#can be pretty meaningful
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i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.
i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.
#dragon age#yes i��ve seen john epler’s explanation on only wanting to carry forward choices that they could ‘really do something with.’#and i understand what he’s saying and i’m curious to see how those 3 choices they brought forward will impact the story!!#but i’m still disappointed. and i think telling people why they shouldn’t be disappointed is just gonna make them More disappointed.#also don’t really appreciate dev comments like ‘careful what you wish for with cameos. it just gives us an excuse to find new and horrific#ways to kill your faves teehee 🤭🤭’ like okay???????? what???#alistair came back twice & could be fine both times. loghain’s inquisition cameo was so meaningful because who the hell expected to see him#again? leliana can straight up die in origins and yall brought her back anyways. like what are we doing out here.#also when i think of ‘typical’ nonsense for this fandom it’s people doxxing each other over fictional character opinions. or what#fictional side your fictional inquistor took in the fictional mage-templar war. or just plain old racism.#NOT ‘damn it’s fucking upsetting that this excited replay i’ve been doing of the previous games and all the recommending i’ve been doing#for new fans to play the other games before veilguard has turned out to be pretty fucking pointless.’#might as well tell someone to watch a let’s play of trespasser and that’s it.
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they just want to be one...
commissions @jolyonvane did for me where i asked if he could please please please make stan look as desperate and exhausted as he usually does but is being kept together by all his love for his sbf kyle
#south park#sp style#THANK YOU AGAIN AND FOREVER JOLY!!!!🫶💫#also around the time i comms this i was inspired by @stancsh's post about the necklaces AND THEN spencers released the stankyle ones.......#literally like... stankyle only forever and ever always#i had planned on just on piece but i was sent so many beautiful and amazing sketches 😭 i had to ask for two to be finished at least !!#i really love joly's art and animations and i think i still wouldve ended up a stan girlie but seeing that high animatic?? LIFE CHANGING#and just 🤧🤧🤧 means so much to me he accepted my stanky comm and theyre so <33333333#kyle is holding stan so delicately and carefully and like every touch is so so meaningful and can break and put stanley back togetherrr#sob so much love here💘💘#their necklaces connected in the second one??!!!! they both look so pretty and SO IN LOVE#stanley is like so puppy dog down bad heart eyes i love you i love you do you love me? and kyle is like of course i love you i got you.#WAAAAAUUGHHH AND THEN THEIR COLORS and keeping each other so close...on them#LOOK AT THEM!!!! loooook theyre so??? fhdjkjhjs ough in. the mood for..love.....and stans tummy<333#i seriously love stanky so so much ;; 💙💚
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i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker
#posts that sound insane to people who dont know the sonic lore#been htinking about sonic 06 again lately#also i didnt know how to work this in but remember the scene where she jumped off eggman's airship not knowing sonic was gonna catch her .#yeah#also i think its pretty obvious that she wasnt actually gonna let the world end so she could stay with sonic#considering she ended up blowing out the flame anyway. she just had a lot of feelings about it. which shes allowed to do#anyway. people alwasy say elise is boring and has no personality or character#but i think shes interesting. once you actually start paying attention to her#also i dont even ship sonelise but i think its pretty clear that sonic and elise meant alot to eachother#even if i prefer to make it platonic in my mind#people who say sonic hated elise just hate elise themselves and are projecting that onto sonic#< TO BE CLEAR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS CAN STILL BE VERY DEEP AND MEANINGFUL#idk if my wording on that was weird
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man okay so I used to play mechquest and dragonfable back in like, 2008 when I was a kid with very little patience to follow a storyline. coming back as an adult and finishing mechquest has absolutely slapped me silly with how deep and serious the story is in between all the absurdist humour. I have. so many emotions over the whole storyline, and especially so many thoughts about the unique form of tragedy that is The Reset.
You save the world but it's not the world anymore. You and your friends survive but you don't know each other anymore- have nothing left of the lives you fought to keep. You 'save' everything but it's still all gone. Everything you knew and loved, gone, and you don't even know what you've lost. You can't even keep the memory of what you had- and that's almost kinder compared to being one of the 3ish people who DO remember... and have to live around everyone else who doesn't, knowing their closest friends look at them and see a stranger, and that they may as well be because they aren't that person they remember being.
And to top it all off, that terrible sacrifice doesn't even end it. you're still left fighting impossible and devastating wars over and over. It's the tragedy of doomed time loops with extra layers of devastating all over the place. The GEARS University students being forced to become soldiers because they're all that's left to protect their homeworld. The horrors of the Shadowscythe virus taking over friends and loved ones you may be forced to put down to save yourself. The town of Falconreach burning over and over because no matter how hard they fight, it's never enough. The people like Sha'rae who sacrifice themselves to try and prevent tyrrany from seizing power, only for it to be utterly useless.
Anyway the brainrot is severe and especially dangerous since I'm coming into exam season and all my hyperfixated brain wants to do is chew on glass about these games.
#late nights with ali#ali plays ae#<- tentatively establishing this tag For The Future#mechquest#dragonfable#literally forced my roommate to listen to my thoughts on the absurd clashening of humour and tragedy that is cysero last night lmfao#imagine remembering being sys-zero with all the trauma that brings but being confined in your new self by the laws of comedy#so you can never truly acknowledge it and you have to spend your days around the people you were closest to-#(minus odessa who's just. completely absent)- and never FEEL it in any meaningful way. because you're cysero now and cysero is a comedy.#also like dude is roommates with warlic. formerly the dean of GEARS and a leader figure to him. but now he's just. some guy.#what must that be like??? pretty messed up for certain!!!#anyway I'm supposed to be finishing my final biophysics assignment and all I can think about is this#so I'm taking breaks between questions to make a playlist that I may post alongside the art I did of my MQ hero at some point#pls pray for me and my grades
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Ino Should��ve Been on the Sasuke Retrieval Mission, Not Neji
I realized something and if I don't say it, it’s gonna bother me.
In part 1, pretty much every member of the Konoha 12 can be split into two categories: those who take their jobs seriously and those who don’t. The first group are the characters with something to lose or, more often, prove who tend to be more skilled than their peers. It includes Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Rock Lee, Hinata, and seemingly Shino (although we don’t know enough about him or his motives for me to say this with full confidence). The second group either has superficial or no known reason to have become ninja and for a variety of reasons don’t really take their jobs, training, or (in some cases) even winning or losing seriously. It includes Sakura, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, and Kiba. The only one I didn’t place was TenTen because she doesn’t have enough of a presence for me to know which she falls under.
Along with the part 1 finale, the Sasuke Retrieval Arc also serves as a wake up call for the team of genin. The entire series was a slow burn of information about how unfair and dangerous the shinobi world is—bell test set up KIA’d shinobi and that everything was not as it seemed, land of waves set up shinobi being used as tools and team 7 realizing their personal priorities, chunin exams introduced that there were much bigger fish and how cruel the shinobi world is, and the search for Tsunade arc displayed what could become of the shinobi who grew up in this system—that built to the Sasuke retrieval mission being the wake up call that not only did they need to get serious, they needed to get serious now. I could write a whole essay on this arc and what it represents, but I’ll leave it at this: the Sasuke retrieval mission made Naruto realize that he didn’t understand Sasuke nearly as much as he thought he did and the rest of his team (-the backup) realize that if they didn’t start taking their job seriously, they’d get themselves or their friends killed.
Or… almost the rest of his team. Neji doesn’t actually fall into this category. As I already said, he already took his job seriously and he was already very aware about what happened to the powerless. I’d be more forgiving if it helped move his personal arc along more or at least did something else for his character, but it doesn’t. It’s just extra screen time. And as much as I like Neji, he really didn’t need to be a part of this arc (or at least not such a large part).
You know who did? Ino. She never actually got an “oh crap, my priorities out of whack” moment. She doesn’t take her job seriously during the chunin exams, she doesn’t really show up again until the very end of part 1 for a scene here and there, then we don’t see her ‘til shippuden where she’s suddenly taking her job seriously. Maybe you could argue that Choji nearly dying was her wake up call, but it would be a pretty flimsy one considering the only reaction she has is calm relief after finding out he’s okay. Everyone else got their wake up call—Sakura during her iconic forest of death scene and the boys during this arc—but she didn’t.
Now, as you might’ve guessed from the title, I think the most obvious solution to this problem is the best. By swapping them out, Neji isn’t acting as a noticeably unnecessary inclusion and Ino gets a proper moment of character growth (and badassery). As bonus points: I think Ino would have a more interesting dynamic with the rest of the team, Ino would have more emotional stakes in the mission through knowing Sasuke and Choji sacrificing himself prior to her fight, the audience could potentially get some actual insight into why Ino (and the other girls) like Sasuke so much, and both of Shikamaru’s teammates nearly dying on the first mission he led would be even more of a swift gut punch for him. Ino should’ve been on the Sasuke retrieval mission, not Neji.
#The worst part about this is that there’s no way Kishimoto didn’t know this#It’s not like I opened my third eye of reading comprehension#this all seems pretty purposeful#Which means that this was done either because of authorial favoritism or sexism#It can really go either way considering that Rock Lee and Neji should’ve probably been replaced by Sakura and Ino respectively#‘Cause it would’ve been more meaningful for their respective characters and all that#naruto#naruto classic#classic naruto#ino yamanaka#neji hyuga#sasuke retrieval arc#konoha 12#Konoha twelve#naruto analysis#it kind of counts#naruto rewrite#fixing naruto#my stooff
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something that pisses me off in RA is that Flanagan will occasionally hype up Pauline as this super important and prominent figure in Will’s life, even treat her as a proxy for the mother he never knew, and yet will just refuse to show it beyond the like. two or three (personal) conversations that they have in canon. I get that he was attempting to make her an important person in Will’s life but why not do that by actually making her an important person in Will’s life
#hey Flanagan I hate to tell u but just because she’s married to Will’s father figure does not automatically make her his mom figure#what REALLY annoys me is how easy it would have been for him to connect her & will#like hey. if only there were a pretty clear gap in Will’s education that halt couldn’t fulfill - say for example mmmm diplomacy?#(cause we all know how gifted halt is at conflict resolution)#then he’d have a valid reason to seek out a master of diplomacy for lessons in negotiating compromises & treaties#but no I guess not. Will’s just naturally good at diplomacy despite never really being exposed to it#yk what extra sucks?#if Pauline HAD taught will about treaties & stuff then him receiving the last name treaty wouldve been 1000x more meaningful#it would’ve spoken to her influence on him and solidified her as a sort of parental figure in her own right#AND as an extra extra bonus: if she came to the cabin to teach will about negotiation tactics and such#then we could’ve gotten more halt/Pauline interactions. as in: we could’ve actually seen them being in love ON SCREEN instead of just being#told that they loved each other#will could’ve had a chance to see how much the two of them mean to each other. and then he would’ve had some actual basis for a speech#at their wedding or whatever#but yeah no why do that when we can just imply that will & Pauline got super close off screen? same effect right?????#ranger’s apprentice#pauline dulacy#halt o’carrick#will treaty#I love these books so so much don’t get me wrong. but there are just some things……#anyway.#jackie rambles
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i usually like my dragon age love interests to contrast my characters somehow and yet the desire to romance emmrich as a fellow academic... would it be weird if he peer reviewed my papers before. would it be unprofessional
#dragon age posting#for now besides mourn watch i'm looking into veil jumpers and shadow dragons...#maybe i can settle with a rogue but i'll be forever sad i can't be an ORB MAGE#idk#i went with a human mage in inquisition and regretted it immediately it was so boring#oh yeah i'm a nobleman (ew) coming from a tame circle where nothing really happened (how exciting)#conversing with vivienne is like the only time i felt connected to my character and had anything meaningful to say about his experience#being a circle mage in dao is my favorite thing#being an apostate in da2 is pretty cool i'm just like my dad :) i feel so brave navigating this templar-infested city#but inquisition... maybe it's better if you're a dalish first tm#don't suppose they did anything cool for all the implications of a qunari mage either#i know the inquisitor's whole thing is for their own identity to Not Matter but you know it would be cool to have something to work with#to really feel it when it's taken away
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okay i do have faith in the bucktommy fandom at large and especially i have faith in the people that i follow but i do just wanna say that we all have to promise to be normal if/when buck gets another love interests or ends up with someone else. like if it's not tommy and it's not eddie, then we have to promise not to be terrible the way antis were terrible to us. like im not saying grr you have to like it, criticize the story all you want, criticize the writers for their biphobia, their lazy writing, etc. but i really hope we can all continue to be normal about buck possibly dating other people and giving the love interest a fair chance
#because i know the writers wont give them a fair chance or decent writing so its important to me#that we treat them with at the very least tolerance yknow#this fandom and specifically buddie focused antis havent been particularly kind to love interests especially women#and bucktommy was a nice break from that i mean obviously people were awful to tommy but they have a pretty big following the way#the other li didnt so it was nice to see positivity across my dash and be a part of a community that was accepting and enjoyed the storyline#so going forward even though we wont get anyone as meaningful as tommy and it looks like buddie has been killed for like the 50th time#i hope we can extend love to whoever shows up next 💕 or if not love you know just acceptance#which can coexist with criticsm of their handling of this storyline and tommy as a character and the not so subtle biphobia#idk idk i dont want this sector of the 911 fandom to devolve into the same hatred that bob antis have over not getting what they want#because this has been such a good and positive experience that i just havent had with 911 in so long
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Well, on the upside, Veilguard’s absolutely horrid writing and utter lack of meaningful roleplay mechanics made me appreciate Inquisition’s already watered-down writing and roleplay mechanics.
#Emmrich’s pretty much the only decent companion but my god.#This game feels like a daycare simulator.#No option but to be nice to and validate everyone even when they’re being objectively awful themselves (looking at Taash in particular)#The stakes should feel high but instead I just feel like I’m babysitting toddlers#And normally I’m a completionist who loves doing all the quests but the game actively forces you into it#You HAVE to recruit all the companions; you HAVE to baby and validate them all; you HAVE to complete all their quests#No option to even mention the supposed Dire Stakes of the universe.#The game treats you like you’re seven and over-explains everything to you. The maps are terrible even if they look good.#The voice acting for a few companions is… questionable.#For a game we waited ten years for it feels like someone’s rough/unfinished first draft.#And again no truly meaningful roleplay choices or actions.#The game just forces you to be nice to everyone. Rook feels like an inveterate spectator and an invertebrate to boot. Utterly spineless.#Every time we see a returning companion I feel like Hadvar: ‘Who… are you?’#Because they act nothing like their previously established personalities & it’s like Veilguard goes out of its way to ignore previous games#The head writer’s self-insert is painfully obvious and atrociously-written in particular#You can only be a Good Nice Guy#Maybe sometimes a Stern Nice Guy and very occasionally a Nice Guy Who Thinks He’s Funny But Isn’t#Just! My god.#I want to return the game. For the first time ever in my life.#So disappointed.#text#chey.txt
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i won’t hold people to the same standards i have on myself in terms of friendship bc everyone shows they care in different ways
#this is a part affirmation and part intro to a rant i need to unleash#but i’ll leave it in the tags here bc it feels safer lol#it’s abt my housemate the other day when we had our last class which is online but our previous classes were in person so as a class we#usually just pull it up on the main computer and broadcast the zoom in the classroom#but on this day the class before this zoom class got out early so lots of people went home early to just watch it on their own zoom or wtvr#so the row i sit in was pretty empty except for me my housemate and our two friends#and usually my housemate sits on my right but she got up and moved to sit on the other side next to our other friend and said nothing#and i didn’t want to say anything bc i was kinda sad/offended even though#her moving seats probably has nothing to do with me and much rather her personal preference i can’t help but think negatively abt myself#also one morning we were both off she went to the smoothie shop and coffee shop and just went to pick up her orders and i felt the same#reaction of like sad/offended bc she didn’t consider me at al like what if i wanted a smoothie too! TF#or coffee even though i don’t drink coffee anymore wtvr#my thoughts on her and my friendship are kinda rocky bc we feel so out of sync#i feel like she’s always in her own world and it’s hard to get through to her and become real friends#it’s whatever not all friendships can be deep and meaningful
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COP 3 really bringing out the worst of the "female coded MCs" takes on Choices Reddit. Lord please yeet me into Mount Atropo.
#like please ask yourself#why is the MC getting walked down the aisle only cringe or problematic when its a non-female MC. do yall not hear yourselves.#i mean I'm not gonna pretend Choices doesn't or has never had gender coding problems#and I'm also not gonna pretend like Choices doesn't write with wlm routes in mind#PB seriously does need more variety and should let us have masculine MCs and feminine LIs#but when ppl are acting like it's only a problem for m!MCs (and sometimes nb!MCs) that's where I start to lose sympathy#Choices and tbh most content in the romance genre in general is already alienating to us GNC/genderqueer folks#+ ppl who like non-normative romance#and takes like these just further alienate us#like idk psure there are men who LIKE being treated as the bride (and their female partner being the groom if mlw) for fucking once#and you'd be hard pressed to find media let alone an interactive game that lets them live out that fantasy#these stories may not have been intentionally made for them but it'd still be pretty fuckin meaningful that they get that here#and who knows maybe it can pave the way for other media to do it too and maybe even better/intentionally#it's fine to want masc MCs but dont act like its not important for f!players too#because as a gal I'm still waiting on when these stories will let me watch my husband-to-be walk down the aisle :P#cop 3#cop 3 spoilers#crimes of passion#crimes of passion 3#crimes of passion 3 spoilers#choices game#choices#choices stories you play#choices stories we play fandom#choices stories we play#cadybear vents#cadybear rants
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Ezana Concept Art
Concept art and translations for Ezana! Translation notes and image id under the cut.
Translation notes:
On the first page when Ikushima is talking about how he feels pressure to make his drawings beautiful, he's actually saying something more like "Usually with sexy woman I go 'I'm obligated to/I must make them beautiful!'... " but no matter how I phrased it the wording felt awkward in English, so I changed the sentence to go without the quotes.
There's a note on the second page above the monochrome sketch that was pretty hard to read (the middle character in particular might have been scribbled out?), so I kind of guessed at the rough meaning from the surrounding characters. The first kanji seems to be 玄, which has the general meaning of "mysterious, occultness, black, deep, profound," and the third kanji seems to be 器, which has the general meaning of "utensil, vessel, receptacle, implement, instrument, ability, container, tool, set". I went with "mysterious staff" as the meaning of the kanji together, also working off of the fact that it's. um. pointing at a staff that seems vaguely mysterious.
"Call forth the rain" was more literally just "rain," but it uses a particle at the end that has a vaguely commanding/requesting vibe to it, so I added extra words to convey that.
There's a part on the second page where I write "SHAMAN" in all caps. On that particular line, "Shaman" was written out using English phonetics, whereas on the rest of the page when I use the word it's the Japanese word for an equivalent concept.
"Lines like a weather map" is literally "isobar pattern". I'm assuming that most people aren't familiar with the word "isobar" (including myself) but from a brief google search, isobars are the lines that show up on a map when weather forecasts are trying to show the range of a storm and the barometric pressure specifically. Since it's (probably) not a commonly-known word, I just wrote out the "weather map" stuff instead.
"Sexy as it sounds" is a weird one. I think it's a portion of this phrase, which is defined as, "not existing despite seeming like it should", but just uses some different particles at the end which I'm assuming make it non-negative (e.g., "as sexy as it should be"). But I couldn't find a ton of examples of how the phrase is used though or what the differences in particles would be, so I just kind of went with the auto-translation I got from Deepl.
Image id:
[id: Multiple images from the Triangle Strategy artbook surrounding Ezana Qlinka. There is a page with a large colored portrait of her, along with a smaller line drawing in the corner. There are two illustrator's notes at the bottom: the first is, "Ezana has a really lovely ethnic design. Actually, after the character's portrait was completed, Mr. Ikushima redid all the linework, which added a lot to the character's beauty! (Yoshiura Rina)" and the second is, "Ezana is primitive, spiritual, and also a mysterious kind of character. With sexy women I usually feel pressure to make them beautiful, but strangely she was very easy to draw. I like how the natural colors are interspersed with the lapis lazuli. (Ikushima Naoki)". On the second page, the top half has several drawings of Ezana in a design close to her canon one. It is titled, "Weather Manipulator (Shaman)". There is one drawing where Ezana is without her headdress, captioned, "If there are different ranks of shaman, I think it'd be fine to start out without the headdress." There is a note pointing to her headress labeled, "Sheep's skull with some parts cut off," and another that reads, "Horns. Red and blue cord is coiled." Another note points to a full sheep skull and reads, "Origin. It's been shaved away starting at about this area." It points to roughly the middle of it. Another note points to a feather ruff she wears, labeled, "Crow feathers". Her staff is labeled, "A staff with elements similar to a dreamcatcher". There is a portrait of her from the back, with a note reading, "Back of the dress is open." The second half of the page is titled, "Weather Manipulator (Shaman) Large Brainstorming WIP". There are 5 drawings, each of a different potential design. The first is similar to her canon design, but with darker skin and a black dress. The second is very colorful, and has the notes, "Hear the song from the wind and go into a trance" as well as "Lines like a weather map" and "I think it would look better if the saturation was lowered a little or the colors were narrowed down a bit." The third drawing has a purple cloak with eyes on it, and seems to be throwing seeds into the air, captioned, "Sowing seeds toward the sky." The fourth design uses more pastels/bright colors, and has a drum at her hip. She seems to be saying, "Thunder!" and there is a note that reads, "Beat the cover and let it resonate through the air." The fifth drawing is of a woman wearing a full mask and a heavy cloak made of grass fibers. It has several bullet points including, "Weather Manipulator (Shaman)," "Female SHAMAN", "Indigenous - Separate wind and lightning magic", and "As sexy as it sounds." She holds a staff which is labeled, "Mysterious Staff" and also has a note reading, "Indigenous". She seems to be saying, "Bring forth the rain..." There are two illustrator's notes on the bottom. The first reads, "Mr. Asano requested that I add in leopard print, and I thought about how I could make it unique. (Naoki Ikushima)" and the second reads, "Looking at it again, it's a really sexy outfit. And it's great in battle! (Tomoya Asano)" /end id]
#triangle strategy#ts artbook character ref sheets#ezana qlinka#triangle strategy artbook#I don't like to assume any real meaningful information about the people behind team asano based off these little notes#especially since I'm not a native speaker#but I DO think it's really funny that every other time ikushima's in charge of a design#his illustrator's note seems to be something like 'asano asked me to change it :('#and asano's note is 'looks pretty good if I do say so myself! :)'#that B design in particular is really cool to me with all the weather patterns#though I can see why they felt like the colors were maybe too bright for tri strat
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I typed cross guild into your search bar and you didn’t talk about them that much? Why? You don’t think there’s potential? I think what I wanted to see from you is on which side are you staying. Cross guild respecting buggy, or cross guild still being what they are to buggy? But you can talk more and more about their future if you wish it
Honestly, I feel like there's not a lot to say right now. It's not that I don't think there's potential for Cross Guild to grow together as a group -- I've made many tweets joking about how I really want that to happen -- it's just that.. well.. nothing much has shifted yet? We have a good grasp on their current dynamics, but until we get another chapter where Cross Guild is the main focus, there's just not a lot to talk about beyond what's given.
Betrayal, distrust, and disillusion threads these three together, so naturally, I think it would be really fun if Buggy lights a new fire within Crocodile and Mihawk. Will that happen? Well, we don't really know. We don't even know how Buggy is going to get the poneglyphs he needs to reach Laughtale. And I'm pretty sure that the major world events building up the final arc will continue to unfold bit by bit throughout Elbaf, so we still have some time to go.
#ask#i think cross guild is pretty cut-and-dried as it is#which is why i haven't done much analysis beyond 1082 really#oda has yet to expand on them#and that's ok#but i only want to talk about something if i feel like i can add to the conversation in a meaningful way
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Ill be fine and normal then suddenly BAM “ill never be a boy” (suicidal gloom)
#LIKEEEE everything you lose or miss in life can be regained the future holds endles opportunity for happinesses you cant even conceive of.#BUT NOT TIME!!!!!!!!!! i can never get it back🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 ive lost it forever and thats it. its final#like and i had a girlhood which was i mean it was pretty bad for many reasons but it was still an interesting and meaningful experience#that enriched me as a person. so thats cool#but ive never had a boyhood and i never will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and there is not a single thing on earth i can do about that#but mourn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Last night this 18 year old was like. REALLY aggressively flirting with me. And I am always awkward with flirting and also like I am reasonably sure that you are an infant child so not really interested.
but like we were talking about flagging as a top or bottom and she was like so HYPOTHETICALLY if you DID have a carabiner on what side would it be on and I was like I mean idk vers tending bottom? no actually. vers tending top I just find bottoming easier cause I only recently got out of the headspace that sex is like. a thing that happens to you.
and she was like OH THAT'S REALLY SAD yeah I'm glad I got past that it's probably cause I started so young lol
and like not to read this random teenager for filth on the internet but babe based a) on that, b) on the aggressiveness with which you're flirting with everyone and saying loudly how you just Keep Having Sex By Accident While High, c) literally every part of your 18 year old vibe, I am going to say with 99.999999% certainty that
you have not yet figured out the difference between being attracted to people and thinking that sex is your core value/a thing that happens outside your control
you are not past that point
it will probably be several years before you begin to fully realise how not there you are
see this is why I'm not on the team many of my friends are (which is that it's fine to flirt back and kiss people in bars who might be way younger than you but not to sleep with them or get into relationships). and it's not (just) because I'm on a moral high horse or I'm scared of directly harming them, it's mostly that it is deeply unsexy to look your past self dead in someone else's eyes and be like "well regardless of how I act in this moment, you are going to be doing a Lot Of Unpacking of this part of your life over the next 10-15 years"
#red said#i feel like i would find it easier to flirt if dyke flirting didn't tend to involve so much on the sleeve trauma shit#because the thing is i really LIKE having deep and meaningful conversations about trauma but usually it is not super hot#especially when the other person is not AWARE YET of how obviously fucked up about it they are#and the difficulty with talking to people way younger with similar life experiences is that these lessons can ONLY be learnt for yourself#and it sucks because you're like. look you are in such a bad place and i have all the relevant answers but there is NO WAY TO CONVEY THEM#because they can ONLY COME WITH TIME AND DISTANCE#no offence to the several beloved mutuals who are Teens. it isn't like a 'you are stupid and ignorant' thing#but when i talk to people i remember exactly how it felt to be there and also exactly how it felt to be told the stuff i wanna tell them#and it didn't HELP VERY MUCH because it's like telling someone they're in an abusive relationship. you gotta get the distance in yourself#before you're ready to actually hear and absorb that information#and I'm pretty sure that in another 10 years i may well feel the same about 30 year olds ybf
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There is this whole idea that flipping a two sided coin doesn't have a 50-50 probability. It's not a new idea by any means, but the explanation is if you measured the mass of the coin, the force of the flip, the temperature of the coin & of the room, the force of any breeze, wind, or vibration in the air as it traveled, and so on, you could accurately determine within a small margin of error what side the coin will land on every time, and if you kept those constant it would flip on the same side every time. And that idea is also KIND OF the explanation for the conclusion in quantum physics that there is no free will.
A lot of people hear that and either clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, or aren't interested either way. (I mean, when you say some shit like that you're just going to immediately turn off any interest most people would have otherwise had but I'm digressing now). We all like to think we make decisions and choices, and then amateurs who want to talk about quantum mechanics alienate everyone by saying it's not true: you were always going to make these choices with no chance to make the other one.
But what I said in the first paragraph is something-like (but not exactly) what it means when you hear or read that according to quantum physics we have no free will. That if we had an unfathomable device that has been measuring all the variables of every single particle that was expelled during the Big Bang, with an also-sufficient/also-currently-unfathomable algorithm to plug those variables into, all within a computer that could do all of the calulations for BILLIONS of years, we could compute exactly where every particle was going and where it would end up, including those that make up the stars and planets, that make up the ground and oceans, that make up the animals and plants, that make up your brain and all of the proteins and neurotransmitters. That if it could all be measured and an algorithm sufficiently built then the decisions you make are already determined by the ongoing relationships and interactions the particles that make up your brain had in the past and are having right now.
However, humans cannot measure that, they likely never ever will.
Anyone that tells me they don't like quantum mechanics because something something affront to nature blah blah "they" don't believe in free will, etc. literally doesn't know it's just a rescale of the coin toss description. You still believe coin tosses are 50-50 because you aren't going to measure the variables used to receive an answer, you can still believe in free will because you can't measure the variables used to determine the ultimate path of all particles; I mean, I wouldn't become a theoretical physicist if that meant so much to you but I'm not your dad, do what you want.
Edit: I know I described the science mostly wrong, please check out the replies and reblogs for others' corrections and feel free to add corrections of your own for mine and others' learning, thank you.
#as has been pointed out to me you can't measure quantum functions in a meaningful way without collapse#I'm not a quantum physics person‚#(i mean‚ that is pretty clear)#but there are concepts that can be simplified to make them easier to process l#so that people interested can be pointed in the right direction and feel more familiar#before they find corrections and understand the bigger stuff‚ it's basically how middle school conventional science classes teach stuff#like i remember not really understanding dependant/independent variables#or not really understanding why endothermic/exothermic meant cold/hot#or how electrons don't really orbit atoms/have fixed places when attached to each other#we're taught simplified versions of things that are sometimes not the whole picture or sometimes wrong#to get you thinking in the right direction#anyway I'm not saying I crafted this post to be like that‚ just that I do understand some of the concepts aren't correct#it's just too complicated to get into specifics and that's the best way I can describe how I understand it#sorry if you do know better and bothered‚ I'll make any necessary edits if you message me and they don't over complicate the post#otherwise for everyone else go look this stuff up and get corrected#physics#quantum mechanics#quantum physics#op
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