#can y'all shut the fuck up holy shit

[lastoneout]

Everyone: YouTube is such a garbage platform! It only cares about ad money and exploiting creators, and they have frankly draconian rules about what you can say or show, and sometimes even if you follow all the rules you'll either lose your money and viewerbase to demonetization, and there's basically no way to fix that unless you are a huge creator who makes a massive stink about it on Twitter, or to the algorithm just deciding your videos aren't worth promoting anymore. I hate how many ads there are too, 2+ prerolls, midrolls, and ones at the end?? Tons are unskippable and they often contain triggering content with NO warning. And like, half the sponsorships are for corrupt scams and full of lies. And ugh the switch to prioritizing short from content is fucking over anyone who doesn't want to make discount tiktoks. Plus they're trying to stop people from using adblocker in fucked up ways. And on top of all that Google is just straight up evil. YouTube really does suck these days :/ I feel bad for the creators I love who are stuck using it.

Watcher: YouTube was a good place for our shows at first, but as you all know if you want to make money here you have to compromise the types of content you want to make to please the algorithm and advertisers, and we don't want to make content for them, we want to make quality TV shows for and supported by our viewers, so we can grow and offer even more, much higher quality stuff, so it's time to open our own independant streaming service. It's as cheap as we can make it, and we also want to give our fans more control and so there's a deal if you sign up now where you get 30% off for the first year and can vote on our next show, plus we will never implement any measures to prevent account sharing, one person can share with whoever they want. We're still going to upload trailers and premiers on YouTube, and we will NOT be deleting anything that's already up here. We hope you can support us, because it's your support that matters to us more than anything else.

Everyone: Oh my god you guys are such assholes who hate poor people, what the fuck is your problem!! How dare you abandon us, here's a huge paragraph about how your shows are the only thing that makes my life worth living because [xyz systemic issue], just so you know you're actively ruining our lives by trying to get rid of ads, make better content, and focus on what the viewers want. Why didn't you switch to Nebula or something?? Idc if that's not how it works. Fuck you all, I'm going to go review bomb all your videos. This is so evil and scummy. Also, I'm pissed because people are claiming this isn't avaliable in the rest of the world, even though no one has offered a single source to back it up. Anyway back to watching Dropout, a service you have to pay for, which I'm not mad about at all.

Me:

[honeysuckle-fae]

I joke about having to tell people to shut up in my bingo game but it truly is frustrating to have to be the american reminding other americans that this is, in fact, the WORLDWIDE web

[my5hiningstars]

.

[camryn-haitani]

you can take us, can't you?

Sam and Colby x Fem reader

you, Sam, and Colby were hanging out by the pool. you decided to go to the hot tub to warm up when Sam followed you. and things took a turn for the better

TW: p in v sex, degrading and praising, squirting, deep throating, recording, fingering (Fem receiving), body worship, fingering in hot tub (also Fem receiving), cursing, sir and daddy calling, pussy eating, masturbating, cum eating, ass slapping, smelling (Colby smells her a few times), pet names (too many to count), unprotected sex, after care

here's the long awaited part 2 <3

I'm sorry for making y'all wait😭

also ion know whats goin on with my caps on my i's. like some are capitalized and some aren't. oh well🤷

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

you were extremely bored. like to the point where you were staring at the ceiling counting the spikes from the ceiling popcorn. you decided to text Sam and Colby in y'all's group chat to see if they wanted to hang out

Spooky Gang😱

you: hello my favorite paranormal investigators, I am very bored and have come here to bother both of yall

Colbs<333: wanna come over and swim princess?

Sam<333: anything for you darling

you: stooooop y'all flatter me🤭

you: but yes I'd love to come and swim. I'll be there in 30<3

Sam<333: we'll be waiting angel🖤

i put down my phone and start to get ready. Colby was already at Sam's so I didn't have to worry about him. i put on a baggy shirt and colbys hoodie wrapped around my waist with my bathing suit underneath. I didn't see a reason to wear pants or shorts so I didn't. i get to my car and I drive to Sam's

Colby POV

i was talking with Sam when I hear a car pull up. we both look at each other and thought the same thing. "shit, y/n's here..". we both swallow the lump in our throats and wait for her to get inside.

we hear the door open and there she is, all in her glory. i snapped out of my ogling over her and meet her at the door.

"hey pookies, how are ya?" she asked as she sets down her keys. "we're ok, what about you?" Sam asks. "hot, extremely hot and bored. sooooo why don't we jump in the pool?" she says as she takes off my hoodie from her waist. 'now it's gonna smell like her.' I take the hoodie from her and go to the kitchen. i make sure she couldn't see me and I smell the hoodie. her scent is so addicting, I can't get enough of it. i put it down before I'm caught.

we all go outside and get undressed down to our bathing suits and y/n just jumps in. she comes out of the water and gets out and comes to where me and Sam are. she bats her eyes innocently at me and holds my hand. i raise an eyebrow but I catch onto her motives. my eyes widen as I realize what she's doing. she pulls me into the pool.

"holy shit! oh my god it's cold!" Sam yells. "oh shut up, it's fine" she says. she starts floating around the pool when me and Sam have an idea.

we get out of the pool and surround her. she opens one of her eyes to look at us and we jump on her. she sinks underwater and comes back up gasping for air. "you little fucks."

Y/n POV

after their little stunt, I get cold and head to the hot tub. i step in and sink under the hot water. my nose and up are the only thing above the water until I feel something else come in. i open my eyes and see who it is. 'oh it's just Sam.' I think to myself.

i look around the pool and see that colbys not there. 'he must've gone inside'. i feel hands wrap around my waist and pull me up "hey what the fu-". I felt lips on mine. hungry and passion filled lips. I'm in shock when I see Sam kissing me and I'm in his lap, straddling his waist.

i kiss him back with the same energy he is with me. his hands move my body back and forth and I hear him groan against my mouth. i put more body weight onto him and he pulls back.

"do you know how much you drive us crazy, darling?" he questions. i shake my head no. "want me to show you?" he whispers against my neck. "yes please." he kisses up my neck and down my jawline while his hand snakes down to my bottoms. he hooks his finger around the fabric and pulls them aside. Sam teases his finger around my hole and grazes his fingertip on my clit. i hiss at the contact and my forehead reaches his shoulder. "you're so beautiful, angel. Colby was right, you get so sensitive." he whispers against my neck. 'colby talked about me?' I say to myself.

"w-wait, we can't do this here. there's no telling what's in the pool." i panic. "yeah, you're right." he says. he picks me up and I wrap my arms and legs around him. he carries me to the beach chair (I forgot what they're called, bear with meT-T) and lays me down. he yanks down my suit bottoms and runs his tongue up and down my slick folds. my hand quickly finds it way to his hair and grips onto it. "fuck Sam!" not expecting him to do that.

he slips his two middle fingers into me and sucks on my clit. his movements pick up as he harshly sucks on my clit. that familiar knot in my lower stomach forms while I can't even form words. "sa- cum-... fuck... Sam... plea...." i stutter out. "gonna cum, sweetheart? gimme a few more minutes love, you taste divine." he dives back into my pussy.

he stops before I can cum. i whine as I throw my head back. "wh...why?" i give him a questioned look. "I'm gonna wait for Colby, darling." he stands back up and picks me up. my bathing suit bottoms still on the concrete. i wrap my arms and legs around him. he shoves his two fingers back into me as I moan in his neck. he continues to finger me as he takes me back inside.

Colby POV

*this was when you went to the hot tub. also this is just a quick Colby pov*

i take my leave and go inside. i dry off and head to the kitchen. I'll let Sam have her for a moment. i see my hoodie and pick it up to smell it again. my eyes rolls back as I get hard from her raw scent. "fuuuuuck" I draw out. i go to my room and immediately take off my swim shorts. i jump on my bed and start to jerk off to hy own fucking hoodie. i place it on my head so it covers my nose and I start masturbating. her smell alone drives me crazy, it already makes me want to cum.

a good few minutes go by and I feel myself get more sensitive and the knot in my stomach breaks as I cum all over my stomach. i take my fingers and just lick it up. I have no shame in eating my own cum, so I do anyway. I hear the door open and I see who it is

Y/n POV

Sam is still finger fucking me as he walks and with every step he takes, his fingers go deeper into me. god it feels so good, I can't get enough of it. i hear Colby come up from behind me and grabs my face to make me look at him. "you gonna be a good girl for us, doll?" i can only nod as I still can't speak words. "nuh uh, I need words, slut." he grips my face tighter. "yes sir, I'll be so good for y'all"

"that's what I thought. can I have her Sam?" he looks at him. "all yours." Colby takes me to his room as Sam follows. he tossed me carelessly on his bed and I look over to see the hoodie I wore over here. 'oh hey there's my hoodie..... what's that?' I question. i pick it up and I see there's cum on it. i look at Colby to see that him and Sam are setting up a camera. 'shit... they're gonna record this.'

"hey Colby?" i ask. he comes over and runs his hands on my chest. "yes baby?" "uhm why is there-" "cum on 'your' hoodie?" he finishes for me. he leans down and starts to smell my stomach. "you smell angelic, sunshine. I couldn't resist."

Sam finishes setting up the camera and comes to where we are and starts pulling down his shorts. i hear the water filled shorts fall on the floor and Sam's cold hands touch my chest. "you ready for us, dear?" i nod my head as I feel two fingers slip into me. "what did I say about words, babes?" Colby grips my face again. "I'm sorry.... y-yes I'm ready" I answer.

Colby walks around to the other side of the bed and takes off his swim shorts. his dick slapping against the side of my face. Sam walks back over to the camera and starts recording. colbys tip presses against my lips, waiting to enter my mouth. Sam gets on his knees and grips my legs so they're over his shoulders. his tongue presses onto my clit ever so lightly. my cold hands run over colbys waist. i feel him shiver against my touch.

"you ready Sam?" Colby asks. "as I'll ever be." he answers. at the same time, Colby shoves his dick in my mouth as Sam slips his tongue in my pussy. i moan around Colby as he thrusts into me with no remorse, while Sam takes his times tasting me.

i get flipped over to where I'm on my stomach, not stopping my movements with Colby. sama nose brushes against my aching hole while he laps up my clit. 'colbys about to cum' I tell myself. i grab his waist like last time and deep throat the rest of him in me while he grips the back of my head, pushing me further than I was. his cum slipping down my throat.

my thighs clench around Sam's head as I'm nearing my high. "I can feel you, you bout to cum, love?" Sam teases. "mhm yes yes" I nod. "she's done such a good job, she deserves a reward" Colby coos as he lifts my head to look at him.

i reach that ever so god feeling high Sam gave me after denying me earlier and I get flipped back onto my back. "now darling, we won't hold back unless you want us to, mkay?" Sam says. i start to nod when I remember Colby. "yes sir" I say.

Sam lines himself up with my hole. Colby starts feeling my chest and stomach again, smelling all of me. Sam gives me a look saying 'you ready?' and I nod. "what did I say about using your words, slut?" Colby grabs my face with his hand again. "thats what? the third time? i think you need a punishment, hm?"

"no no no no please daddy m'sorry. won't happen again." i plead. "hm too late princess, now take my dick like the whore you are." he takes his opportunity and slides his dick back in my mouth

Sam pushes his way into me as I'm busy with Colby ramming his cock back into my throat. the pleasure from both of them is too much. 'i feel like I'm about to pee myself' I know I'm not but it feels like it. next thing I knew, I felt relieved of that pressure. i open my eyes to see both of them looking down at me and sams chest being all wet. i feel Sam and Colby throb in both my mouth and my pussy. "shit you're gonna need to do that more often sweetheart because that was so hot." Colby says as he lens down to smell me once more. his cock still gliding in and out of me.

Sam's thrusts get more erratic and Colby gets more harsh. i can tell both of them are about to cum, as am I. i pull Colby more into me because it seems to get him to cum and I pull my legs around Sam to pull him closer. i feel both of their cum dripping in me as they both pull out.

colby goes and gets a washcloth to clean us up as Sam stops recording and cleans himself up in the bathroom.

"I will definitely be sending this to you" Sam tells me

- - - - -

YAYAYA I DID IT

Also have some Sam and Colby pics

[frudoo]

just saw the anon for reader helping slasher 141 and now im thinking about actually doing the whole thing. like finding someone, kidnapping them and torturing them. she does it as a gift or surprise. maybe its their anniversary and she wants to give them the best gift ever.

I love this idea, but I just can't see reader ever participating in the torture aspect of her boys' work. She's absolutely not above kidnapping, though.

Warnings: Dark!Fic/DDDNE. Y'all this one is gross (just not in a gory way). Kidnapping/drugging.

 “I have to say, little girl, you look absolutely delicious tonight.”

     You giggle, allowing him to twirl you and trying not to suffocate on the smell of his cheap cologne. The man is loaded and he won’t even spend a pretty penny on some quality fragrance? Although, what else could you expect from a conman like him?

     “Not so bad yourself, Mr. Chief,” you purr, yelping softly when he pinches your asscheek teasingly.

     You want to vomit. Really, you could do it right here, all over his pristinely polished shoes, or on his tailored suit jacket and annoyingly bright tie. The fact that you’ve managed to keep this charade up for the past couple of weeks is astonishing, to say the least, especially given the fact that you’ve been hiding it from the boys. It kills you to see their disappointed faces every time you turn down a night in with them, making up poor excuses about how you’re just going to decorate your classroom, or that your friend has been having a rough time and you’re going to her house to support her.

     The truth is that you’re doing it for their benefit. Herschel Shepherd has been on your boys’ radar for years now, long before they ever met you. It’s just been too risky for them to attempt anything, be it a kidnapping or assassination. He’s too public of a figure as head of police, meaning that he’s protected by a multitude of security personnel, and on top of that, can easily defend himself. Even if they tried to befriend him, suspicions would be raised and it would likely fail.

     That’s where you enter. You’re exactly the chief’s type—a pretty young thing with big, soft tits and a charming smile. The only thing you’re missing is the naivety he’s so desperate to corrupt, but you’ve proven yourself a wonderful actress and he’s none the wiser. For someone who used to be a detective, he really is clueless. Someone should have taught the old man not to flirt with strangers on the internet. You’re just grateful that he took the bait so easy, all too eager to get his dick wet. 

     “Since I’ve treated you to such a nice dinner, how about giving me some dessert?” You hear his knees pop when he bends to whisper into your ear.

     “Anything for you,” you murmur back, “Daddy.”

     For the love of all things holy, you cannot wait to get this bullshit over with. Shepherd wraps his arm around your waist and ushers you into his limo—he really wanted to go all out for his ‘girlfriend,’ apparently. The inside smells like cigar smoke and you have to bite back a frown. It makes you think of John and how desperately you’d prefer to be in his arms instead. In all of their arms. With every disgusting, sloppy kiss the sick fuck peppers across your jawline, you have to remind yourself that it’s all for them.

     For them, for you, for every poor family he’s ever screwed over. It’s all too familiar, the coverups, the paying off coworkers and employees so that they keep their mouths shut. You’ve read about countless cases against heinous criminal acts that were suddenly dismissed when a certain slob threw a large sum of money towards the judges. You can’t even begin to imagine how many women alone have been assaulted because this corrupt piece of shit paid to let their abusers go—and for what? To gain favor? To get reelected? God knows he cheats his way through the system anyway.

     You feel your hand being tugged and realize that you’ve arrived at the parking lot where your car still is, some random garage located in the heart of the downtown area—about an equal walk from any little shop or restaurant in the vicinity. Your ‘date’ furrows his eyebrows and looks at you, confused.

     “A little Toyota Corolla is more inconspicuous than a limousine, don’t you think?” you hum as you pull out your keys.

     “Right,” Shepherd nods, opening the driver’s side door for you. “We are still going to the hotel?”

     “Of course.”

     He buckles into the passenger seat while you start the car, messing with the air conditioning like it’s his right. You avoid rolling your eyes as you begin driving, softly humming along to the radio. There’s a tin of mints in your glovebox that you pull out and offer to him. All according to plan, he takes the bait.

     Almost instantly after popping the tainted mint into his bastard mouth, he starts getting woozy, saying odd things and swaying in his seat. Adrenaline rushes through your veins—this is really happening. You’re kidnapping the chief of police, your husbands’ most desired target, driving him back to your home to be tortured and killed. It’s surreal, and there’s guilt eating away at whatever sense of retribution you’d created in your head. Still, there’s no turning back now.

     No turning back from the rattle of his unconscious body as you drive over the gravel path leading to the barn. No turning back from the strain you put on yourself as you haul his deadweight through the random pieces of hay, nor the act of tying his arms behind the metal pole in the stable where horses should be but has only kept victims. This is a decision you made and will have to live with. For the greater good, you ask yourself, or for the praise you know you’ll receive from your boys? In the end, it’s all one and the same to you. 

     As you stand over the comatose-laden sleazebag, you hardly make out the sound of the barn door slamming open and all four of your lovers trailing in with wide eyes.

     “Bloody hell.”

     “No fuckin’ way.”

     “Steamin’ Jesus, hen.”

     “Darlin’, how in the fuck did you manage this?”

     There’s a beat of silence before you turn around to look at them, your face maddeningly neutral.

     “Happy anniversary, guys.”

[4sturns]

H(ATE) YOU

enemy!chris s. x fem!reader

genre: smut

synopsis: you and chris do not get along. the both of you do the most to irk the other. but what happens when he has you under him, naked and moaning his name?

warnings: smut, pwp, oral (reader receiving), enemies to ???, hair pulling, empty threats (reader's a little violent), marking, chris is a masochist, dacryphila

a/n: y'all want a part two with messy, nasty, disgusting hate sex or nah ... also i had to rewrite literally half of this fic because tumblr crashed on me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

if you were smart you wouldn't be here right now. you'd still be downstairs and enjoying the party just like everyone else. except you're not downstairs, instead you're upstairs in chris' bedroom, completely nude from the waist up and severely worked up.

you're unsure how you even got yourself into this situation. one second you were downstairs by the punch bowl, and the next you were dragged up the stairs and into his bedroom. maybe you shouldn't have provoked him.

chris hovers over you, his shirt discarded on the floor with yours. his breath is hot against your skin, his tongue licking at the sweet spot right under your ear. quiet moans leave your mouth at his motions causing him to smirk against you.

"keep smirking and i'll cut your dick off, sturniolo." you hiss at the boy. all he does in return is suck on your sweet spot, his teeth nibbling at the skin before pulling back to admire his work. a slightly red mark is left behind, though chris is sure it'll be blooming purple and yellow by the time he's done with you.

"maybe you should give my dick a try before saying such things, baby." chris sneers as he lowers his hands from your waist down to your clothed hips. his fingers hook around the belt loops of your jeans before he starts to slowly tug them down, his eyes fixated on yours.

"move faster or i'll do it myself." you throw your head back onto the pillow, breaking eye contact. you're tired of his teasing. you debate whether or not this is worth the fact you're missing out on the party downstairs, but your curiosity gets the better of you, making you stay put in chris' bedroom, your fate left completely in his hands.

"calm down, mamas. i'll give you what you want once you learn to tame that tongue of yours," chris finally gets your jeans off and haphazardly tosses them to the floor. "or you can use that tongue elsewhere." chris smirks.

"shut the fuck up." you snap back quickly.

you're left in your black lace panties which match your bra. your head comes back up to look chris in the eyes right as his teeth take a hold of the waistband of your panties, tugging them down and off of you at an agonizingly slow pace.

"holy shit, chris." you moan at the sight, noticing how much darker chris' eyes have gotten compared to the start of the night.

you can feel his breath against your skin, causing goosebumps to form in its trail. despite the obvious effect chris has on you, you refuse to let your guard down. you refuse to stroke chris sturniolo's ego. but you wouldn't really mind stroking his dick.

chris rids of your underwear, leaning back to place his feet back on the ground before reaching to undo his belt. he watches you as you watch his every move, as if you were daring him to keep going. and he's not one to back down from a dare.

"get your dick out before i cut it off, asshole." you spit through gritted teeth. although you know you don't mean it and chris does too. regardless, he quickens his movements, letting his pants fall to his ankles, revealing his boxers. they feel and look tight against him as his hard cock takes up any extra space. you'd never admit it to his face, but he seems quite big based off the imprint in his boxers.

he confirms this when he releases his throbbing member from the confines of his underwear, hissing when the hot tip touches the cold air. he's leaking from his tip already, presumably from the never broken eye contact he still holds with you.

when chris leans back down to get level with you on the bed, you can feel the temperature in the room start to rise. even if you won't admit it out loud, chris has already done a number on your body. he has barely done anything yet you're worked up beyond words and dripping onto his sheets.

"and for that you're not getting my dick," chris snickers, opting to slide lower onto the bed to settle between your thighs. you open your legs to him without protest, an action which makes chris break out into a smug smile and causing you to let out a huff before finally break eye contact to look at the ceiling.

"aren't you just eager, you pretty thing." chris mocks you, and you can only assume he noticed the wet spot on his sheets.

"i'll kick that look off your stupid face if you keep testing me. i'm dead serious, chris." with this, chris puts his hands up quickly in a mock surrender, something you only get a quick glimpse of before his hands settle back onto your thighs, gripping them firmly and pulling you closer to his mouth.

your heartbeat speeds up rapidly, beating so loud you're afraid chris can hear it. all you want to feel right now is his tongue on you, working at your folds and bringing you to that climax you need so badly.

an embarrassingly loud moan leaves your mouth as chris licks a long stripe up your folds, collecting your arousal. at this he hums, savoring the way you taste before his eyes find yours.

there's a difference between his eyes and yours. his are dark and pointed, while yours are a pure reflection of him. it's clear in your eyes that all you want is him. and he's gonna make you admit it tonight whether you like it or not.

he continues to work his tongue in and out of you, alternating between fucking you open with his tongue and kitten licking at your swollen clit.

a sneaky hand makes it way from your thigh to your entrance, two fingers collecting your slick before plunging into you.

"chris— fuck! just like that, keep going." you're whimpering as you squirm against chris' tongue, and all he can do is hum against you in response as your hands come down to pull harshly at his hair.

your thighs start to tremble in chris' grip. his fingers are working quickly inside of you, scissoring you open before angling them and curling right at your sweet spot. with every drag of his fingers combined with the feeling of his mouth sucking on your swollen clit, you know you won't last long.

you're holding back tears as you feel the coil in your stomach start to tighten. the grip on chris' hair tightens too, causing a muffled whine to vibrate against your clit. you buck your hips up as a long cry leaves your body.

"oh my god, chris, keep going. please don't stop, don't fucking stop— holy shit!" tears cascade down your face as your thighs begin to uncontrollably shake against chris.

chris takes a quick look at your face, noticing the river of tears. his eyes nearly roll into the back of his head as he works faster and harder. his fingers plunge in and out of you so violently that the wet sound of your arousal fills up the room along with your choked cries.

your grip on his hair only seems to get inhumanly stronger, causing him to let out more muffled whimpers and moans against your body. call him a masochist but he'll never get tired of the way you grip, tug, and pull at his hair. he'll always eat it up. chris feels his cock twitch, and he knows he's in deep shit.

it's not long before he starts to imagine what you'd look like crying on his dick, all pathetic and weak while you sob and cry for more.

with a choked sob and a vice grip on chris' hair, the coil in your stomach snaps. a wide variety of curses, cries, and incoherent sentences including chris' name leaves your body as you lose complete control of it.

you're violating shaking against the sheets as chris continues to finger fuck you through your high. loud whines come out from your gaping mouth and fill up the room. chris' mouth has left your heat a while ago, but with the grip you still have on his hair, he reminds in his place.

with a rather sharp pull of his hair, he lets out a strained, almost pornographic moan as his eyes flutter shut.

you immediately let go of his hair, using the little strength you've gained back from your intense orgasm to prop yourself up and into a sitting position. you inch forward, trying to get closer to the edge of the bed where chris sways in a trance.

from your view, you spot a small puddle on the floor. a cruel and mean smile reaches your face as you watch chris' thighs flex every so often. reaching forward, you quickly return your hand to chris' hair, tugging and pulling at it violently making him hiss and look up to meet your dark gaze.

"well, aren't you just eager, you pathetic little thing."

[anxietycheesecake]

I don't even go here, but I need to tell you that some of y'all are weak af. Y'all are rooting so hard for the sweetest guy on earth to suddenly reveal to be an asshole actually and break your fav's heart so he can date someone else, and he keeps shutting you the fuck up, so you end up making problematic stuff up. Like, holy shit, dude makes a light horny joke and y'all be acting like he's gay Humbert Humbert or something lmao

[girlbossblackbeard]

I think I'm actually going clinically insane over the reverse "you wear fine things well" scene because 1) if Ed looked at me Like That it would be game over I would literally do anything he asked me up to and including throwing myself overboard I literally do not know how Stede didn't legitimately spontaneously combust the second Ed turned those eyes on him 2) GNOSSIENNE NO.5 FINALLY BEING USED THIS SEASON AS A JOYOUS MARKER OF ED AND STEDE'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AS GOD INTENDED THIS IS NOT A DRILL HOLY SHIT 3) THEIR FUCKIN!!!!!!!! COY TEENAGER SHY LITTLE SHUFFLE TOWARDS EACH OTHER RIGHT BEFORE THEY KISS!!!!!! THE WAY STEDE EVEN LOOKS AWAY FOR A SECOND BEFORE LOOKING BACK AT ED AND ED'S TINIEST LITTLE SMIRK BEFORE THEY BOTH LEAN IN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4) the way they grab each other's arm during the initial kiss I'm so sick to my stomach 5) THE MOON Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE THIS ISN'T A MOONLIGHT FANTASY OR AN INFATUATION THAT FEELS LARGER THAN LIFE BUT BURNS OUT QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REAL AND IT'S RAW AND IT'S VULNERABLE AND IT'S GONNA LAST BECAUSE THIS NEW CHAPTER OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BEING FOUNDED ON DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO NOT LET THIS PRECIOUS THING THEY'VE FOUND WITH EACH OTHER TURN INTO ANOTHER WHIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY GOING TO START FEROCIOUSLY CLIMBING THE WALLS 6) hoooooooly fuck the way stede inhales and grasps Ed's neck like he's a man lost at sea dying of dehydration and Ed is the first sip of cool clean water he's had in months im ill im so so so so ill 7) ED'S LITTLE SHUFFLE AFTER ASKING STEDE TO TAKE IT SLOW SIR IM BEGGING YOU TO STOP BEING SO ADORABLE it's causing me to develop a heart condition 8) stede's quiet "huh, okay 😌" after Ed busts out his fish wanting to get caught metaphor he's literally so charmed by Ed it seeps into everything he does 9) WEHN THYE!!!!!!!! HOODL AHNDS!!!!!!!!!!! HAND TOCUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10) the way Ed is staring stede DIRECTLY in the eyes as he says "this? perfect" my vision is going black 11) SHUT IP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP THEIR SILLY LITTLE HAND HOLDING GAME AND STEDE WHUSPERING "you won 🥰" AND ED'S BLUSHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS HE LOOKS AWAY AND PATS STEDE'S HANDS BEFORE TELLING HIM A COOL FACT HE LEARNED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY! ARE! LITERALLY! TEENAGERS! FALLING! IN! LOVE! FOR! THE! FIRST! TIME! EVER! oh I am in desperate need of medical attention after this one fellas I can tell this is going to have extremely long lasting and far reaching effects on my already severely compromised psyche

[lxvvie]

Knitting!Simon AU but with the ladies meeting the fellas:

Seeing as Simon seemed to be in better spirits, er, as best as Simon could be, Gaz, Price (he was badgered into coming, actually), and Soap figured they would tag along and meet the lovely lasses who changed their Lt. so. And what a meeting it was.

Simon learns that it's not just his name that gets butchered. "Ladies, Silas brought his friends! Meet Jack (Price), James (Soap), and Kenneth (Kyle)." Cue the boys' confused looks. Price isn't too fazed because Jack is his childhood nickname but he can't help but be reminded of his mum when she used to yell that dinner was ready.

Kyle and Johnny (ESPECIALLY Johnny) become the group's resident toy boys. It's Kyle's humor and wit and Soap's flirty nature, puppy dog eyes, and the way he calls the ladies 'Bonnie' that has them giggling like schoolgirls.

The ladies take to Price, too, and start chiding him for all the stress that he puts himself and the rest of 141 through. Soap, Ghost, and Gaz encourage this much to Price's chagrin.

The ladies also think he has the cutest, squishiest cheeks despite the beard so if they aren't gushing over them, they're pinching them affectionately and all Price can do is just chuckle bashfully. And be reminded of his mum. Yeah, he sees why Simon loves these ladies so much.

The trio also learn Simon's nickname ("Poppet, eh, Lt.?" "Fuck off, James." "Language, Poppet!" "....M'sorry, ma'am.") and it's all he can do not to spontaneously combust because bloody hell, he'll never hear the end of it.

You also get to meet the fellas, too, and aren't they charming? One of the ladies who fancies herself the resident matchmaker comes to y'all and goes, "Don't you think they would make a good couple?" indicating you and Simon, and holy fucking shit why isn't he on fire yet—

By the time their meeting has concluded, Johnny has one lovely lass promising to knit him a pair of gloves to keep warm, Kyle has been shown more pictures of grandchildren and grandniblings than he can count because he'd be such a wonderful addition to their family, and Price has taken a trip down memory lane and has the red cheeks to show for it.

Once Simon and the boys leave (with a shit ton of sweets), Johnny playfully brings you up: "So... marriage on the horizon, Poppet?" and if Simon's hands weren't full, he swears to fuckin' Christ— "Shut up, Johnny." 'Cause that'll do for now. 'Cause his girls would want him to watch his language.

That didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it, though, you becoming a Riley...

[willsimpforanyone]

can I request Leo Valdez smut?

he starts getting handsy at a party with a hyperfem reader in a short skirt and they go at it in a bathroom.

-🐿️

i can definitely do that for u, this one got away from me and i think u can tell i mostly read smut lmao

have u declared urself squirrel anon? or is that just what u use lmao

content: no mention of protection (be smart y'all), coming inside, mirror sex ig?, orgasm denial (just once, fem recieving), exhibitionism if u squint, she/her pronouns for reader

---------------------

For the tenth time, I push Leo's hand out from under the hem of my skirt. I lace my fingers with his, keeping his hand still under the guise of being affectionate as I continue the conversation I'm in the middle of.

Of course, with one avenue shut down, my ever-creative boyfriend finds a new tactic; his other hand.

His fingers sneak around my waist, fingertips just tracing over the hem of my crop top, nails catching lightly at the pale pink fabric. I don't even need to look at him to know he's barely suppressing a smirk.

"Keep your hands under control," I whisper to him once the conversation has moved away from me. "I don't want to spend the night adjusting my clothes from your groping."

Leo stifles a laugh, head turning to nose at my cheek. "Then don't adjust them, let me see more of you." His hand on my waist slips upward, fingertips barely brushing the side of my chest.

"I'm gonna kill you," I hiss, but a smile keeps pulling traitorously at my lips. His hand in mine squeezes at my fingers, inching our joined hands over my thigh.

His voice is soft and a little raspy, hot against my ear. "Fine, but can I fuck you first?"

I sputter a shocked laugh, whipping my head around to see the tempting glint in his eyes, paired with the teasing smirk on his lips. Raising an eyebrow in disblief, I dart my eyes over the rest of the room full of people.

"...are you being serious?"

It's as if something lights up in him, sitting up straighter and tightening his hold on me just a little. "I wasn't, but I am now!" He grins, teeth biting at his lower lip. "Can I? Holy shit, can I actually fuck you right now?"

That's too many things said way too loud for my dignity, and I smack a hand over his mouth to stem the flow of excitement. "If you shut the fuck up, maybe."

Leo nods earnestly behind my hand, eyes wide with anticipation. He pulls my hand away to give it a kiss on my knuckles. "I'll never talk again."

"...sounds highly unlikely," I laugh, standing up and smoothing down my skirt.

The speed at which Leo navigates through the party to an empty bathroom is suspicious, almost as if he'd planned it, or was maybe so needy he'd kept an eye on which rooms were empty. The minute the door shuts and locks with a click, his hands are on me, lips pressed hotly against mine. My back gets pushed against the door and I gasp, Leo taking advantage of my surprise to deepen the kiss and lick into my mouth.

He tastes of whatever dumb cocktail he'd made us earlier, declaring himself a professional mixologist because he was good at measurements. My eyes flutter closed, hands running up his chest and into his hair, drawing a soft moan from him.

"So pretty," he breathes, words pressed between kisses, his hands tugging and fisting my clothes like he can't quite decided what to do with them. "Can't believe I let you go to this party without ruining you first."

"Let me?" I tease, pretending to be offended and half-heartedly pushing him away with a hand on his chest. Leo whines at the disconnection of our lips.

"You know what I mean," he murmurs, pressing me harder against the door and working his hands under my crop top. "Wear whatever the fuck you want, but it's gonna make me go insane."

I laugh, cutting myself off with a soft, short moan as he gets two handfuls of my chest, squeezing and groping as he pants against my lips. With a swift movement, he shoves my top up under my arms, revealing the dark pink bra, the tiny gemstone in the centre glinting in the bathroom light.

"Fucking hell, baby-" He almost whimpers, eyes fixed on the swell of my tits under the pretty garment. "You want me dead, is that it?"

Just to really drive it home, I lean in so my lips are pressed against his ear. "You like it? I was worried you'd be able to see it through my clothes, but I guess not, luckily my skirt is just long enough to hide the matching underwear."

I briefly worry for his knees as Leo falls to the floor, and I giggle as he drags my skirt unceremoniously down my legs. As promised, the matching dark pink panties are on display, gemstone on the front and all.

One of Leo's hands goes to my thigh, and his other hand guides one of mine to his shoulder. "Hold on, pretty girl."

Before I can get another word out, his mouth is on me, tongue licking a broad stroke over my underwear. My hand fists the shoulder of his shirt, a loud gasp pulled from my lips as he buries his head between my thighs. His free hand yanks the thin, damp fabric out the way, holding it as he laps at my pussy with an almost feverish intensity.

My stomach swoops deliciously as he circles my clit with the tip of his tongue, head falling forward and hips bucking against his mouth. His brown eyes meet mine as he looks up from below me, and I can see the delight and desire in his eyes as he sees me cover my mouth when he slips a finger inside me.

His tongue circles and strokes at my bundle of nerves, long finger pushing in and out of my hole and curling at the perfect spot to get my legs trembling. The familiar knot in my gut tightens further and further, my walls spasming around Leo's fingers as he slips another one inside me.

"B-Baby, 'm gonna come-" I pant behind my hand, gazing down at him desperately. "Gonna m-make me come, fuck-"

He pulls his fingers out, tongue slipping back in his mouth with a dirty grin. "No, not yet."

"What?" My jaw drops, frustration taking the place of the pleasurable tension in my stomach. "Come on, I was so close!"

"I know." Leo shrugs, before standing up and grabbing my waist to bend me over the bathroom counter. His hand tangles in my hair, the other yanking my panties down my thighs to my knees as he stands behind me. "You're gonna come on my cock."

I moan at his voice, the words so matter-of-fact, like there were no other options; either I was gonna come on his dick, or not at all. Skirt discarded on the floor and underwear out the way, Leo undoes his pants with one hand, shoving them down along with his underwear. The way he sighs in relief as he wraps a hand around himself makes a shiver run up my spine, biting my lip as I watch his reflection throw its head back.

"You're so fucking pretty, you know that?" he murmurs, looking down and nudging his tip between my legs, moaning lowly at the way my arousal coats the head of his dick. "How do I even function when you're so gorgeous in your cute little tops and tiny fuckin' skirts?"

I don't know if I'm supposed to reply, but I can't when he presses into me, both of us moaning in unison. He doesn't look away as my pussy swallows his cock inch by inch, his hands gripping tight to my hips.

"I lasted two hours," he pants, groaning low in his throat as his hips meet mine, sinking as deep as he can into my cunt. "Two hours needing to be in this pretty little pussy, I think that's pretty good considering my distinct lack of impulse control."

My eyes roll back as he suddenly snaps his hips, a sharp moan falling from my lips. "T-Two hours? We've only been here- shit!- an hour and a half?"

"Yeah, well," Leo laughs breathlessly, beginning to build up a rhythm, letting go of my hips to brace himself against the bathroom counter as he fucks me into it. "Wanted you before we even left the house, the second I saw you looking like this-" He punctuates his sentence with a particularly harsh thrust, a yelp catching in my throat as I scramble for purchase against the surface of the counter. "-and now I can't decide whether to take you home or f-fill you up with my come and make you go back to the party."

A rush of heat pulses through me and I clench around him involuntarily, gasping unsteadily, dizzy at the image he conjured up in my mind. I feel him laughing lowly against my back, his nose burying into the crook of my neck.

"Dirty fuckin' girl, you got tighter," he teases, hips getting faster, snapping his cock into me over and over, a hand reaching down to find my clit. "Is that what you want? Want me to pull your cute pink panties up and hold my load inside you, trying not to ruin your skirt?"

His middle finger gathers the wetness from my folds and smears it over my clit, making smooth circling motions that send electricity through my body. "F-Fuck, yes, don't stop," I whimper, catching his eye in the mirror and moaning brokenly at his dark, mischievious smirk. "I'm gonna c-come, want you to come inside me, L-Leo, please, baby, wanna h-have your come!"

Leo swears several times in Spanish, hot and fast against my ear as his hips stutter against mine. "That's it, pretty girl, come around my dick, wanna feel it, come for me and I'll fill you up, okay?"

I nod frantically, and it only takes a few more seconds of his finger playing with my clit before I feel that knot in my gut break, pulled too tight as I spasm between him and the bathroom counter. My whole body trembles, and Leo sinks his teeth lightly into my shoulder. "Feels so good, h-holy shit, did so good for me, there we go..."

He lets out a gutteral groan against my skin, his hips stuttering to a stop as he pulses inside me, thick come painting my insides. His arms wrap around me, nosing against my neck as he rocks his hips a little, panting hard.

After a few moments, the aftershocks settling, Leo eases himself out of me, shushing my soft whines with kisses pressed to my shoulder and neck. His fingers move to my hole, gently pushing against it to stop his come from spilling out too much as his free hand carefully pulls my panties back up my legs.

"My beautiful girl," he murmurs, voice thick with affection as he adjusts the fabric to make sure it's comfortable, kneeling for a moment to press a gentle kiss to my pussy over the panties. He helps me off the counter, arms around me as he litters kisses over my cheeks and nose until I giggle. "There it is, that's my favourite sound."

"Cheesy," I whisper, tone stupidly loving as I grin up at him, arms slinging around his neck. "Are we really gonna go back out there and pretend nothing happened while I ruin my underwear?"

A pause, and he shrugs. "I'll buy you more."

--------------------------

i hope u enjoyed, this kind of got away from me but i'm not mad about it

[satcrvz]

CHAPTER SIX: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG

navi

"what do i wear?" you ask holding up two sweatshirts that nearly looked identical.

nobara huffs before responding, "please just pick one, they look the same babe"

"i can't! am i overthinking? i'm definitely overthinking". you decide to go with the sweatshirt you were holding in your right hand. nobara calls out to you from her room, "he's literally seen you at your worst!"

you assume that she's referring to when you first saw him, when you found out that he existed. that wasn't my worst moment i was cute for a girl in pajamas.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

you and yuuji are almost to your destination, "you know you sounded like rapunzel asking to see the lanterns when you asked me to drive you"

"oh my god shut up i did not" you say in between giggles. he makes the final turn and there you are, yuta's house.

"oh you're just going to drop me off on the curb like i'm a whore" you say while unbuckling your seatbelt.

only his left hand is on the steering wheel and his head turns very slowly to look at you, "you want me to walk you to the door like i'm dropping you off for a playdate?"

"yeah kinda," you pause to open your door and hop out "it'd be rude if you didn't stop and say hi". the minute you heard him sigh, you knew you'd won.

you greeting yuta was a blur, you can't even remember what stupid shit you did because of your nerves. all you remember was a holy shit you muttered when you saw the entry way, to call it nice was an understatement.

currently, you were sitting criss crossed on the floor with yuta to the left of you. "so wait, you have all the games?"

"yeah! you could play the resident evil 4 remake since it's still kind of trending?" he stares at you and there's a short moment of silence before he continues, "only if you want to though, you'll have the controller, not me".

you give him a reassuring smile, "yeah that's fine! beware I am going to die though". he laughs and you swear its the cutest thing you've ever heard "it's okay, i can walk you through it" shutupshutup oh my god i'm going to scream.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"wait why are they jumping him. just make friends with them duh”

“yn, you have to fight back” the stress was very adamant in his tone. "i can't. i wasn't paying attention when they gave instructions. . ." you glance over to the chat to see a mix of yours and yuta's fans laughing at you.

he reaches over to grab the controller from your hands, but not without "accidentally" ghosting over both of your hands holding the controller.

you watched the screen and took an occasional glance at the stream. you figured you should probably figure out what buttons he's pressing, so you look down at his hands which were actually quite nice. no dirt under them, hang nails, or anything else, it almost made you forget why you looked over at them.

"there", he says while handing the controller back to you. "dude where the fuck did you go?" you'd ended up in a completely different spot from where you initially were. "hey, i put you on the right path. you ran like, too far from where you were actually supposed to be"

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"okay guys! i think that's it for today my back is starting to hurt, and i'm sick of someone criticizing me" you're staring directly at the chat while you say this.

"i wasn't criticizing! i mean i was, but it was helpful" he continues, "this is our first time hanging out and you're already trying to get rid of me"

"whatever. anyways bye guys!" you say while ending the stream. you bring both hands up and behind your head to stretch

"i'm hungry, i think i'm going to text yuuji to come get me"

"you don't have to, i can take you back and stop and get something, if thats okay with you?"

teehee... do we like?

my brain was cooking but my fingers were not. do y'all fw ihop? i might make ihop the stop.

didn’t proofread this 😭

tags: @saesofficialwife @k4romis @soy-garbage @sakyira @dreamxiing @swissy23 @shnzies @captaincyberqueen @fantasycantasy @chuyasthighs0 @mixzimi @milza12 @nahoye @spookyrule @4phskingdom @sad-darksoul @morgyyyyyy @smashingdollz @bubbles-the-ghost @lunavixia @gaychaosgremlin @jayathelostdragon

[ynbabe]

Fake texts au- pt.17 bffs with the rookies+ The Sleepover I

You had called all the rookies and a few others as well, the first one to show up was Lance. You had become friends with him through your uncle and in the short time you knew him, you both had become close.

You ran up and hugged him, making him stumble back a few steps. He laughed, dropping his bags and wrapped his arms around you.

You let go, patting his shoulders, leading him into the house, he motioned to the driver he had rented to bring in the rest of his luggage.

"Holy shit, are you moving in with me?" You gasped as the man brought in two huge suitcases and went back for more.

"You don't want the stuff I got you then?" He raised his brow, sitting on the couch next to you. You shifted closer to the man and nudged him with your shoulders, making him smile.

"Nooooo, I want the stuff, you can leave though," You shrugged.

"Man shut up," he retorted, "I've got to meet with Nando anyways,"

"Well, I'm still your favourite Alonso though,"

"You literally never were," he bit back, making you gasp, you turned your face away, hand on your chest.

"Outta my house man, ungrateful ass-"

"I'm literally doing you a favour." He deadpanned.

You just stared at him for a second and then broke the silence, incapable of staying still.

"You want a pizza?"

"I want to sleep, jet lag fucking sucks," He groaned, even though the time difference between Canada and Spain wasn't more than his f1 schedule, it was a lot.

"Yeah, come on, I'll show you to your room." You got up, him following.

"By when do the others get here?" He asked as you led him up the stairs.

"Well, Arthur's getting here in like half an hour, Logan and Oscar are getting here by like 5, and Mick's gonna be here by 7, we'll start streaming by like 9 I think," His eyes glistened when hearing Mick's name, obviously happy to have someone he was close with.

I opened the door to the guest room and he immediately made his way to the bed, all but passing out.

You went back down, knowing you'd have to open the door for Arthur soon and I didn't want the bell to disturb Lance. So I opened the door and laid on the couch, scrolling on my phone.

I was lost on TikTok, spam-sending random reels to the group chat.

Suddenly someone grabbed the hood of my hoodie and pulled it, making me jump off the couch and fall on the floor dragging the person down with me.

I opened my eyes to find a laughing blonde bent over my torso.

"What the fuck, Arthur!" you yelled, pushing the still-laughing boy off me, sitting up and adjusting my hoodie.

"Well, who asked you to leave the door open?" He retorted, letting himself fall on the couch, I sat back where I was and he turned, placing his head on my lap, "By the way, did you get a roommate or something?" he asked pointing to the bags.

"Nah, that's just Lance," I said, returning to my scrolling.

"Charlies' asking if we'll be drinking today,"

"i dont know why?"

"So he can call the cops in advance,"

"WE ARENT THAT BAD" I cried out knowing it was a lie.

As time went on, I shifted into a more comfortable position, sleep finally taking us over.

I woke up with a start and startled the boy curled beside me. The doorbell kept ringing a second time, loud and harsh.

"What the fuck," I called out, rubbing my eyes and then remembering Logan and Oscar were supposed to be arriving.

I ran to the door, jumping over Lance's bags in the hallway, opening the door to find my closest friends, "Hi! How are y'all?" You asked, helping them with their bags, and setting them next to Lance's.

You hugged the Brunette and then the blonde who wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in, and making you feel warm.

"How was the flight?" You asked, your hand still around Logan's waist, and his around yours.

The three of you spoke as you walked to the living sofa, where Arthur was finally awake enough to be human.

"Hey, Art," Logan ruffled the other blondes hair and jumped over the back of the couch to sit next to him.

Arthur, who was happy to have someone else to lean on, immediately latched onto Logan, pushing the American down, and passing out again.

"He's jetlagged, or something, I don' know," You shrugged when the boy looked at you for an explanation. "I'll go wake up Lance, y'all know where your rooms are right?" You asked and Oscar nodded, the others either sleeping or trying not to move.

When the man finally woke up, and didn't throw pillows at you with scary accuracy, he walked down the stairs behind you to the living room and greeted the rest of the boys.

You all freshened up and called for some food, waiting for Mick.

Finally, the blonde arrived, smiling and surprisingly with no jet lag.

You guys ate a quick dinner and set up Oscar's twitch channel.

You rubbed your hands together maniacally making the boys look at you questioningly, poor guys, you thought, they have no idea whats planned.

its_y/n_love

liked by 301,023 users

Tagged: @/arthur_leclerc @/logansargeant @/oscarpiastri @/lancestroll@/mickschummacher

its_y/n_love never get near the Leclercs when they're sleepy. Ever. Also join Osc's stream ASAP

view all 10,874 comments

username omg girl what?!??

username SHES BACK! I REPEAT SHES BACK

its_y/n_love @/arthurleclerc pls for the love of god let go of that american

Logansargeant I am traumatised and I will be pressing charges, square up. Oscarpiastri Oh yeah? At least you didn't have to cook with that on your back its_y/n_love mans slept on me ONLY I CAN COMPLAIN

Maxverstappen Can attest, they are very touchy

charlesleclerc YOU SAID WE WEREN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT Username not even one sec and shes causing chaos, bbg never leave again Username TALK ABT WHAT?? MR.LECLERC WHAT HAVE U DONE??

Landonorris I would very much like the credits. Thank you.

Mickschummacher 🥰🥰

username boy stand up username OMG MICK!!

Lancestroll We haven't done anything but I feel like I need to call Nando already.

username pookie?? what are you doin here??

Arthurleclerc ALLEGATIONS! FALSE ALLEGATIONS

Oscarpiastri Now why would you lie when we have proof? Logansargent This isn't even the worst of it its_y/n_love It really isn't

Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @cashtons-wife @i-wish-this-was-me @thehufflepuffavenger1 @eugene-emt-roe @fangirl-dot-com @landosgirlxoxo @aquangxl @sachaa-ff @tyna-19 @assholeinatrenchcoat @allenajade-ite @megatrilss1885 @squirreljoe @jsjcue @s4turnsl0ver @yl90@elijahslover @trouble-sistar @notizzyj @chilwell-mount @hiireadstuff

[sanguineterrain]

if you give a spider a pastry... | miguel o'hara

Summary: Mango turnovers and a bloody Spider-Man. Basically, a regular night in New York. 

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x baker!gn!reader 

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings/tags: injured Miguel (he's okay dw), brief arguing. mostly fluff and sass. first meeting.

A/N: hi y'all! I watched ATSV yesterday and the Miguel brainrot has advanced <3 this is my first time including Spanish in a fic. Since Miguel is Mexican, I did research and tried to incorporate Mexican slang. It's not the responsibility of any reader to correct me—however, I appreciate corrections of the Spanish, if offered. :) 

A/N 2: also, the timeline/universe details are vague in this one, but I pictured that the reader is not in Earth-2099. 

If you enjoy this fic, please let me know through comments and reblogs ♡

the divider

Something is trying to crawl into your dumpster. 

You've armed yourself accordingly (got a dust broom out of the closet) and after fifteen minutes of agonizing over whether you should go outside or go to bed, you have decided you are going to deal with the pesky raccoon once and for all. Or cat. Or opossum. Whatever. You just hope it doesn't have rabies. 

Slowly, you edge open the back door of the kitchen to the bakery. You tap the outside railing a couple of times with your broom. Clink clink. There's no sound in response, so you step out a little further, hitting the broom bristles against the stairs. 

"Ba-boom, ba-boom!" you shout into the alley. You'd read you're supposed to make noise to scare off raccoons. Or was it bears? 

No, that doesn't make sense. When's the last time you saw a damn bear in New York? 

You wait, heart rate climbing. There's no more noise, so you open the door all the way and quickly shut it behind you, gripping the broom with both hands. You jump out into the open. 

The dumpster is covered, which is wildly embarrassing for you. However, right next to the dumpster is a giant dude in what you assume is a Spider-Man costume, though it's not like the one you've seen. 

His stomach is covered in blood.

"Holy fuck," you say, dropping the broom. "Shit. Fuck! Oh my—uh, s-stay right there, don't move."

"Sound advice," he says dryly, startling you. "I was going to do a little dance for you."

Okay. Blood loss has different effects on people. You can't take it personally; this dude has half his guts in the alley. 

You grit your teeth and pull out your phone, shakily typing in your passcode. As soon as you do, a glowing orange rope—web?—shoots out and yanks your phone right out of your hand. 

"No," he grits out. "Todo bien."

"Everything is not fine. What is wrong with you, dude? You're bleeding out!"

"I'm not bleeding out, dude; most of the blood isn't mine."

"Yeah, that's definitely not true," you say. "Look, I don't know what would possess a person to come out here ten o'clock at night and do… whatever this is, but I'm not letting someone die next to my dumpster. Give me my phone!"

"No," he says, hissing in pain as he shifts his weight. "You're overreacting and hysterical."

"Hysterical?" 

You can't see his face but you know he's rolling his eyes. 

"Can you relax?" he asks. "Chale, I'm not itching to bleed out next to your dumpster. I'll be on my way as soon as my body repairs itself enough for me to move."

"You're literally insane, man. Absolutely bonkers. You've lost your Silly String."

"Silly String…" he echoes.

You strut up to him and try to snatch your phone. He dodges you a couple of times, then swats at you like a cat. 

"Enough," he snaps. "Don't make me web you."

"Web me? Okay, you know what? Screw you, man. I'm not gonna call anybody. Bleed out for all I care. Keep the goddamn phone, I'll get a new one. Christ."

You pick up your broom and stomp up the stairs, yanking open the back door and slamming it behind you. Fucking New Yorkers. First rule of living here: mind your business! You try to be a good Samaritan and get verbally accosted by Spider-Man on steroids. Typical. 

You fume for about two full minutes, glaring angrily at your shelf of baking trays. Then you hear the bane of your existence groan in pain outside. All the anger leaves you. 

You can't just ignore him. Accelerated healing or not, he's vulnerable. What if someone tries to attack him? 

This is probably the worst idea you've ever had. You walk to the fridge anyway and pull out two mango turnovers. You nuke them in the microwave, which physically pains you to do, but you're in a time crunch, so. 

You open the door gently this time and step outside. 

"Spider-Man?" you ask quietly. 

You hear him sigh. 

"¿Qué quieres?"

You go down the stairs and walk so you're in view again. He hasn't moved from his position. Your phone rests on his uninjured thigh. 

"Sorry for yelling at you," you say. 

He stiffens, then looks away. 

"You don't need to apologize. I… Soy un cabrón."

"Yeah," you say, walking over and sitting across from him. "Little bit." 

He sniffs the air, his suit's eyes narrowing at you. You set the paper plate with the pastry on his thigh and take your phone back. 

"What's this?" 

"It's a mango turnover," you say. "I've been experimenting this week."

"Why is it on my leg?"

"What, did you think I was gonna feed you?"

"Take it," he orders. "I don't want it."

"Are you allergic? I have other flavors."

"The flavor is not the problem."

You bite into your own pastry. You puff out air, trying to cool it down. 

"Ih hah," you tell him through a mouthful. 

"Oh, really?" he deadpans. 

You swallow. "I'm trying to extend an olive branch here, Spider-Man. I think we got off on the wrong foot."

"Why did you come back out?" he asks exasperatedly. 

"I didn't want you to be alone," you say. "What if someone tries to pull off your mask and ruin your secret identity? That's, like, totally devastating in the superhero world, right?"

"And what exactly would you do if they did? Throw a pastry at them? Whack them with your broom?"

"I'm wily," you say, biting into your pastry. "You should eat it before it gets cold."

"No."

"They came out pretty good, if I do say so. Priya—she's my other baker—had her doubts, and I did too, honestly. But this seems like a success."

He remains stoic, likely glaring at you. You finish your pastry and flick the crumbs off your mouth. 

"You'd be doing me a favor, taste testing," you add. "Gotta make sure it suits other people's palettes." 

"I already did you a favor by getting rid of the people who did this," he says, gesturing to the blood. 

Your mouth pinches unhappily. 

"I wish you'd let me take you to the hospital."

"It's unnecessary. I'll be fine soon."

"You're nuts, Opossum-Man."

"Opossum-Man?" he asks, sounding comically offended. "I'm clearly a spider."

"I think that's subjective," you say. "But I'm only calling you that because I thought there was an opossum in my dumpster. Turns out it was you." 

"That's ridiculous," he says. "Wait, what do you mean it's subjective? I'm obviously Spider-Man." 

"Well, what are the pointy things under your eyes?" you ask. "Those throw me off. They look like fangs. I thought you were supposed to be a spider. Those are, like, bat features." 

"Spiders do have fangs," he says with a huff. "How do you think they incapacitate their prey?"

"I think you're giving the New York public school system way too much credit here, dude. I didn't learn all that. We had a unit about bees. How come there's no Bee-Man?" 

He scoffs. "What would that even entail? A guy who flies around pollinating the city?" 

You giggle. 

"You're kinda funny, Spider-Fangs."

"I do stand-up in my spare time. Speaking of…"

He pushes himself to stand with a quiet grunt. You stand with him, arm outstretched in case he needs help. Not that he'd take your help. But still. 

He's a big guy. You'd figured as much by his giant shoulders, but standing in front of him really puts it into perspective. You have to crane your head to see his face. 

He hands you the plate. You pull the saddest pout you can muster.

"You're not even gonna taste it?" you ask. 

"No."

"Okay," you mumble, defeatedly taking the plate.

He looks at you for a long moment, then tilts his head forward, pinching the bridge of his nose.  

"Mierda—okay, fine. One bite."

You bounce on your toes as he takes the turnover and lifts his mask up to his nose. You're transfixed by his exposed skin, the dark freckle on his jaw, his full bottom lip. Wow. 

He barely opens his mouth, biting the corner. He chews, swallows, and pulls down his mask. You miss the view immediately. 

"It's good," he says. 

"Holy crap, was that a compliment? Did Spider-Man call my pastry good?"

"I take it back." 

"You can't," you inform him cheerily. "I'm going to put it on my advertisements. Opossum-Man approved! Sales will skyrocket."

He walks away, limping only slightly. Well, you suppose that's better than how he was half an hour ago. 

"Good night!" you call after him. 

He pauses, then turns. 

"How are you getting home?" he asks. 

"Oh, I live right above," you say, pointing behind you. "No worries."

He nods. 

"Órale. Don't visit uptown for a while."

You salute. "You got it, Opossum." 

He flings a web string and then he's gone. It's only then that you look at the plate and realize he took the pastry with him. You can't help your little grin.

[snipersfucker]

Can your brilliant naughty mind imagine what public sex with an Autobot would be like?

(i love public sex) so me have three ideas: actual public sex as in out in the open. hot...... & semi-open as in in the alley at night & the third one is actually fucking wild so i'm not gonna share cuz it better stay between me and my demons

anyway. the first one gotta be my favourite cuz we ain't doing anything illegal as long as we ain't getting caught. abandoned beach, mountains, forest..... my personal number one actually..... i feel like depending on the autobot they either wouldn't be too much into the idea that somebody could see you (prime) or. they would give absolutely no fucks (mirage) OR. be 50/50 as in "umm what if we get caught.... but umm.... actually i get hard when i think about it...." (bee) so yeah. and yeah.

it'd be magical tho, imagine if they weren't too much into that idea but hey they'd be fucking you so why not, they can handle it. and holy moly this is so good cuz there's that thrill of possibly getting caught (even when there's just a tini tiny chance it still works just fine) while getting pounded into oblivion........

and if they're veryvery much into it...... "till you lose your ability to walk" "till they break their spike" no. y'all ain't stopping. they can and will absolutely destroy your insides & make you get so loud there's no fucking way nobody heard that lmao

okay and the last one. well. at first it might be a bit weird just like with the not-too-into-it type but once they realise it's fucking hot to fuck in public? there is no end to it idc

and let's talk about the places, too. open spaces and all where you're 99.9% sure nobody will see/hear you? that's where you fuck the hardest & the loudest. me no make the rules. imagine screaming their name and the trees are listening. and the waves are seaing. and the birds are birding. return to nature.

and the alley thing...... you know i love that shit...... it's pretty small, your autobot is sitting down with their back against some building's wall..... and you're riding them :)) but guess what. you gotta be quiet :)) you don't want to wake everyone up do you :)) and if you can't they'll happily put their glossa in your mouth to shut you up :))

and we ain't talking about the third one bye

btw i'm so passionate about this topic i'm actually writing a paper on it thank you very much

[strgrlxox]

༒ skin༺

✟ ꙳ og request here ❞¸

+ ¸ ❞ y'all, subby ellie has me even more feral than normal . . . sb put me down :/ ꙳ ✟

“you want me to make you feel good, el?” you gently caress the wet skin on her arms, tilting your head back to get a better look at her. she whimpers so quietly, had you not been standing so close to her you would not have heard it. the lustful look in her eyes entrances you as she nods desperately. you smile. “come on, baby…use your words.”

“yes, please––want you to make it all better. i’ll be so good, i swear.” her voice is almost monotone, all her attention focused on the way your strap looked rubbing softly against her clit. her eyes flicker up from your teasing to your face, a light whimper leaving her mouth at the look on your face. “you’re so pretty.”

your smile spreads wider and you pull her face to yours, giving her a gentle kiss that ghosts over her mouth, so soft and tender it makes your knees buckle. “thank you, ellie. you’re pretty too, prettiest girl ever.”

she lets her hands rest on your hips and you take a moment to admire the way your skin tingles when she touches you. you step forward, encouraging her body to move back against the cold wall behind you, a small smile reaching your lips when she hisses at the coldness on her back.

you guide the strap to her center, gathering some of her wetness on the tip of it. your eyes never leaving her pussy, licking your lips like the sight of her made your mouth water. 

“fuck, just do it.” she groaned, bucking her hips into yours.

“careful. or i won’t touch you.” you grumble, hands flying to her hair to pull her face back. it’s an empty threat, she’s got you so worked up after all. but it was worth it to see the pout on her face, it’s so cute you wanna kiss it off. “thought you said you were gonna be good?”

“m’sorry."

you pull her back to you, letting her chin rest in the crook of her neck. she moaned in your ear when you finally slipped inside her. fuck, she sounded so good, so pretty.

she gripped your shoulders when you began to move at a focused pace. choked moans leaving her mouth over the sound of the pelting shower.

“it feels––fucking amazing.” she shut her eyes tight, tilting her head so you could suck and kiss at her neck. 

“there you go, ells.” you coo, the movement of your hips never faltering. “you’re doing so good, for me, baby…so, so fucking good.”

she moans at the feeling of your lips. “holy shit, y/n…can you go faster? please––fuck––please go faster.”

she let her hands tighten around your hips, nails digging into your skin. while you pulled in and out of her at an accelerated pace. you laugh at the way her eyes roll back, mouth chasing hers to taste every sweet noise she makes.

your hands trail down her hips, onto the back of her thighs––you pull away from her lips only far enough to rest your forehead on hers. you watch as she mewls and squirms in your hold, a huff leaving your mouth. “did you forget your manners? you really are desperate, huh?”

“thank you! i’m sorry.” she rushes out, eyes snapping up to meet yours. her moans getting louder, a sign that let you know she was close.

“you gonna cum for me, baby?” your hands caress her skin, loving the way she felt underneath your fingertips. she nods, her moans growing louder. “yeah, i know. give it to me, i need it.”

[astersensss]

Holy Fuck.

PAIRING: Laurance Zvhal x Gender-Neutral Reader

SUMMARY: You get walked in on

TAGS: Smut, PNP, YEAAAH GENDER NEUTRAL READER!!!!, Teasing, Edging, ETC.

CW: well, it IS a smut fic. i warned y'all this was mostly written to prove i can write better than a tumblr girl. also the flavor of laurance is up to you lol.

“Holy fuck… Laurance!” … You cried this out as your door creaked open, a familiar figure standing in it. A taller man who you definitely have opinions of. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway, smirking at the sight he just so happened to fall upon.

“Holy fuck-! Laurance!” you cried out. This time, out of shock.

“So what’s all this, my dear?” He always had that stupid fucking tone. It sickened you sometimes, but others? It’s all you need to be tipped over the edge.

“I- Laurance look– this is awkward for the both of us– why don't we just start this over and you turn around and I can put my pants back on, alright?” You said all this as you scrambled to put your pants back on. Your face had been hot since the moment you heard the creaking of the door. 

You saw Laurance holding up a hand.

“No, No, by all means, I’m encouraging you. Go ahead and continue.” He said as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. You felt like you were going to scream. It's only then that he spoke again.

“Go on, love. I just walked in on my favourite show! I’d love to keep watching.” He grabs your chair from your desk as he sits and observes your every move, his clouded blue eyes narrowing as you lean back in your bed for him.

You move your hands back down slowly as you continue to rub your crotch, soft pants escaping your lips. Laurance rests his elbows on his knees as he leaned over to watch. His smirk slowly turned into a shit-eating-grin.

“Y-Y’know I don’t actually- fuck- do this all that often…” you said as you tried to take some of the awkwardness off of yourself. It didn’t work, but you tried.

Laurance stands. “If you’re going to be this nervous, I might as well help you, my dear.” He said this as he kneeled down and helped you turn your body towards him. 

He leaned in and placed kisses all over your lower half. He looked up at you for permission to leave marks and when you nodded, he wouldn’t stop. Laurance ended up leaving what you estimate is around 50 marks between your thighs and lower stomach, and the more you tugged his hair, the more marks he’d left.

Eventually, he brings his lips down to your core, running his tongue across it, taking in all the taste of your slick. Any sound you make is like music to this man’s ears.

Laurance decided to take all of you in his mouth, leading to a cry of joy escaping your lips.

“Oh my Irene– Where did you…” you interrupt yourself with your own cries of joy. You feel him giggle as he continues. The vibrations of his vocal cords sended you to the moon. He noticed.

All this leading him into voicing his pleasure with your taste. And the more you gripped at his hair, the more noise you both made. His muffled hums brought you to see stars. Sadly, all things must come to an end.

“Fuck– Laurance– I’m so close please don’t stop…” Then you remember, Laurance is a bastard. And he reminds you of this fact constantly. His pace slowed dramatically as he looked up at you with half-hooded eyes. Lustful eyes. Eyes of true desire for you. They’re evil.

You knew what he wanted.

You knew he wanted you to beg for it.

And you knew that he had all the control in this situation. You’re forced to oblige.

“Please don’t slow down… Fuck- please Laurance.. Please.” You knew the game he was playing. You knew you didn’t want to play along, it annoyed you half to death that he does this, but your body screamed more than your mind did. 

Laurance kept staring at you with those eyes. Those stupid clouded eyes.

“Please.” You’re desperate. “Laurance I’m fucking begging what else do you want?” Maybe a bit too desperate. “Please for the love of the gods just let me come…”

You feel the mischievous smile form on his face as he picks up his pace just to how it was earlier. Not only that, but he's taking even more of you than before. His reward for, what he would call, being good.

“Thank you… Holy Irene– thank you Laurance…” your vision starts to blur as you feel yourself finish. Laurance makes a little bit of a show to keep it all to himself. Every last ounce he allows it to enter his throat. 

He backs his head up from you as he sticks his tongue out, you roll your eyes at him. 

He crawled up your body and landed a kiss on your lips. You didn't even notice the taste. You just kissed him right back. Sure, he caught you in an awkward position, but you love this man. After a bit, he broke the kiss.

“So… when is it my turn, my dear?”