#can you get addicted to cbd

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Right off the bat, this is a self-reported survey, so when stigma goes down, the willingness to admit you use a substance goes up. It's not necessarily more people using, just more people admitting it. Who's a daily coffee-user? Wow, look at all those hands. We don't care about that, do we? You get a headache when you don't get your caffeine? Well, you're addicted, congratulations. Get your ass to rehab, which'll take about three days in your case. Then you'll get right back on that sweet bean juice, won'tcha? Typical.

But we don't care about that. You won't lose touch with reality and have caffeine psychosis! Uh. Well... That's different.

*sigh* We've known this about psychedelics for a long time and the overemphasis is really frustrating. Any medicine that can help you can also hurt you, and we sell things OTC that can do permanent damage or kill you. If you have risk factors, generally speaking, we'll tell you not to take that stuff (unless we forget) and it's your responsibility to not chug ibuprofen with a stomach ulcer, or give aspirin to a child, or take even slightly too much acetaminophen, or drink the Panera lemonade, or whatever. If you're at risk of psychosis, generally speaking, psychedelics are not for you.

But if they're not for you, you've probably figured that out, and you're not taking them every damn day! I would be much less worried about psychosis in habitual users than new users.

I'm one of these "near daily" users, so I speak from experience when I say: If you're using pot every day and you want to get high YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. I have a tolerance, and I like that just fine, because I'm using it to sleep. (It's really annoying when I get near the bottom of the tincture bottle and I hafta get up and eat a bag of Cheetos after I already brushed my damn teeth, lemme tell ya.) I have chronic pain and a lot of health issues and sleep-related trauma, and THC and CBD is the only thing I've found that will get me 7ish hours of rest without leaving me oogy all day the next day. And I have to take regular breaks because it stops working otherwise! Cannabis itself tells me when to stop taking it and I listen!

I guarantee, if you're using every day, you're either very new to it and you will eventually taper off, or you have some kind of chronic (haha) issue that marijuana addresses. Some issues can be better addressed by removing the stressors from your life, or actually treating whatever else is going on, but if that's not an option at the moment, there are much worse ways to self-medicate. I would say alcohol is one of 'em, so good for you if you dropped beer and switched to pot!

This literal weed should've been legal a long time ago. Not at the level of codeine or ketamine, just legal, but that's not on the table. We're screaming and shitting about a reclassification that won't even stop the feds from putting brown people in prison. This would be a gift to medical researchers and pharmaceutical companies if it goes through, but I don't care as much about them. I'm saving the champagne for when we stop incarcerating regular folks for needing some help to exist on this shitty planet.

[sarahowritesostucky]

Tips for coping with depression

As someone who struggles deeply with depression, I thought I'd post these very simple but very crucial tips for overcoming a low time

FIRST AND FOREMOST, IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY ENOUGH THAT IT'S AFFECTING THE WAY YOU ENJOY LIFE, YOU'RE UNHAPPY ENOUGH TO SEEK OUT THERAPY AND POSSIBLY MEDICATION. My depression doesn't usually manifest as sadness. It manifests as exhaustion, lack of drive, and tanking self-care. So it took me a long time to realize that it "counted" as depression. If you don't have insurance, look up a therapist who is willing to do a payment plan and to see you only a couple times a year, maybe just via tele appointment. They might be able to prescribe you medications if that's what you need. I was VERY hesitant to start meds, but I tried low doses of two meds and they rapidly turned my life around.

But in addition, here are my personal recommendations:

BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Always do this first. I don't know what the heck it is about depression that makes brushing your teeth so damn hard, but it's a thing, and you'll feel better if you do this first.

START WITH A SHOWER. Once you finally manage to force yourself out of bed, please for all that is holy, just get a shower. I prefer baths, but I've heard from others that the shower part is crucial to them. Get a shower and stay in there as long as you friggin' want or can. Get some tingly mint shampoo. Get a tingly face wash. That shit is invigorating. I actually keep my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower and brush at the end of my bath (whatever I'm depressed and weird)

GO OUTSIDE. Even if it's just opening a window or standing on your apartment's balcony for a bit. Go outside and see the earth. Go for a walk.

GET SUNLIT. get assessed for vitamin D--you probably need supplements. Purchas an indoor SAD sun lamp; you can get them pretty cheap on Amazon and just 30 mins a day with that thing makes a difference!

SUPPLEMENTS. Important and useful ones I like are Vitamin D, Ashwaganda, CBD oil, Kratom (approach with care if you have addiction issues). And take a friggin' multivitamin--you're a grownup.

ALWAYS DO SOMETHING KIND FOR YOURSELF. do something small, simple, and kind for yourself, for no reason other than it's a simple pleasure. Eat one of those tiny half cup portions of ice cream they have at the grocery store, put vetiver oil in your bath, get the overpriced drink at Starbucks you always tell yourslef you shouldn't waste money on, light a candle or get one of those misting waterfall thingies and plug it in. Watch some cat videos, do a coloring book, bake a batch of muffins. Whatever feels nice to you.

LISTEN TO HAPPY MUSIC. I'm a big fan of angsty, dark rock and alternative music, but I force myself to avoid it when I'm having a hard time mentally. Instead I listen to upbeat gym music or pop, music that sound how I wish I felt.

CLEAN YOUR SPACE. If you're my kind of mentally ill, your living space sometimes can get pretty bad. There can be are piles. Put on some of the aforementioned music and get going, one item at a time, you can always take a break or stop whenever you want.

GO TO THE GYM. People who've never really worked out don't seem to believe us gym rats, but it's true: regular exercise can help almost as much as (or more than) antidepressants!

DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND EAT WELL. I used to be a diet soda addict, okay? But water is what our bodies thrive on, and you'll be amazed at how much more awake a simple chug of water can make you feel.

CALL A HELPLINE. If you need to talk, call a helpline. It's so easy. You don't have to be in crisis mode or at the end of your rope to call, and unless you're on the phone actively threatening immediate harm to yourself, they aren't going to do anything but give you a kind ear. I volunteer at one of these helplines, which strangely also really helps with depression.

BE KIND! To yourself and others. It's free to do and worth its weight in gold to the people on the receiving end. As Ru Paul likes to say: "Kindness is the highest form of intellect."

[rainyfestivalsweets]

2/7/24

I am taking my lunch to get some treadmill time in... but also might need a vent. I am struggling with keeping my job but also scared of positions that would move me out of production. Without my OT I am just a salty cuss. Behind on everything and overwhelmed with assignments. I felt like they were fucking with me, even though we are supposed to have flex time AND make up time. They were trying to make me take PTO for some medical appointments. God damn, if I could just give up this job. 😪 I love it. I hate it. It is a very bipolar relationship.

What else? I am in the middle of some really heavy books (all borrowed so I have to give them return soon) and people keep interrupting my books.

And the friend that recently started yet another MLM business.... is now all over social media saying how great the opportunity is and blah blah blah. I am creating a boundary where I don't give her negative feedback, I don't want to hinder and progress she might be able to make.

But come on, man. It feels disingenuous at best. Inauthentic. Maybe I should hide her profile.

Maybe just everyone is annoying me?

Friends talking about going to the casino? Eh.

Why? Because my other friend has a fucking disastrous gambling addiction and is working himself to death. And everytime he makes a post about his winnings, I cringe. He has high interest loans out. Nothing i have said to him has gotten thru.

Every time I ask him to hang out, he is "working." But will definitely ask me to watch his dog so he can vacay. And now it is tax season, he has filed already and he is literally chomping at the bit to get his hands on that refund money. For a "vacation" weekend.

Jesus fucking christ man, get ahold of yourself. If you want to go, fine... but fucking save for it and stop messaging me, I have my own shit going on.

And me? I am feeling stuck since mom's illness last april. I need to get registered for classes again. 😩 I need to start making progress on something. I have plateaued weight wise and my mental state is just eh, when it should be burning with the fire of a thousand suns to fucking get this weight off. 😤

So what do I do? Go to Walmart and look at diet pills. (I am already on many things- but why am I compelled to keep looking??) I have a bunch of stuff that I struggle to use regularly enough for it to work properly.

I continue to be weighed down by the things that have been bothering me. Bills, school, taxes, work, clutter and I barely am making it from day to day and only then normally by the skin of my teeth, a happylight and a metric shitton of bergamot tea and anything else that will boost mood.

I have developed an affection for CBD products and I need to stop ordering it because it makes me eat stuff that I have purchased for mom. But it makes me feel good in the moment so I do it. 😱😱🤯👀

[officialtayley]

what's up w all this sudden weed slander... acting like it isn't legal in the united states and can't be consumed in healthy ways, it's not a hard drug u just get a lil relaxed and silly... i fear stuff u can get easily prescribed like dextroamphetamine and alprazolam are the Actual Problem

and then you have thc products or cbd products like people can choose what they're going to be experiencing. and i agree with u. ppl can literally become addicts and die from things they can get prescribed and it's a very big problem and it's a really sad problem too. and there's also much harder drugs like it's not like she's shooting heroin everyday or something like man........

[ms-hells-bells]

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND ABUSE

My name is Jaime. At 15, I left home due to the abuse going on there and I became a homeless runaway living on the streets of Melbourne, Australia…

Within days I met apparently friendly older men around the age of 20 or so, who offered me a hotel room to stay in if I helped them sell newspapers on the corner. At the time I thought they were being kind. It was soon made very evident that there was an extra price for this roof over my head. There began a steady stream of strangers coming to my room and expecting all kinds of sex from me. It was a tiny room with just a single bed and a bedside table. I was not allowed to leave it for any reason other than to use the bathroom down the hall.

All I can really recall from those days are the smell of bad breath, body odour and fresh cum as the faces and ages of these men all intermingle in my nightmares. I cannot even tell you how long I was trapped in that hotel, as each day and night blurred into the next.

One night I was bundled in a car and driven to a house just outside the CBD. I was instructed to stay with the man at that house. It was made clear to me that I was expected to have sex with him. The fact he spoke English and had a lovely looking home made it seem not so bad compared to where I had been. I lied and gave him a false name and said I was 17, almost 18.

A couple of days later, he drove me back to the city hotel so I could gather the clothes and things I’d left behind. It was empty and I had nothing left to my name but the clothes on my back. So I accepted his offer to stay with him as it seemed like a better option than trying to survive on the streets.

I tried to live a normal life of getting a job at Coles and leaving my past behind. One day, my lies about my age and name caught up with me and I was put back into the government foster care system as a ward of the state. I was put in a home with much older residents and was again raped and abused, so my sense of worth was zero. I felt it was all I deserved.

At 16, I was allowed to move out of the system and back to the “home life” I knew. That is where I really began joining in with the full-on drugs, alcohol and porn/sex trade scene. Surrounded by adults who, for them, it was normal, by 17, I was stripping and nude modelling and quickly became addicted to the money. My face and my body were the only assets I had to sell.

Not long after my 18th birthday I began work for an insurance company. Another attempt at a normal life. I was subjected to sleazy bosses and customers who didn’t want the insurance I was selling. They wanted my mouth, my tits and what was between my legs.

Months went by and suddenly the homicide squad from Sydney NSW were knocking on my door. They were unsure if I was dead or alive as they had photos of me on the same roll of film as a young woman who had gone missing from the streets of St Kilda and was presumed murdered. It turned out she had been kidnapped, drugged, tortured and photographed naked and then killed by a man, who had come to the studio I worked at months earlier.

To this day I’m grateful I said no to his offer of more money to leave the studio to go to the beach with him for further photos – or my story would have ended there. Except as a google search for murdered sex workers in Australia.

Because of my lack of confidence that I could do anything else, I spent months stripping around the pubs and clubs of Melbourne. Private gigs were always the worst as there were more expectations of the acts we were asked to perform. Live sex acts with bucks party men. Lesbian acts were expected, condoms were not. Drugs and alcohol were a standard part of my life.

By 21, I was a single mother struggling to pay my rent. One morning, after dropping my child off at day care where I knew they would care for my child better than I could at the time, I came home in tears and picked up the paper and looked for a job. Every one of them wanted qualifications and an education level I didn’t have.

I then saw an ad for massage girls. Due to my past experiences of nude modelling and stripping, I knew what the ad meant. They were offering an immediate start. So, with my pride pushed aside, I called and arranged to go to a legal brothel in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

My idea of legal brothel work was a nice clean place, nice men who would pay good money to have sex with me, and a safe working environment because it was all legal, right? I’d been having sex with men I didn’t like for years so why not get paid for it in a legitimate business?

A friendly lady met me and took me inside and showed me around the nice-looking spa rooms and explained I could earn a lot of money being a fresh face and so pretty. At $80-90 an hour, I thought how hard could it be? I had arrived just before lunch time and was told I could start immediately as they were expecting to be busy.

I quickly learned that there was such a thing as a 15-minute booking for $50 cost to the punter – of which I received $25. There was no nice spa room for that. Instead, I was put in a tiny little room with a huge two-way mirror. My first john was a scrawny elderly man who, as a regular, was given first choice of me being fresh meat. Reeking of garlic, and with very long fingernails, he demanded I get naked and get on my knees to suck his dick. His nails dug into my head as he fucked my face and I tried not to gag at the smell of him. It was over within five minutes and he left me to clean up.

For the next two hours, I was in and out of that room faster than a swinging saloon door as men on their lunch break came in to get their rocks off as fast as they could. Sucking and fucking till I was feeling dizzy and sore. The other girls assured me it was normal for the lunch time rush and I would get used to it in a day or two and don’t forget to use as much lube as I needed.

As I walked out of there with just over a couple of hundred dollars cash, I said I’d be back tomorrow. I had two weeks rent in my pocket and I could feed my child that night. That first week I went home with enough to take my child shopping for winter clothes and shoes. I filled my fridge and pantry and, for the first time, I was a month ahead in rent and my bills were paid on time. I had a new addiction. Money of my own.

I bought new clothes, lingerie, gowns, shoes, make up and jewellery to make sure I was the prettiest girl on shift so I would earn the most money. I also bought lots of alcohol and weed to numb myself after work. I was given a work name – so I became her and she became me and we were strong empowered women earning our own money in a legitimate business, not relying on a man to pay our bills or way through life… From legal brothels to escort services, I was doing it all, except where it was illegal: on the streets.

Meanwhile the rest of my life was falling apart. I had sex with old men. Ugly men. Savage men, who would pin me down and grind their hips into my thighs till I felt like they would dislocate. Drunk men who would get angry and demand a refund because they couldn’t cum after an hour of sucking and fucking. Entitled men who felt they had paid for the right to use my body in any way shape or form they wanted to. Perverted men who paid me more to wear a school girl uniform and call them daddy. Strange men who paid extra for me to fuck them anally with large dildos while they masturbated. Bastard men who only wanted it doggy style so they could attempt to slip the condom off. Men coming straight from a factory job covered in grease and dirt with filthy hands and nails wanting to shove as many dirty fingers into my vagina as they could. Men who were offended when I told them I needed to perform a visual STD check for crabs or herpes before the booking could go ahead. Men who were even more offended when I refused to service them due to suspicious looking critters or lesions on their dicks and told them they could return when they could supply a doctor’s certificate.

I was booked to go to men’s homes, workplaces or wherever they were. My driver I hear you ask? Surely, I was safe with a driver waiting outside? More often than not, I drove myself as the escort company’s one driver can’t drive six women to different parts of the city or suburbs all booked at different times or lengths of booking.

So off I went. Never knowing if tonight was going to be my last night alive if I displeased the john with no-one to intervene. Would my child be left growing up to discover Mum was a dead prostitute? I learned how to negotiate enough to get myself out of some pretty scary situations with johns who were drunk or high. I guess that’s one good life skill. What I use it for these days is not much, but hey, at the time, I was an expert…

Especially with the guy high on crack who was holding a large Crocodile Dundee size knife when I came back from doing a safety check of the hotel bathroom. Thankfully, he was only using it to cut the TV cord for the copper in it. But I swear in that moment, I thought I was dead and I prayed…. To Everything… Then I spent three hours fucking him so I could walk out without further incident as the image of that knife constantly flashed before me.

Every month I went to my doctor for STD tests to prove to my bosses I was fit for work, and every three months, a blood test to hopefully prove I had not contracted HIV from a john. The anxious wait for the all clear still sits in the hallowed hell of my memory bank.

I was in and out of legalised prostitution from the ages of 21 to 32. Do you know that the only kind of promotion I got in all those years was to go from the rooms to behind the counter, helping to sell other women like myself. I hate myself for that. To me, I was no better than the pimps and thugs who trade in women and children for profit.  But it was all I knew and there was no real tangible support to help me turn my life around.

There was so much shame and fear associated with coming forward even to a GP, because they all seemed to think it was my choice to work as a prostitute. In some ways, it was the only choice. I knew nobody wanted to employ a woman who puts “sex worker” on their resume to fill in the 11-year gap in their working life when they attempt to reclaim some semblance of a “normal life”.

Almost none of the helping professionals I have seen over years of therapy has ever asked how this job has affected me. Even today after all these years. Instead, they try and diagnose me with borderline personality disorders or schizophrenia or bipolar and put me on medication – which never worked, by the way. If anything, they made things much worse as I was bounced from one medication to another as doctors tried to squeeze me in a neat box and tick me off as cured.

Only one got it right – in 2004. I live with Complex Post Traumatic Stress (CPTSD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder, and chronic lifelong back injuries, and vagina and rectal trauma. I’m not crazy. I’m not mental. My name is Jaime and I am the hidden result of the real horror behind the closed red doors of the sex trade industry here in Australia.

It is my lived experience that gives me the right to say that sex work is not a job like any other job and nor should it ever be seen as such. The deaths and long term mental and physical illnesses caused by this industry are ever growing and uncountable in monetary terms for society as a whole.

There is a minute percentage of people who may come out unscathed from their time in it, but I’m here to tell you an unpopular truth: I’ve personally met well over a hundred women over the years who will never have a normal life again. Beaten, bashed, raped, killed – and that’s just me.

I can’t help but think of the thousands of stories women tell each other every day as they wait in some dingy waiting room hoping to pay their rent, bills, school fees, etc. And I haven’t even started on interviewing the men/boys/trans people who have similar life stories to mine.

I don’t even know how to try and get a “normal job” – because I’ve tried – only to have to deal with men who trigger all my old memories with their sexist misogynistic views on women, their “boys will be boys” attitudes, and their locker room jokes.

After over 20 years of quietening my voice, hiding my life in shame and being frightened that no one would believe how damaging this was to me and the loved ones around me, thanks to the love, support and empathy shown towards me/us from Wahine Toa Rising’s founder, Ally Marie, I now feel safe and have the courage to speak out publicly.

Decriminalizing prostitution in countries that I know, like Australia and New Zealand, has sent the message that it’s OK to buy and sell people like pieces of meat at market. My observations of it since leaving 20 years ago, is that it’s caused an explosion in men or women with large amounts of money, mostly obtained through illegal activities, to invest in the creation and building of more brothels to fill the demand of men who want the freedom to abuse and commit violence towards people. I’m saying people as a whole because it’s not only women who are caught in the sex trade.

They target the most vulnerable ones in our societies and exploit them for profit that fills their wallets and, I promise you, the tax man barely sees a cent from them due to the front cover businesses they run at a loss.

Our elected officials are tasked with a duty of care towards the population they represent and to work in the best interests of a happy and healthy society. But they are allowing the sex slave industry to flourish unchecked. This beggars belief to someone like me and others I speak to.

As I stand here today, I implore you to look within your hearts and ask yourself, is this what you would want for your family, children and grandchildren?

To be lied to, tricked, coerced, sold, kidnapped and trafficked to strangers, numerous times a day. To be abused, raped, develop substance abuse issues, be beaten or at worst murdered, by a society that accepts this as a risk of the job that is deemed legal despite overwhelming evidence of the long-term negative ramifications.

Would you feed your family asbestos? Would you advise they take up cigarettes or drink DDT? No. Why not? Because time eventually proved the sickness and death tolls are too high.

In closing, I also ask which side of history will you want to be known for standing on? The one that ultimately destroys humanity or with the ones who did whatever they could to save it.

I know where I’ll be. For I was once taught, that if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.

Thank you for your time. I pray you choose right from wrong.

[weebsinstash]

sorry if weird question but as a lil innocent bby I never smoked weed or did any drugs and I was wondering how did you start? where did you even source it in the first place, did you just happen to know a guy who had it or is there a secret store? spill the tea for us innocent bbys pls 🙏

Not a weird question, i can understand being curious and I do mention weed in my prompts every so often

Well first and foremost I wanna be a responsible 26 yo adult and say that, really, anything can be addictive. A lot of people don't realize addiction issues can even be genetically inherited, like it isnt JUST a battle of willpower, you can be biologically wired to get addicted to stuff easier, so weed definitely isn't as harmless as some people make it out to be if you already have a predisposition for bad impulse control. There have been studies, some pretty damning, suggesting smoking raises your risk of dementia, and of course there is COPD and weed can also negatively effect your stomach, as well as making you agitated. Different strains and THC/CBD percentages in weed can really change your high, too. There has been bud that gets me really giggly and happy and other kinds that made me HELLA paranoid and kind of strung out, so, it's not always a pleasant experience. It can also totally be your biology too, I knew a guy once who couldn't smoke at all because it would make him borderline hallucinate and it was extremely stressful for him

Like really to be blatantly honest with you, I'm a daily user to the point where I can have significant amounts and won't feel as "psychedelic" as I used to. Like you definitely build a tolerance after a while, but you can take a break for a while and it'll come back. But you can definitely fall into a trap where you smoke too much "trying to feel as high as you used to", chasing the memory of the fun feeling, and it just makes you tired and then you sleep and it's wasted, whereas for example when I went to watch Spiderverse in theaters, I stayed clean for a few days, just like 4 or 5, and when I smoked again it felt aweeeesome 😩❤️ like definitely, personal restraint can mean EVERYTHING with weed, for your tolerance, for your munchies, for how much you spend, you gotta find your limits and stick with em I guess

It's definitely sort of a time and place thing. I started smoking on my 17th birthday when my sister got me into it, and she was introduced to it by a boyfriend. It really does feel like it can be a matter of where you live or knowing the right person. For example one time after my mom and I had moved, we didn't have a hookup and we smelled weed on one of the mover's jackets and asked him in a really chill way if he knew where to get a hookup (it was him lmao, he was a dealer)

But anyways, it really depends on your state or country, but even if selling outright bud and flower isn't legal, sometimes selling THC products is. Like for example I'm in Minnesota and we have it medically legal (we're actually in the middle of implementing it being legalized recreationally) and I couldn't go to a smoke shop and buy bud yet, but I CAN buy synthetic weed and thc gummies. Also really cannot stress enough that you should really never touch synthetic drugs for anything; fake weed/spice has been proven to be especially bad, like, do not cheap out thinking you'll be safer with synthetic, it is arguably significantly more dangerous than the normal stuff.

Really cannot stress enough that this is a "check your local legislature before doing this" thing, but for example these are a brand of THC gummies that I bought in a smoke shop and can personally vouch for being able to get you high (thc is the high ingredient, CBD is the medical pain relieving ingredient) and they say you can purchase them online. I really am not sure where the law stands sometimes because it's like "oh we won't let you buy weed but we'll let you buy this processed product that contains the literal ingredient in weed that gets you high". Like for example that brand is Torch and when you go to their website they're also selling THC cartridges but they're also based in California so, do they only ship in California, is it safe country wide, you really have to do your own research for where you personally are

I would say maybe avoid ordering online because I just personally think that's a big risk unless you have confirmation it's ok where you're at. If you wanted me to give you my advice, I think a "surefire" way to find a hookup is to just go to a smokeshop and start up a conversation with someone. It can literally go "oh hey what do you buy that for?" "Oh I use it for pain, I don't like smoking weed and these gummies work good" "you know, if you think bud is too harsh on your throat, I got an edible guy--" like not even joking me and my mom went to buy screens the other week and we talked to this really nice girl for like over an hour and got her number cause she had all kinds of hookups and shes the one who recommended those gummies. A lot of dealers are selling weed as a side hustle and every customer they can get is good. It's good to have a plug you're loyal with but having options can be good in case anyone becomes unreliable or falls through or you find someone who sells for cheaper.

There are also multiple ways to, you know, do the deed. There's regular bud, which typically has to be ground up or cut up, and you can roll that into a blunt or use glass, which is my personal preference, I own some glass pipes and a bong, and I should mention I use smoking screens to avoid getting ash in my mouth but deadass, the vapors coming off of lighting that metal are probably Mucho No Bueno for my lungs so I've just been rawdoggin it, and there are also pens, like thc and cbd oil, and my recent method of preference is using an edabber pen and doing wax, which is a concentrate, although you can also do dabs with a glass rig and a butane torch but I got a thing against open flame haha

I think smoking weed is probably definitely less harmful than alcohol but it's probably a case by case thing as well as purely perspective. It can be fun as hell but you definitely have to watch yourself, and also, like, munchies can be fun, but it shouldn't be undersold how powerful munchies can be. I've literally eaten myself sick before. Eating becomes an activity in of itself and you'll have a full stomach and go "well I just ate something salty, now I want a sweet"

Anyways long answer is long but, yeah, my biggest piece of advice is, look at yourself as a person and try and figure out if it's even safe for you to try it, because if you have impulse control issues, someday down the like you may end up like me where you basically want to smoke before every activity to try and make that activity more fun and you wind up smoking so much you just need a nap, and when you wake up you're smoking again 😅 moderation is key!

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

diabolik lovers weed 🍃 headcanons because i wanted to 

and i’m stoned right now 

discussions of recreational drug use and implied nsfw under the cut! this one isn’t angsty. we just have to pretend this isn’t in japan where drugs are taboo. 

for reference: a joint is rolled with just weed, a spliff is rolled with a mix of tobacco and weed, a blunt is weed packed with a cigar, a bong... well, this and edibles are baked goods (cakes, cookies etc) which were baked with weed. 

Shu 

you cannot convince me this man isn’t stoned 24/7 

he’s getting stoned at every minor inconvenience

enjoys smoking weed in the bath, on stairs, and especially in the living room to piss off reiji 

wake n bake before school 

loves napping while stoned

i think he’d prefer a bong because he’s definitely too lazy to roll a joint, but he does know how

Reiji  

never tells anyone but he smoked weed out of curiosity once and kind of liked it

likes to conduct his own experiments on himself with different strains out of interest

smokes to cool down when thinks get stressful 

isn’t keen on the smell so he doesn’t smoke weed a huge amount

cannot figure out how to use a bong but he rolls perfect joints

Ayato 

he wants to smoke weed as one of the cool kids 

he coughs the first few times he does it but forces himself to get used to it

likes to smoke at night when he can’t sleep 

smokes weed socially and enjoys getting stoned after basketball club 

definitely smokes with laito when either of them are feeling rough or lonely

he can’t roll joints, but he definitely thinks he can 

likes CBD vapes too 

Laito 

thinks he looks really sexy when he smokes (he does)

has to roll joints for ayato 

enjoys smoking with ayato too but also likes to get high when he’s feeling shitty or after nightmares and stuff

definitely skips school to smoke with girls and get a bit handsy 

he makes edibles for ayato and kanato 

Kanato 

the only way he’ll smoke weed is with flavoured rolling papers and even then he’s not good with it

he does enjoy edibles but only occasionally 

doesn’t really like the feeling of being high 

will smoke weed with ayato and laito if invited because he doesn’t want to be left out 

he also like CBD vapes because they’re sweet flavoured 

ya’ll don’t wanna see the munchies he gets 

Subaru 

smoking weed really helps his anger

has gotten used to smoking after outbursts nowadays and often smokes in the coffin to get away from everyone 

also gets stoned in the rose garden if he’s feeling down 

has been dragged out by kou to smoke on the school roof and reluctantly agrees (not really reluctantly)

usually rolls a spliff to combine tobacco and weed to save money and prefers the high/taste from this 

Ruki 

this man is squinting all the time because he’s constantly high 

no because i don’t think he’d be addicted but ruki would definitely smoke to chill out a lot

he finds himself more bearable when high 

thinks reading while high is fun (weird) 

often goes on political rants to himself if he’s really stoned

enjoys a joint and a drink on a sunday evening to mentally prep for the week

occasionally will smoke with his brothers but prefers getting high alone

Kou 

he’s famous so he does a lot of drugs in general and i will not elaborate on this again

really enjoys having sex while high

definitely smokes weed to come down/at afters or to cope with hangovers

prefers using a bong but can roll joints to a reasonable standard 

always inviting yuma and azusa to get high with him 

he also likes getting zooted with subaru after school or when subaru seems bad at school 

i think he uses CBD vapes as well and smokes to sleep or get around from nightmares/flashbacks 

gets the munchies like crazy 

Yuma

this man grows the best home-grown weed on the market

seriously i think he’d be attached to his weed plants and happily supplies his brothers with good weed

i know this is recycled from my fic but him and shu definitely get high together and talk about anything 

they are the two stoners of the series and they like each other’s company especially when balls high 

yuma also enjoys smoking with his brothers and finds it helps his anger sometimes

likes blunts mainly but also uses a bong if he’s lazy

Azusa

smokes the least of his brothers and coughs horribly every time but he enjoys the burn 

agrees to smoke with his brothers bc he can spend time with them 

prefers to smoke alone 

either gets really really stoned or doesn’t bother

often just lies in bed and stares at the ceiling until he falls asleep 

only ever uses a bong, he can’t roll and doesn’t like joints much

Carla 

smokes to help with his pain from endzeit

can’t smoke a lot because it’s bad on his lungs

i don’t think he could figure out a bong or how to roll anything so i deadass think he’d use a pipe

Shin

isn’t too keen on the smell but he smokes weed occasionally 

only really if he’s bored or feeling bad or super angry 

he strikes me as a blunt guy idk why 

also likes edibles and has made them for carla because 

idk why but i feel like he’d get horny while high 

Kino 

medium level stoner 

doesn’t smoke before gaming because it screws with his attention

likes to smoke weed every day after long gaming sessions to chill down

gets high and just plays animal crossing or something easy going

likes smoking with yuri when yuri actually agrees 

always uses a bong and has a CBD vape he uses with it 

gets the munchies like crazy

thank you for reading this bullshit 

[androappsgame]

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[ablegaming]

Gaming as Anti-Anxiety

Hey friends, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much lately. Been struggling with health issues, and as a result my old nemesis anxiety has resurfaced a bit as well.

Aside from the many anti-anxiety medications available, which are effective but highly addictive and have side effects (the pharmaceutical industry generally prefers to make lifelong customers), there are several other effective methods of calming anxiety. Among these options are meditation, thought labeling (recognizing the anxiety for what it is), self-reassurance, counseling, deep breathing, yoga, magnesium, vitamin B12*, vitamin D*, CBD, essential oil aromatherapy (lavender, jasmine, lemon balm, and more), sound therapy and guided meditation, sunlight and nature therapy, and crystal therapy (blue calcite, smoky quartz, and hypersthene are quite helpful). Getting enough sleep, food, water, and exercise if you’re able to (I’m not) are also very important for keeping anxiety in check.

If you’re interested, I make relaxing sound healing music that’s free to listen to and download on my Bandcamp page: https://hearherenow.bandcamp.com/album/retrospect

Being around someone or calling someone that you feel comfortable with who cares about you is incredibly helpful when anxiety occurs; hugs, holding your hand, and helping distract you from your worries with good company, conversation, and laughter. As funny as it may sound, holding your own hand when no one is around can actually help too.

It’s important to do the self-work to recognize where our fears and worries stem from, to face ourselves fully without any denial, and to learn to offer ourselves the support that we need. As terrifying as it feels, facing our fears is the surest way through them. Anxiety is a mental program that can certainly be reprogrammed with effort and dedication, and we have the power to transform our mental and physical reactions from harmful ones to beneficial ones through mindfulness and neural plasticity (the ability to “rewire” our brains).

Another effective way to refocus a worried mind is to play calming video games. I’ve put together a list of the most relaxing games that I’m familiar with, and it’s my sincere hope that they’ll help you find temporary solace from your worries when they feel overwhelming. Several of these games have helped me through some anxious times in my life, and I’m very grateful to the developers for making them.

A Short Hike Alpaca Stacka Animal Crossing series Astroneer Captain Toad Treasure Tracker Cloudpunk Cozy Grove Cruis’n USA & Cruis’n World Dark Cloud Day of the Tentacle Dorfromantik Dragon Quest Builders 1 & 2 Eastshade Flower Firewatch Gone Home Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons series Islanders Journey Kingdom: Two Crowns Minecraft (especially peaceful and creative modes) My Time at Portia Night in the Woods No Man’s Sky (you may occasionally land on some planets with extreme temperatures, radiation, and storms) Okami Persona 4 Pokémon Snap & New Pokémon Snap Portal 1 & 2 Proteus Rime Rune Factory series Secret of Monkey Island series Shelter 1, 2, & Generations Slime Rancher 1 & 2 Snowrunner Spiritfarer Stardew Valley Super Mario Galaxy 1 & 2 Terraria (bosses can be stressful but most require specific items to spawn in the world, so you can avoid spawning them when feeling stressed) The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim (dragon battles can be a little intense, but can largely be avoided, and only a few are required to complete the game; bringing NPC companions along helps a lot with tougher battles too) The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (avoid confronting Guardians and Lynels as these battles can be stressful) The Outer Wilds The Sims series The Witness Untitled Goose Game Viva Piñata series Yonder: Cloud Catcher Chronicles

You are not alone my friend. Feel the community around you and the ground beneath your feet supporting you. You are understood, you are loved, and you are stronger than you realize. * Note that deficiencies in either vitamin D or B12 can result in anxiety and depression, but taking too much of either can cause problems as well. Getting sunlight or taking cod liver oil is more natural and generally preferable to supplementing with Vitamin D. There are 4 forms of vitamin B12 and finding the right one for you requires some research and a little bit of trial and error to find the best form for your body; you can absolutely ask your doctor about this, but from my experience most GP’s aren’t terribly knowledgeable about vitamins (a functional or integrated medicine doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist will usually be a more reliable resource). Taking too much B12 or a form that your body doesn’t need may actually result in some anxiety, so proceed gently. As with any supplement, always start with a low dose.

This post can also be read and listened to (text-to-speech) on my Medium page at:  https://medium.com/@AbleGaming/gaming-as-anti-anxiety-c1454efc7082

[montammil]

oh my godddd that's so sad. tw again: talk of withdrawals and alcohol/drug abuse

how would lawrence handle withdrawals if he just immediately takes them off it? especially if his kids get weepy and beg, or even violent and angry. and the sickness!!! sorry can u tell i'm a sucker for drug whump haha

speaking generally now since we r on the topic: would he allow the occasional glass (or even a sip) of wine to the kids? occasional edible/blunt/etc? why is he so against them drinking?

Sorry this is so long again!!

CW: Parental whumper, drug whump, drug addictions, mentions of alcohol

He would call the best medical professionals he knows to either help him or give him advice, including mental health professionals. He'd be much more patient and understanding once his kids start going through the withdrawal, because he remembered how awful it was for him.

Surprisingly he'd be pretty good at helping them, but of course he'd have his flaws. He'd be hella manipulative and get overly emotional, especially for Marshall, since he knows how well he can be guilted into doing/not doing certain things.

Another big flaw is his overbearingness. He wouldn't give them any privacy whatsoever, and would check their rooms often for any leftover drugs he might've overlooked.

The only way any of the three would get drugs in the first place is if he gave them some sort of freedom outside the house.

Sadie and Nathan would be the best in this scenario since they could've been addicted shortly after he kidnapped them.

Maybe that was even the reason why he kidnapped either of them in this hypothetical AU, "because they were suffering and needed my help!! It'd be cruel of me just to watch them slowly kill themselves. My actions are 100% justified!" In this AU, I could imagine he'd be a little less sensitive to drug addictions.

And onto the alcohol...

I could imagine he'd let them have one or two sips, but only if he's sure they wouldn't like it so they'd spit it out with disgust. Sadie and Marshall would be most likely to give these reactions.

He wants to them to think all his wine is gross or tastes bad, just so they'll stay away from it.

"Hey, Marshall! Wanna try this new wine I got?"

"You're actually letting me try wine? Oh wow, thanks! I-- oh my god, what is that?!"

"Snake wine! You said you always wanted to try wine, right? This is probably my best-tasting one yet!"

"...what do you usually drink? Never mind, I actually don't want to know..."

He is against them drinking because not only does he have some unsavory experiences with getting drunk and seeing others get drunk, but also because he still views them all as children.

It's hard to say if he'd be 100% okay with anything marijuana-related, but maybe an occasional edible or CBD gummy would be fine if it were for medical purposes, like for Marshall's migraines.

He does support recreational marijuana use, but he still thinks it's very different when it applies to his kids.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Reefer Madness Lives

This is not such a hot paper, and the peer review process where it was published is not so hot either. Peer review in general is... Let's be charitable and say it's more for money and prestige than scientific rigor. But, just for basic integrity, you need to operate with a double-blind. CMAJ is single-blind, so their reviewers know if they're up against anyone famous or well-connected who might bring them a lot of attention. And their primary criteria is "importance and novelty." Less delicately, if it looks like it will get a lot of clicks and cites, they'll be pleased to publish it. This is not all that out-of-the-ordinary for science journals, and that's kinda bad.

But a paper saying that pot is gonna poison your children and give people schizophrenia will get a shitton of clicks and cites. It's the number one trending story on CBC right now! And there are live comments!

I need CBD and THC to deal with my PTSD and sleep problems. It's possible that, after being under-treated for decades, I will eventually deal with my underlying health issues enough to sleep unassisted, but I ain't there yet. And ya know what makes it really hard to make it to go to doctor's appointments and get care? Not being able to sleep!

I had a medical marijuana card before, and I could probably qualify for one again if I had to. But A) Do you really want me taking up a doctor's time for this when there aren't enough doctors for everyone right now? and B) Legalized recreational use keeps availability convenient, variety and quality-control reasonable, and prices low. If you are going to inflict capitalism on me, don't kneecap what little benefit a free market is able to provide.

Now, we don't want to get people high without their consent, and children cannot consent to getting high (although some of them do need cannabis products for medical reasons), so for fuck's sake store your shit carefully if you've got kids. But "cannabis poisoning" as they put it, means, "I feel awful and maybe I threw up but I won't die, even if I'm super paranoid and feel like I might." Most people who wind up in the hospital are adults screwing around with edibles who don't know what to expect, and all they need is a nice, patient friend who'll tell them they're fine. This "poison" doesn't kill people. Unlike, say, antifreeze, or children's Tylenol. (Although, I hear Willie Nelson's friend had a bale of pot fall on him one time, so it's not as safe as they say!)

And the schizophrenia thing... People with mental health issues self-select for these studies by choosing to self-medicate. You might also say cannabis use has a strong correlation with PTSD flashbacks - because people with PTSD know it helps and they freaking well try it, and sometimes they still have flashbacks. A psychedelic is not the best choice for schizophrenia, god no, but if you're having associated depression and sleep issues and you haven't been diagnosed yet, you might give it a try. Better mental healthcare and better, earlier diagnoses and treatment will address this issue more effectively than yet another moral panic.

But a certain portion of the population is really invested in "drugs are bad" and "drug users are addicts and addicts are bad" narrative. Like, literally invested. It keeps them in political power and gets money for studies like this and "public health" campaigns that are really thinly-veiled, outdated DARE propaganda.

Even this study, which specifically excluded medical marijuana use, found social benefits to not criminalizing drug use and drug users. No shit. People don't get addicted to something because addiction is fun; they have severe, unaddressed problems and they're doing whatever they can to cope with them, whether that's staying stoned all the time or blowing their retirement fund on Funko Pops. And most people who use drugs don't get addicted. (Also most people who buy Funko Pops, one assumes.) Removing them from society and giving them all criminal records doesn't help anyone.

Harm reduction should be the goal here, as in most things. You will never get it perfect, but you need to take steps towards improving the general situation as much as possible. Sending the War on Drugs (really, the War on Your Own Population) into extra innings after decades of failure is... Ha-ha, well, it's self-destructive addict behaviour, y'all. Maybe you could use some social services to help you deal with your problems in a better way.

[invisibleraven]

The more the merrier

A series of ficlets for @polyshipweek 2023

Day Three: Bed Sharing-Willexie <-AO3

Alex would be the first to admit that he didn’t have the best relationship with sleep. His anxiety made it hard for him to fall, and then since he was a light sleeper, he woke often and the process started all over.

He had become quite acquainted with every crack, spot, and shadow on his ceiling as a result.

It had sadly always been this way, even as a child he found himself having a hard time falling and staying asleep. Even when he was exhausted from a busy day, his mind wouldn’t seem to let him rest. He had tried going to his parents a few times, but eventually they got tired of rubbing his back or singing lullabies to no avail. Would sigh with exasperation and tell him to just go to sleep before storming off.

So he figured he’d try it his own way, especially now that he was out on his own.

He tried melatonin, warm milk, calming tea, and every sleeping pill on the market, but nothing helped. The sleeping pills actually made his anxiety worse sometimes, one even led to a panic attack, so he threw the rest in the garbage after that. Tried changing everything from the mattress to the sheets to his pillows. Made his room every variation of temperature from freezing cold to blazing hot.

And yet nothing changed.

That’s when he saw the ad for the sleep clinic, and in a fit of desperation, decided to call. The receptionist was nice, and cautioned him that some of their methods might be a little out there, but they had rave reviews, so give them a chance. Alex was a bit hesitant, but figured he had nothing left to lose and made his appointment.

The day of though, after filling out the paperwork, he still was half out the door. Maybe he wasn’t meant to have a good night's sleep. Heck, maybe he needed to just try counting sheep again, or some CBD gummies. He’d had decent luck with edibles, but they always left him with a headache and a dry mouth when he used them, and he didn’t want to rely on something potentially addictive.

“Alex?” a kind voice called. He glanced up and almost swallowed his tongue at the extremely handsome man standing before him. He had long wavy dark brown hair pulled into a low messy bun, bronze skin with cheekbones to die for. And the kindest set of brown eyes looking at him above a wide, gleaming smile.

“H-hi,” Alex said, giving a lame little wave, then cursed himself for doing so.

“I’m Willie, let’s get you all set up okay?”

He led Alex into a room where he could change into the jammies he brought with him, and then to a room with a comfy looking bed. There were a bunch of fake candles flickering around and a white noise machine was playing soft rain sounds in the background. The room was slightly chilly, but the bed had some warm looking blankets on it. Plus a very cute looking guy smiling at him in his own jammies-a set covered in cartoon Grogus.

“Hi, I’m Reggie!” he said with a wave. “You must be Alex.”

“I am,” Alex replied. “W-what’s going on?”

“Cuddle therapy,” Willie said from the doorway where he was wearing his own pajamas, which amounted to a soft looking crop top and a pair of cotton athletic shorts.

“What.”

“Cuddle therapy!” Willie repeated. “Look, it’s a bit unorthodox, but sometimes you just need to be held and secure to fall asleep.” Alex gave him an unimpressed look and Willie grinned. “Just give it a chance okay?”

“How does that work, cuddling with strangers making them more comfortable in sleep?” Alex questioned.

“Well we usually talk first,” Reggie offered. “Do a little getting to know you thing, then get our snuggle on.”

“And you are?”

“Reggie’s my boyfriend,” Willie replied. “Also a snuggle bug who works here part time because he gets paid to cuddle while he goes through his doctorate.”

“In math, not medicine!” Reggie says. “Then I can teach it at the collegiate level.”

“I was always crap at math in school,” Alex replied. “Thankfully I don’t need much of it at the library.”

“You’re a librarian?” Willie asked, sitting on the bed and patting the spot between him and Reggie. Alex hesitantly sat down and started telling them about his job, about his hobby of playing the drums, with Reggie loving the bass and Willie being tone deaf.

But Willie also loved skateboarding while Reggie was forbidden from trying it again after he dislocated his shoulder after his last attempt. “What about surfing?” Alex asked through his giggles, though he was sure he’d fare no better than Reggie skating.

“Grew up near Silver Lake, I’m practically part fish,” Reggie replied. “Willie’s not bad either.”

“I’m still learning, but I do love it, the freedom of the waves,” Alex sighed. “There’s nothing like it.”

As time went on, the three of them scooted up the bed, getting comfy. Alex barely noticed as Reggie threw an arm over him or Willie nuzzled into his shoulder. And he wasn’t what you would call tactile, but it felt-nice. Instead he yawned, eyes growing heavy as they traded stories. Then they stayed closed, with Willie speaking softly in his ear, and Reggie humming a tune on his other side.

It was hours later that Alex woke up, feeling more rested than he had in a long time. “Morning starshine,” Reggie said from where his head rested on Alex’s chest. “The world says hello.”

Alex snorted a little, then louder when Willie’s snore hit him from the other side. “Did you two sleep?”

“Mmmhmm, it was nice,” Reggie said. “Did you?”

“Like a baby,” Alex replied. “Suppose this means I’ll have to get a body pillow or a dog or something to cuddle so I can get some rest.”

“You could always come back,” Reggie replied. “This was probably the nicest snuggle session I’ve ever been part of.”

“We could even snuggle at your house,” Willie mumbles and then yawns, blinking up at Alex. “I bet your bed is even nicer to share than this one.”

Oh.

Look, Alex had been single for… quite some time now. And both guys surrounding him were super cute. Plus he genuinely liked them, and they had already gotten through all the awkward first date questions…

“W-we could do that,” Alex replied. “In fact we should do that so we don’t fall asleep here again and get locked in. Though I don’t know how much we’ll sleep after that nap.

Alex saw Willie and Reggie exchange a look, like they knew a way to tire him out. And well, Alex didn’t think he had any problem with that. It was one method that was hard to test out on your own, and his solo forays hadn’t done much for him. Worth a try, and even if he didn’t sleep, well, he didn’t think he’d mind so much afterwards.

So he brought them home, had a wonderful romp in his sheets-and slept. Blessed sleep that only ended when his alarm blared in his ear, everyone grumbling at the obnoxious noise. “I don’t wanna get up,” Reggie grumbled.

“I don’t want you to go,” Alex confessed.

“We can come back, as often as you want,” Willie promised. “Because neither of us are all that keen on leaving either.”

“So date tonight?” Alex proposed. “Snuggles after?”

Both men heartily agreed, and they were over to Alex’s house more often than not after that.

Especially after a few short weeks when they confessed they couldn’t sleep without him now either. Sure it meant getting a bigger bed, but Alex wouldn’t trade their snuggles and the loving embrace for anything.

Even a full night’s sleep.

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[our-inspire-verse]

Kiba: realizing that microdosing on cbd is helping me hold a front for long, solid periods.

Realizing that I've been rapid-switching and struggling with anxiety, delusion, and other ptsd related symptoms, which is dragging me into a depression and making me unable to be there in ways i would like to be. For myself and others.

Realizing that i had opportunities to stock up. Didn't. And thinking with a headshake at all those times Mitten's hubristic nature made her laugh in the face of gentle waste. "Another hit won't hurt. I know what you're thinking, 'save it!' I tell you, we are living, my love!" She would cackle.

(Bout to be a long ish post. Meant to just check in briefly but i like to talk. )

Tisk tisk. This is why occasionally we tell her no. No, we will not get drinky drink. We are saving money. "It is only 2 dollar!" Yes. I am aware. How many 2 dollar have you spent? How many are we making? When will we make more?

And the quastion circles back, my little feathery feline. When can we start properly dosing on cbd again? Mitten. When will we have more.

Her stupid little cat smile. Silly little masochist. She knows it could be some time. She knows what we are feeling, and sure it could be good to suffer and feel what she so missed: the very low and agonizing sensations of being in pain. We have a perspective that controlled, healthy pain, is very necessary for healing. However: we could simply dose for sleep, for tummy problems, and unsolvable brain scrambles. Meditation could not save us on the porch, or in the office(references to things.) Water, walking, calm and nature cannot always be the only solution. As I've lived for a long time, I've solved on my own. I have fought and clawed and suffocated. All alone.

And Mitten and the others, of course, have always been there, but together we are isolated. But cbd, preferably thc and flower, hopefully one day edibles mostly, have always made us feel closer. More real, together. Louder. Warmer. Clarifies us, makes it so i can hold a front. So a switch does not hurt and feel dizzying. I just wish it did not come at such a harm to very specific parties. I just want to be a comfort and helpful, but things strain, and i am weak in my little dog knees.

I'm so so weak lately and my mind is faltering. Headaches, pretty regularly if i fight too hard against the dying of my light, if i rage against my self loathing and succeed especially, as I've successfully and painlessly done this past year, i falter and fail now. I cannot hold front, none of us can. We cannot see who we are, and even the most formed and solid headmates find themselves half there and floating away and possibly regressed or scared. I do not fear that i am addicted to cbd, i know who i am and how i am processing and what addiction does feel like. I've avoided it with this successfully this far.

My issue is that others may perceive it that way if i reveal what desperation i feel. Truly, it is the mark of a man who found a very helpful, consistent and aquirable remedy, and a man who took his rest from it for health, as well as for proof of his comfort in lifestyle as one who can regulate and self care. It is the mark of someone, long past the promised date of return to the substance, and unable to come back. Unable to ground, or process, or meditate the way i need to be doing to stay stable in an insanely unstable environment. I'd pay a dollar per hit at this point. Give me 1 boof off a boogn. Please.

[0l0x]

Didn’t do a good job of picking my battles today.

Mom wakes me up at 7am and calls me in the house. I was up all night taking care of her. I’m tired but happy to help. At least it’s daylight. I haven’t even pissed or eaten yet and I’m running around taking care of everything for her and her dog. I’m not exactly awake yet so I’m not using my brain at 100%.

She’s complaining and complaining and complaining about everything. I make her oatmeal and she complains because I made her only 1 packet instead of 2, because I know she won’t finish 2. She doesn’t even finish the 1 I made for her. She complains that it’s bland, so I slice up a banana and put it in. She lets it sit for 20 minutes and complains because it’s too cold. I offer to take the banana slices out and reheat it. She refuses and complains while she eats it cold.

She complains about her pain over and over. I suggest CBD. She refuses it, because she always refuses any kind of solution to any problem she has ever had. This is where my tiredness comes in. I didn’t use my brain, and I didn’t pick my battles. I pushed the subject.

She refuses because she thinks it’s “drugs” and she’s been sober for a long time. I explain to her that it’s not, and even if it was, she’s at the end of her life and it doesn’t matter at this point. She refuses because she doesn’t want to get addicted. I remind her that she just made my uncle drive all the way over here to give her some of his Oxy for pain, which is extremely addictive, illegal, and way worse for her than CBD.

She argues that she only took 1/4 of an Oxy and only because she was in really bad pain. I argue that a tiny drop of CBD is still way less addictive and less harmful, not to mention it’s LEGAL, and she’s still in pain.

She argues it’s too expensive. I remind her that her medications are $400/mo and I’ll pay for the CBD, also it’s not even that expensive.

She argues that the CBD will taste bad. I argue that it tastes better than her inhalers and other meds, and she’d only taste it for a half of a second, or she can get gummies instead. She argues that she’s diabetic and can’t have the gummies. I argue that they don’t have enough sugar in them to affect her diabetes, which is true, and I’m pretty sure they make sugar free ones too.

She still refuses, not for any good reason, only because she wants to feel justified in bitching and complaining all the time. She WANTS to be miserable.

She NEVER wants solutions. When you propose something that would solve her problem, she always shoots it down no matter how reasonable it is. She will make up the most bullshit excuses you’ve ever heard in your life in order to avoid facing her own problems. With her, it’s just pure avoidance.

We got into a big argument. I start crying, I finish cleaning up after her, and leave. She frustrates me like no one else on this earth. Not because I hate her, but because she hates herself and I love her. I want her to love herself and take care of herself the way I do. It’s never going to happen. Hence the frustration.

She’s exactly where I told her she’d be 20 years ago.