#can you believe I haven’t even watched this ep

[watchyourbuck]

Seven Sentence Sunday!

tagged by @wikiangela @disasterbuckdiaz @hippolotamus @alyxmastershipper @wildlife4life @transbuck @honestlydarkprincess @lover-of-mine thank you!!!💗 you’re all amazing

wip based on the casino ep, where Eddie gets turned on by Buck’s poker skills. I hope you like it!!🤸🏽✨

Eddie shushed him, pressing him further into the pool table, sliding his knee between his legs. “C’mon, Buck, what are you afraid of?”

The rigidness of their suits made Buck harder, taking his breath away. His eyes scanned Eddie, who had apparently gone insane. “Getting recorded, for once” he mumbled, rushing his words, pointing at the camera in the right upper corner.

“The place’s empty, genius.”

As much as it sounded like a tease, his intelligence was the reason they were here in the first place. Eddie pressed harder, finally prompting a moan out of Buck. The man smiled, biting his lips to hide the smugness.

“I hate you” whispered Buck, taking short breaths. His body was overwhelmed with electricity from every point of contact with Eddie. He bucked his hips, rutting against his partner.

“Do you now?” he asked, moving his hands down Buck’s sides, squeezing his waist and hips, his nice undershirt now ruined. Buck nodded, just a little too late. Eddie laughed mischievously. “See, I don’t think you do.”

Eddie was known to be skilled with his hands, but Buck was still surprised when the man spun him around and pressed him against the table, bending him over. He gasped. “Fucking Christ.”

“Pray all you want, baby, I’m the only one who’ll hear.”

—

Tags!! @thewolvesof1998 @housewifebuck @buckleys-diaz @cowboydiazes @try-set-me-on-fire @eowon @giddyupbuck @cowboy-buddie @fortheloveofbuddie @forthewolves @eddie---diaz @eddiediaztho @eddiesbvckley (no pressure!💗)

Tags for readers! @dxw-writes @idealuk @clairelejohnson @theotherluciferr @your-catfish-friend @juliaor @mattsire @made-ofmemories @dancerfourlife98 ✨

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Getting hot under the collar and in the kitchen and on the pool table and...

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 3-4 of 12 - one of the things I'm enjoying about this show is the fact that the introverted super shy uke is having hot fantasies, and the extroverted seme is having the sweet fantasies. It's another way this show is highlighting God being the world's greenest flagged seme BL has ever produced. (And he's being given stiff competition this year - trend alert.)

Anygay: God is so cute and so not cool and so in love and all the consent asking word salad coming out of this boy. I LOVE him. 

Diew: It’s ep 4 so I’ve decided we can talk face-to-face.  God: So how many children do you want? 

The teaching him to play basketball bit, where God politely asks to hold his hand, is so freaking adorable I can’t.

I'm thinking of calling this show the anti-Mame pill.

Blue pill? Red pill? GREEN pill!

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - We gotta talk. I do like this version, but it’s starting to feel lackluster. Perhaps it always was by comparison to the bright sparkle uniqueness of the original. Perhaps I didn't notice because I was distracted by G4. But now I gotta say it's become a bit disappointing and even my love for G4 can’t seem to bind me to this. Frankly, this show is making me want to watch either the Japanese version, or My School President. It’s never a good sign when a currently airing BL makes me want to stop that and go rewatch an old one I’ve already seen.

NO SINGING.

Meanwhile, the "locked on the rooftop" trope! I haven’t seen that one in years. Cool. Also cute kisses. They learning. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - I can’t believe this is ending next week. But also I can. And I have thoughts.

I really love SailubPon. They might be one of my favorite newer pairs on the scene right now. But I just don’t believe in these characters or this couple. I don’t feel like they are going to have a lasting relationship. It feels like they’re just using each other for sex and distraction, and that’s how the script to set it up, and as a result they’re never gonna make it as a couple. As soon as the sexual fire between them burns out, what do they have to build a relationship on? Frankly? That would be fine if this were a modern love drama, and not a BL. But this IS a BL.

Putting the health code violators aside, I really do believe in the secondary pair, but they haven’t been given enough bandwidth to develop as a couple. There’s no way they’re going to adequately resolve Methas and JJ in the final episode.

At this juncture, I’m mostly finding this show annoying. Which in itself is annoying, because I wanted to love it.

Why is it that Thailand, the land of the best food in the world, king of BLs, struggles so hard to produce the restaurant set BL of my dreams? I’m really pissed about this.

That said, the Methas & JJ stuff is killer. Loved JJ running away. So good. Plus the age old decision - love or money? 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2-3 of 12 - The issue was me and I've managed to get hold of this show again. The story within the story is so ridiculously badly written I'm going spare. I’m not sure if the outside show is not ALSO badly written. That said, I do love how the 3 writer friends are all shipping our leads. It’s VERY silly. Meanwhile, cohabitation trope is a go. 

I like the side couple too. Stern Daddy + lost puppy is a very cute dynamic, I hope we get more than just crumbs. I actually am enjoying this show now. Ep 3 kinda derailed into this weird chimera novel that they’re all writing together and I’m finding that bit the least interesting, but I adore the domestic components which I think may turn out to be TutorYim's strength (if they're allowed to lean into it). 

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - Man I hope this gets some kind of distribution at some point. It was a pain to find and watch. But I enjoyed it. The focus is more on the seme in Thailand’s version. Which I don’t mind since that's rare in BL, and it’s more August on my screen. It’s all round softer than China’s version but still feels very familiar. I know some fans are struggling with it, but not me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - I like that Sam’s crafty business espionage has paid off. Them teasing Sam & Yo really had me belly laughing. It was so funny.

Legitimate question. Would one put perfume on one’s cheeks in Thailand, as one does on wrist or sternum? Because of the sniff cheek thing? Scented face powders?

I do feel like with MosBank & SailubPon scorching up our screens, we’re being spoiled by some of Thailand‘s best high heat pairs at the moment.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 12 - It remains kind of sweet and cute. It's also calm and slow moving. Oddly it reminds me of La Cuisine in its style and execution (if not content). I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 7 of 12 - I don’t know. I’m getting bored.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 10fin - Fort’s acting during the break-up was truly great. But I feel for Rak. It’s rough to learn that someone else is playing a long game with feelings while you were playing a short game with d**k.

Ultimately this is probably a solid 8/10 show but I’m mad I wasn’t madder at it, and I'm mad I was so bored throughout. So it gets a 7/10 and let us not speak of this again. I’d like to simply forget about it. Trash watch.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 1-2 of 10 - OMG a uni student who looks young and a... COP! GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. I had to go grey to get it and I hate everything about what I had to do. But ya know what? Fucking worth every single repeated crash-causing advertisement.

I love it. The grumpy lonely little student cook and the cheerful mature police officer. What a fabulous dynamic. Is the cook looking for a boyfriend or a Daddy, and do we care if it has the same result? It is filmed VERY manga style camp. I’m a little nervous about that, but this means it’s also very fluffy and so damn sweet. It made me squeak with the cute. I’m gutted this didn’t get distribution.

Ironic that Tawada Hideya is in a new BL while Sunspot is re-airing.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - Ah, the gays are doubting the bisexual again. How familiar. I like how this one is paced and moving through time, even if the relationship seems to be going comparatively slowly by contrast. I love the way Sahashi is always looking at Natsume, even when they’re in conversation with someone else. Ah yearning. I think the conflict was kind of inevitable, given the two personalities of the protagonists, and I like that. (No manufactured angst here.) But I still hope they can repair the breach and I’m still interested. Frankly this is so classically Japan - I don’t know what story beats it’s following and I’m not entirely sure where it’s going, but I kinda like that unpredictability. Makes me think it could go into "must you, Japan?" territory but fingers crossed.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - I'm enjoying it very much. I could do without the girl character. I know she’s more interesting than most (this is Japan after all), but she’s not really for me. It’s the complexity of the connection between the leads (and why they like each other) that’s being executed so brilliantly in this show (and in the manga, FYI). Both actors are so on point with their roles and the nuanced emotions required of these characters that every time it’s only them interacting I'm riveted. I could do without the rest of the cast tho.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 1 of 8 - I have a confession to make, I’ve been watching this whole series as it goes along. But this is the pair I absolutely like the most. I’m not sure I would necessarily recommend any of the installments, and I’m not sure how this one is going to go, but I’m VERY invested in this particular couple. They are so pretty!!!! This is a true friends-to-lovers struggle. I like that a lot. (Reminds me of I Cannot Reach You but a different dynamic.) Did I mention how pretty they are? And we already know they gonna kiss well. I bet the uncut version is stellar.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - It's no one's funeral, turns out! Reports are in - not only are there kisses but it ends happily with wedding plans. So I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. I'm enjoying it. Ya'll know I adored Chinese BL before censorship. It has a certain unhinged quality I very much apreciate (and is the reason I'm so tolerant of the Thai pulps) that I think will marry well with Wuxia's effervescent and ever-present tropes. Watch me suffer here.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan starring Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn team. With their powers combined they are...

fine.

This is a fine BL. The fight scene was fun and I like the meet cute. I’m not sure about the chemistry of the leads, but I think they’ll probably do okay. I admit I’m struggling a bit with a singing and the music. Are you surprised? I think I like it enough, but I’m not wowed.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Oh! Out of the blue attack kiss. What IS this show? I don’t get it at all. Bah. I guess they’re dating now. It’s… so odd...

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Again delayed? Not sure what's going on with this one but the continued push-backs do not bode well.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

WHY IS HE SO FINE?

I truly belly laughed. Sam & Yo did not go in the direction I expected, but this scene alone made me not mind that they curtailed the suffering Sam was rightfully due. (SunsetXVibes)

Tall boyfriend armpit, anyone? (Monster Next Door)

The two extremes of BL in one show (Long Beans indeed).

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

LITBC Ep 3-4: What Does Eating Pasta Have to Do With Your Tough Past?

One thing I really have to commend the book Love in the Big City for is how fucking effectively it utilizes information reveals to recontextualize entire sections of the book, entire understandings of Young’s character/psyche. So much of the time I spent reading LITBC was focused on getting to know Young as a character to learn about his life, his past, his present reality. So it is such a fascinating twist, and at least for me, a gift to enter this show with Young’s point of view in my head.

I’m really interested to see how people who have not read the book already engage with the show, engage with the character of Young, and engage with the reveals of some of the pieces of his past. Because for me going into it, experiencing Young’s life with the knowledge of Young’s history is such a different emotional experience than learning about Young for the first time. 

I’m thinking about the rockfish and flounder scene here and the way that Young tries to flirt by saying he’s chewy and should be called rockfish. And the way that Hyung responds and says he should call Young “flounder” instead because he can “see right through him.” And it’s fucking bullshit, and we see how that unfolds especially throughout episode four. I think it is absolutely fascinating not having that internal monologue to guide viewers through the television version of Young. Because the way Nam Yoon Soo plays Young has this smiley, care-free, proud sort of quality to him that is in large part still an act but a much harder act to identify because we don’t have access to how or what he’s thinking.

And while you see the losses of Mi Ae, for example, I think only watching the show puts you in a position to much less deeply understand the level of pain that Young is constantly carrying with him. Which, to be clear, isn’t a bad thing per say, it’s just interesting because even as the novel did recontextualize some things, I had a much different impression of how Young might present himself. The reveals of things like Kylie, for example, in the book serve more to provide an explanation as to why Young thinks Like That, is as dissociative from his own emotional state as he is, etc. So it is interesting to see Young be more of a happy!sad as he is in the show (at least in my opinion). 

I will be curious to see how people who haven’t read the book react/reacted to the reveal of Young’s institutionalization. It feels like a much smaller, less clear moment in the show than in the book, and there is definitely a complete lack of demonstration from the show that he wasn’t just hospitalized but that he was in conversion therapy. I don’t think that it is hard to make the leap, especially with Young’s mother’s religious zeal, but still they spend a lot less time on that piece of Young’s backstory in the show than they did in the novel. 

But to know from the second the show started about Young’s past, resulted in a visceral rage that hit me straight in the chest when Hyung told Young “you don’t know anything” after Hyung’s run in with his activist seniors. And again after they have sex when Hyung says “someone like you can’t even imagine [the suffering I’ve been through]” As if Young has had this easy, picture perfect life, when I know, I KNOW that Young is taking care of a mother that once forced him into conversion therapy when she found out that he was gay. 

Like, watching Young engage in queer culture as openly as he does, watching Young say that people don’t care, that Hyung’s seniors will still see him as their junior. To want to wear matching outfits, and go have romantic pasta dinners, and sit close to each other in public is so goddamn important because Young had a period in his life where other people were forcibly trying to make him believe, make him act otherwise.

And it is still so interesting because we don’t know that much about Hyung. We don’t know what Hyung has suffered outside of an alcoholic mother, we start to get a hint at it with the writing around Christianity and homosexuality that Young finds on his computer later, but for a man that said that he saw right through Young he has no fucking idea how much Young has actually overcome. Hyung is stuck in his own little rut, and Young is absolutely goddamn right to say “You call yourselves activists, yet why are you so ignorant? Fucking bastards. You only act progressive- ” it angers Hyung, but Young is fucking correct. 

And I love the little moment that Young pauses in his tracks while Hyung storms off. The way that Young is in fact the person that saw right through Hyung in that moment while Hyung is clinging to this false belief that Young has never suffered for being queer. I love this very charged cut straight to the Bible and Young’s mother right after that. Because I know. Because Young knows. Because Hyung does not, has not, and will never know. 

Hyung lives his life in hiding, wallowing in his own self loathing and internalized homophobia, so wrapped up in his own misery that he refuses to consider anyone else. He doesn’t tolerate anything that Young wants to do, he invents this completely loving, uncomplicated relationship between Young and his mother based on what he sees at a distance. Hyung has never looked at anything up close he refuses to, he exists in the universe, his scale is the universe, and his own suffering is as present and as powerful as that universe so there is no room for anyone else. 

Sure it’s dazzling to hear “I like the universe that is you” I get why that shit woos Young, but at the end of the day what does that fucking mean? It means nothing to Hyung, who is embarrassed of Young, who hides his affection for Young until they are behind closed doors, who doesn’t ever want to step a toe out of line despite saying he’s an activist, despite saying he’s progressive. And it has me thinking more about his Tree of Life tattoo and its association with the Revelations passage that talks about the tree of life being a reward for those who overcome. 

Hyung runs and hides from his desires, and he suffers for it. Young chases his desires despite what he has suffered. And in the end Hyung will continue to have a miserable life, and Young will live. As a lot of us know, there is more pain coming for Young, but there is so much beauty, learning, growth, and rain waiting for him too.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#16: The Secret Rendezvous (1.02)

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Ok, this scene has got to be a Top 5 TOWL scene for me. I love everything about Richonne's secret rendezvous from the 🔥 walk-up at the beginning to the passionate embrace at the end 😍...

So first we see Michonne talking to some CRM leaders during a vetting process. And again TOWL stayed aware of Danai’s flawless face card with the close-up shot. Contrasting the start of the episode when she says her name is Michonne, here she’s following what Rick told her and changing her name to introduce the CRM and us to a B named Dana Bethune.

Michonne is in her acting bag as she shares, “My name is Dana. And I’ve been out there a long time by myself. So long that it’s strange to hear my own voice.” Michonne smartly mixes truths into her lies as she tells them “I was in Georgia for a long time with my boyfriend and about 40 people” She really was in Georgia with her boyfriend both from before the apocalypse and the boyfriend-turned-husband she found in season 3 😋. 

Michonne says their group was led by leaders who she thought were good and says she was with her sister Elle, who was the HR lady from the caravan group at the top of the ep. Michonne says, “And then things changed. They changed. I saw it. I knew we should go. You always really know when to go.” Look at her passing Nat’s mentality down to the CRM. 😊 I was like CRM, y’all should be scared because a loyal person like Michonne is going to make sure Nat’s death is avenged. 💯

She’s asked about her weapon of choice and she says a Bo staff that she lost and is now making do with a knife. Playing up a certain aloofness Michonne looks at herself in the reflection of a window or two-way mirror idk. And you know while they’re observing her, sis is also observing everything about this place while trying to just appear more meek and even ditzy.

They ask if it bothers her that she’s being watched and it already shows how privy she is to things that she can tell she’s being surveilled. She softly says, “No I just haven’t seen myself in a while.”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

The CRM folk start telling Michonne about the place and how she can never leave and you can just see Michonne have a subtle reaction like 'Yeah alright we’ll see about that.' She knows that never-leave rule is about to get broken. Best believe.

They ask how she feels about the fact that she can’t leave and Michonne smiles and says, “I feel that what’s here, it’s what I’ve been looking for. It’s what I’ve been trying to believe in just a little while longer.” And not a lie was told right here. 💁🏽‍♀️

They have her baby up in this place so they absolutely do have what she’s been looking for. And I love her referencing the 'believe a little longer' motto from the iPhone and also how it again affirms that she believes in Rick so much just like in Rick's dreams. He’s what she’s been believing in.

This was a greatly acted scene from Danai playing Michonne playing Dana playing the CRM. 🤭 Like I love that Michonne was sorta playing in the CRM's face a bit and it was just so clear the CRM does not stand a chance against this woman. She’s a mother on a mission. Nothing is stopping her. 👌🏽

So then we see Michonne walking around the CRM in a consignee jacket and I love that hers has a cinched waist. Michonne isn't letting that boxy jacket completely hide the Coca-Cola body. I’m here for it. 💅🏽

As Michonne walks around you can tell that, similar to Woodbury, she’s making note of quite a bit in this place - except this time she’s trying to blend in more like her husband told her. And the main thing Michonne clearly wants to know as she's walking around right now is - where is Rick Grimes.

She walks up some steps clearly trying to see where he could be, and even with all these CRM soldiers in helmets I know she’d be able to spot Rick if she saw him among them. And why? Because of that walk. 😏

But baby, she doesn’t have to spot him because of course the magnets in them have Rick spotting her first and making a beeline to her. I adore this walking moment. 🤩 I rewound it so much cuz I too love that man's walk lol.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

So Michonne is walking and then we see a soldier very intently making his way to her and I love the way it’s shot. Rick’s walk is iconic and so I love that that’s how you can immediately tell it’s him. And as we know, we’re not the only one who loves Rick’s walk because as he approaches Michonne and quietly takes her arm Michonne has this instant smitten smile upon recognizing his touch and walking alongside him. 😊

This scene made it clear that TOWL was gonna have a lot of fun with Richonne’s love and desire being at the foundation of the show. And you just know Rick was eagerly waiting for the moment he could get to her. He was a man on a mission. A mack-on-Michonne mission. 😌

And the moment as he takes her arm and silently guides her into a room is just hot, what can I say? 🔥

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I love seeing Rick take control and seeing Michonne try to be subtle but clearly look so excited to be back with him. 😊

Also, now y’all when would a soldier…especially this soldier, grab a consignee by her arm and guide her into a room alone lol? That alone likely would've raised suspicions around the CRM. But I'm glad they did it anyway cuz it was a joy to see Rick and Michonne walk side by side again. CRM, y’all don’t even know you now have the most lethal married couple in your midst walking arm and arm rn. 🤭

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick leads her into the room and gives one last look outside to make sure no one is headed their way. The way he looks around before going inside, you know he knows exactly what they're about to do.

So then we get a top-tier scene as Rick and Michonne walk into the garage?? Idk what that place was exactly so I’ll just call it a garage lol. 

Rick and Michonne walk into the garage and give each other a quick look before checking to make sure the coast is clear. Rick checks one side and Michonne checks the other and then y’all, Rick has a very clear mission and it’s not swapping information it’s swapping saliva lol. I promise you, dishing out information and making a plan was secondary on the agenda for Rick during this secret rendezvous. 😋

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick proceeds to put his helmet down and before Michonne can even confirm that she doesn’t see anybody on her side, Rick grabs her and they basically pounce on each other with kisses and it’s the best. 😊They both are starving for each other and this kiss made it clear.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

You can tell the moment Rick put that helmet down he was laser-focused on loving on Michonne. He basically said I’ll brief you on this mysterious advanced society that’s kept me from you for years if we have time in between the main priority of making out.

I adore the way he grabs her neck and then the way Michonne is always ready to match the energy as she wraps her arms around him. And y’all, how nice of them to have a kiss that is as pleasing to the ear as it is to the eye because they, and Rick especially, stayed moaning in these TOWL kisses. Love to see it/hear it. 😋

I always say Richonne’s kisses are a form of communication and their first wordless conversation in the CRM - or 'moanversation' if you will - had them both making it very clear to each other that they’re ecstatic to be back together.  

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And after almost 8 years apart, the intensity of this kiss makes perfect sense, and I love that they knew exactly how to communicate how hungry Richonne are for each other in every way. This kiss is A1. 👏🏽

Like the way they lean against the vehicle and Rick puts his arm up against the vehicle to be mindful of Michonne adds such a cute caring layer to this whole top-tier moment. And the way they’re swaying and wrapped up in each other, her knees buckling, his hands in her hair, the way he chased her lips at the end. Just yes to all of it. 👏🏽

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

I love how the kiss is so immensely passionate and then afterward they just have this moment of holding each other and breathing together. Seeing the way Michonne smiles after and touches his face, you can seriously see how safe she feels with Rick. Like she still knows so little about this place but she’s back in his arms so she knows somehow it’ll be okay. 🥲

And then y’all, we get the first signature Richonne forehead touch in TOWL as they break from the kiss and still stay wrapped in each other's arms. It's one of the classic Richonne things they do and I love the intimacy of it. 🥹

gif cred: @lousolversons

That kiss clearly left them breathless as Rick whispers, “They believed you.” And Michonne earnestly asks, “How do you know?” Rick says, “You’re here.” And the way he says that you can tell his elation comes not just from the fact that she passed the CRM vetting process but most of all that she’s really here with him after all this time.

And then because Rick is like this rendezvous is about making out first, information second - he goes right back to kissing Michonne and moaning as they pull each other in as close as possible. 😊

gif cred: @nat111love

Michonne reciprocates but then she notices something. And this is where the loss of Rick’s hand is mourned yet again by me because we all know the reason Michonne notices Rick’s missing hand is because she’s like normally this would be the part where I feel your hand on my backside but it hasn’t happened yet so, something must have happened.

After not feeling that signature palm on her behind, she stops to touch Rick’s prosthetic and I adore how Rick is still so in the moment of kissing her that he kisses her one more time as she turns to look at his arm. The man is voracious about his wife and I love it. 😊

gif cred: @nat111love

Michonne gently holds his prosthetic in her hand and looks at Rick with so much care and concern as she wonders what happened. I feel like this is the first time in years that anybody showed this level of care for what Rick went through and I love that she immediately wants to know what happened to her baby. You know if the CRM had cut his hand off themselves the beef she has with them would only intensify. In a way, the CRM did have a hand in Rick losing his hand so they gotta pay.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick looks down at his prosthetic too and shares sadly but also with a certain resolve, “It happened a long time ago. One of the last times I tried to get home.”  I love that he says 'tried to get home' rather than just 'tried to get away.' It shows that in every way the CRM is not home - Michonne and their family still are home to him.

Also, it’s interesting how for Michonne this is devastating news but for Rick, this is old news and he’s just like what’s more important is making out rn. But Rick’s words catch Michonne’s attention as she repeats his words back and says, “One of the last times?”

This is Michonne’s first indicator that Rick might have stopped trying to get home. I think in her mind she thought surely Rick would have been still working on an escape but after fighting like hell to get home for years he had to stop trying - and not even because he wanted to give up but because he was made to feel that going home could get his wife and loved ones killed.

(Side note: I love that the bullet shell from Rick's gun is visible in Michonne’s hair in this scene. She really found every way possible to still be close to him 🥲) 

gif cred: @nat111love

Rick’s reaction to her asking this makes me emotional. 😢 He looks into her eyes as he too hears how his words sound and then he takes a deep breath. Breathing tells a very informative story throughout TOWL. And with this inhale from Rick you can just feel the weight of what he’s been through and now, finally having a moment to share some of it with Michonne, it’s probably difficult for him to even know where to begin.

gif cred: @nat111love

It’s hard because we as the audience got to see how hard he fought to get home but at this moment you know it's overwhelming to even know how to tell Michonne how hard this years-long separation and imprisonment has been on him. But he so badly wants Michonne to know that it wasn’t for a lack of trying or a lack of love that he stopped trying to get home.

He tells her, “They had me trapped.” And then the way my heart literally overflows with emotion when Rick so sincerely says, “They don’t have me anymore.” It’s so moving and beautiful to see Rick become the heart-eye emoji as he tells Michonne they don’t have him anymore. 🥲

There’s a clear second part of that sentence that’s not said aloud but rather in Rick's eyes - 'they don’t have me anymore...because I’m yours.'

gif cred: @riickgrimes

The way he looks at her with that teary-eyed smile, knowing he’s hers. 😭 It's touching and layered because he so sincerely wants to reassure Michonne of this, all while knowing that the damage they've done to him is pretty severe.

It’s also so powerful for him to say this because while their situation is still dire and in many ways, Michonne and us will learn the CRM does still have him more than he’d like, in this moment Rick genuinely wants to believe that he’s no longer chained to the CRM.

They don’t get to have him anymore, even if that’s what it still looks like on the outside, because the woman who makes him come alive, the brightest light in his world, is back with him. That alone makes him feel like he is no longer stuck with the CRM.

Rick knows his heart will always belong to her and that was communicated in this sweet line and his loving eyes and smile at her after he says it. 

Rick then says with certainty, “We will get away. Together” because right now he does believe that Richonne can do anything. He’s tried to get away for years but having Michonne here now makes all the difference.

gif cred: @nat111love

And I love the eye contact as he looks at her with so much love and smiles, feeling so right being back with her. Like just looking at her gives him strength. At the same time, it moves me how much you can see in his eyes that he's eager to be the determined and strong man Michonne once knew, despite feeling dead and broken after what he endured the last seven or so years.

gif cred: @nat111love

Michonne of course believes and is comforted by Rick’s words that they’ll get away together as she smiles and nods. Again she trusts him more than anybody in the world. 

gif cred: @nat111love

Also, I love how Rick’s reunion with Michonne as his wife is one where without even having to address it they both just know they’ve waited for each other. They know they’re still the one to each other. As we know, after just a few months Rick reunited with Lori and she was already pregnant with his best friend's baby. So it’s beautiful to see Rick now reunite with his wife Michonne after years and know that she really has only wanted him all these years. And if anything her big reveal will be that she was pregnant with his baby. 🥲

But while that's understandably not revealed in this scene, there's still some more great mom and dad content when Rick again wants to confirm his baby girl is okay.

He asks, “They're okay? She's okay?” I love him asking that and the way he asks, nodding and looking right into Michonne's eyes. Again it’s so vulnerable and caring. A true father. You know making sure his loved ones are good is so important to him.

gif cred: @bizarre-hostile

And “they’re okay” means team family which is sweet that he wants to know they're okay. I liked hearing "they're okay?" too because while Rick doesn't know it, he does in fact have more than one kid out there and it almost felt like without even knowing it he’s asking if both his kids are okay.

Michonne answers with a smile and says, “Yes. She’s okay.” She has this smile that’s so specific to when she’s thinking about her kids and it’s precious. 🥲

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne continues, wanting to finally tell Rick all about how amazing their daughter has turned out as she goes, “She’s…” but then she stops herself and you just know the image of a certain Little Brave Man has popped into her head. 😭

And it’s a moment that hits my heart as you see Michonne feel both joy and sadness. Because she misses RJ too and because she knows Rick is going to be filled with layered emotions the second he learns of him.

Since the moment she found out she was pregnant you know Michonne longed to be able to share with Rick that they had a baby. Rick can tell she has something big to say too as he asks, “What is it?”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I noted in this scene you can really tell that Rick can sense that Michonne has something major to tell him and he knows it’s about their immediate family but he doesn’t know what it is which is why he keeps thinking it might have to do with Judith being okay. Like you can see sometimes he searches her eyes trying to figure it out because whatever the news is he can feel it’s about their kid. And he’s right. It's just about the kid he doesn't know of yet.

And you can also see the thoughts running through Michonne’s head as she and Rick stay in each other's arms between these vehicles. She longs to tell him about RJ but knows this isn’t the right time yet. And as always, she’s right. I heard there were some viewers upset and thinking she made the wrong choice by not telling Rick right here and now and that was wild to me.

This is Richonne’s first time getting to even have an extended conversation and even then it can’t be that long because they can’t risk being caught. And major life-changing news that you have a son that you had no clue about and have missed all of his life thus far is not the kind of thing to drop on someone when there won’t even be time to elaborate and ask questions and just process the news together.

I fully support Michonne choosing to wait and it’s actually such an act of kindness to Rick because she knows that news is going to shock him and be very bittersweet and just a lot to take in and she ideally wants to tell him when they can more freely talk.

Like after holding their child in her womb alone she basically chooses to now hold the news of their son alone just a bit more for Rick’s well-being.

Rather than just drop it on him and have him carry that news on top of carrying the task of getting them home, she shows discipline and restraint and lovingly smiles as she tells him, “When we get away.” (Also I always just love thinking that when Michonne looks at Rick here she’s seeing all of RJ’s little traits he got from his dad. 🥰)

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I adore the way Rick says, “No. She’s okay?” He’s such a concerned dad and again he knows, because of his and Michonne’s interconnectedness, that there’s something more she has to say about their immediate family. I just love that he’s like I can’t wait until we get away to know for certain our baby girl is okay. But Rick, little do you know the news is actually about your beautiful baby boy.

Also, the fact that Rick is so not okay after everything he’s been through all these years but his main care is that Judith is okay 🥲. Warms my heart.

And then the way Michonne responds, it’s my favorite thing ever. 🥹She says the absolute perfect thing as she assuredly tells him, “She’s us, Rick.”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Y’all. 😭 It’s the perfect response and so true. Judith really is a little Richonne baby. 🥹

It’s so beautiful for Michonne to tell Rick that their daughter is just like her mom and her dad. Rick gets to know not only is their baby alive and okay but she has qualities like him even despite his absence and she’s also like the love of his life which you know would make him happy to see Judith turn out like Michonne.

I love that Michonne looks at Judith and sees her and Rick. 🥹 And that they’re an 'us' like that. And also I love the way Michonne has her hand in Rick’s hair as she comforts him with this confirmation that their baby girl is bound to be okay because she’s just like her resilient parents.

Michonne calmly says, “The rest when we get away” and hearing Judith is them is enough for Rick to feel a bit less anxious and agree to wait for the rest of the family updates. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

He nods and then remembers this is probably also a good time to get their next steps in order.

Rick tells Michonne if he passes her a note somehow she has to read it and destroy it. Michonne looks into Rick’s eyes because she has to address some things about this shady CRM as she tells him, “They killed people, Rick. Dozens of people.” I know Michonne is like my friends died and I almost died from these people so wth is this place? (Also I love how often she says Rick’s name since they've reunited.)

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

As Rick mesmerizingly stares into her soul (and i'm not even exaggerating about that lol) Michonne says, “They’re killing people out there. Have you had to…?” And before she can finish the question, Rick is quick to want to make it clear that he means it when he says he’s not with them as he says, “No. No. The ones in red. They go out sometimes. They come back covered in blood.”

He looks at her toward the tail end of that statement but it’s interesting how for the most part he looks down when talking about the CRM, again almost like there’s this sense of shame and fear surrounding them.

He says, “Most of us don’t know what they do. I didn’t know.” Rick looks into Michonne's eyes as he admits to not knowing about the CRM's mass killings and then he vulnerably says, “But I knew. I was stuck here.” That’s the one thing the CRM made very clear to him. 

Seeing the toll the CRM has taken on her friends and now her husband, Michonne knows the CRM needs to be taught a lesson and brought down so she, as determined as ever, asks Rick, “Could we stop them?”

And y’all I absolutely adore Rick’s response to her. 😍 The way a big smile spreads across his face as he gets to see Michonne is still the woman he knows and loves who won’t take anything lying down. She's still her. Again, you just see him have so much love for the part of her that’s a fighter. Like the way Rick just has to swoon for a second over his wife's determination is the sweetest thing. 😊

But then Rick collects himself, knowing taking on the CRM is too risky as he definitively answers, “No.” Michonne takes a moment to look at Rick, surprised and searching for the man who was always willing to fight the fight with her before. Then she asks, “Could we try?” 

Rick is quiet for a moment, not wanting to have to just turn her down about this, but he knows a thing or two about how hard you can try against the CRM and they still come out on top. So he softly says, “We’d never get back.” Getting home with Michonne is the ultimate priority for him.

And then in the first of many times Rick will gift Michonne in TOWL, he reaches into his pocket and gives Michonne Nat’s signature lighter that his stepparent Danger gave him. 🥹

Once again Rick wins Husband of the Year because how sweet is his good kind heart that he saw the lighter in the woods and pocketed it knowing it would mean something to Michonne to have something of her late friend. He’s the best. 🥰 And I love the way he gently lifts up her hand with his prosthetic to give her the lighter and the way their hands linger in each other as she takes it. Every time they touch it's clear they're magnets. 🧲

Rick so sweet and sincere says, “I’m sorry about your friend.” Like truly, anything and anyone that means something to Michonne means something to Rick because he loves her so much - even the guy who nearly killed Rick by shooting down his helicopter.

Michonne, never one to forget her loved ones' memory, says, “He should’ve lived. They all should’ve lived.” But then she takes a quiet moment and confidently looks right into Rick’s eyes as she says, “I’m here now. We’re in here together now. And we’re gonna get home.”

gif cred: @ddesole

I love how Rick and Michonne both want to fervently reassure each other of this - that they’re in this together and they’re going to achieve their goal of getting home because they’re here as a unit now. Having each other back makes them know they can do anything…at least for now. 

And then Rick is ready to go back to the activity that was always at the top of his agenda for this secret rendezvous because he’s like 'Michonne, you can’t be a hotly determined A like that and think these magnets aren’t going to kick in to overdrive and have me eating your face again lol.' #DirectQuote 😋

So Rick of course leans in to kiss her again and Michonne looks like she might’ve thought they were going to continue the conversation but then of course it takes less than a second for her to reciprocate the energy and start passionately kissing him back.

gif cred: @hikarielizabethbloom

I really adore that closing kiss. These kisses stay feeling like they’re trying to inhale each other and physically morph into one being. and then I especially adore the way they embrace after it, just overcome with the amount of love they pour out to each other. It’s so sweet seeing them nestled into each other. 🥰 Every physical Richonne action, from the kisses, the forehead touches, the embraces, and more is so 'spine-tinglingly' intimate.

As Rick leans against her, you can see that he does feel a bit overwhelmed and unsure of how he’s gonna get them out of here. But being wrapped in her arms now he’s at least given the strength and the calm to know somehow they’ll find a way.

And as Michonne holds him close, she looks like so long as she has him, she’ll face whatever else may come her way in this giant mysterious place. It really does feel like she's transferring this much-needed uplifting energy and reassurance to him as they stay in this embrace.

The way Richonne gives each other life gives me life. And this scene makes me so happy like it’s oozing serotonin.

Richonne is in for quite a roller coaster after they leave this moment in the garage so I appreciate this scene - their first extended conversation in years - for giving them a time when they're on the same page.

With this scene, they got to show that their chemistry is still as fiery as ever and they’re still such a well-oiled machine as parents and partners. Whenever Rick and Michonne are in each other's arms they’re in the safest place they could be.

But while they’re the ultimate safety to each other, to the CRM...Richonne is most definitely the danger. 😌👌🏽

[chronicsyd]

I think the problem that most people aren’t realizing (that’s probably going to bite them in the ass when S2 arrives) is the fundamental Problem when it comes to Vi and Jinx’s relationship:

Vi loves Powder, there’s No denying that. Every action she takes when she gets out of prison has been to find Power. And even though she has budding feelings for Caitlyn, Powder comes first. But the problem between the two is when it comes to Jinx. Because she Can’t love Jinx in the way that she loves Powder.

Which is why one of the last things she says to Vi, “I thought, maybe you could love me like you used to. Even though I’m… different.” Holds so much importance. You wonder Why Vi doesn’t say anything to Jinx before she leaves and fires Fishbones. You’d think that Vi would leap at the opportunity to insist that she still loves her, but she can’t. She can’t love Jinx. At least, not in the way Jinx Wants her to.

A lot of people have been claiming that “the trailer is lying to us!”, “She’s just placating Caitlyn!”, or whatever they’ve been saying when we hear Vi say, “My sister is gone.” People are seeming to think that there’s a sliver of a chance that the two could reconcile or go back to what once was or whatever. And the thing is… I Highly doubt that.

Vi not only has to deal with the Drastic ramifications that Jinx has inflicted on Piltover but I think she also has to realize that this is who Jinx’s been for Several years at this point. (Cuz remember in ep 4, other people Know who Jinx is and what she’s capable of at this point, she’s made a name for herself inflicting that kinda terror in people)

As much as Vi doesn’t like it, This is who Jinx is now. I truly believe that Powder died in episode 9. And from what Arcane has shown us, this can really only end in tragedy for the two (not in a death, there are certainly things that are worse than that). And I think they may show Vi emotionally disowning Jinx (as hard as that’d be to watch) because there isn’t Powder to save anymore, there’s just Jinx and Jinx is the one that needs to be stopped.

(I know that people bring up Jinx’s champion storyline from Legends of Runtarra with Mr. Bunny but the thing is I’m pretty sure that happens way after this and, while I may not know a lot of LOL lore I know that a lot of Jinx’s storylines recently are about trying to prod Vi’s memory cuz she has amnesia and doesn’t remember anything about her past in the Undercity and all that soooo that’s what I have to say about that)

Do I think at the beginning of the season Vi’s probably going to be in denial and try to find “Powder” again? Absolutely. The way Jinx says “finally got the name right… sister.” Is implying that there’s a scene between the two that they haven’t shown us yet because I doubt there’d be That much venom in her tone if the two haven’t seen each other from Ep 9 all the way to whenever this fight scene takes place when Vi’s already an Enforcer. Hell, even when Vi calls her “Jinx” in that last part there’s hurt in her eyes and she slightly shakes her head before doing so, clearly not comfortable with calling her sister that. (Also fueling my belief that this isn’t the season finale fight that some people think it is)

[stardust-and-snickerdoodles]

and i'll find strength in pain

fandom: Bones (TV)

pairing: Lance Sweets & Reader

summary: You were the victim of a violent attack a few weeks ago. Agent Booth has been a comfort for you, but he's out of his depth. He suggests you visit Dr. Sweets to talk about what happened to you.

tags/warnings: rape aftermath/recovery (implied), sh, anxiety, panic attacks, dissociation, emotional hurt/comfort, therapy

word count: 3334

a/n: this one's for all the people who are still thinking about lance sweets 10 years later and who, to this day, refuse to watch ep 10x1. if i don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist

There’s a plaque on the door. It reads 2475, DR. LANCE SWEETS, Clinical Psychologist. You practically have the words memorized. You’ve been standing here for nearly five minutes, working up the courage to knock. Every time you raise your fist to do so, it trembles so violently that you drop it again. Agent Booth’s words ring in your ears from when he dropped you off:

Look for office 2475. Sweets will be able to help you.

Sweets will be able to help you.

Can anyone really help you though?

It’s been 2 weeks since the attack, and the five men who cornered you in that alley still haven’t been found. Your skin still prickles with the phantom of their touch. Every time you close your eyes, you see their sneering faces, their bulging eyes. You can’t walk home from work anymore. You can’t even drive past the alley without having to pull over and take 10 deep breaths, counting in for 3, out for 3.

How could anyone, anyone, help you with that?

Agent Booth has been kind so far. He’s not on your case, since it’s technically the state’s responsibility, but he’s the one who found you that night. He’s the one who drove you to the hospital while you were unconscious, stayed until you were awake. He wasn’t even deterred when you scrambled away from him, the sight of another man’s face leaving you panicking. He sat calmly and reassured you that you were safe and left his phone number on a napkin on your bedside table, along with a scrawled note, reading:

Call if you need anything. I can help you file a case.

You’d taken him up on the offer, calling the next day. He helped you make a report with the state, sat with you while you described your attackers to the forensic sketch artist. Although he’s not the most equipped to handle your moments of panic, never quite sure what to do, he still sits with you and talks you through it. Eventually, though, he must have realized he was out of his depth, because he referred you here.

To a psychologist.

For whatever reason, it’s ingrained in your mind that seeing a psychologist means you’re broken. You don’t want to think that way, but it’s hard not to. After what you went through, it’s easy to believe such things about yourself. Broken. Impure. Damaged.

You shake yourself out of your thoughts and suck in a deep breath. You wonder if Dr. Sweets knows you’re standing out here. The embarrassment of that thought is finally what allows you to work up the courage to knock. Three quiet taps on the door.

“Come in,” a voice responds.

You open the door slowly and peek around the edge. “Are you… Dr. Sweets?”

The man looks up from his desk. You’re taken aback by how young he is. Surely this isn’t the FBI psychologist? He’s so… well, young. Still, it’s better than some middle-aged man, someone like the men who attacked you-

You shake yourself and step inside as he responds. “That would be me.” His smile is gentle and reassuring. “Are you Y/N?”

You nod, stopping just inside the door. You’re unsure of where to go – there’s a couch and a chair facing it, but there’s also a chair in front of his desk where he sits… Which one? Where do you go? You stand awkwardly, waiting for some sort of direction.

Dr. Sweets stands, smoothing out his suit jacket. “Please, have a seat.” He gestures to the couch.

A swell of gratitude washes over you at his clear instruction. You seat yourself gingerly on the edge of the cushion, locking your hands together in front of you. Dr. Sweets takes the chair across from you, crossing one leg over the other. He observes you for a moment, eyes searching, and you shrink into yourself a bit. It feels exposing to be in front of him, like he can see all your secrets without you saying anything. Your eyes roam the room and the walls, trying to find something to distract yourself.

“How are you?” Sweets asks gently.

You swallow thickly and look down at your hands. “Fine… Agent Booth said I should talk to you.”

He nods. “Yes, he gave me a quick briefing on your situation. Is it alright if I ask you some questions?”

You avert your eyes, looking to the walls again. There’s a large window on the one to your right, but the blinds are closed. You wish he would open them so you could look somewhere else besides his probing eyes. “I guess so.” Your voice is shaky. You clear your throat to try to hide it.

Sweets, meanwhile, has been carefully taking in your body language and movement. He’d heard you hesitating outside the door, heard your soft pacing footsteps and rapid breathing. Since you walked in the door, he’s realized that he needs to take a gentle, soft approach with you. He doesn’t want to push you too far. From what Booth told him, the assault is still fresh in your memory. “First of all, I just want to say that you’re very brave for coming here. I know it can be scary to talk about these things and I’m very proud of you for taking this step. You’re safe here, and you’re totally in control. If you ever want to stop, or you don’t want to talk about something, you just say the word, alright?”

You nod, mostly subconsciously. His words feel empty, although there’s a sincerity too them. You just can’t bring yourself to believe him yet.

Sweets sees through you right away. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Do you believe that you’re safe here?”

Your response comes out as barely a whisper. “No…”

He nods gently. “Can you tell me why?”

You look down at your hands again, twisting them around the opposite wrists. The movement is soothing, grounding. “I don’t… feel safe anywhere. It’s too new. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like I’m back there…” You close your eyes briefly, but snap them open again when disturbing images fill your head. “I can’t escape it. Everyone is someone who could hurt me…” You drift off as you realize how much you’re giving away. These are the things you’ve kept close to your chest; it feels wrong to be saying them to a stranger.

Sweets can tell immediately when you start to become more uncomfortable. He eyes your hands, watching your fidgeting. He takes a moment to think before speaking again. He must tread carefully; he can’t risk you shutting down before he’s even gotten a chance to talk to you. “How about we stick to yes/no questions for now? Would that be easier?”

You shrug, twisting your hands a bit more roughly as the images continue to plague you. “Sure.”

“Are you aware of your surroundings at all times? Always… looking for danger?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah…”

Sweets keeps his voice gentle and quiet, but his mind is racing. The psychologist in him is searching for coping mechanisms, for things to say that might help; the human in him is fighting the desire to reach out and just comfort you. “Do you experience nightmares? Bad dreams?”

You nod again, eyes flicking back to the closed window. “Yes.”

“Do you ever have panic attacks? Moments of overwhelming fear or anxiety?”

You look up at the ceiling, twisting your hands harder. It begins to burn, but the feeling is good. It keeps you in the here and now. “I don’t know… maybe.”

Sweets watches where your eyes move, sees how you avoid eye contact at all costs. His own eyes dart to your wrists. Your fidgeting has grown more aggressive. He can see where your skin is becoming red and irritated. He frowns slightly. “Can I see your wrists?”

Your movements suddenly still and you shake your head. Shame floods your face.

Sweets notices the quick change in your demeanor. “Okay, we don’t have to look at them. Does the twisting help?”

You nod. “It… feels good. Calming.”

Sweets nods and files this information away for later. He’s going to help you find some healthier coping mechanisms – you can’t keep hurting yourself to stay grounded. “I get that. Do you want a stress ball or something? Something so you’re not hurting yourself?” He can already predict your answer, but it’s worth a shot.

You shake your head and grip your hands on your wrists. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Sweets leans back in his chair again. He wants to ask you about the assault, but you’re still so closed off. “Do you want some water? Maybe something else to drink, or eat?” He stands to retrieve a bottle for himself, hoping that it will make you feel more comfortable if he does it first.

Still, you shake your head. “I’m okay… do you have more questions?” You eyes drift to the door.

The young psychologist instantly notices your desire to leave and heads back to his seat, water in hand. He wants you to stay, wants you to start talking about this instead of bottling it up. “Couple more. Is that okay?”

You settle back onto the couch, hunching a bit to try and make yourself smaller. “Yeah…”

“You’re doing great,” Sweets offers you a reassuring smile although you’re not looking at him. “Can we talk about the attack?”

You hesitate, images flashing through your mind, before nodding. This is what you’re here for isn’t it? You can’t leave now. “What… what do you want to know?”

Sweets observes your closed-off posture, the hunch of your shoulders. This is going to take a while. He adjusts in his chair, trying to get comfortable while still staying professional. He speaks gently. “What were you doing before the attack?”

“Working,” you murmur. “I walked home.”

“Were you alone?”

You hum in affirmation, nodding your head. It had been so dark… The streetlight near the alley was out, you were walking through a shaded part of the sidewalk when they grabbed you…

Sweets watches as your eyes go glassy. He recognizes the beginning signs of dissociation and immediately works to pull you out of it, switching gears. “Where do you work?”

You shake yourself lightly and stare at the wall again. Your eyes settle on a divot in the paint, a spot where it’s been chipped away by a nail or something. “Newspaper… I’m a journalist.”

He nods and tilts his head at you, feeling a swell of pity. This really did a number on you. Booth described it to him, but he hadn’t gone into all the details… Clearly it was horrific if it’s causing you to be this dissociated and anxious. “That’s cool. Did you always want to be a journalist?”

For the first time, you meet his eyes. This topic is safe. These are things you can discuss. He offers you another reassuring smile as you shake your head. “I… wanted to be an astronaut. But my eyesight isn’t good enough.”

Sweets laughs lightly at the answer and you can’t help but crack your own small grin. His laugh is comforting, nothing at all like the men who attacked you… You shiver and refocus on his voice. “There’s a reason there aren’t many astronauts. Those requirements are very restrictive.” Sweets clears his throat and adjusts himself in his chair. You steel yourself, waiting for his next question. His distraction technique was effective, but now he has to get back to business. “So, you were walking home from work alone. What happened next?”

You swallow thickly and look back at the divot in the wall. Your hands go back to your wrists, feeling the warmth where you’ve managed to irritate your skin already. “I was walking by an alley… There were five men coming toward me. I was about to cross the street…” You suddenly are back in that moment, thinking the thoughts you were then. Your keys were clutched in one hand. Your other hand was shoved in your purse, gripping a small bottle of pepper spray. Your jaw was clenched, heart racing as you realized the danger you were in.

Sweets clears his throat to get your attention and you shake yourself out of your reverie. “You were about to cross the street. What then?”

“Um, they… they were quicker than me. They grabbed me and dragged me into the alley…” Your eyes go blank again. The divot in the wall seems to grow, a spec of grey that overtakes your vision. The world around you goes hazy. Sweets’s voice is a muffled background noise. Vaguely, you register the feeling of tears brimming in your eyes, of your hands twisting roughly against your wrists. The pain feels good, but it’s not enough.

Sweets watches closely, expecting you to continue, but then he notices the blank look on your face. You’ve gone completely still, save for your twisting hands. He observes you as you go pale, barely blinking. You’re completely shut down. “Y/N? Can you hear me?” He keeps his voice soft, gentle, trying not to scare you. He doesn’t know how far gone you are yet. He watches as your body begins to tremble, as your hands speed up in their motions. Your nails begin to catch against your skin, making harsh red lines across your wrists. Sweets knows he has to break you out of this, has to bring you back down to reality.

He stands slowly, walking around the coffee table to crouch in front of the couch where you sit. “Y/N. Listen to my voice. You’re safe here. You’re in my office at the FBI Headquarters. I’m Dr. Sweets, we’re here talking together. You’re safe, you’re not in danger anymore.” He keeps his voice level and soothing. He wants to reach out and touch you, but doesn’t want to jolt you. His eyes go back to your wrists, noticing how aggressively you’re scratching yourself. If you don’t come out of this soon, he will have to stop you from hurting yourself.

“Darling, listen to me.” The affectionate name slips out before he can stop himself. “Look at me if you can. You’re right here. You’re sitting on the couch in my office. You’re safe, I promise.” His words seem to be having no effect. If anything, your motions are becoming more frantic, your eyes more distant. Sweets sucks in a deep breath, hating what he has to do now.

He reaches out slowly to grip your wrists, wrenching them apart. You flinch at the touch, the first reaction he’s seen. He hates that it seems to be causing you more anguish, but you were near to drawing blood. He holds your wrists firmly, continuing to speak. “Listen, Y/N. I can’t let you hurt yourself. But you’re safe. Once you’re back with me, I’ll let you go, but you need to listen to me. You’re safe here. You’re not in any danger.” His voice breaks slightly on the words. He’s dealt with dissociation and panic attacks before, of course, but knowing the circumstances of yours makes it so much harder.

The wavering in his voice is what finally draws you back to reality. You blink slowly, and the divot on the wall shrinks back to where it belongs. Sweets’s voice becomes clearer, and you realize the firm grip on your wrists is his, not your attackers’. A choked sob forces itself from your throat as you look down at your joined hands. Suddenly your breaths come in gasps as you realize how deprived of oxygen you are.

Sweets loosens his grip a bit, realizing that you’re back with him. “There, shh. I have you.” He rubs soothing circles on your wrists, subtly reaching for your pulse with two fingers. It’s rapid, but steady. “You’re safe, I’ve got you. Deep breaths now.” He does some exaggerated breaths, trying to meet your gaze. You still stare at his hands on your own, but it’s not with glassy eyes. He lets out his own quiet sigh of relief.

You try to school your breathing, mimicking his slow breaths. Eventually, with his soft words and gentle coaching, you manage to soothe yourself.

Sweets finally relinquishes his hold on your hands, staying crouched in front of you. “There we are. Keep taking those deep breaths.”

You meet his eyes unsteadily. “I’m sorry,” the words come out quiet and broken.

Sweets shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s perfectly reasonable to have such a reaction.”

You clasp your hands together in your lap, staring at the red lines that now adorn your wrists. You’ve never irritated your skin so much, and you feel embarrassed to have done so in front of this psychologist.

He tries to meet your gaze, attempting to draw your eyes from the injuries. “Let’s take a break, yeah? We can try again another day.” He offers you a small smile.

You nod. “I think… that would best.” You feel shaky and off-balance from the panic attack.

Sweets stands, being careful not to tower over you. He heads back to the fridge, retrieving a water bottle for you and a small packet of crackers. He sets them on the couch next to you before returning to his chair. He makes a point not to look at you, not wanting you to feel cornered or judged.

You take a slow sip from the water, all of a sudden feeling parched. You’re not sure what to say, not sure if you should leave now, or if you should stay. When you’re done drinking, you set the bottle down again and look at your lap.

Sweets clears his throat quietly and leans forward again. “Feel free to hang out here as long as you need. If you want to keep talking, I’m just going to be at my desk, okay?”

You nod, grateful that he won’t be staring at you. You don’t feel quite steady enough to get up and drive home yet, so you settle back into the couch, taking slow sips from the water and nibbling on small bits of cracker. Sweets taps away on his computer, occasionally glancing up at you to make sure you’re okay.

The panic attack left you feeling exhausted, and you’re trying hard not to fall asleep, but the couch is very comfortable, and you somehow feel safe here. Your head keeps lolling to the side and you have to shake yourself to stay awake. Sweets looks up and catches this at one point. He smiles to himself and calls to you gently. “Rest. It’s okay; you’re safe. Do you want a blanket?”

You fidget with your hands again, stifling a yawn. You’re too tired to even try to protest, so you nod your head. He stands and retrieves a fluffy blanket from a nearby closet, handing it to you. You thank him and wrap it around yourself, settling more comfortably into the couch as he walks back to the desk.

The next time Sweets looks up, you’re curled up on your side on the couch, breathing deeply with your eyes closed. He smiles again, feeling honored that you feel safe enough in his presence to sleep. He shoots a quick text to Booth letting him know that you’re ready to be picked up. Booth of course wants to know how the session went, but Sweets leaves him on read. You can tell him yourself, if you feel comfortable enough to do so.

Although Sweets didn’t manage to get you to open up as much as he’d have liked, he truly didn’t expect to. You’ve been through hell, and it’s going to take a long time to walk out of that. Still, he feels he’s made progress. You trust him, even if it’s just a small amount.

He has a feeling he’ll be seeing you again very soon.

[its-your-mind]

Tbh I??? Really love these Bell’s Hells Company Retreat Activities???? Bc like. It’s not like any of them have been overly cagey this whole time, or actively hiding big secrets from each other. (someone at some point mentioned how BUCKwild it would have been to watch the M9 try to play What The Fuck Is Up With That within the first ten episodes of c2, with all the shit all of them were hiding and how much their early relationships were based on a mutual understanding that no one would expect each other to bring up the past unless it became a danger - the only one who ever poked that particular bear was Beau with Caleb at the start when she traded access to the Archive for the reason why Caleb gets fucked up by fire, and that private conversation shaped their relationship for the rest of the campaign BUT I digress.)

Nothing anyone confessed during the Honesty exercise was… a surprise. The only one who hadn’t shared the entirety of his past (that he remembered) was Chetney, and his was never the past that felt like a threat - that revelation was more along the lines of FCG’s type of “tell me about your family trauma so I can fix you” line of questioning.

The truths the Hells offered up to each other… they were significant (Fearne, I was disappointed in you for being afraid of your power), and scary (deep down, both Delilah and I kind of want the shard), and hard to say out loud (even on the nights I bunk up with one of you, I feel so lonely), but critically, so little of it was surprising. No one was sharing anything earth-shattering about their pasts or previously unknown plans for future betrayal.

And during the Communication exercise - none of them - Chetney, Imogen, Ashton, or Orym - doubted that their directors were leading them the wrong way. They listened, and paid attention to instructions, and didn’t try their own path because they felt like they knew better.

And then during Trust! The part that should have been the hardest!! All of them were obviously distrustful of each other, shooting around stressed looks, sending familiars to dive-bomb to check for flesh, but like… none of them actually turned on each other. None of them ganged up, or broke off, or stood in opposition - they were wary of each other, and they got the task done.

So… it didn’t really lead to any huge shifts in the dynamic. But that was never really what they needed! The Hells have trusted each other since the beginning, and even when they’re actively having to fight each other, it’s always with a desperation born from a place of concern. They really do care for and love each other. I don’t think any of them, if they sat down to think about it, truly believed that one of them was going to betray the others.

But they haven’t had time to sit and think about it. They have been actively fighting the literal end of the world since like… ep 45 (first irl Ludinus sighting/convo). The apocalypse happened. Has been happening. For thirty episodes now. They spent a good chunk of that time apart from each other, and then the rest of it desperately reaching out to anyone with more power than themselves to beg for their help.

So yeah! It’s not a big surprise that they’re all bottling up a lot of their own shit right now! There aren’t that many personal issues that feel like they deserve more attention than the literal end of the world.

It was inevitable something was going to give. And since Ashton’s shit was up next for dissection because they had a past that brushed up against the Primordials? Of course they were the one whose internal lockdown broke first. And of course when it did, it physically shattered Ashton, too, right along those same fault lines where Milo put them back together the first time. It’s so good that they had friends who were there, past and present, to make sure none of the pieces got lost. To put them back together.

We watched Laudna break down right after, specifically because she was back home, in this place where Delilah had first tortured and killed her, where she had lived as a wraith haunting a castle. Delilah had been slowly picking the lock on the cage the Hells had forced her into, and Ashton’s “betrayal” was the last tumbler Delilah needed to snap into place to break the lock in Laudna’s mind. And her mind shattered, fragmented in the same way it had been after she was first brought back as Delilah’s vessel. How beautiful that it was Laudna’s love of children and her desire to make Ashton a gift (meant to be part insult, “because you’re a child,” and declaration of her care for him, “I like children.”)

And Fearne… Fearne almost broke down after them. Slamming the hammer down next to Ashton’s head over and over and over, screaming at him, wandering away through the city, sleeping alone in the woods… She saw the cliff’s edge coming. That’s why she asked them if they could stop at her Nana’s first.

Because she needed it. And the rest of the Hells say, “Why? Do you think Nana Morri can help us in this?” And Fearne says, “Well, I don’t know, but…” And Imogen says, “Do you need it for you?” And Fearne says, in a small and shattered voice, “…yes.”

And that’s the end of the discussion.

They go home, to a place where they are safe and have time, for the first time since Ruidus was locked in place.

And so they have time to be Honest - and they are. Fearne likes to watch them all and play with their hair while they sleep. Orym has thought through how he would neutralize them if he absolutely had to. Ashton thinks it would be better for him to be dead than for Fearne to be hurt. Imogen is scared to face her mom. Laudna dreams of leaving this behind. FCG is jealous of the people around him with a heart, because they have possibilities he doesn’t. Chetney hasn’t settled down once in 400 years because he’s scared he’s cursed to drive away any family he has.

Behind all of this - I want to know everything about you. I need to make sure you don’t hurt each other. I would sacrifice myself to keep you from pain. I don’t want to choose between my blood and this family we’ve built. I want you all to be safe. I want you to pursue happiness. I don’t want to lose you.

And then, Communication - follow along this path. Listen to my voice. Keep calm, keep quiet. Stay the course. I will keep you safe. Keep walking, keep walking, and… you’re there, honey.

And finally, Trust. Two of them are going to be replaced by fae beings bent on preventing them from completing their mission, and they have to complete this task without letting the infiltrators stop them. Okay. Let’s all stick together. Keep eyes on each other. Wait for the doppelgängers to give themselves away somehow. Do you remember these small, banal details about our mutual history? There’s a possibility that action you took was malicious, but I know you well enough to know that might have been a mistake you made on your own. Here, I’ll walk into traps to show that I’m not going to stop you. I’ll get out of your way and take out the threats. I’ll be eyes in the sky and send my familiar to poke you to test if you feel like you should. But nothing you’re doing makes me see you as a real threat - just the possibility of one. I trust you. I trust in you. I trust myself to know enough about you to identify if you’re doing something differently than normal.

And the result of those exercises? No new information, but maybe some things that we all had lost track of amongst the chaos. I am not shocked by your Honesty. I know deep down that I can rely on your Communication. I do Trust you. I know you. I care for you. I know you care for me, too. Even when I have doubts, even when you fuck up, even when things break bad and you make the wrong call…

We are a team for a reason, and no matter what we said in the beginning, it is not just out of necessity or convenience. Are we a bunch of fucked up, broken people? Absolutely. Are we going to continue to fuck up? Probably. Does that change how we feel about each other? No. Never. As long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here, fighting alongside you. Helping you up when you stumble. Offering a shoulder when you need to cry. Standing over you to protect you if you fall. Laughing with you in good times, kicking ass for you in bad. This is our family, damn it. It is strange, and broken, but it is ours, and it is good.

[sogoodtoheritsvicious]

it’s tiiiiimeee

i haven’t watched this show in full in five years 😵‍💫but it’s october and i was gonna watch thee byeler episode aka 2x02 on halloween anyway so i thought i might as well rewatch the entire show and make it everyone’s problem

forgot about the jumpscare being right at the beginning

baby will <3

they were all BABIES and now they’re all grown and the damn final season still hasn’t premiered lmao

dustin was so adorable

“it was a seven.” “huh?” “the roll, it was a seven. the demogorgon, it got me.” the way will was incapable of lying to mike, GOD, i feel sick

fun fact: will’s adorable little “see you tomorrow!” is immediately what made him my favorite

“kiss your mom ‘night for me!” lmfao

forgot how damn good the jumpscares are

gonna need mike to see will with a gun at least once before this show is over

“damn,you look like hell, chief!” “oh, yeah? well, i looked better than your wife when i left her this morning.” HELP

“lonnie used to call him queer.” “is he?” FUCKING HELL, HOPPER 😭 i completely forgot about that scene lmfao

EL, MY BABY

benny was such a good man :( he didn’t deserve to die

that poor dog was so hated irl 😭

“you think we got a problem here?” my brother in christ, a boy is missing

“i’m the only one that cares about will!” mike loves will so much, i’m gonna cry

i completely forgot about hop’s daughter

mike sneaking out while steve’s sneaking in 😭 this show is also a comedy

winona ryder the actress that you are

chapter 2

maybe i’m going to find out in this ep i can’t remember if they ever investigate benny’s death or link it to everything else that was going on

“stop it, you’re freaking her out!” “she’s freaking ME out!” lucas was the only real one in the beginning

poor baby. el didn’t even know what privacy was before this moment.

“oh, you can speak!” she gets that a lot 😭

mike and el had so much potential as friends, FUCK the duffers for ruining them by making it romantic. now they don’t even seem like they like each other

i hope s5 focuses on more on will and lucas’ friendship

jonathan was such a good brother

brenner. always at the scene of the fucking crime.

mike naming his dino ‘rory’ because he roars 🥹

FUCK BRENNER ALL MY HOMIES HATE BRENNER

karen was such a good mom in the beginning

i hate lonnie with a passion, he’s an abusive piece of shit who should’ve been killed off

i don’t blame lucas at all for the way he was acting with el at first

“one kid goes missing, the other one runs wild? some real fine parenting right there.”

they kept pointing out so many similarities between will and el, i can’t believe they didn’t go anywhere with it

“can’t ask a corpse a question.” die. just die.

nancy: *losing her virginity*

barb: *losing her life*

chapter 3

“no one breaks in here.” yeah, they just break out

love jonathan but steve wasn’t exactly wrong about the pictures

joyce byers the mother that you are

mike wanted nothing to do with el once they found will’s “body” but we’re supposed to believe that he loved her the second he saw her in the woods.

chapter 4

i can’t believe they showed that mike has all of the drawings will has created and expected us to be normal about it

“screw his funeral!” “what?!” TEARS

jonathan loves joyce and will so much 🥺

steve was such an unbearable asshole

can we PLEASE talk about charlie being able to hold his own with winona in that scene about will’s body? we already know winona’s gonna blow it out of the water but he did just as well

completely forgot about mike doing el’s makeup this episode dkfkgjd

“where are you from, exactly?” “bad place.” 😭

that troy scene still sends

“the kid is dead. end of story.”

they put too much pressure on el. i hope when all this shit is over she’s able to just be a normal kid.

this show used to be so fucking good

i love how hop tries lying to the state trooper and when that doesn’t work he just knocks him the fuck out 😭

I FUCKING HATE LONNIE

i’m so glad they had jonathan realize that joyce was telling the truth about everything that was going on instead of just dragging it all out.

chapter 5

hate lonnie for taking advantage of joyce when she’s clearly in a vulnerable position

“wait until we tell will that jennifer hayes was crying at his funeral” lmao

all this season is showing me is how severely they’ve robbed us of joyce and will scenes in future episodes

“man, these aren’t real nilla wafers.” mr. clark must think they’re horrible friends, i’m crying. dustin is right, though, fake nilla wafers suck.

“it might even swallow us whole.” and that’s exactly what’s happening by the end of s4

“he’s wanted to go to nyu since he was six. years. old!” she should’ve killed lonnie right then & there

can’t prove it but jonathan fell in love with nancy the second she shot that can on her first try

jonathan clocked nancy’s ass BAD in the woods

forgot just how much lucas hated el this season

byeler and jancy have paralleled each other too many times for it to just mean nothing in the end.

chapter 6

the jumpscares in this show are top tier

what i love about this show is how it still has me holding my breath even though i already know what’s going to happen

“i don’t wanna be alone. do you?” “no.” i was gonna say he wouldn’t be alone cause joyce is there but i remembered he doesn’t wanna tell her til it’s all over

early jancy were so awkward, i love them <3

“i could have been killed!” “which is exactly why we need her. she’s a weapon!” but mike loves her at this point, right?

lucas loves will so much, it’s a shame we haven’t seen much more of their friendship

“you’re my best friend, too.” “okay :D” dustin looked so happy 😭

“what’s the weirdest part? me or the bear trap?” “you, definitely you.” pls

jonathan beating the shit out of steve was so satisfying

“only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart.” i’m not even gonna say anything. you all know.

we don’t give mike enough appreciation for being such a selfless person. he did everything he could to find will, he almost killed himself to protect dustin, he let el live in his basement without even knowing her, etc.

“she’s our friend and she’s crazy!” i love dustin with my whole heart

BABIES 🫶🏼

chapter 7

“if anyone asks where i am, i’ve left the country.” this season is really reminding me why mike was my favorite in the beginning

i wanna hug el so bad

“our son with a girl?” ted, to mike:

“a psychotic child broke his arm!” “a little girl, chief. a little one.” “that tone! do you hear that tone?” “honestly, i’m just trying to state a fact. it was a little girl.” this entire exchange is sending me so bad

“you couldn’t take jonathan byers.” get his ass!

it was such a great choice to have joyce be the first one to ever give el comfort because she’s such a soft, comforting person and i can’t think of anyone better

chapter 8

made it to the finale! gonna be honest, i didn’t think i’d get here in only two days but this show sucked me in the exact way it did the first time

“go to hell.” joyce is everything

waiting til this episode to give flashbacks on hop’s daughter was an excellent choice

steve just wanted to apologize to jonathan and now he’s an exasperated mother of seven. life comes at ya quick!!

choosing not to acknowledge that scene beyond this for the sake of my mental health

el is a badass but she shouldn’t have to be

brenner should’ve never made it to season 4

these kids acted their ASSES off in this show

GOD THIS JOYCE, HOPPER AND WILL SCENE

you’d think everything that went down would make nancy and karen care more about mike and pay attention to him but it doesn’t. mike deserves so much better.

will is in a hospital bed worrying about jonathan’s hand. I LOVE THIS KID.

byeler hug <3

they all really wanted to tell will about jennifer hayes crying 😭

“her name’s eleven.” “like the number?” he sounded baffled lmaooo

getting will back must’ve been so bittersweet for nancy

hop keeps throwing away lit cigarettes and all i keep thinking is that he’s gonna start a wildfire eventually

mike’s soft ‘see you, will’ 🥹

the camera!!

“your wife doesn’t have time to cook for me.” pls

the byers family 🫶🏼

my love for this show has officially been revived. rewatching this reminded me why i loved this show so much in the first place. the acting is amazing, especially from the kids, the writing was great, and the fucking jumpscares were incredible. i’m so excited to start season 2!!

[that-left-turn]

But the studio isn’t pushing romantic caryl. They’ve played them as soulmate friends. And I believe them now. After the bad promo and zabel’s comments idk why some of us are trying to retcon what’s in front of us. I won’t watch and be disrespected.

I’d describe what the studio’s peddling as ‘ambiguous Caryl.’ The romance is there if you choose to interpret the tea leaves one way, or Caryl are just the bestest of buddies if you’d rather see it the other way. AMC has always tried to cast as wide a net as possible, often to the detriment of both the quality of the show and the viewership they could’ve had if they’d made some definitive choices.

I think a lot of fans try to retcon the show's marketing because they’ve made a large emotional investment in Caryl—understandable since they’re two of the best developed characters on television, and there’s very limited understanding of how a TV production is run. After the last two years, people want things to be hopeful, so they curate a narrative that puts a positive spin on the promotion. There are probably also fans who didn’t watch S1 and haven’t seen anything else that Zabel has showrun, so they don’t know his style or how he writes women.

AMC wants Carylers to watch the show. They’ve spent the last few weeks promoting specifically to that demographic. I’m not saying they’re pro romantic Caryl, but they’re anti something which’ll nuke their Caryl audience out of existence. Zabel’s quote doesn’t serve AMC. They want you to watch, even if they give you nothing and telling you upfront that they’ll give you nothing will result in less viewers and less money. That’s why they’ve spent 14 years playing coy with all factions of fandom.

I wish fans would look at the bigger picture. Some other EP wants reunions (and is probably pitching shows to AMC) only to have Norman shoot down any questions about Rick with a joke. He’s not interested. Norman’s also been pretty vocal lately in hyping Melissa and Carol. He’s buffering her with the fans at the shoot, etc. That’s all part of the job and yes, it serves him too, but who doesn’t benefit from a successful S2 and/or Caryl and McReedus chemistry being well-received?

AMC has paid quite a bit of money to have Melissa return and they want to see that investment pay off. They won’t pick up an actor’s option—her deal is for two seasons—if that actor doesn’t bring viewers, engagement and acclaim because they have to offer her more money. Who stands to gain and what is to be gained, if ratings don’t increase from S1? It’s a low-key way to sabotage an actor you don’t want on your show and there are three EPs who resent Melissa being foisted upon them. All three have their own reasons for it.

I think that’s where things currently stand. Choosing not to watch helps a misogynist agenda and choosing to watch sends a message to AMC that they don’t have to respect their viewers. It’s important that Melissa gets the praise she deserves and doesn’t get scapegoated, so I would suggest that fans are vocal about the reasons for their choice. No matter what your choice is.

Just, please, don’t pretend that Zabel’s anyone’s ally or that Melissa’s EP title overrules whatever he says. Unless she specifically goes on the record to say that she wants Caryl to be platonic soulmates and nothing else, don't assume that her silence or deference to someone who’s her boss means she agrees with his decisions. She's not free to speak her mind at work events and even behind closed doors, it's hard to openly oppose men with fragile egos who hold the power.

I'm not trying to dictate what anyone should do. I just want there to be less misinformation, so Caryl fans can make informed decisions for themselves.

[dangermousie]

Pre-Joseon Sageuks: a Biased and Incomplete List

So, as promised way earlier, a post on pre-Joseon sageuks that I’ve either watched or plan to watch so am aware of them. I am sure there are others but here is what I got. Obviously my takes on them are subjective blah blah blah.

Jumong - arguably the Daddy of all Traditional Sageuks, this one ran for over 80 episodes and had insane ratings. It follows the rise of the mythical founder of Gogureyo tho it takes fantastical elements of his story and changes them for historically plausible ones. It’s very long and very meaty and politics/battle heavy and has a large cast of complex characters (including pretty nifty women and a LGBTQ supporting OTP) but it is anchored by the incredible performance of Song Il Gook as the titular character as he slowly but believably grows from nothing to a hero if at the cost of losing his marriage.

The King of Tears Lee Bang Won - this is basically a half and half beast as (you can tell by the title), it’s set in the last days of Goryeo and early days of Joseon. The time period covered is the same as in My Country and Six Flying Dragons, but this is the most traditional take of them all, even more so than 6FD. Not a single pretty face in the cast (tho Joo Sang Wook is a mighty fine man, emphasis on “man”), this is for the real fans of traditional sageuks. I enjoyed it a lot but if you want to check out pre-Joseon sageuks but have mainly watched youth sageuk stuff before, you should probably start with another drama on this list.

The Great Seer - set in the reign of King Gongmin, the last proper king of Goryeo (his son King U is technically the very last but there are questions as to his status), this is for those of you who want to watch Ji Sang in a sageuk. It’s centered around seers but don’t expect mysticism, this knuckles down to politics.

Shin Don - hi there, another story set in the reign of King Gongmin! From the title, you can tel it centers heavily on the powerful monk who ruled for the King at one point. This has been on my to-watch list forever because this appears to devote a decent chunk of its time to Gongmin X Noguk and I am dying for a proper drama for those two. This is from 2005 so if you do watch, keep that in mind in terms of visuals etc. That cast is lit!

Bicheonmu - this is sort of cheating because it’s pretty much set in China but it involves Koreans so. It’s a drama take on the same story told in a pretty awesome movie. Tragic love, battles, young Joo Jin Moo etc. i am very fond of it. This said, find and watch the Chinese version, Korean one was shredded.

The Iron Empress/Empress Cheon Chu - set in Goryeo, this was another of women ruler centric dramas that had a mini popularity peak in late 00s/early 10s (a trend I wish continued.) it got overshadowed by Queen Seonduk but by all accounts is a solid drama. It’s on my list but I haven’t watched it yet.

The King’s Daughter, Soo Baek Hyang - by the writer of The Rebel and My Dearest. Have I got your attention? Another woman centric ruler tale set in Baekje. Yes, there is a love story. That cast is great, to boot. I have started and liked what I’ve seen but got sidetracked. Need to get back to it. Before you look at the ep number and faint seeing the number 108, keep in mind that the eps are half an hour long so it’s an equivalent of a normal 54 ep sageuk so if you can watch eg Empress Ki, you are good with this.

My Country: The New Age - Lee Bang Won but make it gay. OK, I kid, sort of (not really) but this is smart and passionate and heartbreaking. If you want a wide scope or lots of politics, probably not a take for you (Six Flying Dragons is RIGHT there), but if you want an intense, emotional tale, come right in!

Six Flying Dragons - to me, this is THE drama about Lee Bang Won. It’s smart and emotional, deals with politics and has heart. It has a large cast of characters I got invested in, OTPs that will blow your mind etc etc.

Faith/The Great Doctor - if you are a fan of old school shoujo like Red River, Basara or Fushigi Yuugi, this or Moon Lovers are your best bet on this list. A time traveling tale with other fantasy elements about a modern day plastic surgeon who ends up being kidnapped into Goryeo during the early days of King Gongmin’s (hi!) reign by a tormented, oath bound warrior played by Lee Min Ho at his hottest (and playing historical General Choi Young. Do RPS at your pleasure), this one is one of my all time favorites.

Seodonyo/Ballad of Seo Dong - I am actually currently watching this one tho I haven’t been posting about it. Set in both Baekje and Silla, this is an angsty love story with a side of politics. It’s filmed in 2005 and looks accordingly but if you don’t mind dated visuals, this is pretty great!

Emperor of the Sea - set in Silla and Tang, this was a huge hit and deservedly so. Our protag is a slave and gladiator and a great naval hero. This is grim and smart and epic. It’s from 2004 so once again, if dated visuals are no-go, skip, but if you want a great story and performances, this has your name on it.

The Kingdom of the Winds - an epic cursed prince narrative, our ML (Song Il Gook at his sexiest) rises from abandoned prince and slave and abused assassin to general, royal and king, sparing time for an angsty delicious love story with an enemy princess. This has serious sageuk bits AND the best shoujo tropes in the business, plus enough whump to keep anyone happy.

Gye Baek - Lee Seo Jin, another sageuk stalwart, stars as the title character in this tale of a Baekje commoner, war slave and general. This is grim but glorious.

Soldier/God of War - this is a traditional war-centric sageuk and grim as hell. Another slave to general tale.

King Geun Chu Go - this is on my watch list; it’s about a warrior king of Baekje. Haven’t seen it but heard good things.

Ja Myung Go - smart and unrelentingly tragic, featuring Jang Ryeo Won and Jung Kyung Ho as doomed lovers and Park Min Young in an evil role, this is great and has deeply flawed characters in the very definition of doomed by the narrative tale.

Arthdal Chronicles - this is obviously a fantasy but the tale of prophesied twins, magical priestess, wars and mysticism is clearly set in a pre-Joseon in terms of aesthetics world.

Alchemy of Souls - like Arthdal this is pure fantasy but also like Arthdal, a lot of its styling is pre-Joseon so on this list it goes.

Moon Lovers/Scarlet Heart Ryeo - ok I think if people have heard of only one drama on this very long list, it’s probably this one. Modern time traveling heroine ending up during the reign of Goryeo’s King Taejo, in the middle of his sons’ fight for the throne, having an epic but doomed romance with shoujo catnip tortured bad boy Lee Jun Ki.

Shine or Go Crazy - if you want a more historical take on Moon Lovers succession fight but still with plenty of hotness, angst and doomed romance, come right in. This baby stars Jang Hyuk, so you know it’s bound to be good. I actually started it and enjoyed it but got sidetracked. Need to get back to it. Fun fact: while Moon Lovers was hugely popular internationally, domestically Shine or Go Crazy (they aired around the same time), did much better.

The Legend/The First King’s Four Gods - for a long time this was my favorite kdrama of all time and is still probably in my top 10. Ignore the odd first episode, the rest is perfection. Expensive and wonderfully written, this was Bae Yong Joon’s last drama before he retired to rest on his pile of money (if you are young, you probably don’t remember what a big deal he was, bigger than all the Hallyu stars nowadays put together. He basically was singlehandedly supporting the kdrama industry at one point), but what a worthy way to go out. It’s an epic Goguryeo fantasy tale of a prophesied prince coming into his own, with such amazing characters and relationships and OTPs and battles and points about destiny versus free will. It is everything and I kinda want to rewatch now.

The Blade and The Petal/Sword and Flower - ostensibly a star-crossed Gogureyo love story, this really is more about politics. It’s a mixed bag. The visuals are insane but Uhm Tae Woong, while always solid in modern dramas, is out of place in a sageuk (in QSD Kim Nam Gil stole his thunder; there is nobody to do so here but that doesn’t help him.)

Queen Seon Duk - probably the most famous entrant into female power sageuks, this was a mad hit and centered on the titular character’s rise to power and fight for the same with her female nemesis Mishil. If you want love stories, angsty fighter Bidam propelled Kim Nam Gil to stardom as he stole the leading man mantle from Uhm Tae Woong.

Empress Ki - currently rewatching this. It’s set in the waning days of Goryeo but takes place mainly in Yuan. Still, the FL is Korean and a lot of the story revolves around one of her suitors’, a deposed Korean king, attempts to get his land back. As you can tell by my rabid posts, this is a great drama - politics, romance (I ship FL and the Yuan emperor like mad), murder, dysfunction and everything good.

Hwarang - it’s so brain dead it might as well be a brain-eating amoeba in drama form but it did give us both Park Hyung Sik and Park Seo Joon before they made it big in drama world. It’s terrible tho, stay away.

River where the Moon Rises - I have such a love/hate relationship with this drama - I loved the beginning, with our tormented assassin heroine slowly being warmed by the loyal rustic ML with his own trauma. And then Ji Soo’s bullying scandal happened and he was replaced by Na In Woo, aka the actor I like least from any country in all my close to two decades of watching dramas. I tried but I simply couldn’t and I am still mad. This said, if you don’t share my NIW allergy, it’s probably worth a watch.

The Great King’s Dream - if you liked QSD and can’t get enough of the period but want an even more traditional tale, you can do worse than this drama. I liked what I saw but this baby is 70 eps and lacks Bidam so I peaced out. Maybe I will get back to it sometime, but probably not.

Jeong Do Jeon - as you can tell by the title, centers on JDJ and the last days of Goryeo. Not really my bag (time period been done plenty in other dramas and I don’t have that much interest in JDJ) but supposed to be solid.

My Only Love Song - a short silly mess but still probably better than River (which tells the same story) because it doesn’t have NIW.

King Gwanggaeto the Great - 92 eps. I can’t!

The King Loves - delicious love triangle (that goes ALL ways), angst, prettiness, a side of bodyguard romance. What’s not to love in this Goryeo tale?

ETA: this post was so long that when I tried to tag every drama I mentioned, tumblr told me you hit the tag limit of 30 tags no more tags for you. Oh well, sorry dramas that ended up I tagged!

[mickeym4ndy]

I only watched Shamless last year and I never seen any of the hall of shame episodes because everyone said they were terrible so I’ve only seen some of the gallavich clips. but I saw you talk about the 85% love thing which is an insane ooc thing they made ian say but I never see people talk about the thing mickey said about his bipolar? I was shocked it was such an asshole ooc move I can’t believe the writers thought it was ok?

Yea it was very fucked up by Mickey, hall of shame was the worst.

I don’t think it’s that ooc for either of them to lash out at each other when they’re hurt, but to sink that low was really fucked up, and yea very ooc given what they’ve been through. Seeing Mickey try to hit someone where it hurts when he feels cornered/hurt isn’t uncommon (eg: how he spoke to Svetlana at the baptism) but for him to actually make a comment like that to Ian about his bipolar after everything was imo really ooc for Mickey. And just a fucked up thing to say.

Going on a bit of a tangent here but I think one of the worst parts about Hall of Shame is that the writers were so close to getting it right, but they kept fucking it up so badly.

For example, the 87% comment was mean and unfair but not just for Mickey, for Ian also. Because the flashbacks implied Ian wasn’t talking about family & friends etc, he was talking about past “relationships.” Which Caleb and Trevor I can understand to an extent, but to include Kash and Ned and other men that took advantage of him in that “13%” is fucked up by the writers and imo does Ian a massive disservice. It’s like they’re treating these men like ex boyfriends, and not predators who groomed and took advantage of a teenager. It’s like they refuse to acknowledge that Ian was groomed.

And this ep/ Ned’s death, instead of being a way to make Gallavich fight over stupid shit, could’ve been a chance for Ian to actually realize that & come to terms with it. Mickey could’ve brought up how fucked it was too. They could’ve actually talked about and dealt with something real.

Even Mickey’s comment to Ian about leaving being his whole MO had validity based on their past tbh. It’s been talked about a lot recently how Mickey has abandonment issues with Ian because of everything that went down between them, and that could’ve been an opportunity for them to discuss that. Like actually discuss a massive element of their past that’s caused Mickey’s biggest insecurity in their relationship. Not visiting him in prison stuff, Mexico, etc.

But instead the writers made them lash out and say stupid shit to each other and make Mickey make that gross ableist comment.

Half the time in the later seasons it felt like the writers were just choosing things for them to say/do based on the idea like “what would someone say here” but not “what would Ian/Mickey say here.” If that makes sense. It’s like they barely knew the characters so they just wrote their own version of them? Idk

I’m sure there’s other stuff from the ep that could’ve been an opportunity to actually deal with stuff had it been handled differently, but I haven’t watched it in a long time so can’t remember.

I think s11 was flawed but there were things I liked, but hall of shame really was a mess. Only thing that was good were the kisses at the end lol.

[nadvs]

hi bb i know ur writing for zack rn but what r ur thoughts on rafe being in a relationship in season 1,2 (especially 2) like i feel like he would actually/unknowingly hurt a girl he loves so irreparably

but also like i feel like he would try so hard to be good for her, ughhhh as much as i love happy ending sofia and rafe i wanted angst lol

HI BABE oh i am so glad you asked because i have so many thoughts about early seasons rafe 🥲

so first off, i have to say this edit of rafe is my fav because i think it captures just how broken he is and how badly he wants to be loved. even through the first two seasons when he’s the most unhinged and violent, we get these little glimpses of him being vulnerable and honestly quite miserable.

one of the most telling scenes is when he tells his dad he’s scared of losing control and that he’s not okay. it’s a blatant cry for help. one that could have helped him had it been listened to, but ward tells his son who is traumatized and could very easily have a severe mental illness to ‘man up.’ rafe is seen later telling himself ‘you suck, man up’ when he’s crying after ward turns violent on him; he has internalized the abusive way his father treats him and it’s turned into a form of self-loathing.

i think this def affects how s1/s2 rafe would be as a boyfriend. he’d have toxic traits like jealousy and possessiveness, and i can see him being overbearing and anxious and short-tempered because he has a hard time emotionally regulating and he’s always expecting his fear that he can’t really be loved to come true. i agree with you tenfold that he’d have it in him to break a girl’s heart, no matter how much he loves her, because he’s insecure, unstable, and erratic.

but in the scene in that edit, it’s clear he wants to get better and he needs someone to believe in him. so i think when rafe is given the opportunity to love, he can and he does. ‘he would try so hard to be good for her’ YUP!! he does make mistakes but he also has a conscience. he knows deep down he’s flawed and struggling. with help and love, there is so much hope for rafe to be a good boyfriend.

i haven’t watched the new eps yet but from the clips i’ve seen, i can appreciate that there’s a softer side to rafe in a relationship. from what i’ve heard, though, there’s quite a time jump and no history shown of how his bond with sofia came to be. i would love to see the way that unraveled and how he softened up for her!!

[moonsorchid]

Rewatching ep.29 of Love Between Fairy and Devil

Part 1 - I tried to include my comments in one post, but again so many things happen in this episode

(spoilers ahead)

So we learn that DFQC didn’t drink the elixir that would prevent him from feeling Xiao Lanhua’s pain while she was in the cave. And we also get this wonderful speech: “Since we are to be husband and wife, we must stay together until death do us part for better or worse. Even though I cannot bear this trial for her, how can I let her suffer alone?”

At this point, they haven’t said “I love you” (as far as I remember, correct me please if I am wrong), they have barely shared any intimate moments, yet their love for each other is so deep and beyond conventional relationship milestones, that they are willing to go through all this suffering.

Awe Xunfeng, now you make me feel bad for saying all those bad things for you. You have a heart, I may like you from now on.

He truly worries for her (I did not remember this at all) I am sorry, Xunfeng :(

Xiao Lanhua remembers their moments together (their first kiss in the prison, how DFQC was cooling the dew water for her, how he kissed her underwater, how he saved her from the immortals, riding the dragon, DFQC making petals flow around her, trying to get her pin, teaching him how to smile, kissing on the bridge, watching the sunrise together) to endure the torture. I am melting

Can I just say that I love Shangque? His devotion and kindness to DFQC are admirable

I loooooove this scene where they acknowledge her as their Queen

Ok, Xunfeng, I take it all back. I love you, now. So happy he accepted her as his Queen. *I have a goofy smile on my face*

Uff, such a powerful scene when DFQC enters the room - the signs of exhaustion obvious on his face and the way he walks – and approaches her. His touch is so tender, the way he looks at her so sweet. I am dying, I love them so much

They are back in the palace and everyone kneels in front of their Moon Queen. So proud of my babies!

Look how happy Shangque is!!! So cute!

And what a shock for Changheng to realize that the Goddess he was engaged to is in fact Orchid.

How fast did I watch this the first time that I don’t remember her saying this? Poor Danyin :( I love her character development.

Ok, so Ronghao claims that the Moon tribe was the one that killed the 3000 heavenly soldiers. And the Emperor is like yes, I believe the prisoner, without investigating further, and I am going to start a war without any second thoughts.

Pausing to appreciate his calmness and beauty.

Um, excuse me, Ronghao, but you just started a war

Do you know how much I love sweet puppy dragon? He just gave Jieli a key to all his savings. I mean he is the purest, most innocent person in the world. He knows her, he knows what she’s like and yet he opens his heart (and his savings) to her, fully aware she might steal them and never look back. Because he wants to see the good in people. The cynical part of me thinks he is naive, but another part of me believes he is precious.

Haha Jieli is already thinking about opening a store with him. They are so cute together!

I mean look at how happy he is! 

See you in part 2 (hopefully soon, because I miss them already)

Also, you can use my post as a drinking game for the words "love" and "cute" :D

[nothingmattersbutgenloss]

Gl!ranboo is not a good person

Gl!ranboo os not a good person. Hear me out, I also wouldn’t classify them as a bad person either? It’s been something that’s been on my mind the last few days and ranboo confirmed some of my thoughts in a stream yesterday. They talk about the original idea to end Gen 1 with the audience not liking gl!ranboo because they made selfish and cruel decisions. I don’t think that would have been enough to make the audience kill them but I could be mistaken, I liked the alternative ending that we got to see.

Continuing in the thoughts I have been having about gl!ranboo not being a good person. Showfall media frames them as the “hero”. The trailers, when Hetch discusses them, gl!ranboo is called the hero of the episodes. Ranboo actively says they just want to go and escape, rather than take down this horrible company. And although still under control of the company, there is still some choice there I’m sure when gl!ranboo decides to rip open patient Charlie and pushes Sneeg and Austin out of the way so he can fit through the hole in the wall. Both these actions are done out of survival instinct, both lead to the death of others, so do we judge that as bad or good? Was it even gl!ranboo if they were supposedly forced to do those thing? Depends on your own moral code. Would you do the same to survive? Or would you refuse to be involved in something that would kill someone.

The thing that was interesting to me is that when gl!ranboo gains more control in ep 3, they momentarily forgets the idea of escape when they find out that some of the other cast members are alive and need saving. This makes them seem more selfless and little more like the hero we are told we are watching. This doesn’t last long before gl!ranboo decides to just escape, wanting to just let the police deal with it.

We are so used to seeing the “chosen one” be hesitant at first but ultimately make the decision to save everyone and any cost, gl!ranboo does not give us that typical chosen one we expect. They kill for their own survival, attempt to make bargains with the bad guys to survive: gl!ranboo begged to be let go and in return they wouldn’t even tell anyone what was going one- leaving many to suffer at the hands of showfall media.

It’s just so interesting to me that regardless of state of gl!Ranboo’s control over themselves, they dance the line between moral and immoral, good or bad. But at the end of the day it all comes down to what you believe is okay in the name of survival

I still love gl!ranboo very much. They are very sad and I just want to give them a hug and a snack without pickles or slime, but they are not your typical perfect chosen one hero. They are a realistic version of a person - at least of one in their circumstances -trying to survive. They are not a good person.

I think it speaks more of the need for things to be black and white in our society, when most of it is just grey and depends on your own moral values

Regardless of whatever I say being accurate or not, props to Ranboo and crew for creating this! It’s true my spectacular and I haven’t had this much fun digging up and analyzing and just in general enjoying a fandom.

[girlwithamissingpearl]

I finally did it. I streamed all 6 episodes of Outlander season 7. I’m not saying I was disappointed but…

First of all I immediately re-watched episode 1. And I’ll tell you why. Streaming 5 seasons of Outlander while reading or listening to all 9 books has made it difficult to separate the book from the show. Like many I discovered Outlander during Covid and was immediately addicted. I started reading the books but found I would get impatient and speed read throughout the book looking for Jamie and Claire. When I started listening to the audio versions it was a completely different experience. Also a humbling one as I started losing count of all the words I had mispronounced, and context I missed speed reading through each book. Naturally I started to notice where the series stayed true to the books and when it didn’t. I’ll use book and season 1 as an example. I watched the series first then read/ listened to Outlander and very slowly book JF and CF became series JF/SH and CF/CB. For those who haven’t spent 40 hours or so listening to each book, take it from me, you get things mixed up.

Fast forward to Season 7. Remember book 9 was released during the long drought so I was already decades ahead of where the season started. Plus I already had favourite scenes I was looking forward to watching. The reason I felt I had to immediately rewatch ep 1 was because I felt they tried to tie up too many story lines in an hour. It felt rushed to me because I was comparing it to the book and parts that were changed or not addressed. Fortunately by episode 6, all was well in Outlander land.

A few points:

For the first time I really enjoyed watching SS as Briana, especially during her scene with JF/SH by the stones

I thought the casting of Rachel and Denzel Hunter were very close to the book version

Casting CV as WR was perfection. At times I could really see a strong resemblance to SH. The scene where Rachel shaves William, in the light, his profile, jawline and clear blue eyes are so close to the book version but also SH as JF. Even off camera based on sm the way they are athletic, extreme sports, love of music, build etc. Totally believe they could be father and son. By music I mean CV can and SH wants to play😉

That said I can’t believe we have to wait to see the father/son reunion. I don’t believe that they have even done any press together

I wish my hair could grow as fast and long and lovely as CF. CB just gets better with every season. She just never ages. Perfection as CF. Love that WR referred to her as a curly wig general!

With so many stories, timelines, time travel and new characters JF sort of becomes a supporting cast member at times. The screen time with JF/CF is great to see but not given the time to let us enjoy the magic of previous seasons. But the love is still there.

Finally SH as JF. I was a bit teary watching the scenes at the stones and I’ll miss young Jemmy. Again I really want to see father and son together. As for his acting, SH has become JF. I know we joke about his 5 acting things, but even in limited scenes with no dialogue his performance is powerful.

Now if I could just sit back and enjoy the rest of the season without trying to compare it to the book, look for clues as to the future of J &C and what that blasted last page of book ten will reveal. Until then, thank fuck for great pizza, wine and twizzlers. And of course the amazing gals that put up with me in my small corner of the fandom😉

[dykenav]

like I just watched the ep where mere fucking drowned and went to the weird afterlife purgatory realm (can you believe this shit happened in season THREE) (in a show about doctors. in The Real World. nothing fantastical they just fucking threw that shit in there) (we haven’t even gotten to the part where izzy has sex with her hallucination of her dead husband but its coming up)(truly no other show goes this hard with the unhinged melodrama) but anyway the way that part where cristina finally comes in after they’ve given up trying to revive meredith and she says at first very softly “do it again” and then when they don’t move she repeats it with the ferocity of a rabid animal and they do it and her heart restarts and they leave her in the room to wake up with just cristina there… like nothing in television can ever top that I’m sorry