#can never have enough margit

[malignedaffairs]

More Margit!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

"[...] she doesn’t have an attitude of ‘leaving her until last’ because she’s seen what that’s done to Kaz. She knows that Kaz will never have the satisfaction he’s searching for - I could write essays, he’s in many ways an addict - and so instead of finding the individuals who hurt her and taking them down one by one until only Heleen remains, as Kaz has done by murdering the boy who acted as the roper and by the implied murder of Saskia and Margit as well as many others, [...]"

Could you talk about this? Not just how Kaz is an addict, but him and revenge in general

Hi, thanks so much for your question!

I'm a little embarrassed to have to say that I (more recently than you asked, and if I'd put thought into it at the time/was more sober at the time I would've posted it as a response to your ask instead of it's own thing) I did make a post about this... whilst I was drunk and thinking about Six of Crows... erm...

So you can read that here

But also, possibly more coherently:

So I personally think that addiction is an important theme in the duology and there are 3 major presentations of it: Jesper’s gambling addiction, Nina’s jurda parem addiction, and Kaz’s addiction to revenge. I’m not going to focus too much on Nina and Jesper right now but I do just want to say that I think it’s really important to note how Inej responds to seeing addiction in the others. In the post you referenced here I was talking about how I think Inej would have a different attitude towards killing Heleen than Kaz did to Rollins because she’s seen what his obsession with Rollins did to him and how it's had a negative impact on him in many ways.

However, focusing on Kaz and addiction as a whole I think it's really important to acknowledge that Kaz openly admits to the reader that nothing he can do to Rollins is ever going to be enough for him. When he talks about Jesper's addiction he says (and I've not got my book on me so sorry if I've misremembered the exact quote, I'm paraphrasing from memory) "Someone like Jesper wins two hands and starts calling it a streak. Eventually he loses, and it only leaves him hungry for more" and it's always struck me how precisely this description can be applied to Kaz's own life: he chips away small pieces of Rollins' empire, such as having his steerers acting outside of Pekka's clubs to lead them away from the Dime Lions' businesses and to the Dregs' ones instead, and describes it as enough to keep him going, and then he steps up and 'wins' in Six of Crows when he succeeds at the Ice Court Heist job whilst Rollins fails, this triumph arguably is in part what leads to his downfall in failing to predict Rollins' alliance with Van Eck; he is subsequently tricked and victimised by him all over again, a situation that he describes as being "worse this time" because he is now "old enough to know better", and this experience leaves him desperate and furious to act against him again. He experiences a kind of high when he is able to gain any kind of victory against Rollins, but when that includes such small victories as chipping away at his business the low that comes upon losing is only made all the worse.

I think what's particularly interesting about this presentation, however, is that a) no-one except Inej seems to identify it this way and b) we as the reader aren't encouraged to want Kaz to stop seeking vengeance in the way we're encouraged to want Nina to overcome parem and Jesper to stop gambling. One of my favourite underrated quotes from really early on in Crooked Kingdom (I think it's ch2 but I might be wrong) is when Kaz explains the plan for the Smeet job, which revolves entirely around making Jesper gamble at the card tables for an entire night, and Nina sarcastically suggests that for 'phase two' of this plan maybe she should "masquerade as a jurda parem dealer" because "what could possibly go wrong?", and of course we have the GORGEOUS, beautifully written, famous lines from Inej to Jesper at the Geldrenner hotel later in the book when she tells him that "there's a wound in you" and that the games feel like medicine "but it's poison, Jes" (again paraphrasing from memory for the quotes, sorry). Addiction is very much in the foreground for Jepser throughout the duology and for Nina during Crooked Kingdom, but we never really get a discussion of it for Kaz except in the Bathroom Scene when Inej challenges him about what he would do next if he managed his revenge, and he ultimately had no answer for her (so he resorted to being as dramatic as possible and we love him for it).

But revenge is ultimately what kept Kaz alive. That he admits himself as well, saying that he would have laid down on the Reaper's Barge and died because nothing was waiting for him back on land until he came to the realisation that there was one thing he could strive for if he survived: vengeance. So not only is this arguably why he could give Inej no answer, because it is the only thing he has existed for since he was nine years old, but it also kind of creates this never ending cycle between him and revenge of the concept being both so destructive and so constructive (??that doesn't feel like the right word but I can't think of a better one??) simultaneously - it actually makes me think of a quote from one of Inej's chapters when they're on the roof at the Ice Court. She describes a mural she can see below with two animals, I think wolves but I can't remember off the top of my head I'm sorry, chasing each other and she describes them as being cursed to keep moving in the same circle "for as long as the Ice Court stood". I could talk for days, and probably will do in the future, about how much I freaking love that line as a metaphor for Kaz and Inej's relationship and how the breaking of that cycle comes with the symbolic fall of the Ice Court, but I also think that we can apply it to Kaz indivdually in his relationship with vengeance.

Anyway I hope that this was interesting and that it made some semblance of sense, and I am so sorry that I took an eternity to respond to your ask but thank you so much for sending it this was such an interesting topic to write about!! I love getting asks, please don't let my lateness in replying to them put you off sending one I will get through them all I promise, these things just tend to take a while for me to think about how to answer them first and then I like to write them in one sitting so that all my ideas are fresh so I have to find a good time to sit down and focus on them. But that aside thank you very much for the ask and I hope that this answer was an interesting read 😊

This has been another episode of DK Finally Gets It Together And Answers Her Asks Because It's About Damn Time (Working Title), thanks for joining me & you can check the tag for more <3

[marina-the-witch]

Elden Ring Boss Ranking

Hi everyone!

With Elden Ring being my most replayed and almost most played game over all, I think my opinions on the bosses have definitely solidified enough for me to rank them individually. I will do so in this post.

Seeing as I can only attach 30 images and Elden Ring has a plethora of mini-bosses, I'll only be ranking bosses that reward you with achievements for beating them and ones necessary for story progression. Seeing as Godskin Noble and Duo fall under those criteria, I'll also include the Apostle as I would feel weird leaving it out.

Additionally, I won't be ranking the illusion/nerfed version of bosses and instead just lump them in with the real deal. This applies to Margit, Sewer Mohg, Siofra Ancestor Spirit, Godfrey and Carian Knight Loretta.

Remember that these are only my opinions and you're allowed to agree or disagree however much you want.

Bosses will also be put into a bit of a tiering system through colors. Blue means a boss is almost if not entirely perfect in my opinion and is one of Fromsoft's greatest to date. Purple means I do really enjoy a boss but have a handful of gripes with it that drag it down. Pink means i don't feel strongly about a boss one way or the other, either due to them not really being particularly noteworthy or having both really good and really bad aspects. Green means I don't really enjoy a boss but they have enough redeeming qualities for me to still like them a little bit. Orange means I do genuinely dislike a boss but can't bring myself to hate them. Red means they should be nuked from orbit.

With all that said, let's begin.

#1: God-Devouring Serpent/Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy

Rykard and Radahn fluctuate as my number 1 fairly consistently. While I definitely think Radahn has a better fight, I find the comparison a bit unfair seeing as Rykard is designed to be a gimmick fight. Unlike his predecessors like Storm Lord and Yhorm however, Rykard actually manages to stay challenging despite the game granting you the weapon specifically designed to kill him right away. What really makes Rykard so special for me is everything else. He is by far the most disgusting entity fromsoftware has ever produced in my opinion and I could go on about how much I love his design, lore and presentation for hours. I love everything about this fight, from the insanely memorable voice acting and reveal in phase 2, to the demonic rollercoaster of a theme and the symbolism of the chandeliers in his arena, with this grotesque monstrosity still framing itself a noble king. With a spectacular legacy dungeon to boot, Rykard, for me at least, is easily my favorite boss in Elden Ring.

#2: Starscourge Radahn

While I prefer his siblings in almost every other regard, Radahn for me is easily the most fun boss in the entire game and very consistently switches places with Rykard in my overall ranking like I said. With an immaculate battle theme that really emphasises the spectacle of taking down this fierce demigod, Radahn is a challenging and thrilling fight. While far from the hardest fight in Elden Ring, he can still throw me for a loop, especially as I tend to fight him without summons and a purposefully unupgraded weapon. His attacks are imposing and beautiful to look at while never feeling unfair and no boss better captures the feeling of giving a noble warrior a heroic end.

#3: Mohg, Lord of Blood/Mohg, the Omen

Far more controversial than my previous 2 picks, I can definitely understand why people don't really gel with Mohg. Even I used to not really like him, with Mohg the Omen actually making me almost cry out of frustration the very first time I fought him, as I had not yet gotten used to Elden Ring's delayed attack patterns. However, after fighting the real deal at the end of the game and being perfectly trained to evade his wide sweeps, I knew this boss was something special. Mohg is a thrilling, challenging fight, with an absolutely stunning battle theme that I would confidently call my favorite piece of music in Elden Ring and I could not be happier they made the last minute decision of adding him to the main boss line-up.

#4: Morgott, the Omen King/Margit, the Fell Omen

Much like his brother, Morgott is also an extremely thrilling and exciting fight. What makes him a little inferior to me, is that he's not quite as challenging as I think he should be and a few of his longer combos can feel a bit tacky and excessive. While I definitely see a lot of praise for Morgott as a character, I sometimes feel as though his fight and especially theme aren't really talked about enough though. Morgott is a perfect capper for the midgame of Elden Ring, just like how Margit is a perfect beginning, providing an extremely challenging but learnable fight that prepares the player for what's ahead. He, much like Radahn, is a boss worth nerfing myself for.

#5: Malenia,Blade of Miquella/Goddess of Rot

I feel like my placement of Malenia would be controversial no matter what. Understandably, seeing as she is maybe the single hardest boss in Fromsoftware's catalogue, Malenia is quite divisive and it even took me a couple attempts to finally start liking her. But this latest attempt, where I finally managed to best her without summons, was the one. While I do think Malenia can be really unfair at times, I can't deny that the duel with this master swordstress is a one-of-a-kind encounter. With an absolutely gorgeous theme, Malenia has wormed her way into my heart, despite all the trouble I've gone through while fighting her. My only, and obvious, gripe is that I feel as though her heal-on-hit-ability is a bit excessive and could have been substitued with a larger health pool, as I often found myself having a hard time hitting her when she was only a few hits away from death, when a simple mistake quickly undid a lot of my progress.

#6: Dragonlord Placidusax

Every Souls game needs it secret dragon, and more often then not, these fights end up being some of my favorites in the game and Placidusax is no exception. While I do prefer Midir overall, Placidusax is nothing if not a jaw-dropping spectacle with moves like the thundercloud form and lightning stake nuke. While not particularly hard, Placidusax manages to be fun and challenging regardless due to his robust defenses and high damage output. The only issue I've encountered is that the fight can drag on for a bit, and especially when her health is low, he will start teleporting all over the place, which can be a little annoying. Regardless, Placidusax is an absolute marvel of a boss and fits right in in a game so in love with making its fights cinematic spectacles without the use of cutscenes.

#7: Radagon of the Golden Order

For the purposes of this list, I'll be ranking Radagon and Elden Beast separately, as my opinions on them differ quite a bit. Radagon is an excellent final boss in my opinion, perfectly making use of the core fundamentals of every bosse's kit with a mix of heavy physical hits and ranged incantations. Him being quite challenging is a huge positive for me to, as I often feel as though the final bosses of souls games end up being needlessly easy and almost pathetic for narrative purposes. Additionally, genuinely no final bosse's theme, in any game I've played, has encapsulated the feeling of finality more than his, to the point of literally being called "The Final Battle." Radagon can be a bit unfair at times, but he is the perfect conclusion to your journey as Elden Lord.

#8: Godfrey, First Elden Lord/Hoarah Loux/Lord's Apparition

Godfrey is so effortlessly awesome. With a well telegraphed moveset, kickass presentation in the form of his cutscene and a gorgeous piece of music to accompany his fight, he is one of the most memorable encounters in the game and definitely the most popular boss overall for a good reason. However, I find myself having quite a hard time with him fairly consistently for some reason, which, while not his fault, does obviously impact my enjoyment of his fight overall. That's not too say I dislike it though, as I feel Godfrey's moveset is extremely satisfying to dodge and counter. Hoarah Loux on the other hand.... I don't know really. The fight against Hoarah Loux is too stressful for me to enjoy it long term and I mostly just try to reduce his health as much as I can before this phase triggers. That's not to say it's bad, I just don't enjoy the amount of grabbing going on as a result of Hoarah's very limited moveset. Overall, it doesn't stop me from loving Godfrey though, as Hoarah Loux rarely last very long anyway, and can be quite fun in small doses.

#9: Godrick the Grafted

Godrick is a really entertaining fight. His cutscenes, voice acting and presentation are on point and his mechanics definitely fit for the first shardbearer you'll be fighting on most playthroughs. I, however, often find myself struggling with dodging his moveset and often feel as though my victory is more a result of his fairly weak attack power and health pool. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy Godrick though, as I definitely do. Not only is he a fantastic first boss but I also find it quite fun from a narrative perspective that he's nowhere near as challenging as his.... great uncle? who's guarding his castle. I can't confidently rank him higher unfortunately, since Convergence and Godefroy have taught me that a tanky, high damage Godrick can be quite the piece of work.

#10: Beast Clergyman/Maliketh, the Black Blade

Oh boy, Maliketh. Quite the story with this one. I actually only properly started Elden Ring quite a long while after most of my friends had already beaten it and as such they were all EXTREMELY excited to see my reaction to this guy, especially seeing as his cutscene is a blatant reference to not only my favorite boss in bloodborne, but any game I've ever played, Ludwig. However, their expecations were met with harsh disappointment as Maliketh frustrated me to the point of actual tears and I had to resort to a cheese strategy using the Redmane Flames Ash of War. After giving the game a try or two more though, I've warmed up to Maliketh quite a bit. I do think he can be a little annoying with how mobile he is and don't really like how his fight will often just end up with him stalling and only surviving as long as he does due to you not being able to hit him, especially regarding his tiny health pool. Additionally, I also find Beast Clergyman quite annoying and wish the threshhold for phase 2 was moved up to 90 or 80% max rather than the 70 to 50% it's at currently. However, overall, I do still enjoy Maliketh and think his lore and presentation make up for my many gripes with his fight.

#11: Lichdragon Fortissax

The other major dragon fight of Elden Ring, Fortissax, doesn't hit quite as hard as Placidusax for me unfortunately. Undeniably awesome with his presentation and placed in a real scary arena, Fortissax ends up being quite overwhelming with his combination of deathblight clouds and red lightning. The latter definitely drags the fight down for me quite a bit, as I much prefer Placi's 4 timed strikes with much greater range and damage over Fortissax's constant shower of them. However, while I do have many gripes with this fight, I can't deny the concept of a death-riddled dragon protecting his former best friend is one of the coolest presented by Elden Ring and, lightning aside, Fortissax does show that the ancient dragons are actually really good, whereas every other encounter with them ends up being quite messy due to elevations really messing up their movesets in my eyes.

#12: Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree/Loretta, Carian Knight

In my opinion the MOST underrated boss in the game. Loretta is awesome, with a gorgeous armor set and a super fun take on the already pretty enjoyable Tree Sentinel moveset. Her greatbow spell drops are some of my favorites in the game to boot. Unfortunately, she does blend in a bit with all the other horse bosses (I blame the five-hundred Night's Cavalry) and ends up never being very challenging, but on paper, her moveset is well telegraphed and fun to dodge. My only gripe is that the Carian Phalanx and Glintstone Stars she begins casting when you move away can be a little bit annoying, but overall, Loretta is easily the best miniboss in the game in my opinion.

#13: Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella

Another boss that I don't really feel gets a good amount of appreciation is the Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella. Ignoring the one in the Lake of Rot, Dragonkin Soldiers are just really cool to me, both in lore and design, as well as their fight. Not only do you fight this one in what might be my favorite arena in the game visually, it also has a surprising and unique phase transition not seen in any of the other soldiers, with the Nokstella soldier sprouting wings and beginning to cast frozen lightning, which is one of the coolest magic concepts Elden Ring provides in my opinion. My only wish is that the second phase would trigger a lot sooner, as the boss is not very hard and often ends up dying before it gets time to shine.

#14: Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon

While I would agree Rennala is the best sorceror fight Fromsoft has provided thus far, I would not say that's a very difficult title to claim, nor is Rennala anything to write home about. Her first phase is quite simple but it is kind of fun to mow down rows upon rows of the juvenile scholars with a big weapon every now and then. Her second phase is fairly alright too, with Rennala not dishing out a ludicrous amount of damage and having a nice variety of sorceries to cast. A bit like Placidusax, I do sometimes find the fight drags on a bit as she stalls and relies on her summons rather than actually fighting you, but considering how easy she is, it's really no big deal. Of course I can't not mention her gorgeous arena, as it immediately made me think back to Bloodborne's Moonside lake, and anything that reminds me of Bloodborne gets a plus in my book.

#15: Commander Niall

Out of the 2 commander bosses, Niall is definitely the more standout one. Banished Knights suck and I hate them, so I'll try to look at Niall on his own, and I gotta say, I quite like him. His hitboxes can feel a bit over the top but that aside I think he's genuinely a really fun fight, and definitely the hardest miniboss the game has to offer in my opinion. His weapon, while absurd, is quite cool and definitely worth a try for those who want to focus on physical stats but still have the benefits of lightning damage, especially seeing as it scales with dexterity anyway. Niall definitely feels like a good pick to be guarding the last thing you need to enter the Haligtree.

#16: Magmawyrm Makar

While I often find myself annoyed with the other Magma Wyrms and their tendency to do little else besides their magma charge, Makar is quite a fun little miniboss in my opinion. The ruin-strewn precipice is a fairly cool little side area and Makar is a very good capper for it and an even better guardian for the Altus Plateau. His reveal is quite funny, but overall, I can't really say much about this boss, as his fight is just okay across the board. Nothing particularly annoying nor amazing to note, really.

#17: Regal Ancestor Spirit/Ancestor Spirit

The Ancestor Spirits are, in my opinion, mostly noteworthy for their gorgeous music and presentation, but their fights end up being quite lacklustre unfortunately due to a fairly limited movepool. They're not hard at all, with the Regal Spirit's only "challenge" coming from the hard to dodge roll it attains after absorbing a boar's soul and the health regen move it pulls out every now and then. Much like Makar, I can't really say I love, nor hate these two, but the Regal Spirit's aformentioned health regen does make it a bit more bothersome than Makar on occasion. Overall, their beautiful design and music do make them worth experiencing even despite their medicore fight.

#18: Godskin Noble

I found myself actually quite enjoying the Godskin Noble as of late, to the point I'd actually say they're a little overhated. The thrusting attacks feel nice to dodge but even better to block and counter but obviously it's far from perfect. Obviously his roll has gained infamy ever since the game came out and understandably so, but other moves such as its powerful thrust can also be a bit tough to work with. Other than that, Godskin Noble is a perfect example of a boss that is so perfectly alright that i don't have much else to praise it for nor complain about.

#19: Elden Beast

While also being kind of undeserving of all the hatred it receives, Elden Beast is very far from being a fun boss in my opinion. For starters, it is WAY too tanky, with half of its fight feeling like a sisyphean effort of slapping its chest until something finally happens. Additionally, its moveset feels very limited, especially for a final boss. Lastly, and most importantly, it does really bother me that in order to even be able to fight this extremely tanky boss, you have to beat another fairly difficult one beforehand every time, so it becomes a kind of unbearable endurance run in hopes of having enough ressources left to beat this fairly underwhelming boss. Its one redeeming feature comes in form of its truly breathtaking design, but otherwise, I can't say I'm a big fan.

#20: Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Astel used to be in my Top 5 but he quickly fell out of favor after the Honeymoon phase of "Wow, they added a Bloodborne Great One to the end of my favorite character's quest line" wore off. Astel is, for lack of a better word, annoying. His wide range and tendency to fly above a lot of moves with his thin gangly body make him bothersome to approach and a lot of his attacks, such as waves of darkness, meteorite shower and the gravity ring just feel bad to dodge or get hit by. Astel is another boss whose main merit comes from presentation and design, but unfortunately, his fight is quite weak with very few redeeming qualities in my opinion.

#21: Godskin Apostle

This may be a bit of a hot take, but I've found myself struggling with Godskin Apostle a lot more than Noble, to the point I like it a fair bit less. His twinblade combos can be quite a hassle and he feels much more prolific with his usage of blackflame than the Noble. His blackflame tornado and weapon helicopter are also pretty annoying. Overall, I don't really enjoy the Godskin Apostle's fight, but it feels like more of a personal struggle than the boss actually being bad, hence its ranking.

#22: Mimic Tear

I really don't have much to say about this boss. It's hard to consistently judge as how fun or annoying it is entirely depends on how you approach it. Overall though, I do like the concept and it can be quite funny. Due to its inconsistency and me not really caring for NPC invaders in general though, I'll just put it as the cut-off point for bosses I just genuinely dislike.

#23: Godskin Duo

Godskin Duo isn't good, but it's not as bad as people say either in my opinion. Being made up of two pretty average bosses and especially after the balance patch to duo bosses, the Duo ends up just being a kind of whatever fight that can be a bit annoying sometimes. I really don't have much to say other than that. Guess I will use this spot to say how much I love the Godskin theme though.

#24: Draconic Tree Sentinel

I don't like this guy he looks like burnt chicken and waffles. I don't really have much to say about this guy either. His AoEs and Hitboxes can be real weird and annoying and I hate the horse fireball spam you will be subjected to if you even dare try to heal. He's just kind of a necessary evil, not really worth complaining about.

#25: Fire Giant

By far my least favorite remembrance boss, Fire Giant is everything people say is wrong with fromsoft's plethora of giant bosses. Not only do you just spend the entire time slapping its ankles, Fire Giant also has an absurdly massive health pool, and a boss that wastes your time will always annoy me more than one that gets you with cheap bullshit. While having a fantastic and underrated theme and really cool lore, I really don't enjoy fighting Fire Giant at all due to his large health pool and wide range AoEs.

#26: Elemer of the Briar

I can't stand this guy and I can't stand that there's like 8 of him. I really don't see where this "Elemer is the most underrated boss" idea came from, because I personally think Elmo deserves every bit of hate he gets. My girlfriend put it perfectly when she said "Elemer has a punish for you existing", because it really does feel like he can counter everything you do, no matter if you're healing, jumping, casting or attacking. While it's cool that his sleek sword is the reward for fighting him, I really don't enjoy the battle with Elemer at all.

#27: Leonine Misbegotten

Genuinely how do you make Gael, Dark Souls' greatest boss in my opinion, so fucking unbearable. With a non stop barrage of overly staggering sword swings, Leonine Misbegotten is without fail an insanely annoying fight for me. Its arena is really cool but that is about the only positive I can give it. I already don't like Castle Morne, nor the Grafted Blade and Leonine Misbegotten really doesn't help either of their cases.

#28: Valiant Gargoyles

Like I said before, Godskin Duo isn't as bad as actually say. Valiant Gargoyles, on the other hand, might somehow be worse, despite nobody being able to stand them anyway. I really don't have anything of note to add to the conversation about this god awful fight and writing about these bosses I hate is already draining enough, so I'll just move on.

#29: Red Wolf of Radagon

While I do think from a game design perspective, Valiant Gargoyles and Gideon are worse, Red Wolf frustrates me more than anything else. Not only is it a cheap attempt at making Dark Souls fans rejoice by reusing scrapped content from 3 that's obviously reminiscent of one of the most memorable fights in the first game, Red Wolf is also just really annoying, with its overy long combos and tendency to avoid attacks by jumping around aimlessly. The only saving grace is it's tiny health pool, but that still requires you hit it to begin with, which, unfortunately, isn't always a given. Red Wolf just pisses me off in a way I can't really properly describe but at least it's over quick most of the time.

#30: Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing

Not only is Gideon a massive cunt, his boss fight also sucks. Being everything wrong with both NPC invaders and sorceror bosses, Gideon is one unbearable spam sandwich of spells that more than likely will kill you in 2 shots. Gideon has genuinely no redeeming qualities that affect his fight and there is a very good reason everyone uses his admittedly pretty cool monologue to instantly bumrush him the second they pass the fog gate. Gideon's fight really is a huge letdown considering how much of a despicable cunt he is, but I suppose there wasn't really a better way to do it. Regardless, I hate fighting Gideon. It's cheap, annoying, unfair and rewards you with a subpar weapon. If he wasn't mandatory nobody would be fighting this guy.

[simon-newman]

Spirit Ashes

So. Getting into Elden Ring now I do look for content around the Internet.

What did get my attention is a lot of hatred for Spirit Ashes mechanic which is apparently new thing for Fromsoftware games.

To put is simply - Spirit Ashes are a summoning mechanic where you can call upon a specific AI controlled Spirit to be your ally in the fight.

Some Soulslike veterans insist that this is Fromsoft's method of giving casual players an "easy mode" in an otherwise difficult (or not*) game.

* - The other thing is that there isn't even a consensus if the game is easy or not - some claim it's unbalanced and Fromsoft jumped the shark/used cheap gimmicks to up the difficulty while others claim it's the easiest one and made for casuals even without Spirit Ashes.

Anyway.

Yeah - I have been using Spirit Ashes since I got a set of 3 puppies from Ranni. Then I switched to some stronger ones like Jellyfish and finally Banished Knight Oleg. Are they helpful? Well. Yes? They do provide another target for the boss to focus on. They also deal some damage on their own.

Are they an "easy mode"? Are they breaking the game? Do they win on their own?

Short answer. No - they are not.

First I need to make a disclaimer. The summons can't be used everywhere - only in specific locations. Additionally they can't be re-summoned. They can be upgraded up to +10 but nothing above that - meaning they'll continue to lose in value as the monsters get stronger. Especially when I tackle the NG+ which scales the enemies up 7 times up to NG7+.

Now as to how useful are they playing the game for the first time?

It depends on the boss really.

Beastman of Farum Azula in Limgrave? Yeah - the wolves helped me tear him apart.

I've tackled the Tree Sentinel at lvl 17 and they didn't survive long enough to get his hp down by 1/3.

Pictured above - both me and the wolves are dead already.

Margit? The wolves were lucky if 1 survived till phase 2 (50% hp). Calling them in phase 2 alone was useless as they'd get annihilated with about 2 hammer strikes.

I will say that I did feel kinda bad for some bosses once I switched to Oleg.

Admittedly - this guy is a lot tankier and deadlier than the pups and did save my skin several times.

But he's not an almighty "I win button".

Magma Wyrm just melted him in it's AoE. Same with double gargoyle fight. Even at +7 in a lot of fights he's only enough of a distraction to get in a few initial attacks.

In my ~10 attempts he has NEVER survived long enough to take down one of the gargoyles and I had to fight 2 vs 1 in every single iteration of that fight.

Even without AoE this is often the case against bosses that are an actual challenge.

This is way after Oleg got annihilated by the Crucible Knights. Mostly in 1v1 fight. He wouldn't last long enough for me to get one of them to 50%.

This means that I had to do 75% of the fight solo anyway.

And there are worse examples.

Astel the Naturalborn of the Void? Oleg was pretty much useless and would die almost instantly due to AoE gravity attacks that he also helped trigger more often.

Falligstar beast is outright easier to deal with if it focuses it's attacks on you because most of them is blockable and can be punished.

His contribution against Lansseax was next to none.

Malenia is known for healing from hitting enemies - meaning the summon whose AI is just going to tank blows might end up doing more harm than good.

And that's not mentioning bosses that you can't even use summons against.

In general if a summon is strong enough to make a major contribution to the fight the boss is usually weak enough to die in around 10 hits from me alone anyway.

Ultimately Spirit Ashes are just a mechanic to be used as you see fit. There are people who play without armor or even without leveling. It's their choice and a testament to their skills.

I am just wondering how many soulslike elitists who keep saying that "Spirit Ashes are for unskilled casuals" themselves followed precise meta build guides from the Internet to make sure their Tarnished is the most optimized boss killing machine possible so that they wouldn't struggle.

[mesaprotector]

I began writing this Elden Ring review when I felt the game nearing a close. Today I finished it. First "AAA" game I've ever played to completion, and I have mixed but mostly positive feelings. At any rate, my life to come is going to be a bit different not fighting wolves for hours each week.

Graphics

Anywhere from "fine, but relentlessly grim" (Caelid, much of the Mountaintops) to "I want to move here right now" (Siofra/Nokron, Leyndell, the Roundtable Hold). The game looks very good, though I can't say the same about some of the enemies and NPCs. When the designers cared, they made some very cool-looking stuff - Astel, Naturalborn of the Void is one of my favorites.

Music

The region themes were definitely a highlight. Above all, the terribly sad theme of Leyndell, a lone city clinging to life in a world falling gradually to pieces. The way the horn-using enemies harmonized with that theme was a beautiful touch. I wasn't as impressed with the boss themes though that might just be my personal preference for chiptunes.

Characters

Overall, this isn't a character-driven game, and that's fine. The voice acting definitely lends a hand with best boy Margit/Morgott and other characters like the Blackguard; but most characters who are memorable are memorable because of their designs or combat abilities. I do have to ask, though, why do most of the characters have to die? Even characters whose arcs I completed just up and died at the end. Alexander should've survived!

Combat

I think for the most part this aspect was fun. I definitely can criticize certain enemies getting reused (those awful ulcerated tree spirits, if you're going to reuse a boss that many times at least pick one that's fun). The balance was a bit off, as the game very clearly expects you to be playing a Str/Dex melee-focused build with a lot of dodging, weaving, and blocking, and doesn't bother balancing for anything else. Never mind that you can snipe enemies from a distance one by one or mow them down on Torrent, and then certain boss fights are MUCH harder doing anything except melee. (Hi, Rennala... or any of the Crystalians.) I don't know if it was intentional that some dungeons are torture but have easy bosses at the end.

I played Dex/Fth, using the Treespear for most of my run until I went for the Blasphemous Blade later in the game, with the Cipher Pata as a backup. I was terrible at dodging and only attempted it on bosses with telegraphed attacks like Mohg and the Fire Giant. I spent most of my time on Torrent, because the Treespear is an S-tier mounted weapon, and turned into a stealth-sniper every time I was in a dungeon. People sleep on bows and crossbows - their damage is terrible, but they're fantastic for aggroing one enemy at a time or hitting those dungeon pillars that breathe fire.

Despise the weird balancing, I think my only major quibbles with the combat in Elden Ring would be that, one, items are mostly useless - why use a Rune Arc to try to beat a hard fight when it's not enough of a buff to guarantee a win, and you lose it permanently? - and that the boss fights being occasionally hard throws progression out of whack if you're anything other than very, very stubborn. Which leads me to my main complaint about this game.

Questlines

Oh dear lord. I've always hated "guide dang it"-type content in games, but it's fine if it's like, secret rooms that have a bunch of coins and a cool sword. Not if there are obscure quests that you're all but required to play for much of the game's plot to make sense. (Rogier! I'm talking about Rogier!) I'll get into this more in the "story" section but I scarcely had a clue what was going on for most of the game, because almost all the lore for the game is hidden deep in questlines which can easily be permanently missed. I praise Miriel his Holy Turtleness every day for being one of the only NPCs who tells you about the gods without you having to find the Dubious Runebear Medallion first (or whatever). Without him I'd have had no idea who Marika even was.

The game also punishes you, over and over, for daring to explore areas early. Nepheli and Corhyn both died because of this in my playthrough - I'd already explored the Albinauric Village and the cliff by the Royal Colosseum, respectively, so I didn't re-explore once they moved to those locations. Then they just both died when I burned the Erdtree. Thanks, game. Really appreciate it.

While I'm at it - gesturing should never have been a mechanic in questlines except when you're explicitly told what to do (like the Finger Snap to summon Blaidd). Same with the Prattling Pates - there was zero indication they were anything but a joke item and then suddenly, dead Boc because you missed the single chance the game gives you to use one. (Rebirth with Rennala didn't kill me the three times I did it... so why did it kill Boc?)

I'm not sure I'd have completed even a single quest had I not had the bright idea to look them all up after the Fire Giant. (Maybe Fia's?) Turns out that was already a bit too late.

Story

I will say that the game's story and world is very, very good. It's a shame it's so hurt by the poor quest design, because I genuinely wanted to learn everything I could about the demigods, about the conspiracies and factions and everything else. Unfortunately I've learned more from the game's wiki than from the game itself. Even when I burned the Erdtree I wasn't totally sure why I was doing it, except that Melina told me to.

I was told by a friend not to heavily RP my character because it'd make the game too hard, but I did do a bit of it. I played a tough old lady, pious but brutal, who would never dare talk to the Three Fingers or do the bidding of a heretic, but wouldn't hesitate to slay a god. I intentionally skipped Tanith's questline because of this, and left the Dung Eater to rot.

Endings

I accidentally picked Ranni's ending. I was in the boss room after finally beating that obese flying salamander and instinctively pressed E when I saw a message below me, and instead of asking to confirm the game went straight into the cutscene. (Yet another example of this game being poorly designed for PC!) I think I was eligible for two other endings, and Fia's was my favorite concept of the three, though its 20-second cutscene I watched later on Youtube wasn't much. It does feel like the endings have the same issue as the rest of the game - very good ideas that never get explained well enough to be appreciated.

Overall

7/10; an amazing world with passable characters and very fun gameplay, but held back by the terrible quest design. If the game provided a lot more lore by default (for example, at the end of each major boss fight, or through Gideon and other NPCs who rarely change location), and made it very clear what the quest breakpoints were, it could easily be a 9/10. The game breaks the unspoken rule that hidden content should never be core to the plot. Anyone who plays this game should do it with a guide - not an exhaustive 100% checklist, but enough of a guide that nobody ends up dead without you intending it, and that you don't miss the most plot-relevant quests in the game.

[awellboiledicicle]

Me: “so i zoned out and made an au that’s Tarnished x Morgott and i keep imagining her doing a bunch of audacity fueled sidequests to earn his respect followed by actually just... speaking with her? And Emotions happen because she met him first as Margit the Fell, and didn’t really flinch at him being an omen. And she doesn’t shy away from speaking to him when he’s not wearing his mimic veil to appear more humanlike. So he’s both comforted that someone exists that doesn’t think an omen king is a terrible horrible thing, but also his self esteem is shit because he still has all the baggage of being Cursed, regardless of if he renounced his cursed blood or not. So once they start getting close to one another he starts wondering if she’s just after his position or just trying to get through him to the Erdtree-- since she’s been brainstorming ways to open the way without harming the tree itself--or if she’s just taken with the form he takes when he wears the veil. So its a whole Thing, and even when they get together and she’s looking for runes with the idea that the Erdtree simply won’t open until the proper level of runes are presented, he’s spending a lot of time doubting things because of his whole deal. And i kept imagining a series of scenes where she comes back from fighting Radahn and finds him trying to file off one of his more prominent facial horns to look ‘less like himself’ for her and she’s pissed because she loves him and hates to see him doubt himself. And they end up having a whole discussion about things, even though he balks a few times about talking about his feelings. Oh and everyone in the palace--because i refuse to believe that there’s NO normal people still just doing their fucking best out here-- thinks the tarnished is a social climber that managed to catch the eye of the veiled monarch, but she manages to have a bit more grace [ha] in relation to speaking to people, since Morgott is terse even on good days and while the veil makes it so he’s not like. sitting on his tail for 5 hours a day hearing petitions or doing the business of ruling, he still has chronic pain from his growths and people can be Trying. Not that the tarnished has infinite patience, she’s just more willing to let someone talk their way to their point while she listens. Mostly because its the only way you get little details about people and how things are going out and about. No, but like, i keep imagining them talking about how the Lands Between can be slowly rehabilitated once the Erd tree lets someone in-- be it his tarnished or another, but he feels it’s probably going to be her--and like. He keeps imagining she’ll take the throne and have to find someone worthy of being her consort because he highly doubts that he’ll be allowed to stay by her side. And if he is, he certainly would be replaced as king. If nothing else, then in the event of his true nature coming out-- the public would never accept an omen as a ruler. Even if elevated by an Elden Lord. Basically i keep imagining all the things and the MASSIVE blow out of a fight they’d have if the Tarnished and Melina talked and realized just what would need to happen to get through the brambles on the tree. I also considered her asking him to use the ‘curse’ in his blood to rot away the thorns without burning the whole tree and him being a hard no on it, even if he knows her response is going to be “fire it is then” because he cannot fathom defacing the Erd tree with his blood. Even though its the blood of Merika and Godfrey, changed as it is. I also keep imagining the fight between Godfrey and the tarnished and Morgott not being terribly pleased his father is there but also kinda surprised the tree didn’t allow him in. I keep thinking of all the things and also because i’m me i keep thinking about the tarnished helping people and somehow this = her infiltrating Moghwyn palace to gain their trust enough that when she goes to fight Melania she incapacitates her using the unalloyed needle [i know i’m playing fast and loose with this here but still] and sneaks her into the palace without raising eyebrows because “well the tarnished is being weird again” isn’t new. And then Miquella and Melania return to the Haligtree to recoup, not that Miquella is in any state to like. react to anything. I keep imagining Varre confronting her once the fighting starts between Mohg and Melania and that his bouquet mace scars her face and it looks really cool--”

my cats, who understand nothing: meow

[blondie090]

Great post i agree with evrything thats being said here,so i wanted to a few nore rhings to this theory:-

I refuse to belive morgott learned all the shit he knows without any external help,like the dude is a master of 4 weapons,knows holy incants,unlike other omens he and his brother can actually speak and that too fluently,can create projections of himself and his father,can seal things away like leyndell's entrance and 3 fingers access point,knows 2 fingers language,smart enough to create sentry torch,strategic genius and the shattering only ended in stalemate because he took control of leyndell,knows about all his siblings despite never interacting with any of them and the list goes..so he probably learned these things and skills from marika and godfrey(this also follows the pattern of demigods having a mentor like radahn has alabasterlord,malenia has blind swords man,ranni has renna,godwyn has fortissax,rykards possibly inspired by messmer etc.. so morgott having a secret mentor like marika and godfrey makes sense here)

Also to point out marika probably couldn't visit her omen son's after her merger with radagon because of radagon despises everything related to crucible and he became dominant half later in the story and kept on actively supressing marika so radagon probably stopped marika from ever visiting her sons which could explain why mohg started to resent marika later on and found solice with formlessmother because marika stopped visiting him but he didn't know the actual reasoning behind his mother's absence and morgott of course finds solice with erdtree(a symbol that's created by marika and godfrey unlike radagon's fundamentalism which is exclusively his thing)the one thing I think youre getting wrong is margott ruled as a veiled monarch and people didn't know their new king of leyndell was a omen,the only omen that public knows is his margit projection(even gideon is surprised to find out that morgott is king of leyndell and there's a entire cut questline about a leyndell citizen trying to find the identity of veiled monarch only to be disgusted after finding out that leyndell is being ruled by a omen)

Anyway thanks for making this post because I thought I was the only one to argue that marika loved her omen sons and to argue marika is not that evil of a character that the community makes her out to be,so I'm glad someone outthere that shares the same perspective on the lore as me.

I think to make sense of how Marika feels about her Omen twins, you need to follow a string of:

1/ how bad is Marika’s PTSD?

2/ how bad are people in the Lands Between in general feel about the Hornsent? The Hornsent is very much leading a whole empire that is hunting down anyone they deem inferior, even their own brethren. the fanbase tend to forget that people of Land of Shadow and Lands Between have every reason to already feel grievance towards the Hornsent royalty, even without Marika’s influence.

They were the Golden Order before Golder Order was even a thing (and they want that, btw, the Greatsword of Damnation skill description very much pointed out that the Hornsent royalty wanted to build their own Golden Order under the banner of the Spiraltree, they are just pissed as hell Marika wrenched that divinity from them and made it under the Erdtree instead).

And Marika, even as a God, was still just one person, with an ailing son at the beginning. If she wanted to consolidate power, she had to unite other people under a common cause. And I do think she promised them a world abundance of healing blessing and no death, and no one will suffer under the Hornsent anymore (sounds awfully familiar, isn't it. except that Marika was always gunning for revenge as well). Omens being shunned that badly can’t be just because of Golden Order propaganda, it’s also because people in fact did suffer under the Hornsent and still remember it too.

3/ Messmer, who is fanatical to the point of even though he admits the Tarnished has Marika’s sanction, he will still hunt them down because he considers them lightless / unworthy, who was very much around when the Omen twins were born, why did he do nothing about it?

I’m pretty sure he has no qualm about killing babies, he doesn’t gaf about his siblings chasing something doomed to fail, he very much goes extra miles to torture any Hornsent on his way. So who protected the twins from him? Who hid them from him?

1 + 2 + 3 = you have a Marika who still very much suffered PTSD from what her people went through, she thought she had escaped, she thought she had managed to build a world where everyone was free from Hornsent’s cruelty and always bathed in gentle ray of healing - something the minor erdtree in her village could never do, because there was no one there to heal. But now she gave birth to … Omens?

It’s a sign that whatever the Hornsent once did to her, it’s left a taint forever inside her (yes i very much believed she was under the Hornsent capture before she managed to run away, either via the Mimic Veil or other means). That she never really escaped that cold dark gaol. And for all of his belief in her sanctity, I think Messmer knew that too, that it’s a wound he could never heal, and now all he could do was to make sure she wouldn’t be tainted further.

And after distress, came fear. Fear for the Omen twins, even though she should hate them, she still loved them, she couldn’t help it. She carried them for months and had loved them all that time. That wouldn’t stop even when they triggered all of her trauma at once.

I think it should be noted that in the DLC there is an item that is the same as Omen Bairn item in the base game, which points out that Omen (or in their case, Hornsent) babies with overgrown horns meet a frightfully early demise. Morgott and Mogh both have overgrown horns. But they are alive! They are ! Very much alive! And grow into adulthood!

Who healed them? Who kept them alive? Who else but the woman who used to make several blessing flasks for her cursed firstborn, whose innate power is healing, right?

Before the Omen twins, Omen babies had their horns excised, causing them to perish, but once there are ones born into royal linage, exile is on the table? and again, they have overgrown horns, and still live to adulthood. if they were left to rot in prison, they would have already died.

Marika built a world with a promise that the cruel shadow the Hornsent cast would never befall there, but now… she gave birth for two of them. Her position as a God Queen was of no use if her people clamored for the twins’ death, her duty to them will always outweigh her personal feelings. But she sure as hell would not let her sons die, either.

They weren't exiled to faraway land, they were kept under the capital, presumably so Marika could visit and heal them if their horns caused them pain, the shackles were made so they wouldn't wander up above and ran into civilians that pretty much would call on the Omenkillers to go after them. it was a cruel existence, yes, but it's all she could do for them. she tried her best out of love.

That is why Godfrey never held it against her, even when it's apparent he loves Morgott (as he cradles his son's body gently in the boss cutscene). Godfrey knew she had done everything she could.

All of that above answers this 4th question: why Morgott was accepted as Lord of Leyndell, even went so far as having command over a whole army of the Night's Cavalry?

In the time of unrest, Omens were welcomed in the army, but they were distrusted, even their weapons have an enchantment on it so it could be taken back if they tried something funny.

But Morgott was trusted to command a whole army and held the walls of Leyndell for that long?

The only way I could rationalize that is after she was forced to separate from Messmer, Marika brought both Morgott and Mohg back to live with other demigods. A big part of the Erdtree's power force was in Messmer's hand, now that he was not there anymore, I imagine people would become more accepting of letting Omens join their rank. And because Messmer was not there, the twins would actually not have to deal with him. In a twisted way, when Marika lost her beloved firstborn, she gained the other two back.

Even though they weren't officially recognized as her child, but more as warriors serving in Leyndell army, Morgott proved himself with his tactical mind and combat prowess (while Mogh used the resources brought by his new position to secretly started funding his blood cult, and this is how I think he met Miquella and all the stuffs in that part of the lore happened. Like you can't convince me he built that whole palace and had all that fancy clothes without money or resources taken from somewhere else).

Then Godwyn died, and Morgott witnessed everything thereafter. and the rest of the story, we knew how it played out.

So yeah, that's my take on the timeline and story of the Omen twins. I know it doesn't have a strong official description backup as my theory on Messmer, but I feel like this makes sense with all of my other interpretation, and if you agree with those, they are what actually back up this one.

If I draw Morgott in the future, it'll also be based on this premise.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

057 of 2024

by joybucket

1. What is one thing you wish everyone knew? That not all disabilities are visible, i. e. you don't have to be a wheelchair user to be considered disabled.

2. What is the most frustrating thing about your life right now? Having little energy, or even when I have outbursts of energy like before, they burn out way quicker.

3. What is one thing that you used to be able to do that you can't do anymore? Handstand/cartwheel. I wouldn't dare with my hand now.

6. Besides Bzoink, what's a website that shut down that you wish still existed? Vampire Freaks when they still had forums.

7. Did you chat with your friends on AIM as a teenager? Never used AIM.

9. What is one thing you would tell your younger self if you could? Be yourself, haters gonna hate anyway. You can't make everyone love you.

10. Can you type fast? I used to, but not anymore, with my disabled hand.

11. What are a few of your favorite names that your friends have used for their babies? One of my youngest friends gave birth to her daughter and she and her husband decided to name her Aurora, which I think is a pretty name. One of my friends has two daughters, he named them Lara and Lily.

12. What would you name your kids if you had them? Laura for a daughter (I've been in love with this name since forever), or Monique or Sylvie; Joris/Adriaan/Damiaan for a son.

13. Did you ever attend a university? Yes, I have a degree - Bachelor of Applied Sciences, electrical engineering. Then I was attending uni for standard Dutch language, but dropped off.

14. If you've ever been a college student, what was your favorite thing about it? Classes that aligned my interests.

15. What is one thing you are behind on? All the updates from our engineers at work lol. I've been two years at home after I had a stroke, just came back to my work this year. 

16. What color shirt are you wearing? Black with gold print.

17. What is one thing you always wanted as a kid but never got? Motherly love, for real. My mum was more loving to my sister than to me.

18. What is one thing you like now as an adult that you didn't like when you were a kid? That we weren't treated equally by our parents. I was the dad's favourite, my sister was mum's favourite. But at least we have a strong bond as siblings, we love each other very much.

20. Do you ever eat ice cream for breakfast? 🍨 Yeah, when it used to be hot in summer here.

21. What is one thing most people don't know about you? That I have a genetic disorder.

22. Which cartoon character do you think looks the most like you? Can't think of any, seriously.

23. Do you consider yourself spiritual? Not really.

24. Do you consider yourself religious? Not really either.

26. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Oh my, I don't remember.

27....and afterward, were you glad you did? What happened? Even though I don't remember the last time, I'm pretty sure I was glad I did it.

30. Would you rather eat Mexican food or Asian food? I'm not familiar with Mexican food at all. But I'm pretty familiar with Asian food, so I'd pick Asian. Just not Thai please.

32. What is the best book series you have ever read? The Legend of Ice People, by Norwegian writer Margit Sandemo. It's a fantasy series about a family that has supernatural powers, starts in 15th century, I think, and it consists of 47 books (!).

34. Have you ever been on a missions trip, and if so, where did you go? No, I haven't.

35. What is your favorite thing about your town? Where I live? Medieval architecture and bridges. But it's a tourist spot, so it's always full of people. In my hometown? The beach.

36. Have you ever met anyone named Skye? Yes, but not in person.

37. Do you wonder if unicorns have ever existed? I haven't thought of it, but it would be cool if they did.

28. If you're chronically ill, what is one thing you've tried to cure your chronic illness that didn't work? I don't know. I cut off caffeine, I try to get enough sleep, and I have my medication well adjusted. So far it works very well, but my neurologist said there's no treatment that will guarantee I'll ever be 100% seizure free.

29. Are you lonely? In terms of my health, yes. Other people can't really imagine how it feels to be physically disabled, until they experience it themselves.

31. What is your favorite board game? Can't think of any. Maybe Monopoly.

32. Are you happy? In general, yes.

33. How many of your grandparents are still alive? None.

35. Do you have any regrets? Not anymore. Life is too short for that.

36. Which holiday is your birthday closest to? Easter.

37. Do you believe in heaven and hell? I'm not sure. It makes some sense, though.

38. Have you ever seen a ghost or spirit? 👻 I don't think so, but I felt the presence of my late cat.

39. List three of the most colorful things you can see from where you're sitting right now. Box of raspberry cookies, all my coloured pens, stickers on my laptop.

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 22

Chapter 22: Kaz

"In years to come people would call the outbreak of firepox that struck Ketterdam the Queen’s Lady Plague, after the ship believed to have brought the contagion to the city. It hit the crowded slums of the Barrel hardest. Bodies piled up in the streets, and sickboats moved through the canals, using long shovels and hooks to tumble corpses onto their platforms and haul them out to the Reaper ’s Barge for burning."

It's interesting how much of what makes Kaz Kaz is the fact that he uses his weaknesses as a strength and tries to see them not as a hindrance but as a way to go above and beyond and make a name for himself in a city that treated him so cruelly. In this specific part, it strikes me as interesting how it was the Queen's Lady Plague that took away his brother from him, but it is that same thing that allows him to get a hand over Pekka and Van Eck in the end. And it is because he went through that experience that he was able to later on come up with the plague idea that ended up working not only for his own benefit, but for his crows' benefit too.

"Kaz tried to pull Jordie from the water. His body was covered in the little blooming sores that gave the firepox its name, his skin white and bruised. Kaz thought of the little wind-up dog, of drinking hot chocolate on the bridge. He thought that heaven would look like the kitchen of the house on Zelverstraat and smell like hutspot cooking in the Hertzoons’ oven. He still had Saskia’s red ribbon.

He could give it back to her. They would make candies out of quince paste. Margit would play the piano, and he could fall asleep by the fire. He closed his eyes and waited to die.

Kaz expected to wake in the next world, warm and safe, his belly full, Jordie beside him. Instead, he woke surrounded by corpses. He was lying in the shallows of the Reaper ’s Barge, his clothes soaked through, skin wrinkled from the damp. Jordie’s body was beside him, barely recognisable, white and swollen with rot, floating on the surface like some kind of gruesome deep sea fish."

It breaks my heart to read this, because it shows how hopeful and wholesome little Kaz was! He was dreaming of being in heaven with Jordie, and have enough foor to eat, and make candies with Saskia, and then you compare that Kaz with present-day Kaz and it is such a stark difference. And it puts into perspective how much Kaz lost that day, not only his brother, but also his faith on humanity almost? And then it makes sense why he makes fun of Inej's faith and her goodness despite everything she's been through, because it almost is the polar opposite of what he got out of his horrible situation.

"He hated that Inej had seen him this way, that anyone had, but on the heels of that thought came another: Better it should be her. In his bones, he knew that she would never speak of it to anyone, that she would never use this knowledge against him. She relied on his reputation. She wouldn’t want him to look weak. But there was more to it than that, wasn’t there? Inej would never betray him. He knew it. Kaz felt ill. Though he’d trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with this shame."

Nothing specific to add here, just the fact that he has spent so much time and effort maintaining his facade of being strong, that it is frightening and disconcerting being able to trust someone with something he's ashamed of. And him knowing that he can trust her? Even though he's not ready to admit any feelings he might have for her, he can at least admit this to himself.

“You okay?” Inej asked, and Kaz felt himself drawn towards her voice like water rolling downhill."

Omg??! He's so not ready to admit any feelings yet, but he felt himself drawn to her voice like water rolling downhill??! My boy is down bad!!

"They entered a chamber where an old woman sat with her hands chained, flanked by guards. Her eyes were vacant. As each prisoner approached, the woman gripped his or her wrist.

A human amplifier. Kaz knew Nina had worked with them when she’d been scouring the Wandering Isle for Grisha to join the Second Army. They could sense Grisha power by touch, and he’d seen them hired on at high stakes card games to make sure none of the players were Grisha. Someone who could tamper with another player ’s pulse or even raise the temperature in a room had an unfair advantage. But the Fjerdans used them for a different purpose – to make sure no Grisha breached their walls without being identified."

I really hate this. I understand the rationale of why Fjerdans do it, but then it also plays into the "Fjerdans are hypocrites". Because they hate Grisha and they call them unnatural and witches and so on, but then they use their powers to build the Ice Court and detect other Grishas and later on also to create an army under jurda parem to try and defeat Ravka? Either you hate them and want to kill them, or you don't. It goes to show, then, that Fjerdans only wanted power and if Grisha (even though they hated them) were a means to obtain it, then they were going to use them.

"As they were led through an arch on the left, Kaz glimpsed Inej disappearing into the opposite arch with the other female prisoners. He felt a twinge in his chest, and with a disturbing jolt, he realised it was panic. She’d been the one to wake him from his stupor in the cart. Her voice had brought him back from the dark; it had been the tether he gripped and used to drag himself back to some semblance of sanity."

I can only wonder how Kaz will be doing when she leaves for the seas. I know we catch a brief glimpse of that in the KoS duology, but since we didn't get any Kaz chapters there, I'm sure there's more to it than the brief things we get to see. And I'm sure he's not having a great time without her in Ketterdam.

"None of it mattered. For now, Kaz had to focus on the plan and finding Yul-Bayur. He glanced at the others. Wylan looked as if he was ready to wet himself. Helvar appeared grim as always. Jesper just grinned and whispered, “Well, we’ve managed to get ourselves locked into the most secure prison in the world. We’re either geniuses or the dumbest sons of bitches to ever breathe air.”

I think you're both, Jesper. And every adventure from here on out is equal parts because you're geniuses but also the dumbest people on the planet.

"More Suli platitudes, but somehow even the memory of her voice helped. He was better than this. He had to be. Not just for Jordie, but for his crew.

He’d brought these people here. He’d brought Inej here. It was his job to bring them out again."

Just the thought of her voice helps him? Okay, so he is down for her very very bad.

On another note, I love how he separates Inej from "these people". Like she's in a separate category from everyone else, almost as if she's not only part of his crew, but also his girl (like we see him say / admit later on in the book).

So that's it for chapter 22. Next up, we have Jesper dealing with the fact that they're trapped in a high security prison.

[prismatic-starstuff]

Can we get brain rot and butt stuff with the skrunkly cinnamon roll that is Domgott?

18+ only content under the cut, minors stay away.

Worship.

— gender-neutral!Tarnished!Reader x Margit.

CW: facesitting, rimming.

There's never been any question about the fact Margit is far bigger than you; he towers over you when the two of you stand side-by-side, envelops you when the two of you embrace.

Gazing up at him as he hovers over you, feet planted either side of your neck, you've never been quite so aware of just how much bigger than you he really is.

His head turns to gaze at you over his shoulder; not that you can particularly see, your vision quite consumed by the lovely sight of his round and firm backside. "Thou'rt still confident that this is thine desire... yes?"

Your hands raise to rest on his bare hips, a contented sound escaping you as you lean up a little to press kisses against the swell of his cheeks. You've wanted to do this with your rival-turned-sparring-partner-turned-lover for a while now, but you never knew how to bring it up; you're sure that your idea to request this as your reward for besting him during your sparring session is the best one you've had all year.

A pleased growl rumbles deep in Margit's chest, and he breathes a shuddering breath, his tail - lifted up so as to not get in the way - twitching with excitement. "Very well... If thou needst me to rise, tap me twice."

You nod, nuzzling your face into the warmth of his rear end, your tongue slipping out to run hungrily along his crack.

Another tremble in his breath; you can tell he's enjoying this. Slowly, he presses down; not enough to sit on you fully, not enough to crush you or hurt you, but enough to push your head back; enough to have your face blissfully smothered in your lover's rear. That tail of his curls, resting behind your head like a wonderfully warm living pillow.

You're tingling between your thighs, fingers curling and gripping onto Margit's hips, unable to keep yourself from moaning even as your voice is muffled.

"Look at thee... mighty Tarnished..." There's an amusement in his voice, and he presses down a little further. His cheeks part just a little with his movement; your lips so very close to his exposed entrance. "So willing to lay thineself down, to be used as a seat... a throne."

His every word sends heat pooling into your core, your thighs pressing together so tightly. You know he isn't being serious, that he's teasing you because you like it; and he's so very good at it.

Those strong hands of his reach back, fingers grasping the plushness of his cheeks and spreading them apart, his voice heavy with lust as he orders you: "Lick, little Tarnished. Worship me with thy tongue."

You don't need telling twice; your tongue is immediately slipping out to circle the tightness of his hole, to drag slowly across it as it quivers for you. The tip of your tongue presses against it, and he barely suppresses the groan that escapes him.

"Tease me not..." His tail flexes behind your head, effectively shoving your face against him; the slightly rough treatment drawing a surprised moan from your throat. "I will have no disobedience from thee."

That tone of his is so commanding; you don't even want to tease, don't want to play the brat. Your tongue presses against his hole, slowly sinking into its tight heat; you swirl it, tasting him, sliding it in as deep as you can and back again.

And he moans shamelessly, his head falling back as you take him with your mouth; as you serve him as his throne, as you worship your lover as your reward.

[someblueyearning]

Rambles about a Morgott x Tarnished Story Idea

Bruh has anyone used the Grace as like a Soulmate AU I’m pretty sure there is something out there like Morgott in particular.

The grace of the Golden Order pulls you towards your destiny the sites of grace vaguely showing you where to go. Like a soulmate can also be apart of it guiding you to places where they’ve been. Once heard from like a YouTube theory video that the Golden Order feeds off suffering of its believers make that fit in there somehow.

I’m thinking about writing a Morgott x Tarnished AU that deals with soulmates and a Time Loop.

That’s right I’m talking about a Slow Burn Enemies to Allies to Friends to Lovers type of beat. Put in a little angst in future timelines where the knowledge that the Tarnished accumulated in past timelines will make Morgott distrust the Tarnished immediately ending the relationship if they spill it out. Maybe title it “Same Old Mistakes” (if this is actually posted in the future guess this is a heads up)

It begins at the end where the Tarnished gets the regular ending and realized they’ve made a mistake. The shine in the sky is not the brilliant gold they’ve expected and having Queen Marika as their consort felt like they’ve made the wrong choice.

You see what happened when the Tarnished put Marika’s head back on her body the Golden Order gave the Tarnished a choice in their consort. Instead of immediately making Queen Marika their consort the Golden Order also suggested a demigod that was most compatible. The Tarnished hearing this gives into their curiosity and asks who this demigod was (the Tarnished did a speed run through the game trying to be Elden Lord as quickly as possible so they never truly explored the Lands Between nor done any side quests). In the golden particles of the Golden Order the form of Morgott takes shape taking the Tarnished by surprise. But because they really never got to learn much about the world nor why the Shattering happened they choose Queen Marika because that’s what they’ve been told they must do.

Queen Marika has not awoken from her slumber as the Tarnished sits on the throne regretting their decision looking upon the world they’ve been told they must now govern. Their mind wonders back to Margit/Morgott and how the Golden Order thought they were compatible. The Tarnished only seen Morgott as an enemy, a man who hindered their progress and actively hunted the Tarnished down. Who seemed to have a personal vendetta against the Tarnished for doing their duty. They think back Morgott’s last words. Pondering how true the words are.

How the time loop will appear?

When Queen Marika wakes the Tarnished so deep troubled on the throne they don’t notice her come up behind them until the blade is deep within their chest. Queen Marika says some speech akin to, “Foolish Tarnished who blindly follows orders. Loyal servant to the Golden Order I curse thee…” something something that they must die and start anew everytime they die until they find the path to their true destiny.

That’s right Queen Marika curses the Tarnished to a No Death run. They awake back at the beginning of the game. This is where the story truly begins.

The Tarnished now has a goal in mind, find out what they can about Margit the Fell Omen/Morgott the Grace-given. However for this very first time loop they take it slow and explore Limgrave etc. When they feel like they’ve done enough they go to meet Margit. Except they made a mistake when greeting the Fell Omen they accidentally call him “Morgott” which sends a golden blade their way and the Tarnished is immediately killed.

The Tarnished? Nameless Confessor Strength/Faith build. Weapon preference? Two halberds in each hand. Prefers to have no name because they have yet to find themselves. Most likely will be male. No true memories of the time before coming to the Lands Between. No real personality until they finally access their brain cell and not be a mindless drone.

Possible timeline plots:

- Officially the First: Tarnished will go around and actually learn the world (specifically Limgrave) and meet the npcs they’ve never met before and strike up an actual friendship with Melina (the only other person who knows they are stuck in a time loop). They accidentally call Margit, Morgott and immediately get killed

- “And They Were Bridgemates”: they decide to not fight Margit on the bridge for some reason Margit agrees to let them stay. Gets to see that Margit is not a man just full of hatred towards the Tarnished

- The Tarnished confused about their feelings decides they must fight Margit on the bridge and win. They follow grace and feel like they’ve been following the ghosts of a person. Learn the hard way about the Night’s Calvary. Finally make the connection between Margot’s vanishing words about be fearful of the night and the knights that have been hunting the Tarnished down.

- “Night Calvary Training Arc”: This time the Tarnished meets Margit on the bridge and asks to serve under “Margit the Fell Omen” maybe give some respectful praises and wishes to join the Night Calvary. Margit trains the Tarnished (this will be the meat and potatoes) Finally they will grow closer

I will not spoil the ending I plan for these two. Nor further vital timelines caused the Tarnished to go that path.

[azurlaneincorrectquotes]

Ranking every shardbearer boss in elden ring from worst to best

7: Rennala

The only boss on this list I hate. First phase is really similar to royal rat Vanguard from Dark Souls 2, which is a pretty shit fight. Phase 2, though takes place in a gorgeous arena, is somehow even more mindless than phase one. Due to how dull and lackluster the fight is, it drops all the way down

6: Godrick

The first Great Rune most people will get, Godrick the Grafted is a pretty decent first bout. The cutscene where he grafts himself is metal, his mechanics are simple yet engaging, and you can never really get comfy. My issue is that he goes from daunting to complete joke once you have a decent weapon.

5: Melania

The infamous Blade of Miquella lands here. The atmosphere of the fight is tranquil, but Malenia is anything but. She's fast strong, and dear GOD waterfoul dance. And her second phase reminds me of a certain classic painting. My main complaints are the fact that her heal isn't proportional to her damage output, making a shield a liability, her inability to stagger unless she wants to, and some technical bugs

4: Mohg

Just outside the top 3 is this creepy fuck. His phase 1 theme is one of my favorites, and his voice is great. His "TRES!" will stick with me for a long time. His moves look pretty cool and varied, and the fire keeps you guessing. I'm not a large fan of the fact you either take 0 damage or 2 heals worth of damage from his phase 2 buff, and I feel the second phase is a downgrade

3: Morgott

You mother fucker, why are you so sick? Fast, flashy, combos, big hits, and sick sword rain. I figured I'd meet him again after the Margit fight, but never figured he was the King. My only gripe with this fight is he's not durable enough. It's always over a bit before I want it to be.

2: Radahn

This fight is just cool. Charging through a ruined war zone to fight it's commander with your allies is like the Burnt Ivory King, but you actually know who your allies are. His attacks are the right mix of flashy and deadly that you feel sick dodging them, he's easily able to hit everyone around him at once no matter his target, and his roars are awesome. And he literally dips from the call only to become a meteor phase 2. If I had to nitpick, I hate his rock attack because it's a bitch to dodge, but this is one of the best fights. Except...

1: Rykard

It's like Yhorm, but a real boss fight. The Serpent Hunter feels good to use, The God Devouring Serpent has a good mix of melee and ranged. Its fast enough to punish mistakes, but slow enough to let you Rev up the weapon and let her rip. And then comes phase 2, and JESUS CHRIST CALM DOWN. My greatest achievement in Elden Ring was dodging the skull rain, his Mega sword swing, and then landing the Skill right to the face. Rykard's moves are a mix of fast and staggered, keeping you from spam rolling. And his design is horrific.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life After Snowpiercer: Dragging Up The Past

Summary- 8.1k Curtis x You. Matt’s escaped and Curtis goes with a team to search for them. You figure you could talk to Edgar, maybe make him understand the circumstances of the past. Warnings- mentions of cannibalism, Smut, violence, swearing, all that good stuff. 

A/N- The Story of Edgar’s Mom can be read in Past Horrors 

Chapter 12 / Masterlist

Curtis was followed closely by Johanna, who was listening to all he was saying. “Get the council together, tell them Matt’s escaped. I'm going to find Edgar now. I will meet up with them in the office.” The woman faltered, her eyes wide as she looked at him. “Escaped? Escaped how?” 

I wish I knew… 

He shrugged at her and kept going, heading right to Edgar’s quarters while Johanna went to let the other three council members know. Once Curtis reached Edgar’s rooms, he knocked on the door softly to hear a rumbling ‘Come in’ Without announcing himself, he stepped in to find Edgar stretched on his back, his arm over his eyes as if blocking out the daylight filling the room. Once he lifted to see it was Curtis his pained look turned dark and enraged, even hatred filling the features of his young face. 

“Get the fuck out Curtis, ya fuckin’ shite.” He pushed himself up, reaching for a knife. Curtis was quicker, crowding into him, his hand wrapped around his wrist to keep him from going for the knife, other hand at Edgar’s neck, holding him at arms length, well away from kicking feet and flying fists. 

“Just answer me Edgar and I will leave you alone, okay? You can do that much right?” Curtis tried to say calmly as possible. Edgar was shooting daggered looks at him, trying to pry his grip off, his throat, wrangle his arm out of Curtis’s hold. “What the fuck ya want murder?” Slowly releasing him, Curtis backed off, his hands held up to show he wasn't armed, didn't want to fight. “Matt’s gone, please Edgar, tell me you didn't let him go Man?” 

“What? Course I didn’t, I’m not fuckin’ stupid Curtis. I know he’s a murdering son of a bitch. I would never let him go.” 

Curtis let out a breath of air in relief, he should have known, but Edgar was beyond angry at him, which he was rightly so. “What do ya mean he's gone?” Edgar questioned next.

“The locks were undone and everything, you were the last one to see him before…” Curtis shrugged and Edgar gave him a look. 

“Ya, how do I know you didn't let him go? Hunt him down, kill him in cold blood? Sounds like something you would do.” Edgar snarked while sitting on his bed. “Now get out before I rethink my decision NOT to stab you in the face.” 

“You really think that?” Curtis asked him incredulously, and Edgar glared at him. 

“Ya, I fuckin’ do.” his accent rolling off his tongue the angrier he got. “Don't think I haven't forgotten you turning your back on me in the tunnels either Curtis. This, is what happens to those around you isn't it. They get hurt. My ma, me, Grey, Tonya, hell even through you, Y/N got hurt didn't she? Ya think they targeted her cause she was just some pretty looking tail ender in the back? No Curtis, they went after her cause she fucks around with you.” Curtis’s gut sank the more Edgar spoke, its black ideas clouding his mind, cause somewhere deep down, he believed every word. “You probably let Matt go so you could hunt him down yourself… The only reason he isn't dead now is cause Y/N begged you not to.” Edgar’s chin lifted a notch, challenging Curtis to deny it. 

He couldn't, cause it was true. Without a word, he left and slammed the metal train door behind him. Edgar smirked in anger, knowing he had hit a nerve with him. “Thought so.” 

Curtis tried to shake Edgar’s words, but the bloomed through his mind until he believed it. That wasn’t going to stop him from hunting Matt down, and when he re entered the sleeping quarters you were curled up in the chair, unfolding when you saw him. “Curtis, is it true?” 

“Yes, it is. He's gone, along with a weapon and the keys.” He started to pull on more clothes, and prying open the closet door in the room, he brought out the ax he originally brought in there. Your eyes widened seeing his preparations, even pulling out his long jacket that came from the tail end. 

“What are you doing?” You tried to block him to answer you, gently but firmly, he silently made you step aside. “Curtis! Answer me! Where are you going?” 

“We have to go get him Babygirl, all of them. Not just Matt. If we don't, they are just going to attack again.” 

You shake your head, and try to make him pause once more. “No, we can’t possibly know that. What are they going to survive on? Curtis, would you stop?” Your voice picked up, trying to make him take notice of you. Everything was just starting to go right for all of you, things for you and Curtis were heading back to normal. You didn’t want to loose him again to the madness, why did it have to be him? “Why does it have to be you?” Finally you come to the point you wanted to make, taking a shuddering breath. “Haven’t you done enough? You got us here, let someone else take this, do this.” 

That made Curtis pause, you could see the haunch in his shoulders, the way his back lifted when he took a shuddering breath, saying so softly that it barely registered with you what he was saying. “Cause this is what I do.” 

You're shaking your head, confused as to what he means, stepping up behind him and laying your hand against his quivering back, your brows furrowed in your concern. “You're not a killer Curtis.” Then he turned around and crowded you, backing you into the wall, his hands caging you in on each side and glittering cold blue eyes were inches from yours, his hot breath fanning your face. 

“Are you sure Babygirl? Because killing is awful easy for me. I take what I want, damn the consequences. Don’t lie to yourself, you're tied to a killer. It’s really all i’m good at.” 

Your breathing picks up as does your heartbeat in your chest, cause in this second it wasn't your Curtis, but a man who looks to be at the end of his tolerance. Your voice stutters slightly, shaking your head, at him and yourself. This was Curtis, and he would not hurt you. 

“That's not true Curtis, you are not.” Your hands come up to press and fist your hands into his shirt, one last effort to keep him from leaving once more into bloodshed. “Just last night you were nothing but gentle and caring with me, putting me back together. That is not what a killer does.” You stressed, and he slammed his hands against the metal walls, making you flinch but not break your hold from him. 

“Great deceiver I am. Open your eyes, Y/N. Its time you saw me for what I really am.” Gripping your chin, he kissed you with an anger stinging your lips you’ve never felt, and it made you gasp, trying to pull your head away when he crowded into you further, crushing you between him and the wall. There was no way for you to pull away from him and you gave a fearful whine against his mouth. He had never made you feel helpless, but you did here. The length of his body crushing you into the wall was solid, heavy, and familiar. But it was dangerous, his anger and stress making him hard and unyielding. Even his cock pressed hard and demanding against the softness of your stomach, there was no escaping him if he took more. Not even before the revolt was he like this. It sparked a fear in you that made your heart race. 

When he pulled away, his own eyes shining a bit too much, he yanked himself away from you, leaving you behind to sink to the floor, and drop your head to your knees as you listened to his boots thudding down the aisle and further away from you. You’ve never felt so alone as you did right now. You didn't know what he had planned, what was going to happen. Your heart ached for your man thinking himself a monster that you knew he wasn't. 

How could you just leave her?, Curtis thought to himself, hefting the ax over his shoulder as he stalked down the length of the train, the passengers he passed were quick to move away from him. Right now everything about him screamed killer, a man of walking death. Because I was out of control, and was going to just take her, hurt her. Shame flared in his cheeks that he really wanted to break you, make you tell him he was right, that Edgar was right, really proving that he was in fact, a monster to his girl. Blowing out a breath of air, he recomposed himself while going to meet with the other council members. 

Curtis wasted no time, explaining what had happened, to the best of his knowledge to the other council members, and it was a unanimous vote that a team needed to go after Matt, right away, as well as those aiding him. “They are dangerous.” The Doctor said, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his eyes. “Do we bring them back alive though? Were not killers.” The healer in him at war with what was going on, he knew they would always be in danger from this group of renegades, but his instincts were to preserve life, not destroy it.

Curtis was leaning against a wall, lost in thought. “We can't really keep them alive either though, not with the danger they possess. They are still loyal to Wilford, and most likely that isn’t going to change.” 

John and Margit kept quiet for now, but it was Margit who spoke up. The woman usually kept calm and collected during any of these meetings. “I say we let there victims decide there fate. Many of the women they attacked are still traumatized from there attacks.” Curtis lifted his gaze, clearly now his thoughts were on you, and last night how after you two made love, the way you look so relieved, so shocked that you still were able to feel any kind of pleasure in sex. “Maybe giving them this chance to decide what happens will ease there minds. That they are in control of it all, not there rapists and murders.” 

The rest of the group nodded, and Curtis was able to agree to that. John moved to a stand, looking at Curtis. “I will go with you, help you bring them in. I know Johanna has offered, as well as several others.” Curtis nodded and pushed off from the wall, picking up the ax he had brought with him. 

“Lets not waste anymore time then.” The two men headed out while the Doctor and Margit sighed, the deed heavy and they were glad they weren't the ones going out to hunt them down and bring them in. When the group gathered, Curtis picking up from where the tracks were frozen in the ground and they set off, hoping that the wind hadn't already blown them away. You watched from your window as they got smaller, hugging your arms around yourself, a soft frown etched on your face, and when they were finally out of sight, nothing but white landscape again, you turned away. 

You needed to go talk to Edgar, this anger fueling Curtis was guilt from the past. Maybe if you could explain what happened, why it all went down as it did, that it wasn't just Curtis. It was all of you, everyone locked in the tail end going to a point of no return for survival. Maybe he could forgive Curtis, and then Curtis too could see that he wasn't the monster he believed himself to be. With resolve, you went to find him. 

Matt trudged along, frozen now. He couldn’t feel his feet, his hands or his face. All of it frozen as he tried covering himself as much as he could with the jacket he had taken from the kid, cursing out his foul mood. “Why couldn't you all just take a closer train car? Fuck I got the keys, we could break right into there storage and just take all the weapons.” He muttered, and the ex guard whipped around to glare at him. “Listen Matt, your not in charge anymore, okay? Get off your fucking high horse why don’t you. Know how we’ve survived undetected by them? Cause were not right under their noses.” With that, he continued on, leaving Matt shivering and cussing him out before he started forward again, huffing. 

“Well are we at least close? I think I got frostbite. Would you lose your toes if they have frostbite?” and the man before him shrugged. 

“Sucks for you then. Were almost there.” he started to inspect the remaining train cars at the very end, till he rounded the one he was looking for, and swung up to grab the handle on the side and climb in, reaching back to grab Matt’s and haul him in. It was much warmer to Matt’s relief as the collected bodies and small fire warmed the enclosed space. Matt hurriedly went to the fire and started to peel off his shoes and socks to see the damage done. “You all been living here?” he asked as he looked around. It was much further in the tail end then hes been to in years, and the conditions showed it. Imagining it was pretty bad before even the train crashed. Bunks lined the walls, and they were piled with some blankets that looked pretty thin and rough, what looked to be garbage strewn into the corners of the car, and filth. So much filth, Matt shuddered to think what it could have possibly been at one time. 

“Not like there’s a fucking Bed and Breakfast down the road.” the man grunted, letting his hands move over the fire to warm them back up. 

“Wilford always told us you were going to take over once he passed.” Eric looked Matt up and down from across the flames, seeming to take him in. Other men came up, all as menacing as him. “ Wilford is gone, and we cant just go to join Curtis and his group.” 

“No, after what you all did to Y/N and the others you really cant.” Matt said matter of fact. “That’s why they need to be killed. Curtis, the little council of leaders they made, those loyal to them. My sister. And I can help you. I know where they have shit stored. Please tell me Eric you all have weapons.” 

“Not many, but we've been gathering supplies where we can.”

Matt pressed a hand to his forehead, and moved his socks and shoes closer to the flames. “You have anything that can possibly be used?” 

“Barely, like I just fucking said. But, some of us are going scouting. If we were where I think we are, we’re not far from an actual city. There will be plenty of supplies if we search hard enough for them.” He jerked to a stand, leaving Matt kneeling by the fire. 

“We're leaving tonight. I got some more clothes you can put on.” Eric grunted while he went to go dig through piles on a nearby bunk. 

“I'm not going anywhere!” Matt huffed, trying to warm his feet up with vigorous rubbing. Eric tossed him extras of everything. 

“But you are, Wilford trained you to be the next leader, and I am your appointed bodyguard should anything have happened. Understood? This is what the Boss wanted.” 

Warily Matt stuffed his feet into dry socks. This entire time since he was taken from the tail end as a child, he corrupted himself for survival. Apparently Eric corrupted himself for Loyalty. 

“I promise, Curtis and every one of those loyal fuckers to him will be dead.” 

Matt didn't even try to hide the cold grin on his face as he pushed up to a stand, take out Curtis, take out the main problem. Now Matt was completely on board with this plan. 

You went to Edgar’s room, and it was ajar, able to peek in to see him laying on his bed, arm slung over his eyes as if combating a headache. 

“Edgar, are you okay?” you ask softly as you ease the door open. He didn't even bother to lift his arm when he responded. 

“Go away Y/N, I have nothing more to say to any of ya’s today.” 

Taking a deep breath, you ignored his request, stepping in and closing the door behind you, not wanting others to hear any of this. 

“Edgar, you know I can't just leave you. Do you need some aspirin? I have some.” Reaching into your coat pocket, you felt around, searching for the tablets you knew you kept on you. 

“No, I don’t want your fucking medicine Y/N.” 

Your fingers closed around them, and you set them on the table, before moving to sit in a chair in the room. 

“I know you're upset Edgar…” 

“Upset?!” the younger man flipped around to a sit, his face laced with anger and betrayal. “I find out Curtis killed my Mom when I was a baby to eat us and you think I'm just upset?!” 

“Okay, yes more than upset.” Your voice cracked a bit. “Edgar, you have to know… it was desperation. We were starving, and there was nothing left.” 

“So we murder and eat one another?” He snorted out, looking away from your distressed face. 

“No, no it was wrong, all of it. Everything we all did was… terrible. Driven by fear and pain, the whole Car back then, we lost our minds Edgar. There was no way out, it was nothing but darkness, trapped in that iron box with no escape. Packed on top of one another till we started to die off.” 

Edgar still didn't say anything, and you looked down in your lap, wringing your hands together. “It was done on purpose, i'm sure of it now. Take out the weaker ones, only let the strongest survive. Wilford was testing us to see what it took for us to break.” 

“You saying my Mum was weak?” 

You gave a shake of your head and gave a weak smile. “Not at all, she died trying to protect you and that makes her one of the strongest people there was Edgar. She was what changed everything, Gilliam showed us then another way. Was it better? I- I don't know. It was brutal. Those scars Curtis has on his arm, is where he took a dull blade and try to cut off his arm. The only reason he still has it is because they brought the protein blocks, ending our starvation.” 

Edgar still didn't look convinced, rubbing a hand over his face and glaring at you. “Does not make it right.” 

“No, no it doesn’t. Trust me, Curtis and others have been living with that knowledge for 17 years, and hating themselves for it. Curtis still wont forgive himself. He was just a kid. Younger then you are now. Put yourself in his shoes Edgar, what would you have done?” 

“Not that! Die I guess.”

“Edgar please. I'm not asking you to forgive Curtis, or any of us, just know it was a matter of desperation and survival.” You swallowed, and pushed your hand against the tears that had built up. 

“Should I forgive Curtis for leaving me behind? Letting me get stabbed in his rush to reach Mason?” Edgar snapped, and you tilted your head in confusion. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“When we were going into the tunnels, Franco fucking Jr got a hold of me. If Curtis pulled back, he wouldn't kill me. Curtis saw and kept going.” Edgar hissed his next words. “Sacrificed me, and all for nothing wasn't it. Wilford was waiting for him this whole time.” 

You shook your head, unsure and a bit of disbelief on your face. “I don't know anything about that Edgar, I wasn't there.” 

“No Y/N, you weren't. Maybe you know Curtis, but do you really know all of him? All that he is capable of?” Going to his door and opening it, he tilted his head. “I think its time for you to go Y/N, i’m done with this conversation.” 

You opened your mouth to say something more, defend Curtis once more, but Edgar shook his head and pointed out the door for you to leave, and you knew there would be no more talking to him about this, not yet anyways. Unfolding from the chair, you pushed yourself to a stand and walked out, turning before he could shut the door on you. 

“Please, you don't have to forget or forgive, just know that Curtis cares for you like a brother. What happened, he will never be able to forgive himself for it. It will always be his greatest regret.” 

Edgar looked away, you could see that it pained him, all of it. “As well it should.” and with that he closed the door, sealing himself away from you. 

Feeling like you had accomplished nothing, you made your way towards the garden cart, hoping that maybe you can be useful there. 

Night had fallen, and Curtis was just thankful that the stars and moon was bright enough to continue going. They had lost the trail for the most part, but now and then they would pass by what resembled footprints in the deeper snow. They had frozen over since the sun was quick to descend that day, so it was hard to tell exactly what any of it really was. None of them were necessarily expert trackers. 

But the group continued on, checking damaged cars as they went along, further then they had been since settling down, and the amount of loss in all of them. 

It brought the whole group into a very dark frame of mind. 

Pulling up, John squatted in front of an entrance. “Curtis… this is several. In fact they are paths leading to this door.” He pulled himself to a stand, and placed his hand on the safety of the rifle he carried, trying to look into the darkness. Curtis came up behind him and looked in. “Stay watch, we will get a fire built, see if we cant find anyone inside.” Last thing he wanted was anyone bolting while they were busy making a fire. John and the man who helped them find a way out of the valley named Adam looked around the ground. 

“I think anyone who was here left, straight across the ice.” He pointed where a bunch of the crust was broken, in a straight line. 

“Animals hardly travel like that, and there’s a pretty good trail. I'm saying whoever was here is long gone, earlier today.” 

After making the fire and checking the enclosure thoroughly, Curtis was apt to agree with John and Adam. Assuming it was the ex guards and Matt, they were quick to split figuring Curtis would be coming for them. Frustrated they just miss there target was an understatement, after picking through the useless remains of the car, Curtis sat near the fire, studying it. They could cross the ice, follow after them. But the fact remains they were not equipped for several days travel. 

“Curtis just come home. They probably are just as bad off as you are.” You leaned against him, and although you were nothing more then a product of his imagination, he appreciated your warmth against him. 

“Babygirl, if we let them go, they will just come for us again. Not to mention what they did to you and the others.” He said softly, letting his chin rest on top of your head, closing his eyes just enjoying his vision of you. 

“I know Handsome, I just got you back, I'm not ready to lose you again.” 

“You’re not going to lose me.” 

“I almost did during the revolt.” 

“We’re going to do this right. Go home, look over the maps to see where they might be headed and pack properly. No recklessness. We will be safe.” 

You were silent, slowly fading away as he resolved on what to do. After a few hours, he spoke up, laying it all out for everyone to decide for themselves. The rest of the group agreed, and they made the trip home. Now that there was more of a plan in place, Curtis felt easier. That things were properly moving forward again. 

Their arrival home, although a surprise, was welcomed by everyone. No one was hurt, everyone was safe, and although Matt wasn't caught or the others, no more loss of life felt kind of like a win still to the mass of the people. 

You stood at the edge of the crowd, watching as Curtis made his way through, trying to answer questions about what they found, and what was next. “We will let everyone know soon, excuse me.” Pulling away from another voicing their concerns, he spied you and made his way to you slowly. “Y/N, Babygirl, I’m-” 

You shook your head to quiet him, and he couldn't help the bit of fear that you wanted nothing to do with him for a moment. He hadn't forgotten how he left you, kissing his anger into you till it hurt you, how badly he wanted to just have you regardless of what you felt. His temper became a shade of red that blinded him. How was it that he only felt that loss of control with you. 

“Let's talk in our room.” You didn't push him away, instead opened your hand to his and led him away from the crowd, letting John and Johanna take over the questions. 

When you closed the door and turned back to Curtis, you could see him reach out to touch you, then pulled away and stepped back. His shame in his earlier actions laced in his voice. “I’m sorry I laid hands on you like that Y/N, I shouldn't have. If I hurt you in anyway” His voice drifting off with regret. Knowing he wouldn't touch you until you gave him permission, you stepped forward and pressed your hands against his chest to make him sit down on the edge of the bed. Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, but first and foremost was relief he was okay. When he sat down, and his thighs spread you stepped into them, tugging his hat off to toss it aside, push your hand through his short soft bristles. 

“You scared me Curtis.” You admitted. “You caught me by surprise, but then you were just gone. Going after Matt, and those others. I was so fucking scared you weren’t thinking clearly and were going to get hurt.” 

His hands slid over your hips carefully, as it he didn’t really have the right to place his hands anywhere on you, giving a shake of his head. “I was angry, so fucking angry. I lost Matt, Edgar…” He sighed with defeat. “He was told about his mom in the worst way possible, and then you, in that moment, I just wanted to get lost in you and I almost did.” 

Flashback filled your mind of his hard body trying to meld right against yours, his length pushing at his pants with arousal. “You've always been mine, to lose you because of my actions, would kill me.” shuddering out his weakness. 

You frowned down at him, a hand pressing against his shoulders till he straightened back so you could see his face. “Curtis, you’re not going to loose me.” All those other thoughts were pushed aside as you saw his stress at the situation hardening his features. Pressing your hands against his shoulders so he fell back against the bed. “There is no one I love more then you, on this train, or in this world. You scared me, but you didn't hurt me, not really.” you wriggled on him till you could perch lightly on his stomach to look down at him. 

“Well maybe you shouldn't Y/N.” He said, although his hands were settled against your waist, and Edgar’s words echoed back to you. Maybe you know Curtis, but do you really know all of him?

Yes you did, and you were going to prove it to both men if you had to. You might not know every detail, but you've shared your life with him since you both came on the train. There wasn't anything about Curtis that made you doubt him. 

“That's not for you to decide Curtis.” You pushed his shirt up till he lifted enough to drag his shirt off, your hands sliding up and down the wall of his chest, the curls of hairs covering multitude of scars that now were no longer a shock to you as they had been at first. You appreciated every sacrifice he made getting them. You leaned over him and started with soft brushes of your lips down his chest, kissing where his heart raced against his chest, your hands rubbing against his sides and back up till you pushed up, back to his mouth and nipped on that full lower lip. “I make my own choices, and I’ve always chosen you. Why do you think you don't deserve that?” 

Curtis scolded himself as you moved to straddle him, tugging off his shirt and then kissing on his chest. If he was a better man he would stop you, but he wasn't. Curtis craved you endlessly, and to see you hovering over him, your face set with determination, he couldn't stop you. He wasn't strong enough. There was no way he would ever be able to tell you no. His hands sought the warmth of your skin, and as soon as he slid them under your shirt, you shivered at his cool touch, but didn’t pull away. No you clenched your thighs against his sides and let your nose trail up the center of his chest. 

“If I was a better man, I wouldn't have lost my temper.” Curtis sighed and tilted his head back while you started to kiss on his neck, and rock yourself back slightly. “I could have hurt you Y/N, I was close.” 

“You might have been, but I don't think you would have. You never have before Handsome.” You pushed up away from him and started to work his pants open, your eyes bright looking down at him as you reached in and wrapped your hand around his length, stroking up and down slowly with a slightly firmer grip. 

Curtis hissed as he jerked in your hold, digging his fingers more into your waist. “Y/N!” 

You give a slight smile at his reaction knowing he was doing all he could to not push for more, sliding your hand up and down, your fingers dancing along the hard length. When you reached the base, you fondled his balls into your palm, give slight tugs and gentle squeezes. You never broke your gaze from him, dropping your head to wrap lips around his head and slide your tongue around the swollen head. 

Having let go of your hips, he twisted his fists into the sheets and a ripping noise signaled that some of your bedding was ruined, which enticed you to drop further down to take him further. Pulling away, your tongue licked a stripe down the length, and he hissed once more, jolting when you teased his balls with the lap of your tongue and a pull of one into your mouth.  “Babygirl, get the fuck up here.” He growled, when you pulled off him, and his arms grasped your forearm, bringing you to his mouth, and kissed you hungrily, hand moving from your forearms to grasp your ass and push you against him, you did a dirty grind against him, scrapping your hands through his beard and digging your fingers against his scalp, groaning into his kiss. 

“Need you Babygirl…” He grunted against your lips and rolled his hips like he was going to roll you over, and you grasped his wrists behind you while you arched to sit up, looking down at him. “No Curtis, just stay right there.” You stated while lifting yourself off to a stand. 

You were pulling off your clothes, and Curtis couldn't look away, turning away from him and letting your hair fall loose down your back from where you had it pulled back, tugging off your shirt and letting it fall to the floor, undoing your pants, and easing them down over the swell of your hips, and falling down your legs. Wrapping his hand around his erection, and stroking himself, he couldn't stop admiring, thankful you were his woman, and have been this whole time. You were starting to fill out now that you were eating healthier, your skin glowing now that you were in actual light. It occurred to him that this was the first time he's ever gotten to love you when he could really see you. 

That hit him that you weren't going to be able to hide in the dark, you were really giving him everything. Looking over your shoulder, you made a motion with your hand. “Pants off Curtis.” 

He wasted no time shimmying them off. 

You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. This was a first for you, you normally let Curtis love you how he wanted, giving him what he wanted. This time you wanted to prove that he deserved to have all of you, he was a good man regardless of the circumstances life threw at him. Even with what Edgar said, you knew this, felt this with complete conviction. Once he was stretched out, completely naked, you sucked in a sharp breath. Seeing Curtis without all his layers, you could see just what a large man he was, muscles coiled, holding power that your felt driving into you before. Large hands that could span your back with a single palm and those hungry eyes, drinking you in just as much as you were with him. Approaching him once more, you straddled him, taking his cock, thick and hard, sliding it along your folds. 

Feeling him underneath you though, that was familiar, and good. His thick head you pressed to your entrance, pushing down to sink onto him, that felt good, and you rolled yourself to take more, breathing through it. 

“Your so good Babygirl, so tight.” You heard him strain out, and you moaned, giving a flex when you felt him bottom, full till the stretch was almost painful. Hands soothed along your taunt thighs folded gripping his hips, your own hands reaching for his and lifting them to cover your breasts as you started to move. Carefully at first, Curtis kept from thrusting up into you, palming your breasts, and his thumb pulling your buds, rolling till they turned sensitive in his hold, making you bite your lip at the sensation it caused. Almost a painful pleasure, making you drop harder onto his cock, giving a dirty roll to press your clit against him. “Fuck Curtis.” You purred  at him, leaning down to catch his lips, sliding your tongue around his and rocking back to squeeze his cock. “Don't hold back.” he grunted against your lips, grinding you on him once more.

You pushed off his chest, and sped yourself up, panting at the intense pleasure feeling his cock so hard and thick brought to your clenching channel, fluttering around him with a need to cum. When he finally started to thrust into you, grasping your hips and drag you down his length faster, pushing more and more at different angles till you gave a sharp cry, making you breathless in the moment, that’s where he angled you, each dominating thrust he ground you against him. You were now getting lost above him, your belly coiling, fluttering with heat, those coils of pleasure so close to snapping. Curtis had his feet planted into the mattress to give him leverage, pulling your clenching pussy up and down his throbbing cock. Bouncing you up and down, till you grasped a hand at your waist and dragged it up to suck on his fingertips. The sight above him, feeling you moan around his digits filling your mouth, Curtis committed it to memory.  

“I know this is what you want Babygirl.” he grunted hungrily, knowing it would bring you over, he pulled away from your lips and pressed his warm wet fingers against your throbbing pearl, rolling and pressing till you started sobbing out, rocking faster and harder. “Just feels so good, I don't want to cum, but I need to. Curtis I have to.” 

Knowing how close you were, he gasped. “Do it Babygirl, cum all over me.”

You nodded, digging your fingers into his chest while grinding onto him, giving a silent scream while locking around him. Curtis wrapped his arms around you and pulled you onto his chest, slowing his thrusts to long drags into your weeping channel. 

“So good for me Y/N.” He muttered into your hair, rolling you till you were pinned underneath him, pushing your hair back to he could kiss your neck, reaching to his hips to loosen your knees gripping him. 

“All this trust, you make me so proud Babygirl.” Kissing down your body as he pulled out. You were still coming down from your orgasm and slid your hands against his back to dig fingers into your shoulders with a tight hold as he sucked and pulled, making you arch and spread your thighs further to feel his weight drop on you, press against your wet cunt while he dragged back further. 

“I have to taste you.” massaging your inner thighs, trailing kisses along one side then the other. That first long taste he took, pressing through your drenched folds to twirl over your clit. Swirling and laying claim to your pearl. It was his, always has been. He knew the way you liked to feel his tongue press and pull, those tiny mewls of yours as you would start to rock, his tongue darting into your clenching channel.

It didn't take long till you were cumming again, locking your thighs around his head, and crying his name this time, unable to keep silent. Stronger hands then your thighs loosened them, pulling himself back up and claiming your lips, still in a daze, he worked you to respond, kiss him back. Your tongue lapping at your taste coating him. Shifting you just right, he sunk back into your swollen pussy, whimpering into his mouth. 

“I don't know if I have another one in me… “You breathed against his lips, and placing his elbows on either side of your head, he leaned his forehead against yours, starting with shallow thrusts. 

“Just one more Babygirl, I know you have one more. Fold your legs around me, and hold on.” You nodded, and did as he asked, legs going around him, opening yourself for him more as he drove in deeper, angling himself with each thrust till he found the spot that made you chant his name. Your arms circling his neck, rocking back and forth with him. 

Dropping his head to your shoulder, speeding his thrusts to reach an end, he was hoarse when he urged you, grinding and rutting against your spot, kissing your neck, pressing his lips against your ear. “This one last time, I know you have it Babygirl.” 

Your whimpers got louder, it was a edge of pain that just felt so fucking good, but you wanted to escape it. Curtis was relentless, each nudge making your thighs strain, muscles burning, and when you finally did snap, the most mind numbing bliss following after you flooded his cock, hiding your face in against his shoulder and biting the muscle hard. His hand cradled the back of your head against his shoulder, letting his own self go to bury into you harder and harder, deeper into your welcoming warmth, those tight grasps milking him to release, and when he did, the warmth spread through you, letting you sink into your own bliss, feeling him press his hips into you while holding his chest up to keep from crushing you. “Your just so fucking good Babygirl, I could stay like this forever.” Still hoarse, and panting, you twisted yourself into a better angle, cupping his face and making him look down at you, wedged underneath him, still full of his cock, that you could feel was starting to go soft now that he released. 

“I could to Curtis, you make me feel good, safe, and loved. So I know I'm right where I belong, with who I belong. Regardless of what's happened in the past.” Tilting up, your lips found his, and you didn't share an urgent greedy lust kiss, but one of genuine affection and love, your hand sliding along his face to gently grasp at the back of his neck. Letting him pull back from your mouth, you winced as he pulled out of you and moved to get up, go get a washcloth. 

You had to smile at him walking around naked, appreciating the flex of his muscles, he looked and seemed a bit more relaxed, coming back out, he was gentle as he cleaned you, knowing you would be slightly sore. But soon he was collapsing back beside you and you let your head fall lazily to his chest, facing him. 

“You alright?” He asked as his fingers traced your face, brushing back your hair. 

“Of course Curtis, we don’t have bad sex.” you grinned, nuzzling your nose against the hair on his chest, and he gave a soft chuckle, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “I do have to ask though what happened? You weren't gone but a day. Where is Matt?” 

He had closed his eyes, relaxing in the post orgasm feeling, but opened them once more hearing your question. “He met up with others, and they seemed to have abandoned their train car.” 

Wrinkling your nose hearing this, you shifted in closer against him. “Probably knew you all would be coming for them.” 

Curtis hummed in agreement, letting himself enjoy the sensation of you using him as your pillow, still tracing you with a slight touch of fingertips. “We will be going back out, proper this time. See if we cant at least find where they are headed off to.” He felt you tense, but then relaxed back into him, and he continued. “If we don't, they will just keep coming.” And there will never be proper peace to settle into living. But he didn’t add that, knowing you were already on edge with the situation. You lifted your head to study him a moment, and nodded. “Of course, I trust you Curtis.” Settling back down, the room was getting that sunshine warmth often felt in midday, and it was making Curtis sleepy, thinking you were drifting off in the same direction. 

But you werent, you knew you needed to share your discussion with Edgar, he would want you to tell him. So you cleared your throat. “I went to talk to Edgar after you left.” Now it was his turn it stiffen, the tracing fingers stopping to slightly press into a hold, you could feel his voice drop and vibrate in his chest as he spoke. 

“He wasn't cruel to you, was he?” 

“No Curtis, he's hurt, but he didn’t do anything to hurt me.” You shifted a bit so you could see him better. “I told him more about what the tail end was like.” You could see Curtis' features start to close off, and you rubbed your hand against his chest, cause you were not and never would place the blame on him for what happened. He had to know that. “I don't know if anything I said sunk in. But he did say you sacrificed him, what was he talking about?” 

Lifting a hand, he rubbed it at his face. Another mistake in his revolt. Just like leaving you in the tail end had been. 

“I deserved that, I did turn my back on him when that front end asshole had him.” Curtis expected to see some disbelief, anger, disgust in your features. But there was none of that. You simply waited for him to continue. Hair over your shoulder, he couldn't help but reach for it, tangling it in his hold, curling it around his wrist. Maybe to keep you there, he wasn't sure. He just wanted to feel your tresses slide among his fingertips. 

“I was going for Mason. This was before everything came out. Before I had any idea that Wilford wanted me in the front, that Gilliam had sent us to our deaths. I was this close to getting to her, she was our safety to get to the front. Our only chance, so I thought. That body gaurd of hers, he had grabbed Edgar from behind, who was following me. I heard him say my name… panicked. Mason, she was almost out of my reach, and they would have locked the doors. If they got her through and locked those doors, who knows if we would have gotten out. I had no idea if Nam was even still alive then. I made a choice.” You could feel him deflate a bit underneath you, your hand still sliding up and down his chest. 

“And Edgar was stabbed because of it.” You said softly. 

“I made the wrong choice, in that moment I knew I should have gone back. But… All I could think of is if we could just get Mason, maybe we wouldn't lose anymore people. She would escort us to the front.” 

You stayed silent in that moment, turning your gaze from him to the outside world. One they hadn't seen until the revolt. One they might have never seen if Curtis hadn’t went for Mason in that moment. None of you would know what warmth from a sun streaming through glass would be like, what actual food was, fresh air. Taking a deep breath, feeling it fill your lungs with appreciation. What a shower with hot water was. All of this, might have only happened cause Curtis made a choice. 

“It wasn't the wrong choice Curtis. Look where we are now. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't continue forward. We might all be dead now, bodies thrown off the moving train, and nothing changed.” 

“I’ve done so much wrong to Edgar, I wouldn't blame him if he hated me for the rest of our days, he deserves to.” 

You frown and look down at him, pressing your finger against his lips to hush him. “Stop, he’s just hurt and is confused about everything. Give him some time. It won't be the same, but you need to give him a chance to forgive you before you resign to that.” Shifting to sit up and reach over the bed to grab at clothes strewn down there. “We should probably head back out, i’m sure others are looking for you.” 

“Most likely.” 

Before you could tug anything on, Curtis wrapped an arm around you and dragged you back to him, sliding a tongue into your mouth and leaving you giving a halfhearted protest before you fell into the kiss, killing just a few more minutes before they finally redressed. 

“So, that is what we’ve all decided on, and anyone that chooses to come will need to be up for at least a while out there. We don't know how far they have gone, but it's too dangerous having those men out there.” 

There was some discussion among the people, and quickly volunteers came out. One person raised a concern. “Who’s staying from part of the council? And what happens if you don't come back.” 

“Dr.Price is staying, along with Margit and Y/N, you all will continue what needs to be done. Keeping the animals alive and healthy, as well as the greenhouse. We need both of them. Harvest, gather. Conserve the energy on the train, there’s still plenty of water and electricity. That battery is holding. If something happens to us, do what you must to continue, together.” 

His eyes filtered over the crowd to see Edgar hanging at the back of the crowd, his arms folded over his chest as he listened. Curtis didn't expect him to push up to the front, but he did. 

“I’m coming to, Matt escaped on my watch. It's only fair I make sure he comes back.” 

With a nod, Curtis accepted and looked over the group ready to make the trek into the unknown.

[bad-at-names-and-faces]

Epilogue

chapter 34

chapter index

December 1st, 1864

Dear Inga,

I’ll be mailing this letter when we arrive in Portsmouth tomorrow.  I can’t believe it’s December already. The weather is so mild this far south, though I never would have guessed we’d see any nice weather on this trip, as rough as the waters were in the North Sea.  To think, there was already snow on the ground when we left Arendelle last week! 

I would really like to stay in England long enough to see some of the country, but we’ll be booking passage on the first steamship out.  I suppose I should look on the bright side, that we’ll be settled by the new year.  A friend of Father’s has arranged for us to stay with his family for Christmas, so I don’t need to worry about doing anything for that.  I hope the holiday preparations are going well in Arendelle, though I am very sad to be missing it. 

 With love,

Elizabeth

P.S. I just want to thank you all again for the wonderful party before we left Arendelle.  I’m sure you’ll object again that it was mostly Halima’s work, but it was so nice to see everyone there.

Elizabeth sighed, looking out the porthole of their cabin at the distant lights on the coast of England as they sailed along. Normally, she didn’t mind sailing, but this trip felt so terribly bittersweet.  There were so many possibilities where they were going, and she would see so many things that she had only read about, but she had really started to feel at home during those few brief months she had been in Arendelle.

“We’ll have an early morning,” Lars reminded her as he finished changing, “please come to bed.”

“I haven’t written to your mother yet,” she smiled.  “I thought of some things I forgot to ask her to bring with her from Corona.”

“She’ll be in Arendelle for another month; you can write from the inn tomorrow.”

“I am feeling rather tired,” Elizabeth admitted, turning down the lamp as she walked to the bed.

***

Lars dressed and quietly left the bedroom. A cold sleet was coming down outside, but the kitchen was warm.  It had been fairly mild when they first arrived in Boston more than a month before, and Elizabeth had been convinced there wouldn't be a real winter, but they had a thick layer of snow for Christmas, and the temperature had been below freezing nearly every morning for several weeks.  

Susan, the girl they had hired to help around the house, had already arrived, and she had even prepared some coffee for Lars to drink before he left for the stable. It wasn’t that long of a ride to the office they had rented, but the sleet made every minute feel like an hour.  There was almost no work so far, but the assistant keeping up the office in Washington had started forwarding all of the mail, which mostly consisted of a handful of applications for Arendelle travel visas.  The previous evening’s mail had been brought in, and there were a few official notices, plus the bundle that had been forwarded, and finally he noticed a letter personally addressed to himself, and opened it.

January 7th, 1865

Dear Lars,

Inga told me that Elizabeth has been writing, and I realized that you’re only getting official correspondence from us right now, so I thought I’d fix that.  I can’t say I’m as good at writing personal letters as my sister, but I hope you don’t mind getting another letter.  I won’t bore you with official updates and announcements, since I know we send them to everyone.  

There was a lot of snow last night, and everyone was outside enjoying it all morning, then we all packed into Hudson’s to warm up, then back out.  Do you get snow there? I know it’s much further south where you are.  If you’re not too busy, write back, because I’m curious what they actually have you doing there.  

The week after Christmas was quiet, with no business and just the family at the castle.  Things are picking up again this week, but Father is going to be taking me, Anton, and Peder up to the mountains for the first ice harvest in another week.  We’ll only be staying a week or two up there, and then the rest of the winter I’ll have to spend most of my time with the tutors if I want to be allowed to do the naval training trip in the spring.

Stay well!

Frederick

Lars placed the letter in his bag. Elizabeth would like to read it, and Frederick hadn’t included anything that he would mind being shared, and he’d write back after dinner and send it out in the morning’s mail.

***

Elizabeth looked up.  “A valentine? Lars, you didn’t have to get me anything!”

“There was a shop full of them, I couldn’t help it,” he laughed, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

“But,” she sighed, “I have nothing for you.”

“Of course you do,” he replied, kissing her forehead.

“What do you mean?” she asked blankly, then looked up at him and got his meaning.  “Oh!” she giggled, lightly punching him.

***

Elizabeth looked up from the letter she was reading out loud, and sighed.  “This is dated two weeks ago, so Inga must already be up North.  She promises she’ll write to me when she gets back to Arendelle next month, but she didn’t say whether she’ll get any letters up there.”

Lars nodded. “It won’t hurt to write, if you want to. Is it any different from writing to your father while he’s at sea?”

“That’s true,” she smiled, looking out the bedroom window.  She set the letter on the nightstand and started fastening the front of her corset as Lars began to help with the back.  Today was the first day of spring.  It was still chilly, and the locals said it was likely to stay so through most of April, but at least the sun was up early. Elizabeth had again started waking up at the same time as he woke up, so he no longer had to leave the house while she was still asleep.

“I got a telegraph from Mother,” Lars said as he gingerly laced the back of her corset, “and she’s on a steamship arriving next week.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” Elizabeth smiled, “she’ll be here for your birthday, too!”

“Yes,” Lars replied quietly, gently tying a bow at the bottom.

“Are you sure you can’t get it a little tighter?” she pouted.

“Absolutely not,” he chided her, holding her shoulders and kissing her cheek. “It’s not going to fall off, and…”

“I know, I know,” she sighed.

***

April 25th, 1865

Dear Inga, 

How are you doing? I feel very restless right now, and I hope you don’t mind that I don’t want to talk about anything serious, because around here they’re only talking about the President’s funeral and all that horrible business.  

On that note, Lars has carried the letters from your family on his trip to the capital.  He’s missing his own birthday, though of course it’s perfectly understandable.  It’s only me and his mother right now, though Susan still comes in during the day to help out.  Lars should be back in a day or two, and we’ll celebrate then, but I do feel bad, since he’s twenty-one now.   This evening I made his mother tell me stories about him as a child, and it sounded delightful. I tried to ask about the day he was born, but she said she was too tired and that I should be getting more sleep. Obviously, I didn’t mean about Lars in particular, just in general. I’ll need to know what it’s like eventually, right? She knows this, and I suppose she doesn’t want to scare me with details right now. I’m sorry I’m being so vague.  But, she’s certainly right that I should get some sleep while I can.  I hope everything is well with everyone there. 

With Love,

Elizabeth

***

“Elizabeth, have we met a Mr. Curtis?” Lars asked, looking at the envelope that had come in the mail.

“No, you haven’t met him,” Elizabeth said casually, looking up from the sofa.  “I haven’t met him, either, exactly, but I wrote to him while you were gone last month.  He’s a ship builder, and you were talking about contracting with ship builders here.”

“Oh,” Lars hesitated, “I did say I would do that, didn’t I?”

“Do you mind that I did? I’m sorry I forgot to tell you, but so much was going on.”

“Not at all,” he said as he opened the envelope, “and it looks like he wants to have us over.  You’ll need to come with me, of course, to keep me from looking like an idiot.”

Elizabeth smiled, looking out the window. “Oh, good, your mother is home from visiting Mrs. Wirth.”

0o0o0

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Lars asked as they came to the large lawn of Mr. Curtis’s house.  “It’s rather hot today, and I really don’t want you-”

“Your mother is here, and there are plenty of seats in the shade.  It’s not like I’m going to be on a train for twenty hours like you’ve been doing lately.”

“True,” he replied, “and I promise I won’t be away from you this summer.  At any rate, please don’t feel the need to act as a hostess today. That’s for Mrs. Curtis to take care of.  We’ve given them a contract for a new ship, and they’re throwing a party in honor of the Queen’s birthday.”

“So that’s already been approved? The contract?” 

“It’s in transit.  The sooner Mr. Curtis gets started, the sooner Arendelle can have the ship.  We’ll worry about the details later.”

***

July 20th, 1865

Dear Inga,

We received the invitation to your birthday party next month. It sounds like a wonderful day you have planned.  Obviously, we can’t be there, but hopefully we’ll be able to send you good news before then.  As always, I look forward to your letters.

I wish I could travel back there for the summer. The weather last summer was so pleasant, but it has been so unbearably hot and humid here.  Our neighbors all seem to be traveling to the shore or the mountains, but Lars is worried about being too far away from a doctor right now, and he assures me it’s worse in the city at his office, so in the meantime I’ve spent most my time in recent weeks in the shade in our yard.

With Love,

Elizabeth

***

The baby was cooing softly in Elizabeth’s arms when Margit Nilsen quietly entered the bedroom.  The afternoon sunlight was peaking through the curtains, keeping the room from being completely dark.

“I have so many letters to write,” Elizabeth fretted from the bed, “as soon as the baby’s asleep, I want to get up.”

“You still need your rest,” her mother-in-law scolded her.  “Lars will write to everyone, don’t worry.  Nobody expects you to be writing letters yourself so soon.”

“It’s been three weeks,” Elizabeth sighed.  

Soon, the baby was asleep, and her mother-in-law gently picked him up and set him in the cradle in the corner.  “There, dear, now you should rest, too.”

“I’m going to get up in just a minute,” Elizabeth protested, closing her eyes for just a moment before falling into a deep sleep.

Margit quietly closed the door and sat down next to Lars at the table.

“You’re going to tell me I should sleep, too, aren’t you?” Lars sighed.

“If you’re tired, you should,” she told him, “but, no, that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

He looked up.  

“You still haven’t told her about Anna, have you?��

***

“We missed your birthday, but we can have a party on your anniversary!” Lars’s mother announced as he returned home from his office.  Elizabeth had dressed up and tried something new with her hair, which Lars thought looked rather nice on her, and the baby was asleep in the cradle. 

“I hope you didn’t think I’d forgotten when you left this morning,” Elizabeth smiled.

“I...  I’m going to pretend that I remembered what day it was today,” Lars laughed, coming over to sit next to her.

His mother went into the kitchen to check on how dinner was coming along, leaving the two of them alone.  

“I didn’t get you anything,” Lars confessed, “I really wasn’t kidding that I forgot what day it was. I’m sorry.”

“You have a lot going on now,” Elizabeth reassured him, touching his cheek. “Remember, you can tell me anything.”

***

October 2nd, 1865

Dear Lars,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, but Inga has been telling me that you’re all doing well. I know you’re probably tired, Mother and Father always are with a new baby. Everything is fine here, basically.  We’re supposed to be getting another visit from a certain person from Corona in a few days, but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to tell you that.  It’s not an official visit.  

Anyhow, I said I wouldn’t bore you with official announcements, but you probably saw that they’ll be sending me to the naval academy in Corona at some point, but nobody can agree when.  Our Admiral says he would be perfectly happy to set up an academy here, but obviously that would take a while, and there are only a few of us right now.

I’ll stop here because I’m sure you’re quite busy.

Stay well!

Frederick

***

Elizabeth sat with the baby in the chair by the front window watching the first snow of the season, thinking about how it was almost December again, and they had left Arendelle a year before. The baby was fast asleep, but she was comfortable and he was warm, and she felt no need to move.

Her mother-in-law brought her a cup of tea, then poured one for Lars, sitting down next to him at the table. They could hear Susan in the kitchen preparing something for dinner.  Lars sat reading the evening paper, and finishing the front page, did his best not to make noise turning to the second page, since the baby would nearly always wake up if the paper rustled.  He started to take a sip from his cup while he was reading, but set it back down abruptly and stared at the page, whispering something to his mother, who looked surprised.

"What is it, Lars?" Elizabeth asked, briefly glancing over, then returning her attention to the snow and the sleeping baby. Lars handed the folded newspaper to his mother, who brought it over to her.

Elizabeth took the paper, and skimmed over a few headlines about nothing astounding, then gasped, stopping herself before the baby stirred.

“Inga said there might be news soon, but nothing about marriage- did you know anything?”

"I thought I might hear something about their officially courting, certainly, or maybe even an engagement,” he muttered. “I suppose I’ll see tomorrow if any messages arrived since I left this afternoon, but they completely ignored any suggestions about getting a telegraph set up.  I dropped the topic this summer since it just sounded like I wanted faster congratulations about the baby.” 

Elizabeth stood up, handing the baby to her mother-in-law.  “I need to write to her!”

***

Lars sat down at his desk, opening the diary to December 15th.  He realized that it had now been one year since they’d arrived here.  He was growing to like this office, but there was increasing pressure to move everything back to the capital now that things were settling down.  He would need to consider that carefully: he could always spend time on the train, traveling back and forth, or they could all move South, and spend less time apart.  But then he remembered the constant threat of malaria, and what if there was another outbreak of Yellow Fever? That wouldn’t do at all.  

He heard someone ring the bell at the front door, and he got up to answer it himself.  With all the uncertainty about whether this office would be permanent, he had never hired an assistant, but there were so few interruptions that it really didn’t matter.

Opening the door, he saw a young man in a heavy winter coat, thick hat, gloves and scarf, even though the weather had gotten mild again for the last week or two.  

“Hello, I’m looking for the Ambassador.” The young man spoke through his scarf, looking directly at Lars with dark brown eyes that almost matched the bridge of his nose.  

“I’m the Ambassador,” Lars informed him.

“Oh! I’m sorry…  am I supposed to call you Your Excellency? I think that's what I read.”

“Just call me Mr. Nilsen,” Lars laughed, remembering how fastidious he had been with titles not that long ago. “Come inside.  You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No,” he said, coming inside.  He rubbed his chapped hands after he’d stuffed his gloves in his coat pockets, “in fact, I only got off the train two days ago. First thing I bought was this coat.  I’m not used to cold weather.”

“Where are you from?”

“Louisiana,” he explained, finally taking his scarf off, “and now you’re probably going to laugh at me for wanting to visit Arendelle if I can’t handle the cold.” 

“It’s quite pleasant there in the summer,” Lars offered, “but you do have me curious.”

“Well, I’ve always heard stories about it, and I started saving up my money while New Orleans was occupied, doing any odd jobs that I could. And now, I’m ready for an adventure, just for myself.  A few of my cousins went out west this summer, but I wanted something different.”

“I hadn’t realized the stories of Arendelle were that widely known,” Lars admitted, “but I’d be happy to get you set up with a travel visa, and answer any questions you have.”  He motioned for the man to sit down next to his desk.

“Thank you, Mr. Nilsen,” he said, taking a seat, still wearing his coat and hat.  “I found a few books at the library yesterday, but I’m sure they don’t tell the whole story. The books certainly told a different story than the ones I heard from the master’s family.”

“Oh?” Lars said, retrieving the papers from his desk.  The man seemed amiable enough, and Lars was interested in hearing some more about his interest in Arendelle.  He hadn’t even mentioned the fjords.  The handful of people he’d seen so far coming in person for visas had talked about nothing else. Besides, Lars didn’t get much conversation when he was at work these days.  “Were they…were they from Arendelle?”  

“Oh, no,” he laughed, “in fact, I didn’t really hear any nice things about Arendelle from them, but that makes me all the more curious to see the place for myself.”

“It’s a beautiful place,” Lars said, half listening as he started to organize the paperwork for a travel visa.  He glanced at the first space on the form. “I’m sorry, I realize I never asked you your name.”

“Right, you’ll need that,” he smiled, “John Westergard.”

Lars felt his stomach drop.  It could be chance.  It could be anyone. He needed to keep calm.

“Westergard?” Lars tried not to be obvious as he looked the other man up and down.  There was no resemblance, not even some quirk of his nose or the shape of his earlobe, to any member of the royal family of the Southern Isles. But the name, still, the name must have an explanation. “That’s an unusual name…”

“I’ve been thinking about changing it. It’s not really my name, you know how it is.”

[awellboiledicicle]

[heavy sigh]

Just realized Diallos is also Felix’s type.

Which means i instantly went “ok so Rogier/Felix/Diallos, yes”

Brain is just making Felix have three weed smoking boyfriends. Sure, the plot for the au was going to make the Roundtable Hold crew basically a single diplomatic group to negotiate with Morgott re: not killing every tarnished he sees, but like. He doesn’t need to collect people like pokemon to make this happen. Brain why.

I blame the fact that Felix’s attitude about it would be just. “I can [probably] financially support Diallos and Rogier. Morgott is a literal king. I think he’ll be fine.” Yes, he would be the one being blackmailed for having multiple families and just laugh about it bc all his partners know about the others, they just like their space.

Returning to the point though, like. The main problem with Felix liking Diallos too is that the man would never leave the goddamn hold alone enough to progress his storyline. I could have his story progress and just do the [spiderman point] meme with Felix infiltrating Volcano Manor like “hold up” “I can explain--” “The explanation better be ‘i am here to back you up’ and not ‘killing tarnished for a man with the word blasphemy in his name’, Diallos.” “... I’ve not killed anyone.” A frown. “Unlike some of us.” “If I don’t do this, we don’t get access to Lyndell!” “Convenient, then, that you get to do as you will!” “I’m hardly stopping you from doing as you please.” A scowl. “Not like you actually do anything.” “How dare you! The tale of House--” “Hoslow is told in blood, i know. Everyone else’s blood, you mean.” Cue Diallos looking properly pissed off and pushing past Felix to grab an envelope off the table in the drawing room and leaving. Then cut to him having grabbed the letter ordering the death of Juno. Naturally, he can’t do it and wanders to Jarburg. Felix likely wouldn’t do it either, but would be fine with hiding Juno in the Roundtable Hold until he got an audience with Rykard.

Meanwhile i assume to make that work i’ll have to have had Morgott set an impossible task for Felix and the Hold to meet before Margit will let this little ‘diplomatic meeting’ thing to happen. Very “I don’t believe you’re peaceful, nor do i believe that you’re as strong as you say. Bring me the Rune of Praetor Rykard and then you may speak to a diplomat. Maybe.” Which hinges on handing over an unrestored rune shard, which would make mmm no one in the hold happy without the legwork already in place for it to work. But it WOULD gain them an uneasy alliance of sorts with Lyndell, making moving around far easier. Would certainly make oh idk KNOWING ANYTHING about the lands between easier. You know, the land people want to rule. And one would assume that the King of Lyndell being chill with you would be a thing you’d like as Elden Lord.

Idk its late at night and i’m brainstorming

[zukadiary]

Beside the Foggy Elbe / Estrellas ~ Star Troupe 2019

First show of 2019! My home base in Japan is usually Kansai, but for the first time I’m in Tokyo for a lengthy stay. I saw Elbe/Estrellas twice in the theater plus the senshuuraku live view. Spoilers, because the ending of Elbe was one of my favorite things about it.

Beside the Foggy Elbe [Summary]

I caught Elbe quite late in the run, and most of the feedback I heard from talking to other non-Japanese fans beforehand was fairly negative, but I found it VERY enjoyable. Elbe is one of the most historically famous original Takarazuka works. While I haven’t seen more than clips and photos of the older productions, I was already familiar with much of the soundtrack, and I always love seeing and hearing classic Takarazuka elements live, especially as a relatively young fan coming in late in Takarazuka’s 105 year history. It’s a special kind of fun to be able to sit in the theater and sing along (even if only in my head) to a show I’ve never even seen. The story is most definitely dated, but I love the vintage-ness of it (if anything, I wish they’d pushed the aesthetics even more vintage). And because it’s an old classic, I was able to suspend my disbelief of the unlikely love story in the same way I can with old Hollywood musicals (is it believable that Dale Tremont falls in love with Jerry Travers three seconds after finding out he wasn’t actually Horace? No but I’m here for it). I also love that they don’t get together!! The first time I saw it, I looked at the clock when Margit and Florian began yelling for Karl on the docks, and went sort of wide eyed when I realized there wasn’t TIME for it to end any way other than heartbreak. I think it’s much more interesting that way.

Quick complaints out of the way first: while the show isn’t really hard to follow, I did find both Beni and Airi quite difficult to understand. Beni uses a very loud, slurred voice to play the foul-mouthed Karl, and while it’s in keeping with her character, I couldn’t untangle a lot of her words, even though they weren’t lines I’d find complicated if I read them. Airi put on a shrill voice that I also found difficult to understand. I get that her character is an ingenue to the extreme so it makes sense, but I still feel like she could have landed somewhere between that and her natural voice and been ok. Additionally, there is a parade in the beginning that I think was an UeKumi addition. I didn’t DISLIKE it, and I understand its usefulness because it’s a very top heavy show and the parade gives the secondary players a bit of fun extra spotlight, but it didn’t really fit the look or vibe of the rest of Elbe. 

I do think you need to like Beni and Airi to enjoy this show, because it is so top heavy (if you love them, I think this will be a really great show for you). I especially liked the role of Karl for Beni. Beni’s Karl was an extremely insecure person who disguised his self-doubt in brash mannerisms and generally poor behavior, which made his moments of sincerity very poignant. Since Beni is known more for her comedic roles than her serious ones, and sometimes seems to be questioned by fans re: her ability to be serious, I thought this really suited her in kind of a meta way. She leaned hard into the brashness because that’s more her strength, but for me she also nailed Karl’s vulnerable moments, and that made them sting extra because it felt like it was coming from a real place. I’m also kind of a sucker for the cross-social-class love story trope. Karl’s behavior for the most part is truly unattractive to the point where it can be hard to sympathize with him, but there are several scenes where you can feel his deep discomfort toward being amongst the wealthy, and how traumatized he is about his ex leaving him because he wasn’t rich enough, and Beni makes them hurt sooooo good (shout out to Otoha Minori who had the very small part of Karl’s ex but really helped succinctly convey that backstory in a way that impacted the whole show).

Margit is a hard sell for me because I don’t find her likable as a character, but I think Airi did a great job hitting the necessary notes. For the story to work, Margit has to be unhappy, but also sheltered, spoiled, frivolous, and naive enough to fall in love with someone she met in a bar at first sight just because he was a little nice to her and the polar opposite of the life she’s trying to escape. Airi made it plausible. She also plays the piano for real a couple of times (angrily!) and I was VERY impressed (Coto also does, but she can’t surprise me with unexpected talents anymore). I think Airi’s strength is sexier more mature characters and I hope she gets to flex that muscle in their taidan show, because in that sense Elbe left a lot to be desired.

As much as I think Karl suited Beni, Coto is the one who made me think it wouldn’t have been quite the same if they’d given Elbe to any current lineup other than Hoshigumi. The least believable part of the entire story is that Florian is too good. There are no men who are that good. Even for the not-men of our 夢の世界 it’s a stretch. But I completely believed that Coto was that good. I don’t even know what to say about her... she can do anything and it’s stupid. Muster up heartbreaking sincerity for a truly unrealistic character? Sure. Play the piano flawlessly while speaking? Why not. (And the way she brushed her coattails out of the way before seating herself at the piano bench made me feel A Way).

The newly inserted Tobias was a nice sendoff for Kai. Not quite as delightful and meaty a role as Kiroku, and not as strong of a goodbye present as Sho Fu Kan, but lovely nonetheless. Tobias was not inherently a remarkable character, but he was an excellent blank canvas on which Kai painted herself, making him cool, hot, and everyone’s big brother—all around lovable. Her costumes made NO sense (cowboy hat??) but she wore them so well I loved them all against my better judgment. Stage time dropped off pretty hard after Beni/Airi/Coto, but the scenes with the other sailors were my favorite, and Kai’s involvement in each was prominent enough (and CUTE enough) to make Tobias feel like a juicy role. She gets a lovely bridge solo toward the end, and fittingly leaves the ship crew to get married (to Mizuno Yuri/Karl’s sister), exiting separately in dramatic fashion to everyone else’s tears and well wishes. 

I found myself charmed by the supporting cast—including (especially??) the nameless lurkers of the background—more than usual. Was it the giant food props? Were they just exceptionally silly back there? I don’t know, but unfortunately the recording won’t illuminate them regardless. As for the named support, Mao Yuuki, Seo Yuria, Shidou Ryuu, and Amahana Ema made up the rest of the sailors with lines and stuff, and while there was barely anything for them to do, I (for reasons not entirely known) found Mao and Seo in particular extremely charming. Amato Kanon played a bratty screaming kid, the exact type of role I’d normally find annoying as hell, but she even managed to make HIM charming; she had a lot of very entertaining wordless interactions with some of the bigger players on the outskirts of various scenes while something else was happening in the middle. Mikkii used 5 of her 7 seconds of stage time prowling through the audience, and seeing her angry face advancing head on toward the gaijin seats was indescribably intimidating. The biggest surprise was I fell a little in love with Mizuno Yuri, who, to be fair, did not have to sing OR dance, but who did play a weird lanky adorably awkward country bumpkin with a stupid accent from Karl’s middle-of-nowhere hometown in a way that I for some reason could not stop watching. She, as Tobias’s bride, also bawled her eyes out on raku when the two of them ran off together. 

So far I still think Another World is the crown jewel of Benigumi, but I’d place Elbe second.

Estrellas

Seeing Estrellas was an odd experience because it got the New Year’s NHK broadcast, and I watched THAT before I saw it live—how often do you see a Takarazuka video BEFORE seeing the show live?? It’s my personal favorite Benigumi revue thus far. I fell in love with it pretty instantly, and interestingly I think a big part of that was the NHK cinematography, which combined with the song selection made it feel more like a concert or a FNS-style big televised music program. I found that fresh. It didn’t have QUITE that same vibe live, but still a good impact. I can see it being polarizing though; it’s very pop and not very Takarazuka at times, and I probably like it so much because I happen to personally like the song choices. 

Allowing for the fact that she was still performing very much within her own quirky style, Beni (up until Tokyo raku) seemed very on point to me, which I was glad to see; my last live Hoshigumi experience was Another World/Killer Rouge in Takarazuka toward the beginning of the run last year, and in Killer Rouge especially it seemed like she was being extremely cautious with her movements in a way that made me wonder if she was nursing or avoiding an injury. Every time I saw Estrellas though she danced full force. Airi had more than one sexy number to make up for Margit, most notably an all musumeyaku dance in the finale portion that I feel like I see pretty rarely from Hoshigumi. Beni and Airi’s duet dance was also VERY cute and very them.

Kai again got a lovely sendoff, a big long 3-song progression with perfectly chosen lyrics. The way she drank in the theater on the last day, like she was really trying to burn the image of the audience into her eyes, was SO much. 

Coto is stupid. She paints with her voice and that gets me real bad. There’s a solid handful of siennes in the top tier of vocals in Takarazuka, and while many of them are gorgeous singers, the only two I’ve heard play and emote with their voices the particular way I’m thinking of are Coto and Daimon. Her vocal control while she’s violently dancing is also astounding. She’s stupid.

Senshuuraku was an ordeal! Estrellas opened with Beni doing what I initially thought was some weird attempt at a sexy breathy thing, and then maybe thought she was trying not to cry, till it became abundantly clear that something bigger was wrong. She got hoarser and hoarser till some notes in “Tonight is What it Means to be Young” failed to come out entirely. She used her chuuzume ad lib time to apologize for her voice... sad, because that was the prime slot for cute and touching moments with the retiring actresses, but she was clearly too panicked and struggling to think of that. Then she explained during the curtain call that she broke her voice at the end of Elbe—and it must have been on the VERY last note, because the entirety of Elbe was COMPLETELY fine (I didn’t even notice a weird crack or anything at the end). I didn’t know you could break your voice that badly on one note, but I guess you can. She was very flustered and apologetic—also full on crying—though every curtain call, and while I can’t blame her for feeling remorseful I wish she’d dialed it back after the first couple of apologies and let the retiring actresses have their moment. But considering her state it was pretty remarkable that she powered through, and I hope she has a chance to recover before the next show.

I’ve lived through my share of Takarazuka retirements, including ones that turned a whole troupe’s vibe completely upside down, but somehow Kai’s feels unusually odd (I imagine Miya’s will as well). I think it’s gonna be a downer of a year.