bit the bullet and stepped forward, directly placing herself in front of Bucky and looking right up at the Colonel, hands placed behind her back, heart pounding in her ears, praying to God above that she didn't look a fool in this moment. Whatever conversation it had been, friendly or foe or whatever other words could've been tossed around - she was having none of it.

This was for Captain Dye, to celebrate 25 missions, for people to relax a bit. Not to think about what tomorrow or the coming days could bring.

Then, the Colonel began to laugh, eyes not fully connected to the bright laughter from his lips, reaching up to place his cigar to his alcohol-laced lips. Kennedy mimicked her best impression of a laugh that she could muster in this moment without feeling in-genuine and watched as the Colonel's eyes brightened a bit.

"Good to see you, Sergeant Farley." he said and she nodded, saluting as well.

"And you, Colonel." she said and he grinned, before turning away and pointing to the guys - 'Single fillies!' he began to yell and point, people clambering and murmuring amongst one another as the rather large group began to slowly disperse.

She watched, predictable as it was, Blakely saunter up to Viv and Margie seemed to drop to her knees immediately at the sight of a tail-wagging Meatball.

In the midst of this all, Kennedy seemed to only just remember now that she had stepped between the Colonel and Bucky in this very moment and that very same Bucky Egan was now stood just behind her.

And if anything, she knew he had a shit-eating grin on his face and would poke fun at her little heroic moment of relief. She really didn't know what had compelled her to do such a thing - to step in between people that had far higher ranking than she probably ever would. But there was something on his face, that look in his eyes. Like he was distant, in a completely different time zone and realm than where he actually was.

And she couldn't remember a time when Bucky had ever looked like that.

Kennedy found that she was bracing herself as she turned around, but by that moment, as she was turning, Bucky was already watching her. It looked like a mixture between an attempt to smile on his face, and the struggle of an onboarding cold front. And her heart sunk a bit.

Maybe she was a bit stupid for that.

They barely knew each other past their Yankees and Red Sox feud and those few times they'd had conversations together - about what, she wasn't sure - she had spent the greater part of the time noticing every bit about how his eyes lit when he laughed, the crinkle of his grin, the pure sound of his voice.

For what reason she was stockpiling those images and feelings in her brain, she'd never know.

But, standing here now, it felt completely different.

Bucky was different.

"Hi, Farley." he said, voice more exhausted sounding than intended it seemed.

"Hi." she said back, noticing their closeness to each other and the eager smell of his cologne, taking the opportunity to step back.

Then she stared at him - she had no clue what to say.

For the first time in months, she didn't have a clue what to say to him - to explain whatever that had been, to try and chalk it up.

Yeah, she had no clue.

"You alright?" she said him, before scratching the back of her neck.

"Doing the best I can, yourself?" He was bored of this conversation already, he was done with it - say something, say something. But when she took the chance to actually go to open her mouth, she noticed his eyes were far-off, looking past her shoulder.

Slowly, she took a glance and noticed all he was staring at were the people - the couples, the duos - dancing with each other. Kennedy looked back towards Bucky again and found his eyes trained on her again.

"You dance at all, Farley?" he asked her, leaning back up against the bar, the broad stretch of his shoulders enough to fill her entire birds-eye view, enough to make her cheeks tint to annoying pink.

"I regret to inform you that it is quite possibly the last thing you want me to do."

"Really?" Bucky asked with a wry chuckle, smirking at her, "Well, isn't this new. Thought Kennedy Farley was good at damn-near everything." Kennedy looked at him an tilted her head.

"Well, I don't know whether to take that as an insult or compliment, but I'm afraid that growing up my mother put me in ballet and in turned into a complete mess of me on stage - so no, I don't." she said, crossing her arms, suddenly wanting to get herself out of this conversation as quickly as possible.

"I'm intrigued," Bucky said, tilting his head slightly and nodding to her, "tell me more. Ballet, huh?"

"It was like a chicken on a balance beam, alright? I'm sure you could've done better than me-" Bucky chuckled at her mid-sentence.

"Were you really that bad?" he asked her, "I don't believe you."

"Wouldn't be the first time." she murmured and he raised a brow, "This typically would be the time where I ask the same question back, but I've seen you dance and well….clearly know you dance so…." Bucky let out a barking laugh and hung his head for a moment before looking back up at her.

"Well, Kennedy Farley, dancing is a whole lot more than just some stupid ballet classes your Mom put you in when you were a kid, alright?" he said, pushing off from the bar counter and stepping forward. Kennedy look up at him as he stepped closer and equally stepped back.

"What are you doing?" she asked him as he stepped in front of her, managing a small smile.

"Dancing." he said, "With you."

"You can't be serious-"

"Oh, I'm serious!" he said, reaching forward to take her right hand in his, adjusting his other hand to her waist. It was honestly a mixture of feelings, intoxication and his cologne that suddenly made her feel slightly insane.

"Bucky-"

"Nah, nah, you're fine, look at you," he said as they slowly started to sway back and forth, "you're a natural." Kennedy looked up at him, feeling every inch of her hand pressed into his, his other hand on her waist.

"Well, if we're doing this, then you oughta tell me what Colonel Harding was talking about when I came up to you all." she said, watching as his eyes darted to hers and his grip tightened.

"Maybe another time." he said tilting his head to the side, to which she raised a brow.

"Oh, no, no, no, I saw that look on your face-"

"Farley-"

"Major Egan." she said, pausing and looking up at him expectantly. It seemed to work. Bucky watched her, his grip tight on her hand and pouted his lips a bit.

"The war. In the air." Bucky said quietly, tilting his head to the side, "Guess you can say it's making people go crazy."

"Quite the observation." Kennedy murmured and Bucky let out a huff, "Well, why was he addressing you. I mean….sorta front and center there-"

"He thinks it's starting to get to me." Bucky said quickly, pausing as she peered up at him again, watching his eyes under the dimmed yellow lights of the flying club.

Kennedy felt her heart stammer for a moment as she looked up at Bucky - there was still that distant look in his eye, but something else that craved and yearned for touch and connection and possibly something else she couldn't quite decipher. She believed that was all anyone in this war wanted - when the battle was done, when the flight crews were back at base, sweat and grease-stained faces, eyes hazy and glazed. All people wanted was someone else to get it, to understand them and hold them and tell them that maybe things were going to be okay.

But, with Bucky, with their separation of rank and about a million other things, she quite honestly, was at a loss for words.

"You?" she instead asked quietly. Bucky watched her, face unchanged.

"Yeah." he said quietly, almost ashamed, "A trip to London would probably do me some good, don't you think?" Kennedy watched him - he wanted this. He agreed with the Colonel. Bucky wanted this.

"If that's what you want-"

"I think the Colonel was really onto something, Farley." Bucky said, stopping her mid-sentence, "Doing those missions. Over and over. I feel like I'm going crazy." Kennedy felt like she couldn't even hear the music anymore, she didn't even realize how close they were into each other's hands and arms, she didn't even realize the tick of desperation in Bucky's voice. Like he was alone in the dark, trying to grasp onto something.

"Bucky." Kennedy said quietly, watching as he sighed and shook his head, dropping her hand, removing his, rather warm, hand from her waist and stepping back.

"Sorry." Bucky said, reaching up to run a hand through his hair before turning back to the bar and finishing what was left of his drink, before looking at her again, "I shouldn't have said a damn thing. Freak you out when you're trying to relax. I'll…" Bucky watched her and sighed, before stepping around her, "I'll see you around."

Kennedy stood there, the flash of his body disappearing from in front of her, the hint of sweat, beer and cologne trailing as she turned to look over her shoulder and found him moving right out of the room.

Kennedy's heart was in her throat - a mixture of feelings of not knowing what Bucky would do next, especially being alone and if this was making her suddenly want to do anything she could to help him.

So, she did the only thing a Farley would do. She hurried after him. She kept her eye on his form as he hurried out and into the cool night air.

Stepping outside she looked over and found him stood at the edge of the road, against the lick of grass that spread between the barracks and looked towards the dark airfield.

"You know, it really isn't the nicest thing to leave a girl hanging on the dance floor," Kennedy started, walking towards him, a slight smile on her face, "especially if she just told you how much she really didn't like dancing." She tried to joke about it, but she just watched Bucky's shoulders drop the slightest bit instead as he ran his hand again over his hair to hang on his neck.

"Sorry, Farley," Bucky said quietly, "I just, I don't want to rope you into this, right now." Bucky said, motioning to himself. Kennedy raised a brow.

"Rope into what, Bucky, I'm right here." Kennedy said watching his back and crossing her arms, "Quite frankly, you just told me you think you're going crazy from it all and downed the rest of your drink. And probably are slightly buzzed. So. I will rope myself into this." Kennedy eyed the few newer airmen walking by them. "Sir." Bucky glanced over his shoulder at her and she simply stared back.

If he wanted her to be scared of this side of him, it would have to take a whole lot more for her to disappear, for her to run.

This Bucky she almost liked. Where he wasn't putting up the facade, the mask, the strong-front that showed he was fine.

Because no one was fine when their job was trying to just beat the odds and survive.

"Farley-"

"Bucky." she said and she watched as he stared at her. He grew quiet.

Slowly, she stepped closer and moved to stand there beside him. Glancing upwards, she found him, looking far off again towards the darkened tarmacs with B-17s.

There was something about standing there in damn-near total silence with him. It was so unlike any other version of the Bucky Egan she'd met, but in this moment, she hoped that this was exactly what he needed.

Someone to be there, but to stand in this silence with him.

Away from the music and the drinks and the B-17s and the bullets.

Away from it all.

All to simply realize he was alive, and on the ground and standing on his own two feet.

"To get in one of those planes again," Bucky started quietly, "I can't….it's hard. To do that. Again and again." Kennedy looked up at him, her face drawn into one of concern and worry.

"I know." she said quietly, watching his eyes as he glanced at her, "It scares me. Every time without fail. After what had happened with Birdie and then Margie those few months ago. The thought? Jesus, I didn't want to have to leave solid ground." Bucky watched her for a moment.

"You don't give off the impression that you're scared, Farley," Bucky said quietly, "always thought you were one of the strongest we got." Kennedy managed a genuine smile up at him.

"Thanks, Bucky." she said - genuinely - she figured people didn't see that often, so she could appreciate when someone like Bucky told her that. He managed a slight smile at her words.

"Would you go to London?" he asked her and she felt her face change into one of slight surprise and near-joking. She offered him a look, one where she almost burst out laughing.

"Me?" she asked him and he nodded, "No, no….probably not." She looked at him again and almost nervously laughed.

"Silver Bullets needs me. And for the moment, despite everything, I'd rather let that trip go to someone else, who needs it more." Like you, she thought quietly. She looked at him and found his face saddened a bit and offered a shoulder bump.

"Go to London. Take the trip." she said softly, "Take some time to relax." Bucky looked at her, his eyes aching to watch hers it felt as she stared at him.

In another world, she would've said she'd loved to go to London - she always heard about London as a kid; Buckingham Palace, the guards in their uniforms, the city streets, all of it. But for now, she didn't need it. She was fine.

"Well….I only asked because…" Bucky cleared his throat, "Buck sorta denied my offer and I figured, well, since you and just about everyone else also need a break, figured I'd offer to come. With me." Kennedy looked up at him, her cheeks flamed in the darkness and she hoped the fact the moon was covered by clouds, covered her obvious shyness.

"Oh." Kennedy said quietly, her eyes wanting to leave Bucky's but whole-heartedly refusing. In her mind, she told herself that he could tell something was most definitely wrong with her, with her blubbering and lack of words and shock and nervousness. But instead he offered a slight smile her way.

"I mean," she started, a small laugh escaping her lips, "you're….you're a Major, Bucky, and I'm just, I'm a Sergeant. And we're from different planes. And it'd be…I don't know, people, they'd say stuff-"

"Farley," Bucky said, "we're…..friends, ya know, it'd just be us two. As….friends." And even she wasn't convinced of his words in that moment and suddenly she felt hot all over and the thoughts in her mind were enough to force her to look away from Bucky in an instant. She looked forward again over the field of B-17s in the darkness and swallowed her shaky breaths.

"Farley, I…" Bucky started, before clearing his throat, "I just…I think I'm drunk. Just, ignore me-"

"Okay." Kennedy said quickly, looking over at him and nervously meeting his gaze with a nod, swallowing sheepishly as she looked up again to his eyes, "I-"

She really couldn't get herself to speak properly at the thought. Of Bucky. Her head felt light, her cheeks hot, her body hot, her thoughts a jumbled mess.

He was drunk, she told herself, he was drunk and wouldn't remember this and she could go back to being brazen and bold and stubborn with him.

Not this mushy, genuine and sweet part of herself that she rarely showed a soul.

Looking at Bucky, suddenly her mind went into a frenzy at the thought of the two of them, in a room together, in London - how awkward it would be!

She'd take the bed closest to the window, he'd take the one closest to the door and she'd have to hear his every breath as he fell asleep and his snores through the night.

And she'd have to wake up and he'd see her exhausted and barely awake and exceptionally grumpy.

And then he'd say something about how she reminds him of the pigeons on the streets in the city and she'd launch her shoe at him.

And then she'd feel embarrassed having to get ready and knowing he's right in the other room.

And - no, it was too much. Because what if they just happened to ignore it all and she allowed herself to feel these feelings that made her feel sick to her stomach - no. She looked away from him and suddenly wanted to be alone.

No, let him go to London - get the drinks, get the girls, and she'll keep her mouth shut.

Because he was right - they were just two people, barely even friends, who happened to know each other and have strong opinions about baseball. No, she wasn't going to say a thing.

"I'll make it up to you then someday, Farley - the dancing," Bucky said before patting her shoulder gently and letting out a low whistle, "I'm off to barracks. Figured I need to shut up before I keep letting my mouth yap, ya know?" Kennedy slowly looked over at him, sticking his hands in his pockets and giving her a wide smile - one between a forced and slightly buzzed grin and a genuine one.

"I'll let you know how London is, okay?" he said and she nodded, tying herself directly to where she was standing so she wouldn't convince herself to follow him again.

"Okay." she said and he smiled wider and then mock-saluted to her before turning away.

"I'll be seeing you, Farley." he said and as he staggered down the path, her own heart thumping inside her chest she shut her eyes and let out a breath before crossing her arms tighter across her chest.

She couldn't have said anything better? Come up with better words? A better send-off and good-bye? Should she have taken the offer?

No, no, no, no. Nope.

And with that, Kennedy turned and moved right back into the flying club and ordered as strong a drink she could get at this time of night.

[schmweed]

[starvinginbelair]

"We're close yeah. Especially with our songwriting thing. I really love writing-I love writing with all the guys, they have different muses that you engage with, and we all write a specific kind of song together but...Luke and I have a special relationship with our songwriting stuff. It's kinda like we don't allow anything to touch it. Like even if him and I had a disagreement or something, we'd still write a song together the next hour cause it's compartmentalized in a space that's safe. And just creative and respectful."

— ashton irwin on his creative relationship with luke hemmings on artist friendly

[gemknightau]

How to make friends 101

[dustykneed]

what if i drew myself stress relief musical sapphics.... what then....

can you tell i've been. hmmm. stressed this week LMAO (anyways if you recognise these pairs like that's awesome and you're so cool genuinely! but this is so self indulgent who am i kidding xDD)

[padawansuggest]

Watched Skeleton Crew with dad tonight. 4 episodes.

Us: finish one

Me: you wanna do another?

Dad: ya

Us: finish another

Me: you want another?

Dad: hell ya

Us: finish another

Me: you want another? Only one more

Dad: 👁️👄👁️ ya but I ain’t watching anymore til at least two episodes are out

Me: *knows that means he’s an impatient bitch about it* kk

Us: all done

Me: I told you you’d like it

Dad: 😒 it’s alright

[jazzmckay]

anders & merrill parallels

despite coming from contrasting walks of life, anders and merrill have a lot in common. tension rises between them due to fundamental differences in their belief systems; things that could help them understand each other incredibly well mostly just drive them apart, which is such a tragic loss for two people who are in desperate need of support.

ways anders and merrill parallel each other:

childhood displacement and resulting isolation

on a quest for the good of their people

their faith

association with spirits/demons

lack of support and eventual tragedy

childhood displacement and resulting isolation:

at the age of 12, anders was taken from his parents to the ferelden circle. when merrill's magic manifested as a child, she was sent to another dalish clan that needed a keeper's first, having to leave her parents behind. their magic meant they had to be uprooted from their homes and families. merrill's displacement was not done maliciously--mages are moved around so that no clan goes without a keeper to preserve their history and culture--but it does still mean she lost her family very young and only has vague, wistful memories of them.

marethari, as much as she thinks she's doing what she must / what's best for merrill, is not a good parental substitute. their relationship may have started decently, until the matter of the eluvian drives a wedge between them, but what happens at this point doesn't paint marethari as a good parental figure. marethari chooses to send merrill away rather than trying to reach a compromise with her, or even just comforting her and helping her process her grief in a healthy way. it's clear merrill thinks of marethari highly, but it seems like acceptance and emotional support may not have been a large part of their relationship. in addition to this, as a keeper's first, merrill's training and apprenticeship likely took most of her time, making it harder to nurture other friendships.

likewise, the circles aren't a good place for mages to form relationships. they're under constant scrutiny, they have to be careful about any connections they form, many mages may feel they're safer keeping to themselves. children born to mages in a circle are even taken away from them. circles are a hostile environment in many ways, and wouldn't inspire the mages to foster companionship. anders refuses to talk to anyone, even the other mages, at first. he escapes seven times. it isn't until karl that he has any reason to stay, and then karl is taken from him, too.

both anders and merrill have the people they care about taken from them repeatedly--and in merrill's case, the people she cares about even push her away. they grow up disconnected, isolated, and having to fend for themselves. i think this leads to some of the personality traits they have in common as well, namely their intense stubbornness. they have learned that they're largely on their own, so they make decisions on their own, and can rarely be swayed once their minds are made up.

on a quest for the good of their people:

anders is fighting for mage freedom--eventually at all costs. merrill is determined to restore her people's history--not necessarily at all costs, but she goes far further than anyone else would. both of them are driven by wanting better for their people. they are passionate about their goals. these goals are at the forefront of their lives, they are goals they strive for across years, relentlessly. they don't give up, no matter the difficulties along the way. they desperately want positive change for their people. their goals say a lot about them as people, and these qualities are things they share with each other in an incredibly synonymous way.

their faith:

anders is andrastian, and merrill believes in the creators. anders' faith doesn't come across so strongly, because he is of course opposing the chantry's rule on how mages should be treated, but the chantry's teachings have been ingrained in him since growing up in the circle. he believes that there are spirits, and there are demons, and the demons are wholly, inherently evil. his understanding of justice supports his understanding of this dichotomy. merrill, by contrast, was taught that all spirits/demons are just like people, as varied as any mortal. she says all of them can be dangerous, but they can be helpful, too, and she is confident in her ability to treat them carefully and safely.

they butt heads on this badly. anders asks if merrill started blood magic by accident. she says no, she did it very intentionally. anders asks if maybe she just doesn't understand the difference between spirits and demons. she says no, i have a belief of my own and don't need to borrow yours, thank you. it's inevitable that you'll become an abomination, anders claims. skill issue, merrill replies.

their faiths are different, but the two of them are similar in how strong their belief is. it's that stubbornness again: they will not be swayed. they can't agree on blood magic, or how to view demons, which is the main thing that keeps forcing them apart despite how similar they are.

association with spirits and demons:

on the topic of their different perspectives on spirits and demons, another main thing they have in common is anders' relationship with justice, and merrill's relationship with demons she communicates with through blood magic. anders doesn't appreciate them being compared in this manner, but from merrill's viewpoint, they are very much comparable, and in fact, anders is doing the same thing she does, but far riskier. she has no intention of ever joining with a demon. she says anders has no room to judge her, when he has let a spirit in.

both of them are willing to communicate with spirits, both of them have a more open-minded approach to spirits, and this is something they could find common ground on, if not for anders seeing a difference between spirits and demons while merrill does not, and anders' belief that he has corrupted justice into vengeance. it doesn't matter who is right, if either of them are. both of them are doing something risky but thought/think they have a handle on it, that they could/can control it.

whether or not they're right, it leads them to tragedy regardless.

lack of support and eventual tragedy:

merrill is right that she can fix the eluvian. she's also right that eluvians were important artefacts to the elvhen and they could teach the dalish more about their history. she's right! and it doesn't matter. no one believes her. everyone thinks she'll only bring them destruction. her clan turns her away when she refuses to back down. even hawke can not believe in her. many of the other party members don't believe in her. she's right, and it doesn't matter. her clan has a high chance to end up dead. she loses marethari regardless. many party members comment on the fallout in harsh ways. the guilt is already eating at her. she fixes the eluvian, and there may be no one left to share in her success, she may not even be able to feel victorious herself, after what it cost. she is alone. she has always been, in some way, alone.

how different could it have been, if someone had understood what she needed? if someone had as much faith in her as she had in herself?

anders lived the experience of a young mage ripped away from their home and family, forced into a circle, forced under templar and chantry rule. he knows what it feels like to be a lost, scared child, locked in an unfamiliar place, where armoured figures with hidden faces are always watching. he has experienced the abuses. he has been imprisoned and tortured. he has had people dear to him taken from him and made tranquil, even though they were harrowed, even though they never would have done something to warrant it. until joining the wardens, his life was an endless battle to just be free.

the fight for mage freedom, and his manifesto, are a matter of life and death for anders. everyone else, though--they can ignore it, because it doesn't impact them directly. they can believe the potential for mages to be dangerous justifies systematic abuse and even culling. anders is frequently ignored, belittled, or even hated for his mere desire for freedom, and for his passion for the freedom of all mages. he is screaming at the top of his lungs, and no one is listening.

in the end, no matter what, he blows up the chantry alone. he's out of options. it's been years, and nothing else works. no one cares. he has been pushed to his limit. he doesn't want it to be like this, but it's all there is left, and something has to give. he does this alone, and is willing to give his life in the aftermath, because he has nothing left to give.

this likely never could have gone differently. anders has been doomed since the moment he was born a mage.

conclusion:

anders and merrill are characters whose lives often mirror each other: mages who have never been able to form strong, healthy, and/or lasting relationships, finding themselves isolated and needing to rely on only themselves. they are deeply passionate people who strive to do good and make a difference. unfortunately, this works out tragically for both of them.

in a perfect world, maybe they could have been exactly what the other needed. their empathy and determination could have let them help each other. the base is there: when anders first starts asking about merrill's blood magic, he does it with a tone of concern. many times, merrill can express her wish for anders to be happy. in a conversation with sebastian, merrill reveals that anders has warned her to stay away from the chantry. they disagree with each other, but they do care. at anders' harshest, he is talking about himself more than he's talking about merrill; as he feels himself fraying, he projects his anger at himself onto her. he sees their similarities, and he's afraid. she could have reassured him, they could have supported each other, could have put their heads together and found new solutions. the potential was there for their similar experiences to give them a uniquely strong companionship, but they just never managed to grasp onto it.

[creativesplat]

ok... so Lambert x Eve...

Eve and the two Blaiddyds

Lambert and the two Fierenes

The step-siblings

@blaiddydbrokeit and I were talking, and they have now sent me down the wonderful rabbit hole that is Eve and Lambert getting married and looking after their children.

[cuteniaarts]

@katkastrofa, circa 40-ish hours ago: Hey, what if our newest bunch of OCs adopted a baby from one of the other brothel girls who knew she couldn’t afford to raise one? That would make for some fun shenanigans :D

Me, with a notoriously non existent sleep schedule, instinct of self preservation or concern for my poor wrist: Alright, bet. Watch how fast I can make you fall in love with this hypothetical baby >:)

Daneli as a gentle and loving caretaker-turned-adoptive-mother is something that can be So Personal, actually, and originally I was going to leave it at this quick sketch, but then I got carried away thinking about what this child will grow up to be like raised by this little gang of misfits, so…

Here she is!! A little older and so, so beautiful, I need more of her in my life immediately, she’s way too precious

And, because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also add a sapphic element to this absolute cinnamon roll, a small crack ship that I’m only half serious about for when she’s a little older still:

All in all, we may be getting impossibly far from canon, but I for one already cannot get enough of sweet darling Kumisai <3

(I fully drew three pieces from scratch in 9 hours I cannot feel my brain or my hands anymore send help)

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

this is probably off topic but like i was rereading sea glass gardens & i was just giggling at the fact that kamo (the good one ofc not the one who took back shots for the greater evil) is just…obsessed with getting this middle school delinquent approval & MEGUMI JUST NOT REMEMBERING HIS NAME???

like imagine dedicating your spare time to impress the adopted child of the strongest who is also the zenin’s heir (if gojo fucking goes crazy or kicks the bucket) who is also the ten shadows user, trying to compliment him, hyping up his skills by saying he has more potential than the current zenin head, only for him to not know your name 😭. & the fact he apologized for it? i’m cacklingggg. you truly embraced megumi’s silent menace tendencies. tbh i was so convinced that kamo had a crush on megumi & was just flirting with him for the whole exchange event 😭.

(also maki’s little story of her interaction with megumi in their childhood? i cried a little. like the fact megumi being a menace to naoya & the clan & taking mai away was like mai’s happiest memory? i really can’t wait to see mai’s appearance here)

also i can’t believe megumi is half dead & blind & he’s already known as “yuuta’s boy”. this is giving when you’re a high school senior & you just forcibly take a underclassmen under your wing & everyone just calls that underclassmen your school kid.

like imagine in a happier universe where shibuya didn’t happen & yuuta pops tf out & introduces himself to the first years. imagine the hilarity of nobara & yuuji trying to figure out how tf yuuta is able to cling onto megs, tease him, & knows little details about him without getting his head chewed off 😭.

honestly..yuuta’s unhealthy platonic feelings about megs makes me wonder gojo’s reaction bc i imagine him being so insufferable like he just assumes that “omg my distant relative have a crush on my emotional support child”

ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR STORY !! i can’t wait for the next update, your writing is literally so beautiful that i have to re read it multiple times to take everything in (i’m kinda slow). it’s gotten to the point where i accepted your fic as canon 😭. i promise you in a few months your fic is gonna be known as THE JJK FIC. i’m manifesting it. <3

So I’m never gonna get there in the fic because sea glass gardens cuts off pre season 1, but I like to headcanon that Yuuta desperately wants yuuji to like him (he’s megumis friend and also Yuuta feels an obligation to look out for him because they were both sentenced to death) but yuuji is just NOT having it because he’s the one person in the world that yuuji feels almost seething jealousy for. He is not a jealous person. He has never been a jealous person. But Yuuta is living his perfect life, which is a fact that Yuuta would be surprised to learn, because he is not living anyone’s perfect life. From yuujis perspective, Yuuta is:

Inexplicably close to Megumi. Megumi is somehow his boy. Yuuji didn’t think Megumi would tolerate being anyone’s boy.

(He doesn’t tolerate it it’s somehow the best and worst kept secret in the school. Everyone knows Megumi is Yuuta’s boy except for Megumi himself. Megumi insists Yuuta’s like this with everyone while panda silently shakes his head where Megumi can’t see him.)

He’s got some kind of secret history with Megumi that no one will talk about (since I imagine that the second years would legitimately keep their word and not talk about what the Zenin did to him behind his back) but whatever it is it makes Megumi trust and rely on him more than anyone else??? How is the son of a bitch doing it???

He was also sentenced to death but got it suspended and like. Yeah. Yuuji would like to live that dream existence.

The fucking legally adopted child of Nanamin??? How?????

It’s a lot of

Yuuji, glaring at him angrily from across the room: he’s the perfect man

Nobara: why do you say that like you’re mad

Yuuji: why am I not him!!!

Yuuta’s just. Despondent. He wanted yuuji to like him so so bad.

Considering canon Megumi didn’t tell them he had an entire sister until they were at his old school and people were asking after her, I doubt that even waterboarding could get out of him “yeah so I met the second years when my bio family violated the no contact protocol that started because of how dangerously abusive they were and basically tortured me for a week, up to the point of my Actual Death. I was blind for a while. I guess okkotsu senpais protective of me because when we first met he Literally Had To Restart My Heart and Lungs. Also we held hands multiple times in the immediate aftermath.” So I think Yuuji and Nobara would be aware that there’s something weird about how Yuuta and Megumi met but have absolutely no idea what that weird thing is.

(Panda: look it’s really not weird how protective Yuuta is of Megumi considering all that Megumi was going through when they first met

Nobara: What was Megumi going through when they first met

Panda:

Nobara:

Panda: I’ve said too much.)

I have a serious reading of Kamo and a self indulgent reading of Kamo and a Kamo that’s somewhere in the middle.

The serious reading of Kamo is that Kamo was a kid who grew up in a bad situation with very little control over his own life and saw Megumi as the one who could possibly understand him. They both were born outside of their clans but their inherited technique had the ability to elevate them to clan heir. He persisted in trying to compliment him and form common grounds with him out of isolation and a desire for someone to understand his lot in life. Megumi, meanwhile, would see Kamo as exactly who he doesn’t want to become. Kamo has accepted his place in his clan; megumi is violently rejecting it. He doesn’t want to be the same as Kamo because he doesn’t want to be anywhere near the Zenin clan.

The thing is that out of all the characters, Kamo’s really the best one we have to kind of represent the more common views of the jujutsu world. like, he very consistently is shown to be able to make his own assessments about what judgment call the higher ups and the wider jujutsu elite are going to make or expect, and part of it is his desire to fulfill his role as kamo clan heir. And Kamo? Accepts out of hand that Megumi is going to be formally brought into the Zenin clan once he graduates.

Like, he's in the fight during the goodwill event, and he's just like "yeah so when we both graduate we'll both be working to support a major clan in the jujutsu world" and megumi's like "the hell are you talking about. i'm going to kill you with this elephant."

It is probably a common expectation that gojo keeping Megumi from the Zenin clan is not going to stretch into perpetuity. Like. Right now, megumi is a minor. Gojo very easily can control who has access to him. When he’s an adult working in the society, the same trick of preventing all contact isn’t gonna work. Those are his coworkers now. They’re going to get more and more opportunities to bring him back into the fold. The Zenin are just playing a waiting game to get Megumi back and everyone sort of has just accepted that fact.

Kamo is what the Zenin clan expect Megumi to one day be for them, and I think it puts Megumi a bit at odds with him. Megumi has no interest in living the way Kamo does, and a little internalized fear about it happening anyway. Refusing the Zenin clan is the only control he’s ever really exerted over his life and future. He never got to pick being a jujutsu sorcerer, but he chose not to go with them. All of kamos priorities and mindset remind Megumi of all the things he’s messed up about, and it sets them at odds.

The self indulgent reading is that Kamo had a huge crush on Megumi and spent the entire goodwill event trying to execute his four year long plan towards holding his hand only to be thwarted by the fact that Megumi was completely dazzled by a himbo he knew for less than two weeks three months ago.

And the reading above is just the serious reading with the added fact that Kamo also had a huge crush on Megumi.

The thing with Mai partially came from something that Gege apparently released as background lore. In the goodwill event, Mai says that she never told maki when she had her first love, and i was like "that's weirdly specific, I wonder who that is" and then I googled it, and the answer was apparently either Megumi or Maki herself, and I said, "Huh, I Don't Like That" and decided we weren't doing that.

Now, to be clear, I do get making that decision on a level as a writer. Like, the Zenin clan is enormously fucked up and explicitly practices intermarriage. That is the kind of thing where you may include it because it's so fucked up and perfectly exemplifies how fucked up it is. a clan that explicitly is practicing incest is going to heavily skew how relationships amongst family members develop and form and it's going to be a fucked up dynamic amongst closely related people.

But also I Don't Like It And We're Not Doing That.

I did like the idea of Megumi and Maki occupying a somewhat similar place in Mai's mind. Like, Maki is in a league of her own, there's too much history there for anyone to come close to her in a relationship, but Mai's fondest memories of Maki were specifically with Maki occupying a sort of companion and protector role. Maki was in the same "level" as mai. They were both vulnerable kids in a bad situation who were looked down on by their family. They were both fast tracked to be servants. But Maki was the brave one, the capable one, the one who guided her when she was afraid and promised to always be there, and that's where a lot of mai's complex emotions around maki come from: mai was afraid and maki was strong and maki was there to hold her hand, and then suddenly she wasn't anymore.

Once I put Megumi in the Zenin compound as a little kid (since it's unclear what contact Megumi had with his bio family pre-season 1 and how extensive it was), I knew that 1) the zenin would not be putting him anywhere near Mai and Maki, and 2) that I wanted them to have met anyway.

So I liked the idea of Maki and Megumi occupying similar spaces in mai's mind because they both had briefly been viewed by Mai as companions and protectors. Megumi's contact with Mai was way more limited than Maki's was, but Megumi sort of swept into her life at a time where Mai really did need it most.

Mai would have been right at the age where most kids get their technique, if they get any at all, and we can sort of assume that mai may have figured out what hers was late if Maki didn't know about it. She just failed to get the ten shadows technique, and was a freshly confirmed failure in terms of power. She was just feeling the sting of her family's rejection, and Megumi, meanwhile, was the one who was supposed to be the most special and blessed of them all.

And he was the only one who didn't reject her out of hand, other than her sister. He stuck his own neck out to protect her. They all played together. There's not a lot of good memories than any of the three of them have on the Zenin compound, but I think that all of them secretly thought of that day as one of the best they can remember from childhood.

And it sort of was a huge deal for Mai. Everyone was treating her like she was dirt under their heel, but there was Megumi, the presumptive heir to the clan, the Ten Shadows himself, and he played with her. He was her friend. I think that would have been kind of a landmark moment for little mai. not only is that the acceptance and kindness she desperately needed, but I think it was also sort of source of hope for her that she could have a place in the Zenin compound one day without it being utter garbage. Megumi was assumed to take over the entire clan one day, and he was kind to her. He was her friend. He didn't let Naoya treat her badly, when Naoya was the one who was likely going to be heir if Megumi hadn't inherited the ten shadows. Naoya was at the top of the food chain, but Megumi still stood up for her, even though her own parents wouldn't have. So maybe when he grew up and became clan head, he wouldn't let people mistreat her and maki anymore. They could all be happy together, and Mai couldn't imagine a future where she and maki got to be happy before. Even though the clan leadership cracked down pretty hard on them for that stunt, it didn't make a dent in how overwhelmingly happy it made her.

Megumi going no contact probably would have been a huge blow, especially considering her age. She lost her hope and her only friend who wasn't her sister in one fell swoop, and she really was too young to have the tools to understand just how much Megumi needed to be kept away from her family for his own safety.

Mai, back then, was living in such a warped life that she didn't really realize how bad her family was, especially to Megumi. and that's not so much a comment as to how bad it was for her there versus him, but more that she had very little context as to what his life there was like. she was never supposed to meet him. She mostly heard about him secondhand, and that's all being filtered through the zenin's unique. All she ever heard was about how the ten shadows had finally been reborn, and how the clan was blessed for it, and how upset they all were that they had to give him back to gojo. No one even wanted her. Megumi seemed like he was living a much better life than anyone at the zenin compound could expect, so what cause would gojo have to take him away?

She was just a little girl who didn't really have friends other than her sister and him. She wanted to play with him again. She didn't understand much outside of that.

Of course, she's had time to grow up and kind of put her memories of the past in a more reasoned context. Maki came to the conclusion that Megumi probably didn't have the best time there a while ago, and this incident has really put it into perspective for her that he must have cut off the zenin because they were dangerously abusive towards him. Like, she mostly never saw him, but she has a lot of memories of him 1) being hauled out of a training room unconscious 2) being on sixteen hour days at the age of six, and 3) being violently unhappy whenever he was in the compound. Mai, to a lesser extent, likely has a similar awareness that he didn't go no contact for shits and giggles, it was because her family's fucking bonkers and abused him badly enough for gojo to pull the plug. of course, how that's shaped mai's mindset towards megumi now is still yet to be seen.

I know what it is, of course. it is seen for me. you all have yet to see it.

Gojo can and will make his own existence everyone else's problem and yuuta is sooo right to not want him to know. like. he wouldn't kick yuuta's ass. but that doesn't mean he'd be good about it.

I'm so glad you like the story! thank you for your kind words!!!

[dawdlecentric]

Man, this doujin isn't fucking around

Meanwhile, Seikuri in the background...

Doujin: Flashbackers by Totobe

[sylustra]

Sylus saying "...don't run" to MC when they're finally being openly honest about their desire for one another and their trust and shared spaces.

[eurydicees]

i get the appeal of being a hater for sure but personally i was built to be a lover and to love things and to see the beauty and worth in everything i choose to see beauty and worth in sometimes for no other reason than that i want to see beauty and worth in them. like i don’t want to hate things for fun! why are we all so mean to each other! you do you but personally im gonna choose to unapologetically love the things i love