#can you see that i have executive dysfunction
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eimearkuopio · 4 hours ago
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I'm in the UK, so YMMV, and I was diagnosed at age 33 in about 2018, so things may have changed BUT
To get a diagnosis of ADHD on the NHS, you first need to get a referral and you'll have to figure that stuff out for yourself.
I believe I was diagnosed based on DSM-V criteria but I'm recovering from a pretty severe mental break at the moment. Take everything I say with a pinch of salt, but this is stuff that I am a fairly well-informed lay person on.
There are 18 symptoms of ADHD; 9 inattentive, and 9 hyperactive-impulsive. To qualify for a diagnosis, you need to have a certain number from one or both categories to an extent that it significantly impacts on your day-to-day life. Not being capable of stopping procrastinating even when you want to is a pretty significant symptom of executive dysfunction.
I have all nine inattentive-type symptoms. I also have a PhD that I got by nearly killing myself doing a PhD with undiagnosed ADHD.
The hyperactive-impulsive symptoms are the ones that are easily visible from the outside. To get an ADHD diagnosis, the symptoms need to have been there since childhood, because it's a neurodevelopmental condition. But there's a lot of overlap with other conditions like C-PTSD or bipolar. Think of... The difference between being born with brittle bones and breaking bones easily and repeatedly in circumstances that wouldn't harm most people, versus having grown up in an abusive environment where an adult keeps breaking your bones, versus being in a whole bunch of car crashes where you kept breaking bones.
Your lack of executive function is a symptom that needs to be dealt with for you to be a healthy, happy person, and you might or might not have actual ADHD, but if you want to stop procrastinating and you can't do that, something is wrong. The reason I'm suggesting being assessed for ADHD is that if the reason behind your executive function issues is actually ADHD, it's going to be much easier to treat than the other shit. Not necessarily easy, mind you; but easier than the other options.
I will also say that I think in the next decade or so we're going to see a lot of C-PTSD diagnoses in the aftermath of COVID. So the most important thing is to be kind to yourself, because something is wrong and you don't know what yet. But it's not your fault, because you want to do better and you can't yet. So you need to talk to a professional who can help you figure out what's wrong before you end up in the place I was a month ago. Good luck. There is still hope, but there's more of it when you know your labels and you have the right meds. 💚💜🩷
So I’m a first year uni student. How did you survive your bachelors? It feels like such a long slog, and as I write this I have five things I need to do.
In particular, how did you… not procrastinate
I’d really appreciate any advice you can give!
One day at a time mate. One day at a time.
I can't give you any advice on procrastination, I procrastinated every project I had throughout all of uni.
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rouge-the-bat · 1 year ago
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*this would mean finishing the ending twice at separate times
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purpurussy · 3 months ago
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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whump-queen · 11 months ago
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begging someone to hold a gun to my head so my brain will finally make me do my dishes, laundry, vacuuming, job applications, emails, messages,, just to get anything done at all without constantly wanting to die
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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 10 months ago
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Nothing pisses me off more than when people talk about my friendships with mid-support needs autistics and other people with differently-wired brains as if I am descending to help them because I’ve taken them on as a charity case. That is NOT true. Oh they’re a burden because they’re neurodivergent? WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT: SO AM I! THE REASON I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS WITH SO MUCH SHIT WRONG WITH THEM IS BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT WRONG WITH ME. WE ATTRACT EACH OTHER! WE LIKE EACH OTHER! IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND!
#How about I just start strangling ableists from now on?#Would THAT convince them I’m actually this person’s real friend?#Literally nothing I say to them is able to get through their dense fucking skulls—#as if it’s sooooo hard for them to believe I actually enjoy their company#Also (halfway unrelated): if I hear “It takes a special person to work with special children” one more time I am going to SCREAM#Tell me I’m calm; tell me I’m patient; tell me I’m creative— do NOT tell me I’m “special” for doing a job I LOVE#Can you imagine telling a quantum physics major “It takes a special person to solve special math problems?”#😂💀 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m gonna start saying that to people from other professions. To see how they like it.#The children are not a burden to me; the children are very enjoyable to be around#and I enjoy troubleshooting what is preventing them from learning and coming up with workarounds for them#I made a glued roll of paper for a kid who constantly peels their skin because I saw them peeling crayons#It works!#I made math problems into a Skibidi Toilet role playing game for another kid who hides under tables when it’s time to work. It works!#You know why I was able to come up with either of these inventions? Huh? You wanna fucking know?#1.) I peel my lips and mouth and palms of my hands and calluses and cuticles and scabs; and#2.) I have awful executive dysfunction and have to do weird stuff to engage myself#People talk to me like I’m one of the “normal” ones; little do they know I’m getting assessed for ADHD and score 142 on the RAADS-R#and I essentially self-destruct when I get mad so I don’t break valuable items or punch through drywall and oak doors#I give myself bruises that swell a half inch high and form hematomas under the skin#I think I’ve permanently weakened the blood vessels and a vein in my right thigh from beating it so much#because it only takes one well-placed blow on my right; but several blows to my left#And I can see the bruise pooling towards my heart along the path of that vein from day to day after the initial beating#and sometimes it just randomly aches when it’s not injured; so I have to shift my weight when the kids sit in my lap wrong#so with that and something else I did to it not super recently that I should have gone to urgent care for… I probably have nerve damage lol#so it’s gross when people say such things about other NDs to me as if I am above them#Just fuck off already
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subway-boss-jericho · 1 year ago
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Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know
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trainingdummyrabbit · 1 year ago
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heavily considering picking up journaling........
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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So I was chatting with my fellow very mentally ill queer coworker friend about mental illness (as we do) and I mentioned how I was realizing that my wildly manic depressive response to grief wasn't... normal...
& they were like 'oh my god Yeah I've been suspecting you're bipolar for a While now' bc apparently I get in... modes... where my pupils are Huge and I'm talking a mile a minute and doing 4 things at once and even my Posture is different
And then I'll come in the next day like all the life's been sucked out of me.
& she mentioned there's type 1 and type 2, 1 being the longterm episodes & 2 being them alternating on a day to day basis. And I'm just like... damng... I sure do seem to have that 2 thing...
Apparently it's not normal to alternate between manic and depressive states! Who knew!
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blossom-in · 1 year ago
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i knew id struggle with a shared kithcne but i didnt expect to struggle this much... i dont think it helps that i dont even know who im sharing with and it seems like more than the amount of people the kitchen is for are using it? like in a i share with 2 girls i think that already know each other and are 3rd years and make food with some of their friends so the kitchen feels full and i feel way too self concious to go and make my coleslaw wrap
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tallandsad · 1 year ago
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“you have to organize your mind” babes I have the Disorganized Mind Disease wtf do you mean
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machidielontheway · 1 year ago
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my biggest "what would fix you right now" is sleep schedule. i love sleeping, i love being in my bed, love the feeling of blorbo rotating while comfy in my pillow. i don't mind doing the nightly routine : pee time, brushing teeth [altho this is a recent change !], filling water bottle.
what i don't like and don't manage to do is the Break : stopping the enjoyment - or the avid, compulsory search for enjoyment - and actually closing my laptop. Closing the laptop is cutting up the connection and the safety, comfort of it. connection is : i am not alone. there is people there and i can hear them, listen to them, my room is filled with the sound of people living. i am not lonely. safety is : i am finding joy and am entertained - i am not wasting my life. i do not think of things i yearn to do but lack the energy and courage for. i am fulfilled.
Closing the door and getting out of my own laid spell and having to face reality again is very hard. I do not like it and i avoid it for as long as i can sometimes, even if i am tired and would love to be sleeping. (the reality is : sometimes i am lonely and unfulfilled ; the reality is i haven't been sleeping enough for years to have the emotional energy enough to be able to make concrete steps to change this)
i could say a lot more because this subject branches out back to itself but let's just keep what was the original goal.
i wanted to speak about it to the therapist i saw for the first time a week ago, because as of now sleep is Obstacle n°1 to be resolved in my life. but i didn't really connect with her, and it was a first session so a bit hard to go directly into one specific subject. However i spoke about it to a friend the next day, and she told me how she does it and we did a little brainstorming / our discussion was such to me.
one thing i discovered about myself in the last year is that i have very little perseverance, and if there is - or if i see something as such - an obstacle i will mostly not do the thing blocked by the obstacle. The ideal solution for this is : if you can't make yourself go past the obstacle, either 1) remove the obstacle or 2) change your course. When i was in my last flat the bathroom was some way away from my room and it was old and i didn't like it. I had a hard time brushing my teeth at night and mostly never did it. a temporary solution became "i go to pee super often, let's just brush my teeth each time with water for a few seconds" and that worked quite a bit. the obstacle was going to a place i didn't like with little reward ; the solution was do the thing when you're already in there, when you didn't have a problem to go because you actually wanted to". The problem literally disappeared when i moved flats and 1) had the bathroom directly against my room again and 2) i like the bathroom and don't feel uncomfortable spending time in it. It's a great things to know this kind of things about you, because it's easier to see how to go about solving a problem.
So with my friend as we spoke about it and it finally took a shape, i thought : clearly knowing and agreeing with all those things about "capitalism doesn't give you time so you spite it with a fucked up sleep schedule to get time for you" is not helping you : it's true but you can't change that rn. But the shape of "i don't like when i close the laptop and suddenly i'm back in real life with all my doubts and feelings", that i can manage. i can make the Break less of a break. With my friend i planned two things : 1) my laptop does not go in to the bedroom, and 2) i will put on sound on my phone until i shut off the lights (i dislike going on internet on my phone so no loophole here).
It did work in parts, which is actually great. I DID feel frustrated about not having the laptop, like a real feeling of "something missing / something not in its place", but it was not big enough that i couldn't go through it, which means that i can acclimate myself to it in time ; and it was enough that i didn't feel the break too keenly. Once i was done with my nightly ablutions, i kept listening to the video (music is Not Enough so i listen to Defunctland Fastpass vid) and felt myself falling asleep after ten minutes, which is also good : it's not enough to keep me awake through my tiredness the way i can power through for hours with the laptop (yes i have f.lux), and it's easier to stop and put down because my phone doesn't represent a Door to me the way my laptop does.
Now the thing to work on is that i need to actually do this where i do get in my room at an interesting hour and not just at two am, or it makes me as sleepy but less comfortable. So while a part of a solution is present the big boss is still there : the drive and motivation to do the first step which is "now we will begin". i once thought 'when i will have my new fancy phone where i can put on more than one alarm clock, i'll put some in the evening to create Doors for me to come back to reality and make a choice - i can stay where i am, or i can decide to go to bed". This increase the chance that i manage to go to bed earlier, instead of being kept in the waters of the spell until i see the clock hitting the magic hour where somehow i will accept going to sleep (which in these days is 1:30 AM). However i did NOT put on those alarms even though i've had my new fancy phone since january. which is another mystery to think about : what makes me 'not want' to put them on ? what do i fear ? i was excited about it once, what has changed ? is there another way i can make 'coming back to it' doors that would not be from alarm clock ?
I do like having my struggles put in this form because 1) i like feeling like i'm taking concrete steps toward something, because for so so so long i've been Waiting. besides the "fight or flight" reaction there is the freeze and i'm very good at it. and action is what makes you brain calm down from Fight or Flight. 2) i love analysis (recent discovery through work) ! it's like a treasure map with little adventures you have to follow until you find the treasure. But this also means knowing / searching for how things works, so you can understand why they're not working and find a satisfactory solution or a workaround.
anyway. yeah.
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silverislander · 1 year ago
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forgot to mention but my therapist is literally encouraging me to get adhd testing :') she really did believe me and still does, and i'm not just losing it i (almost definitely) have A Disorder holy fuck
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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just got my wife off first thing in the morning and tbh i am going into this day with a hell of a sense of accomplishment
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becca-alexa · 2 years ago
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i understand the technological gap between generations but at what point does that gap just turn into incompetence
#becca.txt#i don't mind fixing presentations and documents and PDFs for my coworkers i really don't it's not what they hired me for but i do not mind#but it's another thing entirely for you to give me the ugliest piece of shit i've ever seen and just expect me to make it presentable#especially when making this shit is YOUR job which you were HIRED for and which you were doing BEFORE i got here#how is any of this acceptable#and why are you hinging YOUR job security on whether you can get ME to fix your shit#your incompetence is not my problem#in this day and age if you've been working (at my job) for X years and you can't align a fucking PPT deck i'm sorry that's on you#my coworker had to be walked through changing fucking FONT COLOR on a word doc#and this is her JOB#i'm sorry i am just getting fed up with it#and she comes to me about how the manager is picking on her for her shoddy work and one of these days i'm going to snap#and just tell her yeah our manager's right this looks like shit you've been doing this for ten years and this is just not it#there is no reason for someone who's been here as long as you have to be producing this quality of work#and i don't want to be rude but it's just what it is#and she keeps trying to blame her executive dysfunction and how she has adhd and whatever else#like bitch so do i but you don't see me trying to pass off garbage and hoping nobody says anything#everybody at the company has been coddling this woman because she is a literal sugar cube of a lady and they all love her#and at the core of it it she isn't half bad at what she was hired for - which is GIVING training presentations#but lady the other half of that job description is MAKING the goddamn presentations#but our manager's new and he's having none of it and it's upsetting her so she's coming to me#and i don't know what to say about it anymore i am sick of it#pls ignore i am upset
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yesfatchicks · 3 months ago
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i hate the term bed rotting i am not rotting i am napping. i am enjoying snoozing and sleepytimes. i am warm and cosy and resting
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months ago
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#i dont know how to tag it and alas i dont really care enough#i was going to draw something but i am a sloth. a lazy brain-rotting tree-dwelling mammal#but i am really really cute so please let it slide#everyone around me keep saying i should try to work as a florist because of my interest in flowers that suddenly appeared half a year ago#honestly speaking i hated flowers for as long as i have existed before that. they were making me depressed#the whole idea of something cute in your hands that is destined to become a withered rotting thing overnight is nothing but depressing#that i was thinking before i learned how to properly take care of cut flowers. now i can make them stay for a bit longer. like a week or so#it is still sad nevertheless. but I guess my perspective on things has changed as well. i am not talking about flowers#more like about life and death#but its too philosophical for a silly gigantic post in my silly little blog so im not going to talk about it#i like to dry flowers. dunno if I do it properly tho#a few days ago i watched kusuriya no hitorigoto in which characters are compared to flowers! there is a dried flower as well#the dried rose there was described as “still beautiful despite the time and harshness it went through”#but the character the rose was alluding to was merely a walking brainless corpse#and in the context it really made sense. these two contradicting facts in actuality create the complete picture of the character#while binging the series i couldnt help but wonder what flower i feel the most relation to#to no avail#someone has gifted me a rose plant approximately a month ago. you can see it on the photo above#but the thing is. i absolutely suck at taking care of living beings. my experience says exactly that. i also hate dirt#i was so perplexed and afraid of causing harm to the plant I completely abandoned it for quite some time#while thinking about it 24/7. reminded me of the time i still had the executive dysfunction#eventually i had to chop off all the leaves and buds leaving only stems with thorns be to keep the plant alive#it was actually my mother who gave it to me. so it is very precious and i really dont want it to die. but my actions somehow say otherwise#anyway. i came up with the idea that i am not a flower but a budless stem with really sharp thorns on it!#i dont really have enough space for the explanation so its up to you to interpret
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